Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.

PERMALINKS:

THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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Friday, June 06, 2008

Posted 5:47 PM by Gene

We wonder if this stat has elected The Messiah. Thus we offer a prediction: The Messiah does a MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. Oh it won't be a "Mission Accomplished" exactly, and His thousands of handlers won't be lunkheaded enough to put a banner on an aircraft carrier; instead when He wants us outoutOUT of Iraq He'll proclaim VICTORY. Be prepared to hear The Word from The Lord a thousand times -- VICTORY. One of the first things He'll do is get a photo op together with every Democratic general and admiral He can find (good luck, Lord) and wave that fifty-seven-star flag on His lapel. He'll proclaim VICTORY at His first State of the Union so often you'd think it's V-J Day all over. (Oops, mustn't say V-J; The Lord would consider that racistsexisthomophobic.) The Republicans, by now reduced to a third of the Congress, will shatter the aura of VICTORY with heckling and catcalls throughout His speech, which shouldn't dent the Era of Good Feelings, though it could have some impact on The Lord's Prophecy that He'll serve two terms.

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