Eugene David<br>...The One-Minute Pundit

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.

PERMALINKS:

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Monday, December 31, 2007

Posted 8:02 PM by Gene

Office of Sen. Charles E. Schumer, via Associated Press [Photo credit]

Smile Chuck -- and wave hi to the camera!

Posted 7:42 PM by Gene

The Modern Language Association frequently helps out its critics with provocative session titles and left-leaning political stands offered by its members. At this year’s annual meeting, in Chicago, some MLA members have worried that the association was poised to take stances that would have sent David Horowitz’s fund raising through the roof with resolutions that appeared to be anti-Israel and pro-Ward Churchill.

But in moves that infuriated the MLA’s Radical Caucus, the association’s Delegate Assembly refused to pass those resolutions and instead adopted much narrower measures. The association acknowledged tensions over the Middle East on campus, but in a resolution that did not single out pro-Israel groups for criticism. And the association criticized the University of Colorado for the way it started its investigation of Ward Churchill, but took no stand on whether the outcome (his firing) was appropriate.

Posted 6:27 PM by Gene

Speaking of ROMY a small state university we wouldn't hear of otherwise has put out its annual list of annoying words, and we would agree "perfect storm", "Webinar", "Black Friday", "emotional", "it is what it is" and "under the bus" should be expelled from the language, meaning of course they'll be overused even more than ever.

(Via ASSPress, which specializes in making words annoying)

Posted 6:16 PM by Gene

I wish I knew what John Hockenberry wrote about in 6,101 WORDS. I think he's sad that Ed Murrow died. That and he appears to be mad that GE BANCORP NETWORK won't do investigative reports. I don't think we need decades of experience in BIGMEDIA to write this. Evidently though ROMY thinks we need the 6,101 WORDS because he linked to them.

Coming on the heels of another link to a story about a WaPostie who did crack on the job this may not be such a hot juxtaposition.

Posted 3:15 PM by Gene

I believe the time has come when we can officially use the word "cover-up", whether there was one or not.

Posted 3:10 PM by Gene

A somehow fitting eulogy to three great writers:

Just as Mailer, with his mock bravado, seemed to wrestle the world into submission, and Paley stepped back and observed its foibles wryly, Vonnegut, at heart a child of the Midwest, took full measure of the damage the world could do to simple values and the people who held them. With their accumulated wisdom, these three writers' living presence mattered, but we might miss them more if they had not left so much behind. [LAST GRAF]

(Via ArtsJournal)

Posted 2:50 PM by Gene

If Gov. Huckleberry loses he can credit the heavy artillery he's aimed at his own two feet.

Posted 2:45 PM by Gene

I think we can all respect Chelsea's need for privacy, but doesn't there come a time when a 27-year-old...grows up?

Posted 2:34 PM by Gene

"Commercials insult my intelligence, make fun of people (mostly men), talk in poor grammar and clichés and perpetuate stereotypes," wrote reader Janice Brown, a technology marketing consultant in Wentworth, N.H. "If you have any respect for yourself, you will turn off your TV permanently."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!!!!!

Nick Law, North American chief creative director at ad agency R/GA, was even more Scrooge-like. When asked for an ad that made him misty-eyed, he responded: "Nothing. Advertising has turned my soul as black as coal."

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF MEDIA TYPES APOLOGIZING FOR THEIR SUPERIORITY TO THE HUMAN RACE!

Posted 1:07 PM by Gene

New York Mayor Bloomberg's idea for a summit meeting of aging moderate poobahs to discuss an independent third party seems a bit moldy to me.

NO COMMENT, ANONYMOUS.

Posted 1:04 PM by Gene

Ho-ho-horrible: album sales plunge 20 percent this Christmas

Ho-ho-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!

Posted 1:03 PM by Gene

Gov. Holy Hucklechuckle's crossing the picket line to be with Jut-Jawed Jay -- I guess to prove how conservative he is.

Posted 10:29 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Honorary President Bloomy's really starting to love the sound of his own voice!

"Unless something extraordinary happens, I expect him in the race," Forbes said. "I think he'll be formidable."

FURTHER TRANSLATION: The last billionaire to run screwed up the election too.

P. S. Sam Nunn, David Boren, William "The Crying Novelist" Cohen, Gary Hart, Christie "Whitless" Whitman, Bill Brock, Ham Jordan -- can't some people stay retired?

P. P. S. I predict if the news hacks and the retired political hacks get Honorary to run he takes more votes away from Democrats. There aren't that many Republicans with COURAGE.

Posted 10:22 AM by Gene

“I love saying this,” he began in Sergeant Bluff. “I never had a nickel to my name until I got to the White House, and I was broker when I left than when I came in. I had the lowest net worth of any president of the United States.”

TRANSLATION: It PAYS to be ex-president!

Posted 9:25 AM by Gene

Tribco in LALALand is trying to add to its CV by being a flackhouse for Vegas. Now the rag touts how Sin City is spending umpteen zillions to be HIP. There's a story here someplace, and it's probably not an entirely flattering one -- after all, one of the big developments, Kirk Kevor...KERKORIAN's CityCenter, was predicated on the HOUSING BOOM -- but even if Vegas is "upupUP", as with riots in Kenya we don't expect the hacks to have the slightest idea what any of it means.

Our flack also touts that Vegas is becoming an exclusive playground for the megarich, which should especially help when the rest of the world has a recession.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO DEBORA!

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

More people have died in rioting in Kenya than died in the rioting in Pakistan. Is this significant? Does it say anything? If only we knew; news hacks don't give us a chance.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Posted 9:05 PM by Gene

Twenty years ago, before the Web, before $17 a share, Pinch might have shaken His head sympathetically to NO SNITCHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is a measure of how disgusted we have grown with news hacks -- as disgusted as those bereaved ghetto residents at incompetent law enforcement and cowardly neighbors -- that somehow we can still see Pinch shaking His head.

Posted 6:14 PM by Gene

And where con-SER-va-tives have their fillums, the Paper of Re-CORD has its [C]RAP. How did so many brains in the newsrooms ossify over time? How did so many believe in the genius of art solely for its politics? We know how BRAVEHEART, for an example, became an obsession with the screaming maniac Pat Buchanan; but how did the GENIUS of the GHETTO inspire so much ooze from stupid liberals? Is it because it sticks it to the man? And aren't too many of those who who praise the genius MEN themselves?

Posted 4:37 PM by Gene

They're having a big debate at the Corner over what the Paper of Re-CORD Book Review's nasty swipe at Jo-NAH's chicken scratch means. We would say, exactly what MS. TRAVERS means when she praises another gorefest or grossout comedy as CONSERVATIVE.

Posted 4:22 PM by Gene

Clichés come so easily to news hacks. One reason they wrote with boundless glee about "GRIM MILESTONES" in Iraq is that it was in part the only language they could use to fool people into thinking they cared. So when this Clatch scribbler writes, "[M]uch of the soundtrack of your life was recorded here", it is obvious he hasn't had to think in some time, nor have his bosses had to think -- but heck, it's the Clatch, and with its BOFFO SHARE PRICE nobody there has to think.

And unfortunately, Jordan is right -- it is the soundtrack of our life in every @#$%&* store we enter anymore. Can't people keep their bad habits to themselves?

Posted 4:15 PM by Gene

All that weightlifting, all that muscle building, all those steroid injections, all that worship at the feet of Joe Weider, and even Paul Dreck concedes the body count in the popcorn restaurants was up a lousy 0.2 PERCENT?!?!?

And even "NON" GERMAIN says attendance in 2002 set a "MODERN" record, a tacit admission unpaid advertising passing as news isn't as easy as it used to be.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Posted 11:15 PM by Gene

The TWXSTERS say Mrs. Bhutto's 19-year-old son will be her party's new leader, which suggests the real power will lie somewhere else for a while.

P. S. The TWXSTERS seem to have gotten their "exclusive" from the British foreign secretary.

P. P. S. Or was it the "close family friend" who told Zeitgeist?

Does the kid know?

Posted 8:31 PM by Gene

John Edwards vowed Saturday that corporate lobbyists would not be allowed to work in his administration, if elected.

But we can be sure this will not keep lobbyists out of the White House, nor will it keep anyone in his administration from quitting to become lobbyists, nor....

Here's a new Polish joke: How many holes does a campaign promise have?

Posted 7:53 PM by Gene

I was just listening to Fred Astaire singing "It Only Happens When I Dance With You" from Easter Parade, which is on this album, which shares a Web site with this profound masterpiece (which JUNIOR won't issue for several more weeks, despite endless talk of the Os-CAR® -- but genius must take its time, I guess):

JUNO (MUSIC FROM THE MOTION PICTURE), the soundtrack album for the 2007 Fox Searchlight feature film JUNO, blends indie rock stand-outs and classic rock gems to create an engaging musical companion piece to the acclaimed coming-of-age tale. Canadian newcomer Ellen Page, who stars as Juno in what is being hailed as a major breakthrough performance, was actively involved in selecting music for the film.

Among the disc's highlights is The Moldy Peaches track “Anyone Else But You,” which is also reprised by Page and co-star Michael Cera (Arrested Development, Superbad) to close the album. The Moldy Peaches Kimya Dawson is featured solo on several tracks as well, including “So Nice So Smart,” “My Rollercoaster,” “Tire Swing” and “Loose Lips.” Other indie and alt-rock selections include Sonic Youth's “Superstar” and Belle & Sebastian's “Piazza, New York Catcher.”

Classic rock cuts include The Kinks' “A Well Respected Man,” Buddy Holly's “Dearest,” Mott The Hoople's “All The Young Dudes” and The Velvet Underground's “I'm Sticking With You.” In a tip of the hat to the film's underlying theme of transitioning from adolescence to the concerns of the adult world, “All I Want Is You,” from award-winning children's music composer Barry Louis Polisar, opens the eclectic track listing. The soundtrack album was produced by JUNO's director Jason Reitman (Thank You For Smoking), Peter Afterman and Margaret Yen.

But the thrill that comes with spring, when anything can happen -- happens every weekend when MOVIES ARE!!!!! BETTER THAN EVER!

(I am sorry to always harp on that DAMNED IDIOT A. O. but his blithering spew sends me into orbit.)

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

Riots push Pakistan towards political crisis

38 dead in riots is a lot, even by American standards; but we should remember riots on the Sub-Continent are almost a weekly thing. God knows how many thousands have died debating whose religion is better. We said we suspected the Pakistanis might elect to keep calm out of sheer fatigue, and regardless of a few hot spots it seems they have.

By the way, look at the URL for the link above. Hacks can type such heds in their sleep.

(Stratfor link added 12:04 a.m. on 12/30)

Posted 3:03 PM by Gene

Bhutto's homeland smolders with rage

Original writing. No wonder international news stinks -- though you can't tell given how national news stinks.

Posted 12:21 PM by Gene

Official: 75% of al-Qaeda in Iraq's network destroyed

Let's hope this worked; we know what the holy cockroaches can do with a quarter.

Posted 12:11 PM by Gene

Closing arguments

You've got that right, Politico staff: the pundits and the spinmeisters will decide this election NEXT WEEK.

Posted 11:44 AM by Gene

And elsewhere in the vast world of idle typing, a pop-cultyure cri-TIC insists there's a big market for "family" films -- films, we don't need to guess, like AAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLVIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!! This, our pop-cultyure cri-TIC wants us to believe, is an advance for the public. We should point out for starters that Walt Disney died in 1966. Moreover the last twenty years have been littered with "family" movies that were mostly about merchandising (witness anything starring SHREK or the characters of DR. SEUSS) or synergistic tie-ins (like the ROWLINGCORP and LUKE SPIELBERG tentpoles) or glorified grossout comedies. Just because THE CONSPIRACY says something is suitable for kids doesn't mean diddly-squat. If good taste has been split off from quality (and we know what that's done to quality), here we have the kiddie audience split off from both. So now we have three-way dreck. Nor do we forget SAMMY GLICKMAN's boys have been trying to up the ante by pushing more violence into "family" films; the show-biz résumé writers drooled when ROWLINGCORP made its tie-ins more "edgy." Even if we take this flackery on the level it's not flattering that so many parents use the popcorn restaurants for baby-sitting. Meantime we will certainly NOT forget how these toadies helped invent NC-17 in hopes it could destigmatize pornography. When it comes to show-biz the press speaks not with a mere forked tongue but with a complete 32-piece set.

Posted 11:08 AM by Gene

What do rock ad-blurbists do all day? We know what the WIDE-EYED ARM-WAVING ENTHUSIASTS do -- go from one free screening to another, in a daze of worship (actually a daze of mind-numbness, but they don't know -- or care), graffitiing their names above the titles. We imagine it's a little more difficult for a WIDE-EYED ARM-WAVING ENTHUSIAST of recorded...SOUND -- the record biz hasn't been doing much advertising lately. The ASSPRESS's scribbler with the weird name obviously has gotten lots of free records this year, and this is presumably her way to return the favor. Just one problem: ad-blurbists do so many favors we've completely tuned out to them, except to see who can outdo another for idiot praise.

P. S.

Honorable mention:...

"Blackout," Britney Spears (YES, I SAID IT!)

And oh, yes, by the way: Britney’s "Blackout" is at No. 112 on Amazon.com.

The public's said it, too.

Posted 11:02 AM by Gene

Cats on patrol in New York's bodegas! Cats on patrol in LALA's police department!

CATS EVERYWHERE!

Not that I mind.

Posted 10:57 AM by Gene

If Dubya had guts, he'd visit Vermont. Maybe his handlers could come up with an excuse, like Calvin Coolidge's birthday. (July 4!) Alas, we all know what Dubya lacks.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Posted 9:22 PM by Gene

"I've been declared dead in this campaign on five or six occasions. I won't refer to a recent movie I saw, but I think I am legend."

You trying out for another CAMEO, Boobs McKeating?

Posted 7:50 PM by Gene

CITIUS! (Cough-cough!) ALTIUS! (Gaaaaaaaaag!) FORTIUS! (Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze!)

Posted 7:39 PM by Gene

Historic Low in NYC, Chicago Homicides

This is good news, but it took a lot of money and a lot of policing to create this good news, news that didn't require money and policing before the age of "reliable record keeping", and given guvment's sloth there's no reason the murder rates can't go back up -- as other cities prove again and again. We just hope this vigilance isn't a sometime thing.

Posted 6:07 PM by Gene

The TWXSTERS are abandoning the Netscape browser -- about five years after they should have.

Anyone here remember when Netscape Communications went for $4,000 a share or something?

Posted 5:58 PM by Gene

Shucks, Mr. Top-10-List signed an agreement with the Fantasy and Profanity League.

Numerous big-budget movies have opened during the holiday season without having opportunities for their stars to promote them on the late-night shows as they normally would. The World Wide Pants shows may now be able to book many of those stars, some of whom may still resist appearing on the other shows, like NBC’s “Tonight” with Jay Leno and “Late Night” with Conan O’Brien, and ABC’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”

You can tell this has bothered Mr. TV Wonk for days -- weeks! It doesn't seem to have bothered THE CONSPIRACY -- nor anyone else.

Posted 1:46 PM by Gene

BEHIND EVERY PUBLICITY STUNT: Some oaf who pledged to sit on the roof of a bar until his beloved billionaire's tax break won a game came down, his quest unrequited, only to be arrested for welching on his child support.

No pun intended, but how RICH.

[W]hen she saw her former husband talking about how he had spent $500 on Ravens memorabilia and clothing, she said to herself in frustration: "He can pay all that money for Ravens stuff, but he can't pay $50 a week for child support?"

The "team", madam, the "TEAM."

Posted 1:36 PM by Gene

ONLY on ArtsJournal:

Why Johnny Can't Write It's taken as fact at colleges and universities across America: students just can't write as well as they used to, and the problem has become so widespread that some schools are requiring students to take courses in proper writing.

And a few links down:

Great Film Crop Shows The Value Of Great Scripts "In a sense, the writers strike couldn't have come at a more opportune time, because it is a painful reminder of what we lose when there are no writers... [This] fall saw what is arguably the best year in American film since the late '70s."

Absolutely NO connection.

Posted 11:46 AM by Gene

Pakistan: Bhutto Died of Skull Fracture

Theh's somethin' SCWEWY goin' on heawh....

Posted 11:20 AM by Gene

Again, I'm not saying the credit crunch isn't a problem. I'm not saying that a lot of middle class Americans haven't bet a lot on the continued rise in their homes' value, or that if they take a big hit the resulting slowdown in their spending might not tip the whole economy into a recession. (But it might not not!) I'm saying that DURING THE RUNUP IN HOUSING PRICES THE AIR WAS FILLED WITH COMPLAINTS FROM THE LEFT THAT THE RICH WERE BIDDING UP THE VALUE OF HOUSING, WHICH WAS BECOMING UNAFFORDABLE FOR ORDINARY AMERICANS WHOSE WAGES WERE RISING ONLY SLOWLY, ETC..!!!!!!!!!! [SIC] [I'm-never-wrong overemphasis added]

And further, if The Professor says THE MEDIA created all those condo towers in Miami and all those sprawling developments in the middle of nowhere, not to mention the subprimes and the flippers and the "liar loans" and the SIVs and the CDOs and the extremely accurate bond ratings and the Chuck Princes and the Jimmy Caynes and the Stan O'Neals and the Angelo Mozilos, all so they could "scupper the Republicans", WELL, he MUST be right, for he has descended from the heavens to tell the GOSPEL TRUTH -- just like YOU, MICK!

How did this insufferable blowhard get to be so prominent?

(Via Jo-NAH, who's having ANOTHER STAR TREK MOMENT)

Posted 11:15 AM by Gene

Comedy Tomorrow, WFB Tonight [Jack Fowler]

Bill Buckley is interviewed tonight on Charlie Rose (check your local listings). Surely they’ll be discussing Bill’s acclaimed new collection, Cancel Your Own G***** Subscription, which can be ordered at the NRO Bookstore.

12/28 09:33 AM

Uh, I think something slipped by your asterisks there, Jack.

Posted 11:07 AM by Gene

Well, it is expensive to run a museum. We may wonder, though, if it's expensive enough for the Smithsonian to pay over $30,000 to give a departing museum director a HI-MOM! moment on DVD.

We hope all this busy-busy rule writing works, but high-mucky-muck type-A CEO wannabes may now have another incentive not to work for GUVMENT.

Posted 10:51 AM by Gene

Candidates Buy Iowa TV Space at 'Unprecedented' Levels

E'REWAY INHAY EETHAY ONEYMAY!!!!!

Posted 10:45 AM by Gene

WOW! SLIME's publishing a new book by Benazir Bhutto -- for $75,000!

We think of the tragic tale of JACK's memoir, which even the overbearingly loud worship of His name by Beltway frauds could not prevent from taking a slow trip into the remainder bins; and certainly there might be more interest here. Then again it is another two months. SLIME, better try to monetize MySpace.

Posted 10:37 AM by Gene

The Web site of the newsrag whose owners may have been trying to get a heavily flattering in to Russia now says:

Viewpoint: Enough with Democracy!

Okay, it's a "contributor", and he's talking about the Middle East. But couldn't he be talking about BellyKisserLand too? And why shouldn't we suspect the TWXSTERS of wanting an in? Henry Luce temporarily turned His newsrag into IKE FOR PRESIDENT -- and it certainly wasn't because He wanted Ike's old uniform from his closet to play war in.

Then again this guy praises THE FIXER. Nuf said.

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

Stem cell, contraception groups paid Huck

I AM NOT A...LIBERAL.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Posted 8:17 PM by Gene

Yes, anyone can write a best-of-worst-of list, but I'm afraid someone at LALA let Kevin down; anyone, after all, can also be a "pop-culture critic."

Posted 8:09 PM by Gene

In its short history as an independent state, Pakistan has seen a series of military coups and returns to civilian rule, political murders and times of reconciliation. When East Pakistan seceded from the country to become Bangladesh in 1971, there was also talk of the nation coming undone, but it survived that and will likely survive this.

Let us keep our fingers crossed. Today is hardly a day for sanguinity.

Posted 5:53 PM by Gene

It is a cretinous question to have to ask, but could her looks have killed her? After all, if there's one thing the holy cockroaches can't stand, it's women.

Posted 2:45 PM by Gene

Here we thought PEOPLE WARNER ran that Poop-of-the-Year stunt so its new King could do more biz in Russia -- and now He's rushin' to break up the company?!?!?

Bewkes may spin off the cable-television division and sell the AOL Web and Time Inc. magazine units, said Gamco Investors Inc. fund manager Chris Marangi and National City Bank analyst Daniel Poole. The remaining company, anchored by the film studio and cable-TV networks, would resemble Viacom Inc. -- and accordingly command higher multiples, Marangi said.

Sumner Redstone's Viacom, owner of Paramount Pictures and MTV Networks, trades for nine times projected 2008 earnings before interest, taxes and non-cash expenses, Marangi said in an interview. New York-based Time Warner, whose assets include Warner Bros., CNN and HBO, trades at seven.

Like, WOW! That's a real run-up!

Posted 2:44 PM by Gene

Now the question is, how much of an investigation will Best-Seller Pervez launch -- and how far will it go before it reveals some culpability on his associates' part?

Posted 11:46 AM by Gene

Speaking of Joey, he's about to hold a press conference!

Today, December 27, 2007, a date which will live in infamy....

Posted 11:24 AM by Gene

Of course we can hope against hope that Pakistan is "rioted out", as the populace realizes more screaming and shooting won't help a nation mightily plagued with the twin scourges of history and Islamism.

We may have this to go by, too:

In Pakistan she was often far less popular than her foreign press made out. (Via NRO)

Posted 9:46 AM by Gene

Teen journalists say they'll never pay for online news

NOR, THE WAY IT IS NOW, SHOULD THEY.

Posted 9:42 AM by Gene

"(Bhutto) is just a concern. The move to gold is the flight to safety and quality on the headlines on a quiet illiquid day," Camilla Sutton, currency strategist at Scotia Capital in Toronto, told Reuters.

Oh.

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: There are only so many S&M movie phreaks.

And Johnny, tell us this -- if it's such an awful thing the movie sked is so crowded how did people make time for them when there were lots more good movies?

Oops, mustn't say that. MR. WIDE-EYED ARM-WAVING ENTHUSIAST says MOVIES ARE!!!!! BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!

Posted 9:31 AM by Gene

Not bad -- and then some ASSPRESS HACK has to spoil it:

A face that will tease you, and please you and perhaps unease you....

These scribblers must be kept on a short leash -- about TWO INCHES short.

P. S. Now it strikes us: did the POSTAL DISSERVICE airbrush out a CIGARETTE?

Still not bad, though.

(Links updated 7/4/2008)

Posted 9:18 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Samsung and Sharp are suing each other because LCD sets are getting cheaper.

Posted 9:13 AM by Gene

Then again, we suspect most of Pakistan's political bigwigs are hiding under their desks.

Posted 9:11 AM by Gene

Tally-HO!!!!!

Why are we thinking this guy is the most multifaceted fake since Nixon?

Posted 9:05 AM by Gene

We're guessing best-seller Pervez stays under his desk for a while -- the moment he comes out there are mass riots.

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

Mr. My Business is My Business prostrates himself before Mickey D, meaning he was probably in Oak Brook to make a $100,000 speech, and no doubt he hasn't eaten in a Mick in years, except possibly on the campaign trail, and then he probably pulled a KERRY.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO BIZ, WHO ALWAYS HAS IT HIS WAY! (Nope, that was B----r K--g.)

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

Surprise: Citigroup may cut its dividend.

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

Where's our favorite star of the late-night fake news shows, Best-Seller Pervez? Hiding under his desk?

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

Apparently one of the "victims" of that tiger pulled a Jackass, which somehow does not surprise us -- and, we regret to say, probably didn't surprise the tiger either.

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

The TWXSTERS come up with a new gag to fatten their onion-skin-skinny rag: "People Who Mattered." That this is not about people who mattered (whatever that means) but is just another way to schmooze is clear from the top of the list:

Judd Apatow

Now's the time for us to show who matters -- to stop buying the TWXSTERS' Godforsaken rag and put it and its toadying mendacity out of business.

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

The holy cockroaches claim their most famous victim.

Now will the lunkheads who say they're harmless get it into their heads?

(Link updated 8:46 a.m.)

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

Biden talks up an Iowa upset

Sorry, just thinking how he could copy that.

Posted 8:14 AM by Gene

Meantime, in Boston, more important matters: a once-proud school crumbles to dust under the weight of dummies and delinquents. The cliché here is to say if only we had, say, the wealth of the New England Patriots to spend on such schools, but unfortunately we've long spent such wealth, and it seems to go in the students' ears and out the others.

Posted 8:09 AM by Gene

The Sports-Typist Cliché of the Month is that the New England Patriots are "hated." They're "hated", we'd guess, because they win a lot. Think of the Chicago Cubs. They're "beloved" because they lose a lot. If the Chicago Cubs won five straight World Series the sports typists would tell us they're a "hated" team too. No, such typing merely only further goes to show the sole purpose of professional sports franchises is to make billionaires richer and millionaire typists richer and to act as a "a gigantic beer-delivery mechanism."

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Posted 5:48 PM by Gene

Thanks to this dispatch from THE AMERICAN CONFEDERATION OF SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS AND TRADEMARK INFRINGERS we found a link to a story which told us this need-to-know news:

LUDWIGSHAFEN, Germany, December 26 /PRNewswire/ -- In some countries the new year will be welcomed with nice festive fireworks. But without chemistry, there would be no colourful stars shining in the night sky, no sparkling rain, no silver trails in the darkness. In entertaining weekly episodes our Chemical Reporter answers questions on Chemistry in our everyday life.
Direct subscription via RSS-Feed or iTunes (search for "basf"):
http://corporate.basf.com/en/podcast/reporter.xml
Podcast The Chemical Reporter, English edition:
http://www.basf.com/podcast
More podcasts:
Podcast Chemistry of Innovations: http://www.basf.com/podcast

This podcast is the audible innovation magazine of BASF. Experience monthly an actual topic on how Chemistry will design our future. The actual episode is on "Printed Electronics".

Well! You learn something new every day -- especially from THE AMERICAN CONFEDERATION OF SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS AND TRADEMARK INFRINGERS!

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

News to warm the cockles of GEKKO KUDLOW's...GREED: The CEO of Tyson Foods gets his stock to where it was in '91 -- and gets paid almost $25 MILLION for it!

Options, shmoptions, he's obviously risen to the level of his...salary.

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

Meantime we have another tantrum with a gun, and America yawns again.

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

Barron Hilton must have realized his granddaughter has already made enough money being her.

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

The NFL ditches its PPV experiment -- for now.

Posted 3:12 PM by Gene

The Nintendo Wii and Garmin GPS systems were among the company's "Hot Holiday Best Sellers" from November through Dec. 19. In the personal computer category, Amazon said the Apple MacBook, Nokia Internet Tablet PC and HP Pavilion Entertainment Notebook PC were strong sellers. DVDs top sellers included Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Planet Earth: The Complete BBC Series and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End.

Among Amazon's selection of books Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, The Dangerous Book for Boys by Conn Iggulden and Hal Iggulden and I Am America (And So Can You) by Stephen Colbert were all cited.

While long on trivia, Amazon's statement was short on specifics....

When can we start wishing for bad things for THIS Avatar of Permanent Prosperity? (Current P/E only 108)

Posted 3:05 PM by Gene

No, I haven't lost my mind. [Opening sentence of SECOND GRAF]

We should ignore some megapundits because they make it TOO EASY.

Posted 2:46 PM by Gene

Clear Channel Outdoor 'Wanted' By FBI

NO COMMENT.

Posted 1:16 PM by Gene

Dubai in St. Petersburg!

Is world architecture having a nervous breakdown?

Posted 1:12 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Mr. Does-Not-Rhyme-With-BEWKES wants to do biz in RUSSIA!

We should have figured as much.

Posted 1:00 PM by Gene

We remember fretting how The New Republic cut its number of issues in half. But if David Browne (should that be pronounced Brownee?) is typical of what's in store for TNR's readers it might want to cut its schedule in half again. I never heard this song; but the ARM-WAVING ENTHUSIASTS are so self-centered by following them you become as precious and ignorant as they.

Posted 11:46 AM by Gene

THE best movie performance so far this century? No contest. There's Daniel Day-Lewis' awe-inspiring turn as a greedy oilman in "There Will Be Blood," and there is everyone else.

ANOTHER ARM-WAVING ENTHUSIA...er, movie reviewer at work.

Well, he DID say "century." He COULD have said "ever." We think he meant to.

Posted 11:43 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: THE JOHN PETER ZENGER OF PHOTOGRAPHERS is INNOCENT even IF proven guilty.

Posted 10:31 AM by Gene

And speaking of con-SER-va-tives and the housing DEPRESSION, how many must feel this article is heresy because it doesn't blame NEWSMEN, nor the government first?

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

Good news for con-SER-va-tives: State budgets are coming down!

Bad news for con-SER-va-tives: it took the housing DEPRESSION to do it!

Posted 10:29 AM by Gene

And how many FRISCANS feel sorrier for the tiger than for her victims?

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Posted 6:51 PM by Gene

$14.8 billion later -- a tunnel for Tip.

Posted 6:28 PM by Gene

WE WILL NOT ENTER INTO ANY NEGOTIATIONS WITH THESE PEOPLE!!!!!

Of course we reserve the right to define what "not" means.

Posted 9:57 AM by Gene

What Granma correspondent strings for the ASSPress? These idiots always try to make it look as though Cuba is a democracy. So when CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) belches about His POLITICAL PRISONER (pray tell Curl, what happened to him?) we must NOT give Him the benefit of the doubt.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD AND AN ADDED BAH HUMBUG TO THE ASSPRESS!

Posted 9:55 AM by Gene

Which movie to see

How about which movie not to see? That should be easier -- unless of course you're an ARM-WAVING ENTHUSIAST.

Posted 9:50 AM by Gene

And now for our annual tradition of Christmas-tree photos and Yahoo! links that expire in thirty days:

A Christmas tree in Kabul;

A Christmas tree (?) in Hong Kong;

A Christmas tree in Bucharest;

Christmas trees (artificial) in Moscow (Russia being "a strangely difficult place to get a decent Christmas tree", so the caption says);

A Christmas tree at our naval base in Manama, Bahrain;

A Christmas tree in Berlin;

A Christmas tree (?) in Tokyo;

A Christmas tree in Jerusalem's Old City;

A Christmas tree in Madrid (where do they get these ideas?);

A Christmas tree "in the courtyard of the Elysee Palace in Paris";

And if we can find any more today we'll post them. Next year we must do this up brown -- I should say, green. But it would help to have a few more visitors. Anyway,

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Monday, December 24, 2007

Posted 4:01 PM by Gene

The major television networks could lose 20 percent of their total audience as the result of a prolonged writers' strike, according to a to advertising executive.

It's a conundrum for advertisers: even as ratings fall, ad prices on network TV are soaring.

SIGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....

Posted 3:57 PM by Gene

CHATTERBOX
Holiday-Week Journalism
All the news that's fit to pad.
Timothy Noah

I don't know, St. Warrenites: You're pretty good at stuffing your site full of lumps of coal too.

Posted 3:49 PM by Gene

With all these superrich sports typists crowding into the Big E, there's just one question: how do we know who they are? Since they're all under one roof it might be hard to differentiate them -- especially as despite their salaries their wuhk might be less distinctive than they or ESPNCorp think. These clowns might overestimate their salaries and underestimate having regular exposure in a regional outlet -- with a dedicated Web site, and a dedicated space where the typist may be seen. And if the idea is to do sports news -- how much sports news happens in a day?

This is just a tiny variation of the dotcom bust, where people paid big bucks for theories that didn't work.

Posted 10:17 AM by Gene

G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE LOST MONEY IN AOL?!?!?

G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE at $6,000 A SHARE!

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

D.C. experiencing retail renaissance

TRANSLATION: Downtown DC has lots of Starbucks.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Posted 8:22 PM by Gene

In a post in Aramvirumque Stefan Beck writes of Harry "Synergy" Potter:

I think it’s reasonable to suggest that adults spend their reading time, a limited and thus very precious resource, on better books. If that’s wishful thinking, can’t they at least pick better books to obsess about?

And he links to an article from 2000 by Harold Bloom, who writes:

A vast concourse of inadequate works, for adults and for children, crams the dustbins of the ages.

This is one of the many reasons I get excited over ARM-WAVING ENTHUSIASTS.

Posted 8:14 PM by Gene

I would not have IMAGINED Jug Ears Jr. would have a thing for -- EARMARKS. Maybe like the alchemist he intends to turn the money into gold.

Posted 6:14 PM by Gene

IMPRESSIVE:

Roman Catholics have overtaken Anglicans as the country's dominant religious group....

[T]he number of people going to Sunday Mass in England last year averaged 861,000, compared with 852,000 Anglicans worshipping.

Smashing. And how many Brits think the telly is God?

As for Britain's most prominent Catholic, if in doubt he can always switch to the Church of Kerry and Kennedy. Of course they're of Irish descent but....

(Via al Reut)

Posted 2:36 PM by Gene

I'm hard pressed to find a difference between the ARM-WAVING ENTHUSIASTS' notion that MOVIES ARE!!!!! BETTER THAN EVER!!!!! and the arm-waving notion that led so many to believe in permanent real-estate prosperity. What explains such collective suspensions of disbelief? When you're throwing money into houses there must come a time when you say, "What if things go bad? Better ease up." And yet so many folks abandoned themselves to permanent prosperity, as they're now abandoning themselves to scrimping just to live.

Posted 1:56 PM by Gene

That reminds us of the 100-year-old man who didn't have heat in his government-supplied bedroom until DA NOOZ complained. And he lives alone. How many people can't even claim a guardian angel for a friend?

Posted 1:51 PM by Gene

We feel sad about the woman who received a fake winning lottery ticket, but at least some people came along to give the woman a well-needed hug.

We wonder too if the word humor was spelled with two U's.

Posted 12:23 PM by Gene

OH oh, guess which immortal masterwork went kerflooey in the marketplace this weekend -- the one with the SINGING BARBER!

This could make A Little Night Music look good.

It also appears many of the WIDE-EYEDLY ACCLAIMED IMMORTALITIES didn't do so hot either -- like the one about JOE WILSON'S...never mind.

This is a catastrophe in PINCHDOM and its overlapping kingdom of SONDHEIMANIA. Though we're not that familiar with THE GREATEST MUSICAL -- pardon, OPERA EVER we suspect it might have worked as a Charles Addams kind of film -- nothing offensive, just good ghoulish laughs. Instead DER KULT got worked up over its self-importance, and with the help of ARM-WAVING ENTHUSIASTS it's deposited an egg almost as big as KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN laid two years ago.

And did the world NEED a parody of WALK THE LINE?

And now come the RECRIMINATIONS -- SUMNER SOLD IT THE WRONG WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nothing wrong with the movie, to be sure -- THERE NEVER IS.

Hmmm: Could HERR DOKTOR sue SUMNER for MARKETING MALPRACTICE?

I'm not sure he should -- SUMNER may have paid for BLOG MENTIONS.

By the way...what IS a "Brian Lowry"?

Posted 11:25 AM by Gene

North America's Most PC Nation™ -- the UK of the Hinterlands, forever stuck in a Seventies time warp -- has seen vastly declining church attendance, which may explain why the people so desperately cling to hockey.

Posted 10:52 AM by Gene

The lobbying outfit that protested in the dreadful case of the teenager who needed a liver transplant wants government-run healthcare.

This bill would establish the California Universal Healthcare System to be administered by the newly created California Universal Healthcare Agency under the control of a Universal Healthcare Commissioner appointed by the Governor and subject to confirmation by the Senate.

TRANSLATION: Instead of some hounded bureaucrat in a greedy insurance company denying a transplant, some hounded bureaucrat in an incompetent government bureaucracy would deny it.

SIX OF ONE....

Posted 9:42 AM by Gene

Speaking of weird, we've decided the Senator from IMUS will be the Republican nominee, and only because the other candidates are even WORSE.

Posted 9:40 AM by Gene

Elsewhere in the Fantasy of Re-CORD: Do we really expect presidential candidates to be like their voters? Do we expect them to know what it is to suffer? Do we expect them not to lord it over us? They're already weird enough as it is.

Posted 9:28 AM by Gene

"Projectile vomiting is our birthright."

And so is harboring suicidal thoughts every time the blasted DI's ANNIVERSARY comes up, which is why we don't speak of the British EMPIRE anymore.

Posted 9:22 AM by Gene

I know it’s hard to believe, but during the past 12 months I sometimes went two or three weeks in a row without finding anything to mock, deflate or be disappointed by, and my inner curmudgeon was frequently elbowed aside by a wide-eyed, arm-waving enthusiast.

If we want wide-eyed, arm-waving enthusiasts, A. O., we'll let you know; meantime you've provided the definitive reason why AMERICA DOES NOT NEED MOVIE AD-BLURBISTS.

By the way, Mr. Wide-Eyed, Arm-Waving Enthusiast -- what's the difference between you and HARRY KNOWLES except YOU'RE BETTER?

OLD WIDE EYES, YOU'VE JUST WON THE NEUHARTHISM OF THE YEAR AWARD!!!!!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Posted 8:28 PM by Gene

THE SUPERMANNING OF AMERICA continues apace with the "populist" (aw-how-cute) notion that if we cover our cemeteries with as many Christmas goo-gaws as we cover our houses we show respect for the dead. This being the Paper of Re-CORD it burps, "The seasonal proliferation also reflects a broader emotional acceptance of memorials in the culture blahblahblah." To me this is an unhealthy fixation, and it makes Mickey Mouse dolls and Hello Kittys of our beloved, and it's a discomfiting reminder that in real ways we worship death (witness NO SNITCHIN'!!!!!!!!!!, or the Paper's immortal cri-TIC A. O. with B. O.) Let us honor the dead without bells and whistles.

Posted 7:27 PM by Gene

With lots of primping and preening, one of the typically pink-hued-heavily-corrective-lensed types what revues architecture -- in this case for The Newsrag of the Zeitgeist -- ooohs and aaahs over this masterpiece by MR. STARCHITECT, the man who bequeathed leaky roofs to MIT. Oddly enough this is corporate headquarters for IAC -- the company BARRY DILLER!!!!! (formerly known as Jesus Christ) is breaking up. No note of that anywhere, but then this is just a newsrag, and they don't have to know these things. In fact it's better starchitect revuers don't know them, that way it won't detract from their raves.

Which comes first -- Barry's firing from his new improved firm or the first leak?

P. S.

"MIT IS AFTER OUR INSURANCE!!!!!!!!!!" [Visually arresting overemphasis added]

Look at it this way, Je -- Barry: you'll get more income for your firm.

P. P. S.

The godfather of starchitect revuers busy raving a new piece of construction.

Posted 4:37 PM by Gene

Well, ya got trouble my friend, right here in Music City -- trouble with a capital T and that rhymes with C and that stands for...

CHEATIN'!

Now why is this so rare in professional kolledge sport? Is it because the cheaters usually aren't caught?

OhOHHHHHHHHoh, it was a "poorly structured online course" and a "rogue tutor." How come it's only the little guys that make the big messes?

Posted 4:21 PM by Gene

Though buried on its Web site, this Paper of Re-CORD article ran just above the fold on its front page, speaking volumes of its lack of courage or news judgment. Forced to confront this we must confront the underlying story, which, when only a day old, seemed immortally tiresome. (That we must view it as another manifestation of ennui speaks of the utter mess our age is in.) The young woman being a SUMNERIAN we can expect Him to play tricks for profit, like revising His series to make cute, "non-judgmental" bromides on teen pregnancy; but the recent career free-fall of the SUMNERIAN's fearsomely exasperating older "sister" may prove that SUM's first instinct, the age-old skunk smell that any publicity is good publicity, just won't work, for publicity has made the older slut the show-biz equivalent of Typhoid Mary. One thing is clear: the national headache has just begun.

Posted 12:55 PM by Gene

"Someone asked me, 'Are we bankrupt?' " Chrysler chief Robert Nardelli told staff earlier this month, according to a report in The Wall Street Journal. "Technically, no. Operationally, yes. The only thing that keeps us from going into bankruptcy is the $10 billion investors entrusted us with."

What in God's name does THAT mean? And how long will it take the Three-Headed Dog's new thing to burn through $10 billion?

Posted 12:01 PM by Gene

"Even Hitler didn’t wake up going, ‘Let me do the most evil thing I can do today’. I think he woke up in the morning and using a twisted, backwards logic, he set out to do what he thought was ‘good’. Stuff like that just needs reprogramming.”

We would tell geniuses like the IMMORTAL WILL to stick to movies but then they do the same mental short-circuit there too -- only worse.

Posted 9:40 AM by Gene

OH oh:

Supporters of Sen. Hillary Clinton's presidential candidacy are privately blaming aggressive campaigning by Bill Clinton for her recent decline in Iowa's pre-caucus polls.

In their opinion, the former president's strong defense of his wife pushes the contest for the Democratic nomination toward what Hillary Clinton wanted to avoid: a referendum on the Clinton administration, making her a symbol of the past rather than an agent of change.

Two for the price of one!

A footnote: Democrats close to Bill Clinton blame Mark Penn, Sen. Clinton's chief strategist, for her decline. They grumble that Penn, a professional pollster, relies too much on polls.

And how many airplanes and hotel rooms does HE freak out in?

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

As a corporate and political communications consultant, I regularly fly at least 300,000 miles a year and stay in more than 100 hotel rooms.

FRANK LUNTZ PLEADS NOT GUILTY BY REASON OF INSANITY.

Posted 9:19 AM by Gene

Motto of the Day:

Professional football to a large degree is a gigantic beer-delivery mechanism.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Posted 8:00 PM by Gene

What a letdown: RASPUTIN's memoirs worth only $1.5 MILLION?

Looks like there's a new motto in the book biz: you can bore some of the people all of the time....

Posted 5:42 PM by Gene

What's the difference between commies and Belly Kisser except Belly Kisser may have the big bucks?

It's official -- Russia's the banana republic with oily bananas.

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

Sarko -- a show-bizzy cynic?

Say it isn't so!

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

BUGMEISTER STRIKES AGAIN!

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

The idea of having people who've foreclosed on their mortgages to pay rent to stay in them sounds like such a good idea Dubya, the Congress and K Street could think up 5,000 reasons against it.

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

Seeing him a few minutes later waiting, unobtrusive and incognito, behind a pillar outside the Four Seasons for the parking valet to bring his car, it is easy to wonder whether, like Ali G and Borat, Sacha Baron Cohen himself is a fake and the real person is even further back in the shadows.

This devastating insight MUST be the LAST GRAF because these infernal hacks only know how to make such observations in the LAST GRAF.

(Via ASSPress)

Posted 3:44 PM by Gene

The nice thing about lawsuits from insurance-inspired medical disasters like this is that they subject Corporate America to more justified bad publicity -- and rile knee-jerk FREE EN-TER-PRISE con-SER-va-tives too.

That said we doubt CIGNA will suffer in rep or in currency.

Posted 2:42 PM by Gene

The Great Alaskan Boar and Rep. Moneybags Screwem have their own "expeditionary craft"!

To nowhere!

Posted 2:35 PM by Gene

Excellence in Home Video Technology:

Warner Confirms 'T3' Blu-ray Problems; Replacement Program Expected

'Goblet of Fire' Blu-ray Disc Replacement Details

'Blade Runner' Blu-ray Suffers Manufacturing Glitch [HooRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!]

'Black Pearl' Blu-ray Disc Exchange Details Revealed [This was the one with the -- "framing issues."]

What hath Gods wrought?

(Via ShowBizData)

Posted 2:02 PM by Gene

Fun: Colinette and Gov. Huckleberry are having a food fight.

Who cares?

Posted 11:36 AM by Gene

Hey Drunken Slob! It's easy to make enemies with somebody when the SYNERGY isn't there anymore.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 10:05 AM by Gene

Well! Who'd have thought Ross Perot II would have support from hookers?

Not I, said the little bird.

Posted 9:51 AM by Gene

Let me guess: Circuit City goes broke and Best Buy buys up its stores. That should help competition.

Posted 9:46 AM by Gene

An old matzoh factory on the Lower East Side is about to be turned into -- you guessed it -- CONDOS, and even the locals may not be that pleased (if this site is to be believed).

Honest Eddie, do you and your friends have to turn every last square inch of our downtowns into CONDOS and HIP joints?

"I hope they lose their shirts" indeed.

Posted 9:33 AM by Gene

How should a con-ser-va-tive news hack handle global warming?

More than 400 scientists challenge claims by former Vice President Al Gore and the United Nations about the threat of man-made global warming, a new Senate minority report says....

"I find the Doomsday picture Al Gore is painting — a six-meter sea level rise, 15 times the IPCC number — entirely without merit," said Dutch atmospheric scientist Hendrik Tennekes, one of the researchers quoted in the report by Republican staff of the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee. [Emphasis added]

The way a LIBERAL news hack would!

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

Keep the cats in the stores!

(Within reason, of course.)

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

There'll Always Be a Hollywood:

WGA winds down for the holidays
74% of Americans unaffected by work stoppage

Posted 8:55 AM by Gene

A eulogy for the once famous Mr. Capote, from a man likely to be once-famous himself, Mr. Vidal:

"Truman thought he was dealing with aristocracy, when all he was doing was having lunch with women who outlived their rich husbands."

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

The Paper of Re-CORD is having another one of those self-serving "CAN YOU HEAR US?????" ETHICS fits. Screaming ETHICS is another way of justifying your further depradations of the public while engaging in a holier-than-thou game of PR. Any organization that screams ETHICS -- be it a newspaper, the medical research institute or Congress -- will do what IT wants to do. We should take outfits that scream ETHICS and throw them where they'd throw us -- down the sewer.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Posted 7:56 PM by Gene

The other day one of The Corner's inmates stomped his feet and screamed "UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!" at a Paper of Re-CORD writer's suggestion that "the tedious and humiliating rigmarole of airport security" was "unjustified." Now the Harvard School of Public Health has said the same thing. Of course there are many reasons for the tedious and humiliating rigamarole, including a seven-letter plural proper noun that begins with a capital M and an eleven-letter singular common noun that begins with a lower-case b, and a four-letter acronym that begins in A and ends in U (and let us not forget a seven-letter plural common noun beloved of con-SER-va-tives that begins with a lower case p and ends with an $), but that we haven't had an incident in over six years may not mean the system is working, or that it's any good. There must be a better way, but so long as we have Dubyas and ossified airline execs and PC con-SER-va-tives there won't be any.

Posted 6:05 PM by Gene

Some university faculty members have started popping “smart” pills to enhance their mental energy and ability to work long hours.

Judging from our KOLLEDGES they need all the help they can get.

“It smells to me a lot like taking steroids for physical prowess.”

You're lucky you don't have drug testing.

Posted 5:56 PM by Gene

This is foolishness. The EDWARD R. MURROW and ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY use what, thirty or forty writers? We know how ED bombed at the Os-CARS® and ERIC bombed in Washington -- and we suspect both men partially winged it. With luck it could be a slow-motion case of stage fright palliated with a sizable dose of Valium.

By the way ED -- planning a repeat performance?

Posted 5:54 PM by Gene

AP NEWS ALERT!!!!!

NEW ORLEANS (AP) -- The New Orleans City Council has approved the demolition of nearly 4,500 low-income housing units despite occasionally violent protests.

Why weren't these houses torn down two years ago whatever their historical significance?

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

I HAVE HAD IT WITH MOVIE AD-BLURBISTS. Some months ago the hoity-toity cretinous A. O. with B. O. ran an article on Bonnie and Clyde that hypocritically concluded Bosley Crowther may have been right. Now an equal fraud at Stale.com says in so many words THE MASTERPIECE OF PHILIP K. DICK is vastly overrated. These SCHMUCKS (pardon my Chinese) want it both ways -- they want their names above the titles AND they want to show their supposedly iconoclastic erudition. They want to prove they can stand up like men even when they act as whores. I HAVE HAD IT with these X-markers having it so many ways they have none.

And I want someone to tell me this dimwit's "[T]his is still in many respects the film panned by Maslin and Kael" isn't the moral equivalent of the flatulent A. O.'s LAST GRAF.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

And the site of the department store massacre reopened. We're surprised given the DUBYA-OPRAH tenor of the age the store wasn't closed PERMANENTLY.

I HATE THIS AGE!

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

Virginia Tech is starting a "Center for Peace Studies and Violence Prevention" where the school's massacre occurred (and natch, the ASSPress names the gunman -- and the gunman ONLY). With a moniker like that we'd be surprised if it didn't become an ultra-PC center for breast beating. Who knows? In time it could become so apologetic for what happened it could be named for the GUNMAN.

We'd expect nothing less too from a FOOTBALL FACTORY.

Posted 1:04 PM by Gene

ALL HAIL THE KING! ALL HAIL COL. ZELL!

Now when Trib goes broke NO ONE will know!

Posted 1:00 PM by Gene

Mr. My Business is My Business blows up:

Huckabee's radical candidacy broadly repudiates core Republican policies such as free trade, low taxes, THE ESSENTIAL LEGITIMACY OF AMERICA'S CORPORATE ENTITIES and the market system allocating wealth and opportunity. [Free-en-ter-prise-respecting overemphasis added]

Translation: Don't anyone touch MY corporate America -- especially when it's corrupt.

Posted 10:32 AM by Gene

Why do we think Sarko will become so preoccupied with his new toy that all thought of reform will fly out the window?

Posted 10:20 AM by Gene

The B. S. DEFENDERS and others who say all these complaints about violent entertainment are a smokescreen for enveloping NAZISM should have an easy time with this one, as they can always say an excess of green beans could have brought it on, or something.

Posted 10:15 AM by Gene

THE CONSPIRACY extrudes another one:

This latest version has G.I. JOE, which stands for Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity, as an international force of operatives set in Brussels.

Does that mean they fight for truth, justice, and the European Union way?

Posted 9:19 AM by Gene

"I'M SURE YOU'RE DELIGHTED TO DISCOVER THAT YOU EFFECTIVELY RUINED WHAT HAD OTHERWISE BEEN A REALLY NICE WEEK IN MY LIFE. GIVEN THE TONE OF YOUR WRITING, YOU'RE JUST THE KIND OF PERSON WHO WOULD TRULY TAKE PLEASURE IN SUCH A THING....IF YOU ARE SO JUVENILE AS TO FOI MY SCHEDULE AS A RESULT OF YOUR NOT GETTING MY STAFF TO CALL ME AWAY FROM MY FAMILY ON MY BIRTHDAY SO YOU CAN GET INFORMATION YOU COULD USE AGAINST ME IN A COLUMN, THEN DO IT!! I FRANKLY DON'T GIVE A RAT'S REAR AS TO YOUR REGARD FOR ME AS A PUBLIC OFFICIAL, BECAUSE YOU APPARENTLY WILL NEVER OVERCOME YOUR BOORISH BEHAVIOR TOWARD THOSE WHOSE OPINIONS YOU CANNOT CHALLENGE ON A RESPONSIBLE OR INTELLECTUAL BASIS!!!!!" [Salt-of-the-earth overemphasis added]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!!!!!

Posted 9:04 AM by Gene

I think we can see why the Slashdottians would consider this good news:

Hardware: Toshiba Builds Ultra-Small Nuclear Reactor

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

The Big V's colyumnist acts as a fuse for sticks of righteously angry WALTER WINCHELL-READING DYNAMITE!!!!!!!!!!

A colyumnist at the first defender of En-Ter-Tain-Ment, and a zillionaire half-truth-spreader who wears a hat to cover the holes in his head. What a choice.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

AP NEWS ALERT!!!!!

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Commerce Department reports that the economy grew at a brisk 4.9 percent in the summer, unchanged from an estimate one month ago and the best showing in four years.

DOW 19,000!!!!!

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

What a LOVELY place to spend a weekend!

In the gheeee-TOOOOOOOOOOOOO....

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

Sniff, Connie's a crook, a fraud, a convict -- but he's a CONSERVATIVE...AND he's my FRIEND! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

Shut up and put Ronny on Mt. Rushmore, EMM.

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

CAPTION OF THE WEEK:

'DISAPPOINTING': President Bush and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi shared a laugh yesterday at the Department of Energy. The House approved a $555 billion bill 272-142 to finish work on the Hill for the year. Mrs. Pelosi called it "the will of the Congress." (Getty Images)

NO COMMENT.

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

Rah rah rah! Sis boom bah! Democrats! Democrats! Rah rah rah! YaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY TEAM!!!!!

People will always deceive themselves into believing the unbiased observer, the notion of reporting without fear or favor, the newsman heroically above the fray, can be possible, but among advertisers, ambitions, huge salaries and power it is well-nigh impossible.

P. S. We still like that picture. How did such a cutie become so grasping and cold?

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Posted 6:17 PM by Gene

And in other media stupidity:

A Charleston radio personality was suspended from his job for refusing to tone down his on-air excitement over former WVU head football coach Rich Rodriguez's decision to take the head job at the University of Michigan.

Coach Kidd, a Michigan native, co-hosts the morning talk show on Electric 102.7 FM. For the past couple days, he's dominated the show's content with his feelings on how Rodriguez's job change will be a boon to the Wolverines football program -- much to the dismay of listeners.

After playing the Wolverines' fight song for a fourth time this morning, Coach Kidd was yanked off the air.

We can think of a heck of a lot of things that should have gotten a few "radio personalities" yanked off the air, but didn't.

By the way, whatever happened to Drunken Slob?

(Via DetroitNews.com)

Posted 6:02 PM by Gene

ANOTHER thing for the P-Ulitzer winning hacks to obsess over:

Terrell Owens has a message for Jessica Simpson: Stay away.

The 27-year-old singer-actress has become Public Enemy No. 1 among Dallas Cowboys fans because of a link being made between her appearance at Sunday's game and the poor performance of her new boyfriend, quarterback Tony Romo.

Why just Dallas?

Posted 5:50 PM by Gene

NO!!!!! The Millionaires' Strike has apparently canceled -- THE PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARDS!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

(Via one of LALA's blogs -- and now IT copies ITS news from WARNER BROS. TELEVISION?!?)

Posted 5:24 PM by Gene

Shucks, that sitcommy Branson East theme park about a chaperone and cast albums is closing, meaning it will never be rebuilt.

But not to fret -- someone else is building a new theme park in LA -- about...Andrew Jackson?!?!?

Wouldn't closer to Dollywood help?

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

Ooooops, Politico pans Joe -- uh, Charlie Wilson's War!

In a stunning epilogue to Sorkin’s original screenplay for “Charlie Wilson’s War,” the freewheeling congressman who helped the Afghan mujahedeen drive the Russians out of their homeland is relaxing at his Washington-area home several years after his covert op ended rather successfully.

Suddenly there’s a “BOOM,” and a “teeth-jarring explosion” is heard in the distance. Wilson runs out to his terrace, encountering a cloud of orange-black smoke — the Pentagon on fire.

His phone rings, and it’s his quirky CIA buddy who helped him with the Middle East mission, telling him to turn on the TV.

As the screen blacks out, the audience realizes it’s Sept. 11, 2001, and some of Wilson’s Islamic rebel allies in Afghanistan evolved into the terrorist group Al Qaeda.

Unfortunately, you won’t see this powerful ending in the new $75 million film version of “Charlie Wilson’s War,” starring Tom Hanks in the title role and opening nationwide on Friday.

It was dropped from the final 97-minute film, as was nearly a third of other scenes and dialogue found in the script’s original 143-page draft.

There are no overt, or even subtle, references to 9/11 anymore; the script’s dark tone has become much more upbeat.

Gosh, it must have been so tough for MR. SPAMALOT not to TELL THE TRUTH.

Anyone wanna GUE$$ why?

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

Limits Imposed for NYC Flights

Who wants to bet this proves, shall we say, counterintuitive?

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

MTV, Bruckheimer to Make Video Games

How can JERRY DRECKHEIMER make VIDEO GAMES -- WORSE?

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

Speaking of fix, Bugmeister has provided another reason not to buy Vista.

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Our Congressional lunkheads have "fixed" the AMT for a year, meaning they'll fix it again year after year, until they get around to "fixing" it, which will prove a fix worse than the AMT.

Posted 3:38 PM by Gene

Sen. Trent Lott retired from Congress late Tuesday with characteristic flair, making public with 16 minutes' notice that he would relinquish his seat when the Senate closed for business.

I don't think "flair" is the right word.

Oh well, now it's too late to say, "Bye Trent! Watch the door on your way out to the FORBES 400!"

Posted 1:19 PM by Gene

Viacom, Microsoft Strike 5-Year, $500M Ad Deal

EVIL shakes hands with EVIL.

Posted 12:45 PM by Gene

THE MOST RELIGIOUSLY INTOLERANT SECTOR OF AMERICAN LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!

[Tolerant overemphasis added]

What? We worry?

(Via WeeklyStandard.com)

Posted 10:40 AM by Gene

The Italians are getting into anime!

Isn't one anime-spewing country enough?

Posted 10:36 AM by Gene

The icons that stayed too long

You mean The S------s and R----T aren't on the list? I wonder why.

Posted 10:33 AM by Gene

"We treat all films the same. Ads will be seen by all audiences, including children...."

AND SO WILL YOUR MOVIE EXCRETIONS, DIMWIT. WHY ARE YOU EXERCISED OVER A LOUSY POSTER?

Posted 10:27 AM by Gene

Speaking of, sounds as if "Can't Anyone Here Run This Rag" Stengel had trouble making up his mind.

And now he has "runner-ups" -- like The Miss America Pageant.

Posted 10:17 AM by Gene

Kristol, Krauthammer Are Out of Time

If every rag in America showed the door to all the columnists who've overstayed their welcomes....

Anyone for an increase in the unempoyment rate?

Posted 10:15 AM by Gene

U.S. banks have borrowed $20 billion from the Federal Reserve for 28 days at 4.65%, the Fed announced Wednesday. It was the first of several planned auctions of short-term credits to alleviate a liquidity crunch in credit markets.

And what is this supposed to mean, oh infinite seers of the Fed?

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Posted 7:00 PM by Gene

SLIME plays SCROOGE:

The Man Who Started It All
Twenty-five years of John McLaughlin.
by Andrew Ferguson

BAH HUMBUG!

Posted 6:47 PM by Gene

We cannot know why the TWXSTERS ran this graphic with a story about South Africa's ruling party; alas, it seems more than apt, for the country and the continent.

Looking forward to 2009, then, South African politics will increasingly be dominated by one question: will the country's most popular politician be elected President, or convicted of corruption?

In Africa that sort of question too often answers itself.

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

Speaking of movies -- can't I speak of something else? -- MS. TRAVERS (strangely enough) found this article that makes her beloved fillum biz look bad.

Of course the biz will "marginalize" actresses. What Hollywood woman can you name with looks and talent? In a way you can't blame the cretins for giving the little talent they've got as little exposure as possible. This is another way the biz admits maybe this isn't a megaplatinum age, Mogul's Friend contrariwise.

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

The Forbeslist typist Lacey, ever looking for that big job in show-biz, approves of the late-night plug fests because they make politicians likable.

Here's another scribbler to join Mogul's Friend and those infernal movie obsessives on my S-LIST.

Posted 2:50 PM by Gene

Free Mike Vick!

Nice to know a few of his teammates have their -- loyalty. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!

Posted 1:57 PM by Gene

Speaking thereof, one of the Adams's dearest friends, Sen. Ossified Kleagle, is being eased from his rulership of the Senate Appropriations Committee, seeing as his age and infirmities are at the center of the great Congressional nervous breakdown.

Posted 1:54 PM by Gene

I've been wondering for years if culture and literacy are finite resources. I'd wager collectively we're no more literate than the generation of 1776. Those who were literate more far more advanced in their skills than any of us; read the brilliant epistles of John and Abigail Adams and weep. More people can read and write, but they can't do it as well.

Posted 1:11 PM by Gene

I'm willing to concede not reading to kids is a problem, but this is more a consequence of our increasingly every-man-for-himself socializing than anything else. The reason I get so agitated by "think" pieces like Caleb's and the movie X-markers' is that they fall into a pattern: show-offy whining, accompanied by no suggestions, and underlined with the unspoken belief that, for all its faults, our culture is BETTER THAN EVER!!!!! They've also become an analog of political reporting, and for that reason alone they STINK.

(Via BookStandard)

Posted 11:57 AM by Gene

Mogul's Friend reminds us that if a "supermassive black hole" shot forth a jet of "X-rays, gamma rays and electrons" at every idiot who writes about movies, zapping them to oblivion, our national sanity would improve -- and our movies would get immensely better.

Posted 9:51 AM by Gene

Castro: Won't Cling to Power Forever

Castro's thoughts about power and making way for younger leaders were similar to past comments, including those before he fell ill.

TRANSLATION: Castro WILL cling to power forever.

Posted 9:10 AM by Gene

And in more dithering blather, this from The New Yorker -- yes, The New Yorker -- Caleb extrudes 4,532 WORDS in a state of alarm over the tragic fact that PEOPLE ARE NOT READING!!!!!

We'd argue with people spending so much time before a monitor they're reading more than ever. No, it may not be the civilized behavior of Eustace Tilley cozying himself up in an easy chair with a book and his monocle, but it's reading. If it's people not reading the right things, one may ask, is it EHDYUKAYSHUN? Of course. But with 5 MILLION BOOKS IN PRINT every year maybe it's the books themselves too. A culture that can turn out 5 MILLION BOOKS A YEAR is not illiterate, though it may barely be literate. With so many books and so little time people may have other more pressing things to do. No, one could argue people are reading -- and writing -- TOO MUCH.

(Via several of the usual sources that engage in such posting)

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Os-CARS® will have to do without -- BAD COMEDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 8:14 AM by Gene

Proving that even Metro writers can live the life of Riley on their salaries, one of the intrepid gang who makes sure to litter the streets with their rag on my commute calls up a PRESS ETHICIST from POYN-TER, who makes a POYNT:

“Any time this type of publicity surrounds a news anchor, it is bad for all journalists,” said Poynter Institute broadcasting expert Al Tompkins, who has worked as a television media consultant for 30 years. “It affirms for viewers a belief that TV journalists are more TV than journalists.”...

But the perception that journalists — television reporters, in particular — lack credibility is simply not representative of the industry as a whole, Tompkins said.

“It’s just not true for the vast majority who go out and work hard,” he said. “It’s really sad that this is how people come to know people in TV newsrooms.”

Tell us about all that hard work, Al. Tell us about all the hard work weathermen do grinning and capering and telling bad jokes before the chroma key. Tell us about the hard work it takes for some Fred Flintstone to say coach is a drooling incompetent and must go. Tell us about the hard work standing in a Santa Claus suit or a monkey suit or a Wookiee uniform for the end-of-the-show laugh. Tell us about the hard work tracking down press conferences and copying the police blotter. Tell us about the hard work taking more time combing your hair than John Edwards. Tell us about the hard work being a PROFIT CENTER and a lead-in for Pat and Alex. If this is hard work, with those vastly inflated salaries I'd like some.

And this being Metro the story has no @#$%&* URL either!

P. S.

Consulting clients: ABC Owned and Operated Stations, Telemundo Television Stations; Meredith Television Stations; Scripps Howard Television, NBC owned and operation stations Promotions Directors; Stations; Hearst Argyle Television Stations; Gannett Television Stations; Griffin Communications; NBC Owned and Operated Stations; New York Times Television Stations; Cox Television; Cox Cable, Cox Washington DC Bureau, RUV TV (Iceland), Belo Television Stations; Freedom Newspapers of Florida, Freedom Newspapers of North Carolina, The Raleigh News & Observer, Shurz Broadcast stations, Radio and Television News Directors Association; RTNDA Canada; Radio and Television News Directors Foundation; The Ford Foundation; Hampton University, Kings University, Belmont University, Western Kentucky University, Middle Tennessee State University

Alabama Broadcasters Association; Arkansas Broadcasters Association; Oklahoma Broadcasters Association; Hawaii Association of Broadcasters; Texas Association of Broadcasters; Ohio AP Broadcasters Association; Pennsylvania Broadcasters Association; Illinois Broadcasters Association; Washington State Broadcasters Association; Georgia Broadcasters Association; Tennessee Broadcasters Association; Louisiana Broadcasters Association; New York State Broadcasters Association; West Virginia Broadcasters Association; Missouri Broadcasters Association; Virginia Broadcasters Association; North Carolina Broadcasters Association; South Carolina Association of Broadcasters; Wisconsin Broadcasters Association; Iowa Broadcasters Association;Oregon Broadcasters, North Carolina Press Association, Alaska Broadcasters Association, New Mexico Broadcasters Association

National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences -- NATAS (Pennsylvania); NATAS (Washington DC); NATAS (Miami); WMC-TV; WSB-TV; KXAS-TV; KHOU-TV; WNEM-TV; KPHO-TV; WEWS-TV; WPTV-TV; WESH-TV; WKMG-TV; WTVW-TV; WPBF-TV; WHO-TV; KWTV-TV; WZZM-TV; WNEP-TV; WTKR-TV; KTHV-TV; KCTV-TV; WGAL; WTVF; WSBT

Lots of HARD WORK ya got there, Al!

P. P. S.

From the mid-1970s to the present, newscasts have been fierce battlegrounds for viewer loyalty. Stations earn a substantial portion of their revenue from their newscasts and aggressively promote their news through the day. Popular syndicated entertainment programming leading into newscasts is used to deliver viewers to a station's news product, and a popular newscast, in turn, boosts ratings for an entire evening's programming. Stations peddle newscasts and newscasters with billboards and other local media. But when programming and promotional strategies fail, stations turn to high paid hired guns to deliver the audience.

These "news doctors", or news consultants, are blamed for most of the ills of TV news. As station owners added or expanded newscasts, or launched a new drive for market dominance, they have consistently turned from the expertise of their own managers to the expertise of consultants with a track record of ratings increases and a supposedly scientific approach. The best known consulting firm is Frank N. Magid and Associates, but there are dozens of others. For several tens of thousands of dollars these firms conduct viewer surveys and focus groups. The results--a vague indication of what a few viewers think they like--are used to rebuild newscasts from the ground up. Newscasts are made "marketable."

The gimmicks offered by consultants or newly hired news directors have usually included some combination of the following: News sets may be rebuilt to be more modern, homey, or just bigger than the competition's. Newscasters and reporters are often fired and replaced and if not, are always "remade" in appearance and on-air persona. Consultants maintain vast nationwide videotape files of news talent, and records of their respective ratings, to help clients find the perfect personalities. News directors and other managers are often replaced. Music, graphics, and other aesthetic elements are updated, sometimes requiring extravagant equipment upgrades.

Finally, a new format is usually adopted. The most grating of these, known as "happy talk" (usually under the "Eyewitness News" designation), has mercifully died away in most markets. At its height in the late 1970s, the format sacrificed the delivery of information for almost non-stop witty, sometimes prurient, banter between attractive, if cerebrally vacant, on-air personalties.

Other common formats, some still in evidence, include "Action News", with quick young reporters and barely edited video of the day's highly visual carnage, or "News Center", emphasizing reporting and relevance to viewers. Live news coverage, as stations acquire the technology, is invariably made the newscast's raison d'etre. This often puts reporters in ridiculous situations, filing live reports from long deserted locations, without the depth and quality a pre-produced report would provide. These trends evidence the emphasis on entertainment which has pervaded local and regional TV news.

Which may help explain....

P. P. P. S. MORE HARD WORK:

Philadelphia media personalities sometimes make the news themselves.

Howard Eskin. The hard-charging WIP/NBC10 sports reporter has often been in hot water; it really boiled over after his friendship with a woman who was later murdered by her husband.

Cecily Tynan. The Action News weathercaster left a nasty voice mail on the answering machine of her fiance's ex-wife - who released the tape.

Tom Burlington. The Fox29 anchor was taken off the air indefinitely after reportedly using the N-word during a news meeting.

Mike Missanelli. WIP fired the host after he roughed up a producer.

Sharon Reed. NBC10 dismissed the reporter/anchor after she reportedly threatened a colleague by e-mail.

Monica Malpass. The 6ABC anchor made headlines during her long-running divorce case.

John Bolaris. The weathercaster, who starts next month on Fox29, was a one-man gossip bonfire while at NBC10: reports of nightclub dustups, a celebrated romance with singer Lauren Hart, and a child with former NBC10 anchor Tiffany McElroy.

Jessica Savitch. The Kennett Square native became a star at KYW-TV before being hired away by NBC. Rumors of drug use peaked after a slurred on-air appearance in 1983. Less than a month later Savitch drowned when the car she was riding in plunged into a canal in Bucks County.

Sorry for such a lengthy post but when these POYNTER types get on their high horses....

P. S. On 5/31/2008: I found the URL -- on Yahoo!

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