Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, May 31, 2003
Posted
8:27 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:13 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:55 PM
by Gene
"Sen. Kerry, we don't want Dean Lite, either." But it is less filling. "The one thing this country doesn't need is a second Republican Party." No, but we could use a second Green Party. "What we need in this party is not just people who talk about backbone, but people who have it." The last I heard jellyfish didn't make it that far up the evolutionary chain. "When I was in the Gulf of Tonkin in 1968, I learned what it was to work with an aircraft carrier for real." Unfortunately, the noise from all those fighters forced me to wear a hair helmet to protect my ears, but it worked so well I've worn it to this day. "[M]y goal to restore the 2.7 million jobs lost during the Bush administration within my first 500 days in the White House." And all of them will be in the Federal government! (That was a Do line. He didn't deliver it. I think I know why.)
Posted
5:29 PM
by Gene
When I first saw MESS.com's head I thought, WILT? But then I remembered. He was too busy to be gay. Besides, it would be pretty hard to speak of him in the present tense. (I'm what blogs these days.) This is sort of up there with Rock, er, Doris Day being the world's oldest virgin.
Posted
5:22 PM
by Gene
Will Amnesty swallow that?
Posted
4:14 PM
by Gene
Perhaps some of the men ought to play the women's tour.
Posted
4:07 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:00 PM
by Gene
Does anybody take the Beltway's tax bills seriously anymore? If so, I think we've got an issue here.
Posted
3:41 PM
by Gene
I suspect where the cockroaches are they have plenty of time to hone their incineration skills.
Posted
3:36 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:26 PM
by Gene
John Kerry -- a "realist"? With THAT do? I will concede this, though: all that hair spray probably does cause him to hallucinate.
Posted
3:08 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:49 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:35 AM
by Gene
They're NOT on our side -- yet.
Posted
9:33 AM
by Gene
Is this headline supposed to have a double meaning?
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:25 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:23 AM
by Gene
Friday, May 30, 2003
Posted
5:38 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:28 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:24 PM
by Gene
"More money and a wider reach will create more stars, more self-indulgence, and more errors. Get used to the new Times; it is fated to become bigger, richer, and worse." Why is it not true for anyone else? Why is GENERAL JR. better than Pinch? WHY IS IT, NR?
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:52 AM
by Gene
"You can tell he uses Viagra as well," says a second, to a chorus of giggles. "That's America for you." "It's just so French," says one shop assistant, "the Saddam worship, Jerry Lewis in the windows." "You can tell he hates Jews," says a second, to a chorus of giggles. "That's France for you."
Posted
6:39 AM
by Gene
Thursday, May 29, 2003
Posted
5:58 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:31 PM
by Gene
We wondered where you went to.
Posted
5:26 PM
by Gene
Don't worry, you'll get your way -- when Sen. Rodham wins.
Posted
5:24 PM
by Gene
Ka-CHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
5:17 PM
by Gene
How did that poem of hers go? "A Nazi is a Nazi is a...." Never mind.
Posted
5:08 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:47 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:30 AM
by Gene
I guess Gov doesn't have a monopoly on opening his mouth too much.
Posted
6:29 AM
by Gene
Wednesday, May 28, 2003
Posted
7:36 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:26 PM
by Gene
Like the furor over Jayson, this battle of the halfwits will sail over the public's heads because, a la Seinfeld, it's about nothing. (Actually, Seinfeld wasn't about nothing. It was about Seinfeld.)
Posted
5:24 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:20 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:14 PM
by Gene
No, it's your responsibility to govern by bribes and junkets.
Posted
5:11 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:03 PM
by Gene
Phua to youa!
Posted
5:00 PM
by Gene
Next stop: bankruptcy. You can't keep selling $18 CDs and hope to make a profit.
Posted
7:01 AM
by Gene
The [ad campaign starring a porno "actress"] caught the attention of Bill O'Reilly of Fox News' The O'Reilly Factor, who accused Pony of hiring "quasi-prostitutes to market its products." The remarks led to a public back-and-forth with [the "actress"], who said Mr. O'Reilly should know the difference between a porn star and a hooker. Aside from the cameras, what is the difference?
Posted
6:53 AM
by Gene
I know one thing: if he takes the oath of office it will be to the tune of six different inaugural addresses.
Posted
6:51 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:32 AM
by Gene
Where's the truth?
Posted
6:27 AM
by Gene
Meantime it emerges Braggart's writing a novel. He has the experience. Tuesday, May 27, 2003
Posted
5:59 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:55 PM
by Gene
Talk about the need for second opinions.
Posted
5:50 PM
by Gene
Hmm, come to think of it, wasn't Argentina Adolf Eichmann's favorite country?
Posted
5:37 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:28 PM
by Gene
It's such fun to see professional sports fall flat on its overpriced face.
Posted
5:22 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:15 PM
by Gene
FIRED? He should have been given an extra 72 virgins.
Posted
5:11 PM
by Gene
KaCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING!!!!!
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:00 PM
by Gene
Posted
7:03 AM
by Gene
Posted
7:01 AM
by Gene
This is like saying, "'Fruit juice drinkers, pacifists, hygienists, Quakers, feminists, nudists, sex maniacs, Nature Cure quacks, vegetarians, and contraception advocates' may back Democrats in 2004."
Posted
6:55 AM
by Gene
Since you still have us turnips to squeeze with your rotten service, why spin it off, King Richard? Monday, May 26, 2003
Posted
7:46 PM
by Gene
I want to see him coach Sneaker Man. He does, too.
Posted
7:30 PM
by Gene
Peter G. Davis, a very good critic, also came out against our generation's musical UBERMEISTER, Herr Sondheim, which prompted Herr Sondheim to snap back in a letter just how good he is. You can't win with these New York Times readers.
Posted
6:36 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:14 PM
by Gene
Which reminds us, GENERAL JR., what are you going to do about Opie and Anthony? MY guess: he wants to give the Zon the usual ten-grand fine, partly as a political favor (forgetting who's publishing Sen. Rodham's "MEMOIRS", GENERAL JR.?), partly as a rehearsal for a career as a seven-digit suck-up, but if he does that he alienates Dubya's -- CORE, especially the -- CATHOLICS. Between this and giving the store away to Big Media GENERAL JR.'s mental calculator is near meltdown these days. P. S. Opie and Anthony are "looking for work in television these days." I would say "good luck" with a sneer, but knowing the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers, they may get it.
Posted
5:43 PM
by Gene
No one will ever accuse The Gliberal of plagiarism -- unless you count copying yourself, and that's merely onanism.
Posted
2:00 PM
by Gene
Posted
8:38 AM
by Gene
I thought they already set it at the Times's headquarters.
Posted
8:31 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:24 AM
by Gene
![]() I don't know if Sen. Kleagle was into nooses, but otherwise, it sounds like his game.
Posted
8:17 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:15 AM
by Gene
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8:10 AM
by Gene
I'll bet the twelve who voted against were -- REPUBLICANS. Let's spam 'em.
Posted
8:04 AM
by Gene
Sunday, May 25, 2003
Posted
7:43 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:22 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:27 AM
by Gene
TEHRAN, May 25 — Iran’s Foreign Minister Kamal Kharrazi called Osama bin Laden’s al-Qaida network a “dangerous organization” on Sunday and said his country was serious about combating it. PFFH-hh-hh-hh-HH-HH-HH ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Posted
8:24 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:17 AM
by Gene
FIRE THE MAN!!!!!
Posted
8:08 AM
by Gene
I can think of a few public countenances I'd like to pelt with old vegetables. Perhaps that the Algerians can do it -- against a strongman -- is a sign they want democracy too. On the other hand, it is a stronghold of holy cockroaches.
Posted
8:00 AM
by Gene
The party that Devin "The Press Agent" Gordon started New Year's at BLUNDER magazine continues today on the golf course. This is why so many fool pols look over their shoulders. This is why the Supremes want to do "the right thing." They all want to live "for the ages" -- in a medium that most throw out the next day, or that's used as bird-cage liner, or a training ground for puppies. They all want in on that "first rough draft of history," even if in their cowardice they're revised out of it. They want to be flattered by -- LARRY and CURLEY. You've got to be taught to hate and fear.... Saturday, May 24, 2003
Posted
6:20 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:10 PM
by Gene
Oh well, I'm still glad I posted it.
Posted
1:49 PM
by Gene
'Ray, GOOGLE!
Posted
1:43 PM
by Gene
What's wrong with good old George?
Posted
1:33 PM
by Gene
SORENSTAM'S QUEST IS SHOT IN ARM FOR GOLF INDUSTRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!by Larry FineNEW YORK (Reuters) - Annika Sorenstam has passed her personal test by competing on the men's PGA Tour, but the world's top-ranked woman golfer may also prove to be the biggest boost to the $24 billion golf industry since Tiger Woods burst on the scene.... LARRY! MEET CURLEY!! NYUK! NYUK! NYUK!
Posted
1:22 PM
by Gene
Posted
8:56 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:50 AM
by Gene
It's time for an update on the British art world, which, as far as I can tell, exists mainly to provide me with material.
Posted
8:39 AM
by Gene
Sorenstam misses [SIC] cut, but earns respect Missing [SIC] Cut, Sorenstam Wins The jackbooted lockstepping thoughtthugs don't want to admit the truth: Their heroine (pardon, can't be racistsexisthomophobic -- HERO) finished in the bottom fifth of the field, at a non-Tiger tournament. What made this story so incredibly irksome (aside from its sheer megatonnage) was that you knew, you KNEW, this was just another ideological hammer which the news hacks would beat us on the head with. But a business that produced BLUNDERS and QUAGMIRES and BLAME GAMES, and topped them off with a sociopathic liar, should beat itself on the head first. Friday, May 23, 2003
Posted
6:30 PM
by Gene
I mention this song because all week the jaysonists have been singing it at eardrum-rending levels about you-know-who. Her story in another time could have been charming, even inspirational, the triumph of a lone woman in a big man's world, but when today's NEWS HACKS get through with it you want to SCREAM. It started with their usual thoughtpolice gag on Vijay Singh and Nick Price for daring to be politically incorrect, and it has culminated in tidal waves of slobber from unathletes who ordinarily view golf as a conspiracy, who despise the players as zillionaire rednecks (and what is worse, REPUBLICANS), who associate the game with decadence and snobbery and AUGUSTA, all of whom in the presence of the PC sex became INSTANT GOLF EXPERTS, effusing that you-know-who had a BRILLIANT ROUND even though she trailed more than half the field. Well, if there isn't a certain justice in the fact that the GREAT WHITE, er, FEMALE, er, WOMYN HOPE of GOLF, the woman who brought a NOBLE CRUSADE into the cosseted country club, the woman who played one the most HISTORIC, COURAGEOUS, DETERMINED ROUNDS of golf EVER -- in short, A FAVORITE OF THE JAYSONISTS -- has MISSED THE CUT!!!!!(In deference to you, HOWELL, we'll say she MSed the cut.)
Posted
6:01 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:57 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:33 PM
by Gene
Next time you're out on the highway, remember the bell curve.
Posted
5:26 PM
by Gene
AMEN, brother. And with the likes of Robert "Over the" Hilburn it's even BETTER in rock.
Posted
5:20 PM
by Gene
WE WON THE WAR, HOWELL!
Posted
6:51 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:41 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:28 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:25 AM
by Gene
Thursday, May 22, 2003
Posted
7:17 PM
by Gene
Posted
7:08 PM
by Gene
Gotta agree with ya, Congressman Weathervane, it's a fraud.
Posted
7:03 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:48 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:39 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:44 PM
by Gene
There goes professional college basketball. On to the high schools.
Posted
5:30 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:48 AM
by Gene
At what point, however, do the jaysonists turn the incoherent ramblings of this friend of Cicero's (and the founders of the Klan) into a J'ACCUSE?
Posted
6:38 AM
by Gene
A professor of womyn's studies at.... Hey "Scientists", go back to killing kids with your healing powers. Who does more damage: a news hack who lies to see if he can get away with it, or a news hack who lies to CHANGE THE WORLD?
Posted
6:29 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:26 AM
by Gene
Wednesday, May 21, 2003
Posted
6:02 PM
by Gene
Quick! Who does more damage: Jayson telling fibs, or some anonymous typist screaming, BOMB DAMAGES YALE LAW SCHOOL!!!!! Quicker! Was it a "mail room" or a "library"? One last comment: This AP dispatch reminds us that ten years ago the Unabomber struck David Gelernter. It is a great tribute to that man that the calamity didn't get him down.
Posted
5:52 PM
by Gene
My guess is the interior minister would have been overjoyed too. And if people maybe didn't like it, imagine all the hook-nosed blood-drinking Zionists we could blame!
Posted
5:31 PM
by Gene
And a great big THANK YOU to J. Freedom du Lac for making it impossible to find the quote I found on Romenesko. J. Freedom du Lac, you're a big fat hack!
Posted
5:18 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:08 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:06 PM
by Gene
Posted
7:04 AM
by Gene
These guys just won't quit, will they.
Posted
6:34 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:30 AM
by Gene
Will the organizers festoon the stadiums with swastikas? eh eh. I can see the mascot now: Adolphe the Friendly Nazi, eh eh. When American athletes win do they play our national anthem or "Hit the Road, Jack?" eh eh. Paris is just Havana with the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre. And a nicer-sounding tongue. Tuesday, May 20, 2003
Posted
8:57 PM
by Gene
Posted
8:07 PM
by Gene
How true, Roger. Lie down with dogs....
Posted
8:03 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:43 PM
by Gene
The same company made -- The Adventures of Pluto Nash (pffh-hh-hh-hh).
Posted
5:23 PM
by Gene
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! When are you getting your face lifted?
Posted
5:13 PM
by Gene
Microsoft OLE DB Provider for ODBC Drivers error '80004005' [Microsoft][ODBC SQL Server Driver][TCP/IP Sockets]General network error. Check your network documentation. /blog_view.pyra, line 93 WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!?!?!?!?
Posted
5:12 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:57 AM
by Gene
Yet another six-digit jaysonist assumes the position.
Posted
6:33 AM
by Gene
Monday, May 19, 2003
Posted
7:38 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:51 PM
by Gene
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO thank you. I'll keep my cat. They don't seem to mind handling and some cockroach owners even say their animal hisses softly when stroked. My cat hisses just to look at me. (WRONG! But then I don't think I'll ever call a cockroach "Sweetie.")
Posted
5:41 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:39 PM
by Gene
"The Matrix" aside, many films thus far have felt like movies made for festivals.
Posted
5:28 PM
by Gene
Call it NON-FICTION.
Posted
5:24 PM
by Gene
Didn't he register his hair in the U. S. Patent Office?
Posted
5:23 PM
by Gene
The neat thing is, they're more expensive than wood but break more easily. So they're neurotic too.
Posted
5:19 PM
by Gene
Bet this isn't on FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News. (Or maybe it is, so they can boast.)
Posted
5:12 PM
by Gene
Congratulations, IDIOTS, on helping ruin our culture -- and making big money doing it.
Posted
5:08 PM
by Gene
Good luck, Ari. Watch the door on the way out.
Posted
5:03 PM
by Gene
Same thing.
Posted
7:10 AM
by Gene
CALL OUT THE THOUGHTPOLICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
6:40 AM
by Gene
You will note I'm calling news hacks jaysonists. I thought about it during a sleepless last night and I figured, even at their best, so many of the hacks have the nascent Jayson within them, and so much of the business is de facto Jayson, so for now, they're jaysonists.
Posted
6:35 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:32 AM
by Gene
Two dead per day in a population of over a billion is microscopic. Sunday, May 18, 2003
Posted
4:50 PM
by Gene
I told the "manager" of a time (in Lancaster) I'd been to a McDonald's to buy two Big Macs on sale, and the store ran out of the thousand-island "special sauce," and I got mad, and the clerks laughed at me. Such patented franchise-tested-and-approved service is why Mickey D's is in trouble, and all the chain drug stores share the same predicament. As it happens this particular Rong-Aid has employed a girl with purple hair (she later had it undyed), and a girl with shocking-pink hair. (The store also introduced me to the accused pedophile who can flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy and is playing a radio station on its loudspeakers in violation of the law.) The clowns who run these stores don't give a damn. Rong-Aid of course got into huge trouble for cooking its books and it hasn't fully recovered. No-CVS makes its money by skimping on store maintenance so that to buy anything you have to wade through aisles of trash and plastic buckets. Even without accountants and Pig Pens when I think of chain drug stores I remember the Washington Post's heartrending account of the Rong-Aid in Virginia (I think) that dispensed the wrong medication to a young girl who died as a result, or the Walgreen's pharmacist who tried to get a customer arrested for improperly securing a prescription painkiller when it turned out she had a malignant brain tumor. These stories provoked much laughter and backslapping in Illinois, and Pennsylvania, and Rhode Island. Customers like me don't find this nationwide joke funny. I'm debating whether to send a letter of appreciation to Rong-Aid's chairman. Lot of good that will do. In the in-box and out the out-box. If I do, it will close with my variation of Rong-Aid's imbecilic Dilbert-written motto: WITH ME, IT'S PERSONAL.
Posted
3:23 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:11 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:51 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:23 PM
by Gene
(Even the Washington Post may have its doubts; the Afghan story made it to page A14.)
Posted
11:49 AM
by Gene
A troubling footnote: In a sidebar ("Data Bank") BLUNDER is credited with two of the twelve cited instances of deception: The Hitler Diaries, and its editor's handling of the hack novelist Joe "The Thinker" Klein. A despicable magazine. (Speaking of Joe Klein, I was not aware the New York rag's gold mine that inspired Saturday Night Fever was a fake, and I'm not surprised.)
Posted
8:51 AM
by Gene
The union audience was sympathetic to the Democrats' contentions, because its members would benefit if, as many Democrats have recommended, spending for security measures such as police, firefighting, rescue squads and medical care were increased more rapidly than the administration has recommended. Yep, civil-rights violations and pork. That's what "terrorism" is all about.
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:39 AM
by Gene
Ooooooooooooooooh. I guess that means news hacks tell the truth. Report asserts that lying is key part of democracy Yep, I guess that means we can keep on telling the truth as usual.
Posted
8:33 AM
by Gene
To quote from Dubya, you're either for us or against us. WHICH SIDE WILL YOU TAKE??
Posted
8:30 AM
by Gene
Again, L'Affaire Blair will have NO IMPACT because people expect such shenanigans from news hacks.
Posted
8:25 AM
by Gene
Saturday, May 17, 2003
Posted
6:11 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:00 PM
by Gene
More exemplary actions in the name of the First Amendment.
Posted
5:18 PM
by Gene
NOT OUR CREDIBILITY PROBLEM, MARK!
Posted
5:14 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:30 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:56 PM
by Gene
This is why L'Affaire Blair will have NO impact on the Times. By blaming it essentially on a lone gunman, Howell has convinced himself his system worked perfectly, and he worked perfectly, and he can go on hectoring us as before.
Posted
11:12 AM
by Gene
It never ceases to amaze me how news hacks ALWAYS put the very best possible face on something very BAAAAAAAAD. Esepcially when it's SHOW-BIZ. (Oddly enough, the rest of the review following this blurb is not altogether favorable.)
Posted
10:57 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:27 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:38 AM
by Gene
Wait a second! Miss Universe is Donald Trump's contest! Can't HE donate the $80,000? Another less-than-inquiring news hack at KNIGHTRIDDER. Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!
Posted
8:06 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:02 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:00 AM
by Gene
Posted
7:49 AM
by Gene
Posted
7:40 AM
by Gene
Let's put it this way: they'll need each other's company.
Posted
7:33 AM
by Gene
This is why the public is gravely disserved when we have one conservative writing about film -- the ninnyish Michael Medved -- against the usual sieg heil ad-blurb-copywriting philistines. Meantime, PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARTYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
7:20 AM
by Gene
After all, IT WAS THEIR IDEA. Friday, May 16, 2003
Posted
8:52 PM
by Gene
Two hopeful signs: Morocco's news agency calls the bombings "criminal," and they've hit enough targets -- Jewish, Belgian, and Spanish -- to make everybody mad.
Posted
5:46 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:42 PM
by Gene
I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
5:40 PM
by Gene
This is but a variation of "You can't fight city hall." Up against a force of nature like the news hacks' verbiage, truth and democracy lose.
Posted
6:56 AM
by Gene
He also says K-12 history textbooks are rotten. I don't doubt that one second.
Posted
6:49 AM
by Gene
Hey Saudis, why aren't you dancing in the streets like on 9-11? IT WAS YOUR IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE.
Posted
6:36 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:32 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:18 AM
by Gene
![]() --What was the worst day of your life? --When mom said I couldn't rule the universe. --What was the best day of your life? --When I discovered that I can. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! Thursday, May 15, 2003
Posted
8:27 PM
by Gene
Posted
8:24 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:26 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:21 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:12 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:05 PM
by Gene
No question, many civil rights abuses and much pork-barrel spending are going on in the all-encompassing name of "terrorism."
Posted
5:57 PM
by Gene
Former Monty Python star Eric Idle is due to direct and co-star in Remains of the Piano, which he also wrote, Screen International reported today (Thursday). The British trade publication said that the spoof of costume drama Remains of the Day, which starred Anthony Hopkins, will star Geoffrey Rush in the lead role of Hopkins, a British aristocrat. The cast list is provocative in itself: Orlando Bloom is playing a character named Daniel Day Lewis. Patrick Stewart will appear as Obie Ben Kingsley. Alfred Molina will play Mussolini. Anjelica Huston's character is Countess Von Kunst and Idle himself plays Frank the Mover. What is the word for it? Droll.
Posted
5:54 PM
by Gene
The call from the two big B's of China: Beijing -- and Bentonville.
Posted
5:45 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:42 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:22 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:15 PM
by Gene
![]() Yes yes, we KNOW, Richard "ADVERTISEMENT" Corliss, millions and millions and millions of teens didn't shoot anyone after seeing your damned craven employer's masterpiece, but a shameful story like this about unruly teens trashing two upper-class houses, combined with the hazing in Chicago and the boys at the strip club in New York, suggests something has snapped in the American psyche, and SORRY, Richard "ADVERTISEMENT" Corliss, your damned craven employers and their friends hold no small measure of blame.
Posted
6:53 AM
by Gene
Hey Hypocrite! I got an idea! Get RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to do it! He published your book, and besides, you can always says it's an AUSTRALIAN company!
Posted
6:39 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:32 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:21 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:11 AM
by Gene
UPDATE: I can't believe news outfits have ignored this. The Journal-Constitution broke the Masters story. Incredible.
Posted
6:09 AM
by Gene
![]() --Name three things a news organization should stand for. --Profit, profit and profit! haha. Wednesday, May 14, 2003
Posted
7:52 PM
by Gene
One should not be surprised if the next Jayson comes from UMass. He's already learned how to mangle English.
Posted
6:12 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:59 PM
by Gene
And while I don't doubt this for a second, the egghead authors of this survey cite Reader's Digest and Blunder as among the teens' favorites. Neither do they do themselves a favor with a co-author from UCLA's David Geffen School of Medicine (?!?).
Posted
5:41 PM
by Gene
They're HERE: in show-biz, academe, and most especially, in newsrooms. Typical Christian Science Quackspeak, though: the writer probably believes John Ashcroft is the top cop.
Posted
5:38 PM
by Gene
KING RICHARD!! One more trick like that and I switch to AT&T!!!!! (Can't do much about your insect breeding, Bill.) The only solace: a teaser head reading, "We waited four years for this?"
Posted
5:32 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:29 PM
by Gene
As I said before, the only question is: 200-percent inflation or 300-percent?
Posted
5:26 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:23 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:14 PM
by Gene
Why worry about security when such good things happen to infidels?
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
Posted
7:07 AM
by Gene
DINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDING YOU WIN!!!!!
Posted
7:04 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:53 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:50 AM
by Gene
![]() --Don't you feel sorry for that poor kid Jayson Blair? haha. --Yeah, we've done worse, haha. Tuesday, May 13, 2003
Posted
6:10 PM
by Gene
Now which comes first: the apprehension of the cockroaches by the Saudis -- or the cockroaches' next bombing? Don't hold your breath.
Posted
6:05 PM
by Gene
Watch it! That would make Disney News illegal.
Posted
5:43 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:28 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:24 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:19 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:11 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:59 AM
by Gene
We all know how SuperRummy, like Harry S Truman, "gets the big things right and the little things wrong," and this was one of the "little" things, but we'll have it under control in time. I'd be more worried about the Koo-koomeinis.
Posted
6:38 AM
by Gene
A million pea shooters hit the stone.
Posted
6:33 AM
by Gene
CLAUDIA!!!!! WILL YOU STOP PRINTING YOUR @#$%&* RESUMES?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Posted
6:20 AM
by Gene
![]() --Barry and Al told me Dick's ad was worth at least $50 million, haha. --Yeah, screw the public. Synergy WORKS, haha.
Posted
6:12 AM
by Gene
Monday, May 12, 2003
Posted
6:45 PM
by Gene
Now if every trader gets called at the same time, and every trader's cell phone has a musical ring, we could have the world's biggest symphony!
Posted
6:31 PM
by Gene
So much about AIDS defies understanding.
Posted
6:11 PM
by Gene
WHAT DOES THIS HEADLINE MEAN?!?!? It means CURLEY's up to no good again! NYUK! NYUK! NYUK!
Posted
6:08 PM
by Gene
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