THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, August 30, 2003
I see from the latest exercise in business puffery called Barron's that one of LEGENDARY WELCH's pupils is "thriving" at 3M. How do they know? Well, he gave it a dose of Six Sigma, fired people, lots of people, changed the corporate name from Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing (somewhat obsolete and long-winded, I'll admit) to yell, I RUN THIS COMPANY!!!!!, and ran up the stock. Only the sales -- er analysts think it's run up too much. Unfortunately, with Barron's, when it predicts A, what usually happens is 3M to Z.
Oh Little Jeffrey! There's something wrong with your Six Sigma page. Think we should fire some people?
Oh Little Jeffrey! There's something wrong with your Six Sigma page. Think we should fire some people?
I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that I, an obsessive girl watcher, don't really want to see many more young women with bare midriffs. For three reasons:
1) They have love handles, or what ad copywriters used to call "lardosis", plus their bellies tend to quiver when they walk, not exactly the height of femininity;
2) Some wear tattoos, almost always a blotchy blue, which sometimes too proudly suggest that they extend to the private parts; and
3) To paraphrase the immortal Oscar Hammerstein II, many of the midriff barers are broad where a broad should be narrow, and they're narrow where a broad should be broad.
Or to paraphrase another great lyricist, Johnny Mercer, women's clothes used to accen-chu-ate the positive. Now they elim-I-nate it. That's what you get for messin' with Ms. In-Between.
Fortunately summer is ending, and now we can see more women in ugly dirty-looking jeans.
1) They have love handles, or what ad copywriters used to call "lardosis", plus their bellies tend to quiver when they walk, not exactly the height of femininity;
2) Some wear tattoos, almost always a blotchy blue, which sometimes too proudly suggest that they extend to the private parts; and
3) To paraphrase the immortal Oscar Hammerstein II, many of the midriff barers are broad where a broad should be narrow, and they're narrow where a broad should be broad.
Or to paraphrase another great lyricist, Johnny Mercer, women's clothes used to accen-chu-ate the positive. Now they elim-I-nate it. That's what you get for messin' with Ms. In-Between.
Fortunately summer is ending, and now we can see more women in ugly dirty-looking jeans.
Have you ever been stuck in a hospital room, fighting an intransigent hospital gown, itching like psoriasis to get out, and all you have for reading matter is a backdate Reader's Digest? I've just come across the latest issue and can say without fear of contradiction that it's the worst magazine in history. This number is devoted to humor, which when RD is through with it is literally no laughing matter. You're led inside with the promise of 50 jokes -- only to leaf and leaf through rag and discover you can't find them! From there it's onto an article by a groveling ex-ATWOLA hack named Stefan Kanfer about the funniest movies ever -- only you soon learn it has a catch. "Now STEF," said some editor seeing the number 11 on the wall, "WE DON'T WANT ANY MOVIES FROM BEFORE KENNEDY WAS SHOT! We don't want newbies to think our readership is stuck in the distant past in some old trailer park with Ike and Lawrence Welk! WE WANT A YOUNGER DEMOGRAPHIC! So REMEMBER Stef, NO OLD MOVIES!!" And Stef, knowing what it is like to be a Lucean bobblehead, gives a hearty "Yes-SUH boss," and commands his upper extremities, "Hands, do yo' stuff!" and Stefan Fetchit writes exactly what his editors wanted -- which, as it happens, is pure unreadable buncombe. (Don't be misled by the Web version. Only THE MOVIES FROM AFTER KENNEDY WAS SHOT are in the rag.) So numbing is the RD formula that even Joe Queenan, the free-lancer who defines acerbic, had his style bleached out. This magazine should be burned, or taken out back somewhere and put out of its misery.
The EisnerCorp Network News site has another blurb on slut-lit. What's notable is that yet another news hack (female, natch) shows a knack at math. $71 million out of a $23 billion business is a "phenomenon"? That's .309 percent of sales. This is why we get practical jokes over the Iraqi war dead. Who can believe these morons?
One more word: some time back I linked to a story about the 4,938,000th translation of the Bible that summed everything up in one sentence but went on for 500 paragraphs. The same with this story. "Critics dismiss the books as nothing more than trendy beach reads." Isn't that all one needs to know? When these infernal hacks encounter the truth it's always by accident, and it's always buried in the story.
One more word: some time back I linked to a story about the 4,938,000th translation of the Bible that summed everything up in one sentence but went on for 500 paragraphs. The same with this story. "Critics dismiss the books as nothing more than trendy beach reads." Isn't that all one needs to know? When these infernal hacks encounter the truth it's always by accident, and it's always buried in the story.
I see the Inside.com site has been abandoned. Sad. I once went there three or four times a day for show-biz news. Now reliable coverage is impossible to find. Did the go-get-'em attitude die out with the Web bubble?
Hmmm. And Two Saudis too!
Thanks for your cooperation in the War on Terror, dear grand holy poohbah clients of Whorvis!
Thanks for your cooperation in the War on Terror, dear grand holy poohbah clients of Whorvis!
More philistinism in show-biz -- this surrounding the funding of LALA's new concert hall, named for the founder of EisnerCorp:
[O]nce the Disney clan, the anonymous contributor of $7.5 million, $1.1-million donor Ginny Mancini (the widow of composer Henry Mancini) and composer and $1-million donor John Williams are set aside, not one major entertainment industry company, executive, producer, director or star can be found at the million-dollar level.
Who needs those moldy old three B's when we're making masterpieces every day?
[O]nce the Disney clan, the anonymous contributor of $7.5 million, $1.1-million donor Ginny Mancini (the widow of composer Henry Mancini) and composer and $1-million donor John Williams are set aside, not one major entertainment industry company, executive, producer, director or star can be found at the million-dollar level.
Who needs those moldy old three B's when we're making masterpieces every day?
Here's one Muslim country that won't smirk contentedly at the name al Qaeda.
But why are our guys always on vacation?
But why are our guys always on vacation?
Friday, August 29, 2003
Very bad news for mass sanity: ASWIA is going hog wild again, using "consumer spending" as an excuse.
WHAT WILL STOP THESE IDIOTS FROM FINANCING CRAPPY TELEVISION?!?!?
Which is not to say these idiots don't CARE about television. They've issued GUIDELINES (a .pdf file) -- for TV commericials -- that include such suggestions as, "Consider shooting in secondary U.S. markets as well as off-shore." And, "Evaluate the number of shoot days required." And, "Set up a profit center for music." (In other words, make money from jingles -- a dubious proposition, as most ASWIA members use sixties rock in their spots.) And of course, the requisite "40-page" DilbertMemos. All this rigamarole about controlling the shoot in commercials -- when COMPUTERS AUTOMATICALLY BUY ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING THEY'RE PLACED IN!!!!!
WHAT WILL STOP THESE IDIOTS FROM FINANCING CRAPPY TELEVISION?!?!?
Which is not to say these idiots don't CARE about television. They've issued GUIDELINES (a .pdf file) -- for TV commericials -- that include such suggestions as, "Consider shooting in secondary U.S. markets as well as off-shore." And, "Evaluate the number of shoot days required." And, "Set up a profit center for music." (In other words, make money from jingles -- a dubious proposition, as most ASWIA members use sixties rock in their spots.) And of course, the requisite "40-page" DilbertMemos. All this rigamarole about controlling the shoot in commercials -- when COMPUTERS AUTOMATICALLY BUY ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING THEY'RE PLACED IN!!!!!
Why is it the more I blog, the more I feel under the spell of Big Media?
It sounds to me like the folks at Vivendi would be better off keeping their MESSIER.
And in further delusions:
The proven ability of GE and NBC to implement strict cost controls and maximize profits from operations could allow them to realize between $10 billion and $15 billion additional value from the new media company over the first five years, according to sources familiar with their forecasts.
SYYYYYYYYYYYNERGYYYYYYYYYYY....
And in further delusions:
The proven ability of GE and NBC to implement strict cost controls and maximize profits from operations could allow them to realize between $10 billion and $15 billion additional value from the new media company over the first five years, according to sources familiar with their forecasts.
SYYYYYYYYYYYNERGYYYYYYYYYYY....
Already I can hear the knee-jerk conservatives and the Buttmans and the Dow 36,000s sneering, but it makes sense that Mallopia, so entirely car-dependent, so utterly free from inconveniences like sidewalks, would add inches to waistlines.
Thompsonism -- a professor-tenuring tuition-wasting monster whose sole purpose is to entrench the worst of big media in higher learning for the sake of intellectual masturbation -- grows more tentacles.
We feel so, so terribly sorry for you people, but unfortunately, your misery is entirely self-inflicted.
Let 'em eat nukes!
Let 'em eat nukes!
Sorry to be redundant, but it's days like these, when confronted with press releases like this, that I feel the loss of Mike Royko and Michael Kelly most fearfully. These two could cut through the crud better than anyone, but I guess God had use for their talents, and so we're stuck with unfunny comedians like Maureen, liars like ADVERTISEMENT, and flat out seat warmers like the dimwits who extruded this.
And for the umpteenth time, I must further remind the three computers who scan my blog, the flip side of press releases is QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And for the umpteenth time, I must further remind the three computers who scan my blog, the flip side of press releases is QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Treason pays!
I wonder how many of these American firms are PC on everything and also members of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers. Big business's contempt for the public has no limits.
I wonder how many of these American firms are PC on everything and also members of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers. Big business's contempt for the public has no limits.
Thursday, August 28, 2003
I wish I could be so skilled at doing something stupid so as to make six figures. But I say again to the whole crowd that eats, breathes and sleeps video games: GET A LIFE!
Hmmm, perhaps the news hacks can pass -- A JOHN GEOGHAN MEMORIAL ACT!!!!!
We're getting close to AUGUSTA territory here.
We're getting close to AUGUSTA territory here.
Eloquent as Victor Davis Hanson is, what he says very eloquently can be summed up in eight words: It's us and the Iraqis against the world.
That's a pretty good face-off if you ask me.
That's a pretty good face-off if you ask me.
This surgeon's been sued 78 times for malpractice, he's paid out 45 times for $13.3 million, and he's just now having his license suspended -- TEMPORARILY?
This sounds like regulatory malpractice.
This sounds like regulatory malpractice.
Philadelphia isn't the only city with Rendelltorium problems.
Someone tell these delusional mayors -- "THE ARTS" is not a silver bullet!
Someone tell these delusional mayors -- "THE ARTS" is not a silver bullet!
The unjustly punished champion of unconventional sex was placed in an inappropriate unit!
HACKS!!!!! Why don't you just say you LOVE JOHN!!!!!
HACKS!!!!! Why don't you just say you LOVE JOHN!!!!!
A Great American Hero is back in the clink again.
How many times? I've lost count. News hacks would never count for a Great American Hero.
How many times? I've lost count. News hacks would never count for a Great American Hero.
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
Calif. Gov. Slams Schwarzenegger's Inexperience
Oooh, ya shouldna done that, Gov! People might slam your experience.
Oooh, ya shouldna done that, Gov! People might slam your experience.
"Picking a school based on whether it’s number 1, 12 or 22 just isn't the thing to do."
But they do it -- because you did it.
But they do it -- because you did it.
Mr. Shakedown extracts a nice jingle of pocket change!
Must have been for all the hard work after 9/11 (nyuk nyuk). Or maybe it was all the hard work trying to get a $1 billion tax subsidy for a new trading floor. Whatever it was, congratulations, SHAKEDOWN!
Must have been for all the hard work after 9/11 (nyuk nyuk). Or maybe it was all the hard work trying to get a $1 billion tax subsidy for a new trading floor. Whatever it was, congratulations, SHAKEDOWN!
Now it's -- ANTI-PSYCHOTIC DRUGS.
The mangy news hack mutts won't release their bad-breath grasp from this j'accuse, will they.
The mangy news hack mutts won't release their bad-breath grasp from this j'accuse, will they.
Some idiot consultancy with lots of corporate clients and too much time on its hands puts out a "study" that "proves" that some big companies deserve their vastly inflated reps! Among the top 10 in this moronic survey: EisnerCorp (teehee), Bill the Entomologist (pffh-hh-hh), the biggest of the Clunker Brothers (chortle chortle), the company behind the Frozen Coke Accounting Slushee Fund (HA HA HA!) -- and AOL! (HARDY HAR HAR!!!!!)
In reality, all this "study" proves is that news hacks stink. Consider this damning observation:
[D]amaging stories about Enron have taken a back seat while several companies, including Disney, Microsoft, Wal-Mart, IBM, General Motors, Intel and Home Depot, have kept their good media reputations intact with more positive news [sic]. Also, MRi’s results showed that although the volume of news stories has dipped since last year, the majority of the coverage has been very favorable [emphasis added].
In other words, YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR!!!!!! QED.
In reality, all this "study" proves is that news hacks stink. Consider this damning observation:
[D]amaging stories about Enron have taken a back seat while several companies, including Disney, Microsoft, Wal-Mart, IBM, General Motors, Intel and Home Depot, have kept their good media reputations intact with more positive news [sic]. Also, MRi’s results showed that although the volume of news stories has dipped since last year, the majority of the coverage has been very favorable [emphasis added].
In other words, YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR!!!!!! QED.
I rather suspect the new gay-themed flashes in the TV pan do reinforce stereotypes (I wouldn't know; I avoid the tube as much as possible), but I also suspect the point could be much better made without the help of the insidious Perfesser Thompson. If MIT ever hires him he sets back OpenCourseWare and MIT by six decades.
"They should give the Nobel Prize to whoever came up with that idea."
At a time when news hacks are intent on walling off their Internet contents save for AP headlines, MIT's decision to offer up its courses on the Web for free may seem foolhardy. But "foolhardy" actions helped make America great, and OpenCourseWare can only lead to a vast smartening of the world. A Nobel Prize, indeed.
P. S. It's already 1,060 on Alexa. This is no joke.
At a time when news hacks are intent on walling off their Internet contents save for AP headlines, MIT's decision to offer up its courses on the Web for free may seem foolhardy. But "foolhardy" actions helped make America great, and OpenCourseWare can only lead to a vast smartening of the world. A Nobel Prize, indeed.
P. S. It's already 1,060 on Alexa. This is no joke.
Venice Gets the Giggles as Woody Opens Film Fest
And the suckers who finance his bombs get the willies.
And the suckers who finance his bombs get the willies.
Here is a rough translation of this story: Media buyers (usually table-pounding show-biz sycophants) tell their advertising vice-president clients (ditto) what to buy. The ad VPs then tell some people in the computer room what numbers to plug in for the automatic disbursements to the networks. THAT IS IT. Practically the whole rest of the companies that get beslimed by their "buys" are out of the loop -- as they want to be. This is why so much junk gets financed on television.
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
THE WEEKLY STANDARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! blasts FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News for outlawing puns!
Hey, do you think we can lift the blackout on NO-SPIN's victory?
Hey, do you think we can lift the blackout on NO-SPIN's victory?
What is wrong with this picture? If Kinsley.com will boast about its staff, it shouldn't use a picture of stacks in a library, and what are obviously bound volumes of magazines. I've wasted enough time in libraries to know. Then again, given Kinsley.com's crew, its books are quite like to be as permanent as magazines.
I DID NOT WIN A PEABODY AWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU ASKED FOR IT, NO-SPIN!
The Columbia panel said what was expected. What I want to know is, if things are no better than they were after Challenger, why should NASA keep sending up the Orbiting Jalopy?
Salon.com is offering free copies of Joe Conason's new book "Big Lies" to new subscribers to its Salon Premium service at the $35 level. [IWantMedia link]
Doesn't this redefine the term "gag prize"?
And if FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News did this with MR. NO-SPIN SPIN ZONE I'd say the same thing.
Doesn't this redefine the term "gag prize"?
And if FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News did this with MR. NO-SPIN SPIN ZONE I'd say the same thing.
When the Israelis kill "a bystander" in one of their raids, the news hacks harp on it for days. But when a holy cockroach (Palestinian division) kills 20 on the way to 72 Helen Thomases all the news hacks notice is the @#$%&* ROAD MAP!!!!!
Now USA Okay is endorsing a la carte. The irresistible force of customer anger will soon meet the immovable object of increasing cable rates.
Richard Cohen is the fly in the punch bowl of columning, whining away while everyone else has a good time. Today he gets very very upset because somebody killed John Geoghan. Only a man with great experience at whining would equate the violence of prisons to priests buggering boys. They're both bad, Richard, but they're not...quite...the same. Still nobody's going to stop Richard from having his good time having a bad time.
OH-oh, the traditional woman is coming back! BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
THIS looks like a job for -- the PSEUDO-RELIGION OF CHILD NEGLECT!
THIS looks like a job for -- the PSEUDO-RELIGION OF CHILD NEGLECT!
This was predictable: our city builds a Rendelltorium -- we built it because Ed Rendell said building it would add lots of maids, janitors, bellhops, and other high-tech workers to our jobs base -- and it's losing money. Big money. Further proof it's not quite working out as planned: a la-de-da restaurant across the street went broke.
"The arts" is NOT the starter on a growth engine. But it might be contaminated STP.
"The arts" is NOT the starter on a growth engine. But it might be contaminated STP.
LET'S PLAY GAMES WITH STATISTICS!
Yet another rendition of that sad old song, "QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yet another rendition of that sad old song, "QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Monday, August 25, 2003
As HOUNNNNNNNNNDOG prepared to cover a hit tune by an acquitted killer, the Times ran this all-too-brief piece on the fraternal clubs that flourished in New York before the Great Depression brought a crashing halt to their party. (Has anyone calculated the enormous ruin the Great Depression caused worldwide, in every field of endeavor, not just in the war it inspired?) I doubt if the phenomenon was solely New York's. Within earshot of my apartment are two great old social clubs, the Penn Athletic on Rittenhouse Square (later acquired by the Signal Corps, sold and converted into apartments in the late 70s) and the Yale, a improbably handsome tombstone of a tower (ultimately occupied by the Jewish Federation, now being converted in super-expensive condos). The article features a picture (above) of the Pythian Temple -- a truly historic building. It is a measure of how deaf to nuance The World's Greatest Paper has become that it completely ignored the fact that not only was the Temple built for a largely black fraternity, the Knights of Pythias, for years it served as Decca Records' New York recording studio. This will get you excited, HOUNNNNNNNNNDOG: Bill Haley recorded "Rock Around the Clock" there. Buddy Holly cut tracks in the Temple too. Given the immortal genius of the greatest musical form ever you would think some intern would have known that.
With luck, in time the SAT will be less than useless.
(Although I wonder if edubiz critics are less than useless too when they use impact as a verb.)
(Although I wonder if edubiz critics are less than useless too when they use impact as a verb.)
Wastefraudandabuse is the politician's best friend: it's something he can beat an opponent over the head with, and once esconced in office, he knows it's something he can't or won't have to do a thing about, except in showy press conferences to confuse the gullible.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPS!
Hey RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You should have dropped the suit before you sued!
Hey RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You should have dropped the suit before you sued!
Having just read the tag end of ELVIS's press release (one of the things he apparently does is rehabilitate the acquitted triple-killer John Landis -- I didn't want to linger to find out) I feel like singing some harmony!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH (clap-clap! CLAP!! clap-clap! CLAP!!) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH (clap-clap! CLAP!! clap-clap! CLAP!!)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH (clap-clap! CLAP!! clap-clap! CLAP!!) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH (clap-clap! CLAP!! clap-clap! CLAP!!)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH (clap-clap! CLAP!!) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH (clap-clap! CLAP!!) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH (da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da BOOM!!)
That's The Jordanaires, in case you didn't know.
JAYSON BLAIR LIVES!
P. S. Searching the word "twilight" with Find on IE found nothing. The whitewash was complete.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH (clap-clap! CLAP!! clap-clap! CLAP!!) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH (clap-clap! CLAP!! clap-clap! CLAP!!)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH (clap-clap! CLAP!! clap-clap! CLAP!!) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH (clap-clap! CLAP!! clap-clap! CLAP!!)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH (clap-clap! CLAP!!) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH (clap-clap! CLAP!!) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH (da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da BOOM!!)
That's The Jordanaires, in case you didn't know.
JAYSON BLAIR LIVES!
P. S. Searching the word "twilight" with Find on IE found nothing. The whitewash was complete.
HEY KIDS! Speaking of PR, what's the difference between THIS PRNewswire release and THIS PRNew, er, NEW YORK TIMES FEATURE?
I KNOW, I KNOW TEACH! PRNEWSWIRE DOESN'T HAVE AN ELVIS ON ITS STAFF!
HE AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A HOUNNNNNNNNNN-DOG!
I KNOW, I KNOW TEACH! PRNEWSWIRE DOESN'T HAVE AN ELVIS ON ITS STAFF!
HE AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A HOUNNNNNNNNNN-DOG!
Oooh, Gov. Gray Davis gets to meet with a very carefully screened angry mob! Can't wait for this one. Why do you think his henchmen announced it on PRNewswire?
77 percent of TiVo viewers who had recorded a primetime program for later viewing, actually skipped the commercials when finally watching it.
What are we gonna do about THIS, ASWIA? I've got an idea! LET'S DOUBLE WHAT WE SPEND ON TELEVISION!!!!!
What are we gonna do about THIS, ASWIA? I've got an idea! LET'S DOUBLE WHAT WE SPEND ON TELEVISION!!!!!
Add a third category besides PC pressure groups and disasters that will cause ASWIA members to back off: crime.
Considering the torrents of JUNK you finance, I am NOT impressed, "Avon Products, Apple Computer, Federated Department Stores, Hallmark Cards, Home Depot, Levi Strauss & Co., Pfizer, Sears Roebuck & Co. and Toyota Motor Co."
Considering the torrents of JUNK you finance, I am NOT impressed, "Avon Products, Apple Computer, Federated Department Stores, Hallmark Cards, Home Depot, Levi Strauss & Co., Pfizer, Sears Roebuck & Co. and Toyota Motor Co."
Another news hack writes another menage-a-trois love letter to himself.
The Rodin's Thinker of Comedy should ponder this as he faces the abyss: Will anyone remember him? Johnny Carson was one of the greatest monologuists, one of TV's brightest lights, but who recalls his punchlines? Heck Will Rogers, the first great mass-media joke teller, a leading movie star and newspaper columnist, a man seriously suggested for the White House in 1932, who even spoke at that year's Democratic convention in an Ah-NULT moment, doesn't jog most peoples' memories. Huck Finn will live. Not last night's Top-10 joke.
The Rodin's Thinker of Comedy should ponder this as he faces the abyss: Will anyone remember him? Johnny Carson was one of the greatest monologuists, one of TV's brightest lights, but who recalls his punchlines? Heck Will Rogers, the first great mass-media joke teller, a leading movie star and newspaper columnist, a man seriously suggested for the White House in 1932, who even spoke at that year's Democratic convention in an Ah-NULT moment, doesn't jog most peoples' memories. Huck Finn will live. Not last night's Top-10 joke.
Sighhhhhhhhhh, Forbes.com again:
"To be wholly devoted to some intellectual exercise is to have succeeded in life."
-Robert Louis Stevenson
And so a blast from the past justifies every PC layabout professor, every paper-shuffling WELCHITE CEO, every pretentious news anchorpoop.
"To be wholly devoted to some intellectual exercise is to have succeeded in life."
-Robert Louis Stevenson
And so a blast from the past justifies every PC layabout professor, every paper-shuffling WELCHITE CEO, every pretentious news anchorpoop.
I don't trust the Beeb after the months it's spent running the Iraq war into the ground, but I will not trust one word from Andy S. and his fellow devoted Newscorpions about it either, because in the end, all they want to do is help RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Looks like our friends the holy cockroaches are spreading their germs in India.
Remember the equation: 40 Indians = .25 American. This won't even make the space before the first commercial break on The Three Stooges.
Remember the equation: 40 Indians = .25 American. This won't even make the space before the first commercial break on The Three Stooges.
A whole lot of pols need to be recalled
And so should a lot of multimillionairing, ego-tripping, tantrum-throwing, attorney-enriching, no-spin-spinning PUNDITS.
And so should a lot of multimillionairing, ego-tripping, tantrum-throwing, attorney-enriching, no-spin-spinning PUNDITS.
Sunday, August 24, 2003
SOMEONE QUESTIONS THE MOVIES-WERE-BETTER-THAN-EVER-IN-THE-SEVENTIES CULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But the guy tempers his language because he knows there was some Einsteinian genius.
Why do we have to slog through hundreds of lousy articles to find something that even remotely counters the CW?!?!? This is why the Web is such an challenge to news hacks -- because it exposes how depthlessly bad their work really is.
Sometimes it seems as if all contemporary buildings are held together by polysulfide sealants.
Indeed.
Indeed.
A hack scratches into why JOURNALISM stinks, and among the reasons (most of them are CONSERVATIVE) is the "celebrity" reporter, and to prove it who does this scribbler cite five times? The man who made Armani suits mandatory in the upper echelons of show-biz flattery -- KEN FELLATTA.
"Journalism" still stinks.
"Journalism" still stinks.
The Professor quotes Mark Steyn -- but he doesn't quote the best passage:
Islamic terrorism is militarily weak but ideologically confident. The West is militarily strong but ideologically insecure. We don't really believe we can win, not in the long run. The suicide bomber is a symbol of weakness, of a culture so comprehensively failed that what ought to be its greatest resource--its people--is instead as disposable as a firecracker. But in our self-doubt the enemy's weakness becomes his strength....The terrorists watch CNN and the BBC and, understandably, they figure that in Iraq America, Britain, the UN and all the rest will do what most people do when they run up against someone deranged: back out of the room slowly. They're wrong. There's no choice. You kill it here, or the next generation of suicide bombers will be on buses in Rotterdam, Manchester, Lyons, and blowing up the UN building in Manhattan. This is the battlefield.
On the button as usual.
Islamic terrorism is militarily weak but ideologically confident. The West is militarily strong but ideologically insecure. We don't really believe we can win, not in the long run. The suicide bomber is a symbol of weakness, of a culture so comprehensively failed that what ought to be its greatest resource--its people--is instead as disposable as a firecracker. But in our self-doubt the enemy's weakness becomes his strength....The terrorists watch CNN and the BBC and, understandably, they figure that in Iraq America, Britain, the UN and all the rest will do what most people do when they run up against someone deranged: back out of the room slowly. They're wrong. There's no choice. You kill it here, or the next generation of suicide bombers will be on buses in Rotterdam, Manchester, Lyons, and blowing up the UN building in Manhattan. This is the battlefield.
On the button as usual.
It appears the news hacks are preparing a j'accuse because John Geoghan's killer HATED GAYS, which in Newshackdom is a crime worse than MURDER.
What did you say again, HHHWALTER CRRRONKITE?
What did you say again, HHHWALTER CRRRONKITE?
BLUNDER and its ilk scream that we don't have enough soldiers in Iraq -- but they were on the front lines hollering that we should rush into Liberia because it was THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
Now what?
Now what?
Another masterwork of the geniuses at BLUNDER -- this one headed FAST FOWARD [SIC]:
There's no way to do justice to the bounty of fall and winter -- without saying virtually nothing about virtually everything.
Saying virtually nothing about virtually everything -- that's my NEW BLUNDER motto!
There's no way to do justice to the bounty of fall and winter -- without saying virtually nothing about virtually everything.
Saying virtually nothing about virtually everything -- that's my NEW BLUNDER motto!
Two things about this press release: 1) I thought it was RACISTSEXISTHOMOPHOBIC for people in the biz to compliment women on their LOOKS; and 2) compared to the likes of, say, Sophia Loren, or Anita Ekberg, or Marilyn, or Liz, these girls AREN'T that good looking.
Question: Why should a terrorist not claim responsibility for an attack? I thought they liked boasting.
The opening line in a BLUNDER story:
There is a danger of over-reacting to last week’s gruesome bombing of the United Nations’ headquarters in Baghdad.
So what will news hacks do? Over-react -- with a new heapin' helpin' of QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! stories, for instance. The only surprise here is that Norm's grandson didn't do some foreign-policy "thinking." And the sad thing is there are a few common-sense ideas here -- like bringing in more troops (although typically this writer thinks the League of Nations will solve all the problems) and spending more money on the reconstruction; SuperRummy gave little thought to the afterwar, just like with Afghanistan. But as I said, ANYTHING news hacks said must be taken with a truckload of salt, as their MO hasn't changed.
By the way -- aren't most bombings gruesome? Unless nobody gets bombed, of course. What did you say, HHHWALTER CRRRONKITE?
There is a danger of over-reacting to last week’s gruesome bombing of the United Nations’ headquarters in Baghdad.
So what will news hacks do? Over-react -- with a new heapin' helpin' of QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! stories, for instance. The only surprise here is that Norm's grandson didn't do some foreign-policy "thinking." And the sad thing is there are a few common-sense ideas here -- like bringing in more troops (although typically this writer thinks the League of Nations will solve all the problems) and spending more money on the reconstruction; SuperRummy gave little thought to the afterwar, just like with Afghanistan. But as I said, ANYTHING news hacks said must be taken with a truckload of salt, as their MO hasn't changed.
By the way -- aren't most bombings gruesome? Unless nobody gets bombed, of course. What did you say, HHHWALTER CRRRONKITE?