...The One-Minute Pundit
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Friends, the DEMOCRAT!!!!! Party would have you believe half of America is living in DIRE POVERTY. Well the good folks at the Heritage Foundation have done a -- REPORT, and this -- REPORT shows the great and tragic privations the truly impoverished among us must -- ENDURE. So with a heavy burden suddenly upon me I must give you statistics of societal catastrophe that are not for the faint of heart. FOR INSTANCE, did you know:
(Cue music: "Hearts and Flowers" or the kind of industrial strength sad contemporary Muzak that would have blended in well at PILLHEAD's confab -- wedding)
ONLY 87.9 percent of the poor have -- A MICROWAVE.
ONLY 84.6 percent of the poor have -- AIR CONDITIONING.
ONLY (here He gets really excited, as though beholding LOWSY MAYS running Heaven) 79.1 PERCENT OF THE POOR HAVE -- CABLE!!!!!
ONLY 76.3 percent of the poor have -- A CELL PHONE.
ONLY 68 percent of the poor have -- A PC.
ONLY 60.2 percent of the poor have -- INTERNET SERVICE.
ONLY 58.3 percent of the poor have -- A DISHWASHER.
And here -- yes, ladies and gentlemen, here my heart BLEEDS like any LIBERAL'S -- ONLY 42.9 percent of the poor have TWO OR MORE TVS!
AND ONLY 27.5 percent of the poor have BIG-SCREEN TVs!
Friends (here He pretends He's going to cry), a ruinous CALAMITY is being visited upon us when the truly IMPOVERISHED must suffer so. And for this reason I implore our grand leader, BARACK INSANE OBAMA,
(Cue music: Napoleon XIV and "They're Coming to Take Me Away! Ha Ha!")
that only he, that Superman among leaders, can bring the poor out of their dire poverty; and to this end I propose BARACK INSANE OBAMA start a NEW spending program -- that would guarantee the poor would never ever have to pay for MICROWAVES, AIR CONDITIONING, TVs, PCs, CABLE -- they would get government GRANTS for these VITAL NECESSITIES that WOULD STIMULATE THE ECONOMY! AND LIFT THE POOR OUT OF THEIR SLOUGH OF DESPOND! AND LIFT BARACK INSANE OBAMA TO THE TOP OF THE PANTHEON OF GREAT LEADERS! AND --
(Assuming His natural tone of voice)
(Sounds of hellfire and destruction)
A few points: 1. Not all these contemptible souls own such items; they may lease them through the glorified scam of Rent-a-Center, or else their landlords own them -- certainly with washers and dishwashers. 2. If they can afford them -- and most of the items here are not that expensive, and many can afford them -- these are a few monthly payments. They are NOT the continuing cycle of food and housing, costs one must pay to live. 3. A lot of these luxuries have grown much less expensive -- and a big reason they've gotten less expensive is that Japan and China and the People's Republic of Walmart caused America's white-goods and consumer-electronics businesses to disappear -- as have their JOBS. 4. And though it's cheaper to buy a TV it's getting more expensive to live, something PILLHEAD and the WELL-FED at the HERITAGE FOUNDATION probably wouldn't know. 5. Many poor lack health care as they work dead end jobs, which led His Omnipotence into the farce of Obamacare. And medicine can be expensive. 6. Even the AYNISTS at Heritage must admit owning the above luxuries does not mean being able to afford their upkeep -- like putting food in the luxury microwaves.
We'd ignore this as so much knee-jerk lock-step partisan foot stomping but it only barely disguises an ulterior motive. As we said before liberals don't want a more fair executive at News Corp. -- they want to ABOLISH FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS. Likewise con-SER-va-tives have got it into their concrete-encrusted skulls that THE RICH SHOULD PAY NO TAXES. We cannot go by the kindnesses partisans profess to believe, as platitudes are the easiest lies, and mom and apple pie's the easiest dessert to bake, but must look to what the extremes of both sides would do if they had the fantasy power, and with the last century's Communism and Nazism we have ample evidence. We can only hope the long stink from this vast national breaking of wind will soon pass, and will not lead to worse misery for anyone.