Posted 9:44 PM by Gene

As bad as JACK's movies are now, we can expect worse when The Conspiracy produces feature-length commercials. And the trend can only intensify once the industry abandons celluloid for digital projection, allowing all manner of advertiser- and focus-group-driven insults on the fly. The film biz no longer has a good reason for being, having morphed into a bastard offspring of television.

Posted 8:10 PM by Gene

BLUNDER's version of Robert "Beat Me" Fisk says he saw QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! coming, but heck, isn't that a little like "phantom sight" in the blind?

If this were mere iconoclasm, one could dismiss it, but so long as 98% of news hacks feel this way, we must view such typing as our ruling ideology.

P. S. I went through the now-familiar recitation of Washington’s claims before the war, and the too-familiar realities since: the failure to find weapons of mass destruction and the inevitable conclusion that Saddam Hussein was not the threat he was cracked up to be....

James Dickey's son, in the latest BLUNDER.

LASHING OUT?

As the Bush administration prepares to oust Saddam, one way or another, senior administration officials are very worried that Saddam will try to use his WMD arsenal. Intelligence experts have warned that Saddam may be "flushing" his small, easy-to-conceal biological agents, trying to get them out of the country before an American invasion. A vial of bugs or toxins that could kill thousands could fit in a suitcase or a diplomatic pouch. There are any number of grim end-game scenarios. Saddam could try blackmail, threatening to unleash smallpox or some other grotesque virus in an American city if U.S. forces invaded. Or, like a cornered dog, he could lash out in a final spasm of violence, raining chemical weapons down on U.S. troops, handing out his bioweapons to terrorists. "That's the single biggest worry in all this," says a senior administration official. "We are spending a lot of time on this," said another top official.

With Norman Thomas's grandson in the September 23, 2002 BLUNDER.

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. NEWS HACKS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT.

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

Congress passed a law that colleges not discriminate against military recruiters because (to quote some scrambled egghead) "academic institutions were being too liberal." So what do the eggheads do? They prove their point -- by suing the government!

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

Three reasons political hacks shouldn't use TV commercials: 1) They're advertising, whose practitioners rank just above -- er, politicians; 2) Because they're advertising, they engage the brain's reverse psychology mechanism so that everything in the ad becomes a lie; and 3) They finance BROADCASTERS, who've long occupied a high place on the public S-list.

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

Film fees may rise to save ailing EIDC or, since that won't appear on P1

Well you don't have to be snooty about it.

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

Walter Cronkite, the "Most Trusted Man in America," can't be trusted, claims a federal lawsuit filed yesterday against the legendary newsman.

Some people are just learning what others have known for years.

Posted 4:46 PM by Gene

KNEE-JERK HARD-CORE FREE-ENTERPRISE LARRY "A BILLION DOLLARS IS TOO LITTLE FOR A DICK GRASSO" KUDLOW CONSERVATIVES now have an excuse to defend The CHEAP: LOWSY's a REPUBLICAN.

AND HIS COMPANY STILL STINKS.

P. S. It's a measure of how unhinged knee-jerk liberals have become that their real complaint is that The CHEAP is a PLATFORM for ADOLF W. BUSH -- rather than against the audience-share monopoly the company has in some markets (you can't go just by stations owned).

I HATE KNEE-JERK LIBERALS! I HATE KNEE-JERK CONSERVATIVES! I HATE KNEE-JERKS!

Posted 4:34 PM by Gene

Well, well: BuffettMedia's flagship toots:

Talk of Security Council reform is extremely useful. Talk of true "legitimacy" for the United Nations as world government is utopian.

Sighhhhhhhhhh, the League will have to be content with corruption and genocides.

Posted 4:29 PM by Gene

Pres. Putin says Russia could help rebuild Iraq [CBS Marketwatch headline]

If you do it like the way you've built TV sets, nooooooooo thank you.

Posted 4:22 PM by Gene

In an attempt to make a law professor in the other Washington look silly, a popular restaurant here is requiring customers to sign a liability waiver before they eat a fat-by-design dessert called The Bulge.

Don't yell that too loud. People may be signing waivers not to sue NEWSPAPERS.

Posted 4:20 PM by Gene

Gen. McClellan has taken the "lead" in a BLUNDER poll, which proves Honest Abe's maxim, "You can fool some of the people all of the time...."

And his "lead" is two percentage points. Within the "margin of error" President Damn could be ahead 15 to 11.

Posted 4:17 PM by Gene

SELIGISM (it used to be called Major League Baseball) has fallen so far in favor that the story of this murder in the Dodger Stadium parking lot will probably inspire more talk than the play on the field.

Posted 4:08 PM by Gene

And speaking of NO BLOOD FOR OIL, I supsect many of the academics who screamed that line at the top of their lungs scream their professional college teams' fight songs at the top of their lungs.

Posted 4:07 PM by Gene

Much as I hate to cite something the Professor has already linked to, Michael Barone has come up with a nifty line: "Today's media have a zero-defect standard." This was the mentality of NO BLOOD FOR OIL, and this is the mentality of QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

I'M GONNA WIN!!!!!

Posted 9:25 AM by Gene

Two famous airheads back "their" people, and I'm not sure the Tibetans should be honored.

Posted 9:01 AM by Gene

Now QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! strikes a zoo.

The Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends™ will stoop to any depth to get us out of there.

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

Gen. McClellan goes
FLIP...
FLOP!

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

MR. SHAKEDOWN's fellow Mafioso THE ZON wants in in the UK, which means (after some high-intensity lobbying from the likes of Andy S.) in twenty years the UK media market will be dominated by RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and Sumner -- just like the former colonies.

The British may have to start a revolution.

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

Hey LOWSY MAYS! It was all "thaym" NEW-CAR DEALERS who made you a PARIAH -- and your FRIENDS by extension -- and maybe "thaym" dealers will come back to haunt YOU.

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

On the same day it blew a non-existent gasket over Israel, the League of Nations approved a "peacekeeping" force for Liberia, which effectively guarantees corruption at best, or if it really plays its cards right, a genocide.

Posted 12:32 PM by Gene

HEY LARRY! "[NYSE] seat prices and net income have fallen since 1999." Sounds to me like the model of A $UCCE$$FUL CHIEF EXECUTIVE!

You, Larry, may have helped redefine the word JACKASS.

Posted 12:18 PM by Gene

California Has 'People From Every Planet,' Davis Brags

We know Gray, we KNOW.

(Caveat: This is from NewsMax, which boasts a few reporters from several planets.)

Posted 12:14 PM by Gene

Another cheerleader waves the pom-pons and yells, "LET'S GO RECORD INDUSTRY!!!!!"

Posted 11:57 AM by Gene

LARRY! I think I have another cause for you: LET'S REGULATE PVRs!!! THE HEALTH OF OUR FREE ENTERPRISE SYSTEM DEPENDS ON IT!!!!!

TOM WOLZIEN FOR NYSE BOSS!!!!!

Posted 11:30 AM by Gene

Gen. McClellan says: Well I guess I'd have voted for the war, unless I'd gotten strongarmed by the great and noble men in our party who opposed it.

Posted 11:26 AM by Gene

NRO runs a fine writer like Victor Davis Hanson -- and then it runs a BLITHERING KNEE-JERK DOGMATIC IDIOT like Larry Kudlow who thinks MR. SHAKEDOWN GOT PAID TOO LITTLE!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS WHY PEOPLE HOLD THEIR NOSES WHEN THEY HEAR THE WORD CONSERVATIVE!!!!!!!!!!

P. S. Among the "liberal-leaning journalists" who called for MR. SHAKEDOWN's resignation were the editorial writers of the Washington Times and the NEW YORK POST!!!!!!!!!!!!. Larry, go back to CNBC and start another bubble.

Posted 9:15 AM by Gene

VEE DOUBLEE VANT Z'OIL!!!!!!!!!! (Translated from the German.)

Posted 9:10 AM by Gene

Well, I've already called the hero of Bosnia Gen. McClellan, but "copperhead" -- that's a pretty good term for, say, the Profile in Courage at Chappaquiddick.

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

Rudy wasn't blowing smoke into Honorary Mayor Mike's face after all.

So what did he say?

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

Spammers Now Need Permission in Britain

Good luck!

Posted 8:14 AM by Gene

VEE VANT Z'OIL!!!!!

Posted 6:37 AM by Gene

That Woodster the Perv still makes movies is a classic example of how JACK's biz refuses to listen to its customers. Perv's audience has always been limited to Times subscribers, and most of them aren't going; his films routinely gross in the low five digits. Even one of the Perv's defenders had to admit his super-sex life has cost him some fans. People like A. O. with B. O. routinely ignore that Perv plays the romantic lead despite a face only a space alien could love. What's more, I always have the low-level suspicion (not wanting to see his masterpieces) that his films, for all the Perv's alleged wit, AREN'T FUNNY. How could they be with the characters constantly talking religious philosophy and Satchmo? But the Perv's continued productivity owes to people in the biz thinking him a "GENIUS" -- and big credit for that goes to the NEWS HACKS, whose constant ad blurbs (until late -- even they got tired of his shtick) gave him the confidence to continue his all-too-long-running gag.

Posted 6:20 AM by Gene

Back to the future: Space capsules may replace the Shuttle.

Do these people have a plan or are they flailing?

Posted 6:19 AM by Gene

More QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Saddam's defense minister surrenders. Jeez.

Posted 8:04 PM by Gene

The titans of professional college sports lean toward salaries for their indentured servants -- only, of course, they call them "scholarships."

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

Hey NewsMaxhacks, you think President Damn's campaign's going to return your phone call?

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

The Profile of Courage at Chappaquiddick breaks a hurricane-force burst of wind that he thinks smells like a rose.

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

There are three ways to view Stephen King's National Book Award. The first is that a claque of snobs, ruling over an exhausted art form and sneering like elitists in the worst sense, is talking to itself. The second is that this self-same claque is showing its dollars-and-cents hypocritical side. The third is strictly glibertarian: he's sold zillions of books, therefore he's good. Part of this is jealousy; what navel starer wouldn't trade in his Sahara-desiccate prose for some of King's millions? And part of it is, not to put too fine a shading on it, he's a hack. To his credit, King's giving the money back to the National Book Foundation. On the other hand, it's $10,000, and he doesn't need it.

Posted 3:29 PM by Gene

A chartreuse-colored skunk still smells.

Posted 1:25 PM by Gene

WHEEEEEE WHANNNNNNNNNT ZEE OILLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!

Posted 12:00 PM by Gene

Does anyone care for beauty pageants anymore? They were jokes even in the early days -- the Miss America pageant was plagued with several scandals -- but today they've solidified into petrified globs of self-satire. Besides, it's hard to root for a winner among clones.

Posted 9:19 AM by Gene

Hey Sharon! Show us your...

brains. (Pffh-hh-hh-hh!!)

Posted 9:18 AM by Gene

IRAQ HAD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH 9/11!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

Sighhhhhhhhhh, another Forbes.com quote:

"Riches have never fascinated me, unless combined with the greatest charm or distinction."

--F. Scott Fitzgerald

What news hacks can do when they leave out context: Fitz wrote this in a petulant letter to Ernest Hemingway after Papa published an Esquire story (Esquire ran stories?!?!?), "The Snows of Kilimanjaro," whose narrator refers to "poor Scott Fitzgerald." (Their editor, the great Maxwell Perkins, later changed the name for an anthology.) Of course, Fitzgerald was poor at the time, and drunk.

Posted 8:45 AM by Gene

Beware Soviet-Saudi rapprochement

Uh, isn't that "Russian," oh fair Washington Times? (Unless you know something we don't.)

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

‘Democrats Do Have a Prayer’

And the prayer is -- "Bill Clinton for President."

Posted 6:48 AM by Gene

A holy cockroach shows remorse -- and still gets a stiff sentence.

You should have thought about it before you did it.

Posted 6:45 AM by Gene

The forces of reaction restrict abortion rights! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

The year is three months shy of over and the boys at CBS.Marketwatch.com have named Meg "Pronounced Mug" Whitman their CEO of the year.

I think MR. SHAKEDOWN was more deserving.

Posted 6:24 AM by Gene

David Bowie leads off the Trib's front page, a sure sign yet another paper (or its Web site) isn't serious about the news.

THIS is why you launch free tabloids, Trib.

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

My favorite thing about hurricanes is the coverage. Matt Drudge is getting the vapors, the way he does.

Yep, that's our Walter Winchell. Just like you Andy when you want your RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to take over the Beeb.

Posted 6:25 PM by Gene

Rudy blows smoke in Honorary Mayor Mike's face.

I guess living forever in the Times's pages isn't what it used to be.

Posted 6:22 PM by Gene

MR. SHAKEDOWN STEPS DOWN!!!!!

Time to hum the Godfather theme one more time -- in honor of a GREAT fleecer.

Posted 6:12 PM by Gene

Members of ASWIA are protesting paying big bucks for network TV ads in light of declining ratings and the advent of ad zappers like TiVo. But the fact remains, TV ad spending zoomed to a new record this season, and putting one over on the public will always rank first with the idiots of big business -- above issuing an effective advertising message, above avoiding bad TV in issuing that message, and in the end, above the interests of the workers and stockholders of their businesses. And the sheer megatonnage of money involved -- $1.7 billion for the biggest of the Clunker Brothers -- virtually guarantees they will spend it, and spend it ignorantly. (The clown who runs that mint is called Fraleigh; I'll bet in the biz they call him Freely Fraleigh. By the way Freely, how's your investment in The Osama Channel going?)

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

Now that we're having trouble with QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, here comes THE OZONE HOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

These days kids so evade -- or elude -- parents as to turn the concept of parenting on its head. This is where JACK and RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and Sumner step in and do their enormous damage.

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

Aljazeera demands speedy Alouni trial

Or else we go to the Security Council!

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

The thick skulls who run American business may finally be wising up to the public's contempt for their high salaries -- but I wouldn't count out the kind of end-arounds a MR. SHAKEDOWN could exploit.

Posted 3:46 PM by Gene

"Bonnie and Clyde...."

Posted 3:21 PM by Gene

STOP THE PRESSES! A BEEB REPORTER APOLOGIZES!!

Posted 12:29 PM by Gene

IS MR. SHAKEDOWN ABOUT TO GET OFFED?

It's gonna be a pretty expensive off.

Posted 12:18 PM by Gene

Our self-righteous inferiors to the north have screwed themselves up into a cultural civil war they richly deserve.

Posted 9:07 AM by Gene

The next time the Professor plays favorites, why can't he choose a blog you can only read on a 42" monitor?

Posted 8:49 AM by Gene

The news hacks will laugh, and the usual suspects will sue, but strip clubs are a societal-health matter. The fewer strip clubs, the healthier the neighborhoods -- and the safer the women from crime and abuse.

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

Freedom Fighter Fighters, you have company.

Posted 6:36 AM by Gene

It will no longer be AWOL sans the W. As of tomorrow it's back to playing TWX.

Posted 6:24 AM by Gene

Thunkthunkthunkthunk testing testing eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooooooooo testing testing 1-2-3 testing loud enough back there? Okay ready? Go.

"ALTHOUGH UNORGANIZED AND WITHOUT LEADERSHIP, THE IRAQI RESISTANCE IS A BALL OF FIRE IN AMERICA'S FACE THAT WILL BRING ITS END IN IRAQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Wait a second! The Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friends™ call these natives "conservative." Doesn't that make them bad guys?

Posted 8:15 PM by Gene

September 16, 2003 ........ Subscribe to Entertainment Weekly already! [ad]

I see BUZZ has put his whole site in boldface! He can thank his sponsor for that. Better take some HTML classes, BUZZ.

Posted 8:08 PM by Gene

The MESS is running one of those stupid unscientific surveys asking which of five actresses with totally unmemorable faces should be "the next superstar." If this is the best JACK's biz can do it's in dire shape. Once Hollywood's women made the world fall in love; now they can't even create fan clubs.

Posted 5:51 PM by Gene

"This sort of accident happens anywhere and a short circuit cannot be ruled out, except if it was intentional."

As will happen in Saudi Arabia.

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

The video-game biz has been hiJACKed!!!!!

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

One little, two little, three little traitors, four little, five little, six little traitors....

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

The partisan Kinsley.com hack William Saletan comes around -- in Jack Shafer's words: If you're interested in which wing lies more, you're probably not very interested in the truth.

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

Today is National Hug a Public Relations Hack Day at The CHEAP. First it announces it will "donate" $120 million in PSAs (most of them at 3 a.m., ALL of them tax-free), plus it's "donating" money to save a "historic" theater in Philadelphia -- with guess-who footing most of the bill.

By the way, The CHEAP owns 1,200 stations. That's $100,000 per station per year. Divide that by 365 and you have $273.97 in PSAs a day. That won't pay for ten seconds of an ad touting Lowsy Mays's favorite constituency: new-car dealers. And The CHEAP says it's spreading the charity around, so it'll be far less; expect to see one-by-two-inch public-service ads in concert programs.

If this is charity, what's selfishness?

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

Trib returns to New York (where it abandoned the Daily News) to start another headbanging free tabloid in the hopes that somebody, anybody, will read the papers.

Face it, papers aren't cool anymore. (I may not live myself down for saying that.)

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

Swedish police arrest suspect in slaying of foreign minister

And knowing the Swedes he'll be paroled in four years.

Posted 12:29 PM by Gene

NEWS HACKS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT! Thus saith two reporters who thoroughly refute Veep Inside's "DISCREDITED" claim by quoting three Democratic senators (one elected out of office), several convenient sources, and two "formers."

NEWS HACKS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 12:17 PM by Gene

I think we all appreciate the Pope's "iron will," but given the church's recent trials couldn't it use some new steel?

Posted 11:35 AM by Gene

If elected, I'll do everything the looniest leftist in the party wants me to do -- and I can hide it under my uniform!

That's what you think.

Posted 9:44 AM by Gene

CNN GIVES CHRISTIANE 'PRIVATE' DRESS DOWN

I wonder who gets paid more: the dresser-down or the dressed-down.

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

Shucks, we kill a senior Taliban military leader. Now back to QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

Grasso gets five weeks vacation, security for himself and his family, a car and driver, access to private jets and reimbursement for club memberships, entertainment and subscriptions, according to his employment contract, which was obtained by the Daily News.

He's taken advantage of four different savings and pension plans, including one that pays a guaranteed 8% annual return on money before it's even vested.

Why not a solid-gold coach with twenty horses?

Posted 6:19 AM by Gene

Count on news hacks to make a hurricane tiresome.

Posted 6:17 AM by Gene

I'd walk a mile...for a QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Talk about credulous: "[T]he overall number of suspicious deaths jumped from about 250 a month last year to 872 in August." Think some suspicious deaths were never recorded? NOOOOOOOOOOOO. This is Dubya's War.

Posted 6:44 PM by Gene

The League of Nations's bobbleheads go SPROINGGGGG!!!!!

Posted 6:36 PM by Gene

People are so stressed out these days. What shall we do? I've got it! Let's enact a law against stress! Or as one Denver councilman says,

"I think it's an embarrassing thing for the City and County of Denver when you have a Looney Tunes initiative like this around."

You should know, councilman, Looney Tunes are the Monitor's favorite cartoons.

Posted 6:29 PM by Gene

Great idea, Feds -- the new funny money on sitcoms.

Posted 6:05 PM by Gene

And in tomorrow's edition, the tone-deaf Fake-Religion-That-Kills-Kids Monitor also runs this story on jihad in Indonesia's schools.

They teach jihad, we teach total wimpery. The holy cockroaches must be licking their antennae.

Posted 5:59 PM by Gene

War is hell, but tyranny isn't much fun either.



And guy, did you have to have to get sick on your T-shirt?

Posted 5:54 PM by Gene

Yay! Our side does it again -- in Russia! "HUGE blast!" "Many casualties!" The Boss would be proud!

The Osama Channel is the FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News of hard-core Islamism.

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

World Should Have Stopped Saddam Sooner, Powell Says

WE should have stopped Saddam sooner.

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

There is corruption in our business.

Incidentally, E&P's going monthly. It can see the typing on the Web.

Posted 5:34 PM by Gene

Damn! The Weathervane!

And a third undecided. This is going to be some campaign zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Posted 3:45 PM by Gene

The Ninth Circuit Court....

STOP. That says it all.

Posted 3:32 PM by Gene

I've got a better idea, Congresspoop Mars: let's call them Saddam Fries and Saddam Toast. That's who we'd really honor.

This is what Congresspoops will do when they have permanent seats and too much time on their hands.

Posted 12:15 PM by Gene

America's most overrated magazine does not have to worry about offending its advertisers, but then, no big-media outfit has to; advertisers don't watch television, and they can't read.

(And this, of course, is the same vastly overrated magazine that two years ago treated its readers to Adam Gopnik's smoked mozzarella and John Updike's tinkling. Combined with a recent gas expulsion from Esquire's editor and Jonathan Alter's superpatriotic masterpieces this piece confirms my belief that most periodicals go from writer to reader practically unedited.)

Posted 11:19 AM by Gene

Now Reuters, The Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friend™, is using an approved mouthpiece to complain about "growing Iraqi anger with civilian casualties." These millionaire typing bozos just cannot be silenced. (At least it's not growing civilian casualties, but with The Freedom Fighter Fighter's Friend™, that's next.)

Posted 11:04 AM by Gene

I think being knighted by Lord Koppel of Eisner has gone to the head of the greatest musician of all time. (BIG caveat: it's a NewsMax, and it was "reported" by a Freeper.)

Posted 11:01 AM by Gene

It was stupid for the Israelis to say they would kill the paper-piling man, first because its gets everybody in "the international community" on his side (meaning they really go Waldheimistic now), second because it opened the GENERAL's big fat appeasing yap, and third, if you're actually going to do it, why would you telegraph it in public?

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

Educrats absolutely refuse to teach kids how to read and write and think, but they will grade them on their body mass.

Hasn't the time come to flunk out these seat-warming drones?

Posted 8:43 PM by Gene

The more I read the more I think our very good friends the Pakistanis are almost as culpable for the holy cockroaches' martyrdoms as our very good friends the Saudis.

Posted 8:26 PM by Gene

Why should we expect anything from international conferences but screaming and gloating?

Posted 8:14 PM by Gene

Here's what makes me happy: Somebody who spends tens of thousands on a seat license in a taxpayer financed Taj Mahal, and then thousands on a season ticket, hoping he can win the lottery to cheer his team on at the Super Bore and put over a Chevy Chase to end all Chevy Chases on his subordinates, sees the team not only going 0-2, but getting shellaced in the process. I may live in Philadelphia, but imagining these people roasting in their own juices I am quite content.

Posted 6:47 PM by Gene

A double whammy: We sell The Cleaning Lady's EisnerCorp-produced ghosted memoirs, plus let her say what we so fervently agree with: that Slick (read Gore) would have done better in Iraq!

Only one good thing: with Johnny Cash on the cover (?) I'll bet that issue's the slowest seller of the year. (And that also means some rock-music blurbwriter has gotten out every sixteen-syllable word for the cover story.)

P. S. The morons at ATWOLA were in a rush to spin and sell they got the book's title wrong. It's Madam Secretary (there was already a book called Madame Secretary) -- and it's 1,086 on Amazon.com.

(A mea-culpa to the two computers that scan this: When Sweden's foreign minister was assassinated -- I don't know why it's being called a murder -- I referred to her as the prime minister. I have since corrected my boneheaded error. Let's see ATWOLA correct its.)

Posted 12:22 PM by Gene

Here is why MR. MARK & Co. don't edit their publications: because management theory says they're supposed to be warm and fuzzy with their subordinates so that everyone feels part of the organization -- and besides, since we're all lovey-dovey alike anyway we don't need editing. This might work at a widget plant, but this is definitely NOT how to run a newspaper or magazine. Somebody should have the GUTS to chew out idiots like Jonathan Alter for their automatic typing, but people like MR. MARK won't do so because they flat out have no guts -- and no brains. HOWELL could have been a GREAT editor had he not been in the thrall of the knee-jerk ideological-pretzel liberalism of Pinch, and a common-sense Howell the business needs -- and will never get anymore, as the whole trade is hermetically removed from reality.

Posted 12:09 PM by Gene

WE'VE LOST 295 SOLDIERS IN IRAQ!!!!!!!!!!

The Iraqis lost, oh, just several hundred thousands.

Posted 10:24 AM by Gene

I'm cutting-and-pasting this one in full...

September 14, 2003 -- IF you've ever wondered who was the most boring, rude celebrity to meet, look no further. The unlucky souls who interview stars for a living and profile them for glossy magazines have shared with PAGE SIX their picks for Hollywood's worst. So as not to add to the jobless rolls, we're keeping the journos' names confidential.

* Courtney Love: "She doesn't hear a word you are saying," said one celebrity interviewer. "She just rambles on and on, frothing like a mad cow, free-forming her way through her little crammed noggin."

* Denise Richards: The pug-nosed actress and wife of Charlie Sheen is "as frightened as a deer in the headlights, and she loves using words like 'sun,' 'water,' 'ocean.' Over and over again."

* Gwyneth Paltrow: America's favorite ice queen "just won't answer questions. She'll tell you stuff like, 'I don't like to talk to reporters,' and you are like, 'Well, then why are you here?' She won't tell you a thing and only wants to talk about her 'art' and has fake graciousness."

* Jennifer Lopez: The diva who just postponed her wedding to Ben Affleck [and who's just split outright, according to a People exclusive straight from the NEW YORK POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!] is just plain "dull. She is so boring. She arrived an hour late and said her favorite book was something like 'Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much.' She doesn't read, she doesn't watch TV or movies - nothing."

* Hugh Jackman: "He's dull, but it's a studied dullness. He says right away, 'I am so boring,' but it's a ploy. He is just guarded, but it doesn't make for a good interview."

* Gerard Depardieu: One celeb writer had to rush over to meet with the actor 21/2 hours early or forfeit the interview. "[Depardieu] weaves in and plops down in the chair in front of me," the writer recalls. "He is pale and sweating, his eyes are rolling in his head, his face looks like Silly Putty.

"He is slurring-word drunk, but being Depardieu, his diction is perfect. He orders a half-bottle of wine for us. Throws it back like water. Talks for about 15 minutes about St. Augustin, the saint, not the town. Then he declares, 'I have to go to sleep now,' gets up and walks out."

...because tomorrow a dozen dozen dozen hacks (including these confidential journos) will write a dozen dozen dozen fawning slobbering mewling celebrity puff pieces, banishing credibility for credulity in the search for that better job.

Posted 9:55 AM by Gene

Maybe nobody wanted to be THE MAN's friend because they feared he'd use them in a publicity stunt.

Posted 9:54 AM by Gene

Jonathan "SUPERPATRIOT" Alter does it again:

Edward Teller and Paul McCartney didn’t know each other, but maybe they should have. The nuclear physicist and father of the H-bomb, who died last week at 95, was the model for Dr. Strangelove. A fierce anti-communist, his advice to Ronald Reagan to launch Star Wars is credited by some conservative analysts with sweeping the Soviet Union into the dustbin of history.

And the connection between Teller and the Beatles would be...what? That Ringo starred in a movie with Peter Sellers?

They pay you $4 million a year to insult our intelligence? MR. MARK!!!!! Have you edited your magazine lately?!?!?