THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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Thursday, July 31, 2003
Well, that's a relief! No Saturday vacations for the Postal Service.
Now they can just deliver the mail at 8 p.m. The following day.
Now they can just deliver the mail at 8 p.m. The following day.
Concast is firing 7,000 rather than 5,000 thanks to buying from AT&T, so let me guess -- IT'LL RAISE RATES EVEN MORE!
May Department Stores is shuttering 32 Lord & Taylor stores (presumably all in malls) while spiffying up the "flagships" in Manhattan and Philadelphia. Interesting note: "[T]he stores that are closing made up 38 percent of the chain's locations, they only brought in 19 percent of the revenue [emphasis added]."
The big retail chains, anxious to escape the wrong races, ran bansheeing out of the cities, building millions more stores in Mallopia than anyone needed. Now the retailers are paying the price. But for prejudice shoppers could have been better served -- in suburbs and in cities.
The big retail chains, anxious to escape the wrong races, ran bansheeing out of the cities, building millions more stores in Mallopia than anyone needed. Now the retailers are paying the price. But for prejudice shoppers could have been better served -- in suburbs and in cities.
Do you suppose this hoaxer would have gotten any mileage if she hadn't thought the NEWS HACKS would take her lies hook, line and sinker?
Sorry, you bozos need more than ombudsmen.
Sorry, you bozos need more than ombudsmen.
First comes Giggly, then come strippers! They couldn't have happened to a nicer butt -- and butthead. HARDY HAR HAR!!
Sam Phillips personified the saying, "Pioneering don't pay." He discovered Elvis, Johnny Cash, Jerry Lee Lewis, Roy Orbison and Carl Perkins, and what did he get? A paragraph in pop-culture history books, a dubious memorial. Oh well, better to have discovered them, Sam, than to let them languish as carhops. RIP.
I'd have thought suggesting traffic jams are a good thing would have come from the Buttman -- er, Cato Institute, or from Jim "Dow 36,000" Glassman's playbook. Alas, the idea seems to have started unassisted in academe, hatchery of so many scrambled eggheads.
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Why didn't Hormel sue when the word first cropped up?
Although some might argue Hormel should have sued itself for inventing Spam®.
Although some might argue Hormel should have sued itself for inventing Spam®.
Si habla BUGS?
(And yes, I tried inserting an upside-down question mark in front like you're supposed to, AND BILL WOULDN'T LET ME.)
(And yes, I tried inserting an upside-down question mark in front like you're supposed to, AND BILL WOULDN'T LET ME.)
Every so often you read a story about how a psychiatrist makes a fortune selling psychoactive drugs to addicts. It seems to go with their territory.
It also confirms that some shrinks are nuts.
It also confirms that some shrinks are nuts.
It figures a former AOL Time Warner Magazines apparatchik would think up something like THIS.
Oooooh! Jayson's race up the ladder "has all the earmarks of a social promotion."
Just like in bad inner-city schools. RIGHT, HOWELL?
Hope the new ombuds -- public editor is more than what they mostly are -- window dressing.
Just like in bad inner-city schools. RIGHT, HOWELL?
Hope the new ombuds -- public editor is more than what they mostly are -- window dressing.
Historian Says Stalin Tried to Kill John Wayne
This should make the BS meter go off the scale; it was reported by FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News and spread by NewsMax.
Still I can see why it might be true.
This should make the BS meter go off the scale; it was reported by FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News and spread by NewsMax.
Still I can see why it might be true.
Another one of those Forbes.com pop-ups:
"Every time a newspaper dies, even a bad one, the country moves a little closer to authoritarianism."
--Richard Kluger
Every time a newspaper runs another story about QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!, or another private tragedy, or another verbal form of social engineering, or another paean to the genius of show-business, the country moves a little closer to irreversible stupidity.
"Every time a newspaper dies, even a bad one, the country moves a little closer to authoritarianism."
--Richard Kluger
Every time a newspaper runs another story about QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!, or another private tragedy, or another verbal form of social engineering, or another paean to the genius of show-business, the country moves a little closer to irreversible stupidity.
Buying blind for the next season is madness
John, you miss the point! THE PURPOSE OF TV ADVERTISING IS TO FLUSH TENS OF BILLIONS OF OUR PURCHASING DOLLARS DOWN THE TOILET!
John, you miss the point! THE PURPOSE OF TV ADVERTISING IS TO FLUSH TENS OF BILLIONS OF OUR PURCHASING DOLLARS DOWN THE TOILET!
I thought Bob Hope would be buried at -- Forest Lawn. He wasn't.
I guess the guy had good taste.
(I just remembered -- he lived in a spaceship in Palm Springs. Oh well, in the end, he had good taste.)
I guess the guy had good taste.
(I just remembered -- he lived in a spaceship in Palm Springs. Oh well, in the end, he had good taste.)
I'm sorry too that there may be no place for Merle Haggard's song on the radio, but why am I thinking, Trib LALALand Edition, if it were something you violently disagreed with we wouldn't hear from you?
That's the news -- hacks.
That's the news -- hacks.
We've found our man! He "defies labels left and right," which means he's our kind of ultra-liberal.
I was about to post, Anna always has a career in movies, but with more Gigglys coming down the pike I'm not sure that's an option.
The PR fiasco that is Giggly -- er, Geally? -- is the fiasco of film in the age of JACK, of an industry making movies every bit as bad as it can, concentrating solely on marketing and its core audience of shareholders, movie ad-blurb copywriters, and dumb blind teens. But the ruse isn't working as well as it did -- as I've said before, the more movies excel in explosions, the less bang the audience gets -- and we see mounting signs of anger and impatience at the product; the rebellion against GENERAL JR. owes in no small way to biz' continued excellence. In time perhaps the people will do to Hollywood what the Indians have done to Bollywood. Movies are long overdue for serious retrenchment.
P. S. Yesterday I posted on the East Coast fee collector with the funny name. Why would somebody give a movie a title that looks like "Giggly" -- especially given the cloying tabloid romance of its lovey-dovey stars?
P.P.S. If it helps, JACK, take the L from the title and you have Gigi, the best-picture Oscar® winner of '58. Bring back Lerner and Loewe!
P. S. Yesterday I posted on the East Coast fee collector with the funny name. Why would somebody give a movie a title that looks like "Giggly" -- especially given the cloying tabloid romance of its lovey-dovey stars?
P.P.S. If it helps, JACK, take the L from the title and you have Gigi, the best-picture Oscar® winner of '58. Bring back Lerner and Loewe!
Tuesday, July 29, 2003
Shuttered Bug: Mexico rolls out its last classic Beetle
If it's any consolation, Beetle fans, Bill the Entomologist will be rolling out bugs for a long, long time.
If it's any consolation, Beetle fans, Bill the Entomologist will be rolling out bugs for a long, long time.
Ziff Davis Media's Annual Survey of Videogame Trends Finds That Almost Two-Thirds of U.S. Households Plays Digital Games
Does that include Pac-Man?
Does that include Pac-Man?
The Times commits a posthumous boo-boo.
And the worst thing is, Vincent Canby was an el-stinko writer.
And the worst thing is, Vincent Canby was an el-stinko writer.
"In my 12 years as a business journalist, I've been on many a call during which some suck-up journalist will congratulate a company for, as they love to say, improving shareholder value. Now, unless I'm a stockholder -- which I can't be if I'm covering a company for a newspaper -- why would I feel compelled to congratulate a CEO?"
ASK JOHN A. BYRNE.
We share your outrage, Herr Holy Poobah Grand Exalted Excellency Mr. Foreign Minister. If only you'd been outraged say, five years ago.
Who wants to bet THE FIXER's in on this?
Who wants to bet THE FIXER's in on this?
The owner of the politically-incorrect Detroit Lions has blasted the NFL for implementing a "diversity" policy the league owners never approved.
That's how it always works in the PC Kingdom. Ask the league's sponsors.
OOPS! I'm sorry. I meant PC Persondom. (Mustn't be RACISTSEXISTHOMOPHOBIC.)
That's how it always works in the PC Kingdom. Ask the league's sponsors.
OOPS! I'm sorry. I meant PC Persondom. (Mustn't be RACISTSEXISTHOMOPHOBIC.)
As it is making clear in zillions of dollars in ads, a big SuperArmey Fee Collector (i.e., a bank) has changed its name to Wachovia. It's pronounced Wah-CHO-vee-uh, but it looks like Walk-ova-ya or a Balkan banana republic, and pronounced properly it has vaguely Orwellian overtones, and I predict in time either the SuperArmey Fee Collector changes its name or merges with the other such fee collectors to form another hard-core free-enterprise CONSERVATIVE's dream -- A NATIONAL FEE COLLECTOR.
By the way, how many millions in fees did it take to devise that "what-is-it?" logo?
By the way, how many millions in fees did it take to devise that "what-is-it?" logo?
I wanted to say this yesterday, but held off thinking it would be in bad taste: can you imagine the nervous breakdown news hacks will have when the greatest poet of all time, Robert Zimmerman, bites the dust? The boomers, knowing their time will come, will quote ever perfessorial charlatan who's ever earned the right not to be fired spouting multisyllables on his profundities, and every page will be filled with quotes just like yearbooks, and by God if it won't mark a new low in pretension and raging lunacy. I do not look forward to that day -- or the day His Royal Highness King Jagger goes, for that matter. Maybe they'll live to be 200 -- or better still, forever.
Monday, July 28, 2003
Okay, one last word about Bob Hope -- a story from John Steinbeck (as recounted in LALA's not-bad-at-all obit), well-known but worth repeating:
"Probably the most difficult, the most tearing thing of all is to be funny in a hospital.... In the long aisles of pain the men lie, with their eyes turned inward on themselves....
"Bob Hope and his company come into this quiet, inward, lonesome place, gently pull the minds outward and catch the interest, and finally bring laughter up out of the black water."
Steinbeck wrote about the efforts of Frances Langford to sing in one hospital and how, when one of the wounded soldiers began to cry, she broke down and couldn't go on.
"Then Hope walked into the aisle between the beds, and he said seriously: 'Fellows, the folks at home are having a terrible time about eggs. They can't get any powdered eggs at all. They've got to use the old-fashioned kind you break open.'
"There's a man for you," Steinbeck concluded. "There is really a man."
There was really a man. God bless you, Bob.
"Probably the most difficult, the most tearing thing of all is to be funny in a hospital.... In the long aisles of pain the men lie, with their eyes turned inward on themselves....
"Bob Hope and his company come into this quiet, inward, lonesome place, gently pull the minds outward and catch the interest, and finally bring laughter up out of the black water."
Steinbeck wrote about the efforts of Frances Langford to sing in one hospital and how, when one of the wounded soldiers began to cry, she broke down and couldn't go on.
"Then Hope walked into the aisle between the beds, and he said seriously: 'Fellows, the folks at home are having a terrible time about eggs. They can't get any powdered eggs at all. They've got to use the old-fashioned kind you break open.'
"There's a man for you," Steinbeck concluded. "There is really a man."
There was really a man. God bless you, Bob.
And speaking of serving your country, see the lady at the top? (I'd have like to used just her picture but I can't edit these @#$%&* things.) She joined the military. (Not to slight the others; they joined also. Good going.)
Miss, if I could be in your unit can I join too? HowOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Is your middle name Ava?
And speaking of overrated TV personalities (and speaking of GE Bancorp), Howie "Hair Shirt" Kurtz tells us HHHWalter Crrrronkite Jr. (whom I call that because he once did an GE Bancorp Network Nightly News every bit as dour and pompous as the master) is THE WILD AND CRRRRAAAAZY GUY of the MESS. This, the guy who said Al and John should resign over the Disney Network hiring an ex-cheerleader for MNF? Annoying, YES. (And one indication of what a phony he is: he decided to get back into news after 9/11 because it was "the closest thing I'll ever do to serving my country." SHUT UP, UNCLE HHHWALTER JR.)
Money Honey makes an admi$$ion before interviewing Citigroup's Sun King and magically gets her entire network's staff to shut up.
Two things: Honey's probably one of the most overrated TV personalities there is, and you can have conflicts of interest without stock ownership, as too many news hacks are willing to prove.
Two things: Honey's probably one of the most overrated TV personalities there is, and you can have conflicts of interest without stock ownership, as too many news hacks are willing to prove.
Tomb Raider & Jeep Cross-Promote Onscreen and Beyond
Hmmm. And the story goes on:
In case you’ve steered clear of movie theaters this summer, or have succeeded only in “Finding Nemo,” here’s a rundown of the season’s cars on film:
--Cadillacs and other General Motors vehicles storm through “The Matrix Reloaded.”
--All variety of imports, modified virtually beyond recognition, set a very bad example in “2Fast 2Furious.”
--Modern Mini Coopers reprise their role as getaway cars in the remake of 1969’s “The Italian Job.”
--A carload of mutants go on the lam in a Mazda RX-8 in “X2: X-Men United.”
--A Toyota Tundra holds its own against a fleet of emergency vehicles and a crane under the murderous command of a terminatrix (who — when not traveling through time — occasionally slums it in a Lexus SC 430) in “Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines.”
And what do nearly all these movies have in common? Either they've bombed or done disappointingly at the box office.
Think there's a connection,
Hmmm. And the story goes on:
In case you’ve steered clear of movie theaters this summer, or have succeeded only in “Finding Nemo,” here’s a rundown of the season’s cars on film:
--Cadillacs and other General Motors vehicles storm through “The Matrix Reloaded.”
--All variety of imports, modified virtually beyond recognition, set a very bad example in “2Fast 2Furious.”
--Modern Mini Coopers reprise their role as getaway cars in the remake of 1969’s “The Italian Job.”
--A carload of mutants go on the lam in a Mazda RX-8 in “X2: X-Men United.”
--A Toyota Tundra holds its own against a fleet of emergency vehicles and a crane under the murderous command of a terminatrix (who — when not traveling through time — occasionally slums it in a Lexus SC 430) in “Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines.”
And what do nearly all these movies have in common? Either they've bombed or done disappointingly at the box office.
Think there's a connection,
JACK?
Oooh! "Bush spends like Carter and panders like Clinton." Wow!
This is a ready-made campaign issue. But so long as the Demos are the party of the Hussein brothers and gay marriage they don't stand a chance.
This is a ready-made campaign issue. But so long as the Demos are the party of the Hussein brothers and gay marriage they don't stand a chance.
WE WANT TAXES! WE WANT TAXES!
No no, Dubya, we were saying, we want TEXAS! Your home state? It would help us win back the White House.
No no, Dubya, we were saying, we want TEXAS! Your home state? It would help us win back the White House.
When Forbes says a college education may not necessarily be worth it, I respectfully agree.
GENERAL JR.'s aides must have spent a long, hard weekend ghosting these excuses. First off, GENERAL JR., when five companies command eighty percent of the TV audience, why is this not monopoly? As to HBO, its "quality" is as much a function of snooty urban elitists getting their jollies as anything else. And face it, GENERAL JR., you've said you want dreck because THE MARKETPLACE DEMANDS IT, so aren't you trying as much to dictate what airs as anyone else? You lost, GENERAL JR. Now seek your comfort making zillions as a lobbyist.
Having already written a eulogy for Bob Hope I see no need to write another now that he has died. My words still stand. RIP.
When the six-digit show-biz blurbists and salesmeisters at LALA discuss something like this, they laugh.
We may not have the money to keep the lights on on the bridges, but we do have the money to segregate gays (in a PC way) in high school.
The sadly forgotten retailing giant John Wanamaker (whose name was a victim of idiot Armeyism of the eighties) said that he wasted half his money on advertising, only he didn't know which half. With their lamebrained use of pop tunes, ad types are now wasting closer to 80 percent.
Sunday, July 27, 2003
Here's fun news for the markets tomorrow: the Europeans are ditching their holdings in our mortgage-banking-credit-quasi-agency whatisits because of their award-winning accounting.
Garry Carter and Eddie -- uh, Gary Carter's a nice guy, but do he and Eddie belong in THE HALL?
I'd wager Lance Armstrong's done a lot more for cycling.
I'd wager Lance Armstrong's done a lot more for cycling.
It's maddening: one of my quotes pops up in a blog index -- and so does a misspelling!
Well, at least computers are scanning me.
P. S. I corrected the misspelling.
Well, at least computers are scanning me.
P. S. I corrected the misspelling.
Now the ossified publishing biz has come up with yet another excuse for prevarication: it's selective memory.
If we're going to publish novels let's stop calling them "memoirs."
If we're going to publish novels let's stop calling them "memoirs."
Several weeks ago the LALA Times ran a story about all the people complaining about all the movie shoots in their backyards. So somebody at LALA came up with a brilliant idea -- send them all to Philadelphia!
PLEASE! No more frozen zones, no more sidewalks blocked by trailers, no more glaring lights -- PLEASE!
PLEASE! No more frozen zones, no more sidewalks blocked by trailers, no more glaring lights -- PLEASE!
We arrest two spies -- er, REPORTERS for the Osama Intelli, er, CHANNEL.
While they're at it, maybe they can pass on some information to Saddam.
While they're at it, maybe they can pass on some information to Saddam.
It takes a couple of oh-so-inside Times reporters three Web pages to say what I said several weeks ago in one sentence: Vivendi may be stuck in show-biz.
The old fad of chick-lit is followed on its high heels by the new fad of mommy-lit.
Whatever, it's always one fad after another, which may account for the current "grim sales season." The book biz is in the same long-term creative drought and psychosis over marketing as the JACK biz, and Fitz and Papa couldn't lift it out of them (as if most people in the biz would know Fitz and Papa).
Whatever, it's always one fad after another, which may account for the current "grim sales season." The book biz is in the same long-term creative drought and psychosis over marketing as the JACK biz, and Fitz and Papa couldn't lift it out of them (as if most people in the biz would know Fitz and Papa).
I'm beginning to wonder: are Democrats campaigning against Republicans, or against Republican voters?
If Democrats hope to beat President Bush next year, they have to do everything they can to sweet-talk single gals into the voting booth.
Call it the crucial "Sex and the City" demographic.
I think Dubya's better off in Red Country.
Call it the crucial "Sex and the City" demographic.
I think Dubya's better off in Red Country.
Don't you love pop-up ads you can't shut up?
ANOTHER scintillating ATWOLA cover story!
Oh well, anything's better than ADVERTISEMENT -- and SYNERGY.
Oh well, anything's better than ADVERTISEMENT -- and SYNERGY.
You know you're in a BILL controlled Web site when:
A page comes in two parts and the second part takes forever to download (The Mess, USA Okay); or
When you try scrolling on a page before it's downloaded, you get a bar-code visual effect (the LALA Times).
Better living through entomology™!
A page comes in two parts and the second part takes forever to download (The Mess, USA Okay); or
When you try scrolling on a page before it's downloaded, you get a bar-code visual effect (the LALA Times).
Better living through entomology™!
Corporate Reform is a Work in Progress [front-page head]
So long as The Wall Street Journals remain the police blotter of big business, it will always be a work in progress.
So long as The Wall Street Journals remain the police blotter of big business, it will always be a work in progress.
Nike (like all good members of ASWIA) has only itself to blame for getting into the Kobe mess. These idiots should realize when they pay for the gazillion-dollar endorsements the chances are excellent they'll be getting "damaged goods" before any damage can show up. Even if the guy's found innocent his reputation's taken a licking. People don't believe endorsements anyway. Why bother? Because of CHEVY CHASE SYNDROME ("I GOT KOBE BRYANT TO SIGN A BASKETBALL AND YOU DIDN'T!!!!!").
The SATs have been so screwed-up and dumbed-down (just like colleges, needless to say) why not just ditch them outright and think of something else?
Saturday, July 26, 2003
Four U.S. Soldiers Killed During Deadly Day in Iraq
I hear the jaysonists going HOORAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
A lot of them are big Chicago® fans too.
I hear the jaysonists going HOORAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
A lot of them are big Chicago® fans too.
As I was walkin' through the store to-day..."
I was forced to hear Chicago®, aka Polyester in Music™, and as I was forced to hear Polyester in Music™ I thought two things (besides strangling whoever programs foreground Muzak®):
1. Chicago® is jazz for jazz haters; and
2. Chicago® is Lawrence Welk for boomers.
I'd like to hear that band play "Bubbles in the Wine."
I was forced to hear Chicago®, aka Polyester in Music™, and as I was forced to hear Polyester in Music™ I thought two things (besides strangling whoever programs foreground Muzak®):
1. Chicago® is jazz for jazz haters; and
2. Chicago® is Lawrence Welk for boomers.
I'd like to hear that band play "Bubbles in the Wine."
Well, maybe the fiftieth anniversary of "The Forgotten War" wasn't too pleasant, but here's something to perk up the nostalgia -- and the self-esteem: today's the fiftieth anniversary of Fidel Castro's overthrow of Fulgencio Batista. Someone should ask one of the Democratic nominees for president if we could make it a federal holiday.
GOP's Power Play: Goal of Reforms in House Gives Way To Tough Tactics Party Once Criticized
With the caveat that this IS The Washington Post, I can't say I'm surprised.
But what will get the Demos back in power? Sending troops to Slobovia? Gay marriage? Puh-LEEZE!
With the caveat that this IS The Washington Post, I can't say I'm surprised.
But what will get the Demos back in power? Sending troops to Slobovia? Gay marriage? Puh-LEEZE!
Any marriage with Wacko as best man and Liz as the maid of honor was doomed to failure.
Then again, any marriage with Liza Minnelli as the wife and David Gest as the husband was doomed to failure.
Or is that Liza Minnelli as husband and...never mind.
Then again, any marriage with Liza Minnelli as the wife and David Gest as the husband was doomed to failure.
Or is that Liza Minnelli as husband and...never mind.
Friday, July 25, 2003
JUXTAPOSITION OF THE DAY:
--U.S. Marines sent to Liberia coast
--Catastrophe looms
Wait a second! I thought catastrophe was supposed to happen only in Iraq.
--U.S. Marines sent to Liberia coast
--Catastrophe looms
Wait a second! I thought catastrophe was supposed to happen only in Iraq.
JAYSON's going to write a book review -- on one condition -- he must see the movie.
PFFH-HH-HH-HH!!!!!
PFFH-HH-HH-HH!!!!!
Nude ‘Bambi hunts’ a hoax, city says
And tens of thousands of gullible (but trendy, super-intelligent and oh so blase) news hacks fell for it.
WHAT'S YOUR NEXT PRACTICAL JOKE, IDIOTS?
And tens of thousands of gullible (but trendy, super-intelligent and oh so blase) news hacks fell for it.
WHAT'S YOUR NEXT PRACTICAL JOKE, IDIOTS?
KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! WHALEY WOWS PGA TOUR CROWD!!!!!!!!! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH!
WHALEY MSED THE CUT!!!!!
A favorite director of the news hacks has died. How do I know he's a favorite? In the obits I've already seen two overused news-hack code words: "dark" and "edgy." "Dark" and "edgy" roughly translate into ATTITUDE and are used approvingly for those whose have it. After all, the hacks have it. It's only a hop and a skip to why the hacks want our soldiers to die in Iraq -- it's "dark" and "edgy." Morons.
So far we have lost fewer lives in Afghanistan and Iraq than we did in a single day's butchery in the Marine barracks in Lebanon.
You're not supposed to tell, Victor!
You're not supposed to tell, Victor!
The Feds are investigating -- CHEAP CHANNEL?!?
Oooh, shouldn't do that, Dubya. Jim "Dow 36,000" Glassman must have a headache.
Oooh, shouldn't do that, Dubya. Jim "Dow 36,000" Glassman must have a headache.
To The Econowiz, I suggest now what I suggested before: that EisnerCorp be split into three parts: the theme-park and licensing divisions, which would be reorganized into a REIT; ESPN as a stand-alone entity; and whatever the name of that TV network is and the "adult" films unit. That way perhaps the investors get something -- and more important, we have one less media tyranny to contend with.
KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! WHALEY WOWS PGA TOUR CROWD!!!!!!!!! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! First woman to qualify for an event on men's tour since 1945 shoots 75, better than 12 men pros!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH!
And worse than 141.
And worse than 141.
Great. The we-can't-mention-the-Saudis-because-it's-classified report writers propose a Secretary of Spying. And after we've created the Department of Snooping, things will be as messy as before.
Hard to believe -- fifty years ago "The Forgotten War" ended. But for the war the whole Korean peninsula would rejoice in the glories of Communism. Sorry news hacks, our fighting men did die for something.
Thursday, July 24, 2003
Why the right hates Ann Coulter.
Let me see if I can read a Kinsley.com article without reading it: The right hates Ann Coulter because she shows up conservatives who are worried solely about their image which is flaming hypocrisy because Ann Coulter is the ne-plus-ultra of Nazii -- er, mean-spirited conservatism.
There! I did it! That's almost as predictable as Bill the Entomologist spawning new bugs.
Let me see if I can read a Kinsley.com article without reading it: The right hates Ann Coulter because she shows up conservatives who are worried solely about their image which is flaming hypocrisy because Ann Coulter is the ne-plus-ultra of Nazii -- er, mean-spirited conservatism.
There! I did it! That's almost as predictable as Bill the Entomologist spawning new bugs.
The Trib, which today assigned a PR specialist from the Trib LA Edition a byline from the Trib Orlando Edition, confesses it "edited" Aaron.
That's a little like manure-shoveling duty at the race track, isn't it?
That's a little like manure-shoveling duty at the race track, isn't it?
Idi Amin, whom lgf confidently reported was dead, has emerged from his coma.
But not long before he's shining shoes for Hitler and Stalin.
But not long before he's shining shoes for Hitler and Stalin.
SEN. RODHAM FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!
Soon the drumbeat of propa -- fearless truth telling will begin, and America's mighty liar -- journalists (ew! Now I'll have to take three showers! EW!!) will begin the chant! HILLARY FOR PRESIDENT!! HILLARY FOR PRESIDENT!! "She's the man the people choose,/Loves the Irish and the...." Well, maybe not.
It's gonna be a LONG campaign.
Soon the drumbeat of propa -- fearless truth telling will begin, and America's mighty liar -- journalists (ew! Now I'll have to take three showers! EW!!) will begin the chant! HILLARY FOR PRESIDENT!! HILLARY FOR PRESIDENT!! "She's the man the people choose,/Loves the Irish and the...." Well, maybe not.
It's gonna be a LONG campaign.
The "POWERFUL" chairman of Ways and Means (they always call him that), better known in my precinct as a Paul Lynde impersonator without the humor, has issued a "tearful" apology.
That's what happens when you rule by tantrum.
That's what happens when you rule by tantrum.
DISHONESTY SQUARED: Not only is The Cheerleader of the Leader of the Brand a LALA Times reporter, he also reports for the Orlando Sentinel!
This kind of lying by byline is almost as bad as what Jayson did. Here's a big media company doing a favor for another big media company, and in the process pretending that its reporters write for a local paper, NOT FOR THE COMPANY. SOMEBODY SHOULD BE REPRIMANDED FOR THIS. I'm complaining, which with this biz is like screaming in a padded cell.
UPDATE: The Sentinel byline disappeared in the Trib, but not in the Sentinel.
This kind of lying by byline is almost as bad as what Jayson did. Here's a big media company doing a favor for another big media company, and in the process pretending that its reporters write for a local paper, NOT FOR THE COMPANY. SOMEBODY SHOULD BE REPRIMANDED FOR THIS. I'm complaining, which with this biz is like screaming in a padded cell.
UPDATE: The Sentinel byline disappeared in the Trib, but not in the Sentinel.
Wednesday, July 23, 2003
All right, already, MAYBE they would have been more useful alive, but this is BLUNDER.com, Web site of the ARROGANT BLUNDER and the all-seeing all-knowing grandson of Norman Thomas.
And in another part of Bill the Entomologist's magical mystical Web maelstrom, a GE Network News reporter says the brothers shot first.
And in another part of Bill the Entomologist's magical mystical Web maelstrom, a GE Network News reporter says the brothers shot first.
lgf links to this story:
James Morrow: US critics sink in mire of denial
Alas, there in the upper-left-hand corner is:
The international symbol of RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Again, I'd feel better if someone other than the usual gang of idiots said this.
James Morrow: US critics sink in mire of denial
Alas, there in the upper-left-hand corner is:
The international symbol of RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Again, I'd feel better if someone other than the usual gang of idiots said this.
Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Comedians say the deaths of the Hussein brothers is something to be "blamed" over.
Will these clowns ever raise their flags from half-mast?
Will these clowns ever raise their flags from half-mast?
JACK fights MOVIE PIRACY! AGAIN!
If it weren't JACK, I'd say he has a case. Movie piracy does hurt "the little guy." But JACK didn't get where he is by being a little guy, and somebody like that anonymous brilliant actor named for a character in Tristram Shandy isn't a little guy, and every actress who fakes fornication before the cameras for an eight-digit fee isn't a little guy. The movie cretins evidence a sudden interest in "the little guy" only because their tax dodges could be depleted, and to provide flimsy cover for their infinite contempt of the filmgoing airheads. JACK's trade is bent on proving the old maxim, you get what you pay for, by providing a PRODUCT that isn't worth paying for, and the pirates have created a nice niche out of the biz' artistic bankruptcy. Yes, movie piracy is wrong, but with the biz defecating more masterworks than ever, it has at least a little bit of serves-you-right.
And here's predicting the ads get laughed at in the movie houses -- even by the dumb blind teens.
If it weren't JACK, I'd say he has a case. Movie piracy does hurt "the little guy." But JACK didn't get where he is by being a little guy, and somebody like that anonymous brilliant actor named for a character in Tristram Shandy isn't a little guy, and every actress who fakes fornication before the cameras for an eight-digit fee isn't a little guy. The movie cretins evidence a sudden interest in "the little guy" only because their tax dodges could be depleted, and to provide flimsy cover for their infinite contempt of the filmgoing airheads. JACK's trade is bent on proving the old maxim, you get what you pay for, by providing a PRODUCT that isn't worth paying for, and the pirates have created a nice niche out of the biz' artistic bankruptcy. Yes, movie piracy is wrong, but with the biz defecating more masterworks than ever, it has at least a little bit of serves-you-right.
And here's predicting the ads get laughed at in the movie houses -- even by the dumb blind teens.
Thanks for Renting My Summer House. Now Get Outta Here. [Front-page head]
After repeatedly blowing its fuse over Dubya's perfidy (something, I'll admit, it's easy to do when you're owned by Bill the Entomologist], Kinsley.com takes a vacation from the unfortunate deaths of the brothers Saddam.
Back tomorrow with more snarky snideness!
After repeatedly blowing its fuse over Dubya's perfidy (something, I'll admit, it's easy to do when you're owned by Bill the Entomologist], Kinsley.com takes a vacation from the unfortunate deaths of the brothers Saddam.
Back tomorrow with more snarky snideness!
Today's landslide House vote indicates one thing: a lot of people hate big media with a passion bordering on homicide.
Even if it gets through the courts -- a big if -- whether this rollback will do any good is another matter. The electronic Pandora's box got opened a long time ago.
One prediction: hard-core knee-jerk conservatives (especially the Jim "Dow 36,000" Glassmen and other caveat-emptor FREE ENTERPRISE types) will be imitating a stroke the next few days.
Even if it gets through the courts -- a big if -- whether this rollback will do any good is another matter. The electronic Pandora's box got opened a long time ago.
One prediction: hard-core knee-jerk conservatives (especially the Jim "Dow 36,000" Glassmen and other caveat-emptor FREE ENTERPRISE types) will be imitating a stroke the next few days.
"Say Goodnight Dick" Durbin's mad because people are "question[ing] his patriotism."
I don't think it was a former Republican governor who said getting the Hussein sons was unimportant.
I don't think it was a former Republican governor who said getting the Hussein sons was unimportant.
I had been sent to jail for more than nine times. During three times, he ordered his sluggers to torture me -- in the prison which is very notorious. In addition to that, he sent one of his bodyguards to pull out one of my teeth by pliers and, you know, this is -- with me. This happens with me and I am his secretary. What about the others?
This was Uday Hussein's press secretary. What about the others?
And what about those who mourn this scum's passing?
This was Uday Hussein's press secretary. What about the others?
And what about those who mourn this scum's passing?
In the midst of the deep sorrow over the unjustified killing of the sons Saddam, a new ray of hope.
What did I say about spin?
What did I say about spin?
Already the spin's coming hot and heavy with you-know-what, which means a) it's a good reason to avoid this story, and b) news hacks intend to treat this as a profit center.
Well, for once, a Forbes.com pop-up quote that doesn't make me wince:
"A song without music is a lot like H2 without the O."
--Ira Gershwin
It's a shame though that Gershwin did not live long enough to see this age of popular-music genius, or he might have called rap H2 with the S.
"A song without music is a lot like H2 without the O."
--Ira Gershwin
It's a shame though that Gershwin did not live long enough to see this age of popular-music genius, or he might have called rap H2 with the S.
Another expert salesperson, Claudia Pig -- er, Puig of USA Okay, combines hard-sell publicity and PC.
A big step forward in resume writing!
A big step forward in resume writing!
BAGHDAD (Reuters) - Two American soldiers were killed in ambushes in Iraq on Wednesday, denting any U.S. hopes that the deaths of Saddam Hussein's sons, Uday and Qusay, would snuff out a guerrilla insurgency against occupying forces.
Reuters stock declined over eight percent on Tuesday, denting greedy executives' hopes that the stock would reach $150 a share again any time soon.
Reuters stock declined over eight percent on Tuesday, denting greedy executives' hopes that the stock would reach $150 a share again any time soon.
By the way, Andy S. and lgf, I just read one of the Beeb's quotation-marks reports, and I see nothing wrong with it. Clearly the Beeb shot itself in the foot with its punctuation. An alternative headline would have read: Deaths of Saddam's sons could have huge effect, thus avoiding any sense of partisanship.
Now, Andy S., here is how a RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-controlled Beeb would report on a scandal involving RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or a member of his family:
Now, Andy S., here is how a RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-controlled Beeb would report on a scandal involving RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or a member of his family:
Andy S. gets on my nerves too. Abolish the BBC, he says. Fine. How to do it? Pull the plug on the set-license fee. This would force the Beeb to pay its own way, which would mean commercials, which would mean even more lowest-common-denominator programming, which would mean the outcome Andy S. wants -- a sale to his boss RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why should the BBC become another plaything of this tyrant?
If NewsMax is to be believed -- and as a practitioner of the capitals-italics-boldface-and-exclamation-points style of news, most of the time it is not -- Democrats aren't too happy about Saddam's sons getting killed either.
Keep it up guys and we'll have a one-party state just like Mexico did.
Keep it up guys and we'll have a one-party state just like Mexico did.
M-I-C-K-E-Y: He's the Leader of the Brand
And this imbecilic hack Richard Verrier is the Cheerleader of the Leader of the Brand.
Today Andy S. was commenting about how the Beeb is mourning the death of Saddam's sons. This is the flip side. The unfathomable loss news hacks took in Iraq they will more than gain back through the solace of writing more and more offensive press releases.
And this imbecilic hack Richard Verrier is the Cheerleader of the Leader of the Brand.
Today Andy S. was commenting about how the Beeb is mourning the death of Saddam's sons. This is the flip side. The unfathomable loss news hacks took in Iraq they will more than gain back through the solace of writing more and more offensive press releases.
Tuesday, July 22, 2003
How many sports hacks have gone from the luxury news suites to million-dollar-a-year jobs selling tripe on the radio?
And his suspension was approved by THE ZON (or so somebody said), so obviously this former scribbler was IMPORTANT.
Raving idiots is what all news hacks would be, given the chance.
And his suspension was approved by THE ZON (or so somebody said), so obviously this former scribbler was IMPORTANT.
Raving idiots is what all news hacks would be, given the chance.
"If you just want to read crap, you can get on the internet and read the most outrageous stuff," Liz Smith, the industry's 80-year-old grande dame, says dryly. "Restraint has been thrown overboard . . . The line between what's legitimate news and soft news has blurred enormously."
The problem with you, Liz, is you're not a gossip columnist. You're a PUBLICIST. And as you publicists have proven, we don't need "the Internet" (whatever that is) for "the most outrageous stuff." We have enough Devins and "Seller" Seilers and ADVERTISEMENTS and Ednas in print serving up "crap." And their restraint's gone overboard too. What's more, they're "legit."
The problem with you, Liz, is you're not a gossip columnist. You're a PUBLICIST. And as you publicists have proven, we don't need "the Internet" (whatever that is) for "the most outrageous stuff." We have enough Devins and "Seller" Seilers and ADVERTISEMENTS and Ednas in print serving up "crap." And their restraint's gone overboard too. What's more, they're "legit."
Looks like I was a day early with the BAD NEWS FOR REUTERS!
What's bad news for Reuters is good news for the rest of us.
Then again, what's bad news for Reuters may be good news for CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!), and that's not good news for the rest of us.
What's bad news for Reuters is good news for the rest of us.
Then again, what's bad news for Reuters may be good news for CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!), and that's not good news for the rest of us.
I am speechless about the idea of putting music fans in jail for downloading music. It is wrong to download but the answer cannot be jail.
Maybe Wacko isn't all bad.
Maybe Wacko isn't all bad.
Well, it didn't take that long.
Hope this shuts the venal scribblers up -- for a day. This last week or so I have grown so discouraged by what is easily the most partisan news coverage since the 2000 election, and (I may as well admit it) that I write this blog for an audience of practically nobody; moreover I fear I'm thinking in knee-jerk ways myself. I am tired of having these six- and seven-digit politician hacks tell me what to think -- and that they can do it so effectively through the Web means their power is exponentially increased, whatever all the self-congratulation about the populist glory of blogs. Perhaps I should do what GLENNY does and take a few vacations; but the lure of the keyboard is too strong.
Hope this shuts the venal scribblers up -- for a day. This last week or so I have grown so discouraged by what is easily the most partisan news coverage since the 2000 election, and (I may as well admit it) that I write this blog for an audience of practically nobody; moreover I fear I'm thinking in knee-jerk ways myself. I am tired of having these six- and seven-digit politician hacks tell me what to think -- and that they can do it so effectively through the Web means their power is exponentially increased, whatever all the self-congratulation about the populist glory of blogs. Perhaps I should do what GLENNY does and take a few vacations; but the lure of the keyboard is too strong.
Walter Winchell and JACK! share a screening room -- and a confidentiality agreement!
Looks like the most evil man in America got Walter to SHUT UP.
Looks like the most evil man in America got Walter to SHUT UP.
In the midst of QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, in the midst of all the glorio -- tragic news about U. S. war dead, cell phones sprout in Baghdad.
We've won the war.
P. S. Even more mysterious than the sprouting cell phones is that Reuters ran this, and Reuters is in a death-struggle with the Beeb to see who can throw more monkey wrenches into our efforts.
We've won the war.
P. S. Even more mysterious than the sprouting cell phones is that Reuters ran this, and Reuters is in a death-struggle with the Beeb to see who can throw more monkey wrenches into our efforts.
Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) jokers, taking a break from praying for more U.S. casualties, run another insulting press release. This sort of thing could be written by a computer, and should be read by no one.
I've noticed now that when GoogleBlogger gets the hiccups, it counts the number of times it gets them. What's the NEW GoogleBlogger record?
Incidentally, the left seems to be ossifying, er, petrifying, er, metastasizing, er, gathering around the notion that the League should take our place. So when the mullahs create their stoning beheading hand-lopping woman-beating terrorizing state, we can always blame Dubya for having listened -- and count on Kinsley.com to keep quiet otherwise. (Here are more news hacks who must use boldface, italics and exclamation points. Don't they realize Bill the Entomologist already uses these tools in abusing his customers?)
Annan Appeals for Iraq to Run Own Affairs
Which, translated, means the League of Nations would rather see a PC mullah-state with stonings, beheadings, hand-loppings, woman beating, terrorism, etc., etc., ETC., than a constitutional democracy that has ANYTHING to do with AMERICA.
Which, translated, means the League of Nations would rather see a PC mullah-state with stonings, beheadings, hand-loppings, woman beating, terrorism, etc., etc., ETC., than a constitutional democracy that has ANYTHING to do with AMERICA.
The GENIUSES of MadAve are including blind people in TV ADS, forgetting not only that the blind probably aren't heavy TV watchers, but that their conformist pitches are for the deaf and dumb too.
Am I the only person who gets excited with all these news hacks -- whether Reuters or Joe CONason or Paul Krugman or FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News or Walter Winchell or NewsMax -- who must do the news in CAPITALS, ITALICS and BOLDFACE, and with A THOUSAND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
Has hunt for corporate criminals gone too far?
We'll find out when we stop reading stories of new corporate malfeasance every single day.
We'll find out when we stop reading stories of new corporate malfeasance every single day.
Quoting a KnightRidder, Paul Krugman says Dubya's crew "squelches dissenting views."
No doubt, but Paul Krugman squelches dissenting views at the top of his lungs.
No doubt, but Paul Krugman squelches dissenting views at the top of his lungs.
Monday, July 21, 2003
NEW DEATH OF SOLDIER IN IRAQ PILES PRESSURE ON U.S.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THOUSANDS OF LAYOFFS PILE PRESSURE ON REUTERS TO DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, I exaggerated, a little. But here's a chart showing Reuters is far closer to bankruptcy than we are to losing thousands of soldiers:
I think I understand why Andy S. says these guys WANT us to fail.
THOUSANDS OF LAYOFFS PILE PRESSURE ON REUTERS TO DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, I exaggerated, a little. But here's a chart showing Reuters is far closer to bankruptcy than we are to losing thousands of soldiers:
I think I understand why Andy S. says these guys WANT us to fail.
BusinessWeek celebrates a blogger whose donations paid for his reporting!
Before breaking out the bubbly, I'd suggest
try
ing
to
read
his
site
on
a
15
"
moni
tor.
Before breaking out the bubbly, I'd suggest
try
ing
to
read
his
site
on
a
15
"
moni
tor.
OUR CATCH PHRASE OF THE MONTH: A Philadelphia radio station says it "relieves stress."
Yes, a station that plays the same moldy oldies a billion times over (often in public places against your will) between thirty-minute commercial breaks definitely relieves stress.
And natch, IT'S A CHEAP CHANNEL.
Yes, a station that plays the same moldy oldies a billion times over (often in public places against your will) between thirty-minute commercial breaks definitely relieves stress.
And natch, IT'S A CHEAP CHANNEL.
SPIKE SPIKED DESPITE SPIKING SPIKE!
WARNING: This article contains a quote from Perfesser Thompson, America's most shameless publicity seeker in academe, give or take a thousand other perfessers.
WARNING: This article contains a quote from Perfesser Thompson, America's most shameless publicity seeker in academe, give or take a thousand other perfessers.
The Saudis arrest terrorists -- and then we hear that they finance terrorists.
It's the Saudi Shuffle: one step forward, one step back.
It's the Saudi Shuffle: one step forward, one step back.
Two great things about John Simon: he forces you to think, and he forces you to look up words in dictionaries. (I was pretty close in guessing what "perdurable" means, but I was wrong about "pullulate" [I thought it meant pulsate; it means to germinate]). He may also be one of the very few writers in the news biz (he is certainly no hack) to recognize the rot at our society's heart:
Two-bit movies and TV shows have lately been featuring angels in the hokiest, trashiest patent-medicine-mongering way: snake oil for the mindless mind. A society adrift, without moorings in genuine art, philosophy, history, or even (if you must) religion [Mr. Simon is an atheist] snatches at every nostrum: gurus, tea leaves, astrology, chat rooms, and white-winged guardians protecting you from mishaps.
A society adrift. In three words John Simon has written more than thousands of pundits in thousands of column-inches.
Two-bit movies and TV shows have lately been featuring angels in the hokiest, trashiest patent-medicine-mongering way: snake oil for the mindless mind. A society adrift, without moorings in genuine art, philosophy, history, or even (if you must) religion [Mr. Simon is an atheist] snatches at every nostrum: gurus, tea leaves, astrology, chat rooms, and white-winged guardians protecting you from mishaps.
A society adrift. In three words John Simon has written more than thousands of pundits in thousands of column-inches.
Culture Clash Clouds Warner-BMG Talks
Culture clash? You mean we're both not in the business of recording bad disposable music and keeping our vaults firmly shut?
Culture clash? You mean we're both not in the business of recording bad disposable music and keeping our vaults firmly shut?
Why should the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers bother with such old-fogey, way-uncool, judgmental things as morality clauses?
And now -- HEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's GLENNY!
DAAAAAAH-dut-dut-DAAAAAAH-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
World managed to spin without you, huh Glenny?
DAAAAAAH-dut-dut-DAAAAAAH-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
World managed to spin without you, huh Glenny?
Sunday, July 20, 2003
Another why-do-they-post-this pop-up quote from Forbes.com:
"Heroism feels and never reasons, and therefore is always right."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
That name is familiar. Didn't he edit the first high-school yearbook?
"Heroism feels and never reasons, and therefore is always right."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
That name is familiar. Didn't he edit the first high-school yearbook?
Why, Andy S., RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! should NOT be allowed to buy the Beeb: his WIFE was apparently behind the Charlie Chan Festival cancellation. You won't hear that on your employer's many outlets, will you, ANDY S.?
Another of the new breed of show-biz colossi, bestriding the earth of Hollywood in the age of JACK:
Does the fact that he can walk virtually unnoticed on the streets of Los Angeles -- let alone Seoul or S-o Paulo [sic] -- make him any less valuable an actor?
NO! This man's name will echo through the history of film even more than his inferiors of the past -- Fairbanks, Cooper, Cagney, Gable, Grant, Bogart, Wayne, Stewart! Now, uh, what is it?
THAT'S HIS NAME?!?!? I thought it was a character in Tristram Shandy.
Does the fact that he can walk virtually unnoticed on the streets of Los Angeles -- let alone Seoul or S-o Paulo [sic] -- make him any less valuable an actor?
NO! This man's name will echo through the history of film even more than his inferiors of the past -- Fairbanks, Cooper, Cagney, Gable, Grant, Bogart, Wayne, Stewart! Now, uh, what is it?
THAT'S HIS NAME?!?!? I thought it was a character in Tristram Shandy.
OH oh, speaking of synergexia, GENERAL JR. wants to cash in sooner than we thought!
GO FOR THE SEVEN DIGITS, JR.! AND AS ALWAYS, THE PUBLIC BE DAMNED!
GO FOR THE SEVEN DIGITS, JR.! AND AS ALWAYS, THE PUBLIC BE DAMNED!
Despite the excitement over Dubya's LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, ATWOLA rag has dyslexia on its cover.
Better that than synergexia.
Or is this one of those chortle chortle chortle chuckle chuckle chuckle nyuk nyuk nyuk inside jokes?
Better that than synergexia.
Or is this one of those chortle chortle chortle chuckle chuckle chuckle nyuk nyuk nyuk inside jokes?
The tragedy of David Kelly has caused both sides to ossify their positions. News hacks, wanting to further screw up the mess in Iraq, are screaming for Tony's head. Conservatives are starting to say their favorite news organization did it. Let's just say neither side has exactly covered itself with glory -- and in the end, a man died for partisan politics. What a waste.
While the inhabitants of luxury news suites fulminate over dirty keyboards and the surly waitress serving their $100 lunch, they may want to pause from their monomania however briefly to consider the sacrifices some people made on their behalf. But gods cannot be told anything.
The late Sam Donaldson used to stick it into people's faces by sneering back at them that common criticism of news hacks, "Well who elected YOU?!?" And the answer, of course, is nobody. Consider this line in BLUNDER's story on the "collapse" of California:
Even if they wanted to, California politicians can’t free themselves to be statesmen, because they have locked themselves in the ideological straitjacket of safe, one-party, gerrymandered seats. As a result, the activist fringes are in control, since they can turn out the vote in low-turnout elections. The result is even more apathy, even lower turnout—and even more power for the unelected powers that be.
I'm not sure who's on the activist right fringe in California -- most likely grass-roots organizations, outfits like the Freepers -- but we all know who's on the LEFT fringe, and that includes news hacks. The more the fringe is in control, the more apathy, the more power to the unelected. What's good for AOL....
And yes, I know, Sam Donaldson IS alive, but media bigshots are so vain that when they're out of work, they're technically dead. And Sam was one of the vainest.
Even if they wanted to, California politicians can’t free themselves to be statesmen, because they have locked themselves in the ideological straitjacket of safe, one-party, gerrymandered seats. As a result, the activist fringes are in control, since they can turn out the vote in low-turnout elections. The result is even more apathy, even lower turnout—and even more power for the unelected powers that be.
I'm not sure who's on the activist right fringe in California -- most likely grass-roots organizations, outfits like the Freepers -- but we all know who's on the LEFT fringe, and that includes news hacks. The more the fringe is in control, the more apathy, the more power to the unelected. What's good for AOL....
And yes, I know, Sam Donaldson IS alive, but media bigshots are so vain that when they're out of work, they're technically dead. And Sam was one of the vainest.
When a veteran USA Okay shill like Edna Gunderson tells us of the wonders of some new "talent," it means yet another tuneless droner is about to make a fortune because he has good shills like Edna Gunderson.
While the kinder, gentler Howells might want us to believe the FBI is a seething cauldron of race prejudice, the truth is the FBI is an overflowing chamber pot of base incompetence.
It's the dog days, and BLUNDER rag has nothing better to do than spend its free time musing on the "destruction" of California. Sheesh.
That state will survive Gray Davis, just as BLUNDER survived the Hitler Diaries (pffh-hh-hh).
That state will survive Gray Davis, just as BLUNDER survived the Hitler Diaries (pffh-hh-hh).
I am certainly not a Pat Buchanan type who goes into paroxysms of the screaming meemies at the thought of an immigrant, but clearly illegal immigration can only ever be a bad thing. (And a surprise that the LALA Times should print this, but I guess in Southern Cal they're practically underfoot -- although the LALA editors could walk on herds of elephants and not notice.)
And since there is so much news-hack politicking, the time has come to abandon the pretense of "objectivity" and engage in raw naked partisanship. At least then the dissembling would be HONEST.
Now if we had a QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in Liberia, what would the news hacks, who see nothing wrong with us fighting there (unlike Iraq), say then?
In this time of seemingly unprecedented news-hack politicking, time to repost this, slightly revised:
What is the difference between a news hack and a politician?
None. Both kinds of creatures always claim to serve the public, always campaign, always search for a better job, always mug for the cameras, always lie (the politician calls it "plausible deniability," the news hack calls it "objectivity") -- and they're both in "show-biz for ugly people."
What is the difference between a news hack and a politician?
None. Both kinds of creatures always claim to serve the public, always campaign, always search for a better job, always mug for the cameras, always lie (the politician calls it "plausible deniability," the news hack calls it "objectivity") -- and they're both in "show-biz for ugly people."
Saturday, July 19, 2003
U.S. military officials in Baghdad said they were planning to scale back the number of troops in Fallujah because the level of attacks on U.S. operations there has fallen significantly since a spate of bombings and shootings in early June. (SIXTH graf in a story on PAGE A12 of the Washington Post.)
SHHHH!!!!! It's a miltary secret.
SHHHH!!!!! It's a miltary secret.
IF WE CAN SCREAM OVER DUBYA'S SIXTEEN LYING WORDS, DO YOU SUPPOSE THAT GIVES US A RIGHT TO SCREAM ABOUT PETRIFIED GORE'S SCREAMING LAWYER???????????
I hate this age.
I hate this age.
The secret woid (again) is FORMER (four times).
Looking at pictures of Groucho I can understand why he appealed to the ladies. Sort of the same appeal retired generals and former spies have to news hacks. (Sorry, Grouch.)
The not-so-good side of Charles Osgood
I FOUND IT FIRST!
P.S. Since the CLOWNS at GoogleBlogger have decided to bollix up my archives, here's my piece of poesy, again:
Let's give a Bronx cheer to that radio dolt who'll
Sell millions of boxes of his Whole Grain Total.
I'll have to work up rhymes for his other sponsors.
I FOUND IT FIRST!
P.S. Since the CLOWNS at GoogleBlogger have decided to bollix up my archives, here's my piece of poesy, again:
Let's give a Bronx cheer to that radio dolt who'll
Sell millions of boxes of his Whole Grain Total.
I'll have to work up rhymes for his other sponsors.
OK, news hacks, you'll get your wish -- you always get your wish -- and throw Tony out the window.
What do you propose for a replacement?
What do you propose for a replacement?
The Times works up copious tears for a con man, in part because he was PC.
Think we can have such sympathy for JAYSON?
Think we can have such sympathy for JAYSON?
Two things: 1) Why would Kobe cheat on such a beautiful wife, and 2) Will McDonald's, Coca-Cola and Nike pay for his legal bills? (They'd better; they're part of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers. Show your ignorance!)
Friday, July 18, 2003
Hey guys, it's the military, NOT a newspaper.
My favorite part of the story:
Only two days before the ABC show, similarly bitter sentiments -- with no names attached -- were voiced in an anonymous e-mail circulating around the Internet, allegedly from "the soldiers of the Second Brigade, Third ID."
"Our morale is not high or even low," the letter said. "Our morale is nonexistent. We have been told twice that we were going home, and twice we have received a 'stop' movement to stay in Iraq."
The message, whose authenticity could not be confirmed....
Sorta like Janet Cooke's heroin addict. Right?
My favorite part of the story:
Only two days before the ABC show, similarly bitter sentiments -- with no names attached -- were voiced in an anonymous e-mail circulating around the Internet, allegedly from "the soldiers of the Second Brigade, Third ID."
"Our morale is not high or even low," the letter said. "Our morale is nonexistent. We have been told twice that we were going home, and twice we have received a 'stop' movement to stay in Iraq."
The message, whose authenticity could not be confirmed....
Sorta like Janet Cooke's heroin addict. Right?
After I bring up this picture -- that's AOL's Towers of Babble in New York -- my computer freezes. Figures.
WAAAAAAAAAAH!! They won' wet us wegiswate! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!
How can anyone legislate with such showoffs as Bill "The Paul Lynde Impersonator Without a Sense of Humor" Thomas and Pete "IIIII Haaaaaate JEWWWWWS" Stark?
How can anyone legislate with such showoffs as Bill "The Paul Lynde Impersonator Without a Sense of Humor" Thomas and Pete "IIIII Haaaaaate JEWWWWWS" Stark?
CULTURAL STINK-OUT-THE-GYM ALERT: A company that insists on calling itself MGM is making a musical bio of Cole Porter called De-lovely.
Some of the worst films of all time have been musical bios -- like Warner's own Cole Porter smarmfest Night and Day, which inspired derisive laughter, and the lugubrious Words and Music, despite Mickey and Judy singing "I Wish I Were in Love Again." Sorry idiots, you don't even have Mickey. (No, I don't think Elvis Costello and Alanis Morissette are quite up there.) And being "honest" about Porter will probably result in a movie just as unwatchable, as the accent, of course, will not be on his music. Louis B. Mayer and Arthur Freed must be rolling in their graves.
Further hint that this will be something spectacular: it has three producers and is written by a former blurbist and organization man for ATWOLA rag. De-lovely? It may have to be de-loused.
P. S. MGM is NOT the MGM (most of which was bought by Mouth from the South and now belongs to King Richard); it's the successor to United Artists and ditched the name in part because it's associated with Heaven's Gate, which may be a better subject for a movie.
Some of the worst films of all time have been musical bios -- like Warner's own Cole Porter smarmfest Night and Day, which inspired derisive laughter, and the lugubrious Words and Music, despite Mickey and Judy singing "I Wish I Were in Love Again." Sorry idiots, you don't even have Mickey. (No, I don't think Elvis Costello and Alanis Morissette are quite up there.) And being "honest" about Porter will probably result in a movie just as unwatchable, as the accent, of course, will not be on his music. Louis B. Mayer and Arthur Freed must be rolling in their graves.
Further hint that this will be something spectacular: it has three producers and is written by a former blurbist and organization man for ATWOLA rag. De-lovely? It may have to be de-loused.
P. S. MGM is NOT the MGM (most of which was bought by Mouth from the South and now belongs to King Richard); it's the successor to United Artists and ditched the name in part because it's associated with Heaven's Gate, which may be a better subject for a movie.
Okay, now that we finally got the gumption to press charges, who wants to bet he'll be convicted?
But then, I thought he wouldn't be charged. Of course, the sports world has come a long way since Pete Rose.
But then, I thought he wouldn't be charged. Of course, the sports world has come a long way since Pete Rose.
How has [The Economist], an expensive, serious, elitist publication that looks like a magazine in every way — size, format, color cover, glossy pages — but considers itself a "weekly newspaper," managed to do so well in such a shaky economy?
First, because businessmen are conformists to the nth degree. Second, because businessmen heard that Bill the Entomologist reads The Econowiz, therefore it must be brain food, and anything that makes a businessman smarter must be good (like Who Moved My Cheese?), and because businessmen are conformists to the nth degree, they all decided to read The Econowiz, even though much of its content is beyond their reading skills, and even though it's ATWOLA and BLUNDER only better written and with an ATTITUDE. And third, because The Econowiz makes a handy-dandy intimidation tool on an executive's desk when he can point to the rag and say, I READ THE ECONOMIST AND YOU DON'T!!!!!
That's why The Econowiz does well.
First, because businessmen are conformists to the nth degree. Second, because businessmen heard that Bill the Entomologist reads The Econowiz, therefore it must be brain food, and anything that makes a businessman smarter must be good (like Who Moved My Cheese?), and because businessmen are conformists to the nth degree, they all decided to read The Econowiz, even though much of its content is beyond their reading skills, and even though it's ATWOLA and BLUNDER only better written and with an ATTITUDE. And third, because The Econowiz makes a handy-dandy intimidation tool on an executive's desk when he can point to the rag and say, I READ THE ECONOMIST AND YOU DON'T!!!!!
That's why The Econowiz does well.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIII AMMMMMMMMMMMMM YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUR SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE!!!!!
Oops, better not say slave. Say indentured servant.
Oops, better not say slave. Say indentured servant.
Our government wastes its money telling Arab youth how wonderful we are.
Fortunately this story has a happy ending:
Rani al-Hajjar, an Atlanta student and co-ordinator for Palestinian Media Watch, said: "I think if it's coming from a cultural superiority complex, saying that we are infallible and saying that our policies are best, then I think it is liable to fail."
Of course, this is The Independent -- and the reporter's name is BUNCOMBE.
Another happy ending: BUNCOMBE misidentifies the group: It's Palestine Media Watch (the other group is pro-Israeli), and its backers include such non-partisan neutral observers as Noam Chomsky.
If only I could find that picture of Robert Fisk with the bandages....
Fortunately this story has a happy ending:
Rani al-Hajjar, an Atlanta student and co-ordinator for Palestinian Media Watch, said: "I think if it's coming from a cultural superiority complex, saying that we are infallible and saying that our policies are best, then I think it is liable to fail."
Of course, this is The Independent -- and the reporter's name is BUNCOMBE.
Another happy ending: BUNCOMBE misidentifies the group: It's Palestine Media Watch (the other group is pro-Israeli), and its backers include such non-partisan neutral observers as Noam Chomsky.
If only I could find that picture of Robert Fisk with the bandages....
China's favorite retailer has given up on totalitarian inventory control?
This might mean an emergency meeting of the Party in Beijing.
This might mean an emergency meeting of the Party in Beijing.
Sons of Howell discover the White House's DELIBERATELY COMPLEX method for sending e-mails, and knowing the SuperSecrecy Gang, that probably is exactly what they want.
Great. A cable company has launched a satellite. Now those imbeciles can really raise our rates.
Thursday, July 17, 2003
Despite the geography, here's thinking the rest of Iraq will follow, and if it does -- news hacks and Democrats STILL won't shut their traps.
Imagine, $220 million to sell hoagies with two slices of meat.
I'd like to believe Subway's is headed the way of Mickey D's, but unfortunately that purveyor of bad food and worse television seems to have righted itself, for now.
I'd like to believe Subway's is headed the way of Mickey D's, but unfortunately that purveyor of bad food and worse television seems to have righted itself, for now.
The way to respond to PC lawsuits against the food biz is for HARD-CORE FREE-MARKET REPUBLICANS to prevent them.
This is the classic definition of a Hobson's choice.
This is the classic definition of a Hobson's choice.
Having recently sold software to the Gov. (and also to the Army), Bill the Entomologist admits his software has -- vulnerabilities.
Surprise! The sky is blue.
Surprise! The sky is blue.
SLASHER? He was just exercising his FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS.
We should keep in mind that news hacks, with their short attention spans and genius low IQs, will most likely forget this story at the first opportunity. Remember Sen. Dennis Day's -- homophobia? The thoughtpolice were on the verge of forcing him to resign. Then the story -- STOPPED. This one will stop too, when sudden boredom sets in. After all, we're in the dog days of summer, and that's when news hacks excrete their biggest, stinkiest leavings.
Andy S. gets excited that "[t]he WSJ [has] uncover[ed] the national intelligence estimate of the uranium-Africa Saddam link." But then you roll over the shortcut --
http://www.opinionjournal.com/editorial/feature.html?id=110003756
-- and you discover, yep, it's The Wall Street Journals CONSERVATIVE EDITION. Sorry Andy, we'll only be sure when The Wall Street Journals LIBERAL EDITION says so.
http://www.opinionjournal.com/editorial/feature.html?id=110003756
-- and you discover, yep, it's The Wall Street Journals CONSERVATIVE EDITION. Sorry Andy, we'll only be sure when The Wall Street Journals LIBERAL EDITION says so.
Well gee whiz goshdarnit, no casualties in Iraq today (thus far; we can always hope), so I guess as a consolation we'll smile over this story till the cows come home. Or until the next casualty in Iraq. (Please, pretty please, let there be another casualty in Iraq! PLEASE???)
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
Lieberman, Dean call for CIA director's resignation
Aren't you forgetting something? SLICK appointed him!
Aren't you forgetting something? SLICK appointed him!
Another RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ruse: He's selling a chance to write on a NASCAR race via eBay. Whoever wins will probably end of being so heavily edited his will effectively be written by somebody else. But this is almost as good a publicity ruse as BANNING CHARLIE CHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Perhaps Billy "NAB" Tauzin is defeatable. But I wouldn't hold my breath.
I might hold my nose, though.
I might hold my nose, though.
I wonder if "Whoops! Pardon" Ford is returning to the White House to give advice.
Don't listen, Dubya.
Don't listen, Dubya.
Oh great: Bill the Entomologist has just signed a BIG contract to provide bugs for Gov.'s Dept. of Terror Alerts and Pork Projects!
HellllllllLLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!!!
HellllllllLLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!!!
Suspected Saddam Hussein loyalists fire missile at U.S. plane, but miss
SHUCKS. If they'd hit it, there'd have been DANCIN' in America's luxury news suites!
SHUCKS. If they'd hit it, there'd have been DANCIN' in America's luxury news suites!
OH oh, guess which one of the two MEGAmegalomaniacs at Viacon is making -- NOISES.
Noise on out of there, ZON.
Noise on out of there, ZON.
There's a "boiling resentment at big media," Safire says, and a "distaste for giantism, generally."
The Understatement of the Year.
The Understatement of the Year.
U.N. in Dark About Looted Iraq Dirty Bomb Material
Why not? The League of Nations was in the dark about Iraq.
Why not? The League of Nations was in the dark about Iraq.
OOOOOOooooooh, now he's doing it: The evil reactionary bigot Ward Connerly wants to do away with "racially segregated events such as orientation programs and graduation ceremonies."
Where's the H word, Rev. Al?
Where's the H word, Rev. Al?
Charles Prince to replace Sandy Weill as Citigroup's CEO in January.
A prince replacing The Sun King?
A prince replacing The Sun King?
Professor InstaPundit (independent crusading Bill Gates employee) assumes his Thinker pose on the movies, and he gets a response:
The best years for movies was the 1930’s & 40’s.
The best years for music was the 1950’s & 60’s.
This sounds like the beginning of bad poetry. I'd wager the most knowledgeable film historians (or rather, those very few not afflicted with Biskinditis) would say silent-era movies are best; that second sentence is straight from Robert "Over the" Hilburn. As long as people think in platitudes about our culture it will never get better -- and I'm not sure now that it deserves to.
The best years for movies was the 1930’s & 40’s.
The best years for music was the 1950’s & 60’s.
This sounds like the beginning of bad poetry. I'd wager the most knowledgeable film historians (or rather, those very few not afflicted with Biskinditis) would say silent-era movies are best; that second sentence is straight from Robert "Over the" Hilburn. As long as people think in platitudes about our culture it will never get better -- and I'm not sure now that it deserves to.
This hack has done such a great job obfuscating how the Democratic presidential candidates feel about gay marriage (she doesn't say which three back it) she should get a job at Party HQ -- or the State Department.
I take it back. The press IS Party HQ.
I take it back. The press IS Party HQ.
Looks like Shard Man's being shunted to the sidelines.
Now maybe they can get to building some decent buildings -- but as I've said before, I don't think our architecture is up to it.
Now maybe they can get to building some decent buildings -- but as I've said before, I don't think our architecture is up to it.
Tuesday, July 15, 2003
You can be sure of two things: the knuckleheads who did this were listening to metal, and when asked why they did it, they'd mumble, "Duh, Idunno."
Imagine a thousand of this and you imagine the state of too much of our celebrated youth culture.
Imagine a thousand of this and you imagine the state of too much of our celebrated youth culture.
Another egregious pop-up quote from Forbes.com:
"Unhappy the land that is in need of heroes."
--Bertolt Brecht
One wonders if he intended this (to use another favorite news-hack word) ironically; Brecht was a table-pounding Communist and by all accounts a thoroughly despicable man. Maybe next time Little Malcolm's boys could quote from Mein Kampf.
"Unhappy the land that is in need of heroes."
--Bertolt Brecht
One wonders if he intended this (to use another favorite news-hack word) ironically; Brecht was a table-pounding Communist and by all accounts a thoroughly despicable man. Maybe next time Little Malcolm's boys could quote from Mein Kampf.
I just noticed that Virginia linked to a blogger who says the only way the Times can save its soul is with (roll your eyes) more of the pop-culture rag -- endless praise of rappers, endless praise of movies, endless praise of "graphical novels," endless praise of....Ignoring that this is precisely what HOWELL tried to do, this sort of aggressive puffery and condescension will NOT get the young into the newspaper habit. They've already been weaned off by the Web. And after L'Affaire Blair, what's wrong with "the return of prejudice against youth" anyway, Vir-GIN-ia?
DENVER (AP) -- A federal grand jury indicted 44 people Tuesday for allegedly using fake green cards and other false identification to work as contract employees at the Air Force Academy.
I wonder how many of those people were -- naah. Can't say.
I wonder how many of those people were -- naah. Can't say.
Honest to God, who's awakened the Rip Van Winkle of news hacks? Somebody sing him a lullaby and drowse him back to the deep slumber from which he had to emerge.
A certain moral obtuseness compels hard-core conservatives, free enterprise division, to rank U. S. Grant and Silent Cal among our best presidents and allows them to blithely ignore that Grant was the Jimmy Carter of Republicans with a sweet tooth for corruption, and that Silent Cal's celebrated taciturnity was most likely the result of a profound depression following the fluke death of his son. We definitely need more presidents like these.
"They see all the uniforms and the guns, and they ask us, 'Is this Christianity?'" Ahad said, adding that many people here "think America is only drugs and sex and weapons, because of Hollywood."
I'm thinking if we could just transport JACK and his conspiracy to another planet we could solve many of our foreign-policy problems.
I'm thinking if we could just transport JACK and his conspiracy to another planet we could solve many of our foreign-policy problems.
And if someone does say "yes," he should be asked, "WHAT WOULD YOU REPLACE THEM WITH?"
First one who says a League of Nations peacekeeping force wins a trip to Hell.
First one who says a League of Nations peacekeeping force wins a trip to Hell.
The scoundrel Pat Robertson, smelling fresh and clean after a round of handshakes with Liberian tyrants, prays for three Fingers in the Wind to DIE!
It's a shame the Fingers in the Wind are atheists.
It's a shame the Fingers in the Wind are atheists.
The time has come to call the Democrats' bluff. Someone must ask the presidential candidates, "WOULD YOU PULL OUR FORCES FROM IRAQ?"
First one to say yes wins the nomination.
First one to say yes wins the nomination.
Not only are the likes of Candace "EW! YUCK! GROSS!" Bushnell offensive, they're probably liars too.
Given that today's Valenti biz is nothing more than a marketing ploy, the deaf, dumb and blind moviegoers deserve ALL THE COMMERCIALS THEY CAN GET.
Monday, July 14, 2003
Haven't the morons in the publishing biz (Michael Wolff called them that) and the flacks who promote for them ever heard of the term "one-hit wonder"?
One of Sinclair Lewis's targets in his famed sociological novel Babbitt was the press, which was as good at promoting Babbittry as the novel's name sake, and all he stood for: mindless backslapping, mindless civic pride, mindless philistinism.
Thankfully, Babbittry lives in Detroit.
Thankfully, Babbittry lives in Detroit.
Great. Brazil's president is in trouble because he isn't leftist enough.
Let's see the free-wheelin' pleasure-lovin' Brazilians after a couple of decades of hard-core Communism.
Let's see the free-wheelin' pleasure-lovin' Brazilians after a couple of decades of hard-core Communism.
I recently compared ombudsmen to JACK's Alphabet Soup, saying the sole purpose of both was to appease, and put a veneer of responsible behavior over termite-eaten ethics. Here's proof. Aaron got his big break in papers because of Howellism. It would look foolish and racist (and be counterproductive) to ditch him now. So we must must defend him with one of the news hack's favorite tired-blood words, "edgy," and by belching the "You can always turn the TV off" cop-out, "If you don't like it, read 'Beetle Bailey'" (which, like virtually all newspaper comics these days, is aggressively unfunny -- and was modified to suit the PC demands of editors). The SacBee, whines our useless ombudsman, should not be (and he must have worked for weeks on this metaphor) "as bland as a bucket of mayonnaise." That is, no doubt, what the SacBee's readers get anyway (along with a bigger bucket of something not so edible). Newspapers will only offend for bad reasons -- to spin, to sell, to invade privacy, and to engage in PC. They will NOT offend for the greater good, which in the end is not offensive.
Iran makes huge oil discovery
Oh great. Now it can convert more of one form of energy into another -- nuclear.
With a little help from Vice-President Inside's friends the mullahs could stay in power forever.
Oh great. Now it can convert more of one form of energy into another -- nuclear.
With a little help from Vice-President Inside's friends the mullahs could stay in power forever.
Palestinian PM Declares End to Dispute with Arafat
And why shouldn't he? Isn't their common goal destr -- peace with Israel?
And why shouldn't he? Isn't their common goal destr -- peace with Israel?
ATWOLA rag once got sued over a highly negative cover story about the space cadets of Scientology. This week King Richard, having learned his lessons, turns the advertorial People over to an advertorial for Tom Cruise's friends.
Here's an instance of news hacks comforting the comfortable.
Here's an instance of news hacks comforting the comfortable.
More good news for the hacks. I can see them in their luxury suites now, singing: "One little, two little, three little soldiers...."
Occasionally even the most hidebound reinforced-concrete-headed hacks can offer an insight, and thus it is with THE CHEERLEADER, who tells us (and it probably took her three interns a LOT of research) that the old "Blondie" series (remember the comic strip? I barely do) went for 28 films. Of course JACK's stretch of masterpieces has gone on for far longer, and it's a sure bet that if things were hunky dory for the film biz right now THE CHEERLEADER would be doing her old sis-boom-bah (accent on BAH) routine in celebration, her skirt fluttering in the air to reveal her ugly legs.
Sunday, July 13, 2003
I am starting to get very impatient with Walter Winchell. He always talks about what a breath of fresh air he is, but so much of what's on his site is the usual fetid blast of inaccuracy (God knows how many times he's pulled stories), spin, cheerleading, politicking, ghoulishness, and above all, the intolerable hype. True his mentor dispensed the same thing, and look what it got him: a rep as a rock-headed reactionary, and death in virtual obscurity. Our high-tech Walter never ceases to prove the truth of the old maxim, the more things change....
(I also wonder how popular he truly is. Alexa.com [which ranks hits only from Windows- and IE-equipped computers] rates him at 222 -- which is less than the New York Times [59], CNN [23], the Washington Post [122], USA Okay [187], the Mess [33] -- so maybe more than a few people are starting to dislike breathing in that sewer stench.)
(I also wonder how popular he truly is. Alexa.com [which ranks hits only from Windows- and IE-equipped computers] rates him at 222 -- which is less than the New York Times [59], CNN [23], the Washington Post [122], USA Okay [187], the Mess [33] -- so maybe more than a few people are starting to dislike breathing in that sewer stench.)
Kuwait's emir issued a landmark decree Sunday separating the post of prime minister from the crown prince for the first time since Kuwait's 1961 independence in an apparent concession to calls for greater democracy.
Let's see if the result is democracy or a concession.
Let's see if the result is democracy or a concession.
A congressional investigation into the Sept. 11 attacks has concluded that 70,000 and 120,000 terrorists [SIC] were trained by al-Qaida and some are still in the United States, Sen. Bob Graham, D-Fla., said Sunday.
That sloppy writing alone tells me that when it comes to terrorists, my guess is as good as yours.
That sloppy writing alone tells me that when it comes to terrorists, my guess is as good as yours.
Those who say bloggers will overtake the conventional news biz are whistling in the dark. Bloggers, unlike news suites, go to bed, and take vacations. (Professor InstaPundit is starting to become the Johnny Carson of blogging.) Sometimes they just quit. Even the best of them are inconsistent in how frequently they post. I know of no blogger, moreover, who has international bureaus; claiming to have a blogger connection in Iraq is like saying I have a friend in Poughkeepsie. And trying to predict which blogger will post when is like playing an electronic game of hide and seek, or musical chairs, and too often the prize is a three-week-old post. And there is no reliable index or search engine for bloggers. So for now, and perhaps forever, the power remains with the First-Amendment-defending totalitarians.
One of the Times' ad-blurb copywriters has written an oblivious article in which he mildly (very mildly) scorns the "pretension" of today's Valentis. "Pretension"? A paper that finds Walt Whitman in every rapper and Hegel in the stupidest movies holds its nose so high it breathes from behind its back.
I had ignored this BLUNDER.com "web exclusive," thinking it was just more Slate Kinsley-pie cuteness (it's hard to tell on MESS.com), but here's the opening line:
With an estimated 3,000 translated versions of the Bible, does the world really need another?
This line explains why most news writing is a waste of time. Here is a self-evident truth, pithily expressed, yet the writer goes on with his press release. At least ARROGANT BLUNDER recognizes this, smug and wrong though he/she/it is. Alas, most of the celebrated bloggers also ignore the value of brevity with their own endless bloviating.
With an estimated 3,000 translated versions of the Bible, does the world really need another?
This line explains why most news writing is a waste of time. Here is a self-evident truth, pithily expressed, yet the writer goes on with his press release. At least ARROGANT BLUNDER recognizes this, smug and wrong though he/she/it is. Alas, most of the celebrated bloggers also ignore the value of brevity with their own endless bloviating.
Mr. Nobel the House-Building World Saver and Greatest Ex-President of All Time, who thought invading Iraq was WRONG, thinks invading Liberia is RIGHT.
Obviously he doesn't read Charles Krauthammer.
Obviously he doesn't read Charles Krauthammer.
Now Norman Thomas's grandson co-burps in BLUNDER that "a guerilla war may have been [Saddam']s strategy all along."
Right again?
Right again?
Also sharing the circle in a Venn diagram with fantasy-game fans are PC "power-gamers," who spend thousands tweaking their computers to play shoot-'em-ups.
GET A LIFE!!!!!
GET A LIFE!!!!!
U.S. could close all but one German base
This should put a smile on all those Germans who made fun of the "cowboys."
Hey Herr Schroeder! How do you like those unemployment lines?
This should put a smile on all those Germans who made fun of the "cowboys."
Hey Herr Schroeder! How do you like those unemployment lines?
First it was priests. Now it's a theology professor at one of Dickie V's formerly favorite schools, the school with the daft millionaire donor who shot a wrestler. But give him the benefit of the doubt -- he was a professor. A theology professor.
Bush overstated Iraq links to al-Qaeda, former intelligence officials say
Not long ago the secret word was "retired." Today the word is "former." "Former" appears in this story seven times.
Not long ago the secret word was "retired." Today the word is "former." "Former" appears in this story seven times.
Indian Firms See Darker Side of Call Center Boom
The only good thing is, it's not OUR people getting WELCHED.
The only good thing is, it's not OUR people getting WELCHED.
I should think the day of Saddam's downfall would be one to celebrate -- except, that is, in America's luxury news suites.
Saturday, July 12, 2003
High on my list of GET A LIFE types are comic-book aficionados; they've helped turn what at best was an agreeable time-killer into an "art" form, full of pretensions and neuroses. And the rags aren't even that well drawn; look at a wall full of comic books at a distance (as I did today at a comic-book store) and you see one boldly-colored airbrushed jumbled indecipherable mess. These people also share a considerable part of a circle in a Venn diagram with another GET A LIFE type, the fantasy-game fan (but then the fantasy game and the comic book and the Web have melded into a world of pointless time-consuming obsessions of its own). Highest on my GET A LIFE list is any writer, particularly a BLUNDER writer, who calls a comic book creator a "genius." Needless to say a new Valenti based on said genius's comic book has not exactly inspired the most fulsome critical encomiums, nor is it causing a stampede at the box office. You can get out all the Ph.Ds and write all the fancy disserations you want; in the end, comic books STINK, and so does the rest of our similiarly woebegotten pop culture. (Of course one of the biggies in comic books is AOL. Has the company thought of unloading that business? Alas, I fear not; it's part of licensing.)
Here's another story with more than a tinge of melancholy. Vegas has long been the town of the has-been. What will happen when these old troupers depart? Will it be all anonymous spectaculars?
There is a certain melancholy in honoring a living president who is, in a very real sense, no longer among the living -- my mother has Alzheimer's, so I know -- but there was no better tribute than the words the former First Lady used to christen the new aircraft carrier that bears Ronald Reagan's name:
Man the ship and bring her to life.
Aye aye ma'am, just as the sailors said.
Man the ship and bring her to life.
Aye aye ma'am, just as the sailors said.
I have a problem with baseball attaching something as significant as home-field advantage in the World Series to an exhibition, which is what the All-Star Game is. To me, this is a gimmick and baseball should be above gimmicks.
Oh really? The sport with the cookie-cutter old-timey stadiums? The sport with interleague play? The sport with the DH? The sport with sausage mascots and electronic umpire's helpers and SELIG SIGNS®? The sport with clever accounting? Oh yes, baseball should definitely be above gimmicks.
Oh really? The sport with the cookie-cutter old-timey stadiums? The sport with interleague play? The sport with the DH? The sport with sausage mascots and electronic umpire's helpers and SELIG SIGNS®? The sport with clever accounting? Oh yes, baseball should definitely be above gimmicks.
News hacks' favorite routine is being totalitarians. Their next favorite routine is being ad agency executives. Their next favorite routine is watching people die.
Yep, to paraphrase the beloved hypocrite Joseph Pulitzer, newshacks comfort the comfortable and afflict the afflicted.
I intend to post this every time news hacks run a story like this, which probably means every blasted day.
Yep, to paraphrase the beloved hypocrite Joseph Pulitzer, newshacks comfort the comfortable and afflict the afflicted.
I intend to post this every time news hacks run a story like this, which probably means every blasted day.
Why don't book publishers stop publishing anything that can't be a bestseller? Then they could concentrate on their sole business -- marketing -- and leave the rest to the Web and vanity presses.
That's almost the way the book biz is headed.
That's almost the way the book biz is headed.
From a high-paying manufacturing job to running a water-ice shop.
The likes of LEGENDARY Welch will never stop smiling.
The likes of LEGENDARY Welch will never stop smiling.
HOWELL WAS FIRED!!!!!
How could Pinch (he hates the name) have done that to the greatest editor of all time?
How could Pinch (he hates the name) have done that to the greatest editor of all time?