Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Posted
5:59 PM
by Gene
[O]rganizers expected more than 2 billion people in 200 countries to tune in. This is the sort of blatant statistical PR news hacks ply us with every day. If the fanatical World Cup drew only 400 million why should this draw five times as many? Please explain, al Reut. You can't? Didn't think you could. Does any American network air this? Should any? Speaking of statistics: It has been estimated that contest may draw some five million extra tourists to Warsaw by 2010, help create 20 000 [sic] jobs and boost Poland’s economic output. Get this scribbler a job in Washington!
Posted
5:50 PM
by Gene
These two stories make you wonder how much "news" is necessary.
Posted
8:55 AM
by Gene
Maybe if I sent out IMs....
Posted
8:37 AM
by Gene
Perhaps it's isolated -- we can hope so -- but one wonders if it's too much to hope with a guy who wants to be buddies with every tyrant on the block.
Posted
8:32 AM
by Gene
Friday, September 29, 2006
Posted
8:25 PM
by Gene
Turnabout's fair play, though: I can accuse SAMMY GLICKMAN and THE CONSPIRACY of grandstanding by making junk movies -- and I'd be on stronger ground.
Posted
7:06 PM
by Gene
Hooray for freedom of the press!
Posted
6:49 PM
by Gene
CONTRIBUTE TO THE RNC AND KEEP AMERICA'S NATIONAL SECURITY POLICY FOCUSED COMMITTED TO VICTORY -- NOT RETREAT!!!!!!!!!! [Patriotic overemphasis added] In his prior entry he devotes two words to Horny Mark and 55 to Sen. Menendez. Who needs bloggers when they ape LENNY in reverse?
Posted
6:31 PM
by Gene
I smell an out-of-court settlement in NICK DORKEN's future.
Posted
6:19 PM
by Gene
Maf54: Do I make you a little horny? Teen: A little. Maf54: Cool. The language gets much more graphic, too graphic to be broadcast, and at one point the congressman appears to be describing Internet sex. Federal authorities say such messages could result in Foley's prosecution, under some of the same laws he helped to enact. HARDY HAR HAR!!!!!
Posted
5:05 PM
by Gene
Having just skimmed through both guides I can say Lenny's trying to pull another one on us. The "Common Good" guide is certainly squooshy enough to appeal to the scribblers, but the "Voter's Guide" explicitly calls abortion evil and gay marriage wrong. We would argue this: any news story with links almost makes reporters irrelevant.
Posted
5:03 PM
by Gene
I can't say I'm entirely surprised; Mark Foley was a "MODERATE." One other reason I'm not entirely surprised -- he was a REPUBLICAN. P. S. AMSPEC predicted trouble in 2003! P. P. S. Why must the DEMOCRATS be the MORAL EQUIVALENT of SPAIN'S CHICKEN MAN? P. P. P. S. House Speaker Dennis Hastert said he had asked the chairman of the House's page board, Rep. John Shimkus, R-Ill., to investigate the page system. "We want to make sure that all our pages are safe and the page system is safe," Hastert said. I think we can trust a House with an EFFECTIVE ETHICS COMMITTEE to do this, KING DENNY.
Posted
1:28 PM
by Gene
If you follow newspaper earnings on any kind of regular basis, you're aware that most of the problems that brought Tribune to this point are issues shared by all of its peers. Among them: -- Overall print publishing advertising revenue has been essentially flat for several quarters. -- Newsprint prices are rising. -- National ad revenue has been down, with marked weakness in such categories as movies and technology. The movie category is critical to Tribune, publisher of the Los Angeles Times. -- Within classified, automotive advertising has been on the decline for some time, due to an ongoing slump in the auto industry. -- Help-wanted, which had been one of the strongest classified categories, has recently been slowing down. -- Retail advertising, hampered by the consolidation of several big retailers, has been flat to down. -- Circulation is down, as an increasing numbers of readers get their news online. Also, the implementation of the Do Not Call registry three years ago prevents newspapers from making as many telephone solicitations for new subscriptions as they had in the past. That DO-NOT-CALL blatherskite is a dead giveaway: it is precisely the kind of excuse TRIB and other publishers used during their steady slide. Naturally not ONE item on the laundry list deals with the PRODUCT. It's almost as if these cretins sell widgets. And we're sure even widget customers care for quality. Possibly, just possibly, if newspapers were better written and less biased, if they didn't employ so many GREENHOUSE EFFECTS and FLYING KEYBOARDS, its business quandary wouldn't be so all-consuming. True, some of the rag trade's problems are "structural." But SOME ARE NOT.
Posted
1:05 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:18 AM
by Gene
What about after the election?
Posted
11:02 AM
by Gene
A review of the Government's speed cameras policy was demanded yesterday after official statistics showed that only five per cent of crashes are caused by drivers breaking the speed limit. Drivers who let their attention wander cause more than six times as many accidents. You mean like beep-beep-beep-yakkety-yak-blah-blah-blah-SCREEEEEEEECH-CRASSSSH!!?
Posted
10:35 AM
by Gene
MITCH! THROW A KEYBOARD AT BRYAN!
Posted
9:47 AM
by Gene
A neat way to conduct foreign policy!
Posted
9:24 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:08 AM
by Gene
Meantime his triumphant book tour may hit a speed bump. Folks, it's only fiction!
Posted
8:39 AM
by Gene
Daniel Benjamin is a senior fellow at the Center for Strategic and International Studies. Steven Simon is a senior fellow at the Council on Foreign Relations. They served on the National Security Council staff from 1994 to 1999. [LAST GRAF] OF COURSE NEWS HACKS THINK WE CAN'T READ.
Posted
8:30 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:24 AM
by Gene
Why can't the left? Thursday, September 28, 2006
Posted
7:22 PM
by Gene
Posted
7:17 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:29 PM
by Gene
Last week it played to a walloping 50.4 PERCENT of capacity, and at an average $68.65 a ticket, suggesting those superexpensive orchestra seats aren't flying like latkes anymore. BOYS!!!!! P. S. We note lots of good seats are available for MONTY PYTHON'S BLAZING SADDLES, which opened to thunderous hordes clapping above their heads just eighteen months ago. MORONS.
Posted
5:23 PM
by Gene
Now can retailers abandon their urban and race prejudices?
Posted
1:44 PM
by Gene
P. S. Roger Kimball says the production was drecky, but it should have been canceled only because it was drecky. Nonetheless: The spectacle of Deutsche Oper's decision to cancel "Idomeneo" suggests that the West's dealings with Islam have entered a new phase. Yesterday, we waited until after the Muslims took to the streets before capitulating; today, it appears we have moved on to pre-emptive capitulation. Where will it end? I suppose that depends on how much we really care about the liberty and freedom we champion with words. Freedom, as some wit observed, is not free. Will we have the gumption to pay the cost? The jury is still out on that question. I hope and pray that the answer will be yes. "There is," G.K. Chesterton noted nearly 100 years ago, "a thought that stops thought. That is the only thought that ought to be stopped." By the way, what are the chances Rog would ever appear in THE WALL STREET JOURNALS LIBERAL EDITION? About the chances a liberal will criticize a Muslim? (First link via CSMonitor.com; second link via ArtsJournal.com)
Posted
1:21 PM
by Gene
And I'm part of it ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....
Posted
12:00 PM
by Gene
It appears some news hacks have decided to scream all the time, having decided the Nazi -- er, right-wing Web and talk radio scream all the time. The problem is, the longer the screams, the more likely we go deaf -- and the screamers LOSE THEIR VOICES. (Via -- alas -- AMSPEC)
Posted
10:19 AM
by Gene
Rockefeller Center is not a model to be followed literally--every age has its own style and sensibility. Today's aesthetic and technological resources are enormous; they can support a wide variety of solutions. I do not believe for a moment that we are no longer capable of building great cities of symbolic beauty and enduring public amenity. What Ground Zero tells us is that we have lost the faith and the nerve, the knowledge and the leadership, to make it happen now. We may have resources, but do we have inspiration? The Chrysler Building was inspired. 30 Rock was inspired. Whatever monumental boxes grow up in Lower Manhattan will probably not be inspired. We cannot extract architecture from the rest of our culture. Look at the rest of our culture and know we lack inspiration. (Via ArtsJournal.com)
Posted
9:32 AM
by Gene
We think Pervez should write another novel. He's already showed his skill at fictions. Number 4 on Amazon.com! People with Muslim-sounding names LOVE it; people with Hindu-sounding names HATE it. Yes, I think your two nations really OUGHT to nuke each other over that pile of rocks.
Posted
9:21 AM
by Gene
Not much money to be made from DICKIE V ringtones. So much for BRANDING.
Posted
9:10 AM
by Gene
What?!? That's a job qualification! The secretary-general must be a pushover for every thug, anti-Semite and Communist in the "body"! Remember the name: Ban Ki-Moon -- exceptionally well-qualified!
Posted
8:58 AM
by Gene
Edward Forbes Smiley III, once one of the country’s most respected dealers in rare maps, also must pay $1.9 million in restitution for stealing 98 of the world’s most precious maps, U.S. District Judge Janet Bond Arterton said. I don't know; I think he should have gotten a job at eBay.
Posted
8:51 AM
by Gene
The passion! The intrigue! The backstabbing!
Posted
8:42 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:12 AM
by Gene
Who says the cable biz has a monopoly on empire building?
Posted
8:10 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:57 AM
by Gene
How do you know, Perv? Your "intelligence" agents helping him out?
Posted
6:48 AM
by Gene
P. S. Typical news-hack scribble: Thirteen of last season's final USA TODAY Coaches' Poll top 25 hoops teams bettered the Division I men's basketball average of 59%. Which probably means twelve were worse. So WHAT?
Posted
6:38 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:29 AM
by Gene
YaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY TEAM!!!!! The other day there was a slight (and happily, quickly stifled) brouhaha when NPR of all outfits disclosed THE GREENHOUSE EFFECT delivered a stemwinder at Hahvahd Mutual Fund, citing the political philosophers Simon and Garfunkel. There is now no reason to think news hacks are anything but partisans. When will they stop insulting their inferiors the readers with the objective gag? If we're going to have campaigning let's have it. I'm tired of the chicanery. Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Posted
5:37 PM
by Gene
The man who co-wrote the song "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" had the unsettling experience this week of reading his own obituary — the result of an impostor who went through life claiming to be the author of the 1960s smash hit. On Tuesday, The Associated Press reported that a 68-year-old man named Paul Vance, who lived in Ormond Beach, Fla., had died. Citing the man's wife, the obituary credited him with being the writer of the song. But the music industry's real Paul Vance, a 76-year-old man from Westbury, N.Y., is alive and well, and says the other Paul Vance appears to have made the whole thing up. The Paul Vance who wrote the songs — and provided proof with royalty payments he is still receiving for the hit — said he has been inundated with calls from people who think he died. An owner of racehorses, Vance said two of his horses were scratched from races Wednesday because people thought he had died. "Do you know what it's like to have grandchildren calling you and say, ‘Grandpa, you're still alive?'" he said in a telephone interview from Coral Springs, Fla. "This is not a game. I am who I am and I'm proud of who I am. But these phones don't stop with people calling thinking I'm dead." And you STILL think we can trust you guys in Iraq? And you still want us to believe Bilal is a POLITICAL PRISONER? PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!
Posted
5:26 PM
by Gene
People camped out for the chance to buy a unit in Radius, a condominium development in Hollywood, Fla. The building's 285 units sold out in just over 10 hours -- half a year before construction was even set to start. But that was in the summer of 2004, when the red-hot condo market was peaking and money could be made by investing in condos expected to quickly appreciate. Units were often on the market for resale as soon as they were completed. It's a much riskier proposition to flip a condo in some of today's cooling markets. "You see some of these communities that investors purchased ... there are no lights on at night," said Bill Donges, chief executive officer of Lane Company, developer of Radius, which is scheduled for completion in the spring. Last flipper out turn on the lights!
Posted
5:20 PM
by Gene
If the last bubble taught us one thing it's never trust sales -- ANALYSTS. Even those who don't have an inside interest act it. Saying stupid things is also the best way of getting your name in the papers -- and reaping big commissions. And as if we didn't have enough proof this guy might be full of it: "THE TRAJECTORY FOR PROFITABILITY OF MYSPACE IS EVERY BIT AS STEEP AS THAT OF GOOGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!," the search giant that generated about $6.1 billion in revenues last year, the analyst wrote Wednesday. That's not bad for a company that at the time of its purchase was barely generating a profit, and three years later is still wrestling with the ways in which it will make money. [Further overemphasis added] P. S. AOL had a trajectory too. So did Yahoo!
Posted
2:23 PM
by Gene
Why did Dubya bother?
Posted
2:10 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:07 PM
by Gene
Now don't forget to TAKE CREDIT FOR THIS TOO!!!!!
Posted
1:44 PM
by Gene
For Peter Gerber, former director-global corporate brand strategy and management at General Motors Corp., building brand loyalty is just like dating. "When you go on your first date, you don't pop the question," Mr. Gerber said during a panel discussion yesterday at Advertising Week. "It's about listening, respect and creating a dialogue. Then, once you've established trust, you seal the deal." So why are so much of advertising and marketing date rape?
Posted
12:18 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:06 PM
by Gene
HEALTHIER.
Posted
12:04 PM
by Gene
P. S. at 6:00 p.m.: Well, we can now say one thing: If T.O.'s not the NFL's Mike Tyson he's getting there.
Posted
11:53 AM
by Gene
It proves partisans on both sides will scream even more violently and public-be-damnedly than before.
Posted
10:52 AM
by Gene
(Via IWantMedia)
Posted
10:50 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:34 AM
by Gene
Remember -- you read it here FIRST! (At least two of you did.) We do stand corrected on one point: this was a MR. MARK production -- from the same brilliant mind that brought us the Koran in the toilet! You couldn't have thought of a better way to get yourself kicked upstairs! (Via the inevitable ROMY)
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
The first chip, the Intel Core 2 Extreme quad-core processor, will be available in November. Intel says it will deliver a 70 percent performance improvement over Intel's current chips, which have one or two computing cores. If I read this right they're doubling the cores but not the performance. As I said....
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
"Broadcast is still the nuclear weapon of a campaign," said Mr. Axelrod, suggesting no speech or literature to date will make approval ratings move the way a good commercial will. Why have our heads become hardened silos?
Posted
8:39 AM
by Gene
(Another via MediaBistro)
Posted
8:37 AM
by Gene
America's tying herself up in POLITICALLY-CORRECT KNOTS.
Posted
8:32 AM
by Gene
(Via MediaBistro)
Posted
8:14 AM
by Gene
Next on the agenda: using local anti-discrimination codes to prevent defamation of ISLAM. What will the excuse be here? That people's feelings are getting hurt?
Posted
6:50 AM
by Gene
Hey Harry! When it comes to scams nobody comes close to news hacks. Whenever you've got a unpalatable liberal you want in office you're the ones who always call him a "moderate", or a "progressive", or whatever ploy we can use to put another one past the IDIOTS who read you folks. Actually, wasn't it YOUR biz' idea to call whiny little Lincoln a "moderate" -- since he agreed with us? Unfortunately Harry, people may be smarter than even you hacks. Don't "scam" us. You typists are the masters.
Posted
6:48 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:44 AM
by Gene
We have a few suggestions: He has to love all humanity (except the U. S. and Israel), he must learn how to speak for hours at a time without thinking, and his suits must have big, BIG pockets. If he has a few canceled parking violations he has it made.
Posted
6:41 AM
by Gene
![]() G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE pats itself on the back again. (Another $500 a share today?) At least today isn't National Cute Little Kitties and Puppies Day. But those tantrum throwers at The Corner have us primed; we're waiting for next Memorial Day. We're sure Larry and Sergey won't disappoint us.
Posted
6:37 AM
by Gene
The following morning, Mr. Ahmadinejad held a 7:30 a.m. breakfast meeting, again at his hotel, with American academics and journalists. Earlier, he had expressed some interest in having Michael Moore attend, and although attempts were made to reach him (even by myself, since I was asked), they were unsuccessful. One would have thought Fatso would have RUSHED down there to give him a great big -- BEAR hug, maybe bringing St. Cindy in tow to give hers. Nuance in Persian is difficult to translate, but it can be most misleading—sometimes comically so—during interviews with the American press. When Brian Williams of NBC asked about Mr. Ahmadinejad’s attire—a suit rather than his trademark windbreaker—the Iranian president replied, “Sheneedem shoma kot-shalvaree hasteen, manam kot-shalvar poosheedam”—which was translated as “ … you wear a suit, so I wore a suit.” The phrase is actually much closer to “ … you are a suit, so I wore a suit.” Say lots of things about Nukeman -- one thing you can't say is he's stupid. Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Posted
3:12 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:55 PM
by Gene
Which is rather ironic since Ray Kroc (Ray who?) wouldn't put juke boxes and telephones into his stores as he thought they attracted teenage riff-raff. Now his slopatoria play [C]RAP. In the end this will be another high-maintenance fad that the young kids will grease up with their paw prints, and it's back to selling on the strength of its FOOD, which Mickey Starbucks should NEVER do. I have a new motto for you, Rance: If it's BAD it's in ADAGE.
Posted
2:21 PM
by Gene
NIE: FULL DISCLOSURE [Jonah Goldberg] The New York Times reporter credited with breaking the NIE story, Mark Mazzetti , is an old friend of mine. I understand that some people want him drawn and quartered or at least thrown in jail. I for one cannot abide this. I oppose the drawing and quartering entirely. And, if he goes to jail, I will volunteer to water his plants while he's gone. Posted at 1:29 PM (SIC) How much bad stuff has seen print because of friendships -- and how much good stuff hasn't seen it because of the lack thereof?
Posted
2:16 PM
by Gene
(Via the easily impressible Romy)
Posted
1:12 PM
by Gene
GUESS. By the way, flacks, what makes you think potential Os-CAR® nominees are "QUALITY" movies?
Posted
12:14 PM
by Gene
Either he's confident or he's clueless.
Posted
12:11 PM
by Gene
The one good thing as we see it is at least they didn't bugger any boys.
Posted
11:53 AM
by Gene
No breakthrough series in season so far Despite all that cranium flexing? Further good news: Maybe the sitcom can't come back. (First link via IWantMedia)
Posted
11:00 AM
by Gene
AP NEWS ALERT!!!!! MANCHESTER, England (AP) -- British Prime Minister Tony Blair says it is sometimes hard to be the United States' strongest ally. [Overemphasis added.]
Posted
10:59 AM
by Gene
A leading opera house canceled a 3-year-old production of Mozart's "Idomeneo" that included a scene showing the severed head of the Prophet Muhammad, unleashing a furious debate over free speech. Why doesn't the League of Nations pass a law prohibiting all criticism of Islam? That would save a LOT of trouble.
Posted
9:41 AM
by Gene
That and maybe other reasons?
Posted
9:26 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: Chapter XI?
Posted
9:20 AM
by Gene
UP 200 POINTS!!!!!
Posted
9:20 AM
by Gene
And after the spinoff?
Posted
9:11 AM
by Gene
![]() Richard Cohen expels a half-truth: Yes, photos can be deceiving, but so can news hacks. The reason this suddenly famous one has been "interpreted" incorrectly (note the clever use of the passive voice) is that some widely unread PAPER OF RE-CORD columnist decided to make A CHEAP POLITICAL POINT, and your rag's sister Web site exposed it. We wonder whether Dick's failure to mention the widely-unread columnist was intentional. (Don't you believe in SYNERGY?) But then nobody would have paid attention to what these people may or may not have been doing except that news hacks have a compulsion to scribble -- and to cover up for their fellow news hacks.
Posted
8:56 AM
by Gene
CJR DAILY'S MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD because MIKE'S SON PROSECUTED AN EX-PRESIDENT!!!!! (No doubt.) (Via MediaBistro) Monday, September 25, 2006
Posted
5:41 PM
by Gene
Howard Stern's Ad Rates on Sirius Slump to Low of $5,000 Of course this being ADAGE we have to offer our own junk stats (5 MILLION LISTENERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and our own junk sound byte from the president of the Jackass: Number 2 Fan Club: "He had to know going in that his universe would be smaller," said Rich Russo, director-broadcast, JL Media, who said that although Mr. Stern is "not the pop-cultural force he once was" in radio, he's still up there with Guglielmo Marconi and Alan Freed, making him "one of the three most important men in history of radio -- and one of them invented it." Yes, take eighty years out of radio's history and you're right.
Posted
5:11 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:43 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:16 PM
by Gene
I guess its founder Mr. McGruder liked the easy TV money too much. Hasn't someone told him his company's art is the greatest since REMBRANDT?
Posted
2:08 PM
by Gene
The report from Belgian prosecutor Serge Brammertz's investigators said that Syria - which had been accused of obstructing the probe - has been generally cooperative in its investigation of the Feb. 14, 2005 bombing that killed Hariri and 22 others. We may assume The Ophthalmologist is cooperating because he has nothing to lose anyway. He already lost his reputation.
Posted
1:44 PM
by Gene
LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!! In an Associated Press interview Monday, Allen vehemently denied the allegations Shelton made in an article published Sunday in the online magazine SALON.COM and an AP interview Sunday night. [Overemphasis added] Don't forget not to tell the SWINE, Lenny.
Posted
1:15 PM
by Gene
I loved watching Wes Mendel's breakdown -- it was the most amazing few minutes of television I've ever seen. Unfortunately they cut the part where he bashed Jeff Zucker for consistently programming crap like "Joey" and losing 60% of his audience over the years. Oh, and who can forget Zucker firing Rick Kaplan at MSNBC because Zucker wanted to focus the network on infotainment instead of real news. Zucker simply does not know how to run a network. Posted by: barry September 22, 2006 12:22 AM And: I type in Google to look for the magic mushroom, and find this page. Strange? I have phish show tonight and need the head trip. http://myspace.com/billybackpack Posted by: Billy Backpack September 22, 2006 12:22 AM And: Oh this show is so up its own neuroses. A world that hates TV, but is TV, brilliant but troubled recovery genius who somehow shake off the cruel/shallow/materialistic world they to get in touch with their passionate, liberal, heart-felt beliefs. Why oh why does every character sound the same? Rehab windbags to a man... As if the Network references will excuse the rip-off. And what is going on with (the admittedly hot) Amanda Peet glittering eye stare to end every scene. Faye Dunaway but twinkly? Oy vay. Aaron - let some other people write this stuff to stop making it such clever smug self-serving bollocks. Posted by: Aaron Gherkin September 22, 2006 12:56 AM AND: Wes Mendel and the cast of Studio 60 urge you to boycott anyone who advertises on arch-rival NBC. Nissan cars suck -- they break down and need to be serviced all the time. Anyone notice how slow FedEx is? They always lose your stuff! According to a new study Weight Watchers actually makes you fat! Oh, and AT&T sucks ass because they outsource American jobs to third world countries. Just tell them you heard it from Matt Albie and Danny Trip! Posted by: barry September 22, 2006 01:15 AM Not to mention: Someone messed up and neglected to post a link on Defaker to NBC legal information, privacy policy, and terms of services for this board. According to Matt Albie and Wes Mendel that means there are no rules here. Harriet Hayes and Simon Stiles want you to stop watching NBC and read a book instead. Posted by: Naomi Klein No Logo September 22, 2006 01:34 AM Little Jeffy, maybe you ought to fire somebody. P. S. GOODTHINGS changed the "blog's" URL. Six Sigma! (Via IWantMedia)
Posted
11:19 AM
by Gene
(Via the inevitable Romy)
Posted
11:13 AM
by Gene
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! But even some agency PR people familiar with 4A's programs aren't confident Golin can pull off glowing headlines in any credible media outlet, given the issues facing the business. "Journalists aren't idiots," one PR executive said. [Sez who?] "Why would any journalist, let alone one at a mainstream business publication, want to paint a Pollyannaish picture of the ad industry?" Because you -- pay their bills?
Posted
10:47 AM
by Gene
EBay is already fighting a similar case filed by jewelry maker Tiffany in 2004 in New York's federal court. Both Tiffany and LVMH say their investigators made test purchases of brand-name items offered for sale on eBay and found the overwhelming majority were phony. LVMH says in its lawsuit that of 300,000 Dior-branded items and 150,000 Vuitton bags offered on eBay during the first six months of this year, 90% were fakes. Is that all? The perceived prevalence of fakes on the site is already hurting some sellers of legitimate goods, says a West Coast e-commerce analyst who requested anonymity. "Buyers also see it as a problem, and that makes them unwilling to pay high prices for anything on the site," the analyst says. Furthermore: If the suit is successful, it could shake the foundations of eBay's longstanding practice of letting buyers and sellers make deals on its site with minimal supervision by the company. "You can imagine what a change that would be to their business model," says Louis S. Ederer, an intellectual-property expert at the law firm of Torys in New York. Well, you COULD say that.
Posted
9:58 AM
by Gene
SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... P. S. GREG has published a picture of CURLEY: ![]() Whoops! ![]() We prefer old movies ourselves.
Posted
9:09 AM
by Gene
VIACOM TO CUT CHAIRMAN REDSTONE'S SALARY TO $1M, REDUCE BONUS Does He also reduce His holdings?
Posted
8:50 AM
by Gene
Do I hear grade inflation? (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
8:47 AM
by Gene
YaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY TEAM!!!!!
Posted
8:43 AM
by Gene
Okay, we paid the money -- you say. But look who took it. Did it do its part in the battle against terrorism?
Posted
8:34 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: GET READY, SUBORDINATES: AMERICA'S CEOS WILL REALLY LET YOU HAVE IT! Mr. Woods has not signed a significant deal in a while, preferring to keep his endorsements limited. "That's his management's M.O.," Mr. Barr said. "They don't want to overdistribute a product that is difficult to access already. You better have a blockbuster deal ready for his people to even take a sniff at." TRANSLATION:.... "We're not talking about switching him from Buick to another vehicle brand," GM's top sales executive, Mark LaNeve, told the Detroit Free Press. "But maybe we could find ways to associate traits of Tiger's -- like precision -- with the corporate GM image." Larry Peck, Buick's golf-marketing manager, confirmed that. "We look to leverage the assets we have, and we look at how we can do that with Tiger," Mr. Peck said. "We're now using him in China and Canada. ... We continue to try to leverage him for the GM brand as well as Buick. From a sponsor standpoint, he's a perfect partner." Yes, Tiger's really helped pull your company out of its funk -- and BUICK! EA Sports, which makes and markets Mr. Woods' video game, has seen revenue triple from $500 million in 1999 to $1.6 billion in North America. (Of course, it's had a lot more help from NFL commentator John Madden's football franchise.) A Neuharthism of the Week Award to RICH! P. S. OR: “I think $400 plus million dollars is a lot of money for athlete endorsements alone. Brands like New Balance for example, spend zero dollars on athlete endorsements, and New Balance is a top five company in terms of athlete shoes”, said Ben Sturner, President of the Leverage Agency.... Nike, together with Michael Jordan, virtually inventing modern day sports marketing, and although basketball shoe sales are up 15 percent, it can’t be a great sign that the next Michael Jordan is apparently Jordan himself. Despite the fact that he last retired three years ago, the top five selling basketball shoes domestically this year are all retro Jordans, according to market retail firm SportsOneSource. (Caveat: this IS the BIG C!)
Posted
8:22 AM
by Gene
Apparently Mike's son got our second greatest ex-president mad. We have no love for RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S "news" channel but this collision of egos might be the first less-than-prostrating interview Slick's ever been subjected to. We can hear the thousands of hacks fuming away at their keyboards for this great show of disrespect for one of history's great leaders, blissfully unaware of the disrespect they gladly show Republicans every day of the week. By the way, does this mean -- the end of the affair? PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!
Posted
7:01 AM
by Gene
SUPERADAM! You chose well!
Posted
6:54 AM
by Gene
You do that, Democrats -- cite a classified "report" news hacks unclassified. Then you'll really demonstrate your national-security bona fides. Honest, when CURLEY's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) campaign managers suggest things....
Posted
6:52 AM
by Gene
When do we finally tire of being led by the buried heads of ostriches?
Posted
6:43 AM
by Gene
"Not so funny"? This is FAR more mirthful than ANY of their masterworks.
Posted
6:40 AM
by Gene
...the Fumblers, Bumblers and Incompetents still don't know.
Posted
6:36 AM
by Gene
Remember 2 years ago? You mean when you guys created another NATIONAL PANIC by screaming about SHORTAGES OF FLU VACCINE? What's happened since then? Well, maybe we have more vaccine, or maybe you hacks have moved onto other panics (that spinach one has proven profitable), or maybe you've inured us to so many of your PANICS we don't pay much attention anymore.
Posted
6:30 AM
by Gene
Indeed if the past is a guide they can just float above the ground propelled by their blue helmets. Sunday, September 24, 2006
Posted
7:40 PM
by Gene
Holy blank, David "NON" Germain, you think we ASSPress boys would be more willing to stick the unexpurgated truth in our faces! A Holy Blank Neuharthism of the Week Award to NON!
Posted
6:06 PM
by Gene
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11:14 AM
by Gene
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11:05 AM
by Gene
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10:58 AM
by Gene
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10:38 AM
by Gene
And Hugo has rejected the apology. He knows 98-pound weaklings when he sees them.
Posted
10:34 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:14 AM
by Gene
(Via St. Warren)
Posted
9:51 AM
by Gene
Most important for the career that was to follow, he rejected "the idea that there was something inherently repressive about old art, as though the past were a dead weight that new art, young art, had to shake off." He learned that "the past is pervasive; it seeps into everything; it is the very air that artists and their public breathe," and he lost for good "a belief in the potency of the avant-garde." He writes: "I have never regained it, and today, looking at the ever-more-feeble efforts on the part of the art world to designate its latest products as 'cutting-edge,' 'edgy,' 'radical,' etcetera, I am not in the least sorry to have lost it. Some new works of art have value of some kind or another. Others, the majority, have little or none. But newness as such, in art, is never a value." MR. GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE and ER would first scream at him, then shoot him.
Posted
9:19 AM
by Gene
National Intelligence Estimates have often sparked controversy, both for what they have said and what they have omitted. A 1997 estimate, the last on global terrorism before the 2001 al-Qaeda attacks, mentioned bin Laden in only three sentences, describing him only as a "terrorist financier" and making no reference at all to al-Qaeda. You seem to know everything, Lenny. What would YOU have done -- PRESIDENT DOWNIE? P. S. Evidently Lenny cribbed off Pinch. Here is the roaring conundrum the hacks have scribbled themselves, and US, into: We need to be told honestly about terrorism; but because hacks are PC to the nth -- Pinch, after all, begged the Pope to apologize -- and because we still remember their P-Ulitzer-winning withdrawal from 'Nam, we wouldn't trust them if they printed the Ten Commandments at God's direction. What are you guys going to do about that, LENNY? PINCH? Nothing, of course. You're better than us.
Posted
9:04 AM
by Gene
Annie Leibovitz is tired and nursing a cold, and she' s just flown back to New York on the red-eye from Los Angeles, where she spent two days shooting Angelina Jolie for Vogue. Like so many of her photo sessions, there was nothing simple about it. "I talked with Angelina before the shoot," says Leibovitz, who's famous for her preparation. "She felt like she was coming back from having the baby and she felt very sexy and ready to go." Jolie, a pilot, suggested shooting on an old airfield near the desert, with motorcycles and small planes among the props. (She flew herself to the location and the next day, Brad Pitt buzzed up in his plane.) They also spent a day shooting in the dunes near Death Valley, where the mercury hit 104, and the wind whipped so hard that everyone was peppered with sand. There were 50 people on the set, and racks of clothes from the New York spring collections to be tried and styled. It was as if Leibovitz were directing a small movie. It's bad enough that you cheer on the Taliban internationally, but you don't have the guts to stick the middle finger in our faces, opting instead for celebrity twaddle, because you know some of your readers might see through it -- or worse, cancel their subscriptions. What a louse! For this alone ST. WARREN should DOUBLE YOUR SALARY! A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO LITTLE BOY JONNY -- and he's a finalist for our NEUHARTHISM OF THE YEAR AWARD! Saturday, September 23, 2006
Posted
10:15 PM
by Gene
Here's another one -- RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “Thank God criminals are stupid.” RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! isn't.
Posted
9:54 PM
by Gene
No golf club will ever be quite as exclusive as the news hacks' own mutual admiration society.
Posted
9:32 PM
by Gene
![]() CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) SPEAKS: It is a measure of just how dangerous and disorienting Iraq has become that suspicions such as these are considered adequate grounds for locking up a man and throwing away the key. It is a measure of just how dangerous and disorienting the news biz can be that the leader of the ASSPress could once insist his business is run by CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICANS. It is also a measure of how dangerous and disorienting it can be when CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) can speak of Bilal as though he knew him intimately, when in fact we suspect he's known him well only since the P-Ulitzer, and especially since his boys turned his detention into a J'ACCUSE! We do wish CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) at least had the guts to proclaim his prize photographer a political prisoner, as that would put the difference between our superiors the NEWS HACKS and we mere peon news consumers in bold relief.
Posted
5:11 PM
by Gene
Figures -- if he does prove he's alive it would make the Saudis happy...and the French VERY happy.
Posted
2:16 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:19 PM
by Gene
The tsunami of 2004 triggered the biggest humanitarian response in history, feeding the hungry, heading off epidemics and engendering the hope that out of a calamity that took 216,000 lives, a better Indian Ocean rim would emerge. But 18 months later recriminations are rife, with aid agencies standing accused of planning poorly, raising unrealistic expectations and simply being incompetent. Brand-new homes infested with termites are being torn down in Indonesia while families in India were put into shelters deemed of "poor quality" and "uninhabitable" because of the heat. Thousands of boats donated to fishermen in Indonesia and Sri Lanka sit idle because they are unseaworthy or too small. Only 23 percent of the $10.4 billion in disaster aid to the worst hit countries, Indonesia and Sri Lanka, has been spent, according to the United Nations, because so much of it is earmarked for long-term construction projects. Is it too much to expect governments ever to do anything right? Former President Bill Clinton, the U.N. Special Envoy for Tsunami Recovery.... Oh, never mind.
Posted
1:15 PM
by Gene
Kathleen Blanco, the Louisiana governor, has no doubt. "The Superdome was symbolic of a lot of misery," she said. "It is now a symbol of recovery. It stands as a symbol of all our experiences over the past year." Who needs Nero and his fiddle?
Posted
1:02 PM
by Gene
Kaya, Crawford's daughter with Rande Gerber, poses topless and in a string bikini, showing off a tattoo on her lower back in the ads for Melissa Odabash beachwear. Odabash has been inundated with so much criticism, the company has removed the pictures of Kaya from its website. You must have a good publicist, Cindy; we haven't heard of this. We can see why.
Posted
11:35 AM
by Gene
The GOOD news is: Hardly anyone else is going to the movies.
Posted
11:11 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:52 AM
by Gene
And if Jeff Zucks thought he could play a game with certain of his viewers, SAMMY GLICKMAN can tell him it's one game he can lose.
Posted
9:43 AM
by Gene
It's official: we're in another bubble! ...[T]he comedian is breaking just about every rule in television. The hacks who write such usually enforce their own rules like Waffen SS.
Posted
9:00 AM
by Gene
Now in the minds of St. Cindys, which is ignoble: going AWOL, or coming home?
Posted
8:59 AM
by Gene
Friday, September 22, 2006
Posted
3:32 PM
by Gene
Such are the perils of planning an IPO these days. (Via MediaBistro and, alas, THE NEW! IMPROVED!! NRO!!!)
Posted
2:10 PM
by Gene
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12:18 PM
by Gene
Ol' B. S. must be dancing on his DELL LAPTOP! Now he'll be as insufferable as SAM LITTLE. Pardon -- he already is. (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
12:06 PM
by Gene
The bubble is BACK!!!!! Don't get us wrong; we salute the ingenuity of these young entrepreneurs. But didn't we have lots of firebrands the last time?
Posted
12:02 PM
by Gene
Niiiiiiiiiice work if you can get it....
Posted
11:52 AM
by Gene
Meantime Britain's Muslims are mad because the Beeb aired a tirade by a -- "moderate." Can nothing content them?
Posted
11:44 AM
by Gene
A university student appears to be responsible for an advertising class assignment that went awry when the teacher's pug was threatened to be killed online, the school said.... Mike Lear, an adjunct professor at VCU's Adcenter, last week gave his class an assignment to make his 6-year-old pug famous. While most students posted fliers around campus with the pooch's picture on them, the MySpace user opted for a more shocking approach. It worked.... As RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! could have told him.
Posted
11:37 AM
by Gene
Let's see: eBay tries Microsofting in "beta" and gets justly raked over the coals; Yahoo! Mail adds new inconveniences in a "beta" version -- why must Web sites always "improve" themselves?
Posted
11:33 AM
by Gene
Given some portions of Pakistan bombing may not be necessary.
Posted
10:16 AM
by Gene
Further, its cites H-P's Digital Village program, which establishes computer centers in villages in Africa, Asia and Latin America. And it says H-P is reducing greenhouse-gas emissions by cutting employee travel and using renewable energy. And here is one reason we are destined for KennyBoys as far as the eye can see: Corporate America mistakes PC for ETHICAL.
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
In the end, do such stories serve the slightest useful purpose?
Posted
9:16 AM
by Gene
Thankfully Census already pries into our inner workings so our privacy isn't violated.
Posted
9:02 AM
by Gene
Is this a contrary indicator? (Via Media Bistro)
Posted
8:58 AM
by Gene
Evidently Wall Street's starting to notice.
Posted
8:51 AM
by Gene
Consensus from readers is the first cast after the original cast quit in the early 80's — right before Eddie Murphy & Co — was the absolute worst. Posted at 8:24 AM We figure you should know as an expert on comedy.
Posted
8:45 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:40 AM
by Gene
Posted
7:02 AM
by Gene
What's the point of all these big media tyrannies now?
Posted
6:54 AM
by Gene
Don't you believe in FREE ENTERPRISE, Wal?
Posted
6:45 AM
by Gene
Why can't a LIBERAL write a column like this?
Posted
6:41 AM
by Gene
Do I hear all the slime that applauded Nukeman and Hugo shaking their heads and going "Yah yah!"?
Posted
6:37 AM
by Gene
"Flyboys" represents an $80 million investment -- including a minority stake from Oracle CEO Larry Ellison, whose son David Ellison plays one of the U.S. aviators who volunteered to join the French Lafayette Escadrille before America entered the first World War. TRANSLATION: The studio that used to be UA is releasing a vanity movie. It sure sounds it. We suspect the Tantrum of Oracle knows no more about fillum than James "All the King's Men" Carville. Thursday, September 21, 2006
Posted
6:15 PM
by Gene
![]() That's almost like remaking Sophia Loren. I'd like to see THE CONSPIRACY redo GONE WITH THE WIND. We meant to post this picture yesterday and now we have the excuse. Oh hell, one more from Stale.com: ![]() These photos are argument enough the movies were once good and now stink and will only get worse.
Posted
5:56 PM
by Gene
This will be a BRILLIANT year for FILLUM!
Posted
5:47 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:32 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:25 PM
by Gene
Another argument against tuition.
Posted
1:41 PM
by Gene
Honest, I don't like exhumations. Let the King's corpse rest in peace; and shut up, B. S., and go back to gassing into a void about Facetime, or MeTube, or whatever your onanism of the moment.
Posted
12:58 PM
by Gene
CHARLIE RANGEL [Kathryn Jean Lopez] was just on TV denouncing Hugo Chavez for showing up in Rangel's country, city, and right now even his congressional district and criticize President Bush. That's a job for Americans, Rangel says. In other words, HE'S TICKED CHAVEZ IS TREADING ON HIS TURF, STEALING HIS THUNDER!!!!! Posted at 12:49 PM [Overemphasis added] Dammit, I'm not member #1 of the Charlie Rangel Fan Club -- but I'm definitely NOT member #1 of the PETERICIA TRAVERS FAN CLUB either. And NEITHER ARE OTHERS.
Posted
11:32 AM
by Gene
EXCLUSIVE: Top LA Times Editors Loyal To Baquet Said To Have A 'Suicide Pact' DON'T DO IT, guys! The forces of TRUTH depend upon you! ROMY and CJR depend upon you! Oh, they're just going to resign en masse. Then they get replaced by bean counters. Will non-audiophiles know the difference? (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
11:28 AM
by Gene
Thailand's military coup this week interrupted filming of Nicolas Cage's new movie, a gangster thriller being shot in Bangkok, a news report said Thursday. The Chinese news Web site Sina.com said Cage had prepared a private jet to leave the country on short notice. Anything to protect that valuable face!
Posted
9:03 AM
by Gene
Take your pick: it's white elephants downtown or white elephants in THE GHETTO. Good luck, Mayor! P. S. On second thought maybe we shouldn't be so cynical: the neighborhood could use the uplift. But when will the RENDELLS finally realize TOURISM is not a good substitute for INDUSTRY?
Posted
8:57 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:50 AM
by Gene
Columbia Invites Ahmadinejad to Speak ...where he'll get an HOUR-LONG standing O! And that's just after the introduction.
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