Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Thursday, July 31, 2008
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1:36 PM
by Gene
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1:35 PM
by Gene
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9:14 AM
by Gene
Obama supports union organizing Then again between closed shops and right-to-work it does sound like another battle of tantrum throwers, doesn't it.
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8:50 AM
by Gene
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8:45 AM
by Gene
Analyst reaction to GDP: "It looks like the economy was closer to recession than the previous data indicated." 8:42am EDT Er, hasn't it been close for a while?
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8:40 AM
by Gene
On the other hand we would not be surprised if the God of Mao wafts the smog away, and mysteriously creates "records", but we still say it isn't as easy to hector people into watching something as it used to be. Or to put it another way, the GAMES are increasingly the Seinfeld of sports; they're about nothing. P. S. And doping....
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8:23 AM
by Gene
You don't suppose it's possible to feel guilty about investing in liquid tobacco? P. S. Oh, it "missed expectations". Greedy!
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8:19 AM
by Gene
We are not joking.
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8:14 AM
by Gene
(Via MediaBistro) Wednesday, July 30, 2008
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8:34 PM
by Gene
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5:29 PM
by Gene
So much for giving the store away to Hamas.
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5:24 PM
by Gene
How does the Bus move with all those bodies underneath?
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5:23 PM
by Gene
Are we entitled to some of Your rapidly depleting billions, COL.?
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2:02 PM
by Gene
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1:59 PM
by Gene
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1:56 PM
by Gene
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
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8:40 PM
by Gene
1. Is he still mad at being "outed"? 2. His agents are on the case. 3. "TIME WARNER OWNS CNN TOO!!!!!" 4. Is anybody outside PEOPLE INC. and Commentary paying the slightest attention -- and why should we?
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2:58 PM
by Gene
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1:44 PM
by Gene
There goes that LIBERAL senator from Arizona again! What would former Sen. MENTAL RECESSION have advised?
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1:39 PM
by Gene
It couldn't have happened to a nicer -- PIG. Monday, July 28, 2008
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6:38 PM
by Gene
Kraft's net revenue was up 21.4% to $11.2 billion, and net earnings were up 4% to $732 million from $707 million a year ago. The company pointed to Mac N' Cheese, Kraft cheese and processed meat as contributors to increased sales during the period.
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6:37 PM
by Gene
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6:31 PM
by Gene
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6:26 PM
by Gene
Would the League know a bad guy if he weren't American or Israeli?
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6:23 PM
by Gene
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10:34 AM
by Gene
Whenever I think of Radovan Karadzic, one picture remains my mind. It is from a documentary shot during the siege of Sarajevo, in which he arrives at Pale, on a hill above Sarajevo, from which the military of Republika Srpska was shelling the city. Karadzic arrives with a guest, the Russian poet Eduard Limonov. Besieged Sarajevo lies in the valley below, and they can clearly see every building, every street, every tree: an ideal position for shooting. Dressed in a black coat, with a shawl around his neck to ward off the winter chill, Karadzic gallantly offers his guest and a fellow poet a "special treat" befitting an arbiter of life and death. He asks Limonov to try a shot from a machine gun pointed at the city. Just like that; just for fun. Just like in the movies, when a king offers a gun to his guest to shoot the wild beasts. Only down in that besieged city are not beasts, but people. Limonov takes the challenge, kneels behind a machine gun and shoots. Everyone is delighted: this man is one of them! Despite the fact that he is a poet, he is not a sissy. Like their own poet, Limonov proved he was a real man--as if to be a poet in the Balkans--or to be a psychiatrist or intellectual, for that matter--doesn't really count. Then the two of them drink sljivovica with the soldiers and dine on roasted pig, apparently unconcerned about whether Limonov shot someone or not. How is it that an intellectual, poet and psychiatrist like Karadzic could do such a thing? It took me time to understand that this is the wrong question. It is wrong because it takes for granted that people like this--the educated ones, the sophisticated ones, the artists, for God's sake--should know better. Don't they have higher moral standards that ordinary people? The answer is no.
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8:50 AM
by Gene
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8:41 AM
by Gene
Choosing between the big-oil and big-agriculture is like choosing your means of execution.
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8:34 AM
by Gene
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8:28 AM
by Gene
(Second link via Commentary Magazine's Contentions)
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8:17 AM
by Gene
A lot of folks object to "Hollywood celebrities" participating in political discourse. Aside from pure disagreement over certain issues, why do you think there's such a backlash when you or other well-known performers speak your mind? On a very basic level, many people think celebrities have too much already so we shouldn’t be entitled to our political opinions. Also, the other side objects to the fact that we might be listened to. TRANSLATION: I'M ALWAYS RIGHT! Sunday, July 27, 2008
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7:23 PM
by Gene
![]() The GAMES people call it "MIST!" A mist, we presume, you could cut with the usual knife. Schamasch said conditions were "not worse'' than in other cities that hosted the games, mentioning Los Angeles, Atlanta and Athens. I guess he can't see the Bird's Nest for the -- mist.
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7:18 PM
by Gene
Who wants to bet He brings in St. Warren as His Treasury secretary? Aside from the problem of who would be the lead God (we presume it would be the One who'd call Himself President) we'd have to guess how long before St. would leave the Treasury with egg on his (as opposed to His) face.
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9:49 AM
by Gene
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9:28 AM
by Gene
"At what point do you say we cannot tolerate this anymore?" The point at which the Holy Cockroaches strike back -- and as the mute symbol of Ground Zero bears witness, we'll resume our ostrich posture in no time.
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9:06 AM
by Gene
Meaning, of course, we're still looking for that white kn -- er, our savio -- oh dammit, a HERO -- wait, isn't that sexist? Anyway, a FRIEND to save us from the greatest scourge since the Black -- er, since POLIO or whatever, and we'll still be looking in another five years. Saturday, July 26, 2008
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6:38 PM
by Gene
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6:33 PM
by Gene
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5:06 PM
by Gene
Party conventions could then discover a new purpose as showcases for emerging talent. With the candidate speaking in front of Mount Rushmore or wherever, the party's next generation and second-tier figures could regain the convention microphones that have been progressively removed from them over the past three decades.... Instead of formal oratory, there could be question-and-answer sessions with every one of the party's incumbent governors and panel discussions with congressional leaders. Instead of wandering around downtown Denver or Minneapolis with little to do, delegates could be offered opportunities to join themselves in moderated discussions or to hear serious briefings by invited policy experts. Today's delegates are not the delegates of the 1920s or 1950s: They are hard-working, highly educated community leaders, and they want a more important role than that of extra hands for somebody else's extravaganza production. Of course they enjoy the drinks and the fun. But they also want to engage in purposeful, public-spirited activities in the daylight hours before the show begins -- and the withdrawal of the cameras from the convention creates the perfect opportunity to offer them purposeful activities. The tightly orchestrated debate over the platform -- always carefully stage-managed lest well-organized activists embarrass the candidate -- could be dispensed with altogether, replaced by genuine substantive discussions undistorted by the need to arrive at some anodyne consensus. Delegates could hear discussions led by policy experts about the issues the next administration will face. In short, C-SPAN SEMINARS. Believe us, Dave, we have TOO MUCH of those. This would guarantee the few fragments of the infomercials would vanish from network TV altogether -- and from the public consciousness too (as our pundit more-or-less admits). Now I have an idea, though I'm not paid six-digits-plus to pundit about it: Instead of conventions rewrite the rules so that when one candidate receives a majority of the national primary vote, the candidate automatically wins; no need for lots of buttinskys. It would be formalized at a meeting in Washington, much like a centralized Electoral College, with each state's governor and Congresspoops there to represent it. If no candidate gets a majority THEN the meeting would decide the winner, who'd be chosen behind closed doors and by the bigwigs whatever the format -- although there needn't be anything wrong with a plurality winner. My suggestion might play tricks with primary scheduling, but then any system would, and we have enough such tricks as is. It is certainly true we shouldn't miss conventions; whether the nation could stand thirty-nine televised ballots nowadays is questionable. But as even Mr. Frum acknowledges why bother with something that costs zillions and whose sole purpose is to create downtown frozen zones? P. S. Our brilliant pundit wases nostalgic over front-porch campaigns. Can you imagine what the news hacks would think? "HE'S AVOIDING THE PUBLIC!!!!!" Of course they'd be so bored they might stop covering the campaign, a good thing -- unless they concentrated even more on trivia, a real possibility.
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2:07 PM
by Gene
5 nominated reality hosts to preside over Emmys
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8:01 AM
by Gene
Friday, July 25, 2008
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6:52 PM
by Gene
There's no denying that there is a cost-cutting benefit to replacing an older worker with a younger worker who will make less money. But protecting older workers interferes with what's called creative destruction, that tearing down and building up again that allows businesses to thrive. Firing some workers often creates opportunity for others. Roger Pilon, vice president of legal affairs for the libertarian Cato Institute.... JOHN STOSSEL! YOU'RE JUST AS CEMENT-HEADED AS THE 100-TO-1 MEDIA TYPES FINANCING DEMOCRATS.
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6:38 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: The Messiah isn't DEMOCRATIC enough. And, despite what appears to be his sensitivity to European concerns, they perceive Obama as largely uninterested in Europe, even though he is chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations subcommittee responsible for the region. He's interested now!
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6:26 PM
by Gene
Not to get all Lee Siegel on you, but the Internet has a mob mentality that can overwhelm serious criticism. There is superb film writing in blogs and discussion groups — as good as anything I do. But there are also thousands of semi-literate tirades that actually reinforce the Hollywood status quo, that say: “If you do not like The Dark Knight (or The Phantom Menace), you should be fired because you do not speak for the people.” Well, the people don’t need to be spoken for. And a critic’s job is not only to steer you to movies you might not have heard of or that died at the box office. It’s also to bring a different, much-needed perspectives on blockbusters like The Dark Knight. Alas this quote points to the two different kinds of bad in movie ad-blurbing: the traditional bad, where anointed writers hold the torch of truth while oozing euphoric over masterworks that conform to their narrow-mindedness (and let us not forget, one reason dark is big is because the AD-BLURBISTS LIKED IT); and (as Edelstein notes) the AIN'T-IT-COOL-NEWS bad, which justifies sci-fi-horror dreck as THE PEOPLE'S DRECK. Where both sides are united, however, is in rigidly sticking to their own different perspectives, and more to the point, overrating movies, and that's why movie ad-blurbing, whatever its form, can only get worse.
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1:55 PM
by Gene
Let's hope this isn't typical news-hack wishful thinking; Lord knows the Iranians have sold common sense short.
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10:48 AM
by Gene
WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Bush signs executive order expanding sanctions against Zimbabwe. Such as...?
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9:25 AM
by Gene
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9:21 AM
by Gene
Did Vivendi promise them eternal life? PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!
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9:19 AM
by Gene
Well, whatever wins you European elections.
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9:17 AM
by Gene
Thursday, July 24, 2008
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8:37 PM
by Gene
Which is not to say our auto companies lacked for ideas, however hare-brained. This remarkable commercial showcases the 1957 Ford Fairlane 500 Skyliner, a handsome convertible with a retractable roof. Watch this video and you'll see only three things are wrong: 1. The top takes too long to appear and disappear; 2. It probably broke after a couple of tries, meaning Ricardo's Spanish might not have been so happy; and 3. Only the top fits in the trunk (although I've seen a picture of some sort of small-box-like contraption that fit under the hood for storage). Oh, and 4. It came out a year before the Edsel. Oh well, cars were still more exciting then, whatever their crotchets.
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7:32 PM
by Gene
And LORD SCHLOCKINTOSH is behind it, and he's talking "realism", meaning DE-Lovely revisited. P. S. KEIRA may be Eliza. She certainly has the -- bones for it. (Via the Big V, which touted it as though SUMNER were also behind it) P. P. S. I stand corrected, not having read the fourth graf -- SUMNER IS ALSO BEHIND IT.
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7:30 PM
by Gene
I've heard of nostalgia for the sixties but this is going too far.
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6:35 PM
by Gene
And yes, we get John "The-Knee-Jerk-Liberal-Conservative" Stossel's point: "speculators" don't "HOARD" commodities. But if the last twenty-five years have shown anything it's that non-speculators don't have to take physical possession of anything to drive a market bonkers. Does anyone here remember the dot-com boom, when every last firm with a geek floated only a tiny fraction of its shares and reaped $5,000-a-share prices? No, you don't have to own something to value it too dearly. Look at HOUSES.
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6:34 PM
by Gene
WE GOT ONE!
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12:54 PM
by Gene
Broadcast networks have devoted more than twice as much airtime in recent weeks to Barack Obama than to John McCain, but don't assume that more coverage is always good coverage, says James Rainey. And who with the cable news noisomeness would ever assume that?
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11:14 AM
by Gene
And isn't it annoying that in this age there is so much coordinated sieg heil on both sides -- and that the typist of this article posits that the goal of any political movement should be even MORE sieg heil? And for what a G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,00GLE search is worth, "Obama blunders" outnumbers "McCain blunders" by 1.6 to 1.
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9:43 AM
by Gene
Google Blogger "hosts 2% of world's malware" Hey zillionaires! How 'bout a repeat of the CAPTCHA gag? Google says its users mustn't be evil. Check and double-check! (Via the usual Slashdot)
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9:21 AM
by Gene
None -- so long as fatuous cri-TICS like YOU, A. O., grind out your fatuous raves.
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9:16 AM
by Gene
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8:51 AM
by Gene
Well we have a cautionary tale of our own: news hacks treat their underlings like three-year-olds. Somehow Zeitgeist hasn't disclosed its circulation decline yet.
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8:40 AM
by Gene
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
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5:49 PM
by Gene
Even this ASSPress typist admits the thumbsuppers lost their appeal over the years -- but remember, don't blame it on the movies.
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5:47 PM
by Gene
It certainly didn't work so hot before. You still must wonder how CONGRESSPOOPS can screw it up.
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1:58 PM
by Gene
BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNNNNNNNNNNNNNIUM!!!!! MR. SCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIFE!!!!! (Via the usual Romy)
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1:53 PM
by Gene
Words to remember the next time a company takes its customers for fools.
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1:48 PM
by Gene
![]() One silly cover deserves another -- but in the end, isn't SI merely making fun of Himself? And doesn't He deserve to? Which makes you wonder if He planned this whole stupid stunt because His rags are suffering.
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1:33 PM
by Gene
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1:26 PM
by Gene
McDonald's has also expanded on its traditional Olympics advertising with a social strategy centered around its first alternate-reality game. Called "The Lost Ring," the AKQA-created game has been operational since April. In that time, McDonald's boasts more than 2 million visitors in 100 countries have played it at some level. "The Lost Ring" challenges players to solve mysteries surrounding the Olympics. You know, we would like to solve a few GAMES mysteries ourselves, like LENI RIEFENSTAHL and AVERY BRANDAGE, or why so many CEOs spend billions for three-month paid vacations, but we'll leave it at that.
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1:20 PM
by Gene
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1:18 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: Even stupid teens may be smarter than we think -- and possibly SUMNER and "Alas-Does-Not-Rhyme-With" Bewkes aren't as smart as THEY think.
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1:16 PM
by Gene
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9:31 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: ABANDON SHIP!
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9:05 AM
by Gene
GASP! You could have knocked me over with a feather.
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8:31 AM
by Gene
Oh well, ninety percent of news hacks are liberal Democrats -- and if they could be polled honestly we suspect they'd say they DON'T intentionally goose campaigns. Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Posted
7:32 PM
by Gene
Which alone says where these clowns get their training.
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7:23 PM
by Gene
As good as the paper has been, it’s always had galling limitations (I say this as someone who worked there for six and a half years): an opinion section that rarely generated heat; a record of ignoring wide swaths of the region; a disinterest in local politics. [Overemphasis added] A writer who can do that is NOT serious.
Posted
7:19 PM
by Gene
More than a few unhappy with authoritarian conformist thought justified by public-opinion polls. The next highest country, Australia, whose natives deserve their contentedness, is twenty-five points down. This poll is worthless.
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5:21 PM
by Gene
DAMNED IF YOU DON'T: There are too many plastic shopping bags where they shouldn't be. Is it possible to solve such a problem without being a nanny, national, state or local?
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1:19 PM
by Gene
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1:02 PM
by Gene
And the non-speculators were so scared at the prospect they drove down the price of oil by $20!
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12:57 PM
by Gene
The kind of society you have on posh, tony RITTENHOUSE SQWEH-UH, where the elite meet the vagrants. EDDIE's always talking up how HIP we are. Doesn't he realize FRISCO is HIP TOO?
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9:20 AM
by Gene
Well, GENIUS does have its...quirks. P. S. at 1:00 p. m. Christian Bale's reps released a statement Tuesday.... Does that mean YOU, TWXSTERS? Monday, July 21, 2008
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7:45 PM
by Gene
The statement added another twist to the controversy surrounding a weekend interview with a German magazine in which Maliki appeared to endorse Obama's plan to withdraw U.S. combat troops within 16 months of becoming president. (FOURTH GRAF) Ya think DEM CUBBIES are worth $8 BILLION, Col.? Then ya'd get a media company for FREE!
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6:14 PM
by Gene
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6:12 PM
by Gene
Which leads to two questions: 1. How long will the hacks make excuses for Conan's ratings? and 2. When does Lord Koppel's first column appear?
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6:07 PM
by Gene
Will you make up your minds?
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1:59 PM
by Gene
That's OVER 32 TIMES the weekend gross for THE GREATEST PICTURE OF ALL TIME!!!!! P. S. at 8:35 p.m. TWXSTER stock down OVER FOUR PERCENT despite the weekend gross of THE GREATEST PICTURE OF ALL TIME!!!!!
Posted
10:39 AM
by Gene
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10:26 AM
by Gene
DUMBING DOWN YOUR PAPERS WON'T WORK, COL. (Via the usual Romy)
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10:10 AM
by Gene
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8:55 AM
by Gene
Thus begins the audition of the century! Ka-CHING!
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8:35 AM
by Gene
Well! Sarko isn't so con-SER-va-tive after all. Sunday, July 20, 2008
Posted
6:51 PM
by Gene
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4:47 PM
by Gene
Striking back against a Girls Gone Wild culture... [Home-page blurb] WHICH YOU IDIOT TWXSTERS ACTIVELY HELP PRODUCE....
Posted
4:40 PM
by Gene
To whom it may concern: General Mills is plugging "The Dark Knight", a PG-13 movie clearly unsuitable for children, on boxes of Cocoa Puffs cereal, a product aimed at children. I'm suspecting the company plays up the connection through TV ads. (I find no reference to the tie-in on www.cocoapuffs.com or the General Mills corporate Web site.) This is cynical and unethical corporate behavior, and I complain, though I know at best I can expect empty apologies and maybe a press release. When it comes to movie promotions the CARU is a glorified arm of the MPAA, designed to give the industry cover; it makes the UN's Human Rights Committee look honest and effective by comparison. When you take action it's after the fact, and the punishment is a whap with a wet noodle. In short, [you] engage in the sort of A-1 corporate fanny-protection we expect from big business. I send this e-mail regardless, not deluding myself that it will do anything, holding you in contempt even as I press the "submit" button. Yours, [Eugene David] I'll be surprised if I get a response -- and even if you e-mail the mythical Brent Jones of USAOKAY!!!!!, you at least get a FORM reply, even if it's the same one they've used since Al Neuharth was in diapers. P. S. I discover on the Cocoa Puffs site the Minneapolis midget-brains are using the Web to do the exact same stupid self-defeating thing they'd have done with kiddie TV in the sixties and seventies -- and at least they sponsored Rocky and Bullwinkle...ONCE. P. P. S. This appears to be a company-wide promotion, or rather a company-wide example of plausible deniability: You must be 13 years of age or older as of 6/15/2008 in order to participate in this promotion. [sic] IDIOTS. (Via SlickDeals)
Posted
1:42 PM
by Gene
1. We know, Rance, we know: Every time members of The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers say they'll cut spending, they'll spend MORE. We've said it once, we'll say it a thousand times: NOTHING BEATS SCHMOOZING. 2. Regardless of how mere mortals may talk, it's The Lord God Pinch now and FOREVER. 3. More ad agencies are installing in-house bars, so their charges can be even more drunk when insulting us. 4. What to Expect from P&G's New Marketing Chief MORE JUNK TELEVISION. And maybe more drunks too.
Posted
1:32 PM
by Gene
Is Hank trying to tell us something?
Posted
1:30 PM
by Gene
Or it could go the other way, with August generally being the month with little wind, potentially allowing pollution to build up. [LAST TWO GRAFS] Please, PLEASE, let it SMOG!
Posted
1:01 PM
by Gene
(Link updated 1:56 p.m.)
Posted
11:45 AM
by Gene
![]() David "NON" Germain must have been on the phone for HOURS to New York: "WHEN THIS BREAKS THE RECORD SEND OUT AN AP NEWSALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But one IMMORTAL HISTORICAL RECORD-SHATTERING MASTERPIECE!!!!! does not change the fact that the trend is still DOWN in attendance, and will remain DOWN so long as THE CONSPIRACY excretes its work in sticky-floored $10-popcorn restaurants. A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO NON -- AND HE'S A FINALIST FOR OUR NEUHARTHISM OF THE YEAR DISHONOR! P. S. This EPOCHAL LANDMARK UNBREAKABLE RECORD!!!!! is 0.3342 PERCENT OF PEOPLE WARNER'S 2007 REVENUES.
Posted
10:54 AM
by Gene
Excuse me, "girls", but -- doesn't that go with the territory?
Posted
10:41 AM
by Gene
The LORD promises to go after Elvis -- provided it doesn't cost Him any votes with the NETROOTS. Media access to Obama was limited, and his itinerary in the war zones was closely guarded. Traveling with him were Sens. Chuck Hagel, a Nebraska Republican [SIC], and Jack Reed, a Democrat from Rhode Island. Obama made no public comment after the meeting with Karzai, which included a traditional lunch of mutton, chicken and rice washed down with a yogurt drink. So what's the point of the CAMPAIGNING?
Posted
9:32 AM
by Gene
I suggest this will have the same earth-shattering impact that Pele's move to the U. S. did. Soccer, face it, is from a different time zone, and requires patience to watch, something most sports fans lack. Or to put it another way, soccer is BOOOOOOOOOOORING. To say it again, NUF SAID. P. S. I should have qualified it with "U. S.", as God knows international soccer fans may have TOO MUCH patience. (Via the highly original reporting of Yahoo! Sports; changed link in original post as LALATimes story URL dead) Saturday, July 19, 2008
Posted
9:04 PM
by Gene
When Coke bottle glasses just won't cut it for safe driving, a futuristic windshield might do the trick. General Motors Corp. (GM) (GM) [SIC] researchers are working on a windshield that combines lasers, infrared sensors and a camera to take what's happening on the road and enhance it, so aging drivers with vision problems are able to see a little more clearly. We fear if the Senior Clunker Brother ever gets through with this we may need Coke bottles.
Posted
8:49 PM
by Gene
Posted
8:30 PM
by Gene
The Iraq War - We Need A Rapid And Responsible Withdrawal George Bush and Scott Garrett seem to believe we need to stay in Iraq indefinitely. I believe we need to get outoutOUTOUTOUT!!!!! [Let's-get-them-out-rapidly overemphasis added] Of COURSE he doesn't say how rapid or responsible, leading us to believe he'll be a perfect stooge for the Lord. Whether that is enough to keep him in office may be another thing. One thing we do know: he will surely be "conflicted" in his choice of Gods. Or to put it another way, when news hacks say jump some of us know not to. A SPECIAL SCREAMIN' HOWARD DEAN NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO ADAM! P.S. He also believes in unlimited abortions, which means -- DON'T SMOKE WITHIN TWO HUNDRED FEET OF HIM!!!!!
Posted
8:22 PM
by Gene
DARK KNIGHT is now ranked the best movie of all-time by IMDB voters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -- (link) (Link and all-time exclamation points added) Two notches above Stephen King's "It's a Wonderful Life." NUF SAID. P. S. How long it will take to fall will be interesting. -- nm dsbman Jul 19, 18:22 (0) You dunderhead, they don't fall -- they RISE!
Posted
12:52 PM
by Gene
By the way, Col. if your hacks want to tout their prejudices as objective fact, fine -- but we would remind Your Excellency MNI JUST HIT AN ALL-TIME LOW, so hectoring us can cut BOTH WAYS.
Posted
11:35 AM
by Gene
BOM: 66.4 Million for the Bat. NEW RECORD!!!!!!!!!! -- (link) [Links and record overemphasis added] And from its onlie begetter PEOPLE WARNER: Zimbabwe introduces $100 billion banknotes
Posted
9:59 AM
by Gene
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9:49 AM
by Gene
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9:43 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:41 AM
by Gene
Celebrations across China are overshadowed by Communist regime's measures against alleged threats of violence and anti-government protest. But we suspect they are not overshadowed in China, and that's what matters.
Posted
9:36 AM
by Gene
Friday, July 18, 2008
Posted
6:14 PM
by Gene
![]() On a day when every Godforsaken media outlet thinks it can pulverize its turnips' puny minds into great wealth merely by flashing pictures of the KURT COBAIN OF FILLUM in that sickening makeup, in a mighty wave of self-congratulation such as we have not seen since WOODSTEIN won its P-Ulitzers, all for honoring the immortal notion that WHAT'S GOOD FOR PEOPLE WARNER IS GOOD FOR AMERICA, we learn that someone who was today as well known as we'd guess this IMMORTAL will be sixty years hence has died, and she didn't deserve the obscurity. Jo Stafford would certainly not mean anything to the Babbitts of print, and happily for them she is forgotten despite singing with Tommy Dorsey, and the Pied Pipers, and Young Blue Eyes, and Sy Oliver, and Johnny Mercer, and her husband Paul Weston, a leading arranger and conductor. Perhaps one reason she, like too many vocalists of the forties and fifties, is now where KURT will be sixty years hence is she sang too many novelties and gloppy ballads, and we suspect she'd be the first to admit it; but this does not at all negate (aside from a face that was, shall we say, lovely to look at) a sultry, sexy, caressing contralto and, at least as much to the point, a superb jazz instinct every bit as good as Peggy Lee's. She wasn't the only wolf-whistle inspiring singer of her day -- indeed the deafening wolf-whistles of then are the silence of now -- but she was one of the best, then, and now, and in the whole history of American pop music.
Posted
1:39 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:40 AM
by Gene
That still doesn't prepare me for the reception awaiting the Wiesenthal Center delegation in Puerto Montt. As the yarmulke-wearing Zuroff mounts the steps of the hotel, a bearded man in a windbreaker adorned with the postwar German flag starts shouting "Get out of my country, there are no Nazis here" in English and Spanish. Zuroff has a brief but heated exchange with the man, David Mardones, a prominent member of a regional political party, who accuses the Israeli government of committing genocide against the Palestinians. Yes, some things do go together.
Posted
9:48 AM
by Gene
And he isn't even a Republican!
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
We ask a stupid question: Who needs marketing with caffeine?
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
LET THE TRUTH BEGIN! (First link via MediaBistro)
Posted
8:20 AM
by Gene
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Posted
7:43 PM
by Gene
Mitch Albom has a new book out - well, not really a book....
Posted
6:35 PM
by Gene
DOUBLE PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!
Posted
6:34 PM
by Gene
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!
Posted
6:26 PM
by Gene
Eighteen-percent approval says You're not too bad Yourself.
Posted
6:19 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:09 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:08 PM
by Gene
[I]n any future confrontation, Israel may use less restraint — and another war could be Lebanon's last.
Posted
3:47 PM
by Gene
Honorary, will you stop running for something?
Posted
10:34 AM
by Gene
RHYMES WITH DASTARD. A year after her death (in 2001) one formerly enthusiastic reader, Paul Schrader, a screenwriter of films such as Raging Bull and Taxi Driver, wrote: "Cultural history has not been kind to Pauline."... "It was fun watching the applecart being upset," Schrader said, "but now where do we go for apples?" DITTO FOR YOU. By the way -- did she smile when she said that? (Via the ANNOYING ArtsJournal)
Posted
8:45 AM
by Gene
It sure IS. (Sorry for the NOVAK)
Posted
8:21 AM
by Gene
This sounds like the work of SuperFlipFlop! Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Posted
6:31 PM
by Gene
![]() Porfolio has just exposed more of the millionaire bums who greased the JACK VALENTI OF MORTGAGES's skids while greasing untold homeowners clean out of their homes. Henry Cisneros, Paul Begala (gosh! THAT virgin?!?), a former postmaster, the heads of Sprint and KB Home -- really, this Mafioso of Mortgages needed lots of underbosses. Look at that picture, by the way. Given Angelo's beeyoutiful tan doesn't it seem as though that hand belongs to someone else -- as if maybe The Thing volunteered to raise it for Congress?
Posted
6:14 PM
by Gene
For which trampling your boss rolled out the red carpet. Oh well, there is this small consolation: And on a final note, a small word of advice for Samir Kuntar. Ask you[r] comrades in the PLO and Hizbullah what was the ultimate fate of various killers of Israelis and Jews years after they thought their actions were forgotten; for example, what happened to the killers of our athletes in Munich and their masterminds – the last of them died in unnatural circumstances 24 years after that horrific massacre. So learn from the past and draw your conclusions. At least, after Ehud's been convicted. (Via Contentions)
Posted
5:41 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:40 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:00 PM
by Gene
...and ugliest.... Within days of its opening, the $1.76 billion Hangzhou Bay Bridge was becoming famous for an unexpected special feature: car accidents. The special viewing platform built to the side of the six-lane bridge was nowhere near completion, leaving drivers with no space to pause. So many people were stopping to gawk at the much-vaunted engineering and causing so much mayhem that police began cracking down on dawdling drivers and enforcing a minimum speed of 50 mph. That's okay; there's plenty of OIL where that came from.
Posted
12:53 PM
by Gene
We'd be careful though -- with Busch going Belgian-Brazilian it might mean less money for corruption. Then you'll have to shake down your clients...or the TAXPAYERS. His CV also includes Webcasting. Time for a new deal with Little Jeffy? Or maybe one for ourselves? (Via the ASSPress)
Posted
12:45 PM
by Gene
And NO, SENIOR CLUNKER BROTHER, this does NOT mean you can build SUVs with impunity - or that people should BUY them.
Posted
12:43 PM
by Gene
The downside of a computer company as a religious cult.
Posted
10:38 AM
by Gene
If Dubya were CLINTON....
Posted
9:25 AM
by Gene
We understand why pinheads like PHIL talk about whining and mental recessions, but dammit these money burners played all their stupid financial tricks without adult supervision, and no doubt Watchoverya, er, Walkoverya, er, WACHOVIA is not far from the top of the list.
Posted
9:12 AM
by Gene
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Posted
7:42 PM
by Gene
Romenesko Letters "He can begin by hiring one or more cartoonists," writes Gary Dretzka, who wonders if Tribune innovation chief Lee Abrams is aware that the Chicago Tribune and Los Angeles Times are without staff editorial cartoonists. Posted at 5:48:33 PM ![]() BRING BACK PAUL CONRAD!
Posted
7:08 PM
by Gene
Luckily Andy Grove (with an amanuensis) is a little more sanguine. But let us not bet the farm we can solve the energy mess before the energy mess solves us.
Posted
6:55 PM
by Gene
We thought THE GAMES took care of Salt's inferiority! (Via the irritating ArtsJournal)
Posted
6:52 PM
by Gene
The group working to save part of Tiger Stadium says it raised $200,000 in the few hours after The Detroit News broke the story the city was being asked to OK demolition of the entire historic ballpark. And while they're at it they can tack on an auto museum devoted to every model Detroit made before it STOPPED KNOWING HOW TO BUILD THEM. Carl Levin is pledging $15 million, meaning this is schmuckery of the first order.
Posted
6:33 PM
by Gene
Technology: World's First 2GB Graphics Card Is Here
Posted
6:26 PM
by Gene
Retires. He will be missed. 07/15 05:51 PM
Posted
5:46 PM
by Gene
Why did it take a disaster to get the SENIOR CLUNKER BROTHER to see the light? And further on the subject of prima donnas: GM already started pulling back from some of its sports ties. In January, Cadillac opted out as a sponsor of the Masters golf tournament. GM also said it would not to renew its $1 billion sponsorship of the U.S. Olympic Committee when its contract ends after this year's games. And Chevrolet recently ended its primary sponsorship of the Nascar Childress Racing team. Heck the executives are now starting to realize schmoozing has no place in rebuilding a company. But never underestimate the allure of being starry-eyed, even as those starry eyes see straight into bankruptcy. P. S. at 6:55 p.m. Looks as if SENIOR's basically pinning its hopes on one electric car, even as it chokes on the exhaust of running on fumes building millions of SUVs.
Posted
5:42 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:27 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:26 PM
by Gene
Geffen should hire LAT journalists and start a news website
Posted
2:27 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:31 PM
by Gene
President Bush, speaking at a White House news conference that coincided with the Fed chair’s testimony, urged Americans to “take a deep breath” and have faith in the country’s financial foundation. The president said that the economy was “basically sound.” “Growth is slower than we would like, but it’s growth nonetheless,” he said. GEKKO KUDLOW was at the WHITE HOUSE again!
Posted
1:19 PM
by Gene
In other words, we shall SCREAM.
Posted
8:50 AM
by Gene
How do you make fun of God?
Posted
8:49 AM
by Gene
Guess which animated adaptation of guess which cinematic masterpieces from guess which reclusive control-phreak zillionaire?
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
The Messiah -- a snob? To His own people? HHMPH!
Posted
8:29 AM
by Gene
(Via MediaBistro) Monday, July 14, 2008
Posted
5:40 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:23 PM
by Gene
Last one out don't forget to pay off the debt!
Posted
10:42 AM
by Gene
HA! HA! HA!
Posted
10:39 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:17 AM
by Gene
No! NO! This is TOO easy.
Posted
10:03 AM
by Gene
And only the TAXPAYERS go to the dogs. 300 billion collars. Does ANYBODY know how much dog food this will cost? P. S. at 12:10 p.m. GEKKO, who not too long ago was singing "Goldilocks's Tune", throws out a number of up to $1.46 TRILLION. Does ANYBODY know?
Posted
8:50 AM
by Gene
We suspect even The Messiah's betrothed couldn't top that. Someone alert MS. TRAVERS: Betrand Dicale of the conservative daily Le Figaro — whose pages generally laud Sarkozy and his rightist government — urged readers to ignore all the non-musical discussion surrounding Bruni and her CD while declaring it "a perfect success." Dicale praised the quality of Bruni's "dense and fragile voice," the same voice that disapproving critics have faulted as hoarse and weak. Yep, this is a con-SER-va-tive singer!
Posted
8:28 AM
by Gene
Of course it gives SUMNER (whose chief goal in life is to out-old Methuselah) an excuse to fire a senior citizen, and we liked Billy, but among a certain FRED FLINTSTONE this sort of blather is inexcusable, and we think we understand why. Sunday, July 13, 2008
Posted
8:54 PM
by Gene
![]() Taaaaaaaaaaaaa-ta-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.... Anybody for a Belgian or Brazilian flag?
Posted
8:34 PM
by Gene
We miss ya, Harry.
Posted
7:37 PM
by Gene
Have Southeast Michigan's news hacks paid too much attention to this?
Posted
7:18 PM
by Gene
![]() We thought you were the smartest man on earth, Da-VID! Or maybe he is. P. S. Why did you make this @#$%^& so BIG, Politico.com?
Posted
6:43 PM
by Gene
PLUS he may raise the national debt limit. WHAT A MAROON! P. S. at 7:30 p.m. It appears only the Paper of Re-CORD has mentioned the debt-limit biz, but we heard of it before, so we're betting it's in the Wizards' arsenal.
Posted
6:39 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:37 PM
by Gene
Let me guess -- PEOPLE WARNER'S ALREADY BOUGHT THE PICTURES -- AND FOR ENOUGH TO REHIRE THOSE LAYOFFS! Saturday, July 12, 2008
Posted
6:32 PM
by Gene
And from con-SER-va-tives everywhere comes the shout again: COMMUNIST!
Posted
4:41 PM
by Gene
P. S. CONCAST is doing the video. Nuf said.
Posted
10:37 AM
by Gene
In short, to fix it all, we need a frank conversation about the economy. Which, if we know a knee-jerk lock-step KLUMPH! KLUMPH! GLIBERTARIAN like Amity, means NO CONVERSATION ABOUT TAXES (except to eliminate them for the hyperrich). Yes, we know taxes are the DEMOCRAT PARTY's best friend. BUT OBSCENE WEALTH IS THE REPUBLICAN'S. And even this CLOD had to admit in her own side-lock-stepping non-conversational way PHIL made an ASS of himself.
Posted
10:34 AM
by Gene
To paraphrase Sir Winnie, this isn't the end. It isn't the beginning of the end. It isn't even the beginning of the beginning of the end. But it might be the end of the end of the end of the beginning. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!
Posted
10:31 AM
by Gene
THE LORD FOR PRESIDENT! And we've no doubt he "endured some heckling" because someone thought he saw ANDERSON in the peanut gallery.
Posted
10:17 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:16 AM
by Gene
![]() The Russian Foreign Ministry in a statement Saturday said the criticism "places a question mark over the worthiness of Russia as a G-8 partner." Who put it there? Friday, July 11, 2008
Posted
1:05 PM
by Gene
PILLHEAD!!!!!!!!!! Although we shouldn't talk so much; party platforms aren't even scrap paper after the infomercials end.
Posted
12:05 PM
by Gene
Hey St. Warren! Think Your rag could stand to lose a few more unwanted pages?
Posted
9:47 AM
by Gene
The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers must DO something about this! Maybe they can get Phil on the air and say, "QUIT YOUR WHINING!" (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
9:26 AM
by Gene
And I thought this guy had a little sense.
Posted
9:14 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:06 AM
by Gene
![]() We don't know if CHOLLY would swim in dough with $200+ oil, but it's clear from this showing off he's not doing too badly himself. Why do our superiors hate us? (Via USAOKAY!!!!!.com)
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
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