Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Monday, July 31, 2006
Posted
5:23 PM
by Gene
As I'm increasingly fed up with news hacks and bloggers, so I'm increasingly impatient with the whole damned Web. With overexposure to it you can reduce the world's concerns to seven story lines, much as with the output of Hollywood and the theatre; after a while you rue that you've said the same things on the same seven topics seven times seven times. Could the Web and its instant ennui-and-impatience making be at the heart of our miasmic distemper and the political tantrum throwing in general? And why can't the same exhaustion hit the Web and that has ruined the rest of our culture? It doesn't help my morale to get five hits a day either -- and those with effort.
Posted
2:51 PM
by Gene
(Via Slashdot, where it's drawn only 42 comments despite being posted this morning, proof even the geeks can smell it too) P. S. Needless to say there's endless blather about IPOs and buyouts, meaning people are about to lose their shirts -- especially when they learn it's hard to monetize copyright infringement. OR: Have you watched a YouTube video lately? The resolution is 2002-quality. Grimey. Gross. Someone else could do better. Not until we get desktop HD -- and when do you suppose THAT will happen?
Posted
2:07 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:59 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:52 AM
by Gene
Growth is hurtling along at the fastest pace in a decade, defying official efforts to curb investment in unneeded factories and real-estate projects. The government's immediate concerns are that overheated growth will saddle China with excess capacity, create more asset bubbles, and increase friction with the U.S. and other trading partners. ``China's unbalanced growth model has now gone to excess and seems in danger of veering out of control,'' says Stephen Roach, chief global economist at Morgan Stanley in New York. ``The longer China's economic boom runs, the tougher it will be to avoid a more treacherous endgame.'' "Endgame"? Say, you don't think the Chinese could cause a depression, do you? NAAAAAAAAAAH.
Posted
10:07 AM
by Gene
Maybe it's time to stop playing twenty-something roles, or jumping on couches.
Posted
8:27 AM
by Gene
Why does every Godforsaken profession in America suffer from groupthink?
Posted
6:49 AM
by Gene
Either the public's credulousness is at record levels or those ads really work.
Posted
6:42 AM
by Gene
If people haven't heard of TMZ.com, they have now. Speaking of whom, Mr. "F*****g Jews, the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world" has a development deal for a HOLOCAUST show with ESPNCorp Network. PFFH-HH-HH! P. S. from our favorite PR guy Rog: As I reported last February, Gibson invested another $5 million tax-free into his Malibu church last year. With 70 or so members, Holy Family Church is designed to follow outdated Catholic doctrine that the Jews are responsible for killing Jesus Christ. Gibson, I wrote, has never quite refuted his father's statements. In fact, an article I cited from the Pittsburgh Tribune Review revealed that Gibson is planning to fund a church similar to Holy Family in Mt. Pleasant Township, Pa., called St. Michael the Archangel. According to the article, Gibson was persuaded by his father to become involved and may have assisted in the purchase of an existing structure for a little over $315,000. Explain THAT one, MS. PETER TRAVERS.
Posted
6:38 AM
by Gene
Tony Blair, who is on a trip to America, said today that he thought there was now a real chance of getting a UN resolution. "It’s going to require a lot of work. There has been a lot of detailed discussions and negotiations throughout the night," he said, at the end of a hectic Sunday spent juggling public engagements and talking to other world leaders, including President Bush, Jacques Chirac, the President of France, and Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor. Something bad will come out of this, and thank God it's still months or years away.
Posted
6:33 AM
by Gene
Sunday's attack could prove as big a PUBLIC-RELATIONS DISASTER.... And ultimately that's what what gets NEWS HACKS upset -- not governing, not right or wrong, but PR. And this is the Lord God's statement from a rag that pioneered in NON-STOP SHOW-BIZ FLACKERY. The Israelis can't resume their military operations soon enough, if only to stick it to the HACKS. NOTE: GCI's at its lowest since 2000. Sunday, July 30, 2006
Posted
1:26 PM
by Gene
Contents aside (the problem with religion isn't politics, but the lack of sense that goes with it) I am becoming rapidly fed up with news hacks. They go out of their way to seek people who agree with them. That the slaughter in Lebanon will stay with us for weeks is because hacks are looking for a hook for their beliefs. The same with SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS. Any time I turn to con-SER-va-tive ones my impatience boils over because they have exactly the same attitude. (I expect it from liberal bloggers as they're a subset of the hacks.) Why do people refuse to admit to their own shortcomings? A reminder: NYT's closing price on Friday: $21.87. Its year low: $21.70. That was its lowest since 1997. What will stop PINCH'S TRUTH?
Posted
9:36 AM
by Gene
If I lived on the East Side I'd don a gas mask. Things will REEK.
Posted
9:28 AM
by Gene
Us to SUMNER: Go fly a kite. And you fly a kite too, ASSociated Press, for running another press release.
Posted
9:20 AM
by Gene
If the Bootlickers and Piano-Bar Men shut up for all time the world would not miss their misjudgment.
Posted
9:19 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:11 AM
by Gene
To his credit, Olly's changed his mind, but we still believe public officials and celebrities are guilty until proven innocent.
Posted
9:00 AM
by Gene
One wishes the braying loudmouths like PILLHEAD and THE OMNIPOTENT KOS had an ounce of Lincoln's wisdom and humility, for with their malevolent desires they could plunge us into an abyss that would make the Civil War a birthday party.
Posted
8:57 AM
by Gene
Hed of the Day: What we can't show from the Mideast (CNN.com Java video link) We know what you can't show, and why -- for reasons that have nothing to do with newsworthiness, or propriety. Saturday, July 29, 2006
Posted
8:01 PM
by Gene
That's one thing, try though he might, that he can't stick in the Yanqui face.
Posted
2:22 PM
by Gene
The public MUST throw the Garrulous Ossified Panderers out in 2006 -- so we can get someone else IN in 2008.
Posted
2:13 PM
by Gene
We do not understand why his secretary italicized "CEO." On second thought, maybe we do.
Posted
2:02 PM
by Gene
These details, I repeat, haven't been independently confirmed and are from this website. Somebody ought to teach this preening TWXSTER the meaning of SYNERGY. Here's what got MS. TRAVERS mad: It contains every anti-Semitic trope imaginable - from the darling of the Christianist right. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!!!!!! is to the right what FATSO is to the left. And just because an ASS like ANDY S. says it doesn't make it UNTRUE (despite the well-documented "Christianist" rhetorical tantrum gag). Chances are the bonehead Mel will do community service anyway -- and continue to spout off at Jews, in private, or when drunk.
Posted
1:48 PM
by Gene
A few post down he fumes about bird flu being ignored. Maybe it's being ignored because it hasn't turned into the pandemic HUGHS SCREAMED it would be. I think I'm better off ignoring these bloviators.
Posted
1:45 PM
by Gene
P. S. Ms. TRAVERS's friend did 87 in a 45 zone. This savior is lucky he didn't hurt more than his rep.
Posted
1:42 PM
by Gene
Does the ennui which we deign react to these mass homicide help cause them? It's mere time before these things become daily occurences. A nation that can tolerate so much violence almost begs to be subjugated by the loony Islamists.
Posted
12:20 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:09 AM
by Gene
My life is f****d....You mother f****r. I'm going to f*** you....F*****g Jews. The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world....Are you a Jew?....What the f*** do you think you're doing? Oh and by the way: What do you think you're looking at, sugar tits? Calling Michael Novak! Calling Ninny Medved! CALLING MONSIGNOR LAPIN! (Via Da Nooz)
Posted
10:05 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:02 AM
by Gene
Friday, July 28, 2006
Posted
7:06 PM
by Gene
Criticism by the panel brings no penalties beyond international scrutiny. We wonder what CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES meant by that. That the League should punish us for our sins of incompetence? Talk about the reflection in the mirror. Say, I've got an idea -- why not a world government run by NEWS HACKS! It would smoke out every injustice, and...go broke in two years. We'll go further: if the HACKS had organized the disaster relief last year they'd still be organizing it. This is the League's "Human Rights Committee," still up to its old tricks.
Posted
5:39 PM
by Gene
With a name like Zune it should give up right away.
Posted
5:34 PM
by Gene
What would MONSIGNOR LAPIN say? What he'll always say: praise "God" for his "evangelism." (Via USAOKAY.com On Deadline)
Posted
5:30 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:48 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:44 PM
by Gene
When we saw that "(Finally)" we thought, GREG's up to something. But the man in question was the Forbes editor whose murder the Russians have conspired never to solve. Meantime Belly-Kisser further consolidates his power, and calls up his friends in Teheran, and it's only a matter of time before he declares himself President for Life.
Posted
1:00 PM
by Gene
1. Is somebody running for office? 2. CON-SER-VA-TISM COLLAPSES!!!!! 3. Will it matter worth a tinker's damn?
Posted
12:14 PM
by Gene
I am also extremely surprised The Paper of Re-CORD is declaring a Hezbollah victory. But then if the modern news biz had covered the Civil War we'd have twenty countries.
Posted
10:25 AM
by Gene
This situation distinguishes the social sciences from the physical sciences in two notable ways. First, a higher proportion of empirical research in the social sciences is subject to legitimate -- oftentimes irresolvable -- dispute. Second, as a consequence, in the social sciences theoretical considerations inevitably play a larger role in navigating around these disputes and in forming judgments about desirable public policies. And so it is with the minimum wage. Almost any empirical study of this government mandate can be challenged for ignoring this variable, for mis-identifying that variable, for focusing on an inappropriate time period, or for countless other possible errors. Which doesn't prevent DOW 36,000 from ignoring this variable and focusing on that inappropriate time period and saying the minimum wage is BAD. We're dubious about the minimum wage too. We don't doubt it might cut employment chances for the poor. We don't doubt either among the DOW 36,000 gang there's no minimum to the wages they'd pay. Hey DOW! Why don't your fairy tales have their own URLs after you click on the home-page links?
Posted
6:57 AM
by Gene
Practically speaking, there is no difference.
Posted
6:54 AM
by Gene
Who knew?
Posted
6:43 AM
by Gene
![]() Slick's Piano Bar Man (or a staffer or intern thereto) suggests the Middle East parties talk talk talk, because the Piano Bar Man hates war, and besides, he says, Hezbollah's gotten a pretty good rep of late, maybe from lots of his friends who helped screw up the world situation in the first place. Thursday, July 27, 2006
Posted
5:41 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:37 PM
by Gene
The companies agreed to pay closely held generic-drug maker Apotex not to sell a cheaper copy of their $4-a-day Plavix until 2011. The Federal Trade Commission and states attorneys general already were scrutinizing the deal. The accord is part of a resurgence in ``reverse payment'' agreements designed to limit generic drug competition, FTC Commissioner Jon Leibowitz said last week at a Senate hearing in Washington. That's my kind of FREE ENTERPRISE!
Posted
5:28 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:16 PM
by Gene
Section Eight has been an iffy proposition. While "Ocean’s Eleven" was a hit, "Ocean’s Twelve" is generally unpopular. There are some real turkeys in the Section Eight catalog, too, that cost plenty and brought in from nothing to very little They include "Rumor Has It," with Jennifer Aniston; the current "A Scanner Darkly"; "The Jacket," which cost at least $30 million but grossed around $6 million; "Criminal," which took in less than a million bucks and had a feature budget of several million; and of course, "Syriana," which made about what it cost — $50 million — but ultimately lost money. Yep, that's a lot of excellence. By the way, isn't Section Eight the name of a public-housing program that turns upscale neighborhoods into slums, or something?
Posted
5:14 PM
by Gene
We've no doubt Larry, Sergey and MR. WARNER BROS. would approve of that.
Posted
5:11 PM
by Gene
"We decided to buy property in Crawford to use until George's resignation or impeachment, which we all hope is soon for the sake of the world," Sheehan said in a newsletter set to be sent to supporters Thursday. [Emphasis added] CURLEY!!!!! SUPPORTS CINDY'S SOLDIERS! P. S. Hey Cindy! When do we start telling the truth about the evil ISRAELIS?
Posted
5:06 PM
by Gene
Failed U.S. policies caused the mess in Lebanon. Daniel Benjamin served on the National Security Council staff from 1994 to 1999. He is co-author of The Next Attack: The Failure of the War on Terror and a Strategy for Getting It Right," which is being published in paperback in July 2006. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
3:54 PM
by Gene
Team announces Tour de France champion has tested positive for "unusual" level of testosterone. Can't anyone here win this game CLEAN?
Posted
3:51 PM
by Gene
Troop Morale in Iraq? "It SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!," Reporter Discovers!!!!!!!!!! ![]() All RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!!! Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Posted
9:35 PM
by Gene
Not kosher!
Posted
5:51 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:54 AM
by Gene
The movie biz has no future. We smile.
Posted
10:40 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:02 AM
by Gene
Instead of vilifying the gambling industry, then, it seems a more productive use of our resources would be to look into the reasons so many people find their lives so hopeless and unfulfilling that they feel their only option is to gamble them away. How should we fund our investigation, you ask? Well, taxes from legalized online gambling may put a few extra dollars in the government coffers. Just a thought. I thought we were against big government? Anyway, there's an easier solution: get DOW 36,000 to sit and THINK.
Posted
9:42 AM
by Gene
I think we should dust off that axis-of-evil rhetoric.
Posted
9:35 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:33 AM
by Gene
Analyst Urges Redstone to Take Viacom Private 1. How would even THE LORD GOD SUMNER raise the money? 2. In a sense, SUMNER's playthings are ALREADY private.
Posted
9:21 AM
by Gene
MediaBistro says the biz has too many rags. And who started them all?
Posted
9:14 AM
by Gene
While the kids cheered, Williams, the world-renowned pacifist, fumed: "Right now, I would love to kill George Bush." --------------------------------------------------- For the record, our sister publication "The Australian" led its story as follows: "Nobel peace laureate Betty Williams displayed a flash of her feisty Irish spirit." RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are you running for something?
Posted
9:07 AM
by Gene
ISRAELI TROOPS SUFFER HEAVY CASUALTIES!!!!!!!!!! Now we KNOW this is a hope. Every time we run into a CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) story on the conflict on Yahoo! it seems to be written by an Arab. Sorry CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!), we suspect they're reporting from the front lines literally AND figuratively.
Posted
9:02 AM
by Gene
![]() A pretty face on a Chicago video police blotter throws a mammoth tantrum because THE PRESS is snooping into her LAWSUIT about her and her hubby's $3 MILLION HOUSE. People in shoddily-rebuilt houses shouldn't throw the cornices falling off, or whatever.
Posted
8:51 AM
by Gene
ISRAEL SUFFERS HEAVY CASUALTIES IN BATTLE!!!!! In fairness to that rag (fairness?!?), we note this appears only on the home page; but still, we wonder again (as we always must with news hacks) if this is the expression of a hope. Another POST!!!!!!!!!!! informs us the Israelis killed 150 Hezbollah soldiers, and yet we doubt anywhere anyone would describe those casualties as "HEAVY!!!!!!!!!", though their numbers must at least be proportional.
Posted
8:47 AM
by Gene
Come to think of it, Who? is merely Dubya writ small -- or should we say, smaller.
Posted
8:42 AM
by Gene
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Posted
5:51 PM
by Gene
Call if fake. We don't know WHY the Mogul's Friend, who has spent years selling no-talents and overrating low ones -- any puff pieces about this guy in your past, Friend? -- gets in this surpassing fit of high dudgeon and yells, "NIGHT'S UNYIELDING CERTAINTY HAS RESULTED IN SOMETHING CREEPIER THAN ANY OF HIS MOVIES: A STRANGELY UNSYMPATHETIC CHARACTER WHO BEARS AN UNCANNY RESEMBLANCE TO HIMSELF." Honest Friend, when was the last time we LIKED someone in Hollywood? Especially any friend of YOURS?
Posted
5:49 PM
by Gene
Here's betting if this scum's been asked why he did it, his answer was 1. Duhhhhhhhh, Idunno, or 2. Duhhhhhhhhh, I thought I'd have some fun.
Posted
5:41 PM
by Gene
And I like cats. The cable industry has been airing consumer-education campaigns since 2004, but Stevens and Inouye made it clear that those didn't allay all their fears, said Rob Stoddard, senior vice president for communications and public affairs for the National Cable & Telecommunications Association, the major trade group of the cable industry. "They were very clearly looking for us to do something," Stoddard said. "This issue [indecency] is simply not going to dry up and go away." Not so long as you air indecent programming.
Posted
5:38 PM
by Gene
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Posted
5:23 PM
by Gene
Take the issue of childhood obesity. Familiar voices of outrage are lining up behind command-and-control measures to stop the "epidemic." Beltway crusaders have mobilized against everything from Big Soda in the schools to video games. These two enemies figure well into a rather porcine narrative: capitalist pigs create legions of materialistic pigs for mutual gain: Companies gain wealth. Kids gain weight. Public health gains problems. Or so the story goes. But while regulators think of ways to control our lives, the market will respond in a manner that will allow us to change our lives ourselves. Just one problem, DOW: we wouldn't being having this obesity problem if THE MARKET didn't help cause it. That's the thing about GLIBERTARIANS: their middle name is DENIAL.
Posted
5:15 PM
by Gene
This inevitably means special sections dumbed down for the young on the assumption they can't read. With children wanting to be walking wired automatons when would they have time for newspapers?
Posted
5:13 PM
by Gene
KOS getting under your skin?
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
Take the money, Mr. ULTRA-GET-A-LIFE!, and SHUT UP. A special thanks to USAOKAY.COM!!!!! for making this second from the top in "Latest Headlines", above the heat wave in California! That's NEWS!
Posted
5:08 PM
by Gene
Hmmm, you don't think maybe the side many liberals and news hacks are rooting against might be winning, do you? NAHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Posted
9:28 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:18 AM
by Gene
The geeks will be FURIOUS!
Posted
9:15 AM
by Gene
The commercial ratings data "still doesn't tell the entire story," says Andrew Jung, head of Kellogg's advertising and media. More detailed information, he thinks, might show that advertisers pay for absent eyeballs. You're not paying for AIR TIME, Andy, you're paying to SCHMOOZE! Of which we've no doubt YOU do a lot -- on OUR money.
Posted
9:01 AM
by Gene
(Via the usual ROMY)
Posted
8:54 AM
by Gene
"It is time for a new Middle East." Bombing the old one off the planet should be sufficient.
Posted
8:07 AM
by Gene
``Whoever did this should rot in hell." But remember -- NO SNITCHIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Monday, July 24, 2006
Posted
6:45 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:49 PM
by Gene
That's nothing. Islamists want to take the world backwards 1200 years.
Posted
1:35 PM
by Gene
[H]ow bad can "Miami Vice" be? The Michael Mann movie opens Friday, but the only advance quote Universal could find for its ads came from an obscure movie blog, aka fan page. Even the regular quote-pluggers must have been unavailable for this one. How creepy and sad. Where was the Hollywood Foreign Press on this one? Isn’t this what they’re for? Nyuk nyuk nyuk!
Posted
1:20 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:33 PM
by Gene
The most beautiful woman in the world wants to be a movie star. (Yahoo! home-page blurb) Really? I thought she just won a beauty pageant. No, I'm not being picky, but REALLY, Mr. Warner Bros., you gotta teach your interns how to write.
Posted
7:02 AM
by Gene
It is said she is on a whirlwind tour to rustle up peace and "reassure our allies," but I couldn't help that first response as secretaries of state have a history of whirlwind tours, and at times Foggy Bottom seems the root of all evil.
Posted
6:39 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:32 AM
by Gene
I guess we're supposed to be impressed that 2 million attended. We can think of other once-powerful organizations that attracted huge crowds: the Know-Nothings, the Klan, the Socialists, the Prohibitionists. All went into history's dust bin. The GET-A-LIFE! Society will not join them soon, but its mob ignorance and general irrelevance guarantee it will in time. And while we're at it, here's another reason the newspapers are headed down that path too: once a Mencken or a Royko would have seared the GET-A-LIFES! memorably. Now we slog through press releases. You can't go broke too soon, TRIBCO. P. S. OKAY!!!!! says "'the market is oversaturated with horror,'" and sci-fi flicks are turning gloomy. The good news is they "'give you the chance to comment on the times you're living in,'" meaning with luck that JJJJJAAAAAHHHHHNNNNN-RUH will produce several dozen hugely successful INCONVENIENT TRUTHS. Sunday, July 23, 2006
Posted
1:35 PM
by Gene
Togo says halves HIV/AIDS rate ...The cabinet statement did not say whether the drop was due to mortality among AIDS patients.... Pardon us, but we're not sure we like black humor where such diseases are concerned.
Posted
10:36 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:22 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:16 AM
by Gene
SEN. CHRIS DODD: AMERICANS 'NAUSEATED' BY BUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dodd also said people are "nauseated" by the country's polarization under President Bush. (Fifth graf) ![]() Or as our friend the late SUPER-HERO of NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! would say, thanks for the unbiased reporting!
Posted
10:10 AM
by Gene
Go back to the Puzzle Palace to dream of a world without Israel.
Posted
10:01 AM
by Gene
No, professor, some people will never learn. That petition was signed by "V.F. Calverton, James T. Farrell, Clement Greenberg, Dwight Macdonald, Kenneth Patchen, Philip Rahv, Kenneth Rexroth, Delmore Schwartz [and] William Carlos Williams" -- brilliant thinkers all.
Posted
9:11 AM
by Gene
The critics gathered here for the Television Critics Association annual summer press tour have found rare consensus: The TV mug this fall will be filled to overflowing with sweet shows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "Even though I'm not sure there's a really great show, this is by far the best year cumulatively in my memory!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" says Tom Jicha, TV critic for the South Florida Sun-Sentinel. Among the 125 or so critics at the press tour, Jicha is an elephant, attending his 25th.... [From watching so much TV he should be.] Do not mistake the critics for a monolith.... ![]() I don't see no monolith.
Posted
9:03 AM
by Gene
We think we know why Peter wrote this puff piece about the SLIMES!!!!!!!!!!' Internet piece of junk -- to make RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S look good.
Posted
8:52 AM
by Gene
Which is precisely what defeats panaceas like term limits.
Posted
8:48 AM
by Gene
And Hitler built the Autobahn.
Posted
8:42 AM
by Gene
1. Get the U.S. Involved 2. Don't Forget The Palestinians 3. Guarantee Israel's security 4. Stabilize Lebanon 5. Handle Iran 6. PRAY FOR IRAQ [SIC!!!!!] Seeing as how they offer prayer as a solution we might wonder if peace is possible.
Posted
8:37 AM
by Gene
Yes, Markie, that story might be seven pages, but you know and I know what the coffee tables read. Friday, July 21, 2006
Posted
2:31 PM
by Gene
1. Gosh. 2. Most MySpace users don't know OR care.
Posted
2:06 PM
by Gene
U.S. Secretary of State Rice says "Syria knows what it needs to do and Hezbollah is the source of the problem." STRONG WORDS, GENERALETTE!
Posted
2:02 PM
by Gene
In the long run, military campaigns won't be the answer, most analysts agree. "There may be military battles that have to be fought," says Jenkins, "but the real answer is to focus more on how to diminish the appeal of the radical message." And how do we do that?
Posted
11:40 AM
by Gene
What's the plan now, GENERALETTE? A "cease fire"? Rice to lay out U.S. strategy for Mideast crisis Yep, I don't think we have a clue.
Posted
11:33 AM
by Gene
Fidel's apparently not dead yet.
Posted
10:51 AM
by Gene
[N]umerous [ad-blurbists -- they do NOT deserve to be called CRITICS] heralded a new golden age as far back as the '70s, when classic comedies including "The Mary Tyler Moore Show," "All in the Family" and "M*A*S*H" dominated the airwaves. In the '80s, the arrival of dramas like "Hill Street Blues," with its complex narrative structure, ushered in yet another golden age. [Ad-blurbists] also made a compelling case in the '90s, citing such shows as "The Simpsons" (which debuted in December 1989), "Seinfeld" and "E.R." Well there's a simple reason for that: TV KEEPS GETTING BETTER!! So here we are in another golden age -- such exemplars of REPORTORIAL EXCELLENCE as "Entertainment Weekly [and] the Washington Times" say so! So here comes some hack named Matt from something called TV Guide, itself in a TIN age, and what does he say (conveniently late in the article)? "[T]he shows that tend to get the best reviews tend to get the smallest audiences, and even the ones that are popular aren't culturally resonant." REPEAT: FIRE THE AD-BLURBISTS!!!!!
Posted
10:32 AM
by Gene
No wonder we've had a condo boom!
Posted
10:22 AM
by Gene
![]() France accuses US of blocking Mideast truce "AT THE MOMENT THE ISRAELIS EVIDENTLY WANT TO NEUTRALISE HEZBOLLAH!!!!!” Brilliant thinking, Monsieur Defense Minister. We doubt you could neutralize your way out of a paper bag. But then we know what the French would do faced with an enemy: yell SIEG HEIL!
Posted
10:02 AM
by Gene
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Posted
2:39 PM
by Gene
We could say something but we won't. We will say it looks like ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN and crew are about to get a lesson from the marketplace.
Posted
2:36 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:13 PM
by Gene
The Peter Travers Memorial Society is going BONKERS.
Posted
1:08 PM
by Gene
...unorthodox, boundary-breaking musicals....Sheik's throbbing, evocative alternative pop music.... TRANSLATION: Whoopee, a new version of Rent.
Posted
1:03 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:17 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: ![]() MooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Posted
12:03 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:45 AM
by Gene
[Last week's] [n]umbers 2 through 10 sold a total of 487,784. Numbers 11 through 20 sold 388,125. That came to a grand total of 875,909. The No. 1 album, a collection of singles called "Now That's What I Call Music! Vol. 22," sold 387,935. But that’s an anomaly. The sales of actual albums begins with No. 2, by rapper Pimp C, who sold 90,000 units. With "Now 22," the Top 20 totaled just over a million CDs. Without it, it was well below. Look at it this way, Rog -- it's a lot more GENIUS to go undiscovered!
Posted
10:33 AM
by Gene
Why not go whole hog, Sumner? Then YOU can run pretentious ads that say, MORE AMERICANS GET THEIR NEWS FROM COMEDY CENTRAL THAN FROM ANY OTHER SOURCE! Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!
Posted
9:52 AM
by Gene
Obama sounds sexy now, but Potemkin candidates don't last very long, unless they're called Dubya.
Posted
9:45 AM
by Gene
(Via MediaBistro)
Posted
9:43 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:40 AM
by Gene
(Via MediaBistro)
Posted
9:18 AM
by Gene
We're frightened of your PROPERTIES. It couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of elitist twits. But so long as just the little guys get hurt then it's okay.
Posted
9:15 AM
by Gene
And we're sorry "the head of Hezbollah" was unable to attend your BOOK SIGNING. Maybe he was busy helping to plot -- a new novel. If this isn't the definition of airheady drivel I don't know what is. Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Posted
3:36 PM
by Gene
This is OUR day! P. S. Why do I get this idea people with computers may not be as smart as they think?
Posted
2:40 PM
by Gene
I don't know how smart we are, but you were smart enough to bend on holy knee to MR. MEAN BUSINESS and UNCLE BERNIE SCHWARTZ when it worked, and you were smart enough to change your tune when it didn't work.
Posted
2:33 PM
by Gene
Koreans and Americans of Korean decent [SIC] have become a major force on the U.S. junior golf circuit and LPGA Tour. [Home-page squib] And they're descent too!
Posted
2:23 PM
by Gene
And all of them spied on and censored. Right, Mr. Warner Bros.? P. S. YHOO down $6.62 to "a two-year low." G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE IS NEXT!
Posted
2:02 PM
by Gene
Let the dumbing down begin! And speaking of Comic CON: the TWXSTERS aren't previewing that stupid horror movie about snakes, so we can imagine how bad IT is.
Posted
11:36 AM
by Gene
This is news? (Via Slashdot)
Posted
11:23 AM
by Gene
Where have you been, Florence King?
Posted
11:18 AM
by Gene
This being Jonny Hairshirt I will merely say no comment.
Posted
10:36 AM
by Gene
This is GOOD NEWS! (Via the usual ArtsJournal.com)
Posted
10:28 AM
by Gene
> Robert Malley is Middle East program director at the International Crisis Group. From 1998 to 2001 he was President Clinton's special assistant for Arab-Israeli affairs [SIC] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Posted
10:24 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:22 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:15 AM
by Gene
Which means two things: 1. Most bloggers aren't, and 2. Most bloggers should. (MediaBistro link)
Posted
10:13 AM
by Gene
Time to round up more dissidents, Mr. Warner Bros.!
Posted
8:50 AM
by Gene
Yeah. Like the values of the RED-STATE SCORPION. The Woman of the Year of the Woman is in a runoff?!?
Posted
8:36 AM
by Gene
An excellent paper that ignores important stories. (Via the usual Romy) Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Posted
12:20 PM
by Gene
And not a moment too soon as Dubya was ready to spend $500 billion to fix the problem.
Posted
10:01 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:45 AM
by Gene
P. S. He also carried on a long epistolary flirtation with Ayn Rand, an admirer of his writing. JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!! K-LO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
9:42 AM
by Gene
(Via MediaBistro)
Posted
9:37 AM
by Gene
No they might not, as THE CONSPIRACY has been making them for too long for stupid teens. (Via ArtsJournal)
Posted
9:31 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:27 AM
by Gene
I would say CVS is the Mickey D's of medicine but that's a compliment.
Posted
8:41 AM
by Gene
One can be sure the paper's little guys will get fired long before any of our SAINTED TRUTH TELLERS. (Via the inevitable ROMY) P. S. Indeed; it's firing 250 little guys -- and is making up for the loss of width by adding more pages. LET THEM EAT NEWSPRINT! Monday, July 17, 2006
Posted
1:34 PM
by Gene
Her uncle, a retired undercover cop, described her wounds as hundreds of "tiny but excruciating" paper cuts. "She's got that all over, with some [glass and wood splinters] so deep they're hard to get out," said the uncle, who didn't want his name used. Hey Dr. Nincompoop, wherever you are (and we suspect it makes today's summer heat seem cool), we hope you're satisfied.
Posted
1:24 PM
by Gene
Sinatra's long-time pianist dies Barry Manilow tunes used to drive away revelers
Posted
1:22 PM
by Gene
Meantime the world turns askance, and rationalizes.
Posted
11:47 AM
by Gene
Once a source of serious information, network TV has become an entertainment medium full of celebrity "information," as well as consumer-friendly "news-you-can-use," says Ralph Begleiter, a former CNN foreign affairs correspondent, who now teaches journalism at the University of Delaware. He points out that in the 1970s the three broadcast networks devoted some 400 hours annually to news documentaries. "Today," he says, "I dare you to find a single hour of broadcast news documentary." Like, er, THE SELLING OF THE PENTAGON? Or THE UNCOUNTED ENEMY: A VIETNAM DECEPTION?
Posted
11:12 AM
by Gene
CBS Evening News Not 'A Dying Product' Is MSNBC, at Age 10, Still Needed?
Posted
10:48 AM
by Gene
Why are we not surprised?
Posted
10:43 AM
by Gene
Not that divorces, as practiced by the superrich and superfamous, seem to burst their huge egos.
Posted
10:33 AM
by Gene
The Top 200 still heavily favor TV, placing 58% of their media budgets into the five monitored forms of the medium. Network TV, the largest single measured media category among these heavy hitters, grew 4.8% to $13.26 billion, topping overall growth in the medium of only 1.9% in 2005. The Top 200's tally represented nearly three-quarters of all spending on network TV.... The Top 200 in 2006 is expected to lead all advertisers out of the ad funk that left 2005 media growth at only 3%. Media expenditures have picked up steam this year, hitting 5.2% growth to $34.92 billion for all advertisers in the first quarter, with network TV up 12.3%, spot TV up 6.4% and internet up 19.4%. With congressional elections in November, spot TV will get yet another chance to pick up steam. REVERSE ROBINHOODISM FOREVER!!!!!
Posted
10:11 AM
by Gene
Sorry, any anchorpoop can NEVER stop being the story.
Posted
9:39 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:32 AM
by Gene
Google Dell customer service problems TODAY: 15,700,000 HITS. (Britney Spears gets 541,000. We can ALL do better. IT&T gets 9,880,000.)
Posted
9:21 AM
by Gene
CORRECTION: A man named ACKERMAN. Friday, July 14, 2006
Posted
5:52 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:40 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:35 PM
by Gene
Anyone game?
Posted
5:31 PM
by Gene
As Juan Cole points out today on Informed Comment.... Fill in the blanks with your favorite pundit and Web site and anyone can play that simpleton's game.
Posted
2:08 PM
by Gene
Sorry, RUPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, they already passed those fines. He tried, though.
Posted
1:34 PM
by Gene
THAT'S A SUPERDUPERMEGASMASH!!!!!
Posted
1:25 PM
by Gene
For our money the last serious female singer was Peggy Lee.
Posted
1:07 PM
by Gene
![]() Courage in journalism today takes all the obvious, traditional forms -- reporting from a war zone or from a totalitarian country where a reporter's life or safety are issues. In Washington, D.C., where I work, it's a far less dramatic form of courage if a journalist stands up to a government official or a politician who he or she has reason to believe is not telling the truth or living up to his or her responsibilities. But I believe a new kind of courage is needed in journalism in this age of instant news, instant analysis, and therefore instant opinions. It also happens to be a time of government by public relations and news stories based on prepared texts and prepared events or responses. Therefore, this is the time for reporters and editors, whether from the mainstream media or blogosphere, to pause before responding to the latest bulletin, prepared event, or the most recent statement or backgrounder, whether from the White House or the Democratic or Republican leadership on Capitol Hill.... At the beginning of the REAGAN ADMINISTRATION.... Shut up, Walter. We know what COURAGE means. (Do I cite ROMY too much?)
Posted
1:02 PM
by Gene
"We should build these walls; there's no question about it," he said. "But the real issue here is the offset that's being used, and the offset creates a Hobson's choice for almost everyone here." Mr. Session's [true believer's SIC] amendment would have required across-the-board cuts to the rest of the Homeland Security appropriations bill, Mr. Gregg said, which would mean cutting 750 new border-patrol agents and 1,200 new detention beds for illegal aliens that he included in the bill. To paraphrase Forrest Gump, brilliant is as brilliant does. Senators are not stupid.
Posted
12:05 PM
by Gene
Congress: Buy energy-efficient servers now And every time they make a law, it's a joke! (Via Slashdot)
Posted
11:51 AM
by Gene
![]() Time for a little -- er, HEAD-BUTTING FRENCH DIPLOMACY: Chirac says Israel wants to 'destroy Lebanon' I've got the perfect flag for your nation, Jacque-ass: ![]()
Posted
11:46 AM
by Gene
We question whether those gloating troublemakers can ever understand that. Will our putative allies?
Posted
11:32 AM
by Gene
Belo, you'd be doing the RIGHT THING. P. S. An ad-blurbist is an "OUTSIDE VOICE"? Which side of outside do you mean? (Via the usual Romy)
Posted
9:41 AM
by Gene
Magazine Names Ed McMahon Top Sidekick
Posted
9:23 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:21 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:18 AM
by Gene
Coors Chairman and Pitchman Arrested for DUI Well, at least he uses the product. Thursday, July 13, 2006
Posted
5:11 PM
by Gene
Dan Gross | Stars landing at Borgata LOCK UP your daughters. Hollywood horndog Wilmer Valderrama is among celebs expected at the Borgata Saturday night when the Atlantic City hotel celebrates the opening of its nightclub mur.mur. The Latin Lothario, his former "That 70's Show" co-star Danny Masterson, "American Pie" hottie Shannon Elizabeth, "Sopranos" daughter Jamie Lynn Sigler and MTV's Vanessa Minnillo are all scheduled to attend the festivities. Masterson will DJ and Elizabeth will attend another mur.mur party Friday. Saturday night's music will be provided by DJ-AM, the on-again, off-again boyfriend of Nicole "Toothpick" Richie. The parties start at 10 p.m. Cover is $20 for women and $30 for men. I heard of Red Buttons. Who's heard of these? (Except for RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S GIRLFRIEND's ex-friend.) If these are stars I want to know who's on the B-list.
Posted
1:13 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:59 PM
by Gene
Over the last two days, I’ve heard from a number of sources, none of whom are mentioned in this post, that Belo Corp. management has decided to ditch most, if not all, of The Dallas Morning News’ movie and television critics. HORRORS!!!!!!!!!! We've said it before, we'll say it again: the ad-blurbists are irrelevant at best, hosannahing toadying groupthinkers at worst. Why must every newspaper have scribblers above the title? (Via -- who else? -- ROMY)
Posted
12:50 PM
by Gene
The government's Anti-Terror Squad released photos of two young, bearded men it identified as Sayyad Zabiuddin and Zulfeqar Fayyaz. Yep, Eskimos attacked the trains in Mumbai.
Posted
12:46 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:19 PM
by Gene
We doubt this sort of thing will make the Club Meds for the young any less PC, but we can hope.
Posted
12:05 PM
by Gene
Ironically, Fore!!'s doing this to "beef up" customer service. Puh-LEASE!
Posted
11:50 AM
by Gene
Perhaps LORD KOPPEL had a point, however self-righteously raised.
Posted
11:30 AM
by Gene
News hacks are always right.
Posted
8:55 AM
by Gene
Not bloody likely. (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
8:42 AM
by Gene
![]() BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP: "The marketplace is exerting a far more dangerous influence on what gets on and what doesn't get on television news programming these days than any . . . fear of political repercussions or consequences.... "As all of you know far better than I, the cost of a commercial on a program that reaches an audience over 45 or 50 is a fraction of what a . . . sponsor is willing to pay for a commercial on a broadcast that reaches the 18-to-29-year-olds." Look, dammit, if superserious news types like YOU, LORD KOPPEL, had done your job RIGHT MAYBE we wouldn't be pontificating about stupid KIDS. And as Rosie's Nephew could remind you, St. Edward of Murrow had PERSON TO PERSON -- and YOU had BRUCE. Thankfully Lisa ran this; if HOWIE HAIRSHIRT had done it he'd have agreed with him. (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
8:16 AM
by Gene
Lawson likened Lay to James Byrd, a black man who was dragged to death in a racially motivated murder near Jasper eight years ago. "Ken Lay was neither black nor poor, as James Byrd was, but I'm angry because Ken was the victim of a lynching," said Lawson, who predicted that history will vindicate Lay. If we call correctly, whoever murdered James Byrd did not drag thousands of Enron employees with him. Strange: everyone there called KennyBoy "nice" and "good." Having a kind surface doesn't preclude the monster underneath. We somehow don't think that because KennyBoy left generous tips and smiled at people who otherwise go unsmiled it makes his crimes any more palatable. And that PAPA and THE FIXER were there sums up his friends.
Posted
6:26 AM
by Gene
Here's what they know: Tyco was run by a fraud, CONcast gouges its customers and ESPNCorp is liberal. That's what they know. Here's betting the act passes as is, proof news hacks rule the universe. Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Posted
5:34 PM
by Gene
Now go sit in a corner and we'll punish you in ten years.
Posted
5:27 PM
by Gene
So why do American Catholics always act whiny and ungrateful? Unless it's all those priests who aren't Catholics.
Posted
2:13 PM
by Gene
Not that you produce a lot of JUNK, right Your Highness?
Posted
1:58 PM
by Gene
Pop culture pundit Thompson was quoted 60 times in June Robert Thompson, director of the Center for the Study of Popular Television at Syracuse University, "serves a purpose to deliver a sound bite," says Jossip blogger David Hauslaib. "I set up a Google News Alert to monitor all of his press mentions and I have to treat them like spam now because they're so frequent." Crusading IDIOTS.
Posted
1:50 PM
by Gene
Another one of MICKEYMOUSE NIXON's EXPERIMENTS bites the dust. Joke of the Day: "The internal rate of return (for the studio division) is not shareholder friendly," Miller said. "Obviously, even though 'Cars' or 'Pirates' were big successes, the internal rate of return was insufficient." Hardy har har!
Posted
10:21 AM
by Gene
![]() Gannett reports 8.3% decline in second-quarter earnings How about some more P-Ulitzer auditions, GanNETt? But @#$%&* REVENUES were up!
Posted
10:13 AM
by Gene
I guess there's a limit to publicity.
Posted
10:04 AM
by Gene
["Mancow"] Muller, Nyren said, was a polarizing figure on arrival in Chicago "and the ad community and even listeners never really forgot it," Nyren said. "I would have people call and they would say, `My ad just ran behind the porn star from California who's running for governor.'" Honest, we'd have thought most of the good fairies of advertising wouldn't have noticed -- or could have imagined it a VIRTUE. "You certainly like synergy, but Howard had very little synergy on almost every station he was on," Gehron said. The late KING OF ALL THE UNIVERSE'S MEDIA had his own exclusive kingdom? Well!
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