Posted 12:49 PM by Gene

Last night for the first time in eons I scanned the Branson East chatboards, among the few that are interesting because at least they're plied by some of the leaders in the theme park business (i.e., the circus organizers, the trapeze artists, the concessionaires, the roustabouts), and they were an even more voluble lot than normal these last few nights, saying that Addams Family theme park will make zillions though it stinks, and that Mad Men the Musical theme park will make zillions even though the lead acrobatist is too old, and cringing that only two theme parks may be eligible for the best calliope honor at this year's Branson East Theme Park Awards because no one can write the music for the calliopes anymore, so it might go to that Addams Family theme park by default, and reminding me that the theme park operators now do staging through those come-ons called "overtures", and they even guffawed over that upcoming MORMON theme park until one of them mentioned M----MS, and they were excited because HARRY POTTER!!!!! might appear in a new How to Succeed in Business theme park (meaning he can't sing), and they were excited that this lady who looks like Audrey Hepburn in one of their fun-house mirrors might star in a remake of My Fair Lady (meaning she can't sing), and they said the suckers laugh and applaud at EVERYTHING these days, and even know when they're not supposed to, and they give standing ovations to EVERYTHING, as well they should paying $2000 a head including BUS FARE; and lots of the fans on the chat boards seem to laugh and applaud at EVERYTHING, and give standing ovations to EVERYTHING, though some of them get student ducats; and then they have bouts of temporary insanity over something called a SONDHEIM; but even the in-the-knows seemed a little ticked how that mental-illness theme park won something called a P-ULITZER, which led them to ponder whether an earlier AIDS theme park that also won something called a P-ULITZER deserved it, and all this insider gnashing of teeth reminded me I would not go to Branson East even if I could afford it.