Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Friday, March 31, 2006
Posted
9:24 PM
by Gene
Given the exceptionally mealy-mouthed writing it is obvious THE PAPER OF RE-CORD is not the FOUNTAIN OF TRUTH it was, even though it will always spout THE TRUTH.
Posted
7:06 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:37 PM
by Gene
So much of America is choose-your-poison. On the one side: Babbitts who exclusively throw raging tantrums over bad language on TV, and reap big fundraising rewards. On the other, the greedmeisters of the money-minting broadcasting biz, and the blasé elitists who think their opponents deserve no say. MILLIONAIRE AND BUMS....
Posted
6:32 PM
by Gene
For the first time we salute Steve Jobs.
Posted
6:13 PM
by Gene
![]() Somewhere there must be a bigger picture than this, but it will have to do -- it reminds me of the young Afghan girl on the cover of National Geographic. Africa is what the world would be like if the League of Nations ran it, as in a sense it does. Thankfully for the tyrants and thugs, only the innocent seem to suffer.
Posted
6:08 PM
by Gene
Larry Kudlow is a terrific television host, full of energy and the love of selling --which is why he's a writer's dream when a book comes out. On today's show he plugged Painting the Map Red from start to finish of two segments, but he did so while calling attention to its controversial recommendations and assuring that the lefty Newsweek columnist Jonathan Alter and Chicago Tribune MSMer Jim Warren got some shots in while Townhall's Joel Mowbray got to add some depth to the center-right forces. In short, a rollicking good two segments of television with smart, sharp panelists spurred on by a humor filled, somewhat edgy host. Memo to NBC: Take a look at double-breasting LK with a pure politics show on MSNBC. Now, to Larry King's studio...
Posted
6:01 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:49 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:32 PM
by Gene
![]() In honor of the 100th ANNIVERSARY of the PRESS RELEASE, NewsMax!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, home of the villainous-looking "SUPER-HERO," runs one from a CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGE. I don't know which is most risible -- that "4 million" number, CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES or NewsMax!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
5:22 PM
by Gene
P. S. He followed another overpublicized idiot, Larry "SOFTBALL" King. How apt.
Posted
1:41 PM
by Gene
This puffy profile reminded me of a "documentary" about Woods — "Son, Hero, Champion" — that preceded CBS's fourth-round coverage of the Masters in 1997. It was produced by IMG, the agency that represents Woods, so you know how objective and unconflicted it was. And THE GOLFING MACHINE lets the sycophant ED BRADLEY near to worship It -- but not TOO near, lest he see Its gears: As friendly as Bradley was (at one point declaring that Woods's best years are ahead of him), Woods placed limits on him. He would not, as Bradley said, let him into his home or onto his boat, or, more important, to speak to his wife, Elin — restrictions that send up red flags. If entree to elements of his life that would further humanize him are prohibited, why participate? One of the best profiles on "60 Minutes" featured Jackie Gleason, the late Great One, discoursing while playing pool and drinking booze, which enlivened him. We'd rather be in an age with one minute of The Great One than a thousand eternities with GOLFING MACHINES. Hey SUMNER! LES "MOONER" MOONVES! Maybe SIXTY should join THE INQUISITOR in RETIREMENT. (Via ROMY, who was upset too -- for reasons HOWIE HAIRSHIRT knows all about)
Posted
1:31 PM
by Gene
Stone appears to have had so much work done that her face resembles a tautly made bed, and her unchanging expression of smoldering arrogance seems less an acting decision and more the result of neurotoxins. The body may be willing but the flesh has been immobilized. AND: [T]here are inflatable toys that are livelier than Stone, but how can you tell the difference? ANOTHER TRIUMPH, SAMMY GLICKMAN!!!!! (The latter HISTORICAL quote via ShowBizData.com)
Posted
10:17 AM
by Gene
You don't suppose this mindset had something to do with Chuckie Taylor nearly going free, do you?
Posted
10:13 AM
by Gene
Ex-DeLay aide to plead guilty in lobbyist fraud probe Con-SER-va-tives, are we STILL willing to call this a SET-UP?
Posted
10:08 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:37 AM
by Gene
Why must so much of modern life be either-or?
Posted
9:09 AM
by Gene
Ty Cobb was very angry. What was HIS color? And if we recall right, he didn't need STEROIDS to be angry. P. S. I prefer Spike Jones's version with Homer and Jethro. Thursday, March 30, 2006
Posted
5:29 PM
by Gene
and turning the public into a punchline... never mind.
Posted
5:15 PM
by Gene
George Will argues in favor of a fence to seal the Mexican border and a guest worker program to supply what the U.S. economy demands. I agree in principle. AND: George Will's column today is quite an accomplishement [typical NRO spelling SIC] -- he's loaded every worn-out cliche and discredited notion about immigration into one package.... Fight! FIGHT! We want NO PUNDIT OR SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER STANDING!!!!! P. S. The same column, despite the clever difference in the URLs.
Posted
5:12 PM
by Gene
YOU DA MAN! (Sorry for the language, but this is is why I try to stay away from SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS as much as possible. And he's not the only one who stands up in defense of it.)
Posted
4:58 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:52 PM
by Gene
Why not? It can study anthing else.
Posted
3:42 PM
by Gene
Wonderful. A chicken in every pot and a toady on every TV. Make that two toadies, given he's so well-fed. Pardon -- two toadies with a CAUSE.
Posted
3:23 PM
by Gene
Incidentally, there were many former Cincinnatians in the audience who said hello. One brought [SIC] a newspaper which showed that "Good Night, and Good Luck" had been running continuously in two Washington theaters since its release last fall and was still filling the houses. ...which accounts for all its gross. (Via ROMY, who eats his vegetables -- cabbage, mostly)
Posted
2:30 PM
by Gene
(Via Free Republic, where it's headlined, "Clooney high-rise condos hit snag [Vegas condo bubble]". BUBBLE! That's ULTRA-LIBERAL TALK!)
Posted
2:25 PM
by Gene
The Protocols of the...NAH.
Posted
10:20 AM
by Gene
Having worked with AOL in a period when the company went from 1 million subscribers to 40 million, I find MySpace’s growth to be uncannily similar.... News Corp. has a market cap of $53 billion, a figure that hasn’t changed much in two years. Its stock has traded in a channel between $15 and $19, and in a pattern that must have made "swing traders" good profits. In short, News Corp. has been going nowhere for two years. Does the market realize the implications of News Corp.’s purchase of MySpace? Possibly. The TWXSTERS were once worth $90 A SHARE.
Posted
10:06 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:02 AM
by Gene
What Truman and Bush have in common. Well, they both polled bad. What else?
Posted
9:49 AM
by Gene
The show, hosted by the former chairman and CEO of Disney, attracted a mere 39,000 in the 25-54 news demo, numbers that suggest CNBC may have another celebrity bust on its hands. Does that include family members and former underlings seeing if he was still alive? (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
9:46 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:43 AM
by Gene
JANN didn't get to be the RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of ROCK for nothing, so we suspect he'll cave.
Posted
8:54 AM
by Gene
Whether or not the hacks were hoping, we know this: the attempt came about six months after JIMMY'S WORLD, and a scarce nine months after the RIGHTEOUS PERSECUTION of BILLY CARTER for being a fool. It was after an eternity when the hacks screamed to know WHO SHOT J. R.????? (the agony prolonged by an otherwise welcome actors' strike), and about eight months before they threw tons of rice over THE WEDDING OF LUKE AND LAURA. With that cavalcade of total JERNALISTIC miscreancy we never trusted news hacks again. And that's why we ask what they were thinking.
Posted
6:59 AM
by Gene
Why does his image suffer? That's a toughie there, sons of SOB. Don't they pay you the big bucks not to pose such stupid questions? Or do you merely run a year-long popularity contest for SUPER BORE ads? Thankfully we seem to have come up with an answer: THE MAN. That light above our heads allows us to engage in our superiority complex when it comes to the readers, and flip out the R-CARD and engage in more race baiting. It would NEVER have anything to do with Barry CHEATING -- or the fact that, even with chartreuse skin covered with flower tattoos, and maybe a cute pig nose for a snout, he may NOT BE A NICE GUY. And when Barry breaks* the home-run record*, we can be sure the sons of SOB will be there, cheering him on for the Gipper and the circ. A NEUHARTHISM of the WEEK Award (social-justice division) to BOB! Nighty-night, Nightengale!
Posted
6:55 AM
by Gene
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Posted
5:03 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:00 PM
by Gene
These things will happen when you try to change the world one boondoggle at a time.
Posted
4:56 PM
by Gene
No comment.
Posted
3:13 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:52 PM
by Gene
He was not known for producing thoughtful conservative think-pieces, or even for intrepid reporting. On the contrary, he was better known for his vitriol. Domenech, in his RedState.com blog posts, wrote that Teresa Heinz Kerry looks like an "oddly shaped egotistical ketchup-colored muppet," former TNR Editor Andrew Sullivan needs "a woman to give him some stability," and cartoonist Ted Rall is a "steaming bag of pus." He used words like "environuts." His posts often began with profound statements such as "That's ridiculous," "Yeesh, that's sad," and "That's bullcrap." He accused Los Angeles Times columnist Joel Stein of using cocaine. He described Coretta Scott King as a "Communist." He wrote that federal judges are "worse than the KKK." What, exactly, did Brady see in Domenech? Certainly not a principled conservative journalist. Either Brady didn't read Domenech's blog posts, or he did, and they fit the ticket. If the former is true, well, shame on Brady. But the latter seems more likely. In other words, as far as Brady was concerned, Domenech--an angry, bigoted bloviator--was the face of true conservatism.
Posted
2:36 PM
by Gene
[I]f the 40- to 60-year-old population is indeed so wealthy with so much buying power, why aren’t more non-news networks selling on the 25-to-54 demo and, what’s more, why are so many TV deals built upon the 18-to-49 demo? “We’ve done focus groups with this demo who say they turn on the TV and there are 500 channels and they can’t find anything to watch,” he said. “They start to feel annoyed, like media has blatantly disregarded them.” Why is that, SUM? Is it because you aim to be older than METHUSELAH? Or is it because your SPONSORS are WHINING INFANTS?
Posted
2:05 PM
by Gene
![]() I just noticed this. Apparently AmSpec wants to Confirm Him Now! in the OLD Senate Chamber. Well if AmSpec wants to use an OLD chamber I would have no objection. Meantime, what happens in the newer one?
Posted
1:53 PM
by Gene
THIS SHOULD STOP IRAN BUT GOOD!!!!!
Posted
10:51 AM
by Gene
Clever!
Posted
10:24 AM
by Gene
Helped by "news aggregators"!
Posted
9:15 AM
by Gene
Cadbury Schweppes spent $5 million producing a Dr Pepper TV campaign that now won’t see the light of day. The marketer has quietly canned an elaborate “mash-up” campaign from famed director Kinka Usher that mixes music from Kiss, Will Smith, EMP and Cyndi Lauper, and ordered up new creative to be produced before the crucial Memorial Day kickoff to soft-drink season. The company attributed the switch to a new strategy. Is our new strategy to spend $50 million?
Posted
9:09 AM
by Gene
Does that mean he's better at obfuscation than the Wiz? Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Posted
5:17 PM
by Gene
Now, can he explain it in words of seven syllables and sentences of two hundred words?
Posted
3:16 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:09 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:10 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:50 AM
by Gene
Hillary Clinton: I'm No Marie Antoinette (Sorry for the NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Posted
8:49 AM
by Gene
Liberian warlord Charles Taylor has disappeared from his haven in Nigeria, just as he was to have been handed over to face trial on war crimes charges, Nigerian officials said Tuesday. Why am I thinking Switzerland? There is much laughter in the Nigerian government, no doubt.
Posted
8:39 AM
by Gene
Translation: Fewer girlie -- er, MEN's magazines and, with any luck, fewer TRUTH TELLERS in the newsrags.
Posted
8:12 AM
by Gene
CBS anchor Bob Schieffer said Colbert had successfully bottled the spirit of the annual Gridiron dinner, a clubby inside-the-Beltway roast of major Washington figures, and given it broad appeal. "I think it's part of the American redemption process now that you have to let people make fun of you a bit," said 69-year-old Schieffer, who joked on the program this month that most viewers of "CBS Evening News" were older than he was. We remember watching the Gridiron Club belch on television years ago, on PBS -- or maybe it was the @#$%&* White House Correspondents' dinner, what's the diff? -- and we were angry the whole time. You couldn't have cut through the high self-regard with a jackhammer. (We will forgive Bob for appearing on the SEVAREID show; it's a VIACON, and he's a good, smart guy.) As emcees of mini-Gridiron Clubs ERIC and the EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY are mere court jesters for a corrupt system, just as the drunken clod IMUS is, and we should scorn and ridicule them with the same vitriol that we do our other Beltway betters. Monday, March 27, 2006
Posted
7:14 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:43 PM
by Gene
About what I thing of would-be movie execs who don't know how to type right. (Via Yahoo! Movies, which proudly repeats the error -- and also forgets the show started on another network)
Posted
5:54 PM
by Gene
But I will confess this business barely moves me as we are closer to teeming hordes yelling "Eh?"
Posted
5:47 PM
by Gene
Who will be the first with the FATWA?
Posted
5:43 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:36 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:31 PM
by Gene
Is Dubya running for president?
Posted
5:15 PM
by Gene
Which raises a further question, one I'd hoped to hold off for a while, but I can't help it now -- but first, a preface: CNN is not showing the negative caricatures of the likeness of the Prophet Mohammed because the network believes its role is to cover the events surrounding the publication of the cartoons while not unnecessarily adding fuel to the controversy itself. We're less than six months to the fifth anniversary. Will the idiot NEWS HACKS cover themselves with glory as they did during the cartoon riots? Will they turn it into Strawberry Fields Forever? Will there be acres of yellow ribbons and flowers (and as few flags as possible) decorating the front pages, like kittens on a calendar? Will they sentimentalize all the anger and infamy out of it? We suspect so, and it will be another shameless exercise in knee-jerk reactionary cowardice.
Posted
3:10 PM
by Gene
Some Connecticut players said before Sunday's game they didn't know George Mason's players, coach or team nickname. But then, some of the Patriots don't know much about the man their school is named for. "I heard somebody say he was the president, but I know he wasn't the president," Tony Skinn said. "I have no clue who he was." Skinn gave it more thought and came up with a guess: "He was one of those people who signed the Constitution. I know he signed it, but I don't know what else he did." Actually, Mason was one of three delegates to a federal convention in Philadelphia who did not sign it. Mason wrote the Virginia Declaration of Rights, forerunner of the Bill of Rights, and he did not sign the Constitution in part because those rights were not originally included. ![]() RAH! RAH! George...who? P. S. We now learn the George was a line extension of Jeff's school, meaning HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN will ALWAYS be a boondoggle.
Posted
2:01 PM
by Gene
KOS! SAM LITTLE! You're safe.
Posted
12:16 PM
by Gene
High tech the DR. EVIL way. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, I think SAMMY GLICKMAN took down your PAGE, DOC!
Posted
12:12 PM
by Gene
Please! Please! You don't have to tell us! We'll be good little boys and girls. We'll do whatever you want us to. Please! PLEASE! With dhimmitude, the accent is on dhim.
Posted
10:58 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:55 AM
by Gene
Rupert Murdoch F.O.B. (and Hillary) And an Idiot Shall Lead Them Okay, site unseen (sic), which hed goes with the story? Or maybe it's the one in CULTURE GUIDE.
Posted
10:53 AM
by Gene
Why Nobody Wants to Be an Adult Anymore Tell us about it, ADAM!!!!! (See CULTURE GUIDE.)
Posted
10:46 AM
by Gene
As Tehran's politics shift sharply to the right, even traditional conservatives warn against extremes. Bias? WHAT bias?
Posted
9:46 AM
by Gene
I SHOULD SUE! It's being directed by a man named BEANE -- who gave us ALL SHOOK UP!!!!! AND The Smell of the Kill [Peeeeeeeee-U!], Voices in the Dark [hearing things?], Princesses, As Thousands Cheers [SIC], The Country Club, Rude Entertainment [!!!!!!!!!!], The Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Most Fabulous Story Ever Told [??????????], Jeffrey, Blown Sideways Through Life, Fires in the Mirror, Bunny Bunny and Das Barbecu. So -- we're in a for a RUDE BARBECUE, THE MOST FABULOUS STORY EVER TOLD, AS THOUSANDS CHEERS -- while the audience gets BLOWN SIDEWAYS! JEFFREY!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:16 AM
by Gene
LEGENDARY DAVIS cannot be pleased. He was all set for world domination!
Posted
9:13 AM
by Gene
How nice. I'm sure we all appreciate a respectful killer. Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft! P. S. at 6:00 P. M. "300 rounds of ammunition." Very respectful.
Posted
8:24 AM
by Gene
![]() Whenever we see this picture of the CLATCH's boss at E&P Online, we can't help thinking of a Southern Babbitt or a prosperity preacher. That suggests, when it comes to slanting the news, he may unfortunately know what he's doing. Sunday, March 26, 2006
Posted
5:37 PM
by Gene
...he told A CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGE.
Posted
5:23 PM
by Gene
Hollywood veteran Rob Long [a National Review and NRO contributor -- don't forget not to tell that, MICK!], after watching Lazy Muncie on YouTube, validates Glenn Reynolds' thesis--that technology is empowering ordinary people to beat large organizations, including Big Media--as it applies to the comedy industry: Well, at least it applies to THE COMEDY INDUSTRY. But why shouldn't it? Blogging and homemade videos are mere COMPETITION.
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:58 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:22 PM
by Gene
Leonard "The Multi-Millionaire Blurbist" Maltin says he directed "one of the best B pictures ever made," which we'll take as definitive on his count -- and ours. P. S. We regret having had nothing to say about Buck Owens, a great country star, but that owes entirely to our ignorance.
Posted
1:05 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:41 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:00 AM
by Gene
The heavy price we'll pay: Babs as speaker and impeachment proceedings against DUBYA.
Posted
10:49 AM
by Gene
March 26, 2006 -- "I know it's troubled times. And it's turbulence on your TV screens that affects the conscience of Americans. I know that - and so does the enemy." - President Bush, Friday, on media coverage of the war in Iraq Okay, I know why the Times runs those pieces -- RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! has an EVIL TWIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
10:46 AM
by Gene
"Someone threw a bottle of liquor - Hennessy, the good stuff," said store manager Jason Gonzalez, 20. Probably someone from the JERNALISM SKOOL.
Posted
10:38 AM
by Gene
THIS SOUNDS RIGHT [Kathryn Jean Lopez] Reacting to the pro-illegal-immigration marches, InstaPundit writes: " I think that these marches just made passage of strict immigration laws much more likely." Posted at 10:31 AM I'd like to go back through the PROFESSOR'S archive and find out how many times he's been wrong, but I don't think I could stand going into a stupor.
Posted
10:32 AM
by Gene
More proof RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is NOT conservative: every week He runs stories like this in His Times; the hacks are trying to put the My Lai into Iraq. But if we could have clean, neat wars chances are we wouldn't have wars period. Whatever happened to Saddam Hussein?
Posted
10:30 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:20 AM
by Gene
But they are smiling that "Republicans are on the run." That's good!
Posted
10:08 AM
by Gene
Why is everyone so happy in Silicon Valley again? A new wave of start-ups are cashing in on the next stage of the Internet!!!!!!!!!! Which we can hope is a cover jinx and portends another blowout. And of course being Mr. Mark's rag it's full of trendy-sounding nonsense, such as: The smartest guy in the room is everybody. No, the smartest guy in the room is the guy who owns the machinery, like Larry and Sergey, and RUPERT, and -- well, you get the picture? (Now to talk ST. WARREN out of His Webophobia.) Tom Sawyer was an early adopter. So far as we know Tom Sawyer never had a computer, and the closest Mark Twain came to one was an automated typesetter that didn't work. It's all one Web. So why have we heard so much talk of separate and unequal Webs? It's not an audience, it's a community. Yes, a community of millions typing alone. Honest Mr. Mark, you've impressed me today more than ever! The bad news is Devin's looking for a big executive job in Hollywood again, and he insists "horror" (read violent porno) movies will run their course, meaning they'll go on forever. P. S. A movie ad-blurbist THINKS: Can we really be surprised, at a time when huge segments of the shockproof public are inured to the concept of real-life torture, that our horrormeisters are working overtime to test the limits of our sang-froid? TRANSLATION: If it weren't for DUBYA and RUMMY and CONDI and all those EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL people in the WHITE HOUSE we could ENJOY violent porno! Saturday, March 25, 2006
Posted
5:48 PM
by Gene
Health care threatens to swallow city budget Welp, I guess the SUPER BORE didn't work.
Posted
4:09 PM
by Gene
The good news: The Official NRO Greatest Satirical Movie of All Time Based on the Greatest Satirical Novel of All Time has opened at eleven-fold more screens -- and saw its average decline by two-thirds. The better news: Another down weekend -- thus far.
Posted
3:41 PM
by Gene
1. He'd get rid of newsprint. Its high (or rather, higher) cost is the chief reason newsbiz profit margins have gone from 30 percent to, oh, 28 percent. Consolidation in the paper biz is to blame. But who's to say newsprint will always stay high? Besides, older readers prefer newsprint. And there's a sizable population that does NOT want computers OR the Web -- and they may not fit the Luddite stereotype. Get rid of newsprint and you may get rid of a good chunk of your audience. This is why I'm not convinced ditching stock tables is such a hot idea, whatever the ephemeral savings. 2. He'd equip the hacks with cameras. Goody! Just what we need -- photogenic newshacks. Isn't it enough to have these clowns scream at each other on the cable nets? Most likely video news stories would be just as vapid as any on TV. Anyone who's used Windows Media Player can attest it's not easy to skim video. And though the costs of bandwidth may be manageable, all these newspaper Web sites with all these videos will have found one LESS way to differ from one another -- and aren't the news hacks lock-steppingly similar as it is? 3. He'd stop insulting readers; and 4. He'd get them involved. These two suggestions are so vague as to be meaningless. L'Affaire Loven suggests that lots of the hacks thrive on insulting their consumers. And how would we peons get involved besides the usual way of writing six-page letters to the editor and screaming at ombudspoops? No one desires BIGMEDIA change more than I do; alas, they're unreformable, and PROFESSOR's pitiful suggestions are proof enough.
Posted
3:39 PM
by Gene
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....
Posted
2:02 PM
by Gene
Streisand May Tour for First Time in Years (Actually, we shouldn't have posted this because this was already old news. We hate posting old news. But with something delectable as this old news is better than no news.)
Posted
1:43 PM
by Gene
James Gunn on Dealing with the MPAA on Slither: “Well my experience was very good because we didn’t have any problems with them. Eli Roth who is a friend and a great guy gave the MPAA Hostel right before we gave them this movie. And I am eternally grateful because if you watch the actual amount of gore we actually have more gore but because were more surreal we get away with a lot more.” We should not trust one word out of the MPAA, including prepositions and conjunctions. OR: [V]iolence sells, and Hollywood knows parents are not paying attention. (Via, alas, BRENTCORP)
Posted
12:50 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:47 PM
by Gene
That our nation has its head screwed on backwards about violence is obvious. When will it rescrew it?
Posted
11:47 AM
by Gene
Come on guys, whisper a little louder: impeach the president. Louder Dems, can't hear you! IMPEACH THE PRESIDENT. Now scream it out like Gov. YAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHH: IMPEACH THE PRESIDENT!!!!! LOUDER!!!!!!!!!! Friday, March 24, 2006
Posted
8:41 PM
by Gene
Film review: A pleasant and vaguely irritating habit Smooth, but hardly addictive Kicking Butt ‘Smoking’s’ dark humor will leave you hooked Cigarette satire never quite lights up MOVIE REVIEW: "SMOKING" IS A BREATH OF FRESH AIR Satire, and no butts about it And so on. And so on and so on. And so on and so on and so on. Which is the worse sin: copying or copying by osmosis? Can we expect the vaguest, minimalist originality from a biz that inflicts us with such relentless unfunny puns and such Xerox-like thinking?
Posted
4:59 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:40 PM
by Gene
![]() Shhhhhhhhhh, don't tell anyone, GE BANCORP AND REALTY ENTERTAINMENT -- your latest masterwork is a S---- L-- J----. By the way, does anyone know what that doohickey is on the bottom right-hand corner?
Posted
3:37 PM
by Gene
“These are irreverent, humorous spots,” said Mark Spencer, senior manager of Dodge communications for Chrysler Group. The Caliber driver, he said, is a 25-year-old who watches Dave Chappelle and Jon Stewart on Comedy Central, spends hours a day on the Internet and gaming, and “is essentially tuning us out and turning us off.” “We don't want to overtly market to them,” Spencer added. TRANSLATION: We'd rather PUT PEOPLE OUT OF WORK than stop making ads that FLATTER OUR VANITY.
Posted
3:10 PM
by Gene
Arizona authorities have filed felony drug charges against two members of a family that was rescued from a snowbound motor home earlier this week. Warrants were issued in Snowflake, Ariz., for Elbert and Becky Higginbotham on Wednesday, a day after they and four relatives were rescued in a mountainous region of southern Oregon. The couple are charged with possession of dangerous drugs for sale and possession of drug paraphernalia, court records show. The records show Elbert Higginbotham is also wanted on a charge of misconduct involving weapons.
Posted
2:25 PM
by Gene
Howell Raines Gets $3.5 M for Townhouse How much health insurance for poor workers would that pay for? (Via the usual Romy)
Posted
2:00 PM
by Gene
Quaid filed a lawsuit Thursday in Los Angeles County Superior Court alleging the producers got him to work cheap by falsely claiming the movie was "a low-budget, art house film, with no prospect of making any money." "Yet from day one, defendants fully intended that the film would not be made on a low budget, would be given a worldwide release, and would be supported as the studio picture it always was secretly intended to be," the lawsuit says. Why am I not surprised? Hey Randy! I'd say you got SIX-SIGMAED!
Posted
1:53 PM
by Gene
(WaPost link via the Freep)
Posted
12:47 PM
by Gene
DEAD HUMOR [John Derbyshire] I used to think Peter Sellers was the funniest man alive. The other day, however, I watched A Shot in the Dark, the 1964 movie that established the Inspector Clouseau character. It really wasn't very funny at all. We all know, of course, that humor is perishable, and that what made our parents -- or even our younger selves -- laugh can leave us stone faced. There are degrees of perishability, though, and the very best humor can stay funny for decades. I thought Sellers was in that league. Nope. His repertoire was narrower than I'd remembered -- really just two or three funny voices and a couple of facial expressions. It's sad... Though now I don't feel quite so bad at never having found Charlie Chaplin the least bit funny. Posted at 10:24 AM ---------------------------------------------------------- RE: DEAD HUMOR [Warren Bell] I often wonder about that, Derb. I think I've written here before about the disaster that is viewing Blazing Saddles at age 42, after having wallowed in its glory at age 13. I think our memories tend to put a rosy glow around things we laugh at, and then in revisiting, the reality destroys the glow. I always cite "Bart the Genius" as one of my favorite Simpsons episodes, primarily because it was the first one I ever saw, and it just blew me away. In watching the DVDs with my kids, I notice that those first few episodes were pretty creaky in places. They didn't really hit their stride for another season or so, but that's not how I remembered it. So how much is the fault of memory, and how much is our own evolution in life? Is Sellers less funny, Derb, or are you? Posted at 10:46 AM We won't touch that LAST sentence, WARREN, but we will say this is from the IDIOTS who are always raving YOU-KNOW-WHAT COMEDY SHOWS as THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME.
Posted
11:26 AM
by Gene
Really, somebody ought to put a moratorium on BLOGS.
Posted
9:41 AM
by Gene
Mr. Edelstein says he's concerned about "an increasing absence of public culture." Historically, movies were considered a private experience, but now, he says, "with all sorts of private culture experiences like iPods and computers, going to the movies is one of the more public things you can do. Talking about it with people when the lights come up or afterward in a bar or over coffee ... that's a wonderful thing." That said, Edelstein admits he has a state-of-the-art 60-inch widescreen TV that he uses to properly view some films sent to him for review. Ah HA! HE'S KILLING MOVIES TOO!
Posted
9:24 AM
by Gene
And Congressleader BABS is there: "Like Mozart, George Lucas is no ordinary genius," Pelosi said. "He is a magician. He will be remembered as a legend." Translation: THIS IS A STICK-UP! (Via ArtsJournal.com)
Posted
8:37 AM
by Gene
We can think of no man better qualified. Pfffffffffffffffffffft!!!!! (Via the usual ROMY)
Posted
8:33 AM
by Gene
It's sad to think the stock's meltdown could have been greater. (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
8:26 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:24 AM
by Gene
Just because something's LEGAL doesn't make it KOSHER.
Posted
8:03 AM
by Gene
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Posted
5:20 PM
by Gene
They shaved her freaking armpits. Behold Natalie Portman (yes, her character has a name; do you care?) confronting the deranged anti-hero V after he tortured her as a way of improving her will to power – think Anthony Robbins meets Torquemada. She's been beaten; she's been starved; she's been nearly drowned; her body double was given ice-cold showers; and she's been sleep-deprived (you know this because the brown make-up under her eyes resembles dark circles). Upon realizing that her torment was V's doing, she explodes with rage. "You cut my hair!" she shrieks, and the audience laughs -- inappropriately, and not for the first time during this movie. But Natalie isn't kidding. As she stands out in the cleansing rain to celebrate the death of fear, she raises her arms in triumph after days if not weeks of brutal, inhumane incarceration -- and check out those pits! Baby smooth. That's V for Vendetta for you. It's darkly gorgeous, it's effortlessly slick, and at all times, it's three beers away from comedy gold. I don't think this guy will EVER write for THE CORNER. He didn't like it.
Posted
4:50 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:22 PM
by Gene
Returning to the subject of McClatchy-Knight Ridder, Ivins said: "Of course, McClatchy intends to merge the Washington bureaus. GUESS WHICH WASHINGTON BUREAU HAS THE DISTINCTION OF BEING THE ONLY ONE TO REPORT SKEPTICALLY ON THE ADMINISTRATION'S CLAIMS ABOUT IRAQ'S WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION BEFORE THE WAR?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" So THAT's it -- DUBYA's behind the CLATCH. He's secretly funneling money so it can buy all these papers and put SKEPTICAL WAR COVERAGE out of business. I've got an idea, Molly -- have the KNIGHTRIDDER WASHINGTON BUREAU INVESTIGATE!!!!! Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!
Posted
3:16 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:23 PM
by Gene
Jack obviously took his Orthodox Jewish faith seriously. He kept kosher. He would not travel on the Sabbath. He deplored profanity and vulgarity. Jack dropped out of politics for some years to make movies, including at least one which had some worldwide success, an anti-Communist action drama titled Red Scorpion. Then he returned to political activity and explained he had found that, without major financial resources, he couldn't control his movies' content because the industry inserted into them, against his will, gratuitous profanity and vulgarity. [Emphasis added.] Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure. A principled person does not discuss his clients with contempt. A careful person does not send out personally damning emails into the immortal cyberworld. A moral person does not support opposing sides in order to profit from each. An ethical person does not defraud his associates in business. A loyal person does not set up his friends for embarrassment. Principled, moral, and ethical persons do not work in the Beltway. Careful and loyal people do. (On the latter, ask THE STONE FACE OF ANNOYING TV ADS.) JACK ABRAMOFF'S FALL FROM GRACE is not unique. Sadly, I know too many examples of people who built good reputations and extensive political networks who changed dramatically and for the worse when they decided to earn their livings through lobbying or political consulting. A great many people can't resist temptations to increase their income. They hire themselves out to people or causes they would have spurned in the days when they built their reputations by consistent adherence to well-defined political and moral principles. Some sink mighty low. And those who sink lowest become KINGMAKERS.
Posted
1:34 PM
by Gene
Make -- me LAUGH!
Posted
1:25 PM
by Gene
Didn't you just get through changing the network's name and ownership? (Via IWantMedia.com)
Posted
1:14 PM
by Gene
Do these clowns REALLY think this is GOOD PR? (Via Media Daily News)
Posted
12:35 PM
by Gene
Three guesses where it was made.
Posted
12:12 PM
by Gene
Vista release delay could be good for New Zealand
Posted
12:07 PM
by Gene
If the thought of Mr. Bush and Osama bin Laden [link SIC], along with their mothers, engaging in a salad-fork duel at an Olive Garden restaurant to the tune of "America," from "West Side Story," sounds appealing, this show is for you. It sounds UPROARIOUS!!!!!
Posted
11:36 AM
by Gene
![]() Another be-YUtiful building goes up, in Moscow. We'll call this The TWEEZER. (Via the usual ArtsJournal.com)
Posted
11:30 AM
by Gene
P. S. We can spin the results too: four niche genres are up, which means the "music" you love to rave must be way down.
Posted
11:05 AM
by Gene
Fox affiliate veep tells journos to wear red, white and blue
Posted
10:29 AM
by Gene
BREAKING: HOME SALES UNEXPECTEDLY RISE!!!!!!!!!! P. S. Stocks fall after housing data Maybe the news isn't THAT good.
Posted
10:21 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:18 AM
by Gene
Wharton marketing professor Peter S. Fader holds out little hope that people will continue to buy physical newspapers in large numbers in years to come. He likens the Internet's assault on newspapers to the impact that digital downloading of music has had on compact discs: CD's still have appeal but they are no longer the sole, dominant medium they once were. "I still believe that there's a vital role for non-digital content in music," Fader suggests. "There's a lot to be said for owning a CD and putting it on the shelf and holding it in your hand...." And it's especially nice to plunk it on your turntable and play it! (Via the inevitable Romy)
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
The article has drawn reactions ranging from a supportive mass e-mailing from MoveOn.org to criticism by the conservative Powerline blog and American Federalist Journal. We must be doing something -- right. But an AP spokesman says editors want more of these types of wire stories. We're DEFINITELY doing something -- right.
Posted
9:11 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:57 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:56 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:42 AM
by Gene
Which reminds me of Philthydelphia's only entertainment venue that isn't dark half the year, the TLA music hall. You know a Robert "Over the" Hilburn would gasp at all the great new music being played there. But passing that dingy rock embalmatorium every weekend I find a list of acts with meaningless cutesy-pie names. It may as well be the same list every week. I imagine the noise within. New music in pop, new music in the concert hall -- MILLIONAIRES AND BUMS.... Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Posted
3:20 PM
by Gene
David Horowitz to Debate Ward Churchill at Academic Freedom Conference (Via -- where else? -- the Freep)
Posted
3:10 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:38 PM
by Gene
P. S. Someone on the PAPER OF RE-CORD's staff attended the IVY LEAGUE: Five years later he helped gather the signatures of more than 300 college presidents in issuing a joint statement calling for "intimidation-free" campuses. The statement grew out of incidents in which Jewish students were reported to have been harassed and intimidated at student rallies protesting the Israeli government's treatment of Palestinians. The statement drew some criticism, however, for focusing only on Jewish students. Sigggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... (Via Phi Beta Cons, which doesn't seem QUITE as dorky as THE CORNER)
Posted
1:35 PM
by Gene
The new programs are phenomenally complex, with scores of buttons and pull-down menus and myriad connections among various applications. A Microsoft VP zipped through a demo, moving information from Outlook to Powerpoint to Groove to some kind of social networking program that lets you see how your colleagues and your colleagues' colleagues rate various Web sites. Meanwhile, 500 tech buyers sat there in the dark, their eyes glazing over from the sheer mind-numbing pointlessness of most of this stuff. The audience laughed out loud when the Microsoft guy showed off a kludgey system that lets you fetch Outlook e-mail messages using voice commands from a cell phone. BUGMEISTER BILL has a TRIUMPH on His hands!
Posted
1:18 PM
by Gene
MARKETERS LOSE CONFIDENCE IN TV ADVERTISING 78% Say Effectiveness Is Diminishing; Clutter, DVRs to Blame BUT.... Yet for all of advertisers’ blustering talk about DVRs and the decreased efficacy of TV, there has been little real change. Even today, when Mr. Bernoff asked advertisers via an instant electronic polling system what they believed would be the most promising video advertising vehicle of the future, 22% thought it was regular TV, making it the second most popular choice. We've said it before, we'll say it again: with FIEFDOMS to defend, HOLLYWOOD TYPES to schmooze and SUBORDINATES to terrorize, these idiots will finance junk television until HELL FREEZES OVER. P. S. MORONS: Kaki Hinton, vp, advertising services, Pfizer Consumer Healthcare, and Perianne Grignon, vp, media services, Sears Holding Corp., co-chairs of the ANA TV Advertising Committee, opened the forum with positive words for television. “TV is alive and well and has never been stronger for advertisers and consumers,” Hinton said. “Contrary to some articles that have been written, television is not a disappearing medium. Nothing could be further from the truth. More people are watching TV than ever before. And TV is working for Pfizer.” Indeed it's working so well, KAKI, not only did the NFL run away from ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION ADS, the FDA's threatening REGULATIONS! THAT'S EFFECTIVE! Grignon said TV is also working for Sears, and she singled out Sears’ partnership with ABC on its Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Show. She said research has shown that “after seeing an episode of the show on Sunday night, viewers have a 29 percent greater likelihood to shop at a Sears store on Monday.” Grignon also noted that she is pleased with Sears’ cross-platform sponsorship of Top Chef on Bravo, saying it is “reaching new customers.” If that's so, they must be GHOSTS.
Posted
9:54 AM
by Gene
1. He'd get rid of the newsprint; 2. He'd use the money saved by equipping reporters with cameras; 3. He'd stop insulting readers; and 4. He'd get them involved. I wouldn't abandon my day blog, Professor.
Posted
8:50 AM
by Gene
![]() How would you like to be in the part of the building suspended off the ground? Hope Beijing doesn't get too many earthquakes. ![]() HELLLLLLP!!!!! I'm tied to the ground and I can't get up!!!!! (They're playing the GE BANCORP AND REALTY GAMES here. A superb sporting event deserves superb facilities.) ![]() The Creature from the Black Lagoon. AND, in Dubai: ![]() A worm laying eggs; ![]() The world's biggest domed amoeba; ![]() The world's biggest high-tech vegetable chopper, or guillotine. Can't BizWeek stick to bizness?
Posted
8:45 AM
by Gene
Fla. to Link Teacher Pay To Students' Test Scores So -- we teach to the test and pay to the test! Will the students learn anything? Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Posted
7:56 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:15 PM
by Gene
Indeed the more I think of it the angrier I get because this sort of senile dementia in song helped destroy pop music, as it painted those who stood for the old verities as COMPLETE IDIOTS, thus allowing scorched-earth acts to denude the ground forever. (NRO and Crosby date links updated 10/7/07)
Posted
5:04 PM
by Gene
Governor Rendell Says PA Enjoyed Record-Breaking Gains with Groundhog Day Promotions
Posted
2:59 PM
by Gene
Can't say you CLOWNS didn't deserve it. But THEN the LAUGHTER begins.
Posted
2:45 PM
by Gene
I’m tired of hearing radical columnists like you besmirch the good men and women who struggle daily to put out the very best newspaper they can!!! ONCE AGAIN YOU’VE TROTTED OUT THAT STALE CLICHE THAT NEWSPAPERS LIKE MINE ARE UNDERMINED BY WHAT YOU CLAIM IS A LIBERAL BIAS!!!!! I KNOW I CAN’T CHANGE YOUR MIND. BUT I’LL BE DOGGONE IF I’M GOING TO LET YOUR SLANDER OF MY COLLEAGUES GO UNCHALLENGED ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!! Since you're a GanNETtoid and work for the HOUSE THAT SOB BUILT, and since you're a PUBLISHER, shouldn't you be working on selling ads and building circulation and doing things that help your paper, rather than throwing a tantrum in public? One thing's clear; if colleges and foundations ran papers we'd never again have to worry about bias; but then being owned by a stable profitable company like SOB's effects the same thing. (Via GREG's House of TRUTH)
Posted
2:13 PM
by Gene
1. The ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY is "writing" a "book" (will he use more writers than the EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY?); and 2. T. O. is "writing" a "book" -- his second. Aren't you glad to live in an AGE of ARTISTIC GENIUS?
Posted
10:26 AM
by Gene
Wal-Mart to hire 150,000 in China A reward for a job WELL DONE!
Posted
10:23 AM
by Gene
Do I smell an AXIS in our future?
Posted
10:18 AM
by Gene
At 10:32 A. M.!
Posted
10:16 AM
by Gene
Like father....
Posted
10:03 AM
by Gene
JONNY HAIRSHIRT HAS ARRIVED! But isn't upholding the CW a good thing? (Via MediaBistro and the usual Romy)
Posted
10:00 AM
by Gene
A Master of Business Administration degree is not only worthless, it can work against a marketer, according to a survey of marketing executives from 32 consumer-products companies by consulting firm Ken Coogan & Partners. The study found that marketing executives from underperforming companies were twice as likely to have been recruited out of M.B.A. programs than marketing executives from out-performing companies. The study used scanner and panel data from VNU’s ACNielsen to show marketers from companies with significant market-share gains are far less likely to have M.B.A.s than those from companies posting significant share losses. I've got the solution, big businessmen: MORE MBAs!
Posted
8:43 AM
by Gene
Can the hacks report on ANYTHING forthrightly? Let's go down the list: Show-biz? No, they're sponsors. Real estate? No, Real-TORS® are sponsors. Autos? No, auto dealers are sponsors. Sports? No, they're profit centers. (But they sure do put on quite an act pretending.) Liberals? No, they're right. Education? No, we send our kids to private schools. Crime? Ha! We live in gated suburban communities. Work? We prop our feet on a desk for a living. That leaves three things: government (on which we can always project our failings), conservatives and Republicans -- and they report on the last two not so much forthrightly as forthLEFTly. Thus it has been for decades, and thus it shall be for decades still.
Posted
8:38 AM
by Gene
When SUMNER dies -- IF SUMNER dies -- the idiot hacks will give him a MONTH-LONG PERIOD OF MOURNING.
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