Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.

PERMALINKS:

THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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Monday, August 29, 2005

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

Mike Myers, Andy Richter, Rachel Dratch and Amy Poehler -- the leading lights of improv and sketch comedy -- were improvising gamely on stage, drawn back to Sweet Home Chicago by their love of their comedic alma mater, ImprovOlympic. But due to a jaw-dropping lack of technical planning and a sound failure of CATASTROPHIC [SIC!!!!!] proportions, most of the sold-out Chicago Theater could hear hardly a single, made-up word.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

That's the funniest joke since the people ran screaming from THE GREATEST COMEDY DOCUMENTARY OF ALL TIME!

Betcha Mike Myers was almost as mad as the subordinates of the many CEOs who boasted they knew him after AUDREY'S MONSTER!

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