Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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    • THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
    I know more than you.
    I make lots more money than you.
    I'm smarter than you.
    I'm sexier than you.
    I appear on TV all the time.
    I work ten minutes a day.
    I rule the universe.
    I'm going to live forever.
    You are an idiot.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
    A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
    I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
    --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
    News isn't news when we don't report it.

    PERMALINKS:

    THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

    THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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    Saturday, August 16, 2008

    Posted 12:23 PM by Gene

    It appears from yesterday's USAOKAY!!!!! (which I just saw) the hacks have hit upon a new MO: the newspaper front page as smiley-face. Since we cannot report on things political and societal without reverting to our DEFAULT MODE we must report on things that (we think) will make our readers smile -- which not-so-coincidentally happen to be the things that make US smile. The Bionic Swimmer is wonderful, Woodster the Perv's latest masterwork is wonderful -- everything having to do with US is wonderful. They think that by putting a smiley face on the front page they'll get back the thousands of workers who've been fired because for decades we were better than our readers. But the approach merely affirms that however idiotically he grins a news hack remains as smilingly trustworthy as a used-car salesman, that USAOKAY!!!!! is stuffing for hotel rooms, and that the best use for newspapers remains in litter boxes and bird cages.

    And having just been to the NEWSEUM's site and seen all the front-pages that look nearly like USAOKAY!!!!! without plagiarism I can safely say there will be thousands more firings.

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