Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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    • THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
    I know more than you.
    I make lots more money than you.
    I'm smarter than you.
    I'm sexier than you.
    I appear on TV all the time.
    I work ten minutes a day.
    I rule the universe.
    I'm going to live forever.
    You are an idiot.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
    A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
    I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
    --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
    News isn't news when we don't report it.

    PERMALINKS:

    THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

    THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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    Saturday, July 30, 2005

    Posted 3:33 PM by Gene

    In what should be an ENDURING MONUMENT to the UTTERLY SENSELESS SENSIBILITY of NEWS HACKS, tomorrow's (or rather today-tomorrow's) InkyDinkyDooDoo runs a sports story with a hed whose size is worthy of the death of a prominent local figure, or perhaps a multiple murder --

    T.O.'s Agent is Mostly Talk

    -- DIRECTLY ABOVE a PLUG, FLOGGED ABOVE THE FRONT-PAGE MASTHEAD, for our star multimillionaire sports scribbler and attitudinizer (and, if he's lucky, our next KEYBOARD THROWER) and his new soapbox on ESPN2. [It must be GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD when THE PAPER OF RE-CORD ENDORSES IT.) We've no doubt the hacks in THE TOWER OF BABBLE think "juxtaposition" is a word TONY RIDDER uses to justify LAYOFFS, and we've equally no doubt that if T. O.'S AGENT IS MOSTLY TALK, NEWS HACKS ARE ALL TALK -- and often SOMETHING WORSE THAN IT.

    P. S. Did MICKEYMOUSE BOB hire that dishwater OM-BUDS-MAN because he knew he'd be buying a new SOAPBOX? (By the way, ombuddy's written ONE column SINCE JOINING THEM.)

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