Posted 9:24 PM by Gene

The true believers have discovered an "ideological football" -- and RUN IT IN FOR A TOUCHDOWN!

Given the exceptionally mealy-mouthed writing it is obvious THE PAPER OF RE-CORD is not the FOUNTAIN OF TRUTH it was, even though it will always spout THE TRUTH.

Posted 7:10 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: George Mason isn't an underdog anymore.

Posted 7:06 PM by Gene

And while the diplomats bloviated, Iran successfully fired a new ballistic missile, meaning we get still more statements from the Puzzle Palace on the East River.

Posted 6:37 PM by Gene

We don't like having to think of this stuff, but the BS Defender's lobby just did a survey (by an obscure research firm that did an earth-shattering poll proving that "e-mail users are overwhelmed with spam" -- and still links to it as "recent news") proving that nearly everybody agrees with everything the lobby says about the evil FCC. Jim Dyke's no dummy -- he doesn't mention his sugar daddies in the release. (Abramoffs are not dumb. EVIL, but not dumb.) This is about as honest as some damfool Republicans claiming to have "bipartisan" support for a cable-biz giveaway.

So much of America is choose-your-poison. On the one side: Babbitts who exclusively throw raging tantrums over bad language on TV, and reap big fundraising rewards. On the other, the greedmeisters of the money-minting broadcasting biz, and the blasé elitists who think their opponents deserve no say. MILLIONAIRE AND BUMS....

Posted 6:32 PM by Gene

The company hasn't posted huge profits: For the year ended Jan. 1, 2005, Apple Corps claimed a loss of nearly $950,000. It noted in financial statements filed with Companies House, the official government register of British companies, that more than $2.2 million each was paid for the "promotional services" of McCartney, Starr, Yoko Ono and Olivia Harrison. (Convenient CURLEY [Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!] STOOGE LAST GRAF)

For the first time we salute Steve Jobs.

Posted 6:13 PM by Gene

Somewhere there must be a bigger picture than this, but it will have to do -- it reminds me of the young Afghan girl on the cover of National Geographic.

Africa is what the world would be like if the League of Nations ran it, as in a sense it does. Thankfully for the tyrants and thugs, only the innocent seem to suffer.

Posted 6:08 PM by Gene

MORE SEARING TRUTH TELLING FROM A SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER:

Larry Kudlow is a terrific television host, full of energy and the love of selling --which is why he's a writer's dream when a book comes out. On today's show he plugged Painting the Map Red from start to finish of two segments, but he did so while calling attention to its controversial recommendations and assuring that the lefty Newsweek columnist Jonathan Alter and Chicago Tribune MSMer Jim Warren got some shots in while Townhall's Joel Mowbray got to add some depth to the center-right forces.

In short, a rollicking good two segments of television with smart, sharp panelists spurred on by a humor filled, somewhat edgy host.

Memo to NBC: Take a look at double-breasting LK with a pure politics show on MSNBC.

Now, to Larry King's studio...

Posted 6:01 PM by Gene

Meanwhile, here's the kind of intermittent reminder we need that 9/11 wasn't about cute little puppy dogs, or long tranquil grassy fields, or platitudes.

Posted 5:57 PM by Gene

WAL-MART TURNS PC!

As if we don't have enough reasons not to like it.

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

How did a nerdy ex-Republican ex-con join a nerdy ex-conservative liar as chief spokesman of the Democratic Party?

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

In honor of the 100th ANNIVERSARY of the PRESS RELEASE, NewsMax!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, home of the villainous-looking "SUPER-HERO," runs one from a CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGE.

I don't know which is most risible -- that "4 million" number, CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES or NewsMax!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

Lately the A&P (whoops!! SUPER FRESH) where I shop has subjected its "customers" to the gargle of Regis Philbin selling Welch's Grape Juice. It is not soothing listening when you're standing for twenty minutes in the Express Line. Philbin has no discernible talent except mugging at a camera and surely hasn't had a bad thing happen to him his whole life. When will advertisers realize show-biz types should be the last to peddle their products because they inspire instant resentment over their undeserved luck?

P. S. He followed another overpublicized idiot, Larry "SOFTBALL" King. How apt.

Posted 1:41 PM by Gene

THE GREATEST INVESTIGATIVE REPORTING SHOW IN TV HISTORY ZINGS ANOTHER ONE:

This puffy profile reminded me of a "documentary" about Woods — "Son, Hero, Champion" — that preceded CBS's fourth-round coverage of the Masters in 1997. It was produced by IMG, the agency that represents Woods, so you know how objective and unconflicted it was.

And THE GOLFING MACHINE lets the sycophant ED BRADLEY near to worship It -- but not TOO near, lest he see Its gears:

As friendly as Bradley was (at one point declaring that Woods's best years are ahead of him), Woods placed limits on him. He would not, as Bradley said, let him into his home or onto his boat, or, more important, to speak to his wife, Elin — restrictions that send up red flags. If entree to elements of his life that would further humanize him are prohibited, why participate? One of the best profiles on "60 Minutes" featured Jackie Gleason, the late Great One, discoursing while playing pool and drinking booze, which enlivened him.

We'd rather be in an age with one minute of The Great One than a thousand eternities with GOLFING MACHINES.

Hey SUMNER! LES "MOONER" MOONVES! Maybe SIXTY should join THE INQUISITOR in RETIREMENT.

(Via ROMY, who was upset too -- for reasons HOWIE HAIRSHIRT knows all about)

Posted 1:31 PM by Gene

"Basic Instinker" gets, er, HISTORICAL REVIEWS:

Stone appears to have had so much work done that her face resembles a tautly made bed, and her unchanging expression of smoldering arrogance seems less an acting decision and more the result of neurotoxins. The body may be willing but the flesh has been immobilized.

AND:

[T]here are inflatable toys that are livelier than Stone, but how can you tell the difference?

ANOTHER TRIUMPH, SAMMY GLICKMAN!!!!!

(The latter HISTORICAL quote via ShowBizData.com)

Posted 10:17 AM by Gene

Nigerian soccer referees OK'd to take bribes

You don't suppose this mindset had something to do with Chuckie Taylor nearly going free, do you?

Posted 10:13 AM by Gene

Oops:

Ex-DeLay aide to plead guilty in lobbyist fraud probe

Con-SER-va-tives, are we STILL willing to call this a SET-UP?

Posted 10:08 AM by Gene

Congresspoop Cynthia "WOMAN OF THE YEAR!!!!!" McKinney faces an arrest warrant, possibly because she thought some Capitol police officer was JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOISH.

Posted 9:37 AM by Gene

Six of one: A Popeye-style sheriff who relishes being super-tough on prison inmates. Half a dozen of the other: professional nannies who cry for the prisoners.

Why must so much of modern life be either-or?

Posted 9:09 AM by Gene

There is this burgeoning notion that Barry Bonds* is the black Pagliacci of our time, crying -- or rather, FUMING -- because of his skin tone.

Ty Cobb was very angry. What was HIS color?

And if we recall right, he didn't need STEROIDS to be angry.

P. S. I prefer Spike Jones's version with Homer and Jethro.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

If our high elected muckymucks spent as much time governing as pretending to make fun of themselves...

and turning the public into a punchline...

never mind.

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

And speaking of STANDING UP IN DEFENSE OF...

George Will argues in favor of a fence to seal the Mexican border and a guest worker program to supply what the U.S. economy demands. I agree in principle.

AND:

George Will's column today is quite an accomplishement [typical NRO spelling SIC] -- he's loaded every worn-out cliche and discredited notion about immigration into one package....

Fight! FIGHT! We want NO PUNDIT OR SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER STANDING!!!!!

P. S. The same column, despite the clever difference in the URLs.

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

It is time to stand up in defense of bullshit.

YOU DA MAN!

(Sorry for the language, but this is is why I try to stay away from SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS as much as possible. And he's not the only one who stands up in defense of it.)

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: God, if only our favorite "conservative" crackpot were more -- sanely liberal.

Posted 4:52 PM by Gene

Science "is not designed to study the supernatural."

Why not? It can study anthing else.

Posted 3:42 PM by Gene

LOU DOBBS FOR PRESIDENT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Wonderful. A chicken in every pot and a toady on every TV.

Make that two toadies, given he's so well-fed.

Pardon -- two toadies with a CAUSE.

Posted 3:23 PM by Gene

In other Looney Family news, Rosie's Nephew's Dad says, EAT YOUR VEGETABLES!

Incidentally, there were many former Cincinnatians in the audience who said hello. One brought

[SIC] a newspaper which showed that "Good Night, and Good Luck" had been running continuously in two Washington theaters since its release last fall and was still filling the houses.

...which accounts for all its gross.

(Via ROMY, who eats his vegetables -- cabbage, mostly)

Posted 2:30 PM by Gene

Surprise: Rosie's Nephew's condos aren't getting built.

(Via Free Republic, where it's headlined, "Clooney high-rise condos hit snag [Vegas condo bubble]". BUBBLE! That's ULTRA-LIBERAL TALK!)

Posted 2:25 PM by Gene

AL JAZEERA TO HELP FINANCE TV AND THEATRICAL MOVIES

The Protocols of the...NAH.

Posted 10:20 AM by Gene

The BIG C isn't the only place where they POUND THE TABLE:

Having worked with AOL in a period when the company went from 1 million subscribers to 40 million, I find MySpace’s growth to be uncannily similar....

News Corp. has a market cap of $53 billion, a figure that hasn’t changed much in two years. Its stock has traded in a channel between $15 and $19, and in a pattern that must have made "swing traders" good profits. In short, News Corp. has been going nowhere for two years. Does the market realize the implications of News Corp.’s purchase of MySpace?

Possibly. The TWXSTERS were once worth $90 A SHARE.

Posted 10:06 AM by Gene

Sleazeball Gumbo, want to work up sympathy for your biz? Here's one for you: Poor Pfizer is putting its consumer-products biz up for sale because nobody likes its stock. You could even write a song: "Brother, Can You Spare $10 Billion?"

Posted 10:02 AM by Gene

Polls and Presidents
What Truman and Bush have in common.

Well, they both polled bad.

What else?

Posted 9:49 AM by Gene

The first installment of CNBC’s bimonthly interview series, Conversations With Michael Eisner, earned the cable news channel decidedly mousey ratings, drawing 95,000 viewers in its Tuesday 9:00 p.m. debut, according to Nielsen Media Research.

The show, hosted by the former chairman and CEO of Disney, attracted a mere 39,000 in the 25-54 news demo, numbers that suggest CNBC may have another celebrity bust on its hands.
Does that include family members and former underlings seeing if he was still alive?

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 9:46 AM by Gene

Now that the EMPIRE is out of video rentals, SUMNERETTE is blasting the film biz for closing the window, another way of saying the empire can't make money off rotten movies the way it used to.

Posted 9:43 AM by Gene

Rolling Stone Silenced in China

JANN didn't get to be the RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of ROCK for nothing, so we suspect he'll cave.

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

Today (the WaPost reminds us) is the twenty-fifth anniversary of the attempt on President Reagan. The first thing we must ask is, what did the luxury news suites think? Sadly, 9/11 puts such questions in bounds. We know some Texans were overjoyed when JFK was shot, presumably because a Texan assumed power (although that the Texan was LBJ should have stopped their cheering). Oh to be a fly and buzz though the news hacks' empty skulls, and probe their withered souls. We suspect it wouldn't be a pretty sight. We recall how some publicity seeking student at a college here ran some screed in the school paper saying how Reagan deserved it, and everybody rushed to him and said no no, you mustn't do that, all the while muttering "First Amendment" with a slight smirk. We recall too how THE GREATEST FILM DIRECTOR OF ALL TIME, MR. SCORSESE, fluttered like a chicken with its head shot -- CUT off to get mention of HIS IMMORTAL MASTERPIECE excised from his endorsements for Mitsubishi TVs. So we must wonder. Perhaps they were too busy with the pretentious phone-calling paper-shuffling rewrite-screaming seven-bell-ringing bustle that is the hacks' staff of life, but we imagine some of them were hoping. That PAPA would have taken over never entered their thick skulls; but who knows? After one flailing term it could have been DEMOCRATS FOREVER!!!!! Not that the Eastern Europeans would have been too pleased. Nor Jim Brady.

Whether or not the hacks were hoping, we know this: the attempt came about six months after JIMMY'S WORLD, and a scarce nine months after the RIGHTEOUS PERSECUTION of BILLY CARTER for being a fool. It was after an eternity when the hacks screamed to know WHO SHOT J. R.????? (the agony prolonged by an otherwise welcome actors' strike), and about eight months before they threw tons of rice over THE WEDDING OF LUKE AND LAURA. With that cavalcade of total JERNALISTIC miscreancy we never trusted news hacks again.

And that's why we ask what they were thinking.

Posted 6:59 AM by Gene

USAOKAY!!!!! hunches into its THINKER pose and asks a deep question about Barry Bonds:

Why does his image suffer?

That's a toughie there, sons of SOB. Don't they pay you the big bucks not to pose such stupid questions? Or do you merely run a year-long popularity contest for SUPER BORE ads? Thankfully we seem to have come up with an answer: THE MAN. That light above our heads allows us to engage in our superiority complex when it comes to the readers, and flip out the R-CARD and engage in more race baiting. It would NEVER have anything to do with Barry CHEATING -- or the fact that, even with chartreuse skin covered with flower tattoos, and maybe a cute pig nose for a snout, he may NOT BE A NICE GUY.

And when Barry breaks* the home-run record*, we can be sure the sons of SOB will be there, cheering him on for the Gipper and the circ.

A NEUHARTHISM of the WEEK Award (social-justice division) to BOB! Nighty-night, Nightengale!

Posted 6:55 AM by Gene

The Christian Science Monitor's reporter is happily out of captivity, no thanks to anyone, it would appear.

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

Okay OKAY!!!!!, we SUPPOSE we can understand: Crooks might not want to snitch on the other crooks because they might go free, an injustice in itself. But considering how your biz gleefully and malignantly turned OJ into a RACIAL CRISIS, and given the ardor with which you sell [C]RAP (we must remind you, this is the 100TH ANNIVERSARY OF PRESS RELEASES!!!!!), we suspect you in your grand collective wisdom would come out against "snitching" merely to please your withered PC souls.

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

Shucks! MEATHEAD has to resign from a commission he founded.

These things will happen when you try to change the world one boondoggle at a time.

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

Lucia Newman, CNN's first and only correspondent based in Havana, has jumped to the new Al-Jazeera International network....

No comment.

Posted 3:13 PM by Gene

Speaking of suits and Apple, will the heirs of GREATEST MUSIC ACT IN THE HISTORY OF EVERY UNIVERSE THAT WAS OR WILL BE ever STOP SUING IT?

Posted 3:06 PM by Gene

Apple Releases Software to Set iPod Volume

Yep, I smell lawsuits!

Posted 2:52 PM by Gene

Hmmm:

He was not known for producing thoughtful conservative think-pieces, or even for intrepid reporting. On the contrary, he was better known for his vitriol. Domenech, in his RedState.com blog posts, wrote that Teresa Heinz Kerry looks like an "oddly shaped egotistical ketchup-colored muppet," former TNR Editor Andrew Sullivan needs "a woman to give him some stability," and cartoonist Ted Rall is a "steaming bag of pus." He used words like "environuts." His posts often began with profound statements such as "That's ridiculous," "Yeesh, that's sad," and "That's bullcrap." He accused Los Angeles Times columnist Joel Stein of using cocaine. He described Coretta Scott King as a "Communist." He wrote that federal judges are "worse than the KKK."

What, exactly, did Brady see in Domenech? Certainly not a principled conservative journalist. Either Brady didn't read Domenech's blog posts, or he did, and they fit the ticket. If the former is true, well, shame on Brady. But the latter seems more likely. In other words, as far as Brady was concerned, Domenech--an angry, bigoted bloviator--was the face of true conservatism.

Posted 2:36 PM by Gene

A SUMNER SPOKESMAN SEZ:

[I]f the 40- to 60-year-old population is indeed so wealthy with so much buying power, why aren’t more non-news networks selling on the 25-to-54 demo and, what’s more, why are so many TV deals built upon the 18-to-49 demo?

“We’ve done focus groups with this demo who say they turn on the TV and there are 500 channels and they can’t find anything to watch,” he said. “They start to feel annoyed, like media has blatantly disregarded them.”

Why is that, SUM? Is it because you aim to be older than METHUSELAH? Or is it because your SPONSORS are WHINING INFANTS?

Posted 2:05 PM by Gene

I just noticed this. Apparently AmSpec wants to Confirm Him Now! in the OLD Senate Chamber. Well if AmSpec wants to use an OLD chamber I would have no objection. Meantime, what happens in the newer one?

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

The five U.N. Security Council powers moved closer to an agreement on Wednesday on a statement that would call on Iran to suspend parts of its suspect nuclear program that could be used to build weapons.

THIS SHOULD STOP IRAN BUT GOOD!!!!!

Posted 10:51 AM by Gene

So -- Dubya was to meet with Nigeria's president, then Chuckie Taylor escapes, then Dubya threatens to cancel the engagement, then Nigeria miraculously finds Chuckie and arrests him!

Clever!

Posted 10:26 AM by Gene

Are we going a little too far?

Posted 10:24 AM by Gene

I didn't know: the press release "turns 100 this year" -- and news hacks will celebrate with whole hosts of them!

Helped by "news aggregators"!

Posted 9:15 AM by Gene

YOUR AD TITHE AT WORK:

Cadbury Schweppes spent $5 million producing a Dr Pepper TV campaign that now won’t see the light of day.

The marketer has quietly canned an elaborate “mash-up” campaign from famed director Kinka Usher that mixes music from Kiss, Will Smith, EMP and Cyndi Lauper, and ordered up new creative to be produced before the crucial Memorial Day kickoff to soft-drink season. The company attributed the switch to a new strategy.

Is our new strategy to spend $50 million?

Posted 9:09 AM by Gene

BizWeek insists the Street may have misinterpreted Son of Wizard's statement on interest-rate hikes.

Does that mean he's better at obfuscation than the Wiz?

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

Shucks, Son of Wizard starts with a hike.

Now, can he explain it in words of seven syllables and sentences of two hundred words?

Posted 3:16 PM by Gene

Another actors' union has authorized another strike, meaning there'll be no strike, meaning we'll have junk movies and TV as usual.

Posted 1:09 PM by Gene

How many secretaries and assistants and aides and other crawling things around the White House have changed the course of history? How many were William Seward buying Alaska, or George C. Marshall saving Western Europe? We know little of history but the secretaries, aides et al seem to fall into five broad groups: jolliers (like Jim Farley), would-be kingmakers (like the nefarious Henry the K and Jim Baker), true believers (like John Foster Dulles), nerds and technoweenies (like Bob McNamara and GEORGE THE KID), and -- the vast majority, alas -- ciphers (we have in mind Ronald Reagan's "mayor", although for some reason that fellow from Kellogg's also comes to mind). Caspar Weinberger and Lyn Nofziger are getting the usual plaudits from the usual sides, but from what nothing we know Nofziger was a true believer and Weinberger was a cross between a kingmaker and a technoweenie. And though we know the Beltway has the permanent Fame syndrome -- it's gonna live forever -- we may wonder whether Sec. Weinberger (who did run a department, as opposed to bending ears) left such a mark -- he spent lots on military hardware, then Dick Cheney came along (remember him?) and spent lots less. (The best the hacks can come up with for Mr. Nofziger is "irreverent", mute testimony to the vapor of public reputation.) But then we'd be hard pressed to gather how important any cabinet member or folks of that ilk can be when so much of our fate is written in the stars: we must spend, and we must tax, and we must rule the world, and there's not a whole lot any mortal can do to change that.

Posted 11:10 AM by Gene

If they're old enough to operate a computer they're old enough to dr -- oh, never mind.

Posted 10:50 AM by Gene

A BRILLIANT campaign slogan:

Hillary Clinton: I'm No Marie Antoinette

(Sorry for the NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Posted 8:49 AM by Gene

Justice, African style:

Liberian warlord Charles Taylor has disappeared from his haven in Nigeria, just as he was to have been handed over to face trial on war crimes charges, Nigerian officials said Tuesday.

Why am I thinking Switzerland?

There is much laughter in the Nigerian government, no doubt.

Posted 8:39 AM by Gene

AUTO AD SLUMP CRUSHES MAGAZINES

Translation: Fewer girlie -- er, MEN's magazines and, with any luck, fewer TRUTH TELLERS in the newsrags.

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

Yesterday in skimming over that blithering puff piece about THE ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY we read something that didn't register quite at first glance, but when we thought of it made us fume:

CBS anchor Bob Schieffer said Colbert had successfully bottled the spirit of the annual Gridiron dinner, a clubby inside-the-Beltway roast of major Washington figures, and given it broad appeal.

"I think it's part of the American redemption process now that you have to let people make fun of you a bit," said 69-year-old Schieffer, who joked on the program this month that most viewers of "CBS Evening News" were older than he was.

We remember watching the Gridiron Club belch on television years ago, on PBS -- or maybe it was the @#$%&* White House Correspondents' dinner, what's the diff? -- and we were angry the whole time. You couldn't have cut through the high self-regard with a jackhammer. (We will forgive Bob for appearing on the SEVAREID show; it's a VIACON, and he's a good, smart guy.) As emcees of mini-Gridiron Clubs ERIC and the EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY are mere court jesters for a corrupt system, just as the drunken clod IMUS is, and we should scorn and ridicule them with the same vitriol that we do our other Beltway betters.

Posted 7:14 PM by Gene

In the spirit of truthfulness and humility we will confess that apparently the Napoleon of the Nine Fingers did not raise the middle finger as had been bruited about, and he seemed in a good frame of mind. Nonetheless we do note that this jocular titan has a thin skin for hecklers and had a "deputy" break the law by confiscating a recorder and erasing the contents of one of his majestic speeches; he wants to be a public figure without being one. We're disappointed in that; this Finger is as close to a firebrand as our stubbed-cigarette age will allow, and he does himself no favors with his magisterially silly tantrums.

Posted 6:43 PM by Gene

For three seasons Lynda Carter played the Golden Lasso of Truth-wielding, bulletproof cuff-wearing, American flag-donned hero on the CBS television series. One just wonders what Carter would thing of Lohan filling her red, patent leather boots.

About what I thing of would-be movie execs who don't know how to type right.

(Via Yahoo! Movies, which proudly repeats the error -- and also forgets the show started on another network)

Posted 5:54 PM by Gene

That protest blindsided me; it came out of nowhere, and I've a hunch the whole topic will go back to nowhere, or at least a low-simmering somewhere. We've lived with the illegals this long and NOW we're mad? Perhaps we should have built that 700-mile fence before we lost our temper.

But I will confess this business barely moves me as we are closer to teeming hordes yelling "Eh?"

Posted 5:47 PM by Gene

Someone must grant the poor man amnesty; his life is as much in danger now as it was in the courtroom.

Who will be the first with the FATWA?

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

The phonies who take glorified bribes from lobbyists are about to have another fit of "transparency" like a painted-over window with the shades drawn.

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

The Napoleon of the Nine Fingers raised a middle one, then "jocularly" squinched himself into a fit of anger and demanded no pictures be printed, proving yet again the validity of term limits for these emperors of jurisprudence.

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

Elvis' Graceland joins White House on list of national landmarks

Is Dubya running for president?

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

On this day when Number 20 all but smiled when he recalled how he was going to plow into the White House, we should read Chuck Krauthammer's essay with grave concern. The Iranian psychos who would nuke Israel laughed on 9/11. We haven't done a thing but appease them; our endless non-negotiations are but a stalling move that cannot forestall the inevitable. Perhaps in the back of their reinforced-concrete skulls the yayas know that nuking Israel (or anyone else) means their own destruction, and perhaps the destruction of the human race to go with it. Or do they know? How much longer can we pay the price of stalling when it goes up every minute?

Which raises a further question, one I'd hoped to hold off for a while, but I can't help it now -- but first, a preface:

CNN is not showing the negative caricatures of the likeness of the Prophet Mohammed because the network believes its role is to cover the events surrounding the publication of the cartoons while not unnecessarily adding fuel to the controversy itself.

We're less than six months to the fifth anniversary. Will the idiot NEWS HACKS cover themselves with glory as they did during the cartoon riots? Will they turn it into Strawberry Fields Forever? Will there be acres of yellow ribbons and flowers (and as few flags as possible) decorating the front pages, like kittens on a calendar? Will they sentimentalize all the anger and infamy out of it? We suspect so, and it will be another shameless exercise in knee-jerk reactionary cowardice.

Posted 3:10 PM by Gene

Another FIST IN THE AIR for HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN -- in a USAOKAY!!!!! sidebar:

Some Connecticut players said before Sunday's game they didn't know George Mason's players, coach or team nickname. But then, some of the Patriots don't know much about the man their school is named for.

"I heard somebody say he was the president, but I know he wasn't the president," Tony Skinn said. "I have no clue who he was."

Skinn gave it more thought and came up with a guess: "He was one of those people who signed the Constitution. I know he signed it, but I don't know what else he did."

Actually, Mason was one of three delegates to a federal convention in Philadelphia who did not sign it. Mason wrote the Virginia Declaration of Rights, forerunner of the Bill of Rights, and he did not sign the Constitution in part because those rights were not originally included.



RAH! RAH! George...who?

P. S. We now learn the George was a line extension of Jeff's school, meaning HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN will ALWAYS be a boondoggle.

Posted 2:01 PM by Gene

The Federal Election Commission decided Monday that the nation's new campaign finance law will not apply to most political activity on the Internet.

KOS! SAM LITTLE! You're safe.

Posted 12:16 PM by Gene

New software included on both Blu-ray and HD-DVD releases, however, will automatically slash the picture quality in half, unless consumers have a relatively new connector and cable called HDMI to hook up players to their televisions. Only one in 20 HD sets sold to early adopters over the past few years has the right version of the connector. Only 15% of new sets sold this year will include it, and deliver the full 1080 resolution capable of showing such detail. "What do you have then? A very expensive DVD player," says Sony Senior Vice-President Tim Baxter.

High tech the DR. EVIL way.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, I think SAMMY GLICKMAN took down your PAGE, DOC!

Posted 12:12 PM by Gene

A Dutch school was wrong to bar a Muslim woman from its classes for refusing to shake hands with men, the Commission for Equal Treatment found on Monday.

Please! Please! You don't have to tell us! We'll be good little boys and girls. We'll do whatever you want us to. Please! PLEASE!

With dhimmitude, the accent is on dhim.

Posted 10:58 AM by Gene

And last and least on THE HOTTEST SITE ON THE WEB: since WHEN, Kurt, have you been hoping for an end to "our" celebrity "fixation"?

Posted 10:55 AM by Gene

Elsewhere on THE HOTTEST SITE ON THE WEB:

Rupert Murdoch F.O.B. (and Hillary)

And an Idiot Shall Lead Them

Okay, site unseen (sic), which hed goes with the story?

Or maybe it's the one in CULTURE GUIDE.

Posted 10:53 AM by Gene

Forever Youngish

Why Nobody Wants to Be an Adult Anymore

Tell us about it, ADAM!!!!! (See CULTURE GUIDE.)

Posted 10:46 AM by Gene

In Iran, a Warning on Radicalism
As Tehran's politics shift sharply to the right, even traditional conservatives warn against extremes.

Bias? WHAT bias?

Posted 9:46 AM by Gene

Not long ago I came up with a brilliant idea: someone should make a stage musical out of XANADU!

I SHOULD SUE!

It's being directed by a man named BEANE -- who gave us ALL SHOOK UP!!!!!

AND

The Smell of the Kill [Peeeeeeeee-U!], Voices in the Dark [hearing things?], Princesses, As Thousands Cheers [SIC], The Country Club, Rude Entertainment [!!!!!!!!!!], The Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Most Fabulous Story Ever Told [??????????], Jeffrey, Blown Sideways Through Life, Fires in the Mirror, Bunny Bunny and Das Barbecu.

So -- we're in a for a RUDE BARBECUE, THE MOST FABULOUS STORY EVER TOLD, AS THOUSANDS CHEERS -- while the audience gets BLOWN SIDEWAYS!

JEFFREY!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

Where do hack pols get this blitheringly idiotic idea they must have a sense of humor?

Posted 9:16 AM by Gene

Bertelsmann's getting out of its celebrated, er, ROOTKIT joint venture, ostensibly so it doesn't have to take part of its wonderful company public.

LEGENDARY DAVIS cannot be pleased. He was all set for world domination!

Posted 9:13 AM by Gene

Seattle shooter said to be 'respectful'

How nice. I'm sure we all appreciate a respectful killer.

Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!

P. S. at 6:00 P. M. "300 rounds of ammunition." Very respectful.

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

Whenever we see this picture of the CLATCH's boss at E&P Online, we can't help thinking of a Southern Babbitt or a prosperity preacher.

That suggests, when it comes to slanting the news, he may unfortunately know what he's doing.

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

Feingold, a Wisconsin Democrat, insists his proposal has nothing to do with his political ambitions.

...he told A CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGE.

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

Well I am IMPRESSED, MICK:

Hollywood veteran Rob Long [a National Review and NRO contributor -- don't forget not to tell that, MICK!], after watching Lazy Muncie on YouTube, validates Glenn Reynolds' thesis--that technology is empowering ordinary people to beat large organizations, including Big Media--as it applies to the comedy industry:

Well, at least it applies to THE COMEDY INDUSTRY. But why shouldn't it? Blogging and homemade videos are mere COMPETITION.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

And as DUBYA orders our schools to teach to the test, there will be more pressure to CHEAT.

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

Further on Mark Twain, he's another one of those who can be cited on anything, by anyone, for anything. William Dean Howells called him "the Lincoln of our literature," but at his most mischievious he was also our Jefferson. This story could have gotten a few good contradictory grafs from him: one on replacing a beaten down hulk of a church at over twice the cost of new because it's an "historic landmark" vaguely associated with him; one on his atheism (we fear he'd have sounded like a Hollywood scenarist on that one); and one on charitable giving. We would not want to presume exactly how Samuel Langhorne would have written on this, and God (or as he might put it, god) knows he wrote too much, be we'd like to think it would be good for a laugh.

Posted 1:22 PM by Gene

Richard Fleischer, a descendant of a famous animation family who went on to direct many mediocrities some would now call "classics", has died. That we might now call them "classics" not only indicates how far the bar has fallen, you couldn't even limbo-rock under it.

Leonard "The Multi-Millionaire Blurbist" Maltin says he directed "one of the best B pictures ever made," which we'll take as definitive on his count -- and ours.

P. S. We regret having had nothing to say about Buck Owens, a great country star, but that owes entirely to our ignorance.

Posted 1:05 PM by Gene

Unfortunately the slump appears to have come to a momentary halt, but no one can expect sunshine all the time -- except maybe in LALALand, where it's frequently obscured by the SMOG, inside and out.

Posted 12:41 PM by Gene

Answer us this, St. Warren, King Richard: when GLOBAL WARMING is a problem in one NEWSRAG but not in the other, does that mean it's not a problem?

Posted 11:00 AM by Gene

While the case has become hopelessly mired in partisan one-upmanship, we hope the peculiar love affair of SNIDELY WHIPLASH and the RED-STATE SCORPION blasts to the surface again, if only to put lots of Congresspoops and millionaire lobbyists out of business.

The heavy price we'll pay: Babs as speaker and impeachment proceedings against DUBYA.

Posted 10:56 AM by Gene

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO JOE UNPRONOUNCEABLE!!!!!

Posted 10:49 AM by Gene

REPORTING FOR THE ENEMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

March 26, 2006 -- "I know it's troubled times. And it's turbulence on your TV screens that affects the conscience of Americans. I know that - and so does the enemy."

- President Bush, Friday, on media coverage of the war in Iraq

Okay, I know why the Times runs those pieces -- RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! has an EVIL TWIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 10:46 AM by Gene

How interesting: One of America's most PC colleges has a fraternity scrum. What would Osama think?

"Someone threw a bottle of liquor - Hennessy, the good stuff," said store manager Jason Gonzalez, 20.

Probably someone from the JERNALISM SKOOL.

Posted 10:38 AM by Gene

K-LO the MOVIE PHREAK is AT IT AGAIN:

THIS SOUNDS RIGHT [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

Reacting to the pro-illegal-immigration marches, InstaPundit writes: " I think that these marches just made passage of strict immigration laws much more likely."

Posted at 10:31 AM

I'd like to go back through the PROFESSOR'S archive and find out how many times he's been wrong, but I don't think I could stand going into a stupor.

Posted 10:32 AM by Gene

Iraqis killed by US troops ‘on rampage’!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More proof RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is NOT conservative: every week He runs stories like this in His Times; the hacks are trying to put the My Lai into Iraq. But if we could have clean, neat wars chances are we wouldn't have wars period.

Whatever happened to Saddam Hussein?

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

Let us hope the Islamist nutcases don't stage huge protests over this one, but had this man been executed for his beliefs it would have been a giant step backward for Afghanistan, and for the hope, however dim, that the Muslim world will not be a separate and unequal one.

Posted 10:20 AM by Gene

And PEOPLE NEWSRAG, more in line with what the editors of news rags have THOUGHT they should be doing, has prepared a lecture on GLOBAL WARMING, though it's rather hard to know because the TWXSTERS have rearranged the home page and made the cover illustration a teeny tiny thumbnail, all so they can sell the overpaid, overpublicized writers -- BLOGGERS they insist will get readers to their rag.

But they are smiling that "Republicans are on the run." That's good!

Posted 10:08 AM by Gene

A GOLD MINE from MR. MARK, though it has nothing to do with REPUBLICANS: The good news is:

Why is everyone so happy in Silicon Valley again? A new wave of start-ups are cashing in on the next stage of the Internet!!!!!!!!!!

Which we can hope is a cover jinx and portends another blowout. And of course being Mr. Mark's rag it's full of trendy-sounding nonsense, such as:

The smartest guy in the room is everybody.

No, the smartest guy in the room is the guy who owns the machinery, like Larry and Sergey, and RUPERT, and -- well, you get the picture? (Now to talk ST. WARREN out of His Webophobia.)

Tom Sawyer was an early adopter.

So far as we know Tom Sawyer never had a computer, and the closest Mark Twain came to one was an automated typesetter that didn't work.

It's all one Web.

So why have we heard so much talk of separate and unequal Webs?

It's not an audience, it's a community.

Yes, a community of millions typing alone. Honest Mr. Mark, you've impressed me today more than ever!

The bad news is Devin's looking for a big executive job in Hollywood again, and he insists "horror" (read violent porno) movies will run their course, meaning they'll go on forever.

P. S. A movie ad-blurbist THINKS:

Can we really be surprised, at a time when huge segments of the shockproof public are inured to the concept of real-life torture, that our horrormeisters are working overtime to test the limits of our sang-froid?

TRANSLATION: If it weren't for DUBYA and RUMMY and CONDI and all those EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL people in the WHITE HOUSE we could ENJOY violent porno!

Posted 5:48 PM by Gene

In DEE-troit:

Health care threatens to swallow city budget

Welp, I guess the SUPER BORE didn't work.

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

How GLIBERTARIANS spend their time: they DEBATE OVER A COMIC BOOK.

Posted 4:09 PM by Gene

The bad news: People have come out to see a S---- L-- J----.

The good news: The Official NRO Greatest Satirical Movie of All Time Based on the Greatest Satirical Novel of All Time has opened at eleven-fold more screens -- and saw its average decline by two-thirds.

The better news: Another down weekend -- thus far.

Posted 3:41 PM by Gene

The other day we made fun of THE PROFESSOR and his four IDIOTIC ideas on how to "improve" the newspaper biz. We did not think to suggest why they were idiotic, as when a PROFESSOR suggests things they are prima facie idiotic (the PROFESSOR should know that term), but now we think we know why. To take them one by one:

1. He'd get rid of newsprint. Its high (or rather, higher) cost is the chief reason newsbiz profit margins have gone from 30 percent to, oh, 28 percent. Consolidation in the paper biz is to blame. But who's to say newsprint will always stay high? Besides, older readers prefer newsprint. And there's a sizable population that does NOT want computers OR the Web -- and they may not fit the Luddite stereotype. Get rid of newsprint and you may get rid of a good chunk of your audience. This is why I'm not convinced ditching stock tables is such a hot idea, whatever the ephemeral savings.

2. He'd equip the hacks with cameras. Goody! Just what we need -- photogenic newshacks. Isn't it enough to have these clowns scream at each other on the cable nets? Most likely video news stories would be just as vapid as any on TV. Anyone who's used Windows Media Player can attest it's not easy to skim video. And though the costs of bandwidth may be manageable, all these newspaper Web sites with all these videos will have found one LESS way to differ from one another -- and aren't the news hacks lock-steppingly similar as it is?

3. He'd stop insulting readers; and 4. He'd get them involved. These two suggestions are so vague as to be meaningless. L'Affaire Loven suggests that lots of the hacks thrive on insulting their consumers. And how would we peons get involved besides the usual way of writing six-page letters to the editor and screaming at ombudspoops?

No one desires BIGMEDIA change more than I do; alas, they're unreformable, and PROFESSOR's pitiful suggestions are proof enough.

Posted 3:39 PM by Gene

AMERICA GROWS STUPIDER: Seen today: a bicyclist (not young) with one hand on the handlebar and the other on his cell phone.

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....

Posted 2:08 PM by Gene

Isn't murder merely the ultimate expression of ME! ME! ME!?

Posted 2:02 PM by Gene

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE:

Streisand May Tour for First Time in Years

(Actually, we shouldn't have posted this because this was already old news. We hate posting old news. But with something delectable as this old news is better than no news.)

Posted 1:43 PM by Gene

Some Hollywood hack belches:

James Gunn on Dealing with the MPAA on Slither: “Well my experience was very good because we didn’t have any problems with them. Eli Roth who is a friend and a great guy gave the MPAA Hostel right before we gave them this movie. And I am eternally grateful because if you watch the actual amount of gore we actually have more gore but because were more surreal we get away with a lot more.”

We should not trust one word out of the MPAA, including prepositions and conjunctions.

OR:

[V]iolence sells, and Hollywood knows parents are not paying attention.

(Via, alas, BRENTCORP)

Posted 12:50 PM by Gene

Dubya's so zealous about teaching to the test he's virtually deep-sixed other subjects, proving his campaign is largely a Dilbert-creation machine.

Posted 12:47 PM by Gene

Ho-hum, another domestic massacre zzzzzzzzzzzzz....

That our nation has its head screwed on backwards about violence is obvious. When will it rescrew it?

Posted 12:00 PM by Gene

And stupidity takes many shapes too -- at the LEAGUE OF NATIONS.

Posted 11:47 AM by Gene

Impeachment Whispers Grow

Come on guys, whisper a little louder: impeach the president. Louder Dems, can't hear you! IMPEACH THE PRESIDENT. Now scream it out like Gov. YAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHH: IMPEACH THE PRESIDENT!!!!!

LOUDER!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 9:28 PM by Gene

What did I say about BUGS?

Posted 8:41 PM by Gene

NRO has scrunched itself into one big furrow over the sins of its reprobate contributor. That a man should choose to copy from a fifth-rate rock ad-blurbist like Tom Moon is damning enough. But we wonder if these are the sins of one reprobate author or of a profession; for not long before we looked up reviews of THE GREATEST SATIRE IN WORLD HISTORY (so NRO believes), and found (among others) these heds:

Film review: A pleasant and vaguely irritating habit

Smooth, but hardly addictive

Kicking Butt

‘Smoking’s’ dark humor will leave you hooked

Cigarette satire never quite lights up

MOVIE REVIEW: "SMOKING" IS A BREATH OF FRESH AIR

Satire, and no butts about it

And so on. And so on and so on. And so on and so on and so on. Which is the worse sin: copying or copying by osmosis? Can we expect the vaguest, minimalist originality from a biz that inflicts us with such relentless unfunny puns and such Xerox-like thinking?

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

ANOTHER OUTSTANDING USAOKAY!!!!! STORY!!!!! Something like this is extremely grating because with OKAY!!!!! such stories readily devolve into dueling experts, and if the biz had more talent and confidence it could deal with such subjects as it should deal with them -- with bold essays or penetrating satire. Instead we get another variation of that jackass PERFESSER THOMPSON spouting quotes. As for the subject matter, we suspect iPods probably shouldn't be at work; people live in their own Walter Mitty worlds enough these days.

Posted 3:40 PM by Gene

Shhhhhhhhhh, don't tell anyone, GE BANCORP AND REALTY ENTERTAINMENT -- your latest masterwork is a S---- L-- J----.

By the way, does anyone know what that doohickey is on the bottom right-hand corner?

Posted 3:37 PM by Gene

No hope for the CLUNKER BROTHERS:

“These are irreverent, humorous spots,” said Mark Spencer, senior manager of Dodge communications for Chrysler Group. The Caliber driver, he said, is a 25-year-old who watches Dave Chappelle and Jon Stewart on Comedy Central, spends hours a day on the Internet and gaming, and “is essentially tuning us out and turning us off.”

“We don't want to overtly market to them,” Spencer added.

TRANSLATION: We'd rather PUT PEOPLE OUT OF WORK than stop making ads that FLATTER OUR VANITY.

Posted 3:10 PM by Gene

So much for that heroism:

Arizona authorities have filed felony drug charges against two members of a family that was rescued from a snowbound motor home earlier this week.

Warrants were issued in Snowflake, Ariz., for Elbert and Becky Higginbotham on Wednesday, a day after they and four relatives were rescued in a mountainous region of southern Oregon.

The couple are charged with possession of dangerous drugs for sale and possession of drug paraphernalia, court records show. The records show Elbert Higginbotham is also wanted on a charge of misconduct involving weapons.

Posted 2:25 PM by Gene

The awful time of a renowned former TRUTH TELLER:

Howell Raines Gets $3.5 M for Townhouse

How much health insurance for poor workers would that pay for?

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 2:00 PM by Gene

Randy Quaid, who plays a tough sheep rancher in "Brokeback Mountain," claims he was fleeced [SIC!!!!!] for his work in the movie.

Quaid filed a lawsuit Thursday in Los Angeles County Superior Court alleging the producers got him to work cheap by falsely claiming the movie was "a low-budget, art house film, with no prospect of making any money."

"Yet from day one, defendants fully intended that the film would not be made on a low budget, would be given a worldwide release, and would be supported as the studio picture it always was secretly intended to be," the lawsuit says.

Why am I not surprised?

Hey Randy! I'd say you got SIX-SIGMAED!

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

Apparently there was a big contretemps over a new WaPost blog we didn't pay attention to (neither the contretemps nor the blog) as such things are the usual sound and fury signifying nothing. Said blogger has now resigned after liberals picked up on plagiarisms and conservatives blasted him for them, and if people unearth this story fifty years from now (if anyone cares, as no one will) they'll be truly stumped by this outbreak of sound and fury signifying nothing. Such, alas, is blogging.

(WaPost link via the Freep)

Posted 12:47 PM by Gene

Second thoughts from those LOVERS of POP CULTURE:

DEAD HUMOR [John Derbyshire]

I used to think Peter Sellers was the funniest man alive. The other day, however, I watched A Shot in the Dark, the 1964 movie that established the Inspector Clouseau character. It really wasn't very funny at all.

We all know, of course, that humor is perishable, and that what made our parents -- or even our younger selves -- laugh can leave us stone faced. There are degrees of perishability, though, and the very best humor can stay funny for decades. I thought Sellers was in that league. Nope. His repertoire was narrower than I'd remembered -- really just two or three funny voices and a couple of facial expressions. It's sad... Though now I don't feel quite so bad at never having found Charlie Chaplin the least bit funny.

Posted at 10:24 AM

----------------------------------------------------------

RE: DEAD HUMOR [Warren Bell]

I often wonder about that, Derb. I think I've written here before about the disaster that is viewing Blazing Saddles at age 42, after having wallowed in its glory at age 13. I think our memories tend to put a rosy glow around things we laugh at, and then in revisiting, the reality destroys the glow. I always cite "Bart the Genius" as one of my favorite Simpsons episodes, primarily because it was the first one I ever saw, and it just blew me away. In watching the DVDs with my kids, I notice that those first few episodes were pretty creaky in places. They didn't really hit their stride for another season or so, but that's not how I remembered it. So how much is the fault of memory, and how much is our own evolution in life? Is Sellers less funny, Derb, or are you?

Posted at 10:46 AM

We won't touch that LAST sentence, WARREN, but we will say this is from the IDIOTS who are always raving YOU-KNOW-WHAT COMEDY SHOWS as THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME.

Posted 11:26 AM by Gene

Somebody named James G. Poulos is MAD because the ad biz is using "[w]ashed-up or passe musicians...sell[ing] ten-second clips of their least favorite songs" instead of the GENIUS rock is capable of.

Really, somebody ought to put a moratorium on BLOGS.

Posted 9:41 AM by Gene

Effete Edelstein ponders THE DEATH OF MOVIES:

Mr. Edelstein says he's concerned about "an increasing absence of public culture." Historically, movies were considered a private experience, but now, he says, "with all sorts of private culture experiences like iPods and computers, going to the movies is one of the more public things you can do. Talking about it with people when the lights come up or afterward in a bar or over coffee ... that's a wonderful thing."

That said, Edelstein admits he has a state-of-the-art 60-inch widescreen TV that he uses to properly view some films sent to him for review.

Ah HA! HE'S KILLING MOVIES TOO!

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

The co-inventor of live-action Road Runner cartoons blasts the world for liking live-action Road Runner cartoons, only you can be sure he doesn't include HIS live-action Road Runner cartoons.

And Congressleader BABS is there:

"Like Mozart, George Lucas is no ordinary genius," Pelosi said. "He is a magician. He will be remembered as a legend."

Translation: THIS IS A STICK-UP!

(Via ArtsJournal.com)

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

DIMWIT: Aaron Brown, the man with the funeral-director mien and the Dilbert voice, tells JONNY HAIRSHIRT he wants to be Larry King and Charlie Rose -- AND GOD.

We can think of no man better qualified. Pfffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!

(Via the usual ROMY)

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

Speaking of Do-No-Evil, what if S&P had done this three months ago?

It's sad to think the stock's meltdown could have been greater.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:26 AM by Gene

The editors at PEOPLE NEWSRAG may change, but the CONTENTS will always stay the same: dizzy with spin and adamant about selling.

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

The Do-No-Evil boys help a FRIEND -- we may presume for PLATONIC purposes.

Just because something's LEGAL doesn't make it KOSHER.

Posted 8:03 AM by Gene

"'The Four-Hour Bore'": Had we known it took at least three people to write the music for Tuneless Wagner for Adolescents in Toronto we might have called it a bomb -- and even then we'd heave been reluctant knowing as we do the forces of NEWSHACKDOM and MARKETING. WELL, the ad-blurbists WALLOPED this masterwork, not that it needed help; Mike Riedel tells us word of mouth aided the advance. The problem was these clowns thought they could turn their work into a hit because the movies were a hit. To be sure, it's easier now to part fools from their money with spectacle, so one can see their point of view; what's depressing is, as a hundred years ago, there's nothing but spectacle; they had The Wonderful Wizard of Oz then, and we have The Wonderful Wizard of Oz now, and the music stinks in both -- and worse, the music is doomed to stink forever, unless the same muse who charmed the first half of the last century swoops down from the heavens and invests some people with inspiration, which seems as likely as the theater price-gougers abandoning spectacle.

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

MOVIE REVIEW OF THE WEEK:

They shaved her freaking armpits. Behold Natalie Portman (yes, her character has a name; do you care?) confronting the deranged anti-hero V after he tortured her as a way of improving her will to power – think Anthony Robbins meets Torquemada. She's been beaten; she's been starved; she's been nearly drowned; her body double was given ice-cold showers; and she's been sleep-deprived (you know this because the brown make-up under her eyes resembles dark circles). Upon realizing that her torment was V's doing, she explodes with rage.

"You cut my hair!" she shrieks, and the audience laughs -- inappropriately, and not for the first time during this movie. But Natalie isn't kidding. As she stands out in the cleansing rain to celebrate the death of fear, she raises her arms in triumph after days if not weeks of brutal, inhumane incarceration -- and check out those pits! Baby smooth.

That's V for Vendetta for you. It's darkly gorgeous, it's effortlessly slick, and at all times, it's three beers away from comedy gold.

I don't think this guy will EVER write for THE CORNER. He didn't like it.

Posted 4:50 PM by Gene

Why is it when I read a story like this on how the financial-services biz is trying to crack down on strip clubs, I don't feel good? Possibly because it's being done for mere PC reasons -- to appease women ACTIVISTS. (We certainly wouldn't expect NEWS HACKS to approve otherwise.) Why can't we come out and say the whole "adult entertainment" racket (as USAOKAY!!!!! must call it) SMELLS -- with its organized crime ties, its sleaze, its woman-abuse, and the flat out fact that, no matter how much money the women make on it, and no matter how much the bigwigs rationalize it, it's a SKANKY trade, often literally.

Posted 3:22 PM by Gene

Molly Ivins smells A RAT:

Returning to the subject of McClatchy-Knight Ridder, Ivins said: "Of course, McClatchy intends to merge the Washington bureaus. GUESS WHICH WASHINGTON BUREAU HAS THE DISTINCTION OF BEING THE ONLY ONE TO REPORT SKEPTICALLY ON THE ADMINISTRATION'S CLAIMS ABOUT IRAQ'S WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION BEFORE THE WAR?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

So THAT's it -- DUBYA's behind the CLATCH. He's secretly funneling money so it can buy all these papers and put SKEPTICAL WAR COVERAGE out of business. I've got an idea, Molly -- have the KNIGHTRIDDER WASHINGTON BUREAU INVESTIGATE!!!!!

Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!

Posted 3:16 PM by Gene

THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS engages in gut-busting semantics: its members now want to pay only for the audiences that WATCH THE ADS. This is hair-splitting with a bald man. They may insist they'd pay only for their air time, but money still being fungible they'd still pay for the surroundings, and if we know the SOCIETY it will pay for AT LEAST as much JUNK TELEVISION as before. We'd expect this kind of tap-dancing curley-Qing figure-eighting nonsense from a LOBBY; the RED-STATE SCORPION would be PROUD.

Posted 2:23 PM by Gene

THE RED-STATE SCORPION, EXPLAINED:

Jack obviously took his Orthodox Jewish faith seriously. He kept kosher. He would not travel on the Sabbath. He deplored profanity and vulgarity.

Jack dropped out of politics for some years to make movies, including at least one which had some worldwide success, an anti-Communist action drama titled Red Scorpion.

Then he returned to political activity and explained he had found that, without major financial resources, he couldn't control his movies' content because the industry inserted into them, against his will, gratuitous profanity and vulgarity. [Emphasis added.]

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure.

A principled person does not discuss his clients with contempt. A careful person does not send out personally damning emails into the immortal cyberworld. A moral person does not support opposing sides in order to profit from each. An ethical person does not defraud his associates in business. A loyal person does not set up his friends for embarrassment.

Principled, moral, and ethical persons do not work in the Beltway. Careful and loyal people do. (On the latter, ask THE STONE FACE OF ANNOYING TV ADS.)

JACK ABRAMOFF'S FALL FROM GRACE is not unique. Sadly, I know too many examples of people who built good reputations and extensive political networks who changed dramatically and for the worse when they decided to earn their livings through lobbying or political consulting.

A great many people can't resist temptations to increase their income. They hire themselves out to people or causes they would have spurned in the days when they built their reputations by consistent adherence to well-defined political and moral principles. Some sink mighty low.

And those who sink lowest become KINGMAKERS.

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

For the second time in less than a week, The New York Times today admitted to a serious error in a story. On Saturday it said it had misidentified a man featured in the iconic "hooded inmate" photograph from Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq. Today it discloses that a woman it profiled on March 8 is not, in fact, a victim of Hurricane Katrina--and was arrested for fraud and grand larceny yesterday.

Make -- me LAUGH!

Posted 1:25 PM by Gene

How we suspect this really happened: the TWXSTERS said hey, we probably can't put this episode on our air, so we'll devise a stunt to make it look like our people said we COULDN'T air it, then we'll call a gullible hack like BILL "MENSA MAN" CARTER, and we'll put the thing on our Web site, and VOILA -- INSTANT PUBLICITY!

Didn't you just get through changing the network's name and ownership?

(Via IWantMedia.com)

Posted 1:14 PM by Gene

We have a new stupid name in professional college football: the ALLSTATE BOWL -- in NAWLANS!

Do these clowns REALLY think this is GOOD PR?

(Via Media Daily News)

Posted 12:35 PM by Gene

Reebok is recalling 300,000 children’s charm bracelets because a 4-year-old died from lead poisoning after swallowing a piece of the jewelry, the government said Thursday.

Three guesses where it was made.

Posted 12:12 PM by Gene

From behind BUGMEISTER's cloud, the sun shines:

Vista release delay could be good for New Zealand

Posted 12:07 PM by Gene

That HUNKA writer from THE PAPER OF RE-CORD is at it again:

If the thought of Mr. Bush and Osama bin Laden [link SIC], along with their mothers, engaging in a salad-fork duel at an Olive Garden restaurant to the tune of "America," from "West Side Story," sounds appealing, this show is for you.

It sounds UPROARIOUS!!!!!

Posted 11:36 AM by Gene

Another be-YUtiful building goes up, in Moscow.

We'll call this The TWEEZER.

(Via the usual ArtsJournal.com)

Posted 11:30 AM by Gene

USAOKAY!!!!!'s blurbist EDNA gets down on her knees and begs, "Please please please let music sales be up please please please PRETTY PLEASE!"

P. S. We can spin the results too: four niche genres are up, which means the "music" you love to rave must be way down.

Posted 11:05 AM by Gene

There go those NAZ -- RADICAL RI -- there goes RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! again:

Fox affiliate veep tells journos to wear red, white and blue

Posted 10:29 AM by Gene

Another dull day at the Freep:

BREAKING: HOME SALES UNEXPECTEDLY RISE!!!!!!!!!!

P. S.

Stocks fall after housing data

Maybe the news isn't THAT good.

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

Meantime, in more hopeful news, a rumpheting thumpheting partisan Democratic billionaire prepares to bid to tell THE TRUTH!

Posted 10:18 AM by Gene

A bunch of Wharton eggheads put their heads in their hands and THINK about the newspaper biz, and one of them brilliantly opines:

Wharton marketing professor Peter S. Fader holds out little hope that people will continue to buy physical newspapers in large numbers in years to come. He likens the Internet's assault on newspapers to the impact that digital downloading of music has had on compact discs: CD's still have appeal but they are no longer the sole, dominant medium they once were. "I still believe that there's a vital role for non-digital content in music," Fader suggests. "There's a lot to be said for owning a CD and putting it on the shelf and holding it in your hand...."

And it's especially nice to plunk it on your turntable and play it!

(Via the inevitable Romy)

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

A Democratic Party factotum writes a screed while moonlighting as a CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGE, and gets a RESULT:

The article has drawn reactions ranging from a supportive mass e-mailing from MoveOn.org to criticism by the conservative Powerline blog and American Federalist Journal.

We must be doing something -- right.

But an AP spokesman says editors want more of these types of wire stories.

We're DEFINITELY doing something -- right.

Posted 9:11 AM by Gene

We were dimly aware of Tony's knighthood sale but didn't feel compelled to post figuring we've seen it too often before here, and we don't have a peerage. Now that someone's resigned as a result we can say Tony's been in power too long.

Posted 8:57 AM by Gene

Another big fight has started over whether the HACKS are telling the truth in Iraq. I fear when I listen to a Ralph Peters (who's quoted in here) I hear wishful thinking, and perhaps not for a noble cause. But we cannot trust the hacks due to the P-Ulitzer-winning retreat from 'NAM. Who will tell us the truth?

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

eBay has taken over the Marilyn cult. When it's eBay and a cult it's a fake.

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

The other day Terry Teachout reran an article he wrote a decade ago in which he briefly effused over all the wonderful new music he heard. We'd like to know where it is. We think we know what it is: an extremely cute and meaningless title (Astronomical Circumference of an Interplanetary Doughnut at Mach VII or something) tied to a carbon copy of the last movement of The Planets without the inspiration and mystery. In other words, indecipherable navel-staring noodling. Now Mr. Teachout wrote this a decade ago, and great new music was bursting out all over then; what happened to it? Surely it didn't take a decade for a Beethoven symphony to reach the masses' ears. If all this new music is so great shouldn't we be swimming in it by now?

Which reminds me of Philthydelphia's only entertainment venue that isn't dark half the year, the TLA music hall. You know a Robert "Over the" Hilburn would gasp at all the great new music being played there. But passing that dingy rock embalmatorium every weekend I find a list of acts with meaningless cutesy-pie names. It may as well be the same list every week. I imagine the noise within. New music in pop, new music in the concert hall -- MILLIONAIRES AND BUMS....

Posted 3:20 PM by Gene

Wonderful:

David Horowitz to Debate Ward Churchill at Academic Freedom Conference

(Via -- where else? -- the Freep)

Posted 3:10 PM by Gene

The same marketers who so pretentiously lost their confidence in TV are rushing to chase the patrons out of the popcorn restaurants, with the same effect in the end, no doubt.

Posted 1:38 PM by Gene

James Freedman, a former Dartmouth president, has died; his chief contribution to HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN was screaming at conservatives.

P. S. Someone on the PAPER OF RE-CORD's staff attended the IVY LEAGUE:

Five years later he helped gather the signatures of more than 300 college presidents in issuing a joint statement calling for "intimidation-free" campuses. The statement grew out of incidents in which Jewish students were reported to have been harassed and intimidated at student rallies protesting the Israeli government's treatment of Palestinians. The statement drew some criticism, however, for focusing only on Jewish students.

Sigggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

(Via Phi Beta Cons, which doesn't seem QUITE as dorky as THE CORNER)

Posted 1:35 PM by Gene

The new version of Microsoft Windows, called Vista, has slipped again. It was originally going to ship in 2003. Then 2005. Then 2006. Now in early 2007. I'm not surprised, having seen a demo of Microsoft's new programs at an "event" for tech buyers in New York last week.

The new programs are phenomenally complex, with scores of buttons and pull-down menus and myriad connections among various applications. A Microsoft VP zipped through a demo, moving information from Outlook to Powerpoint to Groove to some kind of social networking program that lets you see how your colleagues and your colleagues' colleagues rate various Web sites.

Meanwhile, 500 tech buyers sat there in the dark, their eyes glazing over from the sheer mind-numbing pointlessness of most of this stuff. The audience laughed out loud when the Microsoft guy showed off a kludgey system that lets you fetch Outlook e-mail messages using voice commands from a cell phone.

BUGMEISTER BILL has a TRIUMPH on His hands!

Posted 1:18 PM by Gene

More IDIOCY from THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS:

MARKETERS LOSE CONFIDENCE IN TV ADVERTISING
78% Say Effectiveness Is Diminishing; Clutter, DVRs to Blame

BUT....

Yet for all of advertisers’ blustering talk about DVRs and the decreased efficacy of TV, there has been little real change. Even today, when Mr. Bernoff asked advertisers via an instant electronic polling system what they believed would be the most promising video advertising vehicle of the future, 22% thought it was regular TV, making it the second most popular choice.

We've said it before, we'll say it again: with FIEFDOMS to defend, HOLLYWOOD TYPES to schmooze and SUBORDINATES to terrorize, these idiots will finance junk television until HELL FREEZES OVER.

P. S. MORONS:

Kaki Hinton, vp, advertising services, Pfizer Consumer Healthcare, and Perianne Grignon, vp, media services, Sears Holding Corp., co-chairs of the ANA TV Advertising Committee, opened the forum with positive words for television.

“TV is alive and well and has never been stronger for advertisers and consumers,” Hinton said. “Contrary to some articles that have been written, television is not a disappearing medium. Nothing could be further from the truth. More people are watching TV than ever before. And TV is working for Pfizer.”

Indeed it's working so well, KAKI, not only did the NFL run away from ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION ADS, the FDA's threatening REGULATIONS! THAT'S EFFECTIVE!

Grignon said TV is also working for Sears, and she singled out Sears’ partnership with ABC on its Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Show. She said research has shown that “after seeing an episode of the show on Sunday night, viewers have a 29 percent greater likelihood to shop at a Sears store on Monday.” Grignon also noted that she is pleased with Sears’ cross-platform sponsorship of Top Chef on Bravo, saying it is “reaching new customers.”

If that's so, they must be GHOSTS.

Posted 9:54 AM by Gene

Professor has four OUTSTANDING ideas for reforming newspapers:

1. He'd get rid of the newsprint;

2. He'd use the money saved by equipping reporters with cameras;

3. He'd stop insulting readers; and

4. He'd get them involved.

I wouldn't abandon my day blog, Professor.

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

Over the last few months the Dilberts at BusinessWeek have given us examples of allegedly brilliant architecture, most of it springing up in places with too much money. Such as, in China:



How would you like to be in the part of the building suspended off the ground? Hope Beijing doesn't get too many earthquakes.



HELLLLLLP!!!!! I'm tied to the ground and I can't get up!!!!!

(They're playing the GE BANCORP AND REALTY GAMES here. A superb sporting event deserves superb facilities.)



The Creature from the Black Lagoon.

AND, in Dubai:



A worm laying eggs;



The world's biggest domed amoeba;



The world's biggest high-tech vegetable chopper, or guillotine.

Can't BizWeek stick to bizness?

Posted 8:45 AM by Gene

EKSULLENT NYOOZ INN EHDYUKAYSHUN:

Fla. to Link Teacher Pay To Students' Test Scores

So -- we teach to the test and pay to the test!

Will the students learn anything?

Posted 7:56 PM by Gene

This is an incredible story. It's hard to believe there are "remote, snowy sections" anywhere in the Lower 48. But then in America it's always been easy to get lost. Happily people can be found, too.

Posted 7:37 PM by Gene

Bugmeister Bill has seen the future, and the future has...BUGS!

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

The fool Podman links to a 1969 video clip from The Hollywood Palace starring Der Bingle and other "big" names singing a ghastly medley of Beatles tunes -- it's not even something you can laugh at Golden Throats style -- and alas I can see why the rep of Gonzaga's heretofore most famous alumnus may never fully recover from the shellackings Gary- and self-inflicted: he does not lip-sync gracefully, he gestures inanely and grimaces painfully and is the definitive 100-percent SQUARE. The whole clip shows the fatal problem with the sainted variety shows of yore: they were almost designed to be corny. We can expect Engelbert Humperdinck to impersonate John Davidson doing a musical game show, or Dick Shawn to look like a singing Senator. But we are told of how très charmante Gwen Verdon was, and she must have been to play a whore with a heart, and here she is très charmanteless, a singing, dancing hairdresser showing off her eyelashes. The real "find" is Bobbie Gentry, whom I mistook for Bing's second wife Kathryn -- she could NOT sing. Really though you can't put it out of your mind how Bing flashes his teeth like dentures. Bob Barker with a voice couldn't have done it better.

Indeed the more I think of it the angrier I get because this sort of senile dementia in song helped destroy pop music, as it painted those who stood for the old verities as COMPLETE IDIOTS, thus allowing scorched-earth acts to denude the ground forever.

(NRO and Crosby date links updated 10/7/07)

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

The inventor of the RENDELLMINIUM, the RENDELLTORIUM and the RENDELI DOES IT AGAIN:

Governor Rendell Says PA Enjoyed Record-Breaking Gains with Groundhog Day Promotions

Posted 2:59 PM by Gene

REPUBLICANS WILL LOSE THE SENATE AND THE HOUSE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

Can't say you CLOWNS didn't deserve it. But THEN the LAUGHTER begins.

Posted 2:45 PM by Gene

A GanNETtoid has a CONNIPTION:

I’m tired of hearing radical columnists like you besmirch the good men and women who struggle daily to put out the very best newspaper they can!!!

ONCE AGAIN YOU’VE TROTTED OUT THAT STALE CLICHE THAT NEWSPAPERS LIKE MINE ARE UNDERMINED BY WHAT YOU CLAIM IS A LIBERAL BIAS!!!!!

I KNOW I CAN’T CHANGE YOUR MIND. BUT I’LL BE DOGGONE IF I’M GOING TO LET YOUR SLANDER OF MY COLLEAGUES GO UNCHALLENGED ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!

Since you're a GanNETtoid and work for the HOUSE THAT SOB BUILT, and since you're a PUBLISHER, shouldn't you be working on selling ads and building circulation and doing things that help your paper, rather than throwing a tantrum in public?

One thing's clear; if colleges and foundations ran papers we'd never again have to worry about bias; but then being owned by a stable profitable company like SOB's effects the same thing.

(Via GREG's House of TRUTH)

Posted 2:13 PM by Gene

More great news from the ALITERATURE BIZ:

1. The ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY is "writing" a "book" (will he use more writers than the EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY?); and

2. T. O. is "writing" a "book" -- his second.

Aren't you glad to live in an AGE of ARTISTIC GENIUS?

Posted 10:26 AM by Gene

And in more -- East Asian news:

Wal-Mart to hire 150,000 in China

A reward for a job WELL DONE!

Posted 10:23 AM by Gene

Charming: Russia and China have signed a gas deal!

Do I smell an AXIS in our future?

Posted 10:18 AM by Gene

AmSpec gets the word that Conrad Burns, America's second stupidest senator after George "M for MOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Voinovich, may drop out of his race, which could raise the national IQ a bit.

At 10:32 A. M.!

Posted 10:16 AM by Gene

We think we know where Dub got the word "kerfuffle" -- from Papa, whose presidency was a kerfuffle.

Like father....

Posted 10:03 AM by Gene

The Man Who Knew Too Little and Wrote Too Much

JONNY HAIRSHIRT HAS ARRIVED!

But isn't upholding the CW a good thing?

(Via MediaBistro and the usual Romy)

Posted 10:00 AM by Gene

Another indiginity for MBAs:

A Master of Business Administration degree is not only worthless, it can work against a marketer, according to a survey of marketing executives from 32 consumer-products companies by consulting firm Ken Coogan & Partners.

The study found that marketing executives from underperforming companies were twice as likely to have been recruited out of M.B.A. programs than marketing executives from out-performing companies.

The study used scanner and panel data from VNU’s ACNielsen to show marketers from companies with significant market-share gains are far less likely to have M.B.A.s than those from companies posting significant share losses.

I've got the solution, big businessmen: MORE MBAs!

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

We can guess the next big thing in the news biz: college ownership. The perfect match: PC groveling and PC groveling.

Can the hacks report on ANYTHING forthrightly? Let's go down the list: Show-biz? No, they're sponsors. Real estate? No, Real-TORS® are sponsors. Autos? No, auto dealers are sponsors. Sports? No, they're profit centers. (But they sure do put on quite an act pretending.) Liberals? No, they're right. Education? No, we send our kids to private schools. Crime? Ha! We live in gated suburban communities. Work? We prop our feet on a desk for a living. That leaves three things: government (on which we can always project our failings), conservatives and Republicans -- and they report on the last two not so much forthrightly as forthLEFTly. Thus it has been for decades, and thus it shall be for decades still.

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

We'd bet these last few days SUMNER's been on the phone a LOT with Tom and the Hubbardians, calming them down. (Especially with Tom, star of His upcoming TENTPOLE.) Two years ago the ZILLIONAIRE JACKASS was sticking the middle finger in the viewers' eyes, using Ms. Boob as His proxy; today He's hiding under His desk hoping L. Ron's god doesn't nuke Him. SUMNER is the ne plus ultra of big businessmen, exhibiting their two chief characteristics: VENALITY and COWARDICE.

When SUMNER dies -- IF SUMNER dies -- the idiot hacks will give him a MONTH-LONG PERIOD OF MOURNING.