THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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And that is exactly what Phillies fans hope to see in October.
Such typing with five hands, thirty-one fingers and a third of a brain is why I'm starting to think sports hacks are almost as undeserving of employment as "cri-TICS". They sit in the equivalent of a luxury box with their feet on the desk, summoning the glories of the heavens when their team wins and hellfire and brimstone when it loses, making six digits and nonetheless dreaming of Bristol and the guys writing infinite palaver for SI. Okay Bill or Mel or whatever your name is, the Bullies will win ten straight Series, and you'll quintuple your salary, and a regular-season ducat for the nosebleed sections will cost $2,000. How many others will be happy? And how much will it cost our city's already rotten reputation?
TRANSLATION: WINNING ISN'T EEEEEEEVERYTHING....