THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
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Certainly for lovers of quality "Oscar movies," it's sad to see the third weekend of "My Bloody Valentine 3-D" outgrossing the likes of "Frost/Nixon," "Milk" and "The Reader" -- fine films with 18 academy nominations among them -- while playing on roughly the comparable number of screens. And don't even get me started on "Paul Blart: Mall Cop."
Perhaps someday Hollywood will find a way to merge its penchant for popcorn populist movies with its ego-driven desire to win Oscars.
"Paul Blart: Nazi Hunter," anyone?
NUMBER ONE, slasher porn has a large teen following, helped by non-enforcement of ST. JACK'S BOTULISM-LADEN ALPHABET SOUP. NUMBER TWO: Too many families use popcorn restaurants as a day care center. NUMBER THREE: Just because you hacks say a movie's good doesn't mean diddlysquat -- and even the moviegoing S&M phreaks don't like condescension. NUMBER FOUR: THANKS TO YOU HACKS AND YOUR FELLOW HACKS OF HOLLYWOOD QUALITY AND COMMERCIAL SUCCESS ARE MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE -- AND AS LONG AS YOU WRITE BLURBS AND THEY WRITE SLASHER PORN, "FAMILY" MOVIES AND OS-CARS® THEY'LL STAY THAT WAY.
Why must we have TEN MOGUL'S FRIENDS at LALA?