Posted 6:15 PM by Gene

I'm inclined to believe RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!'S brownnoser when he says, "Marlon Brando's crazy like a fox."

Posted 5:50 PM by Gene

STERNO! You don't have to worry:

The FCC has issued about $4 million in indecency fines since 1990....

That's TWO SUPER BOWL SPOTS. SUMNER can pay for indecency just by charging more.

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

And in more moderation, the moderate centrist PAPER OF RECORD columnist who moderately centrized, "DONALD RUMSFELD HAS PRESIDED OVER THE MOST FOOLISH CONFLICT SINCE THE WAR OF JENKINS' EAR IN THE 18TH CENTURY!!!!!!!!!!", has decided we should all be more MODERATE.

MODERATION begins at HOME, Mr. KRISTOF -- and in the HEART.

Posted 5:24 PM by Gene

Kidman: Men Aren't Beating Down the Door

I am sure we all feel VERY sorry.

I'm waiting for Madame DeFarge's husband to grow older.

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

How the has-beens act:

Rock star Eddie Van Halen caused a scene last week by taking alcohol into an exclusive restaurant and blessing two diners with mineral water.

(Sorry for the spritz of CHEAP CHANNEL.)

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

The problem is, Bob, how do we fight the polarizers without screaming ourselves?

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

Oh to be like Saturn, far away from our petty strifes, and at peace.

Posted 12:18 PM by Gene

Six of one: someone throws a tirade in Romy's letters page over some Moonie stooge calling DIP "Hanoi John" and saying Sen. Rodham's a lesbian.

Half-a-dozen of the other: THE GLIBERAL calls the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL HERR DOKTOR ASHCROFT a NAZI without having the guts to do it outright.

Nope, looks like these two wrongs are just two wrongs.

Posted 10:43 AM by Gene

And PROF, I'm sick of hearing that something is NUMBER (FILL-IN-THE-BLANK) on AMAZON.COM. This is how NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!! hypes books, it's how P. R. MIKE!!!!!!!!!! hypes books, and it's another morale-sapping anger-inducing Web shtick. (Of course it also gets you 70 trillion gazillion umptillion hits.)

Posted 10:35 AM by Gene

STERNO'S GOING BANANAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but one could say SUMNER's circling the wagons (he has lots of wagons to circle), and one could very much say this is the latest publicity stunt in the endless string of publicity stunts that threatens our national sanity and morale, from P. R. MEL to P. R. MIKE to MS. BOOB to MRS. SLUT to THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM HISTORY, and I'd wager while the hard-cores cheer, the vast majority frowns.

And when STERNO says something from Little Howie Hairshirt is great I should know better than to read it.

Posted 9:48 AM by Gene

The art world is now so swollen with currency and the vanity of inflated reputation that it is taking on some of the less creditable aspects of showbiz. Hollywood doesn't want critics, it wants PR folk and profile-writers. Showbiz controls journalism by controlling access. The art world hopes to do the same, though on a more piddly level. No other domain of culture would try this one on. No publisher, fearing that an unfavourable review, would attempt to stop a book critic quoting from some novel. No producer would make a guarantee of innocuousness the price of a critic's ticket to the theatre. It just wouldn't happen. But in art, it can. And since it can, as Bill Clinton remarked in another context, it does.

Remember this the next time you hear of THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM HISTORY, or the GENIUS of P. R. MIKE.

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

Saddam to be turned over to Iraq

Luckily, we still have the key.

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

Oh boy, the GLIBERAL's in TROUBLE -- he's going to have to COMPETE with someone to see who can conjure up THE BEST STROKE BEFORE THE MIRROR!!!!!

Posted 8:09 AM by Gene

Rap and Islam: there's a marriage made in -- wherever Frankenstein's monster and his bride got betrothed. You can understand why Muslim rappers "don't use curse words or say things that are offensive to women." That's okay; wait until sharia comes along, then we'll put women (and JEWS, and INFIDELS) in their PLACE.

Come to think of it, that's what rappers do now.

Posted 6:51 AM by Gene

BUSH WILL SKIP GROUND ZERO

Good idea. Dubya instinctively knows NEWS HACKS would beat him over the head with it, never mind they said what a good guy he was when he visited the site the FIRST time.

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

If Dubya could think, if Dubya could speak, if Dubya didn't have his secrecy mania, he'd clean DIPPITY-DO's clock.

That's another way of saying a decent candidate who threw off his party's ideological baggage could clean DUBYA's clock.

Posted 6:18 AM by Gene

When some people desperately want to believe something, they'll say anything. "YEP, THE MOVIE WITH ALL THOSE HOT YOUNG STRAIGHT DUDES SHOVING TOY CARS UP THEIR POSTERIORS ACTUALLY BEAT OUT MICHAEL MOORE AT THE BOX OFFICE!!!!!" screams Andy S., citing someone called IMAO as his expert. Problem is, box-office numbers are FIXABLE (double entendre intended), and P. R. MIKE'S distributor (the badly acronymed FAG group) "adjusted" its numbers to add an extra $2 MILLION. The WALL STREET JOURNALS CONSERVATIVE EDITION (which also cited the earlier numbers) may THINK Jackass is a documentary; that's like saying Andy S. is heterosexual. We've had it up to our gizzards with all partisan types thanks to screaming and cajoling like this, and at any rate THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM HISTORY will clean its competitors' clocks right down to the second hand. Is it that important?

And a special tip of the benny to ANDY S. for making it impossible to cut-and-paste from his site. And YOU encouraged your @#$%&* FISKERS to do some copyright infringement?

P. S. BUT IF WE ADJUST FOR INFLATION...oh shut up.

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

This simple squib is why, at its best, About Last Night is priceless, and ample proof that, THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM HISTORY notwithstanding, our culture has lost something.

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

8 Brokerages Are Fined $610,000 for Bond Violations

All in a day's -- uh, work.

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

How typical: Columbia Journalism Review, which for CENTURIES has led the fight against "superficial" political coverage, devotes A WHOLE PAGE of its Web site to news-hack depictions of DIPPITY-DO!'s looks, then moans,

Whatever descriptions of the candidates and their demeanors become the flavors of the moment with the campaign press, we urge you, the readers and the listeners -- resist. For those characterizations will bear little or no relationship to reality, and in the Kingdom of the Blind, the one-eyed man will be king.

News hacks have eyes?

Posted 2:50 PM by Gene

Tyson admits to living like a 'bum in the streets'

Mike, you don't need the streets.

Posted 1:18 PM by Gene

The Web knows Nicholas Berg's father was a hard-leftist even before the obscenity that befell his son. News hacks either don't know this, or worse, they know and don't want to report it, in the manner of their useful idiocy. I do not blame Michael Berg for his anger and hurt. I do blame NEWS HACKS for making him a disinterested spectator.

Posted 11:40 AM by Gene

"Don't ever retire Bobby, you'll die!"

Coming from a 93-year-old lady "who still does headstands every day and dines out every night," that is sage advice.

Posted 10:38 AM by Gene

The NINE FINGERS in the WIND have been so busy cracking their KNUCKLES over the FINE POINTS of LAW they're having trouble POINTING.

And thanks again, USAOKAY.com, for ALL THOSE POP-UPS and POP-UNDERS! Congress should pass a law against YOU.

Posted 9:54 AM by Gene

The question isn't, should Dubya be shielded from "REAL REPORTERS," it's will "REAL REPORTERS" SHIELD LIBERALS AND DEMOCRATS?

So long as the answer is YES we have no REAL REPORTERS.

Posted 6:45 AM by Gene

This is the week every @#$%&* ad-blurb copywriter puts on the costume and does the high-holy hosannah for THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM HISTORY, which leaves us wondering how the biz managed for over 100 years and gets us daydreaming of newspapers without AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS.

What's more, in the fatuous, obfuscatory, sideways and thoroughly cute manner that is THE PAPER OF RECORD's, A. O. with B. O. intimates that THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM HISTORY isn't so great because it's great, it's because the SURROUNDING MASTERPIECES are so BAD. But of course the LAST place to find straightforward writing is in THE PAPER OF RECORD.

Posted 6:38 AM by Gene

National Review Founder Says It's Time to Leave Stage

Uhhh realllly, bzumbzumbzum, they should have given you the HOOK a LONG TIME AGO, bzumbzumbzum.

ROLL OVER BEETHOVEN!!!!!

Posted 6:31 AM by Gene

Somehow it is tough to imagine one principal being fired, let alone 45, which says something of the valor of Modern America.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

Mayor James K. Hahn's citizens commission formed to examine the televised beating of a suspect in a car chase got off to a rough start Monday when its most outspoken member abruptly resigned and some city officials questioned whether the panel is needed.

Najee Ali, founder of Project Islamic Hope, was one of 11 community leaders Hahn selected Friday to review the investigations of the incident, in which an LAPD officer was videotaped kicking at the African American suspect and striking him 11 times with a flashlight. But Ali said he decided to step down after some city officials expressed doubts about whether he should serve because he is awaiting trial on charges of identity theft and leaving the scene of a car accident.

Who is the greater ASS?

Posted 6:22 AM by Gene

WOW!!!!! ANDY S. finds "Gibson/Moore parallels" -- a week after I do.

That should be good for another eighteen trillion quadrillion sextillion (whoops) hits for Andy.

How shall we say it, ANDY S. can be TRYING -- but he wouldn't be a SUPERMEGABLOGGER otherwise.

Posted 7:01 PM by Gene

I don't usually like puns, BUT....

The sight of so many rubber chickens being waved by Giants fans delights Bill Littlejohn of South Lake Tahoe. He calls it "poultry in motion."

I can forgive you Bill, because it made me laugh.

Posted 6:54 PM by Gene

Something called "operations research" has become to Vir-GIN-ia what nanotech is to PROF. Problem is I scroll halfway down her column and find, "Beginning in the 1980s, when American Airlines demonstrated that airlines could save billions of dollars using O.R. techniques to design their schedules...." So why do airlines always go broke? "David Brooks can go for laughs by invoking 'Six Sigma' as a mere buzzword" because businessmen have been trying to be Dilbert since long before BABBITT, and because it smells like poli-sci for the Rotary bunch.

Posted 5:34 PM by Gene

A BRILLIANT IDEA FROM ANDY S.:

It's been extremely difficult to get a full transcript of the Michael Moore movie. So here's a thought: why doesn't some enterprising blogger take a tape recorder to a screening, transcribe the narrative, and post it? Then it's a fiskathon. [Emphasis added.]

It's also copyright infringement, and knowing P. R. MIKE I don't think he'll allow it unless he agrees with you.

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

Ooooooooooops! John Templeton may NOT have donated that $1 million to defeat GEORGE SOROS!!!!!

Figures. NewsMAX!!!!! doesn't report the news, it fantasizes it.

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

One of the politico's favorite ways of mangling English is with "the floating 'hopefully.'" Mssssssssss. Pelosi starts her statement with one, a "hopefully" that insinuates with any luck Iraq will be a QUAGMIRE -- the only problem being if it's a QUAGMIRE it's a QUAGMIRE for the IRAQIS too (Democrats and peaceniks seem to forget that). That said, having grown tired of Rashomon and facing liars of both sides and all persuasions, and for the sake of a brief bit of fresh air, let us presume Mssssssssss. Pelosi wants the best for Iraq, even if she expressed herself through a staffer who could not write his or her (mustn't be sexist around Mssssssssss. Pelosi) way out of a QUAGMIRE.

Posted 3:21 PM by Gene

Another reason ombudspoops don't work: SUPERINSTAPROF links to AN ECONOMIST (or something) who complained to the WaPost:

I am a long-time subscriber and I like to read all points of view, but today's front page really troubled me. It contained two news-analysis articles, each of which read like a rally for opponents of President Bush.

The article on "health care vs. tax cuts" made it sound as if the only way I can spend more of my money on health care is if the government does it for me. The fact that people who have more discretionary income from tax cuts could choose to spend that income on health insurance or health care or something that is more important to them is left out. In that article, you quote Bruce Bartlett, who I know is completely disillusioned with President Bush for his *failure to cut spending* even more. He is disgusted with Bush for spending so much and thinks that Kerry would not be any worse. If you want to print a quote from Bartlett supporting your "analysis," then you ought to spell out where Bartlett is coming from, instead of making it sound like Bartlett is a Bush supporter on fiscal policy. Or find someone else to quote to balance the article.

Then there is the "analysis" which claims that the Bush doctrine has been undermined by events in Iraq. If anything, the Bush foreign policy has been undermined by relentless attacks in the media, such as your front page (which consistently runs editorials that are more anti-Bush and anti-war than what appears on your editorial page). The article is very selective and unbalanced in its choice of "experts" to quote. Robert Kagan is written off as an "Administration supporter," while all of the critics of the Administration are not labeled as such. Instead, for critics one sees things like "nonpartisan Brussels-based group," which is a standard way for the liberal media to identify left-wingers (and having Googled the International Crisis Group, my sense is indeed that is what they are).

I believe that the Post could do two things to remedy this. One is to simply drop the pretense of unbiased journalism, and simply say that the front page is used to promote the opinions of your reporters and editorial staff. Ultimately, I think that this is the most honest approach.

If you wish to try to hang on to the myth of an unbiased front page, then I think you ought to hire a conservative to scrutinize the front page before it is printed. That way, some of the bias will be caught ahead of time, rather than leaving it up to the readers.

Now imagine YOU'RE an ombudspoop, and you have to read dozens of letters like that, DAY after DAY after DAY. This is why the job is little more than a second repository for newspaper letter writers. It also explains why, especially with NEWS HACKS, the more things change....

Of course if PROF had his way such letters would be TEN TIMES as long. For ten times the effect, I guess. Ten times zero....

Posted 3:15 PM by Gene

The Saudis are emceeing the first ever Islamic Games. We will hold off on snide remarks about potential competitions (suicide bombings, stone throwings, beatings, floggings, decapitations, etc.) and will further hold off on snide remarks that women can't compete because Saudi Arabia is CONSERVATIVE, but will only say it should prove plenty of fun, especially if the athletes and spectators remember to drink plenty of NON-ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES to ward off the Arabian heat.

Posted 12:03 PM by Gene

Mobiles [sic] Phones May Damage Sperm?

So stop calling!

Posted 11:35 AM by Gene

Here is why ombudspoops are worse than useless: when they don't showily apologize, they defend. And often what they defend is their organizations' own politics and biases. Or to put it another way, two wrongs don't make a right, unless your wrong comes from your printing press and his wrong comes from an administration you don't like.

Posted 10:51 AM by Gene

: I was a TV critic during broadcast TV's -- and American pop culture's -- true golden age, when television was filled with good shows and those shows were also the most popular, proving -- against all popular snarking -- that Americans, the masses, do have good taste.

Annd yew wer thuh mooving fors behynd itt, STERNO.

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

The transfar in Iraq

Thuh speling uv STERNO.

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

Tommy Friedman is taking three months off "to finish a book about geopolitics, called The World Is Flat." (Such typical news-hack thinking.) I can conjure up a whole raft of columnists left and right who should take PERMANENT sabbaticals.

Posted 8:13 AM by Gene

I'm Okay, You're Okay

And being a former TWXSTER you're VERY okay, although not as okay as you should be because STEVE 'N' GERRY...never mind.

Your prose isn't so okay, and that's because you were okay at TIME INC.

P. S. I wonder if PINCH had MICHIKO do her evisceration so the subsequent reviews would be BETTER.

Posted 6:42 AM by Gene

And near the top of my list of overrated Web sites along with GAWKER and a few other SUPERBLOGGERS is ROTTENTOMATOES.COM. Just for an example, here are the "publications" represented in one review: Spirituality and Health, Culturevulture.Net, Palo Alto Weekly...

Which is to say, I'm IMPRESSED.

Posted 6:29 AM by Gene

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, pundits MUST write. The CONSERVATIVE Mike left behind nothing but some bad dreams in kids. By August, this EARTH-SHATTERING CINEMA will have vanished too.

EM, are you THAT hard up for filler for your site?

P. S. Whatever tiny trust I had for the ad-blurb copywriters has vanished. They didn't like P. R. MEL because of the POLITICS, and they liked P. R. MIKE because of the POLITICS. The blurbists already majored in fawning and dishonesty; with these two tantrums they've earned their magna cum laude.

Posted 6:21 AM by Gene

Let's see the NEWS HACKS try to pull a QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!! out of THIS one. (They will.) I'd bet it won't stop the attacks. Yes or no, so long as WE retain the upper hand the Iraqis WILL get something better than Saddam, whether the HACKS like it or not. (They won't).

Posted 6:44 PM by Gene

Helping train Iraq's soldiers is the LEAST NATO can do.

Posted 6:42 PM by Gene

One thing to Dick Nixon's credit: he didn't have an imperial funeral.

Posted 11:46 AM by Gene

Hmmm, here's something about THE MIRACLE of THE MIRACLE news hacks hadn't told us:

Not all of the improvements were McDonald's doing. A rebounding economy helped. So did the falling fortunes at archfoe Burger King.

The nation's No. 2 fast-food chain found itself facing similar struggles, but with a smaller infrastructure, store closings were more profound. Burger King has closed hundreds of stores, meaning many customers come to McDonald's by default.

This is starting to look like plain old-fashioned luck. Let's wait until next year.

Posted 11:30 AM by Gene

TEMPLETON CONTRIBUTES $1 MILLION TO COUNTER SOROS!!!!!

WORLD FAMOUS FINANCIER SIR JOHN TEMPLETON HAS DONATED $1 MILLION THROUGH HIS FOUNDATION TO A POLITICAL GROUP THAT WILL ENCOURAGE RELIGIOUS CONSERVATIVES TO VOTE THIS NOVEMBER!!!!!!!!!!

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, it's THE MAX!!!!! again.

Posted 9:00 AM by Gene

Looks like NEWS HACKS get to run the CIA again.

Oh and APOLITICAL LENNY, how does running a DIPPITY-DO FOR PRESIDENT AD on the page with the story enhance your aura of NON-PARTISANSHIP?

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

LENNY RIEFEN$TAHL TURNS ON HIS FELLOW -- now I don't want to say Nazis, because The GLIBERAL pulled that trick on the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL HERR DOKTOR ASHHHHHHHHHHHHCRRRRRRRRROFT, and any time you disagree with somebody politically the easiest way out is to call him a Nazi, and I'm calling Mike by the name of a notorious Nazi documentarian, so I'll stop calling him Lenny Riefen$tahl and just say The Gliberal's fellow gliberal had a stroke recently -- against other gliberals.

There are some CRACKS in the UNITED FRONT on the way to a NEW AMERICA.

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

Isn't it time, O RARE PUBLIC MOUSE IN A HOLE, to finish off the fantasy that THE GLIBERAL is writing an ARTS column, and just give him the whole Sunday Op-Ed page to practice his strokes?

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

Nice thing too -- for the first time we'll have a MUTUAL FUND in the WHITE HOUSE!

I thought liberals were supposed to be of THUH PEE-PUL.

Posted 8:25 AM by Gene

Meantime the shlumping Borfins across the isle decided to take the week off. It would be nice to have Thomas back in the White House, but as we'll well know from here until wherever it is news hacks go when they're dead freezes over, DIP! WILL BE MUCH BETTER.

I don't know how he'll make Iraq better, but that can wait until after you elect him.

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

Forgive me, Mr. Mark, but you couldn't have put this in your rag unless you were the DEFINITIVE shlumping Borfin.

Posted 7:13 PM by Gene

One more thing: remember the riderless horse at Reagan's funeral? He was saved from the glue factory. I just found this out on the site for the animal welfare league founded by our latest winner of the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

God bless you, Doris Day.

Posted 7:05 PM by Gene

Oh well, we like pets too.

Posted 6:49 PM by Gene

And SPEAKING of lgf, it seems odd this is "now playing" on his site, given that he's a pop-music guy (and as most bloggers seem to share the same affliction as music execs), and given that these two were COMMIES. Well, as Terry Teachout might say, they were both fools -- and great musicians. We'll leave it at that for now.

Posted 6:23 PM by Gene

First, MUNICH; next -- ZE WORRRRRRRRRRRRLD!!!!!

Posted 6:12 PM by Gene

Come ON, GLIBERAL! We're waiting for you to reaffirm that sacred belief of NEWS HACKS: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

PROF GETS EXCITED that BILL the BUG MAN might BLOG. Here's the KICKER:

Gates also has a stable of writers and communications specialists who help produce material. It's unclear whether they would help keep his blog going.

In short, it would probably be just another corporate outlet. It would also raise the question of who REALLY writes OUR MOST POPULAR BLOGS. This PR stunt won't fly.

Posted 4:57 PM by Gene

Hmmm, how comforting to know your doctor prescribed that drug because the drug company's check was in the mail.

Posted 4:45 PM by Gene

Speaking of high (or rather low) finance, THE PAPER OF RECORD was clearly trying to elicit a confession from Enron Ken that BUSH DID IT. (Clearly you don't speak to THE PAPER OF RECORD unless it's MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL.) In the end, it wasn't coming; and try though he might to LAY the blame on OTHERS -- scapegoating IS the American way -- Enron Ken should only LAY it on HIMSELF.

Posted 4:44 PM by Gene

WHEN IS A LOT OF MONEY IN POLITICS NOT CORRUPTION?

WHEN YOUR CANDIDATE HAS THE MONEY!!!!!

Posted 2:15 PM by Gene

On Friday, Democrats and Republicans went to war over a new Bush reelection campaign ad that uses images of Adolph Hitler in bashing Democrat John Kerry.

Record Low Turnout in Presidential Race [tomorrow's headline]

Posted 2:08 PM by Gene

Israel Kills Al - Aqsa Martyrs Brigades W.Bank Leader

Hey ALLAH!! I need 72 more of them ugly virgins!

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

STEPPING squarely into the high-stakes game of chicken that is reality TV....

Sure you didn't mean chickens?

Posted 1:21 PM by Gene

"Nobody is better equipped to show people how to fleece the taxpayers into building them a new stadium than Allan H. [Bud] Selig. He could write a textbook on how he committed the taxpayers of Wisconsin to build a stadium at no cost whatsoever to the Seligs."

I guess you were right, George "MY BUSINESS IS MY BUSINESS" Will; Bud IS Einstein.

Posted 1:10 PM by Gene

I've no doubt our NATIONAL FEE COLLECTORS do their best to shaft lower-income turni -- CUSTOMERS; the problem is LENNY RIEFEN$TAHL'S GANG is on their side, which means con-SER-vatives trot out their old social-Darwinism and FREE ENTERPRISE excuses, which means -- people love politics more than ever.

Posted 1:00 PM by Gene

It IS, of course, only a matter of time before LENNY RIEFEN$TAHL's boffo first day becomes hundreds of thousands of articles saying WE'RE BACK!!!!! Just a matter of time -- and a few other scandal sheets.

Posted 12:45 PM by Gene

Palestinian President Yasser Arafat has told foreign diplomats he was committed to a truce during the August Olympics in Greece.

Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!

The Palestinian Authority is sending a swimmer and a runner to the Olympic games.

And no one in the SHOOTING competitions? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 11:19 AM by Gene

An small Idaho-based PC maker has turned the public backlash against outsourcing U.S. jobs into an unusual marketing campaign, urging customers to "Buy MPC, Support America."

And when it grows big enough it too can "outsource" jobs. That's usually what happens.

Posted 7:00 AM by Gene

Interactive: Take our quiz
Test your knowledge of the "Lou Dobbs Tonight" show

Let's see: Lou is fat; he speaks in a baritone (though he probably can't sing); he makes a lot of money; he works at the center of the universe; he's a Republican; he cozies up to CEOs; he's had lots of conflicts of interest; he has a temper; and he thinks we export too many jobs. There! That's my knowledge! What else do I have to know?

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

Now It's Kerry's Turn to Have Divorce Records Unsealed

Just THE SOURCE says we'll never hear of this again.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

More than 60 million years after the triceratops dinosaur roamed what is now Montana, its horn went to 6-year-old Eamon Rush for $550 at a Park Avenue auction.

The horn, one of hundreds of parts of prehistoric creatures being sold Thursday, could be as old as “100 million thousand billion centuries!” Eamon said after he made the winning bid.

I don't know -- with that kind of talk the six-year-old's on his way to being a SUPERBLOGGER.

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

First the ASSOCIATION OF TONE-DEAF RECORD PRODUCERS price-fixed. Now it's dumping inventory on our schools. Really I think it should go back to price fixing.

Come to think of it, it already is.

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

Proof the bell curve will always have a lower half.

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

Residents of Fallujah say foreign insurgents have banned drinking and music, imposed their own courts to enforce strict Islamic law and killed more than a dozen people suspected of collaborating with U.S. forces.

I'm sure we'd like this ALL OVER IRAQ, huh P. R. MIKE? TERRY? AL? MSSSSSSSSSS. PELOSI?

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

I'm getting as tired of hearing P. R. MIKE BLOVIATE as I got of hearing P. R. MEL PRAY.

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

Chaucer...Rabelais...BALLLLLLLLLZAC!!!!!

Clinton?

Hey Larry! You sure them purdy words ain't gonna prevent thayousands of them autographed doorstops from landin' in yeour bookstore eiyn TEX-ASS?

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

Civility drops to a low point in X-rated Congress

TRANSLATION: They're doing in public what for decades they've done in PRIVATE.

Posted 3:42 PM by Gene

Six of one...

A new series of whimsical public service announcements from the Environmental Protection Agency are lampooning the notion that cars can be made more energy efficient while the ads encourage conservation at home.

...half-a-dozen of the other....

Indeed, as the E.P.A. says, energy use at home can cause twice the emissions of a single car. But most families have more than one car and emit roughly the same amount of global warming gases in their vehicles as in their homes, said David Friedman, senior policy analyst at the [DO NOT FILL IN THE BLANK WITH A ONE-WORD ADJECTIVE DESCRIBING THE ORGANIZATION'S POLITICS!!!!!] Union of Concerned Scientists, an environmental research and advocacy group.

OR:

The Union of Concerned Scientists, a liberal advocacy group based in Cambridge, Mass....

THIS FROM A LIBERAL POLITICAL ACTION GROUP.

Posted 10:40 AM by Gene

Iraqis, Seeking Foes of Saudis, Contacted bin Laden, File Says

Wait wait WAIT A SECOND -- Iraq had NOTHING to do with OSAMA!!!!! THE PAPER OF RECORD'S PRINTING THIS?!?!? There MUST be an ulterior motive.

Posted 10:37 AM by Gene

Another rapper makes a BRILLIANT career move.

Posted 6:55 AM by Gene

Jeopardy was just another game show until the GET A LIFE! crowd was born, and then it became an obsession that underlined the crowd's essential meaninglessness.

And we can safely ignore any article that quotes THE PERFESSER OF BAD TV.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

Psssssst!!!!! Talking points -- TALKING POINTS, guys -- he's leaning toward the CENTER!!!!! The rest of the campaign -- THE CENTER!!!!!

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

Recently some news hack (I wish I could place the source) denied there was any longer a "summer season" -- that is to say, a SILLY SEASON.

I think some of his colleagues are proving him wrong.

Posted 6:24 AM by Gene

BYLINE OF THE WEEK:

‘Fahrenheit 9/11’ scores with critics

By By

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

Another story shows that the only way to make big money on the Web is by getting in at eBay at ground-level.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

SUBHED OF THE WEEK:

Why does every movie trailer end with a conk on the head?

Because every MOVIE is a conk on the head.

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

75 cents will also get you MORE SLANTED POLLS along with that cup of coffee.

And OF COURSE guess who greeted me when I clicked on to this story in one of USAOKAY.com's full-screen annoyances? SPIDEY!!!!!

I'd like to spin an IMPERVIOUS WEB around GanNETt's every last HONOR BOX.

OR:

"THERE IS NO CIRCULATION SCANDAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

Here are two national best-seller lists, and even without the DOORSTOP they do our nation no credit.

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

I'm surprised those Iraqi "insurgents" haven't unleashed a wave of QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That says either 1. NEWS HACKS have already said "Mission Accomplished" or 2. Home-grown QUAGMIRE doesn't count.

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

The Center for Media and Public Affairs (sighhhhhhhhhhhh) says LEGACY'S DOORSTOP has revived the lame late-night-TV political joke.

Will wonders never cease?

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

That THE CONSPIRACY is considering a school superintendent to replace DR. EVIL means his successor may well be very pliable.

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

Well look who's supporting DIP! A BLAST FROM THE PAST! Lee must be supporting him because GUESS WHO BAILED OUT CHRYSLER.

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

NEWS HACKS are supposing DIPPITY-DO! will run America with a Democratic Congress. But what if he doesn't? What if an excessively partisan DIP locks horns with an excessively partisan Republican Congress? Of course NEWS HACKS wouldn't EVER think of THAT. They don't get paid their big salaries to THINK.

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

$52,000 for 92 million screen names.

Even TIME WARNER did better.

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

Douglas McCorkindale, chief executive of USA TODAY [SIC] parent Gannett, said the story is being ''blown out of proportion'' by the media. ''There is no circulation scandal,'' McCorkindale said.

TRANSLATION: You're mad because you're getting A DOSE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE.

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

Restaurant inspections may go online

Does that mean more -- BUGS?

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

Beheading, the method that Islamist terrorists have used to execute three hostages in Iraq and Saudi Arabia, is specified by Islamic law, but should be used only in extreme cases, with at least one judge and credible witnesses to a crime, Islamic analysts say.

This is easy. With the hostages, their crime was being an infidel, their witnesses were Muslims, and God was their judge.

Others point out that the Koran refers to such a punishment for infidels and that Muhammad oversaw the beheading of several hundred men in his lifetime.

Easier.

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

The Center for Media and Public Affairs [Sighhhhhhhhhhhh. --Ed.] found that Reagan, in his first years in office, garnered the harshest coverage of any president in the past 24 years. Over the course of his campaigns and eight years in office, Reagan's press peaked and fell but was always negative: 85% of on-air assessments of him leading to Election Day 1980 were negative; 64% of his first-year evaluations were negative; in his re-election bid in 1984, 91% of coverage was negative.

Oh NOOOOOOOO, the press ISN'T biased.

Posted 8:20 AM by Gene

WOW!!!!! From standing in line for eight days to buy LEGACY's book to making a BEEEEEE-O "RECORD"!!!!! The staff of THE PAPER OF RECORD MUST BE TIRED!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

Actual juxtaposition on the great CNN's home page:

• Busing leaves 30-year sting
• UMass invests in diversity

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

Review: 'Riddick' Game Better Than Movie

Was it that hard?

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

Let me be blunt. Newspapers bite. The work isn't much fun anymore, thanks to the soul-snatching corporate culture that has euthanized newsroom personalities. Most papers reflect that numbers-crunching, cubicle-hunkering mentality. We're boring, predictable, staid and out of touch with the folks with quarters.

Let me be blunt, too -- nobody believes NEWS HACKS who write such apologies because you make too much money and have too much power -- and TRIB is a GREAT PLACE TO WORK if you know how to COMPROMISE.

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

OooooooooooOOOOOOOOOooooooooooh, Catholic colleges must -- make a decision!

God forbid they make a decision -- other than to raise tuition and field corrupt sports teams.

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

Andy Rooney, 'Sexiest' Newscaster?

If you're into S&M -- senile and mental.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Sorry for the NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

Now there IS no need to read My Lie.

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

U.S. investigators said on Wednesday they had arrested an America Online employee for stealing the Internet provider's customer list and selling it to a purveyor of "spam" e-mail.

I'm glad I quit!

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

I wonder -- do some people commit crimes so they can get on television?

OMERTA omits the "VICTIM'S" race. Cle-VERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

"We are announcing for the last time that we are opening the door to repentance and for those to return to righteousness."

Wait a second, Princie -- since they're terrorists (pardon -- MILITANTS) don't they get their 72 virgins by default?

Posted 4:50 PM by Gene

The researchers suspect that as much as 4 percent of the world's population have a congenital brain abnormality that renders them tone deaf.

AND THEY'RE ALL IN THE MUSIC BIZ.

Posted 11:39 AM by Gene

GREAT: The Saudis are offering the holy cockroaches a one-month "amnesty." [More here.]

As opposed to the permanent one?

Posted 11:19 AM by Gene

The future governor of South Dakota (or senator, or whatever) issues a statement:

"Shaun . . . Your behavior to me over the past few years has been a sickening joke. From the day you called [former NBC Enterprises president] Ed Wilson and said I was creating a hostile situation . . . to last week when you went postal on my friend and accused me of an affair . . . and talked to me like a five-year-old gang member.

"I have never known anybody so disliked in a newsroom and it's well deserved. You push people to the limits and you are so needy and demanding . . . it is scary.

"This is tough love, Shaun. You have the worst reputation I've ever seen in the business . . . and your constant attempt to get me fired was such a joke to everybody it was hard to contain the laughter.

"But now I am gone . . . and you made my departure so easy . . . I've never worked with anybody so conflicted and sad and insecure and so needy. They all know it . . . and it must be sad for you to realize that you are literally hated by most . . . Don't you EVER EVER make things up about me. Don't you EVER EVER tell your friends I'm a bad employee . . .

"People laugh at you. But they are afraid of your always taking the race card . . . You'll always be a little person that people feel sorry for . . . You cannot believe how much you are disliked. Try and repair it . . . or you'll be back in local news before you know it . . . with no wardrobe people to yell at every day. 'Did [co-host] Nancy [O'Dell] get that, I WANT THAT.' Pathetic. BuhBye . . . And have a great, miserable life. Pat."

You too, GOV.

(Well, he DID apologize.)

Posted 11:07 AM by Gene

One of these things is just like the other:

STATEMENT FROM NAB PRESIDENT AND CEO EDWARD O. FRITTS IN RESPONSE TO BROADCAST INDECENCY, TV VIOLENCE, AND MEDIA OWNERSHIP AMENDMENT PASSED BY THE SENATE

"NAB does not support the amendment passed today by the Senate. We continue to believe that voluntary industry initiatives that have been taken by a number of broadcasters thus far are far preferable to government regulation when dealing with programming issues. We also believe that most Americans would acknowledge that broadcast programming is considerably less explicit in terms of violence and sexual content than that which is routinely found on cable and satellite channels."

---------------------------------------------------

Response from NAB President & CEO Edward O. Fritts to Sen. McCain's LPFM Legislation

"It is unfortunate Sen. McCain is relying on the deeply flawed Mitre study in supporting the authorization of more low power FM stations. Local radio listeners should not be subjected to the inevitable interference that would result from shoehorning more stations onto an already overcrowded radio dial."

Posted 9:08 AM by Gene

An INSTASPIKE® for a feature-laden BLOG, one of whose features is THIS:

Click "Turn Light On" at the top of the left-hand column for a simpler page design that may be easier to read.

Posted 8:48 AM by Gene

USAOKAY! is hiking its newsstand price to 75 cents so it can sell more movies.

Thankfully we Web surfers get it for free, proving the old saw -- you get what you pay for.

Posted 6:29 AM by Gene

As Conrad flees from the scene of the crime his publishing house nets $1.33 billion, proof owning a newspaper is a license to print money -- and lies.

Posted 6:13 PM by Gene

The British lost an empire, and for years they've acted it; we all remember their national nervous breakdown over Di. Now they're LIBERAL BLASE about a US-funded effort to teach chastity to teens. If you want to ignore teen pregnancies, STDs and abortions so you can spend your lives in hypnosis before the telly, fine. But sixty years ago you clowns proved you were better than that.

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

Time for one of my favorites from THE MASTER again:

Sir, there is no setting the point of precedency between a louse and a flea.

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The Trib had a Ben Bradlee who moved it from one kind of bad (the "Col." screaming bloody murder at any reporter who disagreed with him and turning the paper into one long intolerable slant) to another (always lobbying for the forces of right using weasel words, meantime making sure to be excessively show-biz synergistic). This obit merely underlines what I said in one of my first posts: "It scarcely matters, then, whether the press is right-wing reactionary or left-wing reactionary: it will always be reactionary."

And he died on the same week TRIB admitted to CIRCULATION INFLATION at its New York rag. I will admit his moon landing front page was a masterpiece. May he rest in peace.

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

My "mistaken" link made it into Technorati. Oh well, I don't like playing tricks on my blog, BUT I DON'T LIKE NEWS HACKS CAMPAIGNING ON THEIR SITES EITHER.

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

Honest! Whorvis Communications WILL fight terrorism!

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

Mary-Kate Olsen is being treated for an "eating disorder."

A story like this is almost foreordained.

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

A good reason to temporarily boycott Yahoo!: It's running Web ads featuring Al O'Franken and Stone Face Stein. PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-U!

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

OoooooooooOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooh! One of CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES likens THE BOOK to "being locked in a small room with a very gregarious man who insists on reading his entire appointment book, day by day, beginning in 1946."

And when a CURLEY STOOGE says it's bad, it's BAD.

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

I guess after savaging Reagan Kinsley.com has to show it's -- evenhanded.

Posted 3:07 PM by Gene

SHUCKS, Gov. Endlessly Eloquent won't succeed DR. EVIL after all.

But it was worth the audition!

Posted 2:35 PM by Gene

Well! Seems CIRCULATION INFLATION's been lurking for a few months:

Lawyer Joseph Giaimo, whose clients have accused Newsday of circulation-pumping fraud to drive up ad rates, told Judge Leonard Wexler that one plaintiff - East Coast Realtors - quit the suit after learning that the paper would no longer run its ads. [This reported on March 12.]

And six days after the TRIB reports CONRAD'S FOLLIES, INSTANT-ACTIN' INSTAPROF FINALLY FINDS OUT.

Posted 2:06 PM by Gene

OOPS! I just realized -- I posted that last story with THE WRONG URL! HERE'S THE CORRECT ONE!

Jeez, you can't be TOO careful with your own BLOG!

Pffh-hh-hh!

Posted 2:03 PM by Gene

A NEW YORK CONCERT PROMOTER HAS MOUNTED AN ONLINE CAMPAIGN TO “DRAFT” BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN TO HEADLINE A ROCK ’N' ROLL SHOW TO UPSTAGE THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION ON THE NIGHT IT NOMINATES PRESIDENT BUSH TO RUN FOR ANOTHER TERM!!!!!

THE “CONCERT FOR CHANGE,” WOULD BE HELD SEPT. 1 AT GIANTS STADIUM, ACROSS THE HUDSON RIVER FROM THE REPUBLICANS’ MEETING AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, SAID PROMOTER AND DEMOCRATIC ACTIVIST ANDREW RASIEJ, WHO HAS RESERVED THE DATE AT SPRINGSTEEN’S NEW JERSEY HOME VENUE THAT HE ROUTINELY SELLS OUT WHEN HE TOURS!!!!!!!!!!

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 1:50 PM by Gene

Thanks to GoogleBlogger's CONTINUING EXCELLENCE I posted the same post FOUR TIMES yesterday. (I have since deleted the excess ones.) I was not trying to beat anyone over the head with it; rather, GoogleBlogger was trying to beat me over the head with IT.

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

Senate votes 99-1 to increase FCC's indecency fines

A DARK day in American history. Pfffffffffffffffffffft!

Our Congresspoops are doing this because BROADCASTERS wouldn't take responsibility -- and just as important, because ADVERTISERS WOULDN'T TAKE IT EITHER.

Posted 1:31 PM by Gene

The KOREANS should GET OUT YESTERDAY!!!!!

Oh, they WON'T?!?!? Shucks. You mean NEWS HACKS DON'T ALWAYS WIN?!?!?

Posted 1:28 PM by Gene

I-I-I-I-I'm s-s-s-s-sorry y-y-y-y-you're absolutely r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-ight w-we sh-shouldn't be fighting t-t-t-t-terrorists!

When news hacks ask THE GENERAL to JUMP....

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

I smell a low-carb LAWSUIT up ahead!

Ralph! RALPHIE BOY! Where are your LAWYERS?

Posted 6:20 AM by Gene

OH oh, "experts" say oil's price is in a long-term fall!

Does that mean they're wrong?

Posted 5:56 PM by Gene

Words of the Day, though they be from Reuters:

So many pundits, newspapers and broadcasters have blitzed the public with snippets and views of Bill Clinton's memoirs that readers may feel they hardly need open the book themselves.

Someone should write a column: "101 Uses for Bill Clinton's Memoirs." That would be a riot. Certainly they won't be READ.

Posted 5:48 PM by Gene

"Apolitical" voter registration is a noble cause, but alas, politics can never be apolitical.

Posted 5:47 PM by Gene

Back to the future: didn't the record clowns try 3" CDs before? Yes, I believe they did. Sony made players for them. They faded away.

I can imagine the pricing for these new ones.

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

The nation's never-ending obsession with "fairness" has struck THE GOLF COURSE.

SHUT UP already. Life's been fair enough to you duffers.

Posted 5:34 PM by Gene

Ralphie boy picked "an investment banker" as his running mate so as not to scare BUSINESS.

Pffh-hh-hh-hh-hh!!

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

The Weather Service wastes our money, and CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES and USAOKAY! waste our time.

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

I have faith the South Koreans won't turn CHICKEN the way the Spanish did -- but they'll be under an intense onslaught by the world's NEWS HACKS, who are the enemy of everything AMERICAN except pop culture (because the people in the biz agree with them, and because of the synergy, and the money).

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

You're a fine writer, Chris, and I'm sure I agree with much of what you say, but somehow, I'm not in a mood to read 4,299 words to learn Michael Moore is a farceur and fraud.

Or to put it more briefly, Michael is to the loony left what P. R. MEL was to the Christian right: a vitriolic button pusher pushing all the right buttons, a man who'd destroy the country to feed his depthless vanity. Michael will make his big bucks -- maybe not as many as Mel, but he'll make them, and the country will fume just as it did before. No wonder people despise politics.

Posted 1:56 PM by Gene

Joe Klein works in "intelligence"!

Better watch out, Anon. They found out Joe Klein.

Posted 1:36 PM by Gene

• "Should editors embark on an ideological affirmative action program?"

No. There's too much gender and ethnic bean-counting in hiring decisions already. Don't lard on another category. Why should a mediocre conservative reporter get a leg up on a liberal with a first-rate portfolio of clippings?

Amen, brother. (And this guy agrees the press crawls with bugs -- liberals.)

Posted 1:12 PM by Gene

Today at the salsa McDonald's I frequent a manager (I presume) was leafing through two thick loose-leaf binders, one at least two inches thick and the other three inches. Atop one binder was a booklet titled, "Utility Management."

Con-SER-vatives always like to gloat that Mickey D's is THE Miracle of Capitalism; I suspect it's more bogged down in paperwork than the Feds. It's only come back due to salads and shrewd PR, and maybe some executive hinting to the franchisees that their emporia must be slightly cleaner.

Another thing: when it comes to FINANCING CRAP ON TV, one word is DEFINITELY in its vocabulary: JUDGMENTAL. That's precisely the word I would expect to hear from those lobbyists at the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertsiers were they to e-mail me back. JUDGMENTAL, of course, is a code word for CONSERVATIVE. And that's code for, we'll write off at least a third of our customers so we can do what we damn well please.

Posted 11:47 AM by Gene

What was the founding of ErrAmerica but the same old liberal tax-and-spend -- in the private sector?

Surprising that the JOURNALS' LIBERAL EDITION RAN THIS. But it does have a happy ending, er, last graf.

Posted 11:21 AM by Gene

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! THEY DID IT!!!!!

ON TO THE JETSONS!!!!!!!!!!

Flying AMC Pacers, space-car garages on bottomless stilts, orbiting traffic jams...What hath Paul wrought?

Posted 10:51 AM by Gene

I'm linked in FROOGLE?!?!?

I'll take it.

Posted 10:39 AM by Gene

We couldn'a done it without a little help from our FRIENDS.

I think this means -- another flack sheet from WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS.

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

Hey MR. BLEAT, it wasn't that funny twenty years ago "when Bill the Cat said 'Ack! Thbbft.'"

And I said Entertainment Weekly was ack thbbft months before you did.

Posted 8:40 AM by Gene

Among the most useless inventions of all time: the DEGAUSS button.

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

OOOOOOOOOOooooooooh, Iran's -- CONSERVATIVES want to war with BRITAIN!

I'd say it's a mismatch but I'd say the MAD MULLAHS want to fight the first NUCLEAR WAR.

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

Looks like those ads on PAPEROFRECORD.com are working too well DIP!

Posted 6:36 AM by Gene

Now that RowlingCorp's latest epic is fizzling at the B.O., some mysterious force has tapped a news hack's shoulder and said IT HAS MEDICINAL POWERS.

If only we could wave a magic wand and make USA OKAY disappear.

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

Repeat after me: repeat after me: repeat after me:

TV as usual.

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

More excellence from the collaboration of the Six Sigma Boys and Bill's Bug Breeders:

• Dog sense of smell could help dianose illness [home-page hed]

Posted 6:17 AM by Gene

KERRY FOR PRESIDENT (aka the LALA TIMES) says OUR NEXT PRESIDENT "CONSULTS WIDELY AND DELIBERATES CAREFULLY!!!!!"

Is that NEWSHACKESE for MICROMANAGING?

Posted 6:30 PM by Gene

The unpronounceable FEE COLLECTOR's getting BIGGER!

Can you begin to imagine how much MONEY people waste on this empire?

ONWARD TO ONE NATIONAL FEE COLLECTOR!!!!!

Posted 6:30 PM by Gene

Whorvis Communications must be concerned for its reputation -- it wrote EIGHT PARAGRAPHS!

Posted 1:11 PM by Gene

F. Scott Fitzgerald famously observed that there are no second acts in American lives. That was before the Internet, 24-hour-cable TV news and The Osbournes....

and USA OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 12:49 PM by Gene

Let us be blunt: MICKEYMOUSE NIXON has destroyed His company's "family" franchise. By turning His company into just another media megaconglomerate, by openly courting controversy and by fervently releasing R-rated movies and financing Michael Moore, by getting His company into the CapCities morass for the sake of His huge ego, and putting anything on the air to extricate Himself, and by being a regal pain where the sun don't shine, NIXON has told many of His customers to go screw themselves. The effect is taking hold now: He can't find a buyer for His retail stores, His animation unit's in the gutter, many of His recent releases have underperformed in the BEEEEEEEEEEE-O, His last two big budget films have been BOMBS, and the last two movies bearing His company's putative founder's name have been BOMBS. Even if saintly little Walter Jr., er ROY gets his wish and finally pushes NIXON out, he'll have won (as I stated before) a PYRRHIC VICTORY, for NIXON did so much damage all His company has are assets. Goodwill is a thing of the past at ESPNCorp.

Posted 12:36 PM by Gene

Why are we worried about FACTS, O PAPER OF RECORD? You know the NEWS HACK'S CREED: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

Posted 12:36 PM by Gene

ALL HAIL! HAIL KING RICHARD!! HAIL TO THE KING!!!

"A type-B personality." Yeah sure, Kingie. In a type-A business. ALL HAIL THE KING!!!!!

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

A query I've e-mailed to two lobbyists at the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers:

If the members of ANA are so responsible please explain this line in a puff piece for Tom Freston:

He said he had never prevented his sons, now 14 and 19, from watching any MTV Networks show. And he added that no advertiser had ever pulled out because of programming.

I await an answer, knowing none will ever come.

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

More crusading truthtelling from THE PROFESSOR:

UPDATE: Reader David Gerstman emails that the BBC story is 3 years old....

Yeah but it got you twenty zillion katillion more hits.

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

The problem with religious types is that their political declamations are frequently pure unmitigated inoffensive blah, and when they seek to compromise for "half a loaf" all they do is compromise.

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

Things are AWFUL in IRAQ. BUT:

This account is drawn from interviews with a score of current and former CPA officials, several in senior positions, other U.S. government officials and Iraqis who work with the CPA. Most spoke on the condition they not be identified by name because of rules barring people working for the CPA from speaking to journalists without approval from CPA public affairs officials.

And these zillion-dollar idiots have been beating their holy breasts this last week about their @#$%&* ANONYMOUS SOURCES. I repeat my definition from the NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY: a source is "someone a news hack cites when he wishes to express an opinion." Once you read a paragraph like that you STOP READING, no matter how truthful the account.

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

Reports: Algerian terror leader killed in military sweep

Hey ALLAH!! Gimme 72 more VIRGINS!!!!!

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

MICHIKO's review of the NEW GEN. GRANT MEMOIR MASTERWORK was posted at 2:37 p.m. I posted my comments at 7:07 p.m. THE PROFESSOR posts his today at 8:21 a.m. -- and gets five billion zillion extra hits. I get ZERO yesterday (the one listed was MINE.) WHY?

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

And is THE PAPER OF RECORD SMILING because a wealthy white woman is getting HERS?

And these clowns are always saying we should make prisons more HUMANE. We should. BUT NOT JUST FOR SOME.

I will admit the hed is very sad.

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

Someone should tell the Republicans: you know, a FEW in your party do surf THEPAPEROFRECORD.COM.

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

Sing with me to the tune of the theme from the old SPIDEY kidvid show:

MR. MARK! MR. MARK!

HE'S AMERICA'S BIGGEST JARK!

If Lorenz Hart could use that word I can.

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

Now Ken Auletta and his gang of sycophants already made a hero of SUMNER. Here's their next hero: TOM FRESTON. Remember the name: TOM FRESTON.

Why is every one of your heroes an SOB?

And how do I know this is the sort of thing you have to scrape from your feet after stepping in it? It quotes PAUL DRECK AND THE PERFESSER OF BAD TV.

By the way, JIMMY "POUND THE TABLE" CRAMER, if media crime families like VIACON are going down the toilet why do NEWS HACKS and SALESMEN like YOU crawl one over another to suck up to their top execs? Huh, STERNO?

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

2 Allies Aided Bin Laden, Say Panel Members
Saudi Arabia and Pakistan let terrorists flourish before 9/11, apparently in return for protection from attacks by Al Qaeda.

WELL! As if WE didn't know.

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

Why am I thinking, child pornography is a NO-NO in CANADA?

Posted 7:07 PM by Gene

OH oh, LEGACY got his first review -- from MICHIKO:

The book, which weighs in at more than 950 pages, is sloppy, self-indulgent and often eye-crossingly dull — the sound of one man prattling away, not for the reader, but for himself and some distant recording angel of history.

Well, she says a couple of good things too.

I still want to know about spelling and grammar errors.

P. S. Mark "COULTER" Steyn (sorry Mark, but some people must TYPE) calls it "My Lie - whoops, My Life." Why couldn't I have thought of that?

Posted 7:07 PM by Gene

I have NO HITS TODAY. Anybody out there?!?!?

Posted 5:45 PM by Gene

1. How does anyone know 474.3 quadrillion M&Ms would fill the Grand Canyon?

2. What must it feel like to have to slave over a hot computer typing out a piece of Shrek, er, dreck like this?

Posted 4:29 PM by Gene

Racing? I thought NASCAR was about MARKETING!

Posted 2:21 PM by Gene

You know SOMEONE doesn't like bloggers when STERNO calls his work "a brainless piece of drek-think and academic sensationalism devoid of intelligence and experience about its subject and bankrupt in its analysis."

I use "moronic" myself.

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

The DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL COMMITTEE (aka THE PAPER OF RECORD) says, "NYAH NYAH-NYAH NYAH NYAH, YOU CAAAAAAAAAAN'T CAAAAAAAAAATCH UUUUUUUS!"

Posted 1:39 PM by Gene

"THE ADL'S HATE-FILLED ISLAMOPHOBIC RHETORIC LABELS ALL MUSLIMS AS TERRORISTS, BECAUSE EVERY MUSLIM BELIEVES IN THE DECLARATION OF FAITH AS THE ESSENCE OF ISLAM!! IT IS TRULY SAD THAT AN ORGANIZATION THAT ONCE FOUGHT FOR RELIGIOUS TOLERANCE HAS SUNK TO EXPLOITING ANTI-MUSLIM IGNORANCE AND PREJUDICE TO ADVANCE THE BRUTAL AGENDA OF A FOREIGN NATION!!!!!!!!!!"



Green? I don't see no green.

Posted 1:38 PM by Gene

Hmmm, now the HACKS are saying it was a...MILITANT hideout. HMMM.

Posted 1:23 PM by Gene

Where the 1956 movie provided cameos by Marlene Dietrich, Frank Sinatra, Noel Coward and Buster Keaton, the [ESPNCorp] version offers Owen and Luke Wilson [WHO?!?!?] as the Wright Brothers....

So MICKEYMOUSE NIXON remade it anyway. ABANDON SHIP!

Posted 1:19 PM by Gene

Is Lucas Spielberg losing Its MOJO?

Posted 1:08 PM by Gene

The Saudi government DID/DID NOT support al Qaeda. Take your choice.

Does it matter?

Posted 9:08 AM by Gene

God bless the South Koreans.

Posted 8:55 AM by Gene

So what are they, NEWS HACKS: goons or MILITANTS?????

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

The book is sprawling, undisciplined and idiosyncratic in its choice of emphasis.

Translation: IT STINKS.

But Carl Limburger smells quite good to himself, and so does the reek from the NEWS HACKS' armpits.

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan said "these kinds of brutal acts do not help anybody."

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWELL!

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

We cannot hope to extract the truth on stories like this because they're full of Rashomon -- and propaganda -- and because news hacks have already decided "Whatever it is, they're against it."

Plus the hacks' SIXTH SENSE FOR NEWS seems to be curiously alert before such events.

Posted 8:21 AM by Gene

I'm glad Baghdad has its sewage treatment plant back, but it would have been nice if it had happened -- oh, six months or so ago.

Posted 8:18 AM by Gene

SO -- how do we make the Catholics' slap on the wrist an expression of BIGOTED HATEFUL EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL?

Knowing news hacks, they'll manage.

Posted 6:43 PM by Gene

Perhaps an American was not butchered by holy cockroaches in vain.

Posted 5:57 PM by Gene

McCain Lauds Bush in Speech to Troops

We don't believe you YET.

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

Another rapper makes a BRILLIANT career move.

Posted 5:42 PM by Gene

SYYYYYYYYYYYYYNERGYYYYYYYYYYYYYY:

Universal Studios Home Video Is Proud to Announce 'NBC News Presents'

I've got a better title: This is Six Sigma?

Posted 5:35 PM by Gene

Make no mistake: the heroes of the stem-cell movement are DE-FACTO PRO-ABORTION.

What sense does it make to save some lives if we're going to destroy just as many in the process?

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

Two stars of the upcoming "MGM" MASTERPIECE DE-Lovely put out an album so bad a rock-music ad-blurb copywriter pans it.

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

At this rate Mrs. Slut should be able to marry in the double-digits.

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

Here's one of those times when I find myself close to agreeing with the knee-jerk FREE ENTERPRISE conservatives on something. In many ways the market is more effective at setting a floor on salaries than the Feds. Business can make wages attractive when it wants to, even for the lowest-skilled worker. The problem with FREE ENTERPRISE, though, is when it wants to lower its average wage it OUTSOURCES.

Posted 10:42 AM by Gene

[I]t never hurts to be reminded that "news" outfits are not above repackaging the same old shinola in new wrappers.

And that, in a tidy little package, is the secret of "successful" news hacks, bloggers -- and PUNDITS.

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

OOOOOOOOOOOOH! Another PROFILE IN COURAGE in the works : the MOONIES are turning LIBERAL!!!!!

I guess it's that or lose another "$1 billion."

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

Russian intelligence services warned Washington several times that Saddam Hussein's regime planned terrorist attacks against the United States, President Vladimir Putin has said.

Again, there was absolutely NO REASON to attack Iraq.

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

Did DR. EVIL get a standing ovation?

Posted 6:55 AM by Gene

Why is this news? Phil Jackson has been retiring for years.

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

The P. R. MEL of the animal world has come within a politically incorrect distance of his friends, meaning of course he must be executed after trial by a judge and jury consisting of Noam Chomsky.

Posted 6:36 AM by Gene

I have HAD IT with NEWS HACKS POPPING THE BUBBLY EVERY TIME THERE'S A MEDIA MERGER. These celebrations only underline their intense desire to see the industry as big and as consolidated as possible, so they can apply the second titanium glove of their power to the first one over an already stainless-steel fist. Their industry will do ANYTHING to accrete power -- witness CIRCULATION INFLATION, a story NEWS HACKS, in their ORGANIZATION-MAN mode, will do EVERYTHING to bury.

GRAYDON and the ad-blurb copywriters' effusions over A NEW GOLDEN AGE OF ENTERTAINMENT are reason enough for the HACKS to have forfeit their last shred of credibility.

Posted 6:35 AM by Gene

What was the intifada for?

Posted 7:45 PM by Gene

Several days after nyah-nyahing the Sun-Times about its goofy numbers, seems TRIB has some goofy numbers of its own at Newsday.

How widespread is this farce?

Posted 6:12 PM by Gene

I am waiting for the neat little music seller Collectables Records -- or is that Marie's CDs? -- to have another one of its 3-for-2 sales so I can buy the soundtrack to Billy Rose's Jumbo. This was MGM's swan song in musicals (discounting The Unsinkable Molly Brown and those ghastly Elvis and Connie Francis programmers) and the last film for one of the most brilliant musicians who ever worked in Hollywood: Conrad Salinger, the dean of orchestrators. In this PC age we honor him not for his brilliance but because he was GAY, flamingly GAY, foppishly GAY, which does an enormous insult to his memory. I remember when I was very young being struck by his theme to the old bad John Forsythe sitcom Bachelor Father, and while it's not much of a melody he wrung every last drop out of it with his talent. This thirty-second sample of "This Can't Be Love" (he did even better) has a snippet of what made him great -- the piquant twists in harmony, the "denseness" of his scoring, that genius for making even the most inconsequential song eloquent -- and Rodgers and Hart were far from inconsequential. (He helped orchestrate the Broadway production in '35.) Listening closely to his arrangements can teach anyone in any art form how to add that little fillip that adds zest and life. More than anyone else save Judy Garland Salinger made the Freed Unit and its twenty-year string of triumphs, and he as much as anyone else underlines why good movies need good music. He died after the Jumbo assignment, apparently by his own hand: he foresaw the snake in the MGM grass, and the end of the musical he helped to prosper. Fortunately, since DR. EVIL took over the trade we've had nothing but CINEMATIC BRILLIANCE, so Salinger isn't missed -- except by those who love music.

Posted 6:00 PM by Gene

Why am I thinking, anyone could have thrown a list of magazines into a hat, tossed the hat vigorously, pulled out 50 names and come up with nearly the same list the Trib's LIFESTYLE SECTION insisted on printing?

Posted 5:53 PM by Gene

Does anyone recall Smoot-Hawley?

Posted 5:51 PM by Gene

The EC throws up its hands and allows the death of music.

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

TIGER must be in a SLUMP!!!!! because THE PAPER OF RECORD says so!

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

BRILLIANT! NOAA's weather-radio stations will broadcast non-weather "emergency alerts." Has anyone heard these stations lately? They use computer-synthesized speech; the one around here has three different "personalities" (two male, one female) who speak with vaguely Scandinavian inflections and mispronounce every tenth word (Reading, following a word that ends with a T, becomes "Treading"). Listen for more than twenty seconds at a time and you WILL go nuts. If people laugh now at NOAA, think what will happen when it becomes America's babysitter.

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

Possibly I complain out of jealousy -- I wrote a college satire that will never be published, as I must say again -- and none of this is a knock on Kinsley.com (which should be knocked in other ways), but somehow when I read "personal and reportorial account[s] of middle class kids in their teens and early 20s" they all sound the same. Teenagers are dull, very dull, intrinsically dull, and it takes a good writer to transcend that dullness, and very few can.

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

Let's all roll our eyeballs together! One, two...

DR. DYLAN (NOW IF ONLY HE COULD LEARN TO SING)

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

Let us never assume this can't happen again.

Posted 1:41 PM by Gene

Two can play at this game (and that's what it is, a game): If Mark Steyn is Ann Coulter, Dan Kennedy is Joe Conason. Thus punditry can always be reduced to its irreducible minimum of "MOMMY! HE STOLE MY BIKE!!" "DID NOT!!!" "DID TOO!!" "DID NOT!!!" "DID TOO!!!" "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!" "WILL YOU SHUT UP OR I'LL SPANK BOTH OF YOU!!!" Good idea.

I don't like it when columnists play mind games with me, mister -- right OR left.

By the way, Romy -- who IS Dan Kennedy?

Posted 11:37 AM by Gene

A NEW GoogleBlogger innovation: after you click on "Publish Post" -- the screen goes blank!

Posted 11:35 AM by Gene

Of course there will always be evil -- and Saudi Arabia being Saudi Arabia, there will always be COWARDS.

Posted 11:18 AM by Gene

HUBRIS:

With news of an impending attack against the United States gaining wider circulation, a rift developed within al Qaeda’s leadership. Although Bin Ladin wanted the operation to proceed as soon as possible, several senior al Qaeda figures thought they should follow the position taken by their Afghan host, Taliban leader Mullah Omar, who opposed attacking the United States. According to one al Qaeda member, when Bin Ladin returned after the general alert in late July, he spoke to his confidants about problems he was having with Omar’s unwillingness to allow any further attacks against the United States from Afghanistan.

KSM [Khalid Sheikh Mohammed] claims that Omar opposed attacking the United States for ideological reasons but permitted attacks against Jewish targets. KSM denies that Omar’s opposition reflected concern about U.S. retaliation but notes that the Taliban leader was under pressure from the Pakistani government to keep al Qaeda from engaging in operations outside Afghanistan. While some senior al Qaeda figures opposed the 9/11 operation out of deference to Omar, others reportedly expressed concern that the U.S. would respond militarily.

Bin Ladin, on the other hand, reportedly argued that attacks against the United States needed to be carried out immediately to support the insurgency in the Israeli occupied territories and to protest the presence of U.S. military forces in Saudi Arabia. Bin Ladin also thought that an attack against the United States would reap al Qaeda a recruiting and fundraising bonanza. In his thinking, the more al Qaeda did, the more support it would gain. Although he faced opposition from many of his most senior advisers — including Shura council members Shaykh Saeed, Sayf al Adl, and Abu Hafs the Mauritanian — Bin Ladin effectively overruled their objections, and the attacks went forward.

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

"The only thing advertisers care about is circulation, circulation, circulation," Atorino said. "You could put Mickey Mouse's byline on stories, and they wouldn't care."

Aside from the fact that Mickey Mouse already writes most news copy, people won't notice a byline strike because SO MANY STORIES IN SO MANY NEWS MEDIA AREN'T BYLINED. That the Journals employ megalomaniacs (Al Hunt, John Fund) does not exempt them from the public's indifference either, although we who know their excellences (or is it "their Excellencies"?) know better.

Posted 9:19 AM by Gene

Somebody named Leopold tries to justify his salary by writing a thumbsucker about the 80s.

Only three things need be remembered about that decade: 1. It was the second ten years of the Me Decade; 2. Except for MUSICAL MASTERWORKS ("Thriller," "Born in the USA") and catchphrases ("Greed is good"; "WHERE'S THE BEEF?") it was a time of cultural dross; and 3. Because of the first two things the eighties never ended.

Posted 6:55 AM by Gene

'I LIED TO EVERYBODY'

This is news?

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

Wouldn't DISHONEST BLOGGERS violate the laws of physics?

Pffh-hh-hh!

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

It is not enough that our Congresspoops want to hold their jobs in perpetuity, it appears they wish to create fiefdoms using their relatives, creating RICH conflicts of interest.

Posted 6:56 PM by Gene

RULE NO. 1 OF RETAILING:

Any store that plays Billy Joel on its foreground muzak never restocks sale items.

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

OH oh, I smell another bad movie coming on....

Posted 4:50 PM by Gene

Knight Ridder Philly Newspaper Monopoly Tabloid Edition's endorsement of DIPPITY-DO! is an admission and a challenge. It's an admission that, faced with an audience tiring of the same old news hack blah and competition from a free tabloid, it must do something, ANYTHING, to attract attention, even if in doing so it threatens to put itself out of business and hundreds of nonideological working stiffs out of their jobs. (What are THEY compared to a august EDITOR?) It is a challenge to the industry, a challenge it indirectly takes up from MR. CONSCIENCE of E&P, to put more partisan tubthumping tantrums on the front page. Yes editorials once graced front pages, but that was in an age with more true competition. This, in essence, is an invitation for other NEWS HACKS to sing with one voice ol' DIP's praises, much as Horace Greeley once lied -- SANG the praises of ol' TIP. One hopes they rise to the occasion, and make one giant ass of themselves; far more likely is this bold courageous avalanche of 1,838 words meets with near total indifference, underlining the trade's essential impotence in the face of an angry mob.

"The commonwealth - indeed the nation - cannot afford another four years of George Bush." Alas, we cannot afford another couple of years of your industry, its prevarications, its selling, its complete raw contempt for the public -- but it will remain in power long after you or I or Bush or DIP shuffle off this mortal coil -- assuming, as it does not pay to assume, that NEWS HACKS are MORTAL.

Posted 3:35 PM by Gene

EUGENE VOLOKH PROVIDES ADVICE on how to be sexy.

Starting with 2,000-word foreplay.

Posted 3:07 PM by Gene

The same site that "reported" Idi Amin's death weeks before he died and screamed "ARAFAT SERAIT MORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" helped pass along a rumor that the thug Hosni Mubarak met his maker. Of COURSE it was false.

This clown got more hits spreading this one rumor than I've gotten since I've started blogging.

Posted 2:40 PM by Gene

DR. EVIL has a SUCCESSOR!!!!!

And he's perfect too: politically well-connected, a wheeler-dealer, a bloviator, someone who can utter BIG WORDS before Congressional committees...now if we can only get him friends with CICERO.

Posted 10:28 AM by Gene

Daniel Pipes gives Ronald Reagan credit for practically ENDING TERRORISM in 1981.

Followed by...hostage takings in Lebanon, the Beirut Massacre, the Achille Lauro, Iran-Contra, the Lockerbie bombing -- a VERY impressive record, DANNY.

Posted 10:08 AM by Gene

Why Dr. EVIL must go, just for pragmatic reasons: 1. He thinks KIDS read the papers HE reads; 2. He's launching an anti-piracy campaign in "100 college newspapers" when schools are out on summer break; and 3. He thinks a million people work in the film biz. Maybe he was thinking of the average monthly salary of his friends.

P. S. A better ad would have read: "RESTRICTED: No one under 22 can pirate our movies -- unless you get away with it."

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

DUELING BAD! The LEFT has HOWARD, the RIGHT has HIP-HOP!

May the WORST cultural artifact WIN!

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

I think we are all EXTREMELY upset that the SUPERTALENTED MRS. SLUT must cancel her tour. At least now the hordes of singers who dub her voice live get a BREAK.

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooh, His Royal Highness KING SI hands out a "code of ethics" -- and it's NOT because of PRINCE GRAY!

This means instead of making fifty deals a year Gray makes fifty deals a year -- with a DISCLAIMER.

P. S. to OMERTA: The hed says Vanity Fair has a code of ethics. The STORY says "Conde Nast." Your HED is WRONG, or your STORY is wrong. Which is it?

Posted 6:56 AM by Gene

I always wanted to write my own musical. So I must sigh when I see this photo. These five jolly old men are (left to right) John Kander and Fred Ebb, the songwriters of Cabaret; the revered theatrical director and producer Harold Prince; and Sheldon Harnick and Jerry Bock, the songwriters of Fiddler on the Roof. The two collaborating teams have just donated a treasure trove of manuscripts to the New York Public Library. These men richly deserve to be happy (as well as richly deserving to be rich), but it should make us melancholy to think that no one ever took their place.

Posted 6:45 AM by Gene

The former Speaker of the House still harbors a LITERARY AMBITION.

Wasn't it enough that you published a bad novel and a ghosted memoir?

Oh well, I've done some not-very-good "reviews" for Amazon.com too.

Posted 6:33 AM by Gene

Another reason to believe NEWS HACKS: TRIB COMPANY nyah-nyahs that its one competitor in the Windy City, the Sun-Times, substantially inflated its circulation. This is a cherry of a lie atop CONRAD'S whipped topping of obfuscation.

Posted 6:25 AM by Gene

News hacks are gloating and ANDY S. is in his SUPERMELODRAMATIC MODE because A POLL says THE IRAQIS DON'T LIKE US. POLLS also told us that LEGACY was a great president. It's not news to be overjoyed about, but let me say it again: why should we let our conduct be swayed by clipboards? And if the Iraqis don't like us, well, maybe they can join up with the Palis and live in permanent poverty. I think they have more sense than that, more than a POLL would indicate.

Posted 6:22 AM by Gene

I wonder why someone from The College Board gave me eleven page views? To steal some crafty sentences for upcoming tests? Maybe you were wondering about my college satire that happily will never see the light of day? Thank you whatever your motives.

Posted 6:20 AM by Gene

Well OKAY, you got your TITLE, and now you BELONG to the AGES. At least you folks didn't RIOT -- or if you did, the NEWS HACKS are doing an excellent job keeping the news under EMBARGO.

It may have helped that you joined the IMMORTALS on a TUESDAY.

Posted 6:49 PM by Gene

Which is worse: an annoyingly glib op-ed writer or a Plotz?

Tough choice.