Posted 6:11 PM by Gene

How much of this intense public deliberation is happening in private? And since we suspect all the important biz IS happening in private, what do we gain pretending otherwise?

Posted 6:09 PM by Gene

What hath God wrought!

Shuttle Discovery blasts off carrying toilet fix

Posted 4:31 PM by Gene

Hurricane high-risk areas lose residents

We wonder how the idiot building boom affects this. Not to worry, when the next boom arrives people will come back to the shore -- to wallow in the vicarious thrill of high winds and strong surfs.

Posted 3:54 PM by Gene

AP Impact: Hurricane season outlooks of little use

Ditto, we might add, with most reporting on hurricanes -- and most reporting GENERALLY.

Posted 3:52 PM by Gene

As ever, though, a good story comes first. After all, if people want explicit sex without pesky dialogue and character development, isn't that what pornography is for? Not to mention the many shows—"The Office," "Lost" and "30 Rock," to name a few—that succeed creatively despite showing less skin than a Lands' End catalog.

We had to slog through a whole article to get to this brilliant assertion the writer could have made in the seven words he quoted from MadTV. JonBoy does not seem to realize it's even easier to suffer the consequences of driving your Web surfers to impatience than regular readers -- the surfers pay nothing, and have no allegiance. We note happily that last year Zeitgeist cut its rate base and more recently bought out over 100 employees. There's no reason it can't -- and SHOULDN'T -- do both again.

Posted 11:34 AM by Gene

We wonder that more Congresspoops haven't gotten in trouble with their personal finances; after all, they need training to get us in trouble with ours.

Posted 11:09 AM by Gene

Meantime the idiot hacks have been so absorbed in plugging a movie they've completely forgotten Burma/Myanmar, the greatest example of governmental malice since Democratic Kampuchea. Part of this is, of course, that after a while disasters are boring; and when you consider numbers in the hundreds of thousands the compassion blanks out. But the JUNTA deserves a special place in HELL for what it has done, and the WORRULLD COMMUNITY stands shoulder to shoulder in memory with Neville Chamberlain for using its supposed helplessness as an excuse for shirking its responsibility.

While he said he could not make specific policy predictions for the next administration, Gates told the annual Shangri-la conference on international security [!] that there will be "no change in our drive to temper North Korea's ambitions, a policy not possible without China's valued cooperation."

It is long past the time for Dubya to do what Gen. MacArthur's old soldier does, and just -- fade away.

Posted 10:45 AM by Gene

All right, hacks, you win again. This whole episode demonstrates the overwhelming capacity of the press to have its way. We should note, however, that fluke hits have happened before, powered by monomaniacal think-alike squadrons of true believers; thus the teenage girls and Titanic; thus the born-agains and WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!! The Jesus Slasher Movie. Both are now embarrassments. Moreover you don't go down seven percent in attendance year-to-year for nothing, and THE CONSPIRACY is excreting the same tentpoles and horror movies as before.

The only thing is now the 86,000 press agents at PEOPLE WARNER will top this with talk of sequels. Surely their enablers the idiot hacks are rubbing their hands and their wallets at the prospect of eliciting a new series on THE GREATEST TELEVISION NETWORK IN HISTORY. Isn't it enough to elect The Messiah? Can't you leave us alone for once?

(Via the table-pounding obsessive-compulsives at HSX. It provokes a cringe to remember this outfit's owned by Cantor Fitzgerald. Enough said.)

Posted 6:29 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Holding a public scolding of speculators will do as much good as suing OPEC.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

AAAAA REEEEEALLY GREAT DEEEEL on an AU-to-MOH-BEEEEEL: Today I walked down 11th Street on my way home to go shop-pin' at the A & P, passing the usual corner sidewalk vendors who soothe their souls with [C]RAP. So imagine my surprise when out of a sidewalk vendor's boom box emerged a very ac-TORish (and WHITE) voice emoting:

CREAMY CHICKEN ALFREDO!

Now CREAMY CHICKEN ALFREDO! on the radio could only come from a few places: Darden Restaurants, Unilever, Nestlé, or CONAgra. And because this was a corner vendor, and because this was likely Darden Restaurants, Unilever, Nestlé or CONAgra, and because said companies will advertise only where everybody else advertises, which is usually the same three places, that could mean only one source: DUH-BUL-YOU DEEEEEEEEEE AAAAAAAAAA SSSSSSSSSS. Many people still think it's a locally-owned black station. It's owned by CHEAP CHANNEL. CHEAP CHANNEL's headquartered eiyn Tex-AYSS. LOWSY MAYS was BORN THERE. Which got us to thinking: How many plantation owners are in his bloodline? Dere's whur mah heart iz buuuuuuuurnin' ebberrrrr....

Before I got home a SEPTA bus was advertising Grand Theft Auto IV (WE NEED IT FOR THE REVENUES!!!!!) and a talk radio station: "Intelligent Conservative Radio". Even before David Brudnoy died intelligent talk radio was an oxymoron. Earlier today on the way to a luncheon and listening to NPNTR (National Public NewsTalk Radio) I heard an annoying local interview with a father-son duo, the father being a former fillum cri-TIC who'd written a book about how watching movies with the son made him better. On the way back I heard an annoying network program predicated on the notion the Web didn't exist, in which some high Gallup mucky-muck was blurting over his polls, followed by some asinine female reportER gushing all she didn't know about THE PROMO, which was everything I already knew. I haven't listened to the radio in over a decade, and just going by today I intend never to willingly listen to it again.

P. S. from NPNTR:

...staring Sarah Jessica Parker... [SIC!]

WHO?

(Updated 5/31 at 10:25 a.m. By the way, look carefully at Lowsy's station's home page: the only admission he and his fellow car dealers own it is this:



although the name unaccountably comes up in the Terms and Conditions -- you'd think Lowsy could have come up with a cute legal name, like WDAS Holdings, Inc. or Urban Philadelphia Metropolitan Broadcasting Inc. Somebody must tell them to stop selling those rust-proofing warranties.)

Posted 2:22 PM by Gene

This ought to get every American mad: The People's Liberation Army may have caused several large U. S. blackouts in the last five years. We'd guess the Chinese would have a clean conscience about this because they can view it as a kind of corporate espionage. In light of this we'd like to ask the gloating LEGENDARY WELCHES why they gave our store away to the Chinese. Any talk about peace and harmony at THE GAMES should fly out the window and land on its false face.

And here is one story, we'd guess, the hacks will totally ignore. Yesterday we heard from Michael Crichton why the press stinks. We have one suggestion: report on stories no one is talking about while completely ignoring what everyone's talking about. Imagine a world with no WART-NOSED HORSEY FACES and FORMER PRESS SECRETARIES. Imagine a world where fifty thousand news hacks go insane. We can't imagine it.

(Via Connections)

Posted 9:23 AM by Gene

More intrepid insight from the would-be Microhoo!:

Jacko's wacko shirt
Turning 50 this year, Michael Jackson dresses age-inappropriately.

DRESSES?

Posted 9:10 AM by Gene

SLIME PRAISES THE LORD!

Is there ANYONE this bozo doesn't support?

Posted 8:57 AM by Gene

And speaking of stories we're sick and tired of, between news hacks dancing with glee and con-SER-va-tives screaming with pain, we don't want to hear any more about THIS PROMO either.

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

Elsewhere from the onion-skin skinny of the vastly depleted NEWSRAG OF RE-CORD:

Our straight, male reviewer says he's probably unqualified to critique this film, but he gives it his best shot [Home-page subhed]

God, DICK, you're more than qualified. You work for PEOPLE WARNER.

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Iran will just get a different kind of NUKEMAN.

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

The tribulations of CELEBRITIES:

Aerosmith rocker Steven Tyler says he checked into to a rehab facility earlier this month to recover from foot surgeries to repair problems caused by his stage moves.

"The doctors told me the pain in my feet could be corrected but it would require a few surgeries over time," Tyler says in a statement released Thursday. "The 'foot repair' pain was intense, greater than I'd anticipated. The months of rehabilitative care and the painful strain of physical therapy were traumatic. I really needed a safe environment to recuperate where I could shut off my phone and get back on my feet. Make no mistake, Aerosmith has no plans to stop rocking. There's a new album to record, then another tour."

According to the statement, Tyler was treated at the center after series of surgeries and post-operative physical therapy "to correct long-time foot injuries resulting from his trademark athletic performance onstage."

The statement follows reports the 60-year-old singer was being treated instead for substance abuse.

TRANSLATION: Aren't you getting too old for a boy's work?

Posted 8:13 AM by Gene

COLINETTE's most important act to date:

Condoleezza Rice meets rock band Kiss

This beats appeasing Iran and North Korea!

Barely.

Posted 8:13 PM by Gene

Meantime those ever-lovin' Brits have given Father's friends another reason to feel very smug.

Posted 8:10 PM by Gene

The hero of a radioactive "banana republic", the "Father" of Pakistan, braps:

"It doesn't bother me at all. They don't like our God, they don't like our prophet, they don't like our holy book, the Qur'an. So how could they like me?" he said.

No no, Father, you should have said, "Let's see if they like our NUKES!"

Posted 7:25 PM by Gene

More sad show-biz news: Harvey Korman, Carol Burnett's jack-of-all-trades, has died. Yes, he appeared in the sitcom Blazing Saddles, and he was that irritating character Kazoo or Gazoo or Wazoo in The Flintstones, but he was a big part of a great variety show, and Tim Conway was his immortal sidekick, so we can more than forgive him.

Posted 7:06 PM by Gene

The next time we allow The Tantrum Twins to exasperate us, or feel stuck in the rut of life, let us ponder the woman who lived in an iron lung for nearly sixty years, and somehow powered her will past it.

Posted 7:01 PM by Gene

Arguably, contemporary media has made that shift away from hard information toward free-for-all opinion and speculation. This shouldn't cost a lot, and indeed modern media peddles an inexpensive product. Most cable television "news" is just talking heads and food fights; they don't even change the heads very often—they hire regulars who appear week after week. Most newspaper reporting consists of rewritten press releases and faxes. Many reporters don't go after stories, they wait for the stories to be fed [to] them by publicists and flacks. Now if you set aside this cheap model and instead start staffing bureaus around the world, putting reporters and cameras on the ground, assembling smart teams to do real investigative work in business, high tech, and so on, that costs a lot of money. I remain convinced that plenty of people would pay for a good news service—who stayed with a daisy wheel printer once laser printers arrived? We didn't know we wanted laser printers, as we didn't know we wanted digital cameras, but it turns out we did. In any case, what we are now being fed as news is repetitive, simplistic, and insulting.

On the mark again...and again...and again!

(Revised at 8:30 p.m.)

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

And despite the glee B. S. DEFENDER must have being the founding honorary chairman of the committee that's PROMOING THE PROMO, some very BAD news: DELL, the most EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL company in the world, may be COMING BACK!

Does anyone pay attention to his three-ring flea circus anymore?

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

The same people who are jumping-up-and-down-screaming hot about THE PROMO OF THE YEAR are supposedly ice-cold toward The Messiah.

Aren't PROMO and The Lord made by PEOPLE WARNER?

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

McCain, not Clinton, got negative coverage

Can anyone doubt the press is unbiased?

BUT:

The study notes, however, that while "public perceptions of McCain and Obama ... largely tracked with the tenor of the press coverage’s major narrative themes," with Clinton, "the public seemed to have developed opinions about her that ran counter to the media coverage, perhaps based on a pre-existing negative disposition to her that unfolded over the course of the campaign."

TRANSLATION: Slowly but surely, we're tired of marching with Hitler.

Posted 3:22 PM by Gene

We mentioned yesterday that certain creative types who did their work frequently and well might be thought of as hacks -- were thought of as hacks when they did the work. Now our pop-culTYURE stinks so roundly they're geniuses. That should not make us scorn them at all. We had not heard of Joseph Pevney before today, but we had heard of Alexander Courage, largely from his work at MGM. That they're both tied together by Star Trek and a virtuous industry indicates a time when show-biz types weren't afraid to be prolific, because they could be prolific and decent. Now they're just indecent, whatever their frequency.



But then we'd rather work with Cyd Charisse (or Rock Hudson) than one of WOODSTER THE PERV's airheads -- and both did.

Posted 2:55 PM by Gene

Senator Barack Obama emerged as Europe's favourite candidate for America’s presidency today when a poll conducted for Telegraph.co.uk gave him 52 per cent support across five of the world’s richest nations, including Britain.

Hey PINCH! I've got an idea! Maybe now's the time when we can merge us and Europe, then we could all vote together and...oh, never mind.

We wonder if AMERICAN news hacks aren't the only ones brazenly trying to prove their irrelevance.

Posted 12:13 PM by Gene

You auditioning for a gig with THE GREATEST INTERVIEWER OF ALL TIME?

Posted 12:10 PM by Gene

We should be ashamed of ourselves for feeling this way, but nothing quite so bolsters one's spirit as a messy show-biz divorce.

Posted 11:16 AM by Gene

What it's like to be multiracial in America

A lot better than it used to be, certain tantrum throwers notwithstanding.

Posted 8:59 AM by Gene

Elsewhere in the West Coast land of genius, Hasbro is producing a Ouija-board movie!

Our Ouija board tells us it will stink, get rave reviews and make zillions.

Posted 8:53 AM by Gene

Elsewhere the Big V tells us Branson East had a terrif season -- $937.5 MILLION!!!!!

Think of our GDP and you'll see how important Branson East's theme parks are.

P. S. at 5:30 p.m. OoooooOOOOOOooooooh, the Big V sorta fibbed. Well what's a few hundred million among friends?

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

Eddie Murphy back in 'Beverly Hills'
Brett Ratner negotiating to direct 4th 'Cop' film

TRANSLATION: Hollywood is an old actors' nursing home.

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

Scott McClellan appeared a few moments ago on the Today Show. He said there were "two defining moments" that caused him to grow "increasingly disillusioned" at the White House. Both had to do with the Valerie Plame Wilson affair....

TRANSLATION: We can ignore this ghosted scribble too.

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

Kurtz's interview with Dozier on CNN raises ethical questions [The usual Romy link]

Since WHEN?

Posted 8:39 AM by Gene

Alas, being St. Warren of Buffett JR. isn't what it used to be.

Now when does this lower-case He close his stores and sell the real-estate -- His intent all along?

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

How Pelosi tends a more divergent flock
8:32 a.m. ET · House speaker's skills are being tested by Democrats' greater ideological diversity � a challenge that will intensify if the party picks up more seats in November. [SIC!!!!!]

TRANSLATION: Are the hacks pulling another one?

Posted 6:00 PM by Gene

Having to live through what has become a NATIONAL PROMO, we can only hope more outfits like GanNETt pay a heavy price for so indulging themselves.

Posted 5:47 PM by Gene

Shucks, the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL John Bolton, who narrowly escaped a NOBLE CITIZENS' ARREST at the hands of The GUARDIAN, admits a military strike against Iran would be a "last resort". But doesn't he overestimate the worth of an "alternative", as no alternative seems to exist?

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

We would like to think a young black bear, tired of foraging in Rhode Island, hopped a freight train to stay at the Hard Rock Hotel in Orlando, but this surely would be too much imagining.

Would it?

Posted 10:02 AM by Gene

The organisers of the London Olympics are planning to pass on more than just the Olympic flag to the next host city when the games end in September 2012. Senior officials have opened talks with Chicago, one of the early favourites to host the 2016 games, which could result in the bulk of London's main stadium being dismantled, boxed-up and shipped across the Atlantic to be rebuilt.

The Guardian has learned that 55,000 seats from London's 80,000-seat arena could be transported to Washington Park in the Illinois city and used to enlarge a planned, 7,500-capacity community arena into Chicago's main Olympic stadium.

Which, if we know the Windy City's GUVMENT, should triple the cost over brand-new.

(Via ArtsJournal)

Posted 9:44 AM by Gene

Rather, the intel community appears to have (once again) fallen victim to poorly researched open source news reporting.

Being MS. TRAVERS means never having to say you're sorry.

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

Elsewhere from The Cute Little Pink Paper that inflicted genius upon us, Honorary Mayor Mike is a debt hog?

He won't have to pay for it.

Posted 9:27 AM by Gene

Now you know networks are hurting: Reality-show budgets are being cut.

You mean The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers can't be the answer -- as usual?

Posted 9:19 AM by Gene

GE to cut water usage by 20 percent

Which, if we know Little Jeffy, means waterless urinals that don't work, but hey, we're saving the world!

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

Grief Turns to Rage at Chinese Officials

For which the Chinese officials have an easy answer: mass executions.

Posted 9:12 AM by Gene

Speaking of parody, James/Jamie suggests one of the Tantrum Twins is reaching that point, further proof when you rely on the TWXSTERS for opinion, you're WAY behind the curve.

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

[T]here's no escaping the fact that the movie is a chick flick with strong appeal among an older femme demo but questionable interest among others. All the magazine coverage in the world -- 63 pages in the May 23 edition of Entertainment Weekly alone [!!!!!!!!!!] -- and "Sex and the City" TV marathons haven't really moved the needle among men, many of whom suggest they'd rather be shot than sit through the movie.

Who needs men? Pfffffffffffffffft!!!!!

AND A SPECIAL HONORARY HIGHLY SYNERGISTIC NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO B. S. DEFENDER, A MAN WHO IS NEEDED! PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!

P. S.

There’s nothing wrong with Sarah Jessica Parker that couldn’t be cured by wart-removal surgery. That growth on her face just gets bigger with every close-up, and in the full-length movie version of Sex and the City it’s so distracting you can’t concentrate on anything else. It’s not a beauty mark. I guess you can’t tell a co-producer anything, but listen up, girl. At this point, you would make a wonderful Halloween witch. Unfortunately, to fix all the things wrong with Sex and the City, you need more than a scalpel. [OPENING GRAF]

But even Rex admits he's a man.

Posted 7:34 PM by Gene

Katie Couric's "major announcement" that Matt Lauer teased on Tuesday morning's Today is a three-network cancer fund-raiser planned for September.

We'd like to say "Shut up, Matt" but you don't tell someone to shut up on that salary.

Posted 7:22 PM by Gene

Speaking of Illinois, here's a question for The Messiah (whose precinct now includes Havana): What do You think of NO SNITCHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

(Second link via the usual Romy, who himself ponders why Howie Hairshirt didn't take a buyout. Gooooooooooood question!)

Posted 7:19 PM by Gene

A story like this makes us realize, in a just world, Mike Royko would have been immortal.

Posted 7:01 PM by Gene

Goody! "Richie Mitch" McConnell is trailing his race in Kentucky!

He'll win just by reminding his friends of a few FAVOR$, but for now, we can chuckle.

P. S. There is no reason Boobs McKeating can't win while the Republicans lose Congress in a landslide.

Posted 6:40 PM by Gene

A doubly-sad day in show-biz: Earle Hagen, the prolific composer of easy-to-remember TV theme songs like Andy Griffith's and Dick Van Dyke's, has died. Someone like that may very superficially fit the dictionary definition of a hack, but to be able to get the millions humming your tunes day in and day out, to do it consistently for years, is no hack work.

Posted 6:35 PM by Gene

What's news about a White House press secretary being kept out of the loop?

Posted 5:56 PM by Gene

Russia won't give China oil? Isn't that the patriotic thing to do? Isn't that the stick-it-to-Uncle-Sam thing to do?

Maybe it's afraid to do it as Russia wouldn't be much without oil.

Posted 5:53 PM by Gene

How about this prospect: a SECOND Bear Stearns! And why? It's got...CDOs!

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! Time to open our -- YOUR checkbook again!

Posted 5:44 PM by Gene

Zbig has become the James "Craven" Baker of the left: Not only does he suggest we talk talk talk with Iran -- but if we talk talk talk with Iran whimperingly enough they'll let us in on their delicious oil hoard!

And what did YOUR boss do to improve relations with Iran...ZBIG?

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

Only in America could the Web's fifteen seconds of fame cost $150,000 in property damages.

Hope they can smuggle some spray paint in your cell, Cyrus. You're going to be there awhile.

The Internet, whether it's YouTube or social networking sites, is helping fuel a new explosion in graffiti tagging, albeit with editing and soundtracks. But investigators say it also is helping them build better cases against the vandals.

Again, criminals is stupid.

And so are the six-digit nose-in-the-airs who call this AHT.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

Hmmm, the DWIGHTS and CRAMERMANIACS and other assorted borderline-psychopaths FINALLY had an impact, so FINALLY it's time to TAKE PROFITS.

FOR NOW.

Where are the Gekko Kudlows to defend unlimited speculation?

Posted 1:44 PM by Gene

Revised Title Information for Tonight's 'Dan Rather Reports'

Did he forget a superscript?

Posted 1:40 PM by Gene

Does China building itself nuclear reactors count as good news or bad news?

Posted 1:37 PM by Gene

We are sorry to learn Peter Carlson has taken a ST. WARREN buyout and will no longer make fun of magazines for the WaPost, one less reason to read newspapers, and we're soon getting into negative territory.

(Via NRO)

Posted 1:05 PM by Gene

"Gather round while I sing you of Wernher von Braun...." We forget a lot of Nazis helped us win the space race, and as the sordid tale of the great rocket scientist informs us not all of them were honorable. But at least some like Ernst Stuhlinger did have second thoughts:

In a 1995 article for The Huntsville Times, Stuhlinger called the Nazi era "extremely deplorable" and said he and other German rocket engineers were working with an eye toward spaceflight, not weapons, at the end of the war.

"Yes, we did work on improved guidance systems, but late in 1944 we were convinced that the war would be over before new systems could be used on military rockets. However, we were convinced that somehow our work would find application in future rockets that would not aim at London, but at the moon," Stuhlinger wrote.

It might be easy to dismiss these German eggheads for apologizing after the fact, but in the end they did win us a signal victory over Communism, a victory Hitler with his brute force of evil could never achieve.

Posted 12:59 PM by Gene

Dewsbury murder: Killing of Amar Aslam may have been filmed by gang [sic]

It is not enough for certain criminals to be evil -- they must be stupid too.

Posted 12:43 PM by Gene

Looking over Sydney Pollack's record -- and we're unfamiliar with his films except for their reps -- we'd guess his best work was middlebrow, commercial, made by an adult for adults, and entertaining, a Stanley Kramer without the message. He was, as the Big V puts it, "a competent and dependable filmmaker." That would seem a minimum for Hollywood, but in the last two decades the cultural rat-trap on the Pacific hasn't even climbed to that minimum, extruding theme parks and grotesqueries, and forgetting there was a time, as Pollack himself would probably acknowledge, that the movie biz worked for grownups, a time now hopelessly in the past.

Posted 3:24 PM by Gene

Nuclear Agency Says That Iran Continues to Defy Demands

So?

Posted 11:00 AM by Gene

Every two or three months a hack, to convince us that yes, his breed can think, types another piece saying The Lord Goddess Oprah's "declining". We've seen these declines before, and every time She thought up a new scheme, and Her name bounced back more cloyingly mawkishly inescapable than before. Well, we can convince ourselves that when She finally does vanish from the public record in, oh, thirty years, it will be complete and irreversible, with only the memories of JAMES FREY and THE COUCH JUMPER to remind us of what a cultural lead weight She was.

Posted 10:36 AM by Gene

"WE MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT IF PEOPLE ARE SQUAWKING ON BOTH SIDES OF THE AISLE!!!!!" (Little-Jeffy-root-root-root-for-the-home-team overemphasis added)

Or maybe you're such flat-out incompetents you could be doing something wrong -- but wrong never happens in the magical world of GE BANCORP AND REALTY.

Nor would such a thought occur in the magical ASSPress world of David "300" Bauder.

Posted 10:11 AM by Gene

U. N. Chief Hopes Myanmar Keeps Promises [Home-page teaser]

TRANSLATION: Please, please, junta of Burma/Myanmar, let the aid through! We promise we won't say a word about your oppressive regime. In fact, we love oppressive regimes. Please let the aid through. PLEASE!

Posted 10:09 AM by Gene

"I am SLOW!," Patrick protested over her in-car radio with about 60 laps left. "I am DAMN SLOW!"

I guess because we are a sainted hero to news hacks means we can say, or do, just about anything. "Rev." Al knows this. So does Danica.

Posted 4:27 PM by Gene

MORE ANCIENT HISTORY FROM THE TWXSTERS, as in re the provenance of LUKE SPIELBERG's ideas:



Swashbuckling Hero: 1958
Humphrey Bogart stars in The Treasure of Sierra Madre. The weapon is different, but the hat is the same. [DOUBLE SIC!!!!!]

When will someone teach these TWXSTERS they own the copyright?

Posted 4:09 PM by Gene

Speaking of comedians, if it's Sunday it's gotta be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:

1. "Consumers hate advertising," Mr. Gilbreath wrote in a preamble for a WPP Digital-backed discussion group last year. "Meanwhile, consumers hate us -- the marketers and advertisers who invent new ways to spam them online and offline. The result: CMO and agency turnover is rising dramatically, and advertisers are ranked below lawyers in terms of public respect."

So WHY, Mr. Gilbreath, is the AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS spending MORE MONEY on ADVERTISING than EVER -- and MORE MONEY ON JUNK TELEVISION?!?!?

In fairness the article does cite a few promising ideas for breaking away from the usual middle-finger-in-the-face menu -- but these are pennies compared to the BILLIONS FOR JUNK TELEVISION.

2. Meantime one company learns just how ESSENTIAL financing JUNK TV is:

TV Ads 'a Waste of Money' for the Back-in-Black Gap

...Marketing expenditure at Gap Inc. was trimmed 18% during the quarter, driven by the absence of TV ads for the Gap brand, company executives said. That contributed to a 40% jump in profits at Gap Inc., compared to the same period a year ago.

Okay, same-store sales were down. But how much higher would they have been with JUNK TV? Gap seems to have answered this question.

3. And speaking of wastes of money: American Airlines wasted money on PR for its baggage fee. Why not just conduct all your biz from a bunker, guys? You act that way.

Posted 4:02 PM by Gene

Speaking of ever since the Fantasy and Profanity League strike ended we have heard not a sound about the cancer-curative powers of the EDWARD R. MURROW and ERIC SEVAREID of COMEDY. Isn't it time to invoke their holy names again? Or do we have a new and better teller of truth in THE MESSIAH?

Posted 4:01 PM by Gene

Somebody writing under Jut-Jaw Jay's name groans:

I used to be able to identify any American car from 25 yards. Now they all have this jellybean look.

We don't know a good retort to that -- or maybe we do.

Posted 10:00 AM by Gene

What gets us mad about this story is that we've been told for decades we had no future in manufacturing. Now thanks in considerable measure to Cramermaniacs and their insane financial alchemy that made every metal platinum we're back in business, albeit employing maybe two more people than ten years ago. The great deindustrialization of America was based in no small part on corporate malevolence, on LEGENDARY WELCHES who hated the little guy, and now that we've thoroughly deindustrialized we're discovering we need industry again. This is why we rage when news hacks turn ST. WARRENS into GODS and CEOs into the stuff of myth; they blind our leaders to our needs in the fierce shine of their admiration. And this is why we doubly hate our governing superiors and their obsessions with GAMING, convention and stadium Taj Mahals and the AHTS.

Posted 9:53 AM by Gene

YESTERDAY:

The United States is already in a recession and it will be longer as well as deeper than many people expect, U.S. investor Warren Buffett said in an interview published in German magazine Der Spiegel on Saturday.

He said the United States was "already in recession" and added: "Perhaps not in the sense that economists would define it" with two consecutive quarters of negative growth.

"But the people are already feeling the effects," said Buffett, the world's richest man. "It will be deeper and last longer than many think."

TODAY:

Buffett, dubbed the world's richest person by Forbes magazine, said he believed the situation in financial markets would not deteriorate further.

"I don't think the situation will get worse in financial markets. General conditions in the business world will get worse, but it will only last a while," he said, adding he had no idea when an upturn would come.

Which is it, O holy multitongued megazillioned ST. WARREN OF BUFFETT?

Posted 11:28 PM by Gene

Does anyone here remember Dick Martin (on the right)? Oh yes, part of a comedy team with Dan Rowan (on the left), who went from Vegas to Laugh-In, an aggressively unfunny Hellzapoppin-style series famed for its stupid catchphrases (i.e., "Sock it to me", which turned the benighted Judy Carne into a national punching bag) and for introducing such supposed immortals as Goldie Hawn and Lily Tomlin (and such genuinely talented types as Arte Johnson [center], who spent too much of the rest of his career in voiceovers), and for electing their friend Tricky Dick president. He died tonight, twenty years after his partner, and to think that he was 86 makes us cringe at how much older we've grown.

Posted 3:26 PM by Gene

It would appear that, despite THE EXHUMATION OF INDIANA JONES or whatever it's called, this will be another down weekend for the popcorn restaurants, which means if it keeps up we'll get myriad excuses from PAUL DRECK and company. First excuse: the economy. We thought your biz was recession-proof! Second excuse: the price of popcorn. Since when have people blanched at $10 Hershey bars? Third excuse: the marketing isn't working. You mean spending three-fourth's of a movie's budget on advertising may not be enough? We'll skip over the fourth, fifth and sixth excuses for the seventh excuse, issued so very apologetically: maybe the movies aren't that good. Aren't you forgetting? The warm bodies you hold in such contempt are supposed to see ANYTHING.

Posted 11:19 AM by Gene

Touching charity:

The U.N.'s lead food aid agency said yesterday it has raised the money to cover an emergency funding shortfall due to soaring world food and fuel prices, thanks in large part to a last-minute $500 million donation from Saudi Arabia.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 10:32 AM by Gene

If THE GREATEST ACTOR-TURNED-DIRECTOR OF ALL TIME and Woodster the Perv keep making movies for Cannes it might be "underwhelming".

Posted 10:15 AM by Gene

Devin may have died of natural causes, such as Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, and the couple then made bad decisions about what to do with his body.

Dammit, whatever the bad decisions, you don't put a dead child's body in a freezer.

Yes, let's change the national motto from "In God We Trust" to "Stupid Is as Stupid Does."

Posted 10:06 AM by Gene

Upon second thought we believe The Messiah's appointment of Linda "What Bias?" Douglass as His campaign spokesman is a brilliant thing; she can readily coordinate the Word of ...uh, the message with her fellow news hacks. If God's every decision is as brilliant as this one maybe He'll be a good president after all.

Posted 6:29 PM by Gene

Well, one could thing will come from all this Cramerizing -- an end to showoffy, unnecessary corporate junketing.

Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

Can Indoor Tanning's Rays Kill?



If they don't the strange case of the JACK VALENTI of MORTGAGES says they may fry your brains.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

"We really in this last election - when I say we, the Democrats -- I think pushed it as far as we can, the envelope. Didn't say it, but we implied it -- that we, if we won the Congressional elections, we could stop the war,” Kanjorski said in the video.

“Now anybody who is a good student of government would know that wasn't true. But you know, the temptation to want to win back the Congress, we sort of stretched the facts -- and people ate it up."

Since when has any pol paid the price for double-crossing his constituents?

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

Creating a P & G of beers may not win the Nobel Prize in Economics.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

The Messiah will become president for the same reason SUPER CHICKEN! and TONY! came into office -- the voters are just tired, and they figure, let's try something new, let's try anything new, even if the new would come across from a Bernie Sanders as another furious crackpot tantrum. But we can't go on being tired and hope our successive leaders won't be. We've had twenty years of tired.

So God will waltz into Havana, and Tehran, and Pyongyang, and people will ooh and aah, and after His two terms are up we'll be tired again, and we'll get another incompetent who won't undo the damage, as we're almost immune to incompetence.

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

Stupid is as stupid does is just another way of saying anybody can be president.

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

And the little boys on Wall Street haven't stopped playing their games. The difference between today's Malefactors of Great Wealth and yesterday's is you could fit a thousand of today's on a carbuncle of J. Pierpont Morgan's nose.

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

We wonder at what point trading in things like commodities acquires the same moral reek as trading in tobacco stocks. Tobacco companies deal in pain and death. So do the Cramermaniacs. They live in their own small super-rich Gekko Kudlowish worlds where the Golden Rule is a Commie plot. To be sure, however, we cannot trust the idiots in the Insane Asylum on Capitol Hill to fix this fix. Democrats want conservation but not exploration. Republicans want exploration and not conservation. Democrats believe in regulating the markets to within an inch of their lives. Republicans believe in no regulation. Democrats and Republicans believe in throwing our money at the Lobbyists' Plaything of the Moment. The respective knee-jerk lockstep sieg-heil KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH!ing only points to more conflict, and means a solution, if a solution there is, is impossible, even if one were possible in the first place.

The only true solution, perhaps, to use Bill Bennett's well-worn gag, is shame. The thing is, you don't shame Cramermaniacs.

Posted 1:23 PM by Gene

Every time I read some typist suggesting Honorary Mayor Mike for a more important job, I think, what's in it for you?

Posted 10:20 AM by Gene

DWIGHTS and pension funds and Cramermaniacs are determined to bring the world economy to a halt. You can't really fault American Airlines then for sticking a first-piece-of-checked-baggage charge on its price. The airline biz doesn't give a damn what it does; heck we wonder that, being so indifferent, it still manages to fly planes.

Posted 10:13 AM by Gene

The Burmese/Myanmarese scum figures heck, enough people have died, we can let them in.

Posted 7:46 PM by Gene

Spoiler alert! When a movie studio warns the press against spoilers but puts out a trailer that's full of them, what's a critic to do? [Home-page tease]

When a writer for a dying newsrag, owned by a confused and decaying media conglomerate that owns a movie studio that warns the press against spoilers but puts out a trailer that's full of them for the masterpiece it's selling, goes ahead and writes about the trailer that's full of spoilers, what's a reader to do?

What he already does -- SCREAM...and throw his computer out the window.

A REVERSE-SYNERGY SEE-HOW-MUCH-WE-CAN-TAKE-IT NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO JAMIE...JAMES!

Sorry for that convoluted sentence but these TWXSTERS think up something new every DAY.

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

Three great heds from Romy:

Canadian Geographic prints "green" issue on wheat paper (Romy link)

Did someone have to starve somewhere?

AND:

"We're very aware of our inexperience with newspapers" (Romy link)

Yes but we've very aware of your experience with the turnips you call CABLE SUBSCRIBERS, Chuck.

AND:

Record boss wants liberal bias complaints taken seriously

One down, one-thousand-four hundred odd to go.

Posted 5:45 PM by Gene

It is becoming increasingly obvious the one main difference between this and Waco is that at least there wasn't a homicidal maniac with explosives involved. That and this clan dressed better.

And if we recall properly Janet Hero -- Nero -- RENO was out to "protect the children" too.

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

Effete Edelstein's joints creak as he raises his nose:

Even though he has moved on, Spielberg can still bring off Saturday-matinee cliffhangers, and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a lot more energized than the limp Last Crusade — which was his attempt to atone (as if he needed to) for making Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom too intense, too scary, too good. (Temple of Doom brought outcries from bluestocking critics and helped give birth to the PG-13 rating.)

Would somebody tell this clown and his FRIEND Dick Corliss and all the other movie ad-blurbists who deserve to lose their jobs that their biz' Porky's routine isn't funny anymore?

P. S. Wanna bet the ethics-intense Paper of Re-CORD never tells us how much Frank makes from his gig with the TWXSTERS?

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

The bad news: Teddy can't come to our graduation.

The TERRIFIC news: WE GET THE MESSIAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

McCain rejects, denounces Hagee

Shucks, I guess we can't quite pull a SIX-OF-ONE, but with THE LORD running we're sure as he -- HEAVEN gonna try.

Posted 1:17 PM by Gene

HUD nominee promises to work hard

If we know his distant predecessor the MAYOR he may have to work hard just to get Dubya to recognize him.

Posted 10:06 AM by Gene

AP NEWSALERT!!!!!

WASHINGTON (AP) -- A top Democrat signals support to promote Gen. Petraeus [SIC]

Well thanks a lot!

P. S. Why did it used to be AP NEWS ALERT and now it's AP NEWSALERT?

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

McCain Pastor: Islam Is a 'Conspiracy of Spiritual Evil'

We thought Linda Douglass worked for...oh, never mind.

Posted 9:16 AM by Gene

UBS AG said Thursday that it would raise $15.5 billion in a rights issue at a 31 percent discount below the current share price.

Wouldn't this mean 1. UBS's shares are considerably overpriced, and 2. The Great Credit Crunch isn't (WHEW!) over yet?

Posted 9:07 AM by Gene

The new CW is The Messiah's problems with whites are overstated because most of the bigots live in Appalachia.

Come on, clowns! At least Linda Douglass showed some honesty! JERNALISTS FOR THE LORD!

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

Figures:

Hug a Geek [John Derbyshire]
Sunday is Geek Pride Day. Don't forget to buy a card for the geek you love, preferably one (one card, not one geek … although …) with lots of imbedded microelectronics.

NO COMMENT.

Posted 8:55 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The GOP needs a good dose of PROGRESSIVE CONSERVATISM.

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

The equivalent of almost 100 children a week ended up in hospital because of their drinking in 2006/7, according to data from the National Health Service.

The figures also found, overall, number of people admitted to wards in England due to their drinking has doubled in just over a decade.

Hey Jihadists! The UK is yours for the taking!

Posted 8:47 AM by Gene

This glitch merely delays the inevitable wading in dough, but it further demonstrates why Congress is beneath contempt.

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

What was once unofficial now becomes official: The Paper of Re-CORD is the Paper of HBO.

And for all the smug talk of ethics we have one less reason to trust it.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

Few answers as taxpayers await checks

Here's a question: How's Dubya's Giveaway going to help when the T. Boone Pickenses have already eaten it up?

The best-laid plans of mice....

Posted 5:24 PM by Gene

We are sorry to hear that Jessica Alba has married, but we are happy to know she isn't that talented.

"She [used to feel] it would be okay to wait until after the baby was born to get married," the source continues. "But her traditional side must have really kicked in."

So she got married after already grown big with child! Tra-di-TIONNNNNNN -- TRADITION!

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

Cyclone-hit Myanmar seeks $11 bln in aid -ASEAN

TRANSLATION: Burma/Myanmar's military scum will pass the luxury onto their great-great-great-great grandchildren.

ASEAN chief Surin Pitsuwan also said a Myanmar cabinet minister told him that French oil giant Total SA was willing to transfer aid and equipment from French and U.S. Navy ships waiting in waters near the former Burma.

OOOH! The CORRUPTION! The SMELL! The DOUGH!!!!!

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

Obama Didn't Always Think Iran Was a "Tiny" Country the Didn't Pose a "Serious Threat to Us" [Andy McCarthy] [SIC!!!!!]

I make mistakes too, but I'm ever more convinced if I made as many as the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS I could have have a lot of hits too.

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

1. Most California puhblik skools are rated excellent. 2. Most students in California puhblik skools do worse as they get older.

Aren't two things like that almost fated to be mated?

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

We know that Hillary has LOST the nomination, but since the polls show most Democrats want her to fight on, why not? And PILLHEADS who think a long fight will help their "cause" may have another think coming.

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

With all due respect to Sen. Kennedy, whose illness we hope is not as severe as everyone seems to say, and that we further hope might even heal itself better with a dose of Kennedy vigah, when Congresspoops RUSH pieces of -- legislation they usually RUSH their most cherished law of all: the Law of Unintended Consequences. But Congresspoops never stop to think of their actions because they can't think.

Posted 11:19 AM by Gene

Moody's Probes Ratings After Report Computer Bug Gave Aaa Grades to CPDOs

CPDOs, C-3POs -- hey, it's only money! Right?

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

Pension funds are speculating too?!?!?

I guess that means a pretty nice retirement for their charges -- if they can afford it.

Posted 8:15 AM by Gene

SUDDENLY, NEW CREATIVITY IN AMERICAN MUSICAL THEATRE!!!!! (ArtsJournal link; creative overemphasis added)

Which you can flush down the toilet!

And one of Branson East's leading nonprofits is a shill for the card more tourists use to pay for their theme-park rides than any other. "I'll never stop paying my Visa." Don't! And never stop paying WITH Visa® -- the Official Card of Branson East™!

Yep, I think it is flushable.

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

Michael Eisner Sees Web's Future in Storytelling

I see ESPNCORP's past in MICKEYMOUSE NIXON, which is why I'm not too keen on its present or future either.

And the sad thing is, he could have told the ultimate tall tale -- he was one of HISTORY'S GREAT CEOs -- but even the hacks found out.

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

At this point, Mick, I see no difference between you and Jonny Alter, except you're both very big in MMMMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMMMMMM, and both very full of it.

Alter more or less has write about it or have a pretty damn good excuse why not. [SIC!!!!!]

Say maybe if I could wrote the way you do Mick I could making the big bucks too!

And this in a post hedded "Obama Gaffe-O-The-Day." [SIC] How about "Mickey Gaffe Every Day"?

Posted 3:50 PM by Gene

Congresspoops do the public still another favor:

U.S. House passes bill to sue OPEC over oil prices

Posted 2:00 PM by Gene

Which raises a question: Does award-winning starchitecture fight fire fighting?

Posted 1:55 PM by Gene

Congresspoops do the public another favor:

House belatedly supports Frank Sinatra Day

Posted 11:40 AM by Gene

CW of the moment is that Boobs McKeating won't look good on HD.

Another instance of hacks doing their hard-working best to seek truth, justice, and the American way -- and they didn't even need a printing press or paper.

Posted 9:44 AM by Gene

SaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaay, if DWIGHTS keep driving the price of oil up and up, they may have to do their speculating in a cave!

Posted 9:17 AM by Gene

Iran may spark nuclear weapons race

REALLY?!?

Posted 9:08 AM by Gene

Oh, Rep. Schmuck has decided not to seek reelection, but he likes the job too much to resign outright.

Good luck, Congresspoop -- and get lost!

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

More outstanding news gathering:

Associated Press
Stocks head to higher open after PPI report
By JOE BEL BRUNO 05.20.08, 8:44 AM ET

NEW YORK - Wall Street is heading for a lower opening after the Labor Department issued a report suggesting inflation on the wholesale level continues to pressure the economy.

[SIC!!!!!]

Posted 8:47 AM by Gene

Where Have Balance and Civility in the Media Gone? (HuffPo) (MediaBistro link)

NO COMMENT.

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

This morning we were thinking of all the news hacks who have jobs who don't deserve them. We were thinking of their constant excuses for poor behavior -- like Sharon's, positing (or rather, depositing) that these folks are busy fighting for truth, justice and the American way and thus have carte blanche to be news hacks. We got to thinking of all the mistakes they make omitting and committing, how set they are in their ways, how many of them make fabulous sums for parroting the conventional wisdom, how they spend less time exposing corruption than plugging Harrison Ford, and we thought again, this business deserves to be punished, and punished hard.

We thought these thoughts again when an ArtsJournal link got to us to this 1,743-word blah about "serious" music. It wasn't long ago that Prof. Shafer rightly blasted the hacks for goosesteppingly admiring some zillion-dollar collage fabricator, and here we must have another waste of time that skirts the obvious -- namely, that today's serious music is no good, it's no good for reasons beyond the comprehension of a music critic, that no amount of adjectives will make it better, and though Mark Swed is a decent writer this informs us yet again that cultural hacks strive too hard to be tastemakers, and strive too little to have taste.

Posted 11:41 AM by Gene

Top weather experts: Global warming means fewer hurricanes (Home-page link)

TRANSLATION: Al "Internet" Nobel will find another excuse -- and PILLHEAD has another excuse NOT to CLOSE HIS TRAP.

Posted 11:28 AM by Gene

MAKE NO MISTAKE; WE ARE EVISCERATING THE HEART OF THE INSTITUTIONS THAT ACT AS OUR WATCHDOGS TO REPUBLI -- POWER!!!!! (Watchdog-growling overemphasis and extra word added)

Oh, SHUT UP, Sharon. You folks started your own eviscerating and YOU'LL NEVER FESS UP.

(Via a very mournful Romy)

Posted 11:26 AM by Gene

ETHANOL claims another victim: THE POPCORN RESTAURANTS!

Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!

Posted 10:22 AM by Gene

Would you use an elevator in the New York subway?

Posted 10:20 AM by Gene

The last taboo remains taboo.

Posted 10:17 AM by Gene

New Watergate book says John Dean ordered break-in

So?

Posted 9:51 AM by Gene

In other absurd PR from Asia:

Hello Kitty is named Japan tourism ambassador



We give the edge to Hello Kitty.

Posted 9:47 AM by Gene

The nice thing about Burma/Myanmar finally staging a PR period of mourning is that it will have plenty more people to mourn over.

By the way -- would we have had our PR period of mourning if China hadn't gone first?

Posted 9:41 AM by Gene

I'm not sure camoflauge beer cans are such a good idea -- given the aim of some hunters.

Posted 9:25 AM by Gene

LUKE SPIELBERG OUTDO THEMSELVES [SIC]:

Instead of the breathless action of previous films, though, this one gets draggy and repetitive in the middle, with Indy and Co. traipsing through various tombs, searching by torchlight for clues to the origin of the mysterious and powerful Crystal Skull of Akator. (What the thing is, or what it does, doesn't really matter. It is the MacGuffin, as they say. But it does look eerily like Larry King.)



Crystal? DIAMOND!

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

Two things our local Daily Babbitt talks up to no end: real estate and thea-TAH. Despite one of our local houses being dark for months and an attempt to renovate another on hold for several more years the Bab can boast of our "booming theater scene" and all the tourist guides and roustabouts we export to Branson East's theme parks. It isn't enough for guvment "leaders" to talk up the AHTS to the detriment of better industry; the idiot hacks must join in the ruse, condemning untold numbers to wage-slave jobs -- in the city proper AND the thea-TAH community.

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

Someone wants to revive Queen for a Day, which sounds almost quaint as The Goddess Oprah is queen every day.

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

As a rule we do not link to stories of Howie Hairshirt's, as he's the world's busiest and richest media apologist, but we couldn't help linking to this one as two arrogant deafening mouthpieces of two huge despicable media corporations have intensified a feud that can only make people more resentful of their bosses SLIME and Little Jeffy, regardless of how much it may boost said loudmouths' king's-ransom-like earnings.

Certainly it won't lose SLIME His Godhood, but if it can lose those two mouthpieces their jobs it would be quite welcome. We doubt it.

Posted 12:12 PM by Gene

As THE CONSPIRACY has a short and deep slump, it alerts us again as to why it might get longer:

[Harvey Whiner] said screenwriters working on the stalled project over the years have sometimes tried to add bombast to the tale, like putting in battle sequences with 10,000 solders.

Sorta like all the bombast for THIS WEEK'S HIT.

The Weinstein name has been attached to award-winning films....

Someone's going to have to lecture Angela: CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED. That means they're good.

Posted 10:01 AM by Gene

US military apologises after soldier uses Koran for target practice in Iraq

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG for any soldier to do this -- but you wonder why, to extirpate the crime, the hacks have yet to commit an equal and opposite WRONG, WRONG, WRONG as they always do, unless it's still early.

Posted 9:59 AM by Gene

It is as likely America's Panhandler will get Arabs to agree to reform as he was to get his "friends" the Saudis to contribute to that little tin cup of his marked "Oil".

After a showy celebration of America’s close ties with Israel....

You running for something, Pinch?

Posted 9:54 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: 1. Who wants to make a bet Boobs as president is a regular with Drunken Slob? 2. Would Harry Truman have done this? Why can't our leaders have dignity? Why must they always have to demonstrate a "sense of humor"?

Because Washington is built by slaves and con men.

Posted 9:51 AM by Gene

Growing Up Bipolar (Home-page link)

Zeitgeist wouldn't know -- it grew up MONOPOLAR.

We're not making fun of the mentally ill but dammit JonBoy and his millionaires force us to pay very close attention.

Posted 9:50 AM by Gene

China suspends Olympic torch relay in mourning

So -- China isn't quite Burma/Myanmar.

Posted 9:48 AM by Gene

Washington was built largely by slaves and con men. (Sub-hed)

It still is.

Posted 7:06 PM by Gene

Speaking of arts, ArtsJournal has a most fascinating video clip from GSN or whatever Sony wants to call it, which not only points to how genuinely entertaining Goodson-Todman's panel quiz shows could be, but makes us wonder why LORD SPRINGER's allegedly up-to-date high-tech company (up-to-date with ATRACs and rootkits, that is) can't make this stuff available on the Web, especially as if buries What's My Line? in the dead of night Eastern time, and as the GSN Web site positively STINKS.

Posted 1:17 PM by Gene

The question is, when will Woodster the Perv's wish fulfillment finally end -- and when will he stop finding idiot hacks like NON GERMAIN who'll ooh and aah over him even as the rest of the world finds him a joke?

Posted 1:07 PM by Gene

The junta doesn't want foreigners distributing aid in the delta, but neither does it feel comfortable with Burmese distributing it.

I've got an idea -- let NOBODY distribute it!

That seems to be the practical effect.

Posted 1:01 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Because we've abused our customers, and government is responding, we reserve the right to further abuse our customers.

Posted 8:58 PM by Gene

How apt: there'll be fewer fireworks this year because of a huge accident in CHINA.

Perhaps for July 4th someone can import a boatload of Little Red Books and lead us into singing "The East is Red."

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

THE MESSIAH UNLEASHES HIS HOLY FURY!!!!!

I thought Gods were supposed to float serenely above it all.

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

Technically, says Mr. Ghosn, everything is now ready for electric vehicles to enter the mainstream—except for the batteries....

Haven't we heard that ditty before?

(Via TNR.com)

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

Mourning the Death of the GOP Brand

Sort of like all those folks who mourned the death of Louis B. Mayer, huh E. J.? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

Now that the silly season is upon us (although we'd argue the silly season is now all year) the news hacks have another excuse to play with themselves. Larry King, of whom reverence is not enough of a word for their feelings (though among the public it may be beyond ridicule), has made noises of retiring, and boy, losing such a superb interviewer and humanitarian, they're already probing the Kremlinology of it all, when it would be obvious if they had brains that 1. Larry is old, and 2. Larry's last decent interview is beyond the past, or imagining.

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

Our "friends" the Saudis did a "favor" for Dubya after all, presumably anticipating all the favors he'll do for them.

Posted 2:52 PM by Gene

Is 'Caspian' too violent?

Is JACK'S ALPHABET SOUP full of botulism?

P. S. Yahoo! must have algorithms that write heds -- it has little or nothing to do with another rave piece of ASSPress horsedroppings.

Posted 11:22 AM by Gene

Spare a little...oil?

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

SLIME is cutting down on commercials for two new series, meaning He will up the ante elsewhere on the schedule, and it won't stop people from using TiVos.

Posted 9:05 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: THE GREATEST VIDEO GAME OF ALL TIME did not enlarge THE CHURCH OF VIDEOGAMING.

And we do not trust sales figures for video games any more than we trust THE CONSPIRACY'S.

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

Speaking of chain reactions: the SENIOR CLUNKER BROTHER, Congress, DWIGHTS, and a "de facto political reality". CRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH!!!!!

Posted 8:55 AM by Gene

When a news hack uses the word ICONIC....

Posted 6:57 PM by Gene

Did Dubya tweak The Messiah? Yes.

Are hard-core knee-jerk marshmallow-brained Democrats acting like idiots? Yes.

Posted 6:35 PM by Gene

Realizing this involves AIN'T IT COOL NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, and realizing it may also involve a popcorn-restaurant executive with a grudge, it appears even the FAN BASE is coming to acknowledge it can't go on being adolescent anymore.

Posted 5:47 PM by Gene

HISTORY!!!!!!!!!! happened today, and the private eye of the stars got convicted, neither of which we can say surprises us much.

As for the former, we suspect it will stand because Californians have perfected the fine art of ennui, and as for the latter, Hollywood will still make great movies.

Posted 1:12 PM by Gene

Groups: Converter Boxes Will Become Obsolete

Not if the cable conspiracy can help it!

P. S. The groups are saying the cable conspiracy is making boxes that can't be upgraded. This is one reason the boxes will never become obsolete.

Posted 9:52 AM by Gene

Myanmar junta warns people not to hoard aid

That's OUR job!

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

If PEOPLE NEWSRAG and ZEITGEIST were RIGHT-WING....

Posted 8:57 AM by Gene

Why we do not need newspaper cri-TICS, reason no. 437,295:

The solemn tributes to Robert Rauschenberg in today's newspapers prove that you're more likely to encounter an independent mind operating in the sports pages than the arts section. Hoisting his reputation high and escorting it into paradise, critics from the Washington Post, the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago Tribune, and the Wall Street Journal write as if toeing the correct line handed down by some cultural commissar. (Emphasis added)

(Via ArtsJournal)

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

Myanmar cyclone: Forced labour camp fears

Tyrants thumb their nose at the INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY, and laugh.

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

Warren Cowan, the leading Hollywood press agent in the days such folks could plant press releases in newspapers and still be harmless, has died. RIP.

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

"MSG policy is if you are caught smoking an illegal substance it's cause for immediate ejection," said Garden rep Barry Watkins.

And, if this story is to be believed, for turning the other cheek 15,000 times.

Posted 8:16 AM by Gene

OBVIOUS HED OF THE WEEK:

'Sex and the City' movie may lack wide appeal

Posted 8:07 AM by Gene

Will A-list journos reveal what happened at Bill Gates' summit [Romy SIC]

Would people like MONEY HONEY® be a-list toadies if they did?

Well, at least BOB NOVAK reports for HIMSELF, which is more than these scribblers can say.

Posted 6:27 PM by Gene

GE BANCORP's getting out of white goods, a mantra since LEGENDARY WELCH started nuking employees. But then as we've said before in different language, you can't schmooze with a middle-manager in refrigerators.

Light bulbs next! Show-biz -- NEVER!

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

Which are worse -- TV ads "in context" or TV ads not?

It figures the sons of MOUTH would invent something like this.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

Clinton tells Brian Williams, 'I don't believe in quitting' (MESS Java video link)

That's strange; everyone else does.

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

We see SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX and Tony Korn have taken buyouts from St. Warren, which merely means SKN will continue to bloviate, and Tony Korn will continue to be America's most profitable sportsyeller.

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

When we read stories like this we are apt to think that God, with His invention of so many peculiar creatures, manifested a weird sense of humor when He created the earth; but we must remember man set up most of the jokes.

Posted 1:17 PM by Gene

Grand Canyon U. Announces $230-Million Public Offering of Stock

Hey IVEES! Go PUBLICK! Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!

Posted 1:14 PM by Gene

Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. -- made in CHINA!

Mr. Young also criticized the rendering of King. “It is huge. It looks like a dictatorship. It is not in the same spirit of Dr. King,” the artist said.

What do you expect from a -- oh, never mind.

Posted 12:55 PM by Gene

Should Obama Worry About W.VA? [sic]

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!!!!! Hello? HELLO?!? ANYONE HOME?!?!?

Posted 9:43 AM by Gene

Obama presidency could hurt some defense stocks: analyst

DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....

Posted 8:22 AM by Gene

No! Doubt at the feet of...THE LORD?

At least the Hillary supporters I know seem to be aware of her more unsavory traits: that she carries a knife with her that she could pull out at any minute. Not so with Obama's fans. It's nearly impossible to get them to admit any wrong in him. Given the choice, I prefer to side with the group that knows their candidate can be a jerk, rather than the group that believes their candidate is Jesus.

And note the bio directly underneath these words:

Cinque Henderson is a TV writer, working on a book about Abraham Lincoln.

Honest Abe could teach the Messiah a few things on Godhood.

Posted 8:16 AM by Gene

So far, my search for intelligent chicks in the summer movies is proving to be a bust.

That's okay; my search for intelligent writing on show-biz has ALWAYS been a bust.

Posted 8:13 AM by Gene

Web users back code for bloggers

And so would I. There's too much screaming and libel that masquerades as thought on the Web.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 7:45 PM by Gene

Hillary Rodham Clinton won a large but largely symbolic victory in the West Virginia primary Tuesday over Barack Obama, still the leader and closing in on the Democratic presidential nomination.

BARACK OBAMA WON THE...ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....

Posted 7:40 PM by Gene

For the first time, Bush revealed a personal way in which he has tried to acknowledge the sacrifice of soldiers and their families: He has given up golf.

To which we would argue, he has not given it up FIGURATIVELY.

And he can always resume it when he starts giving the same speech over and over at half-a-million-per.

In the immortal words of a rabbit, "WHAT A MAROON!"

Posted 7:35 PM by Gene

IDIOTIC SHOW-BIZ PUFFERY FINDS A NOBLE CAUSE:

The as-yet untitled movie is being co-financed and distributed by two small studios -- Overture Films, a subsidiary of John Malone's Liberty Media Corp, [SIC] and Paramount Vantage, an art-house label of Viacom Inc's [SIC] Paramount Pictures.

Give me rewrite!

The as-yet untitled movie is being co-financed and distributed by two small studios -- John Malone's Liberty Media Corp. and Viacom Inc.

AN EXTREMELY-LOW-IQ NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO STEVE!

Posted 5:58 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Ronny McD, not content to be Ronny Starbucks, now wants to be Ronny Chick-Fil-A.

Isn't trying to be all things to all people how Ronny got into trouble before it became a permanent up stock?

Posted 5:53 PM by Gene

A British cabinet member's accidental exposure of documents regarding the, er, sieve that is the nation's housing market is a "blunder"?

I call it honesty!

Posted 5:48 PM by Gene

REPUBLICANISM AT WORK, in the steel biz:

European, Brazilian and Russian companies have been gradually buying the USA's steel companies. In 2005, for instance, Netherlands-based ArcelorMittal bought ISG and is now the largest steel company in the world. Russian steelmaker Evraz bought Oregon Steel Mills in 2006. More than half the nation's steel mills are owned by foreign companies, Parr says, up from 5% a decade ago.

This worldwide consolidation has put the steel industry into fewer hands, and now producers, not customers, are calling the shots when it comes to the price of steel, Parr says.

"It is a sellers' market right now," Richard says.

Ah'm PRAAAAAYOUD t'BEEEEE uh STEELCAYYYYYYYYYN, AMERICAYYYYYYYYYYN!!!!!

Posted 5:46 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Mattel is suing the maker of the "HIP" Bratz dolls because it missed a trend.

Given the billions the toy-biz absconds with every year (even more as it morphs into a MOVIE BIZ) let us say we are sympathetic to neither side.

Posted 11:45 AM by Gene

WOW!!!!!

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama both pledge to spend $150 billion to clean up the environment, lower energy use, help build subways -- and in the process create 5 million so-called green-collar jobs.

This ``MISSION'' will `` EXCITE THE YOUNG PEOPLE LIKE THE SPACE RACE DID IN ANOTHER GERNERATION!!!!!,'' Clinton said at an April 24 rally in Asheville, North Carolina. Obama says the new jobs he envisions will ``pay well and CAN'T BE OUTSOURCED.''

Many experts say those promises are inflated, and the employment projections overstated, because jobs will be lost as companies convert to renewable energy and reduce carbon emissions. (Overemphasis added)

QED.

Posted 11:35 AM by Gene

Now here is an excellent idea: bright orange parking meters in vagrant-overrun neighborhoods where people can donate change to charities that can help them. Giving money to beggars is like giving bread to pigeons. At least the charities can assist with the hardest-core nutcases who use Bill Douglas's enduring moral rot as an excuse for their "freedom". Also, it's humane. And those of us who detest the constant "chaaaaange" now have an excuse to help.

Posted 9:12 AM by Gene

You don't suppose the worst thing that could happen to The Messiah is for news hacks to constantly harp in our dear little ears that any white who doesn't vote for Him is a racist?

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

Hasbro has a senior vice-president for movies!

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

Newsday buy good news for losing bidders

TRANSLATION: Whew! Thank God we're not wasting any more money.

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

More scintillation from Stale.com:

They're Leaving
Why do women in their late 30s leave science jobs?

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

Three-Time Bob's running for prez!

Now if he can get RON PAUL!!!!! as his veep...they'll scream at each other for weeks.

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

Say, which do you think got more column inches from the hacks last year:

POLICE BRUTALITY,

or police officers killed in the line of duty?

Boy, isn't that a toughie?

Posted 4:55 PM by Gene

U.N. Leader Bluntly Tells Myanmar to Hurry on Aid

Yes, the way the League of Nations tells Iran to hurry up stop building nukes -- with a very blunt wet noodle.

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

Federal spending rising twice as fast as taxes

Give yourself a hand there -- Dubya!

Posted 11:58 AM by Gene

House Republican leaders, facing a potentially disastrous election this fall, will introduce a campaign message today in which they promise voters "the change you deserve" while arguing that Democrats in Congress have dropped the ball, according to a leadership strategy memo to rank-and-file members.

TRANSLATION: The House Republican leaders ready another slogan.

And we can be sure of that as the word comes from a GOP mouthpiece.

"It starts with this: Washington is broken, the American people want it fixed, and Democrats in Washington have proven unable or unwilling to get the job done. Republicans will."

How? Duh, I dunno.

Posted 11:37 AM by Gene

And if they're zillionaire Honorary Mayors and camera-hungry guvnors they can stick it to the taxpayer with their incompetence.

Posted 11:35 AM by Gene

And if they're Casanova-ing Congresspoops they get to stick the taxpayers with the bill for their swingin'.

Posted 11:34 AM by Gene

The rich, they are different from you and me -- they have bigger foreclosures.

Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!

Posted 10:20 AM by Gene

In Myanmar, self-reliance is key

Well, that's one way of putting it.

Didn't this rag have something nice to say about North Korea?

Posted 7:37 PM by Gene

And speaking of If It's Bad It's In Ad -- Age, a very helpful marketing expert says the GE BANCORPS and COKES and J 'N' Js can get themselves off the hook for schlepping their top execs to Beijing for three-months' paid vacation with this Gettysburg Address:

"First, we believe that a successful Olympics is a force for peace and cooperation in this world, and we want to be a part of that. The Olympics are a unique opportunity for the world to share a single stage and a unified audience. The Olympics are a competition, but they represent a set of common values. Despite our differences, we come to the Olympics to compete fairly and peacefully. In every corner of the world, citizens root for their countries, but they often learn about others. We may like globalization or dislike it, but we must certainly agree that the more we here personal stories about each other's cultures around the world, the less likely we are to demonize them.

"Second, we chose to sponsor the games because we support the world's athletes. These individuals are not politicians. They have dedicated their lives to becoming the best in the world. They are role models who illustrate the values of teamwork, discipline and a commitment to excellence. The world needs opportunities to celebrate these values. We need to show our children what is possible if we only dedicate ourselves to our dreams.

"And third, we want to encourage countries such as China to be full participants in the global community. We believe that the world gains more by engaging with China and the Chinese than we do by rejecting them. If the protesters are victorious and we boycott these games, what will they have won? In fact, the very act of making Beijing a host country has created an unparalleled forum for discussing important human-rights issues. And the Chinese themselves are taking an active role in voicing their own concerns. If we turn our backs on the Olympics now, what incentive do the Chinese have to address the concerns of the protesters?"

And the memory of Berlin, Munich, and a few noble idealistic athletes like Marion Jones and Bode Miller would really help that one move minds.

Posted 7:33 PM by Gene

The VERY good news for the TWXSTERS: the Kurt Cobain of film died.

A report in the New York Post about Mattel's Joker action figures "flying off the shelves" at a local Toys "R" Us was pooh-poohed by retail and manufacturing executives as having ignored several key facts. For one thing, there are no known shortages of the Joker figure, they said, and if there were, they would be attributable to summer- movie toy shipments just now arriving at stores, not a lack of overall supply.

SLIME! We have to correct that story -- with more HYPE!

Posted 6:32 PM by Gene

Speed's haul was $15 million below projections and a huge letdown for distributor Warner Bros., which had launched the largest movie-related toy launch in Mattel's history with more than 1,500 cars, action figures and race tracks to promote the movie. [SIC]

Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

From Obama.co -- er, the newsrag of the Zeitgeist:

Stephen Weber, the president of the 36,000-student university, was kept out of the loop during much of the investigation, says Mosler. "Everyone in law enforcement felt that if the administrators knew about it, they would have put the kibosh on the whole thing," the prosecutor says. Mosler says college officials typically dread the PR nightmare that comes with news about drugs or other crime on campus.

Jeez, you'd think with all the funny goings on in their professional sports programs these kollidge prezidents could just brush mere drug use off.

Posted 7:02 PM by Gene

Some sleazy character's dictated a book that says OJ confessed to his double-murder.

It is long past the time everyone involved shut up.

Posted 6:54 PM by Gene

A TV-station owner has filed for -- BANKRUPTCY?!?!?!?!?

This is like the U. S. MINT going broke.

Posted 5:35 PM by Gene

KIRK KEVORK -- KERKORIAN wants Ford to ditch its Mercury studi -- BRAND. Is there any company He can't go without bringing death and destruction?

On the other hand:

"It's hard to sell a Mercury when it looks just like a Ford that's priced at $4,000 less," said Tom Libby, an auto industry analyst at J.D. Power & Associates.

There, in a nutshell, is Detroit's eulogy.