THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Wednesday, March 31, 2004
The fool billionaire George Soros was "attacked" with "water and glue." "SOMEBODY IS BEHIND THIS!!" he screams.
I know! THE VAST RIGHT-WING CONSPIRACY!
I know! THE VAST RIGHT-WING CONSPIRACY!
You mean some Muslims think Muslims should tattle on terrorists?
It might have saved some lives if a few of you had before.
It might have saved some lives if a few of you had before.
What Vir-GIN-ia and her LINK say about the price of gas I said over a week ago -- and I don't get 200 quintazillion hits.
Universal Music and Sony Music are both working with their stars to remix songs into shorter versions, up to two minutes long, that can be sold through mobile phones.
That's REALLY gonna save the record biz, Econowiz.
That's REALLY gonna save the record biz, Econowiz.
We may, of course, presume the NEWS HACKS will stage a FULL-COURT PRESS (not to mention the activists who'll stage a full-court press) against ANY NEW NUCLEAR PLANT. There are reasons to get potentially mad: these things can be boondoggles and could really raise electric rates, which was often the point in building them. But what's worse: the remote possibility of an accident, or spewing all those coal byproducts (COUGH COUGH) into the air? On that score, it's a no-brainer.
Every time LOWSY MAYS does something these days he trips over his two zillion-dollar left feet. When he staged anti-Dixie Chicks rallies and then profusely apologized, when he canceled Howie while sending some friends to see P. R. MEL's holy slasher movie, it had all the earmarks of a guy who couldn't care less about his public rep getting religion in the wrong way. Now he's hired Je$$e, which makes perfect sense given that P&G and Mickey D's and Coke and other VERY PC companies practically own his biz, and surely LOWSY did it to get the VERY PC press coverage from Pinch and Lenny. NOTE THE TIME: 8 to 9 A.M. on SUNDAYS, PSA DEATH TERRITORY.
EMI Job Cuts: The Price of Piracy?
EMI Job Cuts: The Price of Crummy Music?
WHO IS SLYCK.COM AND HOW DO YOU PRONOUNCE IT?
EMI Job Cuts: The Price of Crummy Music?
WHO IS SLYCK.COM AND HOW DO YOU PRONOUNCE IT?
Paul Hornung goes DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....
As in, DUHHHH, we gotta get dummies to win the national title, and black are dummies, DUHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
With your GAMBLING record, PAUL, you're hardly a colossus of ethics and morals, DUHHHHHHHHHHH.
As in, DUHHHH, we gotta get dummies to win the national title, and black are dummies, DUHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
With your GAMBLING record, PAUL, you're hardly a colossus of ethics and morals, DUHHHHHHHHHHH.
Clarke asks anti-Bush group to pull TV ads with his criticisms
You earns your money, you takes your choice.
You earns your money, you takes your choice.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
National Public Talk Radio stations wanted The Drone out.
Now that I remember his voice (it's been YEARS since I listened regularly to the radio), he was a drone.
Now that I remember his voice (it's been YEARS since I listened regularly to the radio), he was a drone.
Now I see why the IDIOTS at BLUNDER didn't mention THE DONALD'S ENORMOUS WEALTH.
Some "writer in New York" continues that USA OKAY salespoop's blather about POP MUSIC. We GET THE MESSAGE! The MUSICAL WORLD CRAWLED WITH GENIUS IN THE SIXTIES!! POP MUSIC WAS NEVER BETTER!!! UNCLE!!!! UNCLE!!!!!
Here's something for PC feminist news hacks to harp on till the cows come home: women in the big hardware boxes.
Hey! The clowns at LOWE'S are PC too! They're talkin' SELF-EMPOWERMENT. Oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!
Hey! The clowns at LOWE'S are PC too! They're talkin' SELF-EMPOWERMENT. Oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!
Statue of Liberty reopening soon
IT'S ABOUT TIME. No one wants to hear the "terrorists won" cliche for the umpteenth time, but the Feds' excessive caution does nobody BUT terrorists good. The bad news is the Lady's hat is still off limits, but the Park Service hinted it too may someday reopen, so perhaps they're not all THAT dense with "security" concerns.
IT'S ABOUT TIME. No one wants to hear the "terrorists won" cliche for the umpteenth time, but the Feds' excessive caution does nobody BUT terrorists good. The bad news is the Lady's hat is still off limits, but the Park Service hinted it too may someday reopen, so perhaps they're not all THAT dense with "security" concerns.
This is a manufactured story, and manufactured stories are a BIG reason I HATE NEWS HACKS. Somebody at GE BANCORP NETWORK said, "Let's put out a number -- we're sure as hell not going to put out THE number -- oh, $100 million. Good round number. Press'll run it in for a touchdown! Jay'll be happy. If he isn't, he'll never know. Besides we'll get at least that much in free publicity." And boy are they running up the score. It goes without saying if we can't believe their presidential vote tallies how in the Devil's name can we believe this? It's this sort of cynical advertising that destroys this racket's name, as if the people in it care.
This will NOT shut the bleacher bums up. They'll carp on anything: what she did, what she didn't, what color dress she wore, etc., etc., ETC. Nonetheless it was necessary as the HACKS already got THEIR testimony.
I LOVE MY tiny NEC laptop -- so when the "I" key quit working, I was bummed.
It figures, PROF -- that's your favorite letter of the alphabet.
It figures, PROF -- that's your favorite letter of the alphabet.
"As we have said on many occasions in the past, we in the police service know that the overwhelming majority of the Muslim community are law abiding and completely reject all forms of violence. We have a responsibility to all communities to investigate suspected terrorist activity."
A-HOM-A-HOM-A-HOM-A-HOM-A-HOM-A-HOM-A....
A-HOM-A-HOM-A-HOM-A-HOM-A-HOM-A-HOM-A....
Larry Kudlow creates a clone who automatizes that "deficits don't matter." Well if deficits don't matter, we can spend and spend and spend! Just like LBJ and the Great Society. Oh, he was a DEMOCRAT. That's BAD.
Em, can't you run some stuff demanding Slick's impeachment?
Em, can't you run some stuff demanding Slick's impeachment?
Which reminds us: In the old days when SOB ruled the universe, he might have turned this into 100% ad copy. The fact that it contains "doubts" (however brief) may be a measure of how FED UP the public has become with the scribblers' constant spin and sell. Not to worry -- back to spinning for Dippity-DO and selling this year's movie GENIUS tomorrow.
Only a USA OKAY salesperson requires 2,084 WORDS to explain why modern pop masterpieces stink. Fortunately there's "classic rock", which proves yet again the NEWS HACK believes the world began on November 22, 1963, and that God appeared at LaGuardia Airport three months later.
Monday, March 29, 2004
The state quarters are getting weirder and weirder. We're told that's the conservationist John Muir, and that's apparently a California condor making a beeline for his head, and I don't know what that thing is on the right. The problem with state quarters is that they try to define a locality's essence in one picture, something impossible with any state but especially one as diverse and diversely weird as California. Hence the tacky bad art work on the quarters, the most risible project in the whole history of currency.
It remains useless to complain about he BAD, the VERY BAD habits of NEWS HACKS, one of the top being to PUBLICIZE PRIVATE TRAGEDIES. Good reporting can energize people; bad reporting (of which PRIVATE TRAGEDIES are the ne plus ultra by their nature) almost always depresses them. But depressing the readers is GOOD for the BIZ because it INCREASES its already INFINITE POWER. HOLD OFF ON PRIVATE TRAGEDIES!
I can never decide who to give to. Everyone's after me.
You make MILLIONS with your instant cliches, Andy. Just give the @#$%&* MONEY to SOMEBODY.
Hey, I'LL TAKE IT!!!!! I'm not proud.
You make MILLIONS with your instant cliches, Andy. Just give the @#$%&* MONEY to SOMEBODY.
Hey, I'LL TAKE IT!!!!! I'm not proud.
Here is why I hate NEWS HACKS: not only do they look for work -- they're an EMPLOYMENT AGENCY. If the NEW YORK POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! measures -50 on the trustworthiness scale for being owned by RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, plugs like these lower (or raise) the score to -500.
Sunday, March 28, 2004
With the French it isn't a question of being socialist, it's HOW socialist.
Today the French decided they wanted to be VERY socialist.
Today the French decided they wanted to be VERY socialist.
It is heartening that The Mogul's Friend (and I don't know how ArtsJournal.com linked to this -- isn't this supposed to be "behind the wall"? Maybe Terry Teachout had something to do with it) sees the fight over decency as more than an obsession of a bunch of "cranks and scolds." This is a bipartisan issue; it's a media concentration issue; it's a quality issue; it's a repsonsibility issue. As he quotes one BIGMEDIA opponent,
"Deregulation has simply greased the pockets of Sumner Redstone and Rupert Murdoch and Clear Channel while spawning a fundamental lack of accountability among top media executives. For them, it's always somebody else's fault. We're not blaming all of society's ills on them, but to say they bear no responsibility for violence, sexual behavior and other health issues among young people flies in the face of reality."
Mogul's Friend also gives a heave-ho to that classic self-serving line, "IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT...."
Shock jock supporters [and here of course we MUST include STERNO -- E.D.] say parents carting kids to school can always change the station, though in dozens of cities across the country that simply dials up another tawdry show on a station owned by the same do-anything-for-a-rating conglomerate.
Anything for a rating. That's the problem. THAT'S WHY MEDIA STINK.
"Deregulation has simply greased the pockets of Sumner Redstone and Rupert Murdoch and Clear Channel while spawning a fundamental lack of accountability among top media executives. For them, it's always somebody else's fault. We're not blaming all of society's ills on them, but to say they bear no responsibility for violence, sexual behavior and other health issues among young people flies in the face of reality."
Mogul's Friend also gives a heave-ho to that classic self-serving line, "IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT...."
Shock jock supporters [and here of course we MUST include STERNO -- E.D.] say parents carting kids to school can always change the station, though in dozens of cities across the country that simply dials up another tawdry show on a station owned by the same do-anything-for-a-rating conglomerate.
Anything for a rating. That's the problem. THAT'S WHY MEDIA STINK.
Video Game Industry Faces 'Crisis of Creativity'
Translation: the GET A LIFE! crowd is tired of the fifteenth generation of slice-'em-'ups.
Translation: the GET A LIFE! crowd is tired of the fifteenth generation of slice-'em-'ups.
Maryland okay to sensor vulgar fans [CBS.Sportsline front page link]
Does that mean they put little electrodes on the vulgar fans' foreheads and make them go rah-rah at the same time?
Does that mean they put little electrodes on the vulgar fans' foreheads and make them go rah-rah at the same time?
Be careful, Michael. You're getting into the CONSUMER ELECTRONICS BIZ, and we all know what happened to OURS.
Especially considering YOUR consumer-electronics biz has AN INDIAN HELP DESK.
Especially considering YOUR consumer-electronics biz has AN INDIAN HELP DESK.
Since NEWS HACKS ALWAYS WIN, and they WILL WIN this year, we must ask, WHAT WILL YOU DO ABOUT TERRORISM? We should demand details from Pinch and Lenny and every other buttinsky in the business, as they intend to unleash unprecedented spin during this year in achieving their inevitable outcome. WHAT WILL YOU DO ABOUT TERRORISM?
And sorry, PROF, more people still get their daily fiction from NEWS HACKS than from BLOGGERS or COMEDIANS.
(And of COURSE the Gliberal can say "faux journalism rocks." He practices it too.)
And sorry, PROF, more people still get their daily fiction from NEWS HACKS than from BLOGGERS or COMEDIANS.
(And of COURSE the Gliberal can say "faux journalism rocks." He practices it too.)
Oddly enough, the Reut just posted this old story about those Hooters "auditions" in LALA on its site under "ODDLY ENOUGH," a place where most Reuters reporting belongs -- especially stories about GUERILLAS and MILITANTS.
This could be counterproductive. When VIACON broached the subject last time there was a book to sell. This time, there's no book -- only AN ADMINISTRATION TO DESTROY. Let's see fairness and balance in THIS interview.
Ooooooh, that ILLEGAL AND IMMORAL CONFLATION of CHURCH AND STATE started in CHICAGO, oooooooooooooooooh!
Start another fire!
Start another fire!
Are you going to serve the people -- or WILL YOU PLAY POLITICS AS USUAL, GUYS?
I don't think 3,000 people would be pleased.
I don't think 3,000 people would be pleased.
More than 3.5 billion years after nature transformed non-living matter into living things, populating Earth with a cornucopia of animals and plants, scientists say they are finally ready to try their hand at creating life.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO thank you.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO thank you.
Saturday, March 27, 2004
And speaking of BLUNDER, for once I can say it's done something RIGHT (and no, not this drive-it-out-of-the-park softball interview with DR. EVIL): a multimedia show on Times Square with a Timesman named James Traub who's written a new book on the subject. The sound quality is poor but the pictures and narration are fascinating. (And it goes without saying, Times Square was better back in the old old days.) Please, more of this and less of CAMPAIGN LEAFLETS AND MOVIE TRAILERS, MR. MARK.
NEWSWEEK POLL: The 9-11 Commission
Following Clarke's Testimony at 9-11 Hearings, Approval of Bush's Handling of
Terrorism and Homeland Security Drops Eight Points to 57 Percent
Sixty-Five Percent Say Clarke's Testimony Hasn't Affected Their Opinion of
Bush; Fifty Percent Say Clarke's Motivations Personal, Political
Sixty-Five Percent Say Clinton Administration Did Not Take Global Terror
Threat Seriously Enough
Poor Mr. MARK must have been DIZZY this week.
Following Clarke's Testimony at 9-11 Hearings, Approval of Bush's Handling of
Terrorism and Homeland Security Drops Eight Points to 57 Percent
Sixty-Five Percent Say Clarke's Testimony Hasn't Affected Their Opinion of
Bush; Fifty Percent Say Clarke's Motivations Personal, Political
Sixty-Five Percent Say Clinton Administration Did Not Take Global Terror
Threat Seriously Enough
Poor Mr. MARK must have been DIZZY this week.
KERRY'S FBI FILES STOLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(From a private owner.)
This looks like a job for -- eBay!!!!!
(From a private owner.)
This looks like a job for -- eBay!!!!!
One more sign that, as Thoreau said, we're becoming "the tools of our tools" -- DVDs in the SUV.
In time people will not be satisified with the appendages. Bionic hallucinations are inevitable. Activate a circuit in one implant and a man will hear bad music in his head; activate another in another and he'll see a bad movie before his eyes. People will be able to play videogames bionically. I dread the future.
In time people will not be satisified with the appendages. Bionic hallucinations are inevitable. Activate a circuit in one implant and a man will hear bad music in his head; activate another in another and he'll see a bad movie before his eyes. People will be able to play videogames bionically. I dread the future.
Arab League Ministers Unable to Agree on Political Reforms
Translation: Arab tyrants refuse to put THEMSELVES out of business.
Translation: Arab tyrants refuse to put THEMSELVES out of business.
"It was like skimming hastily through a dozen magazines."
Of course Fitzgerald knew the magazines; he wrote for them. But Fitzgerald did write for magazines. Who writes for them now? BILL ZEHME? Their utter badness is another manifestation of our doggy-doo culture.
Of course Fitzgerald knew the magazines; he wrote for them. But Fitzgerald did write for magazines. Who writes for them now? BILL ZEHME? Their utter badness is another manifestation of our doggy-doo culture.
Imagine STERNO's worst nightmare comes true: his buddy HOWARD can't say so much as a gosh-darn. Suppose every P&GUnileverCoca-ColaKelloggNestleGMFordDaimler-supported shock jock couldn't utter bad adolescent dirty jokes about big bazooms and peepee. It would reveal them for what they are: no talents with nothing to say.
And because our movies and TV rely so heavily on Grand Guignol and soft-core porn, if they too were subject to regulations, they too would find themselves with nothing to say. For four decades, thanks to the Nine Fingers in the Wind and the IMMORTAL JACK, our entertainment impresarios have abandoned thinking for whatever is easy and cheap and vulgar. And now, four decades later, we're stuck with the inevitable result: a culture of mind-deadening stupidity. We have the Hitler chants of rap; holy slasher pictures; bubble-gum sluttery, two-hour cinematic eulogies to bad TV programs, every tawdry PR stunt imaginable. This is what happens when we abandon any pretense of excellence and thinking for the cheap effect, the easy thrill. Only the NEWS HACKS and the STERNOS (and let us not forget, before he became THE RAGE OF BLOGGING, STERNO too was a NEWS HACK) can find gold in the endless dross, given their trendiness and their cash-register-ringing sycophancy to the gods of media, and after Jayson we have no reason to accept them either.
There is one possible solution on the cable end. Though our tax -- uh, SUBSCRIBER dollars finance huge amounts of junk we never (or wouldn't want to) watch, while a la carte would be a customer boon summarily putting a big chunk of the biz out of biz might not be in our economic best interest, so much does the AMUSEMENT ECONOMY dominate us. Here's the deal: Congress will keep quiet on accepting a la carte, and in exchange, the cable industry accepts decency regulation. It's not the best of solutions, but if we're going to pay for lousy cable channels we may as well make sure there's a limit to HOW lousy.
And because our movies and TV rely so heavily on Grand Guignol and soft-core porn, if they too were subject to regulations, they too would find themselves with nothing to say. For four decades, thanks to the Nine Fingers in the Wind and the IMMORTAL JACK, our entertainment impresarios have abandoned thinking for whatever is easy and cheap and vulgar. And now, four decades later, we're stuck with the inevitable result: a culture of mind-deadening stupidity. We have the Hitler chants of rap; holy slasher pictures; bubble-gum sluttery, two-hour cinematic eulogies to bad TV programs, every tawdry PR stunt imaginable. This is what happens when we abandon any pretense of excellence and thinking for the cheap effect, the easy thrill. Only the NEWS HACKS and the STERNOS (and let us not forget, before he became THE RAGE OF BLOGGING, STERNO too was a NEWS HACK) can find gold in the endless dross, given their trendiness and their cash-register-ringing sycophancy to the gods of media, and after Jayson we have no reason to accept them either.
There is one possible solution on the cable end. Though our tax -- uh, SUBSCRIBER dollars finance huge amounts of junk we never (or wouldn't want to) watch, while a la carte would be a customer boon summarily putting a big chunk of the biz out of biz might not be in our economic best interest, so much does the AMUSEMENT ECONOMY dominate us. Here's the deal: Congress will keep quiet on accepting a la carte, and in exchange, the cable industry accepts decency regulation. It's not the best of solutions, but if we're going to pay for lousy cable channels we may as well make sure there's a limit to HOW lousy.
Here's the latest earth-shattering obsession of news hacks: Dubya's jokes.
By now there's an MO to this. Dip and Crybaby McAuliffe call up some pressure groups, who gather the appropriate veterans or 9-11 victims or whomever, who then call CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges and then cry OUTRAGE and get their campaigning on the front page. This is just another variation on NEWS HACKS rigging elections, and has NOTHING to do with declining circulations.
And of course Dubya made his jokes before one of those infernally smug Beltway ROASTS, where our elected officials are supposed to make asses of themselves. Oh how I pine for the solid man who WOULDN'T attend one of these.
By now there's an MO to this. Dip and Crybaby McAuliffe call up some pressure groups, who gather the appropriate veterans or 9-11 victims or whomever, who then call CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges and then cry OUTRAGE and get their campaigning on the front page. This is just another variation on NEWS HACKS rigging elections, and has NOTHING to do with declining circulations.
And of course Dubya made his jokes before one of those infernally smug Beltway ROASTS, where our elected officials are supposed to make asses of themselves. Oh how I pine for the solid man who WOULDN'T attend one of these.
When LALA put its arts coverage "behind the wall" it got rid of a pop-up ad. WELL GUESS WHAT! TRIB PUT THE AD BACK!!
MORONS!!!!!
MORONS!!!!!
I'm not sure declassifying RICHARD's prevarications is a good idea; it has the potential for future BLACKMAIL all over it. Nonetheless when you go through SIX PRINTINGS AND 550,000 COPIES thanks to VIACON....
Hey sombody at ESPN logged on to me! AWESOME, BABY!
Friday, March 26, 2004
Now it's sporting events. What will STERNO say about this DESTRUCTION of the FIRST AMENDMENT?
What he usually says, which isn't worth saying -- or reading.
What he usually says, which isn't worth saying -- or reading.
Burglar caught by homeowners using Webcam cross-country
Now we'll NEVER get those @#$%&* X-10 ads off our screens!
Now we'll NEVER get those @#$%&* X-10 ads off our screens!
Cute, CUTE, but the PowerPoint Gettysburg Address came FIRST. By the way, isn't PowerPoint supposed to DUMB DOWN PEOPLE, BILL?
OH oh, THE MAN is suing the TWXSTERS for FRAUD.
I guess so long as HE was selling records being palsy-walsies the TWXSTERS wasn't FRAUDULENT.
I guess so long as HE was selling records being palsy-walsies the TWXSTERS wasn't FRAUDULENT.
France arrests 3 bomb suspects
And we may assume their racial and ethnic identities will remain a media-state secret.
And we may assume their racial and ethnic identities will remain a media-state secret.
CHICKENS OF THE WORLD, UNITE!
"Bukbukbukbuk terrorists are going to find us facing them and that together we are going to win! bukbukbukbuk."
I wonder if this translation is accurate. Could he have meant the chickens and the terrorists will get together, and by forming an alliance they both win?
"Bukbukbukbuk terrorists are going to find us facing them and that together we are going to win! bukbukbukbuk."
I wonder if this translation is accurate. Could he have meant the chickens and the terrorists will get together, and by forming an alliance they both win?
News hacks find a new hero. Whether he has any base amongst the yayas in Iraq depends on how sedulously NEWS HACKS PROMOTE him.
Another eructation from the world's greatest deliberative news organization (WHY I OUGHTA....):
Spears Tops Magazine's Sexy Women List
"As always the list creates a great deal of controversy,'' FHM editor John Bastick said.
AS ALWAYS such lists create a great deal of FREE ADVERTISING, courtesy of CURLEY'S (NYUK! NYUK! NYUK!) STOOGES!!!!!
(Again, my deepest apologies to the great Curly, and his fans.)
Elsewhere in The Daily Clinton we admire "the fine-tuned ear for dialect and cant" in the great, great Florence King, whom I'd like to believe might have let loose some choice examples of Southern oratory about Brian's typing.
A few changes of words (and a few less DUMM comments about VCRs) and this guy would send Jack hitting the road -- to immortality. ("He has the brave, highly decorated World War II combat pilot experiences. He was actually there when JFK was shot....genuine achievements as the current movie rating system....blahblahblah." Hey Em! Did you take your nice pill when this piece of twaddle whizzed by your computer?)
HIT THE ROAD, BRIAN. You're just another GLIBERTARIAN.
HIT THE ROAD, BRIAN. You're just another GLIBERTARIAN.
DIP wants to CUT CORPORATE TAXES?
Whose will he raise?
Kerry overrode the objections of some advisers who opposed the corporate tax cut on political grounds.
Sounds like CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES are CAMPAIGNING again!
Whose will he raise?
Kerry overrode the objections of some advisers who opposed the corporate tax cut on political grounds.
Sounds like CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES are CAMPAIGNING again!
The bad news is, THE FORCES OF EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL passed another law restricting abortions. The good news is a bunch of scientists decided off the top of its eggheads abortion doesn't cause cancer. JUSTICE AND RIGHT SHALL PREVAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, March 25, 2004
G, PG clean up at the box office
And so does uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... (Of COURSE THIS hackette doesn't mention THAT rating.)
Another Fine Ideological Pretzel of Conservatism from the MOONIES!
And so does uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... (Of COURSE THIS hackette doesn't mention THAT rating.)
Another Fine Ideological Pretzel of Conservatism from the MOONIES!
50 alleged terrorists killed in Pakistani offensive
Which means about 3600 Helen Thomases are at this moment VERY busy.
Which means about 3600 Helen Thomases are at this moment VERY busy.
Even 958 "homeless" people in a city like Chicago is too many, but Chicago probably couldn't do anything about it if it wanted to, because BAGMEN HAVE FIRST-AMENDMENT RIGHTS, bequeathed by hermetically-sealed academics and luxury news hacks who live in the suburbs so they won't have to see FIRST-AMENDMENT RIGHTS IN ACTION.
You need 716 WORDS to say CLARKE SPUN?
It's times like these when I get discouraged, that I think perhaps I have nothing to say, that I get mad that I can't get more than three hits a day. What can I do? Oh well, keep going, I guess.
It's times like these when I get discouraged, that I think perhaps I have nothing to say, that I get mad that I can't get more than three hits a day. What can I do? Oh well, keep going, I guess.
I've a hunch second-thoughts are multiplying in the con-SER-vative community about the job it did selling P. R. MEL's slasher pic. The idiot Rev. Novaks and Monsignor Lapins would never admit to shame -- they're too good for that, or for us, and it's certainly hard to imagine it in a Catholic priest these days -- but these guys sold quite an expensive indulgence, in several senses.
The MORONS at The TRIB have a new TRICK: in order to go to another SITE you have to SIT THROUGH a @#$%&* HONDA AD -- and if you click on CLOSE you merely go back to the Trib site -- so the only way to escape the ad is by CLOSING THE BROWSER WINDOW!! IDIOTS!!!!!
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
A eulogy from Mickey Kaus:
In private, [the movie studios] do not always treat Valenti kindly, or with the reverence with which he is treated by Washington politicians and hack reporters, or even with much respect at all.
Why can't somebody somewhere zing this guy and all he's done to our culture?
In private, [the movie studios] do not always treat Valenti kindly, or with the reverence with which he is treated by Washington politicians and hack reporters, or even with much respect at all.
Why can't somebody somewhere zing this guy and all he's done to our culture?
When MickeyMouse Nixon goes, SO GOES RONETTE ZIEGLER.
"Politics is hand-to-hand combat on a daily basis," said Gary Sheffer, head of corporate communications at General Electric Co. and a fan of Mucha since he served on her staff in Albany. "It's a much more polite exchange in business. You're talking to shareholders. You're talking to people who invested in your business."
The public AND the shareholders be damned!
"Politics is hand-to-hand combat on a daily basis," said Gary Sheffer, head of corporate communications at General Electric Co. and a fan of Mucha since he served on her staff in Albany. "It's a much more polite exchange in business. You're talking to shareholders. You're talking to people who invested in your business."
The public AND the shareholders be damned!
Which name should come first in the 9-11 blame game headlines: Bush or Clinton?
I think we can guess.
I think we can guess.
Cliches: They are like really annoying, 24/7
More makework in the magical land of filler between newspaper ads.
Hey Reut, I'd rather hear your own cliches -- like "GUERILLAS."
More makework in the magical land of filler between newspaper ads.
Hey Reut, I'd rather hear your own cliches -- like "GUERILLAS."
Does Little Jeffrey's arthritic transparent violinist get on your nerves?
Here is why I can't stand pop-up (or pop-under) ads: they make bad connections WORSE.
My guess is a survey of S&M buffs would find the same thing. And aside from being one step above statistical junk, this self-selecting "poll" also tells me that auto exhausts can smell pretty good if that's all you want to breathe in.
And thanks to something called fmqb.com for ripping this directly from a press release.
AND SPEAKING THEREOF:
Edison Media Research conducts survey research and provides strategic information to radio stations, television stations, newspapers, cable networks, record labels, Internet companies and other media organizations. Edison Media Research works with many of the largest American radio groups, including Entercom, ABC Radio, Infinity, Bonneville Radio One, and Westwood One, and also conducts strategic and perceptual research for a broad array of companies including AOL/Time Warner, Yahoo!, Sony Music, Princeton University, Northwestern University, Universal Music Group, Time-Life Music and the Voice of America. Edison Media Research also conducts research for successful radio stations in South America, Africa, Asia, Canada and Europe.
Edison Media Research designed and operated the CNN RealVote election projection system in 2002, and currently conducts all exit polls and election projections for the six major news organizations: ABC, CBS, CNN, Fox, NBC and the Associated Press.
OHHHHHHHHHH-ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
And speaking of disinterested:
Jacobs Media is the largest radio consulting firm in the United States specializing in Rock formats. The company, formed in 1983 by Fred Jacobs, created the Classic Rock format, and has been a leading force in Alternative Rock, along with other Rock-based formats. Currently, Jacobs Media services are used by nearly every major broadcasting company, including Infinity, Entercom, Emmis, ABC, Cox, Saga, Citadel, Journal, Susquehanna, and others. Jacobs Media has also provided consulting services for The Corporation For Public Broadcasting, and select Public Radio stations.
DID YOU HELP CONSULT BOB EDWARDS OUT OF A JOB?
The whole world's run by VALENTIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And thanks to something called fmqb.com for ripping this directly from a press release.
AND SPEAKING THEREOF:
Edison Media Research conducts survey research and provides strategic information to radio stations, television stations, newspapers, cable networks, record labels, Internet companies and other media organizations. Edison Media Research works with many of the largest American radio groups, including Entercom, ABC Radio, Infinity, Bonneville Radio One, and Westwood One, and also conducts strategic and perceptual research for a broad array of companies including AOL/Time Warner, Yahoo!, Sony Music, Princeton University, Northwestern University, Universal Music Group, Time-Life Music and the Voice of America. Edison Media Research also conducts research for successful radio stations in South America, Africa, Asia, Canada and Europe.
Edison Media Research designed and operated the CNN RealVote election projection system in 2002, and currently conducts all exit polls and election projections for the six major news organizations: ABC, CBS, CNN, Fox, NBC and the Associated Press.
OHHHHHHHHHH-ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
And speaking of disinterested:
Jacobs Media is the largest radio consulting firm in the United States specializing in Rock formats. The company, formed in 1983 by Fred Jacobs, created the Classic Rock format, and has been a leading force in Alternative Rock, along with other Rock-based formats. Currently, Jacobs Media services are used by nearly every major broadcasting company, including Infinity, Entercom, Emmis, ABC, Cox, Saga, Citadel, Journal, Susquehanna, and others. Jacobs Media has also provided consulting services for The Corporation For Public Broadcasting, and select Public Radio stations.
DID YOU HELP CONSULT BOB EDWARDS OUT OF A JOB?
The whole world's run by VALENTIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One! Two! One! Two!
We not only fought but we won, too!
Left! Right! Left! Right!
There's none of the enemy left, right?
Left! Right! Right! Leftrightright....
HALT!!!!!
We not only fought but we won, too!
Left! Right! Left! Right!
There's none of the enemy left, right?
Left! Right! Right! Leftrightright....
HALT!!!!!
Another WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS enterprise, no doubt.
In D. C., you're not a man -- PERSON -- until you've HOODWINKED THE PEOPLE!
In D. C., you're not a man -- PERSON -- until you've HOODWINKED THE PEOPLE!
Here's proof "diversity" of information on the Web may not be all it's cracked up to be: enter a topic in Google News and you may get 200 or 300 hits -- most the same AP story.
For all of PROF's and STERNO's brave talk of democracy, it's hard to see the good in 200 or 300 iterations of the same story. As to THE FUTURE, if our kids can't read, how can we expect them to create decent Web sites, whatever their surface technical skills? (And they don't, judging from the comment about "me-me-me sites," which translated means, "Oh you know I met Dave and he's oh you know he's like so thoroughly gross," etc., etc., ETC.)
For all of PROF's and STERNO's brave talk of democracy, it's hard to see the good in 200 or 300 iterations of the same story. As to THE FUTURE, if our kids can't read, how can we expect them to create decent Web sites, whatever their surface technical skills? (And they don't, judging from the comment about "me-me-me sites," which translated means, "Oh you know I met Dave and he's oh you know he's like so thoroughly gross," etc., etc., ETC.)
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
Hey hard-core conservatives! Your friend Tony's recusing himself from the "under God" case! What'll you do if the remaining Eight Fingers pull a PROFILE IN COURAGE?
That radio commentator who was fired for using a naughty word -- ONE naughty word -- has found work at another station. GENERAL JR. and LOWSY go after such picky-picky cases instead of the drive-time PROFIT CENTERS of SLEAZE because it feels better.
And in his farewell impolite stench to the popcorn restaurant trade, Dr. Evil says movie production costs are going up -- and marketing costs are going way WAY up, which proves the movie industry doesn't make movies anymore.
The stupid Triple-As, a nationwide tow-truck firm whose Philly chapter is absconding to Delaware to get zillions in tax breaks, organizes a membership drive to pay for more such extortion by screaming that GAS PRICES HAVE HIT AN ALL-TIME RECORD!!!!!!!!! Sighhhhhhhhh, gas prices are like movie grosses -- news hacks are too lazy to adjust them for inflation. By that measure, gas is still much cheaper than it was at the height of OPEC's oil shenanigans three decades ago.
Philips Electronics goes PC!
Being decent shouldn't have to be PC, but you figure every company with a "diversity" page on its Web site already is, and of course Philips is EUROPEAN, plus the true mark of PC is the amount of junk a company finances on TV -- and Philips no doubt passes that test with flying color TVs.
Being decent shouldn't have to be PC, but you figure every company with a "diversity" page on its Web site already is, and of course Philips is EUROPEAN, plus the true mark of PC is the amount of junk a company finances on TV -- and Philips no doubt passes that test with flying color TVs.
Hmmm...looks like EL POLLO LOCO wants to prove he's not so POLLO -- in AFGHANISTAN!
You're still taking the troops out of Iraq because you're CHICKEN -- as in PERDUE, LOCO.
I suspect this is largely for U. S. CONSUMPTION, as if chicken will taste better that way.
You're still taking the troops out of Iraq because you're CHICKEN -- as in PERDUE, LOCO.
I suspect this is largely for U. S. CONSUMPTION, as if chicken will taste better that way.
Here's a weird one: Hamas, which just lost its SPIRITUAL LEADER, "secretly" elected a new boss.
Wait! Elections? Isn't that a WESTERN concept? You should have had a HOLY SHOOTOUT!
Wait! Elections? Isn't that a WESTERN concept? You should have had a HOLY SHOOTOUT!
Does the outgoing Dr. Evil have Dippity's dermatologist? That forehead is as smooth as his movies are rotten.
Our regular Medicare scare.
It's been going broke since 1965. A healthy dose of meds should do the trick.
It's been going broke since 1965. A healthy dose of meds should do the trick.
How many parents use the dreaded V-Chip?
If our Congresspoops have any backbone this will be a non-starter.
If our Congresspoops have any backbone this will be a non-starter.
In what must be a typical evasion today our local KnightRidder broadsheet monopoly prints opposing commentaries on ol' SPIRITUAL LEADER'S demise on the same page. This is the classic NEWS HACK WAFFLE. Either run a strong statement one way or the other, and print the opposing commentaries, or don't bother period. More than annoying, such a practice is exceedingly puzzling; after all, most newspapers run opinion pieces in the news section.
Here's an irksome puff piece about some GENIUS who's doubled his label's share in a declining record biz, rather like the market share of a Russian sub after a few boats have sunk.
Somehow I don't think those no-talents whanging away in Capitol's Studio A are making the same music as Ol' Blue.
Somehow I don't think those no-talents whanging away in Capitol's Studio A are making the same music as Ol' Blue.
You can look at the bright side, if there is any: the same whizzes who brought engineering excellence to the Russian navy brought it to Osama's gang, but I wouldn't be too content.
Monday, March 22, 2004
First Johnny Car -- PROF goes on vacation, now ANDY. Next lgf, then STERNO? What IS with the big names?
I’m not prepared to judge and say the quality of journalism has gone to hell in a handbasket.
No Jim, it's gone to hell in a chauffeur-driven Rolls.
No Jim, it's gone to hell in a chauffeur-driven Rolls.
If leftists can say BUSH=HITLER, I can think I can say, with a lot more certainty (and knowing many European leftists are surely among its fans):
SOCCER=RIOTS.
SOCCER=RIOTS.
Experimentation continues, and that costs money, too. Some formats have come and gone -- such as XM's all-news and Mandarin Chinese channels, and one called Special X that specialized in bizarre themes like "worst Christmas songs," "cheesiest love songs" and "German dentist office music."
So why do I have this vague notion satellite radio will become nothing more than CHEAP CHANNEL FOR PAY?
So why do I have this vague notion satellite radio will become nothing more than CHEAP CHANNEL FOR PAY?
Bush camp: Kerry plans would cost $1 trillion
And what about your plans -- spending zillions on Der Homeland? FREE DRUGS FOR SENIORS? How much will THAT cost?
We're not gonna win the election THAT way, Dubya.
And what about your plans -- spending zillions on Der Homeland? FREE DRUGS FOR SENIORS? How much will THAT cost?
We're not gonna win the election THAT way, Dubya.
Richard Clarke blames the Bush administration for September 11, but what does he think about President Clinton?
I think we can guess.
I think we can guess.
The biggest story of the day and Johnny Car -- THE PROFESSOR still hasn't weighed in on it. Why do you think you get ten billion hits a millisecond, PROF?
How comforting: antidepressants may lead to suicide.
So this is what all the big bucks go for, RIGHT, GlaxoSmithKline?
So this is what all the big bucks go for, RIGHT, GlaxoSmithKline?
David Brudnoy -- let's be honest -- does not look well, but we must consider he's been through AIDS, and now cancer, and has somehow survived, and prospered. Keep it going, Mr. Brudnoy.
Hamas targets U.S. for revenge hit
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!! I'M SCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARED!!!!!
Count on Mortimer Zuck's hacks to put this in a bigger than normal font.
I'm not scared of terrorists; we'll take care of them. What bothers me is the International Movement for Appeasement and Slavery: the intellectual-industrial complex would sue for peace; the world foreign policy establishment would sue for peace; all of Western Europe would sue for peace; the international leftist movement would sue for peace. A big chunk of the world stands ready for appeasement and slavery. This year's $64,000 question is, is Dippity-Do!? I'm not crazy about Dubya's vacillation and secrecy mania; but would Dip take the easy road out and cry Uncle Sam? Or would he flex and muscles and do something awful to atone for his party's sins? Can we afford to find out?
And that bastion of rock-brained conservatism, Wall Street, which usually sends a stock soaring when the company's founder dies, did not exactly acquit itself with glory today.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!! I'M SCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARED!!!!!
Count on Mortimer Zuck's hacks to put this in a bigger than normal font.
I'm not scared of terrorists; we'll take care of them. What bothers me is the International Movement for Appeasement and Slavery: the intellectual-industrial complex would sue for peace; the world foreign policy establishment would sue for peace; all of Western Europe would sue for peace; the international leftist movement would sue for peace. A big chunk of the world stands ready for appeasement and slavery. This year's $64,000 question is, is Dippity-Do!? I'm not crazy about Dubya's vacillation and secrecy mania; but would Dip take the easy road out and cry Uncle Sam? Or would he flex and muscles and do something awful to atone for his party's sins? Can we afford to find out?
And that bastion of rock-brained conservatism, Wall Street, which usually sends a stock soaring when the company's founder dies, did not exactly acquit itself with glory today.
Now ya done it! YA KILLED A SPIRITUAL LEADER!
News hacks, League of Nations drones and Foggy Bottom fog machines worldwide tremble under their desks.
News hacks, League of Nations drones and Foggy Bottom fog machines worldwide tremble under their desks.
Sunday, March 21, 2004
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL REPUBLICAN BUSINESSMEN ARE STEALTHILY TRYING TO GET THEIR WORKERS TO VOTE THEIR WAY WITH VOTER REGISTRATION CAMPAIGNS.
SUMNER uses MTV to organize Democratic votes, and you NEWS HACKS think it's the best thing since Jeff drafted the Declaration. But when the GOP does the same thing it's WATERGATE. That's one reason names like Jayson will stink up your biz for a LONG TIME.
SUMNER uses MTV to organize Democratic votes, and you NEWS HACKS think it's the best thing since Jeff drafted the Declaration. But when the GOP does the same thing it's WATERGATE. That's one reason names like Jayson will stink up your biz for a LONG TIME.
Hey International S.T.A.L.I.N.I.S.T.S.! I've got a new one for you! BUSH=TALIBAN!!!!!
Gliberal, you'd better see a doctor. This business of you imitating strokes in the mirror to get inspired is going to hurt you someday.
(And the sad thing is Gliberal vaguely senses the claptrap on both sides: knee-jerk conservatives aghast over breasts won't touch MEL's slasher film [or SOUTH...oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii], and the STERNOS huff over MEL but scream about their hero being denied his FIRST-AMENDMENT RIGHTS. Hypocrisy and political tone-deafness know no bounds in this dispute; but because Gliberal is intent on making himself physically ill writing his columns, much as Orwell did writing 1984, he buries whatever's left of his common sense under a mountain of cracked pottery.)
Gliberal, you'd better see a doctor. This business of you imitating strokes in the mirror to get inspired is going to hurt you someday.
(And the sad thing is Gliberal vaguely senses the claptrap on both sides: knee-jerk conservatives aghast over breasts won't touch MEL's slasher film [or SOUTH...oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii], and the STERNOS huff over MEL but scream about their hero being denied his FIRST-AMENDMENT RIGHTS. Hypocrisy and political tone-deafness know no bounds in this dispute; but because Gliberal is intent on making himself physically ill writing his columns, much as Orwell did writing 1984, he buries whatever's left of his common sense under a mountain of cracked pottery.)
In France, what is the difference between "leftists" and "conservatives"?
I guess it depends on how you like your CHICKEN.
I guess it depends on how you like your CHICKEN.
Kerry, who has been a member of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee since the day he joined the Senate, has more experience in foreign policy than any challenger to the incumbent party since former vice president Richard Nixon in 1969.... [Emphasis added.]
This is a VIRTUE, St. Warren?
This is a VIRTUE, St. Warren?
In the growing farce that is the GE Bancorp Boring Niche Sports and Sappy Featurettes Orgy, the Greeks have now announced they're not building a roof over the swimming venue, meaning it's gonna be a scorcher.
Despite this, THE GAMES WILL CONTINUE, because Little Jeffrey will scream and cry if he can't take his extended vacations in the luxury boxes.
Hey Jeffy! WHY NOT SEND IN SOME SIX SIGMA GUYS TO HELP 'EM FINISH THE JOB?
Despite this, THE GAMES WILL CONTINUE, because Little Jeffrey will scream and cry if he can't take his extended vacations in the luxury boxes.
Hey Jeffy! WHY NOT SEND IN SOME SIX SIGMA GUYS TO HELP 'EM FINISH THE JOB?
Public revulsion against the proliferation of broadcast vulgarity, indecency and obscenity runs deep.
So what does Trib Company (owner of WGN, a stake in The WB, etc., etc., etc.,) propose? Essentially that old canard about rape: lie back and enjoy it. Sorry, the FCC's incompetence and incoherence does not justify your industry's pandering. (And because I do not distinguish between the news biz and show-biz, it's YOUR biz.)
So what does Trib Company (owner of WGN, a stake in The WB, etc., etc., etc.,) propose? Essentially that old canard about rape: lie back and enjoy it. Sorry, the FCC's incompetence and incoherence does not justify your industry's pandering. (And because I do not distinguish between the news biz and show-biz, it's YOUR biz.)
When NEWS HACKS talk about BEEEEEEEEEEEEE-O, we can be sure they don't know what they're talking about just from Box Office Mojo's All-Time Top 100 list. Of the 100, only three are before THE AGE OF JACK, which means the other 97 are inflated by inflation, showing the movie in 10,000 theaters, and just plain statistical legerdemain. In short, statistics can be lies and damned lies too.
And in MORE Arab news (the last of the day):
The Palestinian Mother Wishes to Receive Her Son as a Corpse, but Not Butchered
That would seem difficult when the Palestinian son wishes to blow himself up into 5 million pieces.
The Palestinian Mother Wishes to Receive Her Son as a Corpse, but Not Butchered
That would seem difficult when the Palestinian son wishes to blow himself up into 5 million pieces.
Speaking of the Saudis, TIME TO GET OUT WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS AGAIN! SEEMS WE SAUDIS LUUUUUUUUUUUVE JEWS!
OR:
“IT IS ALL PART OF A SMEAR CAMPAIGN MEANT TO TARNISH SAUDI ARABIA’S IMAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Buddy, you don't need any help on that.
OR:
“IT IS ALL PART OF A SMEAR CAMPAIGN MEANT TO TARNISH SAUDI ARABIA’S IMAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Buddy, you don't need any help on that.
"I still find it hard to believe," a Spanish law enforcement official said. "In some of these countries that are logistical bases — Germany, France — you see extremists who don't have roots, who are lumpen. Angry at the society. Many of our suspects have businesses, Spanish wives, kids in school. They speak Spanish impeccably, without an accent. They are very polite, cultured. In interrogations, even the ones who don't have formal education are polite and well-spoken."
The SAUDIS' chief contribution to mankind was to make sure COCKROACHES came in all shapes, sizes, educations, and incomes.
The SAUDIS' chief contribution to mankind was to make sure COCKROACHES came in all shapes, sizes, educations, and incomes.
HAS ST. WARREN OF BUFFETT POSITIONED HIMSELF FOR A STAKE IN THE IPO?
No, the guy never did much like high-tech.
No, the guy never did much like high-tech.
Saturday, March 20, 2004
I remember how addictive the Web was a decade ago, but it's even more so on broadband. I can imagine what cable modems are like (or would be like were they run on another planet). There are glitches -- occasionally things will just stop -- but on the whole, I'm impressed.
Does that mean sieg heil, or something?
Enough already. Ignorance was unbowed throughout the world today.
More brilliant symbolism: the Statue of Liberty is, of course, closed to tourists.
Time for some FUN IN THE SUN in RIO, where we get to show off our flabby bodies, and flabbier morals.
Oh well, time to post some Yahoo! photos, like last time:
SIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!! Or is that Eh?
SIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!! Or is that Eh?
Oh, NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! MORE MARTYRS FOR THE FIRST AMENDMENT!!!!!
I know I'm starting to post on this @#$%&* business as much as STERNO, but given how cement-headed he and his followers are I have no choice.
I know I'm starting to post on this @#$%&* business as much as STERNO, but given how cement-headed he and his followers are I have no choice.
HERE WE GO:
Mayor Michael Bloomberg estimated the crowd at about 30,000, but organizers said later that number had grown to more than 100,000.
Why didn't you use 200,000? 500,000? A MILLION? You could put out ANY NUMBER you want, because, Tom NYUK! NYUK! NYUK! Curley, THE NEWS BIZ IS OWNED BY CONSERVATIVES.
Mayor Michael Bloomberg estimated the crowd at about 30,000, but organizers said later that number had grown to more than 100,000.
Why didn't you use 200,000? 500,000? A MILLION? You could put out ANY NUMBER you want, because, Tom NYUK! NYUK! NYUK! Curley, THE NEWS BIZ IS OWNED BY CONSERVATIVES.
A MEA CULPA: In several posts I've mentioned the STERNO gang's obsession over bad dirty jokes. I might understand the occasional dirty joke if it were funny, or witty. And I must confess that in my never-to-be-published college satire I have a few jokes of the questionable kind. But I know without hearing them what kind of jokes STERNO's favorites spew over the air, and as I must say again, STERNO, some forms of expression are far more worthy of FIRST AMENDMENT PROTECTION than BAD ADOLESCENTS' dirty jokes.
One other thing: the Metropolitan Opera is in danger of losing its radio voice thanks to its inability to attract sponsors; yet BAD DIRTY JOKES seem to draw millions in ads. How can you defend this, STERNO?
One other thing: the Metropolitan Opera is in danger of losing its radio voice thanks to its inability to attract sponsors; yet BAD DIRTY JOKES seem to draw millions in ads. How can you defend this, STERNO?
If it is true that STERNO's league of heroes is trying to dumb down media, we Web browsers and bloggers have a responsibility to SMARTEN THEM UP.
A pall of gloom has settled over all of Spain.
I'd feel a little more sympathetic if you Spaniards weren't trying to cast a pall of gloom over the whole world with your APPEASEMENT AND SURRENDER.
Here's how to feel better: just remember -- you're SUPERIOR TO THE YANQUIS.
I'd feel a little more sympathetic if you Spaniards weren't trying to cast a pall of gloom over the whole world with your APPEASEMENT AND SURRENDER.
Here's how to feel better: just remember -- you're SUPERIOR TO THE YANQUIS.
Hey STERNO!!!!! You're always whining about how THIS TINY PACK OF LOW-IQ BORN-AGAIN HAYSEEDS AND PRUDES WANTS TO TELL THE REST OF AMERICA WHAT IT CAN HEAR ON THE RADIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well maybe they do. But you're part of a tiny clique of reverse snobs and gliberals and glibertarians and permanent adolescents who want to tell the rest of America what it can hear on the radio. And while the hayseeds may rely on primitive things like faith and the Bible, you rely on superzillionaire media tyrants. To me it's no contest. The hayseeds win.
If I could challenge this lout the next thing out of his mouth would be, YOU CAN ALWAYS TURN THE RADIO OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To which I'd say, as I've said in a different vein, WHO CAN TURN RADIO OFF?!?!?
It'll be a while before I surf STERNO's site again. He's getting as off his rocker on bad dirty jokes as ANDY S. is about gay marriage.
Well maybe they do. But you're part of a tiny clique of reverse snobs and gliberals and glibertarians and permanent adolescents who want to tell the rest of America what it can hear on the radio. And while the hayseeds may rely on primitive things like faith and the Bible, you rely on superzillionaire media tyrants. To me it's no contest. The hayseeds win.
If I could challenge this lout the next thing out of his mouth would be, YOU CAN ALWAYS TURN THE RADIO OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To which I'd say, as I've said in a different vein, WHO CAN TURN RADIO OFF?!?!?
It'll be a while before I surf STERNO's site again. He's getting as off his rocker on bad dirty jokes as ANDY S. is about gay marriage.
Is there a connection between "THE BEST MOVIE IN A DECADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and fizzling at the box office?
It's been a year since we invaded Iraq, and most of the millionaire NEWS HACKS are glum because they've tried everything to knock the effort -- and IT HASN'T WORKED. Say what you will about WMDs, SADDAM was a WMD in his own right.
The Phony Holy Medicine That Kills Kids Monitor has made a big payment to the disgraced MP George Galloway for alleging he took bribes from Iraq -- but he still was palsy-walsies with Saddam, regardless of how well it paid.
Two (COUNT 'EM! TWO!) big media phonies in the latest Times Magazine: Lollipop Lou brags he's a Republican -- but maybe not this year (hey! we'd be happy if you were outsourced; then again, with all that lard it would take a lot of outsourcing); and Al O'Franken has signed up for one o'year, which suggests he not too o'confident of beating the O'SPIN NO-SPIN SPIN CORP.
Well, I'm on DSL today, and it's a little disconcerting after the snail's crawl of the last few years. I think I understand how PROF gets the ENERGY to post 100 times a day -- and I'm sure HE DOESN'T PAY FOR HIS CONNECTION.
I had problems: my computer bloop-bleeped after I put in the Ethernet card (of course I didn't follow directions), but Dell saved me -- it apparently installed the software when it built the computer, so I didn't need the CD. (Thank you, Michael!) And the Creative Broadxent (pronounced broadgzent?) modem is spiffy, but it has a big footprint.
And just as I suspected -- GOOGLEBLOGGER STILL HICCUPS!
I had problems: my computer bloop-bleeped after I put in the Ethernet card (of course I didn't follow directions), but Dell saved me -- it apparently installed the software when it built the computer, so I didn't need the CD. (Thank you, Michael!) And the Creative Broadxent (pronounced broadgzent?) modem is spiffy, but it has a big footprint.
And just as I suspected -- GOOGLEBLOGGER STILL HICCUPS!
Friday, March 19, 2004
Paris Hilton Injured During Show Taping
This hed is so rife with meaning, so delicious in its insinuations, that -- no, NO. Some things are best left to the imagination.
This hed is so rife with meaning, so delicious in its insinuations, that -- no, NO. Some things are best left to the imagination.
Well! So much for that treason.
We'll never know if Capt. Yee did something nasty or was a victim of circumstance, but I love the reason for dropping the charges:
"In the grand scheme of things, and in the interest of national security, Gen. [Geoffrey] Miller [the commander at Gitmo] felt like the charges needed to be dropped.''
In other words, we can indict you on national security, and when we don't have a case, we can drop the charges on national security. NEATO!
What else do John ASHcroft and Co. have up their sleeves?
We'll never know if Capt. Yee did something nasty or was a victim of circumstance, but I love the reason for dropping the charges:
"In the grand scheme of things, and in the interest of national security, Gen. [Geoffrey] Miller [the commander at Gitmo] felt like the charges needed to be dropped.''
In other words, we can indict you on national security, and when we don't have a case, we can drop the charges on national security. NEATO!
What else do John ASHcroft and Co. have up their sleeves?
Today in perusing About Last Night I came across Terry Teachout's comments on THE LAFF RIOT OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY, the LEGENDARY CHARLIE CHAPLIN. Seems Mr. Teachout tried watching his IMMORTAL comedy Gold Rush on Turner [sic] Classic Movies, and he "didn't laugh ONCE." It's only natural for Chaplin's rep to take a shellacing. First, he starred in silent films, many to our modern eyes so coarse and amateur-looking as to be unwatchable. Second, silent comedy is by nature MIME, and MIME has a stench of its own. Third, he inspired Lucille Ball, who also specialized in MIME (not to mention mugging) and more than occasionally appeared on the air imitating Chaplin with derby, moustache and cane, and who was spectacularly unfunny in her own right. And fourth, let us face it, a man who MIMES, who MUGS, and who wrote weepy theme songs for his own movies, can only be UNFUNNY.
I think of the famous screed Mark Twain wrote to his lawyer not long before he died blasting a "humor" anthology bearing his name, featuring such "celebrated" "humorists" as "Artemus Ward" and "Petroleum V. Nasby", most of it from Twain's time, all of it unfunny. (Perhaps he was staring himself in the mirror; nearly all of Twain's short pieces are today unfunny.) It will not do to say humor has a short shelf life, or that it's a child of its times; Sheridan's best comedies sparkle now as they did two centuries ago; and we still laugh at the sage wit of THE MASTER, who invited Sheridan into his own Literary Club. No, too much of big-name reps (especially big-name MEDIA reps) depends solely on groupthink, and something as fragile as comedy especially relies on it, and the groupthink had it from early on that CHARLIE CHAPLIN was a LAFF RIOT. And the bigger they are, the harder they fall, until nothing remains of Chaplin's rep but his grotesqueries, public and private.
I can't believe this blog gets less than 30,000 hits a month on average. Oh well, we fans can applaud ourselves.
I think of the famous screed Mark Twain wrote to his lawyer not long before he died blasting a "humor" anthology bearing his name, featuring such "celebrated" "humorists" as "Artemus Ward" and "Petroleum V. Nasby", most of it from Twain's time, all of it unfunny. (Perhaps he was staring himself in the mirror; nearly all of Twain's short pieces are today unfunny.) It will not do to say humor has a short shelf life, or that it's a child of its times; Sheridan's best comedies sparkle now as they did two centuries ago; and we still laugh at the sage wit of THE MASTER, who invited Sheridan into his own Literary Club. No, too much of big-name reps (especially big-name MEDIA reps) depends solely on groupthink, and something as fragile as comedy especially relies on it, and the groupthink had it from early on that CHARLIE CHAPLIN was a LAFF RIOT. And the bigger they are, the harder they fall, until nothing remains of Chaplin's rep but his grotesqueries, public and private.
I can't believe this blog gets less than 30,000 hits a month on average. Oh well, we fans can applaud ourselves.
Visa USA is Joined by Senator Hillary Clinton to Announce Delivery of Practical Money Skills Program to Batavia High School
(S)He should know.
(S)He should know.
Sounds like the finicky Europeans have agreed to disagree on terrorism.
These guys couldn't shoot straight if the Lord God aimed and pulled the trigger.
These guys couldn't shoot straight if the Lord God aimed and pulled the trigger.
Assuming this is more than the usual conservative-columnist scare mongering, this is a brilliant idea -- letting CONGRESS amend the Constitution wih a TWO-THIRDS-MAJORITY VOTE. That way we get a Constitution with 16,000 amendments.
No Eddie, GAMING (can't call it GAMBLING) has NUTTIN' TO DO WITH PERSONAL BANKRUPTCIES. It's just a means of achieving the growth that'll lure more maids and janitors and bellhops and waiters who'll....
Honest SUM, we NEED The Real World. Without it we can't lure the tourists who help employ all the maids and janitors and bellhops and waiters Philly NEEDS to be a LEADER in the world economy.
Every time our beloved gov opens his big fat PR trap he makes a jack*** of himself. (Wait! Wasn't that the name of a show on MTV? JACK***?)
Every time our beloved gov opens his big fat PR trap he makes a jack*** of himself. (Wait! Wasn't that the name of a show on MTV? JACK***?)
St. Joe's coach Phil Martelli, generally a man of great and self-deprecating humor, angrily called Packer a "jack***."
The word is JACKASS, which the last time I heard was not obscene. GETTING TOUCHY THERE, MR. X-RATED FX RUPERT?????????????????????
I wonder if RUPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! did this on purpose to help undercut the FCC.
The word is JACKASS, which the last time I heard was not obscene. GETTING TOUCHY THERE, MR. X-RATED FX RUPERT?????????????????????
I wonder if RUPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! did this on purpose to help undercut the FCC.
Today's another RICHARD "GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE!!!!!" CORLISS kind of a day.
At least no one got hurt this time.
At least no one got hurt this time.
Off the Mark on Cost of War, Reception by Iraqis!!!!!!!!!!
Kerry Capitalizing on Party Resources to Fill Coffers!!!!!!!!!!
Paid for by Kerry for President, Warren Buffett, Treasurer.
Kerry Capitalizing on Party Resources to Fill Coffers!!!!!!!!!!
Paid for by Kerry for President, Warren Buffett, Treasurer.
THIS IS IT! MAN THE BARRICADES! LOAD YOUR GUNS! WE'RE GOING TO WAR!!
How does the "Marseillaise" go? Da-daaaa-da-daaaa-daaaa-daaaaaaaaaa-daaaaaaaaaa....
WE WANT OUR BAD DIRTY JOKES!!!!!
OR:
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How does the "Marseillaise" go? Da-daaaa-da-daaaa-daaaa-daaaaaaaaaa-daaaaaaaaaa....
WE WANT OUR BAD DIRTY JOKES!!!!!
OR:
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Thursday, March 18, 2004
SEAN HANNITY'S CRUSADE -- JOIN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What? To make $50 million a year flaunting my ignorance? COUNT ME IN!!
What? To make $50 million a year flaunting my ignorance? COUNT ME IN!!
Marching Bagmen Alert:
Antiwar Groups to Rally Around World on March 20
Oop! TIME TO EXAGGERATE THE NUMBERS AGAIN!
Antiwar Groups to Rally Around World on March 20
Oop! TIME TO EXAGGERATE THE NUMBERS AGAIN!
Some grand poobah down in Baltimore is resigning because this is PRECISELY what happens when we SOCIALIZE SPORTS FACILITIES.
I would NOT want to see "pix" of Courtney Love arrested unless she were very beautiful, 39-23-37, and nearly nude. But she is not (except for that last one, which she all too frequently is), and I don't want to.
ANOTHER outstanding Kinsley.com caption:
Today's Doonesbury: The usual suspects.
Yeah. Including the author.
Today's Doonesbury: The usual suspects.
Yeah. Including the author.
Dippity-Do! and WEIRDO, too!
Dippity-Do! and WEIRDO, too!
And with them we'll beat little BUSH, BUSH,
BUSH is some used up MOOSH!
And with them we'll be little BUSH, BUSH, BUSH, BUSH,
BUSH, BUSH, BUSH, BUSH....
Another instance of (to paraphrase the immortal MASTER) a louse trying to set precedence over a flea.
Dippity-Do! and WEIRDO, too!
And with them we'll beat little BUSH, BUSH,
BUSH is some used up MOOSH!
And with them we'll be little BUSH, BUSH, BUSH, BUSH,
BUSH, BUSH, BUSH, BUSH....
Another instance of (to paraphrase the immortal MASTER) a louse trying to set precedence over a flea.
Since ANDY S. thinks he can come up with clever songs, well, so can I:
(To the tune of "Little Pig's Tail" or "Tippecanoe and Tyler, Too," whichever came first)
Dippity-Do! and Rodham, too!
Dippity-Do! and Rodham, too!
But which of the two is a man, man?
Man they're a screwed-up clan!
And which of the two is a man?
(To the tune of "Little Pig's Tail" or "Tippecanoe and Tyler, Too," whichever came first)
Dippity-Do! and Rodham, too!
Dippity-Do! and Rodham, too!
But which of the two is a man, man?
Man they're a screwed-up clan!
And which of the two is a man?
Hey Jeff! Either you're serious about avoiding the hoosegow or you're serious about wasting money!
What's the difference?
What's the difference?
Oh GOOGLEBLOGGER! Why do I see that cute little EXCLAMATION POINT in a YELLOW TRIANGLE so often when I POST?
Dippity-Do! criticizes one of his strongest supporters -- El Pollo Loco?
He probably meant to say the Chicken should never have said it PUBLICLY.
He probably meant to say the Chicken should never have said it PUBLICLY.
FTC, SENATORS, AD GROUPS ARGUE OVER MEDIA VIOLENCE
HEY REVERSE ROBIN HOODS! MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T FINANCE EVERY PIECE OF DOG DROPPINGS THAT GETS PLOPPED ON THE SIDEWALK WE WOULDN'T BE TALKING ABOUT A "CHIEF NATIONAL CENSOR."
HEY REVERSE ROBIN HOODS! MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T FINANCE EVERY PIECE OF DOG DROPPINGS THAT GETS PLOPPED ON THE SIDEWALK WE WOULDN'T BE TALKING ABOUT A "CHIEF NATIONAL CENSOR."
SHUCKS, HOWARD STERN, looks as though THE FIRST AMENDMENT HAS ALREADY BEEN TORN UP.
OR:
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Methodists Put Minister on Trial for Declaring Herself a Lesbian
Witch hunt! WITCH HUNT!!!!!
She's the one on the far left. Is it me or does she look like The Hero NER -- RENO?
Witch hunt! WITCH HUNT!!!!!
She's the one on the far left. Is it me or does she look like The Hero NER -- RENO?
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
Report: Group Claims Truce With Spain
SIIIIIIIIII! SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No.
SIIIIIIIIII! SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No.
Kinsley.com asks ANOTHER stupid question:
Why are Hollywood actors starring on your PlayStation?
Well, for one thing, maybe it's because they want to make money.
Why are Hollywood actors starring on your PlayStation?
Well, for one thing, maybe it's because they want to make money.
The kind of verbose thumbsucker I love: Twenty-five years of RAP for -- NOTHING!
Rap isn't dying. Pop-culture's current structure, with its permanent status quo backed by mega-zillion media tyrannies, makes good change impossible. Besides, there's nothing to replace it, save possible worse mutations (ultra-tech, or the umpteenth variation of disco). And while the -- GENRE (I will NEVER call it MUSIC) may have been born brain-dead, its heart beats with a nonstop infusion of green blood.
Rap isn't dying. Pop-culture's current structure, with its permanent status quo backed by mega-zillion media tyrannies, makes good change impossible. Besides, there's nothing to replace it, save possible worse mutations (ultra-tech, or the umpteenth variation of disco). And while the -- GENRE (I will NEVER call it MUSIC) may have been born brain-dead, its heart beats with a nonstop infusion of green blood.
Biden endorses a fusion ticket: Kerry-McCain
The lobbying has begun, and those who think this spectacularly vain WAR HERO immune are kidding themselves.
The lobbying has begun, and those who think this spectacularly vain WAR HERO immune are kidding themselves.
P. R. MEL THREATENS A SLASHER WESTERN ABOUT HANNUKAH!!!!!
Not entirely kidding.
OH oh, THE PRODUCER OF THE GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME THINKS MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T HAVE FOUGHT IN IRAQ!!!!! Count on a champion wind breaker like Sean to "change the subject."
Not entirely kidding.
OH oh, THE PRODUCER OF THE GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME THINKS MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T HAVE FOUGHT IN IRAQ!!!!! Count on a champion wind breaker like Sean to "change the subject."
Hey HOWARD STERN! Did you organize the CRANK E-MAILS? Or did you suggest calling this guy a "chrome dome"?
OR:
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The only way to answer El Pollo Loco is to say, "You withdraw your forces, fine. We'll withdraw our financial aid, our tourism and our trade." We could also say the next time you get hit we may have to reconsider helping you. The worst we can do is get on bended knee and beg to a lout who is obviously convinced BIG OIL organized the war. Let him fight terrorism with appeasement.
By the way, when does an AMERICAN news hack interview him? Not that it would make any difference; it would be like Lollipop Lou Dobbs interviewing Legendary Welch.
By the way, when does an AMERICAN news hack interview him? Not that it would make any difference; it would be like Lollipop Lou Dobbs interviewing Legendary Welch.
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Kerry told, 'Put up or shut up'
The nice thing about Dippity-Do! is he won't put up and he won't shut up. He wins both ways.
The nice thing about Dippity-Do! is he won't put up and he won't shut up. He wins both ways.
This is the new CW from leftists and glibertarians: THEIR HERO WILL DECIDE THE ELECTION. (Looks like HOWARD STERN's been STUMPING FOR HIS WEB SITE.) But I suspect more teen slasher-movie buffs and Christian S&M fans have seen P. R. MEL'S MASTERPIECE than there are psuedo-intellectuals and airheads to listen to the HERO, and besides, by the time November rolls around, the election will surely be decided by more profound things than KA-KA JOKES, WEE-WEE JOKES, BIG BAZOOM JOKES AND EENIE-WEENIE-PEENIE JOKES.
Here is the definition of WHAT A CROCK: WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS is boasting that the SAUDIS killed THE POET.
You may have killed THE POET but you haven't begun to kill THE PROBLEM.
You may have killed THE POET but you haven't begun to kill THE PROBLEM.
Poll: Muslim countries, Europe question U.S. motives
Can we say the feeling's mutual?
The usual grain of salt: "The polls were taken in February, before the train bombings in Spain that claimed the lives of at least 200 people." Translation: we may control the people but we can't control events.
Can we say the feeling's mutual?
The usual grain of salt: "The polls were taken in February, before the train bombings in Spain that claimed the lives of at least 200 people." Translation: we may control the people but we can't control events.
HOWARD STERN! Your HERO has become "Chris Matthews blabbering about politics"!
SHUT UP already -- BOTH of you!
SHUT UP already -- BOTH of you!
I don't think Dubya has anything to do with the fact that many professional college basketball players can't GRADUATE.
Here's another instance where POLITICS trumps TRUTH. Had this clown not decided to see what it's like turning your face beet red and your head three times normal (just like THE GLIBERAL when HE imagines Dubya) he'd have had a column.
Here's another instance where POLITICS trumps TRUTH. Had this clown not decided to see what it's like turning your face beet red and your head three times normal (just like THE GLIBERAL when HE imagines Dubya) he'd have had a column.
This'll stem the decline of the "mainstream" liberal "churches" -- ADVERTISING.
Further proof these "churches" have abandoned The Word for words.
Further proof these "churches" have abandoned The Word for words.
Hey PROF, am I now going to have to call YOU JEFF JARVIS?!?!?
Monday, March 15, 2004
Now that NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!! has discovered El Pollo Loco said "No more deaths for oil," how long before we learn he whispered sweet nothings into Saddam's ear?
One of the most BRILLIANT ideas in MARKETING HISTORY: GlaxoSmithKline (DilbertSpell) is using ADVERTISING to convince people DRUGS AREN'T OVERPRICED.
This is like using ads to convince people A POLITICAN'S TELLING THE TRUTH.
This is like using ads to convince people A POLITICAN'S TELLING THE TRUTH.
[W]hat occurred in Madrid last week is all our fault.
It was, wasn't it? I think the Dems should nominate Rep. Cowface Flipflop as vice-president and then he'd teach us how to solve all problems with LOVE.
And maybe a few late-term abortions.
It was, wasn't it? I think the Dems should nominate Rep. Cowface Flipflop as vice-president and then he'd teach us how to solve all problems with LOVE.
And maybe a few late-term abortions.
The slow death of the grand New Hampshire town meeting tradition should give pause to the Web PR types who insist on calling the medium a rebirth of democracy. It's democracy, all right -- if you could mud slinging and ad hominem attacks democracy. It's also democracy for TREKKIES, RINGIES, STERNIES, VIDEOGAME PHREAKS, and anyone else whose motto should be GET A LIFE!
Goody! They found a big bomb near our consulate in Karachi several days ago.
See Carlos, or Juan, or whomever, you don't have to worry as they only attack US.
I wonder if a travel-and-trade backlash will develop. It depends on how Nevillian the Spanish leadership is.
See Carlos, or Juan, or whomever, you don't have to worry as they only attack US.
I wonder if a travel-and-trade backlash will develop. It depends on how Nevillian the Spanish leadership is.
"IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
OOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooh, ought to go easy on that GEL, Dip! The FUMES!
OOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooh, ought to go easy on that GEL, Dip! The FUMES!