Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Posted
6:11 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:31 PM
by Gene
We wonder how the idiot building boom affects this. Not to worry, when the next boom arrives people will come back to the shore -- to wallow in the vicarious thrill of high winds and strong surfs.
Posted
3:54 PM
by Gene
Ditto, we might add, with most reporting on hurricanes -- and most reporting GENERALLY.
Posted
3:52 PM
by Gene
We had to slog through a whole article to get to this brilliant assertion the writer could have made in the seven words he quoted from MadTV. JonBoy does not seem to realize it's even easier to suffer the consequences of driving your Web surfers to impatience than regular readers -- the surfers pay nothing, and have no allegiance. We note happily that last year Zeitgeist cut its rate base and more recently bought out over 100 employees. There's no reason it can't -- and SHOULDN'T -- do both again.
Posted
11:34 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:09 AM
by Gene
While he said he could not make specific policy predictions for the next administration, Gates told the annual Shangri-la conference on international security [!] that there will be "no change in our drive to temper North Korea's ambitions, a policy not possible without China's valued cooperation." It is long past the time for Dubya to do what Gen. MacArthur's old soldier does, and just -- fade away.
Posted
10:45 AM
by Gene
The only thing is now the 86,000 press agents at PEOPLE WARNER will top this with talk of sequels. Surely their enablers the idiot hacks are rubbing their hands and their wallets at the prospect of eliciting a new series on THE GREATEST TELEVISION NETWORK IN HISTORY. Isn't it enough to elect The Messiah? Can't you leave us alone for once? (Via the table-pounding obsessive-compulsives at HSX. It provokes a cringe to remember this outfit's owned by Cantor Fitzgerald. Enough said.) Friday, May 30, 2008
Posted
6:29 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
CREAMY CHICKEN ALFREDO! Now CREAMY CHICKEN ALFREDO! on the radio could only come from a few places: Darden Restaurants, Unilever, Nestlé, or CONAgra. And because this was a corner vendor, and because this was likely Darden Restaurants, Unilever, Nestlé or CONAgra, and because said companies will advertise only where everybody else advertises, which is usually the same three places, that could mean only one source: DUH-BUL-YOU DEEEEEEEEEE AAAAAAAAAA SSSSSSSSSS. Many people still think it's a locally-owned black station. It's owned by CHEAP CHANNEL. CHEAP CHANNEL's headquartered eiyn Tex-AYSS. LOWSY MAYS was BORN THERE. Which got us to thinking: How many plantation owners are in his bloodline? Dere's whur mah heart iz buuuuuuuurnin' ebberrrrr.... Before I got home a SEPTA bus was advertising Grand Theft Auto IV (WE NEED IT FOR THE REVENUES!!!!!) and a talk radio station: "Intelligent Conservative Radio". Even before David Brudnoy died intelligent talk radio was an oxymoron. Earlier today on the way to a luncheon and listening to NPNTR (National Public NewsTalk Radio) I heard an annoying local interview with a father-son duo, the father being a former fillum cri-TIC who'd written a book about how watching movies with the son made him better. On the way back I heard an annoying network program predicated on the notion the Web didn't exist, in which some high Gallup mucky-muck was blurting over his polls, followed by some asinine female reportER gushing all she didn't know about THE PROMO, which was everything I already knew. I haven't listened to the radio in over a decade, and just going by today I intend never to willingly listen to it again. P. S. from NPNTR: ...staring Sarah Jessica Parker... [SIC!] WHO? (Updated 5/31 at 10:25 a.m. By the way, look carefully at Lowsy's station's home page: the only admission he and his fellow car dealers own it is this: ![]() although the name unaccountably comes up in the Terms and Conditions -- you'd think Lowsy could have come up with a cute legal name, like WDAS Holdings, Inc. or Urban Philadelphia Metropolitan Broadcasting Inc. Somebody must tell them to stop selling those rust-proofing warranties.)
Posted
2:22 PM
by Gene
And here is one story, we'd guess, the hacks will totally ignore. Yesterday we heard from Michael Crichton why the press stinks. We have one suggestion: report on stories no one is talking about while completely ignoring what everyone's talking about. Imagine a world with no WART-NOSED HORSEY FACES and FORMER PRESS SECRETARIES. Imagine a world where fifty thousand news hacks go insane. We can't imagine it. (Via Connections)
Posted
9:23 AM
by Gene
Jacko's wacko shirt Turning 50 this year, Michael Jackson dresses age-inappropriately. DRESSES?
Posted
8:57 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:54 AM
by Gene
Our straight, male reviewer says he's probably unqualified to critique this film, but he gives it his best shot [Home-page subhed] God, DICK, you're more than qualified. You work for PEOPLE WARNER.
Posted
8:42 AM
by Gene
Aerosmith rocker Steven Tyler says he checked into to a rehab facility earlier this month to recover from foot surgeries to repair problems caused by his stage moves. "The doctors told me the pain in my feet could be corrected but it would require a few surgeries over time," Tyler says in a statement released Thursday. "The 'foot repair' pain was intense, greater than I'd anticipated. The months of rehabilitative care and the painful strain of physical therapy were traumatic. I really needed a safe environment to recuperate where I could shut off my phone and get back on my feet. Make no mistake, Aerosmith has no plans to stop rocking. There's a new album to record, then another tour." According to the statement, Tyler was treated at the center after series of surgeries and post-operative physical therapy "to correct long-time foot injuries resulting from his trademark athletic performance onstage." The statement follows reports the 60-year-old singer was being treated instead for substance abuse. TRANSLATION: Aren't you getting too old for a boy's work?
Posted
8:13 AM
by Gene
Condoleezza Rice meets rock band Kiss This beats appeasing Iran and North Korea! Barely. Thursday, May 29, 2008
Posted
8:13 PM
by Gene
Posted
8:10 PM
by Gene
"It doesn't bother me at all. They don't like our God, they don't like our prophet, they don't like our holy book, the Qur'an. So how could they like me?" he said. No no, Father, you should have said, "Let's see if they like our NUKES!"
Posted
7:25 PM
by Gene
![]() More sad show-biz news: Harvey Korman, Carol Burnett's jack-of-all-trades, has died. Yes, he appeared in the sitcom Blazing Saddles, and he was that irritating character Kazoo or Gazoo or Wazoo in The Flintstones, but he was a big part of a great variety show, and Tim Conway was his immortal sidekick, so we can more than forgive him.
Posted
7:06 PM
by Gene
Posted
7:01 PM
by Gene
On the mark again...and again...and again! (Revised at 8:30 p.m.)
Posted
5:43 PM
by Gene
Does anyone pay attention to his three-ring flea circus anymore?
Posted
5:29 PM
by Gene
Aren't PROMO and The Lord made by PEOPLE WARNER?
Posted
5:22 PM
by Gene
Can anyone doubt the press is unbiased? BUT: The study notes, however, that while "public perceptions of McCain and Obama ... largely tracked with the tenor of the press coverage’s major narrative themes," with Clinton, "the public seemed to have developed opinions about her that ran counter to the media coverage, perhaps based on a pre-existing negative disposition to her that unfolded over the course of the campaign." TRANSLATION: Slowly but surely, we're tired of marching with Hitler.
Posted
3:22 PM
by Gene
![]() But then we'd rather work with Cyd Charisse (or Rock Hudson) than one of WOODSTER THE PERV's airheads -- and both did.
Posted
2:55 PM
by Gene
Hey PINCH! I've got an idea! Maybe now's the time when we can merge us and Europe, then we could all vote together and...oh, never mind. We wonder if AMERICAN news hacks aren't the only ones brazenly trying to prove their irrelevance.
Posted
12:10 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:16 AM
by Gene
A lot better than it used to be, certain tantrum throwers notwithstanding.
Posted
8:59 AM
by Gene
Our Ouija board tells us it will stink, get rave reviews and make zillions.
Posted
8:53 AM
by Gene
Think of our GDP and you'll see how important Branson East's theme parks are. P. S. at 5:30 p.m. OoooooOOOOOOooooooh, the Big V sorta fibbed. Well what's a few hundred million among friends?
Posted
8:50 AM
by Gene
![]() Eddie Murphy back in 'Beverly Hills' Brett Ratner negotiating to direct 4th 'Cop' film TRANSLATION: Hollywood is an old actors' nursing home.
Posted
8:44 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: We can ignore this ghosted scribble too.
Posted
8:42 AM
by Gene
Since WHEN?
Posted
8:39 AM
by Gene
Now when does this lower-case He close his stores and sell the real-estate -- His intent all along?
Posted
8:36 AM
by Gene
8:32 a.m. ET · House speaker's skills are being tested by Democrats' greater ideological diversity � a challenge that will intensify if the party picks up more seats in November. [SIC!!!!!] TRANSLATION: Are the hacks pulling another one? Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Posted
6:00 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:47 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:37 PM
by Gene
Would it?
Posted
10:02 AM
by Gene
The Guardian has learned that 55,000 seats from London's 80,000-seat arena could be transported to Washington Park in the Illinois city and used to enlarge a planned, 7,500-capacity community arena into Chicago's main Olympic stadium. Which, if we know the Windy City's GUVMENT, should triple the cost over brand-new. (Via ArtsJournal)
Posted
9:44 AM
by Gene
Being MS. TRAVERS means never having to say you're sorry.
Posted
9:36 AM
by Gene
He won't have to pay for it.
Posted
9:27 AM
by Gene
You mean The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers can't be the answer -- as usual?
Posted
9:19 AM
by Gene
Which, if we know Little Jeffy, means waterless urinals that don't work, but hey, we're saving the world!
Posted
9:14 AM
by Gene
For which the Chinese officials have an easy answer: mass executions.
Posted
9:12 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:42 AM
by Gene
Who needs men? Pfffffffffffffffft!!!!! AND A SPECIAL HONORARY HIGHLY SYNERGISTIC NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO B. S. DEFENDER, A MAN WHO IS NEEDED! PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT! P. S. There’s nothing wrong with Sarah Jessica Parker that couldn’t be cured by wart-removal surgery. That growth on her face just gets bigger with every close-up, and in the full-length movie version of Sex and the City it’s so distracting you can’t concentrate on anything else. It’s not a beauty mark. I guess you can’t tell a co-producer anything, but listen up, girl. At this point, you would make a wonderful Halloween witch. Unfortunately, to fix all the things wrong with Sex and the City, you need more than a scalpel. [OPENING GRAF] But even Rex admits he's a man. Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Posted
7:34 PM
by Gene
We'd like to say "Shut up, Matt" but you don't tell someone to shut up on that salary.
Posted
7:22 PM
by Gene
(Second link via the usual Romy, who himself ponders why Howie Hairshirt didn't take a buyout. Gooooooooooood question!)
Posted
7:19 PM
by Gene
Posted
7:01 PM
by Gene
He'll win just by reminding his friends of a few FAVOR$, but for now, we can chuckle. P. S. There is no reason Boobs McKeating can't win while the Republicans lose Congress in a landslide.
Posted
6:40 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:56 PM
by Gene
Maybe it's afraid to do it as Russia wouldn't be much without oil.
Posted
5:53 PM
by Gene
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! Time to open our -- YOUR checkbook again!
Posted
5:44 PM
by Gene
And what did YOUR boss do to improve relations with Iran...ZBIG?
Posted
5:27 PM
by Gene
Hope they can smuggle some spray paint in your cell, Cyrus. You're going to be there awhile. The Internet, whether it's YouTube or social networking sites, is helping fuel a new explosion in graffiti tagging, albeit with editing and soundtracks. But investigators say it also is helping them build better cases against the vandals. Again, criminals is stupid. And so are the six-digit nose-in-the-airs who call this AHT.
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
FOR NOW. Where are the Gekko Kudlows to defend unlimited speculation?
Posted
1:44 PM
by Gene
Did he forget a superscript?
Posted
1:37 PM
by Gene
(Via NRO)
Posted
1:05 PM
by Gene
In a 1995 article for The Huntsville Times, Stuhlinger called the Nazi era "extremely deplorable" and said he and other German rocket engineers were working with an eye toward spaceflight, not weapons, at the end of the war. "Yes, we did work on improved guidance systems, but late in 1944 we were convinced that the war would be over before new systems could be used on military rockets. However, we were convinced that somehow our work would find application in future rockets that would not aim at London, but at the moon," Stuhlinger wrote. It might be easy to dismiss these German eggheads for apologizing after the fact, but in the end they did win us a signal victory over Communism, a victory Hitler with his brute force of evil could never achieve.
Posted
12:59 PM
by Gene
It is not enough for certain criminals to be evil -- they must be stupid too.
Posted
12:43 PM
by Gene
Monday, May 26, 2008
Posted
11:00 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:36 AM
by Gene
Or maybe you're such flat-out incompetents you could be doing something wrong -- but wrong never happens in the magical world of GE BANCORP AND REALTY. Nor would such a thought occur in the magical ASSPress world of David "300" Bauder.
Posted
10:11 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: Please, please, junta of Burma/Myanmar, let the aid through! We promise we won't say a word about your oppressive regime. In fact, we love oppressive regimes. Please let the aid through. PLEASE!
Posted
10:09 AM
by Gene
I guess because we are a sainted hero to news hacks means we can say, or do, just about anything. "Rev." Al knows this. So does Danica. Sunday, May 25, 2008
Posted
4:27 PM
by Gene
![]() Swashbuckling Hero: 1958 Humphrey Bogart stars in The Treasure of Sierra Madre. The weapon is different, but the hat is the same. [DOUBLE SIC!!!!!] When will someone teach these TWXSTERS they own the copyright?
Posted
4:09 PM
by Gene
1. "Consumers hate advertising," Mr. Gilbreath wrote in a preamble for a WPP Digital-backed discussion group last year. "Meanwhile, consumers hate us -- the marketers and advertisers who invent new ways to spam them online and offline. The result: CMO and agency turnover is rising dramatically, and advertisers are ranked below lawyers in terms of public respect." So WHY, Mr. Gilbreath, is the AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS spending MORE MONEY on ADVERTISING than EVER -- and MORE MONEY ON JUNK TELEVISION?!?!? In fairness the article does cite a few promising ideas for breaking away from the usual middle-finger-in-the-face menu -- but these are pennies compared to the BILLIONS FOR JUNK TELEVISION. 2. Meantime one company learns just how ESSENTIAL financing JUNK TV is: TV Ads 'a Waste of Money' for the Back-in-Black Gap ...Marketing expenditure at Gap Inc. was trimmed 18% during the quarter, driven by the absence of TV ads for the Gap brand, company executives said. That contributed to a 40% jump in profits at Gap Inc., compared to the same period a year ago. Okay, same-store sales were down. But how much higher would they have been with JUNK TV? Gap seems to have answered this question. 3. And speaking of wastes of money: American Airlines wasted money on PR for its baggage fee. Why not just conduct all your biz from a bunker, guys? You act that way.
Posted
4:02 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:01 PM
by Gene
I used to be able to identify any American car from 25 yards. Now they all have this jellybean look. We don't know a good retort to that -- or maybe we do.
Posted
10:00 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:53 AM
by Gene
The United States is already in a recession and it will be longer as well as deeper than many people expect, U.S. investor Warren Buffett said in an interview published in German magazine Der Spiegel on Saturday. He said the United States was "already in recession" and added: "Perhaps not in the sense that economists would define it" with two consecutive quarters of negative growth. "But the people are already feeling the effects," said Buffett, the world's richest man. "It will be deeper and last longer than many think." TODAY: Buffett, dubbed the world's richest person by Forbes magazine, said he believed the situation in financial markets would not deteriorate further. "I don't think the situation will get worse in financial markets. General conditions in the business world will get worse, but it will only last a while," he said, adding he had no idea when an upturn would come. Which is it, O holy multitongued megazillioned ST. WARREN OF BUFFETT? Saturday, May 24, 2008
Posted
11:28 PM
by Gene
![]() Does anyone here remember Dick Martin (on the right)? Oh yes, part of a comedy team with Dan Rowan (on the left), who went from Vegas to Laugh-In, an aggressively unfunny Hellzapoppin-style series famed for its stupid catchphrases (i.e., "Sock it to me", which turned the benighted Judy Carne into a national punching bag) and for introducing such supposed immortals as Goldie Hawn and Lily Tomlin (and such genuinely talented types as Arte Johnson [center], who spent too much of the rest of his career in voiceovers), and for electing their friend Tricky Dick president. He died tonight, twenty years after his partner, and to think that he was 86 makes us cringe at how much older we've grown.
Posted
3:26 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:19 AM
by Gene
The U.N.'s lead food aid agency said yesterday it has raised the money to cover an emergency funding shortfall due to soaring world food and fuel prices, thanks in large part to a last-minute $500 million donation from Saudi Arabia. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
10:32 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:15 AM
by Gene
Dammit, whatever the bad decisions, you don't put a dead child's body in a freezer. Yes, let's change the national motto from "In God We Trust" to "Stupid Is as Stupid Does."
Posted
10:06 AM
by Gene
Friday, May 23, 2008
Posted
6:29 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:39 PM
by Gene
If they don't the strange case of the JACK VALENTI of MORTGAGES says they may fry your brains.
Posted
5:29 PM
by Gene
“Now anybody who is a good student of government would know that wasn't true. But you know, the temptation to want to win back the Congress, we sort of stretched the facts -- and people ate it up." Since when has any pol paid the price for double-crossing his constituents?
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
So God will waltz into Havana, and Tehran, and Pyongyang, and people will ooh and aah, and after His two terms are up we'll be tired again, and we'll get another incompetent who won't undo the damage, as we're almost immune to incompetence.
Posted
5:16 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:14 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:08 PM
by Gene
The only true solution, perhaps, to use Bill Bennett's well-worn gag, is shame. The thing is, you don't shame Cramermaniacs.
Posted
1:23 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:20 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:13 AM
by Gene
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Posted
7:46 PM
by Gene
When a writer for a dying newsrag, owned by a confused and decaying media conglomerate that owns a movie studio that warns the press against spoilers but puts out a trailer that's full of them for the masterpiece it's selling, goes ahead and writes about the trailer that's full of spoilers, what's a reader to do? What he already does -- SCREAM...and throw his computer out the window. A REVERSE-SYNERGY SEE-HOW-MUCH-WE-CAN-TAKE-IT NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO JAMIE...JAMES! Sorry for that convoluted sentence but these TWXSTERS think up something new every DAY.
Posted
5:49 PM
by Gene
Canadian Geographic prints "green" issue on wheat paper (Romy link) Did someone have to starve somewhere? AND: "We're very aware of our inexperience with newspapers" (Romy link) Yes but we've very aware of your experience with the turnips you call CABLE SUBSCRIBERS, Chuck. AND: Record boss wants liberal bias complaints taken seriously One down, one-thousand-four hundred odd to go.
Posted
5:45 PM
by Gene
And if we recall properly Janet Hero -- Nero -- RENO was out to "protect the children" too.
Posted
5:30 PM
by Gene
Even though he has moved on, Spielberg can still bring off Saturday-matinee cliffhangers, and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a lot more energized than the limp Last Crusade — which was his attempt to atone (as if he needed to) for making Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom too intense, too scary, too good. (Temple of Doom brought outcries from bluestocking critics and helped give birth to the PG-13 rating.) Would somebody tell this clown and his FRIEND Dick Corliss and all the other movie ad-blurbists who deserve to lose their jobs that their biz' Porky's routine isn't funny anymore? P. S. Wanna bet the ethics-intense Paper of Re-CORD never tells us how much Frank makes from his gig with the TWXSTERS?
Posted
5:26 PM
by Gene
The TERRIFIC news: WE GET THE MESSIAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
5:16 PM
by Gene
Shucks, I guess we can't quite pull a SIX-OF-ONE, but with THE LORD running we're sure as he -- HEAVEN gonna try.
Posted
1:17 PM
by Gene
If we know his distant predecessor the MAYOR he may have to work hard just to get Dubya to recognize him.
Posted
10:06 AM
by Gene
WASHINGTON (AP) -- A top Democrat signals support to promote Gen. Petraeus [SIC] Well thanks a lot! P. S. Why did it used to be AP NEWS ALERT and now it's AP NEWSALERT?
Posted
9:21 AM
by Gene
We thought Linda Douglass worked for...oh, never mind.
Posted
9:16 AM
by Gene
Wouldn't this mean 1. UBS's shares are considerably overpriced, and 2. The Great Credit Crunch isn't (WHEW!) over yet?
Posted
9:07 AM
by Gene
Come on, clowns! At least Linda Douglass showed some honesty! JERNALISTS FOR THE LORD!
Posted
9:02 AM
by Gene
Hug a Geek [John Derbyshire] Sunday is Geek Pride Day. Don't forget to buy a card for the geek you love, preferably one (one card, not one geek … although …) with lots of imbedded microelectronics. NO COMMENT.
Posted
8:50 AM
by Gene
The figures also found, overall, number of people admitted to wards in England due to their drinking has doubled in just over a decade. Hey Jihadists! The UK is yours for the taking!
Posted
8:47 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:24 AM
by Gene
And for all the smug talk of ethics we have one less reason to trust it. Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Posted
5:29 PM
by Gene
Here's a question: How's Dubya's Giveaway going to help when the T. Boone Pickenses have already eaten it up? The best-laid plans of mice....
Posted
5:24 PM
by Gene
"She [used to feel] it would be okay to wait until after the baby was born to get married," the source continues. "But her traditional side must have really kicked in." So she got married after already grown big with child! Tra-di-TIONNNNNNN -- TRADITION!
Posted
5:22 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: Burma/Myanmar's military scum will pass the luxury onto their great-great-great-great grandchildren. ASEAN chief Surin Pitsuwan also said a Myanmar cabinet minister told him that French oil giant Total SA was willing to transfer aid and equipment from French and U.S. Navy ships waiting in waters near the former Burma. OOOH! The CORRUPTION! The SMELL! The DOUGH!!!!!
Posted
5:16 PM
by Gene
I make mistakes too, but I'm ever more convinced if I made as many as the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS I could have have a lot of hits too.
Posted
5:12 PM
by Gene
Aren't two things like that almost fated to be mated?
Posted
5:10 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:56 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:19 AM
by Gene
CPDOs, C-3POs -- hey, it's only money! Right?
Posted
8:24 AM
by Gene
I guess that means a pretty nice retirement for their charges -- if they can afford it.
Posted
8:15 AM
by Gene
Which you can flush down the toilet! And one of Branson East's leading nonprofits is a shill for the card more tourists use to pay for their theme-park rides than any other. "I'll never stop paying my Visa." Don't! And never stop paying WITH Visa® -- the Official Card of Branson East™! Yep, I think it is flushable. Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Posted
5:12 PM
by Gene
I see ESPNCORP's past in MICKEYMOUSE NIXON, which is why I'm not too keen on its present or future either. And the sad thing is, he could have told the ultimate tall tale -- he was one of HISTORY'S GREAT CEOs -- but even the hacks found out.
Posted
5:03 PM
by Gene
Alter more or less has write about it or have a pretty damn good excuse why not. [SIC!!!!!] Say maybe if I could wrote the way you do Mick I could making the big bucks too! And this in a post hedded "Obama Gaffe-O-The-Day." [SIC] How about "Mickey Gaffe Every Day"?
Posted
3:50 PM
by Gene
U.S. House passes bill to sue OPEC over oil prices
Posted
2:00 PM
by Gene
![]() Which raises a question: Does award-winning starchitecture fight fire fighting?
Posted
1:55 PM
by Gene
House belatedly supports Frank Sinatra Day
Posted
11:40 AM
by Gene
Another instance of hacks doing their hard-working best to seek truth, justice, and the American way -- and they didn't even need a printing press or paper.
Posted
9:44 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:08 AM
by Gene
Good luck, Congresspoop -- and get lost!
Posted
9:02 AM
by Gene
Associated Press Stocks head to higher open after PPI report By JOE BEL BRUNO 05.20.08, 8:44 AM ET NEW YORK - Wall Street is heading for a lower opening after the Labor Department issued a report suggesting inflation on the wholesale level continues to pressure the economy. [SIC!!!!!]
Posted
8:47 AM
by Gene
NO COMMENT.
Posted
8:33 AM
by Gene
We thought these thoughts again when an ArtsJournal link got to us to this 1,743-word blah about "serious" music. It wasn't long ago that Prof. Shafer rightly blasted the hacks for goosesteppingly admiring some zillion-dollar collage fabricator, and here we must have another waste of time that skirts the obvious -- namely, that today's serious music is no good, it's no good for reasons beyond the comprehension of a music critic, that no amount of adjectives will make it better, and though Mark Swed is a decent writer this informs us yet again that cultural hacks strive too hard to be tastemakers, and strive too little to have taste. Monday, May 19, 2008
Posted
11:41 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: Al "Internet" Nobel will find another excuse -- and PILLHEAD has another excuse NOT to CLOSE HIS TRAP.
Posted
11:28 AM
by Gene
Oh, SHUT UP, Sharon. You folks started your own eviscerating and YOU'LL NEVER FESS UP. (Via a very mournful Romy)
Posted
11:26 AM
by Gene
Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!
Posted
9:51 AM
by Gene
Hello Kitty is named Japan tourism ambassador ![]() We give the edge to Hello Kitty.
Posted
9:47 AM
by Gene
By the way -- would we have had our PR period of mourning if China hadn't gone first?
Posted
9:41 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:25 AM
by Gene
Instead of the breathless action of previous films, though, this one gets draggy and repetitive in the middle, with Indy and Co. traipsing through various tombs, searching by torchlight for clues to the origin of the mysterious and powerful Crystal Skull of Akator. (What the thing is, or what it does, doesn't really matter. It is the MacGuffin, as they say. But it does look eerily like Larry King.) ![]() Crystal? DIAMOND!
Posted
9:14 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:37 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:33 AM
by Gene
Certainly it won't lose SLIME His Godhood, but if it can lose those two mouthpieces their jobs it would be quite welcome. We doubt it. Sunday, May 18, 2008
Posted
12:12 PM
by Gene
[Harvey Whiner] said screenwriters working on the stalled project over the years have sometimes tried to add bombast to the tale, like putting in battle sequences with 10,000 solders. Sorta like all the bombast for THIS WEEK'S HIT. The Weinstein name has been attached to award-winning films.... Someone's going to have to lecture Angela: CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED. That means they're good.
Posted
10:01 AM
by Gene
WRONG, WRONG, WRONG for any soldier to do this -- but you wonder why, to extirpate the crime, the hacks have yet to commit an equal and opposite WRONG, WRONG, WRONG as they always do, unless it's still early.
Posted
9:59 AM
by Gene
After a showy celebration of America’s close ties with Israel.... You running for something, Pinch?
Posted
9:54 AM
by Gene
Because Washington is built by slaves and con men.
Posted
9:51 AM
by Gene
Zeitgeist wouldn't know -- it grew up MONOPOLAR. We're not making fun of the mentally ill but dammit JonBoy and his millionaires force us to pay very close attention.
Posted
9:50 AM
by Gene
So -- China isn't quite Burma/Myanmar. Saturday, May 17, 2008
Posted
7:06 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:17 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:07 PM
by Gene
I've got an idea -- let NOBODY distribute it! That seems to be the practical effect.
Posted
1:01 PM
by Gene
Friday, May 16, 2008
Posted
8:58 PM
by Gene
Perhaps for July 4th someone can import a boatload of Little Red Books and lead us into singing "The East is Red."
Posted
5:36 PM
by Gene
I thought Gods were supposed to float serenely above it all.
Posted
5:32 PM
by Gene
Haven't we heard that ditty before? (Via TNR.com)
Posted
5:30 PM
by Gene
Sort of like all those folks who mourned the death of Louis B. Mayer, huh E. J.? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Posted
5:26 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:23 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:52 PM
by Gene
Is JACK'S ALPHABET SOUP full of botulism? P. S. Yahoo! must have algorithms that write heds -- it has little or nothing to do with another rave piece of ASSPress horsedroppings.
Posted
11:22 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:14 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:05 AM
by Gene
And we do not trust sales figures for video games any more than we trust THE CONSPIRACY'S.
Posted
9:02 AM
by Gene
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Posted
6:57 PM
by Gene
Are hard-core knee-jerk marshmallow-brained Democrats acting like idiots? Yes.
Posted
6:35 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:47 PM
by Gene
As for the former, we suspect it will stand because Californians have perfected the fine art of ennui, and as for the latter, Hollywood will still make great movies.
Posted
1:12 PM
by Gene
Not if the cable conspiracy can help it! P. S. The groups are saying the cable conspiracy is making boxes that can't be upgraded. This is one reason the boxes will never become obsolete.
Posted
8:57 AM
by Gene
The solemn tributes to Robert Rauschenberg in today's newspapers prove that you're more likely to encounter an independent mind operating in the sports pages than the arts section. Hoisting his reputation high and escorting it into paradise, critics from the Washington Post, the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago Tribune, and the Wall Street Journal write as if toeing the correct line handed down by some cultural commissar. (Emphasis added) (Via ArtsJournal)
Posted
8:44 AM
by Gene
Tyrants thumb their nose at the INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY, and laugh.
Posted
8:36 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:19 AM
by Gene
And, if this story is to be believed, for turning the other cheek 15,000 times.
Posted
8:07 AM
by Gene
Would people like MONEY HONEY® be a-list toadies if they did? Well, at least BOB NOVAK reports for HIMSELF, which is more than these scribblers can say. Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Posted
6:27 PM
by Gene
Light bulbs next! Show-biz -- NEVER!
Posted
5:12 PM
by Gene
It figures the sons of MOUTH would invent something like this. (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
That's strange; everyone else does.
Posted
5:05 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:04 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:17 PM
by Gene
Hey IVEES! Go PUBLICK! Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!
Posted
1:14 PM
by Gene
![]() Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. -- made in CHINA! Mr. Young also criticized the rendering of King. “It is huge. It looks like a dictatorship. It is not in the same spirit of Dr. King,” the artist said. What do you expect from a -- oh, never mind.
Posted
12:55 PM
by Gene
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!!!!! Hello? HELLO?!? ANYONE HOME?!?!?
Posted
9:43 AM
by Gene
DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....
Posted
8:22 AM
by Gene
At least the Hillary supporters I know seem to be aware of her more unsavory traits: that she carries a knife with her that she could pull out at any minute. Not so with Obama's fans. It's nearly impossible to get them to admit any wrong in him. Given the choice, I prefer to side with the group that knows their candidate can be a jerk, rather than the group that believes their candidate is Jesus. And note the bio directly underneath these words: Cinque Henderson is a TV writer, working on a book about Abraham Lincoln. Honest Abe could teach the Messiah a few things on Godhood.
Posted
8:16 AM
by Gene
That's okay; my search for intelligent writing on show-biz has ALWAYS been a bust.
Posted
8:13 AM
by Gene
And so would I. There's too much screaming and libel that masquerades as thought on the Web. (Via MediaBistro) Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Posted
7:45 PM
by Gene
BARACK OBAMA WON THE...ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....
Posted
7:40 PM
by Gene
To which we would argue, he has not given it up FIGURATIVELY. And he can always resume it when he starts giving the same speech over and over at half-a-million-per. In the immortal words of a rabbit, "WHAT A MAROON!"
Posted
7:35 PM
by Gene
The as-yet untitled movie is being co-financed and distributed by two small studios -- Overture Films, a subsidiary of John Malone's Liberty Media Corp, [SIC] and Paramount Vantage, an art-house label of Viacom Inc's [SIC] Paramount Pictures. Give me rewrite! The as-yet untitled movie is being co-financed and distributed by two small studios -- John Malone's Liberty Media Corp. and Viacom Inc. AN EXTREMELY-LOW-IQ NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO STEVE!
Posted
5:58 PM
by Gene
Isn't trying to be all things to all people how Ronny got into trouble before it became a permanent up stock?
Posted
5:53 PM
by Gene
I call it honesty!
Posted
5:48 PM
by Gene
European, Brazilian and Russian companies have been gradually buying the USA's steel companies. In 2005, for instance, Netherlands-based ArcelorMittal bought ISG and is now the largest steel company in the world. Russian steelmaker Evraz bought Oregon Steel Mills in 2006. More than half the nation's steel mills are owned by foreign companies, Parr says, up from 5% a decade ago. This worldwide consolidation has put the steel industry into fewer hands, and now producers, not customers, are calling the shots when it comes to the price of steel, Parr says. "It is a sellers' market right now," Richard says. Ah'm PRAAAAAYOUD t'BEEEEE uh STEELCAYYYYYYYYYN, AMERICAYYYYYYYYYYN!!!!!
Posted
5:46 PM
by Gene
Given the billions the toy-biz absconds with every year (even more as it morphs into a MOVIE BIZ) let us say we are sympathetic to neither side.
Posted
11:45 AM
by Gene
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama both pledge to spend $150 billion to clean up the environment, lower energy use, help build subways -- and in the process create 5 million so-called green-collar jobs. This ``MISSION'' will `` EXCITE THE YOUNG PEOPLE LIKE THE SPACE RACE DID IN ANOTHER GERNERATION!!!!!,'' Clinton said at an April 24 rally in Asheville, North Carolina. Obama says the new jobs he envisions will ``pay well and CAN'T BE OUTSOURCED.'' Many experts say those promises are inflated, and the employment projections overstated, because jobs will be lost as companies convert to renewable energy and reduce carbon emissions. (Overemphasis added) QED.
Posted
11:35 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:12 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:03 AM
by Gene
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!! Monday, May 12, 2008
Posted
5:07 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: Whew! Thank God we're not wasting any more money.
Posted
5:04 PM
by Gene
They're Leaving Why do women in their late 30s leave science jobs?
Posted
5:02 PM
by Gene
Now if he can get RON PAUL!!!!! as his veep...they'll scream at each other for weeks.
Posted
4:58 PM
by Gene
POLICE BRUTALITY, or police officers killed in the line of duty? Boy, isn't that a toughie?
Posted
4:55 PM
by Gene
Yes, the way the League of Nations tells Iran to hurry up stop building nukes -- with a very blunt wet noodle.
Posted
4:54 PM
by Gene
Give yourself a hand there -- Dubya!
Posted
11:58 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: The House Republican leaders ready another slogan. And we can be sure of that as the word comes from a GOP mouthpiece. "It starts with this: Washington is broken, the American people want it fixed, and Democrats in Washington have proven unable or unwilling to get the job done. Republicans will." How? Duh, I dunno.
Posted
11:37 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:35 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:34 AM
by Gene
Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!
Posted
10:20 AM
by Gene
Well, that's one way of putting it. Didn't this rag have something nice to say about North Korea? Sunday, May 11, 2008
Posted
7:37 PM
by Gene
"First, we believe that a successful Olympics is a force for peace and cooperation in this world, and we want to be a part of that. The Olympics are a unique opportunity for the world to share a single stage and a unified audience. The Olympics are a competition, but they represent a set of common values. Despite our differences, we come to the Olympics to compete fairly and peacefully. In every corner of the world, citizens root for their countries, but they often learn about others. We may like globalization or dislike it, but we must certainly agree that the more we here personal stories about each other's cultures around the world, the less likely we are to demonize them. "Second, we chose to sponsor the games because we support the world's athletes. These individuals are not politicians. They have dedicated their lives to becoming the best in the world. They are role models who illustrate the values of teamwork, discipline and a commitment to excellence. The world needs opportunities to celebrate these values. We need to show our children what is possible if we only dedicate ourselves to our dreams. "And third, we want to encourage countries such as China to be full participants in the global community. We believe that the world gains more by engaging with China and the Chinese than we do by rejecting them. If the protesters are victorious and we boycott these games, what will they have won? In fact, the very act of making Beijing a host country has created an unparalleled forum for discussing important human-rights issues. And the Chinese themselves are taking an active role in voicing their own concerns. If we turn our backs on the Olympics now, what incentive do the Chinese have to address the concerns of the protesters?" And the memory of Berlin, Munich, and a few noble idealistic athletes like Marion Jones and Bode Miller would really help that one move minds.
Posted
7:33 PM
by Gene
A report in the New York Post about Mattel's Joker action figures "flying off the shelves" at a local Toys "R" Us was pooh-poohed by retail and manufacturing executives as having ignored several key facts. For one thing, there are no known shortages of the Joker figure, they said, and if there were, they would be attributable to summer- movie toy shipments just now arriving at stores, not a lack of overall supply. SLIME! We have to correct that story -- with more HYPE!
Posted
6:32 PM
by Gene
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Posted
8:31 AM
by Gene
Stephen Weber, the president of the 36,000-student university, was kept out of the loop during much of the investigation, says Mosler. "Everyone in law enforcement felt that if the administrators knew about it, they would have put the kibosh on the whole thing," the prosecutor says. Mosler says college officials typically dread the PR nightmare that comes with news about drugs or other crime on campus. Jeez, you'd think with all the funny goings on in their professional sports programs these kollidge prezidents could just brush mere drug use off. Saturday, May 10, 2008
Posted
7:02 PM
by Gene
It is long past the time everyone involved shut up.
Posted
6:54 PM
by Gene
This is like the U. S. MINT going broke.
Posted
5:35 PM
by Gene
On the other hand: "It's hard to sell a Mercury when it looks just like a Ford that's priced at $4,000 less," said Tom Libby, an auto industry analyst at J.D. Power & Associates. There, in a nutshell, is Detroit's eulogy.
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