THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, July 19, 2003
U.S. military officials in Baghdad said they were planning to scale back the number of troops in Fallujah because the level of attacks on U.S. operations there has fallen significantly since a spate of bombings and shootings in early June. (SIXTH graf in a story on PAGE A12 of the Washington Post.)
SHHHH!!!!! It's a miltary secret.
SHHHH!!!!! It's a miltary secret.
IF WE CAN SCREAM OVER DUBYA'S SIXTEEN LYING WORDS, DO YOU SUPPOSE THAT GIVES US A RIGHT TO SCREAM ABOUT PETRIFIED GORE'S SCREAMING LAWYER???????????
I hate this age.
I hate this age.
The secret woid (again) is FORMER (four times).
Looking at pictures of Groucho I can understand why he appealed to the ladies. Sort of the same appeal retired generals and former spies have to news hacks. (Sorry, Grouch.)
The not-so-good side of Charles Osgood
I FOUND IT FIRST!
P.S. Since the CLOWNS at GoogleBlogger have decided to bollix up my archives, here's my piece of poesy, again:
Let's give a Bronx cheer to that radio dolt who'll
Sell millions of boxes of his Whole Grain Total.
I'll have to work up rhymes for his other sponsors.
I FOUND IT FIRST!
P.S. Since the CLOWNS at GoogleBlogger have decided to bollix up my archives, here's my piece of poesy, again:
Let's give a Bronx cheer to that radio dolt who'll
Sell millions of boxes of his Whole Grain Total.
I'll have to work up rhymes for his other sponsors.
OK, news hacks, you'll get your wish -- you always get your wish -- and throw Tony out the window.
What do you propose for a replacement?
What do you propose for a replacement?
The Times works up copious tears for a con man, in part because he was PC.
Think we can have such sympathy for JAYSON?
Think we can have such sympathy for JAYSON?
Two things: 1) Why would Kobe cheat on such a beautiful wife, and 2) Will McDonald's, Coca-Cola and Nike pay for his legal bills? (They'd better; they're part of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers. Show your ignorance!)
Friday, July 18, 2003
Hey guys, it's the military, NOT a newspaper.
My favorite part of the story:
Only two days before the ABC show, similarly bitter sentiments -- with no names attached -- were voiced in an anonymous e-mail circulating around the Internet, allegedly from "the soldiers of the Second Brigade, Third ID."
"Our morale is not high or even low," the letter said. "Our morale is nonexistent. We have been told twice that we were going home, and twice we have received a 'stop' movement to stay in Iraq."
The message, whose authenticity could not be confirmed....
Sorta like Janet Cooke's heroin addict. Right?
My favorite part of the story:
Only two days before the ABC show, similarly bitter sentiments -- with no names attached -- were voiced in an anonymous e-mail circulating around the Internet, allegedly from "the soldiers of the Second Brigade, Third ID."
"Our morale is not high or even low," the letter said. "Our morale is nonexistent. We have been told twice that we were going home, and twice we have received a 'stop' movement to stay in Iraq."
The message, whose authenticity could not be confirmed....
Sorta like Janet Cooke's heroin addict. Right?
After I bring up this picture -- that's AOL's Towers of Babble in New York -- my computer freezes. Figures.
WAAAAAAAAAAH!! They won' wet us wegiswate! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!
How can anyone legislate with such showoffs as Bill "The Paul Lynde Impersonator Without a Sense of Humor" Thomas and Pete "IIIII Haaaaaate JEWWWWWS" Stark?
How can anyone legislate with such showoffs as Bill "The Paul Lynde Impersonator Without a Sense of Humor" Thomas and Pete "IIIII Haaaaaate JEWWWWWS" Stark?
CULTURAL STINK-OUT-THE-GYM ALERT: A company that insists on calling itself MGM is making a musical bio of Cole Porter called De-lovely.
Some of the worst films of all time have been musical bios -- like Warner's own Cole Porter smarmfest Night and Day, which inspired derisive laughter, and the lugubrious Words and Music, despite Mickey and Judy singing "I Wish I Were in Love Again." Sorry idiots, you don't even have Mickey. (No, I don't think Elvis Costello and Alanis Morissette are quite up there.) And being "honest" about Porter will probably result in a movie just as unwatchable, as the accent, of course, will not be on his music. Louis B. Mayer and Arthur Freed must be rolling in their graves.
Further hint that this will be something spectacular: it has three producers and is written by a former blurbist and organization man for ATWOLA rag. De-lovely? It may have to be de-loused.
P. S. MGM is NOT the MGM (most of which was bought by Mouth from the South and now belongs to King Richard); it's the successor to United Artists and ditched the name in part because it's associated with Heaven's Gate, which may be a better subject for a movie.
Some of the worst films of all time have been musical bios -- like Warner's own Cole Porter smarmfest Night and Day, which inspired derisive laughter, and the lugubrious Words and Music, despite Mickey and Judy singing "I Wish I Were in Love Again." Sorry idiots, you don't even have Mickey. (No, I don't think Elvis Costello and Alanis Morissette are quite up there.) And being "honest" about Porter will probably result in a movie just as unwatchable, as the accent, of course, will not be on his music. Louis B. Mayer and Arthur Freed must be rolling in their graves.
Further hint that this will be something spectacular: it has three producers and is written by a former blurbist and organization man for ATWOLA rag. De-lovely? It may have to be de-loused.
P. S. MGM is NOT the MGM (most of which was bought by Mouth from the South and now belongs to King Richard); it's the successor to United Artists and ditched the name in part because it's associated with Heaven's Gate, which may be a better subject for a movie.
Okay, now that we finally got the gumption to press charges, who wants to bet he'll be convicted?
But then, I thought he wouldn't be charged. Of course, the sports world has come a long way since Pete Rose.
But then, I thought he wouldn't be charged. Of course, the sports world has come a long way since Pete Rose.
How has [The Economist], an expensive, serious, elitist publication that looks like a magazine in every way — size, format, color cover, glossy pages — but considers itself a "weekly newspaper," managed to do so well in such a shaky economy?
First, because businessmen are conformists to the nth degree. Second, because businessmen heard that Bill the Entomologist reads The Econowiz, therefore it must be brain food, and anything that makes a businessman smarter must be good (like Who Moved My Cheese?), and because businessmen are conformists to the nth degree, they all decided to read The Econowiz, even though much of its content is beyond their reading skills, and even though it's ATWOLA and BLUNDER only better written and with an ATTITUDE. And third, because The Econowiz makes a handy-dandy intimidation tool on an executive's desk when he can point to the rag and say, I READ THE ECONOMIST AND YOU DON'T!!!!!
That's why The Econowiz does well.
First, because businessmen are conformists to the nth degree. Second, because businessmen heard that Bill the Entomologist reads The Econowiz, therefore it must be brain food, and anything that makes a businessman smarter must be good (like Who Moved My Cheese?), and because businessmen are conformists to the nth degree, they all decided to read The Econowiz, even though much of its content is beyond their reading skills, and even though it's ATWOLA and BLUNDER only better written and with an ATTITUDE. And third, because The Econowiz makes a handy-dandy intimidation tool on an executive's desk when he can point to the rag and say, I READ THE ECONOMIST AND YOU DON'T!!!!!
That's why The Econowiz does well.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIII AMMMMMMMMMMMMM YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUR SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE!!!!!
Oops, better not say slave. Say indentured servant.
Oops, better not say slave. Say indentured servant.
Our government wastes its money telling Arab youth how wonderful we are.
Fortunately this story has a happy ending:
Rani al-Hajjar, an Atlanta student and co-ordinator for Palestinian Media Watch, said: "I think if it's coming from a cultural superiority complex, saying that we are infallible and saying that our policies are best, then I think it is liable to fail."
Of course, this is The Independent -- and the reporter's name is BUNCOMBE.
Another happy ending: BUNCOMBE misidentifies the group: It's Palestine Media Watch (the other group is pro-Israeli), and its backers include such non-partisan neutral observers as Noam Chomsky.
If only I could find that picture of Robert Fisk with the bandages....
Fortunately this story has a happy ending:
Rani al-Hajjar, an Atlanta student and co-ordinator for Palestinian Media Watch, said: "I think if it's coming from a cultural superiority complex, saying that we are infallible and saying that our policies are best, then I think it is liable to fail."
Of course, this is The Independent -- and the reporter's name is BUNCOMBE.
Another happy ending: BUNCOMBE misidentifies the group: It's Palestine Media Watch (the other group is pro-Israeli), and its backers include such non-partisan neutral observers as Noam Chomsky.
If only I could find that picture of Robert Fisk with the bandages....
China's favorite retailer has given up on totalitarian inventory control?
This might mean an emergency meeting of the Party in Beijing.
This might mean an emergency meeting of the Party in Beijing.
Sons of Howell discover the White House's DELIBERATELY COMPLEX method for sending e-mails, and knowing the SuperSecrecy Gang, that probably is exactly what they want.
Great. A cable company has launched a satellite. Now those imbeciles can really raise our rates.
Thursday, July 17, 2003
Despite the geography, here's thinking the rest of Iraq will follow, and if it does -- news hacks and Democrats STILL won't shut their traps.
Imagine, $220 million to sell hoagies with two slices of meat.
I'd like to believe Subway's is headed the way of Mickey D's, but unfortunately that purveyor of bad food and worse television seems to have righted itself, for now.
I'd like to believe Subway's is headed the way of Mickey D's, but unfortunately that purveyor of bad food and worse television seems to have righted itself, for now.
The way to respond to PC lawsuits against the food biz is for HARD-CORE FREE-MARKET REPUBLICANS to prevent them.
This is the classic definition of a Hobson's choice.
This is the classic definition of a Hobson's choice.
Having recently sold software to the Gov. (and also to the Army), Bill the Entomologist admits his software has -- vulnerabilities.
Surprise! The sky is blue.
Surprise! The sky is blue.
SLASHER? He was just exercising his FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS.
We should keep in mind that news hacks, with their short attention spans and genius low IQs, will most likely forget this story at the first opportunity. Remember Sen. Dennis Day's -- homophobia? The thoughtpolice were on the verge of forcing him to resign. Then the story -- STOPPED. This one will stop too, when sudden boredom sets in. After all, we're in the dog days of summer, and that's when news hacks excrete their biggest, stinkiest leavings.
Andy S. gets excited that "[t]he WSJ [has] uncover[ed] the national intelligence estimate of the uranium-Africa Saddam link." But then you roll over the shortcut --
http://www.opinionjournal.com/editorial/feature.html?id=110003756
-- and you discover, yep, it's The Wall Street Journals CONSERVATIVE EDITION. Sorry Andy, we'll only be sure when The Wall Street Journals LIBERAL EDITION says so.
http://www.opinionjournal.com/editorial/feature.html?id=110003756
-- and you discover, yep, it's The Wall Street Journals CONSERVATIVE EDITION. Sorry Andy, we'll only be sure when The Wall Street Journals LIBERAL EDITION says so.
Well gee whiz goshdarnit, no casualties in Iraq today (thus far; we can always hope), so I guess as a consolation we'll smile over this story till the cows come home. Or until the next casualty in Iraq. (Please, pretty please, let there be another casualty in Iraq! PLEASE???)
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
Lieberman, Dean call for CIA director's resignation
Aren't you forgetting something? SLICK appointed him!
Aren't you forgetting something? SLICK appointed him!
Another RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ruse: He's selling a chance to write on a NASCAR race via eBay. Whoever wins will probably end of being so heavily edited his will effectively be written by somebody else. But this is almost as good a publicity ruse as BANNING CHARLIE CHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Perhaps Billy "NAB" Tauzin is defeatable. But I wouldn't hold my breath.
I might hold my nose, though.
I might hold my nose, though.
I wonder if "Whoops! Pardon" Ford is returning to the White House to give advice.
Don't listen, Dubya.
Don't listen, Dubya.
Oh great: Bill the Entomologist has just signed a BIG contract to provide bugs for Gov.'s Dept. of Terror Alerts and Pork Projects!
HellllllllLLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!!!
HellllllllLLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!!!
Suspected Saddam Hussein loyalists fire missile at U.S. plane, but miss
SHUCKS. If they'd hit it, there'd have been DANCIN' in America's luxury news suites!
SHUCKS. If they'd hit it, there'd have been DANCIN' in America's luxury news suites!
OH oh, guess which one of the two MEGAmegalomaniacs at Viacon is making -- NOISES.
Noise on out of there, ZON.
Noise on out of there, ZON.
There's a "boiling resentment at big media," Safire says, and a "distaste for giantism, generally."
The Understatement of the Year.
The Understatement of the Year.
U.N. in Dark About Looted Iraq Dirty Bomb Material
Why not? The League of Nations was in the dark about Iraq.
Why not? The League of Nations was in the dark about Iraq.
OOOOOOooooooh, now he's doing it: The evil reactionary bigot Ward Connerly wants to do away with "racially segregated events such as orientation programs and graduation ceremonies."
Where's the H word, Rev. Al?
Where's the H word, Rev. Al?
Charles Prince to replace Sandy Weill as Citigroup's CEO in January.
A prince replacing The Sun King?
A prince replacing The Sun King?
Professor InstaPundit (independent crusading Bill Gates employee) assumes his Thinker pose on the movies, and he gets a response:
The best years for movies was the 1930’s & 40’s.
The best years for music was the 1950’s & 60’s.
This sounds like the beginning of bad poetry. I'd wager the most knowledgeable film historians (or rather, those very few not afflicted with Biskinditis) would say silent-era movies are best; that second sentence is straight from Robert "Over the" Hilburn. As long as people think in platitudes about our culture it will never get better -- and I'm not sure now that it deserves to.
The best years for movies was the 1930’s & 40’s.
The best years for music was the 1950’s & 60’s.
This sounds like the beginning of bad poetry. I'd wager the most knowledgeable film historians (or rather, those very few not afflicted with Biskinditis) would say silent-era movies are best; that second sentence is straight from Robert "Over the" Hilburn. As long as people think in platitudes about our culture it will never get better -- and I'm not sure now that it deserves to.
This hack has done such a great job obfuscating how the Democratic presidential candidates feel about gay marriage (she doesn't say which three back it) she should get a job at Party HQ -- or the State Department.
I take it back. The press IS Party HQ.
I take it back. The press IS Party HQ.
Looks like Shard Man's being shunted to the sidelines.
Now maybe they can get to building some decent buildings -- but as I've said before, I don't think our architecture is up to it.
Now maybe they can get to building some decent buildings -- but as I've said before, I don't think our architecture is up to it.
Tuesday, July 15, 2003
You can be sure of two things: the knuckleheads who did this were listening to metal, and when asked why they did it, they'd mumble, "Duh, Idunno."
Imagine a thousand of this and you imagine the state of too much of our celebrated youth culture.
Imagine a thousand of this and you imagine the state of too much of our celebrated youth culture.
Another egregious pop-up quote from Forbes.com:
"Unhappy the land that is in need of heroes."
--Bertolt Brecht
One wonders if he intended this (to use another favorite news-hack word) ironically; Brecht was a table-pounding Communist and by all accounts a thoroughly despicable man. Maybe next time Little Malcolm's boys could quote from Mein Kampf.
"Unhappy the land that is in need of heroes."
--Bertolt Brecht
One wonders if he intended this (to use another favorite news-hack word) ironically; Brecht was a table-pounding Communist and by all accounts a thoroughly despicable man. Maybe next time Little Malcolm's boys could quote from Mein Kampf.
I just noticed that Virginia linked to a blogger who says the only way the Times can save its soul is with (roll your eyes) more of the pop-culture rag -- endless praise of rappers, endless praise of movies, endless praise of "graphical novels," endless praise of....Ignoring that this is precisely what HOWELL tried to do, this sort of aggressive puffery and condescension will NOT get the young into the newspaper habit. They've already been weaned off by the Web. And after L'Affaire Blair, what's wrong with "the return of prejudice against youth" anyway, Vir-GIN-ia?
DENVER (AP) -- A federal grand jury indicted 44 people Tuesday for allegedly using fake green cards and other false identification to work as contract employees at the Air Force Academy.
I wonder how many of those people were -- naah. Can't say.
I wonder how many of those people were -- naah. Can't say.
Honest to God, who's awakened the Rip Van Winkle of news hacks? Somebody sing him a lullaby and drowse him back to the deep slumber from which he had to emerge.
A certain moral obtuseness compels hard-core conservatives, free enterprise division, to rank U. S. Grant and Silent Cal among our best presidents and allows them to blithely ignore that Grant was the Jimmy Carter of Republicans with a sweet tooth for corruption, and that Silent Cal's celebrated taciturnity was most likely the result of a profound depression following the fluke death of his son. We definitely need more presidents like these.
"They see all the uniforms and the guns, and they ask us, 'Is this Christianity?'" Ahad said, adding that many people here "think America is only drugs and sex and weapons, because of Hollywood."
I'm thinking if we could just transport JACK and his conspiracy to another planet we could solve many of our foreign-policy problems.
I'm thinking if we could just transport JACK and his conspiracy to another planet we could solve many of our foreign-policy problems.
And if someone does say "yes," he should be asked, "WHAT WOULD YOU REPLACE THEM WITH?"
First one who says a League of Nations peacekeeping force wins a trip to Hell.
First one who says a League of Nations peacekeeping force wins a trip to Hell.
The scoundrel Pat Robertson, smelling fresh and clean after a round of handshakes with Liberian tyrants, prays for three Fingers in the Wind to DIE!
It's a shame the Fingers in the Wind are atheists.
It's a shame the Fingers in the Wind are atheists.
The time has come to call the Democrats' bluff. Someone must ask the presidential candidates, "WOULD YOU PULL OUR FORCES FROM IRAQ?"
First one to say yes wins the nomination.
First one to say yes wins the nomination.
Not only are the likes of Candace "EW! YUCK! GROSS!" Bushnell offensive, they're probably liars too.
Given that today's Valenti biz is nothing more than a marketing ploy, the deaf, dumb and blind moviegoers deserve ALL THE COMMERCIALS THEY CAN GET.
Monday, July 14, 2003
Haven't the morons in the publishing biz (Michael Wolff called them that) and the flacks who promote for them ever heard of the term "one-hit wonder"?
One of Sinclair Lewis's targets in his famed sociological novel Babbitt was the press, which was as good at promoting Babbittry as the novel's name sake, and all he stood for: mindless backslapping, mindless civic pride, mindless philistinism.
Thankfully, Babbittry lives in Detroit.
Thankfully, Babbittry lives in Detroit.
Great. Brazil's president is in trouble because he isn't leftist enough.
Let's see the free-wheelin' pleasure-lovin' Brazilians after a couple of decades of hard-core Communism.
Let's see the free-wheelin' pleasure-lovin' Brazilians after a couple of decades of hard-core Communism.
I recently compared ombudsmen to JACK's Alphabet Soup, saying the sole purpose of both was to appease, and put a veneer of responsible behavior over termite-eaten ethics. Here's proof. Aaron got his big break in papers because of Howellism. It would look foolish and racist (and be counterproductive) to ditch him now. So we must must defend him with one of the news hack's favorite tired-blood words, "edgy," and by belching the "You can always turn the TV off" cop-out, "If you don't like it, read 'Beetle Bailey'" (which, like virtually all newspaper comics these days, is aggressively unfunny -- and was modified to suit the PC demands of editors). The SacBee, whines our useless ombudsman, should not be (and he must have worked for weeks on this metaphor) "as bland as a bucket of mayonnaise." That is, no doubt, what the SacBee's readers get anyway (along with a bigger bucket of something not so edible). Newspapers will only offend for bad reasons -- to spin, to sell, to invade privacy, and to engage in PC. They will NOT offend for the greater good, which in the end is not offensive.
Iran makes huge oil discovery
Oh great. Now it can convert more of one form of energy into another -- nuclear.
With a little help from Vice-President Inside's friends the mullahs could stay in power forever.
Oh great. Now it can convert more of one form of energy into another -- nuclear.
With a little help from Vice-President Inside's friends the mullahs could stay in power forever.
Palestinian PM Declares End to Dispute with Arafat
And why shouldn't he? Isn't their common goal destr -- peace with Israel?
And why shouldn't he? Isn't their common goal destr -- peace with Israel?
ATWOLA rag once got sued over a highly negative cover story about the space cadets of Scientology. This week King Richard, having learned his lessons, turns the advertorial People over to an advertorial for Tom Cruise's friends.
Here's an instance of news hacks comforting the comfortable.
Here's an instance of news hacks comforting the comfortable.
More good news for the hacks. I can see them in their luxury suites now, singing: "One little, two little, three little soldiers...."
Occasionally even the most hidebound reinforced-concrete-headed hacks can offer an insight, and thus it is with THE CHEERLEADER, who tells us (and it probably took her three interns a LOT of research) that the old "Blondie" series (remember the comic strip? I barely do) went for 28 films. Of course JACK's stretch of masterpieces has gone on for far longer, and it's a sure bet that if things were hunky dory for the film biz right now THE CHEERLEADER would be doing her old sis-boom-bah (accent on BAH) routine in celebration, her skirt fluttering in the air to reveal her ugly legs.
Sunday, July 13, 2003
I am starting to get very impatient with Walter Winchell. He always talks about what a breath of fresh air he is, but so much of what's on his site is the usual fetid blast of inaccuracy (God knows how many times he's pulled stories), spin, cheerleading, politicking, ghoulishness, and above all, the intolerable hype. True his mentor dispensed the same thing, and look what it got him: a rep as a rock-headed reactionary, and death in virtual obscurity. Our high-tech Walter never ceases to prove the truth of the old maxim, the more things change....
(I also wonder how popular he truly is. Alexa.com [which ranks hits only from Windows- and IE-equipped computers] rates him at 222 -- which is less than the New York Times [59], CNN [23], the Washington Post [122], USA Okay [187], the Mess [33] -- so maybe more than a few people are starting to dislike breathing in that sewer stench.)
(I also wonder how popular he truly is. Alexa.com [which ranks hits only from Windows- and IE-equipped computers] rates him at 222 -- which is less than the New York Times [59], CNN [23], the Washington Post [122], USA Okay [187], the Mess [33] -- so maybe more than a few people are starting to dislike breathing in that sewer stench.)
Kuwait's emir issued a landmark decree Sunday separating the post of prime minister from the crown prince for the first time since Kuwait's 1961 independence in an apparent concession to calls for greater democracy.
Let's see if the result is democracy or a concession.
Let's see if the result is democracy or a concession.
A congressional investigation into the Sept. 11 attacks has concluded that 70,000 and 120,000 terrorists [SIC] were trained by al-Qaida and some are still in the United States, Sen. Bob Graham, D-Fla., said Sunday.
That sloppy writing alone tells me that when it comes to terrorists, my guess is as good as yours.
That sloppy writing alone tells me that when it comes to terrorists, my guess is as good as yours.
Those who say bloggers will overtake the conventional news biz are whistling in the dark. Bloggers, unlike news suites, go to bed, and take vacations. (Professor InstaPundit is starting to become the Johnny Carson of blogging.) Sometimes they just quit. Even the best of them are inconsistent in how frequently they post. I know of no blogger, moreover, who has international bureaus; claiming to have a blogger connection in Iraq is like saying I have a friend in Poughkeepsie. And trying to predict which blogger will post when is like playing an electronic game of hide and seek, or musical chairs, and too often the prize is a three-week-old post. And there is no reliable index or search engine for bloggers. So for now, and perhaps forever, the power remains with the First-Amendment-defending totalitarians.
One of the Times' ad-blurb copywriters has written an oblivious article in which he mildly (very mildly) scorns the "pretension" of today's Valentis. "Pretension"? A paper that finds Walt Whitman in every rapper and Hegel in the stupidest movies holds its nose so high it breathes from behind its back.
I had ignored this BLUNDER.com "web exclusive," thinking it was just more Slate Kinsley-pie cuteness (it's hard to tell on MESS.com), but here's the opening line:
With an estimated 3,000 translated versions of the Bible, does the world really need another?
This line explains why most news writing is a waste of time. Here is a self-evident truth, pithily expressed, yet the writer goes on with his press release. At least ARROGANT BLUNDER recognizes this, smug and wrong though he/she/it is. Alas, most of the celebrated bloggers also ignore the value of brevity with their own endless bloviating.
With an estimated 3,000 translated versions of the Bible, does the world really need another?
This line explains why most news writing is a waste of time. Here is a self-evident truth, pithily expressed, yet the writer goes on with his press release. At least ARROGANT BLUNDER recognizes this, smug and wrong though he/she/it is. Alas, most of the celebrated bloggers also ignore the value of brevity with their own endless bloviating.
Mr. Nobel the House-Building World Saver and Greatest Ex-President of All Time, who thought invading Iraq was WRONG, thinks invading Liberia is RIGHT.
Obviously he doesn't read Charles Krauthammer.
Obviously he doesn't read Charles Krauthammer.
Now Norman Thomas's grandson co-burps in BLUNDER that "a guerilla war may have been [Saddam']s strategy all along."
Right again?
Right again?
Also sharing the circle in a Venn diagram with fantasy-game fans are PC "power-gamers," who spend thousands tweaking their computers to play shoot-'em-ups.
GET A LIFE!!!!!
GET A LIFE!!!!!
U.S. could close all but one German base
This should put a smile on all those Germans who made fun of the "cowboys."
Hey Herr Schroeder! How do you like those unemployment lines?
This should put a smile on all those Germans who made fun of the "cowboys."
Hey Herr Schroeder! How do you like those unemployment lines?
First it was priests. Now it's a theology professor at one of Dickie V's formerly favorite schools, the school with the daft millionaire donor who shot a wrestler. But give him the benefit of the doubt -- he was a professor. A theology professor.
Bush overstated Iraq links to al-Qaeda, former intelligence officials say
Not long ago the secret word was "retired." Today the word is "former." "Former" appears in this story seven times.
Not long ago the secret word was "retired." Today the word is "former." "Former" appears in this story seven times.
Indian Firms See Darker Side of Call Center Boom
The only good thing is, it's not OUR people getting WELCHED.
The only good thing is, it's not OUR people getting WELCHED.
I should think the day of Saddam's downfall would be one to celebrate -- except, that is, in America's luxury news suites.