THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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1. Rance is trying to start a controversy by saying The Aquatic Geek is selling the wrong product, being a big Mickey D fan. Hey Rance, if someone handed you $10 million (or whatever it would cost to take Crain Communications off your hands), would you turn it down?
Of course, Crain's worth more than $10 million. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!
2. And the company being based in Chicago it has to break wind yet again about the Wonders of The One. This time Rance must tell us he'll send professional college football and the Olympics to heaven. Rancey Boy, do even your readers believe this?
3. Next Rancey tells us "In-store Displays Are More Effective Than Price Cuts", but then his readers don't get a commission on price cuts.
4. And finally, we are supposed to mourn all the magazines that went out of biz this year, in what threatens to be a continuing feature. All we can say, Rance, is that not one of these titles was necessary, and no one will miss them -- not even, we dare say, the salary drones who produced them.