Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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    • THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
    I know more than you.
    I make lots more money than you.
    I'm smarter than you.
    I'm sexier than you.
    I appear on TV all the time.
    I work ten minutes a day.
    I rule the universe.
    I'm going to live forever.
    You are an idiot.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
    A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
    I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
    --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
    News isn't news when we don't report it.

    PERMALINKS:

    THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

    THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

    AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!

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    Friday, April 27, 2007

    Posted 8:11 AM by Gene

    We can praise God (and we are being neither facetious nor irreverent) that we cannot hear the Liquor Louse suitably exciting his friends. Alas, we can imagine it, and if our tone is off, and we're sure it is, it is just that we don't usually like having people think for us:

    Liquor Louse: We're here with Jon Meacham, Evan Thomas, Howard Kurtz and Jeff Greenfield on the stunning death of a true hero, Jack Valenti. Jeff, you're a ni -- you're a lover....

    Blithering Ninny: A lover of what? (with the oh-so-knowing, condescending, smug air of someone in on the joke, the joke being on the listeners, but who is nonetheless so brilliant you harbor the suspicion he thinks he's smarter than Liquor Louse too)

    Liquor Louse: You're a lover of -- greatness in men. Jeff, what made Jack such a great man?

    P. S. We see Jack asked for donations to a macular degeneration fund in his name. How fitting.

    P. P. S. Slashdot mourns:

    Now let's be nice (Score:5, Funny)

    by sterno (16320) on Thursday April 26, @11:17PM (#18895491)
    (http://www.bigbrother.net/)

    The man's dead, show some respect. Let's have a moment of silence in his honor. Oh... wait, my moment of silence is actually encrypted using DRM that I lost the license key for. I'd reverse engineer it but I don't want to get in trouble...

    Re:Now let's be nice (Score:5, Informative)

    by natrius (642724) <niran&niran,org> on Friday April 27, @12:04AM (#18895943)
    (http://niran.org/)

    Not only that, but since you're having this moment of silence in a public place, you'll be sued by John Cage for a public performance of 4'33" without his consent.

    P. P. P. S. Ten "giant"s and six "legendary"s -- maybe in the back of their empty-quonset-hut skulls the hacks know something.

    P. P. P. P. S. A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD to PAUL "UNFORGETTABLE" FARHI!

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