Posted 1:58 PM by Gene

Bush, Cheney to skip GOP convention

I was about to say, finally they have an excuse.

Posted 1:42 PM by Gene

As the movie biz enters into what we hope is another long and certainly well-deserved slump -- down about twenty percent for this Labor Day weekend, it would appear -- it is no accident to come across this story that strongly hints the fillum biz does a better job producing opening logos than the fillums proper. Fillums are already so weighted down with them as to make what follows almost irrelevant, but irrelevant was the theme from the moment the popcorn restaurants turned their establishments into dens to air TV commercials, a rather lengthy prelude in itself.

Posted 1:35 PM by Gene

One reason the news biz can't decline fast enough for our taste is the favors it always does. This ASSPress ad has favors written all over it: to the Lord Goddess, to a corrupt mayor and his white-elephant dreams, to the PAHTNERS who will plaster their ads all over this immortality because Goddess's company called them first, to a hack who wants tickets himself. For every genuine act of public service the hacks do a hundred dubious good deeds -- for number one.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO DANNY!

Posted 6:22 PM by Gene

FLIP:

"Speaking as a private individual, I would NOT vote for John McCain under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!!!!" [Righteous overemphasis added]

FLOP:

Dr. James Dobson: McCain’s Choice of Palin 'OUTSTANDING!!!!!' [Righteous overemphasis added two]

FLIP-FLOP FLOP:

"If flip-flopping is a sin, then I am a sinner."

OIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII....

Posted 4:47 PM by Gene

We're not sure why the Chinese typists chose to redact the Paper of Re-Cord's take on the CURE FOR CANCER when most Western news hacks and broadcasters redacted themselves.

(Via Forbeslist.com)

Posted 4:41 PM by Gene

It appears Boobs's identity politics has merely succeeded in stopping the hacks from speaking of THE GREATEST SPEECH OF ALL TIME. Whoopee.

It also appears Democrats are saying the same things about Boobs's choice that Republicans have said about The Lord, which means in short order this campaign should qualify every American for disability.

Posted 4:32 PM by Gene

Why we need the Web, and why we need superpowered sites like Stale.com: mouse over this phrase in The Messiah's Biblical triumph:

On Nov. 4th, we must stand up and say: "Eight is enough."

...and you get:

Dog whistle shot-out to fortysomethings who liked the 1977 dramedy of the same name, starring Dick Van Patten as paterfamilias of large family.

INSIGHT!

Posted 3:12 PM by Gene

Hed of the Month:

What They Wanted to Hear

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

Boobs's choice has faint symbolic ties to the rot in Alaska. Oh well, better than Sen. Morals, I suppose.

And when NRO goes HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we can take it no more seriously than when a certifiably liberal site goes HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Indeed one could say Boobs's choice was inspired in no small way by right-wing pundits. Let's see how that works.

Posted 11:16 AM by Gene

TV campaign advertising amounts to a subsidy to broadcasters -- and this is especially true as the bottom starts to fall out of their biz. These idiot pols seem to be among the last to want to work new media. To a man they are dense to the high irritant factor and reverse psychology. Were people to see conclusively that such money wasting is nothing more than a subsidy even the politicians might stop their advertising. But they won't and they'll continue to flatten our brains until the last TV station closes -- which, with their largesse, will be never.

Posted 11:05 AM by Gene

The other day we said capitalism was an authoritarian top-down system. Count on IBM to confirm this by launching a program that reduces employees to algorithms. Oh sure, you can't go by reps alone, sez the author of this book (!), but if people can be reduced to numbers why doesn't IBM go the whole hog and build automatons to replace people? It never stopped boasting about how its box beat out a chess player.

This sounds like another version of SIXSIGMA!!!!!, and most likely humans will learn how to screw up the works anyway.

Posted 10:53 AM by Gene

Reading this 1,935-WORD puff for Michigan Football Corp. one must be hopeful for long-term failure. Not that we have anything against it or its parent firm, necessarily, but spending revenues on boxes for rich folks (in an economically depressed state to boot) and paying the COO $50 million a year sounds like precisely the sort of thing corporate America -- or big government -- does best: throwing money at a "problem." Nonetheless the success of professional football's second-division teams depends on the players, not the amenities. Notre Dame Football Corp. is probably the most lavishly appointed outfit -- and it's stunk out the stadium the last few years (by Gipper standards, anyway). Yes, we hope for failure, and we know better than to expect it, but it isn't personal.

Posted 10:52 AM by Gene

Well, at least it isn't Sen. Morals.

Posted 10:28 AM by Gene

A no nonsense appeal to swing voters, says E.J. Dionne. Fundamenally dishonest, says Ramesh Ponnuru.

Oh SHUT UP, both of you. Isn't it possible to be an honest broker? Why must politics always divide people into eeny-weeny petulant little fragments of non-thought?

Posted 6:32 PM by Gene

The CEOs of America's biggest consumer-products fiefdoms are attempting the impossible: not only are they trying to extend their three-month vacations at the GAMES (albeit symbolically), they're trying to make them permanent by insisting the superduper celebrities they rubbed bank accounts with can emit a long-lived glow to incandesce their endless hubris.

Meantime they'll raise prices (a sudden favorite activity of CEOs after years of its lying dormant -- or rather after years of CEOs lying, dormant), and they'll test our limited patience by plugging things we're NOT INTERESTED IN ANYMORE.

Posted 6:19 PM by Gene

Mais non! The singer-songwriter Rufus Wainwright has dropped plans to compose a work for the Metropolitan Opera in a dispute over the language of the libretto.

Mr. Wainwright wants the opera, “Prima Donna,” to be in French; its would-be commissioners — the Met and Lincoln Center Theater — insisted on English.

In a telephone interview Wednesday, Mr. Wainwright said another stumbling block was the date of a potential production at the opera house. The earliest the Met could offer, he said, was in 2014. “They work on that sort of scale; I wanted to get it out as soon as possible,” he said, adding wryly, “because I’m an impatient pop star.”

Whew! The world is patiently spared a masterpiece -- for now.

(Via the usual AhtsJournal)

Posted 6:10 PM by Gene

Peggy Hockett-Smith, 58, said she and her husband hoped they would at least see the back of Obama’s head. No such luck. “We’re still going to be watching him – on TV up there,” she said, referring to giant screens atop Invesco Field. She estimated 30,000 people would end with a largely or partially obscured view of Obama.

But still -- THE GREATEST SPEECH IN HISTORY!!!!!

Posted 5:59 PM by Gene

THE WORLD MAY HAVE ONLY SEVEN YEARS TO START REDUCING THE ANNUAL BUILDUP IN GREENHOUSE GAS EMISSIONS THAT OTHERWISE THREATENS GLOBAL CATASTROPHE WITHIN SEVERAL DECADES!!!!!!!!!! [Catastrophic overemphasis added]

You would think the ghost of Henry Luce would have told you, Strobe, that NOBODY PAYS ATTENTION TO CHICKEN LITTLES -- even IF they're RIGHT.

Carlos Pascual and Strobe Talbott are, respectively, vice president for foreign policy studies and president of the Brookings Institution. They are involved in a joint project with Stanford University and New York University on global governance, including on the issue of climate change. [Noncatastrophic emphasis added]

TRANSLATION: Strobe thinks he can improve on the League of Nations. Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Posted 5:44 PM by Gene

It is somewhat -- ironic that Politico.com intends to turn a profit through its newspaper. This is either hopeful thinking or wishful thinking. Much as we wish for its success that its executive editor Mr. VandeHei boasts of its salaries may put it in the latter category.

Posted 5:41 PM by Gene

Joke of the Day: An airline called Zoom goes bust.

I wish I had a good punchline.

Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

No, no, a THOUSAND TIMES no, Europe will NEVER declare any sanctions on Russia, its governors being the perfectionists of cowardice and appeasement.

Posted 3:31 PM by Gene

"The whole idea that we're the beacon of integrity is ridiculous. We get far more attention from you guys than we should."

Not only is He the EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY, He's the TED KOPPEL too!

Among a certain crowd of news media, politicians and educated young viewers courted by them, it's a sacred institution.

WHO ELSE WATCHES IT?

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO GARY!

(Via the NEW! IMPROVED!! ROMY!!!)

Posted 3:26 PM by Gene

What a disaster! What on earth has happened to us? Nothing yet as bad as what will surely happen if either of these two gibbering numbskulls gets his hands on the levers of supreme executive power.

There goes Jo-NAH for press secretary.

Posted 2:45 PM by Gene

The only difference between these screener runs and a regular theatrical run is that empty houses are nominating these fillums for an Os-CAR®.

(Via ShowBizData)

Posted 2:19 PM by Gene

On the Publishers Weekly list of the best-selling fictional non-fiction, we see Mr. Corsi's dubiously truthful tantrum about The Messiah is no. 2, which is one notch above Tori's "memoir", which is three notches above another tantrum about The Messiah, which is two notches above a "Story of Truth and Hope in an Age of Extremism," which is two notches above another tantrum about The Messiah (co-authored by Dick "Hooker" Morris), which is two notches above some sort of tantrum about how Dubya destroyed the Constitution fighting terrorists, which is three notches above a Zeitgeist fantasy by Fareed.

And on the Wall Street Journals' list, Who Moved My Cheese? has evidently been there so long it's covered with mold. It always was.

Posted 2:10 PM by Gene

AT THE TEMPLE OF INVES -- MILE-HIGH:

Planners scrapped their idea to turn the audience of 75,000 into a giant phone bank, in response to fears that the cellphone system would crash (people will instead be asked to text-message friends and neighbors to support the campaign, program aides said would be effective nonetheless.)

Shucks, it would have been the biggest cell-phone crash in history.

When a close circle of his top advisers presented Mr. Obama with $6 million plans to move his acceptance speech to the football stadium in early July, the candidate asked one question, said Anita Dunn, a senior strategist: “Will it rain?” The campaign produced a raft of meteorological data showing it had rained on Aug. 28 only once in 20 years. (Aides were alarmed, however, to arrive in Denver on Sunday to news of a nearby tornado. The weather reporters were predicting clear skies for Thursday night’s address.)

N-n-n-n-no tornado tonight!

Posted 2:02 PM by Gene

Games: WCG Tournament Director Admits Drugs In E-Sports

Natch, they're talking drug testing.

DOPES.

Posted 1:50 PM by Gene

We would be sorry for this sight at Col.'s booth at the infomercial except 1. The hacks are too busy looking for non-news, 2. The hacks are too busy making computers an appendage of their bodies, and 3. Aren't there enough paper piles at an infomercial?

Posted 1:36 PM by Gene

We learned the other day that Boobs McKeating has been on Jut-Jaw Jay thirteen times. We can imagine when Jack Paar had JFK and Dick Nixon on the talk was reasonably serious. With Boobs and Jut-Jaw it's dueling comedians.

It might not be Bill Ayers but maybe The Lord's assistant preachers should delve into Boobs's guest-starring role for Drunken Slob.

Posted 1:24 PM by Gene

We can't win the White House without my home state of...Pennsylvania....

Four-Score is allegedly the state's third senator. A casual perusal of G000,000,000,000,000GLE discloses "they" as the source of that assertion. One reporter says the source is Four-Score. Another pol calls Four-Score "New Jersey's third senator." Heck let's make him all fifty states' third senator.

Posted 12:00 PM by Gene

Hmmm:

Early Democratic Convention Ratings: Biden No Match for Hillary

Posted 9:17 AM by Gene

The line has so blurred between partisan tubthumperry and hard-core publicity I can't tell the difference.

And these folks won't shut up because, unlike partisans of an earlier time, they make too much money.

Posted 9:00 AM by Gene

PREDICTION: I said earlier we were going to have lots of TERRIFIC!!!!! speeches these two weeks, which is why I also said the time between the beginning of the GAMES and the end of the GOP infomerical would be a time of unprecedented, earth-shattering blah. Therefore I can safely assume that tonight's coronation will bring forth not just a TERRIFIC!!!! speech, but one of the greatest in mankind's history. We can be sure of this because an oaf like Jo-NAH declared last night's speeches fantasmagorical although -- and I have to guess as I don't and won't watch the infomercials -- they were probably just high-pitched conversational talk with a few showy turns of phrases devised by three hundred ghosts, plus an occasional pump of the fist. The HACKS would not know a great speech if it burned its words on their foreheads, but that's what we'll get tonight -- in SPADES.

P. S. If I read this right half the audience for Hillary! Night was over 55. Good luck!

Posted 8:47 AM by Gene

Be careful what you wish for...

"Normally, when all your dreams are realized in an election, that's when it becomes a nightmare," Moran said. "2008 could be a dream election. 2010 could be a disaster."

You may get it.

To be sure, history may not repeat itself exactly. The Lord will not be Slickster. But we have learned Congresspoops are comedians to the nth degree, and especially so with Democrats, who just can't seem to govern without leaving their shoelaces untied. (The GOP doesn't have to worry; its shoelaces are tied at Gucci Gulch.)

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

FLASH! THE ECONOMIC CRISIS IS OVER!! WE CAN SPEND MONEY AGAIN!!!!!

Posted 8:26 AM by Gene

Sales?!? What the hell are sales? Our business is real estate!!!!!

Yeah, St. Warren Jr.

Posted 7:34 PM by Gene

This is ABC World News with...no.

This is NBC Nightly News with...no, that's not it.

This is the CBS Evening News with...definitely no.

But the inspiration is there.

Not only can this Guy talk pretentious, He now LOOKS pretentious.

Posted 7:11 PM by Gene

When a typing fool can write in the middle of the week, during an INFOMERCIAL, that the movie-voiding biz will have RECORD SALES!!!!!, you know YOU-KNOW-WHO wrote it!

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO PAUL DRECK AND HIS LATEST GHOST MIKE!

Posted 7:02 PM by Gene

Disappointed Neil Diamond fans will get a refund after attending a concert at Ohio State University in which the 67-year-old singer's voice sounded raspy.

Well! How many pop stars can make that apology, voice or no?

Posted 6:51 PM by Gene

HISTORY: For the first time a political party has nominated a deity for president!

Hallelujah! And just before prime time in the East, too.

And no, we do not include William Jennings Bryan.

Posted 6:45 PM by Gene

RANCE says Mickey D's should invite dogs.

1. No we won't say it. 2. You daydreaming?

Posted 6:10 PM by Gene

I can recall when it was exciting to watch the roll call at a political convention; however preordained, there was still an element of spontaneity, of not knowing even if others did. Now it's another heavily rehearsed scene of an infomercial, the stage managers screaming if it's a second behind. When the Lord is crowned King of America tomorrow in the Temple of Invesco it will be just as dull because it too is just another scene of another infomercial.

Posted 11:23 AM by Gene

Just what we need, Shawn: a "a sleek conservo-libertarian version of Slate."

Isn't one bunch of electronic showboaters enough?

Posted 10:57 AM by Gene

WE WANT CORRUPTION! WE WANT CORRUPTION!

The 84-year-old Republican handily won his primary race for Senate and immediately proclaimed the November election a "piece of cake."

...that's been sitting in a cupboard for 25 years.

Posted 9:29 AM by Gene

Here's another reason to get rid of the infomercials -- the concerted attempts by our superiors to keep the people away, however ludicrous their politics.

Posted 7:12 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Because this award is relatively puny -- $40 million vs. $1 billion -- and could be overturned on an appeal, it means Mattel spit at its reflection in the mirror for nothing.

Posted 7:09 PM by Gene

What does it say for our air traffic control system when A glitch can bollix up the whole works?

Posted 7:06 PM by Gene

EMMMMMMMMMMMMMMETTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!! The GOP has had a rare fit of sense: it has expunged the phony adjective DEMOCRAT from its platform.

PIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLHEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!

Posted 6:43 PM by Gene

TNR quotes Jack Kennedy:

What do our opponents mean when they apply to us the label "Liberal?" If by "Liberal" they mean, as they want people to believe, someone who is soft in his policies abroad, who is against local government, and who is unconcerned with the taxpayer's dollar, then the record of this party and its members demonstrate that we are not that kind of "Liberal." But if by a "Liberal" they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people--their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, and their civil liberties--someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a "Liberal," then I'm proud to say I'm a "Liberal."

Of course that's not what a liberal is any more. A liberal, in today's sense, is someone who is better than his peers, his peers being such a retarded rabble as to justify being soft on foreign and defense policy. A liberal, though speaking soothing tones of liberty, wants to so straitjacket the Republic with his bass-ackwards notions of fairness as to guarantee PC is our secular religion. He can be hypocritical when it suits his purposes, screaming at the top of his never fully filled lungs about the evils of smoking, and global warming, while dismissing the moral disaster of abortion under the fatuous rubric of personal choice, the kind of choice frequently verboten in the world of liberalism. He is humorless, and believes his enemies should be incarcerated, but is not stupid enough to say it, though in thinking it he is little different from bigots who hate people of another skin color. He is a total prig.

But then conservatives have not done well by their word. Today's conservative so revolves around money as to make the miserly the most charitable behavior. Because his world revolves around money he sanctions every conceivable way of getting even with money, even breaking the law. He sees in big business what the aspiring socialist saw in the Kremlin; never mind that, as the late CURE FOR CANCER proved, capitalism can walk hand in hand with totalitarianism because it's evolved into a top-down system, and works best under the supervision of the kind big-bicepped moral pygmies like LEGENDARY WELCH who can and will do anything for money. Yes he will make noises about morality; but as too many pundits like Jo-NAH and JPOD show their hearts aren't in it; to save a child from abortion is not nearly so holy as to save dollar for a zillionaire CEO. Though not quite the total prig the liberal is, having not worked so hard to perfect his anger, the conservative is not far from it.

And so we shrug our shoulders and hang our heads at two political parties who force us to decide the lesser of two evils, and why we must always vote for president holding our noses.

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

ASSPress...

Former first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton closed out her history-making 2008 quest for the White House Tuesday with a prime-time appearance at the Democratic National Convention....

...has ESP!

We know, WE KNOW, she WILL do it, but why must the ASSPress hacks use the past tense for a future story? This HAS happened before.

Posted 1:11 PM by Gene

We want a new Cold War, Dmitry. S'allright?



S'ALLRIGHT!

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

JUXTAPOSITION of the DAY from IWantMedia:

ESPN to Pay $2B for College Sports Rights

Cablevision Plummets as Shares Cut to 'Sell'

Posted 9:23 AM by Gene

What's slightly scary is that home prices may have quite a bit more to fall before they reach "normal;" but this mightn't have happened if CRAMERMANIACS and MOZILOS hadn't treated housing as pancakes.

Posted 9:20 AM by Gene

Said another union official, who did not want to be quoted: "The fact that we are fighting tooth and nail in Pennsylvania--when we shouldn't have to be, given George Bush's record--tells you everything you need to know about this election."

Volumes.

Posted 9:18 AM by Gene

Russian investors speak AGAIN!

We would never accuse investors of courage but in their own way these folks have it.

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Hellywood's taking a labor-inspired breather before engorging the masses with another slew of TENTPOLES.

Attendance down four percent this year!

Posted 9:12 AM by Gene

The GUVMENT will spend ONLY $100 BILLION to bail out impecunious homeowners?

Dubya! We say it again -- just open the door to the Treasury and throw away the key.

Posted 9:08 AM by Gene

We heard Michelle made a TERRIFIC speech, and Teddy made a TERRIFIC speech, and tonight someone will make a TERRIFIC speech, and tomorrow there'll be TERRIFIC speeches, and the LORD will make a TERRIFIC speech, and next week the people at the other infomercial will make TERRIFIC speeches, meaning there is no sane reason to follow these video press kits.

How soon we forget: Slickster tortured us for eight years because Jeff "MENSA" Greenfield decided he made a TERRIFIC speech in '88.

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

Uh, Feds, why weren't these thugs "credible"?

Posted 8:59 AM by Gene

THE EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY THUNDERS that television news could inform, it could educate, it could even inspire -- but there's just FLASHING LIGHTS AND CROSSED WIRES IN RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S BOX!

The jackass Michiko made it official: ED'S A NEWSMAN.

And a special tribute to the NEW! IMPROVED!! ROMY!!! for THIS one:

An unnamed Fox News spokesman tells Howard Kurtz that "being out of touch with mainstream America is nothing new to Jon, as evidenced by the crash-and-burn ratings of this year's Oscars telecast." (By the way, Kurtz violates the Washington Post sources/attribution policy, which states: "Sources who want to take a shot at someone in our columns should do so in their own names.")

Which he would not have violated if the source had been at the equal and opposite buffoonery of the MESS.

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

Don't change this field for an APNewsAlert

We promise.

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

We've decided: The GAMES in London will be a flop.

Would the GAMES in Beijing have been such a CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED hit if China were a DEMOCRACY?

Posted 8:45 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The MSB (mainstream-blogging) left has an army of its own SAM LITTLES ready to pounce on the slightest deviation from the cause.

FURTHER TRANSLATION: Eh? I can't hear you! You from the right or the left?

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:32 AM by Gene

Given the state of the "art" in AHKITEKTYURE it is astonishing that one of their own would be considered an OUTCAST who can design things that look like a pile of rubble at Ground Zero. By that definition he's a GENIUS.

And The Paper of Re-CORD, always wanting to be as in with the in-crowd as it is out with its mere mortal readers, makes sure we peons know.

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The technology that goes into the networks' nightly-news broadcasts is far, far, FAR more impressive than the broadcasts.

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

The right's obsession with the Obama "cult" is just -- it's just silly.

TRANSLATION: Cheap partisans of any stripe will write anything.

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

Between the beginning of THE GAMES and the end of the Republican infomercial will have emanated the biggest smelliest most gaseous expulsion of verbiage from news hacks and their partners in stupidity on the Web since the Republic started. If each of their words were a micrometer long and a micrometer thick they could yet be stacked high enough so as to form a huge spike not merely visible from outer space, but tall enough to reach the moon. Then the Chinese and the Russians could build a bridge to it and start colonies.

BLITHERING OBSESSIVE PONTIFICATING MORONS.

Posted 1:43 PM by Gene

If it's Sunday it must be Big-Double-A-Scribble Time:

1. Whatever happened to all that money the Bugmeisters had in their wallet? Here's one answer: they frittered it away on an on-line AD AGENCY.

2. Industry Unleashes Flood of Studies to Prove Worth

You need studies to prove you're worth zero?

Posted 12:25 PM by Gene

In several years we may know precisely what a charade the CURE FOR CANCER was. In the meantime, six-digit sports hacks with prime seats are quoting the last line of 1984 -- UNIRONICALLY.

Now can we forget about this until next time?

Posted 11:51 AM by Gene

UNDYING GENIUS's last word -- in an image:



I think ol' Confucius would have to say a picture's worth a million PLA soldiers.

Posted 9:56 AM by Gene

In this astonishing piece a teacher tells us what should have been plain to most of us for ages: students don't like literature. It's not entirely their fault; it's the disconnect between an age that had no electronics and an age that has nothing but. But this teacher's plaint that students won't start reading until they're handed more "contemporary" stuff won't work; as she notes, some of her students have mighty quick minds, and they won't eat the thin gruel that passes for writing these days. It's a vicious circle; kids need great literature, but as it passes further into oblivion there are no models for the new great literature, thus no great literature. It is also, as she notes, the mechanized manner of teaching the classics, with its emphasis on symbolism and trivia designed to suck the life out of it. It is also, let's face it, some of the assigned works themselves; Tristram Shandy no longer has a legitimate place in the classroom. That the students seem to like Fitzgerald offers a modicum of hope.

Posted 9:31 AM by Gene

And it appears the SPONSORS, who wasted so much of OUR money on their CEOs' three-month paid vacations -- even THEY are seeing the light; it now emerges four of the PAHTNERS are bowing out with this White Elephant, including JNJ. But count on big business to be tone deaf; they did so after Beijing -- and before Vancouver and London.

Posted 9:09 AM by Gene

It is hard to tell (especially given Little Jeffy's ownership position) but Lllllllord Rrrrrroggge evidently did NOT say these were the BESTESTESTEST GAMESESES EVER, which we'll admit is sort of difficult with the Chinese Communist president standing next to you. Hell, why should he worry? He can't speak English.

The creative team had 232 members. Nine of them were not Chinese.

Rehearsals began in September 2007.

Maybe that's why.

Heck even Al Reut can't quite get into the mood:

The Beijing Olympics ended with a flash of fireworks on Sunday, bringing down the curtain on a Games that dazzled the world with SPORTING BRILLIANCE!!!!! and showcased the MIGHT!!!!! of modern day China.

The 16-day sporting extravaganza failed to quell criticism of China's human rights record.... [Overemphasis added]

Shucks, a fly in the wonton.

P. S. at 9:17 a.m. HE DID NOT.

Posted 8:53 AM by Gene

Some of Hillary's supporters STILL won't support The Lord, but then some of Hillary's supporters still wouldn't have supported The Lord on Judgment Day.

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

WHOM NEWS HACKS BE FOR: We should not mention this press release except that the kind of behavior knee-jerk liberals go into full tantrum mode over they happily countenance in their own. Somehow it's okay for OUR TARZANA to liken (without making further reference to this specific PR) Ted Kennedy to John Wayne Gacy. When the shoe is on the other foot it still stinks. Unfortunately we're stuck with these press releases because the begetter of this one is almost exclusively a news hack creature, the scribblers having given it food and oxygen, and allowed it, like so many of the other scourges they've created in recent memory, untrammeled use of their properties, for the sole purpose of beating us repeatedly on the head, which does NOT explain why MNI sells for $3.51, and GCI for $17.79.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO JOEL!

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

Who knew -- Four-Score's son is a ...lobbyist?

But then whose isn't in the Beltway?

Posted 7:22 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The Messiah chose Four-Score with polls. Way to go, Lord.

Posted 7:01 PM by Gene

Obama Misspeaks, Calls Biden 'The Next President'; Biden Calls Obama 'Barack America'

The laughs have already started.

No wonder they announced it early in the morning.

Posted 10:40 AM by Gene

And if London's upcoming White Elephant is to have any chance of success, the British must do what the organizers of previous White Elephants have not -- promote concurrent tourism. The GAMES are a money sucker, leaving empty hotels and empty restaurants. They're also the age's world's fairs (what happened to those?). If the British are to make good on their nascent notion of their spectacle as FUN they can't do it without PEOPLE.

Posted 10:33 AM by Gene

As Llllllllord Rrrrrrrrrrogggggge prepares for his speech:

Michael Phelps made for the perfect symbol — ruthlessly proficient in winning eight gold medals, unerringly prepared, perfectly ordered, but somewhat rehearsed and dull. Phelps was so tunnel-visioned, he did not notice the arterial pulse of lights on the Water Cube’s outer skin until his competition had ended.

We couldn't help thinking, if the Bionic Swimmer were good looking -- and say what you will about him, Mark Spitz was a truly handsome man -- we'd be talking a career in show-biz even if his repertoire were limited to Tarzan yells. But especially more than the rest of the CURE FOR CANCER he will be forgotten, even IF Little Jeffy gave him a huge signing bonus, because in his essence he's an aquatic geek.

Posted 9:27 AM by Gene

Why do I think Four-Score is something "the base" will have to work at getting excited about?

TRANSLATION: A northern Lloyd Bentsen with bloopers.

P. S. Some TNR intern says Four-Score's "TERRIFIC!!!!!", merely meaning when Boobs picks his running mate some NRO intern will think him TERRIFIC!!!!! Six of one....

P. P. S.

Surely he has guaranteed the Obama camp that he can keep himself in control. But he’s a man nearing 70, and men nearing 70 do not change. Honestly, this could be fun.

NO COMMENT.

Posted 8:03 PM by Gene

Hey Messiah! How about tomorrow at 2:30 a. m. -- like GEORGE?

Posted 7:31 PM by Gene

Exciting news from the ASSPress:

Maxwell announces first tour in 6 years

Wasn't that Jack Benny's car?

Posted 6:41 PM by Gene

Chinese authorities have sentenced eight Americans to 10 days of administrative detention in Beijing for "disrupting public order," according to the U.S. Embassy in Beijing. The Americans were all members of groups that support Tibetan independence.

THE GREATESTESTEST GAMESESES EVAH!!!!!

Posted 6:37 PM by Gene

GM, Ford Seek $50 Billion From U.S., Double Request

TRANSLATION: BUY US, PLEASE!!!!!

Posted 6:30 PM by Gene

OIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII:

Obama's VP decision turns to marketing coup
By Peter Nicholas | 2:01 p.m.
The Democratic candidate has turned the selection of his running mate into a national drama.

On a Friday afternoon zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Posted 5:46 PM by Gene

Think of all the great movies Warner Bros. once made. Casablanca -- well that's too easy. The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The Maltese Falcon, Yankee Doodle Dandy, Robin Hood -- you could go on and on. If Lauren had been a real person instead of these wanna-be NIKKI!!!!!s (or Jeff Robinovs, whose name NIKKI!!!!! once misspelled in a URL), she might have asked this question: "Jeff [or maybe Jeff old pal, if it would make him feel any better], your company once made Casablanca, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The Maltese Falcon, Yankee Doodle Dandy, Robin Hood. Now you have the itch to make Justice League of America and Batman vs. Superman. WHY?" The result would be a supremely embarrassing moment, or a moment for spin so frantic it would nonplus Wile E. Coyote -- but a "reporter" looking to be at minimum the next LAURA LANDRO obviously will not embarrass her future boss -- subjects, and therefore she gloats endlessly about all the wonders Warners would churn out if PEOPLE WARNER's biggest business weren't mismanagement. Of course it doesn't hurt that YOUR BOSS likes making idiot pictures too on His own decreasing dime. Once the hacks could laze back on the excuse the TWXSTERS made AHTHOUSE FILLUMS, but they don't anymore (possibly because they didn't make any money, even if Jeff "Rhymes with Stole" Skoll made so many of them -- or especially), but happily having such a profound case of CULTURAL STOCKHOLM SYNDROME they can convince us that we're living in a GENIUS age -- even as moviemaking increasingly resembles an airport men's-room stall. Somewhere Harry, Al, Sam and Jack must wonder why they opened that first nickelodeon in New Castle, Pennsylvania -- which is still standing, far more than we can say for SUPERMAN RETURNS.

Indeed on the evidence Lauren so lovingly presents we wonder why the TWXSTERS don't reorganize their fillum biz so that Warners becomes a wholly-owned subsid of DC COMICS.

Anyhow, Laurens must ape Lauras, and therefore -- a NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD!

(AHTHOUSE link via AHTSJournal)

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

McCain Campaign Predicts Huge Post-Convention Bump for Obama

What happens if it does, Boobs? Any relation to Sen. Morals as vice-president?

Posted 3:47 PM by Gene

Occasionally even investors can be -- smart. Belly Kisser should take a page out of the Chinese textbook and be a more financier-friendly authoritarian. Waving a gun is no good for his rep.

Posted 3:22 PM by Gene

People-using-television, or PUT for short, is a measurement of how many people have turned on their televisions at a given time. During the Olympics through Sunday, Nielsen has recorded an average PUT level of 37 — meaning that 37 percent of people are watching their TV during prime time — up from a 33.8 level during the same time period last year. Mr. Wakshlag projects that the increased TV tune-in is responsible for 38 percent of NBC’s audience. The other 62 percent of the audience is turning off the competition (broadcast networks, cable, etc.) to watch the Olympics.

“There aren’t that many events that drive PUT levels,” Mr. Wakshlag observed. “The Super Bowl does it for a night. This has done it for several nights.”

TRANSLATION: 1. Little Jeffy's wasting His time running promos; and 2. A lot of the viewers won't be back until Vancouver, if then.

(Via ShowBizData)

Posted 12:54 PM by Gene

Just what JFK needs: an LBJ.

Posted 6:55 PM by Gene

The University of Mississippi with Jim Lehrer, Belmont University with Tom Brokaw, Hofstra University with Bob Scheiffer, and Washington University in St. Louis with Gwen Ifill.

The debateszzzzzzzzzz will be exzzzzzzzzzzciting.

Posted 6:44 PM by Gene

And what, we may ask, did the Beijing Bigwigs hope to gain from that? Don't they realize they're already the leaders in lead-painted toys and intellectual-property theft? Didn't they give one iota's worth of thought of turning these girls into machines? Didn't they remember the tragedy of Marion Jones?

Of course not, or China wouldn't be the world's newest alleged No. 1.

P. S. It sez here the Politburo types are "counseling modesty." We'll see about that.

Posted 6:33 PM by Gene

How apt it would be to have THE GREATESTEST CURE FOR CANCER EVER!!!!! end on a sour age-falsifying note.

I'd guess Lllloooorrrdd Rrrrrogge will still call it the GREATESTEST GAMESES EVER!!!! to make up for the embarrassment.

(Via Yahoo! Sports)

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

Mr. Neocons-R-Nazis must occasionally think, God, if only I could help Him like I did the other guy! But look what that produced: a novel.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

The good news: Moon 'n' Stars is launching a toothpaste with ALMOST NO JUNK TELEVISION. The bad news: it's a weekly toothpaste.

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

Microsoft's using a brilliant comedian in its new ad campaign, but it won't work because 1. It had the Bugmeister; 2. It has Mr. BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWLMER; and 3. It has Vista.

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

“I really hope it’s Biden,” Limbaugh told his listeners. “You don’t want to say that too loud, but I really do hope that it’s Joe Biden, because we’ve got mountains of archival audio on Joe Biden.”

We now have a very good reason The Lord will NOT choose Mr. Four-Score.

Posted 9:12 AM by Gene

One of the few good things to come out of all this non-speculation is this no-doubt-temporary decline in the gamb -- GAMING business. Now say you're a knee-jerk con-SER-va-tive. Which is more important: the misery and money-wasting induced by the gamb -- GAMING biz, or its huge profits?

GEKKO KUDLOW knows the answer -- which is why obsessive money worship is to knee-jerk conservatives what abortion is to knee-jerk liberals.

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

Well well well! "A few speculators" play tricks with crude oil!

Jeez, I thought it was just free enterprise at work -- supply and demand, you know.

It's official -- John "The Knee-Jerk-Liberal Conservative" Stossel is full of it.

P. S. With PERFECT timing, NRO defends speculators. MORONS.

Posted 8:20 AM by Gene

Meantime the Chinese housing market is busting, which shows the fantastical unimportance of the traveling five-ring circus, debt and advertising excepted.

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

Why is Lllooorddd Rrrrrogge so upset about "showboating" when he's about to proclaim THE GREATESTEST GAMES EVER!!!!!?

Posted 6:45 PM by Gene

Gary Glitter: A pervert without a country.

Well, if worst comes to worst, there's always America.

Posted 10:26 AM by Gene

Sen. Morals is auditioning for Boobs at the infomercial!

Okay Boobs, think -- do we want a Democrat in the White House?

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

AP NEWSALERT!!!!!

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Group of Seven major industrial countries call for increased economic support for Georgia.

YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

Posted 9:00 AM by Gene

There's just an old brother in an old shanty town....

A far cry from Harvard, definitely.

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

Branson East extrudes GENIUS:

"It looks like 'Tarzan' when you walk into the theater because it's all green and viney," says a source. "You get scared for a second, but it's a lot better than 'Tarzan.' It's decent. It's going to appeal to kids who like the movie."

Let's hope so; we wouldn't want a company partnered by LUKE SPIELBERG to engage in GLOBAL WARMING.

"There's this kid in a cute Shrek costume running around for a few minutes," one person says.

American Idol?

One of the fairy-tale characters proudly announces that he's "sold my memoirs to Stephen Schwartz" - the composer of "Wicked."

"They didn't get the joke in Seattle, but maybe they'll get it in New York," a source says, adding that, with all its inside musical-theater jokes, "Shrek" strays into territory well-mined by "Spamalot."

Who says it's a joke?

One source says the production could have been designed by Kenneth Feld, the peddler of such middlebrow fare as Disney on Ice.

Strap a pair of skates on d'Arcy James, one source says, and "you'd have 'Shrek on Ice.' "

LUKE!!!!! JEFF!!!!!!!!!!

DreamWorks seems to be playing it safe with its most valuable property. The company is so bent on making "Shrek" audience-friendly, it's encouraging theatergoers to e-mail comments to help the creators fine-tune the show.

At least nobody's writing "Close it out of town."

Democracy!

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

EXASPERATING:

"I think coming out of the Games there will be a modest but discernable uptick in China's image worldwide, but as time goes by the same issues that led to the deterioration in China's image of the last three or four years, Darfur, Tibet, human rights, job losses overseas ... these same issues will come back and that uptick will be eroded."

Then why do we talk about a CURE FOR CANCER? And who will remember this affair until the next one, save for a few CEOs and Chinese accountants?

And some business-school equivalent of a film cri-TIC speaks in almost excusatory tones of having an authoritarian state do the GAMES, which proves among the business elite there is no sense.

Posted 8:25 AM by Gene

Where does a hard-line Communist Chinese leader go when he dies? And do even the Chinese care?

Posted 8:16 AM by Gene

Our DIP-lo-MATS are going to take the Russians to the League of Nations Security Council.

Why not just wave the white flag and let the Russkies have whatever they want?

Posted 5:42 PM by Gene

What we would never have guessed: New York is more expensive.

That makes it better?

Based on May 2007 data, chief executives earn an average of $93.37 an hour....

1. More than surgeons. 2. Is that all?

Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

Branson East's having a slowdown! It's already canceled three theme parks!

What would Lawrence Welk do?

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

Poetry in business:

The chief executive of developer Brixton has resorted to quoting a gloomy Bob Dylan lyric to describe the beleaguered state of a commercial property market where "none of them along the line know what any of it is worth".

Have we forgotten "Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?"

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

Still Blogging About Edwards!

We know, Mick, we KNOW.

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

Russia dismisses Nato's 'empty words' as it stands firm in Georgia

We have the words, they have the soldiers. Yep, I think they can dismiss us.

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

ESPN to NBC: Anything You Can Do, We Can Do Better

TRANSLATION: Next time, WE run the GAMES!

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

NBC’s margins over second place last week were the largest on record since Nielsen began tracking ratings using People Meters in 1987.

TRANSLATION: Take away all those uncritical women and people are avoiding TV in DROVES.

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

Sources: Iran tried but failed to launch satellite

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Wait a second -- doesn't that make its nukes more dangerous?

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

Another clever hed:

H-P prints gains after hours [Emphasis added]

TRANSLATION: You can never charge too much for cartridges!

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

The Lord has lost some of His...lustre?

Oh, it's because of His race. Not that He's a humorously snobby megalomaniac who takes so many positions even He doesn't know where He stands.

Oh, it's also because of His oppenent's attacks. Can't WE take care of those?

Couldn't you have picked a better God to hit us over the head with, news hacks?

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH-DA-DUT! DUT! SAMMY GLICK...MAN pulls off OPERATION TAKEDOWN, in which He wrestled moviegoers to the ground with STUPID FILMS!

Oh -- that's not what he did? Isn't that what He ordinarily does?

(Via ShowBizData)

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

Looking For Energy, Google Goes To Hell

Is Forbeslist too clever for its own good?

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

Romy and his cohorts daydream again:

"Investigative reporters are the perfect hero in the movies"

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

It is possible to be too tacky in synchronized swimming?

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

Russia has its own version of Slashdot! Pffffffffffffffffffffft!

Posted 6:54 AM by Gene

NOW the Best-Seller Pervez is resigning. As the old saying goes, he may have been an SOB, but he was our SOB (more or less). Now God knows what kind of SOB will replace him.

Posted 9:03 PM by Gene

You KNOW someone's plugging the Edward R. Murrow of Comedy when he (or in this case she, the truth-seeking Michiko) fails to mention THE SIZE OF HIS AUDIENCE.

P. S. As of two months ago it was 1.6 MILLION -- less than HALF Nightline got -- and less than EIGHT PERCENT the most recent audience for the THREE NIGHTLY NEWS BROADCASTS -- and FOUR PERCENT of the numbers alleged to have tuned in THE BIONIC SWIMMER'S EIGHTH -- and just over ONE-HALF OF ONE PERCENT OF THE CURRENT U. S. POPULATION.

WHY MUST THE IDIOT NEWS HACKS ALWAYS INFLATE HIS IMPORTANCE? Or are they PATTING THEMSELVES ON THE BACK AS NORMAL?

Posted 6:29 PM by Gene

Now we're threatening to keep Russia out of the WTO.

How much will their oil trump our trade?

Posted 6:07 PM by Gene

Telegraph is selling a one-name wonder. She's cute, if a bit made-up (but she could use stockings on her legs), and can supposedly sing but all sorts of telltale signs pop up on the Amazon.coms: one-hit wonder, sounds like, Amy Winehouse. (And this even among four-and five-star reviews.) We should not question any singer's longevity just out of the starter's gate but we doubt that Burt Bacharach and Hal David are in an office somewhere churning out her hits, as they did with Dionne Warwick (SIC!). We suspect her only chance, as THE MAN proved, is to create a persona, but a public sick of PR is sick of personas, and even the most tone-deaf "music" fans starve for real music, so the chances of this latest trend disappearing are, alas, very good, and as with sensations before, it won't be altogether her fault.

Interesting: Amazon.com is sells it for $7.99. Amazon.co.uk sells it for £8.98. (This is from Vivendi.) If we could be sure this is music that would be an advantage.

Posted 1:22 PM by Gene

An epochal moment in MSM blogging:

** Obama got a big standing O. And about half the evangelical crowd seemed to support civil unions. Reader J: "where did u get that half the audience applauded for civil unions?

there was applause but i dont know that it was from anyone other than the 100 folks obama gave tickets to..."

[SIC]

Posted 1:20 PM by Gene

Sorry, we have no sympathy for the few (very few) who have to go from selling SIVs to selling (it says here) cupcakes. They made their fortunes bankrupting people by inflating the housing bubble and inflating the commodities bubble, so it is nothing less than just that they must suffer -- and we doubt they'll suffer that much, as most of them have money in whatever institutions they were smart enough to put it.

Posted 1:06 PM by Gene

We wonder that there isn't more cheatin' in NASCAR, as it's a handmaiden of corporate America; we wonder also that there isn't more pretentious hair-tearin' from corporate America about the cheatin' it finances.

Posted 1:02 PM by Gene

Now that what con-SER-va-tives so smugly call the marketplace is repudiating LUKE SPIELBERG, we must reflect that fifty years hence the world will see how DR. EVIL and LUKE delivered the one-two punch that destroyed the movies for all time, and the world must reflect on all those arrested juveniles who fueled LUKE's craze, but who, however reluctantly, and finally, had to grow up.

Posted 10:01 AM by Gene

Yesterday there was a "genius" writer who got stoned. Some cartoonist parodied him in his comic strip. He didn't like it. He got stoned some more. He died. Another writer calls him a "footnote in American literary history."

Yesterday there was an actress -- a very sexy actress. She had a very stormy romantic life. One night she had some drinks on a yacht, had an accident and drowned. A commenter on this post says she's largely forgotten, and while this may not be true the story is, now.

TV news has not improved in 27 years, except the stories were longer -- much longer. The graphics have improved. Who were Max Robinson and Steve Bell?

P. S. SYNERGY!

Posted 6:10 PM by Gene

A $1 million "floor" for Bionic's -- second "memoir", and...

Mr. Phelps has already published a memoir, Michael Phelps: Beneath the Surface, written with Sports Illustrated veteran scribe Brian Cazeneuve. That title came out in 2005 and sold only 9,000 copies, according to Nielsen BookScan, which tracks about 70% of the market.

“No books by great Olympians have done well, except for Greg Louganis’,” said an insider who decided not to bid on the new memoir.

Bids through the ceiling!

Posted 12:23 PM by Gene

It appears from yesterday's USAOKAY!!!!! (which I just saw) the hacks have hit upon a new MO: the newspaper front page as smiley-face. Since we cannot report on things political and societal without reverting to our DEFAULT MODE we must report on things that (we think) will make our readers smile -- which not-so-coincidentally happen to be the things that make US smile. The Bionic Swimmer is wonderful, Woodster the Perv's latest masterwork is wonderful -- everything having to do with US is wonderful. They think that by putting a smiley face on the front page they'll get back the thousands of workers who've been fired because for decades we were better than our readers. But the approach merely affirms that however idiotically he grins a news hack remains as smilingly trustworthy as a used-car salesman, that USAOKAY!!!!! is stuffing for hotel rooms, and that the best use for newspapers remains in litter boxes and bird cages.

And having just been to the NEWSEUM's site and seen all the front-pages that look nearly like USAOKAY!!!!! without plagiarism I can safely say there will be thousands more firings.

Posted 10:04 AM by Gene

Speaking of A. O.:

...NBC's thrilling, gorgeous Beijing Olympics....

God am I glad Tom Shales doesn't write regularly anymore.

Posted 10:02 AM by Gene

Bob Ney is out of prison, and if we know the Beltway within five years he can be smug again.

Posted 9:53 AM by Gene

If there's one proof of our loss of cultural diversity it's in the continuing near-death experience of the drive-in movie house. Such venues were perfect for certain features -- the bloated CinemaScope spectacles of the fifties, sci-fi, second-string animations, Don Knotts comedies. They united families. With (as A. O. has to have told us) movies being BETTER THAN EVER!!!!! one can't imagine a suitable flick for a drive-in anymore, and that nearly as much as development may explain why it all but died off -- but a few stirring specimens do seem to remain, testimony that there is sometimes truth to nostalgia.

Posted 9:00 AM by Gene

Lewis LapHAM, the tiny former ediTOR of something called Harper's, has thrown a muddled tantrum over ST. TIMOTHY. Harpers.org is a virtually dead site and the screed isn't online, but we'd guess given the prominence of Ronald Reagan's name here it has to do with the ST. being some sort of Republican (never mind He was a Democrat). But the ST. was a toady -- a man does not attend DR. EVIL's funeral without being one -- and the excess of His now forgotten last rites attested to it, yet when a shrimp like this says it no one believes him. Since he raises another name we'll put it in far fewer words: ST. TIMOTHY was Charlie Rose with an attitude.

Posted 8:59 AM by Gene

Highmark Inc. and Independence Blue Cross would pay their top executives as much as $4.2 million more if they were allowed to merge.

Hey! I think we found a new PAHTNER for the GAMES!

Posted 9:17 PM by Gene

THE PEOPLE -- well, er, the FANS --- are REBELLING AGAINST PEOPLE WARNER'S MOVING THE TENTPOLE!!!!!

Marchons, MARCHONS...so MS. ROWLINGCORP can double Her fortune.

Posted 6:32 PM by Gene

TNR insists The Lord and His disciples made a wonderful wonderful compromise on abortion, as we shall see when He starts choosing Nine-Fingers, and when BigMedia act as His enforcers.

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

Awwwwwwww, Mogul's Friend loses one of his best because his live-action cartoon fantasies weren't good enough (for SUMNER, presumably).

[I]t can't be a good sign for Paramount when someone with Rich's savvy and creativity as a marketer is so eager to bail out of his job.

It can't be a good sign when professional toadies like Mogul's Friend hail as irreplaceable geniuses men who market live-action cartoon fantasies.

Posted 2:12 PM by Gene

Best-Seller Pervez ISN'T resigning yet despite the best efforts of his opponents and news hacks to make it so. If Will Rogers were alive today would he still say "All I know is what I read in the papers"?

(Which is sometimes emended as, "...and that's an alibi for my ignorance.")

Posted 1:08 PM by Gene

Downie's leadership at WP similar to that of a good mob boss

Uh, Romy....

Posted 1:06 PM by Gene

The Pack offered Brett his own blog!

And most likely he wouldn't have had to write it.

Posted 12:57 PM by Gene

...fake ethnic groups....

The Lord would NEVER hear of it.

Posted 12:52 PM by Gene

If this is correct, more than twice as many Britons do coke as partake Sundays of the British Vicarage and Tea-Time Club!

Sharia, here we come!

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

We will give the Bionic Swimmer the benefit of the doubt and say he's real, nevertheless reserving our right to object. One reason the slavish devotion to the CURE FOR CANCER rankles us is that so much of the CURE is tainted by drugs. The other day we got the story of one of those East German machines who had to change his/her sex because he/she took too many steroids. That the authorities seem not to have found egregious doping acts thus far may just mean they're slinking under the radar. The one hope for sports is for fans to maintain their credulousness at all costs, as SELIGISM's millionaire seat-license buyers have done, never letting truth or common sense impinge on their fun.

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

Life is decisions, and some of us make better ones than others. Having six bodies would make life easier; if we were a large business we are sure we would have the decision to be quite wealthy. Even with mass firings a news organization can still make good decisions -- in theory it should make better ones because fewer staff should mean fewer opportunities for mischief or drivel. GanNETt doesn't know better, nor it appears does its rank-and-file; despite its having laid off three percent of its workers our NEUHARTHIAN ROCK AD-BLURBIST EDNA still finds the time to write some asinine filler about three of her favorites. The news biz' decision, then, to continue to serve up tripe is theirs. The decision to pass up this unsavory daily repast is OURS.

Posted 8:14 AM by Gene

Finally, after ten weeks or thereabouts, the "Get Smart" memorial on I-95 has come down. Now maybe PEOPLE WARNER can reserve the space for its upcoming ROWLINGCORP TENTPOLE -- for ALL NEXT YEAR.

Posted 5:45 PM by Gene

'Where was God?' ask refugees from Georgia war

Neither party expected for the war, the magnitude, or the duration, which it has already attained. Neither anticipated that the cause of the conflict might cease with, or even before, the conflict itself should cease. Each looked for an easier triumph, and a result less fundamental and astounding. Both read the same Bible, and pray to the same God; and each invokes His aid against the other. It may seem strange that any men should dare ask a just God's assistance in wringing their bread from the sweat of other men's faces; but let us judge not that we be not judged. The prayers of both could not be answered; that of neither has been answered fully. The Almighty has his own purposes. "Woe unto the world because of offences! For it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!" If we shall suppose that American Slavery is one of those offences which, in the providence of God, must needs come, but which, having continued through His appointed time, he now wills to remove, and that He gives to both North and South, this terrible war, as the woe due to those by whom the offence came, shall we discern therein any departure from those divine attributes which the believers in a Living God always ascribe to Him? Fondly do we hope-fervently do we pray-that this mighty scourge of war may speedily pass away. Yet, if God will that it continue, until all the wealth piled by the bond-man's two hundred and fifty years of unrequited toil shall be sunk, and until every drop of blood drawn with the lash, shall be paid by another drawn with the sword, as was said three thousand years ago, so still it must be said "the judgments of the Lord, are true and righteous altogether."

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

JPOD THINKS:

Lieberman will have to pledge not to seek the presidency, and to make the point that he is a man of his word.

Er, Pod, how old is BOOBS McKEATING? And if Veep Morals becomes -- er, well, you-know-what, should he step down?

And does President Morals become a DEMOCRAT again?

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

Stupid question: What if it decides to get cloudy over the Desert Southwest?

You know, global warming and all that?

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

The TWXSTERS, with might and main, move their ROWLINGCORP TENTPOLE from Thanksgiving to next summer -- and look who doesn't know:

Last-minute move comes as Daniel Radcliffe appears on the cover of Entertainment Weekly's Fall movie preview this week. [Emphasis added]

They're INSULTING YOUR creation, B. S. DEFENDER! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! HA HA HA!

WHAT HAPPENED TO SYNERGY?!?!?

PEOPLE INC. SHOULD SECEDE FROM PEOPLE WARNER!!!!!

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

OH oh, maybe it's NOT symbolic!

Posted 12:09 PM by Gene

OH oh:

Clinton name to be placed in Democratic nomination at convention

Messiah -- PRAY!

P. S. at 2:17 p.m. Aw SHUCKS, it's "symbolic."

For all those votes that's a lot of symbolism.

Posted 11:36 AM by Gene

Perhaps it was too much to expect Our Friends the Saudis to have to pay for 9/11, but if they are not legally culpable they are morally so.

Posted 9:59 AM by Gene

Judge lets Detroit mayor travel to Dem convention

Thankfully no one will watch the thing so no one will notice.

Posted 9:45 AM by Gene

The Former Wizard of Oz, who blew up the housing bubble, now says these Dubya bailouts are BAD?!?!?

Has anyone told him people don't believe him anymore?

(Via Cheapie Marketwatch)

Posted 9:34 AM by Gene

We don't know which is worse: that a professor would ask for sexual bribes from his students -- or that the students would pay them.

Miller created the Heartland Poll in 1988, conducted by the University of Iowa Social Science Institute, as a unique political opinion poll to gather data from Iowans and residents in six surrounding states during election years.

(Insert sound of eyeballs rolling here)

(First link via Chronicle.com)

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

Why do I get the impression reading this that, bionic swimmers notwithstanding, THE CURE FOR CANCER has been an enormous fizzle, saved only by the armies of uncritical (and mostly female) viewers watching on GE BANCORP NETWORK?

Posted 8:22 AM by Gene

I guess this means SO many people bought SO many houses at SUCH inflated prices the bubble's still huge.

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!! The Mogul's Friend says his pal Dan at Warners has SO MANY MOVIES he doesn't know what to DO with all of them!

While we have a few environmentally or medically unsound suggestions our best advice is just send them out on DVD, where no one can notice.

(Via ArtsJournal)

Posted 6:03 PM by Gene

The foreign ministers of the 27 EU countries interrupted their holidays for an emergency session on the Caucasus crisis today in Brussels.

Did the world notice?

Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

Home in Chicago, Obama can be regular guy, sort of

I'm sure Mike Royko could appreciate that.

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

We may have to start to wonder when the DOLANS!!!!! take over the REST of COLONELDOM.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

TV ratings are tanking and advertisers are fleeing [?????], but NBC Universal chief Jeff Zucker has a plan to reinvent television. [Home-page blurb]

I know -- he'll have THE GAMES ALL YEAR!

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

Doofus finally does something, but only after having non-acted himself into a corner.

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

Assuming Gen. Fogbound endorses The Lord (and we wouldn't assume that much with Mr. NeoCon), it may not mean a lot because 1. The Lord already has Gen. McClellan, 2. The Lord already has -- oh, never mind, 3. It's payback, and 4. Nobody watches the infomercials anymore.

Posted 2:48 PM by Gene

Iranian minister's Oxford degree apparently fake

How many of NUKEMAN's nukemen....

Posted 9:01 AM by Gene

And for the first time, Mickey D's distributes a coupon ONLINE. Caveats: It's doing so because ITS CEO IS TAKING A THREE-MONTH PAID VACATION, and its corporate-rep score is -24.1. (!!!!!)

Posted 9:00 AM by Gene

In terms of buzz, General Electric (parent of NBC Universal) is so far the big winner, posting the largest overall increase over the last month. Its score rose from 9.4 for the month before the games to 14.4 for the week leading into the games. GE's reputation was 33.3, compared with the 15.5 average for the overall appliance [SIC!!!!!] sector.

Johnson & Johnson's ad campaign has its brand soaring, earning it a reputation score of 65.2, compared to the overall drug sector's 7.1.

DAMMIT RANCE, WILL YOU STOP GIVING CEOs AN EXCUSE TO TAKE THREE-MONTH PAID VACATIONS?

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

In the old days if people had panned LUKE SPIELBERG's museum pieces the fanboys would have cried. They laugh now.

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

And a certain move-MENT con-SER-va-tive -- in this case Quin, friend of BIG PHARMA -- believes what America needs is still more redistribution of wealth...the con-SER-va-tive kind.

Here is one reason why, if The Lord is having trouble polling higher, so is BOOBS McKEATING.

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

In his own way our current attorney general must admit Sleepy Gonzales was just like his boss -- an incompetent glad-handing ass.

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

Speaking of the CURE, this is either our sour grapes or their cheating, and at the CURE it's the proverbial six of one.

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

Speaking of smog, we figure there are two reasons so many of the events at the CURE FOR CANCER have been sellouts: 1. Nobody's interested in yoga and table tennis, and 2. The Chinese Politburo. "How's our attendance in archery?" "Thirty percent." "Sold out!"

Posted 8:07 AM by Gene

Now, having spent his crisis time admiring the backsides of beach volleyball players, Dubya concocts an excuse: that the Russians were afraid of being punished by US!

Hey Dubya, if your opposite number the Puppet of Russia can call his putative counterpart in Georgia a "bastard", why can't you just tell the truth -- the Russkies won? Or are you so intent on your long overdue retirement the days go by as in a Chinese smog?

If Dubya isn't our worst president (and the "author" Bob Byrd's known every one of them since Washington, and is just as senile) he's getting there.

Posted 6:25 PM by Gene

Gory, vulgar and wickedly funny. [Cablevision home-page blurb]

When we read five-word above-the-title ads like this we know, regardless of what CONSERVATIVE columnists [Romian emphasis added] might beg us to believe, why we want more news hacks to lose their jobs in general, and why we want show-biz ad-blurbists in particular to lose them. If all you're going to do is spin and sell, yell at us and condescend to us and look for high-profile high-salaried jobs, why should we feel any sympathy for you?

And there won't be as many nonideological stories - about crimes or zoning or state spending - until what was once a solvable problem festers, unreported, into a front-page disaster.

Forgive us for thinking we've done pretty well on that score with you clowns on the job.

Posted 6:01 PM by Gene

But then who needs Vlad when we have a few select Georgians:

"What would you have us do? How can we live like this? We are afraid. We will stay in the forests until this war is over."

This...is London!

Posted 5:58 PM by Gene

The former Mr. Sharon Stone takes credit for helping bring down the Soviet Union!

Are you sure we should boast now, Former?

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

Of course America is weak. Would a nation "ruled" by Dubya be otherwise?

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

Oooh, I think somebody's MAD:

The Obama and Bush Do-Nothing Strategy on Georgia

Posted 5:47 PM by Gene

Thankfully China wants to be loved responsibly. Pffffffffffffffffffft!

Posted 5:46 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: They won't make money with show-biz news this time either, but it'll make them feel good.

And we remember Inside.com; it was a decent site -- while it lasted.

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

NO COMMENT:

Burger King Corp. said Tuesday it has parted ways with an employee who was recorded taking a soapy bath in the restaurant's utility sink. The nearly four-minute video, which was posted Thursday on MySpace.com, shows the unidentified employee taking the bath to celebrate his birthday.

The worker, who refers to himself as "Mr. Unstable," appears to be naked.

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

And elsewhere in Synergistic Stale.com, we learn China "just wants to be loved."



Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Just like a panda.

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

Hey Sons 'o' Michael! If GE BANCORP's coverage of THE GAMES is so sappy why is it the last two days when I've run into this gag you've run ADS from YOU-KNOW-WHO?

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

I think we can install our people in Georgia, Dmitry. S'allright?



S'ALLRIGHT!

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

CVS, which already resembles a government bureaucracy, is about to get bigger.

Can you imagine one national drug-store chain? I can. (And so can CVS's shareholders.)

P. S. A sad thing is for years its Moreno Valley, California store was big in model railroading. (!) Just think how a CEO like Tom Ryan would react to that.

Posted 1:31 PM by Gene

%strytype(ContentType:Spot Development; ContentElement:FullStory; Breaking:True;%)

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice says military operations must stop in Georgia.

No WONDER that isn't an AP NEWSALERT!

Posted 12:16 PM by Gene

The more we learn of the IMMORTAL opening for the CURE FOR CANCER the more we learn how mortal it was. First we learned some Communist apparatchick replaced a girl singer because she wasn't attractive enough -- and now we learn someone projected a BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH!!!!!!!!!! during the finale.

If this cures cancer I'd hate to think what it could do for other diseases.

Posted 6:54 AM by Gene

The CURE FOR CANCER has -- EMPTY SEATS?

Couldn't the organizers have bused in some pliable Chinese -- or some relatives of all those CEOs out there?

Posted 6:51 AM by Gene

We win! WE WIN!!!!!

Posted 6:15 PM by Gene

To their credit, Russian investors didn't like it.

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

Meantime the Gods and Goddesses of sport confirm technology and drugs have rendered all those "records" meaningless.

What is so especially annoying about this latest CURE FOR CANCER is that today sports occupies the same place culture did 75 years ago. At least you could hum a hit tune from a Broadway musical. Try humming a breast stroke. Except for chokes and Willie Mays catches great plays are one like another; the most memorable moments in sport were audio ones like the farewells of Lou Gehrig and Babe Ruth, the former with that echo and the latter with his cancer. Sports hacks use words like "CLASSIC!!!!!" the way ad-blurbists use "CLASSIC!!!!!" in trying to apply an aura of immortality (and synergy) to them. But adjectives won't make great catches leaps dives more memorable, and they only tell us that where it should count, in the arts, you can't remember a doggone thing anymore. And however artistic "great moments in sport" may be, sports are not art.

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

It is now obvious Belly Kisser wants to take over Georgia, and if there is nothing the "civilized" world could do about it in the best of times, it is not the best of times when that world is led by a man who palsy-walsies with him while doing photo ops with beach-volleyball players.

Posted 2:31 PM by Gene

PR BS: Little Jeffy says He's earned $700 MILLION from His globe-trotting telegenic schmoozing. To which we ask three questions: 1. Isn't it business it would have picked up anyway? 2. How much of it is due to GE BANCORP being "international"? And 3. $700 million is WHAT PERCENT of $176.7 BILLION?

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

U.S., allies keep up pressure on Russia to end attacks in Georgia

We would certainly like to know how. Little Georgia is not worth us going to war over, but Belly Kisser, just like NUKEMAN, has us over a barrel, forcing us to wring our hands and utter mindless platitudes in place of action. It reminds us all too well of what the lunkheaded Ike didn't do in '56. Of course he wasn't going to risk Armageddon over that strategically dubious parcel of land called Hungary, but his practical silence was a victory for the Soviets. That the Hungarians ultimately won their freedom does not make Ike's silence look golden. To be sure the Georgians may not be risking their freedom here, but for Belly Kisser to smile at our predicament makes us realize that we have molten piles of Jell-O where our leaders should be, and that the future belongs to tyrannies like the Russians', or the GAMES' latest friends.

Posted 8:32 AM by Gene

Although the event as a whole received rapturous reviews abroad, that has not been entirely the case at home. Some internet comments were hostile, saying that while it looked stunning the contents were vacuous.

It is excessively irksome to have to feel it your civic or patriotic duty to do something of no value. A case in point is doing my duty for GE BANCORP and the Lords of Lausanne. We will not pay attention to these GAMES again after they've ended, nor to most of the sports highlighted, and I do not want to watch television for the sake of watching it. And the sheer heavy load of forgettable sports makes following this event a true burden. The Chinese Internet users following the slightly faked opening were definitely on to something -- and not just about the opening.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

As it appears neither Steen nor PEOPLE WARNER has any intention of suspending their memorial tribute to "Get Smart", we will no longer note the presence of their billboard until the parties consent to remove it -- if they remove it.

Posted 2:30 PM by Gene

If it's Sunday it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:

1. If not for buzzwords ad-agencies and their ilk would be out of business, much as we might wish. Petey plugs into their buzzy zeitgeist by saying The Messiah is an upscale marketer. (Talk about preaching to the converted; 95 percent of the people in this scam are His Disciples already.) Just like Stevedom and the iPhone, says Petey. It would never occur to Petey that maybe He is another iPhone: flashy, of currently limited connectivity, uselessly programmable, relatively expensive, and something to show off. (The only difference is the iPhone is the product of a God, whereas the Messiah IS God.) More damningly Petey says young people are marketing slaves, the sort of condescension that means worse TV and more of the target crowd tuning out.

2. Ad Skipping? Just Wait. It's Going to Get Worse

We are tempted to retort with, "Ad Spending? Just Wait. It's Going to Get Better" but with a survey stating "85% of DVR owners are currently skipping at least three-quarters of ads" at some point even advertisers must reconsider how they burn their money. At least they should. Shouldn't they?

3. Somebody tell the TWXSTERS, again, content or no, distribution or no, YOU WON'T BE WORTH $90 A SHARE WHEN THE MESSIAH HAS RETURNED TO EARTH TEN TIMES.

4. Indeed the Big Four are so needlessly desperate they're increasingly inflicting TV ads outside the house, which shows so little faith in how their sugar daddies will continue to shell out for their expensive treats.