Posted 9:10 PM by Gene

The FREEP's having a big thing about how CHRIS "THE ZILLIONAIRE BLUTO" BERMAN allegedly (and we must use this term with any subsidiary of BOZELLCORP) used a racial slur tonight.

We will not pay attention as we do not expect Bluto to be reprimanded anymore than his partner in money THE FLYING KEYBOARD was, and at any event he has never learned to speak any language resembling English.

Posted 9:04 PM by Gene

And the disease is INTERNATIONAL:

Focus: Camilla: The It Girl of 2006

Any article that introduces us to the bozo who "invented" the term "metrosexual" (who worked for an AD AGENCY) and who further insists on bleating "Camilla is going to be the next great lifestyle icon" is not worth reading.

It wasn't that long ago that the TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! went behind North Korea's fence; but we expect nothing from RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 8:58 PM by Gene

It appears the WaPost wants a piece of USAOKAY!!!!!'s SUPER BOWL gag. And now part of the ritual is lamenting how good (or at least "sexy", meaning prurient) the ads were before Ms. Flasher and the PRUDES descended on them. It's bad enough when the hacks do their thinker routine, but it's worse when they do it as a way to write filler; and they're thoroughly oblivious that many readers are ahead of them now, and don't need their hand-holding.

Posted 8:50 PM by Gene

The secretive Ringling Bros. "circus" competes with another "circus" out of Branson East and Vegas, and we suspect both shows are such creatures of schtick as to not deserve the name "circus" anymore, but have thoroughly blended in with the mechanical attractions of the arena biz, of the mechanical rock "concerts" and the mechanical ice shows and the mechanical wrestling shows, and have become just "entertainment."

Posted 8:46 PM by Gene

Another insider typist gets famous for thirty seconds.

Really, we've read Gawker. Anybody can write Gawker. And that's the problem.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

Bono Says Campaigning Caused Tension in U2

Oh dear oh dear, what would have happened had he won the Nobel Good Intentions Prize?

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

Apparently the Nine Fingers are even less funny than The Producers. That's okay; their decisions are their jokes.

(Via the Corner. It also got linked by the Volokhheads, who seemed to have had a little laugh with their formatting.)

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

I would guess Dubya won't attack Iran, as it means once again having to rely upon the anagram kings at Langley, however much confidence he may have in Porter Goss, and also because for all his bluff and bluster I'd bet deep down inside he's afraid of the hacks. But how much longer can we wait?

Posted 2:26 PM by Gene

We'll give People Warner credit where credit's due: this PAPER OF RE-CORD article confirms what we said before: that company's doing by far the best job DVD-ing vintage movies. We may well be heading to bankruptcy too!

Posted 2:17 PM by Gene

Cleaning Lady says no Democrat "wants us to fail" in Iraq.

That's a first!

Posted 1:37 PM by Gene

Our SMUG TANTRUM OF THE YEAR for 2005, and a reason we may not need EDITORIAL CARTOONISTS:


WHY NOT?
(Via Michelle Malkin, who can burst a few veins with the best of them. It seems the dimwits at COX, as if out of conscience, ran a riposte from some teenage reader in the print edition. The day this tantrum appeared was a day of much self-hugging in the luxury news suite, and thankfully the only ones who suffered were the operators and customer-service reps who caught all the profanities that should have gone to THEM. I'd bet Mike got a lot of laughs out of that.



Ceertainly it's funnier than his cartoons, which appear to be run-of-the-mill when they're not knee-jerk.

This is a danger of blogging: get caught up in something and you can be a monomaniacal BLOGGER OF THE MILLENNIUM too.)

Posted 1:35 PM by Gene

Con-SER-va-tives will cry NATIONAL NANNY. Okay cons, maybe YOU'D like some mercury with that tuna sandwich?

Posted 1:18 PM by Gene

And now it's time for our NEUHARTHISM OF THE YEAR AWARD. Many many hacks were eligible in 2005; they all but stumbled one over another to get out the best blurbs, the best shills, the best at making their readers tear out their hair and renounce literacy. Yes, it has been a hard fought campaign, but in the end, only one NEWS HACK can claim the prize, and this year, we PROUDLY present it to a man who combined the best of press agentry with the best in conflicts of interests, who knew he had to SELL AT ANY COST, who has known no better feeling than to be an ORGANIZATION MAN, and a man of RAGING SYNERGY; and SO, in the name of ALL that SELLS, we PROUDLY PRESENT the NEUHARTHISM OF THE YEAR AWARD TO...

DICK SCHICK!

Congratulations, DICK! May your year be -- RICH with NEUHARTHISMS!

We know ours will be.

Posted 1:15 PM by Gene

Most Expensive Champagnes 2005

Let's guess which publisher of which circulation-defying business rag will have himself a HAPPY!

Posted 1:10 PM by Gene

Mssssssssssss. Pelosi has -- a promise. She promises she'll scweam and whine and cwy evewy day until she gets her way. Failing that she'll do all she can to get every last soldier out of Iraq within two months, unless her antennae pick up signals it isn't polling well. Failing that she'll have her army of foot soldiers in the press spread the word -- WE WILL TAKE BACK THE HOUSE IN 2006! They're the only ones fool enough to believe it.

In short, this PROMISES to be a very PROMISING year for MSSSSSSSSSSSS. PELOSI!

Posted 10:05 AM by Gene

With 'In Justice,' ABC Is Guilty Of Petty Theft

With their programming all the networks are guilty of grand larceny.

Posted 9:58 AM by Gene

We are SO SAD (or, J-Lo's still -- GIGGLY):

It looks like the wheels have fallen off Jennifer Lopez's planned star vehicle, a flashy film musical version of "Carmen."

Investors can't be found to risk $50 million on the project, even though riding-high "Ray" director Taylor Hackford is at the helm.

"'Carmen' is on its last legs," Hackford admitted Thursday in Italy, where he is attending the Capri, Hollywood International Film Festival.

"Studios are so frightened at the moment that they are looking for outside money," he said. "There is a great deal of fear in Hollywood. Many of the films are not working [at the box office]."

So why not make ONE MORE?

Posted 9:55 AM by Gene

Gotta be CURLEY'S (NYUK! NYUK! NYUK!) STOOGES again:

U.S. death toll in Iraq for '05 nears '04 level
841 soldiers killed this year — just 5 short of last year's toll

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! HAP-PY NEW YEAR!!!!!

But what's with your guys, CURLEY? The word GRIM HAS to show up AT LEAST ONCE!

Posted 9:53 AM by Gene

And among the citizens of the soon-to-be island republic on the left coast:

The average American goes to the movie theater fewer than six times a year, which makes Richard Troncone way, way above average.

In his West Los Angeles home, the 54-year-old computer tech keeps a careful list of every film he's seen during the last 40 years. Since 1988, he's watched 2,445 movies, averaging more than 135 films a year — all of them in a theater.

But this year Troncone decided to go for a personal best by trying to top his record of 176 movies set in 1972 (and confirmed by nobody but him). He knew he'd have to sit through some duds.

"I don't want to come across as a nut case," he said when asked what drove him to take in such lackluster offerings this year as the sequel "Miss Congeniality 2 — Armed and Fabulous" (No. 18) and the futuristic muddle "The Island" (No. 78). "I just love movies. I guess that's an understatement."

NO COMMENT.

Posted 9:51 AM by Gene

Geez, that liberal Democrat with the accent we installed in California is proposing to boost his state's minimum wage. We must impeach him.

What gives, Jonah? Even the head of Wal-Mart wants to boost it nationally. What has happened to our heroes?

Posted 7:12 PM by Gene

Hypocrisy on the move:

The University of Michigan suspended sales of Coca-Cola products on its three campuses over allegations that the company permits human rights and environmental abuses abroad.

Fine. But we must ask -- how much of ANHEUSER-BUSCH do you sell every year?

Posted 6:24 PM by Gene

Lately in surfing the Web (and especially tonight looking up things on Allmusic.com) I've been BOMBARDED by those EXASPERATING, IRRITATING, CALCULATING, AGITATING, MADDENING and INFURIATING ADS ABOUT TOENAIL FUNGUS. Anyone who thinks Web ads can't be as annoying as the worst TV conmmercials should consider the HAMMERHAMMERHAMMER approach these use to beat surfers into submission. They go back well over a year and have been especially plastered over ST. WARREN's properties (thus did I once call Slate.com TOENAIL.COM), and the disease shows no sign of abating. The ads are part of a campaign -- or rather, offensive -- for some prescription elixir called Lamisil, and it's made by a cretinous Swiss company called NOVARTIS -- it MUST be full of morons to constantly poking its middle finger (complete with diseased -- toenail?) in our eyes. If I had connections or luck I'd start a Web site blasting this Sherman's March of advertising into our lives. How does NovartisSucks.com sound? (That ship of fools probably owns it.)

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

Why does genocide in Darfur continue? One reason is that there is no real international pressure on the architects of the genocide--the National Islamic Front security cabal in Khartoum--to bring the killing to a halt. On the contrary, as the genocide enters its fourth year, the international community continues to defer to Khartoum, or even to suggest disingenuously that the regime has somehow reformed itself. Either way, the clear implication is that the lives of Darfur's civilians are not worth the diplomatic price of confronting Sudan's brutal leaders.

There is no more appalling illustration of this phenomenon than recent announcements by the African Union and the Arab League that both groups will hold their upcoming summits in Khartoum. These summits will represent symbolic triumphs for Sudan's genocidaires. And they will reinforce in very public fashion what Khartoum already knows: that none of its neighbors really cares what it does in Darfur.

Because first off, it isn't genocide when it's your enemy. Second, it isn't genocide when you're spreading the word of some devil posing as a god.

Any other questions?

Posted 4:49 PM by Gene

And further on the subject of the Pentium III:

This is a POWERFUL DISPLAY of REBRANDING!!!!!!!!!!

Pffffffffffffffffffffffft!

Posted 4:41 PM by Gene

So: the Feds are investigating tricks in sub-prime mortgages.

How much does this have to do with the housing bub -- BOOM?

Posted 4:23 PM by Gene

We don't know who's worse: the GREAT PLAYWRIGHT CHRIS-TO-PHER DURANG for writing this predictable display of Parkinson's-style twitching, or Andy S. for linking to it. The key term is "open-minded," which usually appears in the middle of ironically phrased blood-pressure-boosting polemics about the evil of the other guy.

When it comes to talking about God both men could use a little of Abe's Second Inaugural. But that presupposes both men would benefit from any form of humility, and besides, it would pose a problem with Chris because he believes God's an it who largely serves the nefarious purposes of right-wing demagogues, and with Andy S. because he's immortal.

Posted 4:13 PM by Gene

We're surprised we haven't heard more of Tiger's 30th (especially from con-SER-va-tives with those new digs), but we feel almost exactly about him as we do about MJ: he's a great athlete, and a great schmoozer around CEOs -- and in every other particular a cipher. Tiger's much smarter than MJ, and thankfully hasn't been prone to make an ass of himself, but what do most superstar jocks have besides the game? And as the sad dissolution of that soccer "legend" we previously hadn't heard of tells us, there's more to life than the game -- especially when your sporting days are over. Tiger has enough supermoney and bigwig associates that he won't blow it. But couldn't our age produce something more memorable than Dilbertian athletes?

Posted 4:09 PM by Gene

Jonah, Rod or PODMAN?

Posted 3:51 PM by Gene

We hate to keep harping on MOVIES and the BEEEEEEEEEE-OOOOOOOOOOOH, but the flack sheet Variety has some EXCELLENT NEWS:

1. Admissions will be down 11 PERCENT (not the single digits of most reports), so no, it's not just the absence of WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!! The Jesus Slasher Movie;

2. "Even more bad news: 527 new pics were released in 2005, compared with 507 in 2004. That means Hollywood did less business with more films."

3. "While the top 15 films of 2005 -- those with domestic cumes over $120 million -- were on a par with the top films last year, every film below No. 15 in the top 100 did worse than the one with the same rank in 2004." Meaning if it weren't for tentpole movies there'd be no tent.

We have this awful hunch the S&M moviegoing crowd will be back, but the APE may foretell of a day when the marketing just won't move them any more. I postulated that GREATEST FILM OF THE YEAR was this year's AUDREY'S MONSTER, heavily promoted by big consumer products companies on the strength of interoffice memos.* Which movies will be overpromoted and underperform next year?

*I said the same of CGI LEWIS, but the promoing seems to have been low-key by comparison.

Posted 12:01 PM by Gene

Well, I guess it had to be somebody.

Posted 11:54 AM by Gene

Democrats seeking information on Romney

Democrats? How about the rest of us?

(Via Topix.net)

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

"Today, we're leading in plant genomics!"

Only now has someone written a piece on those funny college house promos that run during football games.

Posted 9:33 AM by Gene

If the Pentium M is the Pentium III in disguise, think what Intel could do if it went back to the 8086!

Pffh-hh-hh!

Posted 8:49 AM by Gene

And speaking of a great musical, PODMAN demonstrates the CORNER's idiocy again:

I DON'T CLAIM TO BE A CRUNCHY CON... [JPod]
...and I do acknowledge being a heterosexual musical-comedy queen, so I have to say that I really loved the movie version of Rent. I loved the show too.

Yep, The Corner is the definitive argument against blogging.

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

Mr. Know-It-All of classical music, who had recently trumpeted a stirring fanfare for the NEW GOLDEN AGE OF MUSICALS, is crestfallen that his hero KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN could NOT come to the movies' rescue with his stupid Nazi dance routines and swishy theater types and all the hilarity that made THE GREATEST MUSICAL OF ALL TIME a hot ticket for a year, the masterpiece having been held hostage by a totally untalented director (who was once THE GREATEST CHOREOGRAPHER OF ALL TIME) who filmed it as though she were working with the Vitaphone. Now we are forced to contemplate the empty seats greeting the imposters on Broadway, and the empty seats greeting this immortality at hundreds of theaters, and are forced to sigh, with Mr. Know-It-All, that perhaps our master of the dancing pigeons has feet of -- clay pigeons, and can only wait hopefully to "next year" -- and LALA BOHEME.

What planet are you on, Norm?

(Via the usual ArtsJournal.com)

Posted 6:55 AM by Gene

Is getting to the South Pole, the North Pole or Mt. Everest's summit an achievement anymore?

Posted 6:45 AM by Gene

Ha ha ha, ho ho ho and a couple of la-de-das:

BIG OIL GOES BACK TO LIBYA

Posted 6:32 AM by Gene

DAVID CAMERON is so determined to prove his green credentials that he has commissioned an eco-architect to make over his new house, complete with wind turbine on the roof.

Politicians all over seem bent on adopting the Six-of-One Principle.

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

Countdown begins to new Coke ads

TRANSLATION: USAOKAY!!!!!'s rehearsing for the SUPER BOWL again, sighhhhhhhhhhhh.

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

A drunken passenger who abused cabin crew on a flight to Tenerife spent 36 hours castaway after the airline abandoned him on a tiny island in the Atlantic, 300 miles from his destination....

Porto Santo, described as an unspoilt island paradise with a population of fewer than 5,000....

UH oh, I think we've created a new tourist trap.

Posted 5:47 PM by Gene

Homeland Security poorly managed: audit

How many times must the government tell us the sun rises in the east?

Posted 5:38 PM by Gene

Porn Actress Arrested on Child Rape Charge

Knowing this age it'll be a career advancement.

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

Potentially good news: TiVo may not mean large "unmeasured" audiences, thus rendering the whole missing-zillions-in-the-bars argument bogus.

Which will not stop The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers from spending psychopathically on television.

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

This will be the next great con-SER-va-tive obsession: that NEWS HACKS brought down the economy with their constant carping over housing costs. Well who told greedy homeowners to flip properties four times? And who told the BABBITTS to build eighty million condos? As to the hacks, if they brought anything down it was their GREAT BUILDUP.

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

More than 120 pages of proposed rules, released by the government Thursday, regulate the future of space tourism.

Do I hear DOW 36,000 and VIR-GIN-IA screaming somewhere?

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

PROFESSOR!!!!! YOU HAVE COMPETITION!!!!!

Make that fifteen seconds.

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

HUGH has actually found something BETTER than CGI LEWIS!!!!!

The one obvious thing about is it Web sites may look like this some day. As to its inventor: he ought to go to Hollywood -- or be a SENIOR VICE-PRESIDENT AT GANNETT -- OR AL REUT.

P. S. Not one well-known advertiser, of course; the link from RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S Times is a sudoku puzzle (I just heard of this fad and ALREADY it's tiresome). Well, to each his fifteen minutes.

Posted 3:51 PM by Gene

A measure of how idiotic The Corner has become:

MOVIE WARNING [JPod]
Rod Dreher also loved American Beauty.
Posted at 02:32 PM

Posted 3:47 PM by Gene

The bad news: THE GAY COWBOYS are behind KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN.

The further bad news is: KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN's in thirteenth place.

The APE is climbing down the EMPIRE STATE BUILDING, back to the jungle of CGI.

P. S. at 4:55 P. M.: Woodster the Perv's GREATEST FILM EVER may be in trouble. Again, under ordinary circumstances we wouldn't pay it attention; but when the EFFETE EDELSTEINS and other such HACKS have SCREAMED THE GENIUS OF THIS 1939 SEASON we CAN'T HELP IT.

Posted 11:09 AM by Gene

Now the videogame phreaks have a new VEHICLE for -- GETTING A LIFE!!!!!

Nissan and Microsoft have partnered to show that they can deliver as much impotent grandeur as any other auto/software maker duo.

The vendors this week announced that they will unveil the first "fully integrated gaming system within a vehicle."

And somebody take away their training wheels!

(Via the usual GEEKDOM)

Posted 10:46 AM by Gene

And let us not forget the Red-State Scorpion's brother:

Robert Abramoff (Executive Vice President, Producer) has been producer and co-producer of numerous feature films including "Red Scorpion" starring Dolph Lundgren "Good Luck" starring Gregory Hines & Vincent D'Onofrio, and "High Voltage" staring Antonio Sabato, Jr. He is also president and founder of International Marketing Systems, Inc., specializing in marketing consultation, and of High Ridge Media, a Denver-based multimedia and television production company, whose clients include TCI and Starz/Encore Cable. Robert is a partner in the law firm of Burgee & Abramoff, serving as legal counsel to numerous entertainers and producers, including Lorna & Milton Berle, Alien Voices (owned by Leonard Nimoy), and Sunwoo Entertainment. Robert was Vice President of business affairs with Bobtown Productions (an animation production company), and worked in business affairs at Warner Bros. Television.

So -- brother was legal counsel to Uncle Milty! Did Scorpion pick up some jokes along with his ethics?

Hoo-RAY for HOL-ly-WOOD!!!!!

Posted 10:26 AM by Gene

Claim: Media Bolsters Myth that Suicides Increase During Holidays

'Los Angeles Times' Quotes Fake News Release

Ehhhhhhhhh, these might not be related, would they?

Posted 9:38 AM by Gene

"I'm not a doctor and I'm not his wife so I don't see him on a daily basis, but he will not be in a wheelchair on the telecast," Seacrest told AP Radio in a recent interview.

And no mention of the DOCTORED PHOTO. Very reassuring.

TRANSLATION: He'll be on for five minutes and look terrible.

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

And speaking of the MOVIE BIZ, the founders of the CIA of MOUNTAIN VIEW are getting into it!

C'mon Larry and Sergey! Make movies! LOSE MONEY!

Posted 8:59 AM by Gene

A certain part of us professes to sympathize with people who want their hometowns local, but this is rather like capturing a tsunami's waves in a thimble.

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

SURFER DUDE DEFENDS K STREET'S -- GIFT TO THE WORLD...



his FELLOW MOVIE MAN, that FAMOUS PRODUCER of ACTION FLICKS...



...THE RED-STATE SCORPION:

"I think he's been dealt a bad hand and the worst, rawest deal I've ever seen in my life. Words like bribery are being used to describe things that happened every day in Washington and are not bribes."

We are approaching the earth's molten core.

AND:

Abramoff and his crew busted the College Republicans' budget with a 1982 national direct-mail fundraising campaign that ended up "a colossal flop," said Bond, then deputy director of the party's national committee. He said he banished the three from GOP headquarters, telling Abramoff: "You can't be trusted."

Little did Rich Bond know THE RED-STATE SCORPION was adding a line to his RESUMÉ.

Posted 8:15 AM by Gene

Decline of Congress

From beneath the bedrock to...?????

Posted 6:57 AM by Gene

Ron "THE DESTROYER" Perelman has another brilliant idea:

Through his main investment vehicle, MacAndrews & Forbes Holdings and its subsidiary DX III Holdings, Perelman has bought Deluxe Film, one of the world's largest replicators of film for the global movie industry, for some $745 million.

That business should be worth a FORTUNE as the movie racket switches to digital.

I think the Rank Group just GONGED you.

And this being Little Malcolm he shakes his head like a good boy and makes a cute joke. No wonder you had to play tricks with your circ.

Posted 6:48 AM by Gene

The latest fad in the weird wacky world of ADLAND: consumers forming online "communities" around their "favorite" brands. Sorry, most people don't get online to yap about their favorite laundry detergent.

OR:

MySpace is a division of News Corp., which also owns The Post.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO HOLLY!

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

The disgraced "Sopranos" actor charged in the shooting death of a Bronx cop during a drunken hunt for drugs says his heart is breaking for the slain officer's anguished family.

You should have thought about that when you pulled the trigger.

Posted 6:34 AM by Gene

Perhaps text messaging "alters" the language with its "simplicity", but maybe that's because those using it don't have very much to say -- and technology gives them the perfect means to say it.

Posted 6:30 AM by Gene

That the news hacks are resorting to a gimmick like manga to lure readers is their white-flag symbol that the comic pages have run out of gas.

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

So if all the hip, HOT types live in the 'burbs, who lives in the cities?

HUH, EDDIE?

Posted 6:09 PM by Gene

And in honor of the late Chris Schenkel:

Bowling Grows As High School Varsity Sport

Posted 5:57 PM by Gene

MERCEDES MOST MENTIONED BRAND IN RAP

Does that explain the quality control problems?

P. S. Mickey D's is still -- trying:

Earlier this year, McDonald’s Corp. hired Lanham, Md.-based entertainment marketing firm Maven Strategies to pay rap artists to create songs naming the fast-food brand’s Big Mac sandwich. Although McDonald’s planned to pay upward of $5 every time a song mentioning Big Mac was played on the radio, so far it has yet to get its song.

Moreover, Big Mac failed to even snag a single mention in 2005, based on Agenda’s study. “It should have been done secretly,” Mr. Lucian said of the McDonald’s initiative....

Maven Strategies, however, did land Seagram’s five mentions in 2004 for its gin in rap songs.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

We NEED THE GEEKS to tell us THIS:

Why Video Blogs Will Suck

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

You will be relieved. The elevator has been fixed...

...and did PAJAMAS MEDIA have anything to do with it?

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

AND KTLA WAS ON TOP OF IT!

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

Dave Barry has "permanently" abandoned his column, but if his literary career resembles his last "novel" he may have to go back to it.

Then again perhaps he has realized no one can be funny once a week.

(Via its partner in synergy The Book Standard)

Posted 3:48 PM by Gene

Roberts leads court with wit, aggressiveness

TRANSLATION: President Rove picked a good Chief Nine-Finger.

Now let us cross our fingers and hope after a while we won't have to call them The Nine Fingers.

Posted 2:10 PM by Gene

So Luke Spielberg took a few liberties with the GREATEST ACTION TRUTH-TELLING FILM EVER. Isn't that what makes ART?

And THIS from AL REUT?

Posted 2:00 PM by Gene

In the race of the overmade oversold overbad movies HUGH AND K-LO'S FAVORITE has taken a commanding lead on the APE; I'll suggest it may finish its run higher than that GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME, which means we'll get 500 essays from con-SER-va-tive rags and Web sites and blogs proclaiming why they're always right. The only thing is the whole biz falls off a cliff after the New Year's, and then we hope to see THE SLUMP continuing.

Meantime blurbists "from alternative weeklies, online publications, and film journals from around the country" prove once again their ideal living quarters would be a cryonic chamber.

Posted 12:13 PM by Gene

Today's Doonesbury: The persistent Mr. E.

Everyday's Doonesbury: The unfunny Mr. T.

Posted 12:10 PM by Gene

Somehow we have it in the back of our heads that the HACKS are hoping the victim is black, the hoodlums are white.

Wouldn't it be bad enough if the victim were bright yellow and his attackers aquamarine?

Posted 10:51 AM by Gene

We're shocked. SHOCKED! that ESPNCORP NETWORK would doctor a photo to sell Dick Clark's appearance on his New Year's Eve special.

The networks have always played tricks on their viewers. Why bother with one lousy Photoshop application?

(Via the FREEP, where the folk got excited over the hed)

Posted 10:42 AM by Gene

The Bold Prediction
The Bancroft clan finally throws in the towel on its languishing newspaper fortune and sells Dow Jones, publisher of The Wall Street Journal. News Corp. owner Rupert Murdoch would love to get his hands on the vaunted broadsheet, but the winning bid comes from the dark horse tandem of Berkshire Hathaway and The Washington Post.

Yeah. And Pinch sells His Heaven to GanNETt. Not bloody likely.

(Via the usual ROMY)

Posted 10:17 AM by Gene

It's gotta be another ArtsJournal.com link:

If nothing else of note had happened in the past 12 months, 2005 would still have been a very good year for jazz. Any year in which John Coltrane supplants Jamie Cullum as a topic of conversation is a very good year indeed.

1. Who's Jamie Cullum? 2. Trane died in 1967.

P. S. Jamie Cullum's some sort of singer. Just because you have 2,390,000 links on G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE doesn't mean people know your name, or deserve to.

Posted 6:49 AM by Gene

Excellent news here in downtown Philadelphia: the city's FULL of -- RENDELIS:

By July 2005, there were 2,146 retailers, up from 1,988 retailers in June 1999, according to the agency.

Restaurants and bars helped to drive the growth, and now account for 29 percent of Center City retailing. In 2000, Center City District counted just three Starbucks coffee shops downtown. Now there are 11.

EDDIE! TAKE A BOW! And will someone tell him to stop groping?

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

A rag that rumphets and phumphets for abortion, and will no doubt someday lead the charge for mercy killing, bravely condemns euthanasia for cats and dogs.

What shall we rename you, o tycoon holiness -- St. Warren of Assisi?

Posted 7:24 PM by Gene

We're really tired of obsessing on CI-NE-MA, but THE ANSWER MAN has trouble with a QUESTION:

Q. If this was such a great year for movies, why are box-office receipts so far down from last year, even though admission prices are at an all-time high? Do you feel that there is such a growing disconnect between Hollywood and America that Hollywood had better wake up or face serious consequences?

Cal Ford, Corsicana, Texas

A: No, I don't, because the "box-office slump" is an urban myth that has been tiresomely created by news media recycling one another. By mid-December, according to the Hollywood Reporter, receipts were down between 4 percent and 5 percent from 2004, a record year when the totals were boosted by Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ," which grossed $370 million. Many of those tickets were sold to people who rarely go to the movies. 2005 will eventually be the second or third best year in box-office history. Industry analyst David Poland at moviecitynews.com has been consistently right about this non-story.

We note the cliche "urban myth" and the defensive use of "history", plus the sneer at all those Philistines who saw WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!! The Jesus Slasher Movie and will never see another again (we can't blame them). Of COURSE the movie BIZ set a BOX-OFFICE RECORD in 2004. It might NOT have if tickets were still A QUARTER EACH. The best guesses (and there may be few good ones) are that weekly movie attendance in the late 1920s was at least FOUR TIMES what it is today; in per-capita terms it's been in decline since 1950. Of course what gets THE ANSWER MAN mad is that if people aren't going to the movies that insinuates the movies aren't so hot, and we know that ISN'T true from Rog's many THUMBS UP. As for Dave, we've tried to read his musings, but he strikes us as a VOLOKHHEAD of film -- wordy and conceited. We have better ways to waste our time -- like NOT GOING TO THE MOVIES.

Posted 7:14 PM by Gene

USAOKAY!!!!! spends 2,060 WORDS to inform us most people are, to put it politely, impolite louts.

NO THANK YOU.

(Via Yahoo! News)

Posted 6:11 PM by Gene

THE GREATEST NAME IN BLOGGING gets ALL EXCITED because this CHRISTMAS SEASON we SPENTSPENTSPENTSPENTSPENT, but he STILL DOESN'T MENTION HIS MOVIE?

GADS!

I don't like it when NEWS HACKS spin economic news to help THEIR party, and I don't like it when YOU SPIN ECONOMIC NEWS TO HELP YOURS.

P. S. Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges cite somebody saying it's three percent same-store increases for most retailers. It always seems to be three-to-five percent. Does it really matter? Most annual news stories could be rerun with minimal edits.

Posted 5:56 PM by Gene

The Righteous Right battles Effete Edelstein's choices, and comes up with -- ALIENS.

Con-SER-va-tives can follow Effete jumping off a cliff.

We should do a Free Republic movie awards selection.

And then do battle in suits of armor with EFFETE EDELSTEIN!

Posted 5:41 PM by Gene

Another arbitrary list of "mandatory" blogs (via the Corner), another reminder that I'll never get more than a handful of accidental hits, especially when seeking out the best of blogs is an exercise in idle skimming. Most blogs aren't worth reading on a daily basis. And alas it's always right this or left that, and no one who can see beyond the teeny-tiny prejudices and bigotries of both sides. Where are the blogs that combine the trenchant insight with memorable writing? It is such a pain seeking them out, and it pains me to think no matter how hard I try I type into a vacuum.

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

We may sum this up imperfectly as follows: The faster your Web connection, the less thrill you get seeing things zipping through it.

(Via ArsTechnica via the Geeks)

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

"Producers" Film Brings in Over a Million at the Box Office

Playbill.com thinks it's boasting.

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

The TV Kid reports the Big C has turned itself into a videogame, the fans are mad and the execs aren't listening. 1. What do we expect from a tenth-rate network that's the successor to a fifteenth-rate network? 2. What do we expect from a tenth-rate network that gave viewers a visceral thrill as it puffed stocks that made them lose big money? 3. What do we expect from a tenth-rate network with JIMMY BOOM-BOOM?

(Via ShowBizData)

Posted 1:28 PM by Gene

Jeff Reardon, one of the top relief pitchers in history, was charged with robbing a jewelry store, then blamed his arrest on medication he was taking for depression.

The 50-year-old Reardon, retired since 1994 and sixth in career saves, walked into Hamilton Jewelers at the Gardens Mall on Monday and handed an employee a note saying he had a gun and the store was being robbed, police said Tuesday.

We could say something for the excuse, or the fact he earned $11.5 million in his career, or some very famous on-line auctioneer, but we won't.

Posted 11:51 AM by Gene

Thomas Sowell wants to pay Congresspoops CEO WAGES, so we can get CEOs in CONGRESS. At BEST we'd get LEGENDARY WELCH. At WORST we'd get KEN LAY.

And with CEOs running the show we'd get no end of the "creating [of] appearances, posturing, rhetoric, and spin -- in a word, deception." How would that be any different?

Posted 11:32 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: LUKE SPIELBERG's made a GLIBERTARIAN MOVIE!

OOPS: BAD NEWS, DOW 36,000:

Munich mastermind spurns Spielberg's peace appeal

But then....

He voiced outrage at not being consulted for the thriller and accused Spielberg of pandering to the Jewish state.

Well, he can't be that bad, Dow -- he wants his money too!

(Via the FREEP)

Posted 10:46 AM by Gene

Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges want to send Bloomy into internal exile "for his use of the word 'thuggishly' to describe the actions of the leaders of a union that is mostly minority."

Stooges, don't you have anything better to do -- like evicting Dubya from the White House?

Posted 10:10 AM by Gene

Daydreaming, or vlah-vlah-vlah from Vlady:

Of course, some might say "Monday Night Football" was never the same after Howard Cosell's departure. (At least those of us who still remember the obnoxious Howard.) Maybe Dennis Miller should have been kept on longer. And remember the brief time when it appeared Rush Limbaugh might join the Monday night announcing team? Unlike over-the-hill John Madden, he would have saved the show.

Yeah -- and we would have had Limbaugh 2006. Bleeeaaaah!!

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

If I could ask some dweeb at the BUTTMAN INSTITUTE, "Did GUVMENT cause Enron?", he'd blab for five hours, producing reams of graphs and charts and reports and junk proving that GUVMENT was the cause, the SOLE cause, of that mammoth debacle.

"So," I'd say, "guvment DEFINITELY caused what happened at Enron."

"Oh absolutely," the dweeb would say.

"WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO RAN ENRON?"

But the FEES must be provoking, shall we say, CONFLICTS among die-hard free-en-ter-prise con-ser-va-tives. On the one hand we know laywers are the root of all evil, being DEMOCRATS. On the other hand evil can't be that bad when it's for free en-ter-prise.

Posted 8:06 AM by Gene

Well the other day I signed up for Technorati -- I had thought Technorati automatically pinged blogs; apparently not so -- and now every time I link to a piece in St. Warren's Media Heaven the WaPost it links to me! So....

Posted 6:58 AM by Gene

Effete Edelstein does his slow-motion farewell to Stale.com with a list of TWENTY best (mostly arthouse flicks) and promises a list of worst -- how many he won't say, but it won't be as many as the best, certainly not as he prepares to shake hands with HOT, HIP ADAM!!!!!

And we wonder why the news biz grows exponentially worse.

Posted 6:45 AM by Gene

Six weeks before the opening ceremonies for the Winter Olympics here, Italian authorities are conducting surveillance on at least 700 people to try to prevent a terrorist attack on the Games, a top Italian security official says.

Think if we tried that here.

But the GE BANCORP & REALTY WHITE-ELEPHANT GAMES must go on, even if their only purpose is to inconvenience people and bankrupt a nation.

Posted 6:35 AM by Gene

An Australian magnate meets his maker -- and no, his name isn't RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Although you must wonder if these magnates will have any maker to meet, they having mostly made themselves.

Posted 6:31 AM by Gene

How apt that Monday Night Football moves from ESPNCORP Network to ESPN (the illiterate hacks must say "ends") with "another stinker of a game."

That's football.

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

We hope the Discover card folks bring back their little elves next year. They're very amusing.

Posted 2:37 PM by Gene

And here's another reason movies stink:

But production of Fun With Dick and Jane, which started out as a quickie remake of the 1977 heist comedy starring George Segal and Jane Fonda, ended up a more difficult endeavor than expected. (Disclosure: My boss, Variety editor in chief Peter Bart, was a producer on the original and is an executive producer on the update.)

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO GABE -- AND PETE!

Posted 2:19 PM by Gene

It appears the masochists have been out in full force in the popcorn restaurants, though just how much show-biz news hacks will gloat is hard to judge with Christmas falling peculiarly on a Sunday. Several things are clear: people may not take lectures like these too well; THE GAY COWBOYS have been gayer; and MAX BIALYSTOCK has a SURE-FIRE FLOP on his hands.

And what movie did more per-venue biz than any other? THE POLAR EXPRESS. Hasn't anyone noticed?

One other thing: are THE MOST INTELLIGENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA seeing ARTHOUSE FLICKS like they used to? There's a biz I'd be SCREAMING out of; it's all double-or-nothing -- as in losses.

P. S. AL REUT says down 14 percent year-to-year; last Christmas fell on a Saturday.

P. P. S. One would like to think the bombing of Boheme with AAAAATTITUDE and KERNGERSHWIN'S MASTERPIECE would mark a coda for movie musicals. If the two films do $50 million between them (we're assuming GERSH does $20 million) that means 5 to 6 million admissions. That MAY account for both these misbegotten properties' core followings; but even their most obsessive fans must inevitably grow up; and there will come a time when those who gushed over Boheme II will cringe with embarrassment, while those who saw THE GREATEST MUSICAL OF ALL TIME will forever say, "Well, you had to be there," hoping chanting that mantra drives the bad taste away.

Posted 1:00 PM by Gene

Actually, this works both ways: Ah-NULT's name shouldn't grace a stadium, and you shouldn't get the millions in alleged tourist revenues. Sounds fair to me!

And given your crocodile tears over the death penalty, how many Austrians screamed "Heil Hitler!" and kissed the ground he trod, and helped send Jews to the gas chambers?

I love when Europeans lecture us on our depravity, having practically invented it in the last century.

Posted 9:12 AM by Gene

Here's a quote for you -- and we ignored this review because it appeared in the NEW, ADAMIZED NEW YORK -- STARRING EFFETE EDELSTEIN:

[An American Tragedy] add[s] one more generic, musically faceless American opera to a growing heap of melancholy disasters.

You may not know dozens -- nay, HUNDREDS of composers have been busily writing operas, just as thousands have been typing books, and hundreds of thousands have made TV shows for the big screen. Our culture mistakes busy for excellence. Can anyone doubt the last decent American composer was Lenny B -- and he died in 1990? (And he wrote an "opera" too, A Quiet Place -- another melancholy disaster.) Remember when NEWS HACKS jumped up and down over those ENDURING MASTERWORKS Nixon in China and The Death of Klinghoffer, written by some throroughly desiccated academic who'd be completely forgotten except he shared a name with our second president? Where are they now? Heck we've already forgotten that fine conductor and tuneless composer Andre Previn's adaptation of A Streetcar Named Desire. Can anyone doubt, on the evidence of grand opry alone, and in every particular, our culture STINKS?

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

Another Hollywood flack searches desperately for a way to save his beloved movie biz -- and can't find one.

As Nietzsche once wrote, "that which does not kill us makes us stronger"....

We know, we KNOW, your CORPSE refuses to DIE.

"Movies that fail fall on their faces. They don't just stumble on their knees," says Nina Jacobson, Disney's production chief. "We have to win back the trust of the audience that moviegoing is going to be worth the money, time and energy it takes to experience it."

Here's another well-paid jackass who believes watching a movie should be WORK.

"When I first started the job three years ago, everybody asked me what my intention for the studio was," says Jeff Robinov, Warners' production president. "And it's really about filmmakers and writers." Yet trust those same people too much and you end up with ... Sony's "Bewitched."

Isn't it always? It isn't about the moviegoers.

The next generation of movie fans may avoid the multiplex and take in the latest releases on their iPods, wi-fi laptops, Xboxes or Bluetooth cellphones, devices that often can provide a better entertainment value than many movie theaters.

I'd gladly watch Gone with the Wind on a cellphone.

And here's Moronna Dargis's MOVIE OF THE YEAR:

Miramax's "Best of Youth," among the year's best-reviewed movies, nearly required moviegoers to take a day off: It ran over six hours and grossed just $274,000.

Not long enough.

[I]t's fair to wonder if such 2006 movies as "Poseidon," "Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction," "The Omen 666" and "The Santa Clause 3" are part of the solution ... or part of the problem.

Any industry run by DR. EVIL and SAMMY GLICKMAN...never mind.

And now, our sacred industry's NEW MOTTO:

"Next time, I'll wait for the DVD."

You may not have to.

Posted 8:11 AM by Gene

Ho-hum, the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers uses graffiti because it's "edgy."

And we wouldn't be surprised if it's frequently done it without permission, and festooned permanently in many places. Corporate America has no sense of responsibility outside the one forced on it by law.

And of course St. Warren, being St. Warren, is upset because it's not "real." You NEVER WERE, St. Warren.

Posted 8:02 AM by Gene

Christians are adopting the worst behaviors of the culture at large. Pop "music" stinks? We'll make our own that stinks as bad. Horror movies corrupt our youth? We'll make one that really corrupts them. Now Christians are doing movie ad-blurbing, because there's no way of protesting the culture that doesn't bequeath instant publicity. And Michael "Ninny" Medved and Dr. James "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!" Dobson have proved they can make a skunk smell with the best of them. Wave the white flag, Christians: BIGMEDIA win again, and you've dumbed yourselves down GOOD.

This story seems to have been inspired by the late GLIBERAL's leavings. He is the LAST person who should inspire any form of writing, except pink slips.

Posted 7:40 PM by Gene

Another proof of America's decline, told by a house:

The birthplace of composer Cole Porter is getting a winter makeover.

The 1860s-era house, which has about 21 rooms, had fallen into disrepair over the years. It had been split into several apartments, and police found a methamphetamine lab in one of the apartments two years ago.

The renovations will include repairing the foundation, rebuilding four porches, replacing wiring and plumbing and installing heat and air conditioning.

No doubt the knuckleheads who ran the meth lab hadn't the foggiest idea who Cole Porter was, let alone that he lived there, although one must assume they had nothing but foggy ideas.

Posted 6:03 PM by Gene

Yahoo's interns are at it again on the home page:

• Rice's popularity seen gaining as Bush's wains

And when it wains, it pours.

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

I have my doubts about the usefulness of Amazon.com's reviews (I've written a few myself) as they're a bouillabaisse of the tasty (rarely) and the inedible (mostly), with the frequent stomping of fanatics' feet and spelling and grammatical errors galore. Still we reviewers are capable of wisdom, though we may not know it. I came across this compendium of 1-star reviews of famous books, and while some are stupid, a few have the nugget of truth in them, as in:

Lolita (1955)

Author: Vladimir Nabokov

“1) I’m bored. 2) He uses too many allusions to other novels, so that if you’re not well read, this book makes no sense. 3) Most American readers are not fluent in French, so to have conversations or interjections in French with no translation is plain dumb. 4) Did I mention I was bored? 5) As with another reviewer, I agree, he uses a lot of huge words that just slow a person down. And it’s not for theatrics either, it’s just huge words mid-sentence when describing something simple. Nothing in the sense of imagery is gained. 6) Also, to sum it up, it’s a story about a pedophile.”

Mrs. Dalloway (1925)

Author: Virginia Woolf

“The only good thing to say about this “literary” drivel is that the person responsible, Virginia Woolf, has been dead for quite some time now. Let us pray to God she stays that way.”

The Sound and the Fury (1929)

Author: William Faulkner

“This book is like an ungrateful girlfriend. You do your best to understand her and get nothing back in return.”

The Sun Also Rises (1926)

Author: Ernest Hemingway

“Here’s the first half of the book: ‘We had dinner and a few drinks. We went to a cafe and talked and had some drinks. We ate dinner and had a few drinks. Dinner. Drinks. More dinner. More drinks. We took a cab here (or there) in Paris and had some drinks, and maybe we danced and flirted and talked sh*t about somebody. More dinner. More drinks. I love you, I hate you, maybe you should come up to my room, no you can’t’… I flipped through the second half of the book a day or two later and saw the words ‘dinner’ and ‘drinks’ on nearly every page and figured it wasn’t worth the risk.”

How do you find these reviews?

P. S. Has anyone noticed the unfavorable reviews get fewer "useful" votes than the favorable ones? I've never figured that out, unless people like to be flattered.

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

Hmmm -- do I smell something?

Way too many books in 2005

Too many new books seem to be trying to catch the eyes of a dwindling number of buyers. Almost 200,000 new titles appeared in 2004, according to the latest count, a 14 percent jump from 2003. A quarter of those titles came from vanity presses and "print on demand" subsidy publishers, leaving nearly 150,000 from legit-- er, traditional publishing houses.

But for another depressing year, overall book sales in the United States were down, just like newspaper circulation, suggesting the slow hemorrhage of print literacy in America is even worse than had been thought. (Just last week it was reported that the English literacy of the average American college graduate had dropped steeply over the last decade.)

Surely there's a TON OF GENIUS in all this pulp; but who has time to read 200,000 books? Maybe the book biz is suffering because there is too much genius -- just as the profusion of genius in the film biz seems to have cut audiences, even in the arthouse circuit?

Posted 3:05 PM by Gene

The Prince of Wales, who was christened Charles Philip Arthur George....

So why not Charles Philip Arthur George I?

Posted 3:04 PM by Gene

Alas, there's a lump of coal in our stocking today: WALTER "THE SPYWARE COWBOY" WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S ON THE AIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 9:54 AM by Gene

Moronna is quickly establishing herself as one of the BIG THREE of GODAWFUL MOVIE AD-BLURBISTS:

"BATMAN BEGINS," "The Beat That My Heart Skipped," "Capote," "Darwin's Nightmare," "Duma," "Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room," "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," "Funny Ha Ha," "George A. Romero's Land of the Dead," "Good Night, and Good Luck," "Grizzly Man," "Head-On," "The Holy Girl," "Howl's Moving Castle," "In Her Shoes," "Keane," "Match Point," "Millions," "Mondovino," "Mysterious Skin," "No Direction Home: Bob Dylan," "Police Beat," "Pulse," "Red Eye," "Rize," "The Squid and the Whale," "The Sun," "Syriana," "The Talent Given Us," "The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada," "Three Times," "Tony Takitani," "Tropical Malady," "Waiting for the Clouds," "Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit," "Who's Camus Anyway?" and "The World."

Was this a good year for the movies or what?

We'd guess it was a good year for the movies if you lived in the arthouse circuit and had an endless taste for navel staring. We note too the few commerical films on the list (excepting the Wallace and Gromit flick) were either politically or culturally PC. So this random assemblage of words proves what?

The brutality of this market also means that today's film lovers, especially those living outside the major movie markets, often have to work harder and wait longer than they might like to see the good stuff, but the good stuff is out there - if not necessarily at the local multiplex, then in film festivals, video stores, mail-order rental outfits and those online companies that sell movies from around the world.

Why should anyone have to WORK to see a movie? Once people could just enter a theater and see a reasonably decent flick. When the audiences for some of these masterworks number in the thousands -- in the HUNDREDS -- doesn't that mean chances are they're NOT decent flicks? And since we mention "video stores, mail-order rental outfits and those online companies that sell movies from around the world", doesn't that mean we're not watching movies, and with them the special aura ad-blurbists always yelp you can get only in a theater, but glorified TV shows, most likely shot with video equipment? And if these are glorified TV shows what's so special about them?

Moronna, the Lord God Pinch should put YOU in TimesReject. Maybe someday He will.

P. S. A writer who used to by-line himself Steven X. Rea pulls the same stunt in our local rag, saying movies are better than ever -- and citing for his top-10 all arthouse flicks. This KLUMPH! KLUMPH! of the hacks is increasingly infuriating.

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

Literacy of College Graduates Is on Decline

This is news?

Posted 9:33 AM by Gene

Even at the last minute, the hacks must run the usual stories on Christmas retailing. Honest, do we need to be told some people are procrastinators?

Posted 9:29 AM by Gene

Finally, a meek request: I see the CIA in MOUNTAIN VIEW may be limiting my hits again, for reasons known only to its investment bankers. I do hope you'll pay a little heed to this site in the coming year, and that not all my hits will be accidental. That's my lone request for a Christmas gift.

Posted 9:01 AM by Gene

And now to cut-and-paste some pictures from Yahoo! News, as I always do this day (down in thirty days; I must find a better site):



A Christmas tree in Sydney, Australia (it's winter down there?);



A Christmas tree in Newport Beach, California;



A Christmas tree in Osh, Kyrgyzstan (who's that fellow standing next to it?);



A Christmas tree in Taipei (well, an unreasonable facsimile);



Two Christmas trees in formation before the West Wing;



A Christmas tree in Manhattan;



A Christmas tree in Dubai (or as the caption notes, "Christian expatriates in the Gulf enjoy increasingly more freedom to worship and celebrate feasts, especially Christmas, except in Saudi Arabia, where non-Islamic practices still lead to jail and deportation");



A Christmas tree "in the center of the divided capital Nicosia, Cyprus");



A Christmas tree in Red Square (isn't that pretty?);



A decoration on a Christmas tree in Lugano, Switzerland;



A Christmas tree before the Brandenberg Gate;



A chocolate (?) Christmas tree in Bangkok'



A Christmas tree in Lisbon;



A Christmas tree before the Town Hall in Brussels;



Christmas trees (of sorts) in St. Petersburg;



And finally, some British soldiers decorating a Christmas tree in Baghdad;



And some "Iraqi Christian children" decorating a tree in "a Roman Catholic church in central Baghdad."

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

(More to come, if I feel like it.)

Posted 9:00 AM by Gene

Pope Benedict prays for peace

I believe we all do.

Posted 7:56 PM by Gene

As a state housing official, LaToya Cotton was supposed to help some of the poorest people in Washtenaw County obtain federal rent aid.

But investigators say that over 10 years, Cotton, 45, stole the identities of dozens of people and used the information to divert more than $1 million in housing vouchers for her own use, according to documents filed this week in U.S. District Court in Detroit.

Merry Christmas, LaToya!

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

America's premier business flack sheet Barron's says LEGENDARY WELCH played some legendary tricks with His reinsurance earnings in His last five years as a God -- and they left Little Jeffy holding the bag! The bad news is, Alan's gang of PR professionals insists GE BANCORP & REALTY's earnings will go through the ROOF next year -- meaning it may soon refer to him as LEGENDARY IMMELT! Bleeaaaah!!!!!

Posted 2:56 PM by Gene

She wasn't playing God - but a Manhattan judge agreed yesterday to let a Manhattan man change his name to Jesus Christ.

In Manhattan, not the first.

Posted 2:30 PM by Gene

Well, in the only BEEEEEEEEEEE-OOOOOOOOOOOH numbers available, HUGH and K-LO still lead the APE (but ESPNCORP's cheating; it's opened it in 200 more venues), people don't like geisha girls or politically-correct terrorists -- in SHORT, the Os-CARS® are in TROUBLE!

And SPEAKING of Os-CARS® and TROUBLE:

Oscar 'Screeners' Already Being Pirated

OH-oh!

(Via something called Addict3d.org)

P. S. BoxOfficeMojo has it the other way around. Who cares? These numbers are made up one way or another. Though we see THE GAY COWBOYS tripled its venues and merely doubled its revenues. It's a-headed for the LAST ARTHOUSE ROUNDUP.

One thing's clear: with the spectacular numbers many of these masterworks are racking up the movie biz seems to be expelling its product for nobody.

Posted 2:11 PM by Gene

The TWXSTERS raise ANOTHER WHITE FLAG:

Review: 'Rumor Has It ...' this film's bad

Studio: Warner Bros.

Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-taaaa-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....

Meathead did it. This is the film where they had trouble with the lighting. They obviously should have filmed it in pitch black.

Or should I say obliviously, which is how Meathead does it.

Hey MEAT! Why don't you run for governor?

Posted 1:56 PM by Gene

Mostly Muslim Senegal Celebrates Christmas

Grand holy poobah of Iran, you have a lot of terrorizing to do.

Posted 1:24 PM by Gene

Today, being too lazy to save the time to go to a closer post office to mail some bills, I went to the soon-to-be-largely-vacated landmark at 30th Street (it's being turned into a glorified hospital wing, or something), and trodding there I saw the John Street Memorial Schuylkill River Park, nearly completed: a patio, two long wheelchair ramps, sixteen pillars and long walls and prettified fences. I can imagine it in five years: graffiti all over, Thoreaus on the ground, the ramps graveled by skateboarders, the fences ripped open, and all so our beloved mayor can hold a press conference. That's what I like about GUVMENT: it spends millions on urban improvement schemes and ZERO for maintenance. (And I say this as a mu-ni-CI-pal worker.)

On the other side of the gate is a CSX right-of-way, one side strewn with garbage. It stretches the imagination to see how the same hooligans who play on railroad tracks won't do their duty in a "park." While passing by a long container train ambled at 15 or 20 mph, a symbol of how America's declined in some ways, for all Dubya's dyslexic talk. Once there was a B&O passenger station on Walnut Street; though the railroads surely specialized in the bundling and mistreatment of commuters, the most elegant of their stations belie that, and their first-class trains still live on in the memory and the imagination. Now these same passengers are stuffed in aluminum-clad flying bombs, eating stale peanuts, and the four railroads we're stuck with haul mostly boxes -- and today CSX carted a container train of refuse, evidently its regular shipment (the Waste Management logo appeared on every container I saw) -- and at the end, a forlorn little telemetric box sat above the coupler where the caboose used to latch.

Meantime a cement-box condo has gone up north of the site; and the old Convention Hall, a Art Deco landmark that once emceed three political conventions the same year (1948), has been demolished for more non-profit empire building. Perhaps life was once much worse, but how can we feel that way constantly haunted by our past?

Posted 10:31 AM by Gene

Ah, the booming business of minor-league bowl games, like the Sheraton Bowl:

One sure winner will not be UCF's bottom line. The final bill could reach $1 million, meaning the school might lose as much as $400,000 on the trip. But officials consider it just another payment in its quest to gain fame through football.

Yeah, and we can always charge it to the prospective students.

Posted 10:24 AM by Gene

It's official: TRIB is behind the corrupt idiot mayor's bid to stage the GE BANCORP & REALTY GAMES in 2016!

It always starts with newspaper Babbitts writing press releases and impressive stats, and it always ends in elephantine debt and white elephants.

Posted 10:15 AM by Gene

Since 2001, Madden has been the top-selling video game in North America. Now, NFL players themselves are showing signs of obsession — some of them complaining directly to John Madden when they thought the game had shortchanged their skill level.

Atlanta quarterback Michael Vick recently complained to the company that he, not Oakland receiver Randy Moss, should be the fastest player in the game. New England running back Corey Dillon says he thinks his overall rating is far too low. And Tampa Bay receiver Michael Clayton has argued that his tackling number should be higher — in case he ever is required to tackle a player.

Who'da thought -- NFL players can perfect their AAAAAAAATTITUDE skills.

GET A LIFE!

Posted 10:12 AM by Gene

Most Capitol Hill observers now regard Frist as ``the weakest majority leader in perhaps 50 years,'' said Charles Cook, editor of the Washington-based Cook Political Report.

Bring back Trent "Mickey Mouse" Lott! (Pffh-hh-hh!)

Posted 8:14 PM by Gene

The Oakland Tribune tells truth to power, or old used books, anyway:

We think it's time for Congress to heed the warning of George Orwell.

To that end, we're asking for your help: Mail us or drop off your tattered copies of "1984." When we get 537 of them, we'll send them to every member of the House of Representatives and Senate and to President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney.

Feel free to inscribe the book with a note, reminding these fine people that we Americans take the threat to our liberties seriously. Remind Congress that it makes no sense to fight a war for democracy in a foreign land while allowing our democratic principles to erode at home.

This is precisely the sort of stupid gag that WOULD appeal to ROMY. So let us guess what happens: if the Trib gets enough copies to send to all the victims -- IF -- most likely each copy would go to a mailroom clerk, who'd then give it to an intern, who'd ask of a supervisor, "What should I do with this book?" who'd answer, "Must have come from some street person. Give it to the Salvation Army -- or chuck it in the trash."

We suspect a DC thrift shop or two will soon see a sudden puzzling build up of dog-eared, highlighted, doodled copies of 1984.

Posted 7:35 PM by Gene

I won't mention THE GREATEST MUSICAL OF ALL TIME again, except in B. O. passing, but reading the many toadying favorable sound-alike reviews from lesser-known rags proves that America has too many ad-blurbists, most of whom are looking for work.

Posted 6:43 PM by Gene

We don't ordinarily pay attention to ADAGE'S GREATEST HITS, as the editors tend to pick the most grotesque ads the way some psychotics pick the wings off flies, or the way some creative types make ads; but of these ten ads "America won't see" five are from proud members of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers, and discounting a clever and inoffensive print ad from P&G's razor division the whole point of the other four is to stick it. We can't imagine what has prevented the companies from bringing their stellar efforts stateside -- especially the one from Unilever. And that company has the GALL to tell people it has values. It has values all right: make money and shaft the public.

And on the topic of the Abramoffs of K Street:

The second notable item from the forum was contained in a letter from Senator Barack Obama (D-IL), which was read by Senator Inouye. In the letter, Senator Obama singled out ads for the ED drug Cialis for criticism. He noted that on one occasion, an ad aired while he was watching television with his children, which made him uncomfortable. This prompted a question from Senator Inouye asking whether advertising needs to be regulated. Representatives from watchdog groups, like the Christian Coalition and Parents Television Council, claimed that advertising, like programming, is pushing the envelope and should be regulated. The network representatives fired back, arguing that prescreening of ads before airing is generally effective. They noted that while some ads get through that may be inappropriate for the audience, generalized complaints about ad content are not helpful. The issue was not discussed further, but it shows that advertising is on the radar screen.

That had them high-fiving on K Street AND MadAve.

(Well, 1120 20th St. NW, which is close enough.)

Posted 6:15 PM by Gene

We are sorry to hear Mike Myers is getting a divorce.

Myers, an alum of NBC's "Saturday Night Live," starred in the "Austin Powers" and "Wayne's World" films, 2003's "Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat," and voiced the giant green ogre in the "Shrek" movies.

But with all those great properties no wonder he and the missus never had kids.

Posted 6:14 PM by Gene

"These cult fad stocks always end up in disaster."

These cult fads always start with NEWS HACKS chanting HOT HOT HOT!

Posted 6:04 PM by Gene

Google's AOL Investment May Lead to '08 IPO

TRANSLATION: The TWXSTERS lock in their HUGE LOSS.

Posted 6:02 PM by Gene

Proof many statistics bandied by news hacks are misleading or irrelevant:

Mariah Carey Ties Elvis on Singles Chart

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

Speaking of:

In search of a terrorist nuclear bomb, the federal government since 9/11 has run a far-reaching, top secret program to monitor radiation levels at over a hundred Muslim sites in the Washington, D.C., area, including mosques, homes, businesses, and warehouses, plus similar sites in at least five other cities, U.S. News has learned. In numerous cases, the monitoring required investigators to go on to the property under surveillance, although no search warrants or court orders were ever obtained, according to those with knowledge of the program. Some participants were threatened with loss of their jobs when they questioned the legality of the operation, according to these accounts.

While the Feds might be a little heavy-handed with something like this, as seems the habit under the super-secretive Dubya, the constituency of NEWS HACKS would see no justification to it because it involves -- religious persecution.

Sorry, it wasn't Buddhists or Hindus who attacked us.

(Via AP on Freep.com)

Posted 5:52 PM by Gene

A Navy chaplain has stopped eating to protest what he calls “religious harassment” in the military.

Chaplain (Lt.) Gordon Klingenschmitt, an evangelical Episcopal priest, said Navy officials are trying to force him out of the service because he wants to pray in the name of Jesus.

“I will not eat again until the president of the United States gives me back my uniform and allows me to pray in Jesus’ name,” Klingenschmitt said with the White House in the background. “For me, it’s a matter of conscience.”

If he were a Muslim, we'd hear about it.

(Via link on Topix.net)

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

LINK of the DAY:

2012 Olympic ballot error? IOC official: London may have won Games because of misplaced vote.

Posted 2:36 PM by Gene

Richard Nixon's son in law vs. RICHELLE NIXON?

(Sorry for the NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Posted 2:27 PM by Gene

Having just landed a spaceship at the former Soldier Field, the Windy City's corrupt idiot mayor proposes building a SECOND stadium for a SECOND football team and so his burg can land the GE BANCORP & REALTY GAMES in 2016.

Haven't you already committed enough graft with your TRUCKING SCHEME?

Posted 1:30 PM by Gene

My LAST post for the day on the Academy Awards®: We all know THE GAY COWBOYS may be headin' to the last roundup. But this opens the door for THE JOHNNY CASH MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, made by GUESSWHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice promo, Rog! THE BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! should give you a 5000-percent raise!

Posted 12:47 PM by Gene

And speaking thereof, here GanNETt pays this blurbist Scott six digits to scratch his head and kiss behinds about matters entertainment, and of all the questions he asks about the coveted Oscars® only one is worth asking:

10

Will anybody care?

Happily Rosie's Nephew has a suggestion:

"Winning an Oscar is fine, but it's not what the awards should be about," he says. "They should be about showing people the kind of work you're capable of. That will get people interested in seeing more of it."

And especially if they've come to see blockbuster hits like THE KNIGHTING OF ST. EDWARD OF MURROW.

Posted 10:17 AM by Gene

Our first OSCAR® CONTROVERSY:

Oscar organizers said a Singapore movie has been disqualified for next year's best foreign-language film award because the dialogue is mainly in English.

I've got an idea: let's dub all OUR films in another language! That way they get to be foreign films -- and WE won't have to see them!

Just an idea.

Posted 9:58 AM by Gene

BREAKING NEWS!!!!! SAMUEL ALITO URGED REVERSAL OF ROE V. WADE IN '85 MEMO!!!!!!!!!! MORE TO COME!!!!!!!!!! [The MESS]

NEWS ALERT!!!!! AP: SUPREME COURT NOMINEE SAMUEL ALITO SAID IN 1985 DOCUMENT THAT ROE V. WADE RULING LEGALIZING ABORTION SHOULD BE OVERTURNED!!!!!!!!!! [The TWXSTERS at CNN] [Overemphasis added]

Sometimes JERNALISM is less a PROFESSION than a CONSPIRACY.

By the way TWXSTERS, what happened to the CIA OPERATIVE story? That was BREAKING NEWS!!!!! this morning TOO.

Posted 9:18 AM by Gene

See, the problem St. Warren is some people use their computers to look up things. (What's a computer? Your bridge partner Bugmeister Bill invented it.) And see, they look things up on what are called search engines (sort of like a car, St. Warren, only you can drive it through a computer), and then they find certain authors are related to certain big shots, and You don't disclose the fact, perhaps because You and Your subordinates feel it would undercut Your Great Insights -- the Great Insight being in this case that at certain liberal social clubs they believe in the god they want to believe in. Now we will admit enough junk has accreted on religion over the centuries, but enough junk has accreted in the pile of garbage called JERNALISM to outpile it. In any case, who needs a god when we have You, and Your Immortal Prosperity? But forgive us asking of Your Holiness -- why do You think those You created to surf Your Web sites so stupid?

A progressive Episcopal priest and a staunch defender of abortion rights...

We were a little hesitant to cite this, but then we learned RNS is a news syndicator owned by SI, so it's not as if it's off the deep end. SHUT UP, MIKE!

(Full text here, appropriately enough.)

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

How apt the HOWIE HAIRSHIRT of DOW JONES does a story on people who can't do without their EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW! With a little thinking I can see him as one myself.

Who knew there were so many Jeff Jarvis clones?

(Via the inevitable ROMY)

Posted 6:50 AM by Gene

WE NEVAH GAVE HIM DE WIGHT TOOW SPY! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

Oh, shut up and draft your articles of impeachment.

Posted 6:48 AM by Gene

Italy warrants for 22 purported CIA operatives

OoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooh, DEMOCRATS! I think we have another case for IMPEACHMENT!!!!!

Pffh-hh-hh!

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

More magic in the thea-TAH:

OVERHEARD at "Jersey Boys":

Big Guy No. 1, before the curtain went up: "Hey, Tony, even if you don't like the show, you gotta tell people it's great. We got a lotta money in it."

Big Guy No. 2, during intermission: "Don't worry, Vinnie. You got a hit here."

Of the crowd at "Jersey Boys," Marshall Brickman, who co-wrote the book says: "It's the audience that must be subpoenaed."

Posted 6:37 AM by Gene

The current invented number for Noo Yawk transit-strike losses is $1 billion.

Considering that the city allegedly made $463 million out of Christo's draperies (?) that isn't too bad. Thankfully neither is a real number so we can claim the net effect is ZERO.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

With this review Manohla (where did that name come from?) has advanced herself into the top ranks of movie ad-blurbists. It is not enough now for an ad-blurbist to stake his claim above the title; now he must write so incomprehensibly as to dazzle his cohorts. Manohla has established the gold standard for gobbledygook, and her fellow scribblers must now meet her challenge, which they will eagerly meet with each new disgorgement of tripe.

We think we now know what her name means:

Manohla Dargis: It's Armenian for 'driven crazy by jabbering'

Posted 8:00 PM by Gene

The bad reviews are carrier-pigeoning overseas, and we don't know where to start with this one. Oh, we'll start in four good places:

The principal offenders, surprisingly, are the two leads, Broderick's whiny, weak-voiced nebbish being as flat as Lane's libidinous showman is puffed-up. Their patter feels strained and mechanical; little wonder given the number of times they've had to reprise their roles....

Most of the actors are still playing to Row S in the Upper Circle, and we sit frozen before a wild-eyed display of mugging and gurning....

[T]here's something else wrong here, and you know it as soon as the first number ends: deafening silence. Without an audience to laugh, applaud and jolly them along, the songs just die in the pauses that follow.

Of course, this assumes that you'd want to clap in the first place. Brooks's reputation as an avatar of bad taste is no doubt secure, and if broad-strokes satire were the gold standard of comic excellence, then The Producers would be the funniest show on the planet. But this is plainly not the case, and indeed much of it requires an effort of will to endure - not because it offends taste, but because it neglects comedy. He is certainly no songwriter; many of the numbers sound like advertising jingles before the joke-writers got to them....

Yet what really dismays is just how dated the thing is....[D]oes the roar of mirth that greets the line "Darling, quick, back in the closet!" suggest to you an author's incomparable wit, or an audience's low expectations?

It suggests to me KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN'S millions!

Posted 7:55 PM by Gene

Sen. Rick Santorum on Thursday withdrew his affiliation from the Christian-rights law center that defended a school district's policy mandating the teaching of "intelligent design."

You running for president too, Dennis Day, or merely for SENATOR?

Posted 6:07 PM by Gene

News hacks have it both ways! (Since when?) WOODSTER THE PERV IS MR. HIGH-TECH!! BUT:

"I'm not technological," he says on the first podcast. "I don't have an iPod, I don't have a word processor. I type on my old typewriter. I'm anti-technological. [But] I'm not against the benefits of technology."

So long as you can win an OS-CAR®.

P. S.

While some Oscar-watchers initially speculated that DreamWorks would downplay Allen in its "Match Point" campaign for fear of alienating academy members uncomfortable with the director's private life, the company obviously knows that the best salesman for Woody is still Woody himself.

Those fuddy-duddies! Not for OUR consideration!

Another pile of canine droppings from a Trib "blog." TRIB, WHY SO MANY "BLOGS"?

Posted 6:04 PM by Gene

Experts: NYC Transit Strike Cost Unknown

Eh, invent a number. Any number. You'll make it plausible -- just as with AHTS BOONDOGGLES and CONVENTION CENTER WHITE ELEPHANTS or SPORTS TAJ MAHALS.

Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

A man has been charged in the thankfully unsuccessful second set of London bombings, and his name is Yahya.

Nuf said.

Posted 5:35 PM by Gene

Alistair Cooke's bones were only worth $7,000?

Seems with names like Mastromarino and Nicelli we could've gotten a better deal.

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

BAD NEWS, BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM: SNIDELY WHIPLASH'S FAVORITE LOBBYIST looks ready to SPILL THE BEANS, and could implicate AT LEAST A DOZEN CONGRESSPOOPS. Granted, this IS the PAPER OF RE-CORD, whose middle name is SLANT; but it WILL be interesting to see the curley-Qs and Windsor knots OFFICIAL VOICES OF REPUBLICANS tie themselves into justifying these scam artists. Sorry, a FRAUD's a FRAUD, whatever his ACU RECORD.

(Via TNR'S PLANK, which is slowly becoming one of the more influential of MMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMMMM blogs -- and is liberal AND palatable.)