Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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    • THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
    I know more than you.
    I make lots more money than you.
    I'm smarter than you.
    I'm sexier than you.
    I appear on TV all the time.
    I work ten minutes a day.
    I rule the universe.
    I'm going to live forever.
    You are an idiot.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
    A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
    I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
    --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
    News isn't news when we don't report it.

    PERMALINKS:

    THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

    THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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    Sunday, August 23, 2009

    Posted 6:02 PM by Gene

    To every show-biz publicist who used a pun to celebrate this week's fantastic news --



    A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD!

    P. S. To my two surfers who aren't here looking for PR0N pictures or pictures of sexy fat women in bikinis, this is Frank GanNETt. As in AL. We were getting tired of searching for unflattering pictures of SOB, and besides, looking at this guy, we can truly behold he was his REAL inspiration. We can see him now, his face matching the end of his cigar, his voice graveling gravel, and yelling:

    WHAT? You didn't run a show-biz blurb on the front page today? YOU'RE FIRED!

    WHAT? Our profit margin's only fifty percent?!? YOU'RE FIRED!

    WHAT? You offended a Realtor? YOU'RE FIRED!

    WHAT? You TOLD THE TRUTH?!?!? YOU'RE FIRED!

    Now maybe Frank was a nice, sweet guy, but usually nice, sweet guys don't look like someone who's had fifty people for breakfast. So we will still celebrate NEUHARTHISMS OF THE WEEK -- with THE ORIGINAL NEUHARTH.

    P. S. He ran for president as a Republican. NUF SAID.

    P. P. S. We wonder when con-SER-va-tives claim him as one of their own. After all, he ran against the DEMOCRAT candidate Wendell Willkie. Also, Henry Luce invented the "accent on NET" line (but flubbed the dub using two T's). From one tyrannical media mogul to another....

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