Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.

PERMALINKS:

THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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Thursday, October 28, 2004

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

Today I wanted to see how my friend SAMMY GLICKMAN was doing -- you know, THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN AMERICA? -- so I looked him up in G000,000,000,000,000,000GLE News and found an interview that gives softball a bad name. I knew the interviewer (whose name is Ina Fried) was intent on stinking up the gym when she called his predecessor LEGENDARY. The whole affair seems to have consisted of SAMMY saying, "Hey, you wanna see my BlackBerry?" I can envision these two clowns playing footsie and SAMMY squealing, "Wouldya like to play wireless TIC-TAC-TOE? Hee-hee-hee!" What we need are tough, probing, uncomfortable interviews, and only CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICANS get them. God knows how many people have advanced their careers with such Pepe LePew typing; God knows how many should have been FIRED for it.

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