Posted 5:48 PM by Gene

And speaking of ac-TORs, here's a question: Whom would you die to meet -- Judy Garland or the latest one-hit wonder? This would seem a stupid question on the face of it -- the sort of question SO stupid no one would ever ask it, but after my recent encounter with BODIES of WUHK in Grate.com* I must, because a lot of hacks turn one-hit wonders into geniuses. Robert "Over the" Hilburn and others such did not get to be exquisite headaches by not seeing the genius in their singularities. For every grunt, for every slant rhyme, for every profanity, for every fifth-rate copying of fourth-rate tunes, for every generous helping of NOODLE, for every drum perforation and guitar smashing, for every brazen stupidity, for the very act of being stupid and proud of it, there must be ART. After all, there is ART in those with more than one hit, isn't there? That their heroes cannot under any definition be considered superior to the past should be obvious even to their champions, but the news hack is nothing without putting the LI in obvious -- or should we say the LIE -- which, though many will deny it a reason, and perhaps plausibly so, might still contribute to the LALATimes (former stomping ground of "Over the") firing 300, or the former ACCENT on NET wiping OVER $5 BILLION in "GOODWILL" from its books.

I am not knocking ROCK for being rock; if these geniuses had a tenth of, say, the Brill Building types -- well, they'd be better anyway. (They won't be as they epitomize GIGO.) The recent memorializing over Buddy Holly et al shows rockers once had a knack. Though rock did not end with that plane crash it may well have been the beginning of.

Speaking of, "That'll Be the Day" puts a smile on your face. [C]RAP takes the smile OFF.

P. S. I am certain the picture above is colorized, but it happens to be a very good one. Now to track down those immortal GAMS.

P. P. S. And since we have mentioned the undying Frances, we should note that in '61 E. Y. "Yip" Harburg wrote a Broadway show based on Offenbach and Aristophanes called The Happiest Girl in the World -- and one of its tunes is called "That'll Be the Day" -- which despite its clever lyrics has that title, and whose presence says even very talented men like Harburg were dense to the culture in the musical's final days.

*This may also help explain why I got so fantastically exercised over THE LAUREATE -- this is precisely the sort of BS a young LAUREATE would write.

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

David Thomson, in his pretentious mode, dispenses what lesser mortals might see as the kiss of death by likening Kate W. to Meryl. (He must also refer to her, USAOKAY!!!!! style, as an ac-TOR. Let us refer to Vivien Leigh or Danielle Darrieux as an ac-TOR. Do that, Dave.) He further suggests she (or is that he) must be an ac-TOR because (he supposes) she can wizen her size-11 feet for a role. Not finished with his amazement he believes she (or is that he) should play in comedies -- which not only ignores Meryl's brilliant comic career (quick! name a Meryl comedy! Mamma Mia! doesn't count except for unintentional) but somehow ignores the fact that today's "comedy" requires you to open all your orifices. Not such a brilliant idea, Dave.

And as if to completely prove his point,

[C]an she do comedy in the manner of Carole Lombard, Barbara Stanwyck or Katharine Hepburn?

Those three names would seem to answer that question.

Posted 5:24 PM by Gene

This sounds like the kind of hopeful reporting that occasionally issues from Iran. But why shouldn't Russians protest? They have enough to protest about, starting with their puppeteer.

Perhaps it is finally dawning on them that no great republic was ever built on oil.

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

Here's one good thing about the...economy: it may finally be bringing sanity to law firms.

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

Oh dear oh dear:

Trillion dollar legislation doesn't come along every day, and the hard choices are not just what we spend money on but how, at what speed, towards which priorities. Is getting a bad bill quickly really worth it? Is taking more time to get it right really so risky?

I would not put it past this president and his team to have calculated that this engorged House bill was precisely what the system would yield; that the Republicans would oppose it out of both principle and politics; that there would come a moment, once all the Old Bulls had had their say, for the New President to ride in to the rescue, and actually fulfill his promise of Change We Can Believe In by turning this into a Bill We Can Actually Live With. Maybe he is building to a denouement, when a president who promised to make hard decisions takes a sprawling bill that tries to do so many things at once and performs some highly public sacrifices of some Democratic sacred cows. And by so doing, shows who's really in charge of leading America out of these dark times.

If that's the way this goes, he will have earned a hat as big as Texas. But if he keeps saying the right things while Washington keeps doing the wrong things, he will be worse than a passive leader: he will be the one who, with all the energies and hope he unleashed, brought the Democrats back to power, broke the legislative log jam, and drowned us all.

And who, pray tell, helped elect him with halos?

Posted 1:54 PM by Gene

A "/" in a URL renders the G000,000,000GLE "monoculture" useless for forty minutes.

Will con-SER-va-tives tell me again why a one-company state is good?

P. S. at 7:10 p. m.

Google is not known for glitches, but there have been other recent ones. Google Maps had a software glitch last month that sent drivers trying to get to different points within Staten Island, specifically zip codes 10302 and 10308, on a 176-mile detour to Schenectady instead.

The Paper of Re-CORD would notice.

Posted 1:07 PM by Gene

On the week of the death of THE LAUREATE OF BAD SEX, the unlikely Joe Torre proves there is still life in LI-TE-RAH-TEEYURE. He (or rather he and his ghost) calls his former players names, his former players call him names, everybody gets a laugh, and it sells books, at least in Yankeeland.

Now having had someone call someone else names, could someone else write a book?

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

Oops! The One has second thoughts about "buy American".

Perhaps because we "buy Chinese".

Posted 3:07 PM by Gene

NEIL's running his mou...a task force on the middle class!

If faux pas were riches....

VEEP BIG-OIL would have considered it a demotion.

"This task force will bring together my economic advisors and members of my Cabinet to focus on policies that will really benefit the middle class, policies to create jobs that pay well and provide a chance to save, to create jobs in growing fields and train workers to fill them, to ensure that workplaces are safe and fair as well as flexible for employees juggling the demands of work and family," the president said.

Sounds like we're getting somewhere -- on a snail's shell.

Posted 2:41 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The bi-partisan One wants his SIXTY!

Don't do it, Judd! Remember who he last Commerce sec was. Remember who was supposed to be the secretary!

Pffffffffffffffffft!

Posted 2:10 PM by Gene

God Bless PEOPLE WARNER, God Bless PEOPLE INC.: Who needs The One, or Speaker Babs, or even John "BANEhead" Boehner, or Secretary Geithner, or John Thain, or any of those types; today the big story is Jessica Simpson's figure. We did not notice it staring as hard as we did at that ugly glorified pantsuit. But in show-biz there's no accounting for taste as there's no taste to account for.

Posted 10:24 AM by Gene

ESPNCORP TELEVISION NETWORK's going to CRAM its online shows with ADS!

Or as RANCE's boys say in the subhed:

How Long Before an Online TiVo?

Posted 9:07 AM by Gene

The question isn't how the economy did last quarter -- we expected the trip to the La Brea Tar Pits -- but how it will do this quarter.

Posted 8:55 AM by Gene

Tom Jones will get intimate on new US tour

PLEASE, ASSPress, keep him VERY intimately away from US!

Posted 7:20 PM by Gene

And we make the case if this wins the coveted Best-Picture Os-CAR® so many people will automatically tune out the A-ca-de-my A-WARDS® as an exemplar of the smallest-minded PC elite snobbery the producers may have to take pointers from The Miss America Organization!

Posted 7:12 PM by Gene

From Rasmussen Reports:

Public Support for Economic Recovery Plan Slips to 42%

Number Who Say Nation Heading in Right Direction Jumps to 27%

Posted 6:39 PM by Gene

Oooh, Mr. Mellerdrammer would have voted NO on the stimulus bill.

And then he'd find some good reason to vote YES.

Posted 6:37 PM by Gene

Arrests of girls and women have reached a record high as female offending patterns show signs of becoming similar to those of men.

Somewhere, an aging feminist is smiling.

Posted 6:28 PM by Gene

Here's the umpteenth story of our woebegone retailers. We have NO SYMPATHY for them. The retailing SUPEREXPANSION started when department stores ran SCREAMING out of the cities at the sight of the first black man, then built to a climax as other retailers huddled together in malls around their pioneering race prejudice, then got superhot as America's financial screwlooses disgorged zillions of credit cards. They created untold stores we don't need selling untold goods we don't use, destroyed our cities, ruined our manufacturing with their constant clamor for idiot low costs, and put untold people out of work. Too many of these chains were overdue to implode. Only with this disaster do we finally learn how little we needed them.

Posted 6:25 PM by Gene

Some Dr. Frankenstein created some creatures called "sports e-thi-CISTS" who moan over a team winning 100-0. Of course it's shameful, but for news hacks to moan is the height of hypocrisy, as ESPNCORP and its culture of TOTAL ATTITUDE DEMAND 100-0 -- and many of the hacks are quite attitudinal.

Posted 6:21 PM by Gene

Will Ground Zero ever be filled in?

Posted 6:12 PM by Gene

Republicans have a choice. Are we going to be the party of political expediency or are we going to be the party driven by principle?

That, of course, depends upon one's definition of "principle." If by "principle" we mean giving the store away to the rich and making K Street a wholly-owned subsidiary and turning the other cheek at our own corruption and letting a big fat bloviating zillionaire cigar smoker be our default spokespoop, we'd say your party is very principled.

Of course, as we're too well aware, the Democrats have their principles too: the principle of abortion at any cost, the principle of retreat and withdrawal at any cost, the principle of show-biz as the fount of our morals, the principle of tantruming as righteousness. And they've pretty much locked up K Street for the interregnum.

Is ANY political type immune from the seductions of DUKE CUNNINGHAM?

Posted 6:07 PM by Gene

Hey JO-NAH! When do we drape our Web site in BLACK for MR. LAUREATE?

The more these numskulls praise LAUREATES and SOUTH PARKS the more we should NOT consider them conservatives.

Posted 6:03 PM by Gene

Thinking the Impossible: Could Bank of America Go to Zero?

The way America's speculative money burners and CEO enrichers are mismanaged that's considered impossible?

Posted 6:03 PM by Gene

TNR concedes -- the word "liberal" will always have a skunk smell.

Posted 6:01 PM by Gene

Judge Rejects Obama Bid to Stall Gitmo Trial

Oops, I guess doing the thing that will get the world to REALLY LOVE US isn't that easy.

Posted 5:57 PM by Gene

Yes, there was a lot of fanfare and pomp and hoohaw a week ago when the new president stood on the West Terrace of the Capitol, looking out at a crowd of, what, about 1.8 million people, not counting the 100,000 or so purple-ticket holders trapped in the Third Street Tunnel. And, yes, he's young, handsome, smart, hip, and has a gorgeous family and a reliable jumper from beyond the arc. No question, he is now the most powerful person on the planet. But he can't let this go to his head.

That's because failure is inevitable in any presidential administration. Failed presidencies are one of our last thriving industries.

So why has it been success since you hacks ran him for president?

Posted 5:53 PM by Gene

Biden: Stimulus Package Will Get Better With Changes

He must mean more expensive.

Is Neil misspeaking himself again?

Posted 5:51 PM by Gene

BIG HAIR'S OUTTA THERE!

Well, we still think he has a future as a Robert Blake impersonator.

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

We, America's First Amendment Defenders, can't tell you what the president is doing, but we can tell you what he's wearing.

Posted 7:00 PM by Gene

Perhaps it’s time for everyone to pull up their pants and show each other a little more respect; and, since we’re supposed to be the adults, it has to start with us, with how we behave, how we draw boundaries and what we put in our newspapers and magazines and on our television screens.



TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-TA-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH....

Posted 6:38 PM by Gene

And before you get too excited, Nancy, 85 PERCENT of surveyed voters disapprove of you swine -- and only 37 PERCENT of them are "even somewhat confident" you clowns know what you're doing.

And let us all remember: In a crunch, the Democrats are Robin Hoods who will rob from MORE THAN THE RICH -- and the Republicans are REVERSE ROBIN HOODS.

Posted 6:05 PM by Gene

We have no take on the DTV delay biz (either way it's a mess, albeit a small one), but we will say this week portends The One having to pick himself up and dust himself off a lot.

The House may not be completely immune to filibustering either, despite NANCY!!!!!'s best efforts at autocracy.

Posted 6:04 PM by Gene

ST. WARREN's favorite bank was (indirectly) exposed to BERNIE!

That should add a rattle in the tin cup.

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

“We have a financial system that is run by private shareholders, managed by private institutions, and we’d like to do our best to preserve that system.”

With government ownership!

(Via Seeking Alpha)

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

PREDICTION: Within three years Starbucks gets gobbled up by a fast-food chain.

MICKEY D is out. It's mastered the art of PERFECTION.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

Graffiti, as so many news hacks have told us over so many years, is AHT.

It is also "vandalism, drug possession, narcotics for sales, weapons possession and other parole violations".

It is also everywhere:

"These individuals are responsible for tags not only in Los Angeles but Las Vegas and San Francisco,” said Sheriff’s Cmdr. Dan Finkelstein, who is chief of the Metropolitan Transit Authority police.

It is also, at its worst, environmental pollution:

“The Army Corps of Engineers estimates that removing the 'MTA' tag from the riverbed alone will cost $3.7 million.

And expensive. And labor-intensive to remove:

Officials use high-pressure water spray to remove the toxic paint.

But hazardous-materials crews must then dam and capture all the paint and water runoff to prevent it from getting into the river. The crew did an additional $20,000 worth of damage to transit vehicles and facilities. Finkelstein said the Los Angeles River "MTA" tag, in a vast industrial district east of downtown between two rail yards, took about 400 gallons of paint -- 300 gallons white and 100 gallons black. “It took them four nights to do it,” he said....

“Some of this group could face federal charges,” Finkelstein said. During the raids, Finkelstein said, investigators found customized high-pressure fire extinguishers that, when filled with paint, allow the tagger to hang upside down on the underside of a freeway and quickly scrawl massive graffiti. These taggers are not kids, he said.

It is also the province of professional crooks:

Most those detained are in their 20s; one of them drives a $60,000 BMW, and another member possesses a diamond-and-ruby-encrusted Metro logo pendant with paperwork suggesting it's worth $29,000, Finkelstein said.

"It's not art," says this blogger. "It's visual spam." And that, friends, is an insult.

P. S. There's a group trying to restore the river's habitat. Any way you slice it, these ahtists are schmucks.

P. P. S. Some of the commenters are aghast at the alleged $3.7 million tag. Well, yes, it's government; but it's also a not-to-distant cousin of asbestos removal, and paint is a hazardous waste.

And to those who say it's something to look at, somehow we lived without graffiti for decades. Why now?

Posted 1:21 PM by Gene

$32B loss at ConocoPhillips [Home-page hed]

STIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMULUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS!!!!!

Posted 1:13 PM by Gene

And now, after fake "memoirs" and the unending honors for Mr. Laureate, we learn a "RAPTUROUSLY-REVIEWED" WRITER may have invented parts of his personal history -- no doubt to gain favor with RAPTUROUS REVIEWERS, which should prove for all time the stupidity of the literary backscratchers, and that Kaplan, Inc.'s action was a right and just thing.

(This too via the very annoying AhtsJournal)

Posted 11:38 AM by Gene

And in a fitting tribute to Mr. Laureate, The Daily Kaplan is ending its freestanding book-"review" section. News hacks and press agents will miss it. We won't -- it was a solid compendium of unearned praise only bettered by the Paper of Re-CORD's Book "Review." We note Jonathan Yardley, one of the very few critics we trust, seldom wrote for the "Review", but in the paper.

P. S.

"It was built in 1912 and rebuilt in 1934, and offers, as do most Boston artifacts, a compromise between Man's Euclidean determinations and Nature's beguiling irregularities."

MR. LAUREATE INSPIRED MB2! ENOUGH IDIOT PRAISE!

P. P. S.

Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. Not all holes, or games, are created equal.

Under the circumstances, NUF SAID.

P. P. P. S. ISN'T ONE JO-NAH OBSESSING OVER DUBIOUS CULTURE ENOUGH? WHY DOES NRO NEED MULTIPLE JO-NAHS?

(Salon.com link via the occasionally idiot AhtsJournal)

Posted 11:24 AM by Gene

OUCH! Hahvahd Mutual Fund may have lost half its investments -- but Grate.com must hide the story on its home page on a tab behind more posthumous logrolling for the LAUREATE OF BAD SEX.

P. S. HMF speculated in OIL. Hedge funds, emerging markets -- yes, I'd give HMF an A for money-burning! Serves it and its nose-in-the-air would-be-investment-banker clients right!

Posted 10:43 AM by Gene

Seen on an eBay auction:

"JUNK is stuff you throw away....
....STUFF is junk you keep."

Pardon: Junk is stuff you throw away. Stuff is junk you sell on eBay.

Posted 10:37 AM by Gene

• Wells Fargo Has First Loss Since 2001; Shares Jump as Bank Keeps Dividend

TRANSLATION: Shares jump as shareholders think Uncle Sucker will help them keep it.

Posted 10:27 AM by Gene

We are now about to see if making nicey-nicey with the Puppeteer works any better than DETENTE.

Posted 9:33 AM by Gene

The Japanese mania for cute product names may have gone too far:

Toyota Motor Corp [sic] said Wednesday it would recall more than 1.35 million Vitz and two other models globally to fix a defect in the seatbelt, a component in the exhaust system or both.

Subject to the recall in Japan are 525,898 Vitz, Belta and Ractis cars built from January 2005 to April 2008, Toyota said in a filing with the transport ministry.

Vitz on the fritz! Pelta the Belta! Ractis needs practice!

Is Toyota starting to morph into the GM of Japan?

Posted 9:28 AM by Gene

On one side are a very long list of pro-stimulus economists, such as Nobel winner Paul Krugman of Princeton University, who believe government spending can have a positive impact in today's extremely weak economy. On the other side is a shorter but eminent list of economists who are skeptical about the benefits of stimulus, including Nobel winner Gary Becker of the University of Chicago and top macroeconomist Robert Barro of Harvard.

Given those first two names it's safe to say we'll NEVER get at the truth.

Posted 8:59 AM by Gene

OoooooOOOOOoooooh:

WE ARE DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO HAVING A GOVERNMENT WITHOUT NEWSPAPERS!!!!! [Concerned overemphasis added]

This may be in no small measure because for so long we had a government OF newspapers.

Posted 8:22 AM by Gene

Stocks signal sharply higher open on stimulus vote

Let us guess which CEOs' salaries benefit.

Posted 8:16 AM by Gene

RUSHRUSHRUSH, ZOOMZOOMZOOM, SPENDSPENDSPEND!

Let's see if The One and Co. can do it better than whoever his predecessor was and his incompetent Treasury disburser.

Posted 7:01 PM by Gene

SOMEONE TALKS BACK AT PILLHEAD!

Problem is, it's a Republican congressman.

Posted 6:48 PM by Gene

Meantime in the land of...Lincoln....

Posted 6:30 PM by Gene

Speaking of the BIG BAD AD AGE, do you suppose Indra has been out of the bunker in Purchase in three weeks, using her middle fingers and other digits all this time to plot all the ad spending at the SUPER BORE like Ulysses Grant mangling maps over the Army of the Potomac?

We'd bet twenty years ago she thought football was soccer. Now we can be sure her feet grace the railings of the 50-yard-line luxury boxes EVERY year. It's not just AIRPLANES.

Posted 6:26 PM by Gene

BOOST IN AD SPENDING PAYS OFF FOR HERSHEY!!!!!!!!!!

Fourth-Quarter Income Up 51%, Also Thanks to Price Increases, Consumers Trading Down [Overemphasis added]

We know ALL ABOUT THE ECONOMY, RANCE.

Posted 6:10 PM by Gene

Rog calls The Deep-Thinking Hitler-Expert Rock Cri-TIC an "idiot" over what he said about OooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohWAH!, meaning he's finally put all that celebrity toadying to good use.

By the way Rog, you give us an idea: Next year, have Gray-DON produce the Os-CAR®S as his party! That way he'd combine pretensions and laughter in one big show -- and we wouldn't need jokes on cue cards.

Oh wait -- they do it now...with cue cards.

Posted 5:58 PM by Gene

Would some be betting so much against ST. WARREN now if the many hadn't bet so much FOR HIM?

I'm wondering con-SER-va-tives don't make a B. HUSSEIN!!!!! stink over this one. THEY'RE BETTING AGAINST AMERICA!!!!! Or maybe they're betting against a man who invested in 1965.

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

On the same home page:

Can Jihadis Be Rehabilitated?

Battling Addiction: Are 12 Steps Too Many?

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

I Spy Daddy Giving Someone the Finger
Your kids will imitate you. Use it as a force for good.

Yes! Teach them to be a writer! Then when they write for Grate.com they can give their readers the finger!

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

The good news: A talk-show host won a legal fight against SUPERHOOPER.

The bad news: It was the fake-outrage performance artist MICHAEL SAVAGE.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

Those of us who hoped the ECONOMY would hand sports its head may be disappointed.

Oh well, it's as good an excuse for the STIMULUS as any.

P. S.

Indy faces red ink on big sports stadiums

MORE STIMULUS!

P. P. S. Meantime, the cost of replacing the parks around the NEW! IMPROVED!! YANKEE STADIUM!!! is only, oh, about $200 million.

“The kids that played in these parks will be adults and parents by the time we get the replacements.”

Somewhere, GEORGE is laughing.

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

A worrisome stat:

Md. unemployment hits 15-year high

Worrisome, given some of the state's employers.

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

Is it reasonable to think the dying British "empire" will have any more luck with cars than it's had with banks?

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

Another outbreak of bullets, in Southern California.

We have tried before to work out the m.o. for such things and have failed. Have these happened often enough as to definitively put in people's minds the notion that life is not worth living? That's what so troubling about the scum Madoff -- in modern America, anything bad is possible.

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

Obama: People 'expect action'

The problem is, they may get it.

Posted 1:41 PM by Gene

Bless its tiny soul; The Nation puts its right hand over its Purple Heart.

Aren't these the same sort of people we called pigs forty years ago?

Posted 1:35 PM by Gene

The folks at SLIME's Weekly Standard, who just saw their boss promoted to The Daily Kaplan, get equally excited as the author of the inaugural address landed a "hot" girlfriend.

Better enjoy your eloquence while you can, fella.

Posted 1:33 PM by Gene

John Updike, the "laureate of bad sex", has died. RIP.

P. S. at 5:00 p. m. All right, ALL RIGHT, he was a GREAT PATRI-OT, but I still recall with anger the piece of junk he "wrote" for a trade rag called Meetings and Conventions about public golf courses, the sort of thing he could write with his toes, or his behind, or a pen stuck in his mouth -- and frequently did. (It's not on the site, but it has been anthologized, I don't remember where.) He was the acme of logrollers, he wore his nonjudgmentalism on his sleeve, he wrote a book called C--ts, and he never wrote in the heat of passion, except for one of his infernal sex scenes. All RIGHT, he was a GREAT PATRI-OT, but he wasn't THAT good.

What is with the KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! of con-SER-va-tive typists these days? Do really think they can hector B. HUSSEIN!!!!! into mediocrity? He has his own reserves.

P. P. S. at 5:22 p. m., from a man who knows infinitely better than I:

His prose style in fiction struck me as unpleasingly gray and thick, his essays and reviews as fluent but essentially conventional....

In the end I finally gave up, and decided that Updike was one of those undeniably important artists, like Wagner or Dreiser, to whose virtues I would always be deaf.

And most of the time I'd say Terry has a pretty good set of ears.

Posted 8:53 AM by Gene

Citigroup Grounds Plans to Buy $50 Billion Corporate Jet [SIC]

Jake! JAKE!! We don't care how hot you are -- it's NOT $50 BILLION.

Of course, given it's CITI....

Posted 7:24 PM by Gene

Lehman moves to foreclose on developer

Does this not sound like a practical joke?

Posted 7:18 PM by Gene

60-34 is hardly a vote of confidence.

Posted 7:01 PM by Gene

Seeing how many people are wise to liquidation sales wouldn't it make more sense just to stay in business?

Posted 6:56 PM by Gene

Here is where the rah-rah of news-hack partisanship serves us so miserably: it thoroughly obscures thoughtful, sober pieces like this by Jacob Weisberg -- and we must confess his name would not appear high on a list of either word. (Nor does it help that this appears in Michael "Snark" Kinsley's memorial Web site and in Zeitgeist.) But he does it, and he does what news hacks almost never do: he makes you think.

Posted 6:01 PM by Gene

ProPublica teams with LOU "THE POPULIST SUCKUP" DOBBS!!!!!!!!!!, which if it's not Superman teaming with Lex Luthor, is still enough to make us think of the platitudes that started ProPublica.

See? SEE? We DID think of PEOPLE WARNER!



Speaking of which, comic books aren't the only things getting uglier.

Posted 5:54 PM by Gene

Andrew Sullivan
The Death Of American Trees READ MORE
1.26.09 5:26 pm

Good Lord, does that mean he's obsessing about his role in that too?

Posted 5:50 PM by Gene

Kremlin: Obama, Medvedev vow to seek better ties

I don't know, Bam -- you might want to speak to the puppet's BOSS.

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

If Blago's impeached does he still get to be governor?

Knowing Blago this may NOT be a stupid question.

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

CHHHHRRRRISSSSS-to-PHUH shows his HI MOM! side:

The president has a better grip on the English language than any of his living-memory predecessors, and it seems certain that he wrote at least 80 percent of this address himself.

1. Does that count Dorothy Fields? (Both sides have a point, by the way.) 2. Did somebody whisper the number in your ear? Did you have access to every last draft The One wrote? If not, we'd wager that 100 percent of the time you can be 50 percent stupid when writing a column.

Yes, even Chris can be human.

P. S. It was largely written by Hillary Fondler.

P. P. S. Hey PHIL! PHIL "LE GENERAL ELECTRIC C'EST MOI" GRIFFIN! HERE'S your guy for TEN -- even if he IS just right of left and has a funny accent!

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

Who'd have figured Sen. Squoosh from Maine would show more backbone than, say, the Greatest Deliberative Body's Greatest Musician?

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAISE DE LAWD! Layaway comes to rock concerts.

Pfffffffffffffffffffft!

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

Some con-SER-va-tives are in a SOUR mood because The Paper of Re-CORD fired Mr. Neocon. We say there are 5,000, 10,000, 20,000 writers who could do better than Mr. Neocon. In a sense he was unlucky because the Paper thought of him as a sort-of Rent-a-Writer -- as he all but admitted. But when it comes to cheaping on the goods it's not just Mr. Neocon -- it's people like Frank "STROKE!" Rich and SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX and MB2 and and all the other platitude peddlers of the press. Many, many, MANY writers could do better than they. But so long as they have their connections and their inflated reps, and so long as the print newshole keeps shrinking, they're in.

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

Currently PILLHEAD and NOSE grace Politico.com's home page, and God knows they should put their ample mouths where the sun don't shine.

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

Should the same economists who didn't foresee the economic walloping be trusted with the unemployment rate?

Posted 10:44 PM by Gene

GREAT: Our tax dollars may be about to indirectly finance a big Big Pharma merger.

Let's hope this one works out better than some other Big Pharma mergers.

Posted 8:45 PM by Gene

Here's a thought: One reason we're facing such a large Darwinian wave in the economy may be that the easy money of the last two decades delayed creative destruction that otherwise would have occurred.

As long as credit was more than ample, many businesses and technologies could hang on despite being under heavy attack from more innovative rivals.

TRANSLATION: Our financial system was the MORAL EQUIVALENT OF GOVERNMENT.

(Via Seeking Alpha)

Posted 6:29 PM by Gene

With Rates Near Zero, What Will Fed Do Next?

We were going to say "give the money away" but it's already doing that.

Posted 6:24 PM by Gene

Shepard the Giant

Shepard is a one-hit wonder. What will he do the next time? But then most artists are one-hit wonders. Maya Lin produced her IMMORTAL memorial and disappeared, and Frank S. Gehry keeps drafting the same leaky roofs.

(Via the usual ArtsJournal)

Posted 6:20 PM by Gene

McCain thinks 'the world' of Palin

Now that's he's not running for the most important man in the...oh, never mind.

Posted 6:15 PM by Gene

Fearing Another Quagmire in Afghanistan

Wait! We're not supposed to rub our hands in a DEMOCRATIC administration!

Posted 5:51 PM by Gene

If it's Sunday it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:

1. Rance's hacks, doing their best to help in an ECONOMY that might inspire RANCE to have to lay off a few at HIS rags, gives us the good news: SUPER BORE ADS WORK!!!!!

Another web-based marketer, E-Trade, opted to return to the game this year after its "Talking Baby" ad in Super Bowl XLII led to a 32% surge in newly opened and funded accounts opened in the week following the game. Online searches for the brand grew 1,000% from the hour before the game to the hour after the game, and more than 5 million people viewed the ad online, according to E-Trade CMO Nick Utton. This year, the marketer is investing more in digital and viral tactics to grow those numbers and multiply the impact of its buy.

"This is not 'spend and pray,'" he said. "This is a well-thought-through, strategic decision."

Somehow after BERNIE we don't associate the financial services biz with PRAYER, unless it's to the DEVIL.

And when the message is right, the numbers speak for themselves: Cars.com grew brand awareness 12% last year with its Bowl buy; Audi saw its web traffic climb 200% in the 30 days following the game; CareerBuilder saw a 68% surge in job applications in the three months following the game. Of course, when they get to the site, it's up to the automaker to cinch the sale. (PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!)

Do they? Not a word from the Rancemen, and not a word on whether the brand-awareness falls back to near zero in the months after; but we understand in THIS economy.

Oops! I think I used the wrong link! Here's the press release.

2. INBEV Anheuser-Busch is cutting back on "exclusives". That in itself might contradict what one of its executives of TV money wasting said in that press release. If you're not going to keep your competitor out what's the point of advertising?

3. The new CW is the hacks will dim The One's light. We don't think they will do it so much as, say, Nancy -- and this smells of CW because the hacks can always redeem him in their eyes, whatever his press secretary's faults.

4. MICKEYMOUSE NIXON will have to make FIVE BILLION WEB SERIES before he can think of taking over ESPNCORP.

P. S. from January 2:

A pair of E-Trade Financial Corp. units have been fined $1 million for failing to implement anti-money laundering policies and procedures, the Financial Industry Regulatory Authority said Friday.

I think I could count the number of times this story got posted on the fingers of one hand. Thank God for press agen -- NEWS HACKS.

Posted 8:07 PM by Gene

We have little sympathy for Mrs. One. Businessmen have made money off the First Family since before graft was born. We post this picture of the strikingly beautiful Frances Folsom because when she married Grover Cleveland in the White House all sorts of for-profit knickknacks appeared, prompting a Democrat to try to pass a law preventing the use of any woman's image without permission. It was never even voted on.

Her facility with the classics came in handy when, during the endless receiving lines she found quite dull, she conjugated Greek and Latin verbs in her head.

Could Mrs. One do that?

Posted 6:48 PM by Gene

I tried to fix my blog so it displays archives, something it hasn't done for a long time, and now I've screwed it up a little. I am hoping at some point to get a new template, but in the meantime, you random computers who discover me, this will stay as is.

Posted 3:40 PM by Gene

"THE TRUE LEADER OF THE REPUBLICAN OPPOSITION" ERUCTS:

One more thing, Byron. Your publication and website have documented Obama's ties to the teachings of Saul Alinksy while he was community organizing in Chicago. Here is Rule 13 of Alinksy's Rules for Radicals:

"Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it."

Your CREDO in a NUTSHELL -- PILLHEAD.

Pill's been getting His name in the papers lately. His contract in trouble? His CHEAP CHANNEL in trouble?

Now we wonder if The One made a tactical blunder. By recognizing PILLHEAD he's effectively moved down to His level and legitimized this jackass as his equal. A true political leader knows when to pick fights -- and when to stifle his enemies with silence.

Posted 3:14 PM by Gene

The British invented RENDELLISM before Eddie. Under Labour governments that socialized inefficiency and Maggie who engaged in a crash course in deindustrialization the UK had no industry left, so it built up FINANCE, erecting nice neat shiny structures in an old industrial neighborhood where Ph.Ds. invented the arcane financial instruments that would eventually doom it. (Heck, the lout Phil Gramm's starting to think they didn't work.) Even the tax dollars it alleged to have raised were a mirage. Today Britain faces a depression with nothing to fall back on (and when PILLHEAD's sock puppet Mark says so it's so). First Di; now, the destruction of the Empire is complete.

Posted 2:11 PM by Gene

We are deeply concerned about the environment. That's why if we were to dump star ratings down the toilet they might cause a problem worse than the Exxon Valdez. Perhaps we could blast them into space or bury them in a deep reinforced landfill. But such is their toxic concentration they'd always leach out. Perhaps the only solution is for people to stop writing movie blurbs, as we've suggested for some time, but people would still assign star ratings to everything else, including movies.

And nowhere do the Journals mention Amazon.com, arguably the worst offender. I should know; I've had to assign star ratings there myself.

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

Zsa Zsa Gabor!

Now that I can believe.

Posted 2:23 AM by Gene

Here I can't stand Billy OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWAH! Joel either, and here comes The Deep-Thinking Hitler Expert Rock Cri-TIC in full Stale.com IRONY mode, and just by writing he builds up sympathy for him.

Lately Kaplan, Inc. has retraced some of its losses (I can talk like a Wall Street felon too!), but it did lose $11 today, and hope springs eternal.

Posted 2:02 AM by Gene

Something tells me Dave Gurgle isn't boogieing at Davos this year.

Posted 2:01 AM by Gene

LARRY KING!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 1:30 AM by Gene

The One listens to PILLHEAD!

Can PILL say "I won"?

Posted 3:45 PM by Gene

Tom Hanks Apologizes for Calling Mormon Support of Prop 8 'Un-American'

Is Tom running for an award?

Posted 2:35 PM by Gene

I'm guessing this will be another NO SNITCHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, meaning for all practical purposes yet another neighborhood celebrates another murder of another child.

Have any ideas, ONE?

Posted 2:13 PM by Gene

GOOD NEWS FOR BAD TIMES: Local TV, home of PROFIT CENTERS, may not come back. Why? It relies on auto dealers (fewer of those selling fewer cars), retailers (fewer of those selling fewer goods), and other consumer businesses. How will we learn of all those gruesome crimes? Who will tell us a whole NFL team must be fired? Where will we turn when we want a weatherman in a clown get-up?

Posted 11:25 AM by Gene

OH oh, the hacks are starting to notice Zany Uncle Joe -- and so's The One!

Okay One, tell us again -- why did you choose Franklin Roosevelt as your veep?

Posted 10:07 AM by Gene

Forbeslist.com has created another of its irritating listicles documenting the 25 most influential something-or-others, and while we'd never praise anybody who cuts and pastes a listicle at least these folks didn't call Mr. MELLERDRAMMER a conservative.

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 9:38 AM by Gene

And in other news from the Puzzle Palace of Fairfield:



WE WILL NOT CUT OUR DIVIDEND!!!!! WE WILL KEEP OUR TRIPLE-A RATING!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 9:37 AM by Gene

Hey Megalomaniacal Phil, now that we're hiring Tantrum-Throwing Bill you think we could turn our logo into a bleeding heart?

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

You know, while you were at it, One, you should have prerecorded the OATH.

Posted 8:26 PM by Gene

FORBESLIST.COM admits -- LOBBYING is a form of BRIBERY.

Posted 7:27 PM by Gene

Jo-NAH belches stupidly that this video has been "yanked from YouTube" when it is not only all over the place, but has its own MySpace page, no doubt financed by The One's permanent campaign -- and in no small part by SLIME. We confess to not having recognized most of the people here; but we've mentioned 1944 often enough to not do so further. The dorky music and dorky supposed celebs, not content to confirm yet another of Shaw's Maxims for Revolutionists, make quite clear in their own aw-shucks humble way that the next time a conservative does something EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL a few of their number may not seem so aw-shucks humble.

It is hard, however, to get that exercised thanks to THIS. PILLHEAD responds to the well-meaning sing-songy nursery-school Winston-Smith-being-brainwashed dorkery by reminding us what a shame it was he could not have entrusted some of his zillions to a fellow Palm Beach zillionaire.

P. S. Judging from the list we doubt if some of the celebs recognized some of the names either.

P. P. S. I know what PILL MEANS to say -- but that MAXIM applies even more to HIM.

Posted 6:17 PM by Gene

Chrysler offers employee pricing, discount to all customers

...and that's on top of YOUR PREPAID TAX discount!

Posted 6:06 PM by Gene

Looks as if we may have a cute hack in the Senate. Well, better than Y'know.

Posted 6:01 PM by Gene

I'm starting to think, if we must have movie ad-blurbists, let's have one or two like Ross Douthat. He's man enough to admit this year's movies stink, and I get the hunch he'd say movies in general stink. Of course he IS a con-SER-va-tive, and he does quote from the infernal A. O. in one of his mea culpas (at least this year he didn't WAVE HIS ARMS!!!!!), but he links to a few other people who make you believe that not only are movies no good, most of the people who type about them have no sense -- as if it's impossible to think that.

Posted 3:39 PM by Gene

The problems that swept Mr. Geithner into Treasury kept Caroline out of the Senate.

Is some peculiar substance in the air?

Posted 12:17 PM by Gene

The Cable Commentator Who Embarrassed Himself Most on Inauguration Day [Home-page link]

...and is now getting patted on the back for it by PHIL.

Posted 12:07 PM by Gene

BOFA UNMERGES MERRILL'S CHAIRMAN!

What was the point of THAT acquisition?

But look at it this way: Those huge bonuses he rushrushrushed before the merger should make it easier to get our help!

Posted 9:47 AM by Gene

News of Guantanamo's closure welcomed worldwide

THEY LOVE US! THEY REALLY LOVE US!!!!!

Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!

Posted 9:32 AM by Gene

CUE PILLHEAD! ANN!!!!!!!!!! is calling the president "B. HUSSEIN OBAMA."

Hey guys, just call him HUSSEIN. He's not YOUR president anyway.

Posted 9:25 AM by Gene

Would there be so much contention over a "stimulus" package if so many people weren't convinced in the backs of their heads so much of the money will be BURNED?

Posted 9:12 AM by Gene

Pelosi said one of her favorite moments from Inauguration Day was when Marine One lifted off the Capitol grounds, signifying former President George W. Bush's exit from Washington. "It felt like a 10-pound anvil was lifted off my head," she said.

Now I get to drop it on the PEOPLE!

Pelosi also stopped by a reception Wednesday for San Franciscans who attended the inauguration. As a member of the joint congressional committee that oversaw the event, she expressed her regret that thousands of inaugural ticket-holders never reached their seats or designated standing areas near the Capitol because of long security lines.

"I apologize for that," she said. She noted that her own staffers and their families were among those shut out. "I don't know if my staff will ever forgive me. ... We'll just have to make it up to you the next time."

And she'll get the trains to run on schedule?

Posted 9:04 AM by Gene

BUGDOM is cutting 5,000. The stock is DOWN nearly nine percent before the open. Let me guess -- not enough layoffs.

But since the BUG is introducing its kinder, gentler Windows, does it need so many people to turn out so much buggy code?

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

Keep adapting cartoons for the big screen, TWXSTERS, and you may need more than one reverse split!

Posted 8:48 AM by Gene

EXCELLENT! ANOTHER ARTHOUSE OS-CAR®S!!!!!

Watch the ratings plummet faster than the economy!

Posted 10:32 PM by Gene

Apple Understates The Insanely Great

Little Malcolm's gang may think it's wittily cute writing this way, but we've already had enough mea culpas from hacks about how they crumple under the state control Stevedom exerts. Cut the "comedy", Malc, and tell your underlings to grow up.

Posted 8:25 PM by Gene

Hilton Hotels Corp. said today it is relocating its headquarters from Beverly Hills, Calif., to the Washington, D.C. metropolitan area as part of its ongoing restructuring program.

This makes no sense. Don't CEOs usually relocate HQ to be nearer the country club?

Posted 8:16 PM by Gene

The British government's bailing out THE GAMES!

They should have turned to GE BANCORP but that's a ward of the state too.

Posted 7:28 PM by Gene

Well, at least they didn't get rid of the keystone.

Posted 7:12 PM by Gene

Y'KNOW -- SHE'S WITHDRAWN!

NOW who'll be the hack?

(Via PaperofRe-CORD.com via the Mess)

P. S. at 7:30 p. m. PaperofRe-CORD.com says it was her uncle's health -- y'know. (POR also says his health is "deteriorating." What exactly does POR -- know?

Posted 7:00 PM by Gene

However long we are keepers of the public trust we should never forget that we are here as public servants and public service is a privilege. It's not about advantaging yourself. It's not about advancing your friends or your corporate clients. It's not about advancing an ideological agenda or the special interests of any organization. Public service is, simply and absolutely, about advancing the interests of Americans.

Why couldn't he have said this so simply and forthrightly yesterday?

(Via Contentions)

Posted 6:49 PM by Gene

Speaking of hermetically-sealed judges, a national internet pornography ban was unworkable. But if I could ask a question of The One, and of the many politicians who spend their lives barricaded from the public, it would be this: Do you believe that mass murders as a form of disease, the culture of death in the ghetto, freely-available porn and unlimited abortions are a price worth paying for what you and other pols must call our "freedom"?

Posted 6:46 PM by Gene

Experts say Obama should retake the oath

Good job, Mr. Chief Nine Finger!

P. S. at 8:15 p. m. Did it!

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

People Inc.'s putative flagship tries starting a trend by noting how a few people wore hats at the coronation, but unfortunately we remember how the rag called Bill Cosby a brilliant author*, and that career ended soon after.

*And as the world now knows he was as much an "author" as the late Margaret Truman.

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

Look at it this way, Dick: Banking may not be as sexy as show-biz, but it's a lot more destructive than car crashes.

Posted 11:28 AM by Gene

OH oh:

Citi on Wednesday said that President Obama's strong popularity and high expectations may be bad for markets, noting that "high expectations have, historically, mostly been associated with poor equity performance in the post-election year." It added that low expectations "have mostly been associated with good performance."

The firm said that only John F. Kennedy created a favorable stock environment for investors in the post-election year, and noted that Obama shares some traits with Kennedy: "they were both Democrats replacing a Republican incumbent, they were both young and inexperienced, and they both had a large working majority," Citi wrote.

CAVEAT: C at $3.08.

Posted 10:33 AM by Gene

The NFL is fallible?

This will happen with parody -- parity.

Posted 10:03 AM by Gene

Mogul's Friend demonstrates his obtuseness again: He believes The One's "succinct" speech should prove a model for movie extruders.

Au contraire, Mog -- the movie extruders are a model for The One.

I have this hunch Mog doesn't know who wrote the "money quote". (Not that he needs to know; he knows everybody!) Hint, Mog: It wasn't Abe -- or Doris Kearns Goodwin.

P. S. from Peggy "BS" Noonan:

"Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America." For those with enough years to recognize it, that was an echo of a famous World War II-era song by Jerome Kern and Dorothy Fields.

1936, 1939 -- who cares when you're having fun?

Unless of course one of the CONSERVATIVE EDITION's editors didn't want to call attention to -- you know.

Posted 9:52 AM by Gene

Surprise! A lot of former news hacks may find jobs with The One!

Or to paraphrase THE MASTER, they will not, whither they are now gone, find much difference, I believe, either in the climate or the company.

(Via IWantMedia)

Posted 9:43 AM by Gene

Okay Econowiz and BUGMEISTER, why is Abe raising his LEFT hand?

And the Chief Justice!

This would be worse than a FLUB!

Posted 9:31 AM by Gene

AP NEWSALERT!!!!!

NEW YORK (AP) -- Toyota beats GM in global car sales in 2008, passing the Detroit company for the first time. . [SIC]

Under the circumstances shall we call it a Pyrrhic victory?

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Lots of hacks are NOW displaying the kind of skepticism about The One's magical powers that might have been more apt six months ago.

Thanks again, guys -- with or without all those fired reporters!

Posted 9:01 PM by Gene

Just as we expect the people who waste our money on junk TV to be full of it in saying Super Bore ads work, we're not beyond the notion they may also be full of it in saying sometimes Super Bore ads may not work.

Posted 8:54 PM by Gene

Well, at least somebody in the "news" brigade gave our former president a rousing goodbye.

Now -- what was the guy's name?

Posted 8:40 PM by Gene

Lord Stringer declares civil war at Sony!

And speaking of the Japanese, here's a hed to give us pause -- especially with so many likening our economy to the Lost Decade:

Japan’s ‘Severe’ Recession May Last Three Years, Yoshikawa Says

Posted 8:28 PM by Gene

Experts opine: Of the top 4 speeches, Obama's is No. 5

We opine: of the bottom five newspaper stocks -- MNI is NOT No. 6.

Actually we don't know where it is. (Neither do MNI's shareholders, most of whom have long hidden their shares away in the attic.) Who has to know anything when writing smart heds?

Posted 8:17 PM by Gene

Maybe it wasn't all genius on Sunday:

The footage of Marian Anderson singing on the same spot back in 1939 was also profoundly moving, but then, returning to the present, who pops up on stage as a contemporary? Ladies and gentlemen, Josh Groban. Ugh....

While Springsteen and Mellencamp used their backup choirs to great effect, I have to say the tableaux of "aging white dude with guitar backed by chorus of blacks" started to get a little bit old right about the time Garth Brooks took the stage, doing a sloppy rendition of "American Pie."...

Then it's time for the moment we've all been waiting for: Irish (but honorary American) combo U2. While most performers managed to contain themselves, despite the emotion of the moment, apparently Bono was a bit confused, deciding that he was being inaugurated....

So, we've seen a nearly unprecedented line-up of celebrities and performers here to celebrate Barack Obama's election. What should we do for a finale? Howabout "Stupid Pet Tricks"? That's right, it's time for "Challenger" and "Mr. Lincoln," the actual names of a couple of trained bald eagles, who, we're told, are "friends." They flap around. Is this supposed to be funny? Maybe it was designed on purpose, to bring us down a bit before Obama's speech, another one on the "things are really bad so everybody please chill" theme. Can't we be giddy for just a day or two?

Well, I'm laughing.

Posted 7:48 PM by Gene

HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM cannot get it into his super-refined head that some people wrote better songs than he, even if they occasionally sported corny lyrics.

Which isn't to say the guy is, well, we'll say it, amusing, despite his death-worship, even when being interviewed by the KEITH O (or rather the left-wing NO-SPIN-SPIN-SPIN) of PRINT:

"Hofstra College once played Merrily backwards. We didn't find out until it was over or else we would have been there with the sheriff and shotguns."

"Then there was a production of Company where Bobby shot himself at the end." (Rich's response: "He shot himself after 'Being Alive'?")....

On why South Pacific isn't to his taste: "It's the happiest war I've ever seen."

And a strange admission from a site for super Branson-East fanatics:

At the end of the evening, after the two men had taken their bows, Rich walked off stage for Sondheim to take in his standing ovation from the large, cheering crowd. As he gave a few bows back to us, I began to wonder if he would keep on bowing after the applause had died down, only to be interrupted by Frank Rich's clapping hands.

Chances are the specter of HERR DOKTOR will keep on bowing after people stop listening to his tunes, which we suspect will be some time before the fourteenth successful revival of Oklahoma!

Who wants to bet The One makes a big White House thing of HERR's eightieth birthday?

Posted 7:46 PM by Gene

Apt behavior from a public official, for once: Chris Cox snuck out of there when no one was looking.

Posted 7:21 PM by Gene

If people read my blog posts like this would nip themselves in the bud. The problem isn't that there are all these wonderful speakers in the wings who get passed over for show-biz types at overrated big-ticket affairs like inaugurals. The problem is the wonderful speakers don't exist. I'd wager half the signatories in Arts and Sciences for Roosevelt could have made a decent speech because they knew whererof they spoke. We had an intellectual class in 1944. What do we have now? And where will all these wonderful speakers come from if there's no school for them to learn to think and to write and to speak? Tony's two cents are as much self-delusion as a reflection on the pretty pickle our public life is in -- and however sexy he is The One won't change it.

P. S. I learn now the correct name was the Independent Voters' Committee of the Arts and Sciences for Roosevelt. So much for trusting historian-felons.

Posted 7:18 PM by Gene

Is Anne Schroeder Mullins auditioning for Rog's job?

Posted 7:07 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Apple can go downmarket as successfully as Tiffany can sell costume jewelry.

Posted 6:56 PM by Gene

Lawmakers & Lobbyists Celebrate Inauguration

To repeat an old phrase of mine, NUF SAID.

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

Prices don't please at Circuit City sale

Some people can never be happy.

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

We didn't hear the introduction, so we assumed these distinguished musicians were playing the good part from Appalachian Spring. Who knew it was John "The Force" Williams?

In another life, HE might have been a Chief Justice. He looks it.

Now if that isn't a stupid thing to say -- Appalachian Spring is a masterpiece; but after all, Copland did borrow its most memorable tune.

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

The hardcore knee-jerk looniest leftists must have laughed and applauded when they saw this. Well, we had our doubts about this Vice-President, just as we've had doubts about the senior senator from Massachusetts, but common decency should prevent guffawing from all sides.

Posted 5:24 PM by Gene

Having already laid off workers by regally screwing up its LBOs, the THREE-HEADED DOG compounds the problem by laying off its own workers because it can't afford any more LBOs.

P. S. The DOG'S chief lobbyist Dan QUAIL, QUAAYL, QUAYLE had a ticket in the high-priced stands, and no doubt kept his potatoe-head warm.

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

With all the planning that went into this event, you'd think that the two Harvard Law grads would be able to get the most important part correct.

Given what that great mutual fund has turned out lately we wouldn't.

We also learned against our will that the IDIOT WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! blamed The One. We saw it; His Royal Highness the Chief Justice started the ball rolling, and The One moved it further down the field. Something like this, as The One might say in his better moments, is beyond partisanship.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

In a way Bose cutting its workforce confirms our hardships more than any bank running hog wild, because Bose builds stereo equipment for the uppity types who inhabit McMansions -- rather like Harman International -- and this as much as an Angelo eating his sales pitches reflects that people aren't flipping houses anymore.

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

"The good news is he's gonna be fine," but if this is a prelude to fine we can't imagine a bad day. We would say the senior senator from Massachusetts might best serve the people and himself by retiring, but we remember what happened to Bear Bryant after he retired, so we don't know.

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

Now if Wall Street's clods have been there they'd have started a riot.

Posted 4:53 PM by Gene

It did not escape our notice that the crowds in Washington were exceptionally well-behaved, despite the incentives: the weather, standing for hours seeing nothing but monitors and specks of dust in the distance, the pushing and shoving and the problems traveling and everything. This does not bode ill for us; a country that can be patient pretending to watch an inauguration can be patient for anything.

Posted 12:28 PM by Gene

God, if only the speech were as good as its cadences! The problem is every president since Lincoln has read his Second Inaugural and he thinks HE can do it. The further problem is nearly every president is not a genius. When The One started with his "pick yourself up, dust yourself off" business how many Republicans chimed in, "and start all over again"? Not good. Nor was it good that he seemed to cram as many sentences and platitudes as possible; nor that at times he seemed to ac-cen-chu-ate the negative. Nonetheless the man can speak. The next few years will tell us if he can govern.

I just hope Mr. Chief Justice's flub was just that.

Posted 12:07 PM by Gene

Mr. Chief Justice will NEVER live that flub down!

Posted 10:17 AM by Gene

The Wall Street Casino says HI!

But once he makes that brilliant speech....

Posted 10:11 AM by Gene

Two predictions: The One WILL use his middle name, and he'll make a brilliant speech.

Well, if the hacks say it's brilliant, it must be brilliant.

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

Well, at least Chrysler will survive in some form, somehow.

Posted 7:41 PM by Gene

Obama praises McCain as a model of patriotism

TRANSLATION: The knives will come out as Boobs McKeating sharpens his sweet tooth.

Posted 7:20 PM by Gene

The Paper of Re-CORD's cri-TICS always look forward fanny-first:

Fifty-five years on, the Wyman and Hudson performances seem almost equally as studied and poised as those of Dunne and Taylor. What happened in the interim, of course, was the even greater revolution of Method acting. Already in the air in 1954 (the year of “On the Waterfront”), the Method would soon be established as the new standard of realism, consigning Hudson and Taylor alike to the dustbin of thespian history.

I can attest that Hudson’s performance earned howls of laughter at film society screenings in the mid- ’70s, at the moment when Robert De Niro and Al Pacino were scaling the Method heights. But if viewers feel less inclined to laugh at Hudson now, it may be because the cracks in the Method have begun to appear, and Mr. De Niro and Mr. Pacino (as in, for example, the recent “Righteous Kill”) themselves now seem mannered and quaint.

Believability, this fine set reminds us, is a constantly moving goal: it is no sooner reached than it recedes again.

As we say too often, and especially given the source, NUF SAID.

Posted 4:36 PM by Gene

THE UNIVERSE'S GREATEST PAY CABLE CHANNEL did weird things to THE CONCERT OF THE MILLENNIUM: It appears to have censored one of the -- singers, and it censored one of the -- preachers. The TWXSTERS would have been better off throwing their $5 million in the street before the homeless they helped wave off.

We may also wonder where the money came from as the TWXSTERS have been having problems with the sport called B-O-X-ING. They should stick with junk movies and IMMORTAL SERIES.

Two-for-one reverse split or three-for-one?

Posted 12:37 PM by Gene

Meantime The Paper of Re-CORD's Nobel laureate hint-hints we'll have to nationalize Citigroup, regardless of what experts say, so we may have to pay for The One's indulgence yet.

(Via Seeking Alpha)

Posted 12:33 PM by Gene

The One's Dog and Pony Show is even causing the true believers to have their doubts. Part of it was his ego, but the inaugural is just another victim of THE SUPERMANNING OF AMERICA, the impulse to turn everything into a WEDDING and create a beautiful gown and nice pictures and a big bill, as that's the only way you can amount to something. A "non-inaugural" wasn't going to happen as there were TV ads to be paid and lobbyists to be fondled, but some people can dream.

Posted 12:02 PM by Gene

Saudi Arabia to donate $1 billion to rebuild Gaza

Okay sheikhs, how much of that goes to rebuilding and how much of that goes to having to rebuild again?

Posted 11:31 AM by Gene

Rog has freed himself momentarily from all his celebrity friends to exclaim:

Remember the name Carey Mulligan. The twenty three old British actress is about to become an It girl.

Judging from Google Images that means we're in for a British Meryl Streep. Honest Rog, can't you talk to your bigwig friends and have them come up with a Sophia Loren for once?



P. S. Rog is so happy being Everybody's Favorite Gofer that he hasn't a clue what he's plugging. This is Clara Bow.

Posted 11:13 AM by Gene

ST. WARREN has declared our economy a modern-day Pearl Harbor, which means USAOKAY!!!!!'s computers assemble a list of topics where we can "FIND MORE STORIES IN":

FIND MORE STORIES IN: United States | Barack Obama | World War II | Omaha | Coca-Cola | Great Depression | Wells Fargo | Warren Buffett | Pearl Harbor | Dateline NBC | CEO of Berkshire Hathaway

Typically clueless and strange -- note the categories for World War II and the Great Depression -- and the ending doesn't inspire confidence either.

More clueless: Click on "World War II" and the second story down is about Couch Jumper, and the fourth and fifth stories down are about the Detroit Lions. NO COMMENT.

(Via Bloomberg)

Posted 10:42 AM by Gene

We're beginning to wonder how much value there is in an economy "growing". If the "growth" is among the Richie Riches and not the working stiffs that doesn't qualify to me as growth. That's what happened in the eighties and nineties. I'd rather an economy didn't grow and at least kept most people in jobs than an economy grow solely for Richie Riches.

People going into hock en masse to buy things they don't need does not qualify as growth in my book either.

Also we still seem to be paying for the Geek Boom at the turn of the century (which the housing psychosis cleverly hid), when business went on a hardware binge, much of it we'd suspect went underused, and practically all of which has since been sent for recycling.

Posted 10:22 AM by Gene

Now that British banks are preparing to be nationalized it will give the Wall Street Casino a chance to celebrate alongside The One's accession.

Posted 10:20 AM by Gene

And of course Flight 1549's crew is solid, humble professionals, the sort of thing we used to take for granted.

Posted 10:26 PM by Gene

"Had we known what we know now, would we have bid for the Olympics? Almost certainly not."

Even the priciest jewelry can seem affordable when you think you have the money for it.

Posted 9:55 PM by Gene

HOWIE HAIRSHIRT had a VISION! He saw that we DON'T NEED NEWSRAGS ANYMORE!

Which makes him, oh, four or five years behind some of us.

Posted 9:39 PM by Gene

If some archeologists unearth YouTube artifacts fifty years from now, they will not only puzzle over whether the creators of unaccountably popular videos like this were speaking a recognizable language, but what in God's name they were talking about.



And you know Nancy, your cats are cute but your interns could use a little training in -- production values.

Posted 6:22 PM by Gene

Flight 1549 lost power at 3,200 feet.

This was not an achievement to rank with Lucky Lindy, who merely flew 3,610 miles, but then he didn't carry 150 passengers.

Posted 6:18 PM by Gene

I suppose we could (and should) start a fund to fight financial illteracy, but one wonders if that would be as useful as a fund to fight stupidity, which seems to happen despite all our taxes for EHDYUKAYSHUN.

Posted 5:52 PM by Gene

Did the hacks write this sort of twaddle back in 1861? Or in 1961? I'd imagine expectations for Honest Abe Sr. were quite low. A minority elected him, and even they didn't think he could stop a civil war. As for Jack we can't be sure because he followed what some call a "successful" president (whatever that means) known for talking of nucular weapons, but still any speech by Jack would be an improvement. All this malarkey of the brilliant speech on Tuesday is a means for hacks to flatter themselves that THEY were THERE. No doubt they could have flattered many of the forgettable and forgotten speeches before. Heck we know how news hacks can turn mush into masterpieces; they did it with Slick. On the other hand when Abe Sr. was at Gettysburg a lot of the hacks ignored him, or misquoted him. (Par for the course.) When it comes to "important" presidential speeches the last people we should trust are news hacks.

Posted 9:51 PM by Gene

Having finally seen video of that Hudson River crash landing we can say without question it was an incredible feat of aviation, and it gives us hope that someday most plane crashes can be survivable. (Idiots at the Beeb won't permit embedding!)

Posted 9:27 PM by Gene

In the words of the Statler Brothers, whatever happened to B-O-X-ING?

Posted 8:11 PM by Gene

Not that much change:

• Airport Closes Runway to Handle Crush of Inauguration-Bound Private Jets

Posted 7:47 PM by Gene

Seeking Alpha links to this most interesting study by two economists saying that when "the financial system" (i.e., J. P. Moneybags trailing a bunch of Ph.Ds in math) wants to wreck the economy, it can be a doozy, and the doozy somehow gets repeated again and again.

Posted 7:41 PM by Gene

Another patience-testing PINCH-SUMNER poll states the peepul have lots of faith in The One, BUT:

Most Americans said they did not expect real progress in improving the economy, reforming the health care system or ending the war in Iraq — three of the central promises of Mr. Obama’s campaign — for at least two years. The poll found that two-thirds of respondents think the recession will last two years or longer.

Nuggets of sense amidst bushels of nonsense.

Posted 1:43 PM by Gene

Meantime, judging from this press release, Phil Griffin, that combination fiery hyperpartisan and snake-oil salesman, thinks he's running the inauguration, which makes us hopeful that in time, just as the names in the last post are well in the past, to our incalculable loss, Phil will vanish too, and at best people may confuse him for Merv.

Posted 12:28 PM by Gene

One purpose of an inaugural is to convince the age it is the most important in history. In that it merely underlines two of Shaw's Maxims for Revolutionists, the Faute de Mieux:

In my childhood I demurred to the description of a certain young lady as “the pretty Miss So and So.” My aunt rebuked me by saying “Remember always that the least plain sister is the family beauty.”

No age or condition is without its heroes. The least incapable general in a nation is its Cæsar, the least imbecile statesman its Solon, the least confused thinker its Socrates, the least commonplace poet its Shakespear.

We learn that "Bruce Springsteen, Beyoncé, Bono and Shakira" will be there, which is supposed to get the stupid excited, but merely confirms both maxims; after all, JFK had Ol' Blue (although we must remember Blue got Jack into bed with his Mafia friends, literally and figuratively); and for the election in 1944 FDR had Arts and Sciences for Roosevelt, whose membership (the convicted historian Conrad Black tells us) took up a whole page of letterhead and included

Jo Davidson, Larry Adler, Fredric March, Tallulah Bankhead, Ethel Barrymore, William Rose Benét, Thomas Hart Benton, Leonard Bernstein, Henry Seidel Canby, Eddie Cantor, Aaron Copland, Bennett Cerf, George Cukor, Agnes DeMille, John Dewey, W. E. B. DuBois, Will Durant, Albert Einstein, Clifton Fadiman, Edna Ferber, Jose Ferrer, Ruth Gordon, Oscar Hammerstein [II], Moss Hart, Lillian Hellman, George Jessel, George Kaufman, Hellen [SIC] Keller, Gene Kelly, Otto Klemperer, Sinclair Lewis, Thomas Mann, Karl Menninger, Yehudi Menuhin, Clifford Odets, Dorothy Parker, Wilfred [SIC] Pelletier, Jerome Robbins, Paul Robeson, Richard Rodgers, Carl Sandburg, Joseph M. Schenk [SIC], James Thurber, Michael Todd, Louis Untermeyer, Mark Van Doren, Max Weber, Orson Welles, Franz Werfel and Monty Woolley. [!]

We haven't mentioned those who campaigned for him on the radio from Hollywood just before the election (omitting several names above):

Joan Bennett, Mr. and Mrs. Irving Berlin, Humphrey Bogart, Virginia Bruce, Jimmy Cagney, Harry Carey, Claudette Colbert, Joseph Caution [we think he means Cotten], Linda Darnell, John Garfield, Judy Garland, James Gleason, Paulette Goddard, Susan Hayward, Rita Hayworth, Walter Huston, Rex Ingram, Danny Kaye, Evelyn Keyes, Groucho Marx, Paul Muni, George Raft, Edward G. Robinson, Gale Sondergaard, Lana Turner, Richard Whorf, Jane Wyman, Keenan Wynn....

And from New York:

Constance Bennett, Gertrude Berg, Milton Berle, Charles Boyer, Marc Connelly, Eddie Dowling, Olin Downes, John Gunther, Fannie Hurst, the Ink Spots, Dorothy Maynor, Vilhjalmur Stefansson, Alonzo Myers [Henry Alonzo Myers, an English professor at Cornell], Waldo Pierce, Elmer Rice, Barney Ross, Vincent Sheean, Frank Sinatra [yep, then too], Paul Strand, Franchot Tone, Benay Venuta and Fay Wray. [!!!!!]

I vote for the past.