Posted 7:25 PM by Gene

Yeah but Oink Oink, what if you're found GUILTY before the election?

Posted 1:36 PM by Gene

...And DOPING....

Posted 1:35 PM by Gene

Hill speaks in a hall, The Messiah speaks to the HEAVENS, and no one will remember either speech.

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

This should get EVERY red-blooded con-SER-va-tive mad:

Obama supports union organizing

Then again between closed shops and right-to-work it does sound like another battle of tantrum throwers, doesn't it.

Posted 9:11 AM by Gene

Great, just what we need: another energy-producing energy-hogging rival.

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

Speaking of flagships, ESPNCORP's is spending more on its, meaning there comes a point of diminishing returns when gouging your customers.

Posted 8:45 AM by Gene

DEVELOPING STORY ON REUTERS!

Analyst reaction to GDP: "It looks like the economy was closer to recession than the previous data indicated." 8:42am EDT

Er, hasn't it been close for a while?

Posted 8:40 AM by Gene

Neal, here's predicting GE BANCORP lays a big fat egg foo yung with Its GAMES. Why? Not just the time difference, it's the censorship difference, and the Tibet difference, and the mortal-enemies-with-the-lead-paint difference, and the fact the CEOs on their three-month paid breaks have been promoing the hell out of them, and the fact there are no MARY LOUs, and the fact these will be the first GAMES with a smell, literally and figuratively.

On the other hand we would not be surprised if the God of Mao wafts the smog away, and mysteriously creates "records", but we still say it isn't as easy to hector people into watching something as it used to be.

Or to put it another way, the GAMES are increasingly the Seinfeld of sports; they're about nothing.

P. S. And doping....

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

Speaking of monsters, has anyone noticed XOM has traded near its lows for the year for some time?

You don't suppose it's possible to feel guilty about investing in liquid tobacco?

P. S. Oh, it "missed expectations". Greedy!

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

Poor Royal Dutch Shell has problems in Nigeria because rebels have shut down its pipeline. We say, with those huge profits why doesn't Royal Dutch organize its own army? It could afford it.

We are not joking.

Posted 8:14 AM by Gene

We see Otto Fuerbringer, a former managing editor under Henry Luce of the former flagship of People Warner Magazines, has died, and the only reason we remember him is because Luce's biographer W. A. Swanberg said around the office he was called "Otto Fingerbanger", which gives an idea of the kind of organization men Luce employed, before the rag was printed on onion-skin paper.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:34 PM by Gene

As some casual-dining establishments are learning, there seems to be a limit to the number of restaurants that can serve the same food.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

In the end, it was him or a conviction. He chose him.

So much for giving the store away to Hamas.

Posted 5:24 PM by Gene

Looks as though The Lord will have to throw another of His Sacred Following under the Bus.

How does the Bus move with all those bodies underneath?

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

I saw Col.'s debacle coming. ANYONE could have seen Col.'s debacle coming.

Are we entitled to some of Your rapidly depleting billions, COL.?

Posted 2:02 PM by Gene

How often have we heard the terms "Goldman Sachs" and "rising crude oil" go together? Why can't that firm be hit with a financial crisis?

Posted 1:59 PM by Gene

Elsewhere in The Corner, we learn History's Greatest Satiric Novelist made an excuse for his dad's "odd relationship" with Hef, which isn't so odd when we consider Bill had something of the immortal in him too.

Posted 1:56 PM by Gene

Uh, MS. TRAVERS, I wouldn't try that "Do-Nothing-Democrats" gag if I were you; the other side might shoot back with "Do-Anything Republicans."

Posted 8:40 PM by Gene

I don't think a war with Iran is coming, thank God, but this time I am NOT going to pull any punches. MY VOICE ISN'T VERY IMPORTANT IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS, BUT I'M GOING TO DO MY JOB--AND THAT MEANS LETTING YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHERE I STAND AND WHAT I BELIEVE! I BELIEVE THERE ARE A SMALL GROUP OF JEWISH NEOCONSERVATIVES WHO ARE PUSHING FOR WAR WITH IRAN BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE IT IS IN AMERICA'S LONG-TERM INTERESTS AND BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE ISRAEL'S EXISTENCE IS AT STAKE!!! THEY ARE WRONG AND RECENT HISTORY TELLS US THEY ARE DANGEROUS!!!!! THEY ARE ALSO BULLIES AND I'M NOT GOING TO BE INTIMIDATED BY THEM!!!!!!!!!!! (Unintimidated overemphasis added)

1. Is he still mad at being "outed"? 2. His agents are on the case. 3. "TIME WARNER OWNS CNN TOO!!!!!" 4. Is anybody outside PEOPLE INC. and Commentary paying the slightest attention -- and why should we?

Posted 3:00 PM by Gene

The Council of Better Business Bureaus believes in prayer too.

Posted 2:58 PM by Gene

Okay, Los Angeles City Council, how do you propose to get healthier eateries into poor neighborhoods? Prayer?

Posted 1:44 PM by Gene

McCain backs off his no-new-tax pledge

There goes that LIBERAL senator from Arizona again!

What would former Sen. MENTAL RECESSION have advised?

Posted 1:39 PM by Gene

Alaska Senator Ted Stevens Charged in Corruption Case

It couldn't have happened to a nicer -- PIG.

Posted 6:38 PM by Gene

To those who glibly predict that all this non-speculation in oil will cause people to eat less, and better:

Kraft's net revenue was up 21.4% to $11.2 billion, and net earnings were up 4% to $732 million from $707 million a year ago. The company pointed to Mac N' Cheese, Kraft cheese and processed meat as contributors to increased sales during the period.

Posted 6:37 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Because we have two deeply flawed candidates, this is a horse race.

Posted 6:31 PM by Gene

We salute Sen. Coburn for stopping $10 billion in spending, even if he's spitting into a $490 billion wind.

Posted 6:26 PM by Gene

Not only did the League of Nations throw money away in Burma/Myanmar, the scum junta may have shaken it down by fiddling with the exchange rate.

Would the League know a bad guy if he weren't American or Israeli?

Posted 6:23 PM by Gene

Earlier we heard this psycho unloaded his gun to kill "liberals", which surely made certain cheap easy scuzzy partisan types on both sides smile; now, it appears, he also had trouble finding work, which means for all time a psycho is just a psycho.

Posted 10:34 AM by Gene

From TheNation.com (!):

Whenever I think of Radovan Karadzic, one picture remains my mind. It is from a documentary shot during the siege of Sarajevo, in which he arrives at Pale, on a hill above Sarajevo, from which the military of Republika Srpska was shelling the city. Karadzic arrives with a guest, the Russian poet Eduard Limonov. Besieged Sarajevo lies in the valley below, and they can clearly see every building, every street, every tree: an ideal position for shooting. Dressed in a black coat, with a shawl around his neck to ward off the winter chill, Karadzic gallantly offers his guest and a fellow poet a "special treat" befitting an arbiter of life and death. He asks Limonov to try a shot from a machine gun pointed at the city. Just like that; just for fun. Just like in the movies, when a king offers a gun to his guest to shoot the wild beasts. Only down in that besieged city are not beasts, but people.

Limonov takes the challenge, kneels behind a machine gun and shoots. Everyone is delighted: this man is one of them! Despite the fact that he is a poet, he is not a sissy. Like their own poet, Limonov proved he was a real man--as if to be a poet in the Balkans--or to be a psychiatrist or intellectual, for that matter--doesn't really count. Then the two of them drink sljivovica with the soldiers and dine on roasted pig, apparently unconcerned about whether Limonov shot someone or not.

How is it that an intellectual, poet and psychiatrist like Karadzic could do such a thing? It took me time to understand that this is the wrong question. It is wrong because it takes for granted that people like this--the educated ones, the sophisticated ones, the artists, for God's sake--should know better. Don't they have higher moral standards that ordinary people? The answer is no.

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

iPhone = VISTA?!?!?

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

"The dog bit the fire truck" and we feel the pain.

Choosing between the big-oil and big-agriculture is like choosing your means of execution.

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

There might be something of a laugh to the idea of Henry Kravis going public, only he isn't funny.

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

Over a week ago the TWXSTERS gave us a cute little heartwarming wet-nosed-puppy-dog story of the rabbi psychiatrist running for Congress; now LALA has its own inspirational story about a cartooonist. Meantime the rag was sheepish enough to admit CNN staged an interview with a phony Republican. This campaign will try our sanity.

(Second link via Commentary Magazine's Contentions)

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

THE NOSE SPEAKS:

A lot of folks object to "Hollywood celebrities" participating in political discourse. Aside from pure disagreement over certain issues, why do you think there's such a backlash when you or other well-known performers speak your mind?

On a very basic level, many people think celebrities have too much already so we shouldn’t be entitled to our political opinions. Also, the other side objects to the fact that we might be listened to.

TRANSLATION: I'M ALWAYS RIGHT!

Posted 7:23 PM by Gene

The GAMES people call it "MIST!"

A mist, we presume, you could cut with the usual knife.

Schamasch said conditions were "not worse'' than in other cities that hosted the games, mentioning Los Angeles, Atlanta and Athens.

I guess he can't see the Bird's Nest for the -- mist.

Posted 7:18 PM by Gene

The Messiah is ready to fine-tune the economy!

Who wants to bet He brings in St. Warren as His Treasury secretary? Aside from the problem of who would be the lead God (we presume it would be the One who'd call Himself President) we'd have to guess how long before St. would leave the Treasury with egg on his (as opposed to His) face.

Posted 9:49 AM by Gene

The other day two BizWeek scribblers asked, how could The Paper of Re-CORD "be worth only $750 million?" Well, how could crude oil double in six months? For all the con-SER-va-tive hosannahs the Wall Street Casino has no inner bearings, and certainly no sense. That said, The Paper of Re-CORD and its partners in TRUTH eminently deserve to be worth so little, though by most definitions it isn't right: having done $750 trillion in damages to our psyches, this is the time for the payback, however unjust it is to those getting paid back.

Posted 9:28 AM by Gene

The co-chair of the 9/11 Commission, Lee Hamilton, said, "The similarities between Afghanistan before Sept. 11 and Pakistan today are striking and deeply worrisome.

"At what point do you say we cannot tolerate this anymore?"

The point at which the Holy Cockroaches strike back -- and as the mute symbol of Ground Zero bears witness, we'll resume our ostrich posture in no time.

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

Wait wait WAIT a second, guys -- wasn't it just a few weeks ago that we ran an advertorial for PILLHEAD? It must have occasioned a lot of the proverbial wailing and gnashing of teeth in the Kingdom of PINCHDOM, because now we're back with beet-red faces as to how to overcome this force of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL, and the answer is -- BLACK (?!?) RADIO!

Meaning, of course, we're still looking for that white kn -- er, our savio -- oh dammit, a HERO -- wait, isn't that sexist? Anyway, a FRIEND to save us from the greatest scourge since the Black -- er, since POLIO or whatever, and we'll still be looking in another five years.

Posted 6:38 PM by Gene

Speaking of the BANCORP, we're amazed that no one has noticed this story. Live streaming could kill the NFL, but not to dip a toe in could be worse.

Posted 6:33 PM by Gene

I think we see the GE BANCORP GAMES strategy, St. Warren, Little Jeffy: Us vs. Them. Can that really conquer a twelve-hour tape delay?

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

Rather than infomercials -- er, CONVENTIONS, David Frum has A BRILLIANT IDEA:

Party conventions could then discover a new purpose as showcases for emerging talent. With the candidate speaking in front of Mount Rushmore or wherever, the party's next generation and second-tier figures could regain the convention microphones that have been progressively removed from them over the past three decades....

Instead of formal oratory, there could be question-and-answer sessions with every one of the party's incumbent governors and panel discussions with congressional leaders. Instead of wandering around downtown Denver or Minneapolis with little to do, delegates could be offered opportunities to join themselves in moderated discussions or to hear serious briefings by invited policy experts. Today's delegates are not the delegates of the 1920s or 1950s: They are hard-working, highly educated community leaders, and they want a more important role than that of extra hands for somebody else's extravaganza production. Of course they enjoy the drinks and the fun. But they also want to engage in purposeful, public-spirited activities in the daylight hours before the show begins -- and the withdrawal of the cameras from the convention creates the perfect opportunity to offer them purposeful activities.

The tightly orchestrated debate over the platform -- always carefully stage-managed lest well-organized activists embarrass the candidate -- could be dispensed with altogether, replaced by genuine substantive discussions undistorted by the need to arrive at some anodyne consensus. Delegates could hear discussions led by policy experts about the issues the next administration will face.

In short, C-SPAN SEMINARS. Believe us, Dave, we have TOO MUCH of those. This would guarantee the few fragments of the infomercials would vanish from network TV altogether -- and from the public consciousness too (as our pundit more-or-less admits).

Now I have an idea, though I'm not paid six-digits-plus to pundit about it: Instead of conventions rewrite the rules so that when one candidate receives a majority of the national primary vote, the candidate automatically wins; no need for lots of buttinskys. It would be formalized at a meeting in Washington, much like a centralized Electoral College, with each state's governor and Congresspoops there to represent it. If no candidate gets a majority THEN the meeting would decide the winner, who'd be chosen behind closed doors and by the bigwigs whatever the format -- although there needn't be anything wrong with a plurality winner. My suggestion might play tricks with primary scheduling, but then any system would, and we have enough such tricks as is.

It is certainly true we shouldn't miss conventions; whether the nation could stand thirty-nine televised ballots nowadays is questionable. But as even Mr. Frum acknowledges why bother with something that costs zillions and whose sole purpose is to create downtown frozen zones?

P. S. Our brilliant pundit wases nostalgic over front-porch campaigns. Can you imagine what the news hacks would think? "HE'S AVOIDING THE PUBLIC!!!!!" Of course they'd be so bored they might stop covering the campaign, a good thing -- unless they concentrated even more on trivia, a real possibility.

Posted 2:07 PM by Gene

A eulogy for a medium that is better than ever:

5 nominated reality hosts to preside over Emmys

Posted 9:27 AM by Gene

Obama defends overseas trip

He has to defend it?

Posted 8:01 AM by Gene

As expected the two sick giants of satradio become one sick giant, meaning, as it becomes just one option among many to hear bad recorded sound, it will slowly fade out.

Posted 6:52 PM by Gene

KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH!

There's no denying that there is a cost-cutting benefit to replacing an older worker with a younger worker who will make less money. But protecting older workers interferes with what's called creative destruction, that tearing down and building up again that allows businesses to thrive. Firing some workers often creates opportunity for others.

Roger Pilon, vice president of legal affairs for the libertarian Cato Institute....

JOHN STOSSEL! YOU'RE JUST AS CEMENT-HEADED AS THE 100-TO-1 MEDIA TYPES FINANCING DEMOCRATS.

Posted 6:38 PM by Gene

Europeans are wary about Obama's call for more European money for defense and more soldiers for the fight against the Taliban in Afghanistan. They worry that he would not alter what they see as Bush's unbending bias in favor of Israel.

TRANSLATION: The Messiah isn't DEMOCRATIC enough.

And, despite what appears to be his sensitivity to European concerns, they perceive Obama as largely uninterested in Europe, even though he is chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations subcommittee responsible for the region.

He's interested now!

Posted 6:26 PM by Gene

Through an encounter with The Mogul's Friend we discovered this astonishing writing from Effete Edelstein:

Not to get all Lee Siegel on you, but the Internet has a mob mentality that can overwhelm serious criticism. There is superb film writing in blogs and discussion groups — as good as anything I do. But there are also thousands of semi-literate tirades that actually reinforce the Hollywood status quo, that say: “If you do not like The Dark Knight (or The Phantom Menace), you should be fired because you do not speak for the people.”

Well, the people don’t need to be spoken for. And a critic’s job is not only to steer you to movies you might not have heard of or that died at the box office. It’s also to bring a different, much-needed perspectives on blockbusters like The Dark Knight.

Alas this quote points to the two different kinds of bad in movie ad-blurbing: the traditional bad, where anointed writers hold the torch of truth while oozing euphoric over masterworks that conform to their narrow-mindedness (and let us not forget, one reason dark is big is because the AD-BLURBISTS LIKED IT); and (as Edelstein notes) the AIN'T-IT-COOL-NEWS bad, which justifies sci-fi-horror dreck as THE PEOPLE'S DRECK. Where both sides are united, however, is in rigidly sticking to their own different perspectives, and more to the point, overrating movies, and that's why movie ad-blurbing, whatever its form, can only get worse.

Posted 5:53 PM by Gene

Sorry, were you taking a bath?

Posted 1:55 PM by Gene

In Tehran, meanwhile, more sober heads among the clerical leadership whose authority is greater than that of the President's are reining in Ahmadinejad, says Javedanfar. After a public scolding in a conservative newspaper by a top aide to the Iran's Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Ahmadinejad several weeks ago publicly declared that Iran has no intention of attacking Israel or anyone else unless it was hit first. Halevy concurs. "I don't detect an appetite among the Iranians to bring about a catastrophe." But, he cautions, "There's a narrowing gap of opportunity for negotiations."

Let's hope this isn't typical news-hack wishful thinking; Lord knows the Iranians have sold common sense short.

Posted 1:38 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The non-speculators think they can pull another one.

Posted 10:48 AM by Gene

AP NEWSALERT!!!!!

WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Bush signs executive order expanding sanctions against Zimbabwe.

Such as...?

Posted 9:25 AM by Gene

We would have mentioned this yesterday but this IS Investor's Business Daily, and NRO linked to it, so we figured, well, it's con-SER-va-tive, and by virtue of its politics false, but now that MEDIABISTRO has linked to it we can say, media types are craven idiots.

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

OooooOOOOOoooooh, the Rolling Geezers change record labels!

Did Vivendi promise them eternal life? PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!

Posted 9:19 AM by Gene

Obama, Vague on Issues, Pleases Crowd in Europe

Well, whatever wins you European elections.

Posted 9:17 AM by Gene

Does this mean if The Messiah treats His acolytes with the pencils right they'll fall back in love?

Posted 8:37 PM by Gene

Which is not to say our auto companies lacked for ideas, however hare-brained. This remarkable commercial showcases the 1957 Ford Fairlane 500 Skyliner, a handsome convertible with a retractable roof. Watch this video and you'll see only three things are wrong: 1. The top takes too long to appear and disappear; 2. It probably broke after a couple of tries, meaning Ricardo's Spanish might not have been so happy; and 3. Only the top fits in the trunk (although I've seen a picture of some sort of small-box-like contraption that fit under the hood for storage). Oh, and 4. It came out a year before the Edsel. Oh well, cars were still more exciting then, whatever their crotchets.

Posted 7:32 PM by Gene

Speaking of sixties nostalgia, why in God's name does Sony want to remake My Fair Lady?

And LORD SCHLOCKINTOSH is behind it, and he's talking "realism", meaning DE-Lovely revisited.

P. S. KEIRA may be Eliza. She certainly has the -- bones for it. (Via the Big V, which touted it as though SUMNER were also behind it)

P. P. S. I stand corrected, not having read the fourth graf -- SUMNER IS ALSO BEHIND IT.

Posted 7:30 PM by Gene

How would JFK II deal with a Cuban Missile Crisis II?

I've heard of nostalgia for the sixties but this is going too far.

Posted 6:35 PM by Gene

Which reminds us: free-en-ter-PRISE GEKKOVIAN con-SER-va-tives always smirk about how the MARKET WORKS. Well why does the market seem to work better at raising prices than at lowering them? Please, GEKKOS, don't tell us about computers; it will be a while before this slight oil bust reaches our hands -- assuming the non-speculators haven't gone on a buying binge again.

And yes, we get John "The-Knee-Jerk-Liberal-Conservative" Stossel's point: "speculators" don't "HOARD" commodities. But if the last twenty-five years have shown anything it's that non-speculators don't have to take physical possession of anything to drive a market bonkers. Does anyone here remember the dot-com boom, when every last firm with a geek floated only a tiny fraction of its shares and reaped $5,000-a-share prices? No, you don't have to own something to value it too dearly. Look at HOUSES.

Posted 6:34 PM by Gene

The U.S. Commodity Futures Trading Commission said Thursday it has charged Optiver Holding BV with manipulation of crude oil and other energy futures contracts from which the firm reaped profits of approximately $1 million.

WE GOT ONE!

Posted 12:54 PM by Gene

Romy and Rainey state the obvious:

Broadcast networks have devoted more than twice as much airtime in recent weeks to Barack Obama than to John McCain, but don't assume that more coverage is always good coverage, says James Rainey.

And who with the cable news noisomeness would ever assume that?

Posted 11:14 AM by Gene

Does it really matter what medium tantrum throwers want to use when their first priority is to throw a tantrum?

And isn't it annoying that in this age there is so much coordinated sieg heil on both sides -- and that the typist of this article posits that the goal of any political movement should be even MORE sieg heil?

And for what a G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,00GLE search is worth, "Obama blunders" outnumbers "McCain blunders" by 1.6 to 1.

Posted 10:55 AM by Gene

You're sure you want to remember that, MS. TRAVERS?

Posted 9:43 AM by Gene

Surprise:

Google Blogger "hosts 2% of world's malware"

Hey zillionaires! How 'bout a repeat of the CAPTCHA gag?

Google says its users mustn't be evil.

Check and double-check!

(Via the usual Slashdot)

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

How Many Superheroes Does It Take to Tire a Genre?

None -- so long as fatuous cri-TICS like YOU, A. O., grind out your fatuous raves.

Posted 9:16 AM by Gene

Der Governor is cutting the wages of 200,000 state workers to minimum -- temporarily -- making regretful con-SER-va-tives wonder why he didn't do that PERMANENTLY.

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

The same rag that talked up the tattoed stripper's MASTERPIECE about teen pregnancy now does its very tsk-tsk routine that Hellywood isn't showing all the consequences.

Well we have a cautionary tale of our own: news hacks treat their underlings like three-year-olds. Somehow Zeitgeist hasn't disclosed its circulation decline yet.

Posted 8:40 AM by Gene

It cannot be good news when Ford goes from one kind of vehicle it knows how to build to another kind of vehicle it doesn't; but then the CLUNKER BROTHERS could have avoided this mess if they hadn't hitched their wagons to PICKUPS and SUVs.

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

Obama in Germany for 'substantive' speech

Uh, as opposed to the usual?

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

News hacks are speaking in mournful numbers about the DEMISE of the THUMBSUPPERY. We should remind people that the original immortal duo made nearly as much as some supporting-ac-TOR Os-CAR® winners in some of the MASTERPIECES they raved, and maybe a few best ac-TORS and ac-TRESSES too -- certainly some best-"original"-screenplay win-NERS. That "the fillum-cri-TIC conformity -- er, com-MUN-ity" is complaining that ESPNCORP's new thumbsuppers will turn this public service into Celebrity Central neglects how Siskel-Boom-Bah and RAH-ger turned movie cri-ti-CI-sm into a preening adjective-fest; the Web merely batted clean-up. And is it really thoughtful to believe the tentpoles deserve thoughtful reviewing?

Even this ASSPress typist admits the thumbsuppers lost their appeal over the years -- but remember, don't blame it on the movies.

Posted 5:47 PM by Gene

We're surprised con-SER-va-tives haven't bloviated about how well the FREE MARKET has worked with oil prices this last week blahblahblah....

It certainly didn't work so hot before.

You still must wonder how CONGRESSPOOPS can screw it up.

Posted 1:58 PM by Gene

Star Tribune’s debt for sale as woes mount

BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNNNNNNNNNNNNNIUM!!!!! MR. SCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIFE!!!!!

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

[W]hat fool should buy from a company that takes its customers for fools?

Words to remember the next time a company takes its customers for fools.

Posted 1:48 PM by Gene

One silly cover deserves another -- but in the end, isn't SI merely making fun of Himself? And doesn't He deserve to?

Which makes you wonder if He planned this whole stupid stunt because His rags are suffering.

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

IT'S STARTED:

LEFT COAST BIAS: Don't Kill Nightline

BIAS indeed.

Posted 1:33 PM by Gene

Members of the Detroit City Council have more sense than, say, certain Detroit Tiger fans, and most especially CARL LEVIN.

Posted 1:26 PM by Gene

Let's see -- Lenovo, which does put out pretty decent computers, is using Facebook to convince people that it's not a Chinese company sponsoring the mean old Beijing GAMES -- but as always MICKEY D does it one better:

McDonald's has also expanded on its traditional Olympics advertising with a social strategy centered around its first alternate-reality game. Called "The Lost Ring," the AKQA-created game has been operational since April. In that time, McDonald's boasts more than 2 million visitors in 100 countries have played it at some level. "The Lost Ring" challenges players to solve mysteries surrounding the Olympics.

You know, we would like to solve a few GAMES mysteries ourselves, like LENI RIEFENSTAHL and AVERY BRANDAGE, or why so many CEOs spend billions for three-month paid vacations, but we'll leave it at that.

Posted 1:20 PM by Gene

That we're spending more now on the vets than we did in 1947 after inflation merely says the health-care biz has found yet another Federal teat to suckle on.

Posted 1:18 PM by Gene

While "Gossip Girl" is fast becoming the network's flagship program, its ratings have been lackluster at best, a testament to the difficulty of trying to get young consumers to watch TV when they are fast becoming accustomed to getting more of their entertainment online and with mobile devices.

TRANSLATION: Even stupid teens may be smarter than we think -- and possibly SUMNER and "Alas-Does-Not-Rhyme-With" Bewkes aren't as smart as THEY think.

Posted 1:16 PM by Gene

When your health is tied to your stock price we would respectfully suggest it is not a "private matter."

Posted 9:31 AM by Gene

The ineffectual House Republican leader John Boehner says, "Every man for himself!"

TRANSLATION: ABANDON SHIP!

Posted 9:05 AM by Gene

Obama tour staged for political pop

GASP! You could have knocked me over with a feather.

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

Lately con-SER-va-tives have been making a thing about this Rasmussen poll that says half the respondents believe news hacks would intentionally goose a candidate's campaign. What they don't tell us is most of those believing this are Republicans.

Oh well, ninety percent of news hacks are liberal Democrats -- and if they could be polled honestly we suspect they'd say they DON'T intentionally goose campaigns.

Posted 7:32 PM by Gene

LARRY Mendte, KYW-TV ex-anchor and onetime comedian....

Which alone says where these clowns get their training.

Posted 7:23 PM by Gene

When a newspaper is in its death throes we will never never NEVER learn who helped it neglect its health.

As good as the paper has been, it’s always had galling limitations (I say this as someone who worked there for six and a half years): an opinion section that rarely generated heat; a record of ignoring wide swaths of the region; a disinterest in local politics. [Overemphasis added]

A writer who can do that is NOT serious.

Posted 7:19 PM by Gene

Poll: Many Chinese are happy with country's direction

More than a few unhappy with authoritarian conformist thought justified by public-opinion polls.

The next highest country, Australia, whose natives deserve their contentedness, is twenty-five points down. This poll is worthless.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

DAMNED IF YOU DO: Fighting plastic shopping bags is PC.

DAMNED IF YOU DON'T: There are too many plastic shopping bags where they shouldn't be.

Is it possible to solve such a problem without being a nanny, national, state or local?

Posted 1:19 PM by Gene

And Catarrh, one of our -- "friends", is buying military transports from Boeing! Hey, sheikhdoms, why don't you buy the whole country while you're at it? We need the help.

Posted 1:02 PM by Gene

Congress moves toward curbing oil speculation

And the non-speculators were so scared at the prospect they drove down the price of oil by $20!

Posted 12:58 PM by Gene

Does anybody care what state beauty-pageant contestants come from?

Posted 12:57 PM by Gene

"What kind of society are we when we can find a billion dollars to house art on the Parkway when we can't even house our own people?"

The kind of society you have on posh, tony RITTENHOUSE SQWEH-UH, where the elite meet the vagrants.

EDDIE's always talking up how HIP we are. Doesn't he realize FRISCO is HIP TOO?

Posted 12:53 PM by Gene

When in doubt, Little Jeffy, maybe Abu Dhabi could buy GE BANCORP!

Posted 12:50 PM by Gene

How do the Chinese propose to maintain this ten years hence?

Posted 9:20 AM by Gene

Report: 'Batman' accused of assaulting mom, sister

Well, GENIUS does have its...quirks.

P. S. at 1:00 p. m.

Christian Bale's reps released a statement Tuesday....

Does that mean YOU, TWXSTERS?

Posted 7:45 PM by Gene

An Iraqi government spokesman expressed hope today that U.S. combat troops could be out of Iraq by the end of 2010, roughly the same time frame laid out by Barack Obama, the presumed Democratic presidential nominee, who has called for removing most troops by the summer of that year. (First graf)

The statement added another twist to the controversy surrounding a weekend interview with a German magazine in which Maliki appeared to endorse Obama's plan to withdraw U.S. combat troops within 16 months of becoming president. (FOURTH GRAF)

Ya think DEM CUBBIES are worth $8 BILLION, Col.? Then ya'd get a media company for FREE!

Posted 6:14 PM by Gene

Okay, granted -- kiddie foods have too much bad stuff. But remove too much of the bad stuff and kids won't eat it. We hate to be glibertarians or show-biz lobbyists, but can the food biz really do a good job of parenting?

Posted 6:12 PM by Gene

Jut-Jaw's jumping out by June.

Which leads to two questions: 1. How long will the hacks make excuses for Conan's ratings? and 2. When does Lord Koppel's first column appear?

Posted 6:07 PM by Gene

Sixteen months! Twenty-four months! Obama for president! McCain for President!

Will you make up your minds?

Posted 6:05 PM by Gene

Radovan Karadzic is still alive?

Posted 1:59 PM by Gene

The value of AOL's ad unit, along with its declining dial- up Internet-access division, has dropped to less than $10 billion from around $15 billion two years ago and will fall further, said Richard Greenfield, an analyst at Pali Capital in New York.

That's OVER 32 TIMES the weekend gross for THE GREATEST PICTURE OF ALL TIME!!!!!

P. S. at 8:35 p.m. TWXSTER stock down OVER FOUR PERCENT despite the weekend gross of THE GREATEST PICTURE OF ALL TIME!!!!!

Posted 12:49 PM by Gene

On the other hand, if someone bids $5 BILLION for DEM CUBBIES....

Posted 10:39 AM by Gene

Now the hacks are saying THE MESSIAH's won the election, meaning the hacks will increasingly act it.

Posted 10:26 AM by Gene

Crain's has learned that Tribune Co. will try out some dramatic changes in the 161-year-old broadsheet in a Saturday edition by early August. A version under consideration devotes the paper's front section to consumer-oriented and entertainment features. Local, national, international and business news is consolidated in the second section. Weather leads the third section, which also includes comics and classifieds, while the sports section is converted to a tabloid format.

DUMBING DOWN YOUR PAPERS WON'T WORK, COL.

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 10:10 AM by Gene

We would remember how the whole world got worked up over the WARDROBE MALFUNCTION, but somehow, we don't care anymore.

Posted 8:55 AM by Gene

Aw shucks, Roger's going to have to find another partner to thumb-up -- whoops, rave all those great movies for ESPNCORP.

Thus begins the audition of the century! Ka-CHING!

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

French President Nicolas Sarkozy is expected to face anger on the streets, and diplomatic annoyance across the table, when he travels Monday to Ireland to sound out ways of reversing the Irish voters' rejection of the European Union reform treaty.

Well! Sarko isn't so con-SER-va-tive after all.

Posted 6:51 PM by Gene

Terry Teachout has written a response to Joe Queenan's irritable foot-stomping about modern "serious" music. Mr. Teachout is right: "[S]uch accessible and appealing works as Benjamin Britten's 'Ceremony of Carols,' Aaron Copland's 'Billy the Kid,' Maurice Ravel's G Major Piano Concerto, Dmitri Shostakovich's Fifth Symphony, Igor Stravinsky's 'Symphony of Psalms' and Ralph Vaughan Williams's 'Fantasia on a Theme of Thomas Tallis' must not be swept into the ashcan like so much music fiddle-dee-dee. True enough, and "modern" enough; but Mr. Queenan was fuming at what he called "contemporary" music -- at today's "opera", at "9/11" Stockhausen and John "Trapped" Cage, at conservatory faculties full of exquisitely trained technicians who wear it on their sleeves that they "write for themselves" while not giving a damn whether anyone likes it -- or even if their WUHK makes any sense. Perhaps they were just tripped up by the nomenclature: "modern" and "contemporary" may mean the same thing, when they don't. What gives Mr. Queenan's screed its timeliness is that, as Mr. Teachout notes, there were once great, MODERN works of music. Now it's just foundation grants, musical "chairs", backscratching reviewers, and emptying concert halls.

Posted 4:47 PM by Gene

The Pursuit of Teen Girl Purity
Striking back against a Girls Gone Wild culture... [Home-page blurb]

WHICH YOU IDIOT TWXSTERS ACTIVELY HELP PRODUCE....

Posted 4:40 PM by Gene

I just sent the following e-mail to the Neville Chamberlain-like Children's Advertising Review Unit and the morons at General Mills:

To whom it may concern:

General Mills is plugging "The Dark Knight", a PG-13 movie clearly unsuitable for children, on boxes of Cocoa Puffs cereal, a product aimed at children. I'm suspecting the company plays up the connection through TV ads. (I find no reference to the tie-in on www.cocoapuffs.com or the General Mills corporate Web site.)

This is cynical and unethical corporate behavior, and I complain, though I know at best I can expect empty apologies and maybe a press release. When it comes to movie promotions the CARU is a glorified arm of the MPAA, designed to give the industry cover; it makes the UN's Human Rights Committee look honest and effective by comparison. When you take action it's after the fact, and the punishment is a whap with a wet noodle. In short, [you] engage in the sort of A-1 corporate fanny-protection we expect from big business. I send this e-mail regardless, not deluding myself that it will do anything, holding you in contempt even as I press the "submit" button.

Yours,
[Eugene David]

I'll be surprised if I get a response -- and even if you e-mail the mythical Brent Jones of USAOKAY!!!!!, you at least get a FORM reply, even if it's the same one they've used since Al Neuharth was in diapers.

P. S. I discover on the Cocoa Puffs site the Minneapolis midget-brains are using the Web to do the exact same stupid self-defeating thing they'd have done with kiddie TV in the sixties and seventies -- and at least they sponsored Rocky and Bullwinkle...ONCE.

P. P. S. This appears to be a company-wide promotion, or rather a company-wide example of plausible deniability:

You must be 13 years of age or older as of 6/15/2008 in order to participate in this promotion. [sic]

IDIOTS.

(Via SlickDeals)

Posted 1:42 PM by Gene

If it's Sunday it must be Big-Double-A-Scribble Time:

1. We know, Rance, we know: Every time members of The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers say they'll cut spending, they'll spend MORE. We've said it once, we'll say it a thousand times: NOTHING BEATS SCHMOOZING.

2. Regardless of how mere mortals may talk, it's The Lord God Pinch now and FOREVER.

3. More ad agencies are installing in-house bars, so their charges can be even more drunk when insulting us.

4. What to Expect from P&G's New Marketing Chief

MORE JUNK TELEVISION.

And maybe more drunks too.

Posted 1:32 PM by Gene

Treasury chief: Banks safe despite economic tumult

Is Hank trying to tell us something?

Posted 1:30 PM by Gene

Experts say the pollution-curbing experiment could still go wrong because unpredictable winds could blow pollution into Beijing despite factory shutdowns in the city and five surrounding provinces.

Or it could go the other way, with August generally being the month with little wind, potentially allowing pollution to build up. [LAST TWO GRAFS]

Please, PLEASE, let it SMOG!

Posted 1:01 PM by Gene

Well, look at it this way, Greg: at least your name won't have an asterisk next to it.

(Link updated 1:56 p.m.)

Posted 11:45 AM by Gene

David "NON" Germain must have been on the phone for HOURS to New York: "WHEN THIS BREAKS THE RECORD SEND OUT AN AP NEWSALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But one IMMORTAL HISTORICAL RECORD-SHATTERING MASTERPIECE!!!!! does not change the fact that the trend is still DOWN in attendance, and will remain DOWN so long as THE CONSPIRACY excretes its work in sticky-floored $10-popcorn restaurants.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO NON -- AND HE'S A FINALIST FOR OUR NEUHARTHISM OF THE YEAR DISHONOR!

P. S. This EPOCHAL LANDMARK UNBREAKABLE RECORD!!!!! is 0.3342 PERCENT OF PEOPLE WARNER'S 2007 REVENUES.

Posted 10:54 AM by Gene

Their voices dripping with disgust, two disillusioned lap dancers from a busted midtown strip club described the owner as a pervert who took a cut when he caught his employees having sex with clients.

Excuse me, "girls", but -- doesn't that go with the territory?

Posted 10:41 AM by Gene

On the second day of an international tour designed to burnish his foreign policy credentials.... [PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!]

The LORD promises to go after Elvis -- provided it doesn't cost Him any votes with the NETROOTS.

Media access to Obama was limited, and his itinerary in the war zones was closely guarded. Traveling with him were Sens. Chuck Hagel, a Nebraska Republican [SIC], and Jack Reed, a Democrat from Rhode Island.

Obama made no public comment after the meeting with Karzai, which included a traditional lunch of mutton, chicken and rice washed down with a yogurt drink.

So what's the point of the CAMPAIGNING?

Posted 9:32 AM by Gene

January 11, 2007:

I suggest this will have the same earth-shattering impact that Pele's move to the U. S. did. Soccer, face it, is from a different time zone, and requires patience to watch, something most sports fans lack. Or to put it another way, soccer is BOOOOOOOOOOORING.

To say it again, NUF SAID.

P. S. I should have qualified it with "U. S.", as God knows international soccer fans may have TOO MUCH patience.

(Via the highly original reporting of Yahoo! Sports; changed link in original post as LALATimes story URL dead)

Posted 9:04 PM by Gene

More reportorial brilliance from the ASSPress:

When Coke bottle glasses just won't cut it for safe driving, a futuristic windshield might do the trick.

General Motors Corp. (GM) (GM) [SIC] researchers are working on a windshield that combines lasers, infrared sensors and a camera to take what's happening on the road and enhance it, so aging drivers with vision problems are able to see a little more clearly.

We fear if the Senior Clunker Brother ever gets through with this we may need Coke bottles.

Posted 8:49 PM by Gene

One may be forgiven for thinking Henry Luce and Steve Ross (?) invented the word "crass." Tonight we were going through the Library of Congress's vast Lincoln repositories and noticed tunesmiths wrote two hundred funeral dirges after he was shot. We can see some of these bozos barging into music publishing houses yelling, "I got a GRRRRREAT funeral dirge for you -- it's cornier and more bathetic than the others and it'll sell three million copies!" Of COURSE they're all forgotten except by Congress's librarians, which means despite their hopes neither SLIME nor SUMNER has a monopoly on GROSS.

Posted 8:30 PM by Gene

Meanwhile the TWXSTERS are so busy celebrating HISTORY (never mind their empire probably makes far more money from overcharges of its turnips intentional and otherwise that go overlooked) some of their number decided it gave them carte blanche to hoodwink us with a gee-whiz-aw-shucks-cute-little-wet-nosed-puppy-dog story of the blind rabbi-psychologist who WILL be in the next Congress -- but despite believing they're gonna live forever they rather mortally neglected the possibility that some of their inferiors MIGHT have computers, and MIGHT do a little SEARCHING -- as in...

The Iraq War - We Need A Rapid And Responsible Withdrawal

George Bush and Scott Garrett seem to believe we need to stay in Iraq indefinitely. I believe we need to get outoutOUTOUTOUT!!!!! [Let's-get-them-out-rapidly overemphasis added]

Of COURSE he doesn't say how rapid or responsible, leading us to believe he'll be a perfect stooge for the Lord. Whether that is enough to keep him in office may be another thing. One thing we do know: he will surely be "conflicted" in his choice of Gods.

Or to put it another way, when news hacks say jump some of us know not to.

A SPECIAL SCREAMIN' HOWARD DEAN NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO ADAM!

P.S. He also believes in unlimited abortions, which means -- DON'T SMOKE WITHIN TWO HUNDRED FEET OF HIM!!!!!

Posted 8:22 PM by Gene

More excitement at the table-pounding movie-maniacs' site inconveniently owned by Cantor Fitzgerald:

DARK KNIGHT is now ranked the best movie of all-time by IMDB voters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -- (link) (Link and all-time exclamation points added)

Two notches above Stephen King's "It's a Wonderful Life." NUF SAID.

P. S.

How long it will take to fall will be interesting. -- nm dsbman Jul 19, 18:22 (0)

You dunderhead, they don't fall -- they RISE!

Posted 12:52 PM by Gene

Another Col. strategy is to waste our time with celebrity photos. Or to put it another way, imagine if each of the 53 photos in this gallery represented a fraction of Col.'s DEBT.

By the way, Col. if your hacks want to tout their prejudices as objective fact, fine -- but we would remind Your Excellency MNI JUST HIT AN ALL-TIME LOW, so hectoring us can cut BOTH WAYS.

Posted 11:35 AM by Gene

Found in the Web garbage today:

BOM: 66.4 Million for the Bat. NEW RECORD!!!!!!!!!! -- (link) [Links and record overemphasis added]

And from its onlie begetter PEOPLE WARNER:

Zimbabwe introduces $100 billion banknotes

Posted 9:59 AM by Gene

This alleged revival of the hula-hoop (assuming, that is, it ever really faded from view) does say that Web mobs have the sheer brute power to keep things alive, a power they use indiscriminately; but because it is so scattershot they cannot keep interest up among other than their fellow stalwarts, and depending upon the object of their affection, that may not necessarily be a good thing.

Posted 9:49 AM by Gene

Former Sen. MENTAL RECESSION has stepped down from Boobs's campaign, prompting stalwarts of truth and justice like Ramesh to call it an "overreaction", but M. R. could gloat about the peoples' suffering in part because he knew hard-core con-SER-va-tives would underreact.

Posted 9:43 AM by Gene

James Brown's auction evidently did not bring in as much as high-priests of pop-cul-TYURE as Paper of Re-Cord scribblers would have liked, which may denote, in the end, such superstars will in time become as well known as, say, Lillian Russell today -- and despite what happened to a Jo Stafford (as we noted before) in many instances it may not be a bad thing.

Posted 9:41 AM by Gene

Tight Security Dampens Beijing's Olympic Spirit
Celebrations across China are overshadowed by Communist regime's measures against alleged threats of violence and anti-government protest.

But we suspect they are not overshadowed in China, and that's what matters.

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

We could think of half-a-dozen things NEWS HACKS have implored us to eat that aren't quite so healthy as tomatoes, and if Zeitgeist declares their reputation "rotten" it's a consequence of guvment ninnies with a media megaphone.

Posted 6:14 PM by Gene

On a day when every Godforsaken media outlet thinks it can pulverize its turnips' puny minds into great wealth merely by flashing pictures of the KURT COBAIN OF FILLUM in that sickening makeup, in a mighty wave of self-congratulation such as we have not seen since WOODSTEIN won its P-Ulitzers, all for honoring the immortal notion that WHAT'S GOOD FOR PEOPLE WARNER IS GOOD FOR AMERICA, we learn that someone who was today as well known as we'd guess this IMMORTAL will be sixty years hence has died, and she didn't deserve the obscurity. Jo Stafford would certainly not mean anything to the Babbitts of print, and happily for them she is forgotten despite singing with Tommy Dorsey, and the Pied Pipers, and Young Blue Eyes, and Sy Oliver, and Johnny Mercer, and her husband Paul Weston, a leading arranger and conductor. Perhaps one reason she, like too many vocalists of the forties and fifties, is now where KURT will be sixty years hence is she sang too many novelties and gloppy ballads, and we suspect she'd be the first to admit it; but this does not at all negate (aside from a face that was, shall we say, lovely to look at) a sultry, sexy, caressing contralto and, at least as much to the point, a superb jazz instinct every bit as good as Peggy Lee's. She wasn't the only wolf-whistle inspiring singer of her day -- indeed the deafening wolf-whistles of then are the silence of now -- but she was one of the best, then, and now, and in the whole history of American pop music.

Posted 1:44 PM by Gene

Shucks, The Messiah will have to be a jelly donut somewhere else.

Posted 1:39 PM by Gene

It escapes us why so many want to will the seventies back into life -- economically and culturally. As for this remake someone could be an improvement over Bo "Great-Bod-Stone-Face" Derek, but that isn't saying much, and we doubt it.

Posted 11:40 AM by Gene

Love and marriage, bread and butter, coffee and cream....

That still doesn't prepare me for the reception awaiting the Wiesenthal Center delegation in Puerto Montt. As the yarmulke-wearing Zuroff mounts the steps of the hotel, a bearded man in a windbreaker adorned with the postwar German flag starts shouting "Get out of my country, there are no Nazis here" in English and Spanish. Zuroff has a brief but heated exchange with the man, David Mardones, a prominent member of a regional political party, who accuses the Israeli government of committing genocide against the Palestinians.

Yes, some things do go together.

Posted 9:48 AM by Gene

Hey Dubya! You have borrow-'n'-spend company in Merrie Olde Englande!

And he isn't even a Republican!

Posted 9:31 AM by Gene

Little Jeffy or The Joker?

Or both?

If I were Little Jeffy I'd sue.

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

Coke Eyes Marketing as Area for Cost Cutting

We ask a stupid question: Who needs marketing with caffeine?

Posted 9:22 AM by Gene

The Emmys® are pulling the Os-CARS®' routine!

Let them eat awards!

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

SUMNER and MOONER will speak against BLATHER!

LET THE TRUTH BEGIN!

(First link via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:20 AM by Gene

The last thing any news hack will ever say is that the reason he and his colleagues are having to wave goodbye to so many other colleagues is that we must always Get the Message. Whether it's the Message that Iraq is lost, or the Message that Republicans are EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL, or the Message that the Messiah is GOD, or the Message that CEOs are sacred, or the Message that the Kurt Cobain of Film was a GENIUS, they always dispense with Messages. So long as we must always Get the Message we must dispense with the Messengers in the hopes of making their business a MESS.

Posted 7:43 PM by Gene

STORIES WE STOPPED READING A THIRD OF THE WAY THROUGH THE FIRST SENTENCE:

Mitch Albom has a new book out - well, not really a book....

Posted 6:35 PM by Gene

And now that Honorary owns more of His creation He will undoubtedly become even more modest.

DOUBLE PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!

Posted 6:34 PM by Gene

Sighhhhhhhhhh, no $1000 a share anytime soon.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!

Posted 6:26 PM by Gene

Pelosi calls Bush 'a total failure' on everything

Eighteen-percent approval says You're not too bad Yourself.

Posted 6:19 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The Belgian-Brazilians, panicky that they overpaid, will finance more junk television and prima donnas than ever, meaning a) they'll try to make good by firing lots of little guys, and b) we hope they have trouble paying off their debt for quite some time.

Posted 6:09 PM by Gene

Who knows? In time all the Madrid bombers could be free -- which would speak either to the total Spanish fear of holy cockroaches, or the total PC incompetence of SUPER CHICKEN!

Posted 6:08 PM by Gene

Remember this while you gloat:

[I]n any future confrontation, Israel may use less restraint — and another war could be Lebanon's last.

Posted 3:47 PM by Gene

Bloomberg Stays Modest on His $16.2 Billion Worth

Honorary, will you stop running for something?

Posted 3:22 PM by Gene

Former Tyco CEO Kozlowski settles divorce case

Who gets the umbrella stand?

Posted 10:34 AM by Gene

Not long before she died, Pauline Kael remarked to a friend, "When we championed trash culture we had no idea it would become the only culture." Who did?

RHYMES WITH DASTARD.

A year after her death (in 2001) one formerly enthusiastic reader, Paul Schrader, a screenwriter of films such as Raging Bull and Taxi Driver, wrote: "Cultural history has not been kind to Pauline."...

"It was fun watching the applecart being upset," Schrader said, "but now where do we go for apples?"

DITTO FOR YOU.

By the way -- did she smile when she said that?

(Via the ANNOYING ArtsJournal)

Posted 8:45 AM by Gene

"THIS IS OUR BAILOUT!!!!!" (Happy-days-are-here-again overemphasis added)

It sure IS.

(Sorry for the NOVAK)

Posted 8:21 AM by Gene

The party that helped find a "right" in the Constitution for vagrants to sleep anywhere is turning them away from its convention?!?

This sounds like the work of SuperFlipFlop!

Posted 6:31 PM by Gene

Porfolio has just exposed more of the millionaire bums who greased the JACK VALENTI OF MORTGAGES's skids while greasing untold homeowners clean out of their homes. Henry Cisneros, Paul Begala (gosh! THAT virgin?!?), a former postmaster, the heads of Sprint and KB Home -- really, this Mafioso of Mortgages needed lots of underbosses.

Look at that picture, by the way. Given Angelo's beeyoutiful tan doesn't it seem as though that hand belongs to someone else -- as if maybe The Thing volunteered to raise it for Congress?

Posted 6:14 PM by Gene

"SAMIR KANTAR IS A BRUTAL MURDERER OF CHILDREN AND ANYBODY CELEBRATING HIM AS A HERO IS TRAMPLING ON BASIC HUMAN DECENCY!!!!!" said Mark Regev, spokesman for the Israeli prime minister. (Brutal overemphasis added)

For which trampling your boss rolled out the red carpet.

Oh well, there is this small consolation:

And on a final note, a small word of advice for Samir Kuntar. Ask you[r] comrades in the PLO and Hizbullah what was the ultimate fate of various killers of Israelis and Jews years after they thought their actions were forgotten; for example, what happened to the killers of our athletes in Munich and their masterminds – the last of them died in unnatural circumstances 24 years after that horrific massacre. So learn from the past and draw your conclusions.

At least, after Ehud's been convicted.

(Via Contentions)

Posted 5:41 PM by Gene

We imagine a few of Ronnie's friends must have gasped, "What? Only a couple bottles of vodka a day?" Or, "What? Only vodka?" I know we're supposed to chortle happily at this sort of thing, especially with a member of the Geritol Rockers, but seeing how many people no longer chortle, or laugh, or cry, or do anything thanks to alcohol, I don't.

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

Seatless subway cars are a goofy idea, and a potentially hazardous one, but this is the kind of those behaviors the NON-SPECULATORS forced some of us into.

Posted 1:00 PM by Gene

China's quest to build the biggest & tallest

...and ugliest....

Within days of its opening, the $1.76 billion Hangzhou Bay Bridge was becoming famous for an unexpected special feature: car accidents.

The special viewing platform built to the side of the six-lane bridge was nowhere near completion, leaving drivers with no space to pause. So many people were stopping to gawk at the much-vaunted engineering and causing so much mayhem that police began cracking down on dawdling drivers and enforcing a minimum speed of 50 mph.

That's okay; there's plenty of OIL where that came from.

Posted 12:53 PM by Gene

Notre Dame's hired a lawyer as AD. This is an extremely apt choice -- he can deal with the other lawyers (and AGENTS, and MONEYMEN) who will so come to dominate the professional college sports biz as to finally remove its last self-serving bastion of "amateurism."

We'd be careful though -- with Busch going Belgian-Brazilian it might mean less money for corruption. Then you'll have to shake down your clients...or the TAXPAYERS.

His CV also includes Webcasting. Time for a new deal with Little Jeffy? Or maybe one for ourselves?

(Via the ASSPress)

Posted 12:45 PM by Gene

Just because the non-speculators are having a selling spasm doesn't mean we should stop worrying about sheikhs and Belly Kissers -- or non-speculators for that matter.

And NO, SENIOR CLUNKER BROTHER, this does NOT mean you can build SUVs with impunity - or that people should BUY them.

Posted 12:43 PM by Gene

Apple is asking a court to order Miami-based Psystar to stop making unauthorized Mac clones and to recall all of the systems it has sold to customers since it began offering them for public sale in April.

The downside of a computer company as a religious cult.

Posted 10:38 AM by Gene

"THE BUSH LIBRARY THING IS A RUSE BASICALLY TO GET IN A HUGE NEOCON THINK TANK ON A UNIVERSITY CAMPUS OVER WHICH NEITHER THE CHURCH NOR THE CHURCH'S OWN UNIVERSITY WILL HAVE ANY SAY!" Rev. Weaver said. "IT'S ABOUT REBRANDING BUSH AND THEY WANT TO REBRAND HIM UNDER THE COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATIVE CROSS!!!!!" [Compassionate overemphasis added]

If Dubya were CLINTON....

Posted 10:03 AM by Gene

Col.! Investing in something?

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO JOE!

Posted 9:25 AM by Gene

Oh, great! Here's another bank that could never fail.

We understand why pinheads like PHIL talk about whining and mental recessions, but dammit these money burners played all their stupid financial tricks without adult supervision, and no doubt Watchoverya, er, Walkoverya, er, WACHOVIA is not far from the top of the list.

Posted 9:12 AM by Gene

Ehud gets his squib in the history books, somewhere between "appeasement" and "corruption."

Posted 7:42 PM by Gene

Once more from Romy -- with feeling:

It's time for Abrams to stop writing memos, start innovating

Romenesko Letters
"He can begin by hiring one or more cartoonists," writes Gary Dretzka, who wonders if Tribune innovation chief Lee Abrams is aware that the Chicago Tribune and Los Angeles Times are without staff editorial cartoonists.

Posted at 5:48:33 PM

BRING BACK PAUL CONRAD!

Posted 7:08 PM by Gene

DOW 36,000 HAS A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!!!!!

Luckily Andy Grove (with an amanuensis) is a little more sanguine. But let us not bet the farm we can solve the energy mess before the energy mess solves us.

Posted 6:55 PM by Gene

Happily it's not the only metropolis eager to burn tax dollars: Salt Lake City wants to build an $82 million thea-TAH, presumably to showcase such masterworks as, say, Urinetown, or Avenue Q, or maybe a production of Lysistrata in the rrrregietheatah style, complete with real sex, though most likely the town fathers will be content with another parade of Interstate bus 'n' truckers, interspersed by long parades of white elephants.

We thought THE GAMES took care of Salt's inferiority!

(Via the irritating ArtsJournal)

Posted 6:52 PM by Gene

Speaking of the former Motown, and its lingering psychosis:

The group working to save part of Tiger Stadium says it raised $200,000 in the few hours after The Detroit News broke the story the city was being asked to OK demolition of the entire historic ballpark.

And while they're at it they can tack on an auto museum devoted to every model Detroit made before it STOPPED KNOWING HOW TO BUILD THEM.

Carl Levin is pledging $15 million, meaning this is schmuckery of the first order.

Posted 6:33 PM by Gene

The GET A LIFE! crowd goes bonkers AGAIN:

Technology: World's First 2GB Graphics Card Is Here

Posted 6:26 PM by Gene

Brit Hume [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

Retires. He will be missed.

07/15 05:51 PM

Clicking on THE LINK (and though it be Howie Hairshirt):

Sources familiar with the situation say that Hume, 65, will give up his job as Washington managing editor and anchor of "Special Report." They say he is near a deal to continue with Fox in a senior statesman role, not unlike that of Tom Brokaw at NBC, for roughly 100 days a year.

In his new role, Hume would be a senior political analyst, anchor special events, serve as a panelist on "Fox News Sunday" and occasionally substitute for the host, Chris Wallace.

Can't some megapundits READ?

For that matter Howie uses the word too. Can't HE read?

Posted 5:46 PM by Gene

Some of GM's eight brands have increased ad spending, even as sales have faltered, but not all of them. Its best-selling brand, Chevrolet, increased spending through April by 19% (not including online), per Nielsen Monitor-Plus, even as sales dropped 13%. GM overall spent $1.89 billion on ads last year and $641 million through April, as total sales dropped 12.3%, per Autodata, Woodcliff Lake, N.J.

Why did it take a disaster to get the SENIOR CLUNKER BROTHER to see the light?

And further on the subject of prima donnas:

GM already started pulling back from some of its sports ties. In January, Cadillac opted out as a sponsor of the Masters golf tournament. GM also said it would not to renew its $1 billion sponsorship of the U.S. Olympic Committee when its contract ends after this year's games. And Chevrolet recently ended its primary sponsorship of the Nascar Childress Racing team.

Heck the executives are now starting to realize schmoozing has no place in rebuilding a company. But never underestimate the allure of being starry-eyed, even as those starry eyes see straight into bankruptcy.

P. S. at 6:55 p.m. Looks as if SENIOR's basically pinning its hopes on one electric car, even as it chokes on the exhaust of running on fumes building millions of SUVs.

Posted 5:42 PM by Gene

Already the dismantling of the Beer Barony begins. Why can't the new owners just look upon the theme parks as good PR -- which don't cost a fraction as much as wasting all that money on prima-donnas' salaries?

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

We think we figured out why Bill "Mensa Man" Carter sat on his stoop pondering the difficulties to joke over The Messiah: He is the MJ of politics. I do not mean that flatteringly. MJ was all hoops and nothing else. If he had a personality it was consumed by the black hole of intensity that was his career. [NO PUN INTENDED.] The Messiah is all intensity; He doesn't smile unless He has to. Moreover it is hard to imagine a human trait on which jokemeisters could hang a bad gag. Think of every recent president: Ike had his addle-patedness and his nuculars; Kennedy his Hahvahd accent, LBJ his oh-so-serious twang, Nixon his thumpheting and his silly gestures with his arms, Ford his clumsiness, Carter his earnestness and dopey grin, Reagan his helmet-like hair and out-of-it style, Papa his verbal weirdness, Clinton his yakking lechery, Dubya his ditziness. The Messiah has no such traits -- or rather if He does they're purely administrative, which is why His campaign has made one mistake after another -- somebody running it is human. He is politics unto its perfection and why His exceedingly high regard for Himself has become His Achilles heel.

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

Another inimitable bit of genius from one of the Romy groupies:

Geffen should hire LAT journalists and start a news website

Posted 2:27 PM by Gene

Dan Gross, remembering he writes for Stale.com, says between $31 billion and $78 billion. How much will it cost?

Posted 1:31 PM by Gene

Even as Mr. Bernanke fielded questions from senators, a distinctly different view of the economy emanated from the White House.

President Bush, speaking at a White House news conference that coincided with the Fed chair’s testimony, urged Americans to “take a deep breath” and have faith in the country’s financial foundation.

The president said that the economy was “basically sound.” “Growth is slower than we would like, but it’s growth nonetheless,” he said.

GEKKO KUDLOW was at the WHITE HOUSE again!

Posted 1:19 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: By tomorrow this PR stunt will have reached TIMOTHIAN proportions.

In other words, we shall SCREAM.

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

Satirizing Barack Obama has not been easy for The New Yorker magazine or the phalanx of late-night TV hosts. [Home-page blurb]

How do you make fun of God?

Posted 8:49 AM by Gene

...Dazzling visuals -- in this case, almost three-dimensional computer animation -- rousing battle sequences and clunky dialogue.

Guess which animated adaptation of guess which cinematic masterpieces from guess which reclusive control-phreak zillionaire?

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

After a brief bout of Obamamania, some Capitol Hill Democrats have begun to complain privately that Barack Obama’s presidential campaign is insular, uncooperative and inattentive to their hopes for a broad Democratic victory in November.

The Messiah -- a snob? To His own people?

HHMPH!

Posted 8:32 AM by Gene

It's official -- we have stagflation.

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

Somebody named Cal Fussman is writing a "memoir" under the name of Larry King, and it's being called What Am I Doing Here? -- which, in light of Lar's LEGENDARY career, is a very good question.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

Enormous publicity and a "mega-popular video duel" (sure we should use "words" like that, ASSPress?) result in zero -- an apt tale for our empty Web age.

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

Los Angeles Times Publisher David Hiller resigns

Last one out don't forget to pay off the debt!

Posted 10:42 AM by Gene

Buyers of the iPhone 3G are complaining that the device can't be used with many of the pricey charging stations, sound docks, and other accessories they bought for their iPods.

HA! HA! HA!

Posted 10:39 AM by Gene

1. WHINY REID and QUEEN BABS will scream and wail and jump up and down before they assent. 2. Knowing the non-speculators this will drive up the price of oil.

Posted 10:17 AM by Gene

If Critics Ran the Networks: A Multiplatform Roundtable

No! NO! This is TOO easy.

Posted 10:03 AM by Gene

The Fed said it granted the Federal Reserve Bank of New York authority to lend potentially billions of collars to the two companies "should such lending prove necessary."

And only the TAXPAYERS go to the dogs.

300 billion collars. Does ANYBODY know how much dog food this will cost?

P. S. at 12:10 p.m. GEKKO, who not too long ago was singing "Goldilocks's Tune", throws out a number of up to $1.46 TRILLION. Does ANYBODY know?

Posted 8:55 AM by Gene

Futures applaud rescue plan

Of course futures would -- it's their money!

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

Bruni is now that rarest of things — a pop star savaged by critics and policy wonks.

We suspect even The Messiah's betrothed couldn't top that.

Someone alert MS. TRAVERS:

Betrand Dicale of the conservative daily Le Figaro — whose pages generally laud Sarkozy and his rightist government — urged readers to ignore all the non-musical discussion surrounding Bruni and her CD while declaring it "a perfect success." Dicale praised the quality of Bruni's "dense and fragile voice," the same voice that disapproving critics have faulted as hoarse and weak.

Yep, this is a con-SER-va-tive singer!

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

This game is over!

Of course it gives SUMNER (whose chief goal in life is to out-old Methuselah) an excuse to fire a senior citizen, and we liked Billy, but among a certain FRED FLINTSTONE this sort of blather is inexcusable, and we think we understand why.

Posted 8:54 PM by Gene

Taaaaaaaaaaaaa-ta-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....

Anybody for a Belgian or Brazilian flag?

Posted 8:34 PM by Gene

When we read a blurb like this somehow we hear the late Herbert -- Storm making fun of Hef's girlfriends' IQs.

We miss ya, Harry.

Posted 8:32 PM by Gene

Well, there's always El Salvador.

And his wife's prettier too.

Posted 8:28 PM by Gene

Somebody owns shares in LEE and MNI.

(Via -- as usual -- Romy)

Posted 7:41 PM by Gene

It's official: Eurovision's incurable.

Posted 7:37 PM by Gene

Bleachers start to tumble at Tiger Stadium

Have Southeast Michigan's news hacks paid too much attention to this?

Posted 7:18 PM by Gene

We thought you were the smartest man on earth, Da-VID!

Or maybe he is.

P. S. Why did you make this @#$%^& so BIG, Politico.com?

Posted 6:43 PM by Gene

Great -- DUBYA's bailing the shareholders of Fannie and Freddie.

PLUS he may raise the national debt limit. WHAT A MAROON!

P. S. at 7:30 p.m. It appears only the Paper of Re-CORD has mentioned the debt-limit biz, but we heard of it before, so we're betting it's in the Wizards' arsenal.

Posted 6:39 PM by Gene

Per-capita spending on razors is declining -- because 1. There is a limit to how many blades you can put on a razor; and 2. They last longer. Yet a couple of "experts" in this here Big-Double-A-Scribble piece insist Moon 'n' Stars didn't overpay for its razor division. Of course it didn't; as we've said to beyond tiresomeness, you can never pay too much to finance JUNK TELEVISION.

Posted 6:37 PM by Gene

Only on People.com

Let me guess -- PEOPLE WARNER'S ALREADY BOUGHT THE PICTURES -- AND FOR ENOUGH TO REHIRE THOSE LAYOFFS!

Posted 6:32 PM by Gene

McCain’s Conservative Model? Roosevelt (Theodore, That Is)

And from con-SER-va-tives everywhere comes the shout again: COMMUNIST!

Posted 4:41 PM by Gene

A bunch of self-important-looking suits and EDDIE's Praetorian Guard are circling The Kimmel Quonset Hut for something called the National Governors Association conference, and natch its Web site is down, which says a little too much about the members -- and its handlers.

P. S. CONCAST is doing the video. Nuf said.

Posted 10:37 AM by Gene

AMITY gets extremely irritated that anyone would criticize an AVATAR of WOULD-BE GREAT WEALTH...er, a TRUTH TELLER like PHIL, but gathers the intestinal fortitude to make a BOLD suggestion on how we can solve what is NOT an economic mess:

In short, to fix it all, we need a frank conversation about the economy.

Which, if we know a knee-jerk lock-step KLUMPH! KLUMPH! GLIBERTARIAN like Amity, means NO CONVERSATION ABOUT TAXES (except to eliminate them for the hyperrich). Yes, we know taxes are the DEMOCRAT PARTY's best friend. BUT OBSCENE WEALTH IS THE REPUBLICAN'S.

And even this CLOD had to admit in her own side-lock-stepping non-conversational way PHIL made an ASS of himself.

Posted 10:34 AM by Gene

Nuke disarmament agreed to in North Korea

To paraphrase Sir Winnie, this isn't the end. It isn't the beginning of the end. It isn't even the beginning of the beginning of the end. But it might be the end of the end of the end of the beginning.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!

Posted 10:31 AM by Gene

Toward the end of a 10-minute standup routine at the Hyatt Regency Hotel in downtown Chicago, the 50-year-old star of "The Bernie Mac Show" joked about menopause, sexual infidelity and promiscuity, and used occasional crude language.

THE LORD FOR PRESIDENT!

And we've no doubt he "endured some heckling" because someone thought he saw ANDERSON in the peanut gallery.

Posted 10:17 AM by Gene

We are sorry to hear Tony Snow has died. He was much too young, and he battled his cancer bravely.

Posted 10:17 AM by Gene

CHOLLY says: "Love my Good and Plenty!"

Posted 10:16 AM by Gene

The Russian Foreign Ministry in a statement Saturday said the criticism "places a question mark over the worthiness of Russia as a G-8 partner."

Who put it there?

Posted 8:30 PM by Gene

Well, now we know Photoshop's good for something.

Posted 1:05 PM by Gene

RNC to Solicit Online Suggestions for Party Platform

PILLHEAD!!!!!!!!!!

Although we shouldn't talk so much; party platforms aren't even scrap paper after the infomercials end.

Posted 12:05 PM by Gene

When ZEITGEIST calls a Web page "hilarious", we should know better than to click on it.

Hey St. Warren! Think Your rag could stand to lose a few more unwanted pages?

Posted 9:47 AM by Gene

TargetCast: Broadcast Prime Ad Rates Fell 11% in Q2

The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers must DO something about this!

Maybe they can get Phil on the air and say, "QUIT YOUR WHINING!"

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

Why do some people think coming from a certain country imbues them with wisdom?

And I thought this guy had a little sense.

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

Shucks, it now appears even CRITICAL ACCLAIM can be a kiss of death in BRANSON EAST.

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

We don't know if CHOLLY would swim in dough with $200+ oil, but it's clear from this showing off he's not doing too badly himself.

Why do our superiors hate us?

(Via USAOKAY!!!!!.com)

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

And one of those for whom $200+ oil is SUPERB news (and he's not worth ten digits, although it isn't for not trying) put his huge foot in his huger mouth by saying the reason our economy's turning into a wreck is because people are WHINING.

This is but a repeat of the idiot GEKKO KUDLOW and all those REALTORS blaming the subprime mess on NEWSMEN. Go back to Gucci Gulch and play with yourself, PHIL.