Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Posted
6:42 PM
by Gene
I think we get the message, JonBoy: we must drum climate change into their dear little ears...the only problem being we can't drum it into as many dear little ears as we used to, an unfortunate consequence of rather being right. Which may explain the relative reason of what we've skimmed of this piece -- it seems to highlight the limits of drumming along with the unlimits of Mr. Internet's "flexibility" -- but then we'd rather not have to read a whole article just to figure out if KAPLAN, INC. will throw another tantrum...and so, alas, we didn't. SIXTY PERCENT, JonBoy! P. S. In addition to the newspaper, [KAPLAN, INC.] owns Kaplan Inc. [SIC] educational business [SIC], CableOne, a small cable company whose customers live mainly in the Northwest and Gulf States, six television stations and several other print and online publications, including Slate, Express and El Tiempo Latino. Hmmm -- I think we're MISSING something!
Posted
5:35 PM
by Gene
It certainly speaks to me. I don't like discussing my personal life but I've lived in a cocoon and can't escape. Though Babbitt was the last word in conventional -- he was especially conventional in his religion, attending church as everyone else did; he'd have appreciated today's mega-"churches" -- he was not quite the prototype of the Organization Man people think. No, he was Walter Mitty before James Thurber coined the name. We forget the book really deals with a sensitive man's midlife crisis: Consumed by a sudden dissatisfaction with his bourgeois ways Babbitt tries becoming a Lothario in the spirit of the Twenties, but he can't drink with pleasure, and he is much too self-conscious but to see others' faults, and it fails him. He sulks back to his miserably conventional life and his dumpy wife and not-too-bright children. And speaking of the Second Coming, he had a brief devotion to baseball. This is where Babbitt has such value; we get to see life on another planet called America. ZELIG and the greedmeisters posit a day of baseball purity to mask their foulness, but the sport was very difficult to follow in its supposed golden age; there were no night games (and no blacks), and no television or even radio -- you had to be at the game, an inconvenience at best for working people, or follow it "live" at a local newspaper. Or to quote from the salient spot: Baseball, he determined, would be an excellent hobby. "No sense a man's working his fool head off. I'm going out to the Game three times a week. Besides, fellow ought to support the home team." He did go and support the team, and enhance the glory of Zenith, by yelling "Attaboy!" and "Rotten!" He performed the rite scrupulously. He wore a cotton handkerchief about his collar; he became sweaty; he opened his mouth in a wide loose grin; and drank lemon soda out of a bottle. He went to the Game three times a week, for one week. Then he compromised on watching the Advocate-Times bulletin-board. He stood in the thickest and steamiest of the crowd, and as the boy up on the lofty platform recorded the achievements of Big Bill Bostwick, the pitcher, Babbitt remarked to complete strangers, "Pretty nice! Good work!" and hastened back to the office. He honestly believed that he loved baseball. It is true that he hadn't, in twenty-five years, himself played any baseball except back-lot catch with Ted--very gentle, and strictly limited to ten minutes. But the game was a custom of his clan, and it gave outlet for the homicidal and sides-taking instincts which Babbitt called "patriotism" and "love of sport." Notwithstanding the ham-handed commentary at the end we can see that for many sports are something less than a full-time devotion, and for a reason. And Babbitt can still speak to us because it survived Babbitt. Despite his less-than-success in business Harry S Truman was his good side; Dubya (whose first name is also George) would have reclined comfortably in Babbitt's many lazy prejudices and platitudes. And we have recent evidence it may yet be vaguely alive. Recently PILLHEAD's favorite intellectual wrote a telling review of a novel from the "thriller" novelist Robert Ferrigno set in the America of 2040, where half the country is an Islamic republic and the other half fitfully Christian. While this seems unthinkable given how easily we can demoralize ourselves it is not impossible. Or as this Substitute Host puts it, Meanwhile, the [Bible] Belt is less a bastion of republican virtue than an impoverished swamp of garish sentimentality whose national shrines are Waco and Graceland. An impoverished swamp of garish sentimentality -- definitely the successor to Babbitts. (It does seem strange that PILLHEAD and his fellow yappers could not come to the rescue, but that's another novel.) Sinclair Lewis wrote a book called It Can't Happen Here. He was thinking of other isms. Given our weakness for stinky political fads and the tenacity of our enemies, it can.
Posted
2:31 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:11 PM
by Gene
Is it fair to say that Alfred Nobel did little to advance the cause of peace and much to thwart it as a chemist who invented dynamite in the 1860s? Yes. He profited from war. That was why he became a peacemaker; well, not a peacemaker, but he saw the consequences of dynamite, how war became more efficient, an even more awful killing machine. And since then he's made a LOT of peace, THORB. The literature prize continues to go to ever more obscure choices. Had you heard of Herta Müller, the Romanian-German writer who is this year’s laureate? To be honest, no, I hadn’t. Have you read any novels by last year’s laureate in literature, Jean-Marie Gustave Le Clézio, of France? Not before, but I read him afterward. It’s difficult reading. What about Philip Roth or J. D. Salinger or Alice Munro or Joyce Carol Oates, who have freed literature from falseness and decorum, but whom the committee continues to overlook? Most people say what you are saying: Why don’t you choose one who is more known? Because how many Americans write like Europeans? INTERVIEW HAS BEEN CONDENSED AND EDITED. P. S. All RIGHT, it's pronounced like THIS, which makes it sound worse. (Via MICHAEL)
Posted
2:01 PM
by Gene
We know all about SWAGGER, disciples of NEUHARTH -- which may be why your stock has lost ITS. Here's the best part: the NETt's being "IMPACTED" by LENO! GO JUT-JAW!
Posted
1:25 PM
by Gene
AND PEOPLE WARNER HAS RUN ANOTHER DISCLAIMER! Don't SPIN OFF your RAGS, Mr. BEW-kes -- SHUT THEM DOWN!
Posted
1:18 PM
by Gene
We are rather pleased to note WACKO's CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED MASTERWORK is not doing the $250 MILLION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SUPERNIKKI!!!!!!!!!! and her fellow press agents said it would, which makes us doubt whether that splotched friend of children will have much of an afterlife himself. (First link via SUPERADAM!!!!!)
Posted
1:05 PM
by Gene
Six People Shot in Five Separate Incidents in Phila.
Posted
12:56 PM
by Gene
(Via ESPNCORP Network News)
Posted
10:35 AM
by Gene
Aw geez Sue, get a little shuteye! Take a cue from the NEUHARTH PLAYBOOK -- BLURB!
Posted
10:13 AM
by Gene
![]() We're surprised STARCHITECTS didn't stage a huge rally to prevent this Frisco hotel's demolition.
Posted
10:04 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: BANEhead doesn't have a clue either. P. S. at 1:58 p. m. Well all right, the Elephant Party does have these talking points. But why couldn't it have come up with them, say, four years ago? We would note too point no. 4 is largely revenge at Democrats. We must admit, though, even someone suffering from PICA might not have an appetite for a 1,990-page bill. (GOP link via the usual folk at Commentary) Friday, October 30, 2009
Posted
1:23 PM
by Gene
Illinois Teacher Fund Confronts $35 Billion Unfunded Liability We don't want to think how many other Illinois Teacher Retirement Systems there are. (Via FinViz)
Posted
11:16 AM
by Gene
When does this company formally change its name to KAPLAN, INC.? Meantime The Daily Broccoli pleads for government handouts for its news division. SELF-SERVING MORONS -- you COULD open a SALON. (Both links via MediaBistro)
Posted
10:52 AM
by Gene
Maybe if he brought on some nappy-headed...never mind.
Posted
10:45 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:19 AM
by Gene
Consumers shouldn't worry! They should INVEST -- like WE DO!!!!!
Posted
9:41 AM
by Gene
Russia fails to protect journalists, activists, prison inmates and others at odds with authorities from a wide range of abuses, including torture and murder, the U.N. Human Rights Committee said Friday. Okay, that's done -- now on to the business of prosecuting ISRAEL.
Posted
9:18 AM
by Gene
![]() Hey hand, the only democracy in this country is my democracy. S'allright? S'ALLRIGHT!
Posted
9:15 AM
by Gene
Now he'll have to be content spending the rest of his life making very profitable speeches and being an appendage to sleazy businessmen.
Posted
8:59 AM
by Gene
Looking for a Job? Pre-register for the New York Post Job Fair Today!” [SIC]
Posted
8:50 AM
by Gene
And how many of the press agents who obsessively blurb about their favorite teevee shows would say the same thing about some of the shows they obsessively blurbed?
Posted
8:47 AM
by Gene
4-legged movie stars vie for 'canine Oscars' LONDON (AP) -- Four-legged screen stars are vying for the Fido Film Awards, billed as the canine equivalent of the Oscars. Nominees announced Friday include the animated dog stars of "Bolt" and "Up," the titular mutt in "Marley and Me" and - in a rare non-canine choice - the dapper, George Clooney-voiced "Fantastic Mr. Fox." They are competing for prizes in categories including historical hound, rom-com rover and comedy canine. Award organizer Toby Rose said the past year had scene [SIC!!!!!] "an unprecedented run of dog successes at the international box office." The Fidos call themselves the world's first international awards for canine screen stars. The winners will be chosen by a panel of British film critics and announced at a Nov. 22 ceremony in London. Necessary! P. S. at 2:52 p. m. Testimony to the Web's (and news hacks') infallibility: For "Award organizer Toby Rose said the past year had scene" G000,000,000GLE shows 1,690 LINKS -- and TWO CORRECTIONS. P. P. S. on 10/31 at 10:20 a. m. There are now 1,150 links -- and 146 corrections. Progress!
Posted
8:42 AM
by Gene
Guess who really gets beaned with government as beanball. (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
8:37 AM
by Gene
Bad time? Any time for sports overspending at professional college teams is a GREAT time! AND it keeps the clien -- students happy! Civic pri -- school spirit!
Posted
8:32 AM
by Gene
More alike than everyone thinks. NOW somebody tells us.
Posted
8:30 AM
by Gene
A good reason for a. paying $500 a year for The Econowiz and b. paying at least that much for it on-line. That and BUGMEISTER BILL reads it, supposedly. Thursday, October 29, 2009
Posted
10:23 PM
by Gene
Nearly half the members of a powerful House subcommittee in control of Pentagon spending are under scrutiny by ethics investigators in Congress, who have trained their lens on the relationships between seven members and an influential lobbying firm founded by a former Capitol Hill aide. Possible.
Posted
9:22 PM
by Gene
HARDY-HAR-HAR!
Posted
3:52 PM
by Gene
Edmunds.com says a lot of those sales would have happened anyway, with or without the clunkers program. Of more than 690,000 vehicles sold, only about 125,000 of the sales were entirely due to the government's added inducement, Edmunds.com says. The rest of buyers just got lucky by getting the government to kick cash into deals that they would have proceeded with anyhow. When the cost of the program is spread over just those extra incremental sales, the total is $24,000 per vehicle. That's just about $2,000 shy of the average amount paid for a new car by buyers in August, $26,915. DOW UP 180 KAZILLION TODAY!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
1:18 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:33 AM
by Gene
DOW UP 1,000! (Via Seeking Alpha)
Posted
10:45 AM
by Gene
We said it before: If PILLHEAD ruled America unions and organizing would be illegal. If SPEAKER BABS ruled America union membership and dues would be mandatory.
Posted
8:59 AM
by Gene
Zell, who reaped a $39 billion windfall unloading his real estate empire, stands to lose the $315 million he personally put into the complex transaction two years ago. "It's certainly the most amount of money I've lost in a single deal," he said in a Bloomberg interview. The 68-year-old billionaire, who daily rides one of his 15 prized motorcycles to work, said that if he could turn back the clock on the flopped deal, he "would have married someone else." You mean PVT. ZELL wouldn't have married himself?
Posted
8:51 AM
by Gene
I really wish NIKKI!!!!! "ZEIGFIELD" FINKE!!!!! would stop hectoring us about morals and stick with selling things.
Posted
8:47 AM
by Gene
Does that mean we can like him?
Posted
8:37 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:30 AM
by Gene
We've stared at a monitor long enough -- we know. (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
8:27 AM
by Gene
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Posted
10:23 PM
by Gene
Sorry Mr. Moon 'n' Stars, big 'n' clumsy go together.
Posted
10:16 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:55 PM
by Gene
I shouldn't have said that but given victims like PARIS!!!!! I couldn't resist.
Posted
8:36 PM
by Gene
It appears we are NOT finished with DOMESTIC holy cockroaches. Vigilance, ALWAYS vigilance. We must post this comment: WorkedTooMuch wrote: I deeply regret that a canine unit was lost in defense of our (and his) country. It is quite possible that the dog took a bullet that would have otherwise taken out a human agent. I'm more of a cat person than a dog person, yet I never fail to remember the intelligence and faithfulness that a well trained dog can display. RIP, my friend. Good (sniff) dog! (Via ASSPress via MyWay.com)
Posted
8:27 PM
by Gene
A proposal to ban lighting up in New York’s parks has exposed the puritanical agenda behind the crusade against smoking. Patrick Basham directs the Democracy Institute and is a CATO INSTITUTE adjunct scholar. John Luik is a Democracy Institute senior fellow. They are co-authors of Hidden in Plain Sight: Why Tobacco Display Bans Fail. [Smoking overemphasis added] Everyone has an agenda, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Posted
7:58 PM
by Gene
Haven't retired prime ministers heard of Douglas MacArthur?
Posted
3:28 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:17 PM
by Gene
![]() This one we must put in our neat-O file. America must make up her mind about space exploration. The thing is: if we'd put all the money we BURNED ON FINANCIERS into the effort... ...we could have sent them to the moon ON A SPACESHIP.
Posted
1:15 PM
by Gene
We note with some annoyance that StinkyInky Publishing Co. is in danger of selling at a fire-sale price. (Not OUR danger.) I can see its moth-eaten flagship doing this: Say the SELIGISM Series goes seven games. I see a fourteen-inning seventh game with lead changes each half-inning. When "our" side finally wins in the bottom half (bases loaded, two outs, full count, natch) the BLUTOS go into full riot mode. Our Stinky Inky, having run so many press releases during the Center City condo boom, does them a favor by draping the front page in a promotional "PHILLIES REPEAT!!!!!!!!!!" wrapper (i.e., a fake front page with four pages of photos) and playing down the rioting on the real front page. Yes, I can see a newspaper bankrupt in more ways than one doing this. Of course the NOO YAWK tabloids would respond by gleefully overplaying the story on THEIR front pages, meaning more than one newspaper will be unreadable the day after. (Second link via the usual Romy)
Posted
11:39 AM
by Gene
Well, He can go back to managing BizWeek -- or maybe flirting with the women.
Posted
10:49 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:23 AM
by Gene
Why am I supposed to be bombed, PEOPLE WARNER? Wouldn't it be more astonishing if someone in big media and its tendrils didn't succumb to drugs?
Posted
10:16 AM
by Gene
Remember when people were calling this guy "conservative"? Nope, just another European. On one occasion Sarkozy triggered the cancellation of an entire EU event he was due to host in Evian, because he wanted to sleep in his own bed at the Élysée palace. By then, hundreds of journalists, EU officials and national delegations had either already arrived in Evian or were on their way. Your typical Congresspoop would appreciate that.
Posted
8:39 AM
by Gene
Suburb of Greenwich and Fairfield doesn't sound that flattering either, as that's where many of NOO YAWK's corporate HQ went. Heck any town that BOASTS it'll make $15.5 million from each of its SELIGISM Series games has a self-esteem problem. It wouldn't hurt to be humble a little. But as we said before, we in Philthydelphia have plenty to be humble about.
Posted
8:30 AM
by Gene
When the markets go up a zillion points...who cares?
Posted
8:25 AM
by Gene
U.S. colleges and universities are graduating as many scientists and engineers as ever, according to a study released on Oct. 28 by a group of academics. But that finding comes with a big caveat: Many of the highest-performing students are choosing careers in other fields. The study by professors at Rutgers and Georgetown suggests that since the late 1990s, many of the top students have been lured to careers in finance and consulting.
Posted
8:20 AM
by Gene
Still, Democrats must ask themselves whether there’s anything they can do over the next year--for example, a meaningful shift toward fiscal restraint--to reduce the intensity level of the conservative assault. If not, the combination of an energized opposition and an electorate battered by high unemployment, slow growth, and the perception of out-of-control spending could set the stage for an ugly outcome. Already liberals are speaking of one-party government in the past tense. (Via -- oh well -- JENNIFER)
Posted
8:14 AM
by Gene
WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sort of makes all the money You vacuumed from the turnips worth it, huh HONORARY MAYOR MIKE? And how much does Your government waste in a day, Honorary? The more these government clowns make up numbers the more their turnips think revolution. Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Posted
3:11 PM
by Gene
In 2006, Ray appeared in The Secret, a popular documentary in which he and others promoted the philosophy that positive thinking makes good things happen. He also appeared on Oprah.
Posted
2:35 PM
by Gene
Yes Sparky, SELIGISM is, regardless of what its founder says about day games.
Posted
1:21 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:36 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:25 AM
by Gene
All the more reason to raise tuition! Cal spokesman Mogulof said, "There's a reason that 10,000 students come to every home football game. "They're not just at Berkeley to attend class. They come to be part of a community." KOLLEDGES believe in the civic-pride humbug too!
Posted
9:15 AM
by Gene
And how many of these geniuses do it themselves?
Posted
9:09 AM
by Gene
I'm guessing we will also hear from con-SER-va-tives. They should shut up too.
Posted
9:06 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:50 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:27 AM
by Gene
I suspect the professional sports buffs are picking "our" guys, and I wouldn't care less either way but for the prospect of more sleepless nights, and more Blutory. I further suspect this will do better in the ratings; last year was such an anomaly. But onward and downward thereafter for a sport that -- richly deserves it. Interesting too that Joysey's rooting mostly for the Yanks, but then Joysey's mostly an Apple suburb. No wisecracks about the smell. Got it? Nope.
Posted
3:25 AM
by Gene
P. S. at 10:48 a. m. The presence of all the celebrities led me to ignore the Cuban blogger (!), but the fact remains these are choices you'd expect from PEOPLE WARNER, and from ER. P. P. S. at 11:07 a. m. We also note that two of the "most overrated" appeared as "best" blogs in the list for 2008. And witness this roll-your-eyes observation: By most estimates, this is the 10th most popular blog on the planet: a site that lets users upload pictures of cats and affix funny captions to them written in a made-up language. Further evidence of the decline of Western civilization. TRANSLATION: Most listicles are worthless. Monday, October 26, 2009
Posted
7:11 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:39 PM
by Gene
![]() SUPERTWEEZERS!!!!! ![]() Doesn't this building look bureaucratic - in an award-winning way? ![]() Where's the other speaker?
Posted
3:18 PM
by Gene
CNN finishes last among the four cable news networks The GOOD news: > CNN has nearly 6 million followers on Twitter Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!! (The usual Romy link)
Posted
2:19 PM
by Gene
The other hot topic of the day was, not surprisingly, the impact of the expected Comcast-NBC Universal deal. Jessica Reif Cohen, 1st VP/Managing Director at Banc of America Securities-Merrill Lynch Research, said Comcast's potential deal to acquire a majority interest in NBCU could create “incredible” value for the MSO. Though she noted that a failed deal could hit Comcast's stock hard, her backing was enough that one media-company CEO in the crowd said afterward, “I should go fill my boots with Comcast stock right now.” Coming on the heels of that famous sales -- ANALYST stock was not what I was thinking of.
Posted
2:10 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:01 PM
by Gene
How apt that carbon nanotubes may cause the same problems as asbestos.
Posted
1:55 PM
by Gene
No, I don't think he'll be president.
Posted
1:37 PM
by Gene
DOW 500,0 -- oh wait, not today. Sunday, October 25, 2009
Posted
9:08 PM
by Gene
OR -- whatever comes after NEWSPAPERS can only be an IMPROVEMENT. (Via -- it figures -- CBS SPORTS)
Posted
8:26 PM
by Gene
Kohlberg Kravis and Goldman Sachs fools that's who.
Posted
6:24 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:14 PM
by Gene
For firms with more than 50 employees, the fee could be as high as $750 multiplied by the total size of the work force if only a few workers needed federal aid, these officials said. That is a more stringent penalty than in a bill that recently cleared the Senate Finance Committee, which said companies should face penalties on a per-employee basis. [Emphasis added] How many firms have 50 to 1000 employees? Are they large too? The more they talk, the more they write, the more convoluted this gets.
Posted
1:58 PM
by Gene
Okay Anna, if this is a time for action, why did KAPLAN, INC. take such a big non-baby step with your rag's circ -- BACKWARDS? Since you're telling the truth why not tell it to more people? Oh, telling truth costs money. It didn't used to.
Posted
1:42 PM
by Gene
The credulous might find this a worthwhile essay -- and one could mount a defense of the man, however unlikely. It might make for decent writing. Not being that credulous I did a little experiment: using Find in Firefox I typed in four letters: B - U - S - H ![]() Ta-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't bother reading it. Here we have a reason newspapers deserve their troubles. A computer could type out most of the contents. Pinch pays this bozo what? A million? To repeat himself all the time? Perhaps he's a profit center. We should recall though when Pinch tried His first experiment with paid content no one missed him -- or any of His other columnists. His approach deprives us of unconventional viewpoints -- not conservative vs. liberal, but truly unconventional ideas, like a defense of the Balloon Boy's father. Absurd -- but it could make people think. Instead we get the usual 800 words of verbally-induced coma. The press's collapse has not deprived the most deserving of unemployment of their jobs. The time has come.
Posted
9:43 AM
by Gene
Believe YOU? NIKKI!!!!! "ZEIGFIELD" FINKE!!!!!? Saturday, October 24, 2009
Posted
3:36 PM
by Gene
Jay Gould When it comes to unscrupulous behavior, Gould makes Milken look like a sweetheart. A railroad developer and speculator, Gould sold out his associates, bribed legislators to get deals done, and even kidnapped a potential investor. He duped the U.S. Treasury, pushing up the price of gold and prompting a scare on Wall Street that depressed all stocks. After hiring strikebreakers during a railroad strike in 1886, he was reported to have said, “I can hire one half of the working class to kill the other half.” THE STAT: When Gould died, his fortune was worth an estimated $67 billion in inflation-adjusted dollars. And No. 6: a former hero of Lou "The CEO-Toadying Populist" Dobbs: Al Dunlap Picked by the board of Scott Paper Co. as the man to turn the struggling company around, Dunlap earned his nickname “Chainsaw Al” by slicing 11,000 employees. When Scott merged with Kimberly-Clark, Dunlap’s payoff was estimated at more than $100 million. Dunlap’s memoir/manifesto, Mean Business, roughly coincided with his next CEO star turn, which was also to be his last. Sunbeam’s stock surged on the news that the Chainsaw was coming; massive workforce reductions and factory closures followed within months. His book clearly explained what set him apart from “addle-brained” and “weak” executives: “I’m a superstar in my field,” he wrote. Could there be a clearer sell signal? Unable to flip Sunbeam to a new buyer, as he’d done with Scott, Dunlap was stuck actually running the company. He failed spectacularly. Within two miserable years, the board fired him. The tactics he’d used to stave off losses—the company overstated its net income by $60 million, which was real money back then—earned him a civil suit from the SEC and a class-action suit by shareholders. Dunlap eventually settled both and was barred from serving as an officer or director of any public company. You could call Chainsaw Al’s story a fall from grace, but in his case, that’s probably not the proper word.
Posted
1:49 PM
by Gene
NEWSER®. We waste time so you don't have to!™
Posted
1:41 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:24 PM
by Gene
Obama declares swine flu a national emergency P. S. at 1:55 p. m. Our DECISIVE PRESIDENT proclaimed the emergency Friday night but didn't tell the hacks until this morning, which shows just how important this is -- or maybe he's still fuming over YOU-KNOW-WHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS!!!!! Friday, October 23, 2009
Posted
2:50 PM
by Gene
Politico.com sure knows how to be asinine! P. S. at 6:36 p. m. Well, that was short; he's declined. He "can't take the pay cut", he says. That and he has more power. And we suspect even he thought it an embarrassment. (Via the loudmouth Michael)
Posted
1:37 PM
by Gene
[W]ith a sharp drop in stock prices after the housing data came out Friday it appears traders are no longer excited by sales increases that are partially subsidized by the federal government. You don't think the fools at the Wall Street Casino are getting -- wise?
Posted
1:22 PM
by Gene
On his salary he doesn't have to report or analyze!
Posted
11:54 AM
by Gene
What will His Omnipotence say? Probably something like, that's okay, I understand; we atom-bombed you twice.
Posted
11:34 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:10 AM
by Gene
The US stock market is overvalued by 40% That means it's overvalued by more than it's gone up since March! Way to go, GEKKOS! (Via Seeking Alpha)
Posted
10:41 AM
by Gene
New Jersey Pays Goldman Sachs for Swaps on Nonexistent Bonds Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!! GS at 5000!!!!!
Posted
10:04 AM
by Gene
AMZN at 1000!!!!!
Posted
9:38 AM
by Gene
The GEKKO KUDLOWS say YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The public says NO.
Posted
9:11 AM
by Gene
GEKKO! PLEASE -- tell us WHY the STOCK MARKET DOUBLING AND TRIPLING will help our economy!
Posted
9:07 AM
by Gene
They will have drawn rapturous reviews, made the cover of Rolling Stone and given the troubled concert business a gigantic shot of adrenaline. What they won’t have done is make any money. Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! Hey Bono! Why not ask your friends BUGMEISTER and LITTLE MALCOLM for HELP? Bono summed up the delicate balance in an interview with USA Today at the beginning of the U.S. tour. “I want to put on an extraordinary show,” he said, “but I’d like to own my house when it’s over.” TRANSLATION: He's already asked his friend ST. WARREN! “The concert was high-minded and earthy, exalted and playful, sometimes even goofy, wielding rock-star prerogatives while undercutting them with disarming informality,” wrote Jon Pareles in the New York Times. How much did those free tickets to the ever fatuous ad-blurbists cost?
Posted
8:26 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:22 AM
by Gene
![]() Soupy Sales threw pies for a living. The world needs people who can throw pies for a living. Only the pies are happy today. Thursday, October 22, 2009
Posted
1:56 PM
by Gene
Er, wasn't that the problem the last time?
Posted
1:54 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: They're still too high.
Posted
10:08 AM
by Gene
For now, the artists are trying to find out what songs were played. They say they will explore legal options once the songs are known. It is unclear what, if any, recourse they may have. [LAST GRAF] Besides, as anyone who's listened to CHEAP CHANNEL knows, pop music IS torture -- especially when it's BETWEEN ADS. (Via the torture-prone AHTSJournal)
Posted
9:48 AM
by Gene
Your site was ugly and confusing anyway.
Posted
8:57 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:49 AM
by Gene
I could buy up STINKYINKY PUBLISHING CO. and retire its DEBT!
Posted
8:29 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:22 AM
by Gene
I did not have working guys in mind last night; no, I had the fair-weather fans in mind, the young upscale urbans, and especially the college cutups who use this as an excuse to get drunk, who had no real connection with our city before, and may never have one again after they "matriculate", and whom morons like EDDIE covet for their skanky HIPNESS.
Posted
1:33 AM
by Gene
![]() PHILLIES WIN DA PENNANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wonder -- how much do THE OWNERS get to write off of their taxes for the "HEAVY POLICE PRESENCE" WE'RE PAYING FOR? Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Posted
11:08 PM
by Gene
I've not paid overattention to the Catholic Church's shrewd move to steal the Anglican Church's customers, as debates on religious doctrine wear on me like a rotary sander on metal, but however the Pope fixes it I can't see how he can let priests in one branch of his church remain celibate while grandfathering married priests. We suspect we will hear more when an African pope is chosen, and he must confront a church in danger of shrinking again.
Posted
5:38 PM
by Gene
![]() OR: This is what happens when an accordion player tries fixing an HVAC system.
Posted
5:35 PM
by Gene
White House spokesman Robert Gibbs declined to comment.
Posted
5:06 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:00 PM
by Gene
![]() Earlier today in a certain popular West Coast news site appeared this unfortunate juxtaposition, and we were reluctant to post on it, but one should remember LALA can defend different types of cow splat in different ways, and one should also remember Jack Nelson was a highly-televised voice of liberal CW -- anyone who ever watched him on C-SPAN will know that -- and too many Jack Nelsons, whatever their reporting brilliance, turned our newspapers into cow splat.
Posted
4:56 PM
by Gene
What's wrong with November 6? 2012.
Posted
9:54 AM
by Gene
What's a media mogul to do? (Via IWantMedia)
Posted
9:47 AM
by Gene
Further ho-hum: News hacks are spinning for His Omnipotence. Will these hacks tell us why 1. a one-party state is a good idea and 2. why a two-party state with two sound alike parties is even better?
Posted
9:03 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:51 AM
by Gene
...oddly enough, to 1.5 million -- the same number as ZEITGEIST. Isn't it time for Letch to bury the carcass? (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
8:41 AM
by Gene
Couldn'ta done it without us! PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!
Posted
8:17 AM
by Gene
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Posted
11:47 PM
by Gene
Both teams are vying for victory in ALCS Game 4. (From the home-page squib) No, one team wants to lose. Although a 10-1 final says that might not have been out of the question. P. S. After he retired Torii Hunter on a weak grounder to end the eighth, thousands of fans stood up and left Angel Stadium, not sticking around for the final demise of their suddenly punchless club. There is nothing more delicious than the thought of multitudes having paid hundreds of dollars each for nothing.
Posted
11:34 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:21 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:47 PM
by Gene
Gamine is a French word, the feminine form of gamin, originally meaning urchin, waif or playful, naughty child. The word was used in English from about the mid 19th century (for example, by Thackeray in 1840 in one of his Parisian sketches), but, in the 20th century, came to be applied in its more modern sense of a slim, often boyish, wide-eyed young woman who is, or is perceived to be, mischievous, teasing or sexually appealing. We can agree this new sensation -- to our eyes, anyway -- is waiflike. ![]() We cannot, however, resist posting yet another photo of this actress's inspiration. (And we'll even concede she wasn't uniformly photogenic, but in the last one we posted she certainly was.) We don't want to mock ac-TORS for their looks but dammit when SLIMES run press releases, press releases that, like all press releases, exist to deceive and condescend to the turnips they think meekly consume them, we have no choice. P. S. on 10/21 at 11:11 a. m. Almost forgot -- and much as I don't want to post beauty after beauty... ![]() A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO BEN!
Posted
11:03 AM
by Gene
Reason #26,273 The Paper of Re-CORD had to fire 100 yesterday.
Posted
10:04 AM
by Gene
Think of Harry as a whiny partisan version of Bud Selig. NUF SAID.
Posted
8:40 AM
by Gene
Iran convicts American academic Kian Tajbakhsh for role in election protest; gets 12 years in prison
Posted
8:31 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:09 AM
by Gene
A thirty-eight day strike in 1958 hurt The Inquirer and, after the strike ended, so many reporters had accepted buyout offers and left that the newsroom was noticeably empty. Furthermore, many current reporters had been copyclerks just before the strike and had little experience. One of the few star reporters of the 1950s and 60s was investigative reporter Harry Karafin. During his career Harry Karafin exposed corruption and other exclusive stories for The Inquirer, but also extorted money out of individuals and organizations. Karafin would claim he had harmful information and would demand money in exchange for the information not being made public. This went on from the late 1950s into the early 60s before Karafin was exposed in 1967 and convicted of extortion a year later. Eight years later it started winning P-Ulitzers for political insider baseball and saving the snail darter. The StinkyInky's history should teach us that these rags can come back anew, greater pestilences than ever, but so many of the props are gone from under these profit-churning devices you wonder how they can stand. They will, unfortunately. Monday, October 19, 2009
Posted
10:20 PM
by Gene
![]() We are sorry to hear that Vic Mizzy has died. He was one of those "hacks" whom posterity reveals as not at all one, like Carl Stalling. He started out improbably enough as a teenage pop tunesmith -- he actually wrote a song for Lady Day, on which a liner-note writer once pounded, "[O]ne of the tritest melodies you'll hear this side of first grade." (And what did you write?) After a few hits he landed in Hollywood (Universal mostly, and under the guidance of Joseph Gershenson, who really did have a studio style) and became the King of B Scores, or rather the King of the Drive-In, a perfect underscoring foil for Don Knotts, and a musical voice of Filmways and its tacky sitcoms with those two theme songs -- you know -- whose fame actually obscures his musical wit and charm. Or as an Amazon.com reviewer has put it, "The only problem I have approaching a movie or tv show scored by Vic Mizzy is the almost certain knowledge that his score will be the best thing about it." And despite what that says, it's still a great compliment.
Posted
5:41 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:28 PM
by Gene
While the mating of environmentalism and reporters may not be the mating of Hitler and Goebbels, it is certainly the mating of LUKE SPIELBERG and CLAUDIA PIG -- PUIG. Jernalism has a smell, and to its practitioners the smell is not its own body odor. (Via the usual Romy)
Posted
5:25 PM
by Gene
(Via the usual AHTSJournal)
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
We're back to the same daydreaming as during THE MASSACRE RALLY -- and look what happened after that. Also, I'm tired of HENRY HONEST's act too. Time to take my business somewhere else. Sunday, October 18, 2009
Posted
11:07 PM
by Gene
MLB on FOX averages record low 1.8 rating For the third straight season, Major League Baseball drew record low ratings on broadcast. FOX averaged a 1.8 rating for 26 MLB telecasts during the 2009 season, down 10% from a 2.0 last year, down 22% from a 2.3 in '07, and the lowest average ever for regular season Major League Baseball coverage on broadcast television. This marks the fifth straight season that regular season ratings have declined on broadcast. (Emphasis added) WORSE (or should we say, BETTER!!!!!): The 1.8 average for MLB on FOX trails the NBA regular season on ABC (2.3), NASCAR on FOX (5.1), NASCAR on ABC (3.3 through Sunday), and third and final round coverage of the PGA on NBC (2.4) and CBS (1.9), excluding majors. (Emphasis again added) So in 2009, SELIGISM is America's No. 5 TV sport. Way to go, BUD! P. S. This is also, it should go without saying, FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Sports' "lowest figure in its 14 seasons televising baseball", which shouldn't prevent SLIME from paying through the nose -- AGAIN. Better off buying TWITTER, mate.
Posted
9:26 PM
by Gene
What obsequious pol is NEXT? More amazing: POLITICO.COM beat the trades -- and SUPERNIKKI!!!!! and SHARON!!!!! too! POLITICO: Your First Source for Entertainment News!™ P. S. Possible names include California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, former Rep. Harold Ford Jr., Universal Music lobbyist Matt Gerson, Rep. Howard Berman (D-Calif.), a longtime friend of Glickman’s.... Potential industry toadies all! “That job is a gut-busting job,” says Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah). “You’re traveling all the time, you’re always in the limelight, you’re always working on very intricate and difficult matters with a lot of very interesting personalities — some of whom aren’t easy to get along with.” MPAA boss Orrin Hatch said today.... Pffffffffffffffffffffffffft! P. P. S. SAMMY GLICK...MAN has been SO SUCCESSFUL AT ANTI-PIRACY EFFORTS!!!!! (so says Your First Source for Entertainment News™) the MPAA's FIRED three senior anti-piracy officials! Please -- MORE such successes! (Via -- TORRENT FREAK!)
Posted
8:51 PM
by Gene
The shutdown procedure reflects a larger problem: As auto manufacturers adopt increasingly complex electronic features, it becomes more difficult to explain how they work, said Paul Green, a human factors expert at the University of Michigan's Transportation Research Institute. A study by the institute found that in some cases, owners manuals would have to run up to 1,000 pages to fully disclose everything. "In the past, systems were pretty simple," Green said. "You put a key in the lock and turn it. Now we have a fob with functionality." TRANSLATION: The BUGMEISTERS ARE building automobiles. And that's no joke.
Posted
5:26 PM
by Gene
1. Women's Health Is Ad Age's Magazine of the Year What?!? The Crainiacs didn't give the award to some junk celeb title or overrated literary sheaf? 2. What to Expect From Chrysler's Marketing Chief: Provocative Ads Can sex and slobs really sell Fiat's tin cans? 3. Local TV Garners Revenue From Obituaries Why not? It long specialized in bleedin' 'n' leadin', so why not focus on the outcomes?
Posted
5:22 PM
by Gene
The appreciation of contemporary conceptual art, on the other hand, depends not on immediately recognizable skill, but on how the work is situated in today’s intellectual zeitgeist. That’s why looking through the history of conceptual art after Duchamp reminds me of paging through old New Yorker cartoons. Jokes about Cadillac tailfins and early fax machines were once amusing, and the same can be said of conceptual works like Piero Manzoni’s 1962 declaration that Earth was his art work, Joseph Kosuth’s 1965 “One and Three Chairs” (a chair, a photo of the chair and a definition of “chair”) or Mr. Hirst’s medicine cabinets. Future generations, no longer engaged by our art “concepts” and unable to divine any special skill or emotional expression in the work, may lose interest in it as a medium for financial speculation and relegate it to the realm of historical curiosity. TRANSLATION: "You had to be there" is one hell of an ideological construct for AHT. (Via the annoying AHTSJournal)
Posted
5:15 PM
by Gene
It seems both rags are "feuding" thanks to THE SA-LOHN and its aftermath. I'd like to see them both into a fight over who can make more errors. Neither side would raise a fist.
Posted
5:04 PM
by Gene
I believe, alas, it can. (Via CBS Sports)
Posted
4:59 PM
by Gene
“If you’re thinking you can come here and buy and sell condos for a profit in less than five years, you’re sadly mistaken,” said McCabe, whose clients have included Credit Suisse Group AG and Pulte Homes Inc., the largest U.S. homebuilder. “You need a seven- to 10-year range.” Prices could fall to $100 a foot, less than half the cost of construction, and a value not seen in 20 years, he said. Okay GEKKO KUDLOWS, why is the stock market up and up forever? “Condos were extremely attractive because you could put down a modest down payment and leverage it extremely high,” Brad Hunter, chief economist for Metrostudy, a Houston-based real estate research company, said from his office in West Palm Beach. “If you were investing between ‘03 and ‘05, you were able to see 100 or 200 percent appreciation. Ninety percent or more of it was speculation.” TRANSLATION: Condos are built with steel, concrete and hot air.
Posted
4:48 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:19 AM
by Gene
Figures due next Thursday are expected to show that [China's] annual gross domestic product growth accelerated to 8.9 percent last quarter from 7.9 percent in the April-June quarter, according to economists polled by Reuters. We could use some more dependence.
Posted
11:15 AM
by Gene
Posted
1:18 AM
by Gene
The big difference between this book and Crumb's other work is that there's no comedy, except on the dustjacket, which lures potential buyers with an ironic: "Adult Supervision Recommended for Minors," and "The first book of the Bible graphically depicted! NOTHING LEFT OUT!" That's Crumb's sense of humor, and it's the last you'll see of it. He tells the story the way it's always been told. We, unlike a Daily Bro -- KAPLAN typist, must wonder if R.'s sense of humor vanished many breasts ago. If you've seen two R. Crumb nipples you've seen 'em all. One other thing -- if R. zapped the poor, uneducated, easy to command, etc., etc., etc., we wonder if this scribbler from the same educational testing firm that gives us "CHICKEN" ZAKARIA wouldn't be on the floor in total hysterics. Maybe that's the reason R. decided against it. ![]() Broccoli and CHICKEN -- they do go together.
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