THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
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NEW YORK (AP) - Britney Spears is out, Posh Spice is in - as a lyric for the Lady in the Lake in the Broadway musical "Monty Python's Spamalot."
Asked why the lyric was changed in the song "Diva's Lament,""Spamalot" author Eric Idle said Tuesday in an e-mail:
"Because we don't laugh at sad people. Mike Nichols (the show's director) requested it and he's right. We changed the lyrics in London, on tour, on Broadway and in Las Vegas. We think that it's now too sad. Britney Spears is being tortured to death and we don't want to be on that side."
The changes went into the various companies last week.
What the Lady in the Lady (currently played on Broadway by Hannah Waddingham) once sang:
"I am sick of my career
Always stuck in second gear
Up to here with frustration and with fears
I've no Grammy no rewards
I've no Tony Awards
I'm constantly replaced by Britney Spears
Britney Spears!"
It's been replaced by:
"My love life is a mess
I've got constant PMS
My career is about as hot as ice
They hate me there backstage
They say I'm too old for my age
They're trying to replace me with Posh Spice
With Posh Spice!!"
We'd say both versions are pretty sad. A special Waste-of-Bandwidth Award to an anonymous hack at the ASSPRESS, which is a parody of its own, and even funny on occasion -- unlike THIS.
By the way, CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) -- whatever happened to your POLITICAL PRISONER?