Posted 8:29 PM by Gene

Okay Wikipedia fans, which article is longer -- the one on George Washington, or the one on THE PRICE IS RIGHT?

No peeking.

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s tabloid seems to be the only paper paying attention to this new round of French PC riots.

Maybe news hacks are tired of running disclaimers.

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

$45.1 MILLION to $7.3 MILLION in FIVE DAYS!

Now THAT'S a RECORD!

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

And here's DOW 36,000's latest brainstorm:

How to Avoid More Enrons: Legalize Fraud

Everytime there's another conviction in corporate America the TCS luxury suite goes DAMN!

This is AT LEAST as lunkheaded as B. S. DEFENDER defending B. S.

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

Sen. Clinton Kicks Off Presidential -- Er, Re-Election Bid [editorial comment added]

Sure, Hillary, sure.

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

The impoverished chairman of ExxonMobil (DilbertSpell), Rex, pleads with his board to limit his future benefits packages, a move that seems highly suspect with a company that earned $36 billion last year.

How popular is Lee Raymond? Evidently some of the shareholders were chafing too. "Four members of the compensation committee received 79 to 82 percent of the shares cast." In the upside-down world of Gordon Gekkos that's almost a no vote.

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

I have not posted before now because G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER had another one of its market-cap-increasing ERRORS.

If I made money writing I would not blog.

Posted 6:54 PM by Gene

Dallas Green, a champion, opines:

"Baseball players today have too many reasons for excuses."

Salary? Check. AAAAAAAAATTITUDE? Double-check. STEROIDS? TRIPLE-check.

P. S. Elsewhere the paper has A "THEORY" about how the gutty race horse Barbaro got injured, which will soon enough turn into a CONSPIRACY THEORY.

Posted 6:53 PM by Gene

Another stupid Web-site trick:

Microsoft 'mulls eBay purchase'

Posted 6:39 PM by Gene

Speaking of The Corner, I wouldn't hold my breath, JO-nah, that G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE will have a Memorial Day tribute next year.

Two mentions of JO-nah in one day is two too many.

Posted 6:36 PM by Gene

Here I think The Plank could be a worthy counterpoint to The Corner, and it descends into the kind of cheap juvenile ad hominem name calling you can find anywhere. Don't we have enough of this whiny cry-baby act on the Web?

Posted 5:57 PM by Gene

The TOP FIVE stories in Yahoo! UK & Ireland In the News:

• New-look England off to a winning start
• Walcott England debut breaks Rooney's record
• Germany scramble draw against Japan
• English football hooligans forced to hand over passports
• Chelsea fined over conduct of players during Fulham loss

And the seventh?

• Dan Aykroyd takes UFOs out for a spin

AMERICAN IDOL is EVERYWHERE!!!!!

Posted 5:54 PM by Gene

When is one auto recall better than another?

When the autos recalled are Japanese.

Posted 5:50 PM by Gene

Nearly two of every three undergraduate students are going into debt to go to college, owing an average of more than $19,000, most often to the government.

What does Mr. New Treasury Secretary have to say about that?

Or DUBYA? He who equates spending with EHDYUKAYSHUN EKSELLENTS.

P. S.



Was running this pop-up ad a joke?

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

Peter Osnos merely confirms what I've said repeatedly, most recently today: some news hacks have written for TOO DAMN LONG.

(Via the usual ROMY)

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

FBI ends Hoffa search [Front page hed]

So much for that barn raising.

And what did that practical joke of an "informant's" cost us?

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

I suppose the VOLOKHHEADS of finance have already typed 10 TRILLION WORDS about our new treasury secretary; and it certainly does my standing among the WIGGLY WORMS no good to make fun of his name. But what does a treasury secretary do? Basically he's the boss of the money raisers; and if the IRS's myriad problems are any signal most recent treasury secretaries have passed by unnoticed. One could argue we haven't had a truly powerful one since Andrew Mellon, and even his department admits the Depression pretty well took care of his rep. A treasury secretary could be a national scold for saving, and for sensible tax policy; but when can he have time for that selling bonds and benignly neglecting the tax code? (Or implementing mickey mouse wage and price controls like John Connally, another secretary with a sterling rep.) Besides as two successive WIZARDS of OZ have proved the real power to move the economy lies in the Federal Reserve. They can do wonders just by changing interest rates. Moreover it does seem a cliche of government to appoint high Wall Street mucky mucks to the job, as if the Street knows anything but greed. In the end the treasury bossdom is but a passageway to a professorship, and chairing commissions.

Posted 2:36 PM by Gene

Surprise:

John Muhammad guilty of six counts of murder in D.C. area sniper shootings

Posted 2:05 PM by Gene

Add Jim Senselessbrenner to the list: LE CONGRESS, C'EST MOI!!!!!

Posted 1:56 PM by Gene

JO-nah does a Chevy Chase gag.

I'M THE WORLD'S GREATEST PUNDIT AND YOU'RE NOT!

Posted 12:26 PM by Gene

The politically-correct rioting's back on in France.

Dominique Perben, the Transport Minister, called the overnight incident a reminder of last year’s riots, in which 10,000 vehicles and 200 public buildings were torched.

"The question of the suburbs is a question for the entire political class," said M Perben. We must have the courage to look things in the face."

France? COURAGE?!?!? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Posted 12:13 PM by Gene

In yet another inspired bit of LALA typing (this one courtesy of ROMY), Tim Rutten tells us the press failed with Enron.

What doesn't it fail on?

Not long after Enron's collapse, the Conference Board published a pseudonymous piece by a "longtime-publishing insider" [MY link], who correctly diagnosed the problem this way: "Most of the mainstream business media has been too busy morphing CEOs into celebrities and giving us guided tours of their royal lifestyles. There's been no time to do reality checks on their balance sheets and business practices. Instead, 'the press gave us personal information about Ken Lay's brilliance, his wife's wonderful taste in furniture, and the glamorous lives of other business executives,' says Ron Berenbeim, the Conference Board's expert on business ethics. 'They didn't think we were interested in those boring footnotes in the balance sheet and earnings reports.'

"There's another dilemma…. Many reporters and editors ceased to be journalists in any real sense and began writing what seemed like infomercials and advertising copy…. At first, CEOs were portrayed merely as brilliant business warriors, but during the last five years they have been crowned all-knowing Citizen Kings. After such deification, it's not easy for business reporters to now fall on their keyboards and declare that the emperors are not simply naked but crooked as well. The late George Reedy, press secretary to Lyndon Johnson and a wily student of media, used to say to me: 'Every reporter I know has to whore now and then, but damn if I understand those who pimp too.'"

WELCOME TO THE WHOREHOUSE OF JERNALISM!

Posted 12:10 PM by Gene

TruthLaidBear.com has promoted me to Wiggly Worm, which means nothing as there are more Insignificant Microbes, or whatever he calls them.

Back to a microbe in short order, given how many are hitting me up.

Posted 12:00 PM by Gene

Elsewhere in the interminably cheery LALA, Pat (no, not Pat Paulsen -- and not the Mogul's Friend, though it could be) convinces us a SUPERGIGAMEGAPLATINUM AGE for musicals is at hand!

Yet as bleak as some critics may paint the musical's future — and they've been doing so for decades....

It's those old fogies who can't see the hundreds of thousands of TWENTY-SOMETHINGS writing masterpieces in their basements!!!!!

Okay PAT, hum us a song by Scott Frankel, Michael Korie, Brenda Russell, Allee Willis, Stephen Bray, Robert Lopez, Jeff Marx, Tom Kidd and Amanda Green!

GERSHWINS ALL!

Is TRIB putting happy juice in the water at LALA to keep the hacks' spirits up?

P. S. It's slugged "Special" meaning it's FREELANCED PR.

(Via the sometimes very annoying ArtsJournal.com)

Posted 11:32 AM by Gene

By a 5-4 vote, justices [SIC] said the nation's 20 million public employees do not have carte blanche free speech rights to disclose government's inner-workings. New Justice Samuel Alito cast the tie-breaking vote.

THE FORCES OF REACTION...oh, never mind.

P-Ulitzer Prizes will DEFINITELY be harder to campaign for.

Posted 11:29 AM by Gene

Paulson Nominated as Treasury Secretary

Well, at least it wasn't Pat.

Oh, he spelled his name with an E. No matter.

At least he didn't choose the Kellogg's man either, as some Cornerite predicted.

Posted 6:49 AM by Gene

With E. Scotts who needs reporters? Let PR Newswire take over papers like the LALATIMES and let IT "report!" If we're going to be SOLD things we can't do worse.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO E. SCOTT!

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

In other blurb news Tom Shale [sic] becomes the 23,649th TV blurbist to tell us we're living in a SUPERGIGAMEGAPLATINUM AGE OF TV DRAMA, which merely reminds us he's nearing Social Security and has been shilling for 34 years. Time to retire, Tom?

Posted 6:38 AM by Gene

I know this might nowadays be called an arthouse picture -- I'm sorry, to me that's a term of shame -- but we once had a healthy foreign film business which didn't need help from euphemisms; and looking at this still -- that's Claudia Cardinale (what became of her?) with Jacques Perrin in something called Girl with a Suitcase (what a title!), by Valerio Zurlini -- there was also a time when men at the movies had something to look forward to.

One thing about my job and my apartment is they leave me no money to waste buying DVDs or else I'd go ahead and search this out. Quite possibly it's dull -- it is, after all, endorsed by The Paper of Re-cord -- but then again, with a face like that, maybe it isn't.

Posted 4:01 PM by Gene

By accident we came across a piece of junk called ABCePrep, whose motto is, "We read, watch, interview and cover... so you don't have to!" What it covers it mostly celebrity bilge.

See, here's the problem, ABCePrep -- the reason CHEAP CHANNEL and its friends are held in such HIGH ESTEEM is that they've AUTOMATED HUMANS OUT OF EXISTENCE! (Except in the sales departments.) This whatisit is just another way of automating radio, and of boasting of our superiority over our listeners. It's been ages since I listened to the radio; it will be ages more before I resume -- thanks to gags like ABCEPREP.

P. S.

Radio: Know the Facts

MYTH: Consolidation in the radio industry is at dangerous levels.

FACT: Radio is the least consolidated segment of the media industry -- by far according to The Herfindahl-Hirschman Index [there's Groucho again -- Say the secret woid and you'll win a radio chain!], the metric often cited by the Department of Justice. Specifically, the top-5 music companies account for 85% of that industry’s market share; the top-8 film companies account for 84%; the top-10 cable companies account for 67%; the top 6 ad agencies companies account for 65%; and the top-10 radio companies account for 43%.

WHEW!!!!! Am I relieved.

Posted 3:48 PM by Gene

Will PAUL DRECK P-LEASE explain to me why a film that does $45 million the first day of a holiday weekend, and $17 million the FOURTH day of a holiday weekend, is still an ALL TIME BOFFO SMASH?????

And despite the mighty exertion it appears the biz is just even in admissions from last year -- and down from 2004.

Posted 3:43 PM by Gene

One wonders if someone in the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-U read this article, because all of a sudden this same EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-U professes to be worried about terrorism.

Why can such worries be turned on and off like a light bulb, or the brain in an EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-U bureaucrat?

Posted 11:22 AM by Gene

The geniuses at Stale.com do it AGAIN:

? Today's Doonesbury: Charmless.

Posted 11:08 AM by Gene

Really, JO-nah, it's a little late in the day to expect G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE to do the right thing.

The cloyingly-cute thing, the $100,000-a-share-self-serving thing, the dissident-imprisoning thing, but not the right thing.

Posted 10:54 AM by Gene

If I were a billionaire with a penchant for mischief I'd go into King Denny's district sometime around September and plaster all sorts of ads and billboards reminding the voters what a nice guy he is. "Le Congress c'est MOI!" Better still, I'd begin a concerted effort to encourage write-in candidates, possibly including real people. While many would still vote for the King out of habit or mere stupidity, I'd like to think an embarrassment possible -- assuming King Denny could be embarrassed, which is doubtful.

In the middle of their self-righteous crying-into-their-non-alcoholic-beer sessions blaming their inferiors the CONSTITUENTS for all their woes micro-tyrants like King Denny must be screaming, "THEY JUST DON'T GET IT!" We get it. You're excusing yourselves on a legalism. And if the Constitution is such a perfect vessel why have you Congresspoops filled it over the decades with pieces of -- LEGISLATION?

P. S. I see he does have an "opponent", but really, a write-in candidacy would be better. Still King Denny neglects what happened to OUR state legislaTERRS at his own peril. And he should recall too how one his illustrious predecessors, the now forgotten Tom Foley, got knocked off.

Posted 8:06 PM by Gene

When do the Gordon Gekkos and Larry Kudlows (redundant) start talking up China's stock market? If we're going to send them our jobs the LEAST we can do is send them the MONEY to go along with them!

Posted 8:00 PM by Gene

And when will the dirty laundry come out about how NEWS HACKS campaign for their BIZ' OS-CAR®, the P-ULITZER®?

I think it's time these GIANTS came out and ran ADS: FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION....

Posted 7:58 PM by Gene

Congressman Respected X. Marine gloats "[t]he fallout from the killing of as many as two dozen Iraqi civilians by Marines could undermine U.S. efforts in Iraq more than the Abu Ghraib prison scandal did," BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Posted 2:21 PM by Gene

Frist Backs Search of Congressman's Office

Oops, Dr. Weenie must have heard from his constituents too.

Posted 1:39 PM by Gene

The Pope has visited Auschwitz without rancor, which should testify that his only purpose is penance.

Posted 1:14 PM by Gene

I don't care what the PAUL DRECKS say; numbers like these show THE CONSPIRACY is chasing people out of the popcorn restaurants. The first day proves the publicity campaign works. The second day proves the movie DOESN'T.

And this is the second highly overpublicized piece of -- CINEMA in two weeks to do this. Oh well, who gives a damn as long as the show-biz flacks can yell out the GROSSES even as they're toadying for JOBS.

Posted 11:02 AM by Gene

And speaking of RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, what if His GREATEST TRIUMPH YET tanks?

(Via The Blog Herald)

Posted 10:56 AM by Gene

Is it me or are the TRUTH TELLERS subjecting us to more upsetting private tragedies?

We must always hate the hacks because they get a certain glee out reporting such stories, a glee that is only intensified when they can slant the imporant news and rule the world.

Posted 10:43 AM by Gene

And speaking of SYNERGY:

MEDIA MIRACLE
INDUSTRY CRAWLING BACK TO THE FOREFRONT
By PETER LAURIA
The year 2006 is shaping up to be the year of Big — if not old — Media. Left for dead at the turn of the century, investors have reawakened to the virtues of Big Media amid an explosion in distribution outlets for content, a robust deal environment and solid financial results, including large share-buyback plans from the likes of Disney and News Corp. (which owns The Post).

A synergistic NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to PETE!

Posted 10:11 AM by Gene

A year and a half ago when we punched "synergy" into G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE we got 7,680,000 hits.

Today we did it and we got 62,400,000 HITS.

The Republic does not stand a chance.

P. S. With quotes it's 62,800,000.

Posted 9:51 AM by Gene

Another disciple of LEGENDARY WELCH:

Interviews with a dozen former employees painted Haddad as a leader who accomplished much during his three years as president of St. Elizabeth's and two years as chief executive of Caritas Christi, including most recently bringing the system its first substantial profit in five years. He centralized administrative functions and began to standardize the care provided by the six hospitals and to establish St. Elizabeth's as a referral center for the five outlying community hospitals.

But those interviews also revealed deep discomfort among some with Haddad's management style, which sometimes involved bruising public battles in which he yelled at managers and physicians across conference tables. He seemed more intense after he took over Caritas Christi, leaving subordinates afraid to disagree with him and prompting others to leave the organization.

Plus he hugged and kissed the girls, making him a disciple of -- EDDIE?

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

Further meantime Dick "GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE" Corliss sniffs out many masterpieces at Cannes, proof any editor who wanted to put out a thoughtful newsrag has his work cut out for him.

P. S.



We like Kirsten's long brown hair too, but isn't this a sign the hacks are going -- too far?

As every synergist in the "news" trade would say, the answer is NO.

And why were they taking pictures of her back?

Posted 9:32 AM by Gene

Meantime the TWXSTERS do some honest-to-God REPORTING -- about CONGO. This is how the newsrags could get their moxie back -- by devoting considerable resources to stories undercovered by our media, and that have less of a chance to be tainted with bias. But could any newsrag editor stand not to sway elections and sell show-biz? We doubt it.

The glum cover probably won't help; this will probably be the worst selling issue of the year at the newsstands.

Posted 9:28 AM by Gene

NOT FOR THE FIRST TIME, AND NOT FOR THE LAST.

Posted 5:59 PM by Gene

South Americans embrace leftist tyrants, and then profess to be annoyed when the tyrants engage in empire building.

But you will have this with a perennially second-rate continent.

Posted 2:00 PM by Gene

Artists discuss plan to wrap Arkansas River

Can they include a certain presidential library?

Posted 1:50 PM by Gene

26 stabbed as Berlin station opens

The attacker was a 16-year old German from Neukoelln, a south Berlin district with a large immigrant population.

OR:

CNN is not showing the negative caricatures of the likeness of the Prophet Mohammed because the network believes its role is to cover the events surrounding the publication of the cartoons while not unnecessarily adding fuel to the controversy itself.

Posted 1:46 PM by Gene

Another news hack PUBLIC SERVICE:

The biggest business news story of recent weeks is the Wall Street Journal series of reports on options backdating. It hasn't received wider play in part because the pieces remain behind the Journal's subscription firewall.

Posted 12:45 PM by Gene

Amazing that Dubya was willing to risk gutting his Justice Department rather than do the right thing -- although a Justice Department with Alllll-BEHRRRRR-toooooh may be considered partially gutted.

(Via JO-nah)

Posted 11:56 AM by Gene

Speaking of megahits, who wants to bet Pixar's CGI doodle is PACKED with PRODUCT PLACEMENTS? Who wants to further bet it'll hold down its B.O.?

Posted 11:46 AM by Gene

Paul Dreck (and RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) will be excited again, but as I said last week, wait till the next day -- and it does seem I was right about DVC!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It'll barely make $200 million domestically (as execs like Peter would say). So much for THAT megahit.

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

And on the opposite side of news, MOVIES DO BOFFO BIZ OVERSEAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even Bill -- who has surely done a nice favor for Sammy Glickman; like a job with him, Bill? -- must concede the biz does $21 billion worldwide. How much of the world's GDP is that? He does a further favor by insisting our garbage exports make possible all sorts of "increasingly sophisticated" local films -- meaning blurbist-pleasin' masterworks like that six-hour one from Italy, no doubt.

He also quotes the VIACON exec Peter Bart. A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO BILL!

Posted 10:11 AM by Gene

Even if this alleged massacre in Iraq is confirmed, even if it is shown to be totally premeditated and unjustified, it will likely remain a subsurface affair, though news hacks try to spin it. Why? Because we still remember, after over thirty years, how the hacks sold atrocities in Vietnam. Massacres should anger us, but we must remember there's always a low-level hope here, the hope that such stories can get us packing from Iraq. That we can guess its outcome does not seem to deter news hacks into wanting it. But even those opposed to the war must sense it. And they can recall Vietnam too.

Posted 7:19 PM by Gene

The petty tyrants of Congress, no doubt hearing it from their inferiors the CONSTITUENTS, concede the FBI may have a right to investigate when one of their own stocks his freezer with CASH.

Posted 1:50 PM by Gene

Let us assume, for argument's sake, that today DVC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! does double the $5,265,000 it did yesterday. Let us further assume it does, oh, $31 million this whole weekend. That would mean a 60-PERCENT DROP in the BOX OFFICE!

That's what I call A SMASH HIT!

Posted 1:41 PM by Gene

MIKE, with further noises on the EVER-RESURGENT BRANSON EAST, whose Dinner Theater of the Year Awards will have 60 HOSTS:

BROADWAY seems resigned to the fact that this year's Tony telecast is going to be another dreary ratings loser.

A hostless telecast, as this year's will be, was tried in 1999 - with dire results.

Who can forget that chorus line of young-ish stars - Calista Flockhart, Scott "Party of Five" Wolf, Christian Slater - stumbling through the lyrics of "There's No Business Like Show Business"?

As comedian Lea DeLaria said later: "You don't know the words to 'There's No Business Like Show Business'? GET OFF THE STAGE!!"

Tony officials apparently were so embarrassed by their inability to line up a master of ceremonies that they waited until practically the dead of night to announce that they'll have 60 "star presenters" instead of one big-name host.

If they're lucky, maybe Oprah will throw them a bone and plug the Tonys on her show.

Posted 1:31 PM by Gene

At what point do companies keep on merging and merging and merging that they have nothing left to merge with? Isn't the whole story of the saggy MEDIA BIZ the sad tale of what happens when there's nothing left to merge with? How is that good for anybody's economy, DOW 36,000?

Posted 1:29 PM by Gene

The Times of London to launch U.S. edition

Let me guess: it'll be called...DA NOO YAWK POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 11:20 AM by Gene

D. C.'S CHICKEN LITTLES, AT IT AGAIN:

Capitol Police said Friday they were investigating reports of sounds of gunfire in the garage of the Rayburn Office Building, where members of the House have their offices.

The entire Capitol complex has been locked down, CNN's Dana Bash reported....

"They have no victims at this time, and they have no active shooter," said Mike Brooks, a law enforcement expert.

He noted that Capitol Police have a firing range in the basement.

P. S. These are the same cowardly Pygmy tyrants oblivious to the FIRING RANGE ALL AROUND THEM.

P. P. S. ANOTHER false alarm, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Posted 10:59 AM by Gene

Another eulogy for our culture: We suspect even Wagner never had to worry about "an imposing 48-foot-long, 28-foot-tall, 20-ton set piece, run by 26 assorted motors, on which about 80% of the opera's action takes place." With any good composer, the music would be the thing. With a spectacle like this the production must be the thing, a production so overwhelming it sends the unmistakable message that this "opera" wouldn't need such loudly meshing electro-mechanical gears if the MUSIC were other than JUNK. It will get RAVED regardless, like JERRY SPRINGER and NIXON IN CHINA, by idiot hacks who MUST be in with the in-crowd, but at the very least the need for 20-ton set pieces would seem to dim its hopes for revival.

(Via the usual ArtsJournal.com)

And in more news of tomorrow's archival dust collectings, the Tune Machine what wrote the immortal Wicked is writing what Opera News calls an "opera."

(Via Playbill.com, which is all about reporting on archival dust collectings)

Posted 10:23 AM by Gene

SAMMY GLICKMAN -- a HACKER?!?!?

Who'da THOUGHT?

Posted 9:50 AM by Gene

If we say MY LAI often enough does that make it true, GREG?

Posted 9:48 AM by Gene

What once big sporting event's going on right now that practically no one's paying attention to?

Posted 9:43 AM by Gene

JO-nah has compiled a CON-SER-VA-TIVE ROCK SONGS LIST. (And if he didn't do it was HIS idea.) Why isn't this guy a regular on eight different TV shows making an ass of himself? He is not merely the Frank "Gliberal" Rich of the right, he is its MICHAEL KINSLEY. A guy like that deserves a windfall -- as his agents no doubt remind the TWXSTERS and RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! every day.

Posted 9:29 AM by Gene

The best way news hacks can cop out is by taking two sides to an issue. This is one of the greatest cliches of the business -- that we can cleave everything down the middle. But some stories have three sides, or fifteen, or one. Side splitting is a kind of forced neutrality, and we suspect it may also be invoked when the two sides engaged in the side splitting has big egos. And it undercuts both sides. "All of a sudden, revolutionary Iran has offered direct talks with the United States. All of a sudden, the usual suspects -- European commentators, American liberals, dissident CIA analysts, Madeleine Albright -- are urging the administration to take the bait." Does that include Dave? It must, because he wants us to talk. Does that make him a usual suspect or just another six-digit pundit?

We can especially expect intense side splitting when news hacks underreport a story. Can you recall ONE American correspondent interviewing Iran's president? How long has he been in office? Who do you suspect has earned more column inches -- him or THE ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY? Or the winner of RUPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S contest?

We saw the exact same thing with Osama, whom the hacks all but ignored in favor of now forgotten pleasures like Gary Condit's "mistress" until it literally blew up in our faces. And this guy's waving nukes.

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

Less than a month after winning themselves the P-Ulitzer Prize for fearless truth telling about out national security, the hacks go back to their old ways, spending 1,195 words to ask if somebody actually walked all the way across America in search of himself.

Why am I supposed to care? He got interviewed by Perky Katie.

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

There is no cash wrapped in foil in my freezer. Nothing but ice, some past-its-prime meat, and vegetables. I would think that any self-respecting burglar would check the freezer these days.

Me too. But we may want to check what's in DER SPEAKER's head. That icebox uses the old fashioned door that you can't open easily.

Posted 5:52 PM by Gene

RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOASTS:

Yes, Hicks, the 29-year-old grey-haired bar singer from Birmingham, was last night voted American Idol after an astonishing 64 million votes were counted - more than any US president has ever received, according the show's producers.

Then how to explain that a mere 35.4 million watched it? Well, I guess the dead vote in RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s elections too.

And now to completely ignore this stunt until the next time.

Posted 3:33 PM by Gene

Speaking of cooling off, so is DVC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 3:29 PM by Gene

Well, we'll give Dubya the benefit of the doubt and say these prima donnas need a spell to cool off from their latest singing role; but 45 days is a lot of time to -- prove your innocence.

Posted 2:43 PM by Gene

Holding up a hard drive, Nicholson said the theft involved 5 gigabytes of material, and could easily have been accessed from his home via computer.

Seeing how a top-of-the-line notebook can hold up to 120 gigs, think of all the things a miscreant can steal!

I'd rather not.

Posted 12:10 PM by Gene

Surprise:

Skilling and Lay guilty

Posted 11:06 AM by Gene

Shucks, I guess AMNESTY's not going to come THAT easy.

Posted 10:31 AM by Gene

Yahoo! and eBay -- MERGE?

Posted 10:23 AM by Gene

SHUCKS, Der Speaker is NOT under investigation.

YET.

Do I smell payback?

Posted 10:18 AM by Gene

Navy shoots down long-range missile in test

For first time, ship at sea brings down target in its final seconds of flight

Let's hope this helps when the IRANIANS come along.

Posted 10:16 AM by Gene

Bob Nardelli, the usually feisty chairman and chief executive of Home Depot Inc., will be facing an unusually large group of dogged antagonists at his company's annual meeting on Thursday.

The elephant in the room will be the estimated $245 million pay package -- and that's a conservative estimate -- that Nardelli is receiving while shareholders have lost money during his five years with the home-improvement behemoth.

This looks like a job for -- SUPERKUDLOW!!!!!

In what amounts to a no-confidence vote, AFSCME said on Monday that it will withhold votes from 10 of the 11 directors on Home Depot's board.

COMMIES!

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

Boobs McKeating says, more competition on cable!

I guess so they can pay less to see your SPARKLING CAMEOS.

Posted 6:35 AM by Gene

Now let's see: which has the most links in Google News? The Pope visiting Poland? The Iran nuclear "talks"? The low-level Palestinian civil war?

OR....

Posted 8:19 PM by Gene

Maybe not EVERYTHING RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! touches turns to gold -- and endless publicity.

Posted 8:11 PM by Gene

A-HA! So THIS is why Der Speaker didn't like the Feds rummaging through Billy Jeff's money -- er, PAPERS!

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

Vonage Holdings Corp. shares fell 13 percent, the worst debut in six months, after the money-losing Internet phone company's $531.3 million initial public offering.

Somehow we're not surprised with a company whose mascot is a geek.

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

Sir Edmund Hillary should be astonished that 40 people passed a dying man without helping him on their merry stroll up and down Mt. Everest? What are Everest climbers but another breed of GET-A-LIFES?

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

Mass. Gov. Romney makes visit to Iraq

Is somebody running for president?

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

When news hacks screech about the GanNETts of the world they carry with their message the inevitable subtext that greedy businessmen are preventing the spread of TRUTH. The courageous Willy (!) forgets that USAOKAY!!!!!!!!!! spread the TRUTH several weeks ago -- and has seen the ground slowly erode under its gold-plated feet. Meantime we get obsessions like this. Which is why, though admitting his beloved industry's defeat at the end of 3,707 WORDS, Willy hasn't a clue.

(Via the unavoidable Romy)

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

If THE CONSPIRACY wants to make PORN let it do so. But let these cretins not wonder why they're under heavy censorship thereafter.

And these same idiots who are all a-giggle at the naughty bits laughed at DVC!!!!!!!!!!!!! and booed some movie about Marie Antoinette; indeed they seem to denigrate everything in sight (as well they should) while kissing one another's behinds.

Speaking of DVC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, it did $6.2 million yesterday, which doesn't sound so hot, even for a Tuesday. Do I smell the word "disappointment" slowly wafting in here?

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

We may ask what the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEU!'s definition of "good progress" is. Neville Chamberlain had good progress too.

No doubt there'll be a grand press conference in a couple of weeks, and highly-classified documents some time thereafter.

Posted 3:33 PM by Gene

The head of the Veterans Affairs Department expressed outrage today over being kept in the dark about the theft of computer data on 26.5 million veterans, as he himself came under heavy criticism from Capitol Hill.

Sometimes, when you head an relatively unimportant Federal agency, and the president may not know you by name, you're the last to find out.

Posted 3:06 PM by Gene

With the hacks already engaging in their favorite activity re the 2008 election -- repeating themselves (it makes their own voices sound better in their own ears) -- we get a sage warning from the very CW, very liberal CJR:

It's going to be a long slog.

Happily, Liz offers a solution:

Is there any way we could get some "un-journalists" to cover the '08 election?

Yes, if their places of employment go broke.

(Via the ineffable Romy)

Posted 2:17 PM by Gene

MSSSSSSSSSS. PELOSI, you can take your RESIGNATION REQUEST and STICK IT where the SENIORITY DON'T SHINE!

(Via THE WORLD'S No. 1 SOUTH PARK FAN)

Posted 2:13 PM by Gene

On this, the 65th birthday of THE BARD, a perfesser at Syracuse University (What is with that place? does the Carrier Dome emit toxic fumes?) writes what he presumes to be satire.

Mark Steyn got it better.

Posted 8:39 AM by Gene

In a small, mirror-paneled room guarded by a Secret Service agent and packed with some of the city’s wealthiest and most influential political donors, Mr. McCain got right to the point.

“One of the things I would do if I were President would be to sit the Shiites and the Sunnis down and say, ‘Stop the bullshit,’” said Mr. McCain, according to Shirley Cloyes DioGuardi, an invitee, and two other guests.

LOOK WHO'S TALKING.

Posted 6:45 AM by Gene

One of AmSpec's bloggers is visibly disappointed:

AOL News, I see, has picked up yesterday's front page New York Times story on the Clintons' marriage, or as the paper put it, their "Delicate Dance of Married and Public Lives." Drudge teased the story on Monday, though in a way that suggests his leakers might have misled him.

But that's the problem with WALTER "THE SPYWARE COWBOY" WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: he loves to be misled.

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

The Inquirer and the Philadelphia Daily News are the two most visible parts of Philadelphia Newspapers Inc., which has 2,650 full-time-equivalent employees. Fewer than 525 are newsroom employees of The Inquirer and the Daily News.

Which fact will not keep the fewer than 525 from trying to lose the other more than 2,125 their jobs if it advances THE TRUTH.

Prediction: The Stinky Inky and the Nooz continue to SPIN and SELL, like other papers; it won't stop the circulation losses; and the "owners" sell their pile of debt within five years. Another prediction: I'd lay 50-50 odds the "owners" fold the Nooz when it gets really hard to pay all that interest.

Posted 6:39 AM by Gene

What "story" on the Latest News list on CNN.com is missing from the More Stories list on CNN.com International?

I haven't a clue.

Posted 8:08 PM by Gene

One wishes it were a better building, but at the least it's a beginning.

Posted 7:53 PM by Gene

One of the extreme vexations of this age is PR's total dominance. If we consider RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s Major Bowes act as THE GAMES of entertainment this will make more sense. Scarcely three months ago a competition ended in the Italian alps. Who among even the CEO elite that took two-month paid vacations to "supervise" their charges promoing it can recall so much as ONE athlete? Even the MAROON who made the covers of TWO newsrags is a trivia question. But we were SOLDSOLDSOLD the GAMES to the point of migraine, and now this. Some obsessively typing Kinsleyite can try to convince us that IMMORTAL GENIUS comes out of the RUPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s contest, which is another way of saying undeservedly popular aggressive "singers" singing junk. Who could remember anyone in these affairs but for the oppressive drumbeat of the selling? What's especially irksome is this is now a permanent annual phenomenon, just as the GAMES are a biennial one, and for all its sound and fury it leaves not a trace save for people making asses of themselves, and idiot sponsors falling over themselves to finance it. And now every week unveils a new oppressive PR pestilence, from THE ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY to DVC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Such is the sales pitches' intensity that marketing and promotion have become mental illnesses for our time. They're enough to make one stop watching television, or surfing the Web. But no; the psychotic babble is inescapable.

The Renaissance produced Michelangelo. The great worldwide democratic revolution produced Jefferson and Beethoven. Our age produces TV shows.

P. S. A question for our meretricious age: "How Much Marketing is Too Much Marketing?"

Posted 5:48 PM by Gene

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH:

President Putin is facing the first major test of his pledge to fight corruption after his Communications Minister was found to own large chunks of the telecoms industry.

Posted 5:44 PM by Gene

Since the auto makers make look-alike cars (except for really ugly ones like Caddies and Toyota's hearse) it figures they'd make sound-alike ads.

Posted 5:35 PM by Gene

ELVIS is back with a song about Mr. 20.

Do the hacks have to pay attention every time the Osama Channel and its friends issue a new hit?

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH!

Pet Shop Boys Return to Roots, Attack Bush, Blair
The Pet Shop Boys are back in business, with their best album in more than a decade. [BloomyLite home-page hed]

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

Hopeful: A bunch of Congressional ex-mayors forms a caucus to help the cities, and the first thing on the agenda is MORE MONEY, which means they are blissfully unaware of the zillions the Feds have spent on cities, and the negative net worth it left.

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

WELL! Our StinkyInky and the Nooz get sold to the PR guy -- "for $562 million, most of which will be borrowed from banks."

Translation: GOOD LUCK!

"I sincerely hope it will be a good deal for the papers," McClatchy chairman Gary Pruitt said in an interview.

Translation: YOU'LL NEED IT!

(From the incalculable ROMY, who's biting his fingernails so hard he has no fingers)

Posted 2:10 PM by Gene

The TRAGEDY of producting a NEWSPAPER in an AWFUL AGE:

McDonald pointed out that the buyouts of late 2005, which resulted in 26 Daily News editorial positions gone, and 75 at the Inquirer, had already hit the papers hard: "We have been putting out a paper since then under a bit of duress."

Funny -- that doesn't seem to have stopped you boys from putting us under duress with your constant SPIN and SELLING.

(Via the usual ROMY, who garbled the link)

Posted 1:48 PM by Gene

Traffic Update of the Day:

Gas leak closes Jimmy Carter Blvd.

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

And speaking of B. S. DEFENDER, what are the chances 1. This kid watched television and 2. Doesn't know right from wrong?

(Via Yahoo! News)

Posted 1:21 PM by Gene

Why must a MUSEUM for NEWS HACKS cost $435 MILLION?

Plans call for the new, 250,000-square-foot museum to have seven levels of galleries, theaters and retail space.

Why not just call it NEWSMALL? Oh, S. O. B. trademarked it.

A 74-foot high marble engraving of the First Amendment will be placed at the museum's entrance.

Which with any luck will be dedicated on the day some news organization runs a front-page correction, or a DISCLAIMER.

(Via the inimitable ROMY)

Posted 1:06 PM by Gene

Our Joke of the Month: With fines for indecent programming about to go way up, Playboy is getting behind a cover-your-kids'-eyes-so-they-don't-watch-the-good-stuff-that-makes-us-big-profits campaign. Something this ludicrous must have B. S. DEFENDER as a consultant. In the old days Hef would have gassed about how liberating it was for fourteen-year-olds to consume porn. Now that Congress is on the case it might not be so liberating. It definitely might not be so liberating to scum now sitting in jail for liberating youth. Everyone can see through this moth-eaten fig-leaf, except the broadcasters, who think their cynicism isn't showing.

(Via IWantMedia.com. What's happened to this site? It used to update around 9 a.m.; now the proprietor waits until noon. What gives?)

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

The former Sen. Lloyd Bentsen, who coined the instant "you're no Jack Kennedy" cliche that didn't unelect Dan Quail -- Quayyl -- QUAYLE but has stuck to our politics like a Congressman to a lobbyist, has died. RIP.

Posted 10:16 AM by Gene

ESPNCORP Network News chooses Charlie Gibson (Charles Gibson when doing dramatic roles), which it should have done in the first place.

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

MR. BUSH BUILD UP THIS WALL [Jonah Goldberg]
I come down in favor of a border wall in USA Today

How courageous of you, JO-nah! (Or should that be Jo-NAH?)

Posted 6:51 AM by Gene

THE ROOTKIT MUSIC CO. settles on its patented -- SOFTWARE.

Now to go back to the biz of making crappy music -- and look for another inconveniencing way to thwart pirates.

Posted 6:48 AM by Gene

Pre-9/11 records help flag suspicious calling

Is THE PAPER OF RE-CORD LITE backing off its advance P-Ulitzer Prize -- a little?

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

You mean Oliver Stone won't become Hugo's official filmmaker?

The far-left trembles!

Posted 5:47 PM by Gene

"There is nothing wrong with holding an opinion and holding it passionately," Rice said, "but at those times when you are absolutely sure you're right, go find someone who disagrees."

Something most NEWS HACKS, academics, politicians and show-biz types try never to do.

Posted 5:41 PM by Gene

When a news hack says he'll go after both sides he usually divides them by two. (Note the SOURCE.)

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

There are many things we need to know. Some things we need to know but never will because news hacks can convince themselves they're too costly to cover. Other things we'll never know because they challenge the news-hack CW. Still other things we'll never know because nearly all news hacks are liberal.

We did not need to know this, but the ASSociated Press no doubt devoted considerable time and effort getting it through Its jumble, and has wasted countless hours of surfers' time to downloading and reading it.

ANOTHER NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO CURLEY! (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!)

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

New Orleans to Host 2008 NBA All-Star Game

How much will it cost?

Posted 2:55 PM by Gene

Happily, JO-nah has come to the rescue! by noting "there's an appetite out there among bona fide members of the conservative coalition for elaborate and somewhat unfriendly theories about the Catholic Church" (are we thinking P-- B-------?), and besides, it's a TREMENDOUS HIT -- and that appeals to our GORDON GEKKO FREE EN-TER-PRISE side. Right, JO-nah?

Posted 2:20 PM by Gene

ALLL-BERR-TOH climbs out of his hole again and assures some would-be Republican voters we didn't mean it.

Posted 2:09 PM by Gene

The new CW is that letting THE LATE KING OF THE UNIVERSE go was the dumbest thing in business history. If THE LORD GOD SUMNER had treated Kingie's noises as a negotiating ploy He might have paid double or triple or quadruple for him -- which might have brought on losses anyway and surely would have brought complaints that SUMNER paid too much. As it is, let's look at SIRI: $6.57 when the late Kingie started his new gig. $3.96 TODAY.

And now the DOG Star's launching shows emceed by BLOGGERS, which makes us question the need for satradio even more.

(Both via IWantMedia)

Posted 1:56 PM by Gene

Tribute to a GREAT MAN:

There were no Major League Baseball officials in attendance to celebrate Bonds' home run. Neither were any of Ruth's relatives. Even 19-year-old Tyler Snyder, of Pleasanton, Calif., who caught the ball, told reporters he hated Bonds.

So why do you need 1,612 WORDS, Bob Nighty-Night? Or after that demonstration of P-Ulitzer Prize reporting are they now paying you hacks by the WORD?

Posted 1:41 PM by Gene

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP:

DA VINCI THOUGHTS [Stanley Kurtz]

I just saw The Da Vinci Code. Point one: Michael Novak’s review [BAD LINK, natch] is dead on. Point two: This movie is a salutary kick in the teeth for conservatives. There’s no gainsaying the fact that the Narnia movie was a big deal. Having conceded that, the fact remains that when it comes to exercising influence on the fundamental levers of American culture, conservatives remain in a pathetically weakened position.

I may not be a professor of “symbology,” but I have taught at Harvard and studied religious symbolism. So I feel in a particularly strong position to reveal the entirely unsecret conspiracy against patriotism, tradition, and religion hiding in plain sight on our movie and television screens, in our universities, and on the pages of the mainstream press. Conservatives have forgotten just how precarious our position is. One cable news channel, talk radio, and the blogosphere blahblahblah....

Point No. 1: You still lead TWO CON-SER-VA-TIVE RELIGION MOVIES to ONE. Point No 2.: Which is worse: a bad movie based on a super-bad book or Jesus being WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPED!!!!! ten thousand times? For my part I can't tell the difference.

P. S. For what it's worth, HowStuffWorks.com DISSECTS DVC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Via the Mess]

Posted 11:11 AM by Gene

And somehow, raging political bigotry and booze and sex parties seem to go well together.

Matthew Peterson is a powerful argument for reviving the "scarlet letter." And I don't mean VARSITY.

Posted 11:08 AM by Gene

Why do colleges bother with celebrities at commencements? It's either bad stupid jokes or a chance to get people to display their intolerance. Doesn't our HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN INNDUSTREE already amply show the world its charges' ignorance?

P. S. If THE CORNER is to be believed (!) the BC crowd behaved quite admirably. Go Eagles!

Posted 10:55 AM by Gene

Another potential triumph for the WAL-MART GAMES:

China's capital is under attack from twin plagues of termites and moths, newspapers reported on Monday, prompting fears for the city's antiquities and concerns that Beijing's "Green Olympics" could be turned brown....

The wars against termites and moths are just two of the pest control initiatives Beijing has launched ahead of the Olympics.

Other campaigns have included targeting rats, fleas and lice at gymnasiums and athletes' villages.

And dissidents.

Just kidding!

Posted 10:51 AM by Gene

Why is it when I hear the term "foreign-policy moderates" the first thing through my head is wishy-washy?

Too many things overwhelm common sense in the Democratic Party, not least the TRUE BELIEVERS.

Posted 10:40 AM by Gene

MEL GIBSON SLAMS 'DA VINCI CODE'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The pot...six of one...NAH. Too easy.

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

Speaking of ROMY, he has LATE-BREAKING CLATCH NEWS:

McClatchy close to selling Philly papers to PR exec's group

After this past weekend we can only say, HOW APT.

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

If Dubya were a liberal Democrat, and he banned FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News, would the six- and seven-digit hacks make a stink?

(Via the inevitable ROMY)

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

The race horse Barbaro has more guts than the Europeans who handed out that ransom money.

Posted 6:43 AM by Gene

No wonder the Europeans don't like our Iraq policy. It's already cost them $45 millions in the hostage ransoms they denied paying.

If these craven nations are going to pay ransom it should be a matter of OFFICIAL POLICY, and BUDGETED. Then we'd know the Europeans for the hypocritical swine they can be.

Posted 8:01 PM by Gene

Technorati is getting to be almost as ossified as G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER. No matter how many times I post, no matter how many times I ping, I can't get these clowns to update me. I've no doubt the TWXSTERS who run that pile of technology have pings on a hierarchy where the MSB blogs get instantly recognized and atoms like me never do. What makes this even more irritating is that these clowns are always boasting of the zillions of posts they allegedly monitor. How do they know when people like me go four days or more without their posts getting through?

I have complained to Technorati's form e-mail address, to no more effect than when I complained to G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER.

Posted 7:49 PM by Gene

And while one of CURLEY's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) ASSociated Press Stooges raised his fist in the air over a sales-tax increase for a new stadium, another ran an ad for Planned Parenthood.

Forgive us for suspecting that you have something on your minds other than TELLING THE TRUTH.

Posted 7:44 PM by Gene

Why is it when taxpayers finance another Taj Mahal stadium some of the loudest cheers come from the PRESS BOX?

Is it because taxpayers are financing their feet-on-the-desk six-digit jobs?

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to DAVE!

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

"'All these damn notes we're writing to each other as if we're talking, as if the FBI is watching.'"

And a HARDY HAR HAR to you in JAIL, William Jefferson!

When Jefferson and the informant had dinner at a Washington restaurant on May 12, 2005, the FBI was listening, too. Jefferson indicates he will need an increased stake in the profits of one deal, the affidavit said. Instead of the 7% stake originally agreed upon, he writes "18-20" on a piece of paper and passes it to the informant.

That included the LOBBYING FEE.

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

And from WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS' favorite client, a message of LOVE and TOLERANCE:

"As cited in Ibn Abbas: The apes are Jews, the people of the Sabbath; while the swine are the Christians, the infidels of the communion of Jesus."

So what does that make the flacks at Whorvis?

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

What is the difference between the knee-jerk right-winger who SCREAMS that $250 million is a pittance for a CEO, and the knee-jerk left-winger who SCREAMS we must be out of Iraq yesterday?

I can't tell from the SCREAMING.

Posted 2:01 PM by Gene

The ASSociated Press mourns the death of a true pioneer, the Naked Guy, with far more words than it will devote to far worthier people.

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

For the first time Alberto emerges from his hole and has made enemies of prospective P-Ulitzer winners.

Posted 1:07 PM by Gene

In yet more ER, the LALATIMES has one of its blurbists run another irksome show-biz "think" piece, this about Hollywood's loss of glamour. Hey Carina! I thought the point of all you scribblers' blurbing was to convince just how absolutely WONDERFUL today's entertainment is!



I'm not convinced.

Posted 12:54 PM by Gene

In more news of ER, DVC!!!!!!!!!! went down first day to second. (The Friday estimate has already been trimmed at least once.) This does not bode that well for its, er, long-term prospects.

And for all the alleged good news we're still down slightly from last year. (And because Luke Spielberg opened His live-action Road Runner flick on a Thursday we're down considerably for the week.)

And here's something to make pious KLo-style SOUTH PARK CON-SER-VA-TIVES gloat endlessly -- it did less biz its first weekend than WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!! THE JESUS SLASHER MOVIE -- at ALMOST 700 MORE THEATERS!!!!!

Praise -- uh, God?

P. S. PAUL DRECK's boys spin that it did $80 HEXAZILLION GIGAMILLIONS WORLDWIDE!!!!! If every person who saw HERR DOKTOR BROWN'S MASTERWORK paid $8 by the "official" count MAYBE one half of one percent of the world's population saw it, which goes to show there will never be any accounting for taste.

Posted 12:47 PM by Gene

They've taken their hits, and now the Dixie Chicks hit back with what may be the best adult pop CD of the year. Er, will anyone buy it?

Er, this is why people can't stand news hacks' gutlessness. Er, the whole point of advertising, JOSH, is to SELL things. Er, if they didn't teach you that when you started as a blurbist, you're not a true-blue TWXSTER. Er, you and your bosses decided after a mercifully long vacation from cover plugs to get back into the show-biz flackery biz. Er, the whole point of your AD is to get us to BUY this. Er, do you think we'd feel so monumentally insulted if it weren't? Er, that's why they pay you the big salary and the fabulous expense account. Er, so you answer your own question -- with a RIP-ROARING AFFIRMATIVE!!!!!

Er, a NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD to JOSH and the, er, TWXSTERS!

Er, the next time we run into your mangy name -- and we hope it isn't soon -- we'll call you ER.

Posted 12:13 PM by Gene

The BUGMEISTER comes up with a NEW one: the Windows Live Safety Center Full Service Scan! It probes for viruses (think CHKDSK -- and it takes forever) and cleans your registry! When the BUGMEISTER was through He'd zapped my Lenovo Rescue and Recovery GUI -- and I couldn't restore it because He erased my System Restore checkpoints! That's cleaning!

Now what happens when this emerges from BETA?

Posted 11:58 AM by Gene

While the TWXSTERS plug a ROCK ACT, their European rag runs a worthy story on how the former East Germany is (or is not) facing up to its Communist past. It appears the further the newsrags are from the U. S. of A., the better their reporting is.

Posted 11:42 AM by Gene

Democratic leaders began this year thinking that Republican corruption in Congress would be one of their most lethal campaign weapons, but GOP officials say that firepower has been defused by new accusations of bribery and other abuses against Democrats.

"The Democrats' attempt to paint this as a one-sided issue has come back to bite them. They have a lot of ethics problems in their own closet," said Ron Bonjean, spokesman for House Speaker J. Dennis Hastert, Illinois Republican.

These first two grafs of this story show that bias is not just a liberal thing. Why should it be? The greatest biasers of the first half of the last century were reactionary Republicans -- Bill Hearst, Hank Luce. That the biz is now knee-jerk left is a tribute to the growth of the, er, professional class in the luxury news suites. This sort of typing reminds us of the bad all days -- and that they haven't left us.

Do a little rewriting, and quote a spokespoop for MSSSSSSSSSS. PELOSI instead of THE SPEAKER, and you know the contempt BOTH sides have for their readers.

Posted 11:15 AM by Gene

Hey Mr. Mark, aren't you supposed to plug these movies before they open?

And aren't we supposed to run these reviews before they open?

Posted 10:36 AM by Gene

U.S. Treasury's Snow Urges Oil States to Spend Windfall Wisely

Pfffffffffffffffffft!!!!!

Posted 8:32 PM by Gene

The celebrated blurbist A. O. with B. O., whom we'd have presumed read nothing but his own above-the-title squibs, has written an excruciatingly long think piece in which he opines (to the extent we can figure him out at all) that we should take the bloviating of our exceptionally-self-regarding li-te-rah-TEESTES seriously, and obliquely arguing that there has been no real decline in American fiction; indeed, the biz suffers from a especially hard case of -- I hate this word -- AGEISM.

Forgive our short memory, but it seems A. O. just reviewed A "MOVIE." It was based on A "BOOK." Isn't that "BOOK", and its epochal success, argument enough that li-te-rah-TEEYURE isn't what it used to be?

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

Hmmm, you don't suppose the King of Beers bought out Rolling Rock so it would eventually have one less competitor, do you? NAAAAAAAAAAH.

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

RAH! RAH! RAH! SIS! BOOM! BAH! DEMOCRATS! DEMOCRATS! RAH! RAH! RAH!

YaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY TEAM!!!!!!!!!!

I HATE cheerleading that passes for NEWS.

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

Lawyer: Kevorkian's Health Deteriorating

I have an idea -- why doesn't he assist his own suicide?

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

A eulogy for Branson East's bread and butter, from the unlikely Ben Brantley:

A LIVING ghost walks on Broadway. Colorless and thin to the point of transparency, it is far scarier than the make-believe ghouls — the vampires and phantoms in opera cloaks — who sometimes occupy the stages around Times Square. Though its guises are many, it always exudes the same damp aura of unconvincing jollity, like that of a superannuated party girl who lost her confidence with her youth and has taken to wearing her daughter's trendy clothes. Such is the face of the American musical in the year 2006.

But then I repeat what I said over a year ago: The musical is so dead the corpse has no smell.

Posted 4:50 PM by Gene

Perhaps one of radio's biggest problems is that it's built on personalities, and they all have a mighty fragrance. The dethroned Radio King with his pee-pee jokes, Rush with his table pounding, Paul Har-VEH with his Mall of the Air -- every one reeks of salesmanship and dishonesty. We're tired of being sold bills of goods, which is one reason we haven't listened to radio in eons. As for Mr. Har-VEH, he may be fit, but in many ways he's decrepit, no matter how many ad dollars he sucks in.

Posted 4:44 PM by Gene

BARRY* TIES* the BABE!

Now let's see him break* Hank's record.

Meantime, America yawns.

Posted 4:40 PM by Gene

Today's Wall Street Journals Arts and Leisure Edition has a "story" about how some entrepreneurs are trying to form a [C]RAP nostalgia circuit [!], and laments that very few [C]RAPPERS have had lasting success.

I haven't the foggiest idea why myself. Do you? The Journals should have done an investigative report.

Speaking thereof, here's betting come the week before the election, the PAPER OF RE-CORD, the WAPOST or the WALL STREET JOURNALS LIBERAL EDITION runs a P-ULITZER NOMINATION.

Posted 1:58 PM by Gene

A popcorn-restaurant gigaplex showing DVC!!!!!!!!!! was closed after somebody stole twenty projector lenses.

It could have stayed open. The "moviegoers" wouldn't have known the difference.

(Via MyWay.com)

Posted 12:20 PM by Gene

In a weekend "60 Minutes" special, Mike Wallace acknowledges that he tried to commit suicide two decades ago.

With THAT ego?

Posted 12:01 PM by Gene

The WaPosties who declared fundamentalists poor, stupid and easily led have now found their own breed of credulous religious types!

How many of the reporters and editors having an orgasm over the newfound "strength" of the religious left have never gone to church?

The article quotes two pastors -- and four "experts." What do they know?

The Rev. Joseph W. Daniels Jr., senior pastor of Emory United Methodist Church in Northwest Washington, said a key question for him is whether the religious left will become "the polar opposite to . . . the religious right" or be "a voice in the middle."

"What this country needs is strong spiritual leadership that is willing to build bridges. We don't need leaders who are lightning bolts for division and dissension," he said.

But lightning bolts we may get, as malevolent forces are organizing for a second Civil War.

Posted 11:41 AM by Gene

Well, Paul Dreck's going NUUUUUUUUUUUTS! DVC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s aparently on track to earn its UMPTEEN MEGAZILLION, reviewers or no, but let's see what happens tomorrow -- and next week. (There's no direct url to the stats, and they're slightly garbled.)

What will really be irritating is all the press releases saying HOLLYWOOD IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But we've said that before.

P. S. It is doing less biz than Luke Spielberg's latest GET-A-LIFE epic on any of its first four days, so maybe it's not busting THAT many blocks.

A permanent link here.

Posted 11:26 AM by Gene

It's official -- the former WIZARD OF OZ declares "the housing boom 'over.'"

Or is it? Does anyone pay attention to him anymore?

Posted 11:19 AM by Gene

At what point does NASCAR overmarket itself?

The boys in Daytona think there is no point. They may think wrong.

Posted 11:15 AM by Gene

The LALATimes cheers a movie!!!!!

Let's see if they're still cheering in December.

Posted 11:13 AM by Gene

Liberals -- turn their backs on -- SEN. BOOBS McKEATING?!?!?

We figure 1. The people protesting him were McKeating plants, 2. Liberals are more intolerant than we thought, and 3. Boobs did this on purpose so as to bulk up his con-SER-va-tive bona-fides. We think it's 2 and 3.

Posted 9:46 PM by Gene

Here's one reason not to worry about the Feds spying on us by phone; the bad guys may know who all our air marshals are.

On the other hand....

Posted 6:36 PM by Gene

The business of hacks 'n' tracts had another BOFFO year, meaning our literature is DONE FOR.

Posted 6:31 PM by Gene

MORE WILDEIAN WIT from THE CORNER:

THE GREAT RED, WHITE AND BLUE HOPE [Warren Bell]

When did things start to go wrong in this country? Derb might answer, "Day one." But for me, it was the dark moment a few years ago when we lost our dominance in hot dog eating.

I think the down trend accelerated when JO-nah (or whoever it was) organized THE CORNER.

Posted 6:23 PM by Gene

The housing -- well, it isn't quite a bust, but it isn't a boom any longer -- is one of those topics that gets the Gordon Gekko con-SER-va-tives fuming. ALL THAT NEGATIVE TALK BY THE PRESS STOPPED PEOPLE FROM BUYING! they scream. Rampant speculation had nothing to do with it; nor, we can be sure, did building twenty million condos.

As in MIAMI:

Empty condo towers are almost as common as palm trees. Speculators had assumed they could flip the properties before closing. They were wrong.

In downtown Miami a spanking-new 860-square-foot one-bedroom condo at 335 South Biscayne Boulevard has a skimpy cap rate of 3.5%. You can rent it from Realtor Jorge Rico for $1,700 a month or buy it for $385,000. Rental income is likely to head downward as still more condos are tossed into a renter's market. As speculative owners struggle to pay mortgages out of meager rental income, for-sale signs will go up. Single-family homes have also been overbuilt in Miami.

TRANSLATION: RENDELLISM HAS ITS LIMITS.

Posted 6:18 PM by Gene

More news of the continuing irrelevance of the League of Nations:

U.N. Panel Backs Closing Guantánamo

Darfur Effort Said to Face Collapse

SIX OF ONE....

Better make that three; Kofi's boys may have absconded with something.

Posted 6:16 PM by Gene

Another zillion-dollar HI-MOM moment:

The debris that missed Discovery's wing came from a lengthy ramp of foam that served as a windshield for fuel pressurization lines and electrical cabling on the outside of the tank.

To prevent a recurrence, NASA removed the ramp from the tank that will fly with Discovery during a planned July 1 launch. Still to be completed, however, are engineering analyses to prove it will be safe to fly without the foam windshield. The concern is that aerodynamic pressure during the first few minutes of flight could rip the pressurization lines or cabling off the tank, triggering another catastrophe.

Senior managers will vet the analyses during a two-day meeting in mid-June.

At the meeting, senior managers, THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE!

Posted 5:48 PM by Gene

Meantime in the never ending battle to talk down to us and make everything headache-inducing political, our superiors are turning something heretofore risible into another battle royale of pygmies. Mickey D's doesn't need our help being made fun of, but now it's in danger of becoming another tear-your-hair-out left-right affront, with the usual lefties on one side, and TCS's friends on the other. The idea of a second Civil War is not entirely fantasy.

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

The one sad thing about DVC!!!!!!!!!! is if it had been good -- really good -- it could have helped bring back movies for adults. It wasn't going to happen of course, not with that MASTER OF PROSE HERR DOKTOR BROWN, and certainly not with OPIE; but you think, what would our culture be like with movies for sophisticated adults? THE ACADEMY AWARD® NOMINEES are NOT for adults; they're for winning awards, and for adult children who write blurbs, and for pontificating, and for putting people to sleep without a prescription. Here's my idea of a movie for adults: an adaptation of Pal Joey. It could have been the first noir musical but the biz was skittish about shows with heels, and unhappy endings; later Blue turned it into another paycheck. Think of it -- think of a Maltese Falcon with music, with glorious music; think of a film that isn't afraid to be sophisticated. If I make it sound like an arthouse movie (and inevitably these days that's how it would play, I fear) just immerse yourself in Goddard Lieberson's glorious and atmospheric recording and you'll know what I'm thinking.

Of course, the X-Men open again next week, then comes another Pixar CGI doodle, then another theme-park recreation, and movies for adults recede further beyond the horizon.

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

I suppose the Dickie Vs and other such Fred Flintstones will call Eddie Sutton a "class act," just as they called John Chaney (who?) a class act, largely because they have nothing better to do; but when you consider the drunk driving arrest, and then you look at that face, you think, how many corners did this guy cut to win?

His throne will be assumed by his son, who will continue the dynasty, at least till greedy alumni get him fired for not winning.

Posted 1:39 PM by Gene

Speaking of TWXSTERS, MOUTH OF THE SOUTH is SILENTLY leaving their company, and now will devote himself to his buffalo-meat restaurants, along with a still generous occasional serving of BULL.

Posted 1:36 PM by Gene

Today is a DARK DAY in AMERICA: the SENATE has made a BIG STEP toward denying BROADCASTERS their RIGHT to --

use the airwaves as a toilet?

Poor B. S. DEFENDER. This is worse than what happened to his TWX OPTIONS. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!

Posted 1:28 PM by Gene

The Pope, having stood up to the Chinese, appears ready to stand up to the sexual predators within his own church.

This breeze of courage is invigorating. Let's hope the air doesn't soon turn stale.

Posted 11:03 AM by Gene

Good news:

The numbers tell the tale. The shrinking of the broadcast network playing field from six to five, as WB Network and UPN morph into CW in the fall, inevitably has led to a reduction in the overall number of new and returning primetime series orders logged for the first time in years.

By the end of upfront week Thursday, the five largest suppliers of series programming had orders for 93 series, compared with 111 last year (those figures include some double-counted shows because of co-productions).

That SHOULD mean LESS junk television; HOWEVER these sewer outlets can always ramp up production when consumer-products CEOS get in a mood, and the REVERSE ROBIN HOODS of MADAVE are busy now looking for alternate junk to finance -- like cable, Web TV, Pod TV, etc., etc. -- so our dollars can go further in financing junk, and their advertising-department fiefdoms are safe.

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

We can no longer trust anyone on Iraq. The smiley faces on the right are bad enough, but the left and its ventriloquist dummies the news hacks have wanted us to fail since day one, and now they're more determined than ever.

Total political exhaustion envelops the land, inspired by the dense inept Dubya and Democrats who stand for nothing but throwing tantrums. Who will lead us from this morass?

Posted 6:43 AM by Gene

'Not a Genuine Black Man,' a Play by Brian Copeland

When I saw this latest PAPER OF RE-CORD squib I thought, the 10,000th screed against Condi. It's just another review of another show in the vast onanistic sector of Manhattan that still does plays, and will soon be washed aside like all else of its genius.

Posted 6:40 AM by Gene

While Dubya and the Seniles RUSHHHHHHH through legislation that the TWXSTERS' poll says (if their polls can be believed) is "low priority," they toss the con-SER-va-tives a bone inscribed in English.

Posted 6:38 AM by Gene

When news hacks start Goebbelizing nothing can sit them down and shut them up. Now they're about to inflict us with Year of the Woman II. Who'll be the Cynthia McKinney THIS time?

Posted 9:22 PM by Gene

Google News blurbs that caused us to STOP READING:

American Marines 'killed Iraqis in cold blood'
Independent 1 hour ago

By the way, whatever happened to that guy who got himself beaten up?

Posted 5:42 PM by Gene

The true difference between the two ossified sides parading for the opinion magazines is the degree of their smugness. Saunter through The Corner and you often get a certain kind of blaseness, the notion that standing on principle may not be wise or even necessary. Hop down The Plank (round a bend and off a plank) and you can't escape the shadow of the ultimate table-pounding eager beaver Stephen Glass. The Ivy League's likewise inescapable: just as JO-nah can't shake his collegiate cockiness so you get the feeling TNR's guys can't douse the glow of their internships. This fight between these two breeds of supersnobs is the proverbial candle lit at both ends, and even before this mutual burning there's no candle.

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

Somehow we always manage to rummage through classified documents to hurt our side, but when a leak might prevent a catastrophe, we fail to act.

Sorry, I think you're positing that the fact that you "knew" about 9/11 justifies rummaging through the top secrets. Some might not see it that way.

Posted 2:30 PM by Gene

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOhoooooooooooooo, is ANYBODY OUT THERE?

Posted 2:07 PM by Gene

Bob Schieffer, facing retirement at the hands of the PERKIEST NEWSREADER in the UNIVERSE, searches out his inner TOM PAINE at Quinnipiac University, and BURRRRRRRRRRPS:

"With each of these investigations come insinuations that those who uncover government wrongdoing, mistakes, and questionable programs are somehow unpatriotic. ... Would we be better served if more attention was focused on what was leaked rather than on tracking who did the leaking? Why does the government need a list of my phone calls? AND WHAT BUSINESS DOES A DEMOCRACY HAVE RUNNING SECRET PRISONS ANYWAY? If the government hasn't told us they exist, how can we ever know who is being held there? Do you think anyone would have known about what was going on at Abu Ghraib if it had been left to the government to announce it? Some would argue those revelations hurt our cause. I would argue the opposite. Bringing mistakes to the fore is a strength, not a weakness. ... WHAT WEAKENS OUR CAUSE IS WHEN THE GOVERNMENT TRIES TO COVER UP MISTAKES, OR PLANT PHONY NEWS STORIES IN FOREIGN NEWSPAPERS OR BRIBE FRIENDLY COLUMNISTS TO TAKE THE COMPANY LINE!!!!!"

Alas, even as the patrons of St. Frederick of Friendly stood up and yelled BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, the school's baseball team was caught in an INITIATION. Thanks for the good news, Bob.

Posted 1:59 PM by Gene

A NEW achievement for the zillionaire idiots of MOUNTAIN VIEW: they screwed up my LOTUS NOTES!

Posted 1:52 PM by Gene

Somebody DON’T TELL THE PROFESSOR:

21-Year-Old BLOGGER Defeats 5-Term Incumbent in State Primary (Pittsburgh Channel) [overemphasis added]

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 1:32 PM by Gene

Hey, but there is GOOD news on the immigration front -- with the help of big biz, the Feds will build a HUGE DATABASE!

OR:

ID Database Faces Billions in Overruns, May Not Work

Posted 1:24 PM by Gene

"I DON'T NEED TO BE LECTURED BY YOU!!!!! YOU ARE NO MORE A PROTECTOR OF THE CONSTITUTION THAN AM I!!!!!"

For once Sen. O'Specter tells the truth!

"IF YOU WANT TO LEAVE, GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!!"

And a plague o' BOTH your houses -- in BOTH your houses.

Posted 1:13 PM by Gene

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on Thursday derided foes of Iran's nuclear work as mentally disturbed....

This is true. Their lack of courage is amply described in the psychiatric literature.

Posted 1:11 PM by Gene

A kid or some other sicko gets his jollies with strategically-placed scratchiti, and it's a wonder the whole airport biz doesn't come to a complete halt.

And in Arabia....

Posted 1:08 PM by Gene

Another group of TRUTH TELLERS is in a FURY because producers would DARE insert PRODUCT PLACEMENTS into their PLOTS.

These scribblers should kiss the feet of every consumer-products CEO. It's their lush venality that makes their PLOTS possible in the first place.

Posted 1:01 PM by Gene

Fandango, a service that sells advance movie tickets, said that 77% of the tickets sold in the last week have been for "The Da Vinci Code."

I am not impressed. That means 23% of the tickets are being sold to something else. It always happens when there's an overpublicized bore on the market. This is not the sign of a healthy business.

A couple of hours later, after the film's red-carpet premiere, the cast was given a standing ovation by audience members who seemed to have enjoyed themselves.

And so did the millions who made what by all accounts is the worst-written smash book of all time a success.

Which reminds me -- it was the bofferroo book biz that made a super-duper hit out of James "I Lied -- A Little" Frey and The Serial Plagiarist. It's not in a position to be a cultural arbiter either.

Posted 6:53 AM by Gene

And speaking of AmSpec, it's plugging a "roundtable":

Join AFF at our next Roundtable Thursday, May 18, "What’s your Bottom Line: A Debate on Corporate Social Responsibility.” Is corporate social responsibility—or CSR for short—a new way of thinking about “doing well by doing good?” Or, is CSR simply privatizing socialism by demanding corporations do something more what [SIC] they should be doing: maximizing profits for investors?

I think we can safely guess which side AmSpec's on.

Posted 6:49 AM by Gene

Squib of the Day:

Tom Wolfe -- Aha!
The Current Crisis
In Washington the other night he spoke for over an hour without notes!
R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr., 5/18/2006 12:08:29 AM

This is an accomplishment?

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

We are sorry to hear Greg Norman's getting divorced, but not that sorry.

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

We wonder how much time Noo Joisey's legisla-TORS wasted trying to get Hasbro to "keep" Atlantic City in Monopoly, given that the company has issued 20,000 line extensions, and any town of 1,000 or more has its own Monopoly board.

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

A spasm of cheap politics has caused the House "Ethics" Committee to do things it should have done in the first place.

No, you may NOT take a bow.

Posted 10:47 PM by Gene

President Rove has a brain spasm:

Sensenbrenner did not attend a closed-door meeting between Bush political adviser Karl Rove and House Republicans, but said that some members complained to him that Rove didn't stay around for many questions or hear what lawmakers had to say.

"The overwhelming majority of those that I talked to who were at the conference believe that he dissed the House Republicans," Sensenbrenner said.

That should make it easier in the conference.

Sorry for TWO NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!es in ONE day!