Posted 3:19 PM by Gene

Well, nice knowing ya, Mr. Mayor!

Oh, you're not a mayor? Heck next time ya come to the White House I'll call ya governor. Sorta like me. Get it?

Posted 8:49 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: HuffPo's for sale.

There's just one little problem....

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

And as everyone in the geographically (and otherwise) narrow confines of Branson East knows, Thursday saw The Second Coming at the St. James Theater. What was supremely vexing about this is that some time ago when a big hot new show opened the nation knew it; the cast album sold millions, and it made the cover of Time. Now the Lord returns as His daughter Mama Rose and no one who isn't Ben Brantley or a show queen notices. Of course the unanimous raves alone arouse suspicion. And what ought to be a rollicking musical becomes a penance because the ad-blurbists believe a property isn't GREAT unless the audience suffers. Now Little Jeremy, whom we've never had much love for since SUPERADAM!!!!! fired John Simon because he was too old and hated David "Con-SER-va-tive" Mamet, admits to a little skepticism, something you will never see in the fundamentalist churches of pop culture. We know from their recent global warming controversy that even the Southern Baptists aren't as unanimous as ad-blurbists. And when everyone takes the RIGHT side of the pop-culture debate, the culture suffers.

We would further note that the Lord made His first appearance at said same theater seven years ago, and He looked like Mel Brooks. Either God has changed sexes or Ben Brantley, as usual, doesn't know what he's talking about, and doesn't know very effortlessly.

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

The Messiah seems to be fibbing about His positions when He ran for a state senate seat in Illinois in 1996? What will this do to God's word?

Posted 8:15 AM by Gene

The sad, very sad, extremely sad, infinitely sad story of how Zeitgeist has offered 111 staffers buyouts touches us deeply. Especially the talk of -- "institutional memory." Why, who knew the rag that ran the Hitler Diaries and the Koran in the toilet had a memory? We thought it had amnesia -- and a pretty good case too. (Insititutional memory is a neat excuse legisla-TORS use when they don't want to lose their jobs en masse.) That said, first off, we doubt most readers will notice their absence -- until the rag gets skinnier, and that's only because the rag has fewer staffers. Second off, this confirms news rags (save for The Econowiz, which was saved by the Bugmeister) are irrelevant and purposeless, and the sooner their smug glibness vanishes the better. Alas, most of the high-paid CW writers will still be there...including (we suspect) the EXTREMELY BELOVED DAVID ANSEN, who, if we had to guess, was the source for this piece. But that's just a guess.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 7:46 PM by Gene

If news hacks reported on important things as strenuously and as thoroughly as they do on the NFL -- which is why they report so strenuously and thoroughly on the NFL.

And are any of these things that important even to the fans?

Posted 7:41 PM by Gene

Speaking of which, we wish we'd caught this before: Chris of TNRO reviewed a movie -- just from the trailer -- and the trailer was pret-ty bad...and when he followed up he found the movie was worse than the trailer!

Here in the proverbial nutshell is why we can't trust most ad-blurbists, and why we don't need movies. Trailers would seem to do.

Posted 7:40 PM by Gene

Can Rosie's Nephew make a movie that hasn't already been made?

Posted 6:10 PM by Gene

Good: Hollywood's two ac-TORS' unions are split on how to handle negotiations!

Strike! STRIKE! Strike as long and hard and painfully as the Fantasy and Profanity League! Strike long and hard and painfully enough to ruin the business!

Posted 9:28 AM by Gene

We wonder what keeps a guy like Al Jaffee going. In 1964, when he started the famed Mad Fold-In, the magazine was adored by millions, a veritable fount of sarcasm at the powers that be, a needed raspberry against bigmedia. Today it is but one small crumb of PEOPLE WARNER, read by a few desperate souls searching impatiently for a sense of humor, tainted with ADS, all but ignored, as once vital, now useless organizations deserve to be. Yet Al Jaffee keeps going. We salute him for 44 years of fold-ins, and for being part of a glory that now exists only in the minds of comic-book collectors.

Posted 9:22 AM by Gene

Speaking of tyrants, it is hard to believe the Zimbabweans who saw the eternal reason of Robert Mugabe swept into power umpteen years ago on a wave of League of Nations righteousness and news-hack self-celebration are on the verge of heaving the regime out of office, which says that, however much the League of Nations and news hacks may hector the world, the world sometimes still gets things right.

Let us hope that, unlike what often happens in Africa, they're not merely about to replace one kind of megalomaniacal corruption with another.

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

Washington's New Pakistan Problem

...is the same as Washington's old Pakistan problem, only different.

Posted 9:20 AM by Gene

We're starting to wonder if NASCAR has every bit of the chicanery of the corporate America that obsessively and senselessly supports it. Six of one....

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

MB2, who no doubt has a luxury suite at the new DC ballpark and certainly helped plug the Dynamic (Steroidal) Duo of '98, is back with another belch about baseball, which makes us think how we could ever do without him.

Easily.

Meantime an alleged 115,300 saw a game at the LALA Coliseum, and between that and the bricks and mortar at Yankee Stadium and Shea Stadium going for trillions we wonder Zelig gets any sleep. Well, we will -- at World Series time, when we avoid another one.

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

GREENSBURG, Pa. — Sen. Barack Obama said Friday he would return the country to the more "traditional" foreign policy efforts of past presidents such as George H.W. Bush, John F. Kennedy and Ronald Reagan.

The Messiah's running for president!

Is that first name really so reassuring?

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

JonBoy does it again -- on America's Most Tone-Deaf Newsweekly's Web site:

One King. Six Wives. Many, Many Beds.

If you like family dramas, 'The Tudors' is the best-dressed--and undressed--place on television.

Teacher Sex Scandals Alarm Fla. (In smaller type below the lightbox)

Sorry Jonny -- you may think we don't notice, you may hope we don't notice. WE NOTICE.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO JOSHUA!!!!!

Posted 12:18 PM by Gene

Evidently the hacks have come up with a new excuse for The Messiah's Pastor by insisting he's been quoted out of context, and providing the "context." All the context says is that Jeremiah's one angry pastor, and can come up with a million ways to be angry, and not one to be happy. Yes America has done wrong, and so have other nations, but in the Messiah's Pastor's universe America (not forgetting her partner in colonialism England) is the only nation to have done wrong, and thus virtually alone deserves the wrath of an angry God. In the end, then, The Messiah's Pastor is not quoted out of context.

Posted 10:13 AM by Gene

The first thought is to dismiss these two folks as flat-earth conspiracy-theorizing cranks, but their lawsuit points to something uncomfortable: the Bunsen Honeydews still believe in the back of their superbrains in Progress as the Most Important Product, in Better Living Through Chemistry, and all that jazz, and they refuse somehow to see some of the wonders their superbrains have unleashed, from the a-bomb to Love Canal. Indeed before the Manhattan Project's first experimental explosion the Bunsens figured there was a slight -- now, to be sure, below the absolute lowest level of possibility, but still slight -- chance their kaboom could create an uncontrolled chain reaction that would blow the whole universe to smithereens, and while we realize the chance of these Bunsens creating an earth-gobbling black hole is slight, very slight, extremely slight, their wonders have put the fear of God into our heads, and we can only hope His invisible hand keeps everything right.

Posted 10:06 AM by Gene

“What an exciting night. Joan Rivers. Thanks xoxo”

Why not sell it on eBay? Or donate it to the Smithsonian? At least the former might do someone some good. As to the latter, we don't want to guess how many pieces of junk The World's Greatest Attic holds, but what is one more? Certainly it holds a lot of "historical" remnants that mean nothing to anyone. And as The Great Accidental Musical, The Masterpiece the Paper of Re-CORD Made, closes down for the last time ever (until someone makes the mistake of reviving it, and a Paper of Re-CORD ad-blurbist showily admits it's an overrated relic), we can be sure it will never again mean anything to anyone, and all those star-studded scribbles will never occasion more than a puzzled stare -- or total indifference.

Posted 8:18 AM by Gene

From the inimitable ROMY:

Marash quits Al Jazeera English, cites anti-American tone

New York Times | Washington Post
"The channel that's on now -- while excellent, and I plan to be a lifetime viewer -- is not the channel that I signed up to do," says Dave Marash. The former ABC "Nightline" correspondent, who was Al Jazeera's Washington-based anchor for two years, says he sensed an anti-American sensibility creeping into the network's coverage. || Earlier: Marash promises Al Jazeera English won't be al-Jazeera.

Posted 6:08 PM by Gene

The March 19-22 survey of 1,503 American adults found that despite the flap, Illinois Sen. Obama had maintained a 49 percent to 39 percent advantage over New York Sen. Hillary Clinton in the race for the Democratic presidential nomination.

While he seemed to have weathered the storm so far, the poll said most voters aware of the sermons were offended by them.

What does this MEAN, o rare Pe-EW?

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: TJX Cos. avoids punishment for letting criminals ransack its customers' credit cards.

How interesting, too: One of the parties that settled is Reed Elsevier, which just got out of the PR -- NEWS biz.

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

Chronicle.com's last two posts are -- instructive: Hahvahd Mutual Fund has just chosen a new chief investment banker (Ka-CHING!!!!!); and Notre Dame is about to get its mitts on zillions to research eeny-weeny-teeny-tiny -- you know, "NANOelectronics" that can eat up the world. I am IMPRESSED with HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN.

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

I'm all for filtering comedy -- especially today's "comedy" -- and especially if the filter's made of cement.

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

I guess this plug is what CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) means when he talks of expanding his SHOW-BIZ ADVER...REPORTING.

ANOTHER NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO "NON" GERMAIN!

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

AP NEWS ALERT!!!!!

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Federal Reserve has said big investment firms averaged $32.9 billion in daily borrowing over the past week from the Fed's new emergency lending facility.

SOCIALISM WORKS!

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

When the story underlying this disaster broke we confess we were willing to believe it; [C]RAPPERS are thugs in slant rhyme. Still that this rag was able to cobble something together on this 'n' that proves the haste with which too many news stories can be written. It also proves the undying strength of NO SNITCHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: $747 a share was built on a fib.

Posted 7:41 PM by Gene

While looking for DVD-review sites and finding too many of their authors can't stand older movies and overrate new ones, I discovered another of those famous Wikipedia articles that is longer than many of its biographies of presidents; a "[l]ist of films considered the worst." Even those who don't read carefully will note, except for the B-pictures of the 1950s that inspire most of today's masterworks, ALL BUT ONE of the items listed are from the VALENTI Era and beyond. Which raises a question: if MOVIES ARE!!!!! BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!, why are most of the skunks of recent vintage?

P. S. The ad-blurbists will point to this possible defense:

Rotten Tomatoes only has comprehensive coverage for recent movies....

Meaning yesterday's turkeys may be overlooked. And surely there were many bad pictures in the golden age -- how could there not be with "studios" like Republic and Monogram? But these days it's almost a competition to see who can make the worst possible picture, and there are too many winners.

Posted 5:47 PM by Gene

US: Saddam Paid for Lawmakers' Iraq Trip

And one of them wouldn't be DR. WIRETAP, would it? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Posted 5:44 PM by Gene

Robin Williams, Wife Are Divorcing

We will not speak now and will forever hold our peace, though the temptation be unrelenting.

Posted 5:41 PM by Gene

Another Web Miracle for the Professor and B. S. DEFENDER to extol:

Police hunt man who made boys fight on YouTube

Posted 5:38 PM by Gene

Obama warns against being distracted every time someone 'says something stupid'

Does that include Your preacher man? Of course not!

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

Carl Icahn's medicine: Turn one sick company into two.

And how often have the patients died?

Posted 5:34 PM by Gene

We are surprised hardly anyone outside AdAge has noticed one of Ronald Reagan's voice boxes, Hal Riney, has died:

During his career of almost 50 years, Mr. Riney developed advertising around the notion that understatement sold better than overstatement, and any conclusions about a product were better left to the audience. He also pushed against advertising that was intrusive or insulting, and he wasn't ashamed of ads that made people laugh or cry.

And given the recent history of MadAve we'd say, alas, he has virtually no influence today.

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

Alleged Passover masscare plotter arrested

Which, if we know MILITANTS, will cause another justifiable mass homicide, and lots of chicken "leaders" to look the other way.

Posted 1:23 PM by Gene

AP NEWS ALERT!!!!!

WASHINGTON (AP) -- U.S. and South Korean foreign ministers say patience is running out over North Korea's failure to hand over a promised declaration of nuclear efforts.

If we know the parties there's more patience where that came from!

Posted 8:10 AM by Gene

Just how bad are things at the English-language version of the Osama Channel? "David Marash, a former CBS Nightline presenter who was the senior anchor in Washington, has also quit."

And MediaBistro hedded it unchanged -- and even italicized it!

Someone rouse Lord Koppel from his torpor and alert him to a grave injustice!

Posted 8:50 PM by Gene

The fact remains is where you had one geek picture you have two, among dozens, hundreds, thousands of geek pictures -- but not one movie for ME, or the other MEs who are tired of the guano that passes for film these days.

Posted 8:44 PM by Gene

Hed of the Day:

Jaguar sold to makers of the world's cheapest car

Cheaper than Ford?

Posted 8:14 PM by Gene

Goody! CHEAP CHANNEL'S LBO is near "COLLAPSE"!

Now we feel sorry for those who may have bought into this outfit at, say $90 a share -- or even at $35 or $40, thinking maybe a sale would save it. But we can think of few companies more deserving of economic RUIN than this one, which turned radio into the world's biggest car dealer while padding out the sales pitches with the vilest most overexposed three tunes imaginable. Well, people don't want to listen to that kind of radio anymore.

Posted 2:44 PM by Gene

BREAKING NEWS FROM ESPNCORP NETWORK!

FORMER FIRST LADY NANCY REAGAN WILL ENDORSE PRESIDENTIAL HOPEFUL SEN. JOHN MCCAIN TONIGHT IN LOS ANGELES

WOW IN ALL CAPITALS!!!!!

Posted 2:33 PM by Gene

Hey clowns, you made the rest of America abnormal -- what makes you think you could ever be "back to normal"? Isn't abnormal your normal anyway?

The strike wasn't long enough, by years.

(Via the usual ArtsJournal)

Posted 2:31 PM by Gene

So, EDDIES of the world, you wanna replace manufacturing jobs with "recession-proof" health care?

Good luck!

Posted 2:26 PM by Gene

AP NEWS ALERT!!!!!

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Trustees report that Social Security and Medicare face enormous financial challenges and that the threat to Medicare's solvency is especially severe.

Who would have GUESSED?

Posted 1:30 PM by Gene

Fitch To Tribune: Sell, Zell, Sell

We would never have bought, unless we were a Cubbies fan.

Posted 1:16 PM by Gene

Another likely instance of the SUPERMANNING OF AMERICA is teenage girls requiring breast implants. Why? What is wrong with the figure God gave you? And from the teens it only gets worse, as the too many augmented PRON "stars" can attest.

Posted 1:11 PM by Gene

Appeals court rejects passenger bill of rights

And when John and the Nine Fingers refuse to hear an appeal, will there be rejoicing in the con-SER-va-tive and free-en-ter-prise sections of Heaven!

I guess they have wings.

Posted 1:08 PM by Gene

Sony BMG Developing Online Music Service

What makes this firm so willing to think it can bait the public with its incompetence?

Posted 1:06 PM by Gene

Obama’s Test: Can a Liberal Be a Unifier?

Yes: He can (and will) unify liberals. Whether He can unify the people is another matter.

We suspect having Rev. GDA on your side makes it easier for the former, harder for the latter.

Posted 1:05 PM by Gene

With Oklahoma City willing to burn its citizens' money on the Sonics, it's official: We don't have to feel sorry for that burg anymore.

Posted 10:33 PM by Gene

A key "principle" of RENDELLISM is that hospitals can replace manufacturing in our cities -- just as casinos and convention centers can. At what cost?

Posted 10:30 PM by Gene

Another epidemic of bullets, in Iowa City.

Is it me or are these epidemics getting more showoffy -- as though someone copied them from a movie? Ah, but movies don't cause crime, GUNS do.

Posted 10:15 PM by Gene

A GAMES boycott is a non-starter, but couldn't we boycott their TV coverage -- and the sponsors financing this grand apologia so their bosses can scream for months, "I WAS AT THE OLYMPICS AND YOU WEREN'T!!!!!"?

Posted 10:08 PM by Gene

And I want to know why "record voter turnout" is a virtue. Haven't enough clods elected enough no-accounts? And doesn't said turnout mean too many people think our country's going wrong, and place undue faith in government to make it right? There were "record turnouts" before the Civil War, to be sure of that.

Posted 9:54 PM by Gene

I wish I knew why I'm supposed to care what that blithering fraud James Carville thinks of Western Eddie. This loudmouth has an addiction to TV cameras every bit as immense as the alcoholic or the junkie; and that he and other pols regardless of their beliefs can and will open their mouths at the slightest provocation says that in the final analysis said pols come first, and the people last. It's these infernal hacks always opening their mouths that accounts for Congress's stellar reputation, and why attending to a presidential campaign now takes on the pleasure of a root canal.

Posted 1:55 PM by Gene

Who says loony leftists dominate our kolledges?

At least 17 colleges and universities have accepted grants from the BB&T Charitable Foundation that stipulate that Ayn Rand’s novel Atlas Shrugged must be required reading in at least one course, The Charlotte Observer reported.

I want to hear the same con-SER-va-tives who complain about kolleegiate brainwashing criticize this scheme.

Posted 1:03 PM by Gene

But why should most Congresspoops want to claim credit for most pieces of...legislation -- even if they're not running for president?

(Via NRO)

Posted 11:23 AM by Gene

ALTRIA (which is switching back to its old name of Philip Morris -- and offshoring to Switzerland, to "insulate itself" from lawyers, clever thinking) is about to introduce its leading cancer sticks in the future WORLD'S #1 ECONOMY, it sez here:

[T]he real growth is to be found overseas. While Philip Morris International is already the biggest on the planet, incoming chief operating officer Calantzopoulos said it has barely cracked four of the world's largest markets: India, China, Vietnam and Bangladesh, which together account for an estimated 2.3 trillion cigarettes per year. [COUGH! COUGHHHHHH!!!!!]

"These markets, which account for some 40% of total international cigarette consumption, represent clear opportunities for further growth in the mid to long-term," he said. [And population control besides!]

It will take a while, he said, but the company has finalized plans to launch a licensed Marlboro in China this summer via a joint venture with the China National Tobacco Company.

That entity contributes more than 10% of the Chinese government's income while representing some 20 million farmers and is a potent political force, Camilleri said.

"China takes time. Going head-to-head with the CNTC isn't going to get you anywhere."

So you mean the Chinese couldn't oppress their own people and stage the GAMES without ciggies? That's some deal!

Posted 10:12 AM by Gene

REALTORS® have announced sales went up slightly last month -- and the Wall Street Casino dealers are taking it VERY seriously because they've ENDED THE HOUSING AND CREDIT CRISES!

Posted 8:55 AM by Gene

The World Food Programme has launched an “extraordinary emergency appeal” to governments to donate at least $500m in the next four weeks to avoid rationing food aid in response to the spiralling cost of food.

The WFP, the United Nations agency responsible for relieving hunger.... (Emphasis added)

NO COMMENT.

Posted 8:48 AM by Gene

How can you make a show-biz story perfectly worthless? By quoting Sammy Glick...man AND PAUL DRECK!

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO BECKY!

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

As we might have expected Mr. MorganChase's CLOWNS are renogtiating the deal, and as we might have further expected the CLOWNS in our GUVMENT are in an A-1 panic because they signed off on this mess, and now they have the mother of all EGGS on their faces -- but this will happen with a MORON-IN-CHIEF.

Posted 8:15 AM by Gene

GRIM MILESTONE!! HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!

Will you clowns shut up?!?

Posted 4:41 PM by Gene

Why does this ugly thought go through my head: if any nation deserves to make binge drinking a tradition, it's England?

Posted 4:34 PM by Gene

MS. TRAVERS outsmarts herself -- which isn't saying much.

Posted 1:41 PM by Gene

"The main responsibility of the IOC is to deliver the best possible Olympic Games to the athletes, who deserve it," Rogge said.

That is sheer unmitigated buncombe: The main responsibility of this GE BANCORP subsidiary is to deliver the best possible Games to the SPONSORS, who DON'T deserve it.

Posted 11:43 AM by Gene

Elsewhere in St. Warren's Paper of Re-CORD:



An Architect With a Taste for Change
"Philip Johnson: Architecture as Art" showcases late designs, including a Mexican children's museum whose strange form recalls 1920s German expressionism.

Or maybe it recalls a pile of kiddie building blocks painted white and selling to a client for millions.

Posted 11:25 AM by Gene

And speaking of MB2:

The enlargement of the judiciary's role by the regulatory state requires compensation of the judiciary commensurate with its ever-expanding importance. That importance, although regrettable, is a fact, and so is this: You get the quality -- and the perspective -- you pay for.

Given some colyumnists' salaries we will merely say NO COMMENT.

Posted 11:22 AM by Gene

Another tiresome partisan split:

Endangered Listings Drop Under Bush

Meaning of course he's helping big business (which has turned so PC we wonder if IT would approve); but under President Messiah sparrows and pigeons would be protected species. Can't anybody do anything for mere RIGHT?

Posted 11:17 AM by Gene

We must ask if the Dalai Lama, having become something of a traveling celebrity and attracting such high-profile detritus as Richard Gere, hasn't damaged his own cause.

Posted 11:12 AM by Gene

Now Chris Cox, in what sounds like a slap at his panicky suddenly hyperactive boss, says Bear didn't have to be "saved", which should make us ponder whether all those people who've been writing lately that the New Wizard of Oz "saved" the financial markets know what THEY'RE talking about.

Meantime we're getting the usual down-the-middle-left-right-let's-no-one-agree-about-anything split as to whether the financial markets need more regulation. One thing's clear: something caused Babbitts and the Casino dealers to go nuts, and it most likely wasn't regulation.

Posted 11:06 AM by Gene

Why must Richie Riches like MS. ROWLINGCORP try to milk sympathy from people after they've amassed such vast wealth? The only thing this does is to get people angry, and to make them suspect the person looking for the sympathy is a glorified hack.

The next thing you know she'll complain about her taxes, assuming she pays any. To paraphrase Liberace, go cry all the way to the bank.

Posted 5:47 PM by Gene

ANOTHER CON-SERRRRRRRR-VA-TIVE CAUSE: I have always suspected there was something of the short-shrift to Starbucks. If one of its nearby emporiums is typical it seems as though it shuts down its cafes periodically -- it says for "renovations", I'm convinced to replace the help. So I am not surprised to learn it's cheating the baristas (as they must be called) out of their tips. We say this is a con-SERRRRRRRR-va-tive cause because as the infinitely fatuous Jo-NAH and that blithering pompous ass MB2 have lectured us outfits like Mickey D's teach all manner of virtues through their microscopic salaries, but sometimes the salaries may be too microscopic.

Posted 5:34 PM by Gene

If this is true, it would seem the people and news hacks have different definitions of COURAGE.

(Via Contentions)

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

I did not think I'd have a reason to comment on this heart-wrenching story, but I do now. I HAD to stumble across a YouTube site featuring an animation that made death cute. (I will not link.) When death is cute more people will feel less of a compunction not to commit murder. I for one wouldn't be unhappy with a new censorship regime that would banish Hollywood's death worship and all manner of porn to the dustbin, and the daily news provides us with many reasons to justify it.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

“There is a war going on here, a war against terrorism, against fanaticism, that we cannot and will not lose,” he said at the time.

That, if anything, is an understatement.

Posted 1:48 PM by Gene

Brian Lowry has a distant cousin who writes for BizWeek, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

When we don't get plugs we get insider baseball. Does anything stink more intensely than show-biz nooz?

Posted 1:38 PM by Gene

"Straight talk" from a crooked party:

"INSTEAD OF BUILDING BARRACKS IN IRAQ, WE COULD BE HELPING MILLIONS OF AMERICANS AVOID LOSING THEIR HOMES TO FORECLOSURE!!!" he said. "INSTEAD OF POLICING THE STREETS OF BAGHDAD, WE COULD BE INVESTING IN UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE AND A BETTER EDUCATION SYSTEM!!!!!" (Overemphasis added)

Hey Bobby, we'll need better health care -- after a few dirty bombs.

Posted 1:18 PM by Gene

Is it too much to hope all those "hundreds of millions" corporations are wasting to powder and primp the Chinese regime will go down the drain?

Posted 9:55 AM by Gene

Like other people who believe the world revolves around them, Jeremiah Wright never seems to stay quiet for long.

Open your mouth, Rev! Pfffffffffffffffft!

Posted 9:41 AM by Gene

Colm Tóibín was born in Enniscorthy, Co. Wexford in the southeast of Ireland in 1955. He was the second youngest of five children. His grandfather Patrick Tobin was a member of the Irish Republican Army, as was his grand-uncle Michael Tobin. Patrick Tobin took part in the 1916 Rebellion in Enniscorthy and was subsequently interned in Frongach in Wales. Colm Toibin's father was a teacher who was involved in the Fianna Fáil party in Enniscorthy. (Emphasis added)

NUF SAID.

Posted 7:28 PM by Gene

Sun-Times woes: Does murdering a paper break any laws?

Well if not let's make it a crime, right Romy?

Posted 5:44 PM by Gene

Annan: 'Hypocrisy' in global response to Darfur

Er, Kofi, aren't you well down the list on people who should say that? Or is this your idea of a mea culpa?

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

Speaking of recorded sound, we wonder if The Messiah likes [C]RAP. We can see Him at some show-biz function, stupidly bobbing His head to the beat of the latest masterwork, with its N words and F words and S words and P words and B words, and maybe even mouthing a line -- and then realizing a camera was on Him, and in naked horror He'd shout, "THIS IS AWFUL." Then He'd turn back to the sound, and turning back to the camera He would add, "BUT...."

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

Today, going through our favorite used record store and coming across a tired old copy of the soundtrack of Cabaret, we realized the problem with Liza Minnelli: you wanted to look below her waist but had to look above her neck.

Posted 1:27 PM by Gene

On Visit, Pelosi Offers Support to Dalai Lama

Well that's easy enough; isn't he one of her constituents?

Pfffffffffffffffft!

Posted 1:21 PM by Gene

ASSPress gets even deeper into the show-biz publicity biz!

You want to be "editor"-in-chief, NIK?

(Via ArtsJournal)

Posted 11:10 AM by Gene

Foggy Bottom may not know its fat fog-bound fanny from a hole in a ground when it comes to Iran or North Korea, but it sure can ferret out information on presidential candidates!

COLINETTE MUST GO!

Posted 9:32 PM by Gene

Is this the beginning of the end for gambling as a panacea?

Posted 5:59 PM by Gene

Despite all the money to be made (however improbably), is anything more boring than the first round of MARCH MADNESS®?

Posted 5:41 PM by Gene

I hate iconoclasts, self-declared or otherwise. Why? There are limits to their iconoclasm. As the tales of certain fearless animations and operas tell us the same people who cackle psychotically over Christians do a Star Trek transporter vanishing act when faced with M----ms. Also they can dish it out but can't take it; they'll attack your supposed bad taste but accuse them of philistinism or groupthink and they'll scream as though Comedy Central went out of business -- or like an army of KATHRYNS. Worse, they tend to be Machiavellis -- and MARKETERS.

We mention this because up north is congealing a classic case of self-declared iconoclasm (A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO GUY GUY!), and we suspect everyone behind it is precisely the sort of fake we've just mentioned. All the better to make the millions they probably won't make. That it's coming from THE AMERICAS' MOST POLITICALLY CORRECT COUNTRY™ enhances the smell.

I want to see SAMMY GLICK...MAN dance around this one.

(Link in second graf via the frequently irritating ArtsJournal-Eh)

Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

By the way I just got word of Dubya's Idle Boast from the IRS, in a perforated mailing you had to tear open at the edges. (Why?) The only thing missing was his face and the words, "GEORGE WANTS TO GIVE YOU YOUR MONEY!"

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

Paramount's Grey denies knowing of Pellicano's actszzzzzzzzzz (Snore added)

Does anyone IN LALA care?

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

At some point SLIME's shareholders must ask, doesn't God have enough playthings?

Sounds as if the Col. may be doing a little empire unbuilding.

Nothing yet on THE CORNER. There'll be plenty of time for delusions.

(Via His Cheapie Marketwatch)

Posted 2:39 PM by Gene

The holy cockroaches have their kryptonite. Problem is, the Fumblers, Bumblers and Incompetents and the C-Nothing-A are ALL kryptonite.

CAVEAT: This article has three "formers", and we know what THAT means.

Posted 2:28 PM by Gene

Using Customer Service as a Branding Opportunity



Excellent idea!

Posted 2:23 PM by Gene

Coming soon to Branson East (we hope): a BRADY BUNCH MUSICAL!

Just when you think the theaTAH can't get any more CRASS....

Posted 2:17 PM by Gene

Sarah Jessica Horseyface -- unsexy?

Heaven forbid!

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 9:08 AM by Gene

And speaking of tyrants, International Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers, you want to stay out of politics. So why didn't you stay out of the BEIJING GAMES?

We know why. "I WAS AT THE SUMMER OLYMPICS AND YOU WEREN'T!!!!!!!!!!"

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

Kendall also brought Pepsi to Russia and was awarded the Order of Friendship by Vladimir Putin, President of Russia, in 2004.

CONGRATULATIONS! Pfffffffffffffffft!

Posted 8:59 AM by Gene

[I]t's still a drain to hear the same phrase over and over, channel after channel, column after column. It might be time to throw "under the bus" under the bus.

Not to mention all the reporters, editors, anchorpoops, producers, etc., etc., etc., who will inflict this phrase upon us for TIME IMMEMORIAL.

Posted 8:49 AM by Gene

What?!? Not every knee shall bow, nor every tongue confess, to the Lord?!?

Now -- how can news hacks call these people bigots without calling them bigots?

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

GM: Not Making Hybrid a 'Mistake'

If we had to list all the mistakes the Clunker Brothers have made we wouldn't stop listing.

Posted 8:14 AM by Gene

Okay, we understand why Rex doesn't want to plow more effort into finding more oil: the more The Big XX looks, the more expensive it gets. So who's going to find it for us?

Posted 8:53 PM by Gene

Okay con-SER-va-tives, we want to hear from you: why ISN'T such stock gamesmanship a crime?

Posted 3:01 PM by Gene

The DUHB knows all about statistics, and he knows all about why RON PAUL!!!!!!!!!! is such a wonderful guy, but....

I didn't know that Cosby is a Philadelphian.

You've got to get your nose out of those math textbooks, Duhb.

Posted 2:34 PM by Gene

LATER, AFTER FINALLY USING A FEW OF WHAT BRAIN CELLS THEY HAD LEFT:

MEDIA WEB
Hef bares all ... well almost
Jon Friedman discusses Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, his legacy and what's behind the empire's success.

Do you suppose somebody had an ethics spasm? Or just another BRAIN spasm?

Posted 2:25 PM by Gene

Will someone tell me why news hacks must make vast parts of their empires available to unpaid advertising? Doesn't it occur to these CRETINS that the more they sell the more they help wean people from BUYING?

ANOTHER NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD, to SUSAN PLOTZ -- and a NEUHARTHISM OF THE YEAR AWARD IS POSSIBLE!

Posted 12:02 PM by Gene

Down, boy! Down, MediaBistro!

Times Hunts at Slate, Vibe for New Pop Music Critic (NYO)
"Being pop critic at the Times is a dream job — certainly it was mine," the former occupant of that position, Kelefa Sanneh, wrote in an email this week. But a little more than two weeks ago, Sanneh left his dream job for the other dream job: a reporting gig at The New Yorker. Since March 3, the word has been spreading in music circles that A NEW MUSIC-CRITIC STAR WAS ABOUT TO BE MADE!!!!! (Star-making overemphasis added)

Can someone inform these clowns they're NOT curing cancer!

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

Apparently the latest excuse among liberals for the Messiah is that He showed His "human" side by not "throwing his pastor under the bus." (Apt phrasing, given their hero's brilliant speechifying.) Look, I'm all for loyalty too, but don't some things demand a repudiation? And yes, it would seem hasty and unseemly for Mess to toss His pastor from His circle of friends, not to mention cheaply political, but at some point compassion must collide with plain old common sense. After all, as Messiah -- PRESIDENT he MAY have to fire somebody.

I guess Kev has his tacky partisan moments too -- JUST LIKE THE CORNER. Why do so many find it so easy to consume BROMIDES?

Posted 9:22 AM by Gene

MEDIA WEB
The sweet life
Legendary [obligatory roll-the-eyes SIC] Playboy publisher tells Friedman: even the rumors are true.

And Little Jonny Hairshirt believed him.

We'd like to hear a few rumors about Dorothy Stratten ourselves -- legendary or no.

Posted 9:19 AM by Gene

"This is not a fair fight," Haven says. "Average fans can't compete with corporate expense accounts. … There's no explanation other than greed. It sends the wrong message about what college sports should be about."

Pardon -- this sends the right message.

Posted 9:00 AM by Gene

There is something annoying about this story. I wish I knew why so many believe in the shrink cult and its ability to solve anything -- especially news hacks, who already worship Oprah and her touchy-feely mealy-mouthedness. Regardless we doubt if Dubya and his technocrats who rushrushrushed to "solve" the Bear crisis give a damn about people at the bottom of the ladder, especially as they've never been there.

It's official: the devil is an ass.

Posted 8:48 AM by Gene

Alas, the stoopids are back to mushing their brains with awful sitcoms.

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

And yes, we may ask -- whom do the news hacks fool when they profess to be "stunned"?

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

GENIUS FOR THE AGE OF THE MESSIAH: Somebody's reviving Carousel in an EXTREMELY minimalist production that uses (to quote an admiring ad-blurbist) "a piano, a couple of woodwind players, a string quartet and a bass." I know such conceits get oohs and aahs from the scribblers but with a piano, a couple of woodwind players, a string quartet and a bass, mightn't something be -- missing?

Not that the hacks would notice. As their rock-mewsic re-VIEWS prove they pride themselves on their tone-deafness.

P. S.

Theatre For The Nap & Drool Set (ArtsJournal link)

Reviewers? Oh, "toddlers"!

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

And if the hacks think that by running press releases like this they're diverting us from their shortcomings, we can assure them that's not true -- if anything, the more such press releases they run, the angrier we get.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO SOLVEJ! [SIC!]

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

Jump in homicides not tied to racial animosity, LAPD says

To paraphrase THE MASTER, "What is your drift, sirs?"

That the muni-CI-pal types in LALA don't know pretty well signals they've given up on crime control.

We may further guess the number of homicides solved is close to zero, QED.

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

I don't know whether this FIVE YEARS biz is in the same vein as the GRIM MILESTONE biz, but it points to another reason news hacks are becoming so vaporous: instead of reporting on news, they report on the cosmetics surrounding the news. Have ever the news hacks been more anniversary-centric than they are now? And to what purpose?

Posted 8:14 AM by Gene

Editorial: Mr. Obama’s Profile in Courage

It is one thing for editorial pages to be irrelevant. At what point do they become counterproductive?

This is at the top of the list of the reasons I can't stand news hacks: they love the sound of their own typing.

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

Shucks, even a few liberals don't see to think this "brilliant", "masterful" speech will do anything. Indeed when I hear words like "brilliant" and "masterful" my first thought is of movie ad-blurbists -- and my second is of all the hacks whose talk of brilliant, nuanced speeches have given us decidedly third-rate leaders. They overrate the speeches, and they overrate the speakers. And this biz with the Messiah and race has already become festeringly tiresome, and all his well-meaning talk has set back race relations a few...months, anyway.

Posted 2:21 PM by Gene

Oops! Only 0.75 percent! DEPRESSION!

Posted 12:56 PM by Gene

JPMorgan Chase will guarantee all of Bear’s trading obligations. It was clearly a priority for the Fed to ensure that Bear’s buyer commands trust if it is to step in as counterparty in trades that have a notional value, reportedly, of a staggering $10 trillion.

IS THAT ALL?!?!?

Posted 12:45 PM by Gene

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh, at least they didn't pay for their assignations.

Posted 12:41 PM by Gene

Dubai plants an ugly leaky STARCHITECT's building in LALA!

Is the sheikhs' fetish for ugly buildings a disease?

There remain skeptics who wonder whether downtown L.A. is being overdeveloped with condo projects.

Haven't they heard? The housing bust and the credit bust have ENDED FOR ALL TIME!!!!!

Posted 11:23 AM by Gene

ALL AMERICA'S ECONOMIC PROBLEMS ARE OVER!

Unless the Fed cuts less than a full percent, then....

Posted 10:36 AM by Gene

Yes my pastor said some nasty things. BUT....

Very uniting.

Posted 9:12 PM by Gene

KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH!

GOVERNMENT...

KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH!

...IS TO BLAME...

KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH!

...FOR THE HOUSING...

KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH!

..."BUBBLE"...

KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH!

...IF IT WAS ONE!

Once again: I HATE KNEE-JERK LOCKSTEP PARTISANS!

Posted 7:42 PM by Gene

New York's new governor has a real chance to be a leader. Let's hope he doesn't slip on the twin banana peels of pride and arrogance that tripped up his predecessors.

Posted 5:58 PM by Gene

Applause, applause! Vociferous applause --
From orchestra to gallery
Could mean a raise in salary!
(OR: News hacks are playing with themselves again:)

Major theater chain restores raunchy trailers

Oops! I think I put in the wrong URL! Oh, forgive me! It's here!

And remember: it's restricted -- to anyone with a computer!

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO GREGG AND MICROHOO!

P. S.



God bless you, Tex Avery -- wherever you are!

Posted 5:35 PM by Gene

Greenspan sees many casualties from crisis: report

By rights the first and foremost should be HIS REPUTATION.

Posted 2:38 PM by Gene

MARCH MADNESS -- and January, February, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November and December Madness too:

Asked if Michigan could offer its student-athletes an academic experience similar to that of a typical student and still compete at the highest levels athletically, Basten didn't hesitate.

"No," he said.

You call it madness but I call it -- MONEY.

(Via Chronicle.com)

Posted 2:21 PM by Gene

Money can't buy me love but it can sure make for a nifty divorce.

Posted 2:15 PM by Gene

Dubya rushrushrushrushrushed to get a Bear Stearns deal -- and now the shareholders might postpone their approval for up to a year!

That's LEADERSHIP, Dub!

Posted 1:24 PM by Gene

We've got a brilliant idea for the remaining investment banks: have the CEOs say loud and repeatedly that there's no liquidity problem. This causes the customers to make a run for their money, meaning in no time Mr. MorganChase may corner the whole investment banking biz.

If the investors haven't drained Mr. MorganChase first.

Posted 12:48 PM by Gene

I suppose it's encouraging that Belly Kisser and Dubya want to put together some deals -- but let us not forget Tricky Dick and Leonid high-fived too.

And let us not forget COLINETTE is in on this as well, meaning the deals might come from our side.

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

Hey Dubya! Here's another one you can throw money at!

Posted 8:49 AM by Gene

KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN, immortal GENIUS of the musical theaTAH, learns that possibly he can't take it with him.

(Via ArtsJournal)

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

Why most news stories should be one graf:

Journalists and others with a tendency to see glasses as half empty have a long history of pronouncing the American consumer maxed out. "Time for a New Frugality," this magazine declared in 1973. "Over the Ears in Debt," it chimed in again in 1987. It wasn't just TIME. Historian of credit Lendol Calder has assembled a long list of worried headlines through the decades: "Debt Threatens Democracy" (Harper's, 1940), "Is the Country Swamped with Debt?" (Business Week, 1949), "Never Have So Many Owed So Much" (U.S. News & World Report, 1959). And so on.

And so on and so on. And so on and so on and so on.

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

Bill's image damaged by campaign role

As if it were so wonderful before?

Posted 8:32 AM by Gene

Is academe offensive because it's Onward-Christian-Soldiers leftist? Or because it's Scrooge-before-the ghosts greedy?

Or is it offensive because it's both?

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

Stu, the Paper of Re-CORD's version of every booster organization in the city of Zenith, comes galloping to the rescue of product placements in the movies, but even he must admit (patriotically holding off until the LAST GRAF):

Promotional partnerships do not guarantee a film will be boffo at the box office. New Line’s “Semi-Pro” has been underperforming despite imaginative deals with brands like Bud Light and Old Spice; the star, Will Ferrell, even appears in character in TV commercials for both products. “We feel the pressure,” said Mr. Melfi, the producer. “If we do it right eight out of 10 times, we’re doing our job.”

But hey if you can bludgeon the turnips eight out of ten times with your ads, I'd say that's pretty darn good! Right STU?

WE WISH TO STATE,
IN REAL ESTATE,
THERE'S NONE SO LIVE AS WE!

ANOTHER NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO STU! RAH-RAH!

Posted 8:07 AM by Gene

If Bear Stearns were located in, say, Lincoln, Nebraska, or Albuquerque, New Mexico, it would be a blip, then disappear. Unfortunately for the rest of the country it is situated in the center of the center of the universe, one of three American cities equipped with a megaphone, and people in the financial scam are the most knee-jerk conformist types this side of Hollywood, academe and the luxury news suites, who can turn every molehill into a mountain, every slight dip into a depression. Yes, New York lost most of its corporate HQ thanks to race prejudice and deindustrialization, but it still has far too many self-important types who spend the day in front of the mirror looking for crow's feet, and not finding any -- and then they wake up one fine morning and behold Dorian Gray, and insist the whole world looks like them.

Posted 8:06 AM by Gene

Oh one other thing, Mr. MorganChase: What about shareholder lawsuits?

Posted 10:44 PM by Gene

One wonders what the practical difference is between the Bear Stearns fire sale and going broke. As it is we seem headed towards a rich man's version of the FDIC, which Dubya is way overdue to announce, his idea of governing, if one had any doubt before these last few weeks, being to flail and panic.

Posted 6:41 PM by Gene

Comforting to know as Bear Stearns might sell itself for half its Friday close:

Throughout much of its history, Bear Stearns has masterfully persuaded the market that its business — narrowly focused on mortgage finance — was worth more than it actually was. To some degree this trick has been a testament to the coy gamesmanship of two of its past leaders, Alan Greenberg and Mr. Cayne.

Both men are devout bridge players and Mr. Greenberg is an amateur magician as well, so they are well schooled in the art of not showing their hand.

Well, bridge may not be poker but it's still a card game; and certainly the Richie Riches of the Wall Street Casino are incomparable at making money disappear -- without a magic wand, even.

P. S. $2 a share.

The central bank has agreed to fund up to 30 billion dollars of Bear Stearns’ less liquid assets.

Uncle Sucker comes to the rescue!

Posted 2:18 PM by Gene

Europe appears headed to a huge transcontinetal airline, meaning the Europeans can expect the same excellent service we get -- and knowing the Europeans, even more so.

Posted 12:05 PM by Gene

Why is it that even with something as seemingly benign as Seligism, the Chinese find a way to be sinister?

Posted 12:00 PM by Gene

ONWERD END UPWERD INN HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN:

Montclair State University this week began an investigation into a February student radio broadcast that apparently included naked women, lap dancing and other sex acts.

And here's the beauty part:

A faculty adviser pulled the show off the air this week, but not until a parent of one of the women called the school Tuesday to complain about videos on the Web that purportedly showed the scene at the college-owned studio.

SUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

(Via Chronicle.com)

Posted 11:54 AM by Gene

AN ORATORICAL GENIUS:

You begin to wonder, listening to Obama's rhetoric, whether anything has changed in 20 years. "This is a defining moment in our history," Obama likes to say; but that's what Elizabeth Dole said when her husband ran for president in 1996. (They're both wrong.) In 1992, Bill Clinton was complaining that "Washington" was a place "people came to just to score political points." Eight years later Bush was complaining that "Washington is obsessed with scoring political points, not solving problems." Now, in 2008, "Washington has become a place," Obama says, "where politicians spend too much time trying to score political points."

What's to be done about all this Washington point-scoring? Bob Dole's solution, 12 years ago, was to strongly favor "the things that lift this country up instead of dragging it down"; today Obama opposes "the politics where we tear each other down instead of lifting this country up." Because Howard Dean failed in his promise in 2004--"we're going to take this country back"--Obama revives the pledge, word for word, today. But like Gerald Ford, running against Jimmy Carter in 1976, he believes "we can disagree without being disagreeable."

Onward they plod, these old warhorse phrases, until Obama climbs to the climax of his stump speech. Head bowed, brow furrowed, eyes flashing, he announces that we "will choose unity over division [Jesse Jackson, 1992]. We will choose hope over fear [Bill Clinton and John Kerry, 2004]. And we will choose the future over the past [Al Gore, 1992]." In so doing, we will overcome our "moral deficit [Bush, 2000; Gore, 2000; Newt Gingrich,1994]" by "bringing people beyond the divisions of race and class [Clinton 1992]" because the "story of our country [Ross Perot, 1992]" or the "genius of our country [Bush 2000]" or the "wonder of our country [George H.W. Bush, 1988]" is, as Obama says in 2008, "ordinary people doing extraordinary things [Perot, Bush, Bush, and Ronald Reagan, 1984]."

Oh well -- aren't they all?

(Via Contentions)

Posted 2:28 PM by Gene

UN: Drop in Iraq Violence May Not Last

Its most devoted fans will see to it.

Posted 11:32 AM by Gene

Okay, now that The Messiah's pastor has retreated further into the shadows, NOW can we give both guns to YOU-KNOW-WHO'S PREACHER?

I'm sure we can try.

Although it might be difficult because the Second Coming (or is that the first?) may not be quite as squeaky-clean as we'd previously imputed.

Posted 11:26 AM by Gene

Crazy Eddie may not want to fix up His stores, but He sure is ready to sell USED CARS!

As is His patron saint St. Warren. Hey, it's a great way to sell AUTO INSURANCE!

You don't suppose America may deserve a depression?

Posted 11:06 AM by Gene

Extruding cinema is a tough business: doing voice work for Audrey was at least as intense as chiseling out Mt. Rushmore, or painting the Sistine Chapel -- at least. Yes, producing high art is a brutal endeavor, a bone-wracking, emotionally-draining experience that...does Col. Zell REALLY want his biz to go out of?

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to CHRIS!

And when do America's parents stop using the popcorn restaurants as day-care centers?

Posted 10:51 AM by Gene

Daniel Gross can be irritating. American business just turned incompetent? Who built all those rattletrap vehicles in the sixties and seventies? Who turned our consumer electronics business into a ghost town? Ditto with textiles? No, incompetence isn't something that just happened to American business, though it may make for a snappy column to try to prove it.

Posted 10:43 AM by Gene

The TWXSTERS liken the Tibetan rioting to the "Intifadeh" (SIC), the sort of stupidly incendiary device we expect from hacks, who of course being open minded with a quarter of a brain and seeing the whole world clearly with sunglasses and blinders would never notice. Translated this means the Tibetans are terrorists, and China is Israel. We would like Mr. "Can Anyone Here Run This Rag?" Stengel to offer a full explanation of why Tibetans are Palestinians, with all the negative connotations it implies.

Posted 6:17 PM by Gene

• J.P. Morgan's done this before

Only his last name wasn't Chase.

Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

LIAR LIAR BROCK'S ON FIRE IN ACTION -- or, "WHERE'S THE SCRUTINY OF McCAIN'S SPIRITUAL ADVISER????????????????": A would-be Media Matters spokespoop screams and yells and throws a tantrum (which of course Romy posts, not that he'd heard of The Messiah's crank until yesterday) saying that Boobs McKeating's crank is worse; the only problem being this lout appears to be a mere Boobs suck-up (bad enough there to be sure), whereas The Messiah's crank married him, and baptized his daughters, and has been a sort of spiritual adviser for two decades; but heck you have to scream to be heard in the foot-stomping propaganda biz, and I'm having trouble hearing.

Alternet...Right Wing Watch...Tapped...HuffPo...Crooks and Liars...ThinkProgress.org...BuzzFlash...TRANSLATION: The pastor was...Wright to blame us for 9/11. I HATE PARTISANS!

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

I have a hunch "slumburbia" won't happen. Poverty has never hit the fringes and I'd suspect the neighboring affluent burgs will annex the property and demolish abandoned houses before allowing ghettos in their midsts. Also the comparison to France seems inexact; if I'm not mistaken their suburbs center around state housing projects, unlike the alleged new slums, which are entirely and proudly Babbitt-made.

Posted 1:20 PM by Gene

A reminder: Bear Stearns recommended New Century Financial.

NUF SAID.

Posted 1:15 PM by Gene

AP NEWS ALERT!!!!!

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke has promised to do all he can to help struggling homeowners.

Good luck, Ben!

Posted 1:08 PM by Gene

Sorry Garry, L'Affaire Pellicano is still BOOOOOOOOOOOOORING.

Shandling's 45 minutes of serious testimony began light-heartedly when Assistant U.S. Atty. Kevin Lally asked the television star a standard question to get the proceedings underway.

"What do you do for a living?" Lally asked.

"That's a bad sign," Shandling deadpanned, drawing laughs. The implication was that he was not as well-known as he had hoped. "I'm a comedian," he said.

Does anyone outside BIGMEDIA watch cult favorites on HBO?

Posted 1:02 PM by Gene

GEKKO KUDLOW defended Dick "ZILLIONS" Grasso. Dick "ZILLIONS" Grasso was a "victim" of Gov. Whoredom. Therefore, con-SERRRRRRRR-va-tives can legally gloat.

Some people should shut up before they open their mouths.

P. S.

So, what makes a girl classy enough for the clientele of the Emperor's Club? I guess "Kristen's" belly tattoo in Latin must have helped.

Wait, isn't tutela valui the con-SER-va-tives' official motto? Oh, we're thinking caveat emptor.

Posted 10:15 AM by Gene

ODE TO A GOLDDIGGER:

"She crashed up [her stepdad's] Porsche and wanted another one, and he wouldn't give it to her, so she left," said the friend, who asked her name not be printed. (LAST GRAF)

Posted 10:08 AM by Gene

Is it us or is it that the more we learn about The Messiah, the weirder He gets?

Posted 10:06 AM by Gene

The world has just seen a thoroughly suitable prelude to THE GAMES.

Posted 9:55 AM by Gene

Bear Stearns did not have a liquidity crisis but because of "chatter" it had a sudden liquidity crisis, and now the Feds are stepping in.

You don't suppose S&P popped the bubbly a bit early?

Posted 9:51 AM by Gene

All that money and the Big Dig is "perceived as the ultimate pork barrel project."

Well, think of the Sox and the Patriots and you can forget the money.

Posted 9:48 AM by Gene

In light of the death of the Chaldean Catholic archibishop of Mosul we understand why the Pope wants "the same religious freedoms that Muslims enjoy in the West...granted for Christians in Muslim dominated countries" -- even as the only true freedom will remain with Muslims to assault non-Muslims.

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

The Econowiz, not content to be the rag BUGMEISTER BILL turned into a CEO obsession, decides to ape Forbeslist with its uppity European "lifestyle" pile of Charmin publishing a LIST of the bestest cri-TICS of all -- and seeing that Effete Edelstein and six rock cri-TICS are on the list merely confirms that when making a list knowledge is counterproductive.

(Via the usual ArtsJournal)

Posted 9:07 AM by Gene

Mark this date on your calendars: April 17. That's when the Pope lectures nominally Catholic YOUNUHVERSIHTEE execs in DC, who will then scream to the press that they're Catholic too -- just maybe not THAT Catholic.

"Every university is committed to the pursuit of truth," said Georgetown President John J. DeGioia, "and we want to ensure that there is the opportunity for both academic freedom and for the free exchange of ideas and opinions across all issues."

But David Gibson, the author of a Benedict biography, said the pope will ask, "If you're not going to be an authentically Catholic, orthodox institution, why should you exist?"

We'll see lots of existentialism after April 17, won't we!

Posted 8:57 AM by Gene

SLIME hands over His girlfriend to SUMNER.

Puh-LEASE.

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

And (keeping in mind this is CJR, which never met a liberal it didn't like) one reason the Wiz and LEGENDARY WELCH became Gods was because the hacks basked in their glow, and in the recognition that comes from fawning over genius. That they paid no mind to the middle-class and credit cards merely shows again that in their world anyone who makes less than $100,000 a year doesn't exist, and when someone does it's merely to confirm a point pleasing to the scribbler.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

And the brief translation to this BizWeek story is we must do something, anything about the credit debacle -- and hope and pray it isn't the wrong thing.

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

One area where Amazon.com seems to do quite well with its customer ratings is in specialist books, which tend to be reviewed by people who know what they're doing. I mention that because one of BloomyLite's columnists reviews a scathing book about the Wizard of Oz, and there is no avoiding the notion that his rep is headed to the proverbial historical ash heap. Indeed when I looked it up I found no fewer than four books which debunk his infinite wisdom. Why in the Wiz' name did we blind ourselves to him for so long? The age of Wiz was, of course the age of the omnipotent CEO, and neither could ever do wrong -- until after the fact.

P. S.

As the stock bubble swelled in the 1990s, Greenspan became mesmerized by the theory that technology had boosted productivity far more than was understood. He concluded that ``there was no bubble under way because technology expenditures weren't accounted for correctly, meaning that stock prices weren't nearly as high as they seemed,'' Fleckenstein writes.

The WIZ invented DOW 36,000ISM!

Posted 7:35 PM by Gene

The nice thing about these "symbolic" votes is that in several years the Let-Them-Eat-Cake Gang on the Hill is going to have to stand behind its posturing -- and here's wagering they'll so tie themselves up in knots tax policy will go into default mode, and members of both the public-be-damned parties will so be busy blaming one another for the mess as to create total gridlock -- but then, how does that differ from our misgovernment now?

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

Didn't AOL teach these clowns anything?

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

Or maybe not.

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

End of subprime hits in sight

THE CRISIS HAS ENTIRELY ENDED!!!!!

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

Is it me or does soon-to-be-ex-governor Whoring have lousy tastes in women?

Watch a report from Dupre's apartment building »

The Web that gave us live blogging now gives us live voyeuring (sort-of).

Posted 5:56 PM by Gene

In Germany the state is now allowing American Ph.D. recipients from some skools to call themselves by the honorific "Doctor", meaning they can perpetrate fraud there too.

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

Some deaf, dumb and blind "shareholders" reward Bob Toll for a job -- well done.

That or they're Republicans.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

And somewhere there must be a connection between the Queen "musical" and Ashlee's alleged nose job (which Microhoo! treats with suitably annoying prominence), but it's one we'd rather not pursue.

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

Upon hearing the TRAGIC news that the Queen "musical" has closed in Toronto -- yes, that one -- and upon hearing the further explanation that "[b]y the time its Toronto run ends, We Will Rock You will have played 61 weeks, been seen by more than 700,000 people, and generated an estimated economic spin-off to the city of $250 million, according to the producers" (TRANSLATION: It lost money, and if it didn't someone's lying with statistics), we hunted up its London cast album on two of Amazon.com's sites and found another reason its customer rankings are unreliable. The semi-literate (if that) British fans LOOOOOOOOOOOOVED it (FIVE STARS!!!!!), the Americans were a little cooler to it (only four). So geography can screw up a rating too. We'd guess there are five or six reasons in all you can't trust Amazon.com reader reviews, and for us two is enough.

Posted 1:25 PM by Gene

Israel to Sanction Al-Jazeera

Do I see some peacocks wearing this as a badge of honor?

Stations from other Arab countries that don't recognize Israel, including Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates, have crews and reporters in the country, while some Arab and Islamic countries rely on freelance journalists, usually Palestinians or Israeli Arabs. The reporters are accredited by the Israeli government and allowed to cover the news freely.

Israeli media are allowed no similar freedoms in the Arab world.

Thousands of knee-jerk lockstep screaming-meemie types say "So?"

Posted 1:18 PM by Gene

Speaking of con-SER-va-tives, they gladly turn the other cheek at "cronyism" between government and business, as, after all, anything that helps business shaf -- serve its customers must be for the greater glory, never mind if people stand to get killed and businesses ruined in the process.

LUV is learning about cronyism the hard way.

Posted 1:15 PM by Gene

Men and Women: The Real Question [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

What does Jonah think of Valerie Bertinelli? She knocks him into second place on the New York Times bestseller list this week.

03/12 11:12 AM

YOU GO GIRL!

Posted 10:45 AM by Gene

When your sales are going upupUP with the same old slop why do you have to blog?

What I'd like to see: Mickey D franchises with their own blogs. The spelling and grammatical errors would be tremendous.

Posted 10:37 AM by Gene

DR. DEATH FOR CONGRESS!

Well, it does have sort of a -- ring to it.

Posted 9:55 AM by Gene

Meantime Barney calls municipal-bond ratings "ridiculous" but doesn't say what he would replace them with. He's also ready to throw $10 billion at the blight created by psychotically-building Babbitts, which if we know the best-laid plans of mice will produce a secondary blight.

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

Throw out all the econometric models—we are now officially into uncharted territory.

TRANSLATION: Is the NEW Wizard of Oz flying blind?

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

Let's see -- we called the last big rally in the Casino the MASSACRE RALLY; what do we call this one -- THE WHORING GOVERNOR'S RALLY?

Maybe they should do it more often!

Fed action may have targeted Bear Stearns

TRANSLATION: We'll do anything, ANYTHING, to keep these houses of financial parasites from going broke!

Posted 1:47 PM by Gene

Between Justin and the late-night joke-ruiners I'd agree our country is doomed...to stupidity.

Posted 12:03 PM by Gene

OoooooOOOOOoooooh:

GOP lawmakers threaten to impeach Spitzer

Ever heard of reverse psychology?

Posted 11:59 AM by Gene

Now the latest push from con-SER-va-tives is to STRENGTHEN THE DOLLAR, meaning all those panicky rate cuts won't work.

And how will Gekko & Co. strengthen the dollar especially with the speculative commodity orgying a certain con-SER-va-tive loves SO well?

Posted 11:43 AM by Gene

Between glorified downloading and higher hi-def the popcorn restaurant is doomed. One excuse THE CONSPIRACY and the ad-blurbists always schlep out is that movie-watching is a "communal" experience. Who wants to see any Best-Picture Os-CAR® nominee of recent vintage in a crowd? Such masterworks are made for the secretive onanism that is the stock-in-trade of ad-blurbists. What few extrusions are suitable for a big audience are mere incitements for a rabble to applaud oafishly over its heads. Ultimately it should be possible to plaster a TV onto a wall, and when the Babbitts come back they'll add dedicated home-theaters to their offerings, and there'll be no need to endure sticky Coke on the floor, or sullen help in the aisles, unless you want your kids to volunteer.

Besides, do these geniuses think the low-IQ types who run the restaurants can run the equipment? And who can predict where the first pirated copies of first-runs will emanate from?

Posted 11:24 AM by Gene

Some well-meaning types want the Brits to pledge allegiance to the Queen, who might not be a third the sacred personage those who aren't assimilating pledge their allegiance to.

Posted 11:11 AM by Gene

Speaking of the TWXSTERS, are they sure people want to remind them of their "worst covers"? Then they'd have to remind them of their worst stories -- and the reminders might NEVER stop.

Posted 11:09 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Some Southern Baptists believe in the God WE believe in!

Yes, global warming is all about religion. But why should I want to worship to Gaea?

Posted 11:06 AM by Gene

The Inequality Myth

The Myth of Household Wage Stagnation

Has Gekko "Goldilocks" Kudlow been regaling the office with HIS myths?

Posted 10:55 AM by Gene

Some bank CEOs unaware of subprime holdings: Fed's Kroszner

Who says CEOs have to know?

Posted 10:02 AM by Gene

From the West End, Martin Samuel discovers...THE SECRET OF BRANSON EAST:

“Jersey Boys is a musical for people who don't like musicals,” says its director, Des McAnuff. Actually, these days just about everything is a musical for people who don't like musicals. It is the people who do like musicals who are screwed.

It might have helped, though, if he hadn't referred to "Oscar Hammerstein III."

(Via ArtsJournal)

Posted 10:59 PM by Gene

And how long before we scream at stories like this? As the ASSPress proved with its water P-Ulitzer winner if one looks long enough one can find anything wrong. Solving the drugs-in-water problem is well nigh impossible, and solving "global warming" is taking on the surrealistic nature of the dances of angels on the head of a pin. That we seem to find problems faster than we can solve them cannot be good for the body politic's sanity.

Posted 10:55 PM by Gene

Another consequence of non-stop Web news consumption is it forces you to think ahead -- as in, what unintended consequence will spring out of this one? Hard-core Republicans like Bob may demand an end to earmarks, but of course they won't end them; they'll merely embolden the money-suckers to go to the states to lobby even harder, transferring the spending from one realm to another, and not eliminating the expense. In government, who appropriates the money is almost irrelevant.

Posted 10:54 PM by Gene

The Eliot Ness story wasn't two hours old and already it became tiresome. This is a tribute to how much we seem to know about the news before it's had a chance to settle in. It's also a tribute to how much the Web has rattled our nerves and fried our brains.

Posted 2:29 PM by Gene

Spitzer Is Linked to Prostitution Ring

Bye Gov. Eliot Ness!

Posted 12:15 PM by Gene

Ditto with incompetent zillionaire CEOs -- or zillionaire CEOs whatever their competence.

Posted 12:14 PM by Gene

The mendacity of politicans in spreading gamb -- GAMING across America is why I think them a better-dressed breed of SWINE.

Posted 6:02 PM by Gene

THE USELESSNESS OF AMAZON.COM RATINGS: Okay, which has a higher star rating from the customers -- The Best Years of Our Lives or Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm? No cheating! Give up? Okay, it's the former -- by a half-star. We'll grant too the '46 Best Picture Os-CAR® winner has 141 comments next to Bill-'n'-Joe's junk's five. Of course the site (and the whole godforsaken Web) is full of pop-culture monomaniacs who'd call Jackass a masterpiece. But I'm trying to assemble a first-class DVD collection and I'm not getting any younger. And the thing is the customer ratings can be quite useful when judging home electronics or small appliances. People won't hold back on a bad experience there; if enough have had one you know a product's not worth buying. By contrast when it comes to movies or CDs they join the crowd. There are exceptions, to be sure, but they're mostly related to glorified manufacturing glitches, as with some Universal double-discs -- and most notoriously with WKRP in Cincinnati, which was chopped up due to epochal music-rights problems, not to mention Animal House, preceded on its first DVD issue with undefeatable trailers. Don't get me wrong, I want fluff along with the genius; there's a place in my collection for Hogan's Heroes and the dread Pink Panther cartoons. (Of the Valenti era I have other thoughts.) Heck I just bought the Frankie and Annette Collection. But dammit why should I have to believe cotton candy is every bit as good as caviar?

And just to go one step further: How many of the hyperactive blurb machines among the Amazon Top Reviewers would have five-starred THIS work but for an inconvenience?

Posted 4:52 PM by Gene

If it's Sunday, it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:

1. "DEBT IS THE NEW OBESITY!!!!!" [Emphasis added]

And WHO has gorged the public with all those subprimes and credit-card come-ons?

2. You do not dumb down a magazine like The Atlantic and profit from it.

3. Can this designer make Chrysler come up with REALLY ugly cars everyone can call "HIP"? Other car companies can.

4. No one has yet to convince us salt and processed foods can be mutually exclusive.

5. So many products are usurping other products' boundaries, and so many CEOs of companies with competing brands want their luxury boxes at THE GAMES and the right to hector their underlings for years, they may be undercutting their "exclusive" sales pitches -- which from a CEO's point of view is never bad; he'll always get HIS seats.

6. SHUCKS, Southwest Airlines is getting to be as ill-managed and customer-deaf as any other airline. Do I hear its "competitors'" executives laughing?

Posted 3:34 PM by Gene

This is the new frontier of home-video recording. High-definition recording isn't just for the Super Bowl or a blockbuster movie anymore--it can now be used at weddings, family get-togethers or a child's school play. These are memories worth capturing in the best quality video possible. And when you can easily access these events with modern camcorder formats, you'll be more likely to revisit them again and again.

TRANSLATION: Home movies are BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!

Posted 1:26 PM by Gene

This is one story that may resist the snappy retort, and I probably shouldn't talk so much as I'm -- close to the situation, but as our methods of detecting bad stuff in drinking water improve (brought on in no small way by federal mandates), of course more bad stuff would show up in trace amounts -- and as people think they can pill themselves to good health, ever the more so. Common sense would dictate that less-than-homeopathic levels of drugs in drinking water would have the same effect as homeopathy, but given how Americans medicate themselves and the stellar rep of Big Pharma we may not be talking common sense here.

Posted 11:45 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The stand-up comedy racket is trading one kind of unfunny for a smaller, grungier, "HIPPER" kind of unfunny.