THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
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THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
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Friday, January 07, 2011
[S]itting on my chair when I got into the ballroom where the event is taking place was a box embalzoned with the word “Zoll,” and the phrase “a story of human nature enabled by technologuy.” On the box was some trippy young dude in a furry hat. Inside the box was – a phone? a music player? Reese’s minis? – no, inside the box was a bag of popcorn.
● 4:35 p.m. Look, Zoll! Nope, just Gary Shapiro, the omnipresent CEO of the Consumer Electronics Association. He’s here this time to introduce Yoon.
● 4:37 p.m. On screen is a video…look, Zoll! Ew, while he looks like a cute Eskimo kid, he turns out to be an all-American, and hugely irritating kid in a bad hat.
● 4:38 p.m. Seems Zoll’s parents were “totally stoked” when he was born. If so, why did they name him Zoll?
● 4:40 p.m. Ew, actual kid playing Zoll is on stage. But now he’s gone. And Yoon is here. He’s talking about envisioning the future for consumer electronics devices….after some brief remarks, Yoon bails, and we get some…dancers? Are we at CES, or are we dancers? I’m sure this has a point – maybe the dancers are carrying 5G phones? Zoll is hanging with the dancers. Will he never leave? No, dancers leave, but Zoll is still here.
● 4:48 p.n. [SIC] Yoon is back to talk about how content can be shared. He says TV will be the dominant and central component of human life. Smart TV is the place where everything is converging, he says. Samsung has the first TV app store, he notes. He also says they are breaking down barriers between various Samsung devices. He says Samsung is working on a cloud system for devices to talk to each other. They want them to be the best gateway to storage and enjoy content in the cloud. Does anyone see an issue here? The vision is all about an all-Samsung world, but who operates that way?
● 4:55 p.m. He says Samsung will partner with a variety of companies on this vision. Tim Baxter, president of Samsung’s American business comes on to tell us about it. He says they are partnering with leaders in cable on multi-screen video experiences, as well as VOD experiences.
● 4:58 p.m. Yoon invites to the stage Comcast CEO Brian Roberts and Time Warner Cable CEO Glenn Britt. Roberts notes that 3 years ago they announced Project Infinity, to bring any content to any device at any time. They’re launching the Xfinity TV app on the Samsung Galaxy tablet. (There’s already a Xfinity app on the iPad.) You can watch VOD content on the device, and eventually will be able to watch live TV. Time Warner is offering a similar app for the Galaxy Tablet, which already allows you to watch live TV. Britt is also showing navigation on a smart TV, which includes a much better interface than a typical cable guide. They’re also showing the ability to start watching the same content on one device, and then to switch to another.
● 5:09 p.m. Next up, Jason Kilar, the CEO of Hulu. He says four big things will change in 2020. In 2011, TV is not interactive or social. We used to navigate and consumer content with horrible program guides. Three, current remotes will go away. Four, advertisers used to speak to television programs, and not to people. But he says TV is changing fast; people are able to choose advertising relevant to them. Hulu Plus will be on Android mobile phones, demonstrated today on Galaxy S. His takeaway is that reinvention of TV has already begun.
● 5:12 p.m. Next, Shantanu Narayen, CEO of Adobe, to talk about Flash on devices, and the Air platform. He says there is enormous opportunity for applications outside the browser on a variety of devices. Yoon says Samsung TVs will support Flash.
● 5:17 p.m. Yoon invites the various partners back on stage. They all take a bow. They shake hands and leave. But, look…Zoll is back. Then he leaves, and Yoon comes back. And now he’s going to talk some more about Samsung smart TVs.
● 5:18 p.m. Artsy, sleep inducing video that lacks any real content…then another video, this time trying to show using your Samsung phone as a remote for your Samsung TV, or accessing social media on your Samsung TV. Not long after, we get Zoll and the dancers again.
● 5:30 p.m. Now we’re going to shift to 3D…and here comes Dreamworks Animation CEO Jeffrey Katzenberg. He says they have been working together for more than 18 months. He says they will continue to package Dreamworks 3D films with Samsung TVs. They also use Samsung TVs to help make the Dreamworks Animation films.
● 5:36 p.m. Yoon also says the company is going introduce something called 3D sound. They do a demo with simulated fireworks. And then Samsung’s delinquent mascot Zoll comes back with his dancer friends. Zoll says that nature rules, and asks what we can do to protect our planet. Yoon comes back to talk about how green Samsung is.
● 5:43 p.m. He says Samsung embraces the four As: Access, algin, amaze and act.
And that’s it, amen.
Someone wants to BAN the Consumer Electronics Show?!? NEVER!!!!!
● 4:35 p.m. Look, Zoll! Nope, just Gary Shapiro, the omnipresent CEO of the Consumer Electronics Association. He’s here this time to introduce Yoon.
● 4:37 p.m. On screen is a video…look, Zoll! Ew, while he looks like a cute Eskimo kid, he turns out to be an all-American, and hugely irritating kid in a bad hat.
● 4:38 p.m. Seems Zoll’s parents were “totally stoked” when he was born. If so, why did they name him Zoll?
● 4:40 p.m. Ew, actual kid playing Zoll is on stage. But now he’s gone. And Yoon is here. He’s talking about envisioning the future for consumer electronics devices….after some brief remarks, Yoon bails, and we get some…dancers? Are we at CES, or are we dancers? I’m sure this has a point – maybe the dancers are carrying 5G phones? Zoll is hanging with the dancers. Will he never leave? No, dancers leave, but Zoll is still here.
● 4:48 p.n. [SIC] Yoon is back to talk about how content can be shared. He says TV will be the dominant and central component of human life. Smart TV is the place where everything is converging, he says. Samsung has the first TV app store, he notes. He also says they are breaking down barriers between various Samsung devices. He says Samsung is working on a cloud system for devices to talk to each other. They want them to be the best gateway to storage and enjoy content in the cloud. Does anyone see an issue here? The vision is all about an all-Samsung world, but who operates that way?
● 4:55 p.m. He says Samsung will partner with a variety of companies on this vision. Tim Baxter, president of Samsung’s American business comes on to tell us about it. He says they are partnering with leaders in cable on multi-screen video experiences, as well as VOD experiences.
● 4:58 p.m. Yoon invites to the stage Comcast CEO Brian Roberts and Time Warner Cable CEO Glenn Britt. Roberts notes that 3 years ago they announced Project Infinity, to bring any content to any device at any time. They’re launching the Xfinity TV app on the Samsung Galaxy tablet. (There’s already a Xfinity app on the iPad.) You can watch VOD content on the device, and eventually will be able to watch live TV. Time Warner is offering a similar app for the Galaxy Tablet, which already allows you to watch live TV. Britt is also showing navigation on a smart TV, which includes a much better interface than a typical cable guide. They’re also showing the ability to start watching the same content on one device, and then to switch to another.
● 5:09 p.m. Next up, Jason Kilar, the CEO of Hulu. He says four big things will change in 2020. In 2011, TV is not interactive or social. We used to navigate and consumer content with horrible program guides. Three, current remotes will go away. Four, advertisers used to speak to television programs, and not to people. But he says TV is changing fast; people are able to choose advertising relevant to them. Hulu Plus will be on Android mobile phones, demonstrated today on Galaxy S. His takeaway is that reinvention of TV has already begun.
● 5:12 p.m. Next, Shantanu Narayen, CEO of Adobe, to talk about Flash on devices, and the Air platform. He says there is enormous opportunity for applications outside the browser on a variety of devices. Yoon says Samsung TVs will support Flash.
● 5:17 p.m. Yoon invites the various partners back on stage. They all take a bow. They shake hands and leave. But, look…Zoll is back. Then he leaves, and Yoon comes back. And now he’s going to talk some more about Samsung smart TVs.
● 5:18 p.m. Artsy, sleep inducing video that lacks any real content…then another video, this time trying to show using your Samsung phone as a remote for your Samsung TV, or accessing social media on your Samsung TV. Not long after, we get Zoll and the dancers again.
● 5:30 p.m. Now we’re going to shift to 3D…and here comes Dreamworks Animation CEO Jeffrey Katzenberg. He says they have been working together for more than 18 months. He says they will continue to package Dreamworks 3D films with Samsung TVs. They also use Samsung TVs to help make the Dreamworks Animation films.
● 5:36 p.m. Yoon also says the company is going introduce something called 3D sound. They do a demo with simulated fireworks. And then Samsung’s delinquent mascot Zoll comes back with his dancer friends. Zoll says that nature rules, and asks what we can do to protect our planet. Yoon comes back to talk about how green Samsung is.
● 5:43 p.m. He says Samsung embraces the four As: Access, algin, amaze and act.
And that’s it, amen.
Someone wants to BAN the Consumer Electronics Show?!? NEVER!!!!!