THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, February 22, 2003
Movies and politics are inextricable. An example: Ebert the Disney All-Thumbs Machine gave Gods and Generals a decided thumbs-down. Freepers call him a Commie and swear the film's a work of genius -- because Michael Medved and The Washington Times said so. (Never mind the film was produced by a Commie.) The box-office isn't too enamored of it. In a capitalistic system, doesn't THE MARKETPLACE decide?
A DJ at a Cheap Channel station was among the CRETINS' victims.
Good. Now Lowsy can replace him with a recording.
Good. Now Lowsy can replace him with a recording.
Hey LALATimes, to read the ad for this movie -- all 1,547 words (I counted on MS Word) -- takes ten to fifteen minutes. That's the equivalent of five years on the Web. Prowling for golden needles through your haystacks of bull takes long enough. This outlasts most speeches -- and Lincoln didn't need 1,547 words for Gettysburg. It wouldn't even make decent fishwrap. STOP RUNNING THESE WORTHLESS TIME-CONSUMING ADS!
MUSIC IS BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!!!!!! Some AP mouthful of a hack named Nekesa Mumbi Moody hypes the Grammies. Few people would truly care about show-biz awards without the considerable pump priming from PR specialists, and boy can Nekesamumbimoody publicize. First, she tries to create a horse race, then she quotes the usual industry junkmeisters (but a BIG demerit for not calling Clive Davis by his first name Legendary), then she pats everyone on the back for fostering musical "diversity" (never know when you might need those references!), then she plugs a Web site that follows award ceremonies (the moronic Ain't It Cool News, but slicker), then she engages in more backscratching by quoting people about how "strong" music is (so strong that CD sales have declined by double digits. I'd hate to see weakness.). AP puts out (by its own admission) TWENTY MILLION WORDS A DAY, mostly uninformative CW, soporifically written. No wonder people refuse to pay for news. Why does AP pay Nekesamumbimoody?
Hey Mumbi! You can always sell the name to J. K. Rowling.
Hey Mumbi! You can always sell the name to J. K. Rowling.
The official Iraqi government news site has been hacked. (This probably won't be up for long; here's a copy. I just hope no one gets Saddam justice.)
I'm glad this is over, save for the necessary lawsuits. At best the young woman would have been an invalid and a mental cripple the rest of her shortened life. One hopes something good can result from the botch.
"Detectives scour R. Kelly's studio"
-- Chicago Sun-Times headline.
"Coming as they did on the same day R. Kelly released what is likely to be THE MOST SUCCESSFUL ALBUM OF HIS CAREER...."
-- R. spokespoop Allan Mayer, a partner in Sitrick and Company, specialist in "crisis communications," and run by one Michael S. Sitrick, author of a book called Spin: How to Turn the Power of the Press to Your Advantage (with Allan Mayer).
I believe I can flyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYY
yyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYY
yyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYY....
CRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH!!!!!!!!!
-- Chicago Sun-Times headline.
"Coming as they did on the same day R. Kelly released what is likely to be THE MOST SUCCESSFUL ALBUM OF HIS CAREER...."
-- R. spokespoop Allan Mayer, a partner in Sitrick and Company, specialist in "crisis communications," and run by one Michael S. Sitrick, author of a book called Spin: How to Turn the Power of the Press to Your Advantage (with Allan Mayer).
I believe I can flyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYY
yyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYY
yyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYY....
CRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH!!!!!!!!!
The Grammies will be a Bush Bash (or rather a Bash Bush Bash).
I think given your soaring record sales and what happened in Rhode Island you're not exactly in a position to lecture people.
One thing's sure: I'd hate to be a customer-service clerk on Monday at any member of The American Association of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers. CEOs! Get out the ear plugs! Never mind. You're already deaf.
I think given your soaring record sales and what happened in Rhode Island you're not exactly in a position to lecture people.
One thing's sure: I'd hate to be a customer-service clerk on Monday at any member of The American Association of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers. CEOs! Get out the ear plugs! Never mind. You're already deaf.
Some might call France's newfound love of Jacques Chirac a burst of national pride. I call it a fit of national onanism.
Brian Lowry, the Howie Kurtz of TV, devotes an article to a taping of The View. Like soccer moms and the fans of Horsey Face, is a puzzlement.
Shows how much I know: Microchips have been implanted in dogs for some time. Apparently they're effective in tracking lost dogs. But I still ask the question: How long before they wind up in people?
Using a very vicious attack as an excuse, some Illinois solons want to implant microchips in dogs.
Is it that long before they wind up in people?
Is it that long before they wind up in people?
I'm not surprised to learn you can now find indoor fireworks at "bar mitzvahs" and "weddings" (not in the church, I hope -- yeah, probably in the church), another measure of our unhealthy self-indulgence, our fruitless scheming to inflate our trivial lives.
Friday, February 21, 2003
The show-biz mouthpiece Howard Rosenberg holds a press conference with himself. He says entertainers should speak out whenever and on whatever they wish, then knocks down straw men like Rush Limbaugh. End of conference. He wouldn't have called it if the loudmouths were conservative.
I'll say it again: whatever their politics, entertainers risk serious hurt to their careers opening their mouths. And it's on both sides: witness the malicious fun leftists have had with Charlton Heston's Alzheimers. (Let's see it happen to you.) He was in the same position as The Nose; the offers weren't coming in, and he was getting old, so he could afford to front the NRA. He surely wouldn't have done it on an active movie career. I think too of Jane Russell's recent self-anointment as a Christian bigot, odd coming from the inventor of jiggle. That liberals are disproportionate in the ridicule is because liberals are disproportionate in the biz.
In truth, entertainers should be held very strictly to their words. By virtue of their position and their luck they lord it over us. We should let them know who's master.
I'll say it again: whatever their politics, entertainers risk serious hurt to their careers opening their mouths. And it's on both sides: witness the malicious fun leftists have had with Charlton Heston's Alzheimers. (Let's see it happen to you.) He was in the same position as The Nose; the offers weren't coming in, and he was getting old, so he could afford to front the NRA. He surely wouldn't have done it on an active movie career. I think too of Jane Russell's recent self-anointment as a Christian bigot, odd coming from the inventor of jiggle. That liberals are disproportionate in the ridicule is because liberals are disproportionate in the biz.
In truth, entertainers should be held very strictly to their words. By virtue of their position and their luck they lord it over us. We should let them know who's master.
See, now this is the French talking, and the French are mad that they're not a superpower, and they're duplicitous to the nth degree. But even fools can utter pearls of wisdom, even if they're cultured by wise-acres at the BBC. How is humanity served by having any one people dominate its culture, especially with as sleazy and odious a show-biz as ours?
The CRETINS used sparklers in Florida.
I'm astonished how many companies do indoor fireworks. Judging from this example, most of them occur in very large buildings that are no doubt fully sprinklered, and sufficiently away from people. The CRETINS did theirs in a big wooden outhouse.
I'm astonished how many companies do indoor fireworks. Judging from this example, most of them occur in very large buildings that are no doubt fully sprinklered, and sufficiently away from people. The CRETINS did theirs in a big wooden outhouse.
That Rhode Island night club was co-owned by a reporter for a FOX!!!!!!!!! station in Providence.
On this Freeper thread people are wondering whether other news hacks will downplay it. I'd say yes, but if he's part of the Rupert crowd, maybe not.
On this Freeper thread people are wondering whether other news hacks will downplay it. I'd say yes, but if he's part of the Rupert crowd, maybe not.
AP reports three chunks of "foam" (so Boeing says) hit Columbia after liftoff. One begins to think the astronauts were doomed from the start.
"Sexy trade ad may break new ground blahblahblah...." Years ago, when Variety ran far more ads than it does now, there was a whole slew of them for (probably unproduced) programmers set in concentration camps, page after page of beautiful half-naked girls threatened with Nazi abominations. Bad taste is nothing new -- for show-biz or Variety.
The CRETINS may have done this in Maine. This sort of risk taking already bordered on the criminal.
Now The Smoking Gun says the CRETINS' performance rider made no mention of fireworks.
Now The Smoking Gun says the CRETINS' performance rider made no mention of fireworks.
Michelle Malkin engages in some conservative forest-for-the-trees wonkery about how the victim of that botched Duke transplant surgery was an illegal -- with perfect timing, as the girl has suffered permanent brain damage.
For God's sake, can't bean-counting be the last thing in mind when the girl's life is at stake?
For God's sake, can't bean-counting be the last thing in mind when the girl's life is at stake?
Tell these guys we gotta fill more bandwidth! Somebody named Fisher says shock jocks are liberal talk-show hosts.
BRING BACK OPIE AND ANTHONY!!!!!
P. S. I see the Slate boys have done a little presto-changeo with the MO. Now the front page link reads, "Franken in the Morning? Why Liberal Talk Radio Will Flop." No, you Kinsleyclones, it's about shock jocks, and why they're so wonderful! Somebody sue Microsoft for deceptive marketing! (It wouldn't be the first time.)
BRING BACK OPIE AND ANTHONY!!!!!
P. S. I see the Slate boys have done a little presto-changeo with the MO. Now the front page link reads, "Franken in the Morning? Why Liberal Talk Radio Will Flop." No, you Kinsleyclones, it's about shock jocks, and why they're so wonderful! Somebody sue Microsoft for deceptive marketing! (It wouldn't be the first time.)
The fact-inventing brigade strikes again: Crowd estimates for at least one anti-war rally were overstated.
Another Rupert MASTERPIECE! Sandy Koufax, a champion in more ways than one, is severing ties with the LALA Dodgers because one of Rupe's henchmen at the New York Post ran a squib alleging he's gay.
Rupe, I think we'd have better luck accusing you of being a boor, a liar, a cheat, a cynic, a coward, a....
Don't worry Sandy, he's selling the team. You'll soon be bleeding Dodger Blue again.
Rupe, I think we'd have better luck accusing you of being a boor, a liar, a cheat, a cynic, a coward, a....
Don't worry Sandy, he's selling the team. You'll soon be bleeding Dodger Blue again.
Perhaps there's a good guy deep inside Aaron McGruder, as with Howard Stern, but if so it's buried in shtick and cynicism. The man may resent it too that he's profited from the news hacks' "diversity" movement, and he's too self-aware not to know it.
Will he still be this angry when he's 50?
Will he still be this angry when he's 50?
Russ Smith is mad because Salon.com is liberal. (If Al Hunt had chosen the writer he'd be glad. Thus it always is with the Journals.) But we'll be poorer without it for we'll have one less exclusive Internet option for news and opinion. I still miss the enterprising Inside.com, and nothing has replaced it.
With news hacks "diversity" is a code word for quotas (no whites need apply) and political uniformity. We know it's bad when Al the SOB endorses it.
The utter height of stupidity: A fireworks show in a crowded wooden shack. How are things like this allowed to happen?
It appears the CRETINS did this before, without warning. And like the Chicago disaster, the club didn't have a permit.
The name Great White (whoever they are) should live in show-business infamy.
It appears the CRETINS did this before, without warning. And like the Chicago disaster, the club didn't have a permit.
The name Great White (whoever they are) should live in show-business infamy.
Thursday, February 20, 2003
An excruciating and offensive puff piece drooling over Robert Johnson, the founder of Viacom's Boogie Everynight Television, in which our author belches in business-book fashion that "Johnson may be black, but he thinks green" (did Johanna ever daydream about Legendary Welch in print?), and a friend mentions the game of Monopoly. Bob seems to have learned quite a few lessons from Sumner. Johanna has learned one lesson from her fellow news hacks: the more starry-eyed you make your show-biz hagiography, the better your chances to get a good job. And she has real competition at the LALA Times. This is a Harvard Business School case study of a reporter flaunting her Rolodex.
Upon further review I see the author (who works out of the Times' Washington bureau) doesn't need a job; she has all manner of fancy think-tank titles and once served as White House correspondent and an editor for USA Okay, and she's married to Gerry "Oh Pardon" Ford's wimpy press sec the former NBC newsman Ron Nessen, so she's in the perfect position for profitable fawning. Johnson and this hack probably flatter each other often on the Beltway cocktail circuit. This compounds the offense at Mafia usury rates.
Johanna, meet Bill Zehme, yeeeeeeeeeech.
Upon further review I see the author (who works out of the Times' Washington bureau) doesn't need a job; she has all manner of fancy think-tank titles and once served as White House correspondent and an editor for USA Okay, and she's married to Gerry "Oh Pardon" Ford's wimpy press sec the former NBC newsman Ron Nessen, so she's in the perfect position for profitable fawning. Johnson and this hack probably flatter each other often on the Beltway cocktail circuit. This compounds the offense at Mafia usury rates.
Johanna, meet Bill Zehme, yeeeeeeeeeech.
We're sending troops to the Philippines to battle holy cockroaches, that much is clear, but no one seems to know how many. The Post says 3,000, the Times said 2,000 and now 1,700, and Reuters says 750. Rummy's boys may be engaging in disinformation to confuse those stupid reporters, can't discount that; but still news hacks do not serve us well with this kind of musical-chairs numbers game.
Somebody issued a report on the Patsy Mink Memorial Men's Collegiate Sports Elimination Act. Hint: Feminists don't like it.
It's only a squib in the New York Post but even as I type Esquire's celebrating its 70th birthday. Think of it: In the thirties the magazine ran Hemingway and Fitzgerald. Today it runs -- Bill Zehme. Yeeeeeeeeech.
I have occasionally wondered where the MadAve types get the "fictitious" names in their ads. Now we know.
Mickey D's is now boasting on its doggie bags and Web site about its "social responsibility."
Answer me this, Mick: How is it responsible to spend untold zillions on junk television and oodles more financing junk movies, such obsessive expenditures not only stinking up our culture but reinforcing the notion that your restaurants rot and management doesn't care, thus chasing customers out in droves, thus forcing franchise closures and unemployment? How is that responsible, Mick?
Answer me this, Mick: How is it responsible to spend untold zillions on junk television and oodles more financing junk movies, such obsessive expenditures not only stinking up our culture but reinforcing the notion that your restaurants rot and management doesn't care, thus chasing customers out in droves, thus forcing franchise closures and unemployment? How is that responsible, Mick?
Good grief! You're appealing? The guy'll walk in ten years (sooner when the Germans use him as a pawn). Tell him to take it easy. He'll be out.
Will the Pakistanis decide? Are they against America -- or for the holy cockroaches?
Oh, great! Just what we need: the LALA Times will now have interactive movie-ad-blurb copywriters.
Can't wait until Slate gets this. Oy!
Can't wait until Slate gets this. Oy!
Having proved he can help sleaze up the news at the Viacom Network, Twilight ZON wants to buy CNN.
Does The Brow know about this?
Does The Brow know about this?
If I recall correctly, before DaimlerChrysler (I love those Dilbertnames!) was born, Kirk Kerkorian was going to ruin Chrysler the way he destroyed MGM -- spinning it off piece by piece.
Given that Daimler's already deep-sixed Plymouth and is merely using the American operations to push Mercedes product, I wonder if there'd have been much difference.
Given that Daimler's already deep-sixed Plymouth and is merely using the American operations to push Mercedes product, I wonder if there'd have been much difference.
One of the great mysteries of life: Why did Bertelsmann buy Napster?
The ash heap of history is piled with fallen Arab idols. Nasser, the Ayatollah Khomeini, Hafez al-Assad, and in time Yassir, Qaddafi, the Extreme Holy Cockroach -- and Saddam.
Wednesday, February 19, 2003
This is what happens when Sumner and Rupert run TV news. The problem is, once the Hair Shirt Kurtzes and the think tanks and the J-schools chime in nobody believes there's a problem because the damfools always speak on their high horses of ETHICS when it's the last thing news hacks practice. And so TV news gets worse and worse.
The only way this story could have been better is if it had happened in DC.
Oh well, Baltimore's DC without the wonks.
Oh well, Baltimore's DC without the wonks.
I smell a profit center: The anti-drug campaign also started voluntarily, but soon the government had to fork out billions, and there was corruption, and nobody believed the ads anyway. Ads will simply not sway people after all the scares -- especially in bus shelters or at 3 a.m. So Der Homeland Department will have to -- up the ante. I see America's super-patriotic broadcast Babbitts licking their chops.
A big minus: "Bush entered the White House," says Howard Fineman, "one of the least-traveled presidents in modern history."
Boinnnnggggg! Shakespeare probably never ventured much beyond fifty miles outside London, yet he had the profoundest imagination in all literature. Lincoln probably traveled across no more than a thousand miles and became our greatest president. Slick went anywhere and everywhere. Look what it got him -- and us.
(I have not forgotten that the Shake wrote great comedy like the mad scene in Hamlet, but that's another story.)
Boinnnnggggg! Shakespeare probably never ventured much beyond fifty miles outside London, yet he had the profoundest imagination in all literature. Lincoln probably traveled across no more than a thousand miles and became our greatest president. Slick went anywhere and everywhere. Look what it got him -- and us.
(I have not forgotten that the Shake wrote great comedy like the mad scene in Hamlet, but that's another story.)
All right, I'll give General Jr. a second chance, but this honeymoon will be brief. Any government that can give us the Fairness Doctrine, the Prime-Time Access Rule (which gave us such excellence in television as Entertainment Tonight! and Wheel of Fortune), the Disney Network (created by government decree), Viacom (created by government decree), FOX!!!!! (created by Ronald Reagan's piece of paper), zig-zagging cable bills, the ludicrous V-chip, and all other manner of self-defeating nonsense should be cut so little slack it ought practically to be handcuffed to the people.
Which reminds me. Justice, German style: death for Jews, ten years (perhaps) for an accomplice to mass murder.
What was that about cowboys, Gerhard?
What was that about cowboys, Gerhard?
Hey Dickie V, the Dukies are rockin' and rollin', rrrrrr-in-a-soycle, but I think their English department is cupcake city, rrrrrr-in-a-soycle!
I don't know what Donna Brazile's talking about. Who's ever beat up on Al Sharpton? Certainly not news hacks, as Democratic a bastion as you can get.
Here is the sort of story that will make knee-jerk conservatives (and particularly that lower subspecies, the libertarian) rage because it's "anti-American." One can also dismiss it because the writer edits a Salt Lake City newspaper and is therefore a prude. But do our show-biz exports really do us a world of good?
Surprise, surprise. Foreign news hacks are "insolent." Just like the home-grown.
The Je$$e Gang comes to the defense of a club owner. There's money here someplace. His partner did time for manslaughter.
For the families of the dead, to use a favorite Je$$e phrase, "No justice, no peace."
Why are the Iraqis and these folks different, Je$$e?
For the families of the dead, to use a favorite Je$$e phrase, "No justice, no peace."
Why are the Iraqis and these folks different, Je$$e?
We now know more about the Korean subway fire. It appears the cars were plastic tinderboxes with few safety implements. There'll be lawsuits (there should be), and given it is South Korea I wouldn't be surprised if some high mucky-muck resigns over bribery allegations about their construction. The subway in Taegu was already beset by a deadly construction accident. I'll bet it's a boondoggle.
The screaming meemies of LALA's city council spent two tumultuous, fruitless hours debating Iraq, and will do it again on Friday. Why do the mu-ni-CIP-al saps of so many cities waste so much time on their damfool symbolism about the half-million, or million, or ten million, or umpteen gazillion Iraqi kids "we've" killed when their constituents are dying on their streets for lack of police protection? Don't these clowns have better things to do? No wonder the San Fernandans wanted secession.
Tuesday, February 18, 2003
NOTE: I do not know how anyone can run a post on the first draft, except for very short ones. I find myself constantly revising after I publish (and no, it's not my intention to get on the "Fresh Blogs" list at Blogger.com, though it doesn't hurt). I've revised this post three times. I even revise posts from two weeks ago. I do hope my writing isn't bad, although when I peruse my archives (as I'm wont to do now and then) I cringe on every third entry. Oh well, at least I don't spend my bandwidth typing "OMG."
I will comment on other bloggers soon. Let's just say, they're interesting.
I will comment on other bloggers soon. Let's just say, they're interesting.
Why can't the French sing "Louise," or "Marguerite," or "Thank Heaven for Little Girls," just like Maurice Chevalier? Why is their favorite song suddenly "Deutschland uber alles"?
Among the known nominees for the Nobel Good Intentions Prize: Jacques Chirac(!), Bono(!!), and GEORGE W. BUSH!!!!!
Go Dubya!
Those namby-pambys would sooner slit their throats than vote for Dubya, that's for sure.
Go Dubya!
Those namby-pambys would sooner slit their throats than vote for Dubya, that's for sure.
What's the difference between a rock act that's been around for twenty years and The Glenn Miller Orchestra Conducted by Joe No-Name?
Well for one thing, the rock act just made a music video inspired by a Wurm.
Well for one thing, the rock act just made a music video inspired by a Wurm.
In Saudi Arabia, where al Qaeda doesn't exist, 253 people are being held for al Qaeda links, with 90 prosecutions possible, meaning in all likelihood either death for the innocent or a one-way ticket to northwestern Pakistan.
In NRO Winfield Myers says that forty-two Catholic colleges have rolled over and died for the feminist jumping-up-and-down conniption The Vagina Monologues; only intervention by the Cardinal Newman Society has prevented more. One can be a muckraker and yell of censorship, or cart out the in loco parentis, which most schools don't believe in anyway, having substituted political indoctrination for the purpose (except, of course, for drinking, and that's a function of lawsuits; nobody cares about the sex so long as it's "consensual"). But "religious" colleges are largely religious in name only, using their long-diluted connections as a pretext for money grubbing. And if Catholic bishops see nothing wrong with their priests buggering boys why should Catholic college presidents see anything wrong with women stomping their feet and screaming oppression? Besides, the Pope is 82 and has Parkinson's. With day by passing day the "value" of college becomes more tenuous, except perhaps in the hard sciences, and one suspects even there the learning would be better with vocational doing.
Vivendi merged itself into such a mess (or should I say, a messier) that in unmerging it Barry's got a conflict of interest. But what are conflicts of interest when you're a Master of the Universe?
When GE Network News uses The National Enquirer as a source, what's the point of GE Network News?
Then again, this might be an attempt by a Rupert toady to deflect criticism from Rupert. Didn't he once own The Star?
Then again, this might be an attempt by a Rupert toady to deflect criticism from Rupert. Didn't he once own The Star?
Patrick "The Mogul Stroker" Goldstein reviews a book about the Hollywood mailroom. Now we know why Mickey Mouse Michael is so lovable. Such behavior was one thing when the biz was churning out Gone with the Wind. It's another when it churns out Scooby Doo. Harry Cohn just doesn't seem so cute anymore -- except to Patrick Goldstein.
It's nice of you to be thinking of your old employees, Mike, but you should have thought about this before you took up government as a hobby.
The "legendary" promoter of musical no-talents Lou Pearlman has become the Scott Meredith of talent agents. That is to say, he takes people's money and gives them nothing. Oh well, that's show-biz.
Forbes educatedly "guesstimates" that Wacko is worth maybe possibly could be should be would be approximately in the vicinity of a ballpark figure of $350 million. This is the same kind of "guesstimate" the magazine throws around every year in its irksome annual "That's Entertainment!" valentine, and I don't believe it. We can't know unless we're The Dangler's accountants, and sorry Brett, it's a wonderful fiction you've created but they're not talking.
I almost hate to say this, but you wonder that Osama's boys didn't dream up something like that dreadful arson attack on the Korean subway. Al Qaeda's smiling today.
If it's true that a psychotic bagman did it, I hope this will make all those news hacks and Jell-O brained social scientists reconsider their idiot notion that "the homeless" are but urban pioneers, scouting for a "real" life. Most likely it won't.
If it's true that a psychotic bagman did it, I hope this will make all those news hacks and Jell-O brained social scientists reconsider their idiot notion that "the homeless" are but urban pioneers, scouting for a "real" life. Most likely it won't.
Another brilliant idea from the California legislature: We'd all like to ban spam, but it achieved critical mass years ago, and no force of man or God can put an end to it. The law would be a nightmare to enforce and would merely reroute the spam, much of which originates overseas. I fear the only way to stop spam is to stop e-mail. Nice try anyway.
Monday, February 17, 2003
The Harvard-educated son of the liberal plagiarist Doris Kearns Goodwin and her liberal Johnson Administration-resigning husband is a soldier -- an Army lieutenant. He decided to enlist after 9/11.
No one will have to ask him about his resume.
(P. S. He's still sufficiently liberal to say that his brother's opposition to an Iraqi invasion is "patriotic." I guess that's why Howell was able to stomach this, not to mention the PC bonafides. But this is an infinitessimal quibble. The man's serving his country.)
No one will have to ask him about his resume.
(P. S. He's still sufficiently liberal to say that his brother's opposition to an Iraqi invasion is "patriotic." I guess that's why Howell was able to stomach this, not to mention the PC bonafides. But this is an infinitessimal quibble. The man's serving his country.)
The European Union um, uh, err, ehhs its way to a position which backs the use of force, kinda sorta.
Diplomats speak crooked lines with a straight face.
Diplomats speak crooked lines with a straight face.
Chicago Magazine runs an article on the missing former columnist Bob Greene that does to him what Los Angeles Magazine did to Peter Bart. Three words come to mind: chameleon, two-faced, fraud. (Two other words come to mind: statutory rape.) I must cut-and-paste a particular example, about a 1972 piece on the Munich Massacre that won him fame:
“It took this one night to make us know” what it is to be a Jew, he wrote.
“Rabbis were quoting it in High Holiday sermons,” recalls [the columnist Robert] Feder. “That’s how big it was. It seemed to be deeply personal, deeply felt.”
Apparently, it was not. In the mid-seventies, Greene returned to Northwestern to talk to students. The appearance was well attended—Feder was among the students eager to hear Greene speak. Alan Rosenberg, who today is an assistant features editor at The Providence Journal in Rhode Island, was also there. Rosenberg looked up to Greene, and he was curious about the 1974 column that Greene had written about President Gerald Ford pardoning Nixon. “It was so extreme in its emotionalism,” recalls Rosenberg. “It was very virulent—‘We got this guy Ford and the one thing people had wanted of Ford was that he must not pardon Nixon. And now he’d gone and done that and now he’d have to pay.’ I had wondered if Greene had felt that angry when he wrote it, and when it was time for questions, I asked him.”
Greene said no, he had not felt that way. “He said that he had sat down and thought about what he should say. And that that was the way he normally conducted his business—calculate what the right reaction was, what would make a good piece.” Then Greene went on to tell the story about how he had written his column about the Israeli athletes. He said he had been watching TV and having a drink when he heard the news about the murders. And the thought that had crossed his mind was, If I handle this right, I could be famous.
“It seemed so ethically bankrupt, to have this wonderful forum and to just calculate it, to weigh it, and to say what you think would bring you to prominence,” says Rosenberg. “I could never look at him in the same way again.”
Feder corroborates Rosenberg’s story. “Greene said he didn’t really feel anything. It was all just a device that he knew would resonate with people. It made us feel like we had been taken in.”
Ethical bankruptcy -- from the man who became the Court Jester of Bathos in Oprah's Empire of Self-Pity, a fount of gaseous wisdom for the future Lord Koppel of Eisnerdom.
“It took this one night to make us know” what it is to be a Jew, he wrote.
“Rabbis were quoting it in High Holiday sermons,” recalls [the columnist Robert] Feder. “That’s how big it was. It seemed to be deeply personal, deeply felt.”
Apparently, it was not. In the mid-seventies, Greene returned to Northwestern to talk to students. The appearance was well attended—Feder was among the students eager to hear Greene speak. Alan Rosenberg, who today is an assistant features editor at The Providence Journal in Rhode Island, was also there. Rosenberg looked up to Greene, and he was curious about the 1974 column that Greene had written about President Gerald Ford pardoning Nixon. “It was so extreme in its emotionalism,” recalls Rosenberg. “It was very virulent—‘We got this guy Ford and the one thing people had wanted of Ford was that he must not pardon Nixon. And now he’d gone and done that and now he’d have to pay.’ I had wondered if Greene had felt that angry when he wrote it, and when it was time for questions, I asked him.”
Greene said no, he had not felt that way. “He said that he had sat down and thought about what he should say. And that that was the way he normally conducted his business—calculate what the right reaction was, what would make a good piece.” Then Greene went on to tell the story about how he had written his column about the Israeli athletes. He said he had been watching TV and having a drink when he heard the news about the murders. And the thought that had crossed his mind was, If I handle this right, I could be famous.
“It seemed so ethically bankrupt, to have this wonderful forum and to just calculate it, to weigh it, and to say what you think would bring you to prominence,” says Rosenberg. “I could never look at him in the same way again.”
Feder corroborates Rosenberg’s story. “Greene said he didn’t really feel anything. It was all just a device that he knew would resonate with people. It made us feel like we had been taken in.”
Ethical bankruptcy -- from the man who became the Court Jester of Bathos in Oprah's Empire of Self-Pity, a fount of gaseous wisdom for the future Lord Koppel of Eisnerdom.
Why is it whenever a disaster like this strikes, there's always a court order, or a fire-code violation?
Club owners come from a certain stratum -- between the ground and the slimies that crawl under rocks.
Club owners come from a certain stratum -- between the ground and the slimies that crawl under rocks.
This interesting UPI story confirms my belief that Columbia was done in by old age -- although I originally suspected some sort of massive structural failure upon reentry, caused by gravitational forces.
I'm surprised no one has commented on that now famous photo of the shuttle breaking up. It appears to have been flying sideways, and at an angle from its vapor trail. Read the story's sixth paragraph. I've a hunch Mr. Anderson may be close to the mark.
I'm surprised no one has commented on that now famous photo of the shuttle breaking up. It appears to have been flying sideways, and at an angle from its vapor trail. Read the story's sixth paragraph. I've a hunch Mr. Anderson may be close to the mark.
A Native Canadian (that's what I'm assuming they're called) labels Jews "a disease" and says the Holocaust was justified because the Jews owned everything.
You're a liberal.
Which side do you take?
P. S. The man apologized.
You're a liberal.
Which side do you take?
P. S. The man apologized.
South Korea's president gets the Nobel Appeasement Prize -- and the North gets four new nuclear plants!
That's a pretty fair trade to me.
That's a pretty fair trade to me.
More show-biz bulltwaddle from news hacks: It turns out Bart's "300th" episode was his 302nd.
If these idiots can't report, who can expect them to count?
If these idiots can't report, who can expect them to count?
If they back women in combat, you know they'll back affirmative action.
My favorite name among the wimps: William "I Spent $300,000 Giving Jack Valenti a Medal" Cohen.
My favorite name among the wimps: William "I Spent $300,000 Giving Jack Valenti a Medal" Cohen.
AOL has ditched its interactive TV operations -- another high-tech solution in search of a problem.
Guess that means putting all that content behind the wall should be a smash.
Guess that means putting all that content behind the wall should be a smash.
This won't work. Liberal talk radio's been tried before -- Remember Mario Cuomo? You'd think this would be a natural, that show-biz would open its welcoming arms with all the knee-jerk leftists. Problem is, conservative talk radio got a foothold because the medium's run by foot-stomping hucksters (as anyone who's tried to listen to Cheap Channel can attest) who are almost all gung-ho "free-enterprise" buyer-beware Republicans. Let's see you folks break that logjam. What's more, a liberal throwing a tantrum isn't the same as a conservative throwing a tantrum; the conservative can always claim he's the underdog. It's difficult to be an underdog when so many overdogs have you by the leash. It's also rather difficult to create radio charisma overnight. With his nasal drone Mario wasn't exactly Mr. Excitement. I suspect people will quickly weary of Al Franken pounding the table. And one more thing: If liberals can stage sponsor boycotts, so can conservatives. This won't work.
And more good tidings from Rupert, Sumner, Mickey Mouse Michael and Little Jeffrey: TV news from big media is worse. (Caveat: this is from a Columbia J-School affiliate, and those folks never met a liberal bias they didn't like.)
In the days before Gerry the Poet and King Richard, Henry Luce was notorious for his bobbleheaded organization men. You knew it had to have been one of those days at Rockefeller Center when you opened the pages of Time and heard, "Yes boss!" "Oh, you're right boss!" "That is absolutely true, boss!" The magazine crawled with expense-accounted Stepin Fetchits in whiteface. Especially in '52, when Hank single-handedly elected Eisenhower with unspoken threats of reprisal.
So I am not surprised that the tyrant Rupert has an equally bracing effect on his sycophants -- 175 of them. If the Rupe thinks he's proving his manhood a story like this will spit back in his face -- and worse, his actions serve the cause of the appeaceniks, who can now claim the call for war is tainted by the machinations of a disreputable mogul -- Hearst's War II. Good going as always, Rupe.
P. S. Andy S. says, "Abolition of the BBC is essential to any serious political reform in Britain." Yeah, right. We'll sell it to Rupert. Left or right, all big media are about is power.
So I am not surprised that the tyrant Rupert has an equally bracing effect on his sycophants -- 175 of them. If the Rupe thinks he's proving his manhood a story like this will spit back in his face -- and worse, his actions serve the cause of the appeaceniks, who can now claim the call for war is tainted by the machinations of a disreputable mogul -- Hearst's War II. Good going as always, Rupe.
P. S. Andy S. says, "Abolition of the BBC is essential to any serious political reform in Britain." Yeah, right. We'll sell it to Rupert. Left or right, all big media are about is power.
We'll never hear the end of this: Appeaceniks bring the price of gold down!
I wonder how many of these traders bet on higher oil in '91.
I wonder how many of these traders bet on higher oil in '91.
Sunday, February 16, 2003
I'll bet the kids are upset that it's snowing on a holiday weekend. Bummer.
Gotta love those publicists: The biggest snowstorm in years is blanketing much of The Ebert Zone, and that doesn't prevent the great news-hack proxy and instant PR machine Paul "Dreck" Dergarabedian from giving us his weekend box-office numbers, at 2 p.m. -- with Sunday estimates!
Give this guy a job in Washington!
Give this guy a job in Washington!
Before DreamWorks SKG there was Orion Pictures, and before Orion Pictures there was American International, and before American International there was Allied Artists, and before Allied Artists there was....
The niche film company begins with a outsized dream and then runs aground because the biggies have been around for a century and the world doesn't need fifty movie companies. (United Artists, arguably the first such filmmaker, floundered for thirty years and was only set aright by the dissolution of the original partnership and a bold management team.) Given that the company hangs on Steve's prestige and Paul "Mr. Greed" Allen's luck with his investments (not so good lately) I predict this DreamWorks follows Orion Pictures, and American International, and Allied Artists, and ....
The niche film company begins with a outsized dream and then runs aground because the biggies have been around for a century and the world doesn't need fifty movie companies. (United Artists, arguably the first such filmmaker, floundered for thirty years and was only set aright by the dissolution of the original partnership and a bold management team.) Given that the company hangs on Steve's prestige and Paul "Mr. Greed" Allen's luck with his investments (not so good lately) I predict this DreamWorks follows Orion Pictures, and American International, and Allied Artists, and ....
A man of PEACE!! PEACE!!!! runs for president.
Hey Dennis! I've got a rock the astronauts brought back from Mars I'll sell to your friend Sheila Jackson.
Hey Dennis! I've got a rock the astronauts brought back from Mars I'll sell to your friend Sheila Jackson.
One! Two! One! Two!
We not only fought but we won, too!
Left! Right! Left! Right!
There's none of the enemy left, right?
Left! Right! Right! Leftrightright....
HALT!!!!!
We not only fought but we won, too!
Left! Right! Left! Right!
There's none of the enemy left, right?
Left! Right! Right! Leftrightright....
HALT!!!!!
How reassuring to know Der Homeland boys rely so much on "snippets and threads."
It's a shame there were so few Richard Daleys in the sixties and seventies when the refrigerators went up. The utter deadness of modern urban architecture is now termed a blight. Why is it the buildings of the 1920s have stately form and all manner of delightful ornamentation and today's buildings are just prefab and fixtures? It can't be just money; where's the imagination? Can't inspiration flourish on a budget? Given the wondrous state of our total culture I fear the mayor's fighting a gallant but losing cause. Especially when the Babbitts control the architects.
I see Tiger's winning his first tournament back.
Has anyone ever thought that Tiger may be the worst thing to happen to golf? When he wins it's by five strokes, and when he's not in a tournament, it's not quite legitimate. We know what happens to golf without the star power; witness the Senior Tour. Is having MJ on the course really an unalloyed plus? (Acknowledging that MJ wasn't a bad golfer either.) And when Tiger finally loses his game, who'll replace him? The NBA is paying dearly for its reliance on one player, and so will the Tour.
I'll concede this: I wish I had something in my wardrobe like his red shirt.
P. S. Phil "Wrong-Way" Mickelson said something stupid. I don't think Phil and Tiger like each other.
Has anyone ever thought that Tiger may be the worst thing to happen to golf? When he wins it's by five strokes, and when he's not in a tournament, it's not quite legitimate. We know what happens to golf without the star power; witness the Senior Tour. Is having MJ on the course really an unalloyed plus? (Acknowledging that MJ wasn't a bad golfer either.) And when Tiger finally loses his game, who'll replace him? The NBA is paying dearly for its reliance on one player, and so will the Tour.
I'll concede this: I wish I had something in my wardrobe like his red shirt.
P. S. Phil "Wrong-Way" Mickelson said something stupid. I don't think Phil and Tiger like each other.
Playing Broadway tunes in a church is like the Sunday rock concerts in those Tiltonesque megachurches. People are so intent on putting on a show they forget the script.
Now Cheap Channel's taking over the museums.
My only question is, when do they put in the foreground Muzak with the ads?
My only question is, when do they put in the foreground Muzak with the ads?
It takes a special spunk, a certain chutzpah, to allow yourself to be defrauded of $1.8 billion.
Businessdilberts stand side-by-side with news hacks as the most credulous fools on earth.
Businessdilberts stand side-by-side with news hacks as the most credulous fools on earth.
One of Howell's hacks reads UK editorial pages and detects a "gulf" between the "leaders" and the "people."
Keep running articles like this Howell and we won't need the Web.
Keep running articles like this Howell and we won't need the Web.
Our kind of churches are "leading" the anti-war movement -- if you consider Unitarians and Reform Jews "religious." (Unitarian Universalist Social Clubs and Reform Jewish Coffee Klatches is more like it.) The president will have none of them (shucks! I guess he is retarded).
P. S. Most of these social clubs and nearly empty former churches are pro-choice. I've always wanted to ask these clowns how they can prioritize killing.
I do have one good thing to say of the Unitarians -- they rented out one of their clubs in Washington to Stan Getz to record his first bossa-nova album. They're fine recording studios.
P. S. Most of these social clubs and nearly empty former churches are pro-choice. I've always wanted to ask these clowns how they can prioritize killing.
I do have one good thing to say of the Unitarians -- they rented out one of their clubs in Washington to Stan Getz to record his first bossa-nova album. They're fine recording studios.
Conservative Federal judge (bad) appointed by Reagan (very bad) becomes pen-pals with (and ultimately visits) a death-row inmate (good). The state of California thinks he's going soft (so long as it's only persons of color, good). The LALA Times is conflicted.
Another story that means nothing. Older people are buying CDs. So what? The young must replenish our culture, and the young aren't writing Gershwin.