Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Posted
7:05 PM
by Gene
Next stop -- Tehran? Where are the holy truth tellers on this one? Debating how many of the ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY's platitudes can fit on the head of a pin?
Posted
7:00 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:23 PM
by Gene
And to top it off there is an extremely annoying Lincoln-Douglas going on about THE ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY and his truth-telling last night. If this malarkey constitutes news and debate we should all throw our computers out the window. But then it doesn't help my mood that no one seems to notice my blog, and that I'm doomed to be on the outside looking in.
Posted
4:12 PM
by Gene
Wrong country, Col!
Posted
4:07 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:03 PM
by Gene
I uninstalled the software.
Posted
1:46 PM
by Gene
Who gave you that idea? The Chinese leadership?
Posted
1:36 PM
by Gene
Meantime SEN. GRAFTY O'SPECTER comes to the rescue with a WINDFALL PROFITS TAX. I could say something about GRAFTY, a gas pump and his behind but we'll leave it at that.
Posted
8:31 AM
by Gene
But other economists, even many of his fellow liberals, did not generally share his views on production and consumption, and he was not regarded by his peers as among the top-ranked theorists and scholars. This admission is impossible to fathom in the PAPER OF RE-CORD of twenty years ago. What goes here? Jayson, perhaps?
Posted
7:52 AM
by Gene
In further newsrag news Mr. Mark's boys spend to two pages LAUGHING over the SWEET PAYBACK for the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL con-SER-va-tive RUSH -- and wouldn't merely communicating the TRUTH be more devastating? Like the dopey mug shot? No. Making all that big money we have to WALLOW in it. And count on our devotion to the man who pays our inflated checks: we obscure Dana and her CO-PULITZER WINNER by flogging the dead horse called the PLAME CASE! NICE SYNERGY! And as a consolation prize we DO run an INSIDE plug for FIFTEEN GREAT MOVIES! (But do I detect some doubt creeping into our plugs for "DVC" and MMMMMMMMMM-IIIIIIIIII THREEEEEEEEEE? Mr. Mark will have to reprimand our trio of TOP FLACKS!) Yes, every day I definitely know what Terry Teachout meant. (And let us not forget he complained about some PR over the resignation of a PEOPLE NEWSRAG editor.) And we get this interesting hed from the TWXSTERS: Time Runs Out for Iran at the U.N. Now What? That's easy -- we just reset the clock. P. S. By the way, Mr. Mark, we LOVE the title of that "Web exclusive": 'At Some Point, Reality Has Its Day' Except in your offices. (Revised as I very stupidly did not see the TWXSTERS changed their cover. But then one newsrag cover does seem to blend in with all the others.) Saturday, April 29, 2006
Posted
10:32 PM
by Gene
SUMNER'S GREATEST STUNT YET!
Posted
5:52 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:50 PM
by Gene
People who buy Osamamobiles deserve the gas mileage they get.
Posted
5:41 PM
by Gene
How true, Tom Shales; but when you can write this: The boys who make "South Park" may indeed push the boundaries a little further and are more likely to set new standards in bad taste, but their take-no-prisoners approach can come across as reckless and sloppy. ...bad times can inspire bad satire too.
Posted
5:32 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:13 PM
by Gene
THE DVC MOVIE WILL BE HUUUUGE!!!!! GIANT OPENING WEEKEND, BIG BUSINESS ALL SUMMER LONG!!!!!!!!!! [Overemphasis added.] Perhaps, but it's been quite a while since a big "mainstream" hit novel translated into a big hit movie. (We do not include CGI Tolkien's Ring cycle, a cartoon series translated into another.) Most book buyers are women; most of the movie S&M phreaks are teenaged males. Those few adults who go to movies may not read. We also remember how the hacks oohed and aahed the APE, and look what happened. Moreover if a writer as knowledgeable and erudite as Terry Teachout can resent being spun to be sold -- and what is most show-biz reporting but a sales pitch? -- perhaps others can resent it too. (Prediction: One of the newsrags will have A MOVIE on tomorrow's cover.) We hope DVC!!!!! underperforms, but we do not underestimate the moviegoers' stupidity.
Posted
5:11 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:18 PM
by Gene
If Dr. Evil goes the funeral will be a who's-who of the people who hate us -- just like this.
Posted
2:05 PM
by Gene
Indeed we may ask if THE CONSPIRACY should stop trying to sell movies period. GE BANCORP & REALTY worked hard on its tribute, plugging it on every con-SER-va-tive Web site. For weeks I saw that drab poster art for Akeelah and her bee on every bus and in the subway where I head to work. People can't be "advertised" into seeing movies. Maybe if the biz relied solely on word of mouth the grosses would get better, even if the pictures get worse. It's managed well enough without press screenings.
Posted
1:33 PM
by Gene
Sen. Debbie Stabenow, D-Mich., suggested mailing out $500 checks -- the amount the average family will spend in extra energy expenses this year, she said. Why not $1,000? Why not $5,000? Why not $10,000? Why not CLEAN OUT THE FEDERAL VAULTS and give everybody a HUMUNGOUS CHECK? Don't know what we'd do with them after we'd cleaned ourselves out.
Posted
1:17 PM
by Gene
"It's been a long dry spell in the eyes of some investors, but there's a recognition that the industry is on the offensive, not the defensive," said Brian L. Roberts, the chief executive of Comcast. Brian Robber, you guys are ALWAYS on the offensive.
Posted
10:06 AM
by Gene
DID YOU KNOW? [Barbara Comstock] For the 15th year, Rush Limbaugh is doing his annual Cure-athon to benefit The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Rush has raised over $14 million over the years -- never hear about that from the Drive by Media [SIC] do you? You can click here and make a donation. Posted at 01:41 PM I'm sure it's a good cause, but 1. We always make fun of show-biz types for their causes, but somehow Mr. Motormouth is exempt; 2. Rush has raised less money with his charity in fifteen years than he makes in ONE; and 3. He popped pills while hectoring the universe on the evil of drugs. You any relation to AMERICA'S NO. 1 SOUTH PARK FAN? You sound it. P. S. In further righteous anger from a BLOGGING TYCOON: What transparent garbage. Here's how Reuters describes Rush: Under the deal the 55-year-old Limbaugh, best known as a brash and often moralistic talk show host, will see the case against him dropped in 18 months, his attorney said. Rush Limbaugh actually is known now, and will be 100 years from now, as the most innovative and successful radio talk show host in history, the most powerful brand on air from 1990 forward, and blahblahblah.... I'd be careful with that transparent garbage gag. People in GLASS HOUSES may not live a hundred years.
Posted
9:14 AM
by Gene
Isn't it time for another gladhanding moneygrubbing turkey to resign?
Posted
9:07 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:04 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: If you stop threatening to flog us with a wet noodle we'll concede to being stroked with a shorter wet noodle. P. S. ![]() Notice anything about this picture? Friday, April 28, 2006
Posted
8:16 PM
by Gene
It's an outrage we don't know more of this story -- but that's because it first appeared in WALLSTREETJOURNALS.COM. (Via The Plank)
Posted
7:39 PM
by Gene
(Via Arts and Letters Daily)
Posted
7:34 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:50 PM
by Gene
Who'll be first with the MUG SHOT? Alas, he won't serve any prison time (count on CURLEY'S [Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!] STOOGES to tell half the truth), but it should be good for some spirited self-serving HARRUMPHING and GALUMPHING on Monday. It's official: NANCY PELOSI'S SPEAKER! Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!
Posted
5:56 PM
by Gene
Either 1. Mexico's doing us a favor or 2. it's tiptoeing toward full legalization. Whichever, it sounds like social engineering.
Posted
5:35 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:34 PM
by Gene
(Via MediaBistro)
Posted
5:29 PM
by Gene
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to ERIN!
Posted
5:27 PM
by Gene
When one watches some tired hack on the platform mechanically repeating the familiar phrases—bestial atrocities, iron heel, bloodstained tyranny, free peoples of the world, stand shoulder to shoulder—one often has a curious feeling that one is not watching a live human being but some kind of dummy: a feeling which suddenly becomes stronger at moments when the light catches the speaker's spectacles and turns them into blank discs which seem to have no eyes behind them. And this is not altogether fanciful. A speaker who uses that kind of phraseology has gone some distance toward turning himself into a machine. The appropriate noises are coming out of his larynx, but his brain is not involved as it would be if he were choosing his words for himself. If the speech he is making is one that he is accustomed to make over and over again, he may be almost unconscious of what he is saying, as one is when one utters the responses in church. And this reduced state of consciousness, if not indispensable, is at any rate favorable to political conformity…. ...and adds: Very good, and still very true. But the new kind of spin that enrages me is a different proposition altogether. It’s not unconscious: it’s wholly knowing, a deliberate attempt to use speech not for the purposes of communication but for the purposes of manipulation, to corrupt the whole process of human interaction by making no statement that is not agenda-driven. It’s as if our culture had been taken over by lawyers—which, of course, it has. For modern spin is not so much pol-speak as lawyer-speak, with a dollop of Madison Avenue stirred in for bad measure. It’s half Safety First (never admit anything, however insignificant, that could possibly be used against you in court) and half salesmanship (never pass up a chance, however gratuitous, to plug the product). When I hear official spokesmen emitting phrases like the ones I quoted above, I feel not as if I were watching a marionette, but as if they were trying to make me a marionette. This, indeed, is the spin of the HOT HOT HOT novel by committee, and most of what reeks in our rank culture. We doubt, however, anything untoward will happen to Hachette (successor, let us not forget, to the TWXSTERS' book operations, of which Little, Brown was one). Bad things don't happen to bad people. Translation: Terry DOES IT AGAIN! Now if only he'd do it the whole time, instead of in bits and pieces.
Posted
1:27 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:32 AM
by Gene
So much for good intentions. P. S. Effete Edelstein's new successor at Stale.com calls the movie "neutral." Maybe it isn't a wonder of the ages after all. (Keep it up, Dana, and we won't call you an "ad blurbist." Alas, we suspect you won't.) Thursday, April 27, 2006
Posted
10:38 PM
by Gene
Mr. Albert said he knew of no cases of riders being burned, but the hazard may be serious because the current graffiti vandals tend to make their marks on trains that are in service. I don't know, Your Highness -- shouldn't we call that edgy? (Via John Leo's blog. Why can't somebody give this guy a column?)
Posted
10:24 PM
by Gene
Posted
7:16 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:49 PM
by Gene
P. S. The publisher has pulled the committee's book. eBay, here we come!
Posted
5:43 PM
by Gene
Reading, Mass.: How old are you in that photo that MSNBC uses? Dana Priest: 12. Ah, newspaper writing -- the fountain of eternal...youth.
Posted
5:04 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:02 PM
by Gene
Is there a guvment agency that couldn't benefit from the fear of God? Of course not. Church and state are separate.
Posted
4:59 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:40 PM
by Gene
Maybe the time's come to stop restructuring and put out decent products.
Posted
6:43 AM
by Gene
Meantime it's nice to know your typical GE BANCORP AND REALTY retiree "earn[s] pensions of between $581 and $1,007 a month" while LEGENDARY gets $800,000 a month. Somewhere, LEGENDARY laughed. The clock is ticking, Jeffy.
Posted
6:39 AM
by Gene
When will we have the guts to tell our superiors where they can go? Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Posted
6:16 PM
by Gene
The destruction of an empire has begun.
Posted
5:43 PM
by Gene
Want to see all America turn blue in the face waiting?
Posted
4:46 PM
by Gene
Then there's the question of its provenance. No recreation of 9/11, however well-meaning, or well-acted, or well-directed, can conquer it. This is the same biz that panders to under-17s with violent porno, and hides trembling under the desk at the sight of a Muslim, screaming for mercy. How can we trust such an industry to tell the truth? Why does an industry so gleeful over violent death suddenly go so serious and solemn and teary-eyed and mortal over this? How can we believe one word of them? And we must also ask, do we need it? 9/11 was nuclear war with jet fuel. The behaviors of 9/11 are the behaviors of global conflagration. The next 9/11 may be our last. Television rendered movies like this superfluous. Moreover it opens a wound that, judging from some reactions, hasn't reached the scab phase yet. That does not say much for our supposed national fortitude. And when MMMMMMMMMMMMMM-IIIIIIIIIIIIII-THREEEEEEEEEEE debuts next week, with a fiery blast catapulting THE SON OF GOD 10,000 feet while he assumes a position suitable for lying on a futon and calmly dials his SPRINT (or whoever paid for the ad) cellphone to call in the Air Force, whose jet fighters swoosh under him and take out the bad guys (who most assuredly will NOT be Muslim) with not so much as a bone fragment (this is PG-13), and when he lands splat stomach first atop a moving big rig, and calmly dusts himself off, neither him nor the big rig suffering a scratch, we will know then for all time this was a well-intended fraud. (We note too that Rog must have sensed this was a downer and has changed the contents. He's a shrewd marketer too.)
Posted
3:36 PM
by Gene
Let's hope there are no ifs -- and that there'll be no need for them.
Posted
3:25 PM
by Gene
But not, we may presume, of Mohammed. The gimmicks should end when Lucy Van Pelt's whining begins.
Posted
3:13 PM
by Gene
What do you expect when THE DONALD's a cardholder?
Posted
3:02 PM
by Gene
JEFF LISENBY (Musical Director) has been conductor and/or keyboardist for Tennessee Repertory Theatre's Grease, Big River, A Chorus Line, Harlem Voices, Fiddler On The Roof, Sound Of Music, 1776; the Tennessee Performing Arts Center's Chicago, Annie Get Your Gun, City Of Angels, Will Rogers' Follies; the Starlight Theatre's Jesus Christ Superstar, Hair, Music Man; the Nashville Children's Theatre's SEUSSICAL [SIC]; and for Opryland USA. He has toured extensively with the Mills Brothers, Boots Randolph, and Brenda Lee, and has accompanied such singing artists as Luciano Pavarotti, Al Wilson, Mitch Ryder, Mel Torme, Blake Shelton, Roy Clark, Lee Greenwood, Donna Summer, Tricia Yearwood, Dolly Parton, Three-Dog Night, Jamie O’Neil, and David Cassidy. He has twice been the national accordion champion and bronze medalist in international classical competitions. Lisenby has been a faculty member of the School of Music at Belmont University in Nashville for many years, and is active as a recording-session conductor, pianist, accordionist, keyboardist, arranger, and producer. That's a lot of baton waving and keyboard banging, and we doubt anyone outside the business knows who he is. We suspect some of the people he's backed may not know who he is. We don't mean to pick on him; we'd never heard of "Tony® Award winner Jarrod Emick" and "two-time Grammy® Award winner Lari White." And they won awards. But then so did that David Patrick Seymour Whatshisname, the guy who impersonated Truman, and all but the most diehard movie sadomasochists would be hard-pressed to tell him from a crowd. We all know who Johnny Cash was. And that's the problem -- with Ring of Fire and show-biz.
Posted
11:59 AM
by Gene
![]() What's happening to New York's High Line is a symbol of decline. Now that Manhattan is nothing but a producer of junk media, corrupt finance and the superrich it has to find a use for the detritus of its past, of a city more real and honest. The High Line served plain, productive industry; now it's a plaything for the local real-estate biz, and will no doubt be a magnet for skateboarders and street "artists" and other social parasites. Why do we yearn for the past when we see a photo like this? One reason is the symmetry, a symmetry that will surely be missing from this new elevated Venice, California.
Posted
11:01 AM
by Gene
Ukraine is hosting ceremonies to mark the 20th anniversary of the Chernobyl disaster. It started with a candlelight vigil that could be seen for miles. The strange part? None of the participants was actually holding a candle. New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin received less than 10 percent of the white vote in his reelection bid. Ironically, that's the same percentage of milk used to make milk chocolate. I think they shouldn't quit their day jobs.
Posted
10:23 AM
by Gene
OH oh. Maybe if she'd written it as a MEMOIR.... (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
9:56 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:52 AM
by Gene
More truth-telling innovations at THE HOUSE THAT LUCE BUILT!
Posted
9:47 AM
by Gene
So much for DR. EVIL.
Posted
9:35 AM
by Gene
It may not matter who builds them.
Posted
9:20 AM
by Gene
Instead of getting rid of the Sulzbergers, why not get rid of the shareholders? Yes! Let's get rid of the shareholders! Let's get rid of all those greedy profit-obsessing REPUBLICANS and then we can tell the pure unvarnished truth about the EEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL of.... What happens if our profits still go down? Do we take the papers public? (Via Romy, who works for a FOUNDATION) Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Posted
8:50 PM
by Gene
That's our Ricky! News that Williams had failed another drug test surfaced in February, while he was in India studying yoga and holistic medicine. NO COMMENT.
Posted
5:20 PM
by Gene
At 3,373 in Amazon.com forget about the Lone Ranger; he'll need an army of Tontos.
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to KATHY. (Via MyWay.com)
Posted
4:59 PM
by Gene
He seems to mistake stubbornness for judgment and rigidity for principle. Possibly because he lacks...oh never mind.
Posted
1:22 PM
by Gene
A SENATE SOURCE NOTES At the urging of Sen Frist, the administration will say this afternoon that the president will veto the supp if it exceeds his emergency requests. We already know that's wrong; that it comes from AMERICA'S NO. 1 SOUTH PARK FAN merely confirms it.
Posted
11:50 AM
by Gene
It can hold up to 853 sar -- passengers! P. S PAPER OF RE-CORD CLARITY: Passengers in the standing section would be propped against a padded backboard, held in place with a harness.... The backboards or the passengers? (Via -- ROMY?)
Posted
11:43 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:42 AM
by Gene
When Hosni rounds up suspects in deadly blasts, what happens to them?
Posted
10:37 AM
by Gene
29 resemblances is a lot of unintentional copying.
Posted
10:33 AM
by Gene
Aren't most CEOs nowadays?
Posted
10:11 AM
by Gene
The Professor won't like this: Another benefit of publishing blooks on paper? Archiving. Warren Meyer, of Paradise Valley, Ariz., first printed out the two volumes -- 400 pages each -- of his blog entries last November as a Christmas gift for his dad, who is 83. "He refuses to do anything online," says Meyer, who has been blogging for more than two years. Meyer has also kept a copy of his blook, based on Coyoteblog.com, discussing environmental problems, for himself: "Everything I've ever written is online," he says. "I wanted to archive my writing, and I don't trust that electronic media is a good archiving tool, because standards and technology change so much." While few people now use floppy disks, paper is here to stay. We can't take this lying down, Prof -- DIGITAL'S FOREVER! Pffffffffffffffffft!
Posted
10:08 AM
by Gene
The Podman says the denials are coming from President HEIN-TZZZ's foreign-policy team. We shall see.
Posted
9:02 AM
by Gene
Which got me to thinking this morning how much of our vaunted technology goes to waste. When you look at the BUGMEISTER'S XP screensaver you want to conquer worlds with a keyboard, but alas, it's as hopeless as a beautiful spring day, where the insuperable urge to be in five hundred places and kiss a thousand girls is dashed by reality and your idiocy. Most of us now have enough technology on our desks for CAD/CAM to send stupid electronic mash notes and download dirty pictures. Untold billions have gone into designing vast cellphone networks so people can install annoying ringtones and scream blue streaks at glorified wristwatches. It's no accident the computerized home-entertainment system has sat on store shelves like a blue screen in ME, but things like this will happen when you mate a typewriter with a television. It's hard to say where we'd be without our earth-shattering technology; it's easy to say where we are with it. Next up on my system: a SATA drive in my floppy-drive slot! HA!
Posted
6:55 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:53 AM
by Gene
Press releases like this make us yearn for as many of these six-digit flacks to take early retirements ASAP. A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to CLAUDIA and LORENZA.
Posted
6:47 AM
by Gene
Monday, April 24, 2006
Posted
11:56 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:32 AM
by Gene
(Via MediaBistro)
Posted
8:22 AM
by Gene
Of course one man's "courage" is another man's blatant partisanship; fortunately it becomes more courageous when it loses money. With luck we'll get lots of "courage" in the years ahead. P. S. That Mr. and Mrs. CW nowhere mention Dana's co-winner indicates they're still busy replacing their eleven houses. (Via the inevitable ROMY)
Posted
6:50 AM
by Gene
Enter the graphic novel. It's superiority to the comic pamphlet is found in a better price point.... What's the matter? Don't edgy put-upon superheroes use punctuation check?
Posted
6:39 AM
by Gene
"We have to get the ethics investigation up and running," says a senior House leadership aide. "We have cases like Harris, Mollohan, as well as some House Democratic leadership issues to look into. We have to let the American people know that we take these kinds of charges and situations seriously. The Senate should do the same. They could easily look at Harry Reid and his relationship to Jack Abramoff, as well as the activities of several Senate Republicans, and send a clear message to the American people." Sure. SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURE. Sunday, April 23, 2006
Posted
4:45 PM
by Gene
If you guys at Morgan Stanley think you know so much about running a newspaper, then go ahead and found a great metropolitan daily yourselves and run it for 150 years. I'll buy a subscription. If you don't like owning non-voting stock, here's another suggestion: DON'T BUY IT. No one put a gun to your head to buy the stock in the first place. And no one misled you about your voting rights. If you don't like the stock's performance, here's a third suggestion: SELL. The fact is, the Times is a national treasure, like Yosemite or the Navy band. It is not a normal corporation, and it should not be. If you think market-driven journalism is such a great thing, then buy shares in Gannett and subscribe to USA Today. 1. We do not think the Lord God PINCH would be flattered by the comparison. The New York Philharmonic, or Carnegie Hall, maybe -- but given the way He's hipping things up we'll say Eminem, or whoever's the thug of the moment. 2. A stock with two voting classes and PINCH's family holding most of the voting rights certainly is NOT a normal corporation, especially given its zingy peformance lately.
Posted
1:11 PM
by Gene
FROM THE KYOTO ACCORDS TO THE INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL COURT, FROM TORTURE AND CRUEL AND UNUSUAL TREATMENT OF PRISONERS TO RENDITION OF INNOCENT CIVILIANS, FROM ILLEGAL DOMESTIC SURVEILLANCE TO LIES ABOUT LEAKING, FROM ENERGY INEPTITUDE TO DENIAL OF GLOBAL WARMING, FROM CHERRY-PICKING INTELLIGENCE TO APPOINTING A MARTINET AND A TYRANT TO RUN THE DEFENSE DEPARTMENT, THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION, IN THE NAME OF FIGHTING TERRORISM, HAS PUT AMERICA ON THE RADICAL PATH TO RUIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And somehow we're not surprised Gen. Powell -- 's AIDE embellished this with a spurious Tocqueville sound bite, but then nothing's spurious when we're on the radical path to ruin. (Sorry for citing AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE SOUTH PARK FAN.)
Posted
11:23 AM
by Gene
"It creates demand where there's not even disease there[!!!!!]" Hey, it DOES create a DISEASE, a disease that can only be cured with -- REGULATION. ![]() Yes, advertising is EXTREMELY effective! "The comparative studies are a joke. They are comical. A lot of the scientific literature these days is worthless," says psychiatrist Jack E. Rosenblatt. "The whole process has been corrupted," says British bone researcher Aubrey Blumsohn. "It is getting worse as the financial stakes are rising." LAMISIL, "When Crestor performed in a head-to-head test, its lowering effect was clearly the best!", GLOBAL WARMING -- yes, we should have ENORMOUS FAITH in the GODS of SCIENCE.
Posted
9:10 AM
by Gene
EchoStar's Dish Network is the only cable or satellite operator in the U.S. publicly willing to consider carrying controversial Arab news channel Al Jazeera's planned English-language spinoff. I don't think there's a connection, do you? NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
Posted
8:30 AM
by Gene
As usual, Iran's intentions are not yet clear, but one thing is. Its true aims are probably not going to be revealed in the fire-and-brimstone speeches of President Ahmadinejad. So the spin is, Iran's not such a bad guy; and if you go back a graf you'd see that the bad guy actually wants to negotiate. Remembering that Strobe Talbott's a PEOPLE NEWSRAG alumnus we'd guess this is the first inkling of the HEIN-TZZZ administration's foreign policy. Indeed we get another in the rag's proposal of economic sanctions, and we know how well those have worked before. Now Mr. Mark's rag, it has a way of writing enigmatic closings whose whole purpose is to confuse you -- the better to get the official spin in your head. This week we MUST put the Duke lacrosse controversy on the cover (we've had a lot of slow news weeks lately, haven't we, Mr. Mark?), and it ends like this: At the Church of Apostolic Revival International, Bishop John Bennett worried about civil unrest "if people don't think the victim is treated fairly." He gestured outside his East Durham church to the hardscrabble neighborhood outside. "This area is the area they need to be praying about." As town and gown collide, this much is certain: amid the confusion, there is plenty of cause for prayer, from the fringes of Durham to the heart of Duke. We're guessing this is one of those inevitable our-side-is-right cases, and that Mr. Mark flaunts the R-CARD, but we really don't want to have to endure seven pages of SPIN to find out -- and we think we know enough of how Rashomon turns out to want to ignore it. (Indeed we suspect the WaPost may be closer to the truth here with six words of a column hed: "At Duke, Just Pick Your Facts.") Meantime his lead BLURBIST reviews A CON-SER-VA-TIVE MOVIE, and while he loves the action something held him back from a total rave, he doesn't quite say what -- politics, perhaps? We no longer trust ad-blurbists for hundreds of reasons, and politics always seem to come to the smelly fore. One thing's sure: they'll be ANGRY at THE FREEP today. Elsewhere Mr. Mark sells -- excerpts his dear friend Jonny's FDR book, and other than contract polio and go pro-choice we don't know what Dubya could do to please Jonny. Then again to say Dubya doesn't hold a candle to Franklin D. assumes there's a candle to hold. Besides, hasn't he already aped him with his budgets? Saturday, April 22, 2006
Posted
7:34 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:58 PM
by Gene
Just what Your biz needs, PINCH -- competition! Who says we need PAGE SIX to toady to our friends?
Posted
5:43 PM
by Gene
ALL HAIL THE NEW KING!!!!! Pffffffffffffffffffft!
Posted
5:33 PM
by Gene
Maybe that's why Sandy Burglar hired her, n'est-ce pas? Meantime the P-Ulitzer co-winner's candidate of 2004, Mis-tah HEIN-TZZZ, begins his next campaign with a Cooper Union speech in which he says abandoning Iraq in the name of a noble cause is right and just. I think it's time Mary gave him some more money! P. S. The PAPER OF RE-CORD says the P-Ulitzer co-winner has an "independent" streak. (Judging from those campaign contributions we'd say it's more of a Democratic streak.) It further says her P-Ulitzer co-winning work may have come thanks to "low morale" at the Langley Acrostics Palace. It still further says her career "stalled" when YOU-KNOW-WHO took over. "It looks to me like Mary is being used as a sacrificial lamb," said Larry Johnson, a former C.I.A. officer who worked for Ms. McCarthy in the agency's Latin America section. I don't know -- her bleating was loud enough to win an award. I think we'll hear far more about (and presumably from) the P-Ulitzer co-winner these next few weeks than we'll want to.
Posted
11:27 AM
by Gene
(Shucks, our friend Super-Hero seems to have disappeared, or he might say, "Sorry for the NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Posted
9:42 AM
by Gene
And of course one of the "architects" blames "the media", which is just a way of saying he has no talent.
Posted
9:37 AM
by Gene
We cannot say we feel sorry for "investors" who have turned real estate into a casino, and whose rabid speculation may force many to lose their shirts. Friday, April 21, 2006
Posted
6:10 PM
by Gene
The LEAST Dana can do is share her P-Ulitzer with HIM. Meantime the WaPosties flatter themselves: The story on the prisons drew criticism from both ends of the political spectrum, with some critics denouncing the Post for revealing the network and others complaining that the paper withheld the names of the Eastern European countries. TRANSLATION: If we made both sides mad it MUST be good!
Posted
6:05 PM
by Gene
That shows more initiative than the committee's shown in DECADES.
Posted
6:02 PM
by Gene
Who'd have imagined that?
Posted
3:45 PM
by Gene
Twelve thus far this year! How many more, SAMMY GLICKMAN?
Posted
10:05 AM
by Gene
Meantime, what's THE WEEKLY STANDARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! up to?
Posted
9:59 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:26 AM
by Gene
Let's see, who's in Connecticut? GE BANCORP AND REALTY, UNITED TECHNOLOGIES -- yep, I think we're going to have a field day CLONING COMPANIES!
Posted
9:09 AM
by Gene
He would not specify what those initiatives were. Are we up to silent -- er, quiet diplomacy again? Thursday, April 20, 2006
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: We're one step shy of yelling -- and in our case yelling at a mirror would be just as productive.
Posted
5:05 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:53 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:15 PM
by Gene
(Via ShowBizData.com and (oh well) the TWXSTERS)
Posted
2:11 PM
by Gene
![]() The thea-TAH proceeds backwards apace. Looking at this picture of Barbie Live! I cannot help thinking of my favorite musical, The Black Crook. The Black Crook had women in tights dancing before an elaborately painted flat; so does Barbie Live! The Black Crook had non-music; so does Barbie Live! One other similarity: the theater of the nineteenth century had no real musicals. Then again, the theater of the nineteenth century didn't have MARKETING.
Posted
1:52 PM
by Gene
I still say that if I ran a news organization — not likely — I would not submit entries to the Pulitzers and similar prize juries. The award that matters is the return visit of a reader well-served. To which we say, after a palace revolt of your high-paid-snob underlings you'd change your tune. As for that second sentence, you can utter platitudes just as well as any P-Ulitzer board member.
Posted
1:33 PM
by Gene
Huh, ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN????? Who's going to man the BLEEP button, MOONER? B. S. Defender is in a hyena mood. (Via Yahoo! News and Forbes.com) Correction: it will be tape-delayed, meaning SUMNER and MOONER might be better off sticking with that old rocker.
Posted
1:30 PM
by Gene
My prediction is that we will see ourselves more and more connected to the quantum field, not physically but through the mind. This “mind field” is invisible and universal; it encompasses all living things; it weaves the fabric of nature. As our prejudice in favor of solid, concrete things fades away, certain fringe phenomena will become everyday. Healing without touch will be legitimized, since the human body can be altered by altering the field. Telepathy and clairvoyance will seem ordinary, since time and distance are compressed to a single point in the field; Intuition and epiphanies will be explained as subtle field interactions. The best outcome would be that wisdom will reemerge as a vital human capacity, for there is no doubt that our spiritual forebears were deeply in touch with the same invisible reality that still surrounds us. We have shut out that reality in our stubborn, rigid insistence on believing our senses, but seeing with the eyes of the soul is possible. In the end, a new humanity is also possible once we escape the prison we have sentenced ourselves to for far too long. The so-called sixth sense isn’t a separate sense at all, but a new opening for human evolution with unlimited possibilities. In the word of Charlie Brown, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
1:18 PM
by Gene
This should make the Sinophile-industrial complex a little happier.
Posted
1:14 PM
by Gene
Hey isn't that the whole point of [C]RAP, and the GANGSTA culture? He with the most notches wins? He who's shot down the most innocents wins? He who dispatches the most babies to Heaven wins? And these hypocritical bastards have the guts to celebrate violent crime, and to scream NO SNITCHIN.
Posted
12:15 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:49 AM
by Gene
I guess I shouldn't paint with too broad a brush, but don't we have enough Britneys and Ashlees and Lindsays?
Posted
8:40 AM
by Gene
(Except classical and jazz, which are for commie longhairs and which we'll NEVER air.)
Posted
8:18 AM
by Gene
And if "decrying the Vietnam War" was so courageous why is a certain Vietnam-era fossil keeping her mouth shut about Iraq?
Posted
4:32 AM
by Gene
Radio programmers at stations around the country say that fear of regulatory scrutiny has scared them into airing fewer new songs. Instead, many stations are sticking to less diverse playlists. So -- instead of playing five songs they play three?
Posted
4:10 AM
by Gene
He's chosen a mighty dull person for a "hero" anyway. But then we doubt PINCH is all that exciting without His empire. Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Posted
5:22 PM
by Gene
P. S. Companies: YHOO You up to something, Little Malcolm?
Posted
5:20 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:18 PM
by Gene
P. S. PINCH'S NEW ENGLAND EDITION, I don't think I'd have used that title: it only reminds us of THE CARTOON RIOTS, and that there is ONE THING MOST NEWS HACKS WILL NEVER PRINT. P. P. S. Pinch's pile of unprintable is another of those the-more-I-think-about-it-the-angrier-I-get pieces. We know THE CONSPIRACY's running from the newspapers faster than the Road Runner ever ran from its mentor Wile E. Coyote. Is this a backhanded way of saying we'll loosen up if you promise to stuff our pockets?
Posted
1:11 PM
by Gene
SAN FRANCISCO (MarketWatch) -- Critical Mention Inc., a privately held media search and monitoring service, said Wednesday that former CNBC anchor Ron Insana has joined its board of directors. In a written statement, Critical Mention said Insana will provide "strategic direction and counsel" to the New York-based company, which provides Web-based services that allow businesses to monitor, search and track television coverage. Critical Mention was formed in 2002. Insana joined CNBC in 1991. He is the host of "Street Signs," an hour-long show that airs daily on the network, and contributes to other programs as an analyst. Thwo questions: 1. How did Ron Insana get to be so knowledgeable? and 2. Isn't this the sort of thing that bunches Little Howie Hairshirt's shorts into a wad?
Posted
12:57 PM
by Gene
Boy we're lucky you work all these jobs and make all those BIG BUCKS ferreting out such TRUTHS! What would we EVER do without you? (Via MediaBistro.com)
Posted
10:26 AM
by Gene
Frankensteining, gladiator games -- when does the government start investigating glibertarians?
Posted
10:13 AM
by Gene
We don't blame him.
Posted
8:58 AM
by Gene
![]() I'd say we just sent a few dozen more people to the hoosegow! Hu, who dined Tuesday night at the home of Microsoft Corp. Chairman Bill Gates, was invited to tour Boeing Co.'s Everett plant on Wednesday.... With several thousand -- er, DIPLOMATS in tow. Have you ever seen an aircraft company cloned?
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
No, you don't need to be a blogger to spout garbage. He also has Larry Summers's temporary successor gas that "What I would wish for is a set of reliable, universally accepted measures for evaluating and comparing student progress toward all the educational goals appropriate to every college and professional school," and somebody named Robert David Steele mewl that the intelligence community needs "a national Open Source Agency. Half of the money earmarked for the agency would go toward traditional intelligence work. The other half would provide for 50 state-wide Citizen Intelligence Networks, including a 24/7 watch center, where citizens can both obtain and input information," proving neither they nor this PR stunt are serious. P. S. Under the scribbler Ewalt's eructing is this cute little bit of business: Companies: GE CBS VIAb NWS DIS I guess Little Malcolm is serious -- about making money. Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Posted
1:42 PM
by Gene
Does this mean we get a hundred thousand [C]RAPS proclaiming the guy a SAINT?
Posted
1:31 PM
by Gene
ROMY starts an ARTIFICIAL FEUD!
Posted
11:44 AM
by Gene
Put another way, "almost three-fourths of viewers watching TV Tuesday at 8 are not watching Idol," says ABC scheduling chief Jeff Bader. Put another way, nine out of ten AMERICANS aren't watching. In my book that's a good thing.
Posted
11:27 AM
by Gene
"I'm concerned what [the rise in gas prices] means to the working families and small businesses. And I'm also mindful that the government has the responsibility to make sure that we watch very carefully and investigate possible price gouging. And we'll do just that." GIVE 'EM HECK, DUBYA! (Well, your defenders say you are Harry Truman.)
Posted
11:23 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:05 AM
by Gene
Middle School Specialists? - Tuesday, April 18, 2006 @ 9:49:15 AM President Bush visits the Parkland Magnet Middle School for Aerospace Technology today to discuss his American Competitiveness Initiative. The absurdity of the federal government promoting "competitiveness" aside, what is this school? As best as I can glean from its website, like all magnet schools it attracts students with particular interests and skills. Such programs seem particularly well suited to high schoolers. The Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology is one well known and excellent magnet school in Northern Virginia. But why on earth would we ask 11-year-olds to specialize in aerospace technology? If college students need a balanced curriculum of the arts and sciences (and they do), then middle schoolers should also be generalists. Posted By: Dave Re: Middle School Specialists - Tuesday, April 18, 2006 @ 10:29:39 AM Dave, this is the picture-perfect portrait of the hopeless and squandering and self-congratulatory official esteem I saw coming in the State of the Union when the New York Times bestowed upon me their Most Unusual Conservative Criticism Award. How many of these kids at our Thomas Jefferson Institutes of Warp Drive Studies can recite any of this redheaded stranger's famous lines, or conduct an educated conversation about what they might mean? For the sake of our culture -- that little thing called Western Civilization, which will unfortunately not be salvaged by adopting Chinese and Indian levels of technocratic proficiency -- the Parkland kids should put their Presidentially-plumped math and science skills to good use -- and build themselves a time machine. Posted By: James G. Poulos Dave, James, I have BAD NEWS for you: SILICON VALLEY is in danger of losing its crown as home of the technology start-up, according to one of the software industry’s leading executives. Jeff Henley, chairman of Oracle, the world’s second-largest software group, believes that India is on course to become the new hotbed of innovation. Mr Henley says that America’s strong track record as a developer of software will weaken in the next few years, amid burgeoning activity in Indian cities such as Bombay, Bangalore and Madras. DUBYA!!!!!!!!!! Time for MORE DILBERTS IN THE CLASSROOMS!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
9:19 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:13 AM
by Gene
Now if we could put all BIGMEDIA's GAS to work there'd be no energy crisis.
Posted
9:06 AM
by Gene
How do you like THAT excellence, TWXSTERS?
Posted
8:51 AM
by Gene
Run for mayor, Kingie!
Posted
8:44 AM
by Gene
? White Lies: Why sauvignon blanc is overrated.
Posted
8:39 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: We're doing the same old things the same new way!
Posted
8:14 AM
by Gene
P. S. NYT's near a six-year low; WPO's near a two-year low (though unfortunately way up from Watergate). MNI's at a four-year low. Monday, April 17, 2006
Posted
8:09 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:11 PM
by Gene
(Via the inevitable Romy)
Posted
9:38 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:58 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:51 AM
by Gene
We presume the other side speaks just in Arabic.
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
How many fathers does the devil have?
Posted
8:09 AM
by Gene
(Via the usual Romy)
Posted
5:45 AM
by Gene
Them's fightin' words! At least Jimmah could grow peanuts.
Posted
5:34 AM
by Gene
Posted
5:24 AM
by Gene
What's wrong with that? If some states want to be abortion mills, fine. If others don't, fine. At least let the people decide. With any luck people will decide they don't want abortion mills.
Posted
5:17 AM
by Gene
Let's all head for the RAMPARTS! Oh -- KURT wrote it? He had us fooled.
Posted
5:13 AM
by Gene
Posted
5:02 AM
by Gene
The RNC intends to pump a bit more money and noise into the Bilbray campaign, in hopes that the special election vote in June will help turn public perception about just how overrated an issue so-called "public corruption" really is going into the upcoming election cycle. Further complicating matters for Democrats is the federal investigation of Rep. Alan Mollohan (WV)... Translation: Our corruption doesn't count -- but THEIRS DOES! Speaking of Colin, Prowler says some of those whining generals are running Foggy Bottom for President. That would not be surprising. We shall see.
Posted
4:59 AM
by Gene
David Hare's "Stuff Happens," stirringly directed by Gordon Davidson last summer at the Mark Taper Forum, represents one of the more compelling theatrical forays into disastrous current events. The play, which was just updated for a new production at the New York Public Theater, corrals the Bush and Blair administrations into a penetrating dramatization of the lead-up to this latest Iraq invasion. And instead of skewing the material toward a predictable bias, Hare finds in Colin Powell a protagonist who can movingly embody the diplomatic tragedy that paves the road to any war. [Emphasis added.] Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Oh and by the way, just because you use the words "left-leaning" doesn't make your piece any less so. (Via ArtsJournal.com)
Posted
4:58 AM
by Gene
TRIBCO says we CAN! Sunday, April 16, 2006
Posted
6:19 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:50 PM
by Gene
In Sunday's New York Times a former White House counterterrorism expert said Iran's response to any U.S. military attack would be to use "its terrorist network to strike American targets around the world." "Iran has forces at its command far superior to anything al Qaeda was ever able to field"... But then, a story like this ALWAYS has a punchline: ...wrote former White House counter terror chief RICHARD CLARKE.... Yes, we have reason for apprehension, but those urging restraint do not help their cause by citing RICHARD CLARKES.
Posted
2:42 PM
by Gene
We wonder if Forbes.com would have mentioned this but that one of our "editors" works for YOU-KNOW-WHO. We wonder further why the guy hasn't changed his name to David O. Selznick. He's halfway there.
Posted
12:13 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:51 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:16 AM
by Gene
That makes this fad different from the usual pop "music"?
Posted
9:55 AM
by Gene
Whenever Business runs his campaign-finance screeds he reminds us he works for two huge rich powerful media organizations. Seems to us, Business, if you want to counteract EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL Democratic pressure groups the only thing you have to do is OPEN YOUR MOUTH -- and your MEGAPHONES will do the rest. That's a luxury most of us DO NOT HAVE.
Posted
9:24 AM
by Gene
This is why we can never entirely trust Democrats on defense. The great unknowable question of 9/11 is how would President Gore have responded? With a police action? With Interpol? With U. N. resolutions? With arrest warrants? We'll never know, and it's just as well.
Posted
9:19 AM
by Gene
![]() By the way, we couldn't help noticing the thumbnail of this cover that ran with the CW story on the senators. Of course HANK LUCE ran the rag in those days, and you can be sure whatever this was was a campaign piece for Ike and the Republicans. From right-wing knee-jerk reactionary to left-wing knee-jerk reactionary in two generations! We're proud of you, TWXSTERS!
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