Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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    • THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
    I know more than you.
    I make lots more money than you.
    I'm smarter than you.
    I'm sexier than you.
    I appear on TV all the time.
    I work ten minutes a day.
    I rule the universe.
    I'm going to live forever.
    You are an idiot.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
    A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
    I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
    --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
    News isn't news when we don't report it.

    PERMALINKS:

    THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

    THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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    Monday, March 01, 2010

    Posted 11:52 AM by Gene

    SUPERADAM's interns ask of some Noo Yawk "comics", “If you were Jay Leno, what would be the one joke that you would tell that could possibly get people to forgive you for what happened?” The results:

    • “Ladies and gentlemen, the only reason you see me standing here is I was NBC's Plan B. Plan A involved the corpse of Johnny Carson and a lightning bolt.” —Jay Black

    Ba-doom-BOOM!

    • “We've decided to start fresh at the Tonight Show, so we've added some new segments: 'In the Year 4000,' 'Jay's Book Club,' and 'Top Eleven Lists.'" —Veronica Mosey

    Ba-doom-BOOM!

    • "Remember when the Taliban was overthrown, but then they came back into power again? Hi, I'm Jay." —Tom Cotter

    Ba-doom-BOOM!

    • "Me going back to the Tonight Show is like saying, 'Check the prostate again, Doc, and this time have some fun with it!'" —Chip Hirschfield

    Ba-doom-BOOM!

    • “The New York Times [SIC] asked people to send in their joke ideas, jokes, or lines that they'd tell, if they were me, that could possibly get people back in my corner. I sent in four pages. It all got rejected.” —Yes, Jackie "the Joke Man" Martling

    Ba-doom-BOOM!

    Jut-Jaw, your job is safe -- for now.

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