Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

The other day we mentioned Al Jolson. We also tried looking at that Hollywood and the Stars episode dedicated to him. We couldn't finish. It wasn't Jolson; though his rep comes greatly from yahaddabethere, even through the day's rotten film and audio technology he communicates his powerful persona. No, it was blackface. The thing about blackface isn't so much that it's racist; the Jews who claimed it from the antediluvian minstrel acts (think also Eddie Cantor) were at worst well meaning and it is extremely unlikely they hated blacks; they were part of their audiences and shared in political persecution. So it's not just the racism even though it's bad enough. No, the thing about blackface is it looks stupid. Jolson and Cantor were great entertainers without it; the greasepaint amplified every undesirable facial tic until the wearer became a cringing, pathetic slob. Blackface should never and will never come back, but with Jolson and Cantor let us never confuse those faces for the talents too well hidden underneath.

As for Jack Benny's eulogy at the dedication of Jolson's memorial: it should have struck us it was probably ghostwritten, but we'd like to think it wasn't, and our comments on the old Hollywood still stand.

We will defend Dr. Lukasz Gottwald from the charge of plagiarism because the man's probably so busy banging tones on his synth (or whatever) he hasn't the time to notice. We will also defend him from the charge by saying if it takes carefully nuanced YouTube videos to discern likenesses to his songs they're not worth noticing. We will especially defend him from the charge by saying there's likely not a note from the "plagiarized" songs worth plagiarizing, meaning except for their aura of success there's likely not a note from his songs worth plagiarizing, or that posterity will find worthy of it.

Only in Washington:

D.C. Attorney General Irvin B. Nathan filed a false-claims complaint Tuesday against the nonprofit group Miracle Hands and its director, reformed gangster Cornell Jones, charging them with misappropriating more than $300,000 from the city’s HIV/AIDS program for renovations on a proposed job training center that instead was used to open a strip club.

Come to think of it, this could happen in Philthydelphia too, but it's more likely to happen in Washington.

John Tammy -- Tammany -- TAMNY defends Miami because, in so many words, it's practiced FREE EN-TER-PRISE -- and because it's been PERSECUTED for EXERCISING ITS FIRST-AMENDMENT RIGHTS!

Look Tammy, if you want to defend a booster for lavishing whores on players, fine. And we do agree there's been a lot of self-righteousness here; it goes with the corrupt system. But you prove "free-enterprise" types can be just as dense as screaming Congressmen -- and even more contemptible.

Okay, so Andre has a bright future as a bad-breathed loudmouth. If that portion of the public that must VOTE had any brains it would turn the loudmouths out, whatever their prejudices.

Hurricane Irene will most likely prove to be one of the 10 costliest catastrophes in the nation’s history, and analysts said that much of the damage might not be covered by insurance because it was caused not by winds but by flooding, which is excluded from many standard policies.

Industry estimates put the cost of the storm at $7 billion to $10 billion....

Are news hacks trying to justify their wall-to-wall screaming again?

Speaking of con-SER-va-tives:

Sandpoint is emptying, like my account.

Time to replenish it with 500 more irritating voiceovers.

US Firms Paid More to CEOs Than Taxes in 2010: Study

This is a liberal policy group. This gives con-SER-va-tives an excuse to scream about all those greedy union workers making $40,000 a year. This gives liberals an excuse to call con-SER-va-tives NAZIS. This gives con-SER-va-tives an excuse to call liberals COMSYMPS.


The Puzzle Palace of the Wall Street Casino creates another one:

S&P Rates Subprime Mortgages Higher Than U.S.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

And speaking of SCHNOZZOLA...


All that...thing needs is WOOD -- then it could be a Pinocchio museum.

And does that...thing have ZITS?

A minimalized minimalist Taj Mahal.

Hey kids! Wanna live in a mausoleum?


Now if you spin it like a top....

What's that badly constructed prime minister doing here?

We hope the ARCH doesn't mind our cutting and pasting this in full, complete with unwanted font:

A minor transatlantic controversy erupted last month after “architecture minister” aka Parliamentary Under Secretary of State at the Department for Culture, Media and Sport with responsibility for architecture and the built environment John Penrose apparently compared architects with other negatively-stereotyped groups, noting architects are “just one of those groups people love to mock.” The comments were part of a longer blog post about Rowan Atkinson, Dreamland, and VisitEngland’s new Smartphone-based marketing campaign.

The story was first reported by’s Mark Wilding on July 18. Wilding calls Penrose’s comments “shocking,” adding that “architects may not be pleased to hear that they are lumped in with ‘slippery estate agents, over-paid footballers and disingenuous politicians,’ as the minister attempts to tackle the public’s attitude towards the profession.” The story was re-reported by the Architectural Record News Wire on July 22, under the headline “Profession is a Joke to Public, Says UK Architecture Minister.” The story notes how Penrose believes that “people love to mock architects” and reiterates his comparison of architects “slippery real-estate agents” et al.

Penrose’s comments are far less damning than Wilding’s tabloid-esque reportage would lead us to believe. From the July 15 DCMS blog entry, “Dustbins, bicycles, roller coasters and a plug for QR (which is QI):”

“Rowan Atkinson used to do a stand-up show in the early eighties which began with him emerging from a seat in the stalls and, as he clambered onto the stage, launching into a rant about architects and architecture:

“Modern architects – scum of the earth. It doesn’t matter what you ask them to design, they still come up with something that looks like an old dustbin with a bicycle sticking out of the top.”

It went down a storm. And, thirty years on, it would probably do so again. Completely unfair of course and downright insulting but, in much the same way we like to take the mickey out of, for example, slippery estate agents, over-paid footballers and disingenuous politicians (present company excepted, needless to say), architects are just one of those groups people love to mock.”

Penrose’s comments are certainly inappropriate, but Wilding’s sanctimonious commentary is far more embarrassing for the field. Wilding’s hypersensitivity reveals a deep cynicism about our field’s possible decline with respect to its place in the world; a perpetual cycle wherein we continue to shun any reference to our lack of relevance in the hope that the problem will go away, without realizing that in fighting that fight we’ve already conceded.

Wilding’s article:

Architectural Record Newswire:

We call it -- DROLL.

Is this not a definition of VAPID?

Is this not a definition of PEOPLE WARNER?

"WE JUST HIKED THE RATE BASE 200,000!!!!!" Mr. Bew-KES would scream. Hey buddy, where's your PEPÉ LE PEW AND MARVIN THE MARTIAN MOVEES? They look like co-stars!

Is it me, but am I sensing through uber-CW sites like Yahoo! News the slowly creeping notion that 9-11 just "happened"? If so, we must pray for another media stock meltdown. Anyone for MNI at 44 cents again? ME!

Warren Buffett, And His Board, May Be Too Old To Run Berkshire Hathaway

In human years. In GOD years They haven't started.

Well all RIGHT, it looks better in the daytime!


Rick Perry Isn’t Just a Pro-Life Governor: HE'S AN ANTI-CHOICE ZEALOT!!!!!!!!!! [Chosen overemphasis added]

Wait! Aren't all those NAZIS!!!!! like that?

A WikiLeaks file containing the original leaked US State Department cables has inadvertently been released onto the Internet. The documents have not been edited to protect sources, meaning that the lives of informants could be at risk.

NO PROBLEM! Pfffffffffffffft!

(Via The Daily Kaplan via Daily Intel)

Monday, August 29, 2011

In editing a post from February on Hollywood and the Stars I've just learned -- now! -- that there's a huge memorial in Culver City to Al Jolson, where he is buried, and that Jack Benny delivered the dedication, which closes thus:

Before I finish, I’d like you to know that this isn’t the only shrine to Al Jolson. Eight thousand miles from here, nestled in the hills of Korea, is an outdoor amphitheater where our troops are entertained. This amphitheater is within a few miles of the disputed Thirty-eighth Parallel . . . and it is called the Al Jolson Bowl. To those boys eight thousand miles away who gather there every day, the memory of Al Jolson, as with us, will never die.

We now know how far Hollywood came, how far it has since come, and why it can never come back. Cue the music again, Elmer.

What is this spooky, disconcerting, unattractive building?

It's the NEW! St. Jack of Valenti School of Communication at the University of Houston!

(Actually, we learn this combines two buildings; the one devoted to the inventor of BOTULISM-TAINTED ALPHABET SOUP is on the right.)

By the way, some hack's expression of grief over His tragic loss made it into a tribute video! Meaning...


And Blathering Bradlee too!

Privately, government sources admit that they have no interest in pursuing the extradition of Megrahi despite the regime change in Libya. But they are anxious not to be seen as condoning the decision to release him. Macabre as it may be, ministers would like to see Megrahi die quickly and end the two-year controversy over his early release.

Will the "new" Libya really be a sweet breath of Arab springtime air -- or just more of the same foul stench of corruption?

No 4G high-speed wireless connection. No honking-big screen. No quad core processor. The next iPhone may not seem terribly exciting, which might hint that Apple is up to something very interesting: weakening the power of wireless carriers over its customers.

In the latest sign that Apple’s next iPhone will be just an incremental improvement, Taiwan’s DigiTimes reported Monday the next iPhone will feature a 3.5 to 3.7 inch touch panel, rather than the 4.2-inch screen that had long been rumored.

“The sources pointed out that the upcoming iPhone will not have many differences compared to iPhone 4 in terms of components and the panel will still be less than 4-inch,” the trade paper reported.

The mystery deepens when you add up all the other faddish — and expensive — features the next iPhone may not have.

Quad-core processors will be coming to mobile devices this year. Not Apple’s iPhone, which will probably get the iPad’s dual core chip.

Sprint and Verizon are both pushing phones that can use high-speed 4G wireless data connections. Apple may refrain: many analysts think the more efficient 4G wireless chips Apple wants won’t be ready in time for the next iPhone.

So what will make the next iPhone different? Not software, Apple has already said the new iteration of its iOS software — and Apple’s new cloud services — will work fine on today’s iPhone’s and iPads.

Here’s a possibility: Apple’s next iPhone will work on any wireless carrier — or none at all.

The rot sets in! Pfffffffffffft!

We will not say this will be a failure because the back of our head may not like it. And we can't say this is necessarily hubris as pro teams have a tradition of burning money. So we will think, as we did with THE KING, that attitude can only go so far.


We chatted with Rep. Anna Eshoo Monday on the day that the Silicon Valley Democrat officially announced her re-election campaign.

But like many Democrats, during the recess she's been getting an earful of frustration from her constituents back home -- about Congress and about President Obama. Yes, even from Dems in one of the bluest parts of the country.

"I would characterize it in the following way," Eshoo told me and Comrade Marinucci Monday: "They are very much looking for the person who ran.

"He was transformational in terms of his vision. He was transformational in terms of his hope. He lifted people up. One of the great gifts of great leaders is that they do lift people up. These are very, very tough times for our country.

"There is an element, an ingredient in leadership, that is about speaking not only to the mind, but to the hearts of people. He did that in his campaign. Now he's speaking to the mind, but not necessarily to the heart," Eshoo said.

"He's highly cerebral. There were many journalists and editorial writers who said he has a 'presidential temperment,'" Eshoo said. "That was applauded when he was running. And now some people are saying that because he's 'No drama Obama,'that he's too cool.

"I think in politics it's very important to mix your passion with your convictions. That's not partisan. It comes from a deep place. People are hungry for that and I think it is an essential ingredient for leadership."


P. S. on 9/2/2011 at 8:05 p. m. I hadn't noticed that egregious canned laughter, meaning (along with annoying ESPNCORP NETWORK bug) this probably first aired on America's "Funniest" Home Videos -- presumably after ESPNCORP NETWORK management safely determined twenty people had been fired over the incident.

Sociologists, the intellectual versions of astrologists, had to hold their annual convention in VEGAS because they didn't want to CROSS PICKET LINES in Chicago, and so in addition to the abundant cheap local delicacies they feasted on ample SOLE:

Sara Goldrick-Rab, associate professor of educational policy studies and sociology at the University of Wisconsin at Madison, emphatically agreed. “I found it hard to believe we sociologists would come to a place that clearly thrives on the exploitation of people’s financial and emotional insecurities,” she wrote in an e-mail. “The grotesque treatment of young women was visible and jarring.”

But some of those in attendance weren’t complaining. “Who are you kidding?” said one young faculty member from a university outside the U.S., of those who said they were not enjoying the Vegas experience. “Go out, have fun, check out all the eye candy.”

Perhaps not incidentally, this faculty member was male – as was the graduate student from a highly respected private institution who suggested that any dislike of or discomfort with Las Vegas was limited to the conference’s female attendees. Also male: the grad student from a California public who smilingly boasted of having slipped a small bribe to the man at the check-in desk in exchange for a room with a good view of the pools (and the bikini-clad women therein) – which view, he said, he found rather distracting as he sat in his room preparing his presentation.

Oh, and should we mention the letters P and C?

(And there was a little of the sociologists in Vegas, too -- at least at Caesars Palace. The hotel, like most of the Strip, seems more than comfortable with traditional gender roles, even charging men more than women for the use of its pools. But the ASA made its own adjustment, posting a large sign on a pair of restrooms in the conference area that declared them both to be unisex -- a move intended to provide support for transgender sociologists.)

Unfortunately some noozpaper blogger or something proved he liked the taste too, as witness this delectable leather morsel:

“People think they’re having fun here. But in fact they’re wandering through a maze of really inauthentic, fake landscapes.”

First of all, you’re probably wandering into a dangerous maze yourself by telling people that when they think they’re having fun they’re not actually having fun.

Second, authentic, the dictionary says, means “not false or copied; genuine; real.” That’s the beauty of the Strip — there’s no place like it, so how can it be anything but authentic. It’s also totally honest about what it is, unlike the rest of the country....

As for dressing up and showing themselves to other people — uh, what? How does this make us different?

A separate critique was equally ignorant — that Las Vegas isn’t sustainable.

It’s easy to see the fountains on the Strip and feel the dry heat of the Mojave and presume we’re not sustainable. But as Robert Lang, director of Brookings-Mountain West, noted, we’re closer to our water source than any other city that relies on the Colorado River.
[Links definitely added]

Closer indeed!

As this bozo proves, when Mike Royko and Mike Kelly died, they took the nooz biz with them.

*Caveat: sociologists.


Greek Stocks Soar Most in More Than 20 Years

There's probably a Greek joke here someplace, which would be the moral equivalent of a Polish joke.

May we now categorically say making PR0N is the sexual equivalent of Russian roulette?

And speaking of DENSE:

“Until we know for sure, we’ve asked the industry to have a moratorium on production,” said Diane Duke, executive director of the Free Speech Coalition, a Canoga Park-based porn industry trade group. [Emphasis added]

Right, Diane -- your free speech is someone else's FATAL ILLNESS.

Disney factory faces probe into sweatshop suicide claims

Who'da thought?

Sturdy Products....

Sure UB, sure.

(Via I Want Media)

We didn't hear about any F-BOMBS last night -- which may mean there were so many even Dave "God This Beats Working" Novak didn't notice.

Which reminds us -- is Frank 'n' Igor's creature starting to resemble something from a fifties pinup? And we do NOT mean that flatteringly.

AHTSJournal had to sic this one on us:

You know, one of the more peculiar aspects of television as it has evolved over the past decade is that just as it has become increasingly sophisticated it has simultaneously become increasingly vulgar and banal.

So -- does that excuse the ge-NIUS? Or is the increasingly vulgar and banal so vulgar and banal as to more than wipe it out? Let us not forget the TWXSTERS' naked history lessons. Are they vulgar or banal or are they ge-NIUS because they're CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED?

Sunday, August 28, 2011

I lost my passion for Apple


(Via Seeking Alpha)

Alhambra burglars pose as cable TV repairmen, police say

In light of the MEDIA MIRACLE OF THE UNIVERSE being headquartered here, and because the alleged burglars "worked" for PEOPLE WARNER CABLE, NO COMMENT.

4:40 A. M.:

Staten Island Hotel reports that their basement is flooding. #Irene #nywx


Saturday, August 27, 2011

TRANSLATION: Why couldn't MORT ZUCK have put His KOLLEDGE SCAM out of business along with USELESS NEWS?

Though it doesn’t specifically survey for it, U.S. News also offers a kind of left-handed index of student satisfaction. Colleges report how many of their graduates contribute in a typical year. As we read “Best Colleges,” we were struck by how many grads don’t send their alma mater even a symbolic check. At Harvard, 63 percent give nothing at all. At Vanderbilt, 74 percent demur, as do 87 percent at UCLA. The non- donors are probably pleased to have degrees, but could quite a few have less than fond memories of their campus years?

Or perhaps they feel that they already “gave” when they paid sky-high tuition bills?


(Revised with added CV! on 8/29/2011)

I've said before America has heroes, if only she knew it. But the heroes merely do their everyday jobs and are not in the market for heroism. Their heroism is so everyday, so matter-of-fact we can't see it, but it's in our nation's sinews. The brave souls who risk death mining coal are an example. They will definitely not take credit for heroism, but without them our industry would be a shadow of the even the shadow that it is, and they are part of our might.

On this dreary, rainy day when THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!!!! (or not) I stumbled onto the sometimes gladdening, sometimes infuriating site, and came across Vol. 19 of the infamous anthologies with the famous name NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL MUUUUUUUUUUUUSIC!!!!! (The title's so preposterous the three stoo -- owners have taken to just calling it NOW!!!!!) Out of idle curiosity and bored into torpor by the rain I found the official Web site -- and before I could mute the volume the first thing out of the tinny ALTEC speakers on my fine Eh-SUS laptop was WOMAN WITH THE BOOBS, who DOES use Autotune. Then I happened on the Terms, and decided right there all three entities should be fumigated.

And I felt a sense of happiness, knowing venting my spleen on ROCK mu-SICK cri-TICS was thoroughly justified. I haven't seen their likes on GRATE.COM lately. I hope I never have to again. The firing of Jack Shafer makes that unlikely.

And now, for a tinge of nostalgia and excellence to settle the stomach here again is someone other than WOMAN WITH THE BOOBS, singing something not concocted by Dr. Frankenstein and Igor.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Meanwhile, motorists intent on filling their tanks before Hurricane Irene arrives have been flocking to gas stations across the state.

"The only time I've seen it like this is (before) blizzards," said Katie Vent, office manager at the B & G Gulf in Holmdel.

Where are you folks going -- MONTANA?

And Jersey's caught between the NOO YAWK and PHILLY profit centers -- the electronic equivalent of a rock and a hard place.

President Barack Obama said the impact of the storm, which is unusually large, could be "extremely dangerous and costly" for a nation that still remembers destructive Hurricane Katrina in 2005.

"All indications point to this being a historic hurricane," Obama said.

No, NO -- we will AVOID an embarrassing comment AT ALL COSTS.

And the big story tonight on ACTION NEWS is...


JIM GARDNER is 63 (he looks 83 in HD -- must DO something about your PROFIT CENTER, UB IGER!) and he makes $100 million a year scaring people. In this age when news hacks should be trusted at best on a very greasy sliding scale, and the richer they are the less they should be trusted, too many people still believe this panicmaster. EVIDENCE: At the Dark Shadows and a couple of CVS's today everyone was buying BOTTLED WATER. I work for our city's Water Department. The likelihood of our water supply totally collapsing is infinitessimal. But Jim or some other ESPNCORP parasite must have mentioned in repeatedly on the three-hour news block (soon to become four since The Lord Goddess Oprah left), and now every Tom, Dick and Harriet's buying bottled water. Not to mention food for two weeks. The mirth-provoking irony is that the weather's supposed to be SUNNY AND NICE on Monday. But what good is sunny and nice weather if our community's totally destroyed????? Well, I'm not a meteorologist (NEITHER IS JIM, despite his connections to a now forgotten St. Jim -- and neither was HE), but I'm looking over the weather maps, and while this will be a bad storm we may avoid the end of the world. The problem, of course, is NOO YAWK, which has dozens of $100 MILLION EARNING JIM GARDNERS who must be hiding in their bunkers. We will excuse HONORARY MAYOR MIKE for excessive caution but for all His supposed media savvy he's at the panicmasters' beck and call too. We don't wish to put bets on it but we suspect after the EARTHQUAKE!!!!! this may not be the cataclysm of the millenium. We certainly hope not. But when Jim Gardners rule the world all bets must be off.

P. S. While MOVE HQ burned Jim played celebrity news. We will NEVER forgive him.

P. P. S. We do worry about the electricity, but we have more faith in Exelon than in ESPNCORP -- but if there MUST be blackouts let one strike at CITY LINE AND MONUMENT.

TV will be wall to wall...

for two days.

You know the saturation coverage is approaching the INSANITY DANGER ZONE when the Crainacs ask:

Which Retailers Will Hurricane Irene Help, and Which Will It Hurt?

And further on the subject of gurgling, snuffling and moaning, a pop cul-TYURE wri-TER expresses his -- or is it her -- disappointment:

Correct me if I'm wrong, those who were there, but here's what I recorded as the sum total of her between-song banter:

After "Up n' Down," a "bonus track" off her "Femme Fatale" album: "What's up, Charlotte?" (Crowd goes wild.)

After "Big Fat Bass," also off "Femme Fatale": "What's up, Charlotte?" (Woo-hoo, fans yell in unison.)

After her 2001 hit "I'm a Slave 4 U": "Are you guys ready for some more?" (More screaming.)

After 2008's "Womanizer": "Thank you so much, Charlotte!" (You're welcome.)

And after her current smash hit, "Till the World Ends": "Good night, everyone!"

TRANSLATION: The public is plainly so way ahead of the hacks the hacks can write as they please.

P. S. MNI at $1.55. It was $5.55 on January 18. It was $74.80 on March 18, 2005.

Those who think the answer for our governmental sclerosis is flip-flop divided government should look to Japan, which has been in a divided-government funk for a long time, exasperating a greater funk.

A trivia question: What happened on August 2, 1923? Well Warren Gamaliel Harding died. The state press banded together in mindless mourning because it then was reliably Republican. Had USAOKAY!!!!! existed then it would have run a hed like this:


The mourning vanished a year later.

We thought of this because today the front page of The Nation's "News"paper inflicted itself upon us in two ways: First it said God created a POP-CULTURE REVOLUTION!!!!! Someone remind GanNETt, what's good for God is NOT good for GanNETt. We suppose God started this revolution because He invented the iPod, the GanNETtoids forgetting He invented a better version of the Walkman. In any case that led us to second -- a big hed saying, "ARE COLLEGE FOOTBALL RIVALRIES GETTING OUT OF HAND??????????" If so it's because college sports are another BIGMEDIA division, and a BIG profit center. Nevin couldn't have virtually run Miami if the skool hadn't decided winning at all costs would be good for its ratings. That distorts everyone's reason; thus fans become borderline psychopaths and poison trees. That people of multiple football loyalties can come together to save those trees is no thanks to BIGMEDIA and its profit center.

Speaking of Harding, here's Menck in a previously unpublished diatribe:

Certainly no man ever passed into the Eternal Vacuum to the tune of more astonishing rhetoric. The Associated Press dispatches, printed...during the ghastly progress of the funeral train, were not merely eloquent; they were downright maudlin. They gurgled; they snuffled; the moaned. Whoever wrote them is a supreme master of bilge.

True in 1923; true today.

HENRY HONEST!!!!! has slowly come out of his profound mourning for God by issuing a typical piece of blatherskite about how many babes a certain athuhlete has dated. It's easy to get jealous but then again think -- what do an athuhlete and a model talk about? Perhaps one reason this guy's dated so many babes is that they usually CAN'T.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

I have no reason to pat myself on the back, but I recall in March typing this:

We now suppose most of the deaths from this calamity occurred along the coast; if as now appears evident Japan's interior escaped with just collapsed false ceilings that's a tribute to modern engineering. [Spelling error corrected]

So it was highly gratifying to read this:

The ensuing partial meltdown of the Fukushima reactor prompted international hysteria about nuclear power, but few seemed to realize that a far deadlier threat had been averted. As seismologist Roger Bilham has aptly put it, houses in seismically active zones are the world’s unrecognized weapons of mass destruction—and Japan’s WMDs didn’t go off. Its buildings—at least those that weren’t swept away by the accompanying tsunami, a force of nature against which we are still largely helpless—remained standing, and the people inside survived.

That so few buildings collapsed in the earthquake was a human triumph of the first order.

Let us forget the fake panic of the other day and realize the human race has unending work to do to keep itself safe from natural disasters -- but even in the midst of an epochal catastrophe this was progress.

We say ever since physicians could legally practice the most noble medical procedure of all -- ABORTION -- the Hippocratic oath has not obtained. Physicians who CAN freely practice abortions might not show much of scruples when they CAN cheat the Federal Government. Nor, we will add, when they CAN persuade untold thousands of "patients" to pop pain pills.

These clowns should get the harshest penalties possible -- and so should others who create vast addictions to prescription drugs.

Buffett Invests $5 Billion in Bank of America

Is this another of those no-America-we-won't-have-a-depression investments?

Matty Moron -- MOROUN is finally fixing up His Michigan Central terminal, meaning 1. He expects GUVMENT to reward Him, or 2. He still isn't serious. Let's hope it's some 3.


But we still have BATTLESHIP!!!!!

Isn't it great to be in the MOVEES, BRIAN ROBBER?

“With the exception of 'Bridesmaids,' it's been rough and it seems like a lot of the movies they're making are huge bets and they're all over-$200 million bets. And that's a terrifying place to be," a producer who has worked with Universal in the past told TheWrap.

Wait until people start seeing their monthly BILLS, bwahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Quake concern: Why didn't cellphones work?

Maybe because everybody was dialing 911 when nothing was happening?

A bad day for those of us who can't stand the press: Prof. Shafer's been laid off. Plus Romy's sort-of retiring. Where will we get out daily media fix?

He has been called by many who worked with him a micro-manager, a tyrant, and a control freak.

One of the former team members who helped develop the Macintosh even once said “he would make an excellent king of France.”
[First two grafs]

And this from someone who's "sad" too!

When will the hacks stop mistaking arrogance for leadership?

KFC Australia will today announce it is removing toys from its children's meals in all 600 stores across the country.

It comes three years after the chicken giant committed to stop advertising or actively promoting its kids menu.

Oh oh, THIS is Ronnie McStarbucks's future, even if the future's a minor unit of Yum! Brands.

(Via the Crainiacs)

A question from January 20:

Will Apple without Steve Jobs suffer like Microsoft without Bill Gates?

One might argue it suffered long before that particular God left. No, so long as the Church of Cupertino has Its cult, and the news hacks who worship It by using Its products exclusively keep churning out tracts in Its honor, It won't; but remember all those other churches that have seen better days -- and that weren't publicly traded.

Should you dump Apple?

Oh ye of little faith!

I don't want to be crass but given how HENRY HONEST!!!!! collapsed in a heap I can see it now: Candlelight vigils at His stores, a huge picture of God on the front of the Wall Street Journals with a HUGE black border, and possibly the TWXSTERS' NEWS RAG and THE ECONOWIZ too -- and happily, there will be much talk of LEGENDARY...happily because JACK WELCH was VERY legendary. No, I'd wager if the full truth ever emerges about Stevedom it will not be pretty. How could it be when FOXCONN makes your products?

That a DISBARRED TRADER leads the mourning does not speak well of the MOURNED.

We Need QE3 Like We Need A (Jackson) Hole In The Head

Any more holes in Uncle Ben's head and he won't have a head.

Obviously the hacks want to extend the EARTHQUAKE!!!!!'s shelf life by harping on the Washington Monument and the National Cathedral. Look, they're both old buildings; the Monument was started in 1848, so part of it's at least that old; it wasn't finished until 117 years ago. As for the Cathedral, it was started in 1907, and we doubt that very many news hacks have ever visited it. AND NO ONE WAS KILLED OR INJURED IN OR AROUND EITHER EDIFICE. Deadly cataclysms have gotten far less coverage than this exasperating EARTHQUAKE!!!!!!!!!! because it happened near THE UNIVERSE'S MOST IMPORTANT CITY. SHUT UP, hacks!

But this much is certain: Journalists are going to be doing an unusual amount of coverage of ecclesiastical architecture in the months ahead. It is time for reporters to learn the difference between a “pinnacle” and a “finial,” for example. Also, a cracked flying buttress is nothing to shake a stick at.

Hey, they don't know the difference between the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, they BEING the trinity.

One of America's two big exporting companies that isn't in SHOW-BIZ has a problem:

Boeing Co., set to get government approval of its new 787 Dreamliner this week and deliver the first jet next month, expects to spend most of 2012 unwinding the record inventory built during three years of delays to the world’s first composite-plastic airliner.

Boeing amassed $16.2 billion worth of inventory related to the 787 through June 30, with so many almost-finished jets the company ran out of room to park them. There are 35 scattered outside the Everett, Washington, plant, in leased space across an adjacent airfield and in a facility in Texas. Many lack seats and lavatories and have black plastic over the windows and concrete blocks hanging from the wings to keep them from tipping over before engines are installed....

The mothballed jets represent almost $6 a share in inventory growth since 2009. Counting four planes in the factory and six test jets, Boeing has more 787s on hand than Richard Branson’s Virgin Atlantic Airways has planes in service.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

People somewhat panicked here in Philthydelphia, but then I don't work in a high-rise. Don't get us wrong; we're for evacuations. We're just not for panic.

In Washington the buildings are height-restricted.

And yes, they PUNDITED the QUAKE!

Now their excuse is 9-11 and all that. That's their way of saying the world desperately needs them, something disproved completely by the last three years.

We'll say this for David Letterman: He's shown more guts than those superhypersuccessful animation 'n' musical masters will ever show --- if they have guts to show at all.

And how do we know the BELTWAY types and other such self-important creatures panicked? They bricked up the wireless networks!

Now people would say, how can you blather such a thing? Aren't people entitled to panic at a moment like that? To which I say, there were no casualties and little property damage in THE UNIVERSE'S MOST IMPORTANT TOWN, and that was surely evident almost right away. What if this had been a real disaster? We don't dare to think.

Perhaps the accuser couldn't be trusted; neither, we avow, could DSK. If he goes back to being a high mucky-muck in France that will say the French haven't changed, whatever their newfound courage in Libya.

And this sums it up in a nutshell:

One Berlusconi is enough.

The way our ruling class ran SCREEEEEEEEEAMING out of their Washington buildings upon the earthquake says they have not reserved their cowardice just for the halls of power.

Needham & Company analyst Laura Martin today downgraded her recommendation on New Corp from “buy” to “hold.”


DC COMICS PICTURES' publishing stub is having a problem: people aren't buying its comics anymore. Long before JEFF BEW-KES knew what a DC COMICS was its masters had already killed off Superman four times and changed Wonder Woman's corset thrice. The buyers were wise. The resident geeks even thought in 1985 of renumbering their comics editions starting with 1 but that was long before MR. BEW-KES knew what a PEOPLE WARNER was and could safely be judged a stupid idea. But now with ROWLINGCORP gone and Green Lantern turning red the stub is under great synergistic pressure to deliver. So it's come up with a new stupid idea: Comic books on iPads. I want to see the geeks collecting them. Can the brave artists of Burbank electronically revive their sainted treasures before the EVIL BEW-KES unleashes a bloodbath the likes of which the comics industry's never seen?!?!? That sounds more exciting than its rags. Hey JEFF! Start a new series -- and call it THE INVISIBLE BEW-KES AND HIS DWARFS.

"Anonymous donors" (chuckle chuckle) paid to vamoose our beloved skool sooperintendant out of here, which poses the question whether the incompetents atop government can be treated like CEOs and paid lush rewards for their malfeasance. And Arlene has done quite well for herself, thank you.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Speaking of Elvis, we are sorry to hear Jerry Leiber (on the left), half of Leiber and Stoller, has died. His songs might not have been such earth-shattering hits if The King hadn't sung them, but that was enough. They also wrote "Is That All There Is?", which occasioned Johnny Mercer to opine that they'd finally written an adult song. Well, for our tastes, bubblegum will do sometimes. And their bubblegum was very good.

P. S. I think that's the Thalberg Administration Building in the back. How apt.

Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of Goldman Sachs, and others at the investment bank have hired a white-collar criminal defense lawyer whose past clients include an Enron accounting officer and former WorldCom CEO, Bernard Ebber. [Bono SIC!]

Sounds GUILTY to me!

But even if none of these shows pans out, the most promising is due next year, on cable: HBO’s Girls, created by the baby-genius 25-year-old Lena Dunham, whose indie film Tiny Furniture broke at Sundance. I’ve seen the pilot (which, like Bridesmaids, was co-produced by Judd Apatow), and it made me teary with excitement. Knock wood, it has the potential to be the Great Lady Hope of HBO.

*This article has been corrected to show that Up All Night airs on NBC, not ABC.

[Genius emphasis added]


Speaking of Republicans:

Breaking: Paul Ryan Won’t Run

So which can't-put-a-sentence-together-with-more-than-four-words candidate will it be?

Bernanke May Have to Go for 'Shock and Awe': Strategist

Hasn't Uncle Ben awed the rich enough?

We apologize. An error has occurred. Please try again.

When do you apologize, Uncle Ben?

But five months after “Rambo” - as some of the French press branded him back then - announced French jets had launched the first raid on the Libyan leader, even some Socialists like Jacques Lang are now coming out today to Sarko credit where credit is due.

“Today, everyone can be thankful that France grew in stature by committing itself with determination and success to win the battle for Libya’s freedom. We should give credit to those who inspired international action at the United Nations.”

And GUESS WHO shrunk.

“Warren Buffett hasn’t just seen the car of the future, he’s sitting in the driver’s seat!!!!!!!!!!” [TWXSTER-we'll-sell-anything overemphasis added]


Let me guess: Rick becomes THE favorite with con-SER-va-tives because he really DOES believe in Shakespeare!

If he knows who he is.

We would provisionally congratulate Libya's people but we will hold our applause until a new government takes place for in too many despotisms revolution merely brings a new despotism.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Even if the future of movees is more exportable CRAP, China most likely can't export its, for too many reasons: the race factor, the culture factor, the language factor, the political factor, and most certainly because Arthur Freed is no more alive in China than here.

I don't care what the SUPERNIKKI!!!!!s cheer, this is one trade war I'd rather we DIDN'T win.

ARCHDaily or AHTSJournal?

When Beijing hosted the Olympic Games three years ago, the biggest star was arguably not swimmer Michael Phelps or sprinter Usain Bolt, but the National Stadium built for the games: more commonly known as the Bird's Nest. The stadium became an instant international icon, and one that has yet to be surpassed or even neared in terms of compelling, unique architecture.

Last week on the ESPN-affiliated website Grantland, writer Peter Richmond viewed stadiums like the Bird's Nest in comparison to the recent stadiums built in New York and elsewehere in the United States, all of which engender a giant yawn. The billion-dollar replacement for legendary Yankee Stadium? A boring clone. The new Citi Field, home to the Mets? It's stuck in even more of a historicist time-warp, meant to evoke Brooklyn's old Ebbetts
[SIC!] Field practically brick for brick.

Why is there no Bird's Nest in the United States, and why hasn't there been a great stadium or arena built here in seemingly decades?

Well maybe because we don't have half our national budget to waste on the GAMES, hmmmm?

And how many huge events have played the Nest lately, hmmmm?

It's a toss up, but this was linked in AHTSJournal.

If it's Sunday it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:

1. Brian has forgotten the one thing that destroyed the Pan Am brand. Mentioning Pan Am so prominently must bring back that awful saga. Even without it the first thing sure to greet this show is wails from cri-TICS who'll accuse it of copying one of the greatest achievements in cultural history, meaning this show probably won't last long enough to turn nostalgia into a business, especially if it earns that other show's ratings, which might not work on network television.

2. We guess Walmart's recent sag owes less to people finding lower prices on the Web -- it's that, surely, too -- and more to the company finding fewer exurbs. Even without intolerant Democrats we wonder if Sam's idea fits in the big city anyway. Or to put it bluntly, an elephant can only eat so much. The company is too big to turn into the GM of shopping but look what happened to GM -- and Walmart doesn't have any unions.

3. By now everyone knows of the TouchPad fire sale. Here's another instance where advertising may have hurt. Yes HP may have had an inferior product but it did not help to have a man sneeringly and justly referred to as Mr. Katy Perry do the pitch, which along with the consequent sales must have been disastrous enough to make up HP's mind for it. What an irony that device has sold so well today, but like such glories as the MiniDisc it may soon be a technological wonder without a purpose.

And how nice: the better the fire sale sells, the more likely we're stuck with STEVEDOM.

4. Are we ready to MAKE MONEY!!!!!?

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Few sites produce more show-biz GAS than SUPERADAM's; its favorite pastime is to restate the blazingly obvious when not being blazingly oblivious. Yesterday a female intern tiresomely bloviated over two remakes of eighties masterworks that without much need for crystal-balling proved box-office duds. Not wishing to extend the boredom we merely say for all the nostalgia over Ronnie eighties culture was a vast wasteland, which only got vaster in the decades ahead, which alone disproves the man did much other than bring down Communism.

Elsewhere said same intern with help has bloviated over the "market value" of certain female ac-TORS, and a commenter with even more time to burn assembled a list of A, B and C stars, and it does not speak kindly for the A's that they included a female version of Jerry Orbach, a woman with a highly masculine jaw, a supposed second coming of Audrey Hepburn who veers closer to Harry Langdon, and an MM impersonator. (Strangely enough Scarlett Who Can ACT was further down, and on several occasions her face has channeled Gene Rayburn's.) One commenter had to admit he hadn't heard of most of the names. This was perhaps because he hadn't heard of most of the faces. But an intern had to earn her experience, and like too many hacks engaged in a parlor game for one.

And sorry Jay, but though Howie and CHRIS!!!!!!!!!! be the worst kind of political hacks, in some ways Ike WAS a liberal Democrat.

Friday, August 19, 2011

The most remarkable thing about The Sleaze that Ate Miami is the sleazemaster Nevin himself; neither mentor nor mentees would have known trouble if he hadn't been such a groupie. What sane man would grope at thugs? We know, the meat slabs can have a cuddly side (although how cuddly slabs can be who live [C]RAP and worship unsportsmanlike penalties is beyond us), and possibly he thought he was doing them a favor (the favor of staining their reps), but if we could trade places -- not likely with his conviction -- we would want to know the best people in life. Criminals with shoulder pads are a dime-a-dozen. Nevin showed not merely a narrowness of mind with his athuhlete worship but a complete lack of it; and for that thus does he come across not as evil, but as something worse: a complete fool.

We too have our doubts about urban farming. "Sharecropping" hadn't come to mind before but given NoMoTown's population we can see it. What makes the topic so dispiriting is that it waves a big white flag for a big city. Best to think of it as an expedient until jobs and people can come along. Urban farming should never be a substitute for even the hope of industry.

“Giving up a third of your revenue, even if you end up being more profitable, it’s still a big chunk,” Cusumano said. “As the biggest PC manufacturer, they were in a lot of people’s homes as well as offices. They will lose that.”

TRANSLATION: Maybe getting out of A COMMODITY BUSINESS isn't THAT smart of an idea.

Fifty years ago Johnny Williams led Frankie Laine in an album of yeeeeeeeeeee-HAH!!!!! songs; five years later he conducted Valley of the Dolls; ten years after that he rewrote Korngold's theme for Kings Row; and today he's in the company of Copland, Bernstein and Koussevitzky at Tanglewood!

Only in America!

Just how much respect does His Incompetence earn in this new prosperous world?

Obama's Jobs Plan: Saving His Own

UNC opens his mouth again:

“If the NCAA kills the program, there will be a lot of people slitting their throats,” said rapper Luther Campbell, a huge Hurricanes fan, who was often seen on UM’s sideline during the 1980s and 1990s. “People would be on suicide watch, I can tell you that. That would very seriously hurt the city of Miami.”

Even though it's in Coral Gables?

The economy may be tanking but patriotic companies like MetLife still have the dough to burn on naming rights!

Now to spend the next twenty years with our feet on the railing, stogies in hand, employees to fire!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Speaking of plagues, today Charmin -- pardon, METRO announced it's started a 9-11 site. This pretty well says the days leading to the anniversary will be all twaddle, with a kind of condescending fake patriotism at best, and worst, PARTISANS having another excuse for food fights, the right claiming the date as its exclusive holiday, the left less interested in remembering than in ISLAMOPHOBIA. And let us not forget the TASTEFUL efforts to monetize it! Even with Osama's long overdue demise there's little to say about 9-11 we haven't said already. A confident nation would march on to new adventures but ours is in a long-term swoon and can't say anything patriotic without being Lee Greenwood, or afraid. The way to remember the date is not through twaddle, but by being silent, and praying, and remembering, and always remembering we can never let our guard down. As for us, we'll mark the day with a simple photographic post, as that's all we need.

Today in NRO Peter Kirsanow grumbled, "How many windmills need to be built to equal the energy produced by 2 trillion barrels of oil?" And His Incompetence would build the windmills. The problem is con-SER-va-tives would drill without a counterbalance. Michelle's STUPID remark about the price of oil is proof enough. So was that cheap populist gag of repealing the incandescent-bulb ban. Look, I don't like Very Littler Jeffy either and I see why some hate CFLs. It's some conservation, however, or letting the Saudis blackmail us again and again. We need to drill. We also need to conserve. The problem is loony liberals won't drill and con-SER-va-tives won't conserve.

For the umpteen umpteenth time: A PLAGUE O' BOTH YOUR HOUSES!

HP will spin off its customer pleasin' low-margin PC business (probably to the Chinese) to concentrate on its ever-profitable printer-cartridge biz!

Good luck!

(Via CNN via FinViz. "Software and servers", it says here. Phooey! It can't be IBM because it makes its dough from printer cartridges!)

We have complained before that show-biz hacks know little of their industry's history, all the better to banter annoying hyperbole. No doubt this masterwork's producers had all their publicists lined up for "4D" and could bank on pliant hacks not knowing Mike Todd's son did the same thing fifty-one years ago and bombed with it. Smell-O-Vision won't work because it can't rid movee houses of the skunk smell coming from the screens.

P. S. Ramona and Lindsay were so busy selling the picture they neglected one thing: to describe how the gimmick works. "4D" uses scratch-and-sniff cards, not the fan-wafted perfumes of Smell-O-Vision. This PR doesn't even qualify for a Neuharthism of the Week Award.

OooooOOOOOoooooh, His Incompetence has just frozen Syria's assets!

I'm sure Bashar is VERY scared.

Speaking of the SAINT, anyone here remember when the hacks and the sales -- ANALYSTS were calling Eddie Lampert HIS SECOND COMING? How His company was sitting on $80 GIGABILLION QUINTILLION QUADRAZILLION in REAL ESTATE? Those inconveniences called customers could have looted the stores and shareholders would STILL make their megafortunes! WELL, that particular bubble popped, and ever since the company has had to concentrate on a very mundane thing: RETAILING; and judging from this NEW 52-WEEK LOW it has yet to master THAT.

Wanna lay odds for a future Chapter XI?

ANNOYING: CONrad the Prison Historian echoes the con-SER-va-tive buncombe that (to reduce it to its irreducible minimum) THE RICH SHOULD PAY NO TAXES. Look, we know ST. WARREN is at best a sanctimonious two-timer, and when He opens His obscenely wealthy mouth to say He should pay more taxes it is faintly self-serving, but how did the rich ever get to be sacrosanct with you tub thumpers? Please, con-SER-va-tives, if you want their money just ASK for it. Stop begging for it through toadying punditry.

And YOU especially CONnie should shut up because you're not exactly poor yourself.

AP sources: US call for Assad departure imminent

WOW!!!!! And it's only taken what, a few years?

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

During his decade-long run as a booster, Shapiro came to be known as "Little Luke," a derivative of "Uncle Luke," nickname of entertainer Luther Campbell, who notoriously took care of UM players in the 1980s and 90s. Campbell took exception Wednesday to Shapiro calling himself "Little Luke" in the Yahoo! report and wrote a blog ripping the booster for associating himself with Campbell.

I don't know, Unc, wasn't he merely following in the footsteps of a master?

First of all, I have never been a UM booster. I have never given a dime to the school. I have and always will support the players and the program out of civic pride, but I never violated any NCAA rules when I was the team's biggest fan in the '80s. And I definitely would not have ever paid for a stripper to abort a baby allegedly fathered by a UM football player, like Shapiro claims he did.

You can't be me just by reading a Dan Le Batard article in the
Miami Herald from 21 years ago alleging I paid players for hits on the field. The NCAA investigated those accusations and found no wrongdoing on my part. This notion that I was paying players is false. It never happened.

Aw, don't be so modest!

(Via CBS Sports)

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