Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, May 17, 2003
Posted
6:11 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:00 PM
by Gene
More exemplary actions in the name of the First Amendment.
Posted
5:18 PM
by Gene
NOT OUR CREDIBILITY PROBLEM, MARK!
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5:14 PM
by Gene
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3:30 PM
by Gene
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2:56 PM
by Gene
This is why L'Affaire Blair will have NO impact on the Times. By blaming it essentially on a lone gunman, Howell has convinced himself his system worked perfectly, and he worked perfectly, and he can go on hectoring us as before.
Posted
11:12 AM
by Gene
It never ceases to amaze me how news hacks ALWAYS put the very best possible face on something very BAAAAAAAAD. Esepcially when it's SHOW-BIZ. (Oddly enough, the rest of the review following this blurb is not altogether favorable.)
Posted
10:57 AM
by Gene
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10:27 AM
by Gene
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8:38 AM
by Gene
Wait a second! Miss Universe is Donald Trump's contest! Can't HE donate the $80,000? Another less-than-inquiring news hack at KNIGHTRIDDER. Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!
Posted
8:06 AM
by Gene
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8:02 AM
by Gene
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8:00 AM
by Gene
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7:49 AM
by Gene
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7:40 AM
by Gene
Let's put it this way: they'll need each other's company.
Posted
7:33 AM
by Gene
This is why the public is gravely disserved when we have one conservative writing about film -- the ninnyish Michael Medved -- against the usual sieg heil ad-blurb-copywriting philistines. Meantime, PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARTYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
7:20 AM
by Gene
After all, IT WAS THEIR IDEA. Friday, May 16, 2003
Posted
8:52 PM
by Gene
Two hopeful signs: Morocco's news agency calls the bombings "criminal," and they've hit enough targets -- Jewish, Belgian, and Spanish -- to make everybody mad.
Posted
5:46 PM
by Gene
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5:42 PM
by Gene
I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
5:40 PM
by Gene
This is but a variation of "You can't fight city hall." Up against a force of nature like the news hacks' verbiage, truth and democracy lose.
Posted
6:56 AM
by Gene
He also says K-12 history textbooks are rotten. I don't doubt that one second.
Posted
6:49 AM
by Gene
Hey Saudis, why aren't you dancing in the streets like on 9-11? IT WAS YOUR IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE.
Posted
6:36 AM
by Gene
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6:32 AM
by Gene
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6:18 AM
by Gene
![]() --What was the worst day of your life? --When mom said I couldn't rule the universe. --What was the best day of your life? --When I discovered that I can. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! Thursday, May 15, 2003
Posted
8:27 PM
by Gene
Posted
8:24 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:26 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:21 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:12 PM
by Gene
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6:05 PM
by Gene
No question, many civil rights abuses and much pork-barrel spending are going on in the all-encompassing name of "terrorism."
Posted
5:57 PM
by Gene
Former Monty Python star Eric Idle is due to direct and co-star in Remains of the Piano, which he also wrote, Screen International reported today (Thursday). The British trade publication said that the spoof of costume drama Remains of the Day, which starred Anthony Hopkins, will star Geoffrey Rush in the lead role of Hopkins, a British aristocrat. The cast list is provocative in itself: Orlando Bloom is playing a character named Daniel Day Lewis. Patrick Stewart will appear as Obie Ben Kingsley. Alfred Molina will play Mussolini. Anjelica Huston's character is Countess Von Kunst and Idle himself plays Frank the Mover. What is the word for it? Droll.
Posted
5:54 PM
by Gene
The call from the two big B's of China: Beijing -- and Bentonville.
Posted
5:45 PM
by Gene
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5:42 PM
by Gene
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5:22 PM
by Gene
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5:15 PM
by Gene
![]() Yes yes, we KNOW, Richard "ADVERTISEMENT" Corliss, millions and millions and millions of teens didn't shoot anyone after seeing your damned craven employer's masterpiece, but a shameful story like this about unruly teens trashing two upper-class houses, combined with the hazing in Chicago and the boys at the strip club in New York, suggests something has snapped in the American psyche, and SORRY, Richard "ADVERTISEMENT" Corliss, your damned craven employers and their friends hold no small measure of blame.
Posted
6:53 AM
by Gene
Hey Hypocrite! I got an idea! Get RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to do it! He published your book, and besides, you can always says it's an AUSTRALIAN company!
Posted
6:39 AM
by Gene
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6:32 AM
by Gene
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6:21 AM
by Gene
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6:11 AM
by Gene
UPDATE: I can't believe news outfits have ignored this. The Journal-Constitution broke the Masters story. Incredible.
Posted
6:09 AM
by Gene
![]() --Name three things a news organization should stand for. --Profit, profit and profit! haha. Wednesday, May 14, 2003
Posted
7:52 PM
by Gene
One should not be surprised if the next Jayson comes from UMass. He's already learned how to mangle English.
Posted
6:12 PM
by Gene
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5:59 PM
by Gene
And while I don't doubt this for a second, the egghead authors of this survey cite Reader's Digest and Blunder as among the teens' favorites. Neither do they do themselves a favor with a co-author from UCLA's David Geffen School of Medicine (?!?).
Posted
5:41 PM
by Gene
They're HERE: in show-biz, academe, and most especially, in newsrooms. Typical Christian Science Quackspeak, though: the writer probably believes John Ashcroft is the top cop.
Posted
5:38 PM
by Gene
KING RICHARD!! One more trick like that and I switch to AT&T!!!!! (Can't do much about your insect breeding, Bill.) The only solace: a teaser head reading, "We waited four years for this?"
Posted
5:32 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:29 PM
by Gene
As I said before, the only question is: 200-percent inflation or 300-percent?
Posted
5:26 PM
by Gene
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5:23 PM
by Gene
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5:14 PM
by Gene
Why worry about security when such good things happen to infidels?
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
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7:07 AM
by Gene
DINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDING YOU WIN!!!!!
Posted
7:04 AM
by Gene
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6:53 AM
by Gene
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6:50 AM
by Gene
![]() --Don't you feel sorry for that poor kid Jayson Blair? haha. --Yeah, we've done worse, haha. Tuesday, May 13, 2003
Posted
6:10 PM
by Gene
Now which comes first: the apprehension of the cockroaches by the Saudis -- or the cockroaches' next bombing? Don't hold your breath.
Posted
6:05 PM
by Gene
Watch it! That would make Disney News illegal.
Posted
5:43 PM
by Gene
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5:28 PM
by Gene
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5:24 PM
by Gene
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5:19 PM
by Gene
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5:11 PM
by Gene
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6:59 AM
by Gene
We all know how SuperRummy, like Harry S Truman, "gets the big things right and the little things wrong," and this was one of the "little" things, but we'll have it under control in time. I'd be more worried about the Koo-koomeinis.
Posted
6:38 AM
by Gene
A million pea shooters hit the stone.
Posted
6:33 AM
by Gene
CLAUDIA!!!!! WILL YOU STOP PRINTING YOUR @#$%&* RESUMES?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Posted
6:20 AM
by Gene
![]() --Barry and Al told me Dick's ad was worth at least $50 million, haha. --Yeah, screw the public. Synergy WORKS, haha.
Posted
6:12 AM
by Gene
Monday, May 12, 2003
Posted
6:45 PM
by Gene
Now if every trader gets called at the same time, and every trader's cell phone has a musical ring, we could have the world's biggest symphony!
Posted
6:31 PM
by Gene
So much about AIDS defies understanding.
Posted
6:11 PM
by Gene
WHAT DOES THIS HEADLINE MEAN?!?!? It means CURLEY's up to no good again! NYUK! NYUK! NYUK!
Posted
6:08 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:59 PM
by Gene
I thought only Democrats taxed and spent. Well Republicans don't. They cut taxes -- and spend.
Posted
5:56 PM
by Gene
And it's all Tom "Snidely Whiplash" DeLay's fault. Try that in DC, jerks!
Posted
5:48 PM
by Gene
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5:43 PM
by Gene
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5:38 PM
by Gene
The answer? Money. MONEY! MORE OF OUR MONEY!!!!! Or maybe not. And a special tip of the hat to the Bloomies for making this story extremely difficult to find with no search function.
Posted
5:31 PM
by Gene
Why can't someone besides the partisan hacks of NEWSMAX say it?
Posted
5:29 PM
by Gene
You're right, Stephen. It is crass.
Posted
5:19 PM
by Gene
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5:14 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:11 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:08 PM
by Gene
Ted, we wouldn't have told you either.
Posted
5:03 PM
by Gene
[G]reat races." You said it, Jed! Broadway's bustin' out all over! Hits all over the place! A twenty-one-year-old show versus a forty-four-year-old show! A future dinner-theater staple versus oooooh-wah a-ooooh-wah a-ooooooooooooooooooooooh-WAH! I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE TONY AWARDS!!!!!! I'LL BE SITTING AT THE EDGE OF the rear of my seat.
Posted
6:45 AM
by Gene
![]() What are these two AOL Time Warner Magazines Division executives smiling about? All the fast ones they can yet pull on their stupid -- er, readership. Or as they call it at AOL Time Warner Magazines Division, casting Pearlstine before swine.
Posted
6:36 AM
by Gene
We'll always find something to QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! about. If people stand in line for groceries for ten minutes, why, we'll make that QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! too. This is why I suspect L'Affaire Blair will be almost totally ignored by ordinary people. They already know not to trust news hacks.
Posted
6:32 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:26 AM
by Gene
I'd feel vulnerable too knowing my tyrannical dictatorship could be the next to go Ka-BOOM!
Posted
6:23 AM
by Gene
Sunday, May 11, 2003
Posted
8:36 PM
by Gene
Let us hope, finally, that this is the real thing.
Posted
8:28 PM
by Gene
And guess who wants to stop it? The League of Nations. Hardy-har-har!
Posted
4:51 PM
by Gene
I didn't know Wilmington, Delaware was such a nice place! Not far from here. Although Disney had a thing for Denver its last meeting -- and snow.
Posted
1:43 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:58 AM
by Gene
Did GM and Altria MOtive Foods pay any of their salaries?
Posted
9:55 AM
by Gene
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9:43 AM
by Gene
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9:40 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:37 AM
by Gene
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