Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Posted
8:52 AM
by Gene
The third-rate multi-purpose wipes also reminded us that our state legislators are mourning because they "can't get anything done." This is the classic no-win situation. If they do nothing they still get amply rewarded for their sloth; when they do something it's what their inferiors the constituents may not want them to do. Besides many will have ample time to feel sorry for themselves as lobbyists, and in the House, the Senate, the cabinet, and perhaps the White House, and for that we don't feel the least sorry for them. Friday, March 26, 2010
Posted
6:04 PM
by Gene
(Via the Crainiacs)
Posted
8:58 AM
by Gene
We've lived without SLIME's rags before, and will do so again. When does the inevitable denouement occur? Thursday, March 25, 2010
Posted
5:24 PM
by Gene
"This is a pretext for attacking the church," Cardinal Jose Saraiva Martins said. "There is a well-organized plan with a very clear aim," he said. Are pedophiles that well organized?
Posted
5:20 PM
by Gene
Why must the world stop with every utterance of the overrated pundits?
Posted
5:18 PM
by Gene
So why, Your Omnipotence, must we burn more money? P. S. The Dow was UP 120!!!!!!!!!! and ended up 5, meaning not all Wall Street fairy tales have a happy ending.
Posted
12:40 PM
by Gene
Last Friday, the Vatican offered a concert for the pope on his name day (St. Joseph). In a show of solidarity the pope invited his older brother, Georg, who has been touched by the abuse scandal. Monsignor Georg Ratzinger admitted he slapped children years ago when he led a renowned choir in Regensburg, Germany. The pope made brief remarks on faith and the beauty of music, but again without referring to developments in Germany. Was even John Paul II in his last days ever this dense? And who wants to start wagering the current pope resigns?
Posted
11:08 AM
by Gene
And we're in a PERMANENT BULL MARKET! So there! (Via EM)
Posted
10:52 AM
by Gene
One in eight full-time employees in the city and its four suburban Pennsylvania counties works for a nonprofit organization. In all, that’s 242,000 people. We're guessing it's one in two in the city. And that's not counting government. And in more good news: Of the hospitals, schools, museums and other “public charity” organizations that filed tax returns, more than one-third ran an operating deficit in 2007. The red ink was worse among a narrower subgroup that excludes hospitals and higher education - 36 percent had deficits. Meaning the taxpayer benefits in two ways! And in other heartwarming news it seems our rep as a HIP! HOT! town is endangered by marauding thugs. But hey, so long as they have the HIP! HOT! technology! AND our population's going up -- meaning we must be attracting a lot of those thugs! ![]() And in somewhat more charming Philthydelphia news, our city has pioneered in keeping trees warm. We confess we do like a little of this whimsy every now and then.
Posted
10:09 AM
by Gene
Half-a-dozen of the other: News hacks secretly hoping it continues.
Posted
10:06 AM
by Gene
Goodbye, Gene-'n'-Rogerdom -- and good riddance.
Posted
9:47 AM
by Gene
(Via MediaBistro)
Posted
9:40 AM
by Gene
The Labor Department said Thursday that first-time claims for jobless benefits dropped by 14,000 to a seasonally adjusted 442,000. That's below analysts' estimates of 450,000, according to Thomson Reuters. Article Controls But most of the drop resulted from a change in the calculations the department makes to seasonally adjust the data, a Labor Department analyst said. The department updates its methods every year. Excluding the effect of those adjustments, claims would have fallen by only 4,000. DOW 200,000!!!!!!!!!! Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Posted
1:41 PM
by Gene
![]() The Paper of Re-CORD thinks it can make up for this with a LONG story stating the obvious: that golf has evolved into a caste system; that the game is dull, that most of its players are dull, that it was an excuse for idiot real-estate speculation, that until the CADILLAC it was a dream for CEOs and their hangers-on. And no one should think it can't come back, though God knows it doesn't deserve to. (Via HENRY HONEST!!!!!!!!!!)
Posted
1:11 PM
by Gene
But it WAS justified -- the thing won the Peeeeeeeeee-Ulitzer Prize! (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
8:53 AM
by Gene
Analysts, meanwhile, said that while the downgrade wasn't good news, Portugal still is in better shape than Greece. TRANSLATION: The drunk standing up is in better shape than the drunk lying in the gutter. DOW 100,000!!!!! (Via Reuters)
Posted
8:23 AM
by Gene
Where's your trickle-down gag, GEKKO KUDLOW? Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Posted
7:59 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:49 PM
by Gene
![]() The six- and seven-digit hacks are plainly back to their halo gag and intend to keep it up for a while. We should remember, however, that popularity does not make for a great president. Look at Ike. Look at Slick. Nor does unpopularity make for a bad one. Look at Lincoln. Look at Truman. And though the days of incompetence now exist in a rapidly receding past we should assure our superiors bloviating away in their luxury news suites that unpopularity does not necessarily make for a great president.
Posted
9:58 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: Most people should not own cell phones.
Posted
9:44 AM
by Gene
$1,492,600,000 to go! (Via the WAX)
Posted
9:39 AM
by Gene
U.S. Olympic snowboard 'jeans' pants going on sale for $250
Posted
9:32 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:28 AM
by Gene
Monday, March 22, 2010
Posted
5:58 PM
by Gene
I mention this for two reasons: first Sid Ramin wrote both; he was a childhood friend and lifelong associate of Leonard Bernstein's (and easily confused with Irwin Kostal, who also worked with Lenny and with Ramin); and second yesterday I found a site with three separate high-quality 320K downloads of the Candid Camera theme, an amazement as nearly every fifth-rate site devoted to TV themes as they almost all are has the same version from one of the late unlamented TVT Records's junk anthologies -- straight from a video soundtrack and overlaid with laughter. I've listened to this at least 200 times and expect to play it another 10,000. (This site also has three tracks of the allegedly missing 1970 theme music from The Hollywood Squares, something like fifty takes of the mentally-challenged cues from the original Family Feud, and -- I'm still downloading.)
Posted
11:02 AM
by Gene
Two-year notes sold by the billionaire’s Berkshire Hathaway Inc. in February yield 3.5 basis points less than Treasuries of similar maturity, according to data compiled by Bloomberg. Procter & Gamble Co., Johnson & Johnson and Lowe’s Cos. debt also traded at lower yields in recent weeks, a situation former Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. chief fixed-income strategist Jack Malvey calls an “exceedingly rare” event in the history of the bond market.... “It’s a slap upside the head of the government,” said Mitchell Stapley, the chief fixed-income officer in Grand Rapids, Michigan, at Fifth Third Asset Management, which oversees $22 billion. “It could be the moment where hopefully you realize that risk is beginning to creep into your credit profile and the costs associated with that can be pretty scary.” GOD FOR PRE -- oh wait, we already have one.
Posted
10:25 AM
by Gene
Or perhaps given the Church these days, who wouldn't have thought it?
Posted
10:22 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:10 AM
by Gene
They also forget the old saw: time wounds all heels.
Posted
10:06 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:00 AM
by Gene
And no she doesn't offer a solution -- but that makes one wonder whether there is a solution, HISTORY notwithstanding.
Posted
9:57 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:45 AM
by Gene
And no, lots of little people with cameras will not mean high-quality shows. It will just mean YouTube in hi-def.
Posted
9:44 AM
by Gene
We're not sure A BANKRUPT MEDIA COMPANY BROUGHT DOWN BY IDIOT DEBT is in a position to say that.
Posted
9:38 AM
by Gene
TIFFANY 4Q PROFIT RISES AS SALES REGAIN SPARKLE!!!!! [Sparkling overemphasis added] Sparkling Tiffany is down 4.5 percent because it wasn't sparkling enough.
Posted
9:36 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:29 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:27 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:22 AM
by Gene
In the run-up to the 2006 Congressional elections, Halperin predicted that George W. Bush would be "back over 53% any day now" and warned "If I were them [Democrats], I'd be scared to death about November's elections". [8] In fact, the Democrats regained control of both houses of Congress and George W. Bush's approval rating remained in the 30s.[9]
Posted
9:20 AM
by Gene
Trudy Lieberman, a longtime specialist in health reporting, offers a harsh verdict in the current issue of Columbia Journalism Review. She says the press coverage "has been largely incoherent to the man on the street . . . failed to illuminate the crucial issues, [and] quoted special interest groups and politicians without giving consumers enough information to judge if their claims were fact or fiction." Yes, but we made HISTORY!!!!!
Posted
9:18 AM
by Gene
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Posted
6:13 PM
by Gene
Perhaps there's hope even for that nation yet.
Posted
6:05 PM
by Gene
Friday, March 19, 2010
Posted
8:42 AM
by Gene
Former U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell said new sanctions on Iran to persuade it to stop enriching uranium won’t work because the Islamic republic is “determined to have a nuclear program.” “I don’t see a set of sanctions coming along that would be so detrimental to the Iranians that they are going to stop that program,” Powell said in an interview with Bloomberg special contributor Judy Woodruff. “So ultimately, the solution has to be a negotiated one.” Like the last five years of negotiations! Thursday, March 18, 2010
Posted
5:17 PM
by Gene
![]() Will the world really benefit from high-end doctors' offices? Whadya think, Speaker Babs!
Posted
3:01 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:47 PM
by Gene
(Via MICHAEL!!!!!!!!!!)
Posted
11:05 AM
by Gene
So do the people who must make obscene phone calls to the likes of Bart Stupak and his family. They definitely have -- "issues." (First link via Vulture; second link via WeeklyStandard.com) Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Posted
1:54 PM
by Gene
Wait Slightly Bigger Very Little Jeffy -- aren't you selling Your Most Important Media Product to BRIAN ROBBER? Under chief executive Ralph J. Cortiner, a pioneer in decentralization, GE had 139 plants in 38 states.... How many is it now? Six in three states?
Posted
9:56 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:53 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:48 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:40 AM
by Gene
Attorney General and Chief Social Engineer Effete Q. Snob? THAT MENSA man?
Posted
8:33 AM
by Gene
Kantar also measured "branded entertainment," determining that product brands appeared by name or logo on screen for 10 minutes and 12 seconds per hour during primetime broadcast network programming in 2009. That's up from 9 minutes and 8 seconds per hour in 2008. Kantar, though, does not distinguish between product placement that is paid for and brands that appear in shows for free. When commercials are added into the mix, brand names and logos appear on screen on broadcast networks during primetime for 24 minutes and 16 seconds each hour. So THAT's why TV viewing is up! Incidentally, it says here SLIME and the moron MR. BEWKES are among the top-10 advertisers, meaning they're selling a lot of their extrusions.
Posted
8:18 AM
by Gene
What happened to DOW 13,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!? Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Posted
6:28 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:23 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:18 PM
by Gene
Hey YOUR OMNIPOTENCE! Wanna make a speech in CONNECTICUT? (Via USAOKAY.com)
Posted
5:58 PM
by Gene
One could make a case for privatizing the Census; but if a con-SER-va-tive wished to make an ASS of himself he'd propose Nielsen -- which should do as good a job guessing the population as it does guessing TV audiences from samples of thousands.
Posted
4:06 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:34 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: 1. This depr -- RECOVERY's going to last a while. 2. We get to finance DOW 13,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
12:40 PM
by Gene
Contrarian indicator? “Willie Sutton said it all when he was asked why he robs banks,” Zell said. “That’s where the money is. We’re in distressed debt because that’s where the value is.” Hey PVT.! Why flatter yourself quoting Willie Sutton? (Via Seeking Alpha)
Posted
11:33 AM
by Gene
![]() SUMNER's dancing a jig.
Posted
11:03 AM
by Gene
GE May Resume Increases to Dividend in 2011, Finance Chief Says After reducing it from 31 cents to 10! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
9:11 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:03 AM
by Gene
With this bold insult to MOUTH FROM THE SOUTH some TWXSTER functionary has pretty well summed up the needlessness of most television -- and the worthlessness of "BRANDING".
Posted
8:58 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: ESPNCORP's rearranging its network rubble.
Posted
8:51 AM
by Gene
Gosh darn if we know.
Posted
8:39 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:33 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:31 AM
by Gene
And then what, SUPERGEKKOS? I repeat what I've said before: When do the GEKKO KUDLOWS sell us on trickle-down again -- or are they reluctant because it would help His Omnipotence? Sunday, March 14, 2010
Posted
5:42 PM
by Gene
How about YAHWEH SPIELBERG!!!!! And if that doesn't work there's always THE OTHER LORD GOD STEVE -- although He might take that as an insult.
Posted
1:13 PM
by Gene
And let us say again -- may BOTH sides lose! (Via Seeking Alpha)
Posted
12:51 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: JUNIOR is still vainly trying to recoup the zillions he stupidly lost. (Report.)
Posted
12:33 PM
by Gene
And as we know, the only true patriotism to media types is SYNERGY.
Posted
10:50 AM
by Gene
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Posted
2:28 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:11 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:57 AM
by Gene
Before his recent public admission to using steroids, necessitated in part by his return to the Cardinals as a hitting instructor, McGwire was advised by Fleischer. The NFL and Major League Baseball also are among Fleischer’s high-profile clients. He advised the Packers in 2008 on how to deal with the fallout from their breakup with Brett Favre and he’s worked with college football’s BCS on how to repair an image that has been ridiculed. With friends like...no, NO, that's TOO easy.
Posted
11:49 AM
by Gene
New York - Panasonic and Best Buy staged an elaborate send-off Wednesday at the retailer's Union Square outlet for the launch of Panasonic's first FullHD 3D TVs. The event, which drew a media circus, included officials for Panasonic, Best Buy, and Panasonic's content partners DirecTV and Fox Home Entertainment. As an event capper, Best Buy completed the sale of the first Panasonic FullHD 3D plasma TV system to Brad and Ashley Katsuyama, a local couple who work in the financial industry. (Via B&C)
Posted
10:40 AM
by Gene
Q: Should the existing film catalog be converted to 3D? A: If it's done well. I think it should be driven by the artist. If Star Wars gets converted into 3D I think George (Lucas) should do it. If Terminator gets converted into 3D, I should do it. Q: How about an older movie, such as [drumroll, please] The Wizard of Oz? A: That gets into an interesting area. At that point the people that own the library have the right to do it, particularly if they own the rights to all media. So let's 3D Casablanca! Or Citizen Kane! It'll make them much better! And remember, 3D won't ever "look like crap"! MOUTH OF THE SOUTH! You have a soul mate in KING JIM!
Posted
8:30 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:28 AM
by Gene
![]() A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO KEREN! Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Posted
5:49 PM
by Gene
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Posted
11:00 AM
by Gene
There is no denying that 3D is here to stay. It’s the only viable option manufacturers have to get consumers to upgrade from their just-purchased HDTV. But it might be wise to sit on the sidelines for the first couple of rounds until the TV makers get some standards hammered out. You just saw Avatar in 3D anyway and soccer is probably just as boring in 3D as it is is in 2D. P. S. To which a commenter responds: soccer is not boring, you fool [SIC] That person's ready for 3D!
Posted
9:01 AM
by Gene
Monday, March 08, 2010
Posted
6:01 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:40 PM
by Gene
[ESPNCORP] also said that its "reach" number, or the number of viewers that tuned in for at least six minutes of the Oscars, was 70 million. That compares with last year's 68 million. This is embarrassing -- Nielsen whispers a nice numerical fairy tale in ESPNCORP's ear and it STILL has to make up stats -- and the made-up stats aren't that impressive! Hmmm. [T]he Oscars didn't get the kind of numbers they usually get when an immensely popular film is in the mix. Maybe because the numbers aren't showing up at the popcorn restaurants anymore. And of course double-counting NEVER hurts!
Posted
4:50 PM
by Gene
![]() First place in a design competition goes to -- TINKERTOYS! ![]() Somebody calls this "SGLight House". How about "AAAAARGH!!!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!! HOUSE"? ![]() And who'd have guessed this one? The League of Nations Court in the Hague! Where someday the WORLD will punish the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL of AMERICA -- and ISRAEL, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! And judging from the size of the thing it'll take a lot of people power to do it.
Posted
12:04 AM
by Gene
What a joke! What an irrelevance! Sunday, March 07, 2010
Posted
9:35 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:14 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:47 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:39 PM
by Gene
Saturday, March 06, 2010
Posted
3:08 PM
by Gene
Friday, March 05, 2010
Posted
2:46 PM
by Gene
(Via the usual Romy)
Posted
2:29 PM
by Gene
![]() 1. We knew GE BANCORP NETWORK was in trouble BUT.... 2. Fixing that letter S might cost Z$100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000! (The OLD currency, blast it!)
Posted
2:02 PM
by Gene
Okay Little Malc, when do WE get YOUR trickle-down effect?
Posted
1:54 PM
by Gene
That loud rattling noise you hear is readers everywhere rolling their eyes.
Posted
11:23 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:54 AM
by Gene
![]() Whenever I see TINAS saying "WINGNUT!!!!!" why do I inevitably think they mean "conservative"? No, instead of engaging in cute politicking, let's call this guy for what he was: SCUM. There is NO LEFT OR RIGHT TO SCUM.
Posted
10:54 AM
by Gene
![]() DC COMICS PICTURES (New Line marque) is reviving POLICE ACADEMY! Just when you think the business hasn't reached the dregs...it goes beneath them. (We have to fix the logo; it's missing some shading. Chalk that up to our not knowing how to use Paint.net.)
Posted
8:30 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:25 AM
by Gene
So why should anyone bother looking for a private-sector job anymore? Thursday, March 04, 2010
Posted
2:17 PM
by Gene
Now let's win the national championship!
Posted
1:57 PM
by Gene
Which means, 1. Someone's trying to needle THE BOSS, or 2. Someone wants an in. To be sure the way the Wall Street Fantasyland works it could go to half a kazillion -- one of this hack's fellow publicists tosses the word "trillion" out in what she thinks is a joke, and it certainly is -- on the readers; but whatever the case, this smells of the usual business-reporting bull leavings, and The Wall Street JOURNALS haven't exactly covered themselves with glory here. How could they being owned by SLIME? (Via Seeking Alpha)
Posted
1:52 PM
by Gene
How heartwarming! And how kind of Uncle Sam, too! Pffffffffffffffffffffft!
Posted
1:28 PM
by Gene
(Via Seeking Alpha)
Posted
11:49 AM
by Gene
![]() "IF YOU HAD ANY DOUBT, ANY DOUBT WHATSOEVER, THAT THE REPUBLICAN PARTY HAS BEEN TAKEN OVER BY THE FEAR-MONGERING LUNATIC FRINGE, THOSE DOUBTS WERE ERASED TODAY!!!!!!!!!!" [Doubt-free overemphasis added] As we said before, A PLAGUE O' BOTH YOUR HOUSES!
Posted
10:43 AM
by Gene
I guess Speaker Babs couldn't quite swallow the notion of FORTNEY "THE ATHEIST MADMAN" STARK!!!!!!!!!! running Ways and Means. This, for Democrats, is rare common sense. P. S. The video is linked on WALTER WINCHELL JR.!!!!!!!!!! JR. (sorry), which may explain that "OUTRAGEOUS REMARKS!!!!!" gag. When your side screams of "OUTRAGEOUS REMARKS!!!!!" it keeps silent about its own -- and this is true on BOTH SIDES. Better just to view FORTNEYS as the ASSES they are, and not dignify them with partisan anger.
Posted
10:39 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:35 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:12 AM
by Gene
Rupert Murdoch, who may have spent the equivalent of the projected earnings of News Corp.’s hit movie “Avatar” to settle lawsuits against his supermarket-coupon unit, risks losing millions more at a trial over alleged anticompetitive behavior by the same business. This is what media writers call GENIUS. (Via IWantMedia) Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Posted
2:49 PM
by Gene
Er, BOOM BOOM BOOM, you don't suppose this might be counterproductive, do you? (Via MICHAEL; the delicious story that prompted this here. "Eventually, his personnel file at the PGA Tour swelled to 456 pages, with incidents covering 18 years, through the fall of 2008." That could make a great comic novel!)
Posted
2:17 PM
by Gene
(Via AHTSJournal, which quite often deserves to fade to black too)
Posted
11:32 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:40 AM
by Gene
It's imperfect but do I smell something?
Posted
10:16 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:07 AM
by Gene
(Via the usual Romy)
Posted
8:42 AM
by Gene
![]() Well, if there's a fire (hint hint), people can punch holes through the ad -- or maybe it will burn up so quickly as to flutter harmlessly to the ground, or something. We're only surprised LOWSY MAYS or ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN didn't think this up before. “I would say 70-80 percent of the ads on illegal billboards in Los Angeles are for movies and TV shows. In fact, it might even be higher than that,” said Dennis Hathaway, president of the Coalition to Ban the Billboard Blight. TRANSLATION: The MOVEE excreters, not content to put their eyesores in popcorn restaurants, must make them as public as possible.
Posted
8:33 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:27 AM
by Gene
Well, there's always the Dominican Republic. Tuesday, March 02, 2010
Posted
7:02 PM
by Gene
The respondents were split (52 percent in favor, 48 percent against) on whether the quest for such an ambitious goal should be expressed in public. 1. I guess they've heard of Toyota too! 2. And they put out a lot of defective merchandise!
Posted
6:50 PM
by Gene
Now why couldn't the ACADEMY® have done something like that before? We could think of a few worthies.
Posted
6:42 PM
by Gene
Hey Mick! You keep it up and that Web site of yours should grant your opponent equal time! How about it, ST. WARREN?
Posted
6:37 PM
by Gene
And I'm better than they are! I'm a Democrat!
Posted
3:43 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:17 PM
by Gene
5.4 percent of households with TVs. 2.0 percent of the dummy demo. ENORMOUS!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
1:35 PM
by Gene
Even though it's art?
Posted
9:21 AM
by Gene
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! P. S. THE BLOG POST OF THE CENTURY: The Epistemology of Kausfiles 14 Oct 2007 04:48 pm Mickey Kaus' long post here about John Edwards' alleged affair with Rielle Hunter is almost self-refuting. Basically, we have an anonymous source saying Hunter said she had an affair with Edwards, versus Hunter, on the record, saying that's not the case. Then there's Edwards, also saying it's not the case. But Kaus initially deems Edwards' denial too vague and non-specific. But then: Update: The AP has Edwards adding "It's completely untrue, ridiculous" and saying the story was "made up." By the Enquirer? Or by one of the people the Enquirer cites? Either way, it's a direct attack on the integrity of someone (not necessarily a smart move for a politician in Edwards' position). ...[Banging my head against the wall] Basically what we have here is that if we assume the anonymous hearsay is true and the on-the-record first-hand denial is false, then Edwards is either mishandling the story by denying it too vaguely ("the story is false") or else is mishandling it by denying it too directly ("made up") but what if the story's not true? No doubt by now we've had all the legitimate news organizations in the country looking into it and it seems that . . . nobody can come up with any evidence. As we saw with Scott Beauchamp, and the fake John Kerry intern affair story, if you just operate from within an assumption of guilt it's very hard for someone to prove his innocence but that's why we . . . don't operate with an assumption of guilt! [Emphasis and Politico.com link added] PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!! (Via -- oh well -- NRO)
Posted
9:04 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: The Central Committee's up to something.
Posted
8:22 AM
by Gene
Yep, those lines from those New York comedians would have been better. Monday, March 01, 2010
Posted
7:54 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:47 PM
by Gene
MINISTER: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here this afternoon to join in holy matrimony (raucous middle-aged female audience cackling) these two... (more raucous middle-aged female audience cackling) these two, um...eh, hahahaha...excuse me, my children, I-I'm afraid there's a little problem here: I-I-I can't tell which of you is the man and which of you is the woman! I-I don't know -- well I'll tell you what: we'll settle this biologically. Which of you two has the menstrual cycle? (After a pause and some more middle-aged female audience cackling) GROOM: Well it must be her 'cause I got a Honda. If Hefnerizing America did too much bad it did a lonesome good by obsoleting the stag record.
Posted
5:37 PM
by Gene
P. S. at 6:28 p. m. The "Twitterverse" LOVES it. But hey! HENRY HONEST loved the GAMES! What does HE know? Right, Jeff Zuck? While you're at it Jeff, answer us this -- what's less than zero?
Posted
5:36 PM
by Gene
Hey Anthem! You trying to revive health-care "reform"?
Posted
5:32 PM
by Gene
The scam worked so well that one of their associates sent an email worrying that "the general public may snap" and suggesting that the scammers commission a poll of ordinary ticket buyers to see "how much more they can handle." [Emphasis added] Busted? They should be elected to Congress!
Posted
3:37 PM
by Gene
P. S. at 6:20 p. m. Hey Frazier? Sam Haskell. Listen you think you could help us rustle up somebody to give us air time? And make sure you let them know interest is strong. Get it? STRONG. How the hell do I know who's interested? Who wants to watch mannequins parade nowadays?
Posted
12:13 PM
by Gene
Of course this fairy tale has a parallel unhappy ending: advertisers are back to indiscriminately financing junk television.
Posted
11:52 AM
by Gene
• “Ladies and gentlemen, the only reason you see me standing here is I was NBC's Plan B. Plan A involved the corpse of Johnny Carson and a lightning bolt.” —Jay Black Ba-doom-BOOM! • “We've decided to start fresh at the Tonight Show, so we've added some new segments: 'In the Year 4000,' 'Jay's Book Club,' and 'Top Eleven Lists.'" —Veronica Mosey Ba-doom-BOOM! • "Remember when the Taliban was overthrown, but then they came back into power again? Hi, I'm Jay." —Tom Cotter Ba-doom-BOOM! • "Me going back to the Tonight Show is like saying, 'Check the prostate again, Doc, and this time have some fun with it!'" —Chip Hirschfield Ba-doom-BOOM! • “The New York Times [SIC] asked people to send in their joke ideas, jokes, or lines that they'd tell, if they were me, that could possibly get people back in my corner. I sent in four pages. It all got rejected.” —Yes, Jackie "the Joke Man" Martling Ba-doom-BOOM! Jut-Jaw, your job is safe -- for now.
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