Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, September 13, 2003
Posted
8:05 PM
by Gene
Last paragraph: Retired Air Force Col. Mike Turner was a personal assistant to Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf and served as the air operations briefing officer in the war room in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, during Desert Storm. From 1993-1997, Colonel Turner worked as a Middle East/Africa politico-military policy planner on the Joint Staff in the Pentagon, working for two years for then Lt. Gen. Wesley Clark. He is currently a consultant at TheSynerGGroup in Colorado Springs, Colo. He worked for Gen. Schwarzkopf, who was agin' (and also left Saddam in power the first time), plus he worked for Slick and Gen. McClellan. PLUS he's retired. PLUS he told FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News at the outset of the war, "I would expect we can anticipate some sort of attack on the state of Israel." WE HIT THE SUPERFECTA!
Posted
6:16 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:40 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:35 PM
by Gene
SHUT UP, David E. Sanger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
10:41 AM
by Gene
And yes, Buzz is at it again: [Financial reporting is] all about just nodding at accepted wisdom with no reporting, no checking, no questioning. Again, holy writ from the expert whose -- oh, you know the name of the rag -- helped define accepted wisdom with no reporting, no checking, no questioning in Big Media coverage.
Posted
9:53 AM
by Gene
This is how Yasser Arafat looks when he's done something good. NO MORE YASSER ARAFAT PHOTOS. I'm still 20 billion hits behind lgf.
Posted
9:49 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:39 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:33 AM
by Gene
Friday, September 12, 2003
Posted
6:10 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:52 PM
by Gene
Good for the Indians! At least they're not chicken-hearted.
Posted
5:36 PM
by Gene
“It’s something positive for the viewers in the Middle East to see one of the hijackers," says its deputy military attach, er, its Washington ambassad, er, a senior espio, er, whatever you are. We know, WE KNOW it's positive; we know because you were happy on 9/11. NOW SHUT UP.
Posted
1:32 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:15 AM
by Gene
"The ordinary affairs of a nation offer little difficulty to a person of any experience." --Thomas Jefferson I guess that was the Jeff's way of saying anybody can be president.
Posted
8:58 AM
by Gene
Every time news hacks do their counting routine, you can hear their Wiccan prayers. Maybe we should do a counting routine: how many times a day news hacks are idiots. No; that would require sixteen supercomputers.
Posted
8:37 AM
by Gene
Posted
7:07 AM
by Gene
But, it should be said, a hit on cable is not exactly the same as a hit on a broadcast network. "The cable companies have the luxury of trying to appeal to a niche audience," says Mr. Newman, "where a 1 or 1.2 rating can be considered a success. That's not the network business." In short, hardly anyone's watching this genius. But what's a little obfuscation when we're writing that resume? I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!
Posted
7:03 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:25 AM
by Gene
![]() Now put one of those behind Ariel Sharon's head, and.... the other behind the GENERAL's. If I keep this up I'll be as bad as lgf.
Posted
6:23 AM
by Gene
Which reminds me, one of my favorite cultural figures, the great Goddard Lieberson, signed him to his Columbia contract, which further underlines their essential motherlode of talent -- even if Lieberson did sign The Nose. Thursday, September 11, 2003
Posted
6:11 PM
by Gene
BRING BACK EFREM ZIMBALIST JR.!
Posted
3:48 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:24 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:10 PM
by Gene
Public Misinformed by Press, 'E&P' Editor Charges This looks like a job for -- SUPERHACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
1:25 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:19 PM
by Gene
Wonder if they honor the same Omerta code.
Posted
11:40 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:13 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:57 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:37 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:21 AM
by Gene
![]() Let's see if I can beat lgf at his own game: there's THE PILE OF PAPERS and the BOTTLED WATER, and the Kleenex that aren't Kleenex -- no candy to celebrate the latest massacres, or leftovers from 9/11-- but what's that in the foreground left? A garage-door opener? Or an anti-Zionist ray gun?
Posted
9:11 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:10 AM
by Gene
Better idea, Michael -- let's just leave the hole in the ground and we'll GRIEVE FOREVER!!!!! I guess news hacks don't need sources to project their dumb biases.
Posted
8:28 AM
by Gene
! Osama Channel, YOUR SPY'S STAYING IN JAIL. And speaking of Lenin and rope, the Beeb lists "General Motors, Procter & Gamble, Unilever, Gillette and GlaxoSmithKline" as among the SPONSORS ! of The Osama Channel (though the story, which ran in April, says Osama's gone "virtually commercial-free"). You come back, now, y'hear?
Posted
8:20 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:37 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:34 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:27 AM
by Gene
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
Posted
5:53 PM
by Gene
Canada looks at the mirror, and likes what it sees.
Posted
5:16 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:11 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:37 PM
by Gene
Or is it more PSYOPS, playing with the infidels' minds?
Posted
3:00 PM
by Gene
CURLEY's Stooges' (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) keywords: "attributed," "appeared," "the speaker," "the voice" (Wait! Wasn't that what they called Ol' Blue Eyes?), and the all-time hedge, "There was nothing in the video itself to indicate when the footage was filmed."
Posted
2:50 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:41 PM
by Gene
![]() Coming across this picture on Newsday.com (accompanying a story on back-to-school clothes -- the link was broken), I'm thinking, how much more attractive these young ladies would be (especially the one on the right) in fluffy, flirty pink dresses, and wearing nice flowery hats instead of baseball caps! Oh, for the days when people dressed up in public. Here's one reason this is such a great age.
Posted
8:49 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:47 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:49 AM
by Gene
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
Posted
6:32 PM
by Gene
The BBC's mental assumptions are those of the fairly soft Left. They are that American power is a bad thing, whereas the UN is good, that the Palestinians are in the right and Israel isn't, that the war in Iraq was wrong, that the European Union is a good thing and that people who criticise it are "xenophobic", that racism is the worst of all sins, that abortion is good and capital punishment is bad, that too many people are in prison, that a preference for heterosexual marriage over other arrangements is "judgmental", that environmentalists are public-spirited and "big business" is not, that Gerry Adams is better than Ian Paisley, that government should spend more on social programmes, that the Pope is out of touch except when he criticises the West, that gun control is the answer to gun crime, that... well, you can add hundreds more articles to the creed without my help. I'm still convinced that many who say they wish to "reform" the Beeb are using this as a means of getting it in RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s hands (and no, Michael Wolff, I don't think for a second he wouldn't want it), and that's why I'm not wholly sympathetic to the cause. Nevertheless, having to consume American media every single day, I know the feeling.
Posted
6:04 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:53 PM
by Gene
Time to hum the Godfather theme again.
Posted
5:46 PM
by Gene
But then, on the ARABIC site, it's no doubt reporting DOZENS.
Posted
5:43 PM
by Gene
I'd say the next team that hires him has a GOLD MINE!
Posted
5:33 PM
by Gene
MICHAEL WOLFF: To build the biggest media organization that he can possibly build -- to get the greatest share he can possibly get -- to build the strongest brand. But if it were necessary for him to sell out his ideology to do that, I am sure he would in a second. I think an outfit that runs The Weekly Standard and FX sold its scruples a long time ago.
Posted
5:26 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:24 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:17 PM
by Gene
Simon and Garfunkel reuniting for MONEY.
Posted
12:36 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:42 AM
by Gene
THIS IS ALL ISRAEL'S FAULT!
Posted
11:05 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:00 AM
by Gene
I guess we can call Dubya's approach a "kinder, gentler" airplane security.
Posted
10:41 AM
by Gene
Hum the Godfather theme while reading this story.
Posted
10:33 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:32 AM
by Gene
But they all have those same patented DISCONNECTS, so they're all really the same.
Posted
10:09 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:52 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:29 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:25 AM
by Gene
Therefore, this blogger will from here on refer to him as PRESIDENT DAMN. Monday, September 08, 2003
Posted
7:23 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:38 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:00 PM
by Gene
I wonder if I should read this Kinsley.com article to see if my suspicions are right.
Posted
3:42 PM
by Gene
To you MORONS who VITUPERATED against Dubya and THE OIL but said it was A MORAL IMPERATIVE that we enter A NATION OF NO STRATEGIC INTEREST to SAVE ITS HUMANITY, THIS WEEK WE'VE SUFFERED MORE CASUALTIES THERE THAN IN IRAQ!
Posted
3:01 PM
by Gene
Knowing the League of Nations the radicals will do the reforming.
Posted
1:57 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:15 PM
by Gene
Remember, this comes from the HIGHEST source.
Posted
12:02 PM
by Gene
Cheerleaders!
Posted
11:58 AM
by Gene
And I'd wager, given that l-word, it's not the first time. Don't you hate ad-hominem attacks?
Posted
11:43 AM
by Gene
The former editor of that unreadable rag misspells "Brittany's" name. Hey BUZZ, you're a BLOGGER! You're not SUPPOSED to make MISTAKES!!!!!
Posted
10:18 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:08 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:32 AM
by Gene
w kindofffffffffff teLEPhoneserv v v v vvice from thesame cable TV comPANIES That brrrrriiiinnnn gEmeril lagasse and SpongeBob SquarePants into THEir liviNg rooms?
Posted
8:35 AM
by Gene
Better stay away from Gov. Damn. Polyester melts easily.
Posted
6:33 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:31 AM
by Gene
Grim News About IraqBy DAVID E. SANGER WASHINGTON, Sept. 7 — President Bush's task tonight was to convince the country that the terrible toll of the long, hot, casualty ridden summer in Iraq blah blah blah.... Which is worse, David E. Sanger, 300 dead in Iraq (half in non-combat incidents, still less than Gulf War I) or several thousand in another holy cockroach martyrdom operation? Spending $87 billion fighting terrorists and rebuilding Iraq, or letting Saddam zap us with nukes? Really, these morons spend too much time playing with their laptops. Sunday, September 07, 2003
Posted
6:35 PM
by Gene
To paraphrase Dr. Johnson (this time), what is your drift, sirs?
Posted
6:16 PM
by Gene
(male sex fantasies.) I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
6:02 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:43 PM
by Gene
Mr. Buzz is excited that the "respected" newsmagazine Der Spiegel is in "cynical" league with the worst kind of conspiracy theorists, but before we get too exercised, Jeff, what you say about the Spiegel could apply to your friends at AOL Time Warner Magazines (or at BLUNDER, which published the infamous Hitler "Diaries"], whose pusillanimous sycophants have frequently used their power for base exercises in cynicism, whether it's Henry Luce taking both sides on Sen. McCarthy or your former office partners synergistically screaming, "GUNS caused Columbine!" Judging from the history of their flagship rag you'd think the Terror Twins invented the concept of cynicism, and maybe even the word. So don't scream too loud, Buzz. Der Spiegel's outrage wasn't possible without YOUR BOSSES'.
Posted
2:23 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:50 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:44 AM
by Gene
CLASSIC: A blowout until the last five minutes, when the other team rallies for victory.
Posted
10:41 AM
by Gene
Time to cart out the master's line, again: "Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel." Say JONATHAN, did MR. MARK scream at you to get that trendy Britney reference in there? Nah, he didn't have to. A good organization man knows the ways. Warren uber Alles.
Posted
10:23 AM
by Gene
Okay, MR. MARK, what would you have done? Sat back and said, oh well, if we do anything, people will die -- so we won't do anything? PEOPLE WOULD HAVE DIED ANYWAY, MR. MARK.
Posted
10:14 AM
by Gene
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