Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.

PERMALINKS:

THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Posted 1:04 PM by Gene

Con-SER-va-tive pundits are alarmed by His Omnipotence's sextuple-fisted, muscle-building, spinach-eating, steroid-popping notion that AMERICA CAN STAND ANOTHER TERRORIST ATTACK!!!!! We think we know what Abe Lincoln II MEANT: that America has the guts to stare down its enemies. But as we've said, The Second Coming of Christ would rather not make enemies, because having enemies could mean having to fight them, and God does NOT like fighting (except the run-off-at-the-mouth political kind). And because FDR was a PROFESSOR we have to parse His every word, as when He conspicuously avoided mentioning His fellow God the other day, and so we must assume JFK said that if we take another hit, fine -- just meekly taking the hit shows how great we are. This is the ETERNAL ORATORICAL GENIUS we elected, a titan who can't let the words trip blithely off His tongue without them tripping HIM up.

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