Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Posted
8:11 PM
by Gene
I know! THE VAST RIGHT-WING CONSPIRACY!
Posted
7:42 PM
by Gene
20,359 ON ALEXA!
Posted
5:42 PM
by Gene
It might have saved some lives if a few of you had before.
Posted
5:36 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:32 PM
by Gene
![]() When I see pictures of some of those stupid kids on spring break I think with their looks the only way they can have sex is by getting drunk.
Posted
5:28 PM
by Gene
That's REALLY gonna save the record biz, Econowiz.
Posted
5:19 PM
by Gene
Shouldn't that read "lack of business"?
Posted
5:16 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:12 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:07 PM
by Gene
EMI Job Cuts: The Price of Crummy Music? WHO IS SLYCK.COM AND HOW DO YOU PRONOUNCE IT?
Posted
5:02 PM
by Gene
As in, DUHHHH, we gotta get dummies to win the national title, and black are dummies, DUHHHHHHHHHHHHH. With your GAMBLING record, PAUL, you're hardly a colossus of ethics and morals, DUHHHHHHHHHHH.
Posted
4:57 PM
by Gene
You earns your money, you takes your choice. Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Posted
5:37 PM
by Gene
You're jealous that it's SOLD, MR. NOBODY'S BUSINESS.
Posted
5:35 PM
by Gene
Now that I remember his voice (it's been YEARS since I listened regularly to the radio), he was a drone.
Posted
5:24 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:16 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:13 PM
by Gene
Hey! The clowns at LOWE'S are PC too! They're talkin' SELF-EMPOWERMENT. Oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
Those plans were aborted mainly because of the decisive U.S. response to the New York and Washington attacks, which disrupted the terrorist organization's plans so thoroughly that it could not proceed, according to transcripts of his conversations with interrogators. Now if DEADWOOD had been president....
Posted
5:05 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:01 PM
by Gene
IT'S ABOUT TIME. No one wants to hear the "terrorists won" cliche for the umpteenth time, but the Feds' excessive caution does nobody BUT terrorists good. The bad news is the Lady's hat is still off limits, but the Park Service hinted it too may someday reopen, so perhaps they're not all THAT dense with "security" concerns.
Posted
4:58 PM
by Gene
Why doesn't WACKO do a little bit of hiding too?
Posted
4:56 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:52 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:59 AM
by Gene
It figures, PROF -- that's your favorite letter of the alphabet.
Posted
6:56 AM
by Gene
A-HOM-A-HOM-A-HOM-A-HOM-A-HOM-A-HOM-A....
Posted
6:47 AM
by Gene
Em, can't you run some stuff demanding Slick's impeachment?
Posted
6:43 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:40 AM
by Gene
Monday, March 29, 2004
Posted
5:39 PM
by Gene
![]() The state quarters are getting weirder and weirder. We're told that's the conservationist John Muir, and that's apparently a California condor making a beeline for his head, and I don't know what that thing is on the right. The problem with state quarters is that they try to define a locality's essence in one picture, something impossible with any state but especially one as diverse and diversely weird as California. Hence the tacky bad art work on the quarters, the most risible project in the whole history of currency.
Posted
5:28 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:24 PM
by Gene
You make MILLIONS with your instant cliches, Andy. Just give the @#$%&* MONEY to SOMEBODY. Hey, I'LL TAKE IT!!!!! I'm not proud.
Posted
5:19 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:44 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:41 AM
by Gene
![]() Iraq. How do we make a QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! out of this? Sunday, March 28, 2004
Posted
5:58 PM
by Gene
Today the French decided they wanted to be VERY socialist.
Posted
4:28 PM
by Gene
"Deregulation has simply greased the pockets of Sumner Redstone and Rupert Murdoch and Clear Channel while spawning a fundamental lack of accountability among top media executives. For them, it's always somebody else's fault. We're not blaming all of society's ills on them, but to say they bear no responsibility for violence, sexual behavior and other health issues among young people flies in the face of reality." Mogul's Friend also gives a heave-ho to that classic self-serving line, "IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT...." Shock jock supporters [and here of course we MUST include STERNO -- E.D.] say parents carting kids to school can always change the station, though in dozens of cities across the country that simply dials up another tawdry show on a station owned by the same do-anything-for-a-rating conglomerate. Anything for a rating. That's the problem. THAT'S WHY MEDIA STINK.
Posted
4:04 PM
by Gene
Translation: the GET A LIFE! crowd is tired of the fifteenth generation of slice-'em-'ups.
Posted
3:54 PM
by Gene
Does that mean they put little electrodes on the vulgar fans' foreheads and make them go rah-rah at the same time?
Posted
12:09 PM
by Gene
You sure?
Posted
9:03 AM
by Gene
Especially considering YOUR consumer-electronics biz has AN INDIAN HELP DESK.
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
And sorry, PROF, more people still get their daily fiction from NEWS HACKS than from BLOGGERS or COMEDIANS. (And of COURSE the Gliberal can say "faux journalism rocks." He practices it too.)
Posted
8:41 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:39 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:31 AM
by Gene
Start another fire!
Posted
8:26 AM
by Gene
I don't think 3,000 people would be pleased.
Posted
8:23 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:16 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:14 AM
by Gene
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO thank you.
Posted
8:06 AM
by Gene
Saturday, March 27, 2004
Posted
6:32 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:18 PM
by Gene
Following Clarke's Testimony at 9-11 Hearings, Approval of Bush's Handling of Terrorism and Homeland Security Drops Eight Points to 57 Percent Sixty-Five Percent Say Clarke's Testimony Hasn't Affected Their Opinion of Bush; Fifty Percent Say Clarke's Motivations Personal, Political Sixty-Five Percent Say Clinton Administration Did Not Take Global Terror Threat Seriously Enough Poor Mr. MARK must have been DIZZY this week.
Posted
4:47 PM
by Gene
(From a private owner.) This looks like a job for -- eBay!!!!!
Posted
4:25 PM
by Gene
In time people will not be satisified with the appendages. Bionic hallucinations are inevitable. Activate a circuit in one implant and a man will hear bad music in his head; activate another in another and he'll see a bad movie before his eyes. People will be able to play videogames bionically. I dread the future.
Posted
4:11 PM
by Gene
Translation: Arab tyrants refuse to put THEMSELVES out of business.
Posted
4:05 PM
by Gene
Of course Fitzgerald knew the magazines; he wrote for them. But Fitzgerald did write for magazines. Who writes for them now? BILL ZEHME? Their utter badness is another manifestation of our doggy-doo culture.
Posted
3:52 PM
by Gene
And because our movies and TV rely so heavily on Grand Guignol and soft-core porn, if they too were subject to regulations, they too would find themselves with nothing to say. For four decades, thanks to the Nine Fingers in the Wind and the IMMORTAL JACK, our entertainment impresarios have abandoned thinking for whatever is easy and cheap and vulgar. And now, four decades later, we're stuck with the inevitable result: a culture of mind-deadening stupidity. We have the Hitler chants of rap; holy slasher pictures; bubble-gum sluttery, two-hour cinematic eulogies to bad TV programs, every tawdry PR stunt imaginable. This is what happens when we abandon any pretense of excellence and thinking for the cheap effect, the easy thrill. Only the NEWS HACKS and the STERNOS (and let us not forget, before he became THE RAGE OF BLOGGING, STERNO too was a NEWS HACK) can find gold in the endless dross, given their trendiness and their cash-register-ringing sycophancy to the gods of media, and after Jayson we have no reason to accept them either. There is one possible solution on the cable end. Though our tax -- uh, SUBSCRIBER dollars finance huge amounts of junk we never (or wouldn't want to) watch, while a la carte would be a customer boon summarily putting a big chunk of the biz out of biz might not be in our economic best interest, so much does the AMUSEMENT ECONOMY dominate us. Here's the deal: Congress will keep quiet on accepting a la carte, and in exchange, the cable industry accepts decency regulation. It's not the best of solutions, but if we're going to pay for lousy cable channels we may as well make sure there's a limit to HOW lousy.
Posted
11:39 AM
by Gene
By now there's an MO to this. Dip and Crybaby McAuliffe call up some pressure groups, who gather the appropriate veterans or 9-11 victims or whomever, who then call CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges and then cry OUTRAGE and get their campaigning on the front page. This is just another variation on NEWS HACKS rigging elections, and has NOTHING to do with declining circulations. And of course Dubya made his jokes before one of those infernally smug Beltway ROASTS, where our elected officials are supposed to make asses of themselves. Oh how I pine for the solid man who WOULDN'T attend one of these.
Posted
9:55 AM
by Gene
I thought the anti-war protests were last week.
Posted
9:27 AM
by Gene
MORONS!!!!!
Posted
9:17 AM
by Gene
Not that they would.
Posted
9:15 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:10 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:08 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:59 AM
by Gene
Friday, March 26, 2004
Posted
7:15 PM
by Gene
What he usually says, which isn't worth saying -- or reading.
Posted
7:12 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:31 PM
by Gene
Time for the YAYAS to steal an election?
Posted
6:28 PM
by Gene
Now we'll NEVER get those @#$%&* X-10 ads off our screens!
Posted
5:57 PM
by Gene
I guess that narrows down the ethnic possibilities in THAT case.
Posted
5:46 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:38 PM
by Gene
I guess so long as HE was selling records being palsy-walsies the TWXSTERS wasn't FRAUDULENT.
Posted
5:35 PM
by Gene
And we may assume their racial and ethnic identities will remain a media-state secret.
Posted
5:34 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:23 PM
by Gene
"Bukbukbukbuk terrorists are going to find us facing them and that together we are going to win! bukbukbukbuk." I wonder if this translation is accurate. Could he have meant the chickens and the terrorists will get together, and by forming an alliance they both win?
Posted
5:22 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:44 PM
by Gene
![]() Another eructation from the world's greatest deliberative news organization (WHY I OUGHTA....): Spears Tops Magazine's Sexy Women List "As always the list creates a great deal of controversy,'' FHM editor John Bastick said. AS ALWAYS such lists create a great deal of FREE ADVERTISING, courtesy of CURLEY'S (NYUK! NYUK! NYUK!) STOOGES!!!!! (Again, my deepest apologies to the great Curly, and his fans.)
Posted
7:05 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:59 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:46 AM
by Gene
HIT THE ROAD, BRIAN. You're just another GLIBERTARIAN.
Posted
6:41 AM
by Gene
Whose will he raise? Kerry overrode the objections of some advisers who opposed the corporate tax cut on political grounds. Sounds like CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES are CAMPAIGNING again!
Posted
6:38 AM
by Gene
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Posted
5:51 PM
by Gene
And so does uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... (Of COURSE THIS hackette doesn't mention THAT rating.) Another Fine Ideological Pretzel of Conservatism from the MOONIES!
Posted
5:45 PM
by Gene
Which means about 3600 Helen Thomases are at this moment VERY busy.
Posted
5:36 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:32 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:25 PM
by Gene
OR -- WHAT NEWS HACKS DON'T SPIN, THEY SELL.
Posted
5:15 PM
by Gene
It's times like these when I get discouraged, that I think perhaps I have nothing to say, that I get mad that I can't get more than three hits a day. What can I do? Oh well, keep going, I guess.
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:01 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:24 AM
by Gene
Knee-jerk liberals have just found another saint. Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Posted
7:10 PM
by Gene
In private, [the movie studios] do not always treat Valenti kindly, or with the reverence with which he is treated by Washington politicians and hack reporters, or even with much respect at all. Why can't somebody somewhere zing this guy and all he's done to our culture?
Posted
5:40 PM
by Gene
"Politics is hand-to-hand combat on a daily basis," said Gary Sheffer, head of corporate communications at General Electric Co. and a fan of Mucha since he served on her staff in Albany. "It's a much more polite exchange in business. You're talking to shareholders. You're talking to people who invested in your business." The public AND the shareholders be damned!
Posted
5:37 PM
by Gene
But things are looking up in RATINGS CITY!
Posted
4:56 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:35 PM
by Gene
I think we can guess.
Posted
12:06 PM
by Gene
More makework in the magical land of filler between newspaper ads. Hey Reut, I'd rather hear your own cliches -- like "GUERILLAS."
Posted
12:03 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:01 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:54 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:36 AM
by Gene
And thanks to something called fmqb.com for ripping this directly from a press release. AND SPEAKING THEREOF: Edison Media Research conducts survey research and provides strategic information to radio stations, television stations, newspapers, cable networks, record labels, Internet companies and other media organizations. Edison Media Research works with many of the largest American radio groups, including Entercom, ABC Radio, Infinity, Bonneville Radio One, and Westwood One, and also conducts strategic and perceptual research for a broad array of companies including AOL/Time Warner, Yahoo!, Sony Music, Princeton University, Northwestern University, Universal Music Group, Time-Life Music and the Voice of America. Edison Media Research also conducts research for successful radio stations in South America, Africa, Asia, Canada and Europe. Edison Media Research designed and operated the CNN RealVote election projection system in 2002, and currently conducts all exit polls and election projections for the six major news organizations: ABC, CBS, CNN, Fox, NBC and the Associated Press. OHHHHHHHHHH-ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! And speaking of disinterested: Jacobs Media is the largest radio consulting firm in the United States specializing in Rock formats. The company, formed in 1983 by Fred Jacobs, created the Classic Rock format, and has been a leading force in Alternative Rock, along with other Rock-based formats. Currently, Jacobs Media services are used by nearly every major broadcasting company, including Infinity, Entercom, Emmis, ABC, Cox, Saga, Citadel, Journal, Susquehanna, and others. Jacobs Media has also provided consulting services for The Corporation For Public Broadcasting, and select Public Radio stations. DID YOU HELP CONSULT BOB EDWARDS OUT OF A JOB? The whole world's run by VALENTIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
11:18 AM
by Gene
We not only fought but we won, too! Left! Right! Left! Right! There's none of the enemy left, right? Left! Right! Right! Leftrightright.... HALT!!!!!
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:57 AM
by Gene
In D. C., you're not a man -- PERSON -- until you've HOODWINKED THE PEOPLE!
Posted
6:56 AM
by Gene
For all of PROF's and STERNO's brave talk of democracy, it's hard to see the good in 200 or 300 iterations of the same story. As to THE FUTURE, if our kids can't read, how can we expect them to create decent Web sites, whatever their surface technical skills? (And they don't, judging from the comment about "me-me-me sites," which translated means, "Oh you know I met Dave and he's oh you know he's like so thoroughly gross," etc., etc., ETC.) Tuesday, March 23, 2004
Posted
5:48 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:42 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:35 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:29 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
Being decent shouldn't have to be PC, but you figure every company with a "diversity" page on its Web site already is, and of course Philips is EUROPEAN, plus the true mark of PC is the amount of junk a company finances on TV -- and Philips no doubt passes that test with flying color TVs.
Posted
5:15 PM
by Gene
You're still taking the troops out of Iraq because you're CHICKEN -- as in PERDUE, LOCO. I suspect this is largely for U. S. CONSUMPTION, as if chicken will taste better that way.
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
Wait! Elections? Isn't that a WESTERN concept? You should have had a HOLY SHOOTOUT!
Posted
5:06 PM
by Gene
They should call them the $$$$$ Games.
Posted
5:05 PM
by Gene
![]() Does the outgoing Dr. Evil have Dippity's dermatologist? That forehead is as smooth as his movies are rotten.
Posted
12:29 PM
by Gene
It's been going broke since 1965. A healthy dose of meds should do the trick.
Posted
12:21 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:17 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:14 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:11 PM
by Gene
If our Congresspoops have any backbone this will be a non-starter.
Posted
6:44 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:30 AM
by Gene
Somehow I don't think those no-talents whanging away in Capitol's Studio A are making the same music as Ol' Blue.
Posted
6:25 AM
by Gene
Monday, March 22, 2004
Posted
5:46 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:42 PM
by Gene
No Jim, it's gone to hell in a chauffeur-driven Rolls.
Posted
5:32 PM
by Gene
SOCCER=RIOTS.
Posted
5:30 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:25 PM
by Gene
So why do I have this vague notion satellite radio will become nothing more than CHEAP CHANNEL FOR PAY?
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
And what about your plans -- spending zillions on Der Homeland? FREE DRUGS FOR SENIORS? How much will THAT cost? We're not gonna win the election THAT way, Dubya.
Posted
5:19 PM
by Gene
I think we can guess.
Posted
5:13 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:11 PM
by Gene
So this is what all the big bucks go for, RIGHT, GlaxoSmithKline?
Posted
5:07 PM
by Gene
![]() David Brudnoy -- let's be honest -- does not look well, but we must consider he's been through AIDS, and now cancer, and has somehow survived, and prospered. Keep it going, Mr. Brudnoy.
Posted
5:04 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:59 PM
by Gene
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!! I'M SCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARED!!!!! Count on Mortimer Zuck's hacks to put this in a bigger than normal font. I'm not scared of terrorists; we'll take care of them. What bothers me is the International Movement for Appeasement and Slavery: the intellectual-industrial complex would sue for peace; the world foreign policy establishment would sue for peace; all of Western Europe would sue for peace; the international leftist movement would sue for peace. A big chunk of the world stands ready for appeasement and slavery. This year's $64,000 question is, is Dippity-Do!? I'm not crazy about Dubya's vacillation and secrecy mania; but would Dip take the easy road out and cry Uncle Sam? Or would he flex and muscles and do something awful to atone for his party's sins? Can we afford to find out? And that bastion of rock-brained conservatism, Wall Street, which usually sends a stock soaring when the company's founder dies, did not exactly acquit itself with glory today.
Posted
9:38 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:43 AM
by Gene
Black-robed morons.
Posted
8:36 AM
by Gene
News hacks, League of Nations drones and Foggy Bottom fog machines worldwide tremble under their desks. Sunday, March 21, 2004
Posted
6:34 PM
by Gene
SUMNER uses MTV to organize Democratic votes, and you NEWS HACKS think it's the best thing since Jeff drafted the Declaration. But when the GOP does the same thing it's WATERGATE. That's one reason names like Jayson will stink up your biz for a LONG TIME.
Posted
5:14 PM
by Gene
Gliberal, you'd better see a doctor. This business of you imitating strokes in the mirror to get inspired is going to hurt you someday. (And the sad thing is Gliberal vaguely senses the claptrap on both sides: knee-jerk conservatives aghast over breasts won't touch MEL's slasher film [or SOUTH...oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii], and the STERNOS huff over MEL but scream about their hero being denied his FIRST-AMENDMENT RIGHTS. Hypocrisy and political tone-deafness know no bounds in this dispute; but because Gliberal is intent on making himself physically ill writing his columns, much as Orwell did writing 1984, he buries whatever's left of his common sense under a mountain of cracked pottery.)
Posted
5:08 PM
by Gene
SIC 'EM! SIC THE HOLY COCKROACHES!
Posted
4:59 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:49 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:38 PM
by Gene
I guess it depends on how you like your CHICKEN.
Posted
4:35 PM
by Gene
This is a VIRTUE, St. Warren?
Posted
4:27 PM
by Gene
Despite this, THE GAMES WILL CONTINUE, because Little Jeffrey will scream and cry if he can't take his extended vacations in the luxury boxes. Hey Jeffy! WHY NOT SEND IN SOME SIX SIGMA GUYS TO HELP 'EM FINISH THE JOB?
Posted
4:19 PM
by Gene
So what does Trib Company (owner of WGN, a stake in The WB, etc., etc., etc.,) propose? Essentially that old canard about rape: lie back and enjoy it. Sorry, the FCC's incompetence and incoherence does not justify your industry's pandering. (And because I do not distinguish between the news biz and show-biz, it's YOUR biz.)
Posted
2:23 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:16 AM
by Gene
The Palestinian Mother Wishes to Receive Her Son as a Corpse, but Not Butchered That would seem difficult when the Palestinian son wishes to blow himself up into 5 million pieces.
Posted
9:09 AM
by Gene
OR: “IT IS ALL PART OF A SMEAR CAMPAIGN MEANT TO TARNISH SAUDI ARABIA’S IMAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Buddy, you don't need any help on that.
Posted
9:08 AM
by Gene
The SAUDIS' chief contribution to mankind was to make sure COCKROACHES came in all shapes, sizes, educations, and incomes.
Posted
7:29 AM
by Gene
Yeah, it's only the public that gets shafted.
Posted
7:19 AM
by Gene
No, the guy never did much like high-tech.
Posted
7:13 AM
by Gene
Saturday, March 20, 2004
Posted
7:38 PM
by Gene
Posted
7:31 PM
by Gene
![]() Does that mean sieg heil, or something? Enough already. Ignorance was unbowed throughout the world today.
Posted
7:30 PM
by Gene
![]() More brilliant symbolism: the Statue of Liberty is, of course, closed to tourists.
Posted
7:29 PM
by Gene
![]() Time for some FUN IN THE SUN in RIO, where we get to show off our flabby bodies, and flabbier morals.
Posted
7:22 PM
by Gene
![]() SIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!! Or is that Eh?
Posted
7:02 PM
by Gene
I know I'm starting to post on this @#$%&* business as much as STERNO, but given how cement-headed he and his followers are I have no choice.
Posted
6:58 PM
by Gene
Mayor Michael Bloomberg estimated the crowd at about 30,000, but organizers said later that number had grown to more than 100,000. Why didn't you use 200,000? 500,000? A MILLION? You could put out ANY NUMBER you want, because, Tom NYUK! NYUK! NYUK! Curley, THE NEWS BIZ IS OWNED BY CONSERVATIVES.
Posted
5:19 PM
by Gene
One other thing: the Metropolitan Opera is in danger of losing its radio voice thanks to its inability to attract sponsors; yet BAD DIRTY JOKES seem to draw millions in ads. How can you defend this, STERNO?
Posted
5:04 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:01 PM
by Gene
Now can we be sure it's anti-Semitic?
Posted
4:56 PM
by Gene
I'd feel a little more sympathetic if you Spaniards weren't trying to cast a pall of gloom over the whole world with your APPEASEMENT AND SURRENDER. Here's how to feel better: just remember -- you're SUPERIOR TO THE YANQUIS.
Posted
4:46 PM
by Gene
Well maybe they do. But you're part of a tiny clique of reverse snobs and gliberals and glibertarians and permanent adolescents who want to tell the rest of America what it can hear on the radio. And while the hayseeds may rely on primitive things like faith and the Bible, you rely on superzillionaire media tyrants. To me it's no contest. The hayseeds win. If I could challenge this lout the next thing out of his mouth would be, YOU CAN ALWAYS TURN THE RADIO OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To which I'd say, as I've said in a different vein, WHO CAN TURN RADIO OFF?!?!? It'll be a while before I surf STERNO's site again. He's getting as off his rocker on bad dirty jokes as ANDY S. is about gay marriage.
Posted
2:42 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:36 PM
by Gene
Did this come before or after 9/11?
Posted
2:25 PM
by Gene
Is that anything like P. R. MEL in the Bible Belt?
Posted
2:06 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:57 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:51 PM
by Gene
One way or another they got bonged.
Posted
1:49 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:43 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:37 PM
by Gene
I had problems: my computer bloop-bleeped after I put in the Ethernet card (of course I didn't follow directions), but Dell saved me -- it apparently installed the software when it built the computer, so I didn't need the CD. (Thank you, Michael!) And the Creative Broadxent (pronounced broadgzent?) modem is spiffy, but it has a big footprint. And just as I suspected -- GOOGLEBLOGGER STILL HICCUPS! Friday, March 19, 2004
Posted
8:45 PM
by Gene
This hed is so rife with meaning, so delicious in its insinuations, that -- no, NO. Some things are best left to the imagination.
Posted
8:43 PM
by Gene
We'll never know if Capt. Yee did something nasty or was a victim of circumstance, but I love the reason for dropping the charges: "In the grand scheme of things, and in the interest of national security, Gen. [Geoffrey] Miller [the commander at Gitmo] felt like the charges needed to be dropped.'' In other words, we can indict you on national security, and when we don't have a case, we can drop the charges on national security. NEATO! What else do John ASHcroft and Co. have up their sleeves?
Posted
6:12 PM
by Gene
I think of the famous screed Mark Twain wrote to his lawyer not long before he died blasting a "humor" anthology bearing his name, featuring such "celebrated" "humorists" as "Artemus Ward" and "Petroleum V. Nasby", most of it from Twain's time, all of it unfunny. (Perhaps he was staring himself in the mirror; nearly all of Twain's short pieces are today unfunny.) It will not do to say humor has a short shelf life, or that it's a child of its times; Sheridan's best comedies sparkle now as they did two centuries ago; and we still laugh at the sage wit of THE MASTER, who invited Sheridan into his own Literary Club. No, too much of big-name reps (especially big-name MEDIA reps) depends solely on groupthink, and something as fragile as comedy especially relies on it, and the groupthink had it from early on that CHARLIE CHAPLIN was a LAFF RIOT. And the bigger they are, the harder they fall, until nothing remains of Chaplin's rep but his grotesqueries, public and private. I can't believe this blog gets less than 30,000 hits a month on average. Oh well, we fans can applaud ourselves.
Posted
5:50 PM
by Gene
(S)He should know.
Posted
5:50 PM
by Gene
These guys couldn't shoot straight if the Lord God aimed and pulled the trigger.
Posted
11:59 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:06 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:59 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:54 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:45 AM
by Gene
Just so long as the right guys get killed.
Posted
10:33 AM
by Gene
Every time our beloved gov opens his big fat PR trap he makes a jack*** of himself. (Wait! Wasn't that the name of a show on MTV? JACK***?)
Posted
10:29 AM
by Gene
The word is JACKASS, which the last time I heard was not obscene. GETTING TOUCHY THERE, MR. X-RATED FX RUPERT????????????????????? I wonder if RUPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! did this on purpose to help undercut the FCC.
Posted
10:23 AM
by Gene
At least no one got hurt this time.
Posted
10:11 AM
by Gene
But that's what they do EVERY time they hold a "SEMINAR."
Posted
10:09 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:55 AM
by Gene
Kerry Capitalizing on Party Resources to Fill Coffers!!!!!!!!!! Paid for by Kerry for President, Warren Buffett, Treasurer.
Posted
6:43 AM
by Gene
How does the "Marseillaise" go? Da-daaaa-da-daaaa-daaaa-daaaaaaaaaa-daaaaaaaaaa.... WE WANT OUR BAD DIRTY JOKES!!!!! OR: : PREVIOUS STERN POSTS: here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thursday, March 18, 2004
Posted
5:52 PM
by Gene
What? To make $50 million a year flaunting my ignorance? COUNT ME IN!!
Posted
5:48 PM
by Gene
Antiwar Groups to Rally Around World on March 20 Oop! TIME TO EXAGGERATE THE NUMBERS AGAIN!
Posted
5:43 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:39 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:31 PM
by Gene
Where's the news? Lots of people are fake magazine editors.
Posted
5:26 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:23 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:17 PM
by Gene
Today's Doonesbury: The usual suspects. Yeah. Including the author.
Posted
5:14 PM
by Gene
Dippity-Do! and WEIRDO, too! And with them we'll beat little BUSH, BUSH, BUSH is some used up MOOSH! And with them we'll be little BUSH, BUSH, BUSH, BUSH, BUSH, BUSH, BUSH, BUSH.... Another instance of (to paraphrase the immortal MASTER) a louse trying to set precedence over a flea.
Posted
5:08 PM
by Gene
More! MORE!! He's still not satisfied!!
Posted
1:33 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:17 PM
by Gene
(To the tune of "Little Pig's Tail" or "Tippecanoe and Tyler, Too," whichever came first) Dippity-Do! and Rodham, too! Dippity-Do! and Rodham, too! But which of the two is a man, man? Man they're a screwed-up clan! And which of the two is a man?
Posted
12:06 PM
by Gene
What's the difference?
Posted
11:44 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:37 AM
by Gene
He probably meant to say the Chicken should never have said it PUBLICLY.
Posted
9:59 AM
by Gene
HEY REVERSE ROBIN HOODS! MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T FINANCE EVERY PIECE OF DOG DROPPINGS THAT GETS PLOPPED ON THE SIDEWALK WE WOULDN'T BE TALKING ABOUT A "CHIEF NATIONAL CENSOR."
Posted
8:20 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:16 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:52 AM
by Gene
OR: : PREVIOUS STERN POSTS: here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
6:48 AM
by Gene
Witch hunt! WITCH HUNT!!!!! ![]() She's the one on the far left. Is it me or does she look like The Hero NER -- RENO?
Posted
6:46 AM
by Gene
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
Posted
5:39 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:30 PM
by Gene
SIIIIIIIIII! SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No.
Posted
5:18 PM
by Gene
Why are Hollywood actors starring on your PlayStation? Well, for one thing, maybe it's because they want to make money.
Posted
2:38 PM
by Gene
Rap isn't dying. Pop-culture's current structure, with its permanent status quo backed by mega-zillion media tyrannies, makes good change impossible. Besides, there's nothing to replace it, save possible worse mutations (ultra-tech, or the umpteenth variation of disco). And while the -- GENRE (I will NEVER call it MUSIC) may have been born brain-dead, its heart beats with a nonstop infusion of green blood.
Posted
9:06 AM
by Gene
Any relation to an Anti-Idiotarian? (sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)
Posted
9:01 AM
by Gene
The lobbying has begun, and those who think this spectacularly vain WAR HERO immune are kidding themselves.
Posted
8:45 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:31 AM
by Gene
Not entirely kidding. OH oh, THE PRODUCER OF THE GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME THINKS MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T HAVE FOUGHT IN IRAQ!!!!! Count on a champion wind breaker like Sean to "change the subject."
Posted
8:25 AM
by Gene
OR: : PREVIOUS STERN POSTS: here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
8:16 AM
by Gene
By the way, when does an AMERICAN news hack interview him? Not that it would make any difference; it would be like Lollipop Lou Dobbs interviewing Legendary Welch. Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Posted
5:34 PM
by Gene
The nice thing about Dippity-Do! is he won't put up and he won't shut up. He wins both ways.
Posted
5:25 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:17 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:13 PM
by Gene
You may have killed THE POET but you haven't begun to kill THE PROBLEM.
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
Shucks, I guess appeasement isn't enough.
Posted
5:05 PM
by Gene
Can we say the feeling's mutual? The usual grain of salt: "The polls were taken in February, before the train bombings in Spain that claimed the lives of at least 200 people." Translation: we may control the people but we can't control events.
Posted
10:21 AM
by Gene
SHUT UP already -- BOTH of you!
Posted
9:44 AM
by Gene
Here's another instance where POLITICS trumps TRUTH. Had this clown not decided to see what it's like turning your face beet red and your head three times normal (just like THE GLIBERAL when HE imagines Dubya) he'd have had a column.
Posted
9:11 AM
by Gene
Further proof these "churches" have abandoned The Word for words.
Posted
8:55 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:42 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:40 AM
by Gene
Monday, March 15, 2004
Posted
5:55 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:27 PM
by Gene
This is like using ads to convince people A POLITICAN'S TELLING THE TRUTH.
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:14 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
I don't trust Microsoft. I don't trust the EU either. Six of one....
Posted
5:03 PM
by Gene
It was, wasn't it? I think the Dems should nominate Rep. Cowface Flipflop as vice-president and then he'd teach us how to solve all problems with LOVE. And maybe a few late-term abortions.
Posted
12:45 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:21 PM
by Gene
See Carlos, or Juan, or whomever, you don't have to worry as they only attack US. I wonder if a travel-and-trade backlash will develop. It depends on how Nevillian the Spanish leadership is.
Posted
12:09 PM
by Gene
OOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooh, ought to go easy on that GEL, Dip! The FUMES!
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