Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Posted
12:21 PM
by Gene
Report: PS3 to sell for $399, cost $494 to make Thank you, SLASHDOT!
Posted
12:19 PM
by Gene
GEEKDOM COMES TO THE LIVING ROOM!
Posted
11:03 AM
by Gene
And with the signing this week of a new three-year, seven-figure renewal with Buena Vista Television (via agent Todd Musburger), Roeper can claim impressive longevity in his own right. IT PAYS TO PRAISE! He's represented by BRENT "CHEVALAY" MUSBURGER'S BROTHER, figures.
Posted
10:52 AM
by Gene
I'd say he has a PR problem, but if I know the ARAB WORLD millions have their fists in the air.
Posted
10:11 AM
by Gene
Hubris kicked in when "celebrities" like Milton Berle and Dennis James held tacky telethons to raise money for the Disease of the Month. This led to the notorious Muscular Dystrophy tearjerker, whose chief purpose seems to be to get Jerry Lewis nominated for the NOBEL PEACE PRIZE. BOB'S ERADICATION OF HUNGER is a direct descendant, and every bit as morally dubious, the only real purpose to aim praise right at the organizer. In Ethiopia, do the underfed masses know who the hell BOB GELDOF IS?
Posted
10:05 AM
by Gene
Here's the $64,000,000,000 question: how much of it goes to Robert Mugabes and Swiss bank accounts? HUH, BOB GELDOF? P. S. Hunger still hovers over the landscape despite the nearly $1 billion in foreign aid Ethiopia has received each year during the past decade, according to a report published for the World Bank last year. THOUGHT YOU SOLVED THAT, BOB!
Posted
10:03 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:36 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:17 AM
by Gene
The biggest questions, however, remain unanswered: "What are these people doing on television?" for one, and that American mantra "What else is on?" for another.
Posted
8:56 AM
by Gene
![]() "Kenny is having anger issues right now." Kenny is having some making-too-much-money-on-too-few-brain-cells issues right now.
Posted
8:32 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:25 AM
by Gene
It's been a bad week for Russell Crowe. First came word of an impending lawsuit from the waiter he hurled his phone at in a Manhattan hotel. Now, the AMC theater chain says it'll offer full refunds to moviegoers who don't enjoy his film "Cinderella Man." AMC says the offer is to encourage audiences to see what it calls "one of the finest motion pictures of the year." I don't know that I'd do that. If the biz took up money-back guarantees it would give back more than it takes in.
Posted
8:22 AM
by Gene
Is it wrong for a sports editor to cheer for the home team? I think we already know the answer. It's YES.
Posted
8:09 AM
by Gene
Meantime the ad-blurb copywriters drool over their front-row seats and thousands have already evacuated, and the millionaires at the Tower of Babble prepare to wrestle the word HISTORIC to a fare-thee-well. P. S. In more CIRCULATION-BUILD...HISTORIC news: A PRODUCTION MEMO LISTS KEITH URBAN GOING ON AT 10 A.M., FOLLOWED AT 11 BY SARAH MCLACHLAN AND JOSH GROBAN, BON JOVI AT 12:15, ROB THOMAS AT 1:20 P.M., DEF LEPPARD AT 2:10 P.M., TOBY KEITH AT 4 P.M., WILL SMITH AT 4:50 P.M., KANYE WEST AT 5:55 P.M., LINKIN PARK AND JAY-Z - NOW THAT'S A COMBO!!!! - AT 7 P.M., AND STEVIE WONDER AT 8:05 P.M.!!!!! SATURDAY - THE DAY OF - SOUND CHECKS ARE DUE TO BEGIN WITH DESTINY'S CHILD AT 7 A.M. THEN IT'S JARS OF CLAY (7:30), DAVE MATTHEWS (8), ALICIA KEYS (8:30), KAISER CHIEFS (9), AND BLACK EYED PEAS, WITH THE MARLEYS (9:30). THE BIG SHOW IS TO START AT NOON!!!!!!!!!! I concede these are BIG NAMES!!!!! to the Losing-My-Hearing-with-My-iPod set, but given the much bigger names before them there might have been a day when they couldn't have made it past the guards. Plugging these BIG NAMES!!!!! allows us to do our HISTORIC shtick, however, and PULL ANOTHER ONE ON OUR READERS. Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Posted
9:34 AM
by Gene
No new refinery has been built in the U.S. in 29 years, and the expansion of existing facilities has failed to keep pace with demand. While the country's refining capacity has risen 0.7 percent per year during the past five years, consumption of gasoline and diesel has grown by 1.8 percent annually over the same period, according to the U.S. Energy Department. Who'll complain this time?
Posted
9:13 AM
by Gene
Tricky Dick claims another victim. Where's the GREAT STONE FACE of ANNOYING TV ADS?
Posted
9:01 AM
by Gene
Talk about sex and violence!
Posted
8:58 AM
by Gene
Much like an audience that’s been desensitized by too much sex and violence, media and marketing executives are becoming inured to the frequent declarations of the death of the 30-second spot. We needn't add that lots of 30-second spots help pay for the desensitization of...but that's ANOTHER story.
Posted
8:51 AM
by Gene
Despite the whirlwind of publicity generated by its Paris Hilton ad, the controversial spot does not appear to have significantly increased Carl's Jr. restaurant sales. The chain posted a 1.7% gain in same-store sales for the four weeks ended June 20, while sibling chain Hardee’s posted a 0.7% gain. Both chains are operated by CKE Restaurants of Santa Barbara, Calif.... Analysts and industry watchers were expecting much higher returns.... They ALWAYS do -- which explains why they ALWAYS pull stunts like this.
Posted
8:32 AM
by Gene
Editor's note: This is the Chicago Tribune's review of the 1953 "War of the Worlds," produced by George Pat, directed by Byron Haskin and starring Gene Barry (as the flowing-tie-wearing chief scientist), Les Tremayne and Ann Robinson (as the hand-wringing heroine). The review, which appeared on Oct. 16, 1953, and matter-of-factly gives away the ending, was written by an unknown Tribune critic who wrote under a pseudonym, which was the custom back then, as was the unorthodox spelling of "thru." Thankfully we now know how to spell "through" -- and as OUR OMBUDSMAN can prove, we're more ORTHODOX than ever.
Posted
8:30 AM
by Gene
Chicago's sales tax going up I guess the increase will pay for social services for all the unemployed salespeople.
Posted
8:23 AM
by Gene
In a time when some polls show the popularity of the news media to be even lower than the approval rating for Bush's conduct of the war [PFFH-HH-HH!!!!!], the managements of the networks may have feared hostile reaction if they didn't air the speech live. Political conservatives keep up a steady drumbeat of hostility against the media, something the Bush administration does nothing to discourage. Refusing to air the speech probably would have led to unpleasantness -- or at the least given the new subculture of bellicose bloggers another alleged media conspiracy to shriek about. ROMY no doubt sees a CONSPIRACY in THAT.
Posted
8:16 AM
by Gene
Bush Criticized for Linking 9/11 and Iraq OR: LAST NIGHT WE SAW THE INGREDIENTS COME TOGETHER THAT, FOR THIS PRESIDENT, MAKE A GREAT PRIME-TIME APPEARANCE!!!!! WE HAD HOPED HE WOULD RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO RAISE THE BLOODY FLAG OF 9/11 OVER AND OVER AGAIN TO JUSTIFY A WAR IN A COUNTRY THAT HAD NOTHING WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH THE TERRORIST ATTACKS!!!!! I guess it's back to the usual finger-pointing, demagoguing, screw-the-peopling.
Posted
8:10 AM
by Gene
A former Newsday publisher who once served on a state education board has been charged with possessing child pornography taken off the Internet, authorities said Tuesday. Considering how the GLIBERALS paint PORN as MANKIND'S SALVATION we should not wonder that a few of the hacks and their bosses should partake of it.
Posted
8:07 AM
by Gene
One may wonder after what He's done to movies if ALL Luke Spielberg is lesser. Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Posted
2:46 PM
by Gene
Food not enough Once when I was in Suburban Station, I was approached by a woman who asked for a dollar to get something to eat. I gave her $1 in hopes that she'd go away. Instead, she asked for another dollar. When I told her I needed what I had to buy a train ticket she replied indignantly, "Well, I have to have something to drink!" - Jeanne Aldworth, Frankford
Posted
1:55 PM
by Gene
On the other hand, I don't know what's happened to Terry Teachout -- he's been giggling a lot at Our Girlfriend lately. Maybe he's been too busy with his Satchmo bio. Hope he gets back on track soon.
Posted
1:49 PM
by Gene
Hey if doctors can do it, why can't we GOVS?
Posted
1:36 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:20 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:06 PM
by Gene
Here's another place where self-serving plutocrats can use stats to defend themselves.
Posted
12:16 PM
by Gene
P. S. to the TWXSTER: 1. What was the last prime-time entertainment to get a 30 RATING -- not share, RATING? 2. When was your stock last worth $90 a share?
Posted
10:36 AM
by Gene
That question answers itself: anybody but U. S.!
Posted
10:24 AM
by Gene
Let them eat FROSTED FLAKES!
Posted
9:58 AM
by Gene
Since when?
Posted
9:51 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:40 AM
by Gene
Invest in a GREAT "musical." Hey Ben Brantley! You have NOTHING on Mike Riedel. He closes shows BEFORE they open! P. S. Beware directors named Jerry.
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
Not every movie can be an artistic triumph, but moviegoers deserve better. They're already beginning to demand it. CNN did an online poll Friday, asking what movie people were most likely to see over the weekend. The new films "Herbie," "Bewitched" and "Land of the Dead" received 27% of the vote. The landslide winner, with 73%, was "None, I'd rather rent a DVD of something good." Isn't it wonderful when a business has so many satisfied customers? Hey you guys of the press have been satifying customers too for decades. Don't talk.
Posted
9:16 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:05 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:53 AM
by Gene
Monday, June 27, 2005
Posted
3:08 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:57 PM
by Gene
I love when people say, give us a great movie with an original story and good acting, and we'll go to it. As if everyone out here hasn't thought of that. "No more originality!" says big studio exec. "Let's remake some crap!" It's not on purpose, folks. Everyone is doing their best. Every studio that makes a movie out of a sitcom is also developing a hundred other "original" ideas. It's just that they thought the sitcom one would appeal to people. The simple fact is this: every single person in the entertainment business would love to do a breathtakingly fresh, breakthrough film or TV show. But it's VERY VERY HARD! Pardon us while we laugh. There are many inducements for not trying at all. The automatic funding of DVDs and the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers means you don't have to work to raise the dough. Jack's Alphabet Soup with its several different flavors of botulism means you don't have to use your imagination to be in good taste; when after three seconds you run out of witty things to say (this happens quite readily with quarter-wits, aka "scenarists") you can fall back on Grand Guignol or sex scenes or four-letter words. When you run out of those there's always the stuntmen, or the geeks in special effects, who may not know plot or dialogue but sure do know their crowd-pleasin' filler. When you run out of those you're not completely hopeless -- there are the ad-blurb copywriters, with their reverse snobbery and what JOHN PODHORETZ called "grading on a curve," who can save your meretricious property with chants of "dark" and "edgy." When that fails you have focus groups and market research and Nielsens and b.o. to "prove" there'll always be fans for basest junk. And when all these things don't work, there's your own superiority to the audience.
Posted
10:37 AM
by Gene
Big caveat -- this is NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
10:16 AM
by Gene
ANOTHER COURAGEOUS DECISION! Souter was joined in his opinion by other members of the liberal bloc.... YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT!
Posted
10:01 AM
by Gene
Why not? He's an HONORARY REPUBLICAN too.
Posted
9:56 AM
by Gene
It's all those GREAT MOVIES!
Posted
9:54 AM
by Gene
Maybe ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN can get the company as one of His sponsors.
Posted
9:42 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:02 AM
by Gene
Meantime, ROMY (who posted this) regales us today with the story of a paper that can't verify an ex-columnist's sources, proof the HACKS continue to work overtime at being devious.
Posted
8:34 AM
by Gene
AND NEITHER DO MOST SHOCK JOCKS.
Posted
8:31 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:19 AM
by Gene
The prognosticators of doom have been beating the drums of disaster of late, but as history has noted, the industry has more than bounced back from those ruts of yesteryear and will most likely do so again. Using 2004 numbers, annual admissions have increased by a stout 45% since 1985. News hacks will almost never tell the truth about three things: real estate, autos and show-biz. When the hacks work for a trade rag, the desire to obfuscate is magnified. Okay, flacks, maybe we're comparing apples and oranges, but let's not forget the rotten fruit the audiences of late have thrown at the screens. P. S. If the Census Bureau is to be believed, judging from your numbers (and what do you mean by admissions? Bodies in seats or dollars? You won't tell us? Par for the course) the moviegoing crowd has increased a not-so-stout just-over ONE PERCENT A YEAR. And God knows how many figures in show-biz are MADE UP. Friday, June 24, 2005
Posted
11:07 AM
by Gene
"Movies make us more decent people." More RICHER people, anyway.
Posted
10:11 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:05 AM
by Gene
There were gales of audience laughter at the preview of Nora Ephron's adaptation of the '60s TV comedy "Bewitched" - but almost all of it came from the soundtrack. The laughter is produced by people on-screen watching episodes of a revived "Bewitched" series being taped in a Hollywood studio. They're providing the so-called "canned laughter" that viewers will later hear at home. Ironically, that what these audiences are cracking up over isn't remotely funny is one of the few things in the movie that is. Caveat: this is JACK MATHEWS, who's said a few laugh-track-worthy things himself.
Posted
9:46 AM
by Gene
Heaven forfend! Mantilla denied that Morillas operated on her ears, chin, eyebrows and lips as was suggested in before-and-after photographs of her profile supplied by the plastic surgeon to the daily newspaper El Mundo in Spain. "That violates his professional ethics," she said. After WACKO JACKO we assume plastic surgeons have ETHICS?
Posted
9:46 AM
by Gene
Instructive: Google News links to 423 stories about the Sen. while already the mighty propaganda machine has inspired 359 stories about Karl's outburst. TRUTH MARCHES ON.
Posted
9:21 AM
by Gene
I'm sure if GEORGE GALLUP and his FELLOW NUMBER MANIPULATORS were around at other times in history we'd get equally dubious results, like polls endorsing Hitler and Stalin, and polls endorsing slavery, and polls endorsing the Crusades, and polls endorsing Attila the Hun, and polls endorsing the crucifixion of Jesus. When news hacks don't do what they're supposed to, they turn to POLLS.
Posted
9:17 AM
by Gene
Gillette Co. has lost another legal round in its razor fight with Energizer Holdings’ Schick -– one that will force it to spend an estimated $1.6 million to relabel millions of M3 Power razors on store shelves and in warehouses. A U.S. District Court in Connecticut ruled June 20 against Gillette on its motion seeking clarification of a prior May 31 injunction. In the prior ruling, the court ordered the company to stop using claims it said were literally false that the battery-powered vibrating razor raises facial hair, thus making it easier to cut.
Posted
9:11 AM
by Gene
LOT OF GOOD IT DID.
Posted
9:09 AM
by Gene
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Posted
2:04 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:53 PM
by Gene
Hollywood needs to lose the lame sequels and remakes. Instead, invigorate box-office receipts with originality and maturity [home-page tease] The Movie Theater in Your Pocket Direct from Cellywood: Cell-phone cinema isn't exactly like the big-screen kind, but its potential sure is attracting attention P. S. I got news for you, Ron: that "pretty darn bad" Bewitched isn't from Viacon. IT'S A SONY.
Posted
1:02 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:59 AM
by Gene
These fools are a bit too LIBERAL with their YAKETY-YAKKING.
Posted
10:46 AM
by Gene
Is this good news because fewer of our "friends" may be casing the joint, or bad news because they may be doing it in secret?
Posted
10:36 AM
by Gene
Other invoices such as this one from Michael Scanlon, a business partner of lobbyist Jack Abramoff, carry similar commands for large sums. Before it was all over the tribe had spent $32 million of its casino profits on a lobbying effort that many now question as exorbitant, and tribal members had ousted their leadership. Such are the wiles of PROSTITUTES in the Puzzle Palace on the Potomac -- and their TRICKS are FINANCIAL VD.
Posted
9:50 AM
by Gene
Does that mean even MORE fawning and preening and SELLING?
Posted
8:10 AM
by Gene
Let's see, last year at this time, you folks ran things like "RONALD REAGAN DESERVED TO DIE." How did we ever come -- DOWN from that standard?
Posted
8:08 AM
by Gene
The home of GOD? PERISH the thought! Which just goes to prove both parties have their useful idiots.
Posted
8:01 AM
by Gene
Who's next? According to the online encyclopedia Wikipedia, "There is a tradition in many Usenet newsgroups that once such a comparison is made, the thread is over, and whoever mentioned the Nazis has automatically lost whatever argument was in progress." Well I'm glad we have THAT bit of wisdom from the WIK! Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Posted
3:08 PM
by Gene
NOW he tells us.
Posted
1:25 PM
by Gene
SHUCKS! The AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTITUDE continues.
Posted
12:53 PM
by Gene
What intransigent oil-rich ALLY do you suppose the money might come from?
Posted
11:39 AM
by Gene
Given the GENIUS of the biz these days he could say he still don't get no respect.
Posted
10:41 AM
by Gene
HOW CAN THEY TELL?
Posted
10:20 AM
by Gene
AMC, Loews Cineplex Plan to Merge Misery loves companies, again.
Posted
10:12 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:40 AM
by Gene
Douglas Wood, 64, who lives in Alamo, Calif., told reporters at Melbourne's airport that he supported the coalition forces' role in Iraq. "Frankly, I'd like to apologize to both President Bush and Prime Minister [John] Howard for the things I said under duress," said Mr. Wood, with his American wife, Yvonne Given, and his brothers, Vernon and Malcolm, and their wives by his side. "I actually believe that I am proof positive that the current policy of training the Iraqi army ... works because it was Iraqis that got me out," he said. Apology not needed.
Posted
9:37 AM
by Gene
Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!
Posted
9:00 AM
by Gene
Oops: "There will continue to be breakout properties," says Debra Joester of licensing agency The Joester Loria Group. "But it takes a lot more work and strategic vision than ever. Logo slapping (on merchandise) doesn't excite consumers." Sales results seem to bear that out. Total licensing revenue grew less than 1%, to $5.85 billion, last year, according to a study out today from the International Licensing Industry Merchandisers Association (LIMA). Most of the gains came from entertainment, which benefited from movie sequels led by Spider-Man 2 and Shrek 2. Fashion and sports brands generated less excitement. Translation: it's the same old same old; but part of the fun of BIG MEDIA is packaging the same old same old in the same new same new bottles.
Posted
8:43 AM
by Gene
Center City is likely to be awash in puppets, protesters and skateboarders today, as two major demonstrations are expected to draw thousands of people and temporarily shut down many streets. Hey, a city hasn't arrived until it has a BIG PROTEST that ties up everything -- like SEATTLE! You NEED big protests in order to attract people to the restaurants that employ all the waiters and janitors and cooks and barmaids a city needs to be in the 21ST-CENTURY ECONOMY! And if the restaurants need new windows, well -- WE'LL PAY FOR THEM WITH SLOTS!
Posted
8:40 AM
by Gene
You should talk -- YOUR BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is an HONORARY FAMILY MEMBER.
Posted
8:31 AM
by Gene
This would be awful if it weren't funny. Hey Mayor Williams: Get the guy a NEW CAR! You will anyway.
Posted
8:26 AM
by Gene
MONITOR OF MOYERS' "NOW" SHOW TIED TO CONSERVATIVE OUTFIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FIND THE NEAREST TREE AND HANG HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
8:22 AM
by Gene
Prior to joining OMD, he was president and CEO of Raycom Sports, which focused on sports programming and advertising in that area. Before Raycom Sports, he worked at ABC Television in network sales. He started in media buying at Ted Bates Advertising, then moved to BBDO and Benton & Bowles. TRANSLATION: He has enough connections to help GUARANTEE TV can only get worse.
Posted
8:20 AM
by Gene
Especially up front. I would post an appropriate picture but I'm at work.
Posted
8:13 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:10 AM
by Gene
And I can't think of a better bunch for it to fall on -- especially when it looks like BATMAN guano.
Posted
8:03 AM
by Gene
Meaning Sen. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! can open his mouth with impunity. Monday, June 20, 2005
Posted
11:57 AM
by Gene
Hey Porter! What good's the world's best intelligence with the world's worst allies?
Posted
11:49 AM
by Gene
Looks like some people still have some larnin' to do. The parliament floor was in uproar as CONSERVATIVES [BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!] stood and cried out that Massouma al-Mubarak's appointment was unconstitutional because she was not a registered voter. LIBERAL lawmakers [YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!] then stood as well, shouting back, "Congratulations." That goes for CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES too.
Posted
10:58 AM
by Gene
Science: Is Science Fiction the Opiate of the Geek Masses?
Posted
10:54 AM
by Gene
Big, BIG caveat: this is NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
8:58 AM
by Gene
BLUNDER discovers a TAX BREAK! The fact that it doesn't mention a tax break means it's a HUGE tax break. Because the Presidio is a federal enclave, Lucasfilm and its subtenants will avoid most local and state taxes, including the payroll tax that provides San Francisco with 13 percent of its operating budget. Lucasfilm also avoided potentially millions of dollars in local development impact fees and property taxes. DARTH VADER indeed!
Posted
8:36 AM
by Gene
"I don't think there's an audience for squeaky clean," said Shari Anne Brill, director of programming for ad-buying firm Carat. "It has to be modernized in the way we've all been fed such reality. You need to see the tears, the drama, the makeup, the mascara, the crisis of finding out you have a zit." CORPORATE AMERICA! DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR AD DOLLARS ARE? DO YOU CARE? DIDN'T THINK SO!!!!!
Posted
8:22 AM
by Gene
DAMMIT! I'M RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT!
Posted
8:15 AM
by Gene
Chris, we're so happy to hear not all media dinosaurs are dinosaurs -- especially the dinosaur run by YOUR BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's true -- you don't have to bribe a NEWS HACK.
Posted
8:09 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:06 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:05 AM
by Gene
Friday, June 17, 2005
Posted
3:19 PM
by Gene
That should take care of the new pope's alleged "REACTION."
Posted
2:44 PM
by Gene
At Democrats.com it was a SMASHING SUCCESS. Nothing about the HOOK-NOSED -- er, Israelis, however.
Posted
2:38 PM
by Gene
"Hubris" is probably the most appropriate collective noun for LORD STRINGER and KING RICHARD, who AREN'T.
Posted
1:50 PM
by Gene
Sex Exit Etiquette Handled well, a one-night stand can be hot and harmless. But know the rules of disappearing with dignity. Please folks, we've had ENOUGH sex etiquette from you since you were BORN.
Posted
1:39 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:19 AM
by Gene
"It's time to get serious about an exit strategy," said Rep. Neil Abercrombie of Hawaii, a Democratic sponsor. Other sponsors of the resolution include Reps. Ron Paul (R-Texas), Martin T. Meehan (D-Mass.) and Lynn C. Woolsey (D-Petaluma). Let's see -- three far leftists and a PSYCHO. That sounds bipartisan to me, OMERTA. MEANWHILE.... At U.S. newspapers, news is nearly all bad in 2005 Remember, MERT, it's THE DO-NOT-CALL LAW!!!!!
Posted
9:46 AM
by Gene
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!! "It would take a seismic shift for us to take back the Senate in the next election," he said. So we'll try to move the earth with our TANTRUMS! "When I go home, my friends will say, `Why don't you move your own ideas?'" Ideas? What are -- IDEAS? P. S. Hey lookie, Dick -- YOU MADE THE OSAMA CHANNEL! (CAVEAT: This IS AMERICA'S NEWSPAPER.)
Posted
8:48 AM
by Gene
It's a non-starter -- heck the key won't even make it near the ignition -- but it does get us hugging ourselves as YOU LIKE ME! YOU REALLY LIKE ME!!!!!
Posted
8:44 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:35 AM
by Gene
FOOD MARKETERS' SELF-REGULATION CALLED A FAILURE Meaning the Kellogg's of this world can still sell their $20 boxes of sugar with impunity. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS ATTACK ON FREE ENTERPRISE, LARRY KUDLOW? DOW 36,000? BIG CAVEAT: The Center for Informed Food Choices "advocates...a whole foods, plant-based diet and educates about the politics of food." TRANSLATION: The fruit-and-nut guys go after the petroleum refiners of the supermarkets. May the worse man win!
Posted
8:30 AM
by Gene
"WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE" INDEED.
Posted
8:28 AM
by Gene
There's no sign that Hearst Magazines, Meredith, and Advance Publications, the parent of Condé Nast Publications, are going along with what would be a major breach of the traditional wall between magazine editorial and advertising units. Translation: YES!!!!!
Posted
8:27 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:20 AM
by Gene
This story deserves an inevitable comeback -- but we will forgo that, and merely suggest the couple may have been better off flying a kite.
Posted
8:16 AM
by Gene
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to STEVE!!!!!
Posted
8:07 AM
by Gene
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Posted
2:41 PM
by Gene
Meanwhile, down at the ledger books.... NYT Co. says ad market "uneven," lowers forecast for 2005 We'll take the hit for THE TRUTH. RIGHT ROMY?
Posted
2:39 PM
by Gene
Forgive us while we sing "You Light Up My Life."
Posted
11:55 AM
by Gene
Hooray! Now we can outsource to Guatemala!
Posted
11:31 AM
by Gene
Who has to know anything when you're a ROYAL? or a NEWS HACK? But then I guess LUKE SPIELBERG's sexier than any ol' BIBLE.
Posted
11:22 AM
by Gene
Larry "They Didn't Pay Dick Grasso Enough" Kudlow and Dow 36,000 will be FURIOUS.
Posted
11:15 AM
by Gene
You're a news hack. You hear our soldiers are killed. (YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!) Then you hear this. You think, they did this on purpose to cover up the bad news that OUR SOLDIERS ARE DYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (As if they didn't gloat every time.) It makes you want to go out and get drunk, which is impossible when you and your colleagues drink nothing but the most expensive bottled water.
Posted
8:22 AM
by Gene
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! Nopw let me get this straight -- the government wants to save us energy (pffh-hh-hh). It also wants to force us to convert to HDTV, which consumes more electricity. WHICH WILL IT BE, GOV? I guess whichever's less intrusive in the HOME.
Posted
8:16 AM
by Gene
Here is why another switch clicks off in our heads when the hacks play their mind games: this isn't about missing people -- it's about MISSING PEOPLE OF THE RIGHT RACE. Yes, the hacks may report certain stories of missing people because the victims are white. But don't they get even when they run dribble about, say, that repulsive GALLUP POLL? When will the hacks get it into their MENSA-THICK SKULLS to STOP PAYING THE RACE CARD -- EITHER WAY?
Posted
8:11 AM
by Gene
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Posted
3:34 PM
by Gene
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
Posted
1:38 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:28 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:58 AM
by Gene
![]() Time Warner and Sony BMG say she's sexy. I say she's untalented. Who's right? Who has $500 gazillion in revenues?
Posted
10:51 AM
by Gene
P. S. I added -- something. But the bobbleheads at the Houston Chronicle must have been shaking VIOLENTLY in agreement to allow that last sentence in -- or the whole article, for that matter.
Posted
10:42 AM
by Gene
PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAISE DE LAWD!
Posted
9:53 AM
by Gene
Stephen King? I wonder how many times Larry CourtJester's fondled us. Oh well, at least our heart's in the right place, even if our PR isn't.
Posted
9:49 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:46 AM
by Gene
THINK WE CAN MAKE MORE "NEWS"?
Posted
9:23 AM
by Gene
Let's see if it's the last. (That doesn't count too many firms in BIG DRUGS.)
Posted
9:13 AM
by Gene
But despite the new rallying cries, flashes of the old, bumbling Clear Channel shine through. In the too-clever-by-half category, it hoped to create buzz about an Akron station format change from sports to progressive talk last month by starting a critical Web site blasting the corporatization of radio. Problem was, listeners sensed the company's fingerprints on the ersatz opposition, and a second wave of criticism hit -- this one in the form of hate e-mails and a torrent of anti-Clear Channel blogging.
Posted
8:40 AM
by Gene
IT: Half Of Businesses Still Use Windows 2000 They LOVE ya, BILL!
Posted
8:32 AM
by Gene
Pffh-hh-hh!
Posted
8:29 AM
by Gene
BUT THERE'S ALWAYS WACKO!!!!! What's the GOOD NEWS, J.R. -- I mean, K.R.?
Posted
8:27 AM
by Gene
WHO SAID IT'S ABOUT AFRICA? This will be the hacks' latest idiot excuse to apply THEIR hammer to what they think is OUR ANVIL -- only it's really a HUMAN HEAD.
Posted
8:23 AM
by Gene
Hey zillionaire scribblers! Would you like your credibility ratings to be ZERO? ABOLISH GALLUP INTERNATIONAL!
Posted
8:18 AM
by Gene
And while he's at it he should get rid of the REST of the paper. Abolish Michael Kinsley! Better!
Posted
8:15 AM
by Gene
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Let's see, the Reps have bigbiz, the Dems have bigmediabiz. And this merry-go-round NEVER breaks down. Six of one....
Posted
8:12 AM
by Gene
But we suspect He still has a few STRINGS attached to Tom and the MOONER.
Posted
8:06 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:03 AM
by Gene
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Posted
2:59 PM
by Gene
There's only one tiny little difference between our FRIENDS the Saudis and the North Koreans: M-O-N-E-Y. Other than that and they're several thousand miles closer to PALESTINE there's no reason they'd have nukes.
Posted
1:50 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:31 PM
by Gene
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH-DAH DUT-DUT!
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
The controversial singer, who appeared on stage wearing a cone-shaped bra and was pictured naked in a book called "Sex," told Ladies Home Journal she pushed her explicit image too far. And she said she feared her sexploits misled her young fans. "Sometimes I was being overtly sexual for the sake of showing off when I didn't need to be," she said. "I think I hurt myself. Ultimately, none of us wants to be judged, or approved of, or loved because of the way we look, or how sexy we are. "One minute I was saying believe in yourself, and the next minute I was saying just be sexually provocative for the sake of being sexually provocative. "I was letting it pump up my ego, thinking aren't I great? They're writing about me, my picture's on the cover of every magazine, I'm so fabulous." Is THE MAN pulling her umpteenth GAG?
Posted
8:20 AM
by Gene
Hollywood studios have profited handsomely as people with new players built DVD libraries. Buyers spent about $15.6 billion last year vs. $9 billion in 2002, says Tom Adams of Adams Media Research. Yet the novelty is cooling now that DVD players are in 70% of homes. "This is a pivotal year," says Adams. "We're running out of new homes. And the longer you have a machine, the fewer DVDs you buy." He says sales growth will slow from 17% this year to 7% in 2007. Better news: Some studios are so worried about failure that they've begun to pay A-list stars and directors as much as 35% of a film's gross revenue, up from 20%, Variety magazine reports. "Hollywood has gone off into fantasy land," Vogel says. "It works as long as the business is growing. If the business is leveling off, it's almost an act of desperation." But Mr. Vogel forgets that he is in no position to judge one fantasy land, residing as he does in another -- WALL STREET.
Posted
8:15 AM
by Gene
It would go well with ONE NATIONAL AIRLINE. Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!
Posted
8:12 AM
by Gene
I was thinking Pravda myself. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! But don't flatter yourselves. People don't think that highly of Wikipedia either.
Posted
8:02 AM
by Gene
Now on to something more edifying -- like the continuing "career" of RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s girlfriend. Monday, June 13, 2005
Posted
10:05 AM
by Gene
The Wall Street Journal reported in its online edition. See Journal story. Uh, WHY did you buy Marketwatch, Dow Jones?
Posted
10:03 AM
by Gene
Okay -- which was the REAL cartoon?
Posted
9:57 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:54 AM
by Gene
I'm sorry too, but in all the days of all those lynchings there was hardly a more reactionary place than the U. S. Senate -- unless of course we include THE SUPREME COURT.
Posted
9:46 AM
by Gene
But the bill Murtha helped write also benefited at least 10 companies represented by a lobbying firm where his brother, Robert "Kit" Murtha, is a senior partner, according to disclosure records, interviews and an analysis of the bill by The Times. Heaven forfend! A DEMOCRAT -- doing FAVORS for his BROTHER? Unthinkable.
Posted
8:30 AM
by Gene
You're too late, TWXSTERS.
Posted
8:25 AM
by Gene
This will happen when you stil make razors along with the BLADES.
Posted
8:08 AM
by Gene
And while this weekend marks the 16th consecutive down session as compared with last year, it was off by just $15 million. That means that this "week's" total should exceed last year's comparable seven-day period since Warner Bros.' "Batman Begins" is expected to do some business when it opens on Wednesday in more than 3,800 theaters. The Wednesday and Thursday grosses from "Batman" are not a part of the weekend but will be added into the current week's total, which began Friday. So while the past 16 "weekends" have been down as compared with last year, three of those same 16 "weeks" have been up in 2005 due to midweek business, so it's a downward streak -- but with caveats. Since the boxoffice has added some strong players in the holdover area and with "Batman" opening, next weekend has a shot at breaking the down "weekend" trend at the boxoffice. Ya gotta BELIEVE!!!!! Do they PRAY at the Hollywood Dictator -- or merely GENUFLECT?
Posted
8:06 AM
by Gene
We need a REPORT for this?
Posted
8:04 AM
by Gene
This is precisely the sort of thing I did not miss during my two days without a computer, and now I'm almost angry I got one. Friday, June 10, 2005
Posted
3:21 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:18 PM
by Gene
Procter & Gamble Co. will stop advertising its Secret Sparkle Body Spray to children under 12 following a ruling by the Children’s Advertising Review Unit that P&G's marketing program violates safety provisions of the group’s self-regulatory guidelines. P&G launched the product –- the first mass-market body spray directed at girls -– this spring with efforts that included sampling and a now-ended co-branded sweepstakes giving away iPod Shuffles at Limited Too, a fashion chain for girls ages 7 to 14. But the body spray carries a "Keep Out of Reach of Children" warning. [Emphasis added] This is PRECISELY why P&G and its partners in Reverse Robin Hooding sponsor so much JUNK TV: ONE HAND DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE OTHER'S DOING -- AND THEY WANT TO KEEP IT THAT WAY.
Posted
1:21 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:06 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:37 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: They're buying nothing for something.
Posted
11:31 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:04 AM
by Gene
USAOKAY!!!!! begins, and the selling starts over and OVER and OVER and OVER.... P. S. Actually, this article isn't as bad as we might expect from OKAY!!!!!, though Scott mentions the mythical entity "Warner Bros." and not TIME WARNER. And it contains this interesting quote: "We'll have to see if more than the comic-book nerds turn out," says Box Office Mojo's Brandon Gray. "It's one thing to make a movie for fans. It's another to make a film all of America wants to see." Actually, we rather hope THE CONSPIRACY keeps making movies for NERDS, if it can go the way of the horse-and-buggy. It certainly doesn't make them for ADULTS.
Posted
8:53 AM
by Gene
" DO [NRO Corner SIC] YOU THINK THAT THE FOCUS ON MICHAEL JACKSON HAS HURT YOU?" [K. J. Lopez] Ugh. Neil Cavuto asked that of the president. I know the few times I've met the president I have been in total groupie mode, so I shouldn't talk. But you get an interview with the president and you ask him about Michael Jackson? That dude's been on cable news too long. Next he'll ask the leader of the free world about car chases. Posted at 06:26 AM 1. Yes he has, and 2. I think too many con-SER-va-tives have been watching FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS too long.
Posted
8:39 AM
by Gene
Citigroup to Pay $2 Billion in Enron Lawsuit With Citigroup, we should say ANOTHER.
Posted
8:36 AM
by Gene
In that part of the world aren't they always?
Posted
8:26 AM
by Gene
Who would win a fight between Batman and Balzac, Superman and Steinbeck? The answer may be obvious in literary terms, but comic books are breaking down the stereotype of lightweight entertainment for teenage boys more interested in superheroes than Shakespeare's men in tights. So -- Batman is better than Balzac, and Superman's better than Steinbeck! We're living in a PLATINUM AGE OF ART! (But don't flatter yourself, typist; anybody could be better than STEINBECK.) And Shakespeare's men wear TIGHTS! Does that include FALSTAFF? Somehow we don't see him in tights. Graphic novel sales grew around 25 percent in 2004 to more than $205 million, according to trade news Web site ISV2.com... That's roughly 70 cents per every man, woman and child in America -- WOW!!!!!!!!!! ...which said the fastest growing sector was manga -- Japanese comic books similar to the popular anime cartoons that are now a major part of children's programming on U.S. television. Pardon -- they don't even qualify as FETUSES.
Posted
8:23 AM
by Gene
Does that mean everyone's forced into a hospital to have surgery so their thumbs always point UP? Or can they merely stay home and PROTEST?
Posted
8:18 AM
by Gene
The medium's future...is its past. Good luck, ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.
Posted
8:15 AM
by Gene
OR: "By building our intelligence capabilities, improving our technology, and working together, we have and will continue to develop the capabilities we need to succeed against all threats," said Cassandra Chandler, an assistant director at the bureau. TRANSLATION: Knock on wood. Nor does it help that the director's first name is Cassandra. The last thing we expect from the Fumblers, Bumblers and Incompetents is PROPHECY.
Posted
8:11 AM
by Gene
FRONT-RUNNER FOR PUBLIC BROADCAST AGENCY IS FORMER GOP CHAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, we know what it's like, ST. WARREN. Life's a -- RICHIE RICH.
Posted
8:08 AM
by Gene
Translation: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!! Thursday, June 09, 2005
Posted
3:50 PM
by Gene
"The response to Tiger is off the charts," crowed Jobs in a statement.... "We intend to release Leopard at the end of 2006 or early 2007, right around the time Microsoft expects to release Longhorn," Jobs said. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Microsoft reiterated plans to launch its own Windows-based "hypervisor" software for running multiple operating systems. Bob Muglia, senior vice president in the Windows Server Division, said on Tuesday that the software will be "built directly in Windows and will allow companies to virtualize multiple operating systems." Do I smell another useless battle for universal domination coming on?
Posted
3:32 PM
by Gene
Experts Decode Coldplay's Album Cover Art LONDON - Is Coldplay trying to tell us something with that multicolored symbol on the cover of their new album? Cubelike images adorn the packaging, both on the cover and the liner notes, of "X&Y," the British band's much-anticipated third album that was released Tuesday. New Music Express asked a number of top art experts to figure out what the geometric figure on the cover means. They've concluded that it's a 19th-century telegraphic code known as the Baudot Code, or The International Telegraph Code Number One. It was used in teletype machines in the late 1800s. So, what does it say on the album cover? It says, appropriately enough, "X and Y." The rainbow colors are there just to make it pretty. A message on the back of the liner notes says, "Make Trade Fair." The band is politically active, and lists several Web sites in the liner notes at which fans can get involved in global affairs. CURLEY!!!!! YOUR STOOGES HAVE OUTDONE THEMSELVES!!!!! NYUK!!!!! NYUK!!!!! NYUK!!!!!
Posted
3:29 PM
by Gene
SIMPSONS FILM IN PREPRODUCTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
3:24 PM
by Gene
Why the media loves the disastrous Howard Dean and doesn't understand the greatness of Ken Mehlman. YET ANOTHER DEFINITION OF DELUSIONAL: THERE ARE THREE MEDIA ANALYSTS who command wide readership and deserve their influence--Jay Rosen of NYU, who writes PressThink, Jeff Jarvis of BuzzMachine and now the New York Times [SIC], and Howard Kurtz of the Washington Post. This from the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER for the LITTLE GUY. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
Posted
3:21 PM
by Gene
1. CHUCKLE CHUCKLE CHUCKLE! 2. Maybe the death of the EEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUU has put the fear of God into our rivals.
Posted
3:18 PM
by Gene
Isn't that putting it mildly? Isn't this admitting maybe the Orbiting Jalopy shouldn't go up again, whatever the gung-ho bleats of solidarity?
Posted
3:13 PM
by Gene
DO IT! Then with luck you'll be worth $30 a share!
Posted
2:11 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:46 AM
by Gene
Here is another argument for passing a law requiring every public official have his mouth surgically closed.
Posted
9:11 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:43 AM
by Gene
Somehow I suspect suing for $200 million may not necessarily be about responsibility.
Posted
8:42 AM
by Gene
So THAT'S why he did it! Errrr....
Posted
8:15 AM
by Gene
Latest Confirmed Nominee Sees Slavery in Liberalism And she's BLACK! What do we call her, PINCH? AUNTIE TOM? Or do we call YOU narrow-minded and bigoted as USUAL? Sounds like she's ready to shake out a few cobwebs. Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Posted
1:56 PM
by Gene
BUSH AIDE SOFTENED GREENHOUSE GAS LINKS TO GLOBAL WARMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET ME A PULITZER!!!!!
Posted
1:53 PM
by Gene
Maybe they've already pirated it. But THEN... The newspaper observed that Titanic, by contrast, earned $38.5 million on the Chinese mainland market and attributed its success to "the universal theme of love." So much for THAT.
Posted
9:48 AM
by Gene
How does FILET OF SOLE taste, CHAIRMAN FOOTINMOUTH?
Posted
9:06 AM
by Gene
In the same UNIVERSE.
Posted
9:04 AM
by Gene
A cache of weapons and bugging devices has been found at Iraq's abandoned embassy in London, the country's newly appointed ambassador said.... The discovery was made when new Iraqi ambassador Dr. Salah Al Shaikhly recently opened the embassy for the first time since staff abandoned it just before the war started in 2003. Al Shaikhly told BBC radio Wednesday the arms haul, which dates from Saddam Hussein's regime, included four machine guns, 10 handguns and four silencers. The weapons had been found in one of the 20-odd safes at the embassy. "It was amazing, you really despair when you know this kind of arsenal was kept at the Iraqi Embassy," Al Shaikhly said. "There were also other things which looked like electric cattle prods," he added. Aside from boxes of live and spent ammunition, there were also telescopic cameras and bugging devices. "I believe they must have been bugging their own people inside the embassy ... Such was the regime, it didn't trust anybody. Everybody was spying on everybody else," the ambassador said. You kidding? These were the GOOD guys. Right Chariman Footinmouth?
Posted
9:02 AM
by Gene
Maybe He knows something too.
Posted
8:59 AM
by Gene
Far from cleaning up the atmosphere, the Amazon is now a major source for pollution. Rampant burning and deforestation, mostly at the hands of illegal loggers and of ranchers, release hundreds of millions of tons of carbon dioxide into the skies each year. Brazil now ranks as one of the world's leading producers of greenhouse gases, thanks in large part to the Amazon, the source for up to two-thirds of the country's emissions. Before you go attacking BIG MEAN UNCLE SAM, maybe you folks had better look in your own backyards, eh?
Posted
8:56 AM
by Gene
Here's betting VIACON or its successor changes formats again in a year.
|