THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, January 31, 2004
TRANSLATION: I didn't like what "they" did to Slick because he was a liberal Democrat. I don't like what Dubya's doing with intelligence because he's a conservative Republican. When will columnists realize most people don't read their junk on paper anymore, and the Internet makes them such fast thinkers they can now smell a bad argument from ten miles off?
Assuming Dippity-DO Botox® becomes the Dems' nominee (just like assuming PSYCHO! would), we must not assume it will be a rollover, as he'll have BLUE COUNTRY, WOMEN (who seem increasingly to shudder at the word CONSERVATIVE) and NEWS HACKS. He'll also have DUBYA, the Tax-Cut-and-Spend Candidate. He'll also have THE UNDERGROUND VICE-PRESIDENT. He'll also (assuming he wins) have a Republican Congress, so he'd better count on PAYBACK.
One of the great strokes of what NEWS HACKS call GENIUS, an outstanding PR campaign that probably saved USA Okay (unfortunately), was ITS SUPER BOWL AD-WATCHING BLITZ, where the paper encouraged its readers to view the game for the ads, hoping that some of its goodwill to the sponsors would rub off on IT. GanNETt headquarters is no doubt full of incriminating memos from SOB and other corporate cretins encouraging the PR. I suspect Okay (and I'm sorry to use this line again) paid more attention to SUPERBOWL ADS than to OSAMA before 9/11. It is now apparent NEWS HACKS will stop at NOTHING to turn their vehicles of TRUTH and RIGHTEOUSNESS into wall-to-wall advertising and promotion. (I do not include their campaigning for liberal and Democratic causes, which counts, of course, as NEWS.) We're WAITING, SOB, for another DISHONEST COLUMN bewailing the collapse in your READERSHIP.
Bob Novak alleges that ANOTHER Lousianan, Sen. Breaux, will take over from JACK!
At least THIS guy doesn't look like a used-car salesman. But I can't wait for him to defend JACK's SECRET-recipe ALPHABET SOUP -- or going after FILE SHARERS.
AND THANKS FOR THE ORIGINAL REPORTING, BOB!
At least THIS guy doesn't look like a used-car salesman. But I can't wait for him to defend JACK's SECRET-recipe ALPHABET SOUP -- or going after FILE SHARERS.
AND THANKS FOR THE ORIGINAL REPORTING, BOB!
He takes the ball and goes home
: Michael Wolff didn't manage to buy New York Magazine and so he quit to go to Vanity Fair.
I'll apply for his old job.
Hey BUZZ! I thought PRINT was OBSOLETE!!!!!
: Michael Wolff didn't manage to buy New York Magazine and so he quit to go to Vanity Fair.
I'll apply for his old job.
Hey BUZZ! I thought PRINT was OBSOLETE!!!!!
"SENATOR KERRY HAS TAKEN INDIVIDUAL CONTRIBUTIONS FROM LOBBYISTS, BUT THAT HAS NOT STOPPED HIM FROM FIGHTING AGAINST SPECIAL INTERESTS ON BEHALF OF AVERAGE AMERICANS!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Keep an eye on these bozos. It isn't too much of rhetorical leap from boasting of how many Israelis the 72-Virgin Brigade has killed to how many Americans, British, Australians, etc., etc., etc. you've killed.
One thing's clear: they've earned the admiration of the Stalins of America's universities.
One thing's clear: they've earned the admiration of the Stalins of America's universities.
Here's a new way to show our bias -- by citing someone we agree with who doesn't have the slightest connection to a story. What does HISTORY'S GREATEST EX-PRESIDENT have to do with the teaching of evolution, except that he agrees with us?
See there's this ad, then there's another ad, and we have to put SOMETHING between the ads, so....
This is the same Knight Ridder Philly Division that tried shaking down Hearst on comic strips. And where would the money saved go? To pay the hacks more to put in even more irritating typing between the ads.
I'll say it again: when the next Osama comes, and he comes again from nowhere, this will be one reason why.
BONUS KNIGHT RIDDER MORON POINTS: This related story made THE FRONT PAGE due to its PC angle. It almost makes me yearn for the days when Walter Annenberg sicced his henchmen on Milton J. Shapp.
I am also convinced KR has an IN on the whole business and have complained by e-mail to the Inky's OMBUDSPOOP. (Pffh-hh-hh hh hh ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!)
This is the same Knight Ridder Philly Division that tried shaking down Hearst on comic strips. And where would the money saved go? To pay the hacks more to put in even more irritating typing between the ads.
I'll say it again: when the next Osama comes, and he comes again from nowhere, this will be one reason why.
BONUS KNIGHT RIDDER MORON POINTS: This related story made THE FRONT PAGE due to its PC angle. It almost makes me yearn for the days when Walter Annenberg sicced his henchmen on Milton J. Shapp.
I am also convinced KR has an IN on the whole business and have complained by e-mail to the Inky's OMBUDSPOOP. (Pffh-hh-hh hh hh ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!)
Friday, January 30, 2004
Those who know the TRUTH about how life developed on earth should answer this question: how many times have scientists changed their tune about how old the universe is?
As it approaches the IPO, the once "lovable" Google Corporation becomes a mirror image of EisnerCorp and the RIAA.
$750 BILLION FOR GOOGLE!!!!!
$750 BILLION FOR GOOGLE!!!!!
PROF always badmouths e-voting, but whether he likes it or not it's the wave of the future. It had better be. Whatever e-voting's flaws now, if the 2000 presidential debacle proved anything it's that we can't rely on mechanical counters and cards much longer.
My campaign may be through, but I'm not finished pandering!!!!!
Gen. McClellan, I think it's time to take Douglas MacArthur's advice and just faaaaaaaaaaade away.
Gen. McClellan, I think it's time to take Douglas MacArthur's advice and just faaaaaaaaaaade away.
EXCELLENT NEWS FOR KNEE-JERK CONSERVATIVES!!!!!!!!!! Mr. Liberal-Bias-on-the-Right, John Stossel, may be THE SOLE ANCHORPOOP on 20/20!!!!!!!!!! HE'LL SHOW 'EM a right-winger who's not a conservative can be just as cement-headed as Pee-TAH!!!!!!!!!!
P. S. I'd have posted the happy news sooner except that somebody HACKED ShowBIZData.com, and in a most unpleasant manner. Or to put it this way, it was related to what spammers are always saying they'll lengthen and thicken.
P. S. I'd have posted the happy news sooner except that somebody HACKED ShowBIZData.com, and in a most unpleasant manner. Or to put it this way, it was related to what spammers are always saying they'll lengthen and thicken.
NRO has unearthed a classic from that classic Florence King, who apparently does not write anymore. Where did you go, o rare Miss King?
J.LO 'INTERVIEW' WAS FAKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (RUPERTIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! emphasis added.)
So what? Nearly all celebrity PR is faked.
So what? Nearly all celebrity PR is faked.
It's nice to think NationalJournal.com subscribers pay $75,000 a year to provide the salary so William Powers can write filler like this.
Is it the Dippity-Do® working of Sen. John F-in' Joosh Kerry's brain -- or the Botox®?
OR:
"WITH 3 MILLION LOST JOBS IN AMERICA AND 500 DEAD SOLDIERS IN IRAQ, YOU'D THINK THAT EVERYBODY WOULD BE TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN BOTOX®!!!!!"
We might, if your boss weren't married to a FORTUNE.
OR:
"WITH 3 MILLION LOST JOBS IN AMERICA AND 500 DEAD SOLDIERS IN IRAQ, YOU'D THINK THAT EVERYBODY WOULD BE TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN BOTOX®!!!!!"
We might, if your boss weren't married to a FORTUNE.
BILL GATES'S FAVORITE MAGAZINE -- it makes any CEO smarter just by SITTING ON THE DESK -- writes an editorial that says nothing (heck, ArtsJournal.com's LINK said more), and the CEOs look at the desk and admire their IQs, and nothing changes.
At least the sycophantic hack Lance Morrow would have had the guts to get SLIGHTLY mad.
At least the sycophantic hack Lance Morrow would have had the guts to get SLIGHTLY mad.
Hmmm, Gen. McClellan sought the support of COPPERHEADS.
I guess the guy thinks he's still in lobbying.
I guess the guy thinks he's still in lobbying.
Front-runner Kerry's record briefly questioned in debate
And if I know our NEWS HACKS, it will be briefly questioned throughout the campaign.
And if I know our NEWS HACKS, it will be briefly questioned throughout the campaign.
Andy S. is UPSET at the desired outcome. In his world, not even RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is a constant.
Thursday, January 29, 2004
The good news is that downtown Houston is starting to come alive at night.
You put in enough CEOs and tax dollars and ANY town will come alive at night.
You put in enough CEOs and tax dollars and ANY town will come alive at night.
Republicans, repeat after me: What's good for ExxonMobil is good for America! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYEW!!!!!
One of USA Okay's idiot publicists urges our already overexposed actresses to show more "cleavage."
Given that the distance is often comparable to North America and Europe I may beg to differ.
Given that the distance is often comparable to North America and Europe I may beg to differ.
Pixar doesn't need EisnerCorp. Indeed, EisnerCorp sullies Pixar's image by being THE WORLD'S LEADING PRODUCER OF FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT.
Now it'll have to go it alone with masterworks like Teacher's Pet.
Winnie the Pooh is next!
Now it'll have to go it alone with masterworks like Teacher's Pet.
Winnie the Pooh is next!
Sixty-Three Percent of Dieters Will Become Gluttons by Super Bowl Kickoff, According to eDiets.com(TM) Survey
Look at all the SPONSORS.
Look at all the SPONSORS.
Vir-GIN-ia discovers what many of us have known for a long time: The Inventor of Blogging is "coy."
Of course you're not too bad yourself when you start with social issues.
Meantime PROF agrees with Buzz agreeing with Mr. Sexy Blogger Man that Mick the K is ON A ROLL. And how do they know? Well, in the last twelve days he's posted 12,000 WORDS.
Of course you're not too bad yourself when you start with social issues.
Meantime PROF agrees with Buzz agreeing with Mr. Sexy Blogger Man that Mick the K is ON A ROLL. And how do they know? Well, in the last twelve days he's posted 12,000 WORDS.
President Bush's new budget will project that the just-enacted prescription drug program and Medicare overhaul will cost a third more than previously estimated....
OH. You said that wouldn't happen, Mr. Tax-Cut-and-Spend.
Or maybe you didn't.
OH. You said that wouldn't happen, Mr. Tax-Cut-and-Spend.
Or maybe you didn't.
Oh goody, a has-been druggie producer fights a has-been alkie "writer"!!!!! Only in Hollywood does a punch in the jaw connect below the belt.
Here's a question: if (or as the NEWS HACKS would say, WHEN) Dippity-DO Botox® is elected Prez, where does he go to church?
Or maybe he goes to a Reform social club; after all, he IS part Joosh (or part Irish, depending on your religion).
Or maybe he goes to a Reform social club; after all, he IS part Joosh (or part Irish, depending on your religion).
Let's swallow hard and admit: CENSORSHIP IS NOT ALWAYS BAD. It wasn't always bad under the Production Code, and with common sense it needn't be bad for video games.
"There's nothing like coming from behind and winning two very important presidential primaries to make somebody look better."
But lots of money and "CLASSIC BAD BOTOX®" can't hurt.
But lots of money and "CLASSIC BAD BOTOX®" can't hurt.
Another frozen-in-cement rule: PROF won't link to a co-production unless his piece is at least 1,562 WORDS.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in St. Warren of Buffett's favorite RAG, whiny crybaby Richard, who probably contemplated Canada the night HIS number came up, salutes a man who came from war to join the trendy boys, and who reaped the rewards of wealth from marriage, more wealth from marriage, free Dippity-Do and Botox®.
Please, Crybaby, resign and become Dippity's spokespoop. You'd be SERVING YOUR COUNTRY.
Please, Crybaby, resign and become Dippity's spokespoop. You'd be SERVING YOUR COUNTRY.
Gen. McClellan uses two hacks to schmooze his way into the Beltway's hearts. The punchline: If he could abscond with this much in ill-gotten gains, think what he can do for YOU.
He was quite friendly with Vice-President EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL. I guess that's -- DEALING WITH THE ENEMY.
SLEAZEBALL GUMBO's gonna have a BAD day today.
He was quite friendly with Vice-President EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL. I guess that's -- DEALING WITH THE ENEMY.
SLEAZEBALL GUMBO's gonna have a BAD day today.
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
Here is what THE MASTER meant when he said, "Sir, there is no setting the point of precedency between a louse and a flea." In this case, there is no setting the point of precedency between a man who'd inspire parents to yell, "Lock up your daughters!", and another who'd inspire them to yell, "Lock up your sons!"
It is not unreasonable to think the same intelligence community that couldn't crack 9/11 couldn't crack Saddam's weapons program. But neither is it unreasonable to think that Saddam posed a threat to mankind so long as he retained power. Sorry tantrum throwers, the war was justified.
Bloggers who devote sites to following individual news hacks (that clown who follows Paul "Fun with Numbers" Krugman comes to mind) are yet another definition of GET A LIFE!!!!!
And PROF, The Man who Invented Blogging, gets QUOTED HERE! Another INSTASPIKE!
And PROF, The Man who Invented Blogging, gets QUOTED HERE! Another INSTASPIKE!
The boss of The Man who Invented the Internet sent TWO E-MAILS!
"The only two he sent," Skip Rutherford, president of the Clinton Presidential Foundation, which is raising money for the library, said on Monday.
One of them may not actually qualify for electronic communication because it was a test to see if the commander in chief knew how to push the button on an e-mail.
Fooling around with interns was obviously easier.
"The only two he sent," Skip Rutherford, president of the Clinton Presidential Foundation, which is raising money for the library, said on Monday.
One of them may not actually qualify for electronic communication because it was a test to see if the commander in chief knew how to push the button on an e-mail.
Fooling around with interns was obviously easier.
And on another exit of the great Forbes 400 Superblogger highway, PROF says the Beeb's in "meltdown." Judging from the BIG FOUR it's been in "meltdown" since the war began. It should have melted by now. SHUT UP, BIG FOUR.
: CNN says Dean is ahead of Kerry in delegates. Go figure....
: CNN says Dean is ahead of Kerry in delegates. Go figure.
Third time's the charm, so repeat after me, Buzz: CNN SAYS DEAN IS AHEAD OF KERRY IN DELEGATES. GO FIGURE.
: CNN says Dean is ahead of Kerry in delegates. Go figure.
Third time's the charm, so repeat after me, Buzz: CNN SAYS DEAN IS AHEAD OF KERRY IN DELEGATES. GO FIGURE.
Speaking of Hair Helmet, all the usual gang of idiots is in a furor because WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!! is guessing he used Botox®.
His SKIN is not the least of our worries.
His SKIN is not the least of our worries.
GREAT JOB, GOOGLE! Under my "related links" you list something called THE HORROR WRITERS ASSOCIATION -- LOS ANGELES!
(At least I have related links.)
$500 BILLION FOR GOOGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(At least I have related links.)
$500 BILLION FOR GOOGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Homeland Security to offer e-mails with cyber warnings
...for those who want to be the LAST to know.
...for those who want to be the LAST to know.
The international-affairs expert PROF links to a Google translation of a story in Le Monde, whose first line reads:
Saddam Hussein rewarded his/her foreign friends....
Chalk up another 300 trillion hits for PROF!!!!!
Saddam Hussein rewarded his/her foreign friends....
Chalk up another 300 trillion hits for PROF!!!!!
"[W]e have to remind ourselves of exactly what it was like that day."
And some people need more reminding than others.
And some people need more reminding than others.
Nicole's spokespoop says, "She doesn't have or use text messaging....I don't even think she knows how."
Among all the zillions of words of PR blather about the greatest beauty of the age, this has the ring of truth.
Among all the zillions of words of PR blather about the greatest beauty of the age, this has the ring of truth.
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
If BusinessWeek is to be believed -- and being a CW rag that helped convince the world the Trump was worth umpteen billions, it often is not -- with their penchant to sue sue sue the geniuses of the music trade have pushed file-swapping underground, to encrypted networks.
I just got my latest copy of the Collectors' Choice Music catalogue, and it's filled with "niche" albums selling for $20 and up, recordings whose contents long ago paid for themselves, a good many of them from Warner Music's Rhino label. Maybe such gouging will pay for the LBO, JUNIOR, but at a heavy cost. You wonder why people file-share?
I just got my latest copy of the Collectors' Choice Music catalogue, and it's filled with "niche" albums selling for $20 and up, recordings whose contents long ago paid for themselves, a good many of them from Warner Music's Rhino label. Maybe such gouging will pay for the LBO, JUNIOR, but at a heavy cost. You wonder why people file-share?
Oscars®: 'Rings' Is 2004's 'Titanic' [Registered-trademark symbol added.]
Rog, we KNOW you meant to flatter your boss (or should we say, YOUR BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), but there's just one problem -- lots of people think YOUR BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S masterpiece is one of the worst movies of all time.
Rog, we KNOW you meant to flatter your boss (or should we say, YOUR BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), but there's just one problem -- lots of people think YOUR BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S masterpiece is one of the worst movies of all time.
I almost hate to say IS ANYBODY OUT THERE?!?!?, but these last few days I've been feeling low, what with one hit, two hits, five hits. As I've said, I'm not giving up with this blog, but I can't content myself forever with an audience that you could count on a hand missing fingers.
In an extension of some hack's burp that Bob Keeshan was DULL, one of PROF's co-productions belches that we're living in A PLATINUM AGE OF TELEVISION, and the very erudite Terry Teachout isn't man enough to truly disagree. Here's the difference: two opposite types of bad. The old days had lots of canned laughter and saccharine sweetness. Today's TV has the sex and the violence and the guttermouths -- what Terry unfortunately calls "candor" -- but at least he has conscience enough to realize (with a certain mealy-mouthedness) that "I’m not so sure I like what it tells us about ourselves." In short, "great" TV sells us a bad message. Does that make it so great? And Terry lists enough reasons to doubt his own conclusions. Ernie Kovacs, Playhouse 90, Your Show of Shows, Toscanini -- maybe today's TV isn't so great after all.
And let us not forget, a helluva lot more people watched Milton Berle than HBO.
P. S. Prof's moronic co-production had a COLD the day he wrote that genius. You can't write well on a cold -- and bad thinking is infectious too.
P. P. S. Or here's another way of putting it: to us, "The Golden Age of Television" doesn't look so good. How would our platinum age look to our grandparents?
And let us not forget, a helluva lot more people watched Milton Berle than HBO.
P. S. Prof's moronic co-production had a COLD the day he wrote that genius. You can't write well on a cold -- and bad thinking is infectious too.
P. P. S. Or here's another way of putting it: to us, "The Golden Age of Television" doesn't look so good. How would our platinum age look to our grandparents?
Hi mullahs? Sammy here. We're going to kill some infidels. Big time. Early September. No I'm not giving you the details, but LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE GONNA DIE. Oh you'll love it. We're gonna make thousands of virgins happy. We're gonna make YOU happy. No gotta hang up now. I'm busy pulling the wings off flies.
THEY KNEW.
THEY KNEW.
Before the long queue of talk-show loudmouths stretching out into infinity, there was Jack Paar, shy, self-effacing, low-key, high-strung, intelligent, neurotic, everyone's electronic friend, who quit way way too early because the traits that made for a successful career, the disdain for your audience, the irritating brashness, the bad bad jokes, weren't in him, and despite an all-too-brief career, by getting out when he did, he assured that everyone would remember him for what he was -- the quintessential good guy. RIP.
Do you have any idea how much it costs to house and feed R. W. 'Johnny' Apple and the rest of the New York Times newsroom in Des Moines for a week?
Almost as much as it costs to elect a president.
Almost as much as it costs to elect a president.
I got four of the five BEST PICTURE OSCAR® NOMINEES right; I didn't get the fifth because 1. the ACADEMY® has a soft spot for little films that nobody sees that get "big" awards produced by Dick Clark, and 2. Gone with the Wind already won one.
AND THE WINNER IS®...
CGI Tolkien. He did the BEEEEEEEEEOOOOO. Who else?
AND THE WINNER IS®...
CGI Tolkien. He did the BEEEEEEEEEOOOOO. Who else?
PROF boasts again. Sorry Prof, I don't think you'll supplant Yahoo! or Google or eBay. But there's always the IPO.
A sanitation worker was crushed to death by the massive mechanical arm of a city garbage truck in Brooklyn yesterday - becoming the first woman killed in the line of duty in the department's history.
Why is it when NEWS HACKS report such stories you can feel them glow with pride?
Two-word answer: Ellen Goodman.
Why is it when NEWS HACKS report such stories you can feel them glow with pride?
Two-word answer: Ellen Goodman.
Andy S. types again:
A CLINT EASTWOOD REPUBLICAN: Or a Dennis Miller Republican, I suppose. That would be me.
What happened to the SOUTH PARK REPUBLICAN????????????
A CLINT EASTWOOD REPUBLICAN: Or a Dennis Miller Republican, I suppose. That would be me.
What happened to the SOUTH PARK REPUBLICAN????????????
Monday, January 26, 2004
"In 1965, 80 percent of 18- to 49-year-olds in the U.S. could be reached with three 60-second TV spots. In 2002, it required 117 prime-time commercials to produce the same result."
Gotta get it up to TEN THOUSAND!!!!!
Of course the problem with trash cans as an advertising medium is...never mind.
Gotta get it up to TEN THOUSAND!!!!!
Of course the problem with trash cans as an advertising medium is...never mind.
KEN FELATTA IS THE A. J. LIEBLING OF OUR TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You need a cover blurb, Shel?
And the thing is, YOU MISSPELLED LIEBLING'S NAME.
You need a cover blurb, Shel?
And the thing is, YOU MISSPELLED LIEBLING'S NAME.
AN ARGUMENT FOR HACKING: The scribblers at AdAge run some word processing about how TV and ad types are allegedly slobbering all over porno "actors," and guess who makes a special-guest-star appearance? THAT MASTER OF SELF-PUBLICITY, PERFESSER THOMPSON.
This worthless typing will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Jim.
This worthless typing will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Jim.
When news hacks try to be different they're often merely the same. This scribbler says Bob Keeshan and Fred Rogers were hopelessly dull and that modern TV does a better job of placating very young children. Obviously this guy never heard of ADHD. He never heard of the "I Hate Barney" clubs or the the ridicule of the Teletubbies either. And what's a news hack's bloviation without a little trendy jargon? "Layered stories" is a code word like "multitasking," which is a code word for confusion. No, Bob Keeshan and Fred Rogers didn't like lies, but they probably didn't like the aggressive half-truths of news hacks, either.
Jihad makes the top-10 in certain Iraqi quarters, but then head loppings, hand loppings, woman beatings and goat buggery do too.
"If he's the nominee, John Kerry believes there are Southern states he can carry."
Yes, Puerto Rico, Mexico, Brazil, Bolivia....
Yes, Puerto Rico, Mexico, Brazil, Bolivia....
Bahbah Wahwah is retiring, sort of, which means not quite as many drippy interviews. But they'll still be coming, so we can still make fun of her zillion-dollar "accent."
Laugh line of the day: "I can't remember the last time I read a trashy novel." REALLY? You've lived one.
Laugh line of the day: "I can't remember the last time I read a trashy novel." REALLY? You've lived one.
Sunday, January 25, 2004
French Greens to boycott Chinese President's address
I'd call this a mark of courage, but they'd probably boycott Dubya too, which means it's a mark of zero.
I'd call this a mark of courage, but they'd probably boycott Dubya too, which means it's a mark of zero.
The Dems' PR types are now touting the E word -- electability. But if PSYCHO seems a little bit less than electable after his war chant, so will Dippity-DO! when the public learns how, uh, MODERATE he is.
An eccentric artist welding a makeshift confetti gun set off a mad terrorism scare in Brooklyn Saturday when the device exploded and police found weapons and maps of the city in his apartment, officials said.
The Marx Brothers could have made this into a movie. Or Gov. Ridge.
The Marx Brothers could have made this into a movie. Or Gov. Ridge.
I HATE writing about the Forbes 400 bloggers, but Buzz forces me into it. He says he'd FIRE MODO (GOT to call her MODO) for writing NONSENSICAL LINES, but I wonder, Buzz -- when you were at EWWWWWWWW!!!!!, would you have fired the dozens and dozens of fawning hacks who plunked their unreadable press releases on your desk? Didn't think so. PLUS he boasts about an op-ed piece in the Newark Star-Ledger. We hedging our bets, Buzz? Isn't PRINT, well, so twentieth-century?
Saturday, January 24, 2004
SO -- Saudi women STILL can't drive cars, but it's okay if they bomb, though if they're lucky they'll meet 72 virgins.
The theological pretzel of Islam grows tighter and tighter.
The theological pretzel of Islam grows tighter and tighter.
Dippity-DO's ready for some HOCKEY!
But he didn't really need a helmet.
Isn't that the sport of CANADA, by the way?
But he didn't really need a helmet.
Isn't that the sport of CANADA, by the way?
OH OH! SLEAZEBALL GUMBO will NOT TAKE OVER FROM JACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's waiting for a more PROFITABLE deal.
Calling KEN FELATTA! Calling KEN FELATTA!
He's waiting for a more PROFITABLE deal.
Calling KEN FELATTA! Calling KEN FELATTA!
The other day Buzz got EXCITED that his dear friend HOWARD is doing a TALK SHOW. Forget it. Howard is no dummy; he knows the only way CNN's biggies LARRY and LOLLIPOP LOU get their stream of guests is by laying off them. (His competitor IMUS the INSIDER knows this too, which explains his repeat customers among the Beltway liars.) So he'll bury his tough question -- ONE tough question -- under a mound of shtick; and his guests, if mortified by the ONE tough question, know in the end they get their PR, he gets his ratings. (Or so he thinks; the POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! seems to forget HOWARD bombed big time with a TV version of his radio show.) The vapid TV celebrity interview remains unchanged.
Another definition of MERDE:
[L]ess than half of Europeans believe that a war — any war — can ever be just.
Let's see you say that under the HAMMER AND SICKLE or a SWASTIKA.
[L]ess than half of Europeans believe that a war — any war — can ever be just.
Let's see you say that under the HAMMER AND SICKLE or a SWASTIKA.
Pope Slams 'Detrimental' Media Portrayal of Sex
Maybe this is why he didn't say "It is as it was as it should be as it would be as it might be as it may be, etc., etc., etc."
Maybe this is why he didn't say "It is as it was as it should be as it would be as it might be as it may be, etc., etc., etc."
PROF glowingly links to another CO-PRODUCTION that in the past THREE DAYS has posted
10,418 WORDS.
Such posting hasn't hurt its popularity, but how many people really want to slog through 10,000 words, half of them quotes from other sources, the rest of the well-it-is-or-it-isn't variety, to get at a nugget of wisdom they could grasp in TEN WORDS? I'm starting to resent the Fortune 500 bloggers, who now seem to believe that with their sheer MEGATONNAGE of VERBIAGE they can dominate blogging, and shut everyone else out.
10,418 WORDS.
Such posting hasn't hurt its popularity, but how many people really want to slog through 10,000 words, half of them quotes from other sources, the rest of the well-it-is-or-it-isn't variety, to get at a nugget of wisdom they could grasp in TEN WORDS? I'm starting to resent the Fortune 500 bloggers, who now seem to believe that with their sheer MEGATONNAGE of VERBIAGE they can dominate blogging, and shut everyone else out.
Oh oh, PSYCHO stages a "comeback"!
If PARIS can do it, so can PSYCHO. Although I'll bet in a pinch she could scream better.
If PARIS can do it, so can PSYCHO. Although I'll bet in a pinch she could scream better.
Friday, January 23, 2004
Sorry, I don't think we'll be able to start a race riot this time, first because this isn't Rodney, and second, I don't think THIS Bush will cower in the Oval Office, and third, given the speed at which this evaporated from the water coolers, because fewer and fewer people are disposed to give a damn.
The practical difference between RUPERTSUMNERMICKEYMOUSENIXONLITTLEJEFFREY controlling 35% or 39% or 45% of total viewers is small, except for all the wonderful deals it would have inspired -- and especially considering that the EXACT SAME KNEE-JERK LOCKSTEP MENTALITY controls 100% OF BIG ENTERTAINMENT.
No, WALTER. Moby and Maggie should SHUT up. Just like YOU should shut up, WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The next big thing for politicians: plastic surgery.
Does that mean we won't be able to call politics "show business for ugly people" any more?
Does that mean we won't be able to call politics "show business for ugly people" any more?
I'll say it again, Madame DeFarge: you're not getting any younger -- and you're definitely not getting any richer.
The latest posted on Free Republic:
Rumor: OBL IN CUSTODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alexa: No data available.
Yep, cheap rumor mongering by no-name Web sites DOES cure cancer, GLENN.
Rumor: OBL IN CUSTODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alexa: No data available.
Yep, cheap rumor mongering by no-name Web sites DOES cure cancer, GLENN.
Bill the Entomologist is giving the League of Nations $1 billion to COMPUTERIZE the WORLD, which means he's donating most of it to the League's kleptocrats.
The widow of the late Dr. Fad Diet wants Honorary Mayor Mike to apologize for calling him a FATTIE.
Hey Mike? Can't you be too rich also?
Hey Mike? Can't you be too rich also?
Forbes insists on displaying prototypes of some of the world's future tallest buildings, to wit:
The world's tallest high-tech nail file;
The world's tallest high-tech electric razor;
Four...three...two...one...LIFTOFF!
The world biggest teepee -- in London;
Earth to Bugs Bunny! Come in, Bugs Bunny! Over!
ARCHITECTURE -- MARCHES ON!
The world's tallest high-tech nail file;
The world's tallest high-tech electric razor;
Four...three...two...one...LIFTOFF!
The world biggest teepee -- in London;
Earth to Bugs Bunny! Come in, Bugs Bunny! Over!
ARCHITECTURE -- MARCHES ON!
PROF's co-production The Conspiracy writes about the LALATimes' article on the Rosenbergs -- two days after I do. And he forgot the other Times' more damning whitewash. But nothing is official on the Web until a Fortune 500 blogger gets it, and earns his 20 billion hits.
Thursday, January 22, 2004
A poll by the American Family Association (headed by the crackpot Donald Wildmon) got FREEPED, which would not be news -- except the RIGHT SIDE did the freeping.
Here's a rebuttal to the loony-leftists and their crocodile-tear-filled 500 pairs of boots in Chicago: half-a-million pairs of shoes in downtown Baghdad.
Every time I've gone to the New York Daily News' site this picture's been, uh, sticking out at me. I am compelled to put the lady down because of her 20-octave (or whatever the former Mr. Mariah said it was) screeching, and her flop in the movies, and her slightly vapid face, and a horizontal belly button (as I noted before) that really must hide behind a curtain. But then I notice the artful -- uh, pose; and in looking up this picture in Yahoo! News I found the lady's been condemned by the sex-with-goats brigade in Malaysia for promoting "immoral values."
So I guess she isn't all that bad.
The movie industry "concentrat[es]...solely on marketing and its core audience of shareholders, movie ad-blurb copywriters, and dumb blind teens."
--Me, July 30.
In the U.S., moviegoing has ceased to be a national habit for just about everyone but teenagers and film professionals.
--Some ad-blurb copywriter from the Village Voice with a first initial of J., in the LALATimes, TODAY.
Of course HE knows better than I do.
--Me, July 30.
In the U.S., moviegoing has ceased to be a national habit for just about everyone but teenagers and film professionals.
--Some ad-blurb copywriter from the Village Voice with a first initial of J., in the LALATimes, TODAY.
Of course HE knows better than I do.
SIT DOWN, Gen. FLIP-FLOP LOUDMOUTH APPEASER McCLELLAN.
When's your primal-scream moment coming?
P. S. Was that sign supposed to have a cleavage?
Further proof the god of Gerry failed -- he's been uninvited to the opening of the TWXsters' Taj Mahal on Columbus Circle.
Isn't it FRUSTRATING when people no longer capitalize your pronoun?
Isn't it FRUSTRATING when people no longer capitalize your pronoun?
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! NO TO BABIES!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Roger Kimball is right, though he essays for The Wall Street Journals Conservative Edition's Let's-Throw-a-Bone-to-the-Cheapies-Who-Won't-Pay-$70-a-Year OpinionJournal; we should always remember the Hitler crew burned books and the Osama crew destroyed some ancient Buddahs in Afghanistan. But we shouldn't let those memories intimidate us from taking a strong stand against morally outrageous (and artistically deficient) "art" -- even to the point of Ambassador Mazel's low-grade vandalism.
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEyew! Looks like the arms race in professional college sports has gone NUCLEAR!
VINCE! WHY NOT SELL THE @#$%&* NAMING RIGHTS AND PAY THE @#$%&* ATHLETES!
VINCE! WHY NOT SELL THE @#$%&* NAMING RIGHTS AND PAY THE @#$%&* ATHLETES!
CIA WARNS OF IRAQ CIVIL WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You also warned the Senate and Norman Thomas's grandson we'd lose in Iraq -- and of course you played a bold and noble effort to warn us of September 11. SHUT UP, Langley, and go back to your classified crossword puzzles.
You also warned the Senate and Norman Thomas's grandson we'd lose in Iraq -- and of course you played a bold and noble effort to warn us of September 11. SHUT UP, Langley, and go back to your classified crossword puzzles.
And just how mentally swift are news hacks? It took them TWO DAYS to figure out what Internet denizens knew -- that PSYCHO'S PRIMAL SCREAM hurt his campaign.
I did not want to comment on this because BUZZ T. brought it up first, but his dear friend ZON JR. thought it not altogether a bad idea that PSYCHO screamed; after all, at least he had some intensity. But the line between intensity and raging lunacy is perhaps a finer one than either PSYCHO or his inspiration the vile Sen. Harkin may have realized.
I did not want to comment on this because BUZZ T. brought it up first, but his dear friend ZON JR. thought it not altogether a bad idea that PSYCHO screamed; after all, at least he had some intensity. But the line between intensity and raging lunacy is perhaps a finer one than either PSYCHO or his inspiration the vile Sen. Harkin may have realized.
Another "respected" wonk factory says California's becoming a low-wage economy, which with all those illegals figures. But THEN you realize the "respected" wonk factory is the HARD LEFT Economic Policy Institute, and once again, you suspect news hacks of being as truthful and eager to accept a psychic bribe as JOHN HEILPERN, and of playing mind games with YOU.
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
A BLITHERING IDIOT PLAYS "TAPS":
I think I made a mistake when, in my understated way, I originally described The Producers as "the greatest show in history." It is the greatest show in history—as long as you know who are in it.
A BLITHERING IDIOT, PART DEUX:
On the night I attended, the send-up of the most famous line in 42nd Street, for example, was no longer greeted with its usual belly laugh. "You’re going out there a silly, hysterical queen," Carmen Ghia orders the faux stage-shy Roger DeBris, "and you’re coming back a great big passing-for-straight Broadway star!" A few of us were on the floor, but it passed the Japanese, among others, by.
A BLITHERING IDIOT, PART TROIS:
There are "good seats" on sale for much less than $100, of course. But they are believed to be in the vicinity of the Brooklyn Bridge. (Binoculars may be rented.) Now, though tourists will pay practically anything, it seems, to see the original stars in The Producers, the public ain’t dumb. That’s why the "Welcome back, Nathan and Matthew, once-in-a-lifetime (positively our final offer!)" $1,500 ticket for the New Year’s Eve performance of the show didn’t sell. People weren’t buying it—just as they won’t rush to see this once-golden show when it’s "starring" Fred Applegate.
WHO HELPED CREATE THOSE $1,500 TICKETS???????????
And finally, A BLITHERING IDIOT, PART QUATRE:
May Mr. Landesman live to be 120, but "the show is good, the audiences are bad" will no doubt be written on his tombstone.
Buddy, someone will "write" "THE GREATEST SHOW IN HISTORY" on YOURS.
(Link corrected 9/1/2008)
I think I made a mistake when, in my understated way, I originally described The Producers as "the greatest show in history." It is the greatest show in history—as long as you know who are in it.
A BLITHERING IDIOT, PART DEUX:
On the night I attended, the send-up of the most famous line in 42nd Street, for example, was no longer greeted with its usual belly laugh. "You’re going out there a silly, hysterical queen," Carmen Ghia orders the faux stage-shy Roger DeBris, "and you’re coming back a great big passing-for-straight Broadway star!" A few of us were on the floor, but it passed the Japanese, among others, by.
A BLITHERING IDIOT, PART TROIS:
There are "good seats" on sale for much less than $100, of course. But they are believed to be in the vicinity of the Brooklyn Bridge. (Binoculars may be rented.) Now, though tourists will pay practically anything, it seems, to see the original stars in The Producers, the public ain’t dumb. That’s why the "Welcome back, Nathan and Matthew, once-in-a-lifetime (positively our final offer!)" $1,500 ticket for the New Year’s Eve performance of the show didn’t sell. People weren’t buying it—just as they won’t rush to see this once-golden show when it’s "starring" Fred Applegate.
WHO HELPED CREATE THOSE $1,500 TICKETS???????????
And finally, A BLITHERING IDIOT, PART QUATRE:
May Mr. Landesman live to be 120, but "the show is good, the audiences are bad" will no doubt be written on his tombstone.
Buddy, someone will "write" "THE GREATEST SHOW IN HISTORY" on YOURS.
(Link corrected 9/1/2008)
The universal loathing of THE GREAT SATAN melts in the face of Nike and Mickey D's. And it seems there's a practical reason for it too:
...[G]lobal brands including Nike were favoured by consumers in developing countries because they represented a guarantee of quality in markets where basic standards were not always guaranteed. Coca-Cola, for example, was seen as being a brand that used clean water in preparing its soft drinks.
So much for Mecca-Cola.
P. S. If PROF picks this up I expect him to have a HEH® moment.
...[G]lobal brands including Nike were favoured by consumers in developing countries because they represented a guarantee of quality in markets where basic standards were not always guaranteed. Coca-Cola, for example, was seen as being a brand that used clean water in preparing its soft drinks.
So much for Mecca-Cola.
P. S. If PROF picks this up I expect him to have a HEH® moment.
I got more hits for trying to fiddle with the color of my font than I got for anything I said!
The forces of reaction strike -- OHIO. BOOOOOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I seem to have run out of clever things to say for the moment, so if I just go
HEH®
will you cut me a break?
HEH®
will you cut me a break?
Bush Says US In State Of War, Calls For Student Drug-Testing In Speech
We're in a state of war -- so let's test students for drugs!
We're in a state of war -- so let's test students for drugs!
Dirty tricks in New Hampshire
Democratic presidential candidates are encountering a cast of characters who pop up to ask embarrassing questions.
Well somebody has to do it, if it won't be news hacks.
Democratic presidential candidates are encountering a cast of characters who pop up to ask embarrassing questions.
Well somebody has to do it, if it won't be news hacks.
PROF boasts (or implies) that Dubya cribbed from his blog. Aren't 2 trillion hits a second enough for you?
There's money afoot in the news biz, and whatever happened (or did not happen) with WACKO and Viacon, it nearly happened with GE Bancorp Network. Which doesn't change the fact that news hacks usually don't need money to be bribed.
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Did anyone notice before the GOVERNOR went on his roll call he mentioned the sleazy Sen. Harkin, that bad guy from a Frank Capra movie? He was standing right behind him. I'm thinking maybe PSYCHO wanted to out-Harkin him, for I can see Tom doing exactly what the GOVERNOR did last night -- and I'll bet he's mighty proud of him.
You can educate, or you can run a professional sports program. You can't do both.
IF Governor's DAMN!'s Web schtick didn't work, what does that say for the Web? What does that say for BLOGS?
Here's what I like about knee-jerks: their knees do the writing. Our religious professor Michael forgets the very "classy" Dick flipflopped on abortion, and of course Sen. Polyester's "SHADY" -- because he's a LAWYER. So was Abe Lincoln, I'm afraid.
Were we speaking to Larry Kudlow today?
Were we speaking to Larry Kudlow today?
This guy gets BIG BUCKS to repeat what he sees on television. Ah, such is the hard life of PUNDITS.
Two questions:
1. Does America really want a President from Massachusetts? and
2. Do we really want Dubya for a second term?
Decisions, decisions.
1. Does America really want a President from Massachusetts? and
2. Do we really want Dubya for a second term?
Decisions, decisions.
Dean Martin's estate is releasing some indifferent videos of his NBC variety show of the sixties, but whatever their quality the news inspires melancholy -- starting with this list of his guest stars:
On the first three DVDs alone you'll see Orson Welles* (yes, and singing and dancing, too), John Wayne*, James Stewart*, Frank Sinatra*, Peggy Lee*, Woody Allen, Bill Cosby, Bob Hope*, Bob Newhart, Rosemary Clooney*, Roy Rogers* and Dale Evans* (who are mercilessly ridiculed by Don Rickles), Petula Clark, Paul Lynde*, George Gobel* and Buddy Hackett*.
Each asterisk (mine) equals dead, and if not one of them could be replaced, think of a whole generation (or several generations) of them. This is one of the many reasons show-biz NEWS HACKS get my dander up. Today's genius trumps this? Highly unlikely.
We miss ya, Dino.
On the first three DVDs alone you'll see Orson Welles* (yes, and singing and dancing, too), John Wayne*, James Stewart*, Frank Sinatra*, Peggy Lee*, Woody Allen, Bill Cosby, Bob Hope*, Bob Newhart, Rosemary Clooney*, Roy Rogers* and Dale Evans* (who are mercilessly ridiculed by Don Rickles), Petula Clark, Paul Lynde*, George Gobel* and Buddy Hackett*.
Each asterisk (mine) equals dead, and if not one of them could be replaced, think of a whole generation (or several generations) of them. This is one of the many reasons show-biz NEWS HACKS get my dander up. Today's genius trumps this? Highly unlikely.
We miss ya, Dino.
Here's one publicity stunt that refuses to shut up. No doubt that "it is as it was as it will be" (or whatever the Pope "said") came from Mel and his gang. We're dealing with PR of the first magnitude; witness the even-easier-than-usual seduction of WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And when the NEWS HACKS get seduced, the PUBLIC gets the CLAP. That this is an almost-certain BO bomb does not mitigate the offense.
Judging from The PROFESSOR, the Fortune 500 blogs have merely replaced one kind of horserace coverage with another.
Well here's good news: on the heels of Medicare "reform," the Feds are giving the insurers a big increase in payments!
Is this going to be a yearly thing?
Is this going to be a yearly thing?
The SUPERPATRIOTIC Jonathan Alter said Governor DAMN! was "off his medication" last night, which I guess means the forces of right -- er, left have abandoned his candidacy, and Dippity-Do wins.
This is PUZZLING. Why did Mrs. Badburger leave all that money to a REACTIONARY outfit like the Salvation Army? Wouldn't it have been put to better use along with the $200 million at NPR? I mean, doesn't NPR preach the eternal truth also? Is a puzzlement.
Dippity-DO!
I hereby demote PRESIDENT DAMN! to Governor.
And unless PSYCHO stages a comeback, this is a two-horse race, and will be decided long before the convention -- just the way news hacks always want it. Me, I'm sticking with Dippity-DO!
I hereby demote PRESIDENT DAMN! to Governor.
And unless PSYCHO stages a comeback, this is a two-horse race, and will be decided long before the convention -- just the way news hacks always want it. Me, I'm sticking with Dippity-DO!
Monday, January 19, 2004
Oh great, WACKO's lawyer is taking a break from his travails because he's too busy with other cases. But this vaudeville won't close shop, so in the meantime, we'll be entertained by Nation of Islam thugs, people employed as WACKO fans, and spoon-bending psychics.
Mickey even had a contest for the best way for John Kerry to drop out a few weeks back - and now he's the front-runner!
Isn't that what bloggers are for?
Isn't that what bloggers are for?
This fish won't fly. In the past the Amish have complained of unscrupulous show-biz types distorting and sexifying their inscrutable movement, and I find it hard to believe it won't happen again, not with a group so removed from modernity. Alas, having lived in Amish Country PA, I know the teenagers weren't beyond getting drunk and doing drugs. And with Viacon, anything's possible.
Who stands more for the civil-rights movement: Mrs. King preaching civility and the commonality of man, or Julian Bond screaming "NAZIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"? I fear it's the latter; we can hope it's the former.
If the no-talents are the reason to watch American Idol, maybe there's no good reason to watch TV -- PERIOD.
One wonders why Mickey D's cut the ties with Kobe with all those first-row seats and Chevy Chase bragging rights at stake ("I WAS AT THE NBA FINALS AND YOU WEREN'T!!!!!"). God knows they couldn't have done it for any GOOD reason (pffh-hh-hh).
Fortunately, anger management doesn't work (so this article says), so we news hacks can be righteous all the time.
It's just as well that this is behind Trib's wall, for judging from the teaser it's another article you can read without reading:
A new film about the Rosenbergs probes a horror that has yet to heal.
Earth to Ken, Earth to Ken: both the Rosenbergs were involved in espionage -- against US. But the nice thing about whining in print like this is that you confirm you're right, which, in the end, is the only thing news hacks can do. And I thought Kenneth Turan had marginally more sense than the average ad-blurb copywriter, whose quota is zero.
P. S. In the East Coast Times, which recently went into profitable denial over Walter Duranty, the story has a happy ending. Figures.
A new film about the Rosenbergs probes a horror that has yet to heal.
Earth to Ken, Earth to Ken: both the Rosenbergs were involved in espionage -- against US. But the nice thing about whining in print like this is that you confirm you're right, which, in the end, is the only thing news hacks can do. And I thought Kenneth Turan had marginally more sense than the average ad-blurb copywriter, whose quota is zero.
P. S. In the East Coast Times, which recently went into profitable denial over Walter Duranty, the story has a happy ending. Figures.
Sunday, January 18, 2004
''How can I convey to you the DISGUST which your name AWAKENS in me? How can you FACE YOURSELF knowing how much HISTORY, VALUE AND SAVINGS you have THROWN AWAY on YOUR MAD, IGNORANT ATTEMPT to merge with a WRETCHED DIAL-UP I.S.P.?''
Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwell!
''That we impute meaning and purpose to things that are totally adventitious or accidental; that there is no God; that there just is; that there's no life after death.''
Except, of course, there was a god -- the god of Gerry. That god failed. Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....
I think I see why BUZZ melodramatizes. Barely.
Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwell!
''That we impute meaning and purpose to things that are totally adventitious or accidental; that there is no God; that there just is; that there's no life after death.''
Except, of course, there was a god -- the god of Gerry. That god failed. Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....
I think I see why BUZZ melodramatizes. Barely.
Today -- and I wasn't sure I wanted to write about this -- I start my second year with this blog. Site Meter hasn't been too hopeful, and I'd beg for the mercy of the Profs but for my own timidity and the fear that (as I've said before) I'd get nothing in return but form e-mails. And I know -- I was just visiting a few sites mentioned in "My BlogChildren" -- that some of Prof's links are outdated, and the blogs infrequently updated, or abandoned. I haven't posted fifteen comments a day just for the sake of it. IF, to my three readers, you find anything I say enlightening, please pass the word along to the biggies. I have no intention of quitting, but I would like just a little recognition.
Lobbyists Pin Hopes on State of the Union
They don't have to worry: this administration's had Ka-CHING! written all over it from day one.
They don't have to worry: this administration's had Ka-CHING! written all over it from day one.
The Times gets in a -- holy -- lather about religion and the national parks. I'm a little nervous with those in the conservative movement who say with great unction that America is a CHRISTIAN nation -- I'm half-Jewish -- but I get far more upset with the knee-jerk liberals who say religion has no place in American life (except the PC fundamentalist Muslim kind) and are working with tantrum fury and beet-red faces to expunge it. Please idiots, chill out a little.
An unshakable rule of modern retailing: a chain store's ability to keep sale items in stock and the friendliness of its employees are in inverse proportion to the volume and aggressiveness of its foreground Muzak®.
I'd love to pose a question to the CEOs of CVS, Mickey D's, etc., etc., the whole misbegotten lot: What's your least favorite kind of music -- music that would have you climbing the walls and screaming in pain? And after listening to the answers I'd ask, well, why do you inflict such music on us?
I'd love to pose a question to the CEOs of CVS, Mickey D's, etc., etc., the whole misbegotten lot: What's your least favorite kind of music -- music that would have you climbing the walls and screaming in pain? And after listening to the answers I'd ask, well, why do you inflict such music on us?
Any article that dares to see into the future is by definition nonsense. That said, American culture can endure; we've made enough that's good. On the other hand, if we have to rely on our cultural "infrastructure," we're in trouble. Plato survived on parchment. The same may not be true for one-hit wonders.
Dean, Ex-President Carter Meet on Eve of Caucus
I can see these two meeting now:
"Hello, Dr. Dean."
"Hello, Dr. Carter." (Nudge nudge.)
I can see these two meeting now:
"Hello, Dr. Dean."
"Hello, Dr. Carter." (Nudge nudge.)
I'm not even going to read this. It's about the Pope, a CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICAN, and Dubya. THIS is the TRIANGLE OF EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL.
I really do believe that when a columnist becomes predictable enough to read without reading, he should be fired, whatever his politics.
I really do believe that when a columnist becomes predictable enough to read without reading, he should be fired, whatever his politics.
Look who's leading in Iowa! Two men noted for their hair! And PRESIDENT DAMN! has slipped to third! I may have to demote him to GOVERNOR!
In January 1999, 'The Blair Witch Project' debuted at Sundance. The movie went on to become a cultural phenomenon and make $250 million worldwide. And the directors and stars were never seen again.
If only that would happen with every overhyped reel of future guitar picks plugged by BLUNDER.
If only that would happen with every overhyped reel of future guitar picks plugged by BLUNDER.
The movie producer Ray Stark has died; he will be remembered (despite a generally undistinguished output) for one of the last decent musicals, Funny Girl, and for helping palm off Columbia Pictures to Coca-Cola (who?), the first of two corporate suckers to waste their shareholders' fortunes on show-biz. RIP.
PUBLICITY IS THE MOTHER OF INVENTION: Some CLOWN decides to accept at FACE VALUE an executive's claim that his company got more out of the naming rights to a stadium than it put in. To me this is worse than what Jayson did. I'll say it again: Jayson fibbed for the fun of it. This CLOWN accepts a made-up assertion in the name of root-root-rooting for the home team. We can laugh off Jaysons, for their fun, despite the hand-wringing and woe-is-meing, is largely harmless; we can't laugh off these PR CLOWNS, because they broadcast flat-out half-truths (and frequently, LIES) in utter SERIOUSNESS.
Did you get your FREE TICKETS?
Did you get your FREE TICKETS?
And speaking of megalomaniacs, how apt that the public-be-damned TWXSTERS will now operate out of a complex with the most expensive condos in America. Let them eat cable!
THIS is what IPOs are for, Buzz.
THIS is what IPOs are for, Buzz.
Surprise, surprise, news hacks donate to political campaigns. You would think they wouldn't because 1.) it creates "the appearance of impropriety," which allows Howie "Hair Shirt" Kurtz to go off on his long-winded tangents, and 2.) if they really want to be political, they can do what they've always done -- slant the news.
Saturday, January 17, 2004
Pinch and the boys at Viacon Network News try to influence another election with a "POLL," just as they influenced 2000 version 1.0, although you wonder how truthful something is bearing the date "January 17, 2003."
How interesting: the Times buries the excellent news. Howie! We need your hair shirt!
How interesting: the Times buries the excellent news. Howie! We need your hair shirt!
OH oh, EisnerCorp's new animated feature went OUCH!!!!! This is perhaps the biggest bomb ever from the company in wide release (at least in the MICKEYMOUSE NIXON era), and certainly its first flat-out animated bomb. The characters straight from the pages of Forbes didn't help. Perhaps it's too much to expect, but I wonder if EisnerCorp's stellar reputation is finally catching up with the "family-film" audiences. Certainly if the company continues this kind of performance it may have to lay off ALL its animators. If I were Steve Jobs I'd be licking my high-tech chops. Roy can't be too unhappy either.
What's bad news for EisnerCorp is good news for America.
P. S. Of course the ad-blurb copywriters praised it.
What's bad news for EisnerCorp is good news for America.
P. S. Of course the ad-blurb copywriters praised it.
27 years after casino gambling and Atlantic City still has eyesores. Who'da thunk?
Which goes to prove, again, that AC is a 50-carat cubic-zirconia diamond on a pile of doggie doo.
Which goes to prove, again, that AC is a 50-carat cubic-zirconia diamond on a pile of doggie doo.
Anybody who thinks Cheap Channel has a monopoly on flipping the bird to the public hasn't seen GanNETt's "Game Plan." Pleasing the shareholders is first; using THE FIRST AMENDMENT for business gain is up there; putting out a readable, responsible product is...I dunno.
That's why you have SCANDALS, GanNETt.
That's why you have SCANDALS, GanNETt.
I see the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers now boasts 337 members -- a veritable rogues' gallery of big business. Just the list is proof that advertising (and especially advertising on TV) is an addiction without a cure.
Jackson Dances on SUV After Innocent Plea
OR:
"Mr. Jackson, you have started out on the wrong foot here," the judge said. "I want to advise you that I will not put up with that. It's an insult to the court."
Insult? He was moonwalking!
OR:
"Mr. Jackson, you have started out on the wrong foot here," the judge said. "I want to advise you that I will not put up with that. It's an insult to the court."
Insult? He was moonwalking!
LALA goes sniffing for an EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL REPUBLICAN conflict of interest. Here's a case where news hacks can't smell the sewer plant for the skunks. (Awkward, I know, but there ARE lots of SKUNKS in the Beltway -- and the press.)
Our local Three A's are absconding with 350 jobs to Delaware thanks to a taxpayer-financed bribe. While I ponder what the Three A's do -- er, towing? -- I think of another corporate hero who headed AtlanticRichfield's (DilbertSpell) chemical unit, who pledged his undying fealty to this city. Soon after the outfit packed its bags and moved to the burbs. Happy ending: ARCO sold its chemical biz and the acquiring company ditched the offices. (The parent company is now just a trademark within BP.) Businesspoops think they can get away with anything. The people's job is to see they get away with NOTHING.
Speaking of sports, is it possible one reason people may not be following it as avidly is because you can't tell where the teams play -- dictated by "lifeless" CORPORATE names like the new Bank of America Center?
Now once we get that national fee collector -- BANK, does that mean half the sports arenas in America will be named for the same fee collector?
P. S. "The building where the Boston Bruins play and where Britney Spears lip-syncs...." Definitely not the GAH-den.
P. P. S. This particular fee collector is happily wasting $100 million on naming rights for a stadium in Charlotte, the day after it announced it was happily flushing at least $174 million down the toilet on the Italian consumer products quagmire Parmalat. Happily it can finance both strokes of business genius by RAISING FEES.
Now once we get that national fee collector -- BANK, does that mean half the sports arenas in America will be named for the same fee collector?
P. S. "The building where the Boston Bruins play and where Britney Spears lip-syncs...." Definitely not the GAH-den.
P. P. S. This particular fee collector is happily wasting $100 million on naming rights for a stadium in Charlotte, the day after it announced it was happily flushing at least $174 million down the toilet on the Italian consumer products quagmire Parmalat. Happily it can finance both strokes of business genius by RAISING FEES.
Zelig sells his team at the top of the market, after getting suckers to pay part of their sales tax so he could build a Taj Mahal for CEOs and make a $16.1 million profit, no doubt financed entirely by the sales tax increase, and meantime subjecting his fans to bad baseball. High profits for a lousy product that costs taxpayers: that's the big business way.
Smile: The head of the Writers Guild West is in trouble because he may have faked some credentials. Why the fuss? Members of the Writers Guild fake screenplays.
Gheetar Man's settled, but the Harrison estate's making a boo-boo: it's trashing something that's worth at least $100 million on eBay.
"George Harrison's music spoke to the heart and soul of my generation," said the judge, who probably wept as he spoke. What an ass. He could get a job as an editor at GanNETt.
Will the gheetar be cremated? Or will it pop up somewhere else in a few years?
"George Harrison's music spoke to the heart and soul of my generation," said the judge, who probably wept as he spoke. What an ass. He could get a job as an editor at GanNETt.
Will the gheetar be cremated? Or will it pop up somewhere else in a few years?
Friday, January 16, 2004
Bypassing Congress, Bush Installs Judge on Federal Appeals Court
Oh oh! News hacks and Democrats are going to have a TANTRUM!!!!!!!!!!!! Do I hear our honorable FIRST AMENDMENT DEFENDERS and their POLITICAL HACK CLONES using words like COURT PACKING?!?!?!?!?
It was your fault. YOU BORKED FIRST.
Oh oh! News hacks and Democrats are going to have a TANTRUM!!!!!!!!!!!! Do I hear our honorable FIRST AMENDMENT DEFENDERS and their POLITICAL HACK CLONES using words like COURT PACKING?!?!?!?!?
It was your fault. YOU BORKED FIRST.
PROF said ANDY S.'s site may have been "JACKED"!!!!! Turned out his server conked out.
HEH®.
Have you two companies thought of merging?
HEH®.
Have you two companies thought of merging?
Broken record broken record broken record....
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S. lawmakers said on Friday the Pentagon's inspector general had told them it was investigating possible criminal violations in connection with oil service company Halliburton's fuel imports to Iraq.
The three Democratic lawmakers....
BIAS? WHAT BIAS?
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S. lawmakers said on Friday the Pentagon's inspector general had told them it was investigating possible criminal violations in connection with oil service company Halliburton's fuel imports to Iraq.
The three Democratic lawmakers....
BIAS? WHAT BIAS?
The movie-ad-blurb copywriters are trashing another grossout flick grossout flick grossout flick after praising the genre to high heaven high heaven high heaven they're being hypocritical hypocritical hypocritical I'm sounding like a broken record broken record broken record....
If we really want to improve circuses, let's get rid of the clowns.
A circus without animal acts has one advantage, though.
A circus without animal acts has one advantage, though.
Forbes.com again:
"A wide screen just makes a bad film twice as bad."
-Samuel Goldwyn
I wonder what he'd have said about Dolby®.
"A wide screen just makes a bad film twice as bad."
-Samuel Goldwyn
I wonder what he'd have said about Dolby®.
U.N. sides with U.S. on voting in Iraq
I think we need Mr. Peabody's wayback machine to figure out the last time something like this happened.
I think we need Mr. Peabody's wayback machine to figure out the last time something like this happened.
HEY SOB! You're the LAST PERSON to lecture us about press ethics! You started USA OKAY so you could skirt them -- especially with your endless show-biz hype. Things like your paper's current mess are inevitable when your overriding priority is SELLSELLSELL. SHUT UP, SOB.
Thursday, January 15, 2004
History repeats itself: TWX is getting into the video-game biz, presumably to inspire screenplays.
Does anyone remember Atari?
Does anyone remember Atari?
The left is in permanent protest mode. One wonders if we may someday have a second Civil War as a result -- a terrific irony given how hard the likes of MLK worked to rid us of the awful racial legacy of the first.
I'm tired of always talking about the Forbes Top 10 Blogs, but Andy S. is so exercised about Dubya's space dreams he posts the same comments twice, in two slightly different versions. Heck that's like printing the same story twice on Page One. And Andy is always jabbering about the Beeb's use of words. If I did that I'd be laughed at. I don't care who Andy S. is, it's amateur-hour.
Before violence erupted in 2000, about 100,000 Palestinians from Gaza worked in Israel, providing the main source of income for the territory. Now only 15,000 workers and another 4,000 merchants -- in addition to the workers at the industrial park -- have permits to cross into Israel.
But you have to admit, suicide bombing is like a good cry -- it sure does feel good!
Also Thursday, the Palestinian parliament approved a $1.69 billion budget for the year -- more than twice projected revenues -- in hopes foreign aid will make up the difference.
Nothing a few Euros from the Jew-hating French can't solve.
Donor countries, who have propped up the Palestinian budget during more than three years of Mideast fighting, are demanding financial reform in the Palestinian Authority.
Pffh-hh-hh-ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But you have to admit, suicide bombing is like a good cry -- it sure does feel good!
Also Thursday, the Palestinian parliament approved a $1.69 billion budget for the year -- more than twice projected revenues -- in hopes foreign aid will make up the difference.
Nothing a few Euros from the Jew-hating French can't solve.
Donor countries, who have propped up the Palestinian budget during more than three years of Mideast fighting, are demanding financial reform in the Palestinian Authority.
Pffh-hh-hh-ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fearing their son may have died needlessly in Iraq, Massachusetts residents Brian and Alma Hart want some honest answers from President Bush.
And you've come to just the RIGHT EXPERT in needless deaths.
And you've come to just the RIGHT EXPERT in needless deaths.
I got an idea! If I went HEH® like Glenny could I get fifty million hits a post too?
If this blog were televised
: Low Culture asks, if your blog were a TV channel, which channel would it be?
On the basis of your previous post, I'd say EVERY CHANNEL TIME WARNER, EISNERCORP, VIACON AND RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OWN.
: Low Culture asks, if your blog were a TV channel, which channel would it be?
On the basis of your previous post, I'd say EVERY CHANNEL TIME WARNER, EISNERCORP, VIACON AND RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OWN.
NEWS HACKS have been going PFFH-HH-HH over GENERAL JR.'s idea of raising fines on broadcasters for airing smut. Just one problem: they engage in vigorous censorship of their own, often of the PC kind; witness the twisting twirling knots GanNETt tied itself into over the N-word. SHUT UP, hacks. If you can censor so can GENERAL JR.; at least he in theory represents the people. YOU DON'T.
Pentagon auditors ask for further investigation of Cheney's former firm
During the college bowl season (bowls? What are bowls?) NEWS HACKS go out of their way to obscure the real names of the games; thus the FedEx Bowl becomes the Orange Bowl, the Tostitos Bowl the Fiesta Bowl. Every time these idiots do a story on Halliburton you'd think Dick Cheney FOUNDED the damn thing. Why not just rename it CheneyCorp, idiots, and be done with it?
During the college bowl season (bowls? What are bowls?) NEWS HACKS go out of their way to obscure the real names of the games; thus the FedEx Bowl becomes the Orange Bowl, the Tostitos Bowl the Fiesta Bowl. Every time these idiots do a story on Halliburton you'd think Dick Cheney FOUNDED the damn thing. Why not just rename it CheneyCorp, idiots, and be done with it?
What this country needs is a good $499 Internet alarm clock!
What this country needs is all the people who purchase it acquiring holes in their heads.
What this country needs is all the people who purchase it acquiring holes in their heads.
SHUCKS, the former Senator from Illinois is quitting the race.
I was hoping at least one candidate would stand for honest graft.
Now we have an all-male race. What do you intend to do about it, NEWS HACKS?
I was hoping at least one candidate would stand for honest graft.
Now we have an all-male race. What do you intend to do about it, NEWS HACKS?
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
Maybe today wasn't so bad a day for Buzz -- the LITTLE GUY had lunch with TINA. I'd say between HER New Yorker and HIS EWWWWWWWWW! they have a lot in common.
Will you stop talking about CONVERSATIONS, Buzz? The only person you want to talk to is YOURSELF.
(PLUS one of his intrepid readers introduces me to a blog that follows big blogs. I can find them myself, THANK you.)
Will you stop talking about CONVERSATIONS, Buzz? The only person you want to talk to is YOURSELF.
(PLUS one of his intrepid readers introduces me to a blog that follows big blogs. I can find them myself, THANK you.)
WE -- ER, OSAMA DIDN'T DO IT!!! 'RAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I found this through (ahem) NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I found this through (ahem) NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Onward to a national fee collector -- er, BANK!
OR:
William Harrison, the chief of J.P. Morgan, has been criticized for the Chase's acquisition of J.P. Morgan and the lackluster results and huge layoffs that have followed.
Translation: One good merger deserves another!
OR:
William Harrison, the chief of J.P. Morgan, has been criticized for the Chase's acquisition of J.P. Morgan and the lackluster results and huge layoffs that have followed.
Translation: One good merger deserves another!
Well at least not everybody in our latest martyr's family is an idiot (see eighth graf).
I wonder how many people at the Reut would volunteer to be martyrs. The number is not zero.
I wonder how many people at the Reut would volunteer to be martyrs. The number is not zero.
Buzz T. Newhouse is certainly being a grumpy old man today.
Maybe he remembered his TWX options again. A few more days like this and he'll invent a new cliche: "I blogged from the wrong side of bed this morning."
Maybe he remembered his TWX options again. A few more days like this and he'll invent a new cliche: "I blogged from the wrong side of bed this morning."
Some may complain that USA Okay is being pickypickypicky in its handling of its former star reporter. I say, maybe IF NEWS HACKS HADN'T STOPPED A WAR AND DITCHED A PREZ we wouldn't be in this fine mess.
PROF has a new gag: to link without comment -- in this case, using his registered-trademark catchphrase "HEH®" -- and in addition to it taking forever to download I'd already seen it on Free Republic. If you're going to waste your surfers' time, PROF, go back to the 3,000-word thumbsuckers.
Bush Plans $1.5 Billion Drive for Promotion of Marriage
Can't Dubya do anything without spending money?
Can't Dubya do anything without spending money?
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
David Tyner, a graduate student at Queen's University, looks over an ice fort some fellow students had constructed along the shoreline of Lake Ontario in Kingston, Ont., Tues., Jan. 13, 2004. (AP PHOTO/Michael Lea)
Who says you don't learn anything in college? You can learn to be an Eskimo.
"WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE MOTIVATION WAS!!!!!!!! WE JUST DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!! WE'VE SPENT $180 BILLION ON IT, WE'VE LOST 480 AMERICANS, WE'VE GOT 2,500 WITH LIFE-CHANGING INJURIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''
Translation: "If the GOVERNOR thinks he can outpander me HE'S GOT ANOTHER THINK COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Translation: "If the GOVERNOR thinks he can outpander me HE'S GOT ANOTHER THINK COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hey GLENNY! A death-row inmate has a BLOG -- and he's been using it to get back at the family of his VICTIM!
Here's a blogger who doesn't need newspapers, Vir-GIN-ia. And we're still blubbering of "rights," another indication 9/11 was a psychic pinprick.
Here's a blogger who doesn't need newspapers, Vir-GIN-ia. And we're still blubbering of "rights," another indication 9/11 was a psychic pinprick.
This commentary underlines another problem with sports: the hard-core fans work themselves into a tizz, and if their team loses they fall with a crash and nurse their bruises for weeks. How many spouses and children have been on the blunt end of a championship loss? If ever there was a time to kick our sports habit, or at least look on the games more disinterestedly, it's now, when they reek with greed and are manned by mercenaries.
"HOLLYWOOD'S GREATEST FEAR BECAME A REALITY" AS SOMEONE PIRATED A SCREENER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Our greatest fears become reality every time Hollywood makes a movie or TV show.
Our greatest fears become reality every time Hollywood makes a movie or TV show.
Here's why the powers that be don't get asked tougher questions, Trude: 1. Most Beltway NEWS HACKS are six- and seven-digit fawners and thus not willing to embarrass their fellow tax bracket, or the fellow fawners at the many Beltway soirees, and 2. These idiots instinctively know that people will nail them for asking tough questions ONLY of conservatives and Republicans. Why bother with interviews indeed?
Within hours, the NEWS HACKS will paste this very happy story over every ceiling, wall, and piece of furniture they can find, proof, on this day of USA Okay's depthless TRAGEDY, of their infinite rightness -- and proof also that even megavillains like RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can grow.
When NEWS HACKS flatter show-biz they flatter themselves.
When NEWS HACKS flatter show-biz they flatter themselves.
News everywhere: picked up this news in the elevator
: Spalding Gray missing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Emphasis added.]
WOW!!!!! That's big news to be picking it up in an ELEVATOR, Buzz!!!!! Meantime Americans outside the Big Media and Bigger Bloggers Zone wonder, Spalding Who?
: Spalding Gray missing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Emphasis added.]
WOW!!!!! That's big news to be picking it up in an ELEVATOR, Buzz!!!!! Meantime Americans outside the Big Media and Bigger Bloggers Zone wonder, Spalding Who?
Ho-hum, just another Columbine plot.
Hey Dick ADVERTISEMENT Corliss! No one ever got hurt watching your favorite movie!
Hey Dick ADVERTISEMENT Corliss! No one ever got hurt watching your favorite movie!
Van Morrison is a jerk to his wife and collaborators, according to a new biography. Ryan Adams is often a drunken lout on stage. This got the Globe's Renee Graham wondering, can one fully admire a musician who's an irrepressible creep?
Free tickets say the answer is yes.
Free tickets say the answer is yes.
WOW! PROF quotes from that future Democratic veep candidate about "red meat" -- four days after he used a similar line which I linked to! HEY PROF! You're getting better ALL THE TIME!!!!!
Two hits today.
Two hits today.
YOU want to be president, Ben? What would be your first order of business? To turn the White House into a sound stage so you could make all sorts of annoying commercials?
P. J. O'Rourke has written a piece on the oratory of our presidential candidates for The Atlantic Monthly, and so overpowering is their foolishness and lame-brainedness that P. J. has lost his sense of humor. Faced with a man like Hair Helmet suggesting that the triple amputee Max Cleland should have "stood up" to his tormenters, it is best to crawl into the nearest cave.
I'm surprised the news hacks haven't started calling Israel's security fence THE BERLIN WALL. That's coming, of course. Just one problem: the security fence, however brutal its symbolism, is designed to keep people out. The Berlin Wall was designed to keep people IN.
And speaking of a bad start to the day, Dr. Death is dead, and while it will deny his victims' families justice, at least he got tried by the big Malpractice Board in the Sky.
How's Dr. Mengele doing?
How's Dr. Mengele doing?
U.S. chopper is downed west of Baghdad
But its two crew members are safe, shucks. What a bad way for news hacks to start the day.
But its two crew members are safe, shucks. What a bad way for news hacks to start the day.
Monday, January 12, 2004
Please, let ME decide if credit-card debt is "scary." If I recall the Japanese were always praised for their frugality -- and look where it got them.
Larry Kudlow has a long lost brother, and he writes for the glibertarian UnReason that MEDIA ARE BETTER THAN EVER! In the manner typical of Kudlow he cites Cheap Channel as a shining star of media diversity. "ON A NATIONAL BASIS," yells our intrepid writer, "IT OWNS LESS THAN 12 PERCENT OF ALL COMMERCIAL STATIONS!!!!!" And how much of market share? Can't answer that -- inconvenient. "SOME OF THE MOST BIASED NEWSPAPERS IN 20TH-CENTURY HISTORY -- MCCORMICK'S CHICAGO TRIBUNE, ANNENBERG'S PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER, LOEB'S MANCHESTER UNION-LEADER -- WERE THE CREATIONS OF LOCAL OWNERSHIP!!!!!" Whoops -- weren't they all...CONSERVATIVE? (Oh, I forgot. Glibertarians aren't conservative.) This comes several paragraphs after, "HEARST['S] NEWSPAPER CHAIN CONTROLLED MORE LOCAL CIRCULATION [IN 1947] THAN ANY NEWSPAPER COMPANY DOES TODAY!!!!!" Ignoring that he probably controlled less of a percentage of circulation than GanNETT, wasn't he biased -- on a national scale? What about the continent-straddling Henry Luce? Whoops -- guess they're inconvenient too. Our hack uses arcane economic tools (the "Herfindahl-Hirschmann Index" sounds like something Groucho could have made up) when many of the most obvious behaviors of corporate concentration defy numbers, like the lockstep thinking of most NEWS HACKS and show-biz types. With their surpassing smugness, glibertarians defy REASON. Here is a solid-gold example.
There is nothing that gets the hard-core knee-jerk conservative angrier than an injustice done an INNOCENT MAN -- especially one who's earned HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS IN OPTIONS AND BONUSES.
Christie Whitman, returning from the dead, warns: Nazis are taking over our party!
And our Nazis are worse than theirs!
And our Nazis are worse than theirs!
Last night I groaned because our IGGLES' MONUMENTAL VICTORY would be called "classic" and "legendary." Well, here's an ittle bitty ditty about THE GREATEST SPORTS WRITER OF ALL TIME, FRANK DEFORD:
Deford frequently uses breathtaking overstatement to portray athletes and their accomplishments -- such as forever, never, greatest ever, most unique and one of a kind.
Sports? He could have reviewed The Producers.
Deford frequently uses breathtaking overstatement to portray athletes and their accomplishments -- such as forever, never, greatest ever, most unique and one of a kind.
Sports? He could have reviewed The Producers.