Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, August 09, 2003
Posted
6:52 PM
by Gene
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6:43 PM
by Gene
I wouldn't put it past the Nine Fingers in the Wind to pull one of their Profiles in Courage again.
Posted
4:43 PM
by Gene
Where do people get the idea The Wall Street Journals are conservative?
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4:40 PM
by Gene
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4:20 PM
by Gene
Think we can hunt down some conspiracies with this one? (Any way to try to screw up Iraq.)
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4:13 PM
by Gene
It's times like these when I feel I'm doing the electronic equivalent of banging my head against a wall.
Posted
4:08 PM
by Gene
All they'd need do is speak with British accents. Lord KNOWS Pee-TAH's tried.
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9:10 AM
by Gene
P. S. It gets worse: the MORONS at KnightRidder Philly Broadsheet Edition put Bruce on the front page of their Saturday AND Sunday editions, which go on sale together. Why didn't they go for the trifecta and put him on KnightRidder Philly Tabloid Edition (aka the Daily News) as well? This is just the reverse side of Tony Auth's Pulitzer winning cartoon about Jews. It's also a way for the staff to boast of its free tickets. What news hacks don't spin, they sell.
Posted
8:41 AM
by Gene
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8:26 AM
by Gene
That's what you get when you're in the market for used auto makers.
Posted
8:16 AM
by Gene
Four for four. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT COMPETITION, ROBERT J.? Friday, August 08, 2003
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7:11 PM
by Gene
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7:06 PM
by Gene
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6:07 PM
by Gene
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5:35 PM
by Gene
I don't know, but I can be pretty sure whose SOFTWARE does.
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5:19 PM
by Gene
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5:10 PM
by Gene
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5:02 PM
by Gene
NEWS HACKS ARE IDIOTS!
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4:59 PM
by Gene
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4:53 PM
by Gene
By the way, I don't listen to talk radio. (I picked the link up from WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I don't like knee-jerks of any stripe, which is all you get from the media; and besides, I'd like to believe I can think for myself.
Posted
3:26 PM
by Gene
P. S. Upon further examination, I see its board of advisors includes someone from the hard-core knee-jerk leftist group FAIR (sighhhhhhhhhhhh) and the hard-core knee-jerk leftist polemicist Barbara Ehrenreich (sighhhhhhhhhhh), but in its FAQ it disclaims partisanship. I'll give this group the benefit of the doubt -- for now.
Posted
7:32 AM
by Gene
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7:05 AM
by Gene
Sing along to ``The Gulag Rag'' and ``Mrs Stalin Regrets.'' Enjoy a high-kicking, Moulin Rouge-style funeral for the Soviet dictator with a rousing chorus of ``Sweet Stalin I'm In Love Again.'' Cambridge student James Stevens, who wrote and directed the show now appearing at the Edinburgh FRINGE Festival.... OIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
7:00 AM
by Gene
Practically speaking, none -- except the liberal can be intolerably self-righteous, and the libertarian intolerably smug.
Posted
6:58 AM
by Gene
Now if Robert "Over the" Hilburn could just hang up his geetar. Thursday, August 07, 2003
Posted
5:33 PM
by Gene
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5:18 PM
by Gene
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2:06 PM
by Gene
"A classic is a book that has never finished saying what it has to say." -Italo Calvino A classic is a book everybody's read but nobody reads.
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2:00 PM
by Gene
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12:10 PM
by Gene
At least Peter Ueberroth has credentials.
Posted
11:56 AM
by Gene
![]() I had to post this: They're staging opera again at the baths of Caracalla. If the sight awes us now, imagine what it was like brand new. I repeat, our culture can't do things like this anymore. P. S. If I had comments I'd probably hear it about slave labor, the corrupt Roman caesars, etc., etc., ETC. What I meant is, the kind of noble inspiration that radiated through Rome's culture -- that inspired the Founding Fathers, among others -- is missing today. We'll see it at Ground Zero, where the ugliest white elephants will remind us of our aesthetic impotence.
Posted
11:46 AM
by Gene
Here's something else that gets the Professor excited. You keep it up and I'll lump you with Bob-o Thompson and Noam Chomsky.
Posted
11:39 AM
by Gene
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10:50 AM
by Gene
I still believe he can win, solely on name recognition. By rights, he shouldn't be in the race. And remember, before anyone mentions the wonderful Jesse, he had a honeymoon, and he had a severe falling-out with the public, and he ultimately failed in office. And before anyone mentions Ronald Reagan, he had the backing of Walt Disney and Jack Wrather (the Lone Ranger producer). He didn't strike out on an ego-driven whim. Meantime Andy S. thinks Ah-NULT's gay, and the Professor cites him approvingly, which makes them both asses. And speaking of the MasterBlogger, he quotes his coproduction "Lileks": Will he win? Well, he’ll bring new voters to the polls - we saw this in Minnesota with Jesse. People who never voted will find it cool to vote for Arnie, and even though they might not be the most sophisticated participant [sic] in the process, they’ll probably intuit that a vote isn’t just a thumbs-up statement. It means something. Yeah, it means they'll vote for somebody with name recognition who bombs, so they'll figure, you can't vote for anybody, so they'll stop voting. Honest, the big-name bloggers stop thinking when they start typing. UPDATE: In some places Ah-NULT is distinctly unenamored (caveat: it's a NewsMax).
Posted
6:57 AM
by Gene
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6:44 AM
by Gene
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6:27 AM
by Gene
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6:24 AM
by Gene
![]() Why is this holy cockroach smiling? Because he's going to get 72 virgins! May they all look like Helen Thomas. Wednesday, August 06, 2003
Posted
7:03 PM
by Gene
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5:27 PM
by Gene
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5:19 PM
by Gene
This quote appears -- at the bottom of a story, well beyond the jump -- in USA Okay, which runs more show-biz drivel than any other newspaper, so we can count this opinion as DEFINITIVE.
Posted
5:08 PM
by Gene
We know what Colin says behind Dubya's back thanks to the Sieve of Fogbound.
Posted
5:06 PM
by Gene
Back to midget transvestites, and gawdawful operas, or whatever.
Posted
2:37 PM
by Gene
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2:08 PM
by Gene
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10:04 AM
by Gene
Sorry Trib, we know WHO OWNS WHAT. Has this become the party line of Big Media?
Posted
8:26 AM
by Gene
This airhead's not for marrying. On second thought: Miss Welch, I understand you're a book fancier. If I could somehow entice you to get me an agent, not only would I expunge the two "airhead" references to you (you are still, after all, quite comely), I might even propose marriage. You game?
Posted
8:19 AM
by Gene
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8:12 AM
by Gene
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7:07 AM
by Gene
![]() Beady-Eyed Stinkers Sure you aren't referring to yourselves, O New York Times?
Posted
6:59 AM
by Gene
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6:26 AM
by Gene
Now back to trying to screw up Iraq! Tuesday, August 05, 2003
Posted
5:25 PM
by Gene
Sounds a mite defensive, guys.
Posted
5:20 PM
by Gene
If only LEGENDARY WELCH could have implemented THIS! Let's see, robots doing clerical work, Indians engineering and writing code -- who's going to work here? Or as LEGENDARY might have said, "NOT MY PROBLEM!"
Posted
5:12 PM
by Gene
I think "The LINC" got ENRONNED!
Posted
5:00 PM
by Gene
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2:23 PM
by Gene
Norfolk Southern's CEO has one too. Can't he take a train? And Arby's CEO, who spent $1.1 million in flight time in 2001, hasn't let up since. Must be taste-testing lots of roast-beef sandwiches. And all because of -- SEPTEMBER 11 pffh-hh-hh-hh-hh-hh!!!!! Guess that's some CEO's sibling's birthday. LET THEM EAT JET FUEL!
Posted
11:54 AM
by Gene
Both Warner Bros. and Warner Home Video are divisions of AOL Time Warner, which owns CNN. Aside from writing columns for The Hollywood Reporter, Robert Osborne is the host of Turner Classic Movies, another division of AOL Time Warner. you know the movie biz isn't making great films anymore when its owners produce disclaimers longer than movies.
Posted
9:34 AM
by Gene
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7:00 AM
by Gene
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6:51 AM
by Gene
In the latest move, the kingdom's de facto ruler Crown Prince Abdullah announced the formation of a center for dialogue to combat "racism and extremism" and address political and religious differences. The scope and influence of the "King Abdul Aziz Center for National Dialogue" were not defined in Sunday's announcement.... Pffhh-hh-hh-HH-HH-HH-HH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
6:30 AM
by Gene
On top of that, Butt and Butthead appear to have another flop on their hands.
Posted
6:21 AM
by Gene
The magazine admits the photos were retouched, but no details are given on what was adjusted. Monday, August 04, 2003
Posted
7:38 PM
by Gene
Could we now go back to talking about something more interesting? There's too much of yakety-yak on the Web, and it's only compounded by the vast hordes of navel-staring bloggers. THIS is why I try to limit myself to two or three sentences.
Posted
7:28 PM
by Gene
Have news hacks decided, well, people don't trust us anyway, so we'll run any old story we want?
Posted
5:42 PM
by Gene
The Post hasn't taken down its story, despite Colin's pretentious denial.
Posted
5:31 PM
by Gene
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5:05 PM
by Gene
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3:48 PM
by Gene
My favorite number: Terry Keenan, formerly a pretty face for "Lollipop" Lou Dobbs, now gassing on FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News, said he was worth $1 billion. How typical of FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEWS HACKS STRIKE AGAIN!
Posted
12:13 PM
by Gene
NBC Says Its Profit Will Increase Sharply; and WTUR [A CHEAP CHANNEL Disney Network affiliate in Utica, New York] Ends Local Newscasts?
Posted
11:04 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:57 AM
by Gene
If it feels good, do it; The end justifies the means; and NOT ME!
Posted
9:40 AM
by Gene
And yes, anointing a new Lunt and Fontanne and afflicting the afflicted are related.
Posted
9:16 AM
by Gene
You looking for work, Ben?
Posted
9:05 AM
by Gene
Let's wait until the trial, guys.
Posted
8:21 AM
by Gene
I've been at ArtsJournal.com again grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Posted
8:13 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:54 AM
by Gene
![]() I think I see the point. Alas, as GE Bancorp Network spokesperson Bill Carter notes, the mini-movies "will not mean fewer commercials or network promotions." In other words, there'll be more "clutter," which translates into more distractions, which translates into people getting madder at the TV, which translates into another reason viewers should abandon network television.
Posted
6:42 AM
by Gene
Will Dubya appoint THE FIXER in his place? (Assuming he wins a second term, that is.)
Posted
6:26 AM
by Gene
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6:24 AM
by Gene
"You know, secondhand smoke kills." "So do I." -- she shouldn't worry about anti-smoking zealots. She should worry about her writers. Sunday, August 03, 2003
Posted
8:57 PM
by Gene
In the past 30 years, media power has splintered dramatically; people have more choices than ever. Travel back to 1970. There were only three major TV networks (ABC, CBS, NBC); now, there’s a fourth (Fox). Then, there was virtually no cable TV; now, 68 percent of households have it. Then, FM radio was a backwater; now there are 5,892 FM stations, up from 2,196 in 1970. Then, there was only one national newspaper (The Wall Street Journal); now, there are two more (USA Today and The New York Times). If you don’t like radio, you can listen to a Walkman or pop a CD in your car player; in 1970, people had only bulky stereo systems. The alternative to TV is the VCR (85 percent of households) or, increasingly, the DVD player. Then there’s the Internet: everything from foreign news sites to chess to pornography. Point 1: In 1970 the three networks were more or less independently owned. Today three of the four are owned by companies in movies, which allows them to be captives of their sister studio operations; witness the Disney Network. And even in cable, all four networks' parents have substantial programming interests, so what they lose in one medium they'll gain in another. (Clever that he forgets the Little Two, UPN and the WB, which are also controlled by companies in the movie biz. Clever also that he forgets in the early fifties there were four networks.) Point 2: In 1970 cable was still an experimental medium owned by mom-and-pop entrepreneurs. Today it's a huge industry essentially dominated on the hardware end (i.e., cable systems) by a cabal, and on the software end (i.e., cable channels) by a cabal (pun intended). And two companies (AOL and Cablevision) have sizable interests on both ends. Some diversity. Point 3: In 1970 most radio stations were independently owned, and played a variety of formats. Today two companies dominate the medium, which is run solely for the benefit of big consumer-products firms, promoting national advertising at the expense of localism and diversity. Point 4: Yes, there are three national newspapers. There are also far fewer locally-owned papers (it escapes the intrepid Dr. Samuelson that USA Okay is owned by Gannett, notorious bane of localism in news); the afternoon edition, once an industry staple, has practically vanished; and except for a few big markets competition is nonexistent. Also, per-capita newspaper readership has declined, meaning the surviving papers are that much more dominant. Point 5: Pop a CD in your car player and it's most likely made by one of the Big Five, four of which are foreign-owned; there was far more competition (and American ownership) in the record business in 1970. (Let us not point out that America still had a consumer electronics industry back then; that's virtually vanished too.) The same with prerecorded VHS tapes (how quaint) and the DVD; these are dominated by the same companies already dominant in movies and television -- and three of them are in the Big Five. (And the most prominent of their content, theatrical movies, merely migrated from network television, where they got their first TV exposure and played to large audiences.) As to the Internet, an astonishing number of the biggest sites are Big Media's; very few (Yahoo!, for instance) sprung out of nowhere, and Yahoo! didn't want to be an outsider forever; it hired a Big Media CEO. (Neither did AOL when it merged with Time Warner. How soon we forgot all the talk of Internet-Big Media mergers.) Point 6: Elsewhere in his rant Robert J. pouts, "Popular hostility toward big media stems partly from the growing competition (a.k.a. more 'choice'), which creates winners and losers—and losers complain." Problem is, when the NRA, NOW, the Christian Coalition and Consumers Union can all complain about the same thing, it says with big media -- WE ALL LOSE. (And Bob, if our current un-big media are such an unalloyed wonder, why the quotation marks around "'choice'"?) I don't think Robert J. Samuelson is a knee-jerk conservative, but his twaddle is a classic example of how the Buttmans and the Armeys view monopoly; simply put, the bigger the monopoly, the better.
Posted
2:28 PM
by Gene
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2:23 PM
by Gene
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2:10 PM
by Gene
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1:51 PM
by Gene
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1:29 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:32 AM
by Gene
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