THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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1. Victoria's Secret's execs think they can flog their housing-depressed sales by yelling, "I WAS AT THE SUPER BOWL® AND YOU WEREN'T!" If that could be true not only should every national retailer be a nuisance there, it would end our sure-to-be near-depression.
2. Chrysler's calling itself NEW! -- again:
This marks the third time since the late 1970s that the carmaker has advertised itself as "the new Chrysler," according to Todd Turner, president of consultant CarConcepts. "If it was only a perception problem, they could fix it with communications, and even so, that takes a lot of time and money."
Which is surely a problem as many believe the Three-Headed Dog wants to save money on its investment. How it can save money and get back in the race remains to be seen.
3. The only people more upset than the ad-blurbists and other assorted résumé-writing news hacks who want their TV back are the madmen of MadAve, who live to hear their clients scream, "I WAS AT THE OSCARS® AND YOU WEREN'T!" Given how many uncounted zillions they've flushed down the boob tube they would be psychotically upset, as financing all manner of dog droppings allows them to put a non-stop one over on us. But the CW says the last time there was a big Fantasy and Profanity League strike the ratings dropped, and a public already slowly weaned from the set as it is may not have the patience of, say, media buyers.
4. This housing-inspired near-depression is forcing ordinary folk to discover private labels -- and once they discover most private-label goods are just as good -- indeed, many are made by members of THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS -- they may not want to trade back up.
5. If Wendy's wants to be Mickey D, it should hire a CMO (that's chief marketing officer, about analogous to a chief information officer, and just as useful) whose chief function is to yell "HIP." That and maybe it could sell overpriced java.