THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, September 13, 2003
IRAQ IS THE WRONG WAR AT THE WRONG TIME FOR THE WRONG REASONS. BUT....
Last paragraph:
Retired Air Force Col. Mike Turner was a personal assistant to Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf and served as the air operations briefing officer in the war room in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, during Desert Storm. From 1993-1997, Colonel Turner worked as a Middle East/Africa politico-military policy planner on the Joint Staff in the Pentagon, working for two years for then Lt. Gen. Wesley Clark. He is currently a consultant at TheSynerGGroup in Colorado Springs, Colo.
He worked for Gen. Schwarzkopf, who was agin' (and also left Saddam in power the first time), plus he worked for Slick and Gen. McClellan. PLUS he's retired. PLUS he told FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News at the outset of the war, "I would expect we can anticipate some sort of attack on the state of Israel." WE HIT THE SUPERFECTA!
Last paragraph:
Retired Air Force Col. Mike Turner was a personal assistant to Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf and served as the air operations briefing officer in the war room in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, during Desert Storm. From 1993-1997, Colonel Turner worked as a Middle East/Africa politico-military policy planner on the Joint Staff in the Pentagon, working for two years for then Lt. Gen. Wesley Clark. He is currently a consultant at TheSynerGGroup in Colorado Springs, Colo.
He worked for Gen. Schwarzkopf, who was agin' (and also left Saddam in power the first time), plus he worked for Slick and Gen. McClellan. PLUS he's retired. PLUS he told FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News at the outset of the war, "I would expect we can anticipate some sort of attack on the state of Israel." WE HIT THE SUPERFECTA!
This is weird. Doesn't the ACLU like to stick it to religious types (except Muslims)?
Last week it was "grim news." This week we haven't won the war. Any way you spell it, it's still QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHUT UP, David E. Sanger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHUT UP, David E. Sanger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
September 13, 2003 ........ Yes, the ad's back -- so subscribe to Entertainment Weekly already! [ad]
And yes, Buzz is at it again:
[Financial reporting is] all about just nodding at accepted wisdom with no reporting, no checking, no questioning.
Again, holy writ from the expert whose -- oh, you know the name of the rag -- helped define accepted wisdom with no reporting, no checking, no questioning in Big Media coverage.
And yes, Buzz is at it again:
[Financial reporting is] all about just nodding at accepted wisdom with no reporting, no checking, no questioning.
Again, holy writ from the expert whose -- oh, you know the name of the rag -- helped define accepted wisdom with no reporting, no checking, no questioning in Big Media coverage.
This is how Yasser Arafat looks when he's done something good.
NO MORE YASSER ARAFAT PHOTOS. I'm still 20 billion hits behind lgf.
News hacks have such a flexible way with numbers. When they want to paint our war effort badly (which is all the time) they use this number but not that number. Or maybe they'll use this number and that number and hope nobody notices. Sorry jackasses, we do notice this constant massaging of numbers. If the hacks think we should be out of there, and most of them obviously do, why don't they stop with their editorializing by number and flat out say so? I hate when news hacks lobby by what they think is stealth!
Why is John Ritter's death getting the kind of super-coverage reserved not even for top public officials? What did he do besides star in bad sitcoms? Is this really such a CRUSHING BLOW to EisnerCorp? WILL YOU MORONS STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR COMPUTERS?!?!?
Making contributions to professional college sports tax-deductible is like GE Bancorp or the ultra-rich paying no taxes. Why should such hugely profitable organizations that earn gazillions in donations from Big Media and use indentured servants they dispose at the first injury or felony get such a break?
Friday, September 12, 2003
Here's a story that should get more airplay: three super-rich foundations want to move the celebrated Barnes art collection from its cramped, little-visited location in Lower Merion Township outside Philadelphia to a grand museum on the Benjamin Franklin Parkway. But there's a catch: in a move the news hacks would call quirky, the man who collected the art gave controlling rights to Lincoln University, a black state school. In an unreported outrage, Julian Bond, a champion race-baiter, threw a blood-vessel-bursting temper tantrum because honky wanted to deprive the black man of JUSTICE. Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed, and now the move is close to getting underway. Philadelphia deserves this museum, and Lincoln University deserves a say, and an emolument, and both can come out smelling like roses.
Looks like another holy cockroach will meet up with his 72 Helen Thomases -- this one behind the Indian attacks that killed 53, or approximately .65 Americans.
Good for the Indians! At least they're not chicken-hearted.
Good for the Indians! At least they're not chicken-hearted.
The Osama Channel digs into its archives again.
“It’s something positive for the viewers in the Middle East to see one of the hijackers," says its deputy military attach, er, its Washington ambassad, er, a senior espio, er, whatever you are. We know, WE KNOW it's positive; we know because you were happy on 9/11. NOW SHUT UP.
“It’s something positive for the viewers in the Middle East to see one of the hijackers," says its deputy military attach, er, its Washington ambassad, er, a senior espio, er, whatever you are. We know, WE KNOW it's positive; we know because you were happy on 9/11. NOW SHUT UP.
The idea of licensing Internet surfers makes as much sense as an idea one of George Babbitt's friends, an oleaginous professorial type named Littlefield, proposed in the afterglow of surreptitiously-obtained alcohol: licensing drinkers. It's about the same thing.
Another Forbes.com quote, sighhhhhhhhhhh:
"The ordinary affairs of a nation offer little difficulty to a person of any experience."
--Thomas Jefferson
I guess that was the Jeff's way of saying anybody can be president.
"The ordinary affairs of a nation offer little difficulty to a person of any experience."
--Thomas Jefferson
I guess that was the Jeff's way of saying anybody can be president.
HOORAY! Two more of our soldiers are killed! (But shucks, the first in nearly two weeks.) HOORAY!!!!!
Every time news hacks do their counting routine, you can hear their Wiccan prayers. Maybe we should do a counting routine: how many times a day news hacks are idiots. No; that would require sixteen supercomputers.
Every time news hacks do their counting routine, you can hear their Wiccan prayers. Maybe we should do a counting routine: how many times a day news hacks are idiots. No; that would require sixteen supercomputers.
Before the link disappears, I note Amir Taheri's credibly optimistic take on our terror war, knock on wood. Most noteworthy is the business regarding The Osama Channel's latest addition to its tremendous movie library: some cretinous "middleman" wanted $250,000 for the tape and got $25,000. Mr. Taheri persuasively argues that Osama died in the bombardment of Tora Bora. I believe that too -- in his latest epic the great inspiration of Muslims everywhere looks as he did before the war, and would he be dumb enough to walk in the open and test our reconnaissance? But it's still best to think him alive, and mentally ward ourselves from another of his holy preachments.
Another publicist tests her connections: She screams that CABLE TV IS BETTER THAN EVER, but you have to work eighteen paragraphs down to find this cleverly-buried nugget:
But, it should be said, a hit on cable is not exactly the same as a hit on a broadcast network.
"The cable companies have the luxury of trying to appeal to a niche audience," says Mr. Newman, "where a 1 or 1.2 rating can be considered a success. That's not the network business."
In short, hardly anyone's watching this genius. But what's a little obfuscation when we're writing that resume?
I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!
But, it should be said, a hit on cable is not exactly the same as a hit on a broadcast network.
"The cable companies have the luxury of trying to appeal to a niche audience," says Mr. Newman, "where a 1 or 1.2 rating can be considered a success. That's not the network business."
In short, hardly anyone's watching this genius. But what's a little obfuscation when we're writing that resume?
I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!
He's flip-flopped on Israel, now he's flip-flopping on campaign spending. What will President Damn flip-flop on next?
Now put one of those behind Ariel Sharon's head, and....
the other behind the GENERAL's.
If I keep this up I'll be as bad as lgf.
Johnny Cash has died, just a few short months after his wife. He was the truth-teller of music, and if that sounds like an instant cliche, consider this: at their best his songs were simple, forceful, unadorned, and direct, all the better for the country singer to sing his stories. He did many dumb things, and like so many popular-music stars (and like the nation) he lost his moorings around the sixties, but you can't take ever take from him that sound, and that conviction, and if the conviction occasionally lapsed into self-parody, at least it was real, and his. That we no longer appreciate his sound may be gleaned from the utter condescension which greeted him in his swan song at the Sumner Publicity Festival recently, where the vast array of one-hit wonders and tuneless tyrants no doubt saw some grizzled old drunk who sang prison tunes and only got his start because of Elvis. They wouldn't understand even if they were smart and talented: Johnny Cash was country.
Which reminds me, one of my favorite cultural figures, the great Goddard Lieberson, signed him to his Columbia contract, which further underlines their essential motherlode of talent -- even if Lieberson did sign The Nose.
Which reminds me, one of my favorite cultural figures, the great Goddard Lieberson, signed him to his Columbia contract, which further underlines their essential motherlode of talent -- even if Lieberson did sign The Nose.
Thursday, September 11, 2003
John Walker Lindh (remember him?) could penetrate it, but it is too much to expect the Fumblers, Bumblers and Incompetents, whose turf battles and PC helped make 9/11 possible, to know what al-Qaeda is, let alone infiltrate it.
BRING BACK EFREM ZIMBALIST JR.!
BRING BACK EFREM ZIMBALIST JR.!
Here's a conflict-of-interest column with a conflict of interest: Nowhere does our brave manly columnist Mr. Feder mention a man who writes movie-ad blurbs for the Sun-Times and for EisnerCorp, and who gets paid BIG BUCKS for it, and whose name is uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
A very smelly deal around a very smelly show. I'll bet AOL gets some sort of "promotional" exchange (i.e., some sort of funny-accounting exchange) from its joint-venture partner Trib in lieu of cash. As it is, Trib gets damaged goods: a show it can't air in the raw because it fears ASWIA would object (and given what its members sponsor, from The Osama Channel to God-knows-what in prime time, there's no worry of that). Was there ever better proof all these TV idiots can do is shuffle the rubble, and call it "programming"?
Media Must Explain Lack of 9/11-Saddam Link
Public Misinformed by Press, 'E&P' Editor Charges
This looks like a job for -- SUPERHACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Public Misinformed by Press, 'E&P' Editor Charges
This looks like a job for -- SUPERHACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are a lot-of anger-provoking questions over 9/11, and given Dubya and his secret-agent-like penchant for keeping all to himself finding the truth will be more difficult. (I'll even go this far: if there were a good Democrat free from his party's ideological tyrannies and foursquare behind the national defense, we should elect him.) But it doesn't help these KnightRidder hacks' cause that their prime source of information is a hard-to-navigate Web site that hasn't been much updated for a year. Surely we've learned something since then, haven't we?
I don't think I ever heard of Victor Davis Hanson much before six months ago, and now I cannot stop reading him because I keep wondering how he can outdo himself. I wish I could write like this, rather than in jokes and squibs. Here is another marvel.
Now I know why media stink: the imbeciles who plunk all that money down for ASWIA sight-unseen are PowerPoint phreaks.
JACK SHAFER ALERT: I wonder how the hacks decide who to quote for stories like these. Do they roll dice, or select names at random from telephone directories? Or do they just call their friends?
Let's see if I can beat lgf at his own game: there's THE PILE OF PAPERS and the BOTTLED WATER, and the Kleenex that aren't Kleenex -- no candy to celebrate the latest massacres, or leftovers from 9/11-- but what's that in the foreground left? A garage-door opener? Or an anti-Zionist ray gun?
New Yorkers must "fend off a real estate baron who would take all the grand talk of memorial and soaring designs and build millions of square feet of office space at Ground Zero."
Better idea, Michael -- let's just leave the hole in the ground and we'll GRIEVE FOREVER!!!!!
I guess news hacks don't need sources to project their dumb biases.
Better idea, Michael -- let's just leave the hole in the ground and we'll GRIEVE FOREVER!!!!!
I guess news hacks don't need sources to project their dumb biases.
Sorry, BUSHWACKING
!
Osama Channel, YOUR SPY'S STAYING IN JAIL.
And speaking of Lenin and rope, the Beeb lists "General Motors, Procter & Gamble, Unilever, Gillette and GlaxoSmithKline" as among the SPONSORS
!
of The Osama Channel (though the story, which ran in April, says Osama's gone "virtually commercial-free"). You come back, now, y'hear?
!
Osama Channel, YOUR SPY'S STAYING IN JAIL.
And speaking of Lenin and rope, the Beeb lists "General Motors, Procter & Gamble, Unilever, Gillette and GlaxoSmithKline" as among the SPONSORS
!
of The Osama Channel (though the story, which ran in April, says Osama's gone "virtually commercial-free"). You come back, now, y'hear?
And the Swedes, who joined in the chorus of laughter and derision at our actions, can't even protect their own foreign minister who helped lead it. If you ruled the world it would be a joke -- or a Fourth Reich.
One day the Feds say the holy cockroaches have a "tiny" presence, the next day they're swarming all over the place. Do the Feds know what they're doing?
Today, the Arabs gloat, the Europeans smirk, the Americans forget, and the dead are at peace.
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
Meantime two more of the "uncompromising" spi -- REPORTERS for The Osama Channel have been arrested in Iraq, which they should consider lucky, as in a few quarters of that nation they might be summarily executed.
Well, my TV just went on the fritz -- a bright solid line across the middle -- and it's not the loss it used to be. I hardly watch any TV other than The Confusion Channel (I'll discuss that later) and sports on the weekends; I don't have the time, or the inclination. Besides, with my computer, who needs it?
The MESS is now quoting a senior spokesidiot for The Osama Channel as saying it's "stock footage." Jeez.
Or is it more PSYOPS, playing with the infidels' minds?
Or is it more PSYOPS, playing with the infidels' minds?
The Osama Channel's psyops forces (and its archives) are at it again.
CURLEY's Stooges' (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) keywords: "attributed," "appeared," "the speaker," "the voice" (Wait! Wasn't that what they called Ol' Blue Eyes?), and the all-time hedge, "There was nothing in the video itself to indicate when the footage was filmed."
CURLEY's Stooges' (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) keywords: "attributed," "appeared," "the speaker," "the voice" (Wait! Wasn't that what they called Ol' Blue Eyes?), and the all-time hedge, "There was nothing in the video itself to indicate when the footage was filmed."
Ron Rosenbaum thinks, and thinks, and THINKS -- and he's also a Bob-Boss nut, which can make it worse. Nonetheless, when he conjectures (and it is quite a conjecture) that the assassinated reporter Daniel Pearl was closing in on a holy cockroach scheme involving Pakistan to nuke somebody, you can't rule it out -- especially with all the holy Muslim world hoping for it.
Coming across this picture on Newsday.com (accompanying a story on back-to-school clothes -- the link was broken), I'm thinking, how much more attractive these young ladies would be (especially the one on the right) in fluffy, flirty pink dresses, and wearing nice flowery hats instead of baseball caps! Oh, for the days when people dressed up in public. Here's one reason this is such a great age.
A brilliant victory the record creeps got from that 12-year-old: $2 a song. It cost many, many times that to put the legal eagles on the case. The news hacks will call this a triumph; I call it another gunshot wound of the foot for the record biz.
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
The ideological pretzel of liberalism, defined:
The BBC's mental assumptions are those of the fairly soft Left. They are that American power is a bad thing, whereas the UN is good, that the Palestinians are in the right and Israel isn't, that the war in Iraq was wrong, that the European Union is a good thing and that people who criticise it are "xenophobic", that racism is the worst of all sins, that abortion is good and capital punishment is bad, that too many people are in prison, that a preference for heterosexual marriage over other arrangements is "judgmental", that environmentalists are public-spirited and "big business" is not, that Gerry Adams is better than Ian Paisley, that government should spend more on social programmes, that the Pope is out of touch except when he criticises the West, that gun control is the answer to gun crime, that... well, you can add hundreds more articles to the creed without my help.
I'm still convinced that many who say they wish to "reform" the Beeb are using this as a means of getting it in RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s hands (and no, Michael Wolff, I don't think for a second he wouldn't want it), and that's why I'm not wholly sympathetic to the cause. Nevertheless, having to consume American media every single day, I know the feeling.
The BBC's mental assumptions are those of the fairly soft Left. They are that American power is a bad thing, whereas the UN is good, that the Palestinians are in the right and Israel isn't, that the war in Iraq was wrong, that the European Union is a good thing and that people who criticise it are "xenophobic", that racism is the worst of all sins, that abortion is good and capital punishment is bad, that too many people are in prison, that a preference for heterosexual marriage over other arrangements is "judgmental", that environmentalists are public-spirited and "big business" is not, that Gerry Adams is better than Ian Paisley, that government should spend more on social programmes, that the Pope is out of touch except when he criticises the West, that gun control is the answer to gun crime, that... well, you can add hundreds more articles to the creed without my help.
I'm still convinced that many who say they wish to "reform" the Beeb are using this as a means of getting it in RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s hands (and no, Michael Wolff, I don't think for a second he wouldn't want it), and that's why I'm not wholly sympathetic to the cause. Nevertheless, having to consume American media every single day, I know the feeling.
9/11 has had little impact on our culture because, unlike Pearl Harbor, it did not lead to universal sacrifices, just two remote-control wars with few casualties, and those who run our culture, our moguls and news hacks, remain as steadfastly stupid and PC as before in part because they don't know better, in part because no one's going to TELL THEM better.
"We live in a very creative, competitive and entrepreneurial world,'' yells MR. SHAKEDOWN in turning down a $48 million bonus -- on TOP of his $140 million payday.
Time to hum the Godfather theme again.
Time to hum the Godfather theme again.
On a VERY GOOD news day, Osama's reporting one of our soldiers was killed -- something not even Reuters has bothered to pick up.
But then, on the ARABIC site, it's no doubt reporting DOZENS.
But then, on the ARABIC site, it's no doubt reporting DOZENS.
Hmmm, the kid's been arrested for lying, plus he took favors!
I'd say the next team that hires him has a GOLD MINE!
I'd say the next team that hires him has a GOLD MINE!
BROOKE GLADSTONE: And so what is Murdoch's ultimate goal here?
MICHAEL WOLFF: To build the biggest media organization that he can possibly build -- to get the greatest share he can possibly get -- to build the strongest brand. But if it were necessary for him to sell out his ideology to do that, I am sure he would in a second.
I think an outfit that runs The Weekly Standard and FX sold its scruples a long time ago.
MICHAEL WOLFF: To build the biggest media organization that he can possibly build -- to get the greatest share he can possibly get -- to build the strongest brand. But if it were necessary for him to sell out his ideology to do that, I am sure he would in a second.
I think an outfit that runs The Weekly Standard and FX sold its scruples a long time ago.
PC was a luxury we could afford before 9/11, for it allowed us to wallow in our self-righteousness. With mortal foes we can't afford that luxury anymore. Unfortunately, it still festers in academe, whose attitude is, and is likely to remain, "We have met the enemy, and he is us."
Once again, repeat after me: THIS IS ALL ISRAEL'S FAULT!
Now it's 43 malaria cases. Why are the news hacks downplaying this story?
I've come up with a handy-dandy slogan the GENERAL and news hacks can apply to suicide bombings:
THIS IS ALL ISRAEL'S FAULT!
THIS IS ALL ISRAEL'S FAULT!
OH oh, our IGGLES get clobbered, and the local hacks have a new name for Layoff Financial Stadium: THE STINC.
Hey Feds, do you think MAYBE if we conceded that 80-year-old grandmothers and their six-year-old grandkids AREN'T going to hijack planes, MAYBE it would be easier to find the REAL culprits?
I guess we can call Dubya's approach a "kinder, gentler" airplane security.
I guess we can call Dubya's approach a "kinder, gentler" airplane security.
Just what the world needs, King Richard -- FOUR AOLs.
But they all have those same patented DISCONNECTS, so they're all really the same.
But they all have those same patented DISCONNECTS, so they're all really the same.
What happens when one of the media biz' leading publicity specialists meets JESUS II's belief that movies are AWFUL? The usual content-free blather.
One of Hitler's mistresses, the brilliant/notorious filmmaker Leni Riefenstahl, has died at 101. She was gifted at her art, and she used her art to say "Sieg Heil!" RIP.
Speaking of the governor, how many papers are already endorsing him for the general election? The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journals Liberal Edition, and even papers that don't endorse a candidate, like Trib's LALA Edition.
Therefore, this blogger will from here on refer to him as PRESIDENT DAMN.
Therefore, this blogger will from here on refer to him as PRESIDENT DAMN.
Monday, September 08, 2003
Since BUZZ said that we should essentially view news stories as a form of editorial advocacy -- my feeling for far longer than BUZZ edited that pile of dog droppings called EWWWWWWW!! (and of course he should know, having worked for a company that elected Ike and Jimmuh Carter under dubious circumstances) -- I'll say outright that this story from CURLEY's Stooges (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) is a sales pitch, in addition to the item pitched being an outrage.
Two points to this instantly tiresome story: Papers "censored" G. B.'s strip because they're already in trouble enough with readers for sticking the news in their faces, and perhaps far more pertinent, G.B.'s strip hasn't been funny in eons. (And to those who always gloat about Mallard Fillmore, that's the Family Circus of political cartoons.)
Two men do sports commentary the same way. One is a liberal talk-show host, the other conservative. Who does the better job?
I wonder if I should read this Kinsley.com article to see if my suspicions are right.
I wonder if I should read this Kinsley.com article to see if my suspicions are right.
No U. S. soldier has been killed in combat in a week, sighhhhhhhhh. FORTUNATELY, as many as 33 soldiers have contracted malaria in LIBERIA, sighhhhhhhhh.
To you MORONS who VITUPERATED against Dubya and THE OIL but said it was A MORAL IMPERATIVE that we enter A NATION OF NO STRATEGIC INTEREST to SAVE ITS HUMANITY, THIS WEEK WE'VE SUFFERED MORE CASUALTIES THERE THAN IN IRAQ!
To you MORONS who VITUPERATED against Dubya and THE OIL but said it was A MORAL IMPERATIVE that we enter A NATION OF NO STRATEGIC INTEREST to SAVE ITS HUMANITY, THIS WEEK WE'VE SUFFERED MORE CASUALTIES THERE THAN IN IRAQ!
Long after slut-lit has lost its sex drive, and John Grisham has filed his last badly-worded brief, and eBay fans have written off the fortunes invested in Stephen King first editions, readers will still honor Fitzgerald and his haunted memories.
JESUS II SAYS MOVIES ARE "AWFUL"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Remember, this comes from the HIGHEST source.
Remember, this comes from the HIGHEST source.
What do Paul Tagliafool and the Great Exalted Noble Infallible Holy High Muckymuck of North Korea have in common?
Cheerleaders!
Cheerleaders!
Nick Gillespie, the editor of the libertarian magazine Reason, doesn't know what he's talking about....
And I'd wager, given that l-word, it's not the first time.
Don't you hate ad-hominem attacks?
And I'd wager, given that l-word, it's not the first time.
Don't you hate ad-hominem attacks?
September 08, 2003........Have you subscribed to Entertainment Weekly today? [ad]
The former editor of that unreadable rag misspells "Brittany's" name. Hey BUZZ, you're a BLOGGER! You're not SUPPOSED to make MISTAKES!!!!!
The former editor of that unreadable rag misspells "Brittany's" name. Hey BUZZ, you're a BLOGGER! You're not SUPPOSED to make MISTAKES!!!!!
I'm all for refurbishing a grand theater like Baltimore's Hippodrome, but I could recite in my sleep the coming attractions: bus-and-truck companies of Andrew Lloud Wubbish, bus-and-truck companies of R&H, bus-and-truck companies of Grease, bus-and-truck companies of....People will revive downtown Baltimore for that?
Here's another good news/bad news scenario. First the bad news. If the ad agencies are underemployed, that means most of corporate America is underemployed, because CEOs insist on sending their largesse to the ad agencies before anyone else because they think annoying commercials and financing junk TV and radio work. The good news is, a lot of former six- and seven-digit megalomaniacs who never stopped laughing at and sneering at and hating us during the flush times are still looking for jobs, one can hope forever.
Sen. Polyester Lawyer is giving up a hopeless run for reelection to pursue a hopeless run for the White House.
Better stay away from Gov. Damn. Polyester melts easily.
Better stay away from Gov. Damn. Polyester melts easily.
Another disconnect when I post, KING RICHARD, and I ZAP your AOL!
Grim News About Iraq
By DAVID E. SANGER
WASHINGTON, Sept. 7 — President Bush's task tonight was to convince the country that the terrible toll of the long, hot, casualty ridden summer in Iraq blah blah blah....
Which is worse, David E. Sanger, 300 dead in Iraq (half in non-combat incidents, still less than Gulf War I) or several thousand in another holy cockroach martyrdom operation? Spending $87 billion fighting terrorists and rebuilding Iraq, or letting Saddam zap us with nukes? Really, these morons spend too much time playing with their laptops.
Sunday, September 07, 2003
Today in my Netscape junk-e-mail account I got pitches for Ativan, Phentermine, Viagra, Trazodone and something called Cialagen, the last promising to do what too many e-mail pitches promise to do.
To paraphrase Dr. Johnson (this time), what is your drift, sirs?
To paraphrase Dr. Johnson (this time), what is your drift, sirs?
Today, THE WORLD'S SECOND GREATEST NEWSPAPER, whose fearless reporters BROUGHT DOWN A PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, devotes ONE THOUSAND, TWO HUNDRED, EIGHTY-THREE WORDS TO THE PRESSING SUBJECT OF:
(male sex fantasies.)
I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!!!!!!
(male sex fantasies.)
I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!!!!!!
GEORGGGGGGGE BOOOOOSH EEEZ A NAZZZI!!!!! AND...we arre sorrrry.
September 07, 2003........Have you subscribed to Entertainment Weekly today? [ad]
Mr. Buzz is excited that the "respected" newsmagazine Der Spiegel is in "cynical" league with the worst kind of conspiracy theorists, but before we get too exercised, Jeff, what you say about the Spiegel could apply to your friends at AOL Time Warner Magazines (or at BLUNDER, which published the infamous Hitler "Diaries"], whose pusillanimous sycophants have frequently used their power for base exercises in cynicism, whether it's Henry Luce taking both sides on Sen. McCarthy or your former office partners synergistically screaming, "GUNS caused Columbine!" Judging from the history of their flagship rag you'd think the Terror Twins invented the concept of cynicism, and maybe even the word. So don't scream too loud, Buzz. Der Spiegel's outrage wasn't possible without YOUR BOSSES'.
Mr. Buzz is excited that the "respected" newsmagazine Der Spiegel is in "cynical" league with the worst kind of conspiracy theorists, but before we get too exercised, Jeff, what you say about the Spiegel could apply to your friends at AOL Time Warner Magazines (or at BLUNDER, which published the infamous Hitler "Diaries"], whose pusillanimous sycophants have frequently used their power for base exercises in cynicism, whether it's Henry Luce taking both sides on Sen. McCarthy or your former office partners synergistically screaming, "GUNS caused Columbine!" Judging from the history of their flagship rag you'd think the Terror Twins invented the concept of cynicism, and maybe even the word. So don't scream too loud, Buzz. Der Spiegel's outrage wasn't possible without YOUR BOSSES'.
That news hacks are cutting back on their 9/11 flashbacks this year is due no doubt to the backlash over their psychotic obsession of last year, when they came dangerously close to recreating the original panic. That we lose nothing for the lack of wall-to-wall headbeatings may be gleaned from this bit of poetry and philosophy by a CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) stooge. Just mention the day now and you get the same kind of mental gas expulsions that used to smell up stories on JFK's death, or 1968, or Vietnam, the kind of all-purpose Crrrronkitian platitudes beloved of the business -- "the end of innocence," blah blah blah. But the twentieth century did a lot of screwing up of a lot of people, and we can hardly expect different from its successor, thus far a successor in too many bad ways. And more to the point, I must again quote Dr. Johnson: "Grief is a species of idleness."
The question is, are Muslims so in love with terrorism that they'll forgive their favorite terrorist when he's linked to a mosque bombing? The Osama Channel doesn't seem to think so.
Time to add a new definition to my NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY:
CLASSIC: A blowout until the last five minutes, when the other team rallies for victory.
CLASSIC: A blowout until the last five minutes, when the other team rallies for victory.
BLUNDER ultrahack JONATHAN screams, I'M PATROTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Time to cart out the master's line, again:
"Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel."
Say JONATHAN, did MR. MARK scream at you to get that trendy Britney reference in there? Nah, he didn't have to. A good organization man knows the ways. Warren uber Alles.
Time to cart out the master's line, again:
"Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel."
Say JONATHAN, did MR. MARK scream at you to get that trendy Britney reference in there? Nah, he didn't have to. A good organization man knows the ways. Warren uber Alles.
Now BLUNDER is MAD that people had to die after 9/11.
Okay, MR. MARK, what would you have done? Sat back and said, oh well, if we do anything, people will die -- so we won't do anything?
PEOPLE WOULD HAVE DIED ANYWAY, MR. MARK.
Okay, MR. MARK, what would you have done? Sat back and said, oh well, if we do anything, people will die -- so we won't do anything?
PEOPLE WOULD HAVE DIED ANYWAY, MR. MARK.
Not content to pay outrageous salaries to people who work ten hours a week, our nation's colleges are now paying professors' housing costs. Between this and the battles for supremacy in professional college sports tuition should go up by double digits forever.