THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
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"Ghost Rider" didn"t register a single positive review on Variety"s [SIC] Crix Picks chart ("Cheesy Rider" headlined the review in the New York Post) but the movie has passed $156 million worldwide. "Night at the Museum" inspired Stephen Holden of the New York Times to this lumpy metaphor: "The movie is an overstuffed grab bag in which lumps of coal are glued together with melted candy."
There"s [SIC] always a degree of culture shock when movies this inept produce numbers this ecstatic. Several glib explanations suggest themselves.
From a marketing standpoint, we are reminded that February and March are oddly underrated by the studios. Every "tentpole" movie seemingly has to be released within the eight week May-June corridor of self-destruction. Yet clearly a lot of filmgoers would like to be entertained in the post-Oscar period as well, and they deserve better than they are getting.
When news orgs quote the NEW! IMPROVED!! PAUL DRECK!!!!! as saying this is a SUPERMEGAPLATINUM AGE for movies, and the hacks bow down on one knee yelling AAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!!!!!, who says so?