Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, January 31, 2004
Posted
8:09 PM
by Gene
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1:20 PM
by Gene
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12:46 PM
by Gene
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12:27 PM
by Gene
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12:19 PM
by Gene
At least THIS guy doesn't look like a used-car salesman. But I can't wait for him to defend JACK's SECRET-recipe ALPHABET SOUP -- or going after FILE SHARERS. AND THANKS FOR THE ORIGINAL REPORTING, BOB!
Posted
12:13 PM
by Gene
: Michael Wolff didn't manage to buy New York Magazine and so he quit to go to Vanity Fair. I'll apply for his old job. Hey BUZZ! I thought PRINT was OBSOLETE!!!!!
Posted
12:06 PM
by Gene
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9:54 AM
by Gene
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Posted
9:42 AM
by Gene
One thing's clear: they've earned the admiration of the Stalins of America's universities.
Posted
9:37 AM
by Gene
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9:31 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:27 AM
by Gene
This is the same Knight Ridder Philly Division that tried shaking down Hearst on comic strips. And where would the money saved go? To pay the hacks more to put in even more irritating typing between the ads. I'll say it again: when the next Osama comes, and he comes again from nowhere, this will be one reason why. BONUS KNIGHT RIDDER MORON POINTS: This related story made THE FRONT PAGE due to its PC angle. It almost makes me yearn for the days when Walter Annenberg sicced his henchmen on Milton J. Shapp. I am also convinced KR has an IN on the whole business and have complained by e-mail to the Inky's OMBUDSPOOP. (Pffh-hh-hh hh hh ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!) Friday, January 30, 2004
Posted
5:33 PM
by Gene
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5:29 PM
by Gene
$750 BILLION FOR GOOGLE!!!!!
Posted
5:25 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:20 PM
by Gene
Gen. McClellan, I think it's time to take Douglas MacArthur's advice and just faaaaaaaaaaade away.
Posted
5:14 PM
by Gene
P. S. I'd have posted the happy news sooner except that somebody HACKED ShowBIZData.com, and in a most unpleasant manner. Or to put it this way, it was related to what spammers are always saying they'll lengthen and thicken.
Posted
2:09 PM
by Gene
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1:42 PM
by Gene
So what? Nearly all celebrity PR is faked.
Posted
10:52 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:33 AM
by Gene
OR: "WITH 3 MILLION LOST JOBS IN AMERICA AND 500 DEAD SOLDIERS IN IRAQ, YOU'D THINK THAT EVERYBODY WOULD BE TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN BOTOX®!!!!!" We might, if your boss weren't married to a FORTUNE.
Posted
8:33 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:50 AM
by Gene
At least the sycophantic hack Lance Morrow would have had the guts to get SLIGHTLY mad.
Posted
6:24 AM
by Gene
I guess the guy thinks he's still in lobbying.
Posted
6:13 AM
by Gene
And if I know our NEWS HACKS, it will be briefly questioned throughout the campaign.
Posted
6:10 AM
by Gene
Thursday, January 29, 2004
Posted
6:09 PM
by Gene
You put in enough CEOs and tax dollars and ANY town will come alive at night.
Posted
5:42 PM
by Gene
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5:31 PM
by Gene
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH DA DUT DUT!
Posted
5:29 PM
by Gene
Given that the distance is often comparable to North America and Europe I may beg to differ.
Posted
5:26 PM
by Gene
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5:24 PM
by Gene
Now it'll have to go it alone with masterworks like Teacher's Pet. Winnie the Pooh is next!
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
Look at all the SPONSORS.
Posted
5:13 PM
by Gene
Of course you're not too bad yourself when you start with social issues. Meantime PROF agrees with Buzz agreeing with Mr. Sexy Blogger Man that Mick the K is ON A ROLL. And how do they know? Well, in the last twelve days he's posted 12,000 WORDS.
Posted
2:14 PM
by Gene
OH. You said that wouldn't happen, Mr. Tax-Cut-and-Spend. Or maybe you didn't.
Posted
10:59 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:50 AM
by Gene
And the target's always far to the left.
Posted
9:44 AM
by Gene
Or maybe he goes to a Reform social club; after all, he IS part Joosh (or part Irish, depending on your religion).
Posted
9:40 AM
by Gene
WoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowooWOO!
Posted
8:35 AM
by Gene
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6:54 AM
by Gene
But lots of money and "CLASSIC BAD BOTOX®" can't hurt.
Posted
6:33 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:28 AM
by Gene
Please, Crybaby, resign and become Dippity's spokespoop. You'd be SERVING YOUR COUNTRY.
Posted
6:23 AM
by Gene
He was quite friendly with Vice-President EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL. I guess that's -- DEALING WITH THE ENEMY. SLEAZEBALL GUMBO's gonna have a BAD day today. Wednesday, January 28, 2004
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6:04 PM
by Gene
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5:55 PM
by Gene
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5:31 PM
by Gene
And PROF, The Man who Invented Blogging, gets QUOTED HERE! Another INSTASPIKE!
Posted
5:25 PM
by Gene
Maybe he was celebrating his KENNEDY CENTER honor.
Posted
5:19 PM
by Gene
"The only two he sent," Skip Rutherford, president of the Clinton Presidential Foundation, which is raising money for the library, said on Monday. One of them may not actually qualify for electronic communication because it was a test to see if the commander in chief knew how to push the button on an e-mail. Fooling around with interns was obviously easier.
Posted
11:10 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:07 AM
by Gene
: CNN says Dean is ahead of Kerry in delegates. Go figure. Third time's the charm, so repeat after me, Buzz: CNN SAYS DEAN IS AHEAD OF KERRY IN DELEGATES. GO FIGURE.
Posted
10:58 AM
by Gene
His SKIN is not the least of our worries.
Posted
10:06 AM
by Gene
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9:42 AM
by Gene
(At least I have related links.) $500 BILLION FOR GOOGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
...for those who want to be the LAST to know.
Posted
9:23 AM
by Gene
Saddam Hussein rewarded his/her foreign friends.... Chalk up another 300 trillion hits for PROF!!!!!
Posted
8:16 AM
by Gene
The scourge of raaaaaaadi-O! Ayn' eiyf ya hate mah staaSHUNS, Ah'll teayll ya wheayhre tuh GO!
Posted
6:51 AM
by Gene
And some people need more reminding than others.
Posted
6:29 AM
by Gene
Among all the zillions of words of PR blather about the greatest beauty of the age, this has the ring of truth. Tuesday, January 27, 2004
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5:48 PM
by Gene
I just got my latest copy of the Collectors' Choice Music catalogue, and it's filled with "niche" albums selling for $20 and up, recordings whose contents long ago paid for themselves, a good many of them from Warner Music's Rhino label. Maybe such gouging will pay for the LBO, JUNIOR, but at a heavy cost. You wonder why people file-share?
Posted
5:32 PM
by Gene
Rog, we KNOW you meant to flatter your boss (or should we say, YOUR BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), but there's just one problem -- lots of people think YOUR BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S masterpiece is one of the worst movies of all time.
Posted
3:36 PM
by Gene
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3:28 PM
by Gene
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3:01 PM
by Gene
And let us not forget, a helluva lot more people watched Milton Berle than HBO. P. S. Prof's moronic co-production had a COLD the day he wrote that genius. You can't write well on a cold -- and bad thinking is infectious too. P. P. S. Or here's another way of putting it: to us, "The Golden Age of Television" doesn't look so good. How would our platinum age look to our grandparents?
Posted
2:51 PM
by Gene
THEY KNEW.
Posted
2:41 PM
by Gene
![]() Before the long queue of talk-show loudmouths stretching out into infinity, there was Jack Paar, shy, self-effacing, low-key, high-strung, intelligent, neurotic, everyone's electronic friend, who quit way way too early because the traits that made for a successful career, the disdain for your audience, the irritating brashness, the bad bad jokes, weren't in him, and despite an all-too-brief career, by getting out when he did, he assured that everyone would remember him for what he was -- the quintessential good guy. RIP.
Posted
2:00 PM
by Gene
Almost as much as it costs to elect a president.
Posted
10:01 AM
by Gene
AND THE WINNER IS®... CGI Tolkien. He did the BEEEEEEEEEOOOOO. Who else?
Posted
6:42 AM
by Gene
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6:34 AM
by Gene
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6:28 AM
by Gene
Why is it when NEWS HACKS report such stories you can feel them glow with pride? Two-word answer: Ellen Goodman.
Posted
6:21 AM
by Gene
A CLINT EASTWOOD REPUBLICAN: Or a Dennis Miller Republican, I suppose. That would be me. What happened to the SOUTH PARK REPUBLICAN???????????? Monday, January 26, 2004
Posted
5:24 PM
by Gene
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2:46 PM
by Gene
Gotta get it up to TEN THOUSAND!!!!! Of course the problem with trash cans as an advertising medium is...never mind.
Posted
10:57 AM
by Gene
You need a cover blurb, Shel? And the thing is, YOU MISSPELLED LIEBLING'S NAME.
Posted
10:46 AM
by Gene
This worthless typing will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Jim.
Posted
8:42 AM
by Gene
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8:32 AM
by Gene
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8:29 AM
by Gene
Yes, Puerto Rico, Mexico, Brazil, Bolivia....
Posted
8:24 AM
by Gene
Laugh line of the day: "I can't remember the last time I read a trashy novel." REALLY? You've lived one.
Posted
8:19 AM
by Gene
Isn't that a little, uh, redundant? Sunday, January 25, 2004
Posted
7:36 PM
by Gene
Six of one....
Posted
7:31 PM
by Gene
I'd call this a mark of courage, but they'd probably boycott Dubya too, which means it's a mark of zero.
Posted
7:17 PM
by Gene
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7:15 PM
by Gene
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9:30 AM
by Gene
The Marx Brothers could have made this into a movie. Or Gov. Ridge.
Posted
9:26 AM
by Gene
I think a better headline would be "N.H. vote decided by unhinged."
Posted
9:05 AM
by Gene
Saturday, January 24, 2004
Posted
8:04 PM
by Gene
The theological pretzel of Islam grows tighter and tighter.
Posted
5:37 PM
by Gene
But he didn't really need a helmet. Isn't that the sport of CANADA, by the way?
Posted
3:33 PM
by Gene
He's waiting for a more PROFITABLE deal. Calling KEN FELATTA! Calling KEN FELATTA!
Posted
3:21 PM
by Gene
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12:28 PM
by Gene
[L]ess than half of Europeans believe that a war — any war — can ever be just. Let's see you say that under the HAMMER AND SICKLE or a SWASTIKA.
Posted
12:20 PM
by Gene
Do I hear the Dems doin' the TURKEY TROT today?
Posted
12:18 PM
by Gene
Maybe this is why he didn't say "It is as it was as it should be as it would be as it might be as it may be, etc., etc., etc."
Posted
8:28 AM
by Gene
10,418 WORDS. Such posting hasn't hurt its popularity, but how many people really want to slog through 10,000 words, half of them quotes from other sources, the rest of the well-it-is-or-it-isn't variety, to get at a nugget of wisdom they could grasp in TEN WORDS? I'm starting to resent the Fortune 500 bloggers, who now seem to believe that with their sheer MEGATONNAGE of VERBIAGE they can dominate blogging, and shut everyone else out.
Posted
8:14 AM
by Gene
If PARIS can do it, so can PSYCHO. Although I'll bet in a pinch she could scream better. Friday, January 23, 2004
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6:20 PM
by Gene
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5:40 PM
by Gene
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5:32 PM
by Gene
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2:43 PM
by Gene
Sure it wasn't the warts in your HEAD?
Posted
2:00 PM
by Gene
Does that mean we won't be able to call politics "show business for ugly people" any more?
Posted
12:36 PM
by Gene
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11:45 AM
by Gene
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11:42 AM
by Gene
Rumor: OBL IN CUSTODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Alexa: No data available. Yep, cheap rumor mongering by no-name Web sites DOES cure cancer, GLENN.
Posted
11:16 AM
by Gene
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11:05 AM
by Gene
Hey Mike? Can't you be too rich also?
Posted
10:51 AM
by Gene
And replace him with who? Robert Reich?
Posted
8:56 AM
by Gene
![]() The world's tallest high-tech nail file; ![]() The world's tallest high-tech electric razor; ![]() Four...three...two...one...LIFTOFF! ![]() The world biggest teepee -- in London; ![]() Earth to Bugs Bunny! Come in, Bugs Bunny! Over! ARCHITECTURE -- MARCHES ON!
Posted
6:52 AM
by Gene
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6:45 AM
by Gene
Thursday, January 22, 2004
Posted
5:06 PM
by Gene
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5:03 PM
by Gene
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2:23 PM
by Gene
![]() Every time I've gone to the New York Daily News' site this picture's been, uh, sticking out at me. I am compelled to put the lady down because of her 20-octave (or whatever the former Mr. Mariah said it was) screeching, and her flop in the movies, and her slightly vapid face, and a horizontal belly button (as I noted before) that really must hide behind a curtain. But then I notice the artful -- uh, pose; and in looking up this picture in Yahoo! News I found the lady's been condemned by the sex-with-goats brigade in Malaysia for promoting "immoral values." So I guess she isn't all that bad.
Posted
2:09 PM
by Gene
That primal scream's sort of difficult without it.
Posted
12:26 PM
by Gene
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11:51 AM
by Gene
--Me, July 30. In the U.S., moviegoing has ceased to be a national habit for just about everyone but teenagers and film professionals. --Some ad-blurb copywriter from the Village Voice with a first initial of J., in the LALATimes, TODAY. Of course HE knows better than I do.
Posted
11:13 AM
by Gene
![]() SIT DOWN, Gen. FLIP-FLOP LOUDMOUTH APPEASER McCLELLAN. When's your primal-scream moment coming? P. S. Was that sign supposed to have a cleavage?
Posted
11:07 AM
by Gene
Isn't it FRUSTRATING when people no longer capitalize your pronoun?
Posted
10:56 AM
by Gene
![]() BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! NO TO BABIES!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
9:54 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:34 AM
by Gene
VINCE! WHY NOT SELL THE @#$%&* NAMING RIGHTS AND PAY THE @#$%&* ATHLETES!
Posted
9:31 AM
by Gene
You also warned the Senate and Norman Thomas's grandson we'd lose in Iraq -- and of course you played a bold and noble effort to warn us of September 11. SHUT UP, Langley, and go back to your classified crossword puzzles.
Posted
8:30 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:26 AM
by Gene
I did not want to comment on this because BUZZ T. brought it up first, but his dear friend ZON JR. thought it not altogether a bad idea that PSYCHO screamed; after all, at least he had some intensity. But the line between intensity and raging lunacy is perhaps a finer one than either PSYCHO or his inspiration the vile Sen. Harkin may have realized.
Posted
6:21 AM
by Gene
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Posted
7:44 PM
by Gene
I think I made a mistake when, in my understated way, I originally described The Producers as "the greatest show in history." It is the greatest show in history—as long as you know who are in it. A BLITHERING IDIOT, PART DEUX: On the night I attended, the send-up of the most famous line in 42nd Street, for example, was no longer greeted with its usual belly laugh. "You’re going out there a silly, hysterical queen," Carmen Ghia orders the faux stage-shy Roger DeBris, "and you’re coming back a great big passing-for-straight Broadway star!" A few of us were on the floor, but it passed the Japanese, among others, by. A BLITHERING IDIOT, PART TROIS: There are "good seats" on sale for much less than $100, of course. But they are believed to be in the vicinity of the Brooklyn Bridge. (Binoculars may be rented.) Now, though tourists will pay practically anything, it seems, to see the original stars in The Producers, the public ain’t dumb. That’s why the "Welcome back, Nathan and Matthew, once-in-a-lifetime (positively our final offer!)" $1,500 ticket for the New Year’s Eve performance of the show didn’t sell. People weren’t buying it—just as they won’t rush to see this once-golden show when it’s "starring" Fred Applegate. WHO HELPED CREATE THOSE $1,500 TICKETS??????????? And finally, A BLITHERING IDIOT, PART QUATRE: May Mr. Landesman live to be 120, but "the show is good, the audiences are bad" will no doubt be written on his tombstone. Buddy, someone will "write" "THE GREATEST SHOW IN HISTORY" on YOURS. (Link corrected 9/1/2008)
Posted
7:31 PM
by Gene
...[G]lobal brands including Nike were favoured by consumers in developing countries because they represented a guarantee of quality in markets where basic standards were not always guaranteed. Coca-Cola, for example, was seen as being a brand that used clean water in preparing its soft drinks. So much for Mecca-Cola. P. S. If PROF picks this up I expect him to have a HEH® moment.
Posted
5:50 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:31 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:28 PM
by Gene
HEH® will you cut me a break?
Posted
2:51 PM
by Gene
We're in a state of war -- so let's test students for drugs!
Posted
1:48 PM
by Gene
Democratic presidential candidates are encountering a cast of characters who pop up to ask embarrassing questions. Well somebody has to do it, if it won't be news hacks.
Posted
6:48 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:26 AM
by Gene
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Posted
4:36 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:02 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:39 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:27 PM
by Gene
Were we speaking to Larry Kudlow today?
Posted
1:17 PM
by Gene
Translation: He's written a laundry list. Again.
Posted
1:10 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:08 PM
by Gene
1. Does America really want a President from Massachusetts? and 2. Do we really want Dubya for a second term? Decisions, decisions.
Posted
12:55 PM
by Gene
On the first three DVDs alone you'll see Orson Welles* (yes, and singing and dancing, too), John Wayne*, James Stewart*, Frank Sinatra*, Peggy Lee*, Woody Allen, Bill Cosby, Bob Hope*, Bob Newhart, Rosemary Clooney*, Roy Rogers* and Dale Evans* (who are mercilessly ridiculed by Don Rickles), Petula Clark, Paul Lynde*, George Gobel* and Buddy Hackett*. Each asterisk (mine) equals dead, and if not one of them could be replaced, think of a whole generation (or several generations) of them. This is one of the many reasons show-biz NEWS HACKS get my dander up. Today's genius trumps this? Highly unlikely. We miss ya, Dino.
Posted
12:47 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:52 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:47 AM
by Gene
Is this going to be a yearly thing?
Posted
11:42 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:39 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:36 AM
by Gene
I hereby demote PRESIDENT DAMN! to Governor. And unless PSYCHO stages a comeback, this is a two-horse race, and will be decided long before the convention -- just the way news hacks always want it. Me, I'm sticking with Dippity-DO! Monday, January 19, 2004
Posted
8:19 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:22 PM
by Gene
Isn't that what bloggers are for?
Posted
4:19 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:10 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:07 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:06 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:48 PM
by Gene
Plenty -- if you're Google.
Posted
8:08 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:01 AM
by Gene
A new film about the Rosenbergs probes a horror that has yet to heal. Earth to Ken, Earth to Ken: both the Rosenbergs were involved in espionage -- against US. But the nice thing about whining in print like this is that you confirm you're right, which, in the end, is the only thing news hacks can do. And I thought Kenneth Turan had marginally more sense than the average ad-blurb copywriter, whose quota is zero. P. S. In the East Coast Times, which recently went into profitable denial over Walter Duranty, the story has a happy ending. Figures. Sunday, January 18, 2004
Posted
10:05 PM
by Gene
Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwell! ''That we impute meaning and purpose to things that are totally adventitious or accidental; that there is no God; that there just is; that there's no life after death.'' Except, of course, there was a god -- the god of Gerry. That god failed. Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... I think I see why BUZZ melodramatizes. Barely.
Posted
8:59 PM
by Gene
Posted
7:11 PM
by Gene
They don't have to worry: this administration's had Ka-CHING! written all over it from day one.
Posted
7:04 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:20 PM
by Gene
I'd love to pose a question to the CEOs of CVS, Mickey D's, etc., etc., the whole misbegotten lot: What's your least favorite kind of music -- music that would have you climbing the walls and screaming in pain? And after listening to the answers I'd ask, well, why do you inflict such music on us?
Posted
4:39 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:35 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:58 PM
by Gene
I can see these two meeting now: "Hello, Dr. Dean." "Hello, Dr. Carter." (Nudge nudge.)
Posted
1:35 PM
by Gene
Like Saddam, like the Baghdad bomber.
Posted
1:32 PM
by Gene
I really do believe that when a columnist becomes predictable enough to read without reading, he should be fired, whatever his politics.
Posted
10:15 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:25 AM
by Gene
If only that would happen with every overhyped reel of future guitar picks plugged by BLUNDER.
Posted
9:15 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:08 AM
by Gene
Did you get your FREE TICKETS?
Posted
8:07 AM
by Gene
THIS is what IPOs are for, Buzz.
Posted
8:01 AM
by Gene
Saturday, January 17, 2004
Posted
7:14 PM
by Gene
How interesting: the Times buries the excellent news. Howie! We need your hair shirt!
Posted
5:41 PM
by Gene
What's bad news for EisnerCorp is good news for America. P. S. Of course the ad-blurb copywriters praised it.
Posted
1:01 PM
by Gene
Which goes to prove, again, that AC is a 50-carat cubic-zirconia diamond on a pile of doggie doo.
Posted
12:14 PM
by Gene
That's why you have SCANDALS, GanNETt.
Posted
10:11 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:58 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:17 AM
by Gene
OR: "Mr. Jackson, you have started out on the wrong foot here," the judge said. "I want to advise you that I will not put up with that. It's an insult to the court." Insult? He was moonwalking!
Posted
8:56 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:37 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:20 AM
by Gene
Now once we get that national fee collector -- BANK, does that mean half the sports arenas in America will be named for the same fee collector? P. S. "The building where the Boston Bruins play and where Britney Spears lip-syncs...." Definitely not the GAH-den. P. P. S. This particular fee collector is happily wasting $100 million on naming rights for a stadium in Charlotte, the day after it announced it was happily flushing at least $174 million down the toilet on the Italian consumer products quagmire Parmalat. Happily it can finance both strokes of business genius by RAISING FEES.
Posted
8:08 AM
by Gene
Posted
7:36 AM
by Gene
Posted
7:32 AM
by Gene
"George Harrison's music spoke to the heart and soul of my generation," said the judge, who probably wept as he spoke. What an ass. He could get a job as an editor at GanNETt. Will the gheetar be cremated? Or will it pop up somewhere else in a few years? Friday, January 16, 2004
Posted
5:12 PM
by Gene
Oh oh! News hacks and Democrats are going to have a TANTRUM!!!!!!!!!!!! Do I hear our honorable FIRST AMENDMENT DEFENDERS and their POLITICAL HACK CLONES using words like COURT PACKING?!?!?!?!? It was your fault. YOU BORKED FIRST.
Posted
3:11 PM
by Gene
HEH®. Have you two companies thought of merging?
Posted
2:00 PM
by Gene
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S. lawmakers said on Friday the Pentagon's inspector general had told them it was investigating possible criminal violations in connection with oil service company Halliburton's fuel imports to Iraq. The three Democratic lawmakers.... BIAS? WHAT BIAS?
Posted
1:58 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:01 AM
by Gene
A circus without animal acts has one advantage, though.
Posted
10:43 AM
by Gene
"A wide screen just makes a bad film twice as bad." -Samuel Goldwyn I wonder what he'd have said about Dolby®.
Posted
10:34 AM
by Gene
I think we need Mr. Peabody's wayback machine to figure out the last time something like this happened.
Posted
10:21 AM
by Gene
Thursday, January 15, 2004
Posted
6:53 PM
by Gene
Does anyone remember Atari?
Posted
5:44 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:36 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:17 PM
by Gene
But you have to admit, suicide bombing is like a good cry -- it sure does feel good! Also Thursday, the Palestinian parliament approved a $1.69 billion budget for the year -- more than twice projected revenues -- in hopes foreign aid will make up the difference. Nothing a few Euros from the Jew-hating French can't solve. Donor countries, who have propped up the Palestinian budget during more than three years of Mideast fighting, are demanding financial reform in the Palestinian Authority. Pffh-hh-hh-ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
3:51 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:43 PM
by Gene
And you've come to just the RIGHT EXPERT in needless deaths.
Posted
1:53 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:51 PM
by Gene
: Low Culture asks, if your blog were a TV channel, which channel would it be? On the basis of your previous post, I'd say EVERY CHANNEL TIME WARNER, EISNERCORP, VIACON AND RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OWN.
Posted
1:37 PM
by Gene
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1:27 PM
by Gene
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1:22 PM
by Gene
During the college bowl season (bowls? What are bowls?) NEWS HACKS go out of their way to obscure the real names of the games; thus the FedEx Bowl becomes the Orange Bowl, the Tostitos Bowl the Fiesta Bowl. Every time these idiots do a story on Halliburton you'd think Dick Cheney FOUNDED the damn thing. Why not just rename it CheneyCorp, idiots, and be done with it?
Posted
1:18 PM
by Gene
What this country needs is all the people who purchase it acquiring holes in their heads.
Posted
6:17 AM
by Gene
I was hoping at least one candidate would stand for honest graft. Now we have an all-male race. What do you intend to do about it, NEWS HACKS? Wednesday, January 14, 2004
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6:49 PM
by Gene
Will you stop talking about CONVERSATIONS, Buzz? The only person you want to talk to is YOURSELF. (PLUS one of his intrepid readers introduces me to a blog that follows big blogs. I can find them myself, THANK you.)
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5:42 PM
by Gene
I found this through (ahem) NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
5:03 PM
by Gene
OR: William Harrison, the chief of J.P. Morgan, has been criticized for the Chase's acquisition of J.P. Morgan and the lackluster results and huge layoffs that have followed. Translation: One good merger deserves another!
Posted
1:53 PM
by Gene
I wonder how many people at the Reut would volunteer to be martyrs. The number is not zero.
Posted
1:26 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:46 AM
by Gene
Maybe he remembered his TWX options again. A few more days like this and he'll invent a new cliche: "I blogged from the wrong side of bed this morning."
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9:40 AM
by Gene
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6:55 AM
by Gene
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6:45 AM
by Gene
Can't Dubya do anything without spending money? Tuesday, January 13, 2004
Posted
7:03 PM
by Gene
David Tyner, a graduate student at Queen's University, looks over an ice fort some fellow students had constructed along the shoreline of Lake Ontario in Kingston, Ont., Tues., Jan. 13, 2004. (AP PHOTO/Michael Lea) Who says you don't learn anything in college? You can learn to be an Eskimo.
Posted
6:54 PM
by Gene
Translation: "If the GOVERNOR thinks he can outpander me HE'S GOT ANOTHER THINK COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Posted
5:41 PM
by Gene
Here's a blogger who doesn't need newspapers, Vir-GIN-ia. And we're still blubbering of "rights," another indication 9/11 was a psychic pinprick.
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5:34 PM
by Gene
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3:37 PM
by Gene
Our greatest fears become reality every time Hollywood makes a movie or TV show.
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1:51 PM
by Gene
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1:35 PM
by Gene
When NEWS HACKS flatter show-biz they flatter themselves.
Posted
1:28 PM
by Gene
: Spalding Gray missing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Emphasis added.] WOW!!!!! That's big news to be picking it up in an ELEVATOR, Buzz!!!!! Meantime Americans outside the Big Media and Bigger Bloggers Zone wonder, Spalding Who?
Posted
1:24 PM
by Gene
Hey Dick ADVERTISEMENT Corliss! No one ever got hurt watching your favorite movie!
Posted
1:07 PM
by Gene
Does kissing up to the unions qualify as foreign-policy experience?
Posted
1:02 PM
by Gene
Free tickets say the answer is yes.
Posted
12:23 PM
by Gene
Two hits today.
Posted
11:01 AM
by Gene
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6:55 AM
by Gene
![]() YOU want to be president, Ben? What would be your first order of business? To turn the White House into a sound stage so you could make all sorts of annoying commercials?
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6:54 AM
by Gene
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6:27 AM
by Gene
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6:25 AM
by Gene
How's Dr. Mengele doing?
Posted
6:22 AM
by Gene
But its two crew members are safe, shucks. What a bad way for news hacks to start the day. Monday, January 12, 2004
Posted
6:20 PM
by Gene
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5:42 PM
by Gene
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3:04 PM
by Gene
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10:48 AM
by Gene
And our Nazis are worse than theirs!
Posted
10:25 AM
by Gene
Deford frequently uses breathtaking overstatement to portray athletes and their accomplishments -- such as forever, never, greatest ever, most unique and one of a kind. Sports? He could have reviewed The Producers.
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