Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Posted
9:10 PM
by Gene
We will not pay attention as we do not expect Bluto to be reprimanded anymore than his partner in money THE FLYING KEYBOARD was, and at any event he has never learned to speak any language resembling English.
Posted
9:04 PM
by Gene
Focus: Camilla: The It Girl of 2006 Any article that introduces us to the bozo who "invented" the term "metrosexual" (who worked for an AD AGENCY) and who further insists on bleating "Camilla is going to be the next great lifestyle icon" is not worth reading. It wasn't that long ago that the TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! went behind North Korea's fence; but we expect nothing from RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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8:58 PM
by Gene
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8:50 PM
by Gene
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8:46 PM
by Gene
Really, we've read Gawker. Anybody can write Gawker. And that's the problem.
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5:29 PM
by Gene
Oh dear oh dear, what would have happened had he won the Nobel Good Intentions Prize?
Posted
5:26 PM
by Gene
(Via the Corner. It also got linked by the Volokhheads, who seemed to have had a little laugh with their formatting.)
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5:13 PM
by Gene
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2:26 PM
by Gene
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1:37 PM
by Gene
![]() WHY NOT? (Via Michelle Malkin, who can burst a few veins with the best of them. It seems the dimwits at COX, as if out of conscience, ran a riposte from some teenage reader in the print edition. The day this tantrum appeared was a day of much self-hugging in the luxury news suite, and thankfully the only ones who suffered were the operators and customer-service reps who caught all the profanities that should have gone to THEM. I'd bet Mike got a lot of laughs out of that. ![]() Ceertainly it's funnier than his cartoons, which appear to be run-of-the-mill when they're not knee-jerk. This is a danger of blogging: get caught up in something and you can be a monomaniacal BLOGGER OF THE MILLENNIUM too.)
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1:35 PM
by Gene
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1:18 PM
by Gene
DICK SCHICK! Congratulations, DICK! May your year be -- RICH with NEUHARTHISMS! We know ours will be.
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1:15 PM
by Gene
Let's guess which publisher of which circulation-defying business rag will have himself a HAPPY!
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1:10 PM
by Gene
In short, this PROMISES to be a very PROMISING year for MSSSSSSSSSSSS. PELOSI!
Posted
10:05 AM
by Gene
With their programming all the networks are guilty of grand larceny.
Posted
9:58 AM
by Gene
It looks like the wheels have fallen off Jennifer Lopez's planned star vehicle, a flashy film musical version of "Carmen." Investors can't be found to risk $50 million on the project, even though riding-high "Ray" director Taylor Hackford is at the helm. "'Carmen' is on its last legs," Hackford admitted Thursday in Italy, where he is attending the Capri, Hollywood International Film Festival. "Studios are so frightened at the moment that they are looking for outside money," he said. "There is a great deal of fear in Hollywood. Many of the films are not working [at the box office]." So why not make ONE MORE?
Posted
9:55 AM
by Gene
U.S. death toll in Iraq for '05 nears '04 level 841 soldiers killed this year — just 5 short of last year's toll YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! HAP-PY NEW YEAR!!!!! But what's with your guys, CURLEY? The word GRIM HAS to show up AT LEAST ONCE!
Posted
9:53 AM
by Gene
The average American goes to the movie theater fewer than six times a year, which makes Richard Troncone way, way above average. In his West Los Angeles home, the 54-year-old computer tech keeps a careful list of every film he's seen during the last 40 years. Since 1988, he's watched 2,445 movies, averaging more than 135 films a year — all of them in a theater. But this year Troncone decided to go for a personal best by trying to top his record of 176 movies set in 1972 (and confirmed by nobody but him). He knew he'd have to sit through some duds. "I don't want to come across as a nut case," he said when asked what drove him to take in such lackluster offerings this year as the sequel "Miss Congeniality 2 — Armed and Fabulous" (No. 18) and the futuristic muddle "The Island" (No. 78). "I just love movies. I guess that's an understatement." NO COMMENT.
Posted
9:51 AM
by Gene
What gives, Jonah? Even the head of Wal-Mart wants to boost it nationally. What has happened to our heroes? Friday, December 30, 2005
Posted
7:12 PM
by Gene
The University of Michigan suspended sales of Coca-Cola products on its three campuses over allegations that the company permits human rights and environmental abuses abroad. Fine. But we must ask -- how much of ANHEUSER-BUSCH do you sell every year?
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6:24 PM
by Gene
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4:56 PM
by Gene
There is no more appalling illustration of this phenomenon than recent announcements by the African Union and the Arab League that both groups will hold their upcoming summits in Khartoum. These summits will represent symbolic triumphs for Sudan's genocidaires. And they will reinforce in very public fashion what Khartoum already knows: that none of its neighbors really cares what it does in Darfur. Because first off, it isn't genocide when it's your enemy. Second, it isn't genocide when you're spreading the word of some devil posing as a god. Any other questions?
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4:49 PM
by Gene
![]() This is a POWERFUL DISPLAY of REBRANDING!!!!!!!!!! Pffffffffffffffffffffffft!
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4:41 PM
by Gene
How much does this have to do with the housing bub -- BOOM?
Posted
4:23 PM
by Gene
When it comes to talking about God both men could use a little of Abe's Second Inaugural. But that presupposes both men would benefit from any form of humility, and besides, it would pose a problem with Chris because he believes God's an it who largely serves the nefarious purposes of right-wing demagogues, and with Andy S. because he's immortal.
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4:13 PM
by Gene
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3:51 PM
by Gene
1. Admissions will be down 11 PERCENT (not the single digits of most reports), so no, it's not just the absence of WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!! The Jesus Slasher Movie; 2. "Even more bad news: 527 new pics were released in 2005, compared with 507 in 2004. That means Hollywood did less business with more films." 3. "While the top 15 films of 2005 -- those with domestic cumes over $120 million -- were on a par with the top films last year, every film below No. 15 in the top 100 did worse than the one with the same rank in 2004." Meaning if it weren't for tentpole movies there'd be no tent. We have this awful hunch the S&M moviegoing crowd will be back, but the APE may foretell of a day when the marketing just won't move them any more. I postulated that GREATEST FILM OF THE YEAR was this year's AUDREY'S MONSTER, heavily promoted by big consumer products companies on the strength of interoffice memos.* Which movies will be overpromoted and underperform next year? *I said the same of CGI LEWIS, but the promoing seems to have been low-key by comparison.
Posted
11:54 AM
by Gene
Democrats? How about the rest of us? (Via Topix.net)
Posted
9:36 AM
by Gene
Only now has someone written a piece on those funny college house promos that run during football games.
Posted
9:33 AM
by Gene
Pffh-hh-hh!
Posted
8:49 AM
by Gene
I DON'T CLAIM TO BE A CRUNCHY CON... [JPod] ...and I do acknowledge being a heterosexual musical-comedy queen, so I have to say that I really loved the movie version of Rent. I loved the show too. Yep, The Corner is the definitive argument against blogging.
Posted
8:23 AM
by Gene
What planet are you on, Norm? (Via the usual ArtsJournal.com)
Posted
6:55 AM
by Gene
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6:32 AM
by Gene
Politicians all over seem bent on adopting the Six-of-One Principle.
Posted
6:26 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: USAOKAY!!!!!'s rehearsing for the SUPER BOWL again, sighhhhhhhhhhhh. Thursday, December 29, 2005
Posted
5:55 PM
by Gene
Porto Santo, described as an unspoilt island paradise with a population of fewer than 5,000.... UH oh, I think we've created a new tourist trap.
Posted
5:47 PM
by Gene
How many times must the government tell us the sun rises in the east?
Posted
5:38 PM
by Gene
Knowing this age it'll be a career advancement.
Posted
5:27 PM
by Gene
Which will not stop The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers from spending psychopathically on television.
Posted
5:14 PM
by Gene
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5:09 PM
by Gene
Do I hear DOW 36,000 and VIR-GIN-IA screaming somewhere?
Posted
4:59 PM
by Gene
The one obvious thing about is it Web sites may look like this some day. As to its inventor: he ought to go to Hollywood -- or be a SENIOR VICE-PRESIDENT AT GANNETT -- OR AL REUT. P. S. Not one well-known advertiser, of course; the link from RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S Times is a sudoku puzzle (I just heard of this fad and ALREADY it's tiresome). Well, to each his fifteen minutes.
Posted
3:51 PM
by Gene
MOVIE WARNING [JPod] Rod Dreher also loved American Beauty. Posted at 02:32 PM
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3:47 PM
by Gene
The further bad news is: KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN's in thirteenth place. The APE is climbing down the EMPIRE STATE BUILDING, back to the jungle of CGI. P. S. at 4:55 P. M.: Woodster the Perv's GREATEST FILM EVER may be in trouble. Again, under ordinary circumstances we wouldn't pay it attention; but when the EFFETE EDELSTEINS and other such HACKS have SCREAMED THE GENIUS OF THIS 1939 SEASON we CAN'T HELP IT.
Posted
11:09 AM
by Gene
Nissan and Microsoft have partnered to show that they can deliver as much impotent grandeur as any other auto/software maker duo. The vendors this week announced that they will unveil the first "fully integrated gaming system within a vehicle." And somebody take away their training wheels! (Via the usual GEEKDOM)
Posted
10:46 AM
by Gene
Robert Abramoff (Executive Vice President, Producer) has been producer and co-producer of numerous feature films including "Red Scorpion" starring Dolph Lundgren "Good Luck" starring Gregory Hines & Vincent D'Onofrio, and "High Voltage" staring Antonio Sabato, Jr. He is also president and founder of International Marketing Systems, Inc., specializing in marketing consultation, and of High Ridge Media, a Denver-based multimedia and television production company, whose clients include TCI and Starz/Encore Cable. Robert is a partner in the law firm of Burgee & Abramoff, serving as legal counsel to numerous entertainers and producers, including Lorna & Milton Berle, Alien Voices (owned by Leonard Nimoy), and Sunwoo Entertainment. Robert was Vice President of business affairs with Bobtown Productions (an animation production company), and worked in business affairs at Warner Bros. Television. So -- brother was legal counsel to Uncle Milty! Did Scorpion pick up some jokes along with his ethics? Hoo-RAY for HOL-ly-WOOD!!!!!
Posted
10:26 AM
by Gene
'Los Angeles Times' Quotes Fake News Release Ehhhhhhhhh, these might not be related, would they?
Posted
9:38 AM
by Gene
And no mention of the DOCTORED PHOTO. Very reassuring. TRANSLATION: He'll be on for five minutes and look terrible.
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
C'mon Larry and Sergey! Make movies! LOSE MONEY!
Posted
8:59 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:41 AM
by Gene
![]() his FELLOW MOVIE MAN, that FAMOUS PRODUCER of ACTION FLICKS... ![]() ...THE RED-STATE SCORPION: "I think he's been dealt a bad hand and the worst, rawest deal I've ever seen in my life. Words like bribery are being used to describe things that happened every day in Washington and are not bribes." We are approaching the earth's molten core. AND: Abramoff and his crew busted the College Republicans' budget with a 1982 national direct-mail fundraising campaign that ended up "a colossal flop," said Bond, then deputy director of the party's national committee. He said he banished the three from GOP headquarters, telling Abramoff: "You can't be trusted." Little did Rich Bond know THE RED-STATE SCORPION was adding a line to his RESUMÉ.
Posted
6:57 AM
by Gene
Through his main investment vehicle, MacAndrews & Forbes Holdings and its subsidiary DX III Holdings, Perelman has bought Deluxe Film, one of the world's largest replicators of film for the global movie industry, for some $745 million. That business should be worth a FORTUNE as the movie racket switches to digital. I think the Rank Group just GONGED you. And this being Little Malcolm he shakes his head like a good boy and makes a cute joke. No wonder you had to play tricks with your circ.
Posted
6:48 AM
by Gene
OR: MySpace is a division of News Corp., which also owns The Post. A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO HOLLY!
Posted
6:46 AM
by Gene
You should have thought about that when you pulled the trigger.
Posted
6:34 AM
by Gene
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6:30 AM
by Gene
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6:27 AM
by Gene
HUH, EDDIE? Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Posted
6:09 PM
by Gene
Bowling Grows As High School Varsity Sport
Posted
5:57 PM
by Gene
Does that explain the quality control problems? P. S. Mickey D's is still -- trying: Earlier this year, McDonald’s Corp. hired Lanham, Md.-based entertainment marketing firm Maven Strategies to pay rap artists to create songs naming the fast-food brand’s Big Mac sandwich. Although McDonald’s planned to pay upward of $5 every time a song mentioning Big Mac was played on the radio, so far it has yet to get its song. Moreover, Big Mac failed to even snag a single mention in 2005, based on Agenda’s study. “It should have been done secretly,” Mr. Lucian said of the McDonald’s initiative.... Maven Strategies, however, did land Seagram’s five mentions in 2004 for its gin in rap songs.
Posted
5:07 PM
by Gene
...and did PAJAMAS MEDIA have anything to do with it?
Posted
5:00 PM
by Gene
Then again perhaps he has realized no one can be funny once a week. (Via its partner in synergy The Book Standard)
Posted
3:48 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: President Rove picked a good Chief Nine-Finger. Now let us cross our fingers and hope after a while we won't have to call them The Nine Fingers.
Posted
2:10 PM
by Gene
And THIS from AL REUT?
Posted
2:00 PM
by Gene
Meantime blurbists "from alternative weeklies, online publications, and film journals from around the country" prove once again their ideal living quarters would be a cryonic chamber.
Posted
12:13 PM
by Gene
Everyday's Doonesbury: The unfunny Mr. T.
Posted
12:10 PM
by Gene
Wouldn't it be bad enough if the victim were bright yellow and his attackers aquamarine?
Posted
10:51 AM
by Gene
The networks have always played tricks on their viewers. Why bother with one lousy Photoshop application? (Via the FREEP, where the folk got excited over the hed)
Posted
10:42 AM
by Gene
The Bancroft clan finally throws in the towel on its languishing newspaper fortune and sells Dow Jones, publisher of The Wall Street Journal. News Corp. owner Rupert Murdoch would love to get his hands on the vaunted broadsheet, but the winning bid comes from the dark horse tandem of Berkshire Hathaway and The Washington Post. Yeah. And Pinch sells His Heaven to GanNETt. Not bloody likely. (Via the usual ROMY)
Posted
10:17 AM
by Gene
If nothing else of note had happened in the past 12 months, 2005 would still have been a very good year for jazz. Any year in which John Coltrane supplants Jamie Cullum as a topic of conversation is a very good year indeed. 1. Who's Jamie Cullum? 2. Trane died in 1967. P. S. Jamie Cullum's some sort of singer. Just because you have 2,390,000 links on G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE doesn't mean people know your name, or deserve to.
Posted
6:49 AM
by Gene
By July 2005, there were 2,146 retailers, up from 1,988 retailers in June 1999, according to the agency. Restaurants and bars helped to drive the growth, and now account for 29 percent of Center City retailing. In 2000, Center City District counted just three Starbucks coffee shops downtown. Now there are 11. EDDIE! TAKE A BOW! And will someone tell him to stop groping?
Posted
6:44 AM
by Gene
What shall we rename you, o tycoon holiness -- St. Warren of Assisi? Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Posted
7:24 PM
by Gene
Q. If this was such a great year for movies, why are box-office receipts so far down from last year, even though admission prices are at an all-time high? Do you feel that there is such a growing disconnect between Hollywood and America that Hollywood had better wake up or face serious consequences? Cal Ford, Corsicana, Texas A: No, I don't, because the "box-office slump" is an urban myth that has been tiresomely created by news media recycling one another. By mid-December, according to the Hollywood Reporter, receipts were down between 4 percent and 5 percent from 2004, a record year when the totals were boosted by Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ," which grossed $370 million. Many of those tickets were sold to people who rarely go to the movies. 2005 will eventually be the second or third best year in box-office history. Industry analyst David Poland at moviecitynews.com has been consistently right about this non-story. We note the cliche "urban myth" and the defensive use of "history", plus the sneer at all those Philistines who saw WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!! The Jesus Slasher Movie and will never see another again (we can't blame them). Of COURSE the movie BIZ set a BOX-OFFICE RECORD in 2004. It might NOT have if tickets were still A QUARTER EACH. The best guesses (and there may be few good ones) are that weekly movie attendance in the late 1920s was at least FOUR TIMES what it is today; in per-capita terms it's been in decline since 1950. Of course what gets THE ANSWER MAN mad is that if people aren't going to the movies that insinuates the movies aren't so hot, and we know that ISN'T true from Rog's many THUMBS UP. As for Dave, we've tried to read his musings, but he strikes us as a VOLOKHHEAD of film -- wordy and conceited. We have better ways to waste our time -- like NOT GOING TO THE MOVIES.
Posted
7:14 PM
by Gene
NO THANK YOU. (Via Yahoo! News)
Posted
6:11 PM
by Gene
GADS! I don't like it when NEWS HACKS spin economic news to help THEIR party, and I don't like it when YOU SPIN ECONOMIC NEWS TO HELP YOURS. P. S. Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges cite somebody saying it's three percent same-store increases for most retailers. It always seems to be three-to-five percent. Does it really matter? Most annual news stories could be rerun with minimal edits.
Posted
5:56 PM
by Gene
Con-SER-va-tives can follow Effete jumping off a cliff. We should do a Free Republic movie awards selection. And then do battle in suits of armor with EFFETE EDELSTEIN!
Posted
5:41 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:19 PM
by Gene
(Via ArsTechnica via the Geeks)
Posted
5:10 PM
by Gene
Playbill.com thinks it's boasting.
Posted
1:53 PM
by Gene
(Via ShowBizData)
Posted
1:28 PM
by Gene
The 50-year-old Reardon, retired since 1994 and sixth in career saves, walked into Hamilton Jewelers at the Gardens Mall on Monday and handed an employee a note saying he had a gun and the store was being robbed, police said Tuesday. We could say something for the excuse, or the fact he earned $11.5 million in his career, or some very famous on-line auctioneer, but we won't.
Posted
11:51 AM
by Gene
And with CEOs running the show we'd get no end of the "creating [of] appearances, posturing, rhetoric, and spin -- in a word, deception." How would that be any different?
Posted
11:32 AM
by Gene
OOPS: BAD NEWS, DOW 36,000: Munich mastermind spurns Spielberg's peace appeal But then.... He voiced outrage at not being consulted for the thriller and accused Spielberg of pandering to the Jewish state. Well, he can't be that bad, Dow -- he wants his money too! (Via the FREEP)
Posted
10:46 AM
by Gene
Stooges, don't you have anything better to do -- like evicting Dubya from the White House?
Posted
10:10 AM
by Gene
Of course, some might say "Monday Night Football" was never the same after Howard Cosell's departure. (At least those of us who still remember the obnoxious Howard.) Maybe Dennis Miller should have been kept on longer. And remember the brief time when it appeared Rush Limbaugh might join the Monday night announcing team? Unlike over-the-hill John Madden, he would have saved the show. Yeah -- and we would have had Limbaugh 2006. Bleeeaaaah!!
Posted
8:19 AM
by Gene
"So," I'd say, "guvment DEFINITELY caused what happened at Enron." "Oh absolutely," the dweeb would say. "WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO RAN ENRON?" But the FEES must be provoking, shall we say, CONFLICTS among die-hard free-en-ter-prise con-ser-va-tives. On the one hand we know laywers are the root of all evil, being DEMOCRATS. On the other hand evil can't be that bad when it's for free en-ter-prise.
Posted
8:06 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:58 AM
by Gene
And we wonder why the news biz grows exponentially worse.
Posted
6:45 AM
by Gene
Think if we tried that here. But the GE BANCORP & REALTY WHITE-ELEPHANT GAMES must go on, even if their only purpose is to inconvenience people and bankrupt a nation.
Posted
6:35 AM
by Gene
Although you must wonder if these magnates will have any maker to meet, they having mostly made themselves.
Posted
6:31 AM
by Gene
That's football. Monday, December 26, 2005
Posted
5:31 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:37 PM
by Gene
But production of Fun With Dick and Jane, which started out as a quickie remake of the 1977 heist comedy starring George Segal and Jane Fonda, ended up a more difficult endeavor than expected. (Disclosure: My boss, Variety editor in chief Peter Bart, was a producer on the original and is an executive producer on the update.) A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO GABE -- AND PETE!
Posted
2:19 PM
by Gene
And what movie did more per-venue biz than any other? THE POLAR EXPRESS. Hasn't anyone noticed? One other thing: are THE MOST INTELLIGENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA seeing ARTHOUSE FLICKS like they used to? There's a biz I'd be SCREAMING out of; it's all double-or-nothing -- as in losses. P. S. AL REUT says down 14 percent year-to-year; last Christmas fell on a Saturday. P. P. S. One would like to think the bombing of Boheme with AAAAATTITUDE and KERNGERSHWIN'S MASTERPIECE would mark a coda for movie musicals. If the two films do $50 million between them (we're assuming GERSH does $20 million) that means 5 to 6 million admissions. That MAY account for both these misbegotten properties' core followings; but even their most obsessive fans must inevitably grow up; and there will come a time when those who gushed over Boheme II will cringe with embarrassment, while those who saw THE GREATEST MUSICAL OF ALL TIME will forever say, "Well, you had to be there," hoping chanting that mantra drives the bad taste away.
Posted
1:00 PM
by Gene
And given your crocodile tears over the death penalty, how many Austrians screamed "Heil Hitler!" and kissed the ground he trod, and helped send Jews to the gas chambers? I love when Europeans lecture us on our depravity, having practically invented it in the last century.
Posted
9:12 AM
by Gene
[An American Tragedy] add[s] one more generic, musically faceless American opera to a growing heap of melancholy disasters. You may not know dozens -- nay, HUNDREDS of composers have been busily writing operas, just as thousands have been typing books, and hundreds of thousands have made TV shows for the big screen. Our culture mistakes busy for excellence. Can anyone doubt the last decent American composer was Lenny B -- and he died in 1990? (And he wrote an "opera" too, A Quiet Place -- another melancholy disaster.) Remember when NEWS HACKS jumped up and down over those ENDURING MASTERWORKS Nixon in China and The Death of Klinghoffer, written by some throroughly desiccated academic who'd be completely forgotten except he shared a name with our second president? Where are they now? Heck we've already forgotten that fine conductor and tuneless composer Andre Previn's adaptation of A Streetcar Named Desire. Can anyone doubt, on the evidence of grand opry alone, and in every particular, our culture STINKS?
Posted
8:17 AM
by Gene
As Nietzsche once wrote, "that which does not kill us makes us stronger".... We know, we KNOW, your CORPSE refuses to DIE. "Movies that fail fall on their faces. They don't just stumble on their knees," says Nina Jacobson, Disney's production chief. "We have to win back the trust of the audience that moviegoing is going to be worth the money, time and energy it takes to experience it." Here's another well-paid jackass who believes watching a movie should be WORK. "When I first started the job three years ago, everybody asked me what my intention for the studio was," says Jeff Robinov, Warners' production president. "And it's really about filmmakers and writers." Yet trust those same people too much and you end up with ... Sony's "Bewitched." Isn't it always? It isn't about the moviegoers. The next generation of movie fans may avoid the multiplex and take in the latest releases on their iPods, wi-fi laptops, Xboxes or Bluetooth cellphones, devices that often can provide a better entertainment value than many movie theaters. I'd gladly watch Gone with the Wind on a cellphone. And here's Moronna Dargis's MOVIE OF THE YEAR: Miramax's "Best of Youth," among the year's best-reviewed movies, nearly required moviegoers to take a day off: It ran over six hours and grossed just $274,000. Not long enough. [I]t's fair to wonder if such 2006 movies as "Poseidon," "Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction," "The Omen 666" and "The Santa Clause 3" are part of the solution ... or part of the problem. Any industry run by DR. EVIL and SAMMY GLICKMAN...never mind. And now, our sacred industry's NEW MOTTO: "Next time, I'll wait for the DVD." You may not have to.
Posted
8:11 AM
by Gene
And we wouldn't be surprised if it's frequently done it without permission, and festooned permanently in many places. Corporate America has no sense of responsibility outside the one forced on it by law. And of course St. Warren, being St. Warren, is upset because it's not "real." You NEVER WERE, St. Warren.
Posted
8:02 AM
by Gene
This story seems to have been inspired by the late GLIBERAL's leavings. He is the LAST person who should inspire any form of writing, except pink slips. Sunday, December 25, 2005
Posted
7:40 PM
by Gene
The birthplace of composer Cole Porter is getting a winter makeover. The 1860s-era house, which has about 21 rooms, had fallen into disrepair over the years. It had been split into several apartments, and police found a methamphetamine lab in one of the apartments two years ago. The renovations will include repairing the foundation, rebuilding four porches, replacing wiring and plumbing and installing heat and air conditioning. No doubt the knuckleheads who ran the meth lab hadn't the foggiest idea who Cole Porter was, let alone that he lived there, although one must assume they had nothing but foggy ideas.
Posted
6:03 PM
by Gene
• Rice's popularity seen gaining as Bush's wains And when it wains, it pours.
Posted
5:49 PM
by Gene
Lolita (1955) Author: Vladimir Nabokov “1) I’m bored. 2) He uses too many allusions to other novels, so that if you’re not well read, this book makes no sense. 3) Most American readers are not fluent in French, so to have conversations or interjections in French with no translation is plain dumb. 4) Did I mention I was bored? 5) As with another reviewer, I agree, he uses a lot of huge words that just slow a person down. And it’s not for theatrics either, it’s just huge words mid-sentence when describing something simple. Nothing in the sense of imagery is gained. 6) Also, to sum it up, it’s a story about a pedophile.” Mrs. Dalloway (1925) Author: Virginia Woolf “The only good thing to say about this “literary” drivel is that the person responsible, Virginia Woolf, has been dead for quite some time now. Let us pray to God she stays that way.” The Sound and the Fury (1929) Author: William Faulkner “This book is like an ungrateful girlfriend. You do your best to understand her and get nothing back in return.” The Sun Also Rises (1926) Author: Ernest Hemingway “Here’s the first half of the book: ‘We had dinner and a few drinks. We went to a cafe and talked and had some drinks. We ate dinner and had a few drinks. Dinner. Drinks. More dinner. More drinks. We took a cab here (or there) in Paris and had some drinks, and maybe we danced and flirted and talked sh*t about somebody. More dinner. More drinks. I love you, I hate you, maybe you should come up to my room, no you can’t’… I flipped through the second half of the book a day or two later and saw the words ‘dinner’ and ‘drinks’ on nearly every page and figured it wasn’t worth the risk.” How do you find these reviews? P. S. Has anyone noticed the unfavorable reviews get fewer "useful" votes than the favorable ones? I've never figured that out, unless people like to be flattered.
Posted
5:33 PM
by Gene
Way too many books in 2005 Too many new books seem to be trying to catch the eyes of a dwindling number of buyers. Almost 200,000 new titles appeared in 2004, according to the latest count, a 14 percent jump from 2003. A quarter of those titles came from vanity presses and "print on demand" subsidy publishers, leaving nearly 150,000 from legit-- er, traditional publishing houses. But for another depressing year, overall book sales in the United States were down, just like newspaper circulation, suggesting the slow hemorrhage of print literacy in America is even worse than had been thought. (Just last week it was reported that the English literacy of the average American college graduate had dropped steeply over the last decade.) Surely there's a TON OF GENIUS in all this pulp; but who has time to read 200,000 books? Maybe the book biz is suffering because there is too much genius -- just as the profusion of genius in the film biz seems to have cut audiences, even in the arthouse circuit?
Posted
3:05 PM
by Gene
So why not Charles Philip Arthur George I?
Posted
3:04 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:54 AM
by Gene
"BATMAN BEGINS," "The Beat That My Heart Skipped," "Capote," "Darwin's Nightmare," "Duma," "Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room," "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," "Funny Ha Ha," "George A. Romero's Land of the Dead," "Good Night, and Good Luck," "Grizzly Man," "Head-On," "The Holy Girl," "Howl's Moving Castle," "In Her Shoes," "Keane," "Match Point," "Millions," "Mondovino," "Mysterious Skin," "No Direction Home: Bob Dylan," "Police Beat," "Pulse," "Red Eye," "Rize," "The Squid and the Whale," "The Sun," "Syriana," "The Talent Given Us," "The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada," "Three Times," "Tony Takitani," "Tropical Malady," "Waiting for the Clouds," "Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit," "Who's Camus Anyway?" and "The World." Was this a good year for the movies or what? We'd guess it was a good year for the movies if you lived in the arthouse circuit and had an endless taste for navel staring. We note too the few commerical films on the list (excepting the Wallace and Gromit flick) were either politically or culturally PC. So this random assemblage of words proves what? The brutality of this market also means that today's film lovers, especially those living outside the major movie markets, often have to work harder and wait longer than they might like to see the good stuff, but the good stuff is out there - if not necessarily at the local multiplex, then in film festivals, video stores, mail-order rental outfits and those online companies that sell movies from around the world. Why should anyone have to WORK to see a movie? Once people could just enter a theater and see a reasonably decent flick. When the audiences for some of these masterworks number in the thousands -- in the HUNDREDS -- doesn't that mean chances are they're NOT decent flicks? And since we mention "video stores, mail-order rental outfits and those online companies that sell movies from around the world", doesn't that mean we're not watching movies, and with them the special aura ad-blurbists always yelp you can get only in a theater, but glorified TV shows, most likely shot with video equipment? And if these are glorified TV shows what's so special about them? Moronna, the Lord God Pinch should put YOU in TimesReject. Maybe someday He will. P. S. A writer who used to by-line himself Steven X. Rea pulls the same stunt in our local rag, saying movies are better than ever -- and citing for his top-10 all arthouse flicks. This KLUMPH! KLUMPH! of the hacks is increasingly infuriating.
Posted
9:33 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:29 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:01 AM
by Gene
![]() A Christmas tree in Sydney, Australia (it's winter down there?); ![]() A Christmas tree in Newport Beach, California; ![]() A Christmas tree in Osh, Kyrgyzstan (who's that fellow standing next to it?); ![]() A Christmas tree in Taipei (well, an unreasonable facsimile); ![]() Two Christmas trees in formation before the West Wing; ![]() A Christmas tree in Manhattan; ![]() A Christmas tree in Dubai (or as the caption notes, "Christian expatriates in the Gulf enjoy increasingly more freedom to worship and celebrate feasts, especially Christmas, except in Saudi Arabia, where non-Islamic practices still lead to jail and deportation"); ![]() A Christmas tree "in the center of the divided capital Nicosia, Cyprus"); ![]() A Christmas tree in Red Square (isn't that pretty?); ![]() A decoration on a Christmas tree in Lugano, Switzerland; ![]() A Christmas tree before the Brandenberg Gate; ![]() A chocolate (?) Christmas tree in Bangkok' ![]() A Christmas tree in Lisbon; ![]() A Christmas tree before the Town Hall in Brussels; ![]() Christmas trees (of sorts) in St. Petersburg; ![]() And finally, some British soldiers decorating a Christmas tree in Baghdad; ![]() And some "Iraqi Christian children" decorating a tree in "a Roman Catholic church in central Baghdad." MERRY CHRISTMAS! (More to come, if I feel like it.) Saturday, December 24, 2005
Posted
7:56 PM
by Gene
But investigators say that over 10 years, Cotton, 45, stole the identities of dozens of people and used the information to divert more than $1 million in housing vouchers for her own use, according to documents filed this week in U.S. District Court in Detroit. Merry Christmas, LaToya!
Posted
5:28 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:56 PM
by Gene
In Manhattan, not the first.
Posted
2:30 PM
by Gene
And SPEAKING of Os-CARS® and TROUBLE: Oscar 'Screeners' Already Being Pirated OH-oh! (Via something called Addict3d.org) P. S. BoxOfficeMojo has it the other way around. Who cares? These numbers are made up one way or another. Though we see THE GAY COWBOYS tripled its venues and merely doubled its revenues. It's a-headed for the LAST ARTHOUSE ROUNDUP. One thing's clear: with the spectacular numbers many of these masterworks are racking up the movie biz seems to be expelling its product for nobody.
Posted
2:11 PM
by Gene
Review: 'Rumor Has It ...' this film's bad Studio: Warner Bros. Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-taaaa-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.... Meathead did it. This is the film where they had trouble with the lighting. They obviously should have filmed it in pitch black. Or should I say obliviously, which is how Meathead does it. Hey MEAT! Why don't you run for governor?
Posted
1:56 PM
by Gene
Grand holy poobah of Iran, you have a lot of terrorizing to do.
Posted
1:24 PM
by Gene
On the other side of the gate is a CSX right-of-way, one side strewn with garbage. It stretches the imagination to see how the same hooligans who play on railroad tracks won't do their duty in a "park." While passing by a long container train ambled at 15 or 20 mph, a symbol of how America's declined in some ways, for all Dubya's dyslexic talk. Once there was a B&O passenger station on Walnut Street; though the railroads surely specialized in the bundling and mistreatment of commuters, the most elegant of their stations belie that, and their first-class trains still live on in the memory and the imagination. Now these same passengers are stuffed in aluminum-clad flying bombs, eating stale peanuts, and the four railroads we're stuck with haul mostly boxes -- and today CSX carted a container train of refuse, evidently its regular shipment (the Waste Management logo appeared on every container I saw) -- and at the end, a forlorn little telemetric box sat above the coupler where the caboose used to latch. Meantime a cement-box condo has gone up north of the site; and the old Convention Hall, a Art Deco landmark that once emceed three political conventions the same year (1948), has been demolished for more non-profit empire building. Perhaps life was once much worse, but how can we feel that way constantly haunted by our past?
Posted
10:31 AM
by Gene
One sure winner will not be UCF's bottom line. The final bill could reach $1 million, meaning the school might lose as much as $400,000 on the trip. But officials consider it just another payment in its quest to gain fame through football. Yeah, and we can always charge it to the prospective students.
Posted
10:24 AM
by Gene
It always starts with newspaper Babbitts writing press releases and impressive stats, and it always ends in elephantine debt and white elephants.
Posted
10:15 AM
by Gene
Atlanta quarterback Michael Vick recently complained to the company that he, not Oakland receiver Randy Moss, should be the fastest player in the game. New England running back Corey Dillon says he thinks his overall rating is far too low. And Tampa Bay receiver Michael Clayton has argued that his tackling number should be higher — in case he ever is required to tackle a player. Who'da thought -- NFL players can perfect their AAAAAAAATTITUDE skills. GET A LIFE!
Posted
10:12 AM
by Gene
Bring back Trent "Mickey Mouse" Lott! (Pffh-hh-hh!) Friday, December 23, 2005
Posted
8:14 PM
by Gene
We think it's time for Congress to heed the warning of George Orwell. To that end, we're asking for your help: Mail us or drop off your tattered copies of "1984." When we get 537 of them, we'll send them to every member of the House of Representatives and Senate and to President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney. Feel free to inscribe the book with a note, reminding these fine people that we Americans take the threat to our liberties seriously. Remind Congress that it makes no sense to fight a war for democracy in a foreign land while allowing our democratic principles to erode at home. This is precisely the sort of stupid gag that WOULD appeal to ROMY. So let us guess what happens: if the Trib gets enough copies to send to all the victims -- IF -- most likely each copy would go to a mailroom clerk, who'd then give it to an intern, who'd ask of a supervisor, "What should I do with this book?" who'd answer, "Must have come from some street person. Give it to the Salvation Army -- or chuck it in the trash." We suspect a DC thrift shop or two will soon see a sudden puzzling build up of dog-eared, highlighted, doodled copies of 1984.
Posted
7:35 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:43 PM
by Gene
And on the topic of the Abramoffs of K Street: The second notable item from the forum was contained in a letter from Senator Barack Obama (D-IL), which was read by Senator Inouye. In the letter, Senator Obama singled out ads for the ED drug Cialis for criticism. He noted that on one occasion, an ad aired while he was watching television with his children, which made him uncomfortable. This prompted a question from Senator Inouye asking whether advertising needs to be regulated. Representatives from watchdog groups, like the Christian Coalition and Parents Television Council, claimed that advertising, like programming, is pushing the envelope and should be regulated. The network representatives fired back, arguing that prescreening of ads before airing is generally effective. They noted that while some ads get through that may be inappropriate for the audience, generalized complaints about ad content are not helpful. The issue was not discussed further, but it shows that advertising is on the radar screen. That had them high-fiving on K Street AND MadAve. (Well, 1120 20th St. NW, which is close enough.)
Posted
6:15 PM
by Gene
Myers, an alum of NBC's "Saturday Night Live," starred in the "Austin Powers" and "Wayne's World" films, 2003's "Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat," and voiced the giant green ogre in the "Shrek" movies. But with all those great properties no wonder he and the missus never had kids.
Posted
6:14 PM
by Gene
These cult fads always start with NEWS HACKS chanting HOT HOT HOT!
Posted
6:04 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: The TWXSTERS lock in their HUGE LOSS.
Posted
6:02 PM
by Gene
Mariah Carey Ties Elvis on Singles Chart
Posted
5:55 PM
by Gene
In search of a terrorist nuclear bomb, the federal government since 9/11 has run a far-reaching, top secret program to monitor radiation levels at over a hundred Muslim sites in the Washington, D.C., area, including mosques, homes, businesses, and warehouses, plus similar sites in at least five other cities, U.S. News has learned. In numerous cases, the monitoring required investigators to go on to the property under surveillance, although no search warrants or court orders were ever obtained, according to those with knowledge of the program. Some participants were threatened with loss of their jobs when they questioned the legality of the operation, according to these accounts. While the Feds might be a little heavy-handed with something like this, as seems the habit under the super-secretive Dubya, the constituency of NEWS HACKS would see no justification to it because it involves -- religious persecution. Sorry, it wasn't Buddhists or Hindus who attacked us. (Via AP on Freep.com)
Posted
5:52 PM
by Gene
Chaplain (Lt.) Gordon Klingenschmitt, an evangelical Episcopal priest, said Navy officials are trying to force him out of the service because he wants to pray in the name of Jesus. “I will not eat again until the president of the United States gives me back my uniform and allows me to pray in Jesus’ name,” Klingenschmitt said with the White House in the background. “For me, it’s a matter of conscience.” If he were a Muslim, we'd hear about it. (Via link on Topix.net)
Posted
5:49 PM
by Gene
2012 Olympic ballot error? IOC official: London may have won Games because of misplaced vote.
Posted
2:36 PM
by Gene
(Sorry for the NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Posted
2:27 PM
by Gene
Haven't you already committed enough graft with your TRUCKING SCHEME?
Posted
1:30 PM
by Gene
Nice promo, Rog! THE BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! should give you a 5000-percent raise!
Posted
12:47 PM
by Gene
10 Will anybody care? Happily Rosie's Nephew has a suggestion: "Winning an Oscar is fine, but it's not what the awards should be about," he says. "They should be about showing people the kind of work you're capable of. That will get people interested in seeing more of it." And especially if they've come to see blockbuster hits like THE KNIGHTING OF ST. EDWARD OF MURROW.
Posted
10:17 AM
by Gene
Oscar organizers said a Singapore movie has been disqualified for next year's best foreign-language film award because the dialogue is mainly in English. I've got an idea: let's dub all OUR films in another language! That way they get to be foreign films -- and WE won't have to see them! Just an idea.
Posted
9:58 AM
by Gene
NEWS ALERT!!!!! AP: SUPREME COURT NOMINEE SAMUEL ALITO SAID IN 1985 DOCUMENT THAT ROE V. WADE RULING LEGALIZING ABORTION SHOULD BE OVERTURNED!!!!!!!!!! [The TWXSTERS at CNN] [Overemphasis added] Sometimes JERNALISM is less a PROFESSION than a CONSPIRACY. By the way TWXSTERS, what happened to the CIA OPERATIVE story? That was BREAKING NEWS!!!!! this morning TOO.
Posted
9:18 AM
by Gene
A progressive Episcopal priest and a staunch defender of abortion rights... We were a little hesitant to cite this, but then we learned RNS is a news syndicator owned by SI, so it's not as if it's off the deep end. SHUT UP, MIKE! (Full text here, appropriately enough.)
Posted
8:54 AM
by Gene
Who knew there were so many Jeff Jarvis clones? (Via the inevitable ROMY)
Posted
6:50 AM
by Gene
Oh, shut up and draft your articles of impeachment.
Posted
6:48 AM
by Gene
OoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooh, DEMOCRATS! I think we have another case for IMPEACHMENT!!!!! Pffh-hh-hh!
Posted
6:46 AM
by Gene
OVERHEARD at "Jersey Boys": Big Guy No. 1, before the curtain went up: "Hey, Tony, even if you don't like the show, you gotta tell people it's great. We got a lotta money in it." Big Guy No. 2, during intermission: "Don't worry, Vinnie. You got a hit here." Of the crowd at "Jersey Boys," Marshall Brickman, who co-wrote the book says: "It's the audience that must be subpoenaed."
Posted
6:37 AM
by Gene
Considering that the city allegedly made $463 million out of Christo's draperies (?) that isn't too bad. Thankfully neither is a real number so we can claim the net effect is ZERO.
Posted
6:28 AM
by Gene
We think we now know what her name means: Manohla Dargis: It's Armenian for 'driven crazy by jabbering' Thursday, December 22, 2005
Posted
8:00 PM
by Gene
The principal offenders, surprisingly, are the two leads, Broderick's whiny, weak-voiced nebbish being as flat as Lane's libidinous showman is puffed-up. Their patter feels strained and mechanical; little wonder given the number of times they've had to reprise their roles.... Most of the actors are still playing to Row S in the Upper Circle, and we sit frozen before a wild-eyed display of mugging and gurning.... [T]here's something else wrong here, and you know it as soon as the first number ends: deafening silence. Without an audience to laugh, applaud and jolly them along, the songs just die in the pauses that follow. Of course, this assumes that you'd want to clap in the first place. Brooks's reputation as an avatar of bad taste is no doubt secure, and if broad-strokes satire were the gold standard of comic excellence, then The Producers would be the funniest show on the planet. But this is plainly not the case, and indeed much of it requires an effort of will to endure - not because it offends taste, but because it neglects comedy. He is certainly no songwriter; many of the numbers sound like advertising jingles before the joke-writers got to them.... Yet what really dismays is just how dated the thing is....[D]oes the roar of mirth that greets the line "Darling, quick, back in the closet!" suggest to you an author's incomparable wit, or an audience's low expectations? It suggests to me KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN'S millions!
Posted
7:55 PM
by Gene
You running for president too, Dennis Day, or merely for SENATOR?
Posted
6:07 PM
by Gene
"I'm not technological," he says on the first podcast. "I don't have an iPod, I don't have a word processor. I type on my old typewriter. I'm anti-technological. [But] I'm not against the benefits of technology." So long as you can win an OS-CAR®. P. S. While some Oscar-watchers initially speculated that DreamWorks would downplay Allen in its "Match Point" campaign for fear of alienating academy members uncomfortable with the director's private life, the company obviously knows that the best salesman for Woody is still Woody himself. Those fuddy-duddies! Not for OUR consideration! Another pile of canine droppings from a Trib "blog." TRIB, WHY SO MANY "BLOGS"?
Posted
6:04 PM
by Gene
Eh, invent a number. Any number. You'll make it plausible -- just as with AHTS BOONDOGGLES and CONVENTION CENTER WHITE ELEPHANTS or SPORTS TAJ MAHALS.
Posted
5:39 PM
by Gene
Nuf said.
Posted
5:35 PM
by Gene
Seems with names like Mastromarino and Nicelli we could've gotten a better deal.
Posted
5:18 PM
by Gene
(Via TNR'S PLANK, which is slowly becoming one of the more influential of MMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMMMM blogs -- and is liberal AND palatable.)
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