THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
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Justin Bieber’s Haircut Was ‘Calculated Move'
Gee whillikers! You really think so? Honest to gods how would we have known without the intrepid Hollywood Reporter?!?!?
Of course we did a little experiment with G000,000,000GLE News which NEWS HACKS totally aced: how many of them mentioned when Mary Pickford went to the barber's?
She played a reckless socialite in Coquette (1929), a role where she no longer had her famous curls, but rather a 1920s bob; Pickford had cut her hair in the wake of her mother's death in 1928. Fans were shocked at the transformation.[17] Pickford's hair had become a symbol of female virtue, and cutting it was front-page news in The New York Times and other papers.[citation needed] Coquette was a success and won her an Academy Award for Best Actress,[18] but the public failed to respond to her in the more sophisticated roles.
Despite that deadly "citation needed" we can believe this, far more than we can believe the hacks' gushing twaddle over this latest talent-free heartthrob.
"The tools of ignorance is a nickname for a catcher's protective equipment: catchers mask, chest protector, and shin guards." For the news hack the tools of ignorance are a computer, a pliant outlet, and the vast emptiness between his ears.