THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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Saturday, March 08, 2003
I hate what the Gridiron banquet stands for. It's people cheering one another for their genius -- and mocking the public for its stupidity. It's smugness so thick a jackhammer can't dent it. It's the sort of contemptuous attitude that in other nations would inspire a revolution.
It takes a certain guts (and maybe a little bad luck) to stick out the same neighborhood for six decades -- particularly when it's South-Central LA.
Imagine if Coop, or Gable, or the Duke, or Jimmy Stewart said Dubya was a war criminal. You couldn't stand it! You'd be on the phone right away with the studios and their offices vowing you'd never see another of their films again. Of course, it wouldn't have happened. For one thing, they were all men. For another, there was never any doubting their respect for their fans, and in Jimmy Stewart's case especially, his surpassing love for his country.
David Byrne and Roseanne Cash? Who cares? (Except insofar as they're proxies for mass stupidity.)
David Byrne and Roseanne Cash? Who cares? (Except insofar as they're proxies for mass stupidity.)
Religious leaders should pray for peace. Pacifism has noble roots if ignoble ends. But where praying for peace ends, the tantrums over Dubya begin. This guy's evidently experienced at tantrums.
Who'dve guessed it? Rev. Fathead's "pro-choice." The same kind of intellectual juggling act allows priests to bugger boys.
Who'dve guessed it? Rev. Fathead's "pro-choice." The same kind of intellectual juggling act allows priests to bugger boys.
There are some nuts and fruits in the Catholic Church: priests who pose like Marilyn, theology teachers who hand out valentines saying "I wish you would die."
Where's the Pope when you need him?
Where's the Pope when you need him?
Out of the mouths of babes: The fool who got the coach's son fired at Georgia has been charged with passing a bad check. HA!
Hoo-boy! Now The Viagra Man (Bob, not Slick) is complaining the debates with The Legacy Man don't have enough "edge."
Hey Bob, don't you remember from '96? You're supposed to be a punching bag.
Hey Bob, don't you remember from '96? You're supposed to be a punching bag.
I'll say this again, too: your music stinks, your sales are tanking, file-sharing is rampant. If you want to make all these things worse, you'll stand on a soapbox and scream at the top of your lungs that GEORGE BUSH IS A WAR CRIMINAL. Or something.
According to the All Music Guide, a somebody with the stage name of Paris, who "has a new CD stirring controversy with its condemnation of the U.S. stance and an album cover depicting a jet airliner bearing down on the White House," had a "successful" career as a stockbroker. Very comfortable protesting, you could say.
According to the All Music Guide, a somebody with the stage name of Paris, who "has a new CD stirring controversy with its condemnation of the U.S. stance and an album cover depicting a jet airliner bearing down on the White House," had a "successful" career as a stockbroker. Very comfortable protesting, you could say.
Princess Chelsea just got a diamond in her tiara, the same week her father King Slick got a big Viacom payday.
The Clintons are less a family than a conspiracy.
The Clintons are less a family than a conspiracy.
The eensy-weensy holy Arab righteously fundamentalist Allah-fearing hand-lopping woman-beating whatisit nation of Catarrh, whose government is the state petroleum company, let "Mr." Muhammed escape in 1996.
Ka-BONG!!!!!
Ka-BONG!!!!!
Friday, March 07, 2003
A bunch of Georgetown wonks get together to protest France, and one of them happens to be slightly comely, and someone sends a copy of her picture to the professor, and it gets many times more hits than all my typing has gotten in seven weeks.
Blogging isn't fair.
Blogging isn't fair.
After "Zelig" Selig declared major leaguers immortal, Donald Fehr finally said, please, please, stay off the ephedra.
Slate's run a lot of "who cares?" stories recently. This one by the usually reliable Christopher Caldwell is near the top of the list.
I agree, Bob "Mr. Pickup Line" Greene will be back, and he'll make his return on -- OPRAH. EEEEEEeeeeeeeew!!!!!
Anyone wanna bet he'll cry?
Anyone wanna bet he'll cry?
Recently there was a poignant story about an archeological dig that revealed an axe buried next to very old human remains, suggesting the world's earliest funeral. It was moving to think things like sadness, and grief, and sympathy existed among even our likely inarticulate predecessors of hundreds of thousands of years ago.
Those stone-age types surely had more compassion than the modern kind.
Those stone-age types surely had more compassion than the modern kind.
Another show-biz giant favored among a few blows a gasket over Iraq.
Now if this were, say, the eighteen-year-old Judy Garland....Nah. She had too much sense.
Now if this were, say, the eighteen-year-old Judy Garland....Nah. She had too much sense.
Jail privileges? You lost more than jail privileges pulling the trigger, bub.
Well that's one way of stealing a diamond.
Just hope the guy doesn't have gallstones (nyuk nyuk nyuk).
P. S. The man was in love, and his name is Mannix (I hear the theme music somewhere!).
P. P. S. How was he going to give the lady the ring?
Just hope the guy doesn't have gallstones (nyuk nyuk nyuk).
P. S. The man was in love, and his name is Mannix (I hear the theme music somewhere!).
P. P. S. How was he going to give the lady the ring?
Of all the things troubling the owners of the tinderbox where the CRETINS did their inflammable routine, workman's comp is the least of them.
Interesting that on a form these clowns returned to the state, somebody wrote, "Business was closed February 20, 2003." Well that's one way of putting it.
Interesting that on a form these clowns returned to the state, somebody wrote, "Business was closed February 20, 2003." Well that's one way of putting it.
I'm sorry to hear the Main Stem's musician's union has struck. Now the perducers can use their prerecordings and hope no one will notice. The only good thing is that prerecordings don't hit wrong notes. The only bad thing is they sound prerecorded.
Question is, are prerecordings worth $100 a ticket?
Question is, are prerecordings worth $100 a ticket?
It's good for Rupert (and Rupert only) to find someone who says how wonderful American media are (I always notice the flattery first) because he has his big greasy paws in them. (The guy finds toadies everywhere.) Of course he can knock our papers too because he only owns the one. Face it, there's a lot of sterility outside the news biz here, too. When nearly everything is aimed at an IQ below 50 somebody's been zapped with radiation.
Here's another of those self-indulgent novels (so it sounds like) written only for insiders, read only by insiders, that garners a unjustifiably large advance because of insiders, that will probably sell to the movies because of insiders, and will probably languish on bookstore shelves because of insiders.
Can't these clowns in the book business publish for us?
Can't these clowns in the book business publish for us?
The Pakistanis say, we're getting warm!
Of course, it's in their interest to say they're getting warm. Osama isn't alive (chuckle chuckle).
Of course, it's in their interest to say they're getting warm. Osama isn't alive (chuckle chuckle).
More affirmation for Pat Moynihan (even if he doesn't deserve it): Rap videos (or rather, videos of rhyming Hitlers in blackface) cause young girls to go bad.
Thursday, March 06, 2003
Welfare reform works.
I suppose we should shake Pat Moynihan's hand, but Pat was a drunken two-faced five-syllable-word-spouting aHOMaHOMaHOMing slob.
I suppose we should shake Pat Moynihan's hand, but Pat was a drunken two-faced five-syllable-word-spouting aHOMaHOMaHOMing slob.
FreeRepublic (of which, I must say, I'm a member) may be proud of having "broken" the Columbia disaster, but today it ran twenty threads with a thousand posts each saying Israeli Radio said Dubya would announce the Maestro's capture, plus a story proclaiming Saddam had blown up 2500 oil wells, plus a breathless gush from somebody saying a cable system had broken into ALL THE CHANNELS with -- AN EMERGENCY!!!!! (They do it on the Comcast system I subscribe to, the picture breaks up when they do it, and the "emergency" is usually announced five hours beforehand on the Web.)
With news like this who needs gossip?
With news like this who needs gossip?
Its sales and reputation sliding, how will Mickey D's get back in the game? Of course -- with a sweepstakes! The sweepstakes and the zillion-dollar financing of junk television to promote it may lure a few customers into the stores to notice the long lines, the dirty floors, the surly help, then they'll eat the so-so food, and five hundred contests personally supervised by Lynn Martin herself won't bring them back. Again Mickey D's proclaims to the world: it's more interested in financing junk television than even in self-preservation. The company is doomed if it keeps doing things like this.
The absurdity of parole. The only way this slime will blow the hoosegow is if His Excellency the Supreme Holy Cockroach grabs the keys, and that looks unlikely to happen.
I've got a new motto for you, Pyramaniacs: "Blogger: Bugs with an ATTITUDE!®"
As I've said too often before, the ad departments will think of any and all excuses to sponsor anything and everything. This latest whopper comes from a spokespoop at Washington Mutual, which is flushing record-breaking money down the toilet at -- the Oscars®:
The Academy Awards® provide a more effective and more efficient demographic for us....It reaches a better cross-section of...Middle America, and that's our target audience.
Fine, but middle America doesn't go to the movies; it's mostly people on the coasts. Unless you can lure those dumb teenage boys into buying your insurance.
Here are some of the other wasters of mon -- sponsors of the Oscars®, all proud members of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers: American Express (flush), Anheuser-Busch (flush), General Motors (flusssshhhh), JCPenney (flush), Eastman Kodak (flush), PepsiCo (flusshhhhh), MasterCard International (flush), McDonald's (FFFFFFLLLLLLLLLLLLUSSSSSSSSSHHHHH), Procter & Gamble (flusssssshhhhhhhh), AIG (flush), AOL Time Warner (well, it's a movie company; they put their flushes on the screen), and Charles Schwab (flu$h).
How many of their execs will be in the Kodak Theater on the magic night savoring in Chevy Chase Syndrome?
The Academy Awards® provide a more effective and more efficient demographic for us....It reaches a better cross-section of...Middle America, and that's our target audience.
Fine, but middle America doesn't go to the movies; it's mostly people on the coasts. Unless you can lure those dumb teenage boys into buying your insurance.
Here are some of the other wasters of mon -- sponsors of the Oscars®, all proud members of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers: American Express (flush), Anheuser-Busch (flush), General Motors (flusssshhhh), JCPenney (flush), Eastman Kodak (flush), PepsiCo (flusshhhhh), MasterCard International (flush), McDonald's (FFFFFFLLLLLLLLLLLLUSSSSSSSSSHHHHH), Procter & Gamble (flusssssshhhhhhhh), AIG (flush), AOL Time Warner (well, it's a movie company; they put their flushes on the screen), and Charles Schwab (flu$h).
How many of their execs will be in the Kodak Theater on the magic night savoring in Chevy Chase Syndrome?
Guess who was behind that airport bombing in the Philippines.
This is like a multiple-choice question where all the answers are the same.
This is like a multiple-choice question where all the answers are the same.
One wonders why Sumner loves sticking his middle finger in people's faces. (Although it's something of an irony that the middle-finger-sticker Rupert's clones deem fit to run this story. Moguls uber alles.)
People have been downplaying the uncomfortable fact that along with "Mr." Muhammad our guys arrested a member of Pakistan's Holy Cockroach Party.
The Paks seem just like the Saudis, only they have rocks for fossil juice.
The Paks seem just like the Saudis, only they have rocks for fossil juice.
The looniest leftists want to impeach the president. Interestingly, Neville the Flip-Flop Cow isn't interested (he could be impeached), and neither is Dr. Wiretap (obvious).
Need I say "Uncle Joe" Clark is behind this?
Need I say "Uncle Joe" Clark is behind this?
LOOKS LIKE IT'S GONNA BE ANOTHER BLOGGER KIND OF A DAY!!!!!!!!!!
Dr. Johnson reminds us that "in lapidary inscriptions a man is not upon oath," and we seem to have a prime example here, and Newsweek's new PR superstar Devin is the kind of writer who if he had penned this under oath would be found in contempt even if he told the whole truth. I confess I wouldn't have noticed or remarked on this posthumous backscratching but for a line that rankled me to anger, a line typical of a very CW magazine that once sold it with the line "Unconventional wisdom." "They shouldn’t do anything about the violence in movies,” said this late former editor after Columbine, “because violence is entertaining.” So entertaining that Gregg Easterbrook took to The New Republic to blast Newsweek among other news organizations for its show-biz-toadying attitude. (Guns, we can be sure, weren't quite as entertaining.)
Which somehow reminds me of the rag's late movie and theater blurbist whom I will merely call The Flack. In his last ten years he never, never wrote an unfavorable review, unless everybody else panned it first. One writer noted that the guy once complained that the lighting in a nude scene was too dim. He is now completely forgotten except among those easily bruised by bad writing, and the folks who lay out the quotes in movie and theater ads, and the latter must remember him, one suspects, with more than a touch of scorn.
Such are the hacks that write for Newsweek.
P.S. This PR superstar is the same salesman who wrote the cover ad for the Matrix sequels. Some hacks defy shame.
P.P.S. Said publicist is a Duke alumnus ('98) and has lent his name to the "advisory board" of something called Duke Magazine (the obsolete Clay Felker ['51] is its putative chairman) along with two people whose name would be more appropriate for him: Footlick.
P.P.P.S. A subplot to this garbage is that the ol' deceased hack editor gave our junior publicist an appreciation of Scotch. Anyone for AA?
Which somehow reminds me of the rag's late movie and theater blurbist whom I will merely call The Flack. In his last ten years he never, never wrote an unfavorable review, unless everybody else panned it first. One writer noted that the guy once complained that the lighting in a nude scene was too dim. He is now completely forgotten except among those easily bruised by bad writing, and the folks who lay out the quotes in movie and theater ads, and the latter must remember him, one suspects, with more than a touch of scorn.
Such are the hacks that write for Newsweek.
P.S. This PR superstar is the same salesman who wrote the cover ad for the Matrix sequels. Some hacks defy shame.
P.P.S. Said publicist is a Duke alumnus ('98) and has lent his name to the "advisory board" of something called Duke Magazine (the obsolete Clay Felker ['51] is its putative chairman) along with two people whose name would be more appropriate for him: Footlick.
P.P.P.S. A subplot to this garbage is that the ol' deceased hack editor gave our junior publicist an appreciation of Scotch. Anyone for AA?
Wednesday, March 05, 2003
Shut up, you monkey!
Curse be upon your moustache, you traitor!
The above lines are from:
1.) the original straight-play version of Kismet, from a scene where Hajj argues with the Wazir of Police;
2.) a scene in Harum Scarum where Elvis fights off bandits or the girls or his dubbing (or whatever);
3.) the lobby of the Ritz-Carlton in Doha (pronounced "duh"), Catarrh during a meeting of the Organization of Islamic Conference.
Curse be upon your moustache, you traitor!
The above lines are from:
1.) the original straight-play version of Kismet, from a scene where Hajj argues with the Wazir of Police;
2.) a scene in Harum Scarum where Elvis fights off bandits or the girls or his dubbing (or whatever);
3.) the lobby of the Ritz-Carlton in Doha (pronounced "duh"), Catarrh during a meeting of the Organization of Islamic Conference.
These are good days to be a TV news anchor or reporter in [Chicago], not that there are many bad days given the size of the average paycheck.
Local TV news isn't news, it's entertainment.
Local TV news isn't news, it's entertainment.
Today is Day Two of "Blogger Sleeps on the Job."
In the latest issue (they're better than their readers so it's not available to the public) The Wall Street Journals run a lengthy feature story of a fifty-ish middle manager down to his last $2500 who's taken to the streets with a sign to get himself work.
The story raises more questions than the man's plight. First, why him? How did he get the Journals' attention? What about others in his plight? And second, if he gets a job -- far more likely now that he's advertised in the Journals -- what about those who may be more deserving who now have no chance because a publicity hog's taken it? Is there really much different between most news reporting and press releases?
Even ignoring these concerns, one must ask, why must the man and his wife live on $5000 a month? Aren't there two-bedroom apartments available for $1000? Why didn't the man do a crash course in economizing when he was laid off a year ago, when he still had time and money? Really, things about this story are more apt for The Onion, but for the pity factor.
There's also the continuing sanctimonious odor of the Journals' schizophrenia here. The papers' famous feminist screed launcher, Susan Faludi, made her rep with a Pulitzer-winning tirade about Safeway and its suicide-committing employees that was later found to be exaggerated. Politics once again busts up the truth at the Journals, and it always will.
The story raises more questions than the man's plight. First, why him? How did he get the Journals' attention? What about others in his plight? And second, if he gets a job -- far more likely now that he's advertised in the Journals -- what about those who may be more deserving who now have no chance because a publicity hog's taken it? Is there really much different between most news reporting and press releases?
Even ignoring these concerns, one must ask, why must the man and his wife live on $5000 a month? Aren't there two-bedroom apartments available for $1000? Why didn't the man do a crash course in economizing when he was laid off a year ago, when he still had time and money? Really, things about this story are more apt for The Onion, but for the pity factor.
There's also the continuing sanctimonious odor of the Journals' schizophrenia here. The papers' famous feminist screed launcher, Susan Faludi, made her rep with a Pulitzer-winning tirade about Safeway and its suicide-committing employees that was later found to be exaggerated. Politics once again busts up the truth at the Journals, and it always will.
The states spent too much when times were good, so now they have to spend too little when times are not so good.
Chalk this one up too to the hard-core conservative's favorite business, pharmaceuticals.
Chalk this one up too to the hard-core conservative's favorite business, pharmaceuticals.
Now I KNOW not to feel sorry for Bob Greene when Bill Zehme does. Yeeeeeeeeech.
Unilever owns Breyer's, Nestle wants Dreyer's. Soon the two companies will merge and own Breyer's and Dreyer's.
Don't laugh. CONAgra is the future, and if any company could make Soylent Green, it's CONAgra.
Don't laugh. CONAgra is the future, and if any company could make Soylent Green, it's CONAgra.
The news biz is in a tiz because one of Courage's translators faked an accent. This isn't a first for the untouchables of Viacom Network News: when St. Edward of Murrow and St. Frederick of Friendly put out their I Can Hear It Now documentary LPs they used many recreations and some clever edits. (One that still rankles to this day: John Daly's Pearl Harbor bulletin leads off with the intro of his bulletin on FDR's death so the blessed Saints could pretend he said "We interrupt this program," which he didn't -- because the bulletin came in a scheduled news break and followed straight from a gasoline commercial. Cle-VER.) It's beside the point anyway: We shouldn't worry about Courage faking an accent through a translator when what he really faked was an interview.
How neighborly: Holy cockroaches in Brooklyn raise millions to kill people across the river.
Are we talking a few conspirators or a Muslim fifth column?
Are we talking a few conspirators or a Muslim fifth column?
Tuesday, March 04, 2003
The day before Mr. Sharon Stone got a promotion, a rock groupie named Never -- uh, Neva showed why the Frisco Chronicle may be America's worst big-city newspaper.
A hoopster with a degree, er a certificate in -- welding caused St. Bonaventure to forfeit six games. The team responded with a holy fit by canceling the rest of its season.
In other dummies-for-dollars news, Fresno State won't be playing in its conference tournament because somebody wrote term papers for cash -- under its ex-coach Tark the Jark.
And Georgia's under a cloud too.
Professional college basketball -- it's CUPCAKE CITY man, rrrrrr-in-a-soycle!!!!!
In other dummies-for-dollars news, Fresno State won't be playing in its conference tournament because somebody wrote term papers for cash -- under its ex-coach Tark the Jark.
And Georgia's under a cloud too.
Professional college basketball -- it's CUPCAKE CITY man, rrrrrr-in-a-soycle!!!!!
So much for Osama being dead. But I wouldn't want to wager on his life span.
Not only was Legendary Welch overrated, so were most of his underbosses.
If A.N.S.W.E.R. finds Stalin so wonderful, why is his great-grandson applying for political asylum here?
Why don't Vivendi and Viacom just merge? Then they can merge with Disney, and merge with AOL, and merge with Sony, and merge with News Corp., and merge with Bertelsmann, and merge with....
Thanks, newly acquired Pyramaniacs, for making Blogger impossible today.
If there's anyone I don't envy anyone in the news trade -- and I envy lots of people for making a million bucks per annum on a good month's work -- it's the "funny"-page editors. They get pilloried any time they cut somebody's favorite. And yet, who laughs at the "funnies" anymore? When they were supreme specimens of art it was one thing, but now they're just doodles, or refrigerator magnets, or merchandising, or intolerant, or they make political points not worth making -- and at their apex, as the CW writer Bob Garfield notes, they're The Family Circus, and you can't just say it's unfunny, you must say it out loud -- IT STINKS!! Bil, your Spoonerisms and non sequiturs were dated forty years ago! But then most comics have outlived their usefulness, and occasionally someone must get up the guts and ditch a couple, and the poor "funny"-page editor gets floods of phone calls and letters and e-mails for a thankless but necessary task. Here's one way every newspaper in America should emulate The New York Times.
FOUR-BAGGER OF LAUGHTER: Iran (tee hee) may call for "free elections" in Iraq (chuckle chuckle) at an Organization of the Islamic Conference meeting (pfffffh hhhh hhhh) in Catarrh (HARDY HAR HAR!).
News hacks are about to beat Republicans over the head because two Washington state reps walked out on an invocation by a Muslim cleric.
This was wrong; nonetheless, would people be half as mad if the likes of Ibrahim "My Religion Right or Wrong" Hooper and Casey "Shaggy" Kasem hadn't whispered condolences for 9/11 and then screamed bloody non-stop tirades about "civil rights"?
This was wrong; nonetheless, would people be half as mad if the likes of Ibrahim "My Religion Right or Wrong" Hooper and Casey "Shaggy" Kasem hadn't whispered condolences for 9/11 and then screamed bloody non-stop tirades about "civil rights"?
The French have issued a warrant to "interview" "Mr." Muhammed. "The warrant is not viewed as a French attempt to get the United States to hand over the suspect," says the AP writer.
SURE. We give him to the French and they use him as a pawn, or they let him go by "accident." SUUUUUURE.
SURE. We give him to the French and they use him as a pawn, or they let him go by "accident." SUUUUUURE.
The Professor of InstaPundit cites an e-mail saying the McLaughlin story is false. Well, okay, but I recall Jeeeeeeeooooooooooooohn (as the great Bob Novak called him before their falling out) was booted from National Review for running a story as his that was written by an assistant. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, 'Pundit, but I still wouldn't be surprised if this is true.
Another publicity suit from Judicial Watch, courtesy of the clowns at NewsMax. God and justice are on the terror victims' side, but they have as much chance of recovering money damages as the CRETINS' victims have. Still there's no harm trying, except in more publicity to Judicial Watch.
Blogger really ought to be called Job. As in the patience of. As in trying to get Blogger to work properly. The slightest mistake in the way you post and it goes haywire for twenty minutes.
And also in the latest about news hacks strutting like peacocks, the intolerable blowhard John McLaughlin is in a fight with DC's mayor Anthony Williams because his government didn't shovel the snow in John's street right away after the recent blizzard.
L'etat c'est NEWS HACKS.
L'etat c'est NEWS HACKS.
Was this a super-secret meeting or a super-secret suck-up?
News hacks just will not allow common sense into their affairs. Especially when they're as sexy as Maria.
News hacks just will not allow common sense into their affairs. Especially when they're as sexy as Maria.
So the mock-erudite conspiracy-theorizing hack Gore Vidal thinks we'll lose against Saddam.
First off, why does he refer to the U.S. as "we"? Shouldn't it be "they"? And second, who'll wager that twenty years after his death, people will say, "Gore who? Didn't he run for president?"
First off, why does he refer to the U.S. as "we"? Shouldn't it be "they"? And second, who'll wager that twenty years after his death, people will say, "Gore who? Didn't he run for president?"
Monday, March 03, 2003
Apparently Walter was doing a lot of jumping up and down last night with Bill Gertz over an alleged terrorist plot to aim kamikaze commercial aircraft at nuclear subs -- in Pearl Harbor. News hacks can claim the higher ground whenever Walter jumps. If it weren't for Walter though they mightn't have the ground to jump on.
That Forbes.com has given us so many ifs, ands and buts about Aristotle Onassis's granddaughter's wealth puts all its parent magazine's famous lists in doubt. What's their point except to sell magazines and sell Forbes? (And that hasn't worked too well lately, given the family's sale of part of its art collection.)
I'm disheartened to learn the Boston Herald site is the latest to go the subscription route. To be sure, it doesn't update constantly like its Times-owned counterpart Boston.com (ironically, the Times Company is helping out with this), and it was the Globe that broke the priest-abuse scandal, but I fear if still other papers do this we'll be stuck with just the biggest sites and AP. That said, there are still too many free sites and too many bloggers afoot for subscriptions to work. Information may not be born to be free, but the more it resembles water or electricity, the more it follows the path of least resistance.
Charlotte Beers may be leaving her job for health reasons, but face it, if there's one thing advertising can't sell (assuming it sells anything), it's tolerance.
It's a measure of how well news hacks can hide stories that I just read the sad not-so-news that the folk singer Tom Glazer died last week at 88. (A correction here.) He was the friendly, easy voice on so many of those delightful Children's Record Guild 78s of the late 40s and early 50s, the ones with the striped labels, happy, idyllic recordings for kids (though I suspect a few wouldn't pass the PC test). I've often thought if somebody could put them on CDs and sell them through unconventional outlets (drug stores, supermarkets, the like) somebody could make a nifty bundle. I miss those recordings.
The only candidate who could be morally skankier than that flip-floppin' peace-lovin' city-bankruptin' cow has declared he's not interested.
IN THE ANNALS OF GHOSTWRITERS: How can this, uh, rock star lend an overpublicized name to children's books having come from the womb a full-grown MAN?
Okay British lefty news hacks, we shouldna done it, but can we ever completely trust an international debating society that elected an unrepentant Nazi as its boss and declared that Zionism is racism?
I don't want to say I told you so, but when Roger the FOX!!!!!!!!!!! publicist says the Times stinks out the gym, they stink out the gym.
Well! I'm glad "Mr." Mohammed will be well taken care of. Under the Taliban they might have lopped off his hands without an anaesthetic.
What could a hockey star and a tennis star have in common besides grunting?
P. S. Anna's cute, but she's not the blonde bombshell her many publicists would make her out to be.
P. S. Anna's cute, but she's not the blonde bombshell her many publicists would make her out to be.
The Cleaning Lady says no to Dubya on Iraq.
This might be okay except she and Slick said yes to North Korea.
This might be okay except she and Slick said yes to North Korea.
Sunday, March 02, 2003
The movie biz cares for its little guys? That's like a French foreign minister saying his country isn't anti-American.
Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
To the other side of Bertelsmann, the Times Magazine runs a PR disaster for Allstate that brings up the bugaboo of age discrimination. At Allstate and many other firms, there ought to be a word for the way older employees have been chewed up and spit out. They've been WELCHED. [Or you could say, they've been LEGENDARIED.]
Read this quote carefully, from a story where the Times declares McDonald's in decline:
"The business just isn't nearly as profitable," Richard Steinig, a 30-year McDonald's franchisee in Miami, said. "The smart operators got out in the late 80's, early 90's. There are stores that are basically worthless." [Emphasis mine.]
The late 80's, early 90's. That's when McDonald's started turning on the advertising-and-promotional machine big time even as it was turning off the quality-and-cleanliness machine. McDonald's franchisees used to be among the smartest people in the restaurant business. Clearly, some of them already knew.
"The business just isn't nearly as profitable," Richard Steinig, a 30-year McDonald's franchisee in Miami, said. "The smart operators got out in the late 80's, early 90's. There are stores that are basically worthless." [Emphasis mine.]
The late 80's, early 90's. That's when McDonald's started turning on the advertising-and-promotional machine big time even as it was turning off the quality-and-cleanliness machine. McDonald's franchisees used to be among the smartest people in the restaurant business. Clearly, some of them already knew.
Aren't there days when you get up and you wish you were dead?
I know there'll be plenty of days when lots of people will be wishing you dead.
I suspect in time they'll be getting their wish.
Monsieur de Villepin, he who sang before the UN, "Ohlllll veee arrre sayyyyyyyyyyyink eeeez geeeeve peeeeez a shonnnnnnnnnnce," now says there's no anti-Americanism in France.
Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
I'm of two minds about our Cuba embargo. Does maintaining it after all these years really make sense? But what happens if we lift the embargo? Do we create another Hungary -- or another China?
Businessmen don't care. They'll do anything so long as it makes money. Anyone who ever saw that tape of the Wal-Mart shareholders shouting down Harry Wu will know that.
Businessmen don't care. They'll do anything so long as it makes money. Anyone who ever saw that tape of the Wal-Mart shareholders shouting down Harry Wu will know that.
Goody! Disney Arthouse Films (MIRAMAX!!!!!!!!!!!! says Harvey) may audit Disney -- and it's hired the same lawyer who might deny Mickey Mouse Michael his Winnie the Pooh revenues!!!!!
GOODY!!!!!!!!!!
GOODY!!!!!!!!!!
Given how some bloggers toot their own horns, it's amazing a consumer marketer hasn't thought of this.
Weblogs aren't so pure after all.
Weblogs aren't so pure after all.
Comments aside, here's the sort of art theft Salvador Dali might appreciate.
What was this doing at Riker's Island?
What was this doing at Riker's Island?
Well well well! The human shields had to go where Saddam wanted them to go -- or face the consequences.
Not being Islamists, and not needing 72 virgins (not that the virgins would want them), they chickened out. HA!
Not being Islamists, and not needing 72 virgins (not that the virgins would want them), they chickened out. HA!
Oooooooooooooooooooooh! Leon Panetta says Al Sharpton preaches -- HATE!
They're gonna drum you out of the party, Leon!
They're gonna drum you out of the party, Leon!
I suppose the Prince needed the money for his upkeep -- and his mistr, er his companion.
But then this is the same shyster who defrauded Motorola out of $1.8 billion.
But then this is the same shyster who defrauded Motorola out of $1.8 billion.
That the holy cockroaches were thinking of blowing up gas stations and slashing suspension-bridge cables suggests their abilities have followed their souls down the same rat hole.
Porter Goss and Pat Roberts sure are confident. The problem with these Congressional intelligence leaders is that they have Chevy Chase Syndrome too and have a hard time disguising it. Goss compounded the effect with unwise hyperbole by comparing the capture of this lead cockroach to "the liberation of Paris." I do hope they're right though.
Porter Goss and Pat Roberts sure are confident. The problem with these Congressional intelligence leaders is that they have Chevy Chase Syndrome too and have a hard time disguising it. Goss compounded the effect with unwise hyperbole by comparing the capture of this lead cockroach to "the liberation of Paris." I do hope they're right though.
How will the ambulance chasers squeeze $1 billion from the turnips responsible for the CRETINS' Fireworks Show? I doubt if among them these folk have $1 million.
One thing I forgot: that awful supper-club fire in Kentucky years ago was caused by faulty wiring from the Goodthings folks. La-la-la-la-la-LAAAAAAAAAAAA! I see why Little Jeffrey changed the GE Bancorp slogan.
One thing I forgot: that awful supper-club fire in Kentucky years ago was caused by faulty wiring from the Goodthings folks. La-la-la-la-la-LAAAAAAAAAAAA! I see why Little Jeffrey changed the GE Bancorp slogan.
People who want an example why news hacks don't know what they're doing should read this New York Times press release about a Bertelsmann schlock spewer. While not as egregious as the LALA Times's recent backscratching of Robert Johnson, the intent is the same: to kowtow to the subject and insult the reader. True the man earns Howell Bonus Points for being black, but the author would probably have slathered on the adjectives regardless because he's in SHOW-BIZ. Here's the clincher: at 2,126 words this piece of bullhockey is almost three times the length of the Times's dispatch on the arrest of the holy cockroach Khalid Shaikh Mohammed. I can already recite the excuses: Well we have no eyewitness accounts! We can only report it second hand! Haven't you heard of feature stories? Blahblahblahblah. Sorry, devoting 783 words to the capture of a leading terrorist, and 2,126 words to hero worship of yet another musical junkmeister, shows (at best) misplaced priorities.