Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.

PERMALINKS:

THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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Thursday, January 06, 2011

Posted 2:08 PM by Gene

Usually we put our favorite Branson East columnist Mike! at the head of the line, but yesterday when he alerted us that BABS!!!!! might play Mama Rose we had nothing to say. Today we found it: This will be the APEX of CRITICAL ACCLAIM. Why? Because BABS!!!!! will play it angry. VERY angry. She'll remember all the fockers (pardon our CONCAST MOVEES-inspired language) who gave her the back of the hand, and mocked her looks and her politics, and all the paparazzi butting into her mansion from hundreds of feet up, and she will be a TOWERING INFERNO OF RAGE. If the real Mama Rose "killed an agent by pushing him out a window", BABS's will be a MASS MURDERER!!!!! Yes, BABS!!!!! will end her career in an Os-CAR®-winning BLAZE OF FURY!!!!!!!!!!

UNLESS...she does make good on Arthur Laurents's implied threat to have "Hollywood magic" improve her looks. At best it will be Lucille Ball in gauze; at worst it will be a facelift by Industrial Light and Magic. GO FOR IT!

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