Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

What is this? Old Advisors' Home Week at the WaPost?

As I'm increasingly fed up with news hacks and bloggers, so I'm increasingly impatient with the whole damned Web. With overexposure to it you can reduce the world's concerns to seven story lines, much as with the output of Hollywood and the theatre; after a while you rue that you've said the same things on the same seven topics seven times seven times. Could the Web and its instant ennui-and-impatience making be at the heart of our miasmic distemper and the political tantrum throwing in general? And why can't the same exhaustion hit the Web and that has ruined the rest of our culture?

It doesn't help my morale to get five hits a day either -- and those with effort.

Posted 2:51 PM by Gene

The Wall Street Journals are plugging all the instant SUPERSTARS of YouTube, meaning after their 15 seconds of fame are up we'll never hear of them again.

(Via Slashdot, where it's drawn only 42 comments despite being posted this morning, proof even the geeks can smell it too)

P. S. Needless to say there's endless blather about IPOs and buyouts, meaning people are about to lose their shirts -- especially when they learn it's hard to monetize copyright infringement.

OR:

Have you watched a YouTube video lately? The resolution is 2002-quality. Grimey. Gross. Someone else could do better.

Not until we get desktop HD -- and when do you suppose THAT will happen?

Posted 2:07 PM by Gene

You mean someone had to RESIGN for spending $287,000 in public money for A PILE OF BRONZE TEACUPS?

Posted 1:59 PM by Gene

People who insist newspapers could have played their own Mighty Mouse by charging for content don't know the power of Web marketing. The Internet is so vastly superior to newspapers as an consumer-information medium it's leaving the print barons to choke on its exhaust.

Posted 11:52 AM by Gene

China's leaders are finding that the world's largest command economy no longer responds to their commands.

Growth is hurtling along at the fastest pace in a decade, defying official efforts to curb investment in unneeded factories and real-estate projects. The government's immediate concerns are that overheated growth will saddle China with excess capacity, create more asset bubbles, and increase friction with the U.S. and other trading partners.

``China's unbalanced growth model has now gone to excess and seems in danger of veering out of control,'' says Stephen Roach, chief global economist at Morgan Stanley in New York. ``The longer China's economic boom runs, the tougher it will be to avoid a more treacherous endgame.''

"Endgame"? Say, you don't think the Chinese could cause a depression, do you? NAAAAAAAAAAH.

Posted 10:07 AM by Gene

Sumner may cut The Son of God's tithe (er, the one who jumps on couches).

Maybe it's time to stop playing twenty-something roles, or jumping on couches.

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

The blithering-idiot Babbitts were so busy building super-duper condos nobody needed that they didn't notice there was a glut, and now they're whining there's a glut, and guess who suffers? Not the people who can afford super-duper condos.

Why does every Godforsaken profession in America suffer from groupthink?

Posted 6:49 AM by Gene

People expect truthfulness from Web dating services?!?

Either the public's credulousness is at record levels or those ads really work.

Posted 6:42 AM by Gene

The Second Coming of Christ has driven drunk before.

If people haven't heard of TMZ.com, they have now.

Speaking of whom, Mr. "F*****g Jews, the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world" has a development deal for a HOLOCAUST show with ESPNCorp Network.

PFFH-HH-HH!

P. S. from our favorite PR guy Rog:

As I reported last February, Gibson invested another $5 million tax-free into his Malibu church last year. With 70 or so members, Holy Family Church is designed to follow outdated Catholic doctrine that the Jews are responsible for killing Jesus Christ.

Gibson, I wrote, has never quite refuted his father's statements. In fact, an article I cited from the Pittsburgh Tribune Review revealed that Gibson is planning to fund a church similar to Holy Family in Mt. Pleasant Township, Pa., called St. Michael the Archangel. According to the article, Gibson was persuaded by his father to become involved and may have assisted in the purchase of an existing structure for a little over $315,000.

Explain THAT one, MS. PETER TRAVERS.

Posted 6:38 AM by Gene

And the Nobel Prize-Winning Adolescent is busy:

Tony Blair, who is on a trip to America, said today that he thought there was now a real chance of getting a UN resolution.

"It’s going to require a lot of work. There has been a lot of detailed discussions and negotiations throughout the night," he said, at the end of a hectic Sunday spent juggling public engagements and talking to other world leaders, including President Bush, Jacques Chirac, the President of France, and Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor.

Something bad will come out of this, and thank God it's still months or years away.

Posted 6:33 AM by Gene

USAOKAY!!!!!!!!!! crosses the line from "reporting" to advocacy. When will these idiots abandon their "unbiased" shtick and wear their prejudices on their sleeves?

Sunday's attack could prove as big a PUBLIC-RELATIONS DISASTER....

And ultimately that's what what gets NEWS HACKS upset -- not governing, not right or wrong, but PR. And this is the Lord God's statement from a rag that pioneered in NON-STOP SHOW-BIZ FLACKERY.

The Israelis can't resume their military operations soon enough, if only to stick it to the HACKS.

NOTE: GCI's at its lowest since 2000.

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

"[S]o double the killer delete select all."

The Bugmeister writes poetry!

Posted 1:26 PM by Gene

Thank, er, god for our kind of evangelical! (Only Pinch capitalizes His name.)

Contents aside (the problem with religion isn't politics, but the lack of sense that goes with it) I am becoming rapidly fed up with news hacks. They go out of their way to seek people who agree with them. That the slaughter in Lebanon will stay with us for weeks is because hacks are looking for a hook for their beliefs. The same with SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS. Any time I turn to con-SER-va-tive ones my impatience boils over because they have exactly the same attitude. (I expect it from liberal bloggers as they're a subset of the hacks.) Why do people refuse to admit to their own shortcomings?

A reminder: NYT's closing price on Friday: $21.87. Its year low: $21.70. That was its lowest since 1997. What will stop PINCH'S TRUTH?

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

U.N. SECURITY COUNCIL TO HOLD EMERGENCY SESSION ON MIDEAST CRISIS TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (CNN.com "breaking news" hed)

If I lived on the East Side I'd don a gas mask. Things will REEK.

Posted 9:28 AM by Gene

Nickelodeon to Kids: Go out and play

Us to SUMNER: Go fly a kite.

And you fly a kite too, ASSociated Press, for running another press release.

Posted 9:20 AM by Gene

Now Brent the Bootlicker wants in on the act. Haven't these clowns heard the phrase "too many cooks spoil the broth" -- and the broth's already spoiled?

If the Bootlickers and Piano-Bar Men shut up for all time the world would not miss their misjudgment.

Posted 9:19 AM by Gene

Hey Sen. Fatso Glub-Glub, did you really THINK Dubya was going to appoint HYPERLIBERALS?

Posted 9:11 AM by Gene

And speaking of wisdom (PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!), Mr. Mark gets to plug a movie and be patriotic at the same time! This story is full of unappetizing motives: PATRIOTIC GORE and MS. TRAVERS and the gang think it's THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER because it's CON-SER-VA-TIVE; the critics will love it because it's OLLY, and OLLY's EDGY, and -- this sort of thing is so larded over with politics and motives you get disgusted at the sight of it, however well-meaning the property. Most likely this will not do that well; people are just tired, and as the last 9-11 movie showed, they may not go to movies for castor oil.

To his credit, Olly's changed his mind, but we still believe public officials and celebrities are guilty until proven innocent.

Posted 9:00 AM by Gene

One-eighth of the whole population were colored slaves, not distributed generally over the Union, but localized in the southern part of it. These slaves constituted a peculiar and powerful interest. All knew that this interest was somehow the cause of the war. To strengthen, perpetuate, and extend this interest was the object for which the insurgents would rend the Union, even by war; while the Government claimed no right to do more than to restrict the territorial enlargement of it. Neither party expected for the war the magnitude or the duration which it has already attained. Neither anticipated that the cause of the conflict might cease with, or even before, the conflict itself should cease. Each looked for an easier triumph, and a result less fundamental and astounding. Both read the same Bible and pray to the same God, and each invoked His aid against the other. It may seem strange that any men should dare to ask a just God's assistance in wringing their bread from the sweat of other men's faces, but let us judge not, that we be not judged. The prayers of both could not be answered. That of neither has been answered fully. The Almighty has His own purposes. "Woe unto the world because of offenses; for it must needs be that offenses come, but woe to that man by whom the offense cometh." If we shall suppose that American slavery is one of those offenses which, in the providence of God, must needs come, but which, having continued through His appointed time, He now wills to remove, and that He gives to both North and South this terrible war as the woe due to those by whom the offense came, shall we discern therein any departure from those divine attributes which the believers in a living God always ascribe to Him? Fondly do we hope, fervently do we pray, that this mighty scourge of war may speedily pass away. Yet, if God wills that it continue until all the wealth piled by the bondsman's two hundred and fifty years of unrequited toil shall be sunk, and until every drop of blood drawn with the lash shall be paid by another drawn with the sword, as was said three thousand years ago, so still it must be said "the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether."

One wishes the braying loudmouths like PILLHEAD and THE OMNIPOTENT KOS had an ounce of Lincoln's wisdom and humility, for with their malevolent desires they could plunge us into an abyss that would make the Civil War a birthday party.

Posted 8:57 AM by Gene

They're laughing in Tehran -- and at Turtle Bay.

Hed of the Day:

What we can't show from the Mideast (CNN.com Java video link)

We know what you can't show, and why -- for reasons that have nothing to do with newsworthiness, or propriety.

Posted 8:01 PM by Gene

Well whadya know -- Hugo's a sleazeball!

That's one thing, try though he might, that he can't stick in the Yanqui face.

Posted 2:22 PM by Gene

Indeed the biggest SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS are starting to act like politicians. We've said the hell with politicians, and we say the hell with SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS too.

The public MUST throw the Garrulous Ossified Panderers out in 2006 -- so we can get someone else IN in 2008.

Posted 2:13 PM by Gene

And in other news of megalomaniacs, it's hard to believe this overexposed AC-tress has been lectured at. You do not lecture at ac-TORS - they lecture at YOU.

We do not understand why his secretary italicized "CEO." On second thought, maybe we do.

Posted 2:02 PM by Gene

Lunkheaded SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER comment of the day:

These details, I repeat, haven't been independently confirmed and are from this website.

Somebody ought to teach this preening TWXSTER the meaning of SYNERGY.

Here's what got MS. TRAVERS mad:

It contains every anti-Semitic trope imaginable - from the darling of the Christianist right.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!!!!!! is to the right what FATSO is to the left. And just because an ASS like ANDY S. says it doesn't make it UNTRUE (despite the well-documented "Christianist" rhetorical tantrum gag).

Chances are the bonehead Mel will do community service anyway -- and continue to spout off at Jews, in private, or when drunk.

Posted 1:48 PM by Gene

And seeing MS. TRAVERS's name I had to skim through the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS and found for the most part they're upholding their CW as usual. Hugh, for instance, bombasts in thousands of words that the Seattle shooting was an ACT OF TERRORISM!!!!!!!!!! The problem is the line separating terrorism and hate crimes (I hate that term -- it's straight out of Orwell) is a fine one, and this shootist may have been inspired as much by mental illness as anything else -- though a healthy dose of Islamism helped. Indeed because the man appears to have been a loner (the classic diagnosis for such crimes) does NOT mean the hacks are PC in covering it, although God knows they often are. Perhaps this is terrorism in HUGH's highly refined sense of the term; let's just call it another senseless, evil shooting, and be done with it.

A few post down he fumes about bird flu being ignored. Maybe it's being ignored because it hasn't turned into the pandemic HUGHS SCREAMED it would be. I think I'm better off ignoring these bloviators.

Posted 1:45 PM by Gene

I am not quite at the point of saying anything that gets AMERICA'S No. 1 SOUTH PARK FAN mad makes me happy, but I'm getting there.

P. S. Ms. TRAVERS's friend did 87 in a 45 zone. This savior is lucky he didn't hurt more than his rep.

Posted 1:42 PM by Gene

Nawlans is back.

Does the ennui which we deign react to these mass homicide help cause them? It's mere time before these things become daily occurences. A nation that can tolerate so much violence almost begs to be subjugated by the loony Islamists.

Posted 12:20 PM by Gene

I don't think the Goodthings boys are going to earn back the $190 million they wasted making another TV MOVIE.

Posted 10:09 AM by Gene

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My life is f****d....You mother f****r. I'm going to f*** you....F*****g Jews. The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world....Are you a Jew?....What the f*** do you think you're doing?

Oh and by the way:

What do you think you're looking at, sugar tits?

Calling Michael Novak! Calling Ninny Medved! CALLING MONSIGNOR LAPIN!

(Via Da Nooz)

Posted 10:05 AM by Gene

To their credit, CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES do something RIGHT, for once: they admit in the first five paragraphs the man who opened fire on the Seattle Jewish Federation was -- Muslim. They don't even use dashes.

Posted 10:02 AM by Gene

If it took two weeks for the League of Nations "Security" Council to issue a statement about the war in the Middle East, just think how long it would take to do something.

Posted 7:06 PM by Gene

More posturing from the League of Nations -- and news hacks:

Criticism by the panel brings no penalties beyond international scrutiny.

We wonder what CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES meant by that. That the League should punish us for our sins of incompetence? Talk about the reflection in the mirror. Say, I've got an idea -- why not a world government run by NEWS HACKS! It would smoke out every injustice, and...go broke in two years. We'll go further: if the HACKS had organized the disaster relief last year they'd still be organizing it.

This is the League's "Human Rights Committee," still up to its old tricks.

Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

Microsoft does not expect to see a return on its upcoming Zune portable media device for several years, according to a top executive at the company.

With a name like Zune it should give up right away.

Posted 5:34 PM by Gene

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!!!!!! The Second Coming of Christ is DRUNK behind the wheel!

What would MONSIGNOR LAPIN say?

What he'll always say: praise "God" for his "evangelism."

(Via USAOKAY.com On Deadline)

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

Is this news, and does it require 692 words? We can believe there was a mix-up here; we can further believe even the TWXSTERS would not want to sully a Web site with adware. But the offense caused by a likely unintentional spreading of "inappropriate" downloads is nothing next to the intentional spreading of offense the TWXSTERS and their ilk commit everyday with their "PROPERTIES."

Posted 1:48 PM by Gene

"Yo Blair!"

Posted 1:44 PM by Gene

Senate Passes Resolution (Finally) Condemning 2004 Journo Slay

When we saw that "(Finally)" we thought, GREG's up to something. But the man in question was the Forbes editor whose murder the Russians have conspired never to solve. Meantime Belly-Kisser further consolidates his power, and calls up his friends in Teheran, and it's only a matter of time before he declares himself President for Life.

Posted 1:00 PM by Gene

House GOP slates minimum wage vote

1. Is somebody running for office? 2. CON-SER-VA-TISM COLLAPSES!!!!! 3. Will it matter worth a tinker's damn?

Posted 12:14 PM by Gene

I am extremely surprised the Arabs would back their own. Sometimes it seems the whole world is politically correct, and willing to live with tyrants and terrorists.

I am also extremely surprised The Paper of Re-CORD is declaring a Hezbollah victory. But then if the modern news biz had covered the Civil War we'd have twenty countries.

Posted 10:25 AM by Gene

Empirical research in economics is notoriously difficult because wages, prices, unemployment rates, product qualities, and all other data of the social sciences are, as Friedrich Hayek said, "complex phenomena." Having so very much constantly going on in the real world, having no laboratory in which reliably to isolate more than a handful of these phenomena at any one time, and unable to read directly the minds of the many persons whose perceptions and choices combine to generate social outcomes, empirical researchers can easily overlook or misread important variables.

This situation distinguishes the social sciences from the physical sciences in two notable ways. First, a higher proportion of empirical research in the social sciences is subject to legitimate -- oftentimes irresolvable -- dispute. Second, as a consequence, in the social sciences theoretical considerations inevitably play a larger role in navigating around these disputes and in forming judgments about desirable public policies.

And so it is with the minimum wage. Almost any empirical study of this government mandate can be challenged for ignoring this variable, for mis-identifying that variable, for focusing on an inappropriate time period, or for countless other possible errors.

Which doesn't prevent DOW 36,000 from ignoring this variable and focusing on that inappropriate time period and saying the minimum wage is BAD.

We're dubious about the minimum wage too. We don't doubt it might cut employment chances for the poor. We don't doubt either among the DOW 36,000 gang there's no minimum to the wages they'd pay.

Hey DOW! Why don't your fairy tales have their own URLs after you click on the home-page links?

Posted 7:03 AM by Gene

Democrats chastise Bolton as ineffective

Our nominee: THE PIANO-BAR MAN!

Posted 6:57 AM by Gene

Just what The Thumbs-Up! Show! needs -- a comedian.

Practically speaking, there is no difference.

Posted 6:54 AM by Gene

So RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! has an army of hoity-toity bootlickers in for a conference.

Who knew?

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

Hugo Chavez meets his match: Mr. Goodwrench!

Posted 6:43 AM by Gene

Slick's Piano Bar Man (or a staffer or intern thereto) suggests the Middle East parties talk talk talk, because the Piano Bar Man hates war, and besides, he says, Hezbollah's gotten a pretty good rep of late, maybe from lots of his friends who helped screw up the world situation in the first place.

Posted 5:41 PM by Gene

If writing movie reviews in twenty words is so great why do I get three hits a day?

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

Bristol-Myers Squibb Co. and Sanofi- Aventis SA said the U.S. started a criminal probe of a plan to keep a generic version of their top-selling blood-thinner Plavix off the market....

The companies agreed to pay closely held generic-drug maker Apotex not to sell a cheaper copy of their $4-a-day Plavix until 2011. The Federal Trade Commission and states attorneys general already were scrutinizing the deal. The accord is part of a resurgence in ``reverse payment'' agreements designed to limit generic drug competition, FTC Commissioner Jon Leibowitz said last week at a Senate hearing in Washington.

That's my kind of FREE ENTERPRISE!

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

Shucks, making Caddies UGLY doesn't seem to be making the buyers any YOUNGER.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

Batten down the hatches! The manufacturers of Les Miz are inflicting another AudioAnimatronics contraption on us!

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

Rosie's Nephew and his truth-dispensing partner are breaking up their production company -- no doubt thanks to all the genius it's unleashed:

Section Eight has been an iffy proposition. While "Ocean’s Eleven" was a hit, "Ocean’s Twelve" is generally unpopular.

There are some real turkeys in the Section Eight catalog, too, that cost plenty and brought in from nothing to very little

They include "Rumor Has It," with Jennifer Aniston; the current "A Scanner Darkly"; "The Jacket," which cost at least $30 million but grossed around $6 million; "Criminal," which took in less than a million bucks and had a feature budget of several million; and of course, "Syriana," which made about what it cost — $50 million — but ultimately lost money.

Yep, that's a lot of excellence.

By the way, isn't Section Eight the name of a public-housing program that turns upscale neighborhoods into slums, or something?

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

I don't know that I'd get that excited about new "freedoms" in the Chinese press, Econowiz. This might merely be the kind of pressure-valve approach the Soviets used -- let the public vent about wrongs in government, so long as they don't vent against the GOVERNMENT.

We've no doubt Larry, Sergey and MR. WARNER BROS. would approve of that.

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

Cindy buys some land near GEORGE's ranch to be even more of a teller of TRUTH.

"We decided to buy property in Crawford to use until George's resignation or impeachment, which we all hope is soon for the sake of the world," Sheehan said in a newsletter set to be sent to supporters Thursday. [Emphasis added]

CURLEY!!!!! SUPPORTS CINDY'S SOLDIERS!

P. S. Hey Cindy! When do we start telling the truth about the evil ISRAELIS?

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

Made in the USA
Failed U.S. policies caused the mess in Lebanon.

Daniel Benjamin served on the National Security Council staff from 1994 to 1999. He is co-author of The Next Attack: The Failure of the War on Terror and a Strategy for Getting It Right," which is being published in paperback in July 2006.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 3:54 PM by Gene

Landis Suspended From Cycling

Team announces Tour de France champion has tested positive for "unusual" level of testosterone.

Can't anyone here win this game CLEAN?

Posted 3:51 PM by Gene

GREG'S EXCITED AGAIN:

Troop Morale in Iraq? "It SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!," Reporter Discovers!!!!!!!!!!



All RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 9:35 PM by Gene

Someone blames ST. IKE for "the biggest American foreign policy blunder since the War of 1812"?

Not kosher!

Posted 5:51 PM by Gene

We're surprised the hacks aren't excited as Sir Charles may run for Alabama's governor as a DEMOCRAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But we suspect he'd have no more luck in a solid red state than Lynn Swann will have against The Groper.

Posted 10:54 AM by Gene

``Snakes on a Plane," the movie for which the title carries the entire ``weight" of the ``plot," is fast becoming the summer release you needn't bother seeing. The Internet has spent months lampooning the upcoming Samuel L. Jackson thriller, and I've seen not only the trailer (``Enough is enough! I've had it with these snakes!"), parodies of the trailer, minimovies cut from the trailer, the music video, and also a hilarious parody of the music video.

The movie biz has no future. We smile.

Posted 10:40 AM by Gene

A collegiate-backed minor pro football league ignores the obvious: the colleges are in the MAJORS.

Posted 10:02 AM by Gene

DOW 36,000 reaches new heights in CLOUD-CUCKOOLAND:

Instead of vilifying the gambling industry, then, it seems a more productive use of our resources would be to look into the reasons so many people find their lives so hopeless and unfulfilling that they feel their only option is to gamble them away. How should we fund our investigation, you ask? Well, taxes from legalized online gambling may put a few extra dollars in the government coffers. Just a thought.

I thought we were against big government? Anyway, there's an easier solution: get DOW 36,000 to sit and THINK.

Posted 9:42 AM by Gene

Ahmadinejad and Putin Discuss Conflict in Lebanon

I think we should dust off that axis-of-evil rhetoric.

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

We wouldn't be surprised if people on the Big Dig did drugs; we wouldn't be surprised that this was such an overall fiasco it hardly mattered.

Posted 9:33 AM by Gene

Another BRILLIANT idea from WALL STREET:

Analyst Urges Redstone to Take Viacom Private

1. How would even THE LORD GOD SUMNER raise the money? 2. In a sense, SUMNER's playthings are ALREADY private.

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

PEOPLE WARNER FOLDS A CELEBRITY RAG?!?!? THAT LOST MONEY?!?!?!?!?

MediaBistro says the biz has too many rags. And who started them all?

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

Nobel Peace Laureate Betty Williams displayed what the Australian media called "her feisty Irish spirit" to hundreds of schoolchildren this week in a murder-minded diatribe against President Bush....

While the kids cheered, Williams, the world-renowned pacifist, fumed: "Right now, I would love to kill George Bush."

---------------------------------------------------

For the record, our sister publication "The Australian" led its story as follows: "Nobel peace laureate Betty Williams displayed a flash of her feisty Irish spirit."

RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are you running for something?

Posted 9:07 AM by Gene

More GREAT news from the ASSociated Press:

ISRAELI TROOPS SUFFER HEAVY CASUALTIES!!!!!!!!!!

Now we KNOW this is a hope. Every time we run into a CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) story on the conflict on Yahoo! it seems to be written by an Arab. Sorry CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!), we suspect they're reporting from the front lines literally AND figuratively.

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

A pretty face on a Chicago video police blotter throws a mammoth tantrum because THE PRESS is snooping into her LAWSUIT about her and her hubby's $3 MILLION HOUSE.

People in shoddily-rebuilt houses shouldn't throw the cornices falling off, or whatever.

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

Sorry to keep citing the Post, but:

ISRAEL SUFFERS HEAVY CASUALTIES IN BATTLE!!!!!

In fairness to that rag (fairness?!?), we note this appears only on the home page; but still, we wonder again (as we always must with news hacks) if this is the expression of a hope. Another POST!!!!!!!!!!! informs us the Israelis killed 150 Hezbollah soldiers, and yet we doubt anywhere anyone would describe those casualties as "HEAVY!!!!!!!!!", though their numbers must at least be proportional.

Posted 8:47 AM by Gene

Attorney General Who? is the sort of fella Dubya would have appointed to every cabinet post -- nice guy, loves his family, doesn't rock the boat, doesn't think either; in short, a thoroughgoing cipher -- except those evil con-SER-va-tives wouldn't have liked it.

Come to think of it, Who? is merely Dubya writ small -- or should we say, smaller.

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

Woodster the Perv is SAD. We don't know why. He buggers his adopted-daughter wife ("the best thing that ever happened to his romantic life," we can believe that); he still gets to play the romantic lead opposite sexy babes; he is a god in Midtown Manhattan; he still makes movies hardly anyone sees. We don't know why the Woodster should be sad. We don't know why the WAPOST should waste 2,726 WORDS and our time pitying him either.

Posted 5:51 PM by Gene

Call It Shyamaladenfreude

Call if fake. We don't know WHY the Mogul's Friend, who has spent years selling no-talents and overrating low ones -- any puff pieces about this guy in your past, Friend? -- gets in this surpassing fit of high dudgeon and yells, "NIGHT'S UNYIELDING CERTAINTY HAS RESULTED IN SOMETHING CREEPIER THAN ANY OF HIS MOVIES: A STRANGELY UNSYMPATHETIC CHARACTER WHO BEARS AN UNCANNY RESEMBLANCE TO HIMSELF." Honest Friend, when was the last time we LIKED someone in Hollywood? Especially any friend of YOURS?

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

Teen charged in highway sniper case

Here's betting if this scum's been asked why he did it, his answer was 1. Duhhhhhhhh, Idunno, or 2. Duhhhhhhhhh, I thought I'd have some fun.

Posted 5:41 PM by Gene

DR. EVIL has at least as many lives as an alleyful of mangy cats.

And I like cats.

The cable industry has been airing consumer-education campaigns since 2004, but Stevens and Inouye made it clear that those didn't allay all their fears, said Rob Stoddard, senior vice president for communications and public affairs for the National Cable & Telecommunications Association, the major trade group of the cable industry.

"They were very clearly looking for us to do something," Stoddard said. "This issue [indecency] is simply not going to dry up and go away."

Not so long as you air indecent programming.

Posted 5:38 PM by Gene

Extending President Bush's first-term tax cuts would increase economic growth over the long run, but the lower rates must be offset by reduced spending to have the most impact, according to a Treasury Department study released Tuesday.

Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

DOW 36,000's crew daydreams again:

Take the issue of childhood obesity. Familiar voices of outrage are lining up behind command-and-control measures to stop the "epidemic." Beltway crusaders have mobilized against everything from Big Soda in the schools to video games. These two enemies figure well into a rather porcine narrative: capitalist pigs create legions of materialistic pigs for mutual gain: Companies gain wealth. Kids gain weight. Public health gains problems. Or so the story goes.

But while regulators think of ways to control our lives, the market will respond in a manner that will allow us to change our lives ourselves.

Just one problem, DOW: we wouldn't being having this obesity problem if THE MARKET didn't help cause it.

That's the thing about GLIBERTARIANS: their middle name is DENIAL.

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

At Conference, Editors Told to Focus on Under-18 Readers

This inevitably means special sections dumbed down for the young on the assumption they can't read.

With children wanting to be walking wired automatons when would they have time for newspapers?

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

Three high-ranking Senate Democrats on Tuesday called on Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki to explain his recent comments condemning Israel's "aggression" against Lebanon.

KOS getting under your skin?

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

The ULTRA-GET-A-LIFE! who had twenty minutes of fame on the SUPERGEEKS' favorite game show with the exclamation point thinks he deserves another ten minutes.

Take the money, Mr. ULTRA-GET-A-LIFE!, and SHUT UP.

A special thanks to USAOKAY.COM!!!!! for making this second from the top in "Latest Headlines", above the heat wave in California! That's NEWS!

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

The Israeli military claims it has killed the senior Hezbollah commander in charge of the central area of Lebanon's border with Israel. No word from Hezbollah. [CNN hed]

Hmmm, you don't think maybe the side many liberals and news hacks are rooting against might be winning, do you? NAHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Posted 9:28 AM by Gene

Is it possible all that suing and whining have merely made the tobacco biz as hugely profitable as big oil?

Posted 9:18 AM by Gene

Just what the world needs -- one dominant video-card company.

The geeks will be FURIOUS!

Posted 9:15 AM by Gene

BREAKING NEWS from the world of throwing money into the Hollywood cesspool, aka ADVERTISING:

The commercial ratings data "still doesn't tell the entire story," says Andrew Jung, head of Kellogg's advertising and media. More detailed information, he thinks, might show that advertisers pay for absent eyeballs.

You're not paying for AIR TIME, Andy, you're paying to SCHMOOZE! Of which we've no doubt YOU do a lot -- on OUR money.

Posted 9:01 AM by Gene

We'll admit we agree with Daniel Schorr that the lack of editors in blogging is a problem, but he should remember the press couldn't have had twenty-five BRILLIANT years WITHOUT editors -- like Howell Raines, for instance.

(Via the usual ROMY)

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

GENERALETTE SPEAKS:

"It is time for a new Middle East."

Bombing the old one off the planet should be sufficient.

Posted 8:07 AM by Gene

People would rather scream and cry and plant candles and flowers and Winnie-the-Pooh bears than do anything to prevent our inner-city carnage.

``Whoever did this should rot in hell."

But remember --

NO SNITCHIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 6:45 PM by Gene

Honorary Mayor Mike's presidential run hits a speed bump, or rather a ConEd crew.

Posted 3:49 PM by Gene

Prime Minister Fuad Saniora told Rice that Israel's bombardment was taking his country “backwards 50 years”....

That's nothing. Islamists want to take the world backwards 1200 years.

Posted 1:35 PM by Gene

SAMMY GLICKMAN, you're in BIG TROUBLE!

[H]ow bad can "Miami Vice" be? The Michael Mann movie opens Friday, but the only advance quote Universal could find for its ads came from an obscure movie blog, aka fan page. Even the regular quote-pluggers must have been unavailable for this one. How creepy and sad. Where was the Hollywood Foreign Press on this one? Isn’t this what they’re for?

Nyuk nyuk nyuk!

Posted 1:20 PM by Gene

If (as this PR effusion alleges) curves are coming back, why do so many of the most successful models and AC-tresses have stick figures?

Posted 12:33 PM by Gene

Meet the new Miss Universe

The most beautiful woman in the world wants to be a movie star. (Yahoo! home-page blurb)

Really? I thought she just won a beauty pageant.

No, I'm not being picky, but REALLY, Mr. Warner Bros., you gotta teach your interns how to write.

Posted 12:03 PM by Gene

SAMMY GLICKMAN, you're in TROUBLE!

Posted 7:02 AM by Gene

What is the point of GENERALETTE stopping in Beirut other than to show off?

It is said she is on a whirlwind tour to rustle up peace and "reassure our allies," but I couldn't help that first response as secretaries of state have a history of whirlwind tours, and at times Foggy Bottom seems the root of all evil.

Posted 6:39 AM by Gene

And in more news of the real world that folks like the GET-A-LIFES! make ever more intolerable, another senseless shooting, in Kansas City. Once upon a time people would have been horrified. Now, thanks to a culture ruled by the GET-A-LIFES!, we laugh.

Posted 6:32 AM by Gene

The LaLaTimes becomes a little sniffy as the great GET-A-LIFE! Hollywood audition ends.

I guess we're supposed to be impressed that 2 million attended. We can think of other once-powerful organizations that attracted huge crowds: the Know-Nothings, the Klan, the Socialists, the Prohibitionists. All went into history's dust bin. The GET-A-LIFE! Society will not join them soon, but its mob ignorance and general irrelevance guarantee it will in time.

And while we're at it, here's another reason the newspapers are headed down that path too: once a Mencken or a Royko would have seared the GET-A-LIFES! memorably. Now we slog through press releases. You can't go broke too soon, TRIBCO.

P. S. OKAY!!!!! says "'the market is oversaturated with horror,'" and sci-fi flicks are turning gloomy. The good news is they "'give you the chance to comment on the times you're living in,'" meaning with luck that JJJJJAAAAAHHHHHNNNNN-RUH will produce several dozen hugely successful INCONVENIENT TRUTHS.

Posted 1:37 PM by Gene

The Golfing Machine is BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!

Posted 1:35 PM by Gene

Cle-VER:

Togo says halves HIV/AIDS rate

...The cabinet statement did not say whether the drop was due to mortality among AIDS patients....

Pardon us, but we're not sure we like black humor where such diseases are concerned.

Posted 10:36 AM by Gene

If these two superloudmouths whose first names must begin with O were anywhere near class acts they'd have at least shook hands, but we don't expect that with classless acts, especially when they're full of germs.

Posted 10:22 AM by Gene

Meanwhile, at the great audition of stupid vehicles for Hollywood called Comic CON, an artiste loses his tape on his way to the gathering, proving you can pay for appealing to GET-A-LIFES!

Posted 10:16 AM by Gene

MORE STIRRING "REPORTING" FROM NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:

SEN. CHRIS DODD: AMERICANS 'NAUSEATED' BY BUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dodd also said people are "nauseated" by the country's polarization under President Bush. (Fifth graf)



Or as our friend the late SUPER-HERO of NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! would say, thanks for the unbiased reporting!

Posted 10:10 AM by Gene

The League of Nations is APPALLED!

Go back to the Puzzle Palace to dream of a world without Israel.

Posted 10:01 AM by Gene

"Our entry into the war, under the slogan of 'Stop Hitler!' would actually result in the immediate introduction of totalitarianism over here. . . . The American masses can best help [the German people] by fighting at home to keep their own liberties."

No, professor, some people will never learn.

That petition was signed by "V.F. Calverton, James T. Farrell, Clement Greenberg, Dwight Macdonald, Kenneth Patchen, Philip Rahv, Kenneth Rexroth, Delmore Schwartz [and] William Carlos Williams" -- brilliant thinkers all.

Posted 9:11 AM by Gene

The NEW! IMPROVED!! StinkyInky's TV ad-blurbist says TV IS NOW TOO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The critics gathered here for the Television Critics Association annual summer press tour have found rare consensus: The TV mug this fall will be filled to overflowing with sweet shows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Even though I'm not sure there's a really great show, this is by far the best year cumulatively in my memory!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" says Tom Jicha, TV critic for the South Florida Sun-Sentinel. Among the 125 or so critics at the press tour, Jicha is an elephant, attending his 25th.... [From watching so much TV he should be.]

Do not mistake the critics for a monolith....



I don't see no monolith.

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

NY TIMES' ABOUT BUY REDEEMED

We think we know why Peter wrote this puff piece about the SLIMES!!!!!!!!!!' Internet piece of junk -- to make RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S look good.

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

"It was not, right now, nor was it ever intended to become, a lifetime job to be a staffer in the Capitol," said Ted Costa, one such advocate. "People are always going to go up to bigger and better things. Dick Cheney started as a staffer."

Which is precisely what defeats panaceas like term limits.

Posted 8:48 AM by Gene

"He has done a lot of good things here, from irrigation networks to schools to hospitals and a dam for fish," said Som Chan.

And Hitler built the Autobahn.

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

Meantime the TWXSTERS chime in on the CRISIS, and offer these six solutions:

1. Get the U.S. Involved

2. Don't Forget The Palestinians

3. Guarantee Israel's security

4. Stabilize Lebanon

5. Handle Iran

6. PRAY FOR IRAQ [SIC!!!!!]

Seeing as how they offer prayer as a solution we might wonder if peace is possible.

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

Well here we are in the middle of a WORLD CRISIS, and Mr. Mark finds time to try to turn Ub Iger into the all-time hero MICKEYMOUSE NIXON, and plug another eternal talent in the entertainment biz! Way to go, Mr. Mark! Once again you prove you're smarter than the SOBs who read your rag!

Yes, Markie, that story might be seven pages, but you know and I know what the coffee tables read.

Posted 2:31 PM by Gene

RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spread ADWARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

1. Gosh. 2. Most MySpace users don't know OR care.

Posted 2:26 PM by Gene

CluckcluckcluckcluckcluckcluckcluckclckbaDOKKbaDOKKKKK!!!!!

Posted 2:06 PM by Gene

BREAKING NEWS from CNN.com:

U.S. Secretary of State Rice says "Syria knows what it needs to do and Hezbollah is the source of the problem."

STRONG WORDS, GENERALETTE!

Posted 2:02 PM by Gene

Excellent advice:

In the long run, military campaigns won't be the answer, most analysts agree. "There may be military battles that have to be fought," says Jenkins, "but the real answer is to focus more on how to diminish the appeal of the radical message."

And how do we do that?

Posted 11:51 AM by Gene

NO, THIS IS NOT OUR WAR!!!!!

Didn't they cancel Crossfire?

Posted 11:46 AM by Gene

Ex-NYTer Blair knows what the first line of his obit will be

Cribbed?

Posted 11:40 AM by Gene

The words Condoleezza and Wonder Woman just don't go together as often as they used to.

What's the plan now, GENERALETTE? A "cease fire"?

Rice to lay out U.S. strategy for Mideast crisis

Yep, I don't think we have a clue.

Posted 11:33 AM by Gene

Kathryn Jean TRAVERS Lopez can't spread another rumor, unfortunately:

Fidel's apparently not dead yet.

Posted 10:51 AM by Gene

Another argument for FIRING ad-blurbists:

[N]umerous [ad-blurbists -- they do NOT deserve to be called CRITICS] heralded a new golden age as far back as the '70s, when classic comedies including "The Mary Tyler Moore Show," "All in the Family" and "M*A*S*H" dominated the airwaves. In the '80s, the arrival of dramas like "Hill Street Blues," with its complex narrative structure, ushered in yet another golden age. [Ad-blurbists] also made a compelling case in the '90s, citing such shows as "The Simpsons" (which debuted in December 1989), "Seinfeld" and "E.R."

Well there's a simple reason for that: TV KEEPS GETTING BETTER!!

So here we are in another golden age -- such exemplars of REPORTORIAL EXCELLENCE as "Entertainment Weekly [and] the Washington Times" say so! So here comes some hack named Matt from something called TV Guide, itself in a TIN age, and what does he say (conveniently late in the article)?

"[T]he shows that tend to get the best reviews tend to get the smallest audiences, and even the ones that are popular aren't culturally resonant."

REPEAT: FIRE THE AD-BLURBISTS!!!!!

Posted 10:32 AM by Gene

Real estate is one of the great stories of our time, says LATer

No wonder we've had a condo boom!

Posted 10:22 AM by Gene

France accuses US of blocking Mideast truce

"AT THE MOMENT THE ISRAELIS EVIDENTLY WANT TO NEUTRALISE HEZBOLLAH!!!!!”

Brilliant thinking, Monsieur Defense Minister. We doubt you could neutralize your way out of a paper bag. But then we know what the French would do faced with an enemy: yell SIEG HEIL!

Posted 10:02 AM by Gene

Dell's at a five-year low. This says three things: 1. Unless you're a supertechno-GET-A-LIFE geek, you don't need an expensive computer; 2. Even if you want an expensive computer they're not as expensive; and 3. Outsourcing to INJA pays. Pffffffffffft!!!!!

Posted 2:39 PM by Gene

Oops, the big two of satradio are suspending production because their receivers EMIT things.

We could say something but we won't.

We will say it looks like ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN and crew are about to get a lesson from the marketplace.

Posted 2:36 PM by Gene

People who think adultery is some sort of victimless crime ought to read this. While we would not gloat over this story as it is clear a husband and two children are suffering, we must still say we're happy when big-rich-famous types get theirs.

Posted 1:13 PM by Gene

A con-SER-va-tive movie -- from OLLY?!?!?

The Peter Travers Memorial Society is going BONKERS.

Posted 1:08 PM by Gene

Whoopee: a new version of Rent.

...unorthodox, boundary-breaking musicals....Sheik's throbbing, evocative alternative pop music....

TRANSLATION: Whoopee, a new version of Rent.

Posted 1:03 PM by Gene

If FrontPage Magazine is to be believed (!) the Divest-from-Apartheid-Israel movement is abating, but it will never be dead so long as there is EEEEEEEEEEEVIL in the world, committed by YOU-KNOW-WHO.

Posted 12:17 PM by Gene

Senate critic now backs Bolton for U.N.

TRANSLATION:



MooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Posted 12:03 PM by Gene

We don't have to worry about America's food industry larding up our kids if its Web come-ons remain as lame as this.

Posted 11:45 AM by Gene

More genius in the recorded -- SOUND trade:

[Last week's] [n]umbers 2 through 10 sold a total of 487,784. Numbers 11 through 20 sold 388,125. That came to a grand total of 875,909.

The No. 1 album, a collection of singles called "Now That's What I Call Music! Vol. 22," sold 387,935. But that’s an anomaly. The sales of actual albums begins with No. 2, by rapper Pimp C, who sold 90,000 units.

With "Now 22," the Top 20 totaled just over a million CDs. Without it, it was well below.

Look at it this way, Rog -- it's a lot more GENIUS to go undiscovered!

Posted 10:33 AM by Gene

SHUCKS, Viacon is NOT going to buy a paper to go with its COMEDY CENTRAL NEWS NETWORK.

Why not go whole hog, Sumner? Then YOU can run pretentious ads that say, MORE AMERICANS GET THEIR NEWS FROM COMEDY CENTRAL THAN FROM ANY OTHER SOURCE!

Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!

Posted 9:52 AM by Gene

The liberal who really isn't a liberal is running for president?!?

Obama sounds sexy now, but Potemkin candidates don't last very long, unless they're called Dubya.

Posted 9:45 AM by Gene

Here's the latest self-defeating newspaper fad: front-page ads. They might bring in the revenues, but they'll also provide the another reason for people to stay away from newspapers, as if they don't have enough already.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 9:43 AM by Gene

When you have enough people who've been enticed somewhere because of the WONDERFUL climate, chances are the climate won't be WONDERFUL for very long.

Posted 9:40 AM by Gene

1. Stupids want hard-core, and 2. Hef's rag has been obsolete for decades.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 9:18 AM by Gene

HOLLYWOOD'S FRIGHTENED OF THE AXE!!!!!

We're frightened of your PROPERTIES.

It couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of elitist twits.

But so long as just the little guys get hurt then it's okay.

Posted 9:15 AM by Gene

SHUCKS, no more [C]RAPPERS and SEX in BEIRUT -- for a while.

And we're sorry "the head of Hezbollah" was unable to attend your BOOK SIGNING. Maybe he was busy helping to plot -- a new novel.

If this isn't the definition of airheady drivel I don't know what is.

Posted 3:36 PM by Gene

Judge overturns state law requiring Wal-Mart to spend more on heath care



This is OUR day!

P. S. Why do I get this idea people with computers may not be as smart as they think?

Posted 2:40 PM by Gene

In the Middle East, where is our sense of proportion? Where is our sense of perspective? Where is our sense of decency? And, finally, just how smart are we?

I don't know how smart we are, but you were smart enough to bend on holy knee to MR. MEAN BUSINESS and UNCLE BERNIE SCHWARTZ when it worked, and you were smart enough to change your tune when it didn't work.

Posted 2:33 PM by Gene

Links to Korea
Koreans and Americans of Korean decent [SIC] have become a major force on the U.S. junior golf circuit and LPGA Tour. [Home-page squib]

And they're descent too!

Posted 2:23 PM by Gene

China says number of Web users hits 123M

And all of them spied on and censored.

Right, Mr. Warner Bros.?

P. S. YHOO down $6.62 to "a two-year low."

G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE IS NEXT!

Posted 2:06 PM by Gene

eBay's Seller of the Month:

Posted 2:02 PM by Gene

Comic CON begins with RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! publishing COMIC BO -- GRAPHIC NOVELS!

Let the dumbing down begin!

And speaking of Comic CON: the TWXSTERS aren't previewing that stupid horror movie about snakes, so we can imagine how bad IT is.

Posted 11:53 AM by Gene

Bombs fly as Americans flee

Isn't this hed a little too, er, lighthearted?

Posted 11:53 AM by Gene

Bombs fly as Americans flee

Isn't this hed a little too, er, lighthearted?

Posted 11:43 AM by Gene

Report: World Cup final drew 313M global viewers

IS THAT ALL?

Posted 11:36 AM by Gene

An analysis of the 100 largest technology companies finds that those with the highest-paid CEOs in 2005 had the worst returns.

This is news?

(Via Slashdot)

Posted 11:23 AM by Gene

As others have noted, we need only imagine Abe Lincoln, a clinical depressive, on Prozac: “Well, the Union is finished, we’re two countries now, and slavery is a fact of life, but hey, I feel good about myself.”

Where have you been, Florence King?

Posted 11:18 AM by Gene

Katie Couric's listening tour is just a gimmick

This being Jonny Hairshirt I will merely say no comment.

Posted 10:36 AM by Gene

No, we are NOT in an age of SUPERDUPERMEGABLOCKBUSTERS; we're in an age of 500 million people talking to their navels.

This is GOOD NEWS!

(Via the usual ArtsJournal.com)

Posted 10:28 AM by Gene

A Time editorial [SIC] recommends that the U.S. abandon its policy of not negotiating with terrorists in the interest helping to resolve the Middle East's many conflicts.

> Robert Malley is Middle East program director at the International Crisis Group. From 1998 to 2001 he was President Clinton's special assistant for Arab-Israeli affairs [SIC]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Posted 10:24 AM by Gene

H-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-honest, I-I-I-I-I'm not a r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-racist! I'm a R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-Republican!

Posted 10:22 AM by Gene

Shucks, a brilliant manufacturer of tentpoles and elephant dung bites the dust, and has been replaced by one who is sure to be equally brilliant.

Posted 10:15 AM by Gene

Most Bloggers Don't Think of Themselves as Journalists

Which means two things: 1. Most bloggers aren't, and 2. Most bloggers should.

(MediaBistro link)

Posted 10:13 AM by Gene

Yahoo profit falls; forecast also weak

Time to round up more dissidents, Mr. Warner Bros.!

Posted 9:19 AM by Gene

Oh, no! The GET-A-LIFE crowd's pitching to Hollywood again!

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

"Stay in the fight. Don't retreat. And our values will win in November."

Yeah. Like the values of the RED-STATE SCORPION.

The Woman of the Year of the Woman is in a runoff?!?

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! DEY WON' WET US PWINT AN EXCEWENT NEWSPAPUH ANYMOWUH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

An excellent paper that ignores important stories.

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 12:20 PM by Gene

Well! Remember that stolen laptop with all those millions' of veterans' names? The Feds recovered it.

And not a moment too soon as Dubya was ready to spend $500 billion to fix the problem.

Posted 10:01 AM by Gene

Norman "Before Swine" Pearlstine is heading to Wall Street, which puts us in mind of THE MASTER's great line: "He will not, whither he is now gone, find much difference, I believe, either in the climate or the company."

Posted 9:45 AM by Gene

Mickey Spillane, history's most profitable bad novelist and beer pitchman, is dead. RIP.

P. S.

He also carried on a long epistolary flirtation with Ayn Rand, an admirer of his writing.

JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!! K-LO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 9:42 AM by Gene

Of course Oprah isn't gay. Being a Goddess leaves no time for -- MORTALITY.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 9:37 AM by Gene

Older audiences want to see a different kind of film. Maybe, as Norma Desmond once said, the movies have gotten smaller. But might not they be getting better, too?

No they might not, as THE CONSPIRACY has been making them for too long for stupid teens.

(Via ArtsJournal)

Posted 9:31 AM by Gene

Putting aside the obvious that most of history is accidental, I see what Richard Cohen is trying to say, though the nub is almost inexpressible -- but read stories like this and you realize too much of history is intentional.

Posted 9:27 AM by Gene

Not satisfied with cloning its stores, CVS is cloning mini-clinics!

I would say CVS is the Mickey D's of medicine but that's a compliment.

Posted 9:18 AM by Gene

STOP THE PRESSES!!!!!

President Set to Use First Veto

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

News hacks think that by pruning things like the width of the paper they insure their survival. They would never think that it's what's ON the paper that matters; and narrowing the page an inch or an inch and a half or five inches or printing it tabloid or in green ink will not change the INVINCIBLE AURA OF SUPERIORITY at a place like THE PAPER OF RE-CORD.

One can be sure the paper's little guys will get fired long before any of our SAINTED TRUTH TELLERS.

(Via the inevitable ROMY)

P. S. Indeed; it's firing 250 little guys -- and is making up for the loss of width by adding more pages. LET THEM EAT NEWSPRINT!

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

Meanwhile, Jennifer Panicali, the 22-year-old beauty who was the bystander most seriously injured in the blast, was recovering yesterday at her Staten Island home.

Her uncle, a retired undercover cop, described her wounds as hundreds of "tiny but excruciating" paper cuts.

"She's got that all over, with some [glass and wood splinters] so deep they're hard to get out," said the uncle, who didn't want his name used.

Hey Dr. Nincompoop, wherever you are (and we suspect it makes today's summer heat seem cool), we hope you're satisfied.

Posted 1:24 PM by Gene

Speaking of CNN.com, another Juxtaposition of the Day:

Sinatra's long-time pianist dies

Barry Manilow tunes used to drive away revelers

Posted 1:22 PM by Gene

Israeli miltary says airstrike in Lebanon destroys long-range Iranian missile capable of reaching Tel Aviv, AP says. [CNN hed]

Meantime the world turns askance, and rationalizes.

Posted 11:47 AM by Gene

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW:

Once a source of serious information, network TV has become an entertainment medium full of celebrity "information," as well as consumer-friendly "news-you-can-use," says Ralph Begleiter, a former CNN foreign affairs correspondent, who now teaches journalism at the University of Delaware.

He points out that in the 1970s the three broadcast networks devoted some 400 hours annually to news documentaries. "Today," he says, "I dare you to find a single hour of broadcast news documentary."

Like, er, THE SELLING OF THE PENTAGON? Or THE UNCOUNTED ENEMY: A VIETNAM DECEPTION?

Posted 11:12 AM by Gene

Juxtaposition of the Day on IWantMedia.com:

CBS Evening News Not 'A Dying Product'

Is MSNBC, at Age 10, Still Needed?

Posted 10:48 AM by Gene

Greg finds a brand new thing: Israelis as VILLAINS!

Why are we not surprised?

Posted 10:43 AM by Gene

We're happy when the superrich and superfamous get themselves in messy personal disputes. Something bad has to happen to these preeners once.

Not that divorces, as practiced by the superrich and superfamous, seem to burst their huge egos.

Posted 10:33 AM by Gene

As a group, the Top 200 spent $49.14 billion in 18 media monitored by TNS in 2005, up 6.6%. They accounted for one-third of the $148.29 billion spent in all measured advertising, up a modest 3% from the prior year.

The Top 200 still heavily favor TV, placing 58% of their media budgets into the five monitored forms of the medium.

Network TV, the largest single measured media category among these heavy hitters, grew 4.8% to $13.26 billion, topping overall growth in the medium of only 1.9% in 2005. The Top 200's tally represented nearly three-quarters of all spending on network TV....

The Top 200 in 2006 is expected to lead all advertisers out of the ad funk that left 2005 media growth at only 3%. Media expenditures have picked up steam this year, hitting 5.2% growth to $34.92 billion for all advertisers in the first quarter, with network TV up 12.3%, spot TV up 6.4% and internet up 19.4%. With congressional elections in November, spot TV will get yet another chance to pick up steam.

REVERSE ROBINHOODISM FOREVER!!!!!

Posted 10:25 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Contemporary memoirism is Oprahism.

(Via ArtsJournal)

Posted 10:11 AM by Gene

Katie Couric Ready to Stop Being the Story

Sorry, any anchorpoop can NEVER stop being the story.

Posted 10:03 AM by Gene

Harry Truman gives 'em H***!

Now why can't he do it in more than words?

Posted 9:44 AM by Gene

Shucks, PAUL DRECK had a BAD WEEKEND.

Posted 9:41 AM by Gene

Kofi comes to the rescue with the Blue Berets.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

What business sense does it make for Toyota to ally itself with GM? What kind of ANY sense does it make?

Posted 9:32 AM by Gene

Google Dell customer service problems and you get 2,950,000 hits, which seems like a lot by any standards. (Just to check, we did "Britney Spears" customer service problems and got only 181,000 results. It's good, Britney, but there's still work to do.) (July 11, 2005)

Google Dell customer service problems TODAY: 15,700,000 HITS. (Britney Spears gets 541,000. We can ALL do better. IT&T gets 9,880,000.)

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

To the two or three people who'd care (assuming that many): I could not blog over the weekend because my IT&T (that's AT&T) DSL line went suddenly and mysteriously down, and when I called customer service in INNNNN-DJJJJJA it took a half-hour to understand the guy as he read from his cue cards and all he did was slow up my logon. I am switching to Verizon today -- it's cheaper for one thing -- and am sending a nice letter to a man named WHITACRE.

CORRECTION: A man named ACKERMAN.

Posted 5:52 PM by Gene

The popcorn-restaurant biz thinks it can lure patrons with lower prices. Unfortunately, THE CONSPIRACY already cheapened the movies.

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

The other day (and we'd rather not have mentioned it) a woman jumped or fell to her death from the garage across from where we live, and already the obligatory small bushel of flowers has grown around a nearby tree. We remember how a young woman was beaten to death with a baseball bat near the Whole Foods on South Street while dozens of the famously tolerant denizens of that thoroughfare looked blankly on, and how flowers grew up on that site too, and withered away. Lady Di's brief return to the news summons the memory of England's grotesque fit of Oprahism, of how that broken empire became a veritable mortuary covered with flowers and bathos. The best way to remember an untimely death is to campaign for better policing, or open the checkbook and finance a suicide prevention center. Flowers rot, in several ways.

Posted 5:35 PM by Gene

Today heading home from work we mused, has the Guinness Book ever done a check to see who's performed the world's longest [C]RAP? This is the perfect choice for an endurance contest; we can see [C]RAPPERS going for days, weeks without food and water, fueled only by their anger or their posing or whatever B. S. it is that propels the SHAKESPEARES of OUR TIME.

Anyone game?

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

Just as many con-SER-va-tives can prove their skulls are tougher than the hardest steel to the onslaught of reason, so we've no doubt (to use Harry Truman's famous formulation) were the moon, the stars and all the planets to fall on Victor Navasky's head it would outlast them all.

As Juan Cole points out today on Informed Comment....

Fill in the blanks with your favorite pundit and Web site and anyone can play that simpleton's game.

Posted 2:08 PM by Gene

RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! makes nice with THE GREAT ALASKAN BOAR!!!!!

Sorry, RUPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, they already passed those fines. He tried, though.

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

ShowBizData.com's reporting the SUPERDUPERMEGASMASH did $12.1 million yesterday. IF it does, say, $16 million today -- and $48 million over the weekend -- it will have declined close to a BOFFO TWO-THIRDS IN ONE WEEKEND!!!!!

THAT'S A SUPERDUPERMEGASMASH!!!!!

Posted 1:25 PM by Gene

And in more COURAGEOUS TRUTH-TELLING CRUSADING, USAOKAY!!!!! takes 1,782 EARTH-SHATTERING WORDS to inform us -- there are no "SERIOUS" FEMALE SINGERS!!!!! (Translation: there are no banshee-screamers with minimally good looks we can plug on the front page.)

For our money the last serious female singer was Peggy Lee.

Posted 1:07 PM by Gene

Courage in journalism today takes all the obvious, traditional forms -- reporting from a war zone or from a totalitarian country where a reporter's life or safety are issues. In Washington, D.C., where I work, it's a far less dramatic form of courage if a journalist stands up to a government official or a politician who he or she has reason to believe is not telling the truth or living up to his or her responsibilities.

But I believe a new kind of courage is needed in journalism in this age of instant news, instant analysis, and therefore instant opinions. It also happens to be a time of government by public relations and news stories based on prepared texts and prepared events or responses. Therefore, this is the time for reporters and editors, whether from the mainstream media or blogosphere, to pause before responding to the latest bulletin, prepared event, or the most recent statement or backgrounder, whether from the White House or the Democratic or Republican leadership on Capitol Hill....

At the beginning of the REAGAN ADMINISTRATION....

Shut up, Walter. We know what COURAGE means.

(Do I cite ROMY too much?)

Posted 1:02 PM by Gene

And in further Congressional joke telling, the Senile Chamber says, BUILD A WALL! -- and then it denies the money for it.

"We should build these walls; there's no question about it," he said. "But the real issue here is the offset that's being used, and the offset creates a Hobson's choice for almost everyone here."

Mr. Session's [true believer's SIC] amendment would have required across-the-board cuts to the rest of the Homeland Security appropriations bill, Mr. Gregg said, which would mean cutting 750 new border-patrol agents and 1,200 new detention beds for illegal aliens that he included in the bill.

To paraphrase Forrest Gump, brilliant is as brilliant does. Senators are not stupid.

Posted 12:05 PM by Gene

And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can say they're funny or they're terrible or they're good, or whatever, but you can just pass 'em by. But with Congress, every time they make a joke, it's a law!

Congress: Buy energy-efficient servers now

And every time they make a law, it's a joke!

(Via Slashdot)

Posted 11:51 AM by Gene

Time for a little -- er, HEAD-BUTTING FRENCH DIPLOMACY:

Chirac says Israel wants to 'destroy Lebanon'

I've got the perfect flag for your nation, Jacque-ass:

Posted 11:46 AM by Gene

In Jerusalem a senior spokesman said that Israel was in "intensive contacts" with foreign governments to ensure that Iran and Syria "understand that the price they will pay internationally for supporting terrorism will be unbearably high".

We question whether those gloating troublemakers can ever understand that. Will our putative allies?

Posted 11:32 AM by Gene

WE'RE LIVING IN A GOLDEN AGE OF TV ENTERTAINMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Belo, you'd be doing the RIGHT THING.

P. S. An ad-blurbist is an "OUTSIDE VOICE"? Which side of outside do you mean?

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 9:41 AM by Gene

More CRUSADING NEWS from the ASSociated Press:

Magazine Names Ed McMahon Top Sidekick

Posted 9:23 AM by Gene

We have not commented on the calamity in the Big Dig because so much of the activity is finger pointing, and one element of the finger pointing is to demand criminal prosecutions. We recall (and we think we've said this before) how Mike Royko, in one of his few weak moments, demanded criminal prosecutions after Challenger. All they do is put people in jail, and they don't address the rot at the core of disasters like this, a rot eating away at the public and private sectors, a mutually agreeable rot at that.

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

If the Neville Chamberlains of the EU think it's all Israel's fault, they can't be taken seriously. And if they can't be taken seriously on Israel they can't be taken seriously on Iran, and if they can't be taken seriously on Iran they can't be taken seriously on anything.

Posted 9:18 AM by Gene

Oops:

Coors Chairman and Pitchman Arrested for DUI

Well, at least he uses the product.

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

The comedian Red Buttons has died, which segues into this dimwitted typing:

Dan Gross | Stars landing at Borgata

LOCK UP your daughters.

Hollywood horndog Wilmer Valderrama is among celebs expected at the Borgata Saturday night when the Atlantic City hotel celebrates the opening of its nightclub mur.mur.

The Latin Lothario, his former "That 70's Show" co-star Danny Masterson, "American Pie" hottie Shannon Elizabeth, "Sopranos" daughter Jamie Lynn Sigler and MTV's Vanessa Minnillo are all scheduled to attend the festivities.

Masterson will DJ and Elizabeth will attend another mur.mur party Friday. Saturday night's music will be provided by DJ-AM, the on-again, off-again boyfriend of Nicole "Toothpick" Richie.

The parties start at 10 p.m. Cover is $20 for women and $30 for men.

I heard of Red Buttons. Who's heard of these? (Except for RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S GIRLFRIEND's ex-friend.) If these are stars I want to know who's on the B-list.

Posted 1:13 PM by Gene

What is the point of Kirk Kevorkian -- KERKORIAN's deal except two foreign automakers buy stakes in GM they'll probably end up selling anyway?

Posted 12:59 PM by Gene

Oh, NO!!!!! DISASTER IN THE PRESS!!!!!!!!!!

Over the last two days, I’ve heard from a number of sources, none of whom are mentioned in this post, that Belo Corp. management has decided to ditch most, if not all, of The Dallas Morning News’ movie and television critics.

HORRORS!!!!!!!!!!

We've said it before, we'll say it again: the ad-blurbists are irrelevant at best, hosannahing toadying groupthinkers at worst. Why must every newspaper have scribblers above the title?

(Via -- who else? -- ROMY)

Posted 12:50 PM by Gene

Authorities named two suspects Thursday in the Bombay commuter train bombings that killed at least 200 people.

The government's Anti-Terror Squad released photos of two young, bearded men it identified as Sayyad Zabiuddin and Zulfeqar Fayyaz.

Yep, Eskimos attacked the trains in Mumbai.

Posted 12:46 PM by Gene

The Right-Wing MODO has gone beyond embarrassing. Perhaps she can defend herself as having "joked," but when a joke involves a veiled death threat it may not be funny. But then the Right-Wing MODO's humor wore off on us a long time ago.

Posted 12:19 PM by Gene

If NRO is to be believed some big benefactors of Hahvahd Mutual Fund are withholding their investments.

We doubt this sort of thing will make the Club Meds for the young any less PC, but we can hope.

Posted 12:05 PM by Gene

Ordering a computer from Dell can be needlessly complicated; but we wonder if Fore!!'s simplification (which is mostly cutting promotions and rebates) will help given that the company is now unalterably identified with OUTSOURCING.

Ironically, Fore!!'s doing this to "beef up" customer service. Puh-LEASE!

Posted 11:50 AM by Gene

We are grateful that even as Israel bombs Lebanon to prevent two captured soldiers from being sent to Iran ESPNCorp Network News can devote four pages of its Web site to manufacture another "superstar."

Perhaps LORD KOPPEL had a point, however self-righteously raised.

Posted 11:30 AM by Gene

Dubya does "COWBOY" diplomacy -- and the hacks complain. Now Dubya's going "multilateral" -- and STILL the hacks complain!

News hacks are always right.

Posted 8:55 AM by Gene

Now who is to blame for all these layoffs at SUMNERADIO -- SUMNER or the LATE KING OF ALL THE UNIVERSE'S MEDIA? And if the late KING OF ALL THE UNIVERSE'S MEDIA is to blame couldn't he dip into his vast alleged fortune to help?

Not bloody likely.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:53 AM by Gene

WILL THE WORLD CUP EVER END?!?!?

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP:

"The marketplace is exerting a far more dangerous influence on what gets on and what doesn't get on television news programming these days than any . . . fear of political repercussions or consequences....

"As all of you know far better than I, the cost of a commercial on a program that reaches an audience over 45 or 50 is a fraction of what a . . . sponsor is willing to pay for a commercial on a broadcast that reaches the 18-to-29-year-olds."

Look, dammit, if superserious news types like YOU, LORD KOPPEL, had done your job RIGHT MAYBE we wouldn't be pontificating about stupid KIDS.

And as Rosie's Nephew could remind you, St. Edward of Murrow had PERSON TO PERSON -- and YOU had BRUCE.

Thankfully Lisa ran this; if HOWIE HAIRSHIRT had done it he'd have agreed with him.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

Tribune 2Q Profit Down on Circulation Woes

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 8:16 AM by Gene

A hero becomes a martyr:

Lawson likened Lay to James Byrd, a black man who was dragged to death in a racially motivated murder near Jasper eight years ago.

"Ken Lay was neither black nor poor, as James Byrd was, but I'm angry because Ken was the victim of a lynching," said Lawson, who predicted that history will vindicate Lay.

If we call correctly, whoever murdered James Byrd did not drag thousands of Enron employees with him.

Strange: everyone there called KennyBoy "nice" and "good." Having a kind surface doesn't preclude the monster underneath. We somehow don't think that because KennyBoy left generous tips and smiled at people who otherwise go unsmiled it makes his crimes any more palatable. And that PAPA and THE FIXER were there sums up his friends.

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

What do Tyco, CONcast and ESPNCorp know about the Voting Rights Act?

Here's what they know: Tyco was run by a fraud, CONcast gouges its customers and ESPNCorp is liberal. That's what they know.

Here's betting the act passes as is, proof news hacks rule the universe.

Posted 6:24 AM by Gene

Kevorkian says he wouldn't choose suicide

NOW he tells us.

Posted 5:34 PM by Gene

Frustrated World Powers Send Iran to U.N.

Now go sit in a corner and we'll punish you in ten years.

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

The Vatican also confirmed that Roman Catholic dioceses and individuals in the United States remain the No. 1 donors to the Holy See, providing a third of Peter's Pence, as donations to the Pope are known. Next come Italy and Germany.

So why do American Catholics always act whiny and ungrateful? Unless it's all those priests who aren't Catholics.

Posted 2:13 PM by Gene

Time Warner Inc. Chief Executive Officer Richard Parsons blames the decline in his company's stock this year on investor wariness of the media industry.

Not that you produce a lot of JUNK, right Your Highness?

Posted 2:10 PM by Gene

FIFA to consider removing Zidane's Golden Ball

WIL THE WORLD CUP EVER END?!?

Posted 1:58 PM by Gene

While crusading to tell THE TRUTH, the WHOLE TRUTH, and NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH, news hacks have a chance to RELAX:

Pop culture pundit Thompson was quoted 60 times in June

Robert Thompson, director of the Center for the Study of Popular Television at Syracuse University, "serves a purpose to deliver a sound bite," says Jossip blogger David Hauslaib. "I set up a Google News Alert to monitor all of his press mentions and I have to treat them like spam now because they're so frequent."

Crusading IDIOTS.

Posted 1:50 PM by Gene

Touchstone Pictures, RIP.

Another one of MICKEYMOUSE NIXON's EXPERIMENTS bites the dust.

Joke of the Day:

"The internal rate of return (for the studio division) is not shareholder friendly," Miller said. "Obviously, even though 'Cars' or 'Pirates' were big successes, the internal rate of return was insufficient."

Hardy har har!

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

Gannett reports 8.3% decline in second-quarter earnings

How about some more P-Ulitzer auditions, GanNETt?

But @#$%&* REVENUES were up!

Posted 10:13 AM by Gene

Remember that courageous book by the alleged hero of Watergate who told all to Woodstein? It's sold 3,000 copies thus far.

I guess there's a limit to publicity.

Posted 10:04 AM by Gene

One of the great First Amendment defenders of the air is forced to seek employment elsewhere, in no small part thanks to the NAZI REGIME of FINES, and already he is remembered:

["Mancow"] Muller, Nyren said, was a polarizing figure on arrival in Chicago "and the ad community and even listeners never really forgot it," Nyren said. "I would have people call and they would say, `My ad just ran behind the porn star from California who's running for governor.'"

Honest, we'd have thought most of the good fairies of advertising wouldn't have noticed -- or could have imagined it a VIRTUE.

"You certainly like synergy, but Howard had very little synergy on almost every station he was on," Gehron said.

The late KING OF ALL THE UNIVERSE'S MEDIA had his own exclusive kingdom? Well!