THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Looking back today on the 1998 home-run derby between Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa, sports commentators refer derisively to that season as baseball's "Summer of Love." There is a tone of contempt as those words are uttered, as if the media knew then what they know now -- that those home runs were powered by something more than sculpted hardwood.
Yes, they were powered by the words of Mr. My Business is My Business (current Amazon.com rank: #650,875) and Tim Mc-CAR-VER (current Amazon.com rank: #2,032,833) and Mike "ESPN!" Lupica (current Amazon.com rank: #4,610,523) and all those other six- and seven-digit typing louts who oohed and aahed over THE GREATEST SEASON IN BASEBALL HISTORY!!!!! Yes, the steroids helped, but so did all the sycophantic credulous rave reviews for that drug-sculpted hardwood. And ASTERISK was inspired by the oohs and aahs. That the scribblers are "burying Bonds" is because, like the doctor, they're trying to bury their own mistakes -- but the ghosts still live.
We would say, physician, heal thyself, but there is no known cure for news hacks, and besides, they've been well with their various mental illnesses for several centuries.
P. S. "From School Library Journal":
The 1998 major league baseball season will go down in sports annals as one of exciting action, record-breaking performances, and exemplary sportsmanship.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!!!